CSI is so passe, or FTFO Madison Finn #17: On the Case

This is one of the ones that I could never remember the title to. Seriously, I could rattle off all 25 Madison Finn titles...except this one. I don't know why. It wasn't very exciting.



Plot: Madison loves "Crime Time", an exciting TV show where crimes are solved!!! Sounds like the Far Hills version of CSI. Soon, Madison begins to think SHE can solve crimes!!
People humor her for a little while, and she ends up solving a few petty cases (like The Case of the Missing Keys and The Case of the Lost Kittens), but then she stumbles across a real live mystery at her very own school!
It seems Mr. Olivetti, Madison's flute teacher, lost a very important piece of music. Some people believe it was stolen.
Madison rushes to track down the supposed thief, but does so without the support of her BFF, Aimee. In fact, Aimee seems to think all this Private Investigation is *gasp* DUMB!! The two have several nasty fights, and it seems they will NEVER be friends again!
Thankfully, Madison crashes and burns just in time: the music wasn't STOLEN, just misplaced, and the person she had been suspecting was innocent. Madison admitted how stupid she was to her friends and they welcomed her back with open arms. Sort of.

More notes:
Dang. Maddie is obsessed. She doesn't eat dinner and yells at her mom when she interrupts "Crime Time". And she has a crush on Major Demille. I mean, what freak has a crush on characters from TV...?
Besides me?

Argh. Francine turns off the TV because it isn't proper viewing material...then turns it back on because her daughter complains. Way to be consistent.

Fun, Fiona comes over to watch a "Crime Time" marathon. Par-tay. Actually, I did that with my friend back in the day. We watched nothing but MTV for six hours.

"Fiona had been "going out" (at least that's what they called it) with one of Madison's best guy friends, Walter "Egg" Diaz, for a little while. At first, Madison had hated the idea of their dating, but she was getting used to it over time."
WHOA WHOA WHOA. Madison hated that Egg and Fiona were together??? WHEN??? I don't remember that EVER. She was always like, "Hey, Fiona, go jump in Egg's lap!"

I hate when Madison gets serious about stupid things.
Tonight, we meet a robber who wears a different disguise for every robbery he commits. Last week, he broke into houses wearing a rabbit suit. Yesterday, he knocked off a bank wearing a red beard and a patch over one eye. Tomorrow, who knows what he'll be wearing?
Fiona: A hula skirt. HAHAHAHA.
Madison: Fiona, these are serious crimes.
Fiona: Serious? In a rabbit suit?
Yeah, Maddie, lighten up.

Ugh, lame, the episode is based on true events, and the girls hear "scary noises" so they assume it's THE MASKED AVENGER.

It's just AIMEE, of course!! She wants to join their party!

Egg is jealous of Major Demille???
"Who is that turkey?"
Lol. I'll be saying that a lot from now on.

Madison is being spazzy with Hart again!!
Madison: Hi, Hart.
Hart: I saw you earlier. I guess you didn't see me.
Madison: Oh? No, I guess I didn't. I've been a little preoccupied today. Sorry.
Hart: So, what's up? Why are you so preoccupied?
Madison: Yes.
Hart: Huh?
Madison: I'm fine.
Hart: *sigh* Actually, what I asked you was-
Madison: Do you ever watch "Crime Time"?

Hart is still being way mean to Ivy...but she IS pretty annoying.

Hart plays piano??? Random.

Yay, Blossom's puppies are mentioned!
Ew, Hart adopted one of them and named it Bones Jones.

Aimee kept two of the puppies and named them Yin and Yang. Or rather, her mom did. Ha ha, let's make New Age jokes! -_-

Oh no, some of Madison's things are missing!! Sounds like a mystery.

Phin took them and made a Madison shrine. Weird.
Tie did that. Well, she took my stuff, but didn't make a shrine out of it.
She just chewed most of it.

Ugh, Maddie reminds me so much of the Pony Pals. They were obsessed with snooping and solving mysteries, too.

Fall Fling-A-Ding?? No comment.

"She had just been ogling a pair of cute corduroy pants with flowers embroidered near the cuff."
I try to avoid the word ogling. Sounds pervy.

Madison eavesdrops on a conversation between two nameless girls...and it sounds suspicious.
Well, it does to her, anyway. They sound like they're talking about drugs or a concert. Okay, I guess drugs are pretty suspicious.

Madison: Excuse me.
8th grader: Yeah? What are you looking at?
Madison: Um, I thought you were...I thought...I heard...girls....
LOL. I heard girls.

Madison picks up a scrap of paper with a date, time, and address. Drug deal...or fabulous party??

Ivy seems way jealous of Madison these days. She tells Madison to back away from Hart.

Argh. Mr. Olivetti, Madison's flute teacher, is Italian, so he has the stupid Mario/Luigi accent.

Madison needs better comebacks. She loses another Ivy showdown.

AAargh, I can't believe she's SERIOUS!!
Madison: Don't you think I was pretty clever, Dad, for figuring out what Phin was doing?
Dad: Very, very clever.
Madison: Cut it out, Dad! I was thinking...maybe I should be a detective when I grow up.

Don't encourage her, Stephanie!
"A detective! That's what I wanted to be when I was your age! Believe it or not, Maddie. Sometimes my friends used to call me Sleuthie instead of Stephie at my high school back in Texas."
Stephanie often talks to Madison like she's a little kid. Or just stupid.

Dan is sort of stalking Madison still.

Lame. Some ninth graders randomly come up and start calling Dan a fatty.
"Madison felt her fists clench.
If she were only a little taller...and a little stronger..."
It wouldn't do any good, Maddie. Dan would NOT thank you.

The only reason Dan asked Madison to help him at the animal shelter is because there's an EMERGENCY!!
Someone keeps taking the animals out of their cages! And taking dog treats and chew toys!
And he hasn't told his mom.

Madison suspects Lana.
"LANA! IT'S YOU!"
Lana dies of cardiac arrest.

She just wanted to hold the kittens and feed the puppies!!

How did Madison know?? Cat hair on her sweater.

Okay, so stupid. Eileen, Dan's mom, doesn't fire Lana because it's NOT THAT BIG A DEAL. Dan's like, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH SHE BROKE THE RULES!"

What?? Major Demille is blonde with blue eyes. Reggie, Bigwheels' BF, was last described as having black hair and hazel eyes.
But, somehow, Reggie looks like Major Demille? HOW??

Madison literally wants to be the next Nancy Drew.
Too bad Emma Roberts put you out of a job.

Madison's friends hate it when Ivy makes fun of people, but then they gossip in front of Lana and tell everyone how she "stole" the kittens. It's so mean!

Aimee thinks all this detective work is stupid and that Madison is a little obsessed.
Whoa...could it be? Am I on Aimee's side for once?

Yay, the whole gang is going to see "Curse of the Diamond"!
I wonder if that's the next Indiana Jones sequel.

Ew, I hate it when people have to make it a COUPLE THING.

Aimee doesn't want to go, so Madison might not have a movie "partner" if Hart doesn't ask her!

Lindsay gossips SO MUCH! She's always like, "Omg, guys, I heard a juicy rumor!"
So much for learning her lesson after The Wall incident.

Hm, it seems like some precious object has been stolen at school.

"What does 'precious object' mean? Sounds like a bunch of hooey."
Golly gee, Aimee, that sure sounds like a bunch of hooey, by George.

Lindsay and Fiona think the teachers should come to Maddie for help.
How can they say that with a straight face?

SO UNCALLED FOR!!!
Aimee: I just think you should watch your back.
Madison: You're just made because I might get noticed for this and I have a guy who likes me....
TAKE IT BACK! TAKE IT BACK NOW! Why is Madison such a loser in this book?

Of course, Madison assumes Ivy is the thief. Because she hates her.
Glad to know she's not blinded by prejudice or anything.

"I have nothing else to say to you," is either the lamest comeback ever...or the best.

Madison goes to the address on the slip of paper...and it's a PARTY.
So much for encriminating evidence.

She meets Mariah, Egg's sister, and Mariah's friend Penelope...
...and Penelope is one of the suspicious girls from the library!

Madison thinks it's weird that Penelope is nice.
What's wrong with being nice? Some people are just bubbly like that.

She sees the initials PKO on Penelope's bag.
OH NO! Could it be O for Olivetti?
Um, how about P for Penelope??? You don't know her last name; it probably starts with an O. STupid.

Uh oh. Madison and Aimee have a BIG FIGHT.
BalletGrl: u really expect me 2 believe that there's some school conspiracy and people r stealing bags it sounds dumb
MadFinn: not people stealing bags just 1 person P. and how can you say it's DUMB
BalletGrl: it seems dumb that's all sorry
MadFinn: WELL YOU ARE DUMB

Then, though she feels guilty, she chooses to watch a new episode of "Crime Time" rather than apologize to her best friend.
This relationship is destined to fail.

Madison thinks up an alias using all of her favorite girl names:
Charlotte Helena Isobel Marguerite Phoebe Antoinette
Yeah. That's a good one. Not suspicious at all.

Madison can't understand why Aimee is so moody. After all, Madison supports her ballet; why can't Aimee accept her detectiving???
What a stupid question. SHe can't be serious.

Hm. The stolen item turns out to be old sheet music.
WHY WOULD YOU TAKE THAT TO SCHOOL??? OF COURSE IT'S GOING TO GET STOLEN!

Uh oh. Fiona and Egg are having problems.

They had a big fight...but Fiona can't remember what it was about. Riiight.

Madison: You guys can't both bail out of going to the movies! That isn't fair.
Aimee: Isn't fair for who? Can't you make goo-goo eyes at Hart if you go by yourself?
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!!

They start fighting again, and Fiona's like, "Um, um, LET'S MAKE COOKIES!"

Madison questions the staff members...and they're not allowed to reveal any information about the theft.

"Why so bummed out? Did Hart just dump you?"
Oh...hello, Ivy.

Seriously, Mr. Olivetti is dumb. If you bring something REALLY valuable to school, it's most likely going to get stolen.

Madison hears Ivy say, "I can't believe I got away with it!"
But she was only referring to getting away with wearing a semi-scandalous top.

Uh oh, Hart didn't call to tell Madison about the change in movie times. He must not want to be her "partner" for the movies after all.

You actually need a chaperone to get into a PG-13 movie if you're under 13?? Weird. Never happened to me.

Oooh, Madison gets to sit next to Hart in the car.

Hm, could Chet be interested in Aimee??

Madison decides to rethink her alias. Hm, how about making an acronym of her favorite names?
Charlotte Helena Isobel Marguerite Phoebe Antoinette - otherwise known as CHIMPA!

Then it hits her: FINNSTER is the perfect alias!!
Because no one will know it's really you, even though your LAST NAME is FINN.

Madison decides to confront Penelope about the black bag and ASK her if she stole the music.
Yeah, that'll go over well.

"Oh, my God, who are you? Nancy Drew?"
Might as well admit it, Madison.

IT'S NOT MR. OLIVETTI'S BAG! PENELOPE IS INNOCENT!
Can you say no duh??? PKO are, of course, HER initials, and it was just in the band room because she left it in there after band class!!!

Madison's like...*blink blink blink* "May I see inside your bag?"

I applaud Penelope for not slapping her.

Madison starts doodling and it somehow ALL GOES TERRIBLY WRONG.
Madison Demille
Maddie Demille
Mrs. Demille
Finnster Demille
Madison Jones
Mrs. Jones
Surprise!

Mr. Olivetti's music wasn't STOLEN...he LOST IT.
Of course. My dad does that EVERY DAY.
Heh, it would be so funny if Mr. Olivetti had stolen the music in the first place!

Uh oh. Even Hart is laughing at Madison's mistake.
Wow, did Penelope tell everyone? Harsh.

Ivy starts to make fun of her...but Hart stands up for her!! Yay, Hart to the rescue!

"She had it coming, Finnster."

It is sort of all Lindsay's fault.

Aww, I love Dan so much.
Just like when she was sick, Dan is the only one who e-mails her and makes her feel better.
"Madison realized what a good friend Dan was. He always had something supportive and nice to say."
Awwwww.

Argh. Aimee and Madison make up over the internet.
They fought over the internet, they made up over the internet...their relationship seems way fake.
Then again, I'm not one to talk.
And Aimee, for some inexplicable reason, admits that she's too obsessed with dance and that Madison was right all along.
Uhhh...not really.

Madison's Computer Tip:
Use a computer document to make lists and keep track of pals and enemies.

Okay. I'll remember that, Madison.
Ugh. I hate that one. It's always been one of my least favorite books. That and #19. #18 sucks, too, and I'll post that tomorrow. It's more Madison/Aimee drama.

It must be true, I saw it on Youtube, or Pony Pals #36: The Pony and the Haunted Barn

Wanna know what's sad? I started this book A MONTH AGO! IN FEBRUARY! It was so boring, however, that I left the last 30 pages unread and left the book under my dresser, convinced I'd finish it one of these days.
Well, now it's Spring Break, basketball is over, and I actually have some free time, so here we go with this book. I might just summarize it, seing as I don't remember why I marked any of the following 90 pages.



Plot: We all know that Pam Crandall does not believe in ghosts. Yet one day, as the Pony Pals explore an abandoned barn in Morristown, something keeps freaking out the ponies, and one of these "ghosts" touches Pam!
Lulu and Anna are all set to believe that it's the ghost of Mr. Warner, who was so sad after his pony ran away, followed by his house burning down.
Pam, rational as ever, refuses to believe it was a ghost. She suggests all manner of realistic things, such as Tommy and Mike, the wind, and their own twisted 10-year-old minds.
The Pony Pals insist that Pam be "more openminded".
Pam retorts that THEY'RE the ones who aren't openminded, because they won't believe it's NOT a ghost.
Smooth, Pam.
The girls go back to snoop around the barn even more, but they can't find the barn!! They draw maps, retrace their steps, use bloodhounds, but it's no use; the barn just cannot be found!
No worries; the Pony Pals switch directions and head to the Historical Society, where they find out more about Mr. Warner, the "ghost" of the barn they found. It seems that the death of his wife and child, not the loss of his pony, were the reasons for his retreat from society. He died of a heart attack, not of a broken heart.
Finally, the Pony Pals are able to find the barn...or the ruins of the barn. It turns out the Warner barn has been ruined for some time, but the day they visited was the anniversary of the day it burned down. :O Spooky...sort of.
Pam still doesn't believe in ghosts...or so she says. She admits to Lightning that if she ever does meet a ghost, she hopes it's a nice one.

Okay, that was a waste of 20 minutes. Oh well.
I have Madison Finn #13, but I'm hesitant to read it, even though it's due in a couple days.
It's just that I've put 3 other Pony Pals on order, and I might be able to buy MF's #11 and #12, and possibly Pony Pals #25 (FINALLY).
It probably won't happen soon, though, so you'll see #13 in a couople of days, followed by Avalon's #3 and #4 (after which there will be no more Avalons because the rest of the series was never published), then the entire Madison Finn series (practically, anyway). Should be fun. Or not.

Is the storyline really about Nazis, or Unicorns of Balinor #5: Search for the Star

I really wish Miley Cyrus wouldn't dance. But that's not the point. Okay. I've read each Unicorns of Balinor book multiple times, but this one only once. Because I didn't know how to place holds. You probably didn't care to know that, though.



Plot: The dragon Naytin guards this thing called the Indigo Star. It is, as you may have guessed, an indigo star, but it's a MAGIC star. Shifter knows Naytin wakes up every 1000 years, and it just so happens he's about to wake up, so Shifter pops over and steals the Star. Why? Um...it's pretty, shiny, and magical. Why NOT??
He uses the Star to steal the Celestial Unicorns' color. Now Atalanta is a lovely bleach white. HAHAHAHA. This is pretty bad, though, because without color, they have no magic. I thought your magic came from your jewel and horn. Guess not.
Naytin is pretty mad, so he attacks Balinor to blow off some steam. This scares the crap out of the people of Balinor.
Ari, being Ari, feels the need to go save it, because she has to be the hero. She, Finn, Lori, Lincoln, and Chase go with a bunch of Dragon Slayers to some place. She tells the Dragon Slayers who she really is, goes to the Shifter's Palace alone, and steals the Star from Shifter and gives it back to Naytin. Pretty simple, really.
Oh, and there was this whole thing where people sort of want to tell everyone Ari is Princess of Balinor, or whatever, but they decide not to in case of war? Pretty stupid.

More notes:
So far, every book has started with "Atalanta". How annoying is that?

Lol. They have a chapter from the Shifter's point of view and he's all, "Yeah, so I stole the Scepter, but the Princess stole it from me!!!"

Dragons don't have treasure, so a lot of people who search for dragon's caves are wasting their time. Entia thinks this is hilarious.

Okay, if the Shifter can shapeshift into anything, ANYTHING, why hasn't he killed Ari already?? He could turn into a Celestial unicorn, infiltrate Celestial Valley, kill them all, then pretend to be Ari and lure her off a cliff or something. Really, he's not very imaginative. "I shall turn into...a BLACK unicorn. That will inspire fear into the hearts of my slaves!"

Oh, but now that he has a powerful magic object, he's going to do something bad to Atalanta. What?

HE SAYS ATALANTA IS PURPLE, TOO!!!

Ugh, what is with boys? "Atalanta! SEE WHAT I HAVE FOR YOU!!" Enough with the yelling!

The blue band starts fading. I think I would like a blue unicorn. There is one on the cover, but he doesn't look very faded.

Blue begins the rainbow? Really? That's not what Roy G. Biv said.

Oh gee, if you combine the Royal Scepter with the Indigo Star, you will get the most powerful magic in the world. Hm, ARI has the Royal Scepter. How convenient.

Finn is scared of Ari now that he knows she's a princess. That's not very Anakin of you, Finn.

Lori wants Finn's body.

Lori: I will never, ever, EVER go on that ship again!
Toby: Nobody asked you to come in the first place.
OWNED!

Ari stares at Finn for like 5 minutes and is all, "Lori thinks he's good-looking." Don't you? If not, WHY WERE YOU STARING?

She asks CHASE if HE thinks Finn is hot. Ari, Chase is a boy. Wait...is Chase gay??

Ha ha. Atalanta is white.

There are three types of unicorns: Workers, who are fat and don't deserve magic because they're the worker class; Royals, who are beautiful and live in the palace, but don't do anything important; and Celestials, who live in the valley and boss everyone around.

Samlett: Permission to hug you, I say, to hug you.
Ari: Permission granted.
Perv.

Lori: Without Finn's help, Ari never would have beaten the Shifter.
They try to make it seem like this is a self-centered statement, but it's true.

Ari gives Chase some oats and Finn is like, "NOOOOOOO! yOu MuSt NoT dO wOrK!!!"
Finn: Let me do that for you.
Ari: I'm the only one who takes care of Chase.
Finn: But Your Royal Highness.
Ari: *annoyed* Are you going to continue calling me "Your Royal Highness"?
Finn: Am I in the wrong way of addressing you, milday?
Ari: Yes. I want you to call me Ari.
Finn: But! Your Royal Highness...I can't!
Ari: Why?
Finn: Because I am not your equal milady.
Now Ari gives a wise speech about how we are all equal, but have different jobs to do. Not true, seeing as Workers do all the work, but are not equal to Royals or Celestials....

Ooh, the Queen was a wise woman, too. XP

Lol, Shifter changes into a wolf and tricks Naytin into thinking some kids from Balinor stole the star. Reminds me of the mistwolves.

There's a big windstorm caused by Naytin, and Ari is like, "I WON'T LEAVE YOU, CHASE!" "MILADY, YOU MUST GO!" "NO, CHASE!" "YES, MILADY!!" Finally, Samlett has to drag Ari to the cellar. Lol. They have a cellar in case of tornadoes.

Lori: Honestly, Ari. Samlett's right, you know. You can't go out there. Even I know that. I would have made a much better Princess than you. Are you sure there hasn't been some mistake? Maybe it really is me, I mean, you know, like I'm the real Princess. Has anybody looked into that?
Nice, Lori. You gotta hit 'em with a dose of reality now and then.

Everyone: *laughs at Lori*
Lori: It's not that funny. I just don't understand you people!
Finn: Don't be upset. Look how you've cheered everyone up.
Lori: Not everyone can have a positive effect on people. I takes a great deal of talent.
Finn is such a player. Right after he pacifies Lori, he winks at Ari.

Chase gets stuck in a tree, but he's fine.

The Restistance? Sounds like Star Wars to me.

Okay, if I had one of the most powerful tools of magic, I would KILL all the Celestial unicorns. Getting their colors back with Princess Ari in the house is pretty easy.

Some Dragon Slayers come to the meeting. They wear a lot of leather.

Ari: But why do you want to attack the dragon? I mean, Naytin is gone now, gone back to the Mountain, where it belongs. What is the point in killing it?
Valona: The point is that it will come again. THe dragon has left its lair because someone has stolen the Indigo Star. Therefore, the dragon is interested in only two things: eating from the lake, and destroying everything in its path until it finds the Star or until the Star is returned.
Ari: Then why not return the Indigo Star to Naytin?
This is the best idea Ari has ever had, and EVERYBODY in the room is like, "What's wrong with that girl? Is she INSANE?"

The Dragonslayers need 5 volunteers. Ari stands up, so Finn volunteers in a heat of passion, followed by a jealous Lori. Then Ari recruits her dog and unicorn. 3 teenagers, a dog, and a unicorn?? That'll work.

Finn: Let's go!
Lori: You can sometimes be very annoying.
ROFL, this is coming from Lori.

Whatever. Ari so likes Finn and is way jealous of Lori.
I think that's why I never make romance Sims. Because they're always players. Life goal: Woohoo with 8 million other people and. STDs?

The Shifter's all, "I can't use the Star with that dragon about!" Oooh, ooh, how about you use the Star to KILL the dragon???? Moron.

Huh. The Shifter likes being in human form. I find that interesting.

There's a page on how much better unicorns are than horses. Well, I would love to agree, but there aren't many unicorns in my part of the country.

Whoa, Ari freed slaves from the Valley of Fear? I don't remember that.

"Finn's words brought tears to Ari's eyes. She wanted to walk up to him and hug him tightly. But instead she mirrored the smile he had on his face. And felt her cheeks turn red."
YOU LIKE HIM!!

What is it with all the stupid "wise" proverbs? "Sometimes it is the thorn that defeats the lion. The Shifter never sleeps."

"No one will defeat the Shifter now that he has in the Indigo Star. Soon the Shifter will rule the world." Are you kidding me? He has the worst plans ever.

A servant plans on stabbing Shifter in the heart. Ari's like, "No. There are other ways to defeat him." THAT'S SO STUPID!! She could stab him in the heart and he would be DEAD! The war would be OVER!! You'd get your CASTLE BACK!!

Lame. Ari hypnotizes him and he falls asleep.

Why does the Shifter want to be human so bad??

Indigo Star + Royal Scepter = amazing power. AND SHE DOESN'T KILL THE SHIFTER! YOU IDIOT!!

HOw does one return the colors back to Celestial Valley? Ari doesn't do anything of the sort, and suddenly the blue unicorns are back to their cerulean selves.

She gives the star back to Naytin. All is well.

Lame. Hey, it snowed today, so I have extra free time. Next, Madison Finn and maybe a Pony Pals.

Music is magic, or Avalon: Web of Magic #5: Spellsinger

This is my least favorite Avalon cover of all time. Why is everything all technicolor? Adriane's wearing an...interesting outfit, and she has purple hair.



Plot: The three mages are busy putting on the benefit concert they'd planned in the previous book. Popular girl band Be*Tween is coming!!
Oh no, wait, they're not coming, because Be*Tween has conveniently disappeared!
Kara (this is a Kara book) is SUPER BUMMED (I repeat, this is a Kara book), until Adriane books popular Elvis-esque singer Johnny Conrad! All the ladies love Johnny Conrad. Best of all, Johnny has proposed a contest: girls of all ages and talents can come audition to sing with him on stage! Emily doesn't care, because she thinks boys are icky, but Adriane's trying out because she can play guitar!!! Kara is tone deaf and has no other musical talents, but she plans to cheat and use the unicorn horn Lorelei gave them! Boo, foul play!
But Johnny is acting odd; he has taken an odd, rather creepy, interest in Kara, and the mages keep stumbling upon him in the library looking at the "secret" computer or reading books about spellsinging.
Spellsinging seems to be self explanatory, but not to the mages.
However, Kara manages to figure it out pretty quickly and creates spells using the unicorn horn to make her voice fabulous.
But, oh no, Lyra attacks her and Adriane starts acting nastily towards her! Kara doesn't know it, but a shapeshifting creature called the Skultum has taken Johnny's place and is wreaking havoc in order to get Kara to open the portal to Avalon for him.
Emily finally figures out what's going on, so she and Adriane reveal it to Kara at the concert. The three spellsing together and banish Skultum to some place, I forget where. Kara admits she was stupid, gives back the unicorn horn, and everything is instantly okay.

More notes:
Be*Tween's songs are about drugs. Or magic. Either one works. "Cuz I'm on a supernatural high!"

Ariel the owl is kind of annoying. "Hoo doo yoo doo?"

Joseph Blackpool, CEO
Cigam Management
HAHAHAHA! CIGAM BACKWARDS IS "MAGIC"!! Laaame.

Wow. Adriane AND Kara listen to Johnny Conrad? And the mere mention of him reduces Adriane to high pitched squeals and giggling fits? Dang.

Aagh, the Fairimentals are back.

Okay, whenever ANYTHING happens, Adriane's all, "I NEED TO CALL ZACH!!"

Emily: Hi. My name is Emily. Can Kara come out to play?
Kara: I'm acting like a real (children's literature, cuss word omitted) witch, aren't I?
Emily: Are you a good witch, or a bad witch?
If you were trying to be funny, Emily, it's not working.
OMG, like on TV last night!
"Matt Hasselbeck missed his calling as a stand-up comic!"

Johnny Conrad is just like Link Larkin...only he wears leather pants.

Ooh, what deep lyrics. "DANCE! DANCE! TAKE A CHANCE AND DANCE!"

Mayor Davies: I think you've already won the key to my daughter's heart."
:O If my dad said that in front of a thousand people, I would murder him.

Johnny's newest CD is called Under Your Spell. That's not suspicious or anything....

Adriane acts like a ho the entire time. Kara's pretty bad, but Adriane is so freaking mean.

Ozzie keeps talking in italics!!!

Adriane: We can hid everything behind the computer screen. Since only our jewels can open it, everything should be safe there. Oh. I forgot. You don't have a jewel.
WHAT IS HER PROBLEM??

Yay, steal the unicorn horn. Smart. Not.

:O Adriane makes "Welcome Johnny" banners and stuff and Kara takes the credit. Boooo...

Emily does like Johnny? Why is she then impervious to his charms?

Spellsing as one
And see your work done
Spellsing as three
And whatever you picture will be
Isn't that obvious? What else could that mean? Mages = confused.

Johnny keeps popping up in the library. The SECRET library. Where THE SECRET COMPUTER IS. Why is this OKAY??

Aaargh. He keeps talking about magic and being WAY OBVIOUS and Kara's just like, "Bam, he's hot, and all my BFFs are jealous."

Johnny thinks Kara has star power.

Mrs. Windor let the monkeys escape! Why did Emily and her mom have monkeys in the first place?

Kara: I stink! [at singing]
Lyra: I wouldn't say that.
Kara: Well, what would you say.
Lyra: You just need a litle help.
Kara: Exactly what I was thinking.
Lyra: A few lessons with a singing coach and maybe choir practice.
Kara: Oh-yeah.
Lyra: What were you thinking?
Oh, she was just justifying the fact that she STOLE THE UNICORN HORN, that's all.

Lyra thinks she's mad that Adriane is a stubborn witch.

A vocal coach and choir practice won't cure tone deafness, Kara.

I want to sing like a bird
The best in the world
Make my voice ring
I'm super stylin'
That's like a Hannah Montana song.

Kara now has a three-octave range.

And she can explode trees.

Adriane freaks out because Kara isn't concerned about the monkeys.

And she still wants to call Zach. Go buy a cellphone and get a service that has free long-distance.

Kara gets into Johnny's limo. Questionable....

Laame. He gives her a star power pep talk. LIES LIES LIES.

And he gives her a locket. Laaaame.

Kara throws Lyra out of the house after she "attacks" her. IT WASN'T LYRA!!! But Kara's too stupid to fiure that out.

Okay, Rachel Roberts gets Kara's friends mixed up. Tiffany started out with brown hair, Heather with red hair, and Molly with blonde hair, but she keeps switching on us.

Heather is apparently a really good singer.

OH no, she sings "Supernatural High", sending Kara in a rage.

Kara's friends still suck.

Okay, the prophecy was all: One will follow her heart, one will see in the darkness, and one will change utterly and completely. Guess which one's Kara's?

Emily gives her a pep talk and they talk about flobbins. Not really funny.

:O Adriane's outfit!!
She was startled to see Adriane standing before her wearing a black leather jacket and skirt, a black tube top, and black leather boots. Her hair, glistening with subtle red highlights, looked amazing.
Sounds like Aeon Flux. Or Amber??

Adriane apologizes...and then insults Kara's singing voice. Nice.

Of course she covers a rock and roll song. Saw it coming.

Kara blacks out and can't remember her performance. WHY AREN'T YOU FREAKED OUT??

"You went out there and you didn't stink. That's great." Shut up, Adriane.

Adriane calls Kara a slut. How nice.

They both decide to bow out of the contest.

Emily: Lightness of Being Spell. Makes you lighter than air.
Adriane: Can't wait to try that one out on Rapunzel.
Emily: *glare of death*
Adriane: You're right. She'd just put designer cement in her boots.
You know, Adriane was the one who hated Kara so much from the start. Isn't their bad relationship sort of HER FAULT??

Foreshadowing about the Dark Sorceress' next plan.

Oh no, Kara has a fairy map and the Skultum wants it.

Aaagh. Adriane cries when talking to Zachy-poo.

Pwned. The Skultum attacks Adriane.

JOHNNY'S ON THE SECRET COMPUTER!!!

Adriane has always been jealous of me. This is a bad thought to have, but it might actually be true.

"It would explain why Adriane had been acting like such a little witch lately." ROFL.

"She said...she should be the Blazing Star." AAARGH! Of course he's lying! And how does he know what a blazing star is??? COME ON, KARA, USE YOUR BRAIN!!

Oh no, Skultum dresses up as Adriane and pretends to be narcissistic. "#1 with a bullet, hot hot hottie, the new music sensation, oops, I win again!"

She's wearing shiny silver pants and a crop top. Would Adriane really wear that? Her hair sounds nice, though:
Her hair was layered in streaks of red, gold, and pink.

Kara smashes a chocolate cake in Adriane's face. Then Adriane stains her jacket. RAWR! Cat fight!!

She throws Adriane against a wall.

Fake Adriane changes back into Skultum in front of Kara, and she's just like, "Hmm, Adriane is also a dragon!!"

And Johnny appears as soon as Adriane leaves!!

In a world that spins so fast
Can't keep your feet on the floor
Where the future has no past
Open the door, open the door, open the door...
Okay, not only is that a stupid song, it's so obviously a spell.

The locket forces Kara to sing...and she never thinks of taking it off. Idiot.

Ha. She changes the lyrics to say, "Close the door, close the door."

Oh no, it's like battle of the bands. MAGIC STYLE!

Adriane gets out her guitar and sings with Kara. They should so create a band. Only Kara shouldn't be lead singer. Maybe keyboard?

Lol. They have a magic battle. Johnny sends a magic phoenix at them, and they kill it with a magic unicorn. OWNED!

Once Emily plays her flute and starts singing, they WIN!

Lame. Be*Tween's song mentions Avalon, and the girls aren't suspicious of that EITHER.

Aww, Kara lets Heather sing instead of Johnny.
Adriane says "rock-and-roll" way too much.

They give Kara a braclet even after she almost screwed them over.

Noyce. They get an e-mail from Be*Tween and Henry Gardener. "The magic is with you, now and forever."

Okay, sorry I haven't posted in so long, but I got kind of tired of posting for a while. Unicorns tomorrow, then Madison Finn, and maybe Pony Pals...not sure what else.

There's no such thing as a sad ending, or Horseshoe Trilogies #3: Sweet Charity

We're finally done with this series. I'm thinking of making a collage of all the series I've posted on this blog. Lol.



Plot: Josie doesn't want to sell Charity, her specialist most favorite horse, but she has no choice. Now, to add more stress, the Graces have to find a new home.
So Josie is all emo about Charity the ENTIRE TIME. The Taylor family and their daughter Emily are pretty interested in buying her (why is it that no boys ever want to buy a horse??), which makes Josie uber jealous.
Then, one night, Charity disappears, along with all her tack! *gasp* SHE'S BEEN STOLEN!
And we know who the culprit is. Kirsty, a creepy little girl who loves Charity a little TOO much, apparently did it to help Josie?? Whatever.
So Josie goes looking for them and finds them in the boathouse, but then Kirsty has an asthma attack and somehow falls into the river. Josie goes to save her, and they're both about to drown, but Charity saves them both.
Um, yay.
So now that that's all over, Josie's parents start hinting that they've found a NEW OWNER for Charity and she's the BEST OWNER they could find. Josie can't figure it out, but then they tell her that Charity is HERS. Because her dad got a new job and now is uber rich and their new house has a field where they can keep a horse. LAAAAAME.

More notes:
Josie often has odd fantasies involving Charity and herself.... THEY'RE ABOUT RIDING!!! Sickos.

Oh, and in the fantasy, she saves a young man who's broken his leg, and his grandmother lets Charity stay for free in their stables.

Whaaaat? Looking at this cover, Charity doesn't even look CLOSE to flea-bitten. As in the color, not the state.

Josie invites Kirsty over to her house, and then is all, "OMG, SHE'S SO CREEPY AND SHE GETS ON MY NERVES!" Then WHY'D you invite her to your house?

Anna thinks Kirsty is creepy, too. Why? Does she murder animals or play with voodoo dolls?

"'No!' Kirsty said. 'I won't let them take her away from you!'"
Okay...THAT's creepy.

Okay, her parents are sort of poorish, so they're settling on a townhouse with a small backyard, and Josie's all complaining. "THIS ISN'T THE BEST HOUSE!! HOW WILL WE KEEP THE DUCKS AND CHICKENS??" You won't...because you're POOR.

Foreshadowing of the boathouse incident, and how unstable it is....

"They've got an older boy who's had a horse for a while, and now they want a horse for his younger sister. She's been having riding lessons for ages."
Hmm...sounds familiar. What do you know, she has brown hair and freckles!

Oh, if you smile shyly, you must be a nice person.

Josie storms into the house and starts yelling at her dad.

I love how her mom is so blunt and realistic.

"There are three bedrooms, but one of them is tiny, and the kitchen's not enormous, either."
"That doesn't bother me. You know how I feel about cooking."
Um, yeah, but your husband LOVES to cook. Why don't you ask him how HE feels?

Josie and Anna find a field with horses right next to the new house.
Josie: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Me: That there are horses there to take your mind off Charity?
Anna: Oooh! Charity could stay with those horses!
Me: ....

Um, duh, horses are EXPENSIVE.

Ah yes, let's lie and say that Charity has an awful disease.

Oh no, Charity's not in the field! Well, gee, MAYBE SHE'S IN THE BARN!

I'm trying to imagine the damage Josie could do to a potential horse thief.

Anna, Ben, and Josie are being detectives like the Pony Pals.

The thief knew where the key was.... Hm, MAYBE THEY'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE?

Oh, and Kirsty Fisher happens to be missing. What a coincidence.

Argh! Now that they know it's Kirsty, they're like, "Oh, she didn't mean to hurt us, it's all right." Yeah, but she stole your property. Doesn't that mean anything to you?

They didn't get any phonecalls from Mrs. Fisher...and it's Josie's fault.

"I've got a feeling she was trying to help me." Yeah, in a messed up against-the-law way.

Oh, and it turns out Kirsty is asthmatic. Just to add to the drama.

Why would you look for a girl on horseback with bikes? Wouldn't you also use horses?

Yeah, duh, use Faith.

Gotcha, Anna and Ben's dad is Spanish. Makes sense.

Faith, like Acorn, is a good detective.

Kirsty's inhaler reminded me of how my brother used to use an inhaler for allergies.

"No one's angry at you, Kirsty." I am.

Argh, she has a serious asthma attack. Just like in "Are We There Yet?".

Josie tries to throw the inhaler to her...and misses by TWO FEET. Nice throw.

Kirsty falls into the river. Wow.

Smart, go after her. Now you'll both drown, although what else could you do?

Charity saves them. This would be a good episode of "Miracle Pets".

Should I call the police first, or my parents? Police, police! She calls her parents.

Anna: I called the farmer who owns the field, but he says someone already asked him to keep a space for a horse!
Josie: Darn.
Me: ....

"My own sweet Charity. Now nothing's going to take her away from me!"
Except for possibly death and disease.

So yeah. A really awful Pony Pals tomorrow. Yaay, haven't done one of those in a while.

Let's name all of our horses after Hallmark card values, or Horseshoe Trilogies #1: Keeping Faith

I'm sure that title was supposed to be "clever", seeing as it had a double meaning and all.
I would much rather be playing Sims (although I do have to do homework), but I'm sort of behind schedule-ish. Like I even have a schedule. Oh well, tomorrow I'll post a Pony Pals. But this book was so ridiculously boring.



Plot: Josie Grace lives with her mommy and daddy in a little house in England, where they have stables that Mary Grace (her mother) uses to teach in. They also have three beautiful horses; Faith, Hope, and Charity (gag).
But all that is changing.
When they first moved into their house, they didn't have much money, because teachers and riding instructors don't get paid very much, but the little old lady who owned the house let them rent it and the stables for very little money. Unfortunately, she just died, and now her mean old nephew is taking over the property and throwing the Graces out. Harsh. Since they probably won't be able to find [cheap] accomodations for their horses, the Graces will have to sell them, starting with Faith.
Josie is beside herself. Faith has been around even she was born!
Bla bla bla, they meet a few potential buyers, but they either don't know how to take care of a horse or they want to ride her too hard; Faith is old and would rather be a pet or companion than a show jumper. Finally, it's between two families: the Hyde-Whites, a very rich family that has many horses; or the Randalls, a very boring family that happens to be moving to Scotland. Josie doesn't know which is worse: if Faith goes to the Hyde-Whites, she will be adequately cared for but not loved; if she goes to the Randalls, she has to move to Scotland!
Enter Anna Marshall. Anna is Josie's bubbly loud-mouthed best friend, also a horse freak. When Josie tells her about the potential buyers, Anna freaks out; she knows Harriet Hyde-White and the girl is a snob!!! That girl doesn't deserve a horse! She convinces Josie to think so, too, and the two concoct a plan to keep the Hyde-Whites away forever.
The facts are these: Anna met Harriet at a gymkhana event a million years ago and Harriet called Anna's horse Hope (another one of Josie's beloved equines) ugly. Forget that it's been several years since the incident. Forget the fact that Josie herself admitted that Hope wasn't the best-looking animal in the world. No, Harriet was and is a snob, and that's all that matters.
When Harriet and her father come to look at Faith, Anna tells Harriet that Faith bites people and that's why she's being sold. Harriet flips out and tells her father, who in turn gets pretty POed and cusses out Mary Grace, then hops in his Porsche and leaves. Mary Grace is all, "Wth????" Then Ben, Anna's twin brother, comes in with a nasty bite mark on his arm. Turns out it's just makeup he was planning to use to scare Harriet, but there turned out to be no need.
So Mary Grace bans the Marshall twins from their house.
Then the Randalls call and say that they're not moving to Scotland, so they can't buy Faith. Whaaat?? That makes no sense. Now there are no buyers for Faith.
Enter Jill Atterbury. Jill was in a horrible car accident that badly injured her legs. She'd had a horse before the accident, but her parents sold it right after; I forget why, but I think it had something to do with either hospital bills or the doctor saying something like, "She shall never ride again."
Mary Grace and Josie visit the Atterburys, who are very nice people. Jill is funny, easy to talk to, and loves horses. Even I liked her, which is saying something. She meets Faith and falls in love, so Josie gives her "permission" to buy Faith. :P Like it was even your decision. And Jill gives Josie her "permission" to visit Faith. Ha. Now everyone's happy. Yay.
Too bad they'll have to sell Hope in the next book. Just saying.

More notes:
Anna and Josie met when Anna was the new girl in school and Josie had to cart her around the school. Ugh, don't you hate that? I've had to do both and I'm not very good at either. Just saying.

Josie is really mean about bad riders. "You're really getting the hang of the rising trot." "It's about time...."

Wait a minute. They make it sound like Mrs. Wetherall's nephew is such a horrible person, but it's HIS property and he has the right to do what he's doing. Besides, it seems fair. He could've upped the rent.

Ha. Teachers don't get squat. Never become a teacher.

:O Mary Grace tells the story of how she first found Faith, and she convinces Faith's owner that her son is too fat to ride!!! That's so mean!!!!

And she blows ALL her savings on Faith. Yeah, she and her husband are newlyweds and he's a TEACHER, so they don't have that much money to BEGIN with. Nice going, stupid.

Oh, and the husband's cool with it.

Josie brags that she's never had her dad as a teacher. Shut up, I have. XP

Here it is, on page 18, in black and white:
Even Josie had to admit that Hope was not the most beautiful horse in the world. She had a long, straight face with rather small eyes, and an especially broad back.

Oh. No. They're eating SPAGHETTI for dinner.

Mr. Grace jokes about selling his daughter. That is so not funny. Like, seriously, people do that.

Wth, there's a character named Emma who sounds just like me when she rides. "Can't we canter now? This is boring!"

Josie is all mad that Faith might move to Scotland because "she'll never see her again". Yeah, that's generally what happens when you sell an animal.

Mr. Hyde-White might not be a nice guy, but he knows his stuff.

AAAARGH! Just because people don't talk to other people doesn't mean they're stuck up! SHE'S JUST SHY!!

Shut up, Anna; where Faith goes is not your decision.

Okay, Anna AND Josie have both called Hope ugly. This is the "really mean thing" Harriet said to Anna:
"It'll take more than a braided mane to make the creature you're on look halfway decent."
I can see how that's kind of mean, but if they've admitted she's ugly, why is it a big deal? I'm probably going to get beaten up for this.

Isobel really bugs me. I don't know why, but she REALLY does.

Anna thinks out loud, so she's talking about Josie probably never seeing Faith again, and Josie's all, "THANKS FOR RUINING MY DAY!!!" Geez, PMS?

I LOVE PALOMINOS!

Ha. "She has a marvelous seat." Not as marvelous as my seat. I'm rather proud of it.

Yeah, so they're "cold" and impersonal people. But they're also rich and local, and Faith will be treated well. Suck it up, Josie. You need the money anyway.

Mary Grace is way cool. She tells Josie to suck it up, too.

They have to pay for the school bus???

"Come on, it's the first time we've been late this week."
"Well done! It's only Tuesday!"

Josie, you're a pushover.

You are, too, Ben.

AAARGH, this is the third time someone has used the word "immaculate" in conversation!!! WHO EVEN SAYS IMMACULATE!!!?? NOT 12-YEAR-OLD GIRLS!!! Which reminds me of gross Bratz boy....

:O I would be soooo mad if my parents sold my horse. Even if I couldn't ever ride again, I'd still keep him as a pet/companion/BFF/friend.

Aaargh, they make Harriet sound like such a snob. They also make it sound like me. >:P

Ha, Ben and Anna get banished. Losers.

I think Mary Grace is drunk. She starts babbling about Mr. Hyde-white and how she wants to "teach that rascal a lesson".

Anna: I never thought Harriet would make such a fuss!
Now you're blaming her?? Yeah, people tend to get mad when it turns out they're being conned.

WHAT IS IT WITH PEOPLE??? Josie tells Anna about Jill, who can't ride, wanting a horse.
Anna: What, is she crazy or something?
HELLO! SHE CAN KEEP IT AS A FREAKING PET! RIDING ISN'T THE ONLY THING TO DO WITH HORSES!

Jill isn't weird about her disability, and she's an optimist. She's also funny. I like her already.

SHE HAS POSTERS OF HORSES ALL OVER HER WALLS. Jealous.

Way to be sensitive, Josie.
Jill: That's my favorite [poster]. I lie in bed sometimes looking and it and imagining I'm on his back, riding off into the sunset.
Josie: Doesn't that make you feel worse?

AAAGH, MIDNIGHT: another super obvious horse name.

I don't think I've ever described anyone or anything as a big soppy marshmallow.

NO, JILL, NO! Oh well. She lets Josie come visit Faith whenever.

Ugh, Mary Grace justifies Anna's behavior. "You saved me from selling Faith to the Hyde-Whites."

Ugh, and it ends with Josie sobbing and saying, "Perfect." SHUT UP.

That was sooo boring. Tomorrow I'll post another Pony Pal, followed by the second Avalon, which is about Kara, so it should be interesting.

Every journey begins with a step, or Unicorns of Balinor #1: The Road to Balinor

I used to LOVE this series. I mean, an author that catered to unicorn-loving adolescents was good enough for me. I wasn't as critical than as I am now. Rereading this, I have NO IDEA why I liked it so much. Actually, I recall really hating this first one, but the rest of the series tickled my fancy, lol.



Plot: Arianna Langley doesn't remember anything. No, she does not have short-term memory loss, but she was in a car accident recently. That explains why she's in a wheelchair and her legs hurt so badly. But two people named Ann and Frank come to the hospital and insist that she is their foster daughter, and that she was in a car accident with her horse, Chase, and now he has a huge scar on his head. They take her and a mysterious dog named Lincoln (who has given her a ruby necklace; weird, yeah, but it's important) back home to Glacier River Farm.
Meanwhile, back in Celestial Valley (the magical land of unicorns, of course), Atalanta the Dream Speaker is fretting over the loss of Princess Arianna. That's right; Ari's a princess. Turns out an evil being named Entia, or the Shifter, exiled her parents, kidnapped her brothers, and almost killed her and Chase, who is actually the Sunchaser, Lord of all animals in Balinor, the land he and Ari come from.
Back to real life. Ari continues to heal and learns to ride Chase again, with the help of Dr. Bohnes. Unfortunately, Ann and Frank are broke, so they decide to lease Chase to a rich girl and her parents. The rich girl's name is Lori Carmichael and is so stereotyped it's not even funny: blonde, spoiled, pretty, prone to temper tantrums....
Ari hates Lori and doesn't want to give Chase up. Duh. Nothing really interesting happens except for Chase starts talking in Ari's head and Lori blames Ari for Chase's bad behavior, so she is severely punished (not).
Finally, she can't take it anymore. Not wanting to lose Chase, Ari runs away with him, but Lori follows with Lincoln. All four of them fall into a nearby cave (hmmm, how convenient), and land in Balinor. To be continued....

More notes:
Of course the main character has to be a princess. Mary-Sue much?

Oh, and her bonded unicorn is the Lord of all Animals.

Wth, Mary Stanton totally copied the Eye of Sauron. Actually, Peter Jackson was the one who took "the Eye" so literally, and the first movie came out in 2001, so in reality, HE copied HER.

Rednal of the Fiery Coals? What kind of name is that? He used to be my favorite unicorn.

Numinor seems like an Andalusian.

OMG, this is the unicorn's rainbow song:
Red and yellow, orange and green
Purple, silver, and blue
The rainbow we make defends those we guard
In Balinor's cities and fields.
Lol, that doesn't even rhyme! I'm totally putting this to music.

Ha. Atalanta says "bullocks".

So the Shifter is an anarchist??

Atalanta and Numinor are so annoying as a married couple. Always arguing. And they both get on my nerves: Atalanta is all demure and beautiful, and Numinor has too much testosterone.

I'm having a lot of trouble picturing Lincoln the collie. They say he's black and gold? But on the cover of #4 he's all chestnut and beautiful.

Wth, the names of her guardians are ANN and FRANK?? Wth, if they're trying to be funny, it's not working.

I like how every unicorn but Chase, Numinor, and Atalanta get a really brief description. Seriously:
It was a stallion. The light gleamed on his bronze coat. His chest and quarters were heavily muscled, his withers well-shaped. But it was his head and eyes that were the most beautiful to Ari. His forehead was broad, the muzzle well-shaped, with delicately flared nostrils. As he stepped forward, she looked deep into his eyes, large, brown, and full of sorrow.
First of all, there are some definite grammatical and punctuation errors in that, but it's so obvious that Mary Stanton is in love with Chase. How do you have well-shaped withers???

Frank: Well, you slept in the palace, I mean - in the house of course.
Nice save.

Okay, whatever. If she was REALLY injured in a car accident (which she so wasn't), how was Chase hurt? And who was driving? And why aren't they hurt? Ari is so gullible.

Atalanta has no sense of humor.

I like how all the matronly unicorns are fat.

I wouldn't want my horse leased out to someone without my permission, but Ari is so selfish.

Aaagh, I hate Chase.
Chase: Ah yes, I know him. But will he obey the Great Me?
I think that was supposed to be funny. Ari's probably giggling her modest head off.

Oh dear, this part of the woods must be dangerous, because no birds sing here and the wildflowers are scarce! :P This isn't Bambi!!!

Who names they're horse Shy-No-More? Or Beecher?

This sentence doesn't use the right tense.
They got even more prominent when she'd told him about the way the caves seem to draw her in, beckoning.
Shouldn't it be "seemed"? And "she had told" is incorrect. HOW DID THIS WOMAN GET PUBLISHED?

Okay, forealz, if you're a bad rider, that doesn't make you an awful person. I hate to say it, but Lori's "riding" verges on animal abuse.

"GIVE HIM THE WHIP! GIVE HIM THE WHIP!" Who says that??? I'd call the police. And PETA.

If you're abusing an animal, it's not your place to order it to be shot. "ALL I DID WAS KICK IT! AND THEN IT BIT ME! I WANT IT SHOT!"

Oh no, Chase starts talking.
"Little man! You shall be dirt beneath my hooves, little man. I will crush his bones with the Snake!"
And Ari's all, "*gasp* *hyperventilate* Oh----my----gosh----I----think-----Chase----is----talking???"

I like how Lori's dad doesn't cuss; he just says "darn" a lot.

Heh. Ari gets attacked by flies.

Ann wants to home-school Ari. Boooo....

Let's see, a dog came into your hospital room and gave you a big ruby necklace, you can't remember anything about your past, and your horse just started talking. Ari, aren't you even the least bit suspicious?

Aaaaagh. Atalanta wasn't talking about saving Chase THAT WAY!! Stupid, stupid, stupid.

ROFL, Lincoln attacks Lori.

Aaaargh. Why does Ari have to be all perfect and Mary Sue? She should slap Lori. But no. She decides to "ignore her". Sweetie, that NEVER WORKS.

:P She leaves a "coded" note for Doctor Bohnes.
"Sell the DOG LEASH in my sock drawer!
PLEASE!
Love, Ari."
Yeah, that wasn't WAY OBVIOUS, seeing as DOG LEASH was in CAPITALS.

His name is TOBIANO. I'm seeing a paint here, not an appaloosa.

I hate how they make a huge deal about Tobiano being so "rude". I like him.

How does a black and white unicorn fit in the rainbow?

Yeah, a cave that smells like death and is inhabited by flies. Let's go there!

Rofl. Lori unashamedly insults Ari. That's refreshing.

Lol, Linc is funny, too. And he has an accent.

And he talks to himself?

OH NO, AN ARMY OF ANGRY BLACK UNICORNS!!! Of course black is evil. I personally think red is an "eviller" color than black.

Lori: What was that?
Ari: Uh, bears?
Yeah, that's believable.

ROFL, this is my favorite part in the whole book: Ari looks around and sees a sign that says, "Welcome to Balinor". LOL. I find that really hilarious. That seems so anachronistic.

Yeah, so there you have it. I've been stalling, but I'll post another Balinor tomorrow, and then the first of the Horseshoe trilogies.

You can be my movie star for a day, or Pony Pals #26: Movie Star Pony

I really dislike Pony Pals. Just horrible writing, and bad illustrations, and cliches, and LIES LIES LIES. But in this one, my new best friend (Anna) stood up to some loser who was pressuring her and the illustrations were really good.



Okay, the illustrations might be good, but this cover illustrations sucks. Acorn looks like a small bear, and ponies do NOT smile.
Plot: Yay, a movie is being filmed in Wiggins! Better yet, there will be scenes filmed at Ms. Wiggins estate, the Off-Main Diner, and Mrs. Crandall's riding school! Bette Fleming, a famous 11-year-old actress, is starring in it, but doesn't get along with her pony costar. When she meets Acorn, however, she falls in love with him and insists upon starring with him in the film (entitled "Megan's Last Ride"). Anna is reluctant, but the stupid Pony Pals convince her to say yes, because of MONEY. What ever happened to good morals?
Shockingly enough, Bette is a huge brat, and spends all her time with Acorn. The director, bending to the will of Bette, tells Anna she can't see Acorn until they're done filming. By that time, Acorn doesn't seem to like Anna anymore, and Bette wants to BUY Acorn of all things! Anna is heartbroken. She doesn't want to sell her pony, but she doesn't want to keep him if he likes Bette more than her.
The Pony Pals actually give her some good advice and tell her that Acorn still loves her, so Anna, being fed up with Bette, tells off the spoiled brat and refuses to ever sell Acorn. But later, she feels bad for her outburst and invites Bette on one last trail ride. Halfway through the trail ride, Acorn starts acting oddly and keeps nudging Daisy, Anna's replacement pony. Seems he's JEALOUS!! Guess he still loves Anna. Bette is still a brat, but learns that she can't always get her way. Then she stars in several porn videos and dies of an overdose like all child stars. The End.

More notes:
A "movie company"? I'm not sure of the right terminology, but that doesn't seem right.

Bette Fleming is like the B-list version of Dakota Fanning.

Thanks for spoiling the end of "The Rainbow Kid" for us, Anna.

Gee, the movie is called "Megan's Last Ride". I wonder what if could be about... I mean, it can't be about a girl named Megan who's taking a last ride on her pony; that's just out of the question.

Wow, these illustrations are REALLY GOOD. Better than Vivien Kubbos. Well, the ponies are amazing. And the people are good, but Pam has bangs and Lulu's hair is light brown?

What? Ms. Wiggins gets to eat for free, too???

A very magestic drawing of Lightning, Acorn actually looks the proper size, and Snow White is pretty for a change and not all haggard. Um, Anna is turning around in the saddle to smile at Lulu. BAD RIDING SAFETY! I so remember her lecturing Rosalie about this.

More continuity errors about the death of Mrs. Sanders.

This sounds like the worst movie ever.
"'Bette Fleming plays Megan Ritter,' began Ms. Cross. 'Her family owns a big farm. At the beginning of the story they are having money problems. Then a freak summer hailstorm destroys their apple crop. After that, they know they will have to sell the farm adn move to the city for jobs.'"
Aaaaaaaaaaaaagh!!! Sounds like "Where the Red Fern Grows" gone wrong.
Oh, Megan and Mars understand each other and have a SPECIAL PSYCHIC CONNECTION, to which Anna can relate? WTH???
Oh, they have to sell Mars. Boo hoo. Now they move to the city. BUT SUDDENLY MEGAN GETS SICK!! Mars senses something is wrong and travels 100 miles to find Megan. When he does, her parents decide to buy him again! And board him at a stable near the house! WTH??? WHY DIDN'T THEY DO THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE??? AND AREN'T THEY GOING THROUGH MONEY PROBLEMS??? I swear, this is either a TV movie or a straight-to-DVD release, cuz it sounds low budget and AWFUL. Worse than "The Derby Stallion".

Can't they meet a nice girl who doesn't like ponies and isn't snobby or shy?

Jeanne Betancourt is STILL condoning spying.

"If Bette can't ride, thought Anna, how can she be in a big movie about a girl and her pony?"
Um, duh. Stunt man.

I like how a person's riding abilities determine their personality.

I only found ONE awful picture, and it's of Bette riding. She looks possessed, and her posture is bad, and Acorn looks like a bush.

WHY DO THEY ALWAYS HAVE TO MENTION ACORN'S STUPID STINT IN THE CIRCUS!!??

WHY DOES SHE NEED TO DISCUSS THIS WITH HER PONY PALS? Will they SHUN her if she doesn't run it by them? This DEFINITELY sounds like cult behavior.

NO, ANNA, NO! If your gut says no, DON'T DO IT.

Too late.

So mean. Bette tells Anna that she can't see Acorn for 2 weeks, and the adults are COOL WITH IT. She's 11 FREAKING YEARS OLD! DISCIPLINE HER!!

She hasn't seen Acorn in 9 days. What the heck. I would go insane.

Yay, because watching a scene from a movie being shot through cracks in a wood floor is just as good as being there!

Daisy again! Agh!!

Um, what? Someone sends roses to Anna, and somehow know that she's at the Off-Main Diner. HOW????

Lulu is an IDIOT.

Pam looks like Tempestt Bledsoe.

Pam is so gullible. And she's like, "You shouldn't judge people just from one meeting." Right. Because you NEVER do that, Pam.

Duh. Ponies can't act.

This is definitely a TV movie. "I love you. And I'll never forget you. I don't want to leave you. I want to stay with you forever. You're my best friend." That's like a line from "Your Guardian Angel".

Acorn looks like a donkey.

Mmm, cupcakes.

They finished filming in two weeks????? Definitely TV movie.

Wth, Anna writes Pam and Lulu a note, and she decides to write it using pictures. Wouldn't that take longer? And I can't understand it. One of the pictures looks like a black guy or a piece of broccoli. I can't tell.

Anna does NOT want Bette to ride Acorn. So she lets her ride Acorn. :P

Mrs. Fleming is such a blonde. I would SLAP HER. Listen to her reasoning.
"Bette and Acorn have such a special relationship. So I'll pay a lot of money for him. That way you can buy another pony - a very special pony. Or maybe horse. Wouldn't that be exciting?" Because animals are so easy to replace. B****.

The sentence "Lulu put an arm around Anna's shoulder." appears in this book SO MANY TIMES.

PONIES CAN'T ACT!!

Dang, Rachel Tonkin is the best illustrator yet.

Bette: When Acorn is mine, I'll tell the whole world. His picture would be in the paper with me all the time.
Anna: Acorn is my pony. I won't sell him for any price. That's what I came to tell you.
Bette: But I love Acorn.
Anna: So do I!
Bette: I want Acorn! You HAVE to sell him to me!
Anna: No, I don't!
Bette: Then can I have one last ride on Acorn? Just one.
Anna: NO!

Okay, that was way immature and fourth grade-y, but I'm glad that Anna at least stood up for herself.

I hate it when people say, "It's up to you." What they really mean is, "I want you to choose my idea and I'll guilt you forever if you decide otherwise."

Ha. Anna understands people now. My baby's growing up.

Wth? Lulu is supposed to be riding Snow White, but the pony in the picture is dark. ????

Anna is my new best friend.

Agh, I don't think I'm getting another Pony Pals OR another Madison Finn for a while. I could read #28, or start on the Avalon/Unicorns of Balinor series. I think I'll do the latter. Yay.

Goodbye old paint, or Pony Pals #19: Moving Pony

Yes. All ponies move. I think we're supposed to get from the title that the pony in question is leaving town. Whatever. Lulu's jeans are too short. Then again, so are mine. I need some new ones.



Plot: Sandy Nation and her mother Maria's are moving (ON HORSEBACK???) from Powell to Reston, but they stop in Wiggins when Maria's horse gets injured. The Pony Pals assume that because Sandy has a pony, she is an amazing person, and try to become "friends" with her. But Sandy hates everyone and doesn't want to move.
Bla bla bla, about 50 pages on Sandy grumbling.
After an unsuccessful barn sleepover (This is how they become friends with people; they invite them over for a sleepover and are shocked to discover this is too much, too soon.), the girls decide to go to the river to swim. But during their lil adventure, Sandy leaves, saying she wants to go back to the Crandals' house and talk to her mom, or something.
But on their way home, Lulu discovers that Sandy was trying to go back to Powell! The Pony Pals follow her and find Sandy with a broken ankle. They help her and convince her not to go back to Powell. Um...that's it.

More notes:
Another horse? It's a miracle!

I would be crabby, too, if I had to camp in the rain with my mom for three days.

Anna, we know you're an ignorant person. Kindly try not to display your ignorance.

Pam thinks they're criminals.

It's like if there's another pony in town, it has to be the same breed as the Pony Pals' ponies. Dandy was the only exception.

They introduce themselves and each of their ponies. I don't think the nice people care.

CONTINUITY! In every other book up till now, Lulu's mother died when she was 4. In this one, they say 3. What's up with that?

Maybe she died on the day before Lulu's 4th birthday. Big question: HOW DID SHE DIE??

The pony's name is Raffle. I used to think that was the coolest name ever. But I like Waffle better.

Ew, horse named Willow. And it's a boy. Watched any Val Kilmer movies lately?

So messed up. They're moving to Reston. Maria's husband and sons took the car, and since they don't have a horse trailer, they're RIDING to Reston. WTH?? Isn't there a service that takes your horses to wherever in a trailer? I'M SURE THERE IS! Or you could BUY one.

Mrs. Crandal knows Maria. It's a small world....

Sandy: Can I call Liana now? You said I could.
Maria: Honey, don't you think it will just make you sadder?
Lulu: *Who is Liana and why would talking to her make Sandy sad?*
Gee, I can figure that out. Can't you?

Sandy doesn't want to make new friends because you're in a cult and she doesn't want to move. Leave her alone.

Okay, Sandy's just being annoying. I've noticed whenever there's a new girl in town, she's mean, shy, and self-centered. WHY IS THIS???? Are there no extroverts out there that want to move to a small horse-worshiping town?

Anna: That Sandy sure is bossy.
Like you're not....

I love Vivien Kubbos' drawings of ponies. Take that, Paul Bachem!!

Sandy looks like Dorothy Hammill with blonde hair. And Raffle is way adorable.

Sandy doesn't want Raffle outside with the other ponies. Duh. Lightning bites.

OMG, THEY'RE HAVING SPAGHETTI AGAIN! It's like our family and pasta. We're not even Italian. THAT wasn't stereotyped.

Anna compares Sandy to Rema Baxter. Can't make the connection. Rema's a desperate fiendish loser. Sandy's just mean.

Sandy's crying herself to sleep...cuz she cannot keep their attention. Sorry, Bethany Dillon song.

Pam: I don't think she knows how to make new friends.
I've heard that excuse before. Either she's a complete idiot or she knows very well what she's doing. And I think she just hates you.

Mmm, blueberry muffins.

Ew, this is so obviously a jab at Sandy.
Mrs. Crandal: It looks likeyou're stuck here with us, Maria.
Maria: I don't mind. I'll watch you teach and get some more ideas on how to run a riding school. Besides, I like making new friends.
Mrs. Crandal: Me, too.
We get it. You're daughter is a freak.

Lulu thinks Sandy is fatty because she takes a lot of food. Methinks she's running away.

Raffle tries to kill Acorn. But we don't know why. Because Acorn is the friendliest pony in the world!!

Ew, Liana's pony was named Peaches.

Sandy: Liana's my best friend in my whole life.
That sentence doesn't really flow.

Sandy is galloping on muddy ground. So the Pony Pals gallop after her to tell her to slow down. What's wrong with this picture??

Adorable picture of Acorn. He looks like he's supposed to.

Anna tries to use the whole, "It's three against one," tactic on Sandy. But Sandy basically tells her to screw off.

Sandy's being all nice. Because she doesn't want them to suspect anything. Duh.

Anna takes it seriously.

Anna also strips. Bad pictures.

Now they figure out that Sandy is a liar. Took you long enough.

You are not a good detective, Lulu. Gotta hit 'em with a dose of reality now and then.

Lulu tries to think like Sandy Nation. She makes Sandy sound all whiny. It's pretty funny.

Agh, they're calling it pony plop again.

No, Pam, don't go for help. Let's try to find Sandy ON OUR OWN with NO ADULT SUPERVISION. Losers.

Look, a huge pony imprint in the ground.
Anna: Maybe a fox got in a fight with another animal.
Are you serious?

I'm really confused as to why you can't ride with a sprained ankle. You could just mount on THE OTHER SIDE.

She sprained her ankle, I don't think she cares where help comes from.

Lulu mistakes a bracelet for a bird.

Why is Raffle wearing a halter? Is it under his bridle? Because how else did she ride there?

Sandy tries to convince the Pony Pals to help her get back to Powell. So if the police get involved, they'll get in trouble for helping a minor escape???

EVERYONE KNOWS HOW TO WRAP AN ACE BANDAGE!!

You can SO ride with a sprained ankle. Just mount on the side requiring your nonsprained foot and make your horse walk.

Ew, Sandy has two other friends and they solve problems together. Like the Pony Pals.

I have to admit, Sandy planned ahead.

Anna is shocked Sandy would have the balls to stay in the woods alone.

We have to hear stuff about Lulu's move from England. :P

RESTON AND POWELL AREN'T THAT FAR APART??? Then why is there this big drama???

You don't like Sandy, stop lying.

Sandy made fun of Pam. I like this girl.

Sorry, guys, but if you want to be my friend, you have to be smart AND brave. :P What is this, Harry Potter?

"Don't put your feet in the stirrups. That would hurt." JUST LOWER THE STIRRUPS!!! IT WILL NOT HURT!!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaagh. Lulu pulls the biggest guilt card of all: "I don't have a mother, so you should be grateful that you do!!!" Unbelievable. MANIPULATION!!

The world is a cruel, cruel place, or Pony Pals #16: The Missing Pony Pal

AAAAAAAAAAAARGH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! THIS BOOK SUCKED! I wish I could give it an F! I wish I could give it lower than an F! I wish I could ban every this book from every library and every bookstore in the world. AAAAAAGH! It SUCKED SO BAD!



Plot: Oh boy! A gymkhana! Lulu and Snow White LOVE gymkhana! But when practicing pole bending, Snow White leans too far and she and Lulu topple over. Lulu ends up bruising her thigh and Snow White sprains a tendon.
The next 70 pages are a bunch of CRAP on how AWFUL Lulu FEELS about EVERYTHING that she EVER DID, including get born. Haaaaate.
The Pony Pals try to convince Lulu it was an accident, but she doesn't believe them and literally runs into the woods (DURING A STORM!) after vowing never to ride again.
She comes back, unfortunately, and realizes that she is a big IDIOT and that it was an accident and she needs to STOP BEING SUCH A FREAKING WIMP. So then the Pony Pals win all the gymkhana games. BOOOOOOOO!

More notes:
I literally marked every single page.

I'm tired of the mention of Lulu's stay in England, and Lightning's valiant kitten rescue.

Pole bending race. Sort of self explanatory. Or at least easy to explain.

They leave Lulu lying on the ground after she falls.

Pam looks like Mrs. Laners....

Lulu has to go to the hospital. In an ambulance. Whatever.

She has NOT been living in Wiggins a short time. She's experienced like 6 summer vacations!

Why do Anna and Pam have to be exact opposites? Black, white. Tall, short. Smart, dumb. Bad artist, good artist.

I think Lulu DID hurt her brain in the fall. Or maybe it's always been like that.

Grandmother Sanders = ridiculously old fashioned. I bet she still wears petticoats.

How does the doctor know she has a big bruise on her thigh? Did he take off her pants?

Lulu thinks Snow White might be dead. Right.

Thank you for making the situation worse, Dr. Crandal.

THEY'RE EATING SPAGHETTI AGAIN!

Ponies don't moan. Or have nightmares.

WTH???? At the gymkhana, there will be a costume parade. Anna's ideas include a banana and...I'm not sure what that is. Also an artist and THE PONY COULD BE A PALETTE! HAHAHAHAHA!

Lulu would not be a good princess. Actually, yes she would. She whines a lot, but doesn't do anything about it.

Lulu keeps dwelling on stupid Snow White. "Omg, I almost KILLED my pony. *sob sob sob*"

Who's Paint? Since when do the Crandals have more than 2 riding ponies? I thought Mrs. Crandal didn't NEED a third pony!!!! WHO IS PAINT???

That's right, Lulu. Acting like a *itch will make everyone feel better.

Anna and Pam look like they want to kill Lulu.

IT'S A RACE! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GO FAST!
Lulu: Uh-uh! Safety first!
AAAAGH! SHUT UP!

Omg. Lulu = no sense of humor. Because riding is serious business. And you're not allowed to have fun with ponies.

I have nothing bad to say about Pam and Anna this whole book. I actually feel REALLY sorry for both of them.

Oooh, burn.
Pam: We need to have a Pony Pal meeting right now.
Lulu: About what?
Anna: About YOU!

They called Splash A GIRL. Um, Splash is A BOY. And Splash is NOT A NICE CALM PONY. Remember? Always rushing ahead?

Lulu is scared of squirrels.

Maybe Snow White is ignoring you because you're so FREAKING ANNOYING!!

Grandma Sandy, NOT HELPING.

YOU DIDN'T ALMOST KILL YOUR PONY! HORSES FALL DOWN IN LOTR ALL THE TIME!

THE PONY PALS ARE ACTUALLY APOLOGIZING!!!!! Well, Lulu isn't. But Pam and Anna are apologizing to her!!!! Huh. I'm proud of them.

They call Acorn a girl, too.

This totally reminds me of "Wizard Angst". "I QUIT MAGIC!"

Yeah, running into the woods is smart.

Where's the comma? "Lulu stop!"

Oh no, you're breaking all 5 Safety in the Woods rules!

OMG, Lulu almost gets struck by lightning. I cracked up laughing when I read that part.

They almost get hit by lightning again. And ANNA IS TALLER THAN PAM!!

Good thing Lulu knows how to track. The ONE thing she ever does right.

I don't think your ponies care that you are gone.

You don't have to ride to be a Pony Pal. I could be a Pony Pal if I wanted. I mean, I love ponies, I don't understand people, and I have no social skills.

Oh. We just got trapped in the woods for 2 hours. Want to go get lunch at the diner?

Anna just told Lulu to shut up. GO ANNA!

And then Anna starts crying. Yeah.

Aaaah, Lulu is not being a leader! THAT'S why Snow White is acting weird!

"My leader is back!" Totally reminds me of, "Take me to your leader."

The sack race has nothing to do with weaving in and out of poles! Stupid.

Yeah, that's right, BE SELFISH! Now your friends can't compete in the gymkhana games. Jerk.

Oh, such a sacrifice.

They win because Lulu grows a brain.

They lose every other race.

They describe Lulu's outfit to the slightest detail. And the picture is so not worth that 1000 words.

Lulu does not deserve all this special attention.

That SUCKED. Aaaargh. Tomorrow, #17 where they find another cat.

I'd die for her, or Pony Pals #10: Don't Hurt My Pony

I remember really liking this one. Really, 10-12 were like the best books I'd ever read. Although, rereading it today, I'm not quite sure why. And it's only 77 pages, which is like 20 pages shorter than the average Pony Pals book. Dang. I told you they were getting shorter.
Also, I'm going to have to wait for stupid #11 to come, because someone else checked it out. I mean, forget the fact that I've had a hold on it for...a long time, but IT WAS PROBABLY SOME LITTLE KID, TOO!! AND LITTLE KIDS DON'T READ 77 PAGE BOOKS VERY FAST! I SHOULD KNOW!!!
It just curdles my beans.



Lulu looks interesting. She looks different in every picture in this book. Lulu must have a thing for plastic surgery. And Snow White looks like a mule. Hate.

Plot: The Pony Pals are just so adventurous and woodsy! Their parents have agreed to let them have a three day camping trip on Ms. Wiggins' property! Ooh, how exciting. I was never one for camping. Wierdos. But on their way to the campsite, Snow White steps in a trap. You can all gasp now. Lulu manages to get the trap off, but is convinced that some evil poachers are trying to kill her pony.
Yeah. Because everyone knows poachers trap ponies. In the woods. In Conneticutt.
Lulu tells Pam and Anna about the traps, and they go into the woods to find more so they can protect Bambi and friends from must certain death. While they are doing this, Tommy Rand and Mike Lacey come and make fun of them, bla bla bla bla.
Gasp! It turns out Tommy and Mike are the poachers!
The Pony Pals race to Ms. Wiggins' house after collecting evidence (one lousy picture of Tommy holding a trap) and tell her the whole story. Ms. Wiggins confronts the boys and ends up giving Mike a job because he's poor. SO LAME.

More notes:
In the beginning, Lulu is all sobbing because her dad won't let her come with him to Africa so they can watch elephants. And yet every time he tries to take her to Africa, she's like, "NO, I WANT TO STAY WITH MY FRIENDZ AND PONIEZ!!!"

He says she would hate it because they will be living in difficult conditions. And yet she's going CAMPING??

"I've been on hard trips with you before!" Since when. I'm trying to remember.

"They're are a lot of poachers where I'm going. They're shooting the elephants for their tusks. It's too dangerous to bring you." Wait, so Lulu might get shot? Man, now I'm sad she can't go.

MORE PETA MESSAGES. And it's not like I'm pro-poaching, but Mrs. Betancourt definitely has an agenda here.

The only restaurant in town is the Off-Main Diner. What? Not even a Pizza Hut? Or a McDonalds? STARBUCKS????

Lulu is apparently a really good tracker. Like Aragon.

Ew, weird picture. Lulu: Another face lift. Snow White: Still looks like a mule. Bunny: Looks just like Luke.

Snow White weighs a lot more than you do, Lulu, and you're 10. There's probably not a lot you can do to protect her.

Lulu looks like Emily Rose in the next picture. Exorcism, anyone?

Why would you say "full of fun"? Why couldn't you say "fun"?

The blurb on the Pony Pals is really short this time. Huh. I guess the author is learning....

Just because Pam is smart means she is a crappy artist.

Yeah. Yelling loudly in the woods with poachers about. Good plan.

Tuna sandwhiches, fruit salad, and brownies! What a feast!

Pam: Are you all right? You look funny.
Lulu: You scared me. I thought you were the poacher.
Anna: Poacher? What are you talking about?
I think Anna was having a Jon Reep moment. "Momma! Daddy's on the crack corn!" Lulu needs to go to rehab.

Pam, I know people are supposed to put their names on their traps, but that's like writing your name on a murder weapon. So these poachers were breaking the law, yes, but they weren't stupid.

Come on, Anna. I know what a pelt is. Pam knows what a pelt is. EVERYONE knows what a pelt is.

I thought Acorn was the one with good detective skills. Whatever.

Yes, Anna, we know you're not supposed to stick your hand in traps.

You can't really catch a trap. Just saying.

They think it's amazing that Snow White can smell a fish lure. HOW COULD YOU NOT?

Nice high-waisted jeans, Lulu. Actually, I think I have a pair just like those. Now I have incentive to never wear them again.

"Lulu could see that Tommy and Mike were startled when they first saw a big white animal on the trail. But then they realized it was just a pony, they kept coming toward the three girls." Well, yeah. What else could it be, besides a pony? A POLAR BEAR? "Lost", much?

Oh, how amusing.
Tommy: Hey, Mike. I think I just saw some strange bugs.
Mike: You mean bugs like pests?
Tommy: Yeah. Oh, I see. It's the Pony Pests.
Mike: I guess the Pony Pests ride their little ponies around here.
Tommy: Their little pesty ponies.
Really, though, they're in 8th grade. They're not that retarded.

Tommy tries to pet Snow White and Lulu has a spaz attack. "S-S-S-S-STOP ATTACKING MY PONY GRAWR!"

"Let's go, Tommy, before I fall asleep from boredom!" Sooooo funny.

If the Pony Pals care so much about colic, why is Lulu giving Snow White 50 bajillion carrots?

Ms. Wiggins would NEVER let jerks ride on her property! Um, hello, she lets little annoying 10-year-olds ride on her property. I don't think jerks are much worse.

Pam says "maybe" a lot in this book.

They use the word "silly" to describe the Pony Pest jokes. Aaaagh.

More boy humor. This is so lame.

More PETA.

Gee, someone's trapping out in the woods, where there's no one to hear you scream. That's a good reason NOT to tell your grandma what's going on. Lame.

I want what Anna's smoking, if she can wake up at 5:00 happy and cheerful. This happened in #7, too. ANNA'S ON THE CRACK CORN...but I don't care.

Acorn and Lightning are mentioned ONCE in this book, and then it's more Snow White worship.

"Fox...dollars...better than raccoon. Why...traps...broken?" Maybe the poachers took English as a second language.

"We haven't caught nothin'!" What a beautiful sentence. Tommy, you are a genius.

Mike is way sensitive.

Wait. It's against the law for kids to trap, yet my little brother's friend has a hunting license. I'm going to check that law.

I don't understand Anna's idea. It's a bunch of arrows and pictures and bad spelling.

PAM, YOU ARE SUCH AN IDIOT! She thinks they should TALK to Tommy and Mike and tell them that trapping is wrong. Because they're 8th grade boys and they'll listen to your jargon.

Really, how many animals do you think are in danger? Those traps were out for a while before you came along and no one had been caught then.

I think it's ironic that this chapter is called "Trapped!". Heh. It brought my hopes up, though. I was hoping for death and violence.

"She loves all the animals and wants to protect them." Right. If I were Tommy and Mike, I'd make fun of her, too.

I have to admit, venison lasagna is pretty tasty....

The rabbit part is a little annoying, though. "POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW!"

WHY DO THEY GO TO SCHOOL WITH TOMMY AND MIKE? THEY'RE IN 5TH GRADE!!! What kind of school do they go to, anyways?

Yay, Lulu is actually good at something for once.

That's why you turn off the flash BEFORE you take the picture.

"And because the girls were smaller than the boys, they could move faster through the dense part of the woods." Yeah, but they have longer legs.

Since when does Anna wear a headband?

If two boys are riding mountain bikes at top speed and you are trotting, it is VERY LIKELY THAT THEY WILL BEAT YOU.

The trail is too twisty for galloping. But Lulu makes Snow White gallop two seconds after thinking that.

There's a woman in front of Ms. Wiggins' house. It's Ms. Wiggins! DUH. She only lives there.

The boys were right on their heels, and yet it takes them half an hour to catch up with Pony Pals. LAAAAME.

Being mean is a good reason to go to jail. Not.

Ms. Wiggins: The girls can stay. We're talking about something that concerns them. They're worried about the safety of the animals in my woods. So am I.
Tommy: I told you they were tattletales.
COME ON, TOMMY! I thought you didn't want to get CAUGHT! You basically ADMITTED EVERYTHING! You just screwed yourself over.

Pam has to correct everyone.

Lulu is so mean.
Mike: My father taught me how to trap. We used to do it together. But with permits and everything legal.
Lulu: What father?
*flinch*

Didn't Mr. Lacey used to live in Ohio? Now he lives in Chicago. Guess she forgot?

"He gave me the traps. They were like a present from him." Uh, yeah. Technically when someone gives you something, it is a present.

I doubt trapping animals is going to get you enough for a plane ticket to Chicago.

She gives Mike a job because he's poor and has no father. That's...nice.

The last picture looks just like one from a previous book. SNOW WHITE, SO UGLY.

Only Snow White gets to be in the picture. Because she's a little detective pants.

That one was way boring. I'll get "Circus Pony" one of these days.

Oh, forget it.

It's too hard to go in series order. I have #10, #12, and #13 is waiting for me at the library, so forget the stupid Super Special. I'll just throw that in when I finally get it.
But where the heck is "Circus Pony"? The library says it's being transferred between libraries. Seriously? The distance between Bremerton and Bainbridge is not that great, last time I checked. HURRY UP!!!
Although "Circus" Pony is so not worth it. Anna wants to join the circus, but her parents think she's too stupid or something and the Pony Pals are somewhat helpful/selfish by telling her that that's a loser idea and she's not supposed to abandon them.
Groan.
How is it that I just basically described 100 pages worth of book in 1 sentence? I guess I could do that for all the books....
But this is way fun.
#10: Don't Hurt My Pony is coming soon!

Wild thing, you make my heart sing, or Pony Pals #9: The Wild Pony

This was the first Pony Pals I ever read. And probably the one that made me like Pam. I have distant memories of always getting mad at Lulu and Anna during Pam books. I officially change my vote on the poll from Lulu to Pam. Because Lulu is driving me insane.
I wish I still had my Fisher Price people. I really want to play Pony Pals. With or without ponies.



Plot: Pam is out riding one day when she sees a strange pony in front of an abandoned house. Its coat looks awful and it's really skinny, so Pam assumes it must be wild. Also, it seems terrified of humans and runs away every time it sees anyone. Hm.
So Pam tells the Pony Pals about it, so they follow the pony and she runs away. Big surprise.
They then go to Mrs. Baxter's house and ask her who owned the old house. She says it's owned by Mr. Kennedy, who moved to California and is still trying to sell the house, but she doesn't remember him having a pony.
Pam tells her parents. They basically tell her the same thing.
After all this lack of adult help, they convince the pony to take oats from them. They do this every day and groom her and give her a doctor's checkup, bla bla bla. Oh no, she's head shy. Yeah. Abuse issues. And her name is Beauty. Lame pants.
But then Pam doesn't tell the Pony Pals something or other, or does something without them, and they get all mad at her, but Pam basically says, "Screw you," and ignores them. She also sends a fax to Mr. Kennedy, which he replies to by saying, "STAY OFF MY PROPERTY! AND I'M SELLING THAT HORSE TO THE SLAUGHTERHOUSE!" Pam is heartbroken, and feels really awful, and the Pony Pals accept her apology, which MADE ME SO MAD, because they're little hos and should be apologizing.
So the Pony Pals work together and take care of Beauty, bla bla bla, and then they try to convince Ms. Wiggins to buy her, but Ms. Wiggins don't want no pony. It's been 3 months since Winston died and she's just too sad.
But, like everyone else, she gives in to the Pony Pals, buys Beauty, and everyone is happy. Aaaargh.

More notes:
Horses bob heads in greeting. Isn't that a bird thing? Waaak! *bob bob bob*

Anna: What's so strange about seeing a pony? Lots of people have ponies around here.
Who? You, Anita Rand, Mr. Olson, Ms. Wiggins...that's not that many people.

Lulu convinces Pam to break the law. Pam actually has common sense, but noooooo. She's smart, but she gives in all the time. HATE LULU. HATE. And Anna needs to pick a side. When Pam's mad at Lulu, she's on Pam's side. When Lulu's mad at Pam, she's on Lulu's side. Loser.

Since when is Lulu sad about her dead mom? She never mentions it. Anna and Pam do, though. ALL THE TIME.

If Lulu's been living there for a year or two (at least), she's not that new to Wiggins.

Anna does NOT have fun ideas.

So lame. The cook's name is Cook. Why couldn't they give her/him a normal name, like Kirk Hammett?

Mr. Baxter reminds me of Mr. Wilson. From Dennis the Menace.

Oh ho ho. Silly Mrs. Baxter. She just made a lil joke.

THE PONY PALS LIVE IN CONNETICUTT!!! I finally know where they live! Wait...isn't that where "The Baby-Sitter's Club" takes place?

Pam just called an adult dumb. She's not that good with people.

Anna thinks she's so slick. Hello. You're still trespassing. It's against the law.

Lulu: Ponies are herd animals. They love being together.
Not necessarily. What if it was an antisocial pony?

Um, creepy. Lulu speaks horse.

And she tells amusing stories about gorillas.

After Snow White got strangles ONCE, Lulu is convinced every pony must have it. I just really hate her. Snow White, too. Who's barely in this book, actually. Same with the other ponies.

Awwww, really adorable picture of Lightning and Beauty.

Oh no, another, "It's his property," thing. Well, they're right. But no. Listen to authority Pam. I feel like I'm talking to that girl on the office.

Gee, when someone is afraid of something, they usually have a reason for it. If Beauty doesn't like you, she might be afraid of you, or maybe you're just REALLY UGLY, Lulu.

I think they feed her steroids.

Pam: Anna's your friend, too.
Who, Miss Double Allegiances?

Ew, the grooming of Beauty sounds way dirty. Heh. I'm a poet...I won't say the rest.

Anna: Maybe she's ALL black.
That sentence just sounded funny. But for reals, if she was dirty, I think you could still tell if she was white or not.

Dr. Crandal is like the Sin Eater: he pops out of nowhere. Probably out of the ground. I wonder if he wears a cloak.

AAAAAAAARGH! MORGANS ARE NOT PONIES! THEY ARE SHORT, BUT THEY ARE NOT PONIES! I think Jeanne Betancourt is convinced there is no such thing as a horse. Loser. MORGANS ARE NOT PONIES!!!!!! AAAAAAAH! And neither are Appaloosas.

Why do they say "salvage"? Why can't they say "slaughter" like normal people?

Anna can't make any sacrifices for Pam, but Pam must sacrifice. What a wonderful friendship. How has it lasted all these years?

Hm, they found the guy's pony, and she's malnourished and dirty. I think her owner should know. But Lulu doesn't think so. And Anna-can't-think-for-herself thinks so, too.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! "It's two against one, Pam." Maybe she doesn't care and you guys DON'T HAVE TO AGREE ON EVERYTHING.
Anna: ONE Pony Pal can't decide what to do. We ALL have to agree.
It's called thinking for yourself. Try it sometime, Anna. Seriously. They can still take care of Beauty, and they should let Pam do whatever she wants to. Uh oh, Pam pulled the "I found her first" card. Not good.

OMG, PAM JUST DID SOMETHING WITHOUT THE PONY PALS! "I'm going to see Mrs. Baxter now. You can come if you want." BAM! And they choose not to come. GO PAM!

Mrs. Baxter thinks Pam is right. So does...everyone else.

PAM JUST CALLED LULU DUMB!!!
Lulu: Did you talk to Mr. Kennedy?
Pam: No. I sent him a fax. It's like a letter, only the person gets it right away.
Lulu: I know what a fax is!
Ha. Ugh, now she's mad that Pam didn't write it with them. Wait, you didn't WANT to write a fax. Quit beeing a hypocritical little _itch.

Pam: Beauty's not mine and she's not yours. She's Mr. Kennedy's pony.
Anna: You broke the Pony Pal rule that we all have to agree on a Pony Pal plan when we're solving a Pony Pal problem.
That was an awful sentence. Maybe Pam doesn't need the Pony Pals to solve problems. Anna should really listen to her tutor more.
Pam: It's a stupid rule.
Your friends are morons. Leave now...leave them and never return....
Also, switch Lightning with Acorn. You'll be much better off.

What's wrong with this fax?
Dear Mr. Kennedy:
I saw a pony on your property. She looks like she was on her own all winter. She is very skinny and her coat is all muddy. My friends and I are feeding and grooming her. We have our own ponies and know a lot about them. My father says its your pony. He is a veterinarian and says that Beauty is undernourished, but not sick.
We would want to make Beauty beautiful again. We want to train her, too. Then we could find her a good home. It is hard to train Beauty because she's headshy and I can't put a halter on her. Do you know why she is head shy?
Thank you.
Sincerely,
Pam Crandal


PS
You can send me a fax at Baxter Realty.
Actually, there are some grammar problems in that letter and a lot of unnecessary information, but from a TEN YEAR OLD? This is pretty good for a professional letter. You can't expect her to do much better.
Anna: That's not a very good letter.
Just because you don't know how to write....
Lulu is really pretty in this one. And the Pony Pals are actually write about some parts when they critique the letter, but seriously. They're just jealous and mad that she didn't wait for them, even though THEY DIDN'T WANT TO WRITE A LETTER. I hate these girls.

Anna is so prejudiced. AND HOW IS THIS BOSSY?
Pam: You both think Mr. Kennedy is mean. I don't think he is. Today I'm going to see if he sent me an answer to the fax. If you want to come, you can.
Anna: You're so bossy.
WTF??????? AAAAAAAAH! How was that even an order? HATE!

After Pam apologizes, the Pony Pals are suddenly all nice to her.
Anna: Don't cry. It's not all your fault. Mr. Kennedy is a mean man. [Notice they don't take any of the blame upon themselves or acknowledge that they were jerks.]
Lulu: And Mr. Baxter made things even worse. [Again, not taking any of the blame....]

Lame pants. Beauty hit her head on a tree, so she's head shy. WHAT?

Lulu just told Pam to suck it up. And yet she gets horribly mad whenever Pam says this to her. I HATE LULU SO MUCH!!!!!!

Sorry, Pam, but wishful thinking won't help anyone.

I hate how Jeanne Betancourt is trying to make out that Lulu and Anna are being such good friends to Pam, but they're really not. And she's also implying that they were right all along. I think Jeanne is racist.

Pam's is the only idea that makes sense. And it's not technically illegal. It's a loophole in the law.

Pam has to call both the Pony Pals when she has a good idea. BOTH. Lulu can't take the initiative to call Anna herself. And they both have to agree. I HATE THEM BOTH.

MORGANS ARE NOT PONIES!

They are all surprised that Picasso really likes Beauty. I think Picasso is the one who fathers Beauty's baby (book #28). They really need to take Sex Ed. Oh, I forgot, they call it Health nowadays.

AAAAAGH! Ms. Wiggins' name is Wilhemina in this one! So far it's been Wilhemina and Winifred. Mrs. Betancourt needs to pick a name and STICK WITH IT. Personally, I think Winifred is ballin'. I think they use Wilma in later books. That name sucks. :P

Yeah. You have no idea how mad that made me. I feel bad for Pam, but she needs to stick up for herself more often and not fall for fake apologies, OR LACK THERE OF! AAAAARGH! Hate.
There will be a lull in Pony Pals because I'm waiting for "The Baby Pony", but if that doesn't come in, I'll just buy it. And then I have to wait for 10-13. Toodles.