Music is magic, or Avalon: Web of Magic #5: Spellsinger

This is my least favorite Avalon cover of all time. Why is everything all technicolor? Adriane's wearing an...interesting outfit, and she has purple hair.



Plot: The three mages are busy putting on the benefit concert they'd planned in the previous book. Popular girl band Be*Tween is coming!!
Oh no, wait, they're not coming, because Be*Tween has conveniently disappeared!
Kara (this is a Kara book) is SUPER BUMMED (I repeat, this is a Kara book), until Adriane books popular Elvis-esque singer Johnny Conrad! All the ladies love Johnny Conrad. Best of all, Johnny has proposed a contest: girls of all ages and talents can come audition to sing with him on stage! Emily doesn't care, because she thinks boys are icky, but Adriane's trying out because she can play guitar!!! Kara is tone deaf and has no other musical talents, but she plans to cheat and use the unicorn horn Lorelei gave them! Boo, foul play!
But Johnny is acting odd; he has taken an odd, rather creepy, interest in Kara, and the mages keep stumbling upon him in the library looking at the "secret" computer or reading books about spellsinging.
Spellsinging seems to be self explanatory, but not to the mages.
However, Kara manages to figure it out pretty quickly and creates spells using the unicorn horn to make her voice fabulous.
But, oh no, Lyra attacks her and Adriane starts acting nastily towards her! Kara doesn't know it, but a shapeshifting creature called the Skultum has taken Johnny's place and is wreaking havoc in order to get Kara to open the portal to Avalon for him.
Emily finally figures out what's going on, so she and Adriane reveal it to Kara at the concert. The three spellsing together and banish Skultum to some place, I forget where. Kara admits she was stupid, gives back the unicorn horn, and everything is instantly okay.

More notes:
Be*Tween's songs are about drugs. Or magic. Either one works. "Cuz I'm on a supernatural high!"

Ariel the owl is kind of annoying. "Hoo doo yoo doo?"

Joseph Blackpool, CEO
Cigam Management
HAHAHAHA! CIGAM BACKWARDS IS "MAGIC"!! Laaame.

Wow. Adriane AND Kara listen to Johnny Conrad? And the mere mention of him reduces Adriane to high pitched squeals and giggling fits? Dang.

Aagh, the Fairimentals are back.

Okay, whenever ANYTHING happens, Adriane's all, "I NEED TO CALL ZACH!!"

Emily: Hi. My name is Emily. Can Kara come out to play?
Kara: I'm acting like a real (children's literature, cuss word omitted) witch, aren't I?
Emily: Are you a good witch, or a bad witch?
If you were trying to be funny, Emily, it's not working.
OMG, like on TV last night!
"Matt Hasselbeck missed his calling as a stand-up comic!"

Johnny Conrad is just like Link Larkin...only he wears leather pants.

Ooh, what deep lyrics. "DANCE! DANCE! TAKE A CHANCE AND DANCE!"

Mayor Davies: I think you've already won the key to my daughter's heart."
:O If my dad said that in front of a thousand people, I would murder him.

Johnny's newest CD is called Under Your Spell. That's not suspicious or anything....

Adriane acts like a ho the entire time. Kara's pretty bad, but Adriane is so freaking mean.

Ozzie keeps talking in italics!!!

Adriane: We can hid everything behind the computer screen. Since only our jewels can open it, everything should be safe there. Oh. I forgot. You don't have a jewel.
WHAT IS HER PROBLEM??

Yay, steal the unicorn horn. Smart. Not.

:O Adriane makes "Welcome Johnny" banners and stuff and Kara takes the credit. Boooo...

Emily does like Johnny? Why is she then impervious to his charms?

Spellsing as one
And see your work done
Spellsing as three
And whatever you picture will be
Isn't that obvious? What else could that mean? Mages = confused.

Johnny keeps popping up in the library. The SECRET library. Where THE SECRET COMPUTER IS. Why is this OKAY??

Aaargh. He keeps talking about magic and being WAY OBVIOUS and Kara's just like, "Bam, he's hot, and all my BFFs are jealous."

Johnny thinks Kara has star power.

Mrs. Windor let the monkeys escape! Why did Emily and her mom have monkeys in the first place?

Kara: I stink! [at singing]
Lyra: I wouldn't say that.
Kara: Well, what would you say.
Lyra: You just need a litle help.
Kara: Exactly what I was thinking.
Lyra: A few lessons with a singing coach and maybe choir practice.
Kara: Oh-yeah.
Lyra: What were you thinking?
Oh, she was just justifying the fact that she STOLE THE UNICORN HORN, that's all.

Lyra thinks she's mad that Adriane is a stubborn witch.

A vocal coach and choir practice won't cure tone deafness, Kara.

I want to sing like a bird
The best in the world
Make my voice ring
I'm super stylin'
That's like a Hannah Montana song.

Kara now has a three-octave range.

And she can explode trees.

Adriane freaks out because Kara isn't concerned about the monkeys.

And she still wants to call Zach. Go buy a cellphone and get a service that has free long-distance.

Kara gets into Johnny's limo. Questionable....

Laame. He gives her a star power pep talk. LIES LIES LIES.

And he gives her a locket. Laaaame.

Kara throws Lyra out of the house after she "attacks" her. IT WASN'T LYRA!!! But Kara's too stupid to fiure that out.

Okay, Rachel Roberts gets Kara's friends mixed up. Tiffany started out with brown hair, Heather with red hair, and Molly with blonde hair, but she keeps switching on us.

Heather is apparently a really good singer.

OH no, she sings "Supernatural High", sending Kara in a rage.

Kara's friends still suck.

Okay, the prophecy was all: One will follow her heart, one will see in the darkness, and one will change utterly and completely. Guess which one's Kara's?

Emily gives her a pep talk and they talk about flobbins. Not really funny.

:O Adriane's outfit!!
She was startled to see Adriane standing before her wearing a black leather jacket and skirt, a black tube top, and black leather boots. Her hair, glistening with subtle red highlights, looked amazing.
Sounds like Aeon Flux. Or Amber??

Adriane apologizes...and then insults Kara's singing voice. Nice.

Of course she covers a rock and roll song. Saw it coming.

Kara blacks out and can't remember her performance. WHY AREN'T YOU FREAKED OUT??

"You went out there and you didn't stink. That's great." Shut up, Adriane.

Adriane calls Kara a slut. How nice.

They both decide to bow out of the contest.

Emily: Lightness of Being Spell. Makes you lighter than air.
Adriane: Can't wait to try that one out on Rapunzel.
Emily: *glare of death*
Adriane: You're right. She'd just put designer cement in her boots.
You know, Adriane was the one who hated Kara so much from the start. Isn't their bad relationship sort of HER FAULT??

Foreshadowing about the Dark Sorceress' next plan.

Oh no, Kara has a fairy map and the Skultum wants it.

Aaagh. Adriane cries when talking to Zachy-poo.

Pwned. The Skultum attacks Adriane.

JOHNNY'S ON THE SECRET COMPUTER!!!

Adriane has always been jealous of me. This is a bad thought to have, but it might actually be true.

"It would explain why Adriane had been acting like such a little witch lately." ROFL.

"She said...she should be the Blazing Star." AAARGH! Of course he's lying! And how does he know what a blazing star is??? COME ON, KARA, USE YOUR BRAIN!!

Oh no, Skultum dresses up as Adriane and pretends to be narcissistic. "#1 with a bullet, hot hot hottie, the new music sensation, oops, I win again!"

She's wearing shiny silver pants and a crop top. Would Adriane really wear that? Her hair sounds nice, though:
Her hair was layered in streaks of red, gold, and pink.

Kara smashes a chocolate cake in Adriane's face. Then Adriane stains her jacket. RAWR! Cat fight!!

She throws Adriane against a wall.

Fake Adriane changes back into Skultum in front of Kara, and she's just like, "Hmm, Adriane is also a dragon!!"

And Johnny appears as soon as Adriane leaves!!

In a world that spins so fast
Can't keep your feet on the floor
Where the future has no past
Open the door, open the door, open the door...
Okay, not only is that a stupid song, it's so obviously a spell.

The locket forces Kara to sing...and she never thinks of taking it off. Idiot.

Ha. She changes the lyrics to say, "Close the door, close the door."

Oh no, it's like battle of the bands. MAGIC STYLE!

Adriane gets out her guitar and sings with Kara. They should so create a band. Only Kara shouldn't be lead singer. Maybe keyboard?

Lol. They have a magic battle. Johnny sends a magic phoenix at them, and they kill it with a magic unicorn. OWNED!

Once Emily plays her flute and starts singing, they WIN!

Lame. Be*Tween's song mentions Avalon, and the girls aren't suspicious of that EITHER.

Aww, Kara lets Heather sing instead of Johnny.
Adriane says "rock-and-roll" way too much.

They give Kara a braclet even after she almost screwed them over.

Noyce. They get an e-mail from Be*Tween and Henry Gardener. "The magic is with you, now and forever."

Okay, sorry I haven't posted in so long, but I got kind of tired of posting for a while. Unicorns tomorrow, then Madison Finn, and maybe Pony Pals...not sure what else.

All the beautiful women in the world are skeletons, or FTFO Madison Finn #8: Picture Perfect

Say what? A positive teenage fiction novel about the lies the media tells us about how we should look and act? Sounds like fun.



Plot: Madison, Aimee, and Fiona are chilling in Fiona's bedroom listening to the radio when they get the chance to win Nikki concert tickets and backstage passes!! Nikki is apparently the Madison Finn version of Britney Spears (before K-Fed and sluttiness), so the girls call in...AND WIN!!
Only Fiona's mom won't let them go. Bummer!
So the girls are sad, until they realize all they need is a mature chaperone. They start looking for one immediately.
Back at school, there's a new girl named Carmen who's very pretty and makes Madison feel like dirt and seems to be seducing Hart!!! Owned.
Also, Aimee is acting very weird...as in moody and sensitive about body image. Madison and Fiona think she has anorexia, but no one takes them seriously - not even Aimee's mom!!
Luckily, the girls manage to land Roger Gillespie, Aimee's creepy older brother, as a chaperone.
Oh no, Aimee faints due to lack of food!!! She has to go to the hospital!! Turns out Madison and Fiona were right after all! However, Roger is pretty mad at Aimee for almost giving herself an eating disorder, so he refuses to chaperone.
Okay, I don't get that. It's fine to be mad at Aimee, or not let her go to the concert or something, but why punish all three girls for your moron sister's mistake? Jerk.
Worst of all: POISON IVY IS GOING TO THE CONCERT! Figures... And she has really good seats because her daddy knew some important people... Um, stereotype much? Her older sister Janet is taking her.
With this bit of information, Madison convinces Aimee's second oldest brother Dean into taking them, because Dean has it bad for Janet.
They go to the concert. It's pretty great. Only when they go backstage, they find out Nikki is faker than fake. And she has acne. Which apparently means you're a horrible person.
So Madison learns that pretty people aren't as nice as we think they are, anorexia is bad, and Carmen is actually a pretty nice person.

More notes:
Thank you, Fiona. "Maddie! You guys need a reality check! She is not perfect. My dad told me that there are artists who airbrush pictures of celebrities like Nikki so that they look perfect. No one is that perfect."

Omg, Aimee is the worst friend ever. "Maddie! How can you eat cookies? You just said you wished you were more like Nikki. Do you think she eats cookies all day? You can't eat that stuff if you want people to notice you."
"What are you talking about? What people?"
"People at school. You know. Guys. Everyone."

Lol. And Madison's all, "But I like cookies." Amen.

What kind of name is Stevie Steves?

Aimee CONSTANTLY forgets that she has 4 brothers: Roger, Dean, Doug, and Billy.

"So, you're there with friends? Either that or we've got some very large mice in the background." AAAAH, Corny Collins creepy!

Omg, I remember my first concert when I was 12, too! It was a Jump5/Zoegirl concert, but it was pretty sweet.

:O Madison gets an e-mail entitled, "Magic! Never Feel Fat Again!" I bet Aimee sent it to her.

Bigwheels is in math club. Lol. Cool.

Okay, whatever, these girls have never heard of Bob Dylan.

Um, what?? They need a chaperone, but refuse to have one of their parents come. Okay, then, girls, you're pretty much screwed.

Argh, junior high boys. "Nikki's cute." "No, Nikki is superhot. There's a difference."

Hm, Ivy's going to a concert the same weekend as you. I wonder what concert it could be....

Don't chaperones need to be 18?

This is why Madison thinks Carmen is rude:
Madison: Do you like Nikki?
Carmen: Not really.
Madison: Oh. How come? I think she's the coolest-
Carmen: She's okay.
Madison: Oh.
And Carmen probably thinks you're a freak.

WHY WOULD YOU BUY A NEW OUTFIT FOR A CONCERT?? I'd probably just wear what I always wear. If I REALLY wanted to dress up, I'd wear a T-shirt with an ironic statement and some nice jeans.

Oh no, Madison gets a megazit!

This is how Fiona introduces herself:
"I'm Fiona Waters and I like animals very much. I always wanted a puppy."

Whaaat? It says that Aimee had gotten her period "the year before". What? She was in 7th grade then and she still is now!

Okay, Aimee is looking scary skinny, but Madison's all, "We shouldn't say something. She'll just get weird on us. She'll get all defensive. I think if she wants to look that way, she should." Yeaaah. I think if she WANTS to die, she SHOULD.

"My aunt Meg would be so perfect. She dresses so hip."
Who says that??

Dude, I REALLY hate Aimee. "What's that on your forehead? Did you get bit by a bug or something?"

But I do agree with her on singles that get overplayed.

"She wanted to pop it, but didn't. Having a hole in her face would be a far worse fate than having a volcano zit."
I'd actually rather have a hole in my face.

OH NO!! "For housework, Madison wore her scrubbiest clothes: an old bandanna wraped around her hair (which hadn't been washed now in two days), a goofy T-shirt with a rip in it, rainbow socks she'd had since fifth grade, and sweatpants that were two sizes too big and drooped down on her hips."
She answers the door while wearing this...
and it turns out to be Hart wondering if she wants to play baseball.
Um, wow.

Yeah, Aimee's just nervous. That explains her visible hipbones and bad attitude.

Ew, Mr. Finn's first concert was the Rolling Stones. McJagger was probably in his early 90's back then.

I seriously think having a pirate as your mascot is pretty lame.

Stephanie tells a story about acne in 7th grade. And how she was ridiculed by homeroom hottie Bobby MacPhee. Whatever, that name is worse than a bunch of acne.

Bigwheels is lame. "I wouldn't stress about your BFF. Aren't all dancers supposed to be really skinny?"

Hart is so lame!! He sends Madison this e-mail:
From: Sk8ingBoy
To: MadFinn
Subject: Class
Date: Sun 19 May 9:40 PM
Hey Finnster have u done that slef-portrait for art class yet? dont know whattodo for mine. Do we ned it for class 2morrow? I am gonna call Carmen about it. Write back soon. CYA L8R.
:O Why would you even SAY THAT??? "I'm going to call some other girl, but you should write me back anyways." And boys wonder why we get mad at them all the time.

"Madison was beginning to think maybe Drew liked her from the way he acted around her, all shy and sweet."
And SUPER STALKERY?? "Hey, Madison, I saw you walking home, so I decided to follow you! How are you, by the way? I made fudge!"

Egg: There's a really good shot of Fiona, actually.
Um...that sounded slightly perverted.

Fiona: I was in last period standing next to Aimee and she...she...collapsed.
Madison: What?
Drew: Like, onto the floor?
Um, Drew? DUH!

Heh. The school nurse is named Nurse Shim.

How does Aimee NOT have an eating disorder now? The doctor was all, "Oh, she was on her way down that path..."

So Roger won't chaperone and Aimee's all mad. Um, YOUR FAULT.

AAARGH! If you REALLY needed a chaperone, why would you refuse someone's offer, even if they were "uncool"?

Why would you ask your teacher?? That's very weird/creepy.

Ivy: What's your problem, Aimee? Hmmm...fainted lately?
:O That's so awful...but a much better comeback than, "Walk much?"
Fiona: Ivy is a cow. Mooooo!

Dean: Nikki stinks. She has a cute belly button, but I hate her music. She can't sing.
A CUTE BELLY BUTTON?? Do guys SERIOUSLY consider a CUTE BELLYBUTTON part of the criteria for whether or not a girl is hot?

"I've been trying to get a date with Janet Daly all year." Perv.

Carmen: Is that your picture for Mr. Duane?
Maidson: Yeah. I'm bringing it to Hart class. I mean art class.
ROFL.

Aimee: I am wearing those pink pants I bought at the mall last week, my Nikki T-shirt, and...this brand-new jean jacket with a big heart patch on the sleeve.
Um...cool.

"She didn't have time to chat with Mom now. There were far more important tasks to accomplish."
OMGEEZ, like finding the picture perfect outfit!!

Hmmm, Madison ends up wearing an orange kitty T-shirt and patchwork jeans. Better than pink pants and a hippie jacket....

Lol, she puts on body glitter.

Aaagh. I hate it when siblings fight in front of people. So awkward.

EWWW, Dean IS a perv!

Ivy: So, what are you three doing here?
Fiona: We won tickets on the radio.
Madison: Yeah, we won tickets in the front row. Imagine that?
Ivy: Yeah, right. Let me see.
Amy: Um, I don't think so. We have to be going now.
That's supposed to be a clever, biting response, but now Ivy probably thinks you're lying.

Lame. Nikki's tour is circus themed.

Ha. They end up sitting with Poison Ivy and Janet.

ROFL!! Nikki's opening number is "BEEEE my LUV ma-SHEEN." She has other songs entitled "Living on the Edge of Y-O-U" and "Download My Heart".

Man. Nikki's short. WHY IS EVERYONE IN HOLLYWOOD SHORT?

And Nikki's not a real blond.

Aimee: *bumps into Nikki*
Nikki: Um, excuse me. Do you mind?
Aimee: Oh, I'm sorry. Are you okay?
Nikki: Um, don't touch, 'kay?
All right then....

Fiona is "wicked disappointed".

"Her skin looked bumpy all over. Nikki had zits. Lots of zits."
Why does this make her a horrible person? I have bad acne, too, and I'd like to think I'm better than Nikki. Or Aimee.

EW, NIKKI STARTS HITTING ON DEAN! ILLEGAL MUCH?

OOOOWNED, he tells her her concert was LAME.

"Let's blow this Popsicle stand. Later for the plastic music queen."

Fiona doesn't know what digits are.

Laaame.
Madison: What do you think makes a girl pretty?
Dean: Pretty...I have no clue.
Aimee: Yeah you do. Is it a cool' do or nice eyes or smarts or what?
Dean: She has to be really nice.
Whatever.

Carmen turns out to be way nice. Awwww. Now she and Maddie are BFFs. I can totally relate; there are people I didn't really like in 7th or 8th grade that I'm really good friends with now.

Madison's Computer Tip:
E-mails and IM's are a great way to reach out for help and advice from friends - and get answers fast.

Thank you, Maddie.
Later on, I've got the last Horseshoe Trilogies book. Then a Pony Pals, and an Avalon tomorrow. Peace.

Ooh, shiny things, or Avalon #2: Web of Magic: All That Glitters

Seriously, this is my favorite Avalon book. No lie. I mean, look at that sparkly cover. I think the pictures of the d-flies are innacurate, though. They look like crap.



Plot: Kara is rather frustrated with Adriane and Emily. First of all, they have magic gems and she doesn't. Also, they expect her to WORK when all she wants to do is party with her friends.
Mostly, Adriane is overreacting about EVERYTHING, Kara is being kind of ditzy, and Emily is just being annoying and peacemaker-y.
Then weird things start happening to Kara! Banshees (tortured souls cursed to wander the Shadowlands, of course) start attacking her, she's being followed around by the mysterious cat from book #1 [who is named Lyra], and she finally has her own magic jewel! It looks just like a unicorn horn. However, Emily and Adriane freak out and tell her not to use it.
Naturally, Kara doesn't listen.
Whenever she uses the jewel, chaos ensues. The magical little piece of shiny rock attracts all kinds of creatures, from adorable little dragonflies (literally miniature dragons that fly) and...*gasp* BANSHEES! One attacks Kara in her house and tries to take the jewel, but she pwns it, burning off part of her hair in the process. She tries to fix it, and it grows longer, but then it doesn't STOP! She calls Emily and Adriane, and Adriane screws it up even more; though she gets it to stop growing, Kara's blonde hair is now rainbow-colored.
Kara goes to school the next day and is shocked when the principal starts talking about the work she's done at Ravenswood Wildlife Preserve, and is then forced on stage, where her shocking hair color(s) is (are?) revealed. Emily saves her and says it's a symbol of unity or something. Kara realizes she really likes working at the Preserve and starts treating Emily and Adriane (even though Adriane's a loser) nicer, and gets her loser friends to stop making fun of them.
On Saturday, she takes a little trip to the mall to get her hair dyed to its natural color when she's attacked by some more banshees. Lyra saves her, but then gets injured by being stupid. Kara is majorly confused and kind of sad when a unicorn just randomly walks up to her and tells her he can save Lyra. Um...yay?
First stop...a magicalish place, where Kara meets some wraiths who tell her to save their sisters and convince her that the unicorn jewel is not hers to keep.
They go to a field, where they meet up with Adriane and Emily...big surprise. A creepy old woman tries to get Kara to give her the jewel, monologuing about the love of power and crap like that, but Kara gives it to the banshees, who are really some whacked-out ugly wraiths. Old creepy woman disappears with a snarl.
Um, yay.
And Emily saves Lyra after a major pep talk from Kara.
So Kara becomes a better person. The end.
Oh, and they set up the Ravenswood website.
And the epilogue was about mistwolves. Tartar sauce. I guess that means the next book is about Adriane.
You know, I took that character quiz again, and I'm still a warrior. Darn.

More notes:
Oookay, apparently Kara has enough clothes to cover every available surface and fill her closet. NOT STEREOTYPED AT ALL.

credhed, beachbunny, and goodgollymolly? Try worst screennames ever.

Duh! Your outfit for seventh grade is WAY more important than endangered animals!

Ugh, Kara's friends suck. They're so mean.

Okay, I take back what I said about her friends' screennames, because Emily's is docdolittle. :P

Yay, Kara's actually good at school! We're breaking down barriers!

I hate it in books where the main character screams and then looks around to see who did it. HOW CAN YOU NOT REALIZE YOU'RE SCREAMING??

"That was, like, so weird!" Thanks, Heather.

"Been a rough morning. Kara had like a major freakout in homeroom." Don't you love it when your friends talk about you...in front of you?

I'm having a REALLY hard time picturing this cute Marcus guy that Kara likes. I'm switching back and forth between Penn Badgley and Garrett Hedlund.

"Next thing you know, monsters are gonna be falling out of the sky!"
Funny you should mention that....
This is the moment Lyra chooses to fall out of the sky.

Okay, Lyra was the size of an ocelot in the first book. Now she's the size of a leopard, which is significantly bigger than an ocelot. How did it get so big??

I somehow don't picture Adriane very tall. I picture her and Emily quite short. Like 5'3". And Kara maybe 5'5" or 5'6".

Red and auburn aren't necessarily the same color. STOP CONFUSING ME!!

Adriane only says she likes being a loner because she knows she's incapable of making friends.
Lyra: *pops out of bushes* Rawr.
Kara: Aaah!
Adriane: WHAT DID YOU DO, KARA!!?? RAAAAH SNARL GRAWFF!

They make it seem like Kara is the ringleader of her little clique, but her friends are way pushy.

I highly doubt you are the only three girls on Earth that know that magic is real, Kara.

I hate when they describe Adriane using magic. They try to make it sound all cool and it sounds so retarded, and she obviously takes herself so seriously. All it is is her taking a karate stance and spinning around.

Oooh, Adriane called Kara a "Barbie". :O Whatever, that would pretty much be a compliment. I mean, I'd love to have a ridiculously thin waist, a tight butt, and nice boobs. Plus "immaculate" hair (that's for you, Lucy Daniels).

Kara thinks it's weird talking to a ferret, and then she remembers Ozzie is really an ELF trapped inside a ferret's body! Yeah, cuz that's not weird at all.

Kara: Why does that garden have an X on it?
Adriane: It's the hedge maze. Gran said you can get lost in there for days, so it's off-limits for tours.
Hmm, could that possibly be FORESHADOWING of someone getting lost in the maze???

Kara offers to have her friends help with the website and Adriane's like, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! They're loudmouths!" And you're a ho....

Why is Kara shocked that Adriane doesn't consider her a friend? That seemed PRETTY obvious.

"She imagined medieval torches encircling the magnificent garden...with the rocking sounds of Sampleton Malls blasting from the stage! She giggled. And Kara, the princess of the ball, in the most rad leather-and-silk gown, dancing the night away with the most handsome prince. Adriane can stay home and be the wicked stepsister, she thought with a laugh as she twirled into the rose gardens."
Proof that all girls have a Cinderella fantasy. No lie, EVERY GIRL has one.

Lame. She gets lost in the hedge maze a mere 5 pages later. It could have been a final showdown in the maze!!! But no...waste all that good foreshadowing.

Lol. Kara pictures herself:
Lustrous blond hair, creamy skin, dewy red lips - no, she'd sowrn off lip gloss long ago, make that pale pink lips.

Quick! A new pair of Nikes with shock soles!

Kara's first attempt at magic:
"Think! Do what Adriane did. Kara concentrated - left, right, arms together, swing tight.... She pinwheeled her arms, whipping the crystal shell around, and landed on one knee, jewel pointed toward the monster. Tiny sparkles fizzled from the tip...and died. Kara frowned. That cheer routine killed at the home game."

I haaate Ozzie. Storm is annoying about honor and crap like that, but Ozzie is SOOOOOO annoying.

Balthazar (the magical winged pony): It looked like a banshee.
Kara: A what?
Balthazar: A tortured soul doomed to wander the Shadowlands. [I bet he could hardly keep himself from saying, "Duh."]

Adriane: Thank goodness you were there! We can't have monsters running around the preserve washing clothes!

HAHAHAHA they find Mr. Gardener's computer and a voice says, "Welcome to the magic web." Lol. You've got mail.

Mr. Gardener owns Ravenswood, but disappeared a while back.

"Girls, it's got rhythm, and I have got the moves!" But you're white....

:O Kara went to the LIBRARY!!?? Shocking. "Hmm, geeky influence, with a touch of dweeb."

Okay, everything Kara's friends say endz with a z. I guezz that makez it glitter fabulouz.

Joey has a huge crush on Adriane, lol.

This is the lamest party ever, Kara. All you guys are doing is eating...and eating.

Kara's brother is an idiot. "Kara, your ice cream's getting cold!"

Wait, Kara has a tan? I thought she had creamy skin.

Whoa, a banshee ambushes her in the Jacuzzi!

I'm picturing Kara naked during the fight scene that follows. Not for any pervy reason, but it said something about her stripping, so what am I supposed to do?

Kara: What happened to it?
Lyra: Something frightened the creature.
Kara: What? Me?
I don't know, a naked blonde girl wielding a shiny jewel is pretty frightening....

Wait, Emily and Adriane are there now. Is Kara naked or not??? SO CONFUSED!!

Awww. The dragonflies have names! I forget which color corresponds to which dragonfly, but their names are Goldie, Barney, Rocky, Fiona, and Fred; Fiona is red and Goldie is...yellow.

Adriane, shut up and stop making hair puns.

Jealous, I want rainbow hair. I don't know why Kara hates it so much.

I want a blue plaid jacket...but I wouldn't wear it with a pink cotton beret.

Dragonflies appear with a pop. Goldie appears and Kara pretends she farted. ....

You can't send someone home for having cool hair. Dressing like a slut, yes. Having cool hair, no. At least not at my school.

Coalition. Nice word, Emily.

Kyle: Who'd a thunk under all that black is a fasion designer!
Adriane: I'm not big on fashion.
Heather: That's for sure.
Ooooooooooooh.

I like how all the punk bands have stupid names. Like Toad Force! or Smash Fish!

Awww, Joey and Adriane bond over Smash Fish. And Adriane BLUSHES. Whaaat, she likes boys??

Aaaah, someone sends Kara a magic computer message: I KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

Kara: How do you know when a jewel is really for you?
Adriane: Our jewels changed as we used them. It's like they reflect a part of who we are. You just know, Kara.
Emily: In your heart.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! *gag*

Ozzie is so mean! "Maybe it's a test. Maybe you're not the blazing star."

Having a super hard time picturing this pure white unicorn without him looking like a unipony.

Lyra is being attacked by mall security guards!! Oh, she has wings all of a sudden, how convenient.
Oooh, she falls to the ground.

Why do all magical creatures speak in italics??

The wraiths sound like wannabe LOTR elves...only green.

The banshees use z's instead of s's, too. "Plesszze, help uszz."

Ozzie: Look what they've made!
Adriane: It looks like a-
Emily: -dreamcatcher!
Ugh, just like Stephen King. And now they'll save a kid with Downs Syndrome from bullies and realize that he is the dreamcatcher weaving them all together.

Whaaaaat? The unicorn has a harem??
"You have freed my maidens, and I am forever grateful."
Maybe he's a pimp.

Kara's friends are still lame.

I think Adriane has the coolest chain for her jewel...it's turquoise.

Their password for the secret website is AVALON. Yeah, people won't be able to figure THAT one out.

I HAAAATE mistwolves.

So I'll be doing the second book in the Horseshoe Trilogies, and I might be able to do more than one per day, since I'm on Christmas break!!! But Avalon #3 will be about Adriane. Laaaame.

Every journey begins with a step, or Unicorns of Balinor #1: The Road to Balinor

I used to LOVE this series. I mean, an author that catered to unicorn-loving adolescents was good enough for me. I wasn't as critical than as I am now. Rereading this, I have NO IDEA why I liked it so much. Actually, I recall really hating this first one, but the rest of the series tickled my fancy, lol.



Plot: Arianna Langley doesn't remember anything. No, she does not have short-term memory loss, but she was in a car accident recently. That explains why she's in a wheelchair and her legs hurt so badly. But two people named Ann and Frank come to the hospital and insist that she is their foster daughter, and that she was in a car accident with her horse, Chase, and now he has a huge scar on his head. They take her and a mysterious dog named Lincoln (who has given her a ruby necklace; weird, yeah, but it's important) back home to Glacier River Farm.
Meanwhile, back in Celestial Valley (the magical land of unicorns, of course), Atalanta the Dream Speaker is fretting over the loss of Princess Arianna. That's right; Ari's a princess. Turns out an evil being named Entia, or the Shifter, exiled her parents, kidnapped her brothers, and almost killed her and Chase, who is actually the Sunchaser, Lord of all animals in Balinor, the land he and Ari come from.
Back to real life. Ari continues to heal and learns to ride Chase again, with the help of Dr. Bohnes. Unfortunately, Ann and Frank are broke, so they decide to lease Chase to a rich girl and her parents. The rich girl's name is Lori Carmichael and is so stereotyped it's not even funny: blonde, spoiled, pretty, prone to temper tantrums....
Ari hates Lori and doesn't want to give Chase up. Duh. Nothing really interesting happens except for Chase starts talking in Ari's head and Lori blames Ari for Chase's bad behavior, so she is severely punished (not).
Finally, she can't take it anymore. Not wanting to lose Chase, Ari runs away with him, but Lori follows with Lincoln. All four of them fall into a nearby cave (hmmm, how convenient), and land in Balinor. To be continued....

More notes:
Of course the main character has to be a princess. Mary-Sue much?

Oh, and her bonded unicorn is the Lord of all Animals.

Wth, Mary Stanton totally copied the Eye of Sauron. Actually, Peter Jackson was the one who took "the Eye" so literally, and the first movie came out in 2001, so in reality, HE copied HER.

Rednal of the Fiery Coals? What kind of name is that? He used to be my favorite unicorn.

Numinor seems like an Andalusian.

OMG, this is the unicorn's rainbow song:
Red and yellow, orange and green
Purple, silver, and blue
The rainbow we make defends those we guard
In Balinor's cities and fields.
Lol, that doesn't even rhyme! I'm totally putting this to music.

Ha. Atalanta says "bullocks".

So the Shifter is an anarchist??

Atalanta and Numinor are so annoying as a married couple. Always arguing. And they both get on my nerves: Atalanta is all demure and beautiful, and Numinor has too much testosterone.

I'm having a lot of trouble picturing Lincoln the collie. They say he's black and gold? But on the cover of #4 he's all chestnut and beautiful.

Wth, the names of her guardians are ANN and FRANK?? Wth, if they're trying to be funny, it's not working.

I like how every unicorn but Chase, Numinor, and Atalanta get a really brief description. Seriously:
It was a stallion. The light gleamed on his bronze coat. His chest and quarters were heavily muscled, his withers well-shaped. But it was his head and eyes that were the most beautiful to Ari. His forehead was broad, the muzzle well-shaped, with delicately flared nostrils. As he stepped forward, she looked deep into his eyes, large, brown, and full of sorrow.
First of all, there are some definite grammatical and punctuation errors in that, but it's so obvious that Mary Stanton is in love with Chase. How do you have well-shaped withers???

Frank: Well, you slept in the palace, I mean - in the house of course.
Nice save.

Okay, whatever. If she was REALLY injured in a car accident (which she so wasn't), how was Chase hurt? And who was driving? And why aren't they hurt? Ari is so gullible.

Atalanta has no sense of humor.

I like how all the matronly unicorns are fat.

I wouldn't want my horse leased out to someone without my permission, but Ari is so selfish.

Aaagh, I hate Chase.
Chase: Ah yes, I know him. But will he obey the Great Me?
I think that was supposed to be funny. Ari's probably giggling her modest head off.

Oh dear, this part of the woods must be dangerous, because no birds sing here and the wildflowers are scarce! :P This isn't Bambi!!!

Who names they're horse Shy-No-More? Or Beecher?

This sentence doesn't use the right tense.
They got even more prominent when she'd told him about the way the caves seem to draw her in, beckoning.
Shouldn't it be "seemed"? And "she had told" is incorrect. HOW DID THIS WOMAN GET PUBLISHED?

Okay, forealz, if you're a bad rider, that doesn't make you an awful person. I hate to say it, but Lori's "riding" verges on animal abuse.

"GIVE HIM THE WHIP! GIVE HIM THE WHIP!" Who says that??? I'd call the police. And PETA.

If you're abusing an animal, it's not your place to order it to be shot. "ALL I DID WAS KICK IT! AND THEN IT BIT ME! I WANT IT SHOT!"

Oh no, Chase starts talking.
"Little man! You shall be dirt beneath my hooves, little man. I will crush his bones with the Snake!"
And Ari's all, "*gasp* *hyperventilate* Oh----my----gosh----I----think-----Chase----is----talking???"

I like how Lori's dad doesn't cuss; he just says "darn" a lot.

Heh. Ari gets attacked by flies.

Ann wants to home-school Ari. Boooo....

Let's see, a dog came into your hospital room and gave you a big ruby necklace, you can't remember anything about your past, and your horse just started talking. Ari, aren't you even the least bit suspicious?

Aaaaagh. Atalanta wasn't talking about saving Chase THAT WAY!! Stupid, stupid, stupid.

ROFL, Lincoln attacks Lori.

Aaaargh. Why does Ari have to be all perfect and Mary Sue? She should slap Lori. But no. She decides to "ignore her". Sweetie, that NEVER WORKS.

:P She leaves a "coded" note for Doctor Bohnes.
"Sell the DOG LEASH in my sock drawer!
PLEASE!
Love, Ari."
Yeah, that wasn't WAY OBVIOUS, seeing as DOG LEASH was in CAPITALS.

His name is TOBIANO. I'm seeing a paint here, not an appaloosa.

I hate how they make a huge deal about Tobiano being so "rude". I like him.

How does a black and white unicorn fit in the rainbow?

Yeah, a cave that smells like death and is inhabited by flies. Let's go there!

Rofl. Lori unashamedly insults Ari. That's refreshing.

Lol, Linc is funny, too. And he has an accent.

And he talks to himself?

OH NO, AN ARMY OF ANGRY BLACK UNICORNS!!! Of course black is evil. I personally think red is an "eviller" color than black.

Lori: What was that?
Ari: Uh, bears?
Yeah, that's believable.

ROFL, this is my favorite part in the whole book: Ari looks around and sees a sign that says, "Welcome to Balinor". LOL. I find that really hilarious. That seems so anachronistic.

Yeah, so there you have it. I've been stalling, but I'll post another Balinor tomorrow, and then the first of the Horseshoe trilogies.

A sticky mass of intrigue, or FTFO Madison Finn #4: Caught In the Web

Okaaaaay, so the library's website has a new colorscheme: purple and green. I'm not exactly sure what that stands for...Barney, maybe? Lol. No, seriously, it's weird.



Plot: Yay, it's almost Halloween. (I like how I'm posting this a month after Halloween. KRL sucks.) Madison joins the Halloween dance committee (sp?), but gets stuck in charge of decorations...WITH IVY DALY!!! *gasp* No, not that, anything but that!
Our adventurous little seventh grader has also entered an online story contest...although she doesn't have a story yet.
Nothing really happens in this book except Ivy is all bratty and mean to Madison, Madison practically throws up every time she sees Hart, and she has a "scary" sleepover with Fiona and Aimee, but things get a little TOO scary for them.
*sigh* All right, there's this story about Fiona's house that a woman named Mrs. Martin went upstairs to look for a dress to wear to a party, then decided to hide in a big trunk to surprise her husband. WTH??? Who does that??? Anyway, she got stuck inside, so her husband thought maybe she ran away. He dies of a broken heart and everyone just leaves the old trunk alone, until one day some movers come and find her shriveled up decomposed dead body. WHAT KIND OF GHOST STORY IS THAT???? That's worse than that "urban legend" I heard about some guy's wife who went to the bathroom, never came back, and ended up in a freakshow. I mean, that's some seriously crappy lying.
So at the sleepover, the girls use an (I'm not sure if "an" or "a" would be appropriate here, since Ouija is pronounced so weird) Ouija board to ask the ghost of Mrs. Martin if she'll go away. They end up getting locked in the bathroom with the lights off and they shriek for a while. Later, they go up into the attic and find a trunk, which they open. What? There's nothing inside? Um...duh.
More exciting things: Aimee gets a screenname on Bigfishbowl.com and finds out about Bigwheels. :P
At the dance, Madison dresses as Aphrodite and has a horrible time because Ivy flirts with Hart. But at least she learned an important lesson.... Um, WHAT? WHAT IMPORTANT LESSON? It says in the back of the book:
Madison's Computer Tip: Never download files from unknown senders.
What does that have anything to do with life and boys?

More notes:
Madison makes deep observations about "The Tell-Tale Heart". "It was weirder than weird."

Ha! Madison says she likes Hart because he's so smart. Oh, and he's cute. :P

Ivy: Wait! Wait, who are the Celtics again?
Chet: Just one of the best basketball teams ever!

Ooh! Mini pizzas and Cherry Garcia! This sleepover'll be a blast! Actually, that sounds pretty good to me.

Lol!! "You shouldn't mock ghosts, Maddie! Seriously! There are ghosts everywhere. You saw the 'Sixth Sense'."
Yeah, Bruce Willis never lies.

I can't believe Madison hasn't made a pun about "The Tell-Tale HART!" Hahahaha.

I agree that Aimee's brother Billy is boring. In like six books she seems to forget that she has a fourth brother. Also, he's so boring they never tell us how old he is and what he looks like.

Spanish for students is "estudiantes"? That's pretty close to the French word for study, but students is "eleve". Sorry, I'll shut up.

Wth!!! Ivy gets away with being late.

Uh oh, both Maddie and Ivy want to head decorations...
Ivy: Madison, I really think we both know who'd be better at taking care of the decorating, don't we?
Omg, that's so mean!!
Aimee: We do know who'd be better, Ivy. But I think Madison would like to give you a chance, too.
BAM! This is the one time I do not hate Aimee.

They still call Food Sciences "Home Ec". Man, I miss home ec.

Um, weird? Read this sentence:
"Her dad and his new girlfriend, Stephanie, Madison, and Aimee were going on a late afternoon trip to Peterson's Farm."
Doesn't that make it seem like her dad's girlfriend AND a girl named Stephanie are going? Sorry, it just bothered me.

Aimee was wearing a sweater that totally reminded me of a purple sweater that I used to have, and I really loved it, but then I saw a picture of me in 7th grade singing in children's choir (BLECH) and Emily was wearing it and I got really mad for some reason.

Aimee has the worst ideas for a screenname ever. "Twinkle toes? Bertha Big Butt?" Wtf?? Honestly.

AND she sucks at IMing. "What does 'C U' mean???"

I think Brbiedoll is the best screenname ever. Kidding.

Wth, Madison's all freaked out about Aimee finding out about Bigwheels and is all, "WRONG E-MAIL ADDRESS!" Seriously, who cares if you have friends online? As long as their not middle-aged perverts?

Wth, Drew is so annoying. "Bell's about to ring, Egg. Egg, the bell's going to ring in like a minute. EGG! THE BELL!" I keep picturing him like ASB-BFF-Drew.

This is the most boring conversation I've ever heard.
Ivy: Whassup?
Hart: Not much. Whassup with you?
Ivy: Nothing.
Hart: So...what's going on?
Ivy: Nothing. What's going on with you?

Chet: Did you say Stein? As in Frank-en-stein?
Mr. Stein: Not Frank. BOB.
ROFL, this cracked me up.

Ew, Ivy is such a slut.

I hope Aimee knows that lip gloss is made from animals.

A $25 mystery game seems like a pretty lame prize for a story contest. I'd rather just get publicity...and maybe some cash.

I kind of feel bad for Maddie, cuz I stutter all the freaking time, but really:
"Hart? H-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-hey."

Hart: Yech. You have more guts than me, Finnster. I'm having a bologna sandwich today.
This made me start laughing really hard and I have NO IDEA WHY.

HART BLOWS IVY OFF!

Fiona is so hitting on Hart. Wth, stop it.

And she "flirts" with Egg by cocking her head. I'm going to try it, lol.
"Um, what are you doing?"
"Um, duh, flirting with you. *severe head cockage*"

Hey, there's nothing wrong with having hairy arms, Madison.

Madison tries on a cropped T-shirt and is surprised to find that it hangs down lower on her than it did on Fiona. Maybe because Fiona's taller and actually has boobs? Lol, coming from an A-cup. Just saying.

Foreshadowing of Aimee's eating disorder.

I don't get parents who don't let their kids see ANY PG-13 movies. I mean, that's good if you're like 7, but at 12, you should be able to watch a few. Unless it's Ben Stiller PG-13.

Yay, let's encourage communication with demons!!

Fiona's middle name is Jane??????

Dean knows how to pick locks???????

Yeah, of course the chest is empty. Even if the story is true (ha), did you really think after they'd opened the chest they'd just leave the body in there?

Whoa, aren't girls these days talking about doing much more than DANCING with a boy? Wait...you know what...shutting up.

Yay, Mrs. Martin tells them machkl. This is why I don't believe in that stuff.

Wow. Read Madison's story:
The Secret of the Old Trunk
It was a dark and stormy night. The house was dead quiet, except for the sound of leaves and rain on the roof. An old man stared at a picture on the wall. It was his wife. Her name was Ivy. [OMG, SHE'S WRITING A SCARY STORY ABOUT IVY??? And those last three sentences were too choppy, they could've been combined.] She had gone up to the attic before her wedding day to get an old blue dress in the old trunk. That was what she said. But she never returned. Her husband-to-be looked everywhere for her, but found nothing. He didn't look in the chest, though. It was sealed shut. [Wait, then she's not actually his wife if they never got married.]
Years went by.
One summer, the man's niece came to stay with him. Her name was Ivy, after the aunt she never knew. She found a photo album with pictures of Ivy and asked a lot of questions. The old man didn't like her being so nosy. She asked if she could go into the attic one day, and he said no, if was off-limits. But she went anyway.
When she got up there, she saw a trunk. It was very late at night, so she tried to be as quiet as a mouse. She had a skeleton key in her pocket to open the trunk. [Um, where did she get the key????] It worked and the lid cracked open.
There was an awful, terrible smell. She raised the lid a little more. Then she heard footsteps behind her.
"Go ahead and open it," the voice said. She knew it was the old man. He said, "Open it," three times.
She trembled and quaked.
"I SAID, OPEN IT!" the man screamed at her.
The girl pushed open the lid, covering her nose and eyes as she did. She gasped with fear.
"Look inside," the man said.
And so the girl did. She leaned over and peered in.
"OH!" the girl screamed when she saw what was inside.
It was a blue dress!
The man put his hand on his niece's shoulder and squeezed tight.
"I keep this in here," the man said in a low voice. "In case my dear Ivy wants to wear it...to her GHOST ball!"

Ooooh the agony.

Drew is so stalking Maddie.

Ivy goes as the devil, lol.

Wth, Lindsay Frost goes as a gorilla. Um, Lindsay...?

I wish I could dance....

Lol, she almost falls on Hart. Madison, not Lindsay.

He thinks she's Hercules.

"It was one of those song where everyone is supposed to do the same motions at the same time." Like that ridiculous dance sequence in "She's All That"?

Omg! Egg took Fiona's lei! That's, like, practically having sex!!! Aimee makes a huge deal about this.

Ivy's insults don't make sense.

They walk down the "scary hallway" (awful name) and Hart keeps going, "Finnster, you back there? Finnster, you still there? Finnster, are you okay?" It's way annoying.

UGH AIMEE SHUT UP!

No duh, Aimee doesn't really care that you have Bigwheels.

Madison is afraid of dancing badly and kissing a boy. What a coincidence....

PUMPKIN CAKE!!

Madison wins a runner-up prize in the story contest, but we're never actually told what she won. Or HOW she won.

Yeah. That's it. I have a new Pony Pal, some Horseshoe Trilogy books, another Avalon, and Unicorns of Balinor. I think I'll start w/ Unicorns. Seeya.

They're also called ripples, or Avalon: Web of Magic #1: Circles in the Stream

Well, ladies and jellybeans, it's finally here. You won't like it, though. I definitely did not. My favorite book from 4th grade was a pain to go through again. Let's examine the cover, first of all. It's all psychadelic, like an acid trip. That should have been my first clue. But I pressed onward. So, here you go: one messed up badly written preteen fantasy novel, summarized (and criticized) for your pleasure.



Plot: Emily Fletcher has just moved to Pennsylvania from Colorado with her newly divorced veterinarian mom Carolyn. Wow, how's that for a first sentence? All she does for the first few pages is pout and help out at her mom's "Pet Palace" *gag* and animal hospital. Then one night, a mysterious girl (mysterious because she wears all black and is Native American) brings in a cat that has hideous burns all over her body. Emily manages to calm it down, but can't help her mom take care of it. Um, WHY DO WE NEED TO KNOW THIS?? It doesn't apply to the plot AT ALL.
A few days later, while playing with her dogs in the Ravenswood Wildlife Preserve, she finds a seemingly "magical" stone that changes colors and is almost attacked by a mysterious creature, but is saved by an odd wolf (odd because she can change into a silvery mist at will). She goes there again the next day and runs into the strange girl (whose name is Adriane) and a TALKING FERRET NAMED OZZIE! Yeah, this book already sucks. Adriane has a "magical" stone, too, and is best friends with Stormbringer, the mistwolf that saved Emily's life. :P Soooo much information.
Adriane and Emily find out that Ozzie is actually an elf-turned-ferret and is trying to find three mages for some people called the Fairimentals; a healer, a warrior, and a blazing star are on his shopping list. Emily fits the description of a healer after she heals a glen full of sick "magical" creatures, and Adriane proves to be a warrior after she saves their new friend Phelonius the purple bear from hunters.
More one Phel: He is a fairy creature, not a purple bear (I know, confusing, right? I suck at explaining things), whose job is to spread magic in Pennsylvania, I guess. But Phel is losing magic fast, and the mayor has threatened to shut down Ravenswood!!! Something about danger and quarantine.... To change his mind, Emily and Adriane enlist the help of his daughter, Kara Davies. In exchange for her help, however, Kara makes them promise to tell her where she can find a jewel like theirs.
The trip to Ravenswood with Kara does not go as planned and when Phel tries to give Kara a fairy map, she freaks out and tells her dad that the place is dangerous. Animal Control takes Phel, which p***es of Emily and Adriane. They go on a rescue mission, along with Kara (who they guilted into coming), Ozzie, and Stormbringer (also called Storm).
Hang on, we're almost done.
Yay, they save Phel, but are attacked by a manticore!! He infects Phel with Black Fire, a hideous disease that has been affecting all the animals in Ravenswood, including the cat from the beginning of the story. All he wants is the fairy map, it turns out. But Emily, Adriane, and Kara have something to say about that. So they pwn hm, send Phel home, and open Ravenswood to the public for wildlife tours. It even attains landmark status!!! Yay!!! Magic rules!!!
Phew.

More notes:
Come on, the place is called Pet Palace. That's worse than Petco.

I keep picturing a naked cat and it's making me laugh rather than filling me with pity.

"'Kevin, stop it,' Emily shook her head. 'There are no such things as witches.'"
Actually, there are, if you count Wiccans.

Ooh, listen to this catty remark.
"I think she lives over at Clueless Farms. She must have forgotten her pitchfork."
Wth, that doesn't make any sense.

Ravenswood Wildlife Preserve
Open 11 A.M. to Duh
wth???

What kind of dog noise is Ruff-chooo?

If little stick people were talking to me, I'd be peeing my pants.

"She thought of E-mailing her dad. He was a scientist. He'd know what to do. But what would she say. 'Dear Dad, having a terrific time here. Today I met some monsters and a ghostwolf, and I discovered some new flower with rainbow seeds that light up like tiny fireworks.' Ha! Her dad would think she had moved to Transylvania, not Pennsylvania."
I thought Transylvania was known for vampire legends....

Lol, she has a Pooh night light.

"Oweeeiiioo!"
What kind of scream is that? That sounds like a line from that "Killer Tofu" song in that show "Doug". Aagh, I hated that show.

Hiking boots do not go with black attire. Unless they, of course, are black.

Why is wearing black and being socially inept considered strange? Wait....

Ugh this dialogue is SO ANNOYING!
Ozzie: Owwie, owwwie...ow - Aghhh!!!!
Emily: Hold still a minute. I haven't done anything yet.
Ozzie: Oh.
Emily: It's...it can't be - but I think it's talking!
Adriane: Score one for you.

Adriane is definitely my least favorite character, but Emily is getting on my nerves pretty fast.

Adriane also has jealousy issues.

And all she talks about is being a free spirit and running with the freaking wolves.

Carolyn: Didn't I tell you to stay out of those woods? It's not safe up there!
Ozzie: I agree!
Adriane: Shut up!
Carolyn: What?
Adriane: Uh, wassup? With his paw, I mean.
Nice cover.

Emily: Yucky charms? They're magically delicious.
Omg...I don't think I can do this.

Ozzie: I'm really an elf, you know.
Ah yes, and he wants to be a dentist.

Sure, good idea, lie to your mom about Ravenswood Preserve! I mean, it only needs to be quarantined!!

Adriane: The kids around here don't like me much.
Maybe cuz you're a b****?

OH NO, Adriane is half Indian!! I have nothing against Indians (Native Americans and actual Indians), but this series has such a stereotypical annoying portrayal of them!! Adriane's grandma, AKA Gran, is always saying crap about, "You are strong, Little Bird," and telling them myths and legends.

Hey, if you're talking about cookies, I want to know EXACTLY what kind of cookies you're talking about!

"Ah, Little Bird, you are so full of fire. Sometimes patience is the road to follow."
Now it's Chinese proverb time!!

"A tiny pebble, thrown into a quiet pond, makes one ripple, then another, then a whole wave of ripples that spread in every-growing circles."
I thought you were Indian.

"Adriane's room was an explosion of color. Bright yellow pain peeked out in the spaces between the patchwork of posters on the walls; the ceiling was dark blue with constellations of glwo-in-the-dark stars. Emily studied the posters. Rock bands, mountain climbers high above the lcouds, mountain bikers careening down dirt trails, snow boarders shooting sprays of white snow... She hardly knew Adriane, but she never would have pegged her for the type to have a room like this!"
Lol, I was picturing a room with black walls covered by Marilyn Manson posters!!

Her parents are artists and her grandma lives in a cottage and she has A FENDER STRAT??? Ugh, I remember her being all musical and crap. Book #5.

They mention dreamcatchers. That is so Stephen King-y.

Lame. Adriane walks alone like a Demon Hunter song and thinks friends are overrated. Retarded.

Navy blue and black don't go together, Adriane.

Sure, you can pass off a giant purple fairy as a rare panda.

ROFL! I love the quiffles!
Quiffle: Are you a mage?
Emily: Mage? No, I'm a girl. [That is so "Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe"-y.]
Quiffle: *pause* All right then.

Rachel Roberts totally rips off Hedwig.

Emily: What's your name?
Quiffle: Ronif. I'm a quiffle.
Emily: My name is Emily. These are my friends, Adriane, Ozzie, and Stormbringer.
Ronif: All right then.

I started saying "gah" a lot like Ozzie after reading this book.

Ozzie: Hey, now, I may be a ferret, but I can still dance! Look, the wigjig!
AAAAAAAAGH THE AGONY!!!

"What I wouldn't give for feet." *blink blink blink blink blink*

The Fairimentals have crappy handwriting.

Yeah, Adriane "hates" labels.
"Who wears pink sweaters and perfectly matched pink sneakers? She's such a Barbie!"
Hypocrite.

Omg, they describe Kara's outfits in detail!
The third girl, the one on the end, turned slowly. Clad in a pink tube top, khaki shorts, and pink sneakers, she worse her long blond hair looser under a studded baseball cap.

Carolyn is such a moody ho.

"What? Is there gum in my teeth?"
HOW DO YOU GET GUM IN YOUR TEETH????

I like how not stereotyped Kara is. "Daddy always listens to me."

Lol, I used to hate Kara, but she's my new favorite character. "Sure, I'm a power shopper!"
Adriane: *glare of death*
Kara: Like what's with her?

Yay, a book where children are actually disciplined by their parents for wrongdoing!

MORE OUTFITS!
The blond girl wore a silver silk jacket over a pink T-shirt that said ROCK STAR in fake silver gems. Light green shorts and strappy sandals completed the outfit.
And this is for a wlak in the woods?

Ugh, retarded. "Do you always wear black?" "Just until they invent a darker color!"

LOL! "You know, you should really try a little bran in your diet."

"Face it, Barbie. The magic doesn't like you."

"I am turning around right now and going to the mall, where normal people go!" Teehee.

Oh no, the magical cat is talking to her. "Taking and giving completes our circle. It's time to let go. Have faith, healer. The magic with you, now and forever." Isn't that a Jump5 song?

Oh dear, a big purple bear is terrorizing the town.

Kara calls Adriane Pocahontas? That's funny, but isn't that racist?

Kara: Well, I have some magic of my own.
Adriane: Oh?
Kara: Yeah. It's call a cell phone.
OMG, I love Kara.

They get a phone call in the middle of their rescue mission!
Kara: Oh hi, Heather! *to other girls* It's Heather. Ooo, really? I love pink. How does it look?
Adriane: This call is, like, so over!
Kara: That was, like, so rude!

Ozzie almost dies. Tartar sauce.

And Kara kisses Ozzie? Bestiality, anyone?
"You ever tell anyone I kissed a ferret, I'll have you stuffed!"

Phel starts flying. This sounds like something from "My Neighbor Totoro".

YES, OZZIE WENT BACK INTO THE PORTAL!!

The battle scene sounds like something from He-Man.

Storm almost died, too, but noooo.

Agh, Ozzie comes back.
Emily: Ozzie! *runningleaphug* What happened? We thought you went home.
Ozzie: And miss all this excitement? With all the trouble you get into, who do you think is going to look after you three?
Emily: But I thought you wanted to go home.
Ozzie: I did, and here I am.
GAG, GAGGING, GAGS!!!

Adriane: I love you! You're the best!
What is this, a Pony Pals book?
Storm: I'd rather be running with you through the forest.
MORE RETARDED RUNNING WITH WOLVES.

So Kara is sort of friends with them, and she saves their butts, and now their going to make a Ravenswood website. They don't actually have one, but you can go to this site, which tells you a little more about the characters. They have some RIDICULOUS illustrations, though, of the girls in hip-juttingly preppy poses. If you click on the dreamcatcher or the shiny jewels, you have to answer the big question: do you believe in magic? If yes, they'll take you to the "secret site", which is just as sad as the home site. Enjoy yourselves. I got a new Pony Pals, and have a bunch of other books, so I'll be posting quite regularly. Hopefully a new Madison Finn tomorrow.

You can be my movie star for a day, or Pony Pals #26: Movie Star Pony

I really dislike Pony Pals. Just horrible writing, and bad illustrations, and cliches, and LIES LIES LIES. But in this one, my new best friend (Anna) stood up to some loser who was pressuring her and the illustrations were really good.



Okay, the illustrations might be good, but this cover illustrations sucks. Acorn looks like a small bear, and ponies do NOT smile.
Plot: Yay, a movie is being filmed in Wiggins! Better yet, there will be scenes filmed at Ms. Wiggins estate, the Off-Main Diner, and Mrs. Crandall's riding school! Bette Fleming, a famous 11-year-old actress, is starring in it, but doesn't get along with her pony costar. When she meets Acorn, however, she falls in love with him and insists upon starring with him in the film (entitled "Megan's Last Ride"). Anna is reluctant, but the stupid Pony Pals convince her to say yes, because of MONEY. What ever happened to good morals?
Shockingly enough, Bette is a huge brat, and spends all her time with Acorn. The director, bending to the will of Bette, tells Anna she can't see Acorn until they're done filming. By that time, Acorn doesn't seem to like Anna anymore, and Bette wants to BUY Acorn of all things! Anna is heartbroken. She doesn't want to sell her pony, but she doesn't want to keep him if he likes Bette more than her.
The Pony Pals actually give her some good advice and tell her that Acorn still loves her, so Anna, being fed up with Bette, tells off the spoiled brat and refuses to ever sell Acorn. But later, she feels bad for her outburst and invites Bette on one last trail ride. Halfway through the trail ride, Acorn starts acting oddly and keeps nudging Daisy, Anna's replacement pony. Seems he's JEALOUS!! Guess he still loves Anna. Bette is still a brat, but learns that she can't always get her way. Then she stars in several porn videos and dies of an overdose like all child stars. The End.

More notes:
A "movie company"? I'm not sure of the right terminology, but that doesn't seem right.

Bette Fleming is like the B-list version of Dakota Fanning.

Thanks for spoiling the end of "The Rainbow Kid" for us, Anna.

Gee, the movie is called "Megan's Last Ride". I wonder what if could be about... I mean, it can't be about a girl named Megan who's taking a last ride on her pony; that's just out of the question.

Wow, these illustrations are REALLY GOOD. Better than Vivien Kubbos. Well, the ponies are amazing. And the people are good, but Pam has bangs and Lulu's hair is light brown?

What? Ms. Wiggins gets to eat for free, too???

A very magestic drawing of Lightning, Acorn actually looks the proper size, and Snow White is pretty for a change and not all haggard. Um, Anna is turning around in the saddle to smile at Lulu. BAD RIDING SAFETY! I so remember her lecturing Rosalie about this.

More continuity errors about the death of Mrs. Sanders.

This sounds like the worst movie ever.
"'Bette Fleming plays Megan Ritter,' began Ms. Cross. 'Her family owns a big farm. At the beginning of the story they are having money problems. Then a freak summer hailstorm destroys their apple crop. After that, they know they will have to sell the farm adn move to the city for jobs.'"
Aaaaaaaaaaaaagh!!! Sounds like "Where the Red Fern Grows" gone wrong.
Oh, Megan and Mars understand each other and have a SPECIAL PSYCHIC CONNECTION, to which Anna can relate? WTH???
Oh, they have to sell Mars. Boo hoo. Now they move to the city. BUT SUDDENLY MEGAN GETS SICK!! Mars senses something is wrong and travels 100 miles to find Megan. When he does, her parents decide to buy him again! And board him at a stable near the house! WTH??? WHY DIDN'T THEY DO THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE??? AND AREN'T THEY GOING THROUGH MONEY PROBLEMS??? I swear, this is either a TV movie or a straight-to-DVD release, cuz it sounds low budget and AWFUL. Worse than "The Derby Stallion".

Can't they meet a nice girl who doesn't like ponies and isn't snobby or shy?

Jeanne Betancourt is STILL condoning spying.

"If Bette can't ride, thought Anna, how can she be in a big movie about a girl and her pony?"
Um, duh. Stunt man.

I like how a person's riding abilities determine their personality.

I only found ONE awful picture, and it's of Bette riding. She looks possessed, and her posture is bad, and Acorn looks like a bush.

WHY DO THEY ALWAYS HAVE TO MENTION ACORN'S STUPID STINT IN THE CIRCUS!!??

WHY DOES SHE NEED TO DISCUSS THIS WITH HER PONY PALS? Will they SHUN her if she doesn't run it by them? This DEFINITELY sounds like cult behavior.

NO, ANNA, NO! If your gut says no, DON'T DO IT.

Too late.

So mean. Bette tells Anna that she can't see Acorn for 2 weeks, and the adults are COOL WITH IT. She's 11 FREAKING YEARS OLD! DISCIPLINE HER!!

She hasn't seen Acorn in 9 days. What the heck. I would go insane.

Yay, because watching a scene from a movie being shot through cracks in a wood floor is just as good as being there!

Daisy again! Agh!!

Um, what? Someone sends roses to Anna, and somehow know that she's at the Off-Main Diner. HOW????

Lulu is an IDIOT.

Pam looks like Tempestt Bledsoe.

Pam is so gullible. And she's like, "You shouldn't judge people just from one meeting." Right. Because you NEVER do that, Pam.

Duh. Ponies can't act.

This is definitely a TV movie. "I love you. And I'll never forget you. I don't want to leave you. I want to stay with you forever. You're my best friend." That's like a line from "Your Guardian Angel".

Acorn looks like a donkey.

Mmm, cupcakes.

They finished filming in two weeks????? Definitely TV movie.

Wth, Anna writes Pam and Lulu a note, and she decides to write it using pictures. Wouldn't that take longer? And I can't understand it. One of the pictures looks like a black guy or a piece of broccoli. I can't tell.

Anna does NOT want Bette to ride Acorn. So she lets her ride Acorn. :P

Mrs. Fleming is such a blonde. I would SLAP HER. Listen to her reasoning.
"Bette and Acorn have such a special relationship. So I'll pay a lot of money for him. That way you can buy another pony - a very special pony. Or maybe horse. Wouldn't that be exciting?" Because animals are so easy to replace. B****.

The sentence "Lulu put an arm around Anna's shoulder." appears in this book SO MANY TIMES.

PONIES CAN'T ACT!!

Dang, Rachel Tonkin is the best illustrator yet.

Bette: When Acorn is mine, I'll tell the whole world. His picture would be in the paper with me all the time.
Anna: Acorn is my pony. I won't sell him for any price. That's what I came to tell you.
Bette: But I love Acorn.
Anna: So do I!
Bette: I want Acorn! You HAVE to sell him to me!
Anna: No, I don't!
Bette: Then can I have one last ride on Acorn? Just one.
Anna: NO!

Okay, that was way immature and fourth grade-y, but I'm glad that Anna at least stood up for herself.

I hate it when people say, "It's up to you." What they really mean is, "I want you to choose my idea and I'll guilt you forever if you decide otherwise."

Ha. Anna understands people now. My baby's growing up.

Wth? Lulu is supposed to be riding Snow White, but the pony in the picture is dark. ????

Anna is my new best friend.

Agh, I don't think I'm getting another Pony Pals OR another Madison Finn for a while. I could read #28, or start on the Avalon/Unicorns of Balinor series. I think I'll do the latter. Yay.

At last! He's leaving!, or Pony Pals #8: Good-bye Pony

This one is so lame. It's about death and denial. I cried my eyes out when I first read this and refused to finish it. Then I played Pony Pals with my Fisher Price people. Don't blame me for the crappiness.



Plot: Ms. Wiggins is teaching Anna and Acorn how to drive a pony cart, because her pony Winston pulls a cart every year for the Winter Festival Parade. She wants Acorn to take over for Winston next year, because Winston is so old. After Anna's horrible lesson, Ms. Wiggins asks the Pony Pals to watch Winston while she goes to an art show where she will be showing her paintings. Ooh, what an artist.
When the Pony Pals go to check on Winston, they find him on the ground. Pam calls her dad and they try to take care of Winston, but Dr. Crandal (I've been spelling it wrong all this time) says he's going to die and there's nothing they can do.
This makes Anna mad. She stays with Winston all night, refuses meals, ignores Acorn, and tries to convince Ms. Wiggins to get another veterinarian because she doesn't believe Winston is going to die.
Then he does. And she was wrong.
So everyone is sad.
YAY, 3 GREAT IDEAS! The Pony Pals decide to have Acorn replace Acorn after all! Only Acorn is being stubborn, and even with Mr. Olson's help, he doesn't learn. Finally, with a little bit of help from HIS pony pals (ew, what a gross sentence) Acorn cooperates, and Ms. Wiggins is happy again. Yeeeeeeee-ha.

More notes:
Acorn looks hecka ugly. I want those pants. Winston is adorable.

Why do they call it the Winter Festival Parade. It's one or the other.

Acorn is huge in the first picture. He's supposed to be short. Like 11.2 hands.

Foreshadowing of the death of Winston. AAAAGH WE GET IT ALREADY!

Anna wants to have a Pony Party. Not loser.

Anna wants to keep Acorn forever. Not seeing this happening.

This is Lulu's "first winter". Um, not really. Remember "A Pony For Keeps"? Wasn't THAT your first winter?? AND HOW ARE YOU STILL IN 5TH GRADE? Did you all get held back? I thought Pam was smart.

Pam is either in a bad mood or she has a mustache.

AAAARGH! MRS. HARLEY'S BROWNIES ARE NOT FAMOUS!!!!

How come whenever a pony is sick or injured the Pony Pals assume it is colic? "He hasn't eaten in 5 days and is looking gaunt." "*gasp* COULD IT BE COLIC?" "...."

Dr. Crandal: There's not much I can do for him.
Anna: WHY AREN'T YOU GIVING HIM MEDICINE AND MAKING HIM BETTER?
Okay, Anna, I know you're slow....

"We Pony Pals have solved a lot of tough problems." Name one.

The Pony Pals seem to really like spaghetti.

Anna is convinced that everyone else is a quitter and that she's a saint.

Anna yells at the Pony Pals for letting Winston lie down. LISTEN TO ME: HE'S GOING TO DIE!!!

Mr. Silver: I dug a hole in the ground before it froze. Just in case.
OMG, THAT IS SO MORBID!!!

Anna thinks Dr. Crandal is the problem. Maybe YOU'RE the problem, Anna. That would solve all the Pony Pal's problems. Actually, not. Lulu needs to go, too.

Anna is mad at Ms. Wiggins for not being there. She misses Winston's death by 5 minutes and Anna thinks she did it on purpose. I hate this kid.

Acorn looks very cute and vaguely Arab. Winston has this huge Roman nose.

Acorn: *pushes Winston to the ground*
Anna: BAD PONY!
Lulu: Maybe he was just telling Winston it's okay to die.
Oh right. I actually agree with Anna on this one.

SHE FINALLY GETS IT.

Pam: I think it's almost the end....
That's like a bad Dickens novel sentence.

Awww, they cut off part of Winston's mane and braid it. That's so sweet. Not even playing.

I love blueberry pancakes.

Ew, a "Miracle Pets" story about how Wiggins saved her life. SOOO lame.

Selfish Anna. She spent all her money on stuff for Acorn when she could've donated it to the St. Francis Animal Shelter in Winston's memory!

ANOTHER GOOD DRAWING FROM ANNA! This is a crazy trend.

Mmm, apple juice and donuts.

Acorn so huge. Anna so short. Pam so pretty. Lulu so annoying.

IT'S MR. OLSON CREEP PANTS! He's lost a lot more hair since book #2.

Mmmm, hot chocolate and cheese sandwhiches.

I think Mrs. Harley and Ms. Wiggins are...you know....

I honestly think Anna thinks Pam is stupid.

Lulu so ugly. Pam so boy. Mr. Olson so Grampa.

And Anna's good drawing streak comes to a halt with the shoebox for Winston.

Ew, Boy Scouts are so evil.

Anna's sister's name used to be Tammy. Now it's Melissa.

You don't have to repeat yourself to make a point. "YOU DID IT, ACORN! YOU DID IT!"

Aaargh. That was painful. I know I've been posting a lot, but I'll slow down, because I only have 1 left and I have to wait for "The Baby Pony" to come in. Yay, the first super special! I'll have fun with that.

This was my hell, without or without you, or Pony Pals #6: Too Many Ponies

First thing: HOW CAN YOU HAVE TOO MANY PONIES??? That's like saying too many Sugar Babies, or too much chocolate, or too many cows, or too many hot eligible bachelors. It's just not possible.
Aaargh, this one made me angry on Pam's behalf. Just...read on. Seriously, Pam would be a much nicer and independent person if she weren't friends with Lulu and Anna. She and Rema should hang out.


Plot: Pam wants to buy a new saddle for Lightning, so she gets a job training two new ponies for her mother. Splash is a feisty lil toaster, but Goldie is lazy and shy. However, training the ponies takes up most of Pam's free time, which angers Lulu and Anna.
One day, after a disastrous trail ride with Goldie, the Pony Pals revolt against Pam and tell her to bring back Lightning, because she's ignoring Lightning and making trail riding not fun. Hello, you could go WITHOUT Pam. And they also complain that now they can't do what THEY want to do. Suck it up. Friendship requires sacrifice. It's so obvious that the others are just JEALOUS, and Pam tells them that. But they deny it and start throwing rocks at her, so she goes home.
But when she goes to tack up Lightning and take her riding, Lightning is not herself. She's acting mean and ornery (what else is new?). Pam is convinced that Lightning is angry at her for ignoring her, so she breaks down crying and begs for forgiveness. No luck. The Pony Pals come and try to get Lightning to calm down. Lightning tries to kick them.
Suddenly, Fat Cat (the Crandall's new cat) comes in and, LO AND BEHOLD! She had her kittens in Lightning's stall! Lightning was just PROTECTING THEM. She's not angry at all! So all is well, and Pam asks the Pony Pals to help her with her job. They agree (not because they're good friends; they just want to get paid), but then Pam's mom fires her. Sort of. But Pam no longer has a job. But she's okay with that! Yay! Pony Pals powers activate! In the form of...a loser.

More notes:
Pam is really pretty in this book.

Since when does Mr. Olson sell saddles? Doesn't he specialize in horse/ponies?

Lulu: Daisy's a true palomino color.
Nooooo...really?

If I were Pam, I'd rather work than hang with the Pony Pals. They were going to look for old houses. How fun.

All horses snort. All ponies snort. THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOUR STUPID PONY!!!

I kind of feel for Lightning. If I'd been about to go out with my friends, and Nathan suddenly decided for both of us that we shouldn't go (that's the closest thing I can think of to a rider/pony relationship. Also: if William didn't want to, so that meant I couldn't. :P), I would KILL HIM.

Woolie reminds me of Happy from "7th Heaven". Aaaargh.

I don't think many kindergardners use the word "artist".

Heh. Pam's mom called her dumb.

Splash is way cute on the cover, but he looks more paint than Appaloosa. In the book, he looks way palomino/donkey. Also, I don't think there's such a thing as an Appaloosa pony....

"But when Pam was doing a posting trot...." You could just say, "But when Pam was posting...."

Jezebel and No Tail? What horrible names for cats.

Ouch. Pam's mom is cruel.

Wow. This is sounding way Star Wars fanfic-y. "I have to. It's my JOB." Replace it with destiny and you wouldn't know the difference.

They think Fat Cat is a boy at first. They're ten. They should know what makes boys and girls different.

Dr. Crandall doesn't call Pam dumb. He's too nice.

"The Pony Pals watched Acorn and Lightning trot toward the big maple tree. Snow White followed at a slower pace. When the faster ponies reached the tree, they turned around and went back to get Snow White.
'They're great friends,' Anna remarked. 'Just like us.'"
That little pony exchange could represent the friendship: Anna and Pam are smart and a little stupid, and Lulu's kind of slow and just tags along behind.

Anna is acting way 5-year-old.

Heh. Pam is so awesome in this book. Until they break her. Just like in #3....

Ugh, Pony Pals = so emotionally manipulative....
"I wish you could come with us tomorrow, Pam."
"I thought being Pony Pals meant we rode together."
Lulu rides by herself all the time. And Anna rode away on her pony without telling the others. Hypocritical much?

I think Pam just said, "Screw you."

"We'll do a dig. Like archaeologists." I would die in this town.

LOL. Picture on page 35: Lulu and Anna are shocked that Splash is trying to race, and Pam looks like she's laughing her head off.

Lulu: This is a bad idea. It's dangerous for us to ride with Splash.
It's probably not good training, but you could just let Splash LEAD.

Pam has a barn piggy bank. At least she's learning about money. And she has a goal in mind.

Picture: Pam is all, "What?" and the others are all *glare of death*.

Anna: Why didn't you tell us you were riding Daisy today?
Lulu: Lightning must hate you.
:O What's wrong with them??? Pam should've carried this on long after the whole "fight" was over. "Anna, you didn't tell me you were wearing that shirt today. Ho."

Lulu: I just hate it when we plan something and then can't do it.
You could've gone there with Anna every day last week. But you're such a dependent loser that you can't think for yourself.
Aaaargh, and Anna's all, "It's like you're not even a Pony Pal anymore!" Why, because she has a job, she's more mature than y'all, and she wants to help her parents? Yeah, I would say she's sort of growing out of the Pony Pals....

"You keep doing things without telling us. Like bringing these other ponies on rides." Part of their whole argument was that Acorn and Snow White missed Lightning. I honestly don't think your ponies care that much. Besides, Acorn and Snow White need some alone time...so that they can make that beautiful Shetland/Welsh baby I keep imagining.

Pam: I have a JOB. I can't play all the time like you.
Lulu: Pam, you're working too hard. You never just have fun anymore.
Uh, yeah, she has fun training ponies. WITHOUT YOU GUYS.
Pam: You guys are just jealous that I have a job and you don't.
Lulu: That's ridiculous. I am not jealous.
Anna: Me either. (Who asked you?) Who'd want to turn into a grump like you?
A grump with money? I'd willing get a job.
Pam: I'm not a grump. You guys are grumps. You're the ones who are complaining all the time. You're the ones who are being selfish and mean!
OOOOOOOOOOH! PWNED!!! That was seriously amazing! And all of it was true. Seriously, Lulu and Anna, grow up.

To ease her rage, Lulu starts throwing rocks into the river. Yeah.

"Now you can go play in that stupid old house." See!? I'm not the only one who thinks their games are stupid.

They're right about one thing. Daisy is really slow.

Oh no! Don't reminisce! You'll just miss them and think you're wrong! DON'T DO IT!

It does NOT feel special and wonderful to be a Pony Pal. If you like feeling immature and POOR, it's great.

She blames Lulu and Anna, still. Good girl. Lol, she's going all Sith on me.

Ew, Lightning's "angry face" makes her look like a donkey. And Pam's first thought is, "Oh no, she's jealous!"

If only Anna and Lulu hadn't ruined the Pony Pals.... Says Pam in her head. Ha. Great way to be desperate and angry at the same time.

Lulu and Anna say they're sorry, but don't admit they did anything wrong. I think they only said that so Pam would apologize. Jerks.

Lightning tries to kick Pam. Aim for Anna next time.

Random note: I always thought Lightning was the prettiest pony. But she was so moody all the time.

"Maybe there's a poisonous snake in the stall and she doesn't want us to get bitten." Yeah. Great idea. NOT. Lightning would be dead by now. And snakes can MOVE. And I heard they love little girls.

Anna has a thing for cats....

Oh. Lightning was protecting kittens. Sure. Could happen. It happened in "Black Beauty". I think. Only with puppies.

Fat Cat looks like what the Governator would look like if he were a cat.

Mrs. Crandall acts like everything is Pam's fault. Jeez. Now we know why she has such huge control issues.

Anna and Lulu didn't think Pam actually had to work. It's a job, you morons. I can't believe these idiots.

Now Pam wants to give up her job so she can be with her friends. DON'T DO IT, get some new friends, these ones are NOT worth your time.

WHY is Pam offering them this job? Doesn't she realize that her mom will pay her less now because she's paying Lulu and Anna, too? I know money isn't everything, but really. Saddle...or the Pony Pals? Hmm.... I don't even like tack and it's saddle every time.

Lulu: I don't know how to train a pony!
You don't know anything, Lulu.

Anna's mom is still "famous" for her brownies. And she gives the broken ones to the Pony Pals. How do you break a brownie? Confused.

Lulu can't seem to write in complete sentences. And Anna's drawing is actually good.

They mention Fat Cat has a kitten under her leg. What? Is she sitting on it or something? That's not very good parenting skills. Someone should call PETA.

Aaaagh, feminism in the form of cats. "She's a hard working mother AND a mouse chaser."

Mrs. Crandall basically fires Pam. Ouch.

Pam is totally okay with not buying her saddle. Because she'd rather be a Pony Pal with her old saddle. YAY! Why would buying a new saddle change that? Weird.

Yeah. If you couldn't tell, I REALLY hated that one. It was ridiculous. Maybe because I'm the type of person who thinks I'm always right. Probably. But for reals. That's some crazy manipulation. And it makes me mad. Reading #7. I hate that one, too. Arrivederci.

Super pony!!, or Pony Pals #5: Pony to the Rescue

I think this is the on where I started to Anna. That girl has a mean streak a mile wide. And she's mean to little kids. -_- I'm mean to people MY AGE, but not little kids. Even annoying ones. Awwww, Acorn looks so adorable. I think that will be the next poll question: Which pony is your fave? I'd have to say Acorn, of course. Because Snow White was always sickly and Lightning was just bad tempered and cranky all the time.


Plot: Everybody seems to love Acorn, especially Rosalie Lacey. After riding him at the firehouse fair, she becomes obsessed with him, much to Anna's dismay. Rosalie comes to Anna's house everyday to ride Acorn and take care of him. Finally, Anna has a chance to escape this little monster when the Pony Pals decide to go on a camping trip. Rosalie wants to come, but grudgingly accepts that she can't.
All is going well. CAMPING IS GREAT FUN!! What's wrong with these girls? Seriously. But their happy time is interrupted when Ms. Wiggins comes to tell them that Rosalie has gone missing! So, without adult supervision, the girls go out to look for her. Acorn finds Rosalie! She's fine! Yay!
Oh no. Rosalie's mom doesn't want her riding ponies. EVER. AGAIN. *gasp* Oh, how cruel!
But the Pony Pals think up three great ideas to get Mrs. Lacey to let Rosalie ride ponies again. She caves! YAY! ROSALIE'S BACK! I thought they hated her. What's going on?

More notes:
Anna's dad thinks they need help leading ponies, because a lot of kids have never been on ponies. How hard is it to ride a pony? You sit and someone leads you around in a circle. It's not that hard.

Rosalie is only 6 and she's almost as tall as Anna. Acorn looks semi-realistic in this picture.

Anna's way strict about horse safety in this book. Safety rules that she never obeys herself...

Why would she tell Rosalie where she lives? She's just asking for trouble.

Rosalie shows up at Anna's house EVERY DAY. Omg, this is stalker material. I have two words for Anna: restraining order.

"Two in the saddle isn't safe." Since when? I've seen people ride two to a horse. You could ride bareback.

Anna's so bossy. That's probably why Acorn likes Rosalie better. Bam.

It makes it sound like Anna has a crush on Ms. Wiggins.

Anna is so mean to Rosalie! I would be mad about the "pony surprises" she made, but I wouldn't yell at her for like 20 minutes.

I don't know. I'm saying this from the experience I've had with my 6-year-old cousin. When I do get annoyed, I keep it all inside. And take it out on myself so I don't explode.

What's so funny about pizza?

If my dad suddenly started going out with Ms. Wiggins, I'd be very weirded out. Surprisingly, Lulu doesn't seem to pick up on any romantic vibes.

"It was as if Ms. Wiggins had read their minds!" That's because she's a WITCH.

Pam just has to be soooo organized.

On the menus, they write that the ponies will eat water and grass. Well, DUH. What else are they supposed to eat?

Mrs. Lacey basically told the Pony Pals she's poor, so don't encourage Rosalie about ponies???

Oh, that Tommy Rand! Apparently Mike Lacey is just as mean. But Mike is best pals with the Pony Pals in #31.

Anna...always thinking about food.

"The bucket is so your ponies can have stream water in the corral tonight. The bottled water is for you." Well, DUH.

"Acorn is the best on rocky terrain. He gives our ponies confidence." Laaaame. And aren't Welsh ponies and Connemaras just as surefooted as Shetlands, if not more so? Whatever.

Talk about anthropomorphic qualities.

She's wearing a yellow shirt and red shorts. Where do they find these shorts? I want some. Sounds slightly ugly. At least she'll be easy to find.

Acorn finds an important clue. Anna thinks he has colic. Nice, Anna.

Rosalie looks 4 instead of 6. What happened? Did that traumatic experience make her younger? Don't these things tend to make you look OLDER?

Hm, she's moving, she's talking, she's breathing. I don't think she has shock or serious injuries.

They're not bugging Rosalie about safety now. Hypocrites.

This is so awful!!! "It's your fault that Rosalie got lost! You encouraged her to follow you. Why don't you play with kids your own age? You and your horses. You just leave my child alone." THIS IS MRS. LACEY TALKING!!!! And Ms. Wiggins says, "Oh, she's just stressed out." Yeah, she's also a mean whore.

I guess if you're poor you call your Mom "Ma".

"For dessert they made sandwhiches of toasted marshmallows and chocolate bars between graham crackers." Why can't you just call them S'MORES???

Okay, the Pony Pals just saved Rosalie's butt and she thanks ONLY ACORN. Stupid.

Another awful drawing, compliments of Anna Harley....

"Mrs. Lacey finished dumping potatoes...." That is officially the best sentence ever.

Bam. Rosalie tells off her brother. Yeah, girl.

Mike: Pony Pals! It's all so stupid!!!
You and me, Mike.

Rosalie: I like ponies better than boys.
Anna: Personally, I like girls better.
Pony Pals: ....
Anna: I mean, I like ponies, too.

This is the second book that ends with the sentence, "____ gave her pony a big hug and a kiss."

I'll try to finish 6 today. Party on. Don't get lost in the woods.