It's not Christmas without selfless volunteering, or FTFO Madison Finn #10: Give and Take

I know, I should have done this at Christmas time, but you know how I am about series order!! I finally have the 6th Madison Finn, so I'm pretty excited about that. Consider this a belated Christmas present from me to you.



Plot: Fran and Jeff are fighting again. Jeff had promised to take Madison on a ski vacation, but he bailed on her at the last minute. Madison is disappointed, but hates it when her Mom disses her Dad in front of her.
Besides Madison's mom being a b**** and her dad a flake, Madison's BFFs start ignoring her, acting distant, and excluding her. Weirder than that, Ivy is being NICE!!! It's very odd.
So far, Madison is having a sucky Christmas, so she decides to volunteer at the local nursing home, where she meets Eleanor Romano, a nice old lady who is slightly obsessed with birds. Mrs. Romano hates the holidays, too, because her deadbeat kids won't visit. She and Madison bond.
So do Madison and Ivy. :O
There's a few sort of saddish parts where Mrs. Romano's Alzheimer's acts up and she forgets Madison's name, Aimee and Fiona basically just suck, and Madison listens to her parents fight over the phone. The last part sort of made me mad, because her parents act like their disagreement is her fault. Way to be crappy parents.
Finally, things start getting better. Fiona and Aimee were being distant because they were making Maddie a CHRISTMAS PRESENT!! How lame is that??? No present is worth three weeks of hell. Her parents make up and go to the Winter Jubilee concert together, and her dad takes her skiing anyway. Mrs. Romano makes Madison a hat, and Madison makes Mrs. Romano a snowman (long story), which makes her nursing home charge cry (in a good way).
Okay, lamest part in the whole book: Madison figures out that Ivy is just a fake. Whatever. Ivy was being genuinely nice the entire book, but once Fiona and Aimee come around, Madison's like, "See ya, Ivy." And you said SHE was fake??

More notes:
I just realized: how did it go from summer (book #9) to winter (book #10) and they're still in 7th grade??

The whole first two pages are an IM chat between all three friends, and Maddie and Aimee make fun of Fiona about Egg. Like always.

Jeff Finn hasn't e-mailed Maddie about details for the ski trip, so Maddie lies to her mom and says it's all taken care of. Honey, that'll come back to bite you in the butt.

I HATE FRAN FINN! "I guess it was unfair of me to assume your Dad would just propose these big plans and...well, I won't say it." That's so mean!! Why would you say that to your daughter?

And Madison has to apologize for getting mad at that comment.

Whoa, Madison lives on Blueberry Street, not Blueberry Road. Get it straight, Laura Dower.

"Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening" is a song? I thought that was just a poem. Try my favorite poem ever. Besides "Silver" and that one about summer.

Aaargh. Get a grip, Madison. You can volunteer without your loser friends!

Lol. Hart signs up. She gets a grip pretty quick.

Ew. Fiona is way annoying in this book.
Fiona: Maddie, do you...do you think Egg likes me?
Madison: Yes, Fiona. How many times are you going to ask me that? And Aimee thinks so too.
Fiona: *giggle* Sorry.
Madison: Are you blushing?
Fiona: Should I ask him out?
Madison: Absolutely not. Wait for him to ask you.
Fiona: But that's so twentieth-century.
I agree with Fiona on that.

Okay, Maddie's dad sucks, too. "Oh, we can't go skiing anymore. And Stephanie will be coming with us. But that's cool, right?"

Madison wants to tell her mom about her bad day, but her mom is like, "I'VE HAD THE WORST DAY EVER!" Aargh, I feel like crap when that happens. Don't you hate that, though? I wouldn't want to do that to someone ever.

Ivy has a soul????

At the nursing home, Egg gets paired with a guy who has PTSD.

There are two women left: one with an orange hat, and one who looks mean and has a lame dress. Guess which one Madison gets paired with?

Hint: It's not the one with the orange hat. That chick gets paired with Ivy.

Lol.
Mrs. Romano: I'm obsessed with birds.
Madison: That's nice.
Mrs. Romano: You're just saying that. Don't even try to lie.
Madison: I'm not just saying that. *is so just saying that*

ROFL. Ivy gets paired with someone named Mrs. Holly Wood.

Madison's friends ditch her. I would cry, too.

Bigwheels writes a lot of emo poetry. Her parents have been fighting, too. :(

Ivy's friends are lame, too. She and Madison should make a club: The Lame Friend Club.

Oh, and it turns out Fiona and Aimee ditched Maddie TOGETHER. Oh. Before I felt like crap, now I feel like mega crap! Thanks, guys!

"Madison guessed that Ivy was probably making eyes at Hart through the barrier." HA.

Lame. "Oh, sorry, Maddie, but Aimee's coming over. Sorry we can't hang out!"

Ivy seems way protective of her adopted grandparent.

OMG!! Madison finally stands up for herself!
Ivy: What a freak.
Madison: Sometimes you can be so...so...
Ivy: What? So...what?
Madison: RUDE! I can't believe you're even volunteering. Why do you bother?
OWNED!

And Ivy APOLOGIZES!

"Madison liked the word beau instead of boyfriend. She wondered what if would sound like to say that Hart was her beau."
Sorry, Maddie, but I like boyfriend 10 times better.

Okay, Mrs. Romano tells sort of a lame story about how she and her best friend would meet up every year and make a snowman together. Then her friend gets sick and sends her a snowman snowglobe instead. Then her friend dies. The moral is always tell your friends what's on your mind. Hm... I have something to say to Fiona and Aimee.
"You guys suck. Merry Christmas!"

Joanie: Why did you volunteer for The Estates anyhow? A bunch of old people? What a party!
Rose: The real reason you're doing it, Ivy, is because Hart's doing it, too. Right?
Ivy: Why don't you just zip it?
Joanie: He's such a hottie, though. I don't blame you.
Sadly, this is how junior high girls ACTUALLY TALK!

Um, Drew, wth??
"Uh...is Somkey all covered with snow?" If you're trying to impress Maddie, IT'S NOT WORKING.

Aimee flips out when Madison and Fiona say that Ivy is okay without her drones.

Aw, Madison's grandpa had Alzheimer's, too.

Dan Ginsburg plays flute?? That strikes me as kind of odd.... I picture him as more of a low brass man. I know, stereotypes!

Madison, Fiona, and Aimee discuss what they're getting their parents for Christmas. Madison tells them she's considering a snowglobe, because of Mrs. Romano, and they make fun of her!! Wth? Aimee is literally like, "Maddie, that's a horrible idea. You could do so much better." You're getting your parents a YOGA MEMBERSHIP, Aimee.

Then they go over to Fiona's together...AGAIN...WITHOUT MADDIE. And they're so obvious about it. "Oh, I um...left my BOOK at Fiona's. You can come if you want, I guess, but we can't really hang out...."

Fran keeps badmouthing Jeff, so Madison finally sticks up for him.

Madison asks her to go to the concert with her dad, and her mom's like, "Don't play games with me, young lady."

"I dunno what is going on with that guy Hart either. Sometimes I get the vibe that he likes me, and then he talks to smoe other girls."
Because if he talks to any other girl, that means he hates you.

She sees Aim and Fi (I'm only calling them that because I can't stand typing their names) in a chat room, and they're talking about her.
Aargh, this is going to be so lame, because they're just making a gift or something for her, so their mean behavior is justified.

Madison listens to her parents fight via phone, and Fran starts insulting Stephanie!! What is your problem????

Finally, Madison, who's on the extension, screams, "STOP IT!" Then she yells at both of them.

AARGH. She has to apologize to her mom AGAIN. And her mom's like, "You can talk to me, rather than letting things get to the boiling point." Um, SHE DID.

LAME. Her grandma has a recipe for gingersnaps that she calls "Fred'n'Ginger snaps". Did anyone else get that? Not laughing.

Random. Madison is talking to Fiona on the phone and Fiona's all, "Maddie, what's your favorite color? Orange? And your lucky number is 13, right?" And Madison doesn't suspect ANYTHING.

"Drew was nice. He said he'd make a goal for me, whatever that means."
Aww, Drew, you little stalker pants.

Aw, I know how you feel, Maddie. I wish it snowed every Christmas, too. It snowed THIS Christmas, though!! And today!

Okay, all Maddie wants her mom to do is go to the concert, and her mom keeps leaving her hanging! "You have to be patient, I haven't decided." Cuz you're a self-centered ho.

Hart looks cute even when he's sick and coughing phlegm into a tissue. Awwwww....

The principal gives recognition to the volunteers, and Madison's like, "Oh no, center of attention! Must hide!" Whatever. I love the spotlight.

OMG, Bigwheels is Jewish! That's so cool!

Aaargh. Lame poems and chain letters.

Fiona has a solo in "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer", and she has to wear antlers and a clown nose. Hawt.

Madison: That went surprisingly well. Your solo was awesome, Fiona.
Aimee: Omg, TOTALLY. I couldn't stop listening.
Duh, what else are you supposed to do?

Chet: You look hot, Aimee.
"Fiona punched his shoulder for saying that, but Aimee thanked him. She wouldn't turn down a compliment from anyone, not even an annoying boy."
He might be annoying, but he's a boy, and he called her hot.

Aww, Hart comforts Maddie about the ski trip dilemma. Ew, bad grammar. Oh well.

LOL, Drew, I love you.
Drew: Actually, my family is going skiing, too. To Switzerland. My parents have a reservation to some spa there. Anyone else want to come to Switzerland? *hint hint* Maddie? *hint hint*
He reminds me of Ryan Evans from HSM.

Madison wants to marry Hart. .....

Ivy tells her friends to shut up and is all nice to Maddie.

Maddie thinks up some crappy captions for the school website.

Lame, Aimee and Fiona made Maddie a collage box. NOT WORTH IT!

Aw, Madison makes Mrs. Romano a snowman.

Her mom ruins the moment and is all, "Well, I guess I'll go to the concert with your dad after all." I HATE HER.

And her dad comes around. Three day ski trip, woo!

Madison's Computer Tip:
Remember that chat rooms are not really private or anonymous.

Yeah. Pony Pals coming up. AARGH, I hate my library. I KNOW they have these books. WHY DO THEY LIE?

Mischief implies abuse, or Pony Pals #30: Pony-4-Sale

Yay, I finished my 2007 playlist! This isn't the most flattering picture of Pam. It's as if they WANTED her to look like a pig. Cloud looks fake. No pony is that skinny.



Plot: Pam and Lightning are riding around, as usual, when she stumbles across a birthday party featuring Maggie the Magician. Since it's obviously none of her business, she goes to check it out. What she sees is a very mean magician and a very neglected pony. She finds out from Maggie that Cloud, the pony, will soon be sold for the meat price if no one else buys him.
Instead of calling PETA or the Humane Society or any other animal rights organization like a normal person, Pam calls on the Pony Pals and they send Anna, who is "the best actress", to pretend like she is interested in buying Cloud, in order to lengthen his life. Then they all go back to Pam's house and write a letter to Mr. O'Connor, the Irish guy who owns Echo Farms, asking about Cloud.
Next, they send Lulu, who finds out that Cloud is a Connemara (just like Lightning), was originally from Echo Farm (where Lightning is also from), and throws his riders; she finds this last part out from experience, however, as Pam convinces her to ride Cloud and the skinny little nag throws her. This makes Lulu furious at Pam for letting her ride a "dangerous animal", who insists Lulu is just a bad rider.
Uh oh. It seems the Pony Pals are having a fight.
Finally, Lulu flees when Pam refuses to apologize.
Hark! A reply from Mr. O'Connor! He says he doesn't remember Maggie the Musician, but he does remember selling Cloud to a boy named Sandy Young, including in the e-mail Sandy's new phone number. What a coincidence, he lives in Wiggins!
Instead of calling, they ask Dr. Crandal if he ever had a patient named Cloud. No go.
Pam complains a lot about Lulu and insists that "if she really cared about Pony Pal problems, she'd be there".
Lulu does come back, armed with several good ideas of how to find Sandy. She and Pam continue to ignore each other, making Anna increasingly anxious. Finally, Anna explodes and tells the two of them that their fight is stupid and that they should get over themselves. Pam apologizes...after Lulu does. Loser.
They use a cool little trick on the internet to find Sandy's house, ride on over there, and tell him about his old pony. Sandy flips out, grabs some money from the bank, and promptly buys Cloud back from Maggie the Magician. His mother scolds Maggie for being abusive. The Pony Pals conclude that they will be friends forever. The Pony Pals, not Maggie and Mrs. Young.

More notes:
Maggie: What do we say to make magic happen?
Children: Ab-ra-ca-da-bra and wow-wow kaaa-zoo!
Even as a child, I'd have a hard time believing that.

Maggie makes a bird fly out of her hat. Pam is all, "That's not very nice for the bird." Suck it up, Pam.

:O Maggie squirts Cloud with water! ABUSE! ABUSE!

The twins are still 5??

Pam bursts into tears when she hears Maggie's plan to sell Cloud.

THEY'RE HAVING GRILLED-CHEESE SANDWHICHES AGAIN!!! I swear, that's all they eat! Spaghetti, grilled-cheese, and brownies! Actually, that's all I ever eat, so hey.

They think Anna is the best actress. And yet her pony starred in a movie, not her.

"'Okay,' agreed Anna. 'How's this?' Anna put on a sweet smile. 'Hello, Ms. Sullivan. My mommy and daddy said I could have a pony. I heard you have a pony for sale. Can I see it?'"
Yeah, that's believable.

This is how Pam and Anna became friends:
Pam: You can ride my pony. My mommy can teach you how.
They've been together ever since.

It's like there are only 4 pony breeds: Connemaras, Shetlands, Welsh ponies, and Morgans, even though MORGANS AREN'T PONIES!

What a coincidence, Lightning and Cloud are from the same place! Because there's only one place to get Connemaras, didn't you know?

Omg. Guess what they're having at Pam's house for dinner.
Spaghetti
and
meatballs.

Lulu asks Mrs. Crandal if she'd be interested in buying Cloud. The Pony Pals get mad because she "broke a Pony Pal rule". The following ensues.
Pam: Why did you ask my mother to buy Cloud?
Lulu: I thought it was a good idea.
Anna: You should have talked to Pam and me about it first. It's a Pony Pal rule.
First of all, it's "Pam and I", and that's a stupid rule. "I'm going to the bathroom, guys." "No, I think it would be best if you didn't." "But I need to." "Oh dear, this calls for 3 ideas." Please continue.
Pam: You asked her at the worst time. My mother needs someone to take care of ponies, not another pony to take care of.
Lulu: It's not big deal. She said no.
Yaay Lulu.
Pam is still all, "BREAKING A PONY PAL RULE IS A BIG DEAL!!!"

Aargh, just call PETA!!!! What's with this sneaking around???

Cloud throws Lulu while Pam screams from the sidelines, "REIN HIM IN! REIN HIM IN!"

You suck, Pam.
Maggie: You pulled too hard on his mouth. Maybe you haven't ridden so much, after all.
Pam: She hasn't.

Omg, Pam is way awful!!!
Lulu: Pam should know if a pony is safe to ride. I trusted her.
Pam: And I trusted that you know how to ride.
Lulu: You're so smart about ponies. You knew it was dangerous for me to tget on Cloud and you let me do it! You care more about solving Pony Pal problems than you do about your Pony Pals.
So true. You've hit the nail on the proverbial head, Lulu. Pam's weak response:
Pam: Maybe you did pull too hard on his mouth!

Anna's not too helpful, either.
"This Pony Pal problem is more important than your little fight."
Cult behavior. This is classic cult behavior.

Lame. "A woman came out leading a Great Dane. She looked like she'd been crying. She smiled at Pam. 'Your father saved my Mitzy's life,' said the woman."
I can just see Dr. Crandal being all, "All in a day's work."

So stalker. Let's go to his house instead of calling him!!

Pam apologizes for being stupid...and Lulu apologizes for breaking a Pony Pal rule. If she hadn't, they probably would've flogged her. I don't think she should've apologized. Lulu, not Pam. I'm actually on her side for once.

Sandy used to live on a farm, but they had to sell it because it wasn't making enough money. That sounds JUST like the movie Acorn and Bette Fleming were in..."Megan's Last Ride" or whatever.

He had a cat named Toots..........

Ew, Sandy looks like Johnathan Taylor Thomas.

Pam prides herself in being a professional detective. Sandy OBVIOUSLY hasn't done much detective work. Whatever.

They go back to the diner...and eat some brownies.

Wait a minute...Sandy wants to buy Cloud back...but he lives in an APARTMENT. And if his parents are really as poor as he says, why did they give him the money they made from selling Cloud??

Anna fixes that problem. It's sort of a bribe, too: Sandy will work for Mrs. Crandal in exchange for boarding Cloud. Nice.

WHAT IS WITH PEOPLE AND RIDING??
Anna: What if Maggie has ruined Cloud for riding? What if he never lets you ride him again?
Sandy: I don't care. I still want to save Cloud.
Well, DUH! It's not like you would be, "Oh, in that case, let's just let him DIE!"

"Sandy kissed Cloud's cheek. Cloud pulled away from him.
'Touch him someplace else,' Pam told Sandy."
:O

Whaaat? Ponies have wolf teeth? Confused. I'm looking that up.

Lulu: And we can make Cloud a warm mash. We'll make it extra soft and delicious.
That struck me as hilariously funny.

"'Lightning and Cloud are friends forever,' Lulu whispered in Pam's ear. 'Just like us.'"
Even after your fight? And Pam's controlling behavior? And the FLOGGING?

An Avalon about unicorns is next...on Kid's WB. Only it's not the WB anymore. It's my Q2, or whatever.

Ooh, shiny things, or Avalon #2: Web of Magic: All That Glitters

Seriously, this is my favorite Avalon book. No lie. I mean, look at that sparkly cover. I think the pictures of the d-flies are innacurate, though. They look like crap.



Plot: Kara is rather frustrated with Adriane and Emily. First of all, they have magic gems and she doesn't. Also, they expect her to WORK when all she wants to do is party with her friends.
Mostly, Adriane is overreacting about EVERYTHING, Kara is being kind of ditzy, and Emily is just being annoying and peacemaker-y.
Then weird things start happening to Kara! Banshees (tortured souls cursed to wander the Shadowlands, of course) start attacking her, she's being followed around by the mysterious cat from book #1 [who is named Lyra], and she finally has her own magic jewel! It looks just like a unicorn horn. However, Emily and Adriane freak out and tell her not to use it.
Naturally, Kara doesn't listen.
Whenever she uses the jewel, chaos ensues. The magical little piece of shiny rock attracts all kinds of creatures, from adorable little dragonflies (literally miniature dragons that fly) and...*gasp* BANSHEES! One attacks Kara in her house and tries to take the jewel, but she pwns it, burning off part of her hair in the process. She tries to fix it, and it grows longer, but then it doesn't STOP! She calls Emily and Adriane, and Adriane screws it up even more; though she gets it to stop growing, Kara's blonde hair is now rainbow-colored.
Kara goes to school the next day and is shocked when the principal starts talking about the work she's done at Ravenswood Wildlife Preserve, and is then forced on stage, where her shocking hair color(s) is (are?) revealed. Emily saves her and says it's a symbol of unity or something. Kara realizes she really likes working at the Preserve and starts treating Emily and Adriane (even though Adriane's a loser) nicer, and gets her loser friends to stop making fun of them.
On Saturday, she takes a little trip to the mall to get her hair dyed to its natural color when she's attacked by some more banshees. Lyra saves her, but then gets injured by being stupid. Kara is majorly confused and kind of sad when a unicorn just randomly walks up to her and tells her he can save Lyra. Um...yay?
First stop...a magicalish place, where Kara meets some wraiths who tell her to save their sisters and convince her that the unicorn jewel is not hers to keep.
They go to a field, where they meet up with Adriane and Emily...big surprise. A creepy old woman tries to get Kara to give her the jewel, monologuing about the love of power and crap like that, but Kara gives it to the banshees, who are really some whacked-out ugly wraiths. Old creepy woman disappears with a snarl.
Um, yay.
And Emily saves Lyra after a major pep talk from Kara.
So Kara becomes a better person. The end.
Oh, and they set up the Ravenswood website.
And the epilogue was about mistwolves. Tartar sauce. I guess that means the next book is about Adriane.
You know, I took that character quiz again, and I'm still a warrior. Darn.

More notes:
Oookay, apparently Kara has enough clothes to cover every available surface and fill her closet. NOT STEREOTYPED AT ALL.

credhed, beachbunny, and goodgollymolly? Try worst screennames ever.

Duh! Your outfit for seventh grade is WAY more important than endangered animals!

Ugh, Kara's friends suck. They're so mean.

Okay, I take back what I said about her friends' screennames, because Emily's is docdolittle. :P

Yay, Kara's actually good at school! We're breaking down barriers!

I hate it in books where the main character screams and then looks around to see who did it. HOW CAN YOU NOT REALIZE YOU'RE SCREAMING??

"That was, like, so weird!" Thanks, Heather.

"Been a rough morning. Kara had like a major freakout in homeroom." Don't you love it when your friends talk about you...in front of you?

I'm having a REALLY hard time picturing this cute Marcus guy that Kara likes. I'm switching back and forth between Penn Badgley and Garrett Hedlund.

"Next thing you know, monsters are gonna be falling out of the sky!"
Funny you should mention that....
This is the moment Lyra chooses to fall out of the sky.

Okay, Lyra was the size of an ocelot in the first book. Now she's the size of a leopard, which is significantly bigger than an ocelot. How did it get so big??

I somehow don't picture Adriane very tall. I picture her and Emily quite short. Like 5'3". And Kara maybe 5'5" or 5'6".

Red and auburn aren't necessarily the same color. STOP CONFUSING ME!!

Adriane only says she likes being a loner because she knows she's incapable of making friends.
Lyra: *pops out of bushes* Rawr.
Kara: Aaah!
Adriane: WHAT DID YOU DO, KARA!!?? RAAAAH SNARL GRAWFF!

They make it seem like Kara is the ringleader of her little clique, but her friends are way pushy.

I highly doubt you are the only three girls on Earth that know that magic is real, Kara.

I hate when they describe Adriane using magic. They try to make it sound all cool and it sounds so retarded, and she obviously takes herself so seriously. All it is is her taking a karate stance and spinning around.

Oooh, Adriane called Kara a "Barbie". :O Whatever, that would pretty much be a compliment. I mean, I'd love to have a ridiculously thin waist, a tight butt, and nice boobs. Plus "immaculate" hair (that's for you, Lucy Daniels).

Kara thinks it's weird talking to a ferret, and then she remembers Ozzie is really an ELF trapped inside a ferret's body! Yeah, cuz that's not weird at all.

Kara: Why does that garden have an X on it?
Adriane: It's the hedge maze. Gran said you can get lost in there for days, so it's off-limits for tours.
Hmm, could that possibly be FORESHADOWING of someone getting lost in the maze???

Kara offers to have her friends help with the website and Adriane's like, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! They're loudmouths!" And you're a ho....

Why is Kara shocked that Adriane doesn't consider her a friend? That seemed PRETTY obvious.

"She imagined medieval torches encircling the magnificent garden...with the rocking sounds of Sampleton Malls blasting from the stage! She giggled. And Kara, the princess of the ball, in the most rad leather-and-silk gown, dancing the night away with the most handsome prince. Adriane can stay home and be the wicked stepsister, she thought with a laugh as she twirled into the rose gardens."
Proof that all girls have a Cinderella fantasy. No lie, EVERY GIRL has one.

Lame. She gets lost in the hedge maze a mere 5 pages later. It could have been a final showdown in the maze!!! But no...waste all that good foreshadowing.

Lol. Kara pictures herself:
Lustrous blond hair, creamy skin, dewy red lips - no, she'd sowrn off lip gloss long ago, make that pale pink lips.

Quick! A new pair of Nikes with shock soles!

Kara's first attempt at magic:
"Think! Do what Adriane did. Kara concentrated - left, right, arms together, swing tight.... She pinwheeled her arms, whipping the crystal shell around, and landed on one knee, jewel pointed toward the monster. Tiny sparkles fizzled from the tip...and died. Kara frowned. That cheer routine killed at the home game."

I haaate Ozzie. Storm is annoying about honor and crap like that, but Ozzie is SOOOOOO annoying.

Balthazar (the magical winged pony): It looked like a banshee.
Kara: A what?
Balthazar: A tortured soul doomed to wander the Shadowlands. [I bet he could hardly keep himself from saying, "Duh."]

Adriane: Thank goodness you were there! We can't have monsters running around the preserve washing clothes!

HAHAHAHA they find Mr. Gardener's computer and a voice says, "Welcome to the magic web." Lol. You've got mail.

Mr. Gardener owns Ravenswood, but disappeared a while back.

"Girls, it's got rhythm, and I have got the moves!" But you're white....

:O Kara went to the LIBRARY!!?? Shocking. "Hmm, geeky influence, with a touch of dweeb."

Okay, everything Kara's friends say endz with a z. I guezz that makez it glitter fabulouz.

Joey has a huge crush on Adriane, lol.

This is the lamest party ever, Kara. All you guys are doing is eating...and eating.

Kara's brother is an idiot. "Kara, your ice cream's getting cold!"

Wait, Kara has a tan? I thought she had creamy skin.

Whoa, a banshee ambushes her in the Jacuzzi!

I'm picturing Kara naked during the fight scene that follows. Not for any pervy reason, but it said something about her stripping, so what am I supposed to do?

Kara: What happened to it?
Lyra: Something frightened the creature.
Kara: What? Me?
I don't know, a naked blonde girl wielding a shiny jewel is pretty frightening....

Wait, Emily and Adriane are there now. Is Kara naked or not??? SO CONFUSED!!

Awww. The dragonflies have names! I forget which color corresponds to which dragonfly, but their names are Goldie, Barney, Rocky, Fiona, and Fred; Fiona is red and Goldie is...yellow.

Adriane, shut up and stop making hair puns.

Jealous, I want rainbow hair. I don't know why Kara hates it so much.

I want a blue plaid jacket...but I wouldn't wear it with a pink cotton beret.

Dragonflies appear with a pop. Goldie appears and Kara pretends she farted. ....

You can't send someone home for having cool hair. Dressing like a slut, yes. Having cool hair, no. At least not at my school.

Coalition. Nice word, Emily.

Kyle: Who'd a thunk under all that black is a fasion designer!
Adriane: I'm not big on fashion.
Heather: That's for sure.
Ooooooooooooh.

I like how all the punk bands have stupid names. Like Toad Force! or Smash Fish!

Awww, Joey and Adriane bond over Smash Fish. And Adriane BLUSHES. Whaaat, she likes boys??

Aaaah, someone sends Kara a magic computer message: I KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

Kara: How do you know when a jewel is really for you?
Adriane: Our jewels changed as we used them. It's like they reflect a part of who we are. You just know, Kara.
Emily: In your heart.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! *gag*

Ozzie is so mean! "Maybe it's a test. Maybe you're not the blazing star."

Having a super hard time picturing this pure white unicorn without him looking like a unipony.

Lyra is being attacked by mall security guards!! Oh, she has wings all of a sudden, how convenient.
Oooh, she falls to the ground.

Why do all magical creatures speak in italics??

The wraiths sound like wannabe LOTR elves...only green.

The banshees use z's instead of s's, too. "Plesszze, help uszz."

Ozzie: Look what they've made!
Adriane: It looks like a-
Emily: -dreamcatcher!
Ugh, just like Stephen King. And now they'll save a kid with Downs Syndrome from bullies and realize that he is the dreamcatcher weaving them all together.

Whaaaaat? The unicorn has a harem??
"You have freed my maidens, and I am forever grateful."
Maybe he's a pimp.

Kara's friends are still lame.

I think Adriane has the coolest chain for her jewel...it's turquoise.

Their password for the secret website is AVALON. Yeah, people won't be able to figure THAT one out.

I HAAAATE mistwolves.

So I'll be doing the second book in the Horseshoe Trilogies, and I might be able to do more than one per day, since I'm on Christmas break!!! But Avalon #3 will be about Adriane. Laaaame.

Every journey begins with a step, or Unicorns of Balinor #1: The Road to Balinor

I used to LOVE this series. I mean, an author that catered to unicorn-loving adolescents was good enough for me. I wasn't as critical than as I am now. Rereading this, I have NO IDEA why I liked it so much. Actually, I recall really hating this first one, but the rest of the series tickled my fancy, lol.



Plot: Arianna Langley doesn't remember anything. No, she does not have short-term memory loss, but she was in a car accident recently. That explains why she's in a wheelchair and her legs hurt so badly. But two people named Ann and Frank come to the hospital and insist that she is their foster daughter, and that she was in a car accident with her horse, Chase, and now he has a huge scar on his head. They take her and a mysterious dog named Lincoln (who has given her a ruby necklace; weird, yeah, but it's important) back home to Glacier River Farm.
Meanwhile, back in Celestial Valley (the magical land of unicorns, of course), Atalanta the Dream Speaker is fretting over the loss of Princess Arianna. That's right; Ari's a princess. Turns out an evil being named Entia, or the Shifter, exiled her parents, kidnapped her brothers, and almost killed her and Chase, who is actually the Sunchaser, Lord of all animals in Balinor, the land he and Ari come from.
Back to real life. Ari continues to heal and learns to ride Chase again, with the help of Dr. Bohnes. Unfortunately, Ann and Frank are broke, so they decide to lease Chase to a rich girl and her parents. The rich girl's name is Lori Carmichael and is so stereotyped it's not even funny: blonde, spoiled, pretty, prone to temper tantrums....
Ari hates Lori and doesn't want to give Chase up. Duh. Nothing really interesting happens except for Chase starts talking in Ari's head and Lori blames Ari for Chase's bad behavior, so she is severely punished (not).
Finally, she can't take it anymore. Not wanting to lose Chase, Ari runs away with him, but Lori follows with Lincoln. All four of them fall into a nearby cave (hmmm, how convenient), and land in Balinor. To be continued....

More notes:
Of course the main character has to be a princess. Mary-Sue much?

Oh, and her bonded unicorn is the Lord of all Animals.

Wth, Mary Stanton totally copied the Eye of Sauron. Actually, Peter Jackson was the one who took "the Eye" so literally, and the first movie came out in 2001, so in reality, HE copied HER.

Rednal of the Fiery Coals? What kind of name is that? He used to be my favorite unicorn.

Numinor seems like an Andalusian.

OMG, this is the unicorn's rainbow song:
Red and yellow, orange and green
Purple, silver, and blue
The rainbow we make defends those we guard
In Balinor's cities and fields.
Lol, that doesn't even rhyme! I'm totally putting this to music.

Ha. Atalanta says "bullocks".

So the Shifter is an anarchist??

Atalanta and Numinor are so annoying as a married couple. Always arguing. And they both get on my nerves: Atalanta is all demure and beautiful, and Numinor has too much testosterone.

I'm having a lot of trouble picturing Lincoln the collie. They say he's black and gold? But on the cover of #4 he's all chestnut and beautiful.

Wth, the names of her guardians are ANN and FRANK?? Wth, if they're trying to be funny, it's not working.

I like how every unicorn but Chase, Numinor, and Atalanta get a really brief description. Seriously:
It was a stallion. The light gleamed on his bronze coat. His chest and quarters were heavily muscled, his withers well-shaped. But it was his head and eyes that were the most beautiful to Ari. His forehead was broad, the muzzle well-shaped, with delicately flared nostrils. As he stepped forward, she looked deep into his eyes, large, brown, and full of sorrow.
First of all, there are some definite grammatical and punctuation errors in that, but it's so obvious that Mary Stanton is in love with Chase. How do you have well-shaped withers???

Frank: Well, you slept in the palace, I mean - in the house of course.
Nice save.

Okay, whatever. If she was REALLY injured in a car accident (which she so wasn't), how was Chase hurt? And who was driving? And why aren't they hurt? Ari is so gullible.

Atalanta has no sense of humor.

I like how all the matronly unicorns are fat.

I wouldn't want my horse leased out to someone without my permission, but Ari is so selfish.

Aaagh, I hate Chase.
Chase: Ah yes, I know him. But will he obey the Great Me?
I think that was supposed to be funny. Ari's probably giggling her modest head off.

Oh dear, this part of the woods must be dangerous, because no birds sing here and the wildflowers are scarce! :P This isn't Bambi!!!

Who names they're horse Shy-No-More? Or Beecher?

This sentence doesn't use the right tense.
They got even more prominent when she'd told him about the way the caves seem to draw her in, beckoning.
Shouldn't it be "seemed"? And "she had told" is incorrect. HOW DID THIS WOMAN GET PUBLISHED?

Okay, forealz, if you're a bad rider, that doesn't make you an awful person. I hate to say it, but Lori's "riding" verges on animal abuse.

"GIVE HIM THE WHIP! GIVE HIM THE WHIP!" Who says that??? I'd call the police. And PETA.

If you're abusing an animal, it's not your place to order it to be shot. "ALL I DID WAS KICK IT! AND THEN IT BIT ME! I WANT IT SHOT!"

Oh no, Chase starts talking.
"Little man! You shall be dirt beneath my hooves, little man. I will crush his bones with the Snake!"
And Ari's all, "*gasp* *hyperventilate* Oh----my----gosh----I----think-----Chase----is----talking???"

I like how Lori's dad doesn't cuss; he just says "darn" a lot.

Heh. Ari gets attacked by flies.

Ann wants to home-school Ari. Boooo....

Let's see, a dog came into your hospital room and gave you a big ruby necklace, you can't remember anything about your past, and your horse just started talking. Ari, aren't you even the least bit suspicious?

Aaaaagh. Atalanta wasn't talking about saving Chase THAT WAY!! Stupid, stupid, stupid.

ROFL, Lincoln attacks Lori.

Aaaargh. Why does Ari have to be all perfect and Mary Sue? She should slap Lori. But no. She decides to "ignore her". Sweetie, that NEVER WORKS.

:P She leaves a "coded" note for Doctor Bohnes.
"Sell the DOG LEASH in my sock drawer!
PLEASE!
Love, Ari."
Yeah, that wasn't WAY OBVIOUS, seeing as DOG LEASH was in CAPITALS.

His name is TOBIANO. I'm seeing a paint here, not an appaloosa.

I hate how they make a huge deal about Tobiano being so "rude". I like him.

How does a black and white unicorn fit in the rainbow?

Yeah, a cave that smells like death and is inhabited by flies. Let's go there!

Rofl. Lori unashamedly insults Ari. That's refreshing.

Lol, Linc is funny, too. And he has an accent.

And he talks to himself?

OH NO, AN ARMY OF ANGRY BLACK UNICORNS!!! Of course black is evil. I personally think red is an "eviller" color than black.

Lori: What was that?
Ari: Uh, bears?
Yeah, that's believable.

ROFL, this is my favorite part in the whole book: Ari looks around and sees a sign that says, "Welcome to Balinor". LOL. I find that really hilarious. That seems so anachronistic.

Yeah, so there you have it. I've been stalling, but I'll post another Balinor tomorrow, and then the first of the Horseshoe trilogies.

You can be my movie star for a day, or Pony Pals #26: Movie Star Pony

I really dislike Pony Pals. Just horrible writing, and bad illustrations, and cliches, and LIES LIES LIES. But in this one, my new best friend (Anna) stood up to some loser who was pressuring her and the illustrations were really good.



Okay, the illustrations might be good, but this cover illustrations sucks. Acorn looks like a small bear, and ponies do NOT smile.
Plot: Yay, a movie is being filmed in Wiggins! Better yet, there will be scenes filmed at Ms. Wiggins estate, the Off-Main Diner, and Mrs. Crandall's riding school! Bette Fleming, a famous 11-year-old actress, is starring in it, but doesn't get along with her pony costar. When she meets Acorn, however, she falls in love with him and insists upon starring with him in the film (entitled "Megan's Last Ride"). Anna is reluctant, but the stupid Pony Pals convince her to say yes, because of MONEY. What ever happened to good morals?
Shockingly enough, Bette is a huge brat, and spends all her time with Acorn. The director, bending to the will of Bette, tells Anna she can't see Acorn until they're done filming. By that time, Acorn doesn't seem to like Anna anymore, and Bette wants to BUY Acorn of all things! Anna is heartbroken. She doesn't want to sell her pony, but she doesn't want to keep him if he likes Bette more than her.
The Pony Pals actually give her some good advice and tell her that Acorn still loves her, so Anna, being fed up with Bette, tells off the spoiled brat and refuses to ever sell Acorn. But later, she feels bad for her outburst and invites Bette on one last trail ride. Halfway through the trail ride, Acorn starts acting oddly and keeps nudging Daisy, Anna's replacement pony. Seems he's JEALOUS!! Guess he still loves Anna. Bette is still a brat, but learns that she can't always get her way. Then she stars in several porn videos and dies of an overdose like all child stars. The End.

More notes:
A "movie company"? I'm not sure of the right terminology, but that doesn't seem right.

Bette Fleming is like the B-list version of Dakota Fanning.

Thanks for spoiling the end of "The Rainbow Kid" for us, Anna.

Gee, the movie is called "Megan's Last Ride". I wonder what if could be about... I mean, it can't be about a girl named Megan who's taking a last ride on her pony; that's just out of the question.

Wow, these illustrations are REALLY GOOD. Better than Vivien Kubbos. Well, the ponies are amazing. And the people are good, but Pam has bangs and Lulu's hair is light brown?

What? Ms. Wiggins gets to eat for free, too???

A very magestic drawing of Lightning, Acorn actually looks the proper size, and Snow White is pretty for a change and not all haggard. Um, Anna is turning around in the saddle to smile at Lulu. BAD RIDING SAFETY! I so remember her lecturing Rosalie about this.

More continuity errors about the death of Mrs. Sanders.

This sounds like the worst movie ever.
"'Bette Fleming plays Megan Ritter,' began Ms. Cross. 'Her family owns a big farm. At the beginning of the story they are having money problems. Then a freak summer hailstorm destroys their apple crop. After that, they know they will have to sell the farm adn move to the city for jobs.'"
Aaaaaaaaaaaaagh!!! Sounds like "Where the Red Fern Grows" gone wrong.
Oh, Megan and Mars understand each other and have a SPECIAL PSYCHIC CONNECTION, to which Anna can relate? WTH???
Oh, they have to sell Mars. Boo hoo. Now they move to the city. BUT SUDDENLY MEGAN GETS SICK!! Mars senses something is wrong and travels 100 miles to find Megan. When he does, her parents decide to buy him again! And board him at a stable near the house! WTH??? WHY DIDN'T THEY DO THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE??? AND AREN'T THEY GOING THROUGH MONEY PROBLEMS??? I swear, this is either a TV movie or a straight-to-DVD release, cuz it sounds low budget and AWFUL. Worse than "The Derby Stallion".

Can't they meet a nice girl who doesn't like ponies and isn't snobby or shy?

Jeanne Betancourt is STILL condoning spying.

"If Bette can't ride, thought Anna, how can she be in a big movie about a girl and her pony?"
Um, duh. Stunt man.

I like how a person's riding abilities determine their personality.

I only found ONE awful picture, and it's of Bette riding. She looks possessed, and her posture is bad, and Acorn looks like a bush.

WHY DO THEY ALWAYS HAVE TO MENTION ACORN'S STUPID STINT IN THE CIRCUS!!??

WHY DOES SHE NEED TO DISCUSS THIS WITH HER PONY PALS? Will they SHUN her if she doesn't run it by them? This DEFINITELY sounds like cult behavior.

NO, ANNA, NO! If your gut says no, DON'T DO IT.

Too late.

So mean. Bette tells Anna that she can't see Acorn for 2 weeks, and the adults are COOL WITH IT. She's 11 FREAKING YEARS OLD! DISCIPLINE HER!!

She hasn't seen Acorn in 9 days. What the heck. I would go insane.

Yay, because watching a scene from a movie being shot through cracks in a wood floor is just as good as being there!

Daisy again! Agh!!

Um, what? Someone sends roses to Anna, and somehow know that she's at the Off-Main Diner. HOW????

Lulu is an IDIOT.

Pam looks like Tempestt Bledsoe.

Pam is so gullible. And she's like, "You shouldn't judge people just from one meeting." Right. Because you NEVER do that, Pam.

Duh. Ponies can't act.

This is definitely a TV movie. "I love you. And I'll never forget you. I don't want to leave you. I want to stay with you forever. You're my best friend." That's like a line from "Your Guardian Angel".

Acorn looks like a donkey.

Mmm, cupcakes.

They finished filming in two weeks????? Definitely TV movie.

Wth, Anna writes Pam and Lulu a note, and she decides to write it using pictures. Wouldn't that take longer? And I can't understand it. One of the pictures looks like a black guy or a piece of broccoli. I can't tell.

Anna does NOT want Bette to ride Acorn. So she lets her ride Acorn. :P

Mrs. Fleming is such a blonde. I would SLAP HER. Listen to her reasoning.
"Bette and Acorn have such a special relationship. So I'll pay a lot of money for him. That way you can buy another pony - a very special pony. Or maybe horse. Wouldn't that be exciting?" Because animals are so easy to replace. B****.

The sentence "Lulu put an arm around Anna's shoulder." appears in this book SO MANY TIMES.

PONIES CAN'T ACT!!

Dang, Rachel Tonkin is the best illustrator yet.

Bette: When Acorn is mine, I'll tell the whole world. His picture would be in the paper with me all the time.
Anna: Acorn is my pony. I won't sell him for any price. That's what I came to tell you.
Bette: But I love Acorn.
Anna: So do I!
Bette: I want Acorn! You HAVE to sell him to me!
Anna: No, I don't!
Bette: Then can I have one last ride on Acorn? Just one.
Anna: NO!

Okay, that was way immature and fourth grade-y, but I'm glad that Anna at least stood up for herself.

I hate it when people say, "It's up to you." What they really mean is, "I want you to choose my idea and I'll guilt you forever if you decide otherwise."

Ha. Anna understands people now. My baby's growing up.

Wth? Lulu is supposed to be riding Snow White, but the pony in the picture is dark. ????

Anna is my new best friend.

Agh, I don't think I'm getting another Pony Pals OR another Madison Finn for a while. I could read #28, or start on the Avalon/Unicorns of Balinor series. I think I'll do the latter. Yay.