Pam stared at the window in shock. It couldn't be Lulu! But it was. Though this new Lulu had short hair, cute (almost girly) clothes, and what looked to be a nose ring, it was definitely the girl Pam had been best friends with 6 years ago. She turned to look at Anna and realized Anna was no longer beside her. Another quick glance out the window revealed Anna running towards Lulu, interrupting the sentimental moment between the girl and her old pony. She arrived outside just in time to hear Anna, with her arms around Lulu, scream, "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
"Hey, there, Annie!" Lulu said, obviously uncomfortable. Anna drew away in horror.
"M-m-my name's Anna!" She stammered incredulously. Pam came up behind her and Lulu seemed relieved to find someone she remembered.
"Pam! Hi!" She edged away from an emotionally distraught Anna and approached Pam, smiling. "I was just getting reacquainted with my old horse." Pam stiffened.
"Snow White is a pony, Lulu." Lulu paused for a split second, then snorted as if Pam had said something ridiculous.
"Duh. What did you think I said?" She shook her head and winked at Anna. Anna, almost crying, sniffed back at her. Pam noticed Lulu's appearance for the first time. Six years ago, Lulu would've been described as "tomboyish", but the outfit sure wore now was far from that. A cute shirt-ish thing (was that called a "blouse"? Pam didn't know.), a lacy peasant skirt, and sparkly flats gave off a rather girly vibe. Pam wrinkled her nose. How did Lulu expect to go riding with an outfit like that? Anna was wondering the same thing.
"You can't ride in a skirt!" She shouted, pointing at the offending garment. Lulu stared at her, obviously confused. Then she threw back her head and laughed hysterically.
"I'm not going RIDING!" She hiccuped. Anna gasped. Pam raised an eyebrow.
"But...we're the Pony Pals." Didn't that mean anything anymore? Lulu stopped laughing. She looked annoyed.
"Um, yeah, we WERE the Pony Pals. Six YEARS ago!" As if to emphasize this statement, she shoved Snow White, who was nibbling at her adorable shoulder length bob, away from her. Anna gasped again.
"Don't touch my pony!" She ran to Snow White's aid, offering the pony comfort in this time of distress. But it was Anna who needed comfort; Snow White hadn't seemed to mind one bit. Lulu sighed and continued.
"Look, ponies were cool when we were, what, ten? Then you got a horse, Pam, and I moved to Africa. I've spent the last six years traveling, and I've learned A LOT."
"Like what?" Pam asked with a sneer.
"I learned where babies come from." Lulu answered triumphantly. Anna and Pam were taken aback.
"You're not supposed to know that! It's only for married couples!" Anna hissed violently. Lulu cackled.
"Please. Married couples aren't the only ones who do it. Take Tommy and Rema for instance." Pam felt as though she'd punched in the stomach. She hadn't noticed anything between them! Lulu was just getting started.
"Yeah, seriously, they've been at it since junior high! And I learned that only homeschooled weirdos ride ponies anymore!"
"That's not true! We're not homeschooled!" Anna's passionate statement didn't exactly un-prove Lulu's point.
"Yeah, well, I also learned that you get more guys when you actually start DRESSING like a GIRL!" She let those words sink in.
"We dress like girls..." Anna mumbled, looking at the ground.
"All the time," Pam forced out, coughing guiltily. She hoped Lulu couldn't read minds, and wouldn't see as Pam mentally went through her wardrobe and found nothing but boy's buttondowns, baggy turtlenecks, and jeans. Lulu sighed.
"I was kidding. Sort of. At least you guys shower everyday. I knew a bunch of girls who didn't..." Pam and Anna exchanged guilty looks. "What? Seriously?" She laughed nervously. "You're kidding, right?" There was a long pause. Lulu sighed again.
"I'm sorry, you guys. It's just...weird being home after so long."
"You've changed," Pam said accusingly, still hurt by her friend's remarks.
"I know. I said I was sorry." Anna eyes filled with tears.
"We forgive you!" She gave Lulu a huge hug. Lulu looked uncomfortable. Anna's eyes lit up with sudden inspiration. "I know! Let's go to the diner and talk there! Then we can catch up properly!"
"But I can't ride," Lulu protested. "There aren't enough ponies."
"Just change into jeans," Anna said brightly. Lulu hesitated.
"Or we could walk." Pam suggested sourly, her lip curled in disgust. "It's just down the street."
"Great!" Anna beamed and grabbed Lulu's hand, practically dragging her out of the paddock. Pam watched them go. She wasn't hungry, and, judging from the size of Anna's protein shake at breakfast, Anna wasn't either. Yet her best friend seemed determined to integrate Lulu back into their lives. But this wasn't the Lulu they'd been friends with years ago, and, frankly, Pam wanted nothing to do with her. If only she could convince Anna of the same thing.
Showing posts with label snobs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label snobs. Show all posts
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Monday, June 23, 2008
If someone is mean, they have issues, or FTFO Madison Finn #19: Keep It Real
I read this a while ago. Haven't been posting, though, because it's summer and I could be...you know...watching "Monk" and playing with my dog.
Speaking of Tie, she was totally lying right next to me 2 seconds ago. What happened?
Plot: Madison Finn has had enough of Ivy Daly!!! Her English class has just received a new journal writing assignment, and Ivy always writes about how perfect and wonderful her life is. It just makes Madison sick; partly because Ivy is such a fake, and partly because Ivy writes so much in her journal. Journal writing is Madison's territory!!!
It turns out Ivy's life is NOT so perfect after all!!! Her mom has breast cancer.
Fran tells Madison to be nice to Ivy because her mom is sort of dying, but Madison finds it hard when Ivy continues to be such a meanie.
Finally, she convinces her friends to stop giving Ivy such a hard time. Good enough.
More notes:
"We started 'journaling', which is basically keeping track of feelings and observations and all that [in case you didn't know what journaling was]...which is what I do every day on this computer anyway! [Lol, me, too!]"
Madison's first assignment is to write about a very successful or very embarassing moment. Pick embarassing, you've got plenty of those.
The Gang goes to Madison's house.
Hart: Gee, I've never been in your house before.
Drew: Yeah, you have. Haven't you?
Fiona: *to Madison* You WISH Hart had been in your house before....
Egg almost breaks a glass penguin belonging to Madison's mom.
Madison: Careful! My mom got that in the antarctic!
Because they have so many glass penguin shops in the antarctic.
Madison finds it weird that Egg speaks Spanish...even though he's bilingual.
Although he's quite "Dora the Explorer" about it. "Mi mami got it for me. She rocks."
"As Egg clicked away, Madison prayed that his fingers wouldn't slip and cause him to select one of her e-mail messages or open the secret folder on her desktop tht held her files. She had visions of Hart standing there while a dozen different files carrying his name opened up.
Hart Jones
Hart (continued)
Mr. & Mrs. Jones
The One
Him"
Wow. She has officially passed into stalking territory.
Ooh, there's a new exotic website called BLOGGERfishbowl, where bigfishbowl members can BLOG.
Oh no, they come across Madison's journal assignment...and it's blank.
Hm. Either way, that sucks.
Ivy accuses Madison of wicked PMS, but Madison doesn't want to admit that she HASN'T STARTED HER PERIOD.
I don't think she ever will, if it's been three years and she's still 12.
Madison's like, "Ew, Hart has crooked teeth."
So????
Hart: Looked like Ivy and you were arguing.
Madison: Big surprise.
Hart: She gets weirder every day.
Madison: I actually thought you liked her.
Hart: Me? Like Ivy? Uh...not exactly. She's pretty and all that, but sometimes she's just...well, I said it. She's a big weirdo.
Madison: She likes you.
Hart: Whatever.
I think he still likes her. Way to lie and be all, "Me, like her? No way."
Hart: Later, Finnster. Er...Maddie. Sorry, I guess I should stop calling you Finnster. I know it bugs you.
Madison: Yeah, well... No, Finnster isn't so bad. I like it. Don't stop. Really.
Hart: Really?
Madison: I just need to think of a good nickname for you.
Hart: Uh...Egg calls me Loser sometimes. Or Weasel.
Madison: I was thinking more like Hunk.
Hart: Huh? What did you just say???
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Madison: What? I said, 'Dork'. Why? What did you think I said?
Hart: Oh yeah, that's me. Super Dork, actually. *wink*
Phew. Crisis averted. ROFL, that was pretty hilarious, though.
Aimee is depressed because her ballet teacher has breast cancer. Foreshadowing?
Madison tells her mom about the breast cancer.
Fran: It seems like so many women I know have it these days.
Madison: Really? I remember your friend from work. Who else?
Fran: Oh. No one in particular, honey bear.
More foreshadowing!!!
Madison is surfing BLOGGERfishbowl when she comes across a blog written by...*drumroll*...Vicki, AKA Bigwheels, HER KEYPAL!!!
Bigwheels' latest entry:
I know I need to just relax but how can I relax when I don't get any sleep either? I think I'm going to check out one of the chat rooms Dad told me about. I never knew it affected so many kids. I also found out that I can volunteer down @ the speech center in Seattle. I don't think I'll be working with kids who have autism but I will probably learn a lot.
--BW
Autism??? What a concept.
Madison is less concerned by the entry, however, and more concerned about why BIGWHEELS NEVER TOLD HER ABOUT THIS SECRET BLOG!! BETRAYAL!!!
Hey, Madison gets an e-mail from Hart...one that turns out to be a mistake:
From: Sk8ingboy
Hey, guys, my dad just called the FH rink and the dude there said we can play next wkend which is cool so let's find other guys and we'll be hooked up. I was thinking maybe we could go over to Drew's to play the Zone again b4 we sk8 since the game @ Maddie's was so lame. Ok. E-me l8r.
Whoa, wait. The game at Maddie's was LAME? Does that mean the game was stupid or Madison is lame?
Madison has to write a story about a scar, so she writes about the divorce, which is a metaphorical scar.
But then she gets off topic and has to rewrite the entire thing.
Been there.
Oooh, big juicy gossip! Ivy is dating a high-school sophomore!!!
???
But is she SLEEPING with him? Otherwise, that's only SORT OF creepy.
Uh oh...he was talking about her in the locker room. GROSS.
There's actually not that many cute guys at other schools. I'm pretty satisfied with the ones at mine, but Madison thinks otherwise.
Lance reads his scar story outloud in class, and it turns out Lance has a heart defect!!! For Madison, this explains all his nerdy tendencies.
Yeah. Because heart defects cause a person to be socially challenged.
Hmm, Madison hears Ivy crying in the bathroom. EVEN MORE FORESHADOWING??
?? Madison's mom goes on a date...but doesn't tell Madison what went on.
She still wants her parents to get back together, even though her dad is married now?? It's cool if Stephanie gets hurt and everything....
Aargh, Madison's friends twist the rumor about Ivy and make it sound like she's dating a COLLEGE sophomore!!!! Aargh, they're so mean!!
Drew tells them to leave her alone, and they're all, "Ha ha, you like Ivy!!"
Uh oh. It appears Hart still likes Ivy. All his friends are teasing him about it.
He WAS lying after all.
Journaling #3
Topic: List twenty details about someone you know. Try to include details that are about more than just physical appearance.
Egg asks Madison to read her list outloud...but she can't...because it's about HART.
Egg writes about his sister Mariah, who has blue hair and a nose ring. Jealous.
Fiona writes about Madison, but one of her details is "Bad at keeping secrets".
Ouch.
Since they don't have a science teacher and they can't get a sub, Madison's science class has to work in the library the entire period.
And Madison is stuck with Poison Ivy.
Fuuuun.
Madison doesn't remember Ivy's middle name, which is Renee...
...but Ivy remembers MADISON'S middle name, which is Francesca.
Random.
Turns out Ivy already did all the journaling assignments and asked for more!! Oh, I want some, too.
Madison wants those extra assignments.
But Ivy won't give them to her.
Because Madison never shares her science notes.
Catfight!
Madison peeks into Ivy's journal:
Write about a time you had to wait for something you wanted.
What's the point of writing about this? I am supposed to see M. and H. as soon as possible, but I don't know what will happen. J. didn't have happy....
Madison assumes M and H stand for "Madison" and "Hart".
Bigwheels is sorry, but she doesn't feel comfortable telling Madison what's going on in her life.
Madison retaliates and whines, "You always told me to keep it real. You can talk to me!!"
Someone just wants to know the juicy gossip.
Hello. Problem solve. It has to do with AUTISM.
Madison runs into Hart in the hallway.
Madison: I'm such a klutz. I can't believe I whammed into you like that. I am SO sorry. And now look at this mess....
Hart: My dad would call this a happy accident. He always says profound things like that.
What are you implying??
Uh-oh. Hart might've looked at Madison's journal! There's no telling what he saw!
Hmm, it turns out he might've seen "MADISON JONES" written in huge letters.
Aimee's obsessed with the whole "high school sophomore" thing. "OMG, HIS NAME IS FRED!"
And he apparently got suspended once for using drugs.
Wows. The 4th journaling assignment is to write a description of someone you know, and using inflammatory language, Madison writes a pagelong rant about Poison Ivy.
It turns out Mrs. Daly (Ivy's mom) has breast cancer, too!
It's a small world after all.
Duh. The M and J in the notebook stood for "Mom" and "Janet".
It turns out the high-school sophomore is a member of a cancer support group that Ivy goes to and they're JUST FRIENDS.
Madison doesn't want to be nice to Ivy because her FRIENDS will think she's weird.
You could bring up the CANCER. That might help.
Fran STILL won't tell Madison who she's dating...or whether or not she's dating AT ALL.
Madison accidentally tells her friends about the date, and they're all, "OMG, GOSSIP!"
Madison: No! You guys... This is how rumors get started.
Yeah. Remember the "college sophomore" thing?
Fiona: Walter's cute, and I like him a lot, but he can be really, really embarrassing sometimes.
He's a GUY! Not only that, he's in 7TH GRADE! Of course he's embarrassing!
Drew, the rich kid, brags about his new BASEBALL CARD COLLECTION. He even has an original Honus Wagner card!!!
Um, cool...but what's the point?? It's not like there's anyone to trade with him.
Hart grabs Madison's hand suggestively. ????
Fran doesn't want to wear a red dress on one of her dates, because that would send the WRONG IMPRESSION.
Either this guy is religious or it's not a date.
Dude, it's okay if you lie in your journal. Denial is the first step in processing grief. And it's her PRIVATE JOURNAL. It's not like anyone's going to find out.
And Madison doesn't even CARE about the lies Ivy is writing. She's just jealous that Ivy is in her DOMAIN of journals and collages.
Bigwheels reveals her secret: Her brother Eddie has mild autism.
Now he doesn't like being touched, can't sit still, hit himself in public, and apparently can't talk.
Ooooh...poor Bigwheels.
Madison's like...Oh.
The grades were so bad on the last science quiz that Madison's teacher gave everyone an A!!!!!
Whoa...I wish my science teacher had been that nice. I had the highest grade in the class with a B-!
Just when Madison is about to be nice to Ivy, Ivy has to tell another lie about her perfect life, making Madison "madder than mad".
Fran wasn't going on dates...she was meeting with a bigwig to discuss her promotion!! Soon they'll be rich!
Madison is mad that her mom didn't tell her first, though. After she told everyone else. Including Jeff, the guy she had a kid with.
Yeah, I'd probably tell Jeff first, too.
Argh. Madison's friends start being REALLY mean about Ivy (claiming she's on drugs, making fun of her outfit, etc.), so Madison tells them to quit it.
And...ugh, I hate them so much.
Aimee: Are you defending her?
Madison: no, no! But I just think...that maybe...we're being a little harsh...
Friends: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Madison: What's so funny?
Aimee: Maddie, we're talking about the Queen of Harsh here, Poison Ivy Daly, remember? How could we possibly come near her level of mean?
THAT'S your excuse?? When is it EVER okay to accuse someone of being on drugs??? I freaking HATE Aimee.
Wth, Aimee gets WORSE!!
aIMEE: I just saw her crying outside one of hte bathrooms. Can you believe it? Ivy never cries. She's more like an emotional freezer. She doesn't care about anyone else except herself.
Fiona: What was she crying about?
Aimee: Herself. She ran out of lip gloss. Oooh! Poor me!
B**ch.
Madison does some really LAME defending.
Madison: I think Ivy's got a problem.
Aimee: NO KIDDING!
Fiona: HAHAHAHAHA! [I hate her, too]
Madison: No, you two, I'm serious. I think maybe she has a real problem.
Fiona: You're serious?
Aimee: Like, what problem? What do you know that you aren't telling us?
Madison: I just...I don't know anything for sure. But I just think that maybe Ivy is really sad. Maybe she's not being a drama queen for once.
Fiona: I guess you could be right.
Aimee: Please! I can't stay for the pity party.
For the love of God, Aimee!! Who's an emotional freezer now? She doesn't even care!! And Madison just laughs along with her to the pity party comment.
Is it sad that I'm getting really riled about what a fictional character is saying??
Whatever. She's a STUPID fictional character.
Lo and behold! The girls come upon a lady whose son has autism!
Madison: It's so weird that you saw Mrs. Reynolds like that, because I was just wondering about autism.
Aimee: Huh? You were? Maddie, why were you wondering about that?
Madison: Oh, I don't know, Aim, I saw a TV show on autism once...and I-I've always wondered about it. That's all.
Aimee: That's so random, Maddie.
Dude, holy crap. Is Aimee THAT OBLIVIOUS?? What a crappy friend.
Now that Fran is rich, she takes Madison on a joyous shopping spree.
Dang, my parents are the opposite of rich right now.
Stupid gas prices.
And they run into Paige and Ivy Daly at the mall!! Awkward...
I think Mrs. Daly is bald. That's how I pictured her, anyway.
Awww...Ivy is so sad about her mom.
But she also doesn't want anyone to start treating her like a leper because she has a sick mom.
That's the Ivy we know and love. You were scaring me for a minute there, Ivy.
Omg, Mrs. Daly has an asthma attack! Or something. Does cancer affect the respiratory system, too?
Mrs. Daly just randomly throws her arms around Madison and kisses her on the cheek. WHOA. There's this thing we call "The Bubble". You're not respecting it.
For her last journal assignment, Madison has to write a piece from someone else's point of view, so she writes about Ivy. It's pretty depressing.
Yay, Eddie's made progress! He can talk now!!
Maybe he'll grow up to be like the autistic kids at my school who are really good at spelling.
But that's assuming all autistic kids have some sort of superpower when in fact they're just normal kids...sort of.
Surprise! Hart comes over.
And he ran the entire way???
Ha ha, like in #16. "Are you okay?" "Oh yeah, I have asthma."
Chocolate cookies are overrated.
But both Madison and Hart like them. They have SOOOO much in common!!
Wh-What?
Hart: Are you okay?
Madison: No.
And she tells him all about what's been going on...and he listens??? That's cool.
But then, out of the blue, he's all, "You're really nice." Which makes you wonder if he was really listening.
They agree to "do something"...as in go on a date.
Hart: You know...I should tell you something.
Madison: What?
Hart: Well, do you remember the day when you and I collided at school? And your bag fell apart?
Madison: Yeah?
Hart: Well...I saw your journal that day. I saw what you wrote.
Madison: Saw what?
Hart: I saw my name on that page.
Then he just LEAVES!!! MIXED-MESSAGES!!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN????
But then Fran comes home and says, "Hart run all the way here? He loves you!"
So everything is okay.
Madison's Computer Tip:
If you want to keep your thoughts and feelings secret, don't write them down in a blog.
Well, I obviously DON'T.
Hm, fun fun fun.
The next one takes place in NYC, so it should be sparkly and fun, according to the back cover.
Agh, I started reading #21, which I'd never read before, and it's a little disappointing. But whatever. I'll be here forever, so expect more later.
Speaking of Tie, she was totally lying right next to me 2 seconds ago. What happened?
Plot: Madison Finn has had enough of Ivy Daly!!! Her English class has just received a new journal writing assignment, and Ivy always writes about how perfect and wonderful her life is. It just makes Madison sick; partly because Ivy is such a fake, and partly because Ivy writes so much in her journal. Journal writing is Madison's territory!!!
It turns out Ivy's life is NOT so perfect after all!!! Her mom has breast cancer.
Fran tells Madison to be nice to Ivy because her mom is sort of dying, but Madison finds it hard when Ivy continues to be such a meanie.
Finally, she convinces her friends to stop giving Ivy such a hard time. Good enough.
More notes:
"We started 'journaling', which is basically keeping track of feelings and observations and all that [in case you didn't know what journaling was]...which is what I do every day on this computer anyway! [Lol, me, too!]"
Madison's first assignment is to write about a very successful or very embarassing moment. Pick embarassing, you've got plenty of those.
The Gang goes to Madison's house.
Hart: Gee, I've never been in your house before.
Drew: Yeah, you have. Haven't you?
Fiona: *to Madison* You WISH Hart had been in your house before....
Egg almost breaks a glass penguin belonging to Madison's mom.
Madison: Careful! My mom got that in the antarctic!
Because they have so many glass penguin shops in the antarctic.
Madison finds it weird that Egg speaks Spanish...even though he's bilingual.
Although he's quite "Dora the Explorer" about it. "Mi mami got it for me. She rocks."
"As Egg clicked away, Madison prayed that his fingers wouldn't slip and cause him to select one of her e-mail messages or open the secret folder on her desktop tht held her files. She had visions of Hart standing there while a dozen different files carrying his name opened up.
Hart Jones
Hart (continued)
Mr. & Mrs. Jones
The One
Him"
Wow. She has officially passed into stalking territory.
Ooh, there's a new exotic website called BLOGGERfishbowl, where bigfishbowl members can BLOG.
Oh no, they come across Madison's journal assignment...and it's blank.
Hm. Either way, that sucks.
Ivy accuses Madison of wicked PMS, but Madison doesn't want to admit that she HASN'T STARTED HER PERIOD.
I don't think she ever will, if it's been three years and she's still 12.
Madison's like, "Ew, Hart has crooked teeth."
So????
Hart: Looked like Ivy and you were arguing.
Madison: Big surprise.
Hart: She gets weirder every day.
Madison: I actually thought you liked her.
Hart: Me? Like Ivy? Uh...not exactly. She's pretty and all that, but sometimes she's just...well, I said it. She's a big weirdo.
Madison: She likes you.
Hart: Whatever.
I think he still likes her. Way to lie and be all, "Me, like her? No way."
Hart: Later, Finnster. Er...Maddie. Sorry, I guess I should stop calling you Finnster. I know it bugs you.
Madison: Yeah, well... No, Finnster isn't so bad. I like it. Don't stop. Really.
Hart: Really?
Madison: I just need to think of a good nickname for you.
Hart: Uh...Egg calls me Loser sometimes. Or Weasel.
Madison: I was thinking more like Hunk.
Hart: Huh? What did you just say???
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Madison: What? I said, 'Dork'. Why? What did you think I said?
Hart: Oh yeah, that's me. Super Dork, actually. *wink*
Phew. Crisis averted. ROFL, that was pretty hilarious, though.
Aimee is depressed because her ballet teacher has breast cancer. Foreshadowing?
Madison tells her mom about the breast cancer.
Fran: It seems like so many women I know have it these days.
Madison: Really? I remember your friend from work. Who else?
Fran: Oh. No one in particular, honey bear.
More foreshadowing!!!
Madison is surfing BLOGGERfishbowl when she comes across a blog written by...*drumroll*...Vicki, AKA Bigwheels, HER KEYPAL!!!
Bigwheels' latest entry:
I know I need to just relax but how can I relax when I don't get any sleep either? I think I'm going to check out one of the chat rooms Dad told me about. I never knew it affected so many kids. I also found out that I can volunteer down @ the speech center in Seattle. I don't think I'll be working with kids who have autism but I will probably learn a lot.
--BW
Autism??? What a concept.
Madison is less concerned by the entry, however, and more concerned about why BIGWHEELS NEVER TOLD HER ABOUT THIS SECRET BLOG!! BETRAYAL!!!
Hey, Madison gets an e-mail from Hart...one that turns out to be a mistake:
From: Sk8ingboy
Hey, guys, my dad just called the FH rink and the dude there said we can play next wkend which is cool so let's find other guys and we'll be hooked up. I was thinking maybe we could go over to Drew's to play the Zone again b4 we sk8 since the game @ Maddie's was so lame. Ok. E-me l8r.
Whoa, wait. The game at Maddie's was LAME? Does that mean the game was stupid or Madison is lame?
Madison has to write a story about a scar, so she writes about the divorce, which is a metaphorical scar.
But then she gets off topic and has to rewrite the entire thing.
Been there.
Oooh, big juicy gossip! Ivy is dating a high-school sophomore!!!
???
But is she SLEEPING with him? Otherwise, that's only SORT OF creepy.
Uh oh...he was talking about her in the locker room. GROSS.
There's actually not that many cute guys at other schools. I'm pretty satisfied with the ones at mine, but Madison thinks otherwise.
Lance reads his scar story outloud in class, and it turns out Lance has a heart defect!!! For Madison, this explains all his nerdy tendencies.
Yeah. Because heart defects cause a person to be socially challenged.
Hmm, Madison hears Ivy crying in the bathroom. EVEN MORE FORESHADOWING??
?? Madison's mom goes on a date...but doesn't tell Madison what went on.
She still wants her parents to get back together, even though her dad is married now?? It's cool if Stephanie gets hurt and everything....
Aargh, Madison's friends twist the rumor about Ivy and make it sound like she's dating a COLLEGE sophomore!!!! Aargh, they're so mean!!
Drew tells them to leave her alone, and they're all, "Ha ha, you like Ivy!!"
Uh oh. It appears Hart still likes Ivy. All his friends are teasing him about it.
He WAS lying after all.
Journaling #3
Topic: List twenty details about someone you know. Try to include details that are about more than just physical appearance.
Egg asks Madison to read her list outloud...but she can't...because it's about HART.
Egg writes about his sister Mariah, who has blue hair and a nose ring. Jealous.
Fiona writes about Madison, but one of her details is "Bad at keeping secrets".
Ouch.
Since they don't have a science teacher and they can't get a sub, Madison's science class has to work in the library the entire period.
And Madison is stuck with Poison Ivy.
Fuuuun.
Madison doesn't remember Ivy's middle name, which is Renee...
...but Ivy remembers MADISON'S middle name, which is Francesca.
Random.
Turns out Ivy already did all the journaling assignments and asked for more!! Oh, I want some, too.
Madison wants those extra assignments.
But Ivy won't give them to her.
Because Madison never shares her science notes.
Catfight!
Madison peeks into Ivy's journal:
Write about a time you had to wait for something you wanted.
What's the point of writing about this? I am supposed to see M. and H. as soon as possible, but I don't know what will happen. J. didn't have happy....
Madison assumes M and H stand for "Madison" and "Hart".
Bigwheels is sorry, but she doesn't feel comfortable telling Madison what's going on in her life.
Madison retaliates and whines, "You always told me to keep it real. You can talk to me!!"
Someone just wants to know the juicy gossip.
Hello. Problem solve. It has to do with AUTISM.
Madison runs into Hart in the hallway.
Madison: I'm such a klutz. I can't believe I whammed into you like that. I am SO sorry. And now look at this mess....
Hart: My dad would call this a happy accident. He always says profound things like that.
What are you implying??
Uh-oh. Hart might've looked at Madison's journal! There's no telling what he saw!
Hmm, it turns out he might've seen "MADISON JONES" written in huge letters.
Aimee's obsessed with the whole "high school sophomore" thing. "OMG, HIS NAME IS FRED!"
And he apparently got suspended once for using drugs.
Wows. The 4th journaling assignment is to write a description of someone you know, and using inflammatory language, Madison writes a pagelong rant about Poison Ivy.
It turns out Mrs. Daly (Ivy's mom) has breast cancer, too!
It's a small world after all.
Duh. The M and J in the notebook stood for "Mom" and "Janet".
It turns out the high-school sophomore is a member of a cancer support group that Ivy goes to and they're JUST FRIENDS.
Madison doesn't want to be nice to Ivy because her FRIENDS will think she's weird.
You could bring up the CANCER. That might help.
Fran STILL won't tell Madison who she's dating...or whether or not she's dating AT ALL.
Madison accidentally tells her friends about the date, and they're all, "OMG, GOSSIP!"
Madison: No! You guys... This is how rumors get started.
Yeah. Remember the "college sophomore" thing?
Fiona: Walter's cute, and I like him a lot, but he can be really, really embarrassing sometimes.
He's a GUY! Not only that, he's in 7TH GRADE! Of course he's embarrassing!
Drew, the rich kid, brags about his new BASEBALL CARD COLLECTION. He even has an original Honus Wagner card!!!
Um, cool...but what's the point?? It's not like there's anyone to trade with him.
Hart grabs Madison's hand suggestively. ????
Fran doesn't want to wear a red dress on one of her dates, because that would send the WRONG IMPRESSION.
Either this guy is religious or it's not a date.
Dude, it's okay if you lie in your journal. Denial is the first step in processing grief. And it's her PRIVATE JOURNAL. It's not like anyone's going to find out.
And Madison doesn't even CARE about the lies Ivy is writing. She's just jealous that Ivy is in her DOMAIN of journals and collages.
Bigwheels reveals her secret: Her brother Eddie has mild autism.
Now he doesn't like being touched, can't sit still, hit himself in public, and apparently can't talk.
Ooooh...poor Bigwheels.
Madison's like...Oh.
The grades were so bad on the last science quiz that Madison's teacher gave everyone an A!!!!!
Whoa...I wish my science teacher had been that nice. I had the highest grade in the class with a B-!
Just when Madison is about to be nice to Ivy, Ivy has to tell another lie about her perfect life, making Madison "madder than mad".
Fran wasn't going on dates...she was meeting with a bigwig to discuss her promotion!! Soon they'll be rich!
Madison is mad that her mom didn't tell her first, though. After she told everyone else. Including Jeff, the guy she had a kid with.
Yeah, I'd probably tell Jeff first, too.
Argh. Madison's friends start being REALLY mean about Ivy (claiming she's on drugs, making fun of her outfit, etc.), so Madison tells them to quit it.
And...ugh, I hate them so much.
Aimee: Are you defending her?
Madison: no, no! But I just think...that maybe...we're being a little harsh...
Friends: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Madison: What's so funny?
Aimee: Maddie, we're talking about the Queen of Harsh here, Poison Ivy Daly, remember? How could we possibly come near her level of mean?
THAT'S your excuse?? When is it EVER okay to accuse someone of being on drugs??? I freaking HATE Aimee.
Wth, Aimee gets WORSE!!
aIMEE: I just saw her crying outside one of hte bathrooms. Can you believe it? Ivy never cries. She's more like an emotional freezer. She doesn't care about anyone else except herself.
Fiona: What was she crying about?
Aimee: Herself. She ran out of lip gloss. Oooh! Poor me!
B**ch.
Madison does some really LAME defending.
Madison: I think Ivy's got a problem.
Aimee: NO KIDDING!
Fiona: HAHAHAHAHA! [I hate her, too]
Madison: No, you two, I'm serious. I think maybe she has a real problem.
Fiona: You're serious?
Aimee: Like, what problem? What do you know that you aren't telling us?
Madison: I just...I don't know anything for sure. But I just think that maybe Ivy is really sad. Maybe she's not being a drama queen for once.
Fiona: I guess you could be right.
Aimee: Please! I can't stay for the pity party.
For the love of God, Aimee!! Who's an emotional freezer now? She doesn't even care!! And Madison just laughs along with her to the pity party comment.
Is it sad that I'm getting really riled about what a fictional character is saying??
Whatever. She's a STUPID fictional character.
Lo and behold! The girls come upon a lady whose son has autism!
Madison: It's so weird that you saw Mrs. Reynolds like that, because I was just wondering about autism.
Aimee: Huh? You were? Maddie, why were you wondering about that?
Madison: Oh, I don't know, Aim, I saw a TV show on autism once...and I-I've always wondered about it. That's all.
Aimee: That's so random, Maddie.
Dude, holy crap. Is Aimee THAT OBLIVIOUS?? What a crappy friend.
Now that Fran is rich, she takes Madison on a joyous shopping spree.
Dang, my parents are the opposite of rich right now.
Stupid gas prices.
And they run into Paige and Ivy Daly at the mall!! Awkward...
I think Mrs. Daly is bald. That's how I pictured her, anyway.
Awww...Ivy is so sad about her mom.
But she also doesn't want anyone to start treating her like a leper because she has a sick mom.
That's the Ivy we know and love. You were scaring me for a minute there, Ivy.
Omg, Mrs. Daly has an asthma attack! Or something. Does cancer affect the respiratory system, too?
Mrs. Daly just randomly throws her arms around Madison and kisses her on the cheek. WHOA. There's this thing we call "The Bubble". You're not respecting it.
For her last journal assignment, Madison has to write a piece from someone else's point of view, so she writes about Ivy. It's pretty depressing.
Yay, Eddie's made progress! He can talk now!!
Maybe he'll grow up to be like the autistic kids at my school who are really good at spelling.
But that's assuming all autistic kids have some sort of superpower when in fact they're just normal kids...sort of.
Surprise! Hart comes over.
And he ran the entire way???
Ha ha, like in #16. "Are you okay?" "Oh yeah, I have asthma."
Chocolate cookies are overrated.
But both Madison and Hart like them. They have SOOOO much in common!!
Wh-What?
Hart: Are you okay?
Madison: No.
And she tells him all about what's been going on...and he listens??? That's cool.
But then, out of the blue, he's all, "You're really nice." Which makes you wonder if he was really listening.
They agree to "do something"...as in go on a date.
Hart: You know...I should tell you something.
Madison: What?
Hart: Well, do you remember the day when you and I collided at school? And your bag fell apart?
Madison: Yeah?
Hart: Well...I saw your journal that day. I saw what you wrote.
Madison: Saw what?
Hart: I saw my name on that page.
Then he just LEAVES!!! MIXED-MESSAGES!!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN????
But then Fran comes home and says, "Hart run all the way here? He loves you!"
So everything is okay.
Madison's Computer Tip:
If you want to keep your thoughts and feelings secret, don't write them down in a blog.
Well, I obviously DON'T.
Hm, fun fun fun.
The next one takes place in NYC, so it should be sparkly and fun, according to the back cover.
Agh, I started reading #21, which I'd never read before, and it's a little disappointing. But whatever. I'll be here forever, so expect more later.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Somebody's getting married! Part #2
All right! Our Super Special continues!!
Plot: Madison just arrived in Texas, sans suitcase, and was forced to attend a welcome party thrown by Stephanie's family. All of Stephanie's relatives are overbearing and it's too hot outside to even think. Madison has a panic attack, and her dad disapproves of all the guests - he'd been under the impression it would be a SMALL wedding.
They get back to the hotel and Madison promises to make more of an effort to make friends.
The next day, at the rehearsal dinner, she meets Kirk (Stephanie's sexy nephew, whom she'd tried to hook Madison up with in #15) and Tiffany, a total Ivy clone!!
Now Stephanie and Dad are fighting!!
It's the day before the wedding, and Madison just wants to finish her wedding collage.
Then she receives news from home - Fiona's dad had a heart attack!!
Madison feels like a horrible friend.
Will our heroine be able to finish the collage with all this commotion?
More notes:
They meet a cowboy on the street...and he's Stephanie's cousin Tony!
How positively random.
Stephanie's dad's name is Wally.
!!!!
That's my grandpa's name!!
Why is corn chips and salsa considered a Texas-style snack?? I know SOO many Washingtonians who eat that all the time.
Madison sees a "really hot" boy. He says, "hi," grabs some chips...and walks away.
Madison has a conversation with her dad that sounds a LOT like a conversation I might have with my dad.
No need to elaborate on that.
Dad wants her to mingle with the other kids.
Kids? KIDS? "I'd would rather be with you, Dad."
Look on the bright side, Maddie: Your suitcase has arrived!!
There's nothing better than being sweaty and changing into clean, glorious clothes.
Whoa, random. Stephanie comes into her room sobbing.
Awkward....
Stephanie: I hope you know you can tell me anything.
Madison: Can I tell you that you make me nervous sometimes and that I think you try too hard and that I really, really, really don't want you to marry my dad?
Don't worry. She doesn't actually say any of that outloud.
"Stephanie and Dad disappeared throught the divider door, locking it behind them with a loud click."
Uh oh. They obviously want to be alone....
???
Fiona's dress is a perfect fit.
I guess they aren't as different as I thought.
Madison meets Stephanie's sister, Wanda, and Wanda is described as having big hair that looks pink.
I keep picturing cotton candy.
Ha ha ha.
It turns out Kirk, the "nerdy" nephew Madison so did not want to meet, is eXtReMeLy hot.
He's cuter than Hart?? Whoa, Madison has it bad.
Apparently everyone eats steak for breakfast in Texas.
Especially Kirk, whose family raises their own cattle. They have steak at every meal.
WHOA.
Jeff loves beef.
Frannie is VEGETARIAN.
Now WONDER their marriage didn't work out.
Madison decides to ditch her new "aunts" to go to the hotel by pretending to be sick.
Works every time.
:O FIONA'S DAD IS IN THE HOSPITAL. HE HAD A HEART ATTACK.
Aimee is the one who sends the e-mail, and she makes Madison feel all guilty, like she SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE.
She says stuff about how if Madison were there, they could cheer Fiona up like REAL friends.
Shut up, Aimee. Go cheer her up yourself.
Kirk doesn't sound that cute.
He's tall with brownish blond hair, cool clothes, and a cute accent.
Her friends start to accuse her of liking Hart...so, to change the subject, she's like, "Wait, did I tell you Kirk asked me to dance with him at the wedding?"
That's basically a confession right there.
Bigwheels talks about getting her own laptop.
Doesn't she already have her own computer???
And didn't she get a new one 100 pages ago???
Whatever. I'm lost.
Oh no, Wanda's car broke down!
Madison's like, "That's too bad...do I still have to go to the tea party?"
Ha.
But she still has to go. Darn.
"I have only been to one tea party in my life, in second grade, and there were dolls involved."
ME TOO!!
"Who wants a piece of paper with pictures and words stuck to it when you can have a life-size crystal collie or a complete set of silver serving pieces with little lassos on the end?"
Good question.
UGH! I hate it when parents badmouth someone, but then get mad when YOU badmouth them.
Okay, most guys are obsessed with food. I wish they would stop relating any guy who eats food to Dan "Porko" Ginsburg.
"Tiffany continued with her incessant chatter. Why wasn't anyone telling her to shut up? Madison wanted to thump Miss Texas Poison Ivy on the back and say, 'Um...clue phone, it's for you! You're not supposed to be talking now! Hello?'"
Seriously, who talks during a wedding rehearsal. I wish Madison had actually done that.
Stephanie's mom has OCD. "THE POSITION OF THE ALTAR IS ALL WRONG!"
Madison: This isn't what weddings are supposed to be like. Where is everyone going?
Kirk: Hey, at least the food is good.
Are...you...kidding me?
Typical guy behavior.
Yay, Assertive Madison sticks up for herself!
A small nose pimple??? Please. At least it's not in the middle of your forehead.
I picture Tiffany talking like Sandy Cheeks from "Spongebob Squarepants".
"As you can see, I'm a little outnumbered in the guest department. But my daughter, Maddie, makes up for all of it. She's watching over me."
Aaagh. I'd be embarassed.
Madison's totally fine, though.
Ooooh. Madison and her dad have this intimate Father-Daughter dance.
If only my dad wasn't afraid of physical touch.
To be continued....
Plot: Madison just arrived in Texas, sans suitcase, and was forced to attend a welcome party thrown by Stephanie's family. All of Stephanie's relatives are overbearing and it's too hot outside to even think. Madison has a panic attack, and her dad disapproves of all the guests - he'd been under the impression it would be a SMALL wedding.
They get back to the hotel and Madison promises to make more of an effort to make friends.
The next day, at the rehearsal dinner, she meets Kirk (Stephanie's sexy nephew, whom she'd tried to hook Madison up with in #15) and Tiffany, a total Ivy clone!!
Now Stephanie and Dad are fighting!!
It's the day before the wedding, and Madison just wants to finish her wedding collage.
Then she receives news from home - Fiona's dad had a heart attack!!
Madison feels like a horrible friend.
Will our heroine be able to finish the collage with all this commotion?
More notes:
They meet a cowboy on the street...and he's Stephanie's cousin Tony!
How positively random.
Stephanie's dad's name is Wally.
!!!!
That's my grandpa's name!!
Why is corn chips and salsa considered a Texas-style snack?? I know SOO many Washingtonians who eat that all the time.
Madison sees a "really hot" boy. He says, "hi," grabs some chips...and walks away.
Madison has a conversation with her dad that sounds a LOT like a conversation I might have with my dad.
No need to elaborate on that.
Dad wants her to mingle with the other kids.
Kids? KIDS? "I'd would rather be with you, Dad."
Look on the bright side, Maddie: Your suitcase has arrived!!
There's nothing better than being sweaty and changing into clean, glorious clothes.
Whoa, random. Stephanie comes into her room sobbing.
Awkward....
Stephanie: I hope you know you can tell me anything.
Madison: Can I tell you that you make me nervous sometimes and that I think you try too hard and that I really, really, really don't want you to marry my dad?
Don't worry. She doesn't actually say any of that outloud.
"Stephanie and Dad disappeared throught the divider door, locking it behind them with a loud click."
Uh oh. They obviously want to be alone....
???
Fiona's dress is a perfect fit.
I guess they aren't as different as I thought.
Madison meets Stephanie's sister, Wanda, and Wanda is described as having big hair that looks pink.
I keep picturing cotton candy.
Ha ha ha.
It turns out Kirk, the "nerdy" nephew Madison so did not want to meet, is eXtReMeLy hot.
He's cuter than Hart?? Whoa, Madison has it bad.
Apparently everyone eats steak for breakfast in Texas.
Especially Kirk, whose family raises their own cattle. They have steak at every meal.
WHOA.
Jeff loves beef.
Frannie is VEGETARIAN.
Now WONDER their marriage didn't work out.
Madison decides to ditch her new "aunts" to go to the hotel by pretending to be sick.
Works every time.
:O FIONA'S DAD IS IN THE HOSPITAL. HE HAD A HEART ATTACK.
Aimee is the one who sends the e-mail, and she makes Madison feel all guilty, like she SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE.
She says stuff about how if Madison were there, they could cheer Fiona up like REAL friends.
Shut up, Aimee. Go cheer her up yourself.
Kirk doesn't sound that cute.
He's tall with brownish blond hair, cool clothes, and a cute accent.
Her friends start to accuse her of liking Hart...so, to change the subject, she's like, "Wait, did I tell you Kirk asked me to dance with him at the wedding?"
That's basically a confession right there.
Bigwheels talks about getting her own laptop.
Doesn't she already have her own computer???
And didn't she get a new one 100 pages ago???
Whatever. I'm lost.
Oh no, Wanda's car broke down!
Madison's like, "That's too bad...do I still have to go to the tea party?"
Ha.
But she still has to go. Darn.
"I have only been to one tea party in my life, in second grade, and there were dolls involved."
ME TOO!!
"Who wants a piece of paper with pictures and words stuck to it when you can have a life-size crystal collie or a complete set of silver serving pieces with little lassos on the end?"
Good question.
UGH! I hate it when parents badmouth someone, but then get mad when YOU badmouth them.
Okay, most guys are obsessed with food. I wish they would stop relating any guy who eats food to Dan "Porko" Ginsburg.
"Tiffany continued with her incessant chatter. Why wasn't anyone telling her to shut up? Madison wanted to thump Miss Texas Poison Ivy on the back and say, 'Um...clue phone, it's for you! You're not supposed to be talking now! Hello?'"
Seriously, who talks during a wedding rehearsal. I wish Madison had actually done that.
Stephanie's mom has OCD. "THE POSITION OF THE ALTAR IS ALL WRONG!"
Madison: This isn't what weddings are supposed to be like. Where is everyone going?
Kirk: Hey, at least the food is good.
Are...you...kidding me?
Typical guy behavior.
Yay, Assertive Madison sticks up for herself!
A small nose pimple??? Please. At least it's not in the middle of your forehead.
I picture Tiffany talking like Sandy Cheeks from "Spongebob Squarepants".
"As you can see, I'm a little outnumbered in the guest department. But my daughter, Maddie, makes up for all of it. She's watching over me."
Aaagh. I'd be embarassed.
Madison's totally fine, though.
Ooooh. Madison and her dad have this intimate Father-Daughter dance.
If only my dad wasn't afraid of physical touch.
To be continued....
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Unkept promises abound, or Pony Pals Super Special #4: The Fourth Pony Pal
So it's the FOURTH Super Special and it's about the FOURTH Pony Pal. Sorry. Not really funny.
Plot: Pam wants to take part in a jumping clinic in Virginia, so she and her Pony Pals go on a road trip!!! w00t!!!
When they get to the clinic, Mrs. Foster (the person in charge) is a total snob, and all the other girls are wankers. Shelly, Mrs. Foster's daughter, is just as mean as everyone else, but seems withdrawn and sad a lot of the time.
The meddling Pony Pals get to the bottom of it: Shelly misses her pony Midnight Ride, but is angry at her mother and best friend Brooke because they'd been advising her to dump Midnight Ride before he DIED of COLIC.
Ooooh, that burns.
The Pony Pals comfort Shelly, convince her to cry it out, and help her reconnect with her mother.
Then they go home.
More notes:
Lulu casually mentions homework. It seems like the Pony Pals NEVER GO TO SCHOOL.
Summer vacation again???
Wait...the clinic is in Virginia. Isn't that where Lulu's godsister or whatever Alicia lives?? And they're not going to go visit? I guess Alicia doesn't exist anymore.
They get a letter from Eleanor Morgan, the pro stadium jumper from #21. She writes like a 10-year-old.
Pam's dad is all, "Oh no, a week without Pam, what will I do?"
Shut up, Robert. You should be jumping for joy.
At least I think his name is Robert. Didn't he say his name was Robert that one time?
Anna feels like she's missing something important....
Underwear? No, not underwear.
Shoes? No, of course not.
Pads? Heck no, why would she need that?
Oh duh - ART SUPPLIES!
Grandmother Sanders gives them a beauty kit to take with them. Read: So you 3 won't look like slobs at the jumping clinic.
They live in Conneticutt (I know I spelled that wrong), right? It takes them 4 HOURS to get to Virginia. I don't think so. Mapquest says 9.
They act like people make a big deal about whether you have a horse or a pony. No, Pam, I don't think anyone cares.
Mrs. Foster is wonderfully polite ...until Pam's mom leaves.
Mrs. Foster: You shouldn't have disappeared like that. All your friends are upstairs.
Shelly: They're not my friends. They're your students.
Nice, a character with backbone!
Anna is such a freak!
"When we stay over at Pam's we sleep in the barn. We call ourselves the Pony Pals and love to trail ride."
And you wonder why you don't make friends easily....
Pam: Hi. I'm Pam Crandal. The tall one.
Um, the black one....
They have a palomino pony...named GOLDIE.
Proving that no one has any originality.
Heh. Mrs. Foster splits them up.
Pam is kind of stupid.
Shelly: Tell Brooke that my mother wants to speak with her.
Pam: *turns to Brooke* Shelly said-
Brooke: No duh, I'm not deaf.
Brooke and Shelly are fighting. Pam is sharing a room with them. Should be fun. XP
"Anna didn't mention the lucky upside-down heart marking on Lightning's forehead. She had a feeling Shelly wouldn't care."
I don't care either, Anna.
Sweet. Shelly is antisocial and feisty. We have a lot in common, Shelly!
Okay, I know these girls like horses, but there are OTHER horse books and movies that DON'T involve Black Beauty.
Everyone likes to talk about themselves, Pam. What's wrong with you?
Brooke is Regina from "Mean Girls".
Shelly seems upset. Pam wonders if Shelly lost a big competition.
Or maybe someone died, perhaps?
Bells say ding-dong, ding-dong. What kind of bell says dong-dong, dong-dong?
Shelly tells Brooke where to stuff it when Brooke mistakenly makes fun of the Pony Pals. Yeaaah!
Mrs. Foster: Quiet, you two. Watch carefully. You can learn a lot just by observing.
Anna: I can learn how to be bored.
Lol.
The Pony Pals want to know what Shelly's problem is and why she's so sad and angry.
I want to know why it's any of their business.
Anna and Snow White escape. In the process of looking for them, Pam sets off the burglar alarm. Hahaha, it wakes EVERYONE up.
I notice no one in this series ever has short hair or glasses. If they're a girl, anyway. For boys, that's true, too...except for the short hair part.
They start talking about ponies and Shelly runs away crying.
RED FLAG!
Her pony's name was Midnight Ride. -_- Guess what color he was?
"Shelly is a lot angry at her mother. We all wonder why."
Not only is that HORRIBLE grammar, but it should seem pretty obvious why Shelly hates her mom; the woman's a PSYCHO.
Anna has come a long way. Instead of instantly labeling people "snobs", she gives Shelly another chance.
Brooke: More Pony Pal secrets?
Lulu: Yes, and they're all about you, Brooke.
Pwned!!
To make friends with Shelly, they write her a letter????
But you guys are staying in the same house!!
Shelly doesn't want to play therapist with the Pony Pals, but she'd rather hang out with them than watch...*drumroll*..."Black Beauty"!
What is their obsession with this movie, as well as spaghetti, brownies, and grilled cheese sandwiches?
Shelly probably shouldn't watch a movie about a black horse. Might set her off again. Whatever.
"I was the only one who cried when Midnight Ride died."
Awwwwww....
Okay, lame. When Shelly tells them she has no interest in competing, Lulu and Anna understand.
But when Pam, in the beginning of the series, told them she HATED competing and had no interest in doing so, they EMOTIONALLY BLACKMAILED her into competing.
These guys SUCK.
Mrs. Foster has a horse named Royal Star.
What a prissy name.
Shelly writes a book about Midnight Ride and gives it to her mom.
Shelly got Midnight Ride when she was 6, and he died of colic when she was 10.
That really sucks.
Shelly: I don't want to live here anymore. I'm going to run away.
Anna: You can come to Wiggins with us if you want, but don't run away.
Whaaat? If you take her to Wiggins with you, you'll be HELPING her run away. SO CONFUSED.
Mrs. Foster promises to be less of a stiff.
Shelly: Is this what the Pony Pals do all the time?
Anna: Not ALL the time. But we trail ride a lot.
They also as participate in parades, man face-painting booths, catch hunters in the act, rescue hamsters, herd sheep, train ponies, find little girls and lost ponies, save ponies, tutor dyslexic girls, heal sick ponies, bargain with sellers, comfort dying ponies, tame wild ponies, join the circus, brave blizzards, give people makeovers, babysit, give blind ponies sight, manipulate and persuade, put out fires, adopt stray cats, take care of elderly ponies, help girls run away, build secret clubhouses, compete in horse shows, barrel race, watch bears, act in movies, find dogs, help birth foals, rescue abused animals, go back in time, communicate with animals, and help the environment.
Shelly's new friends Linda and Mary Ellen have ponies, too!
One is an Appaloosa named Smoothie, for his smooth gait (aaaaagh!).
Now they're all best friends and call themselves the Pony Pals, too.
Doesn't this happen in ALL Pony Pal books? They meet a new girl, make friends with her, convert her to their religion, and then send her home, where she creates her own three person Pony Cult. Creepy.
Only 3 Pony Pals books left: #37, #38, and Super Special #6.
Then it's all over.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Plot: Pam wants to take part in a jumping clinic in Virginia, so she and her Pony Pals go on a road trip!!! w00t!!!
When they get to the clinic, Mrs. Foster (the person in charge) is a total snob, and all the other girls are wankers. Shelly, Mrs. Foster's daughter, is just as mean as everyone else, but seems withdrawn and sad a lot of the time.
The meddling Pony Pals get to the bottom of it: Shelly misses her pony Midnight Ride, but is angry at her mother and best friend Brooke because they'd been advising her to dump Midnight Ride before he DIED of COLIC.
Ooooh, that burns.
The Pony Pals comfort Shelly, convince her to cry it out, and help her reconnect with her mother.
Then they go home.
More notes:
Lulu casually mentions homework. It seems like the Pony Pals NEVER GO TO SCHOOL.
Summer vacation again???
Wait...the clinic is in Virginia. Isn't that where Lulu's godsister or whatever Alicia lives?? And they're not going to go visit? I guess Alicia doesn't exist anymore.
They get a letter from Eleanor Morgan, the pro stadium jumper from #21. She writes like a 10-year-old.
Pam's dad is all, "Oh no, a week without Pam, what will I do?"
Shut up, Robert. You should be jumping for joy.
At least I think his name is Robert. Didn't he say his name was Robert that one time?
Anna feels like she's missing something important....
Underwear? No, not underwear.
Shoes? No, of course not.
Pads? Heck no, why would she need that?
Oh duh - ART SUPPLIES!
Grandmother Sanders gives them a beauty kit to take with them. Read: So you 3 won't look like slobs at the jumping clinic.
They live in Conneticutt (I know I spelled that wrong), right? It takes them 4 HOURS to get to Virginia. I don't think so. Mapquest says 9.
They act like people make a big deal about whether you have a horse or a pony. No, Pam, I don't think anyone cares.
Mrs. Foster is wonderfully polite ...until Pam's mom leaves.
Mrs. Foster: You shouldn't have disappeared like that. All your friends are upstairs.
Shelly: They're not my friends. They're your students.
Nice, a character with backbone!
Anna is such a freak!
"When we stay over at Pam's we sleep in the barn. We call ourselves the Pony Pals and love to trail ride."
And you wonder why you don't make friends easily....
Pam: Hi. I'm Pam Crandal. The tall one.
Um, the black one....
They have a palomino pony...named GOLDIE.
Proving that no one has any originality.
Heh. Mrs. Foster splits them up.
Pam is kind of stupid.
Shelly: Tell Brooke that my mother wants to speak with her.
Pam: *turns to Brooke* Shelly said-
Brooke: No duh, I'm not deaf.
Brooke and Shelly are fighting. Pam is sharing a room with them. Should be fun. XP
"Anna didn't mention the lucky upside-down heart marking on Lightning's forehead. She had a feeling Shelly wouldn't care."
I don't care either, Anna.
Sweet. Shelly is antisocial and feisty. We have a lot in common, Shelly!
Okay, I know these girls like horses, but there are OTHER horse books and movies that DON'T involve Black Beauty.
Everyone likes to talk about themselves, Pam. What's wrong with you?
Brooke is Regina from "Mean Girls".
Shelly seems upset. Pam wonders if Shelly lost a big competition.
Or maybe someone died, perhaps?
Bells say ding-dong, ding-dong. What kind of bell says dong-dong, dong-dong?
Shelly tells Brooke where to stuff it when Brooke mistakenly makes fun of the Pony Pals. Yeaaah!
Mrs. Foster: Quiet, you two. Watch carefully. You can learn a lot just by observing.
Anna: I can learn how to be bored.
Lol.
The Pony Pals want to know what Shelly's problem is and why she's so sad and angry.
I want to know why it's any of their business.
Anna and Snow White escape. In the process of looking for them, Pam sets off the burglar alarm. Hahaha, it wakes EVERYONE up.
I notice no one in this series ever has short hair or glasses. If they're a girl, anyway. For boys, that's true, too...except for the short hair part.
They start talking about ponies and Shelly runs away crying.
RED FLAG!
Her pony's name was Midnight Ride. -_- Guess what color he was?
"Shelly is a lot angry at her mother. We all wonder why."
Not only is that HORRIBLE grammar, but it should seem pretty obvious why Shelly hates her mom; the woman's a PSYCHO.
Anna has come a long way. Instead of instantly labeling people "snobs", she gives Shelly another chance.
Brooke: More Pony Pal secrets?
Lulu: Yes, and they're all about you, Brooke.
Pwned!!
To make friends with Shelly, they write her a letter????
But you guys are staying in the same house!!
Shelly doesn't want to play therapist with the Pony Pals, but she'd rather hang out with them than watch...*drumroll*..."Black Beauty"!
What is their obsession with this movie, as well as spaghetti, brownies, and grilled cheese sandwiches?
Shelly probably shouldn't watch a movie about a black horse. Might set her off again. Whatever.
"I was the only one who cried when Midnight Ride died."
Awwwwww....
Okay, lame. When Shelly tells them she has no interest in competing, Lulu and Anna understand.
But when Pam, in the beginning of the series, told them she HATED competing and had no interest in doing so, they EMOTIONALLY BLACKMAILED her into competing.
These guys SUCK.
Mrs. Foster has a horse named Royal Star.
What a prissy name.
Shelly writes a book about Midnight Ride and gives it to her mom.
Shelly got Midnight Ride when she was 6, and he died of colic when she was 10.
That really sucks.
Shelly: I don't want to live here anymore. I'm going to run away.
Anna: You can come to Wiggins with us if you want, but don't run away.
Whaaat? If you take her to Wiggins with you, you'll be HELPING her run away. SO CONFUSED.
Mrs. Foster promises to be less of a stiff.
Shelly: Is this what the Pony Pals do all the time?
Anna: Not ALL the time. But we trail ride a lot.
They also as participate in parades, man face-painting booths, catch hunters in the act, rescue hamsters, herd sheep, train ponies, find little girls and lost ponies, save ponies, tutor dyslexic girls, heal sick ponies, bargain with sellers, comfort dying ponies, tame wild ponies, join the circus, brave blizzards, give people makeovers, babysit, give blind ponies sight, manipulate and persuade, put out fires, adopt stray cats, take care of elderly ponies, help girls run away, build secret clubhouses, compete in horse shows, barrel race, watch bears, act in movies, find dogs, help birth foals, rescue abused animals, go back in time, communicate with animals, and help the environment.
Shelly's new friends Linda and Mary Ellen have ponies, too!
One is an Appaloosa named Smoothie, for his smooth gait (aaaaagh!).
Now they're all best friends and call themselves the Pony Pals, too.
Doesn't this happen in ALL Pony Pal books? They meet a new girl, make friends with her, convert her to their religion, and then send her home, where she creates her own three person Pony Cult. Creepy.
Only 3 Pony Pals books left: #37, #38, and Super Special #6.
Then it's all over.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Evil in the form of Halley's Comet, or Unicorns of Balinor #8: Shadows over Balinor
I'm SOOO glad to be done with this series. I don't understand how they can give this description for the last book, though:
Princess Arianna inquires about the past and learns the truth about the fall of the great unicorns from the Celestial Valley. She uncovers the truth about shifting magic and how that power has led the fallen unicorns into the shadows--to become the evil Shadow Unicorns.
The book never talks exclusively about Celestial Valley and the missing Shadow Unicorns are mentioned ONCE. Mostly this book is rather confusing and has sort of a lame ending.
Plot: Right, so Shifter is dead, all the Royal Unicorns have returned, and the war is over. What else is there to worry about? Well, there's the Kraken, though he appeared dead in the last book. No, the Kraken is back with a vengeance, and if Arianna doesn't stop a giant comet from landing and transferring its powers to him, Balinor is doomed!
???
First, our cast of regular characters is joined by an annoying named Odie ("Fightin's my game!"), who brings Ari a map to Shadowview (formerly Demonview). The princess must travel there to find the Royal Archivist (they don't say why).
They go. Pointless things happen, mainly for filler, I'm sure.
Then they find the Archivist, and it turns out LINCOLN IS THE LINK!!!
The Link?
They never fully explain what that is, but it's something important.
They defeat the Kraken and destroy the asteroid/comet/thing.
Lincoln chooses to remain with Ari, so now they have to find a new Link.
Ari still hasn't found her parents or brothers, and it seems no one has any intention of ever taking Lori back across the Gap.
It was way too confusing. Hopefully I'll have some nonmagic Madison Finns by tomorrow. Unfortunately, I have to skip #11 and #12 for now. Oh well.
Princess Arianna inquires about the past and learns the truth about the fall of the great unicorns from the Celestial Valley. She uncovers the truth about shifting magic and how that power has led the fallen unicorns into the shadows--to become the evil Shadow Unicorns.
The book never talks exclusively about Celestial Valley and the missing Shadow Unicorns are mentioned ONCE. Mostly this book is rather confusing and has sort of a lame ending.
Plot: Right, so Shifter is dead, all the Royal Unicorns have returned, and the war is over. What else is there to worry about? Well, there's the Kraken, though he appeared dead in the last book. No, the Kraken is back with a vengeance, and if Arianna doesn't stop a giant comet from landing and transferring its powers to him, Balinor is doomed!
???
First, our cast of regular characters is joined by an annoying named Odie ("Fightin's my game!"), who brings Ari a map to Shadowview (formerly Demonview). The princess must travel there to find the Royal Archivist (they don't say why).
They go. Pointless things happen, mainly for filler, I'm sure.
Then they find the Archivist, and it turns out LINCOLN IS THE LINK!!!
The Link?
They never fully explain what that is, but it's something important.
They defeat the Kraken and destroy the asteroid/comet/thing.
Lincoln chooses to remain with Ari, so now they have to find a new Link.
Ari still hasn't found her parents or brothers, and it seems no one has any intention of ever taking Lori back across the Gap.
It was way too confusing. Hopefully I'll have some nonmagic Madison Finns by tomorrow. Unfortunately, I have to skip #11 and #12 for now. Oh well.
Monday, December 24, 2007
All the beautiful women in the world are skeletons, or FTFO Madison Finn #8: Picture Perfect
Say what? A positive teenage fiction novel about the lies the media tells us about how we should look and act? Sounds like fun.
Plot: Madison, Aimee, and Fiona are chilling in Fiona's bedroom listening to the radio when they get the chance to win Nikki concert tickets and backstage passes!! Nikki is apparently the Madison Finn version of Britney Spears (before K-Fed and sluttiness), so the girls call in...AND WIN!!
Only Fiona's mom won't let them go. Bummer!
So the girls are sad, until they realize all they need is a mature chaperone. They start looking for one immediately.
Back at school, there's a new girl named Carmen who's very pretty and makes Madison feel like dirt and seems to be seducing Hart!!! Owned.
Also, Aimee is acting very weird...as in moody and sensitive about body image. Madison and Fiona think she has anorexia, but no one takes them seriously - not even Aimee's mom!!
Luckily, the girls manage to land Roger Gillespie, Aimee's creepy older brother, as a chaperone.
Oh no, Aimee faints due to lack of food!!! She has to go to the hospital!! Turns out Madison and Fiona were right after all! However, Roger is pretty mad at Aimee for almost giving herself an eating disorder, so he refuses to chaperone.
Okay, I don't get that. It's fine to be mad at Aimee, or not let her go to the concert or something, but why punish all three girls for your moron sister's mistake? Jerk.
Worst of all: POISON IVY IS GOING TO THE CONCERT! Figures... And she has really good seats because her daddy knew some important people... Um, stereotype much? Her older sister Janet is taking her.
With this bit of information, Madison convinces Aimee's second oldest brother Dean into taking them, because Dean has it bad for Janet.
They go to the concert. It's pretty great. Only when they go backstage, they find out Nikki is faker than fake. And she has acne. Which apparently means you're a horrible person.
So Madison learns that pretty people aren't as nice as we think they are, anorexia is bad, and Carmen is actually a pretty nice person.
More notes:
Thank you, Fiona. "Maddie! You guys need a reality check! She is not perfect. My dad told me that there are artists who airbrush pictures of celebrities like Nikki so that they look perfect. No one is that perfect."
Omg, Aimee is the worst friend ever. "Maddie! How can you eat cookies? You just said you wished you were more like Nikki. Do you think she eats cookies all day? You can't eat that stuff if you want people to notice you."
"What are you talking about? What people?"
"People at school. You know. Guys. Everyone."
Lol. And Madison's all, "But I like cookies." Amen.
What kind of name is Stevie Steves?
Aimee CONSTANTLY forgets that she has 4 brothers: Roger, Dean, Doug, and Billy.
"So, you're there with friends? Either that or we've got some very large mice in the background." AAAAH, Corny Collins creepy!
Omg, I remember my first concert when I was 12, too! It was a Jump5/Zoegirl concert, but it was pretty sweet.
:O Madison gets an e-mail entitled, "Magic! Never Feel Fat Again!" I bet Aimee sent it to her.
Bigwheels is in math club. Lol. Cool.
Okay, whatever, these girls have never heard of Bob Dylan.
Um, what?? They need a chaperone, but refuse to have one of their parents come. Okay, then, girls, you're pretty much screwed.
Argh, junior high boys. "Nikki's cute." "No, Nikki is superhot. There's a difference."
Hm, Ivy's going to a concert the same weekend as you. I wonder what concert it could be....
Don't chaperones need to be 18?
This is why Madison thinks Carmen is rude:
Madison: Do you like Nikki?
Carmen: Not really.
Madison: Oh. How come? I think she's the coolest-
Carmen: She's okay.
Madison: Oh.
And Carmen probably thinks you're a freak.
WHY WOULD YOU BUY A NEW OUTFIT FOR A CONCERT?? I'd probably just wear what I always wear. If I REALLY wanted to dress up, I'd wear a T-shirt with an ironic statement and some nice jeans.
Oh no, Madison gets a megazit!
This is how Fiona introduces herself:
"I'm Fiona Waters and I like animals very much. I always wanted a puppy."
Whaaat? It says that Aimee had gotten her period "the year before". What? She was in 7th grade then and she still is now!
Okay, Aimee is looking scary skinny, but Madison's all, "We shouldn't say something. She'll just get weird on us. She'll get all defensive. I think if she wants to look that way, she should." Yeaaah. I think if she WANTS to die, she SHOULD.
"My aunt Meg would be so perfect. She dresses so hip."
Who says that??
Dude, I REALLY hate Aimee. "What's that on your forehead? Did you get bit by a bug or something?"
But I do agree with her on singles that get overplayed.
"She wanted to pop it, but didn't. Having a hole in her face would be a far worse fate than having a volcano zit."
I'd actually rather have a hole in my face.
OH NO!! "For housework, Madison wore her scrubbiest clothes: an old bandanna wraped around her hair (which hadn't been washed now in two days), a goofy T-shirt with a rip in it, rainbow socks she'd had since fifth grade, and sweatpants that were two sizes too big and drooped down on her hips."
She answers the door while wearing this...
and it turns out to be Hart wondering if she wants to play baseball.
Um, wow.
Yeah, Aimee's just nervous. That explains her visible hipbones and bad attitude.
Ew, Mr. Finn's first concert was the Rolling Stones. McJagger was probably in his early 90's back then.
I seriously think having a pirate as your mascot is pretty lame.
Stephanie tells a story about acne in 7th grade. And how she was ridiculed by homeroom hottie Bobby MacPhee. Whatever, that name is worse than a bunch of acne.
Bigwheels is lame. "I wouldn't stress about your BFF. Aren't all dancers supposed to be really skinny?"
Hart is so lame!! He sends Madison this e-mail:
From: Sk8ingBoy
To: MadFinn
Subject: Class
Date: Sun 19 May 9:40 PM
Hey Finnster have u done that slef-portrait for art class yet? dont know whattodo for mine. Do we ned it for class 2morrow? I am gonna call Carmen about it. Write back soon. CYA L8R.
:O Why would you even SAY THAT??? "I'm going to call some other girl, but you should write me back anyways." And boys wonder why we get mad at them all the time.
"Madison was beginning to think maybe Drew liked her from the way he acted around her, all shy and sweet."
And SUPER STALKERY?? "Hey, Madison, I saw you walking home, so I decided to follow you! How are you, by the way? I made fudge!"
Egg: There's a really good shot of Fiona, actually.
Um...that sounded slightly perverted.
Fiona: I was in last period standing next to Aimee and she...she...collapsed.
Madison: What?
Drew: Like, onto the floor?
Um, Drew? DUH!
Heh. The school nurse is named Nurse Shim.
How does Aimee NOT have an eating disorder now? The doctor was all, "Oh, she was on her way down that path..."
So Roger won't chaperone and Aimee's all mad. Um, YOUR FAULT.
AAARGH! If you REALLY needed a chaperone, why would you refuse someone's offer, even if they were "uncool"?
Why would you ask your teacher?? That's very weird/creepy.
Ivy: What's your problem, Aimee? Hmmm...fainted lately?
:O That's so awful...but a much better comeback than, "Walk much?"
Fiona: Ivy is a cow. Mooooo!
Dean: Nikki stinks. She has a cute belly button, but I hate her music. She can't sing.
A CUTE BELLY BUTTON?? Do guys SERIOUSLY consider a CUTE BELLYBUTTON part of the criteria for whether or not a girl is hot?
"I've been trying to get a date with Janet Daly all year." Perv.
Carmen: Is that your picture for Mr. Duane?
Maidson: Yeah. I'm bringing it to Hart class. I mean art class.
ROFL.
Aimee: I am wearing those pink pants I bought at the mall last week, my Nikki T-shirt, and...this brand-new jean jacket with a big heart patch on the sleeve.
Um...cool.
"She didn't have time to chat with Mom now. There were far more important tasks to accomplish."
OMGEEZ, like finding the picture perfect outfit!!
Hmmm, Madison ends up wearing an orange kitty T-shirt and patchwork jeans. Better than pink pants and a hippie jacket....
Lol, she puts on body glitter.
Aaagh. I hate it when siblings fight in front of people. So awkward.
EWWW, Dean IS a perv!
Ivy: So, what are you three doing here?
Fiona: We won tickets on the radio.
Madison: Yeah, we won tickets in the front row. Imagine that?
Ivy: Yeah, right. Let me see.
Amy: Um, I don't think so. We have to be going now.
That's supposed to be a clever, biting response, but now Ivy probably thinks you're lying.
Lame. Nikki's tour is circus themed.
Ha. They end up sitting with Poison Ivy and Janet.
ROFL!! Nikki's opening number is "BEEEE my LUV ma-SHEEN." She has other songs entitled "Living on the Edge of Y-O-U" and "Download My Heart".
Man. Nikki's short. WHY IS EVERYONE IN HOLLYWOOD SHORT?
And Nikki's not a real blond.
Aimee: *bumps into Nikki*
Nikki: Um, excuse me. Do you mind?
Aimee: Oh, I'm sorry. Are you okay?
Nikki: Um, don't touch, 'kay?
All right then....
Fiona is "wicked disappointed".
"Her skin looked bumpy all over. Nikki had zits. Lots of zits."
Why does this make her a horrible person? I have bad acne, too, and I'd like to think I'm better than Nikki. Or Aimee.
EW, NIKKI STARTS HITTING ON DEAN! ILLEGAL MUCH?
OOOOWNED, he tells her her concert was LAME.
"Let's blow this Popsicle stand. Later for the plastic music queen."
Fiona doesn't know what digits are.
Laaame.
Madison: What do you think makes a girl pretty?
Dean: Pretty...I have no clue.
Aimee: Yeah you do. Is it a cool' do or nice eyes or smarts or what?
Dean: She has to be really nice.
Whatever.
Carmen turns out to be way nice. Awwww. Now she and Maddie are BFFs. I can totally relate; there are people I didn't really like in 7th or 8th grade that I'm really good friends with now.
Madison's Computer Tip:
E-mails and IM's are a great way to reach out for help and advice from friends - and get answers fast.
Thank you, Maddie.
Later on, I've got the last Horseshoe Trilogies book. Then a Pony Pals, and an Avalon tomorrow. Peace.
Plot: Madison, Aimee, and Fiona are chilling in Fiona's bedroom listening to the radio when they get the chance to win Nikki concert tickets and backstage passes!! Nikki is apparently the Madison Finn version of Britney Spears (before K-Fed and sluttiness), so the girls call in...AND WIN!!
Only Fiona's mom won't let them go. Bummer!
So the girls are sad, until they realize all they need is a mature chaperone. They start looking for one immediately.
Back at school, there's a new girl named Carmen who's very pretty and makes Madison feel like dirt and seems to be seducing Hart!!! Owned.
Also, Aimee is acting very weird...as in moody and sensitive about body image. Madison and Fiona think she has anorexia, but no one takes them seriously - not even Aimee's mom!!
Luckily, the girls manage to land Roger Gillespie, Aimee's creepy older brother, as a chaperone.
Oh no, Aimee faints due to lack of food!!! She has to go to the hospital!! Turns out Madison and Fiona were right after all! However, Roger is pretty mad at Aimee for almost giving herself an eating disorder, so he refuses to chaperone.
Okay, I don't get that. It's fine to be mad at Aimee, or not let her go to the concert or something, but why punish all three girls for your moron sister's mistake? Jerk.
Worst of all: POISON IVY IS GOING TO THE CONCERT! Figures... And she has really good seats because her daddy knew some important people... Um, stereotype much? Her older sister Janet is taking her.
With this bit of information, Madison convinces Aimee's second oldest brother Dean into taking them, because Dean has it bad for Janet.
They go to the concert. It's pretty great. Only when they go backstage, they find out Nikki is faker than fake. And she has acne. Which apparently means you're a horrible person.
So Madison learns that pretty people aren't as nice as we think they are, anorexia is bad, and Carmen is actually a pretty nice person.
More notes:
Thank you, Fiona. "Maddie! You guys need a reality check! She is not perfect. My dad told me that there are artists who airbrush pictures of celebrities like Nikki so that they look perfect. No one is that perfect."
Omg, Aimee is the worst friend ever. "Maddie! How can you eat cookies? You just said you wished you were more like Nikki. Do you think she eats cookies all day? You can't eat that stuff if you want people to notice you."
"What are you talking about? What people?"
"People at school. You know. Guys. Everyone."
Lol. And Madison's all, "But I like cookies." Amen.
What kind of name is Stevie Steves?
Aimee CONSTANTLY forgets that she has 4 brothers: Roger, Dean, Doug, and Billy.
"So, you're there with friends? Either that or we've got some very large mice in the background." AAAAH, Corny Collins creepy!
Omg, I remember my first concert when I was 12, too! It was a Jump5/Zoegirl concert, but it was pretty sweet.
:O Madison gets an e-mail entitled, "Magic! Never Feel Fat Again!" I bet Aimee sent it to her.
Bigwheels is in math club. Lol. Cool.
Okay, whatever, these girls have never heard of Bob Dylan.
Um, what?? They need a chaperone, but refuse to have one of their parents come. Okay, then, girls, you're pretty much screwed.
Argh, junior high boys. "Nikki's cute." "No, Nikki is superhot. There's a difference."
Hm, Ivy's going to a concert the same weekend as you. I wonder what concert it could be....
Don't chaperones need to be 18?
This is why Madison thinks Carmen is rude:
Madison: Do you like Nikki?
Carmen: Not really.
Madison: Oh. How come? I think she's the coolest-
Carmen: She's okay.
Madison: Oh.
And Carmen probably thinks you're a freak.
WHY WOULD YOU BUY A NEW OUTFIT FOR A CONCERT?? I'd probably just wear what I always wear. If I REALLY wanted to dress up, I'd wear a T-shirt with an ironic statement and some nice jeans.
Oh no, Madison gets a megazit!
This is how Fiona introduces herself:
"I'm Fiona Waters and I like animals very much. I always wanted a puppy."
Whaaat? It says that Aimee had gotten her period "the year before". What? She was in 7th grade then and she still is now!
Okay, Aimee is looking scary skinny, but Madison's all, "We shouldn't say something. She'll just get weird on us. She'll get all defensive. I think if she wants to look that way, she should." Yeaaah. I think if she WANTS to die, she SHOULD.
"My aunt Meg would be so perfect. She dresses so hip."
Who says that??
Dude, I REALLY hate Aimee. "What's that on your forehead? Did you get bit by a bug or something?"
But I do agree with her on singles that get overplayed.
"She wanted to pop it, but didn't. Having a hole in her face would be a far worse fate than having a volcano zit."
I'd actually rather have a hole in my face.
OH NO!! "For housework, Madison wore her scrubbiest clothes: an old bandanna wraped around her hair (which hadn't been washed now in two days), a goofy T-shirt with a rip in it, rainbow socks she'd had since fifth grade, and sweatpants that were two sizes too big and drooped down on her hips."
She answers the door while wearing this...
and it turns out to be Hart wondering if she wants to play baseball.
Um, wow.
Yeah, Aimee's just nervous. That explains her visible hipbones and bad attitude.
Ew, Mr. Finn's first concert was the Rolling Stones. McJagger was probably in his early 90's back then.
I seriously think having a pirate as your mascot is pretty lame.
Stephanie tells a story about acne in 7th grade. And how she was ridiculed by homeroom hottie Bobby MacPhee. Whatever, that name is worse than a bunch of acne.
Bigwheels is lame. "I wouldn't stress about your BFF. Aren't all dancers supposed to be really skinny?"
Hart is so lame!! He sends Madison this e-mail:
From: Sk8ingBoy
To: MadFinn
Subject: Class
Date: Sun 19 May 9:40 PM
Hey Finnster have u done that slef-portrait for art class yet? dont know whattodo for mine. Do we ned it for class 2morrow? I am gonna call Carmen about it. Write back soon. CYA L8R.
:O Why would you even SAY THAT??? "I'm going to call some other girl, but you should write me back anyways." And boys wonder why we get mad at them all the time.
"Madison was beginning to think maybe Drew liked her from the way he acted around her, all shy and sweet."
And SUPER STALKERY?? "Hey, Madison, I saw you walking home, so I decided to follow you! How are you, by the way? I made fudge!"
Egg: There's a really good shot of Fiona, actually.
Um...that sounded slightly perverted.
Fiona: I was in last period standing next to Aimee and she...she...collapsed.
Madison: What?
Drew: Like, onto the floor?
Um, Drew? DUH!
Heh. The school nurse is named Nurse Shim.
How does Aimee NOT have an eating disorder now? The doctor was all, "Oh, she was on her way down that path..."
So Roger won't chaperone and Aimee's all mad. Um, YOUR FAULT.
AAARGH! If you REALLY needed a chaperone, why would you refuse someone's offer, even if they were "uncool"?
Why would you ask your teacher?? That's very weird/creepy.
Ivy: What's your problem, Aimee? Hmmm...fainted lately?
:O That's so awful...but a much better comeback than, "Walk much?"
Fiona: Ivy is a cow. Mooooo!
Dean: Nikki stinks. She has a cute belly button, but I hate her music. She can't sing.
A CUTE BELLY BUTTON?? Do guys SERIOUSLY consider a CUTE BELLYBUTTON part of the criteria for whether or not a girl is hot?
"I've been trying to get a date with Janet Daly all year." Perv.
Carmen: Is that your picture for Mr. Duane?
Maidson: Yeah. I'm bringing it to Hart class. I mean art class.
ROFL.
Aimee: I am wearing those pink pants I bought at the mall last week, my Nikki T-shirt, and...this brand-new jean jacket with a big heart patch on the sleeve.
Um...cool.
"She didn't have time to chat with Mom now. There were far more important tasks to accomplish."
OMGEEZ, like finding the picture perfect outfit!!
Hmmm, Madison ends up wearing an orange kitty T-shirt and patchwork jeans. Better than pink pants and a hippie jacket....
Lol, she puts on body glitter.
Aaagh. I hate it when siblings fight in front of people. So awkward.
EWWW, Dean IS a perv!
Ivy: So, what are you three doing here?
Fiona: We won tickets on the radio.
Madison: Yeah, we won tickets in the front row. Imagine that?
Ivy: Yeah, right. Let me see.
Amy: Um, I don't think so. We have to be going now.
That's supposed to be a clever, biting response, but now Ivy probably thinks you're lying.
Lame. Nikki's tour is circus themed.
Ha. They end up sitting with Poison Ivy and Janet.
ROFL!! Nikki's opening number is "BEEEE my LUV ma-SHEEN." She has other songs entitled "Living on the Edge of Y-O-U" and "Download My Heart".
Man. Nikki's short. WHY IS EVERYONE IN HOLLYWOOD SHORT?
And Nikki's not a real blond.
Aimee: *bumps into Nikki*
Nikki: Um, excuse me. Do you mind?
Aimee: Oh, I'm sorry. Are you okay?
Nikki: Um, don't touch, 'kay?
All right then....
Fiona is "wicked disappointed".
"Her skin looked bumpy all over. Nikki had zits. Lots of zits."
Why does this make her a horrible person? I have bad acne, too, and I'd like to think I'm better than Nikki. Or Aimee.
EW, NIKKI STARTS HITTING ON DEAN! ILLEGAL MUCH?
OOOOWNED, he tells her her concert was LAME.
"Let's blow this Popsicle stand. Later for the plastic music queen."
Fiona doesn't know what digits are.
Laaame.
Madison: What do you think makes a girl pretty?
Dean: Pretty...I have no clue.
Aimee: Yeah you do. Is it a cool' do or nice eyes or smarts or what?
Dean: She has to be really nice.
Whatever.
Carmen turns out to be way nice. Awwww. Now she and Maddie are BFFs. I can totally relate; there are people I didn't really like in 7th or 8th grade that I'm really good friends with now.
Madison's Computer Tip:
E-mails and IM's are a great way to reach out for help and advice from friends - and get answers fast.
Thank you, Maddie.
Later on, I've got the last Horseshoe Trilogies book. Then a Pony Pals, and an Avalon tomorrow. Peace.
Sunday, December 23, 2007
More stereotypical signs of evil, or Unicorns of Balinor #3: The Valley of Fear
Mary Stanton is just as bad as Christopher Paolini. This whole book was a blatant ripoff of LOTR and Chronicles of Narnia. She should read that sandwich review.
Plot: Arianna and Co. are still questing for that scepter. Turns out it's in the Valley of Fear, a Mordor-like land full of demon unicorns, volcanic ash, and *gasp* THE SHIFTER HIMSELF!!!
Um, while questing, Chase finds out that some of the animals have turned to the Dark Side and are eating other animals. Uh...your point? Apparently, that's now how things are in Balinor. Chase freaks out.
Yeah. Um, nothing really interesting happens. Ari complains a lot about being the princess and Atalanta tells her how special and right she is to feel that way. Then Lori tells everyone she wants to go home, and they're like, "STOP COMPLAINING!!!"
So they hear this prophecy from the Old Mare of the Mountain:
Six shall find the Scepter Royal,
The quick, the smart, the brave, the loyal,
Of humans there shall be but two,
One young and one whose past is new,
Of Six who go, two wait to learn,
Three of Six shall not return
Um, yeah, way to not copy LOTR. It turns out the Six are: Arianna, Chase, Dill and Basil (two foxes), Lincoln, and Lori.
Lori is sooo not happy about that.
So they go on the quest, dressed like orcs, or soldiers of darkness, or whatever.
It's SOOOOOOOOO hard, and Arianna is noble about everything. Hate.
So they get to the castle (um, that was easy), and Lady Kylie is there (you know, the evil lady from Book #2 who tried to capture Ari and almost killed Lincoln?) with the scepter. Turns out Lori betrayed everyone or something and was in league with Lady Kylie. Oh, but it's all right, she didn't know Kylie was evil. So there's a battle, but Kylie gets pwned.
So they're trying to escape, but then Lori falls into THE PIT (some scary place where the slaves are kept), and Ari tries to follow her, but trips and falls in, too, and now they're all back at Glacier River Farm.
Confusing? Do I suck at summarizing? Both? I'm sorry if you totally didn't understand any of that.
More notes:
The first four paragraphs begin with "Atalanta".
HOW DO SILVER AND WHITE FIT INTO THE RAINBOW??
AARGH mahogany and gold are NOT THE SAME!!
Aw. Lori admits to being homesick. You can't not feel a little bit sorry for her.
I like how Lori says what I'm thinking about Ari: "I suppose you're going to tell me you can't talk because you're in sooooo much pain."
Mary Stanton needs to stop writing incomplete sentences.
Aargh. Ari doesn't want to become a cruel and selfish leader. She's sooo wise!
Lies, lies. Atalanta's all, "You could go back to Glacier River Farm, where you'd go to school and make new friends!" Weren't Anne and Frank planning to homeschool? Just saying.
Ha. They said "garrison". Long story.
All unicorns are mentally retarded.
Lori: You get more wood. What am I, your slave?
Toby: What? The great me?
Dr. Bohnes is back...and she brought a pack of wolves. They totally reminded me of mistwolves.
"Um...uh...welcome." Way to go, Ari.
Ew, the wolves are drooling over Chase.
Chase: My good wolf, who commits the hunt? And when? Tell me!
Rufus: The big cats, as well as my pack. The bears. The ferrets. The great birds.
I'm sorry, but I found that really funny. LOOK OUT, EVERYBODY, HUNGRY FERRETS ON THE LOOSE!
Lori: Well, honestly. This is stupid. It's the way things are. I mean, I'm sorry, but that's what the world's like. Big fish eat little fish. Little fish eat teeny fish.
Um, yeah. Can you honestly say that the wolves, bears, and FERRETS are surviving on bugs and grass? That's not a lot of protein. Ooh, this is the part where Chase flips out:
Chase: Not here.
Lori: But-
Chase: NOT HERE IN BALINOR!
Heh. Toby.
"We can't, adn that's final, missy. Eat your cheese. And if you're not going to eat that apple, giv eit to me."
"Get your own apple."
Lol. I'll be saying that all day. "EAT YOUR CHEESE!"
Ooh, everyone's talking about Lori.
"Ari was too far away to hear, but she could guess they were talking about: how bossy she was, how ignorant of the realities of life, how stubborn."
Yeah, that describes you to a T, Ari.
"There is something trailing us."
"Following us? What do you mean, trailing us?"
WHAT ELSE COULD HE MEAN???
How Indiana Jones of you, Chase.
"I hope it's not a snake. Anything except a-"
He gets attacked by a snake.
So the head of the Animal Council is a lion...named Vanax. Lol, rhymes with Xanax?
Why does she have to use obvious animals as "allies of the Shifter", like snakes and stuff?
Okay, Chase is like, "If you eat meat, you will pay the ultimate price! That's right: become mute forever!"
Seriously? I'd rather become mute. I thought the ULTIMATE PRICE was death or something.
I love the foxes. "Don't shove me, Dill!" "I'll shove you when I please."
Retarded. Chase is like, "No, we shall have no army. It's better that way." Well, yeah, if you WANT to lose.
Okay, come on, this is the SECOND TIME! Ari was supposed to find the Old Mare of the Mountain and the OMM finds HER!!! This is almost as bad as the ruby quest.
Okay, that prophecy? Whatever. I'll call the Tolkien estate myself. "6 companions...so be it...you shall be the Fellowship of the Scepter."
Okay, Lori is supposed to go with them to fulfill the prophecy, and Lori doesn't want to go. Ari's all, "OH no, what will I do now?" Um, how about MAKE HER GO rather than ASK her?
Atalanta: And you must be alert to danger.
Toby: What kind of danger?
"Atalanta gazed at him. The black-and-white unicorn was the rudest herdmate they had ever had."
What's rude about wanting to know what you're up against?
"'I'm not going now.' Lori folded her arms across her chest. 'I'm spending the night in a real bed. I'll think about leaving in the morning.'
Ari marched over to her. She grabbed Lori's shoulders in both hands and stared directly into her face. Ari dropped her voice to a fierce whisper. 'You. Will. Do. What. I. Say.'"
:O Dang, go Ari. I like how this is the one time she stands up to Lori with force.
OMG, Atalanta gives Ari something called THE STAR BOTTLE to be used only when there is no way out. Geee, sounds a lot like something Frodo received from Galadriel....
Ari complains about carrying all Lori's crap. I thought you liked hard work???
Lol. Dill and Basil totally reminded me of "the little foxes" from Song of Solomon.
"The chubby landlord flushed bright pink. He bit his mustache to hide his pleasure in Ari's kiss."
Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat???
"Then, out of the castle flew the Shifter himself - this time transformed into the shape of a black dragon. His body was thick with muscle. His long wings sprang from his shoulders, stretched out like those of a gigantic wasp. His iron hooves grew grossly large. He had not one horn on his head but two, one behind each ear, curling up above his head in a huge ram's arc."
Wait, is this a dragon or a unicorn? Cuz dragons don't have hooves.
Their disguises sound JUST LIKE the orc uniforms Sam and Frodo wore in "Return of the King".
Okay, two twelve-year-old girls and a unicorn could pass as dark soldiers, but a dog and two foxes? You'd have to be REALLY stupid not to see through that.
The foxes threaten to leave Lori, but Ari's all, "We're all in this together." Right...just like "High School Musical".
Ari has Anakin-Syndrome: the desire to save everyone.
Ha. Ari gets Chase to eat soap and convince the other soldiers that they have rabies. Pretty smart.
Laaaaaaame. Mary Stanton basically copied the snake-shifting out of "The Silver Chair".
AAAAAAAAAARGH! Arianna whips out the Star Bottle when Lady Kylie attacks Lori and it shines a very bright light into her eyes. OMG!!! SAM! SHELOB!!! YOU PLAGIARIST!!!
Oh, now that Arianna has the scepter, her past becomes completely clear.
And now they're back across the Gap. Um, cool? Ari seems WAAAY too happy about this. Whatever.
Coming right up, we have a Madison Finn!!! #7, tho, seeing as I'll probably NEVER have #6.
Plot: Arianna and Co. are still questing for that scepter. Turns out it's in the Valley of Fear, a Mordor-like land full of demon unicorns, volcanic ash, and *gasp* THE SHIFTER HIMSELF!!!
Um, while questing, Chase finds out that some of the animals have turned to the Dark Side and are eating other animals. Uh...your point? Apparently, that's now how things are in Balinor. Chase freaks out.
Yeah. Um, nothing really interesting happens. Ari complains a lot about being the princess and Atalanta tells her how special and right she is to feel that way. Then Lori tells everyone she wants to go home, and they're like, "STOP COMPLAINING!!!"
So they hear this prophecy from the Old Mare of the Mountain:
Six shall find the Scepter Royal,
The quick, the smart, the brave, the loyal,
Of humans there shall be but two,
One young and one whose past is new,
Of Six who go, two wait to learn,
Three of Six shall not return
Um, yeah, way to not copy LOTR. It turns out the Six are: Arianna, Chase, Dill and Basil (two foxes), Lincoln, and Lori.
Lori is sooo not happy about that.
So they go on the quest, dressed like orcs, or soldiers of darkness, or whatever.
It's SOOOOOOOOO hard, and Arianna is noble about everything. Hate.
So they get to the castle (um, that was easy), and Lady Kylie is there (you know, the evil lady from Book #2 who tried to capture Ari and almost killed Lincoln?) with the scepter. Turns out Lori betrayed everyone or something and was in league with Lady Kylie. Oh, but it's all right, she didn't know Kylie was evil. So there's a battle, but Kylie gets pwned.
So they're trying to escape, but then Lori falls into THE PIT (some scary place where the slaves are kept), and Ari tries to follow her, but trips and falls in, too, and now they're all back at Glacier River Farm.
Confusing? Do I suck at summarizing? Both? I'm sorry if you totally didn't understand any of that.
More notes:
The first four paragraphs begin with "Atalanta".
HOW DO SILVER AND WHITE FIT INTO THE RAINBOW??
AARGH mahogany and gold are NOT THE SAME!!
Aw. Lori admits to being homesick. You can't not feel a little bit sorry for her.
I like how Lori says what I'm thinking about Ari: "I suppose you're going to tell me you can't talk because you're in sooooo much pain."
Mary Stanton needs to stop writing incomplete sentences.
Aargh. Ari doesn't want to become a cruel and selfish leader. She's sooo wise!
Lies, lies. Atalanta's all, "You could go back to Glacier River Farm, where you'd go to school and make new friends!" Weren't Anne and Frank planning to homeschool? Just saying.
Ha. They said "garrison". Long story.
All unicorns are mentally retarded.
Lori: You get more wood. What am I, your slave?
Toby: What? The great me?
Dr. Bohnes is back...and she brought a pack of wolves. They totally reminded me of mistwolves.
"Um...uh...welcome." Way to go, Ari.
Ew, the wolves are drooling over Chase.
Chase: My good wolf, who commits the hunt? And when? Tell me!
Rufus: The big cats, as well as my pack. The bears. The ferrets. The great birds.
I'm sorry, but I found that really funny. LOOK OUT, EVERYBODY, HUNGRY FERRETS ON THE LOOSE!
Lori: Well, honestly. This is stupid. It's the way things are. I mean, I'm sorry, but that's what the world's like. Big fish eat little fish. Little fish eat teeny fish.
Um, yeah. Can you honestly say that the wolves, bears, and FERRETS are surviving on bugs and grass? That's not a lot of protein. Ooh, this is the part where Chase flips out:
Chase: Not here.
Lori: But-
Chase: NOT HERE IN BALINOR!
Heh. Toby.
"We can't, adn that's final, missy. Eat your cheese. And if you're not going to eat that apple, giv eit to me."
"Get your own apple."
Lol. I'll be saying that all day. "EAT YOUR CHEESE!"
Ooh, everyone's talking about Lori.
"Ari was too far away to hear, but she could guess they were talking about: how bossy she was, how ignorant of the realities of life, how stubborn."
Yeah, that describes you to a T, Ari.
"There is something trailing us."
"Following us? What do you mean, trailing us?"
WHAT ELSE COULD HE MEAN???
How Indiana Jones of you, Chase.
"I hope it's not a snake. Anything except a-"
He gets attacked by a snake.
So the head of the Animal Council is a lion...named Vanax. Lol, rhymes with Xanax?
Why does she have to use obvious animals as "allies of the Shifter", like snakes and stuff?
Okay, Chase is like, "If you eat meat, you will pay the ultimate price! That's right: become mute forever!"
Seriously? I'd rather become mute. I thought the ULTIMATE PRICE was death or something.
I love the foxes. "Don't shove me, Dill!" "I'll shove you when I please."
Retarded. Chase is like, "No, we shall have no army. It's better that way." Well, yeah, if you WANT to lose.
Okay, come on, this is the SECOND TIME! Ari was supposed to find the Old Mare of the Mountain and the OMM finds HER!!! This is almost as bad as the ruby quest.
Okay, that prophecy? Whatever. I'll call the Tolkien estate myself. "6 companions...so be it...you shall be the Fellowship of the Scepter."
Okay, Lori is supposed to go with them to fulfill the prophecy, and Lori doesn't want to go. Ari's all, "OH no, what will I do now?" Um, how about MAKE HER GO rather than ASK her?
Atalanta: And you must be alert to danger.
Toby: What kind of danger?
"Atalanta gazed at him. The black-and-white unicorn was the rudest herdmate they had ever had."
What's rude about wanting to know what you're up against?
"'I'm not going now.' Lori folded her arms across her chest. 'I'm spending the night in a real bed. I'll think about leaving in the morning.'
Ari marched over to her. She grabbed Lori's shoulders in both hands and stared directly into her face. Ari dropped her voice to a fierce whisper. 'You. Will. Do. What. I. Say.'"
:O Dang, go Ari. I like how this is the one time she stands up to Lori with force.
OMG, Atalanta gives Ari something called THE STAR BOTTLE to be used only when there is no way out. Geee, sounds a lot like something Frodo received from Galadriel....
Ari complains about carrying all Lori's crap. I thought you liked hard work???
Lol. Dill and Basil totally reminded me of "the little foxes" from Song of Solomon.
"The chubby landlord flushed bright pink. He bit his mustache to hide his pleasure in Ari's kiss."
Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat???
"Then, out of the castle flew the Shifter himself - this time transformed into the shape of a black dragon. His body was thick with muscle. His long wings sprang from his shoulders, stretched out like those of a gigantic wasp. His iron hooves grew grossly large. He had not one horn on his head but two, one behind each ear, curling up above his head in a huge ram's arc."
Wait, is this a dragon or a unicorn? Cuz dragons don't have hooves.
Their disguises sound JUST LIKE the orc uniforms Sam and Frodo wore in "Return of the King".
Okay, two twelve-year-old girls and a unicorn could pass as dark soldiers, but a dog and two foxes? You'd have to be REALLY stupid not to see through that.
The foxes threaten to leave Lori, but Ari's all, "We're all in this together." Right...just like "High School Musical".
Ari has Anakin-Syndrome: the desire to save everyone.
Ha. Ari gets Chase to eat soap and convince the other soldiers that they have rabies. Pretty smart.
Laaaaaaame. Mary Stanton basically copied the snake-shifting out of "The Silver Chair".
AAAAAAAAAARGH! Arianna whips out the Star Bottle when Lady Kylie attacks Lori and it shines a very bright light into her eyes. OMG!!! SAM! SHELOB!!! YOU PLAGIARIST!!!
Oh, now that Arianna has the scepter, her past becomes completely clear.
And now they're back across the Gap. Um, cool? Ari seems WAAAY too happy about this. Whatever.
Coming right up, we have a Madison Finn!!! #7, tho, seeing as I'll probably NEVER have #6.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Not even demon unicorns can stop him, or Unicorns of Balinor #2: Sunchaser's Quest
The second of the Balinor series. Get out your barf bags, ladies and gentlemen; it's going to be a bumpy ride.
Plot: When we last left our heroes, Arianna, Chase, Lincoln, and Lori had just landed in a magical land called Balinor. They had a near-run in with some demon unicorns, but they're safe now.
Everything is going all right...sort of. Lori is being a spoiled brat and is forcing Ari to let her ride Chase while she tries to find help. Ari manages to locate a village and asks for help from a man named Samlett, owner of the Unicorn Inn (what an original name). Taking Lori for a princess, he gives her shelter for the night. Taking Ari for Lori's maid, he forces her to clean out the stables.
Ari, however, likes work. Because she's the reincarnation of Snow White. She's absolutely peeing her pants with delight. She also meets a bunch of LOVELY people, such as Lady Kiley. Lady Kiley tries to capture her, however. Not so nice. She is saved by Atalanta - the Dreamspeaker herself!! Atalanta helps Ari remember that she's the princess of Balinor, her legs were all screwed up by the Shifter, who also cut off Chase AKA the Sunchaser's horn, and captured her family. Turns out he's trying to kill her cuz of some prophecy...but that's another story for another time.
Atalanta also tells Ari that she has to go on a quest to retrieve the ruby necklace from "Across the Gap" (what the call "the real world" in Balinor) because it is part of Chase's broken horn. Arianna has 3 of the 4 pieces, and she needs the ruby to fit them together. Atalanta goes on and on about the dangerous quest...and then Dr. Bohnes magically appears, toting the famed ruby. Oh. All right then.
So Atalanta, improvizing, sends Ari off to find the Jewelwright Minge so he can fix the horn for Chase.
After a lot of buttkissing from Samlett, who's ashamed to think that he once thought that Ari was a maid - ha - Ari, Bohnesy (who it turns out is Ari's old nurse), Lori, Chase, and Lincoln go on the quest, followed reluctantly by Tobiano. Remember him from Celestial Valley? They don't know he's a Celestial unicorn, though, because he's not as BEAUTIFUL as he should be.
Bla bla bla, questing. Shifter almost gets Ari, but they get to the Jewelright. They fix the horn. Toby gets stuck in quicksand. Ari saves him. Bla bla.
So I THINK they're back at the Inn when Ari and Chase decide since they know where the missing piece of horn is, they'll go off BY THEMSELVES and look for it.
It's not very exciting. They go to Shifter's castle/Ari's old house, find the piece, "narrowly miss death" (whatever. They got chased by a fat demon unicorn for 2 seconds.), and go back home. Sunchaser can speak again. And he's more annoying than ever. Ari isn't punished for trying to be a hero. Now they all have to search for Ari's scepter. Whoopee. To be continued....
More notes:
It's like every book has to open with a whole page describing Atalanta's beauty. I REALLY do not like her.
:P Another fat unicorn. Of course she's a nanny.
HOW DOES CHOCOLATE BROWN FIT INTO THE RAINBOW? AND WHY IS CHOCOLATE BROWN WITH OBSIDIAN OVERTONES THE MOST STUBBORN COLOR???? I THOUGHT THAT WAS WINE!!
ENOUGH ABOUT DEVI'S HIGH SWEET VOICE!
Since when does Tobiano have a Cockney accent? "Devi! Get out o' there, bud!"
Whaa? Toby is trying to save Devi's butt, and Devi's all, "Oh, that Toby, he's so rude, and he doesn't like foals!" That MUST be why he's trying to help you out.
AAAH, MORE COCKNEY! "Interferin' little one. Send him back to his ma, I say."
:O Devi messes with the Watching Pool and ATALANTA LETS HIM OFF WITH A WARNING!!! If it had been Toby, he probably would've been murdered. LAAAAME. This is probably supposed to show what a wise, sweet ruler she is. Bull.
"She holds the Deep Magic." Way to copy "The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe".
Bam. Lori insults Ari's bad legs.
Yes, Ari. You've been abducted by aliens.
OMG!!! "And the men wore boots, tights, and loose shirts that look as if they were made out of rough cotton."
TIGHTS??? WHY NOT PANTS???
All fat people are cheerful. Right.
Ugh, now Ari's talking about "rude old Tobiano".
I think Mr. Samlett just called Ari ugly.
Hey, I can't post. Nothing wrong with that.
Okay, Ari's going around the stables and looking at the unicorns, and she can tell which ones are girls and which are boys, and then she gets a glimpse of Atalanta, and she's like, "I know that's a mare...but I don't know how!" Then what were you just doing??
AAAAAAGH a lame pun about a riverbank...you don't want to know.
Lori makes up a really good lie about where they're from, and Ari's like, "Whatever. I'm mad at her."
She calls Lori a "bra"?
Lori's sort of a brat, but at least she's human. Ari, I think, is an alien.
Ooh, outfits!
"The dark red skirt had pretty embriodery around the hem but was a little big around the middle, so she rolled up the waistband. [Whatever. You just wanted to show off those legs of yours.] The blouse was made of a soft, off-white cotton and had full sleeves and a scoop neck that tied with two strings. The leather vest fit snugly and it would be nice and warm as the evening cooled. She wound her hair up on top of her head and clipped it with her barrettes."
I'm picturing Annie Oakley.
Wth?????
Licoln: If they are bad, I will bite them and bite them!
Okaaay, way to not sound retarded.
Of course the female villainess has black hair.
??
Ari: *looks at the peaches* Oh, my. Several of these have brown spots.
Um...thanks?
Way to ruin Lori's lie.
Lexan: So, where are you from?
Ari: Well, sir, my friends and I. We're from north of the Gap.
Yay, a recycled overused chase scene.
Lincoln: Run, Ari! Run!
Ari: I won't leave you here!
Lincoln: You must! Go now! Go now! I cannot save us both.
Ari: I can't leave you!
Lincoln: THEY DON'T WANT ME! THEY WANT YOU! RUN!
Lady Kylie pwns Lincoln.
"My dearest dear" is quite an odd term of...um, endearment.
Let it be known that Ari calls her two brothers Tace and Bren. THESE NAMES CHANGE MULTIPLE TIMES THROUGHOUT THE SERIES. I think one time it was Ben and Tally.
Oh, it turns out Kylie was her mommy's BFF...but now she's working for the Shifter. Oh, burn.
And now she takes some dialogue out of Star Wars.
Ari: There already has been a terrible cost. My dog is hurt, maybe dead! My family the same! I hate the Shifter! I hate him!
Atalanta: You must put aside your hate, Arianna. Hate will not save you or your people.
Ari: Hate makes me strong.
Atalanta: Hate blinds you. Hate is a tool of the Shifter.
And now we will listen to a lecture on evolution.
Atalanta talks about Ari's quest for like 20 minutes...then it turns out she doesn't need to go on one. :P Lame.
I thought Lincoln had black and gold fur. Now he's described with cream and bronze fur.
Ari: Please get off your knees, Mr. Samlett. It feels really weird to have you down there.
:O QUESTIONABLE CONTENT!
Lori: So I supposed I'll come along.
Ari: You? Are you sure you want to?
Lori: Why not? Do you expect me to stay here? Without money? That Samlett character said he'd give me a room, all right. As long as I mucked out the stalls and scrubbed the kitchen floor. Forget that.
Ari: But, Lori. I might be dangerous.
Lori: Old Bohnes is a wizard, isn't she? And who's going to mess with a Princess? That is, if you are a Princess, which I don't believe for one second flat. Besides...I'm scared to stay here by mself. I saw those creeps go after you last night. If those jerks come looking for a thirteen-year-old girl and find one, they aren't going to believe me when I tell them it isn't me. And frankly, Ari, who looks more like a Princess? You or me? I don't want to risk staying here alone, thank you very much.
How can you not love her?
I'm really confused about how to pronounce Dr. Bohnes first name: it's spelled Eliane, so it's not Elaine, so what??
Yay, Mary Stanton ripped off the Nazgul.
The peasants are restless. They will revolt. Like a heavy metal song.
Toby has no sense of direction.
Toby: Your directions were awful. Past the cove of pine trees, you said. Then north by northeast, you said.
Bohnes: I was right. It's you who can't tell north from south, Toby.
Toby: Hey! You face north, right? If you face north, south is in back of you. East is to the left of you.
Bohnes: East is to the right of you. I told you before.
Toby: LEFT! LEFT! LEFT!
Now she's ripping off the evil crabine or whatever from LOTR.
Ugh, Sunchaser.
I. DO. NOT. RUN. FROM. BATTLE!
Quicksand? In the middle of the woods? In BALINOR???
Toby almost dies. And they still hate him.
PULL FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!
And Toby blames them for his neardeath experience: You-told-me-to-take-a-left!!!
Numinor is annoying. I don't know who's worse, him or Sunchaser.
Blah. The "quest" is so boring.
Chase is problem horse. No wonder Lori had trouble with him. Oh, I forgot, he's a UNICORN, and LORD OF ALL ANIMALS, so he GETS to act like that.
Dang, abusive relationship much. As soon as Chase learns to talk again, he's all, "ARIANNA! COME TO ME!"
Wth? If Lori had run off to find the missing piece of Chase's horn, Bohnesy would've killed her. But it's Princess Arianna, and it's her DESTINY, so I guess that's all right.
Lol. Lori finds out the next quest is to find the missing scepter and is all, "Ari is my BFF."
Ugh, did not enjoy that. Thankfully, tomorrow we'll be back onto horses. No more unicorns for the time being. At least not until Friday.
Plot: When we last left our heroes, Arianna, Chase, Lincoln, and Lori had just landed in a magical land called Balinor. They had a near-run in with some demon unicorns, but they're safe now.
Everything is going all right...sort of. Lori is being a spoiled brat and is forcing Ari to let her ride Chase while she tries to find help. Ari manages to locate a village and asks for help from a man named Samlett, owner of the Unicorn Inn (what an original name). Taking Lori for a princess, he gives her shelter for the night. Taking Ari for Lori's maid, he forces her to clean out the stables.
Ari, however, likes work. Because she's the reincarnation of Snow White. She's absolutely peeing her pants with delight. She also meets a bunch of LOVELY people, such as Lady Kiley. Lady Kiley tries to capture her, however. Not so nice. She is saved by Atalanta - the Dreamspeaker herself!! Atalanta helps Ari remember that she's the princess of Balinor, her legs were all screwed up by the Shifter, who also cut off Chase AKA the Sunchaser's horn, and captured her family. Turns out he's trying to kill her cuz of some prophecy...but that's another story for another time.
Atalanta also tells Ari that she has to go on a quest to retrieve the ruby necklace from "Across the Gap" (what the call "the real world" in Balinor) because it is part of Chase's broken horn. Arianna has 3 of the 4 pieces, and she needs the ruby to fit them together. Atalanta goes on and on about the dangerous quest...and then Dr. Bohnes magically appears, toting the famed ruby. Oh. All right then.
So Atalanta, improvizing, sends Ari off to find the Jewelwright Minge so he can fix the horn for Chase.
After a lot of buttkissing from Samlett, who's ashamed to think that he once thought that Ari was a maid - ha - Ari, Bohnesy (who it turns out is Ari's old nurse), Lori, Chase, and Lincoln go on the quest, followed reluctantly by Tobiano. Remember him from Celestial Valley? They don't know he's a Celestial unicorn, though, because he's not as BEAUTIFUL as he should be.
Bla bla bla, questing. Shifter almost gets Ari, but they get to the Jewelright. They fix the horn. Toby gets stuck in quicksand. Ari saves him. Bla bla.
So I THINK they're back at the Inn when Ari and Chase decide since they know where the missing piece of horn is, they'll go off BY THEMSELVES and look for it.
It's not very exciting. They go to Shifter's castle/Ari's old house, find the piece, "narrowly miss death" (whatever. They got chased by a fat demon unicorn for 2 seconds.), and go back home. Sunchaser can speak again. And he's more annoying than ever. Ari isn't punished for trying to be a hero. Now they all have to search for Ari's scepter. Whoopee. To be continued....
More notes:
It's like every book has to open with a whole page describing Atalanta's beauty. I REALLY do not like her.
:P Another fat unicorn. Of course she's a nanny.
HOW DOES CHOCOLATE BROWN FIT INTO THE RAINBOW? AND WHY IS CHOCOLATE BROWN WITH OBSIDIAN OVERTONES THE MOST STUBBORN COLOR???? I THOUGHT THAT WAS WINE!!
ENOUGH ABOUT DEVI'S HIGH SWEET VOICE!
Since when does Tobiano have a Cockney accent? "Devi! Get out o' there, bud!"
Whaa? Toby is trying to save Devi's butt, and Devi's all, "Oh, that Toby, he's so rude, and he doesn't like foals!" That MUST be why he's trying to help you out.
AAAH, MORE COCKNEY! "Interferin' little one. Send him back to his ma, I say."
:O Devi messes with the Watching Pool and ATALANTA LETS HIM OFF WITH A WARNING!!! If it had been Toby, he probably would've been murdered. LAAAAME. This is probably supposed to show what a wise, sweet ruler she is. Bull.
"She holds the Deep Magic." Way to copy "The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe".
Bam. Lori insults Ari's bad legs.
Yes, Ari. You've been abducted by aliens.
OMG!!! "And the men wore boots, tights, and loose shirts that look as if they were made out of rough cotton."
TIGHTS??? WHY NOT PANTS???
All fat people are cheerful. Right.
Ugh, now Ari's talking about "rude old Tobiano".
I think Mr. Samlett just called Ari ugly.
Hey, I can't post. Nothing wrong with that.
Okay, Ari's going around the stables and looking at the unicorns, and she can tell which ones are girls and which are boys, and then she gets a glimpse of Atalanta, and she's like, "I know that's a mare...but I don't know how!" Then what were you just doing??
AAAAAAGH a lame pun about a riverbank...you don't want to know.
Lori makes up a really good lie about where they're from, and Ari's like, "Whatever. I'm mad at her."
She calls Lori a "bra"?
Lori's sort of a brat, but at least she's human. Ari, I think, is an alien.
Ooh, outfits!
"The dark red skirt had pretty embriodery around the hem but was a little big around the middle, so she rolled up the waistband. [Whatever. You just wanted to show off those legs of yours.] The blouse was made of a soft, off-white cotton and had full sleeves and a scoop neck that tied with two strings. The leather vest fit snugly and it would be nice and warm as the evening cooled. She wound her hair up on top of her head and clipped it with her barrettes."
I'm picturing Annie Oakley.
Wth?????
Licoln: If they are bad, I will bite them and bite them!
Okaaay, way to not sound retarded.
Of course the female villainess has black hair.
??
Ari: *looks at the peaches* Oh, my. Several of these have brown spots.
Um...thanks?
Way to ruin Lori's lie.
Lexan: So, where are you from?
Ari: Well, sir, my friends and I. We're from north of the Gap.
Yay, a recycled overused chase scene.
Lincoln: Run, Ari! Run!
Ari: I won't leave you here!
Lincoln: You must! Go now! Go now! I cannot save us both.
Ari: I can't leave you!
Lincoln: THEY DON'T WANT ME! THEY WANT YOU! RUN!
Lady Kylie pwns Lincoln.
"My dearest dear" is quite an odd term of...um, endearment.
Let it be known that Ari calls her two brothers Tace and Bren. THESE NAMES CHANGE MULTIPLE TIMES THROUGHOUT THE SERIES. I think one time it was Ben and Tally.
Oh, it turns out Kylie was her mommy's BFF...but now she's working for the Shifter. Oh, burn.
And now she takes some dialogue out of Star Wars.
Ari: There already has been a terrible cost. My dog is hurt, maybe dead! My family the same! I hate the Shifter! I hate him!
Atalanta: You must put aside your hate, Arianna. Hate will not save you or your people.
Ari: Hate makes me strong.
Atalanta: Hate blinds you. Hate is a tool of the Shifter.
And now we will listen to a lecture on evolution.
Atalanta talks about Ari's quest for like 20 minutes...then it turns out she doesn't need to go on one. :P Lame.
I thought Lincoln had black and gold fur. Now he's described with cream and bronze fur.
Ari: Please get off your knees, Mr. Samlett. It feels really weird to have you down there.
:O QUESTIONABLE CONTENT!
Lori: So I supposed I'll come along.
Ari: You? Are you sure you want to?
Lori: Why not? Do you expect me to stay here? Without money? That Samlett character said he'd give me a room, all right. As long as I mucked out the stalls and scrubbed the kitchen floor. Forget that.
Ari: But, Lori. I might be dangerous.
Lori: Old Bohnes is a wizard, isn't she? And who's going to mess with a Princess? That is, if you are a Princess, which I don't believe for one second flat. Besides...I'm scared to stay here by mself. I saw those creeps go after you last night. If those jerks come looking for a thirteen-year-old girl and find one, they aren't going to believe me when I tell them it isn't me. And frankly, Ari, who looks more like a Princess? You or me? I don't want to risk staying here alone, thank you very much.
How can you not love her?
I'm really confused about how to pronounce Dr. Bohnes first name: it's spelled Eliane, so it's not Elaine, so what??
Yay, Mary Stanton ripped off the Nazgul.
The peasants are restless. They will revolt. Like a heavy metal song.
Toby has no sense of direction.
Toby: Your directions were awful. Past the cove of pine trees, you said. Then north by northeast, you said.
Bohnes: I was right. It's you who can't tell north from south, Toby.
Toby: Hey! You face north, right? If you face north, south is in back of you. East is to the left of you.
Bohnes: East is to the right of you. I told you before.
Toby: LEFT! LEFT! LEFT!
Now she's ripping off the evil crabine or whatever from LOTR.
Ugh, Sunchaser.
I. DO. NOT. RUN. FROM. BATTLE!
Quicksand? In the middle of the woods? In BALINOR???
Toby almost dies. And they still hate him.
PULL FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!
And Toby blames them for his neardeath experience: You-told-me-to-take-a-left!!!
Numinor is annoying. I don't know who's worse, him or Sunchaser.
Blah. The "quest" is so boring.
Chase is problem horse. No wonder Lori had trouble with him. Oh, I forgot, he's a UNICORN, and LORD OF ALL ANIMALS, so he GETS to act like that.
Dang, abusive relationship much. As soon as Chase learns to talk again, he's all, "ARIANNA! COME TO ME!"
Wth? If Lori had run off to find the missing piece of Chase's horn, Bohnesy would've killed her. But it's Princess Arianna, and it's her DESTINY, so I guess that's all right.
Lol. Lori finds out the next quest is to find the missing scepter and is all, "Ari is my BFF."
Ugh, did not enjoy that. Thankfully, tomorrow we'll be back onto horses. No more unicorns for the time being. At least not until Friday.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
You can be my movie star for a day, or Pony Pals #26: Movie Star Pony
I really dislike Pony Pals. Just horrible writing, and bad illustrations, and cliches, and LIES LIES LIES. But in this one, my new best friend (Anna) stood up to some loser who was pressuring her and the illustrations were really good.
Okay, the illustrations might be good, but this cover illustrations sucks. Acorn looks like a small bear, and ponies do NOT smile.
Plot: Yay, a movie is being filmed in Wiggins! Better yet, there will be scenes filmed at Ms. Wiggins estate, the Off-Main Diner, and Mrs. Crandall's riding school! Bette Fleming, a famous 11-year-old actress, is starring in it, but doesn't get along with her pony costar. When she meets Acorn, however, she falls in love with him and insists upon starring with him in the film (entitled "Megan's Last Ride"). Anna is reluctant, but the stupid Pony Pals convince her to say yes, because of MONEY. What ever happened to good morals?
Shockingly enough, Bette is a huge brat, and spends all her time with Acorn. The director, bending to the will of Bette, tells Anna she can't see Acorn until they're done filming. By that time, Acorn doesn't seem to like Anna anymore, and Bette wants to BUY Acorn of all things! Anna is heartbroken. She doesn't want to sell her pony, but she doesn't want to keep him if he likes Bette more than her.
The Pony Pals actually give her some good advice and tell her that Acorn still loves her, so Anna, being fed up with Bette, tells off the spoiled brat and refuses to ever sell Acorn. But later, she feels bad for her outburst and invites Bette on one last trail ride. Halfway through the trail ride, Acorn starts acting oddly and keeps nudging Daisy, Anna's replacement pony. Seems he's JEALOUS!! Guess he still loves Anna. Bette is still a brat, but learns that she can't always get her way. Then she stars in several porn videos and dies of an overdose like all child stars. The End.
More notes:
A "movie company"? I'm not sure of the right terminology, but that doesn't seem right.
Bette Fleming is like the B-list version of Dakota Fanning.
Thanks for spoiling the end of "The Rainbow Kid" for us, Anna.
Gee, the movie is called "Megan's Last Ride". I wonder what if could be about... I mean, it can't be about a girl named Megan who's taking a last ride on her pony; that's just out of the question.
Wow, these illustrations are REALLY GOOD. Better than Vivien Kubbos. Well, the ponies are amazing. And the people are good, but Pam has bangs and Lulu's hair is light brown?
What? Ms. Wiggins gets to eat for free, too???
A very magestic drawing of Lightning, Acorn actually looks the proper size, and Snow White is pretty for a change and not all haggard. Um, Anna is turning around in the saddle to smile at Lulu. BAD RIDING SAFETY! I so remember her lecturing Rosalie about this.
More continuity errors about the death of Mrs. Sanders.
This sounds like the worst movie ever.
"'Bette Fleming plays Megan Ritter,' began Ms. Cross. 'Her family owns a big farm. At the beginning of the story they are having money problems. Then a freak summer hailstorm destroys their apple crop. After that, they know they will have to sell the farm adn move to the city for jobs.'"
Aaaaaaaaaaaaagh!!! Sounds like "Where the Red Fern Grows" gone wrong.
Oh, Megan and Mars understand each other and have a SPECIAL PSYCHIC CONNECTION, to which Anna can relate? WTH???
Oh, they have to sell Mars. Boo hoo. Now they move to the city. BUT SUDDENLY MEGAN GETS SICK!! Mars senses something is wrong and travels 100 miles to find Megan. When he does, her parents decide to buy him again! And board him at a stable near the house! WTH??? WHY DIDN'T THEY DO THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE??? AND AREN'T THEY GOING THROUGH MONEY PROBLEMS??? I swear, this is either a TV movie or a straight-to-DVD release, cuz it sounds low budget and AWFUL. Worse than "The Derby Stallion".
Can't they meet a nice girl who doesn't like ponies and isn't snobby or shy?
Jeanne Betancourt is STILL condoning spying.
"If Bette can't ride, thought Anna, how can she be in a big movie about a girl and her pony?"
Um, duh. Stunt man.
I like how a person's riding abilities determine their personality.
I only found ONE awful picture, and it's of Bette riding. She looks possessed, and her posture is bad, and Acorn looks like a bush.
WHY DO THEY ALWAYS HAVE TO MENTION ACORN'S STUPID STINT IN THE CIRCUS!!??
WHY DOES SHE NEED TO DISCUSS THIS WITH HER PONY PALS? Will they SHUN her if she doesn't run it by them? This DEFINITELY sounds like cult behavior.
NO, ANNA, NO! If your gut says no, DON'T DO IT.
Too late.
So mean. Bette tells Anna that she can't see Acorn for 2 weeks, and the adults are COOL WITH IT. She's 11 FREAKING YEARS OLD! DISCIPLINE HER!!
She hasn't seen Acorn in 9 days. What the heck. I would go insane.
Yay, because watching a scene from a movie being shot through cracks in a wood floor is just as good as being there!
Daisy again! Agh!!
Um, what? Someone sends roses to Anna, and somehow know that she's at the Off-Main Diner. HOW????
Lulu is an IDIOT.
Pam looks like Tempestt Bledsoe.
Pam is so gullible. And she's like, "You shouldn't judge people just from one meeting." Right. Because you NEVER do that, Pam.
Duh. Ponies can't act.
This is definitely a TV movie. "I love you. And I'll never forget you. I don't want to leave you. I want to stay with you forever. You're my best friend." That's like a line from "Your Guardian Angel".
Acorn looks like a donkey.
Mmm, cupcakes.
They finished filming in two weeks????? Definitely TV movie.
Wth, Anna writes Pam and Lulu a note, and she decides to write it using pictures. Wouldn't that take longer? And I can't understand it. One of the pictures looks like a black guy or a piece of broccoli. I can't tell.
Anna does NOT want Bette to ride Acorn. So she lets her ride Acorn. :P
Mrs. Fleming is such a blonde. I would SLAP HER. Listen to her reasoning.
"Bette and Acorn have such a special relationship. So I'll pay a lot of money for him. That way you can buy another pony - a very special pony. Or maybe horse. Wouldn't that be exciting?" Because animals are so easy to replace. B****.
The sentence "Lulu put an arm around Anna's shoulder." appears in this book SO MANY TIMES.
PONIES CAN'T ACT!!
Dang, Rachel Tonkin is the best illustrator yet.
Bette: When Acorn is mine, I'll tell the whole world. His picture would be in the paper with me all the time.
Anna: Acorn is my pony. I won't sell him for any price. That's what I came to tell you.
Bette: But I love Acorn.
Anna: So do I!
Bette: I want Acorn! You HAVE to sell him to me!
Anna: No, I don't!
Bette: Then can I have one last ride on Acorn? Just one.
Anna: NO!
Okay, that was way immature and fourth grade-y, but I'm glad that Anna at least stood up for herself.
I hate it when people say, "It's up to you." What they really mean is, "I want you to choose my idea and I'll guilt you forever if you decide otherwise."
Ha. Anna understands people now. My baby's growing up.
Wth? Lulu is supposed to be riding Snow White, but the pony in the picture is dark. ????
Anna is my new best friend.
Agh, I don't think I'm getting another Pony Pals OR another Madison Finn for a while. I could read #28, or start on the Avalon/Unicorns of Balinor series. I think I'll do the latter. Yay.
Okay, the illustrations might be good, but this cover illustrations sucks. Acorn looks like a small bear, and ponies do NOT smile.
Plot: Yay, a movie is being filmed in Wiggins! Better yet, there will be scenes filmed at Ms. Wiggins estate, the Off-Main Diner, and Mrs. Crandall's riding school! Bette Fleming, a famous 11-year-old actress, is starring in it, but doesn't get along with her pony costar. When she meets Acorn, however, she falls in love with him and insists upon starring with him in the film (entitled "Megan's Last Ride"). Anna is reluctant, but the stupid Pony Pals convince her to say yes, because of MONEY. What ever happened to good morals?
Shockingly enough, Bette is a huge brat, and spends all her time with Acorn. The director, bending to the will of Bette, tells Anna she can't see Acorn until they're done filming. By that time, Acorn doesn't seem to like Anna anymore, and Bette wants to BUY Acorn of all things! Anna is heartbroken. She doesn't want to sell her pony, but she doesn't want to keep him if he likes Bette more than her.
The Pony Pals actually give her some good advice and tell her that Acorn still loves her, so Anna, being fed up with Bette, tells off the spoiled brat and refuses to ever sell Acorn. But later, she feels bad for her outburst and invites Bette on one last trail ride. Halfway through the trail ride, Acorn starts acting oddly and keeps nudging Daisy, Anna's replacement pony. Seems he's JEALOUS!! Guess he still loves Anna. Bette is still a brat, but learns that she can't always get her way. Then she stars in several porn videos and dies of an overdose like all child stars. The End.
More notes:
A "movie company"? I'm not sure of the right terminology, but that doesn't seem right.
Bette Fleming is like the B-list version of Dakota Fanning.
Thanks for spoiling the end of "The Rainbow Kid" for us, Anna.
Gee, the movie is called "Megan's Last Ride". I wonder what if could be about... I mean, it can't be about a girl named Megan who's taking a last ride on her pony; that's just out of the question.
Wow, these illustrations are REALLY GOOD. Better than Vivien Kubbos. Well, the ponies are amazing. And the people are good, but Pam has bangs and Lulu's hair is light brown?
What? Ms. Wiggins gets to eat for free, too???
A very magestic drawing of Lightning, Acorn actually looks the proper size, and Snow White is pretty for a change and not all haggard. Um, Anna is turning around in the saddle to smile at Lulu. BAD RIDING SAFETY! I so remember her lecturing Rosalie about this.
More continuity errors about the death of Mrs. Sanders.
This sounds like the worst movie ever.
"'Bette Fleming plays Megan Ritter,' began Ms. Cross. 'Her family owns a big farm. At the beginning of the story they are having money problems. Then a freak summer hailstorm destroys their apple crop. After that, they know they will have to sell the farm adn move to the city for jobs.'"
Aaaaaaaaaaaaagh!!! Sounds like "Where the Red Fern Grows" gone wrong.
Oh, Megan and Mars understand each other and have a SPECIAL PSYCHIC CONNECTION, to which Anna can relate? WTH???
Oh, they have to sell Mars. Boo hoo. Now they move to the city. BUT SUDDENLY MEGAN GETS SICK!! Mars senses something is wrong and travels 100 miles to find Megan. When he does, her parents decide to buy him again! And board him at a stable near the house! WTH??? WHY DIDN'T THEY DO THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE??? AND AREN'T THEY GOING THROUGH MONEY PROBLEMS??? I swear, this is either a TV movie or a straight-to-DVD release, cuz it sounds low budget and AWFUL. Worse than "The Derby Stallion".
Can't they meet a nice girl who doesn't like ponies and isn't snobby or shy?
Jeanne Betancourt is STILL condoning spying.
"If Bette can't ride, thought Anna, how can she be in a big movie about a girl and her pony?"
Um, duh. Stunt man.
I like how a person's riding abilities determine their personality.
I only found ONE awful picture, and it's of Bette riding. She looks possessed, and her posture is bad, and Acorn looks like a bush.
WHY DO THEY ALWAYS HAVE TO MENTION ACORN'S STUPID STINT IN THE CIRCUS!!??
WHY DOES SHE NEED TO DISCUSS THIS WITH HER PONY PALS? Will they SHUN her if she doesn't run it by them? This DEFINITELY sounds like cult behavior.
NO, ANNA, NO! If your gut says no, DON'T DO IT.
Too late.
So mean. Bette tells Anna that she can't see Acorn for 2 weeks, and the adults are COOL WITH IT. She's 11 FREAKING YEARS OLD! DISCIPLINE HER!!
She hasn't seen Acorn in 9 days. What the heck. I would go insane.
Yay, because watching a scene from a movie being shot through cracks in a wood floor is just as good as being there!
Daisy again! Agh!!
Um, what? Someone sends roses to Anna, and somehow know that she's at the Off-Main Diner. HOW????
Lulu is an IDIOT.
Pam looks like Tempestt Bledsoe.
Pam is so gullible. And she's like, "You shouldn't judge people just from one meeting." Right. Because you NEVER do that, Pam.
Duh. Ponies can't act.
This is definitely a TV movie. "I love you. And I'll never forget you. I don't want to leave you. I want to stay with you forever. You're my best friend." That's like a line from "Your Guardian Angel".
Acorn looks like a donkey.
Mmm, cupcakes.
They finished filming in two weeks????? Definitely TV movie.
Wth, Anna writes Pam and Lulu a note, and she decides to write it using pictures. Wouldn't that take longer? And I can't understand it. One of the pictures looks like a black guy or a piece of broccoli. I can't tell.
Anna does NOT want Bette to ride Acorn. So she lets her ride Acorn. :P
Mrs. Fleming is such a blonde. I would SLAP HER. Listen to her reasoning.
"Bette and Acorn have such a special relationship. So I'll pay a lot of money for him. That way you can buy another pony - a very special pony. Or maybe horse. Wouldn't that be exciting?" Because animals are so easy to replace. B****.
The sentence "Lulu put an arm around Anna's shoulder." appears in this book SO MANY TIMES.
PONIES CAN'T ACT!!
Dang, Rachel Tonkin is the best illustrator yet.
Bette: When Acorn is mine, I'll tell the whole world. His picture would be in the paper with me all the time.
Anna: Acorn is my pony. I won't sell him for any price. That's what I came to tell you.
Bette: But I love Acorn.
Anna: So do I!
Bette: I want Acorn! You HAVE to sell him to me!
Anna: No, I don't!
Bette: Then can I have one last ride on Acorn? Just one.
Anna: NO!
Okay, that was way immature and fourth grade-y, but I'm glad that Anna at least stood up for herself.
I hate it when people say, "It's up to you." What they really mean is, "I want you to choose my idea and I'll guilt you forever if you decide otherwise."
Ha. Anna understands people now. My baby's growing up.
Wth? Lulu is supposed to be riding Snow White, but the pony in the picture is dark. ????
Anna is my new best friend.
Agh, I don't think I'm getting another Pony Pals OR another Madison Finn for a while. I could read #28, or start on the Avalon/Unicorns of Balinor series. I think I'll do the latter. Yay.
Saturday, November 3, 2007
A gang of angry Asians???, or FTFO Madison Finn #2: Boy, oh Boy!
Yay! Another Madison Finn! Where Madison discovers that boys aren't icky!
Plot: Madison loves computer class at Far Hills Junior High. Mrs. Wing is the best teacher ever. One day, after catching Madison trying to get online, Mrs. Wing asks her if she'd like to help create the school website. Elections are coming up soon and the students are going to vote online. Madison is so psyched and quickly agrees.
Unnecessary sidenote: Egg and Drew get jealous, so they volunteer to help, too.
Bad news: POISON IVY IS RUNNING FOR CLASS PRESIDENT!!! When Aimee hears the news, she decides to run, too.
Meanwhile, when not at school, Madison is living with the Gillespies because her dad is working and her mom is in France. Yay. Unfortunately, Madison hates the vegetarian food and sleepless nights.
Man, this book is packed with drama. Dad has a new girlfriend, Stephanie!!! And he brings her to Madison's reunion dinner!!! Madison gets all emo and cries herself to sleep.
If that's not enough, Maddie is starting to get a crush on Hart!!! (I love all the exclamation points. Take that, Jeanne Betancourt)
Back to school: Uh oh! Someone vandalizes the website and replaces Aimee's picture with a picture of a gila monster.
Then they replace a picture of Ivy with a picture of a skunk.
Then they take off all the pictures and make it look like Madison is the culprit.
But then Drew saves the day and finds out who has been doing it: turns out Brendan Lo, a friend of one of the other candidates, got jealous of the attention Ivy was receiving and decided to ruin her chances of winning. Didn't work. Now Brendan is suspended, Tommy is eliminated from the race, and the students are voting.
The polls are in! Ivy Daly = 114 votes. Montrell Morris = 111 votes. Aimee Gillespie = 87 votes. Buuuuurn, Ivy wins. Aimee is crushed. Bla.
But at least we learned from the experience. Um, yay, I guess? Madison goes back home, makes up with her dad, and admits to Bigwheels that she has a crush on Hart. The end.
More notes:
School has been in session for two weeks and they're just NOW starting to do things on computers in computer class?
Ew. Egg likes older women. This could make for problems when he's older.
This makes so much sense.
Dim strTemper As String
Const strNormNumbers$ = "0123456789"
Exit Function
End If
End If
OnlyNumericTextInput = strSource
End Function
This is why I hate computers.
Egg wears fleece.
What kind of nature documentary are you going to make in France? One about Camargues, hopefully?
Egg made a sex joke.
Yeah, Fiona, that's hot. "Hey, Walter."
Yes, Drew. People often have to go to classes at school.
Okay, the prettiest, most popular doesn't necessarily ALWAYS WIN. She wins OFTEN, but not always. I'm living proof. And that was way egotistical of me to say.
Lol, Hart. "Your fruit fly is open."
Good flirting, Ivy. :/
"Aren't you Bart Jones?"
"Yeah. I'm Hart Jones. With an H."
Lol. Aimee thinks Egg is ugly, too.
Roger is 23 and he's still living at home? And he likes hanging out with Aimee's friends? SUSPICIOUS MUCH???
Lol, Maddie is addicted to the internet, too.
Lunch ladies are really creeping me out.
Drew just wants to volunteer cuz HE LIKES YOU!!!
Come on, Drew. The question, "Do you like her?" implies more than friendship. "Yeah, I like her, she's nice." "No, he means LIKE her, like her." "What? Well, not exactly." YES OR NO, YES OR NO!!!
Yes, Egg, Hart and fart rhyme. :P
LOL! Aimee's brother Dean only cares about his Camry and hot girls. HE'S NORMAL!!!
I wish I could go out and sit on my roof.
Madison loves surprises. I hate surprises. And how dumb of the dad. If going out to dinner is his special thing with Madison, YOU DON'T BRING YOUR NEW GIRLFRIEND!!! Aaargh.
The French restaurant they go to is called "Le Poisson". What the heck. They go to a restaurant called "The Fish".
Madison starts talking about poop at the dinner table. Noice.
Screammeem is a way cool screenname. I'm jealous.
Aimee is such a...such a...well. Yeah.
This brings back memories of Oggy. Whenever he would sleep with me, he'd always lick my feet and then pass out on my lap when I'd try to turn over.
What is the class president going to do about homework? There's NOTHING THEY CAN DO.
Lol. "How do you spell Montrell? W-I-N-N-E-R." How do you spell awesome? L-A-U-R-E-N.
I really hate Aimee.
"I'm sandwhich meat? No wonder boys don't like me." Ouch.
Yay. A sweater with a flower applique.
Lol. Drew. "Oh no. Look! Ivy's a skunk, Maddie." Yaaaaay, Drew.
Madison and Ivy have a fight. Madison starts out knowing she's going to lose. I mean, come on: "Quit it, Ivy. I won't let you scare me." Implying she does scare you? It ends when Madison calls her a rat and Ivy calls her a cow. Then Madison runs away. :P Slut trumps cow.
Drew is officially my favorite character.
I hate gingersnaps.
Aimee: I think I like someone. A little.
Fiona: Is it Hart Jones?
Madison: NO, YOU CAN'T!
Smooth, Maddie.
"I just don't get boys." Me neither, Madison.
I almost started crying when I read about Bigwheels' dead fish. Don't know why.
Here's a peek into Madison's thoughts.
Hart Hart Hart HART hart
Maddie + Hart
Madison Jones
Frittatas is officially the funniest food word ever.
Bigwheels writes good poems.
Brendan Lo. Tommy Kwong. Sounds like a stereotypical group of angry Asians!!!!
Ah yes, Montrell, lie to the populace.
"The school needs to give way less homework and throw pizza parties every Friday."
Montrell loses by 3 votes. Aimee loses by 27. Oooooooh.
Bigwheels: Boys are annoying
MadFinn: us said it!!!
Bigwheels: #1 reason: only think of 1 thing
MadFinn: what
Bigwheels: hookups
LOL! That is so not the number one reason, though.
I love how I can understand ALL the French Mrs. Finn uses in this book.
Yep. That's it. Party on. WHERE ARE THE PONY PALS!!!
Plot: Madison loves computer class at Far Hills Junior High. Mrs. Wing is the best teacher ever. One day, after catching Madison trying to get online, Mrs. Wing asks her if she'd like to help create the school website. Elections are coming up soon and the students are going to vote online. Madison is so psyched and quickly agrees.
Unnecessary sidenote: Egg and Drew get jealous, so they volunteer to help, too.
Bad news: POISON IVY IS RUNNING FOR CLASS PRESIDENT!!! When Aimee hears the news, she decides to run, too.
Meanwhile, when not at school, Madison is living with the Gillespies because her dad is working and her mom is in France. Yay. Unfortunately, Madison hates the vegetarian food and sleepless nights.
Man, this book is packed with drama. Dad has a new girlfriend, Stephanie!!! And he brings her to Madison's reunion dinner!!! Madison gets all emo and cries herself to sleep.
If that's not enough, Maddie is starting to get a crush on Hart!!! (I love all the exclamation points. Take that, Jeanne Betancourt)
Back to school: Uh oh! Someone vandalizes the website and replaces Aimee's picture with a picture of a gila monster.
Then they replace a picture of Ivy with a picture of a skunk.
Then they take off all the pictures and make it look like Madison is the culprit.
But then Drew saves the day and finds out who has been doing it: turns out Brendan Lo, a friend of one of the other candidates, got jealous of the attention Ivy was receiving and decided to ruin her chances of winning. Didn't work. Now Brendan is suspended, Tommy is eliminated from the race, and the students are voting.
The polls are in! Ivy Daly = 114 votes. Montrell Morris = 111 votes. Aimee Gillespie = 87 votes. Buuuuurn, Ivy wins. Aimee is crushed. Bla.
But at least we learned from the experience. Um, yay, I guess? Madison goes back home, makes up with her dad, and admits to Bigwheels that she has a crush on Hart. The end.
More notes:
School has been in session for two weeks and they're just NOW starting to do things on computers in computer class?
Ew. Egg likes older women. This could make for problems when he's older.
This makes so much sense.
Dim strTemper As String
Const strNormNumbers$ = "0123456789"
Exit Function
End If
End If
OnlyNumericTextInput = strSource
End Function
This is why I hate computers.
Egg wears fleece.
What kind of nature documentary are you going to make in France? One about Camargues, hopefully?
Egg made a sex joke.
Yeah, Fiona, that's hot. "Hey, Walter."
Yes, Drew. People often have to go to classes at school.
Okay, the prettiest, most popular doesn't necessarily ALWAYS WIN. She wins OFTEN, but not always. I'm living proof. And that was way egotistical of me to say.
Lol, Hart. "Your fruit fly is open."
Good flirting, Ivy. :/
"Aren't you Bart Jones?"
"Yeah. I'm Hart Jones. With an H."
Lol. Aimee thinks Egg is ugly, too.
Roger is 23 and he's still living at home? And he likes hanging out with Aimee's friends? SUSPICIOUS MUCH???
Lol, Maddie is addicted to the internet, too.
Lunch ladies are really creeping me out.
Drew just wants to volunteer cuz HE LIKES YOU!!!
Come on, Drew. The question, "Do you like her?" implies more than friendship. "Yeah, I like her, she's nice." "No, he means LIKE her, like her." "What? Well, not exactly." YES OR NO, YES OR NO!!!
Yes, Egg, Hart and fart rhyme. :P
LOL! Aimee's brother Dean only cares about his Camry and hot girls. HE'S NORMAL!!!
I wish I could go out and sit on my roof.
Madison loves surprises. I hate surprises. And how dumb of the dad. If going out to dinner is his special thing with Madison, YOU DON'T BRING YOUR NEW GIRLFRIEND!!! Aaargh.
The French restaurant they go to is called "Le Poisson". What the heck. They go to a restaurant called "The Fish".
Madison starts talking about poop at the dinner table. Noice.
Screammeem is a way cool screenname. I'm jealous.
Aimee is such a...such a...well. Yeah.
This brings back memories of Oggy. Whenever he would sleep with me, he'd always lick my feet and then pass out on my lap when I'd try to turn over.
What is the class president going to do about homework? There's NOTHING THEY CAN DO.
Lol. "How do you spell Montrell? W-I-N-N-E-R." How do you spell awesome? L-A-U-R-E-N.
I really hate Aimee.
"I'm sandwhich meat? No wonder boys don't like me." Ouch.
Yay. A sweater with a flower applique.
Lol. Drew. "Oh no. Look! Ivy's a skunk, Maddie." Yaaaaay, Drew.
Madison and Ivy have a fight. Madison starts out knowing she's going to lose. I mean, come on: "Quit it, Ivy. I won't let you scare me." Implying she does scare you? It ends when Madison calls her a rat and Ivy calls her a cow. Then Madison runs away. :P Slut trumps cow.
Drew is officially my favorite character.
I hate gingersnaps.
Aimee: I think I like someone. A little.
Fiona: Is it Hart Jones?
Madison: NO, YOU CAN'T!
Smooth, Maddie.
"I just don't get boys." Me neither, Madison.
I almost started crying when I read about Bigwheels' dead fish. Don't know why.
Here's a peek into Madison's thoughts.
Hart Hart Hart HART hart
Maddie + Hart
Madison Jones
Frittatas is officially the funniest food word ever.
Bigwheels writes good poems.
Brendan Lo. Tommy Kwong. Sounds like a stereotypical group of angry Asians!!!!
Ah yes, Montrell, lie to the populace.
"The school needs to give way less homework and throw pizza parties every Friday."
Montrell loses by 3 votes. Aimee loses by 27. Oooooooh.
Bigwheels: Boys are annoying
MadFinn: us said it!!!
Bigwheels: #1 reason: only think of 1 thing
MadFinn: what
Bigwheels: hookups
LOL! That is so not the number one reason, though.
I love how I can understand ALL the French Mrs. Finn uses in this book.
Yep. That's it. Party on. WHERE ARE THE PONY PALS!!!
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Oh no you di'n't, girlfriend, or Pony Pals #4: Give Me Back My Pony
Yeah. I've got way too much free time. And these books are crazy short. Seriously, the first one was 103, the second one was under 100, the third one was 96, and the fourth was 82. If these get any shorter, they shall become picture books.
I should probably slow down. But then I would have nothing to do.
Plot: Awwww, Lulu is moving back to...nowhere. Her dad doesn't know yet. But she's bummed because she's not only losing her pony to Rema (who is coming home any time now), but she'll be losing the only friends she ever had (she doesn't say that, but you know it's true). Everyone is sad.
(If you forgot, Rema is Snow White's real owner from whom Lulu is leasing her.)
Rema comes home suddenly, and the Pony Pals go to meet her, only to find out that Anna has been right all along: REMA IS A HUGE SNOB. She's also a _itch (there are so many letters you could use), jerk, and...the list goes on. And she treats Snow White badly.
Maybe that's why Snow White keeps running away to Lulu's house.
A great weight is lifted off Lulu's shoulders when her dad comes home and tells her they're not moving after all, because he wants to study black bears in Wiggins!!! Yaaaay! How...exciting! So now the Pony Pals have to concoct a plan to buy Snow White.
But Rema tricks them and sells Snow White to someone else! OH NO!
But then the Pony Pals, the lil tricksters, convince Anita (Snow White's new owner) to buy the Morgan Mr. Olson tried to sell to Anna in book #2. Yaaay. Then Lulu buys Snow White. Yaaaaay. And there was much rejoicing. Yaaaay.
More notes:
Snow White looks really pretty on the cover. Rema looks at least 15 or 16 and Lulu looks like she's 8 and somewhat Asian???
Lulu called Anna dumb. AGAIN.
"Rema's too old to be a Pony Pal. She's around fourteen." Oh, right, because Pony Pals is only for cool ten-year-olds. The author says at the end of the book that you're never too old to be a Pony Pal. Lies.
There Lulu goes, singing "Jingle Bells" again....
They describe Rema as being older because she wears makeup. Uh, I've seen 10-year-olds wear make-up. And I'm fourteen and I don't wear makeup. Who's older?
Who feeds a pony chocolate? Wouldn't the pony seize up and die?
"If I'd known you were so young I wouldn't have left my horse with you. You sounded older in your letters." Ooooh, BAM.
Rema: Wiggins is sooooo boring. What do you do here?
Lulu: But there's so much to do! There's hiking and fishing and...
Rema: I didn't mean what YOU kids do. I meant what teenagers do. LIKE ME.
Hehehehehe. She's mean but funny.
Lulu lets her grandma curl her hair. Because she just doesn't care anymore. If I were that depressed, I'd let my grandma do something COOL, like dye it pink. But noooo....
Yay, a surprise party. SURPRISE.
Jack and Jill are so dumb and crafty!!
Mrs. Wiggins is so lame. "Here...I bought you a journal!" Right...thanks. A red plaid journal. Yessiree...
Anna gave her a portrait of Snow White. How...wonderful.
"Thank you for the party."
"We thought of inviting Rema."
"But then we met her."
OOOOH, BAM. These girls are so MEAN in this book. But it's funny and refreshing to see them act human. And like girls.
"No place is as good as Wiggins. Because no place will have the Pony Pals."
"I know what you mean. How could it?"
And they think this is hilarious. Uhhh, why? I mean, obviously they couldn't have the Pony Pals.... It just doesn't make sense to me.
Lulu's dad tries to break into the Crandall barn. How creepy... "Awww, Dad, you wanted to surprise me!" Noooo, maybe he's a creepy stalker/robber. He should be arrested.
Lulu's dad totally looks like George Lopez.
"I'm going to study the black bear!" He could do that in Washington...
The description of Rema riding Snow White reminded me of myself....
Heh. Deer shriek.
The Pony Pals have a crazy high five fest. This sounds like a Youtube video. I'd love to make one. In slow-mo.
Anna keeps talking about Pony Power. It gets old fast.
They mention buying a pony once to Mr. Sanders and he's all for the idea. :O How is it THAT EASY?
Aha, it's Winifred Wiggins in this book.
LOL there's a picture where Anna looks like a 3 year old.
Anna's pictures are actually good in this book.
Seriously, if that Morgan is such a great horse, how come no one's bought him? Book #3 takes place in like early March. Book #4 is in early to late June. COME ON!!!
Rema looks like Minnie Driver in one picture.
The Pony Pals are shocked that Snow White could shock $2000 dollars. Why not? Isn't that normal for any horse/pony?
OMG, sexism!!! "Tommy wouldn't want a pony. All he cares about is football and teasing girls!" OMG, THAT IS SO HILARIOUS! I laughed for a long time after reading that. Don't ask why.
Mrs. Rand is a horrible parent. She allows Tommy to bully young children. And people wonder why he keeps getting into jail.
If Snow White is 13.2 hands and a Morgan is 14.1 to 15 hands, that's more than just a "little bigger".
HAHAHAHA! THE MORGAN'S NAME IS MORGAN!!! Aaaagh, that kind of annoys the living daylights out of me.
I should probably slow down. But then I would have nothing to do.
Plot: Awwww, Lulu is moving back to...nowhere. Her dad doesn't know yet. But she's bummed because she's not only losing her pony to Rema (who is coming home any time now), but she'll be losing the only friends she ever had (she doesn't say that, but you know it's true). Everyone is sad.
(If you forgot, Rema is Snow White's real owner from whom Lulu is leasing her.)
Rema comes home suddenly, and the Pony Pals go to meet her, only to find out that Anna has been right all along: REMA IS A HUGE SNOB. She's also a _itch (there are so many letters you could use), jerk, and...the list goes on. And she treats Snow White badly.
Maybe that's why Snow White keeps running away to Lulu's house.
A great weight is lifted off Lulu's shoulders when her dad comes home and tells her they're not moving after all, because he wants to study black bears in Wiggins!!! Yaaaay! How...exciting! So now the Pony Pals have to concoct a plan to buy Snow White.
But Rema tricks them and sells Snow White to someone else! OH NO!
But then the Pony Pals, the lil tricksters, convince Anita (Snow White's new owner) to buy the Morgan Mr. Olson tried to sell to Anna in book #2. Yaaay. Then Lulu buys Snow White. Yaaaaay. And there was much rejoicing. Yaaaay.
More notes:
Snow White looks really pretty on the cover. Rema looks at least 15 or 16 and Lulu looks like she's 8 and somewhat Asian???
Lulu called Anna dumb. AGAIN.
"Rema's too old to be a Pony Pal. She's around fourteen." Oh, right, because Pony Pals is only for cool ten-year-olds. The author says at the end of the book that you're never too old to be a Pony Pal. Lies.
There Lulu goes, singing "Jingle Bells" again....
They describe Rema as being older because she wears makeup. Uh, I've seen 10-year-olds wear make-up. And I'm fourteen and I don't wear makeup. Who's older?
Who feeds a pony chocolate? Wouldn't the pony seize up and die?
"If I'd known you were so young I wouldn't have left my horse with you. You sounded older in your letters." Ooooh, BAM.
Rema: Wiggins is sooooo boring. What do you do here?
Lulu: But there's so much to do! There's hiking and fishing and...
Rema: I didn't mean what YOU kids do. I meant what teenagers do. LIKE ME.
Hehehehehe. She's mean but funny.
Lulu lets her grandma curl her hair. Because she just doesn't care anymore. If I were that depressed, I'd let my grandma do something COOL, like dye it pink. But noooo....
Yay, a surprise party. SURPRISE.
Jack and Jill are so dumb and crafty!!
Mrs. Wiggins is so lame. "Here...I bought you a journal!" Right...thanks. A red plaid journal. Yessiree...
Anna gave her a portrait of Snow White. How...wonderful.
"Thank you for the party."
"We thought of inviting Rema."
"But then we met her."
OOOOH, BAM. These girls are so MEAN in this book. But it's funny and refreshing to see them act human. And like girls.
"No place is as good as Wiggins. Because no place will have the Pony Pals."
"I know what you mean. How could it?"
And they think this is hilarious. Uhhh, why? I mean, obviously they couldn't have the Pony Pals.... It just doesn't make sense to me.
Lulu's dad tries to break into the Crandall barn. How creepy... "Awww, Dad, you wanted to surprise me!" Noooo, maybe he's a creepy stalker/robber. He should be arrested.
Lulu's dad totally looks like George Lopez.
"I'm going to study the black bear!" He could do that in Washington...
The description of Rema riding Snow White reminded me of myself....
Heh. Deer shriek.
The Pony Pals have a crazy high five fest. This sounds like a Youtube video. I'd love to make one. In slow-mo.
Anna keeps talking about Pony Power. It gets old fast.
They mention buying a pony once to Mr. Sanders and he's all for the idea. :O How is it THAT EASY?
Aha, it's Winifred Wiggins in this book.
LOL there's a picture where Anna looks like a 3 year old.
Anna's pictures are actually good in this book.
Seriously, if that Morgan is such a great horse, how come no one's bought him? Book #3 takes place in like early March. Book #4 is in early to late June. COME ON!!!
Rema looks like Minnie Driver in one picture.
The Pony Pals are shocked that Snow White could shock $2000 dollars. Why not? Isn't that normal for any horse/pony?
OMG, sexism!!! "Tommy wouldn't want a pony. All he cares about is football and teasing girls!" OMG, THAT IS SO HILARIOUS! I laughed for a long time after reading that. Don't ask why.
Mrs. Rand is a horrible parent. She allows Tommy to bully young children. And people wonder why he keeps getting into jail.
If Snow White is 13.2 hands and a Morgan is 14.1 to 15 hands, that's more than just a "little bigger".
HAHAHAHA! THE MORGAN'S NAME IS MORGAN!!! Aaaagh, that kind of annoys the living daylights out of me.
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