NYC is sparkly and glamorous, despite the muggings, or FTFO Madison Finn #20: All That Glitters

I like how Madison's lived in New York all this time, but has never been to New York City. Oh, now I want to go.



Plot: It's Lindsay Frost's 13th birthday, and she's invited Madison, Aimee, and Fiona to spend it with her in NYC! There will be endless shopping, cake, and sparkles, all thanks to Lindsay's naturally-high Aunt Mimi.
But the birthday weekend doesn't go so well. Lindsay's parents are in the middle of a divorce and her dad even skips the birthday dinner! It's the worst birthday ever.
But, though Fiona and Aimee aren't able to, Madison comforts her friend, seeing as she's experience divorce before, and makes the birthday weekend even better.
Um, that's about it. Nothing really significant happens.

More notes:
Agh, Nancy Drew books. I think Nancy Drew was a Mary Sue.

Madison takes Phin to a dog park. Jealous!! I wish they had one in my area. Tie would probably hate it, though.

Surprise. She runs into Drew and Hart.

Drew: I invited everyone over to my house this afternoon; sort of a last-minute thing. We thought of it when we were playing hockey. Want to come?
Hart: Yeah. I'll be there. *HINT HINT HINT*

"Madison didn't know how to answer. It was one of those scary moments. If she had been honest with herself - and with everyone else, especially Hart - she would have jumped right over the dog-run fence, fallen into Hart's arms, and declared, 'You'll be there? Well, let's go right now!'"
It would have been so entertaining if you had, Madison.

As soon as Hart leaves, Madison ends up tripping over 5 or 6 dogs and falling on her butt.
That was beautifully timed. You were lucky.

Uh-oh. Drew, Elaine, and Hart are the only ones there.
Is this some kind of twisted double date?? AWKWARD.

Nope. Everyone else showed up 5 seconds later. Crisis averted.

Awww, Madison and Hart held hands.

Whoa, and she sat on his lap, and they ate pizza.
*shudder* Boundaries, people.

But the thing Madison is most affected by is the fact that their knees WERE PRACTICALLY TOUCHING!!!
Um.......okay.

But, in spite of all of this, he didn't ask her out. Mixed messages much?

Madison thinks she and Hart are destined for one another, because her past relationships (i.e, summer flings, older boys, etc.) didn't last.

Holy crap. Lindsay's parents will be paying for ALL the shopping, dining, and transportation for the birthday weekend. How rich are they??

Lindsay's Aunt Mimi is super creepy. She reminds me of the Weezy on "Dragon Tales". Not like I've ever watched "Dragon Tales", or anything.

Apparently Aunt Mimi got rich from making a bunch of "magic" cosmetics.
She's also dated several big movie stars, and for one of Lindsay's birthdays, she rented a circus tent (complete with elephant).

I don't know, read this, and tell me if you want to slap Mimi, too.
Madison: I'm glad to meet you by phone. Can you tell Lindsay that I called?
Mimi: Sweetums, you haven't even told me your name!
Madison: Oh, I'm Madison Finn.
Mimi: Madison! Did you say Madison? Is this the Madison?
Madison: Uh, yeah, I guess.
Mimi: Awww! I knwo you! Lindsay has told me gobs and oodles about you. My goodness! How are you? How's your pooch? You're the one with a pug, right?
Madison: Right.
Mimi: So you'll be coming to the big glittery bash in the Big Apple! Fah-bulous!
Madison: Will you tell Lindsay I called?
Mimi: Hey! Does a mosquito bite? You betcha I will!
The voice I'm hearing in my head is grating.

I'd be super embarrassed if one of my friends screamed, "Hello, party girls!" in the hall.
Which Lindsay does.

What?? Lindsay doesn't want any presents!! What kind of teenager is she??

Aimee wants to go shopping.
Fiona wants to visit the Empire State Building.
Madison wants to visit the American Museum of Natural History and Central Park.
Sounds...fun, Madison.

Whaat?? Hart just randomly throws his arm around Madison's shoulder, all comrade-y like. It's kind of creepy. BOUNDARIES!

Okay, so Hart put his arm around Madison's shoulder. Fiona's like, "OMG, YOU GUYS WERE PRACTICALLY MAKING OUT!!!"
Yeah...there's a little more physical contact involved there, Fiona.

The school is giving a PSAT for 7th graders?? How random!

Madison jokingly sticks her tongue out at Hart and he somehow thinks she wants to break up.
Are you kidding?? This is so stupid.

Lindsay wants to know if they can study for the standardized test while they're in New York. There's not much you can do to study for a standardized test.

She even threatens to cancel so they can all study together!!!
Something tells me you won't have any friends if you do that.

Okay. Turns out Hart wasn't phased by the tongue thing.

Madison: I was writing in my online journal. I keep these computer files....
Hart: Files? What's in the files?
Madison: *thinking* Duh! What do you think? All my daydreams about you, dork! *thinking*
Lol.

Hart asks her out!! Finally!!!
He wants to take her to a car show, though. Hmmmm....
Beggars can't be choosers, I guess.

Uh-oh. He wants to go THIS Saturday. The day of the PARTY!
Madison declines.
Hart thinks she's turning him down.
He runs off to go drown his sorrow in the Emo corner.

And now they can't ever go out again because Hart's dad will be working for the next couple Saturdays, sooo...
Soooo....what does that mean?? Have Madison's mom or whatever take you!

Madison's friends are no comfort. They're like, "You rejected him! You blew it! Well, not really, but that's how he sees it!"

Agh. You're 12, Madison. I doubt you are actually IN LOVE with Hart.

Well, now we know Madison's password, which is "IHEARTHART".
-_-

Argh. Madison wants to ditch the party so she can go out with Hart. Car show...or overnight stay in New York City?? You choose.

Aimee still sucks.

Whaaaat...they're all going on the train by themselves. Well, they'll be together, but still. That would scare the crap out of me.

Each girl gets a "Birthday Pass" with stuff they're going to do during the weekend. That's kind of really cool, no lie.

Fiona shows the conductor her Birthday Pass as a joke, and the conductor has no sense of humor and is all, "WHERE IS YOUR TICKET, STOWAWAY!?"

Aunt Mimi shows up wearing a cape. Wth?? Who is she, Zorro?

Lindsay: What do you think so far?
Madison: Your aunt is amazing.
Lindsay: I know. But I don't know how she and my mom could possibyl be sisters.
Madison: Your mom is nice, too.
Lindsay: Yeah, but she isn't cool, not like Aunt Mimi.
Madison: Are any moms truly cool? [Too true.]
Lindsay: Your mom is. She makes movies. She travels all over the world.
Madison: But she doesn't wear fur hats or capes.
Oh, how I wish my mom would wear fur hats or capes. Then she would truly be cool.

Have you ever bought something just because it was on sale?? That has to be the reason Aimee bought a pink leotard with flowers around the neck, not that those things don't ooze "cool".

HOLY CRAP! Aunt Mimi has her own FLOOR! Now I don't doubt that she can afford to pay for all these girls' misadventures.

I'm sorry, but it's super awkward when someone starts crying. I know I do it, but it's weird when someone else does it.
And Lindsay just randomly bursts into tears, saying cryptic things, like, "Everything is fine, which means everything is not fine. It's the same as usual."

Aimee and Fiona think Lindsay is sad because she misses her parents and because she's afraid of becoming a teenager.
Madison is like, "Wth, I know why she's sad. Morons."

Mimi redecorates every 3 months!!? That's just a waste of money.

Aimee wonders if Mimi is as rich as Drew, but Lindsay concludes that Drew's family must be richer because he owns 2 houses, but Aunt Mimi has one apartment and stays in the nicest hotels the rest of the time.
In that case, Aunt Mimi is much richer than they are.

Lindsay is sad because her dad hasn't called. Oh.

Ivy e-mails Madison because it turns out Madison accidentally took Ivy's science notebook.
Lindsay: I bet there's juicy gossip inside that book.
Madison: I wonder. But I guess even Ivy's allowed to have a secret journal.
She's come a long way from, "IVY IS SUCH A LIAR, I MUST PEEK AT HER NOTEBOOK!"

Awwww. Lindsay's dad moved out and she's afraid he hates her. :(

Aunt Mimi has red hair. For someone reason, I pictured her with pink hair.

Fiona: What does turning into a teenager realy mean, anyway?
Aimee: It means you can drive. You can date. You can vote.
Lindsay: Aim! I can't do any of those things.
Aimee: Not yet. But soon. Well, sort of soon.
Uh, not sort of soon. I'm 15 and I still can't do any of those things.

Lindsay has nothing to wear, so everyone lends her some clothes and she ends up with the outfit she's wearing on the cover. Everyone else is like, "OMG, YOU LOOK SO FAB," but...? I don't know. I like the boots, though.

Daaang. Aunt Mimi buys them all sunglasses so they can "get their cool on". Of course, Madison gets orange ones.
Argh. I wish I could WEAR sunglasses. I find these Cover All sunglasses that go over perscription lenses, but my mom was like, "Nice try."

Aimee can't stop staring at her reflection. Yay, a born narcissist!
How come it's funny when Aimee does it, though, but stuck-up when Ivy does it?

Yay, they all get makeovers. Best birthday ever.

I'm going to make some hot chocolate and FREEZE IT.

Despite all this mad fun, Madison wishes Hart were with her so they could drink Frrrozen Hot Chocolate and make out afterwards.
NO LIE, THAT'S WHAT SHE SAYS...sort of.

Hahaha, they take a special stop for Madison and go to Madison Avenue!! I cannot breathe for laughing.

Shopping...or the planetarium. Shopping...planetarium...shopping...planetarium...
I don't know...will there be shopping at the planetarium??

Okay, now I think Lindsay just wants attention. Aimee and Fiona shift their attention to some cute guys and all of a sudden, Lindsay's sobbing. "Are you okay, Lindsay?" "Oh, yes, I just miss my dad." -_-

Aunt Mimi refuses to let the girls stalk the cute boys. Good plan.

"It didn't matter how much you like someone. If there was a really cute or Cute (with a capital C) guy in the room, checking him out was necessary."
That should be the Golden Rule.

"If this is the city that never sleeps, then why I am so tired?"
Wouldn't you be tired if you never slept? That makes perfect sense.

The best part of the day for Madison was buying super bouncy balls and a foil sticker at the gift shop.
How thrilling.

Fiona spills wine all over Aunt Mimi's cream-colored scarf. That scarf is a goner. But Aunt Mimi doesn't seem to mind.
What was Fiona doing with wine in the first place?

Lindsay's dad doesn't show up to the birthday dinner. :(
But she pouts the entire time. Not awkward or anything.

Madison: Ever hear the one about the birthday cat?
Mrs. Frost: No, I have not.
Aunt Mimi: Tell us, Maddie!
Madison: Well...I...I...forgot.
For some reason, that's the funniest joke I've ever heard.

Awww, they don't get to eat cake because Lindsay wants to go home. So they get it to go.
Sorry to be unempathetic or callous, but that's probably the saddest thing about the whole evening. It was CHOCOLATE cake.

Lindsay gets a fantasy book, a tapestry backpack (kewl), a giftcard to Aimee's Dad's bookstore, and theater tickets (from her mom).

Madison gets her this necklace with a book charm, which is supposed to be clever or something.
At least she didn't recycle her snow bunnies charm.

Dad finally shows up...but Lindsay's not mad. No, she's...excited?
Madison's the only one who gets why she feels that way.

Agh, so awkward between parents.
And Lindsay keeps being all, "Oh, Daddy!!!"

And her dad gets her...theater tickets.
Uh-oh.

There's this random paragraph about Aimee's dream to dance in The Nutcracker Suite. "She knew that that was a big, big dream."
WHO CARES??? This book isn't about Aimee!!

Girl talk!! It turns out Lindsay likes...Dan??
"I mean, he's always funny and nice, and he talks about books with me sometimes in the library."
Awwww...

Bigwheels is gushing about Reggie again, and how he got her this adorable purple bear, and she wonders if they could possibly be "in love".
Aaagh. Lol, then she mentions her friend's feelings on the matter.
"My friend Lainie would freak at the thought. She doesn't even really LIKE boys. She never has gone out with one or followed one in school or even said much about thinking they're cute."
I have friends like that...and they're not gay.

AGH. Lindsay starts spazzing out about the test. And crying. AGAIN.
So Aunt Mimi brings out the chocolate cake they couldn't eat last night. YAY!!!

Fiona coyly suggests that Lindsay wish Dan would like her back for her birthday wish, and Mrs. Frost is like, "DAN! DAN! LINDSAY, IS THERE SOME BOY YOU'RE NOT TELLING ME ABOUT??"

WHAAAT? The cake last night was CHOCOLATE!! But this cake is white with purple icing!!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

They study for the test on the train. I'm sure that was fun. Aimee's like, "Nooo, I want to play Mash or Truth or Dare."

Eddie (Bigwheel's autistic brother) learned some more words! Yay!

Egg told Fiona that his sister told him that the standardized test is not worth worrying about.
Nice job, Lindsay. Way to freak out over NOTHING.

Hart gives Madison the silent treatment.
How mature.

After getting rejected last week, Hart decides to ask Madison out via note rather than face-to-face.
But at least he asked her out.

Madison's Computer Tip:
When you need to thank someone or send a birthday card or any greeting card, use an E-card service.

#21 is next, and that one wasn't so good, but whatever, I have nothing else to do, and the Maytag man is upstairs and I'm in my pajamas, so I can't go up there. I guess I'm stuck with you guys.

If someone is mean, they have issues, or FTFO Madison Finn #19: Keep It Real

I read this a while ago. Haven't been posting, though, because it's summer and I could be...you know...watching "Monk" and playing with my dog.
Speaking of Tie, she was totally lying right next to me 2 seconds ago. What happened?



Plot: Madison Finn has had enough of Ivy Daly!!! Her English class has just received a new journal writing assignment, and Ivy always writes about how perfect and wonderful her life is. It just makes Madison sick; partly because Ivy is such a fake, and partly because Ivy writes so much in her journal. Journal writing is Madison's territory!!!
It turns out Ivy's life is NOT so perfect after all!!! Her mom has breast cancer.
Fran tells Madison to be nice to Ivy because her mom is sort of dying, but Madison finds it hard when Ivy continues to be such a meanie.
Finally, she convinces her friends to stop giving Ivy such a hard time. Good enough.

More notes:
"We started 'journaling', which is basically keeping track of feelings and observations and all that [in case you didn't know what journaling was]...which is what I do every day on this computer anyway! [Lol, me, too!]"

Madison's first assignment is to write about a very successful or very embarassing moment. Pick embarassing, you've got plenty of those.

The Gang goes to Madison's house.
Hart: Gee, I've never been in your house before.
Drew: Yeah, you have. Haven't you?
Fiona: *to Madison* You WISH Hart had been in your house before....

Egg almost breaks a glass penguin belonging to Madison's mom.
Madison: Careful! My mom got that in the antarctic!
Because they have so many glass penguin shops in the antarctic.

Madison finds it weird that Egg speaks Spanish...even though he's bilingual.
Although he's quite "Dora the Explorer" about it. "Mi mami got it for me. She rocks."

"As Egg clicked away, Madison prayed that his fingers wouldn't slip and cause him to select one of her e-mail messages or open the secret folder on her desktop tht held her files. She had visions of Hart standing there while a dozen different files carrying his name opened up.
Hart Jones
Hart (continued)
Mr. & Mrs. Jones
The One
Him"
Wow. She has officially passed into stalking territory.

Ooh, there's a new exotic website called BLOGGERfishbowl, where bigfishbowl members can BLOG.

Oh no, they come across Madison's journal assignment...and it's blank.
Hm. Either way, that sucks.

Ivy accuses Madison of wicked PMS, but Madison doesn't want to admit that she HASN'T STARTED HER PERIOD.
I don't think she ever will, if it's been three years and she's still 12.

Madison's like, "Ew, Hart has crooked teeth."
So????

Hart: Looked like Ivy and you were arguing.
Madison: Big surprise.
Hart: She gets weirder every day.
Madison: I actually thought you liked her.
Hart: Me? Like Ivy? Uh...not exactly. She's pretty and all that, but sometimes she's just...well, I said it. She's a big weirdo.
Madison: She likes you.
Hart: Whatever.
I think he still likes her. Way to lie and be all, "Me, like her? No way."

Hart: Later, Finnster. Er...Maddie. Sorry, I guess I should stop calling you Finnster. I know it bugs you.
Madison: Yeah, well... No, Finnster isn't so bad. I like it. Don't stop. Really.
Hart: Really?
Madison: I just need to think of a good nickname for you.
Hart: Uh...Egg calls me Loser sometimes. Or Weasel.
Madison: I was thinking more like Hunk.
Hart: Huh? What did you just say???
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Madison: What? I said, 'Dork'. Why? What did you think I said?
Hart: Oh yeah, that's me. Super Dork, actually. *wink*
Phew. Crisis averted. ROFL, that was pretty hilarious, though.

Aimee is depressed because her ballet teacher has breast cancer. Foreshadowing?

Madison tells her mom about the breast cancer.
Fran: It seems like so many women I know have it these days.
Madison: Really? I remember your friend from work. Who else?
Fran: Oh. No one in particular, honey bear.
More foreshadowing!!!

Madison is surfing BLOGGERfishbowl when she comes across a blog written by...*drumroll*...Vicki, AKA Bigwheels, HER KEYPAL!!!
Bigwheels' latest entry:
I know I need to just relax but how can I relax when I don't get any sleep either? I think I'm going to check out one of the chat rooms Dad told me about. I never knew it affected so many kids. I also found out that I can volunteer down @ the speech center in Seattle. I don't think I'll be working with kids who have autism but I will probably learn a lot.
--BW

Autism??? What a concept.
Madison is less concerned by the entry, however, and more concerned about why BIGWHEELS NEVER TOLD HER ABOUT THIS SECRET BLOG!! BETRAYAL!!!

Hey, Madison gets an e-mail from Hart...one that turns out to be a mistake:
From: Sk8ingboy
Hey, guys, my dad just called the FH rink and the dude there said we can play next wkend which is cool so let's find other guys and we'll be hooked up. I was thinking maybe we could go over to Drew's to play the Zone again b4 we sk8 since the game @ Maddie's was so lame. Ok. E-me l8r.

Whoa, wait. The game at Maddie's was LAME? Does that mean the game was stupid or Madison is lame?

Madison has to write a story about a scar, so she writes about the divorce, which is a metaphorical scar.
But then she gets off topic and has to rewrite the entire thing.
Been there.

Oooh, big juicy gossip! Ivy is dating a high-school sophomore!!!
???
But is she SLEEPING with him? Otherwise, that's only SORT OF creepy.

Uh oh...he was talking about her in the locker room. GROSS.

There's actually not that many cute guys at other schools. I'm pretty satisfied with the ones at mine, but Madison thinks otherwise.

Lance reads his scar story outloud in class, and it turns out Lance has a heart defect!!! For Madison, this explains all his nerdy tendencies.
Yeah. Because heart defects cause a person to be socially challenged.

Hmm, Madison hears Ivy crying in the bathroom. EVEN MORE FORESHADOWING??

?? Madison's mom goes on a date...but doesn't tell Madison what went on.

She still wants her parents to get back together, even though her dad is married now?? It's cool if Stephanie gets hurt and everything....

Aargh, Madison's friends twist the rumor about Ivy and make it sound like she's dating a COLLEGE sophomore!!!! Aargh, they're so mean!!
Drew tells them to leave her alone, and they're all, "Ha ha, you like Ivy!!"

Uh oh. It appears Hart still likes Ivy. All his friends are teasing him about it.
He WAS lying after all.

Journaling #3
Topic: List twenty details about someone you know. Try to include details that are about more than just physical appearance.
Egg asks Madison to read her list outloud...but she can't...because it's about HART.

Egg writes about his sister Mariah, who has blue hair and a nose ring. Jealous.

Fiona writes about Madison, but one of her details is "Bad at keeping secrets".
Ouch.

Since they don't have a science teacher and they can't get a sub, Madison's science class has to work in the library the entire period.
And Madison is stuck with Poison Ivy.
Fuuuun.

Madison doesn't remember Ivy's middle name, which is Renee...
...but Ivy remembers MADISON'S middle name, which is Francesca.
Random.

Turns out Ivy already did all the journaling assignments and asked for more!! Oh, I want some, too.

Madison wants those extra assignments.
But Ivy won't give them to her.
Because Madison never shares her science notes.
Catfight!

Madison peeks into Ivy's journal:
Write about a time you had to wait for something you wanted.
What's the point of writing about this? I am supposed to see M. and H. as soon as possible, but I don't know what will happen. J. didn't have happy....

Madison assumes M and H stand for "Madison" and "Hart".

Bigwheels is sorry, but she doesn't feel comfortable telling Madison what's going on in her life.
Madison retaliates and whines, "You always told me to keep it real. You can talk to me!!"
Someone just wants to know the juicy gossip.
Hello. Problem solve. It has to do with AUTISM.

Madison runs into Hart in the hallway.
Madison: I'm such a klutz. I can't believe I whammed into you like that. I am SO sorry. And now look at this mess....
Hart: My dad would call this a happy accident. He always says profound things like that.
What are you implying??

Uh-oh. Hart might've looked at Madison's journal! There's no telling what he saw!
Hmm, it turns out he might've seen "MADISON JONES" written in huge letters.

Aimee's obsessed with the whole "high school sophomore" thing. "OMG, HIS NAME IS FRED!"

And he apparently got suspended once for using drugs.

Wows. The 4th journaling assignment is to write a description of someone you know, and using inflammatory language, Madison writes a pagelong rant about Poison Ivy.

It turns out Mrs. Daly (Ivy's mom) has breast cancer, too!
It's a small world after all.

Duh. The M and J in the notebook stood for "Mom" and "Janet".

It turns out the high-school sophomore is a member of a cancer support group that Ivy goes to and they're JUST FRIENDS.

Madison doesn't want to be nice to Ivy because her FRIENDS will think she's weird.
You could bring up the CANCER. That might help.

Fran STILL won't tell Madison who she's dating...or whether or not she's dating AT ALL.

Madison accidentally tells her friends about the date, and they're all, "OMG, GOSSIP!"
Madison: No! You guys... This is how rumors get started.
Yeah. Remember the "college sophomore" thing?

Fiona: Walter's cute, and I like him a lot, but he can be really, really embarrassing sometimes.
He's a GUY! Not only that, he's in 7TH GRADE! Of course he's embarrassing!

Drew, the rich kid, brags about his new BASEBALL CARD COLLECTION. He even has an original Honus Wagner card!!!
Um, cool...but what's the point?? It's not like there's anyone to trade with him.

Hart grabs Madison's hand suggestively. ????

Fran doesn't want to wear a red dress on one of her dates, because that would send the WRONG IMPRESSION.
Either this guy is religious or it's not a date.

Dude, it's okay if you lie in your journal. Denial is the first step in processing grief. And it's her PRIVATE JOURNAL. It's not like anyone's going to find out.
And Madison doesn't even CARE about the lies Ivy is writing. She's just jealous that Ivy is in her DOMAIN of journals and collages.

Bigwheels reveals her secret: Her brother Eddie has mild autism.
Now he doesn't like being touched, can't sit still, hit himself in public, and apparently can't talk.
Ooooh...poor Bigwheels.

Madison's like...Oh.

The grades were so bad on the last science quiz that Madison's teacher gave everyone an A!!!!!
Whoa...I wish my science teacher had been that nice. I had the highest grade in the class with a B-!

Just when Madison is about to be nice to Ivy, Ivy has to tell another lie about her perfect life, making Madison "madder than mad".

Fran wasn't going on dates...she was meeting with a bigwig to discuss her promotion!! Soon they'll be rich!

Madison is mad that her mom didn't tell her first, though. After she told everyone else. Including Jeff, the guy she had a kid with.
Yeah, I'd probably tell Jeff first, too.

Argh. Madison's friends start being REALLY mean about Ivy (claiming she's on drugs, making fun of her outfit, etc.), so Madison tells them to quit it.
And...ugh, I hate them so much.
Aimee: Are you defending her?
Madison: no, no! But I just think...that maybe...we're being a little harsh...
Friends: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Madison: What's so funny?
Aimee: Maddie, we're talking about the Queen of Harsh here, Poison Ivy Daly, remember? How could we possibly come near her level of mean?

THAT'S your excuse?? When is it EVER okay to accuse someone of being on drugs??? I freaking HATE Aimee.

Wth, Aimee gets WORSE!!
aIMEE: I just saw her crying outside one of hte bathrooms. Can you believe it? Ivy never cries. She's more like an emotional freezer. She doesn't care about anyone else except herself.
Fiona: What was she crying about?
Aimee: Herself. She ran out of lip gloss. Oooh! Poor me!
B**ch.

Madison does some really LAME defending.
Madison: I think Ivy's got a problem.
Aimee: NO KIDDING!
Fiona: HAHAHAHAHA! [I hate her, too]
Madison: No, you two, I'm serious. I think maybe she has a real problem.
Fiona: You're serious?
Aimee: Like, what problem? What do you know that you aren't telling us?
Madison: I just...I don't know anything for sure. But I just think that maybe Ivy is really sad. Maybe she's not being a drama queen for once.
Fiona: I guess you could be right.
Aimee: Please! I can't stay for the pity party.
For the love of God, Aimee!! Who's an emotional freezer now? She doesn't even care!! And Madison just laughs along with her to the pity party comment.
Is it sad that I'm getting really riled about what a fictional character is saying??
Whatever. She's a STUPID fictional character.

Lo and behold! The girls come upon a lady whose son has autism!

Madison: It's so weird that you saw Mrs. Reynolds like that, because I was just wondering about autism.
Aimee: Huh? You were? Maddie, why were you wondering about that?
Madison: Oh, I don't know, Aim, I saw a TV show on autism once...and I-I've always wondered about it. That's all.
Aimee: That's so random, Maddie.
Dude, holy crap. Is Aimee THAT OBLIVIOUS?? What a crappy friend.

Now that Fran is rich, she takes Madison on a joyous shopping spree.
Dang, my parents are the opposite of rich right now.
Stupid gas prices.

And they run into Paige and Ivy Daly at the mall!! Awkward...
I think Mrs. Daly is bald. That's how I pictured her, anyway.

Awww...Ivy is so sad about her mom.
But she also doesn't want anyone to start treating her like a leper because she has a sick mom.
That's the Ivy we know and love. You were scaring me for a minute there, Ivy.

Omg, Mrs. Daly has an asthma attack! Or something. Does cancer affect the respiratory system, too?

Mrs. Daly just randomly throws her arms around Madison and kisses her on the cheek. WHOA. There's this thing we call "The Bubble". You're not respecting it.

For her last journal assignment, Madison has to write a piece from someone else's point of view, so she writes about Ivy. It's pretty depressing.

Yay, Eddie's made progress! He can talk now!!
Maybe he'll grow up to be like the autistic kids at my school who are really good at spelling.
But that's assuming all autistic kids have some sort of superpower when in fact they're just normal kids...sort of.

Surprise! Hart comes over.
And he ran the entire way???
Ha ha, like in #16. "Are you okay?" "Oh yeah, I have asthma."

Chocolate cookies are overrated.
But both Madison and Hart like them. They have SOOOO much in common!!

Wh-What?
Hart: Are you okay?
Madison: No.
And she tells him all about what's been going on...and he listens??? That's cool.

But then, out of the blue, he's all, "You're really nice." Which makes you wonder if he was really listening.

They agree to "do something"...as in go on a date.

Hart: You know...I should tell you something.
Madison: What?
Hart: Well, do you remember the day when you and I collided at school? And your bag fell apart?
Madison: Yeah?
Hart: Well...I saw your journal that day. I saw what you wrote.
Madison: Saw what?
Hart: I saw my name on that page.

Then he just LEAVES!!! MIXED-MESSAGES!!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN????

But then Fran comes home and says, "Hart run all the way here? He loves you!"
So everything is okay.

Madison's Computer Tip:
If you want to keep your thoughts and feelings secret, don't write them down in a blog.

Well, I obviously DON'T.
Hm, fun fun fun.
The next one takes place in NYC, so it should be sparkly and fun, according to the back cover.
Agh, I started reading #21, which I'd never read before, and it's a little disappointing. But whatever. I'll be here forever, so expect more later.

Love means never having to say you're sorry, or FTFO Madison Finn #11: Heart to Heart

AAAAAAAAGH! This one is SOOO SAD. It's mostly about 7th grade relationships and unrequited love. Seriously, it's the saddest thing in the world. I started crying in some spots, it's really sad.



Plot: Valentine's Day is coming up, and Far Hills Junior High is holding Valentine-themed dance! All the girls are freaking out.
Madison is excited, too, but feels left out. Her keypal Bigwheels just got a new boyfriend. Phin is in love with a golden retriever who just moved in down the street. Fiona and Egg are going out now, and there's a rumor that Hart and Ivy are more than "just good friends".
One day, Madison gets an e-mail from someone called Orange Crush...who appears to have a crush on her.
NO WAY!!!
Orange Crush starts stuffing love notes in her locker and sending her chocolate roses through the mail. He even writes her a poem - it's pretty cute.
Madison makes a list of all the boys she knows and, using her mad detective skills, decides it's Hart Jones, her one true love! It just HAS to be.
It's the night of the dance. Madison has a dress, a tiara, and new shoes. Orange Crush sends her 15 carnations and promises all will be revealed at the dance. She asks Drew if he happened to be her "one true love", but he admits that although he likes her (DUH), he wasn't her secret admirer. Things are way awkward for a little while, but Drew and Madison remain friends.
Finally, Dan comes over and makes some pretty obvious hints about his secret life as Orange Crush.
Madison, shocked and disappointed, runs out of the room.
Crying.
Her mom comes outside, where it happens to be SNOWING (aah, so cold!), and comforts Madison. Madison admits she was shocked about Dan being her secret admirer, but doesn't want to face him again because he must surely hate her now.
Well, yeah, Maddie, you sort of ran away crying when he told you he loved you.
But Frannie Finn, in a rare moment of good parenting and smart advice, tells her to go apologize.
Madison runs back into the building and asks Dan to forgive her. He does so, willingly, and the two agree to be friends. Then, because she sort of ruined the dance for him, Madison asks Dan to dance.
It makes Dan happy...
...and Hart jealous.
Awwwwwww....

More notes:
I think this is my favorite book so far.

Madison meets a cute new neighbor named Toby. Oooh.
Toby: Do you go to Far Hills High? I start there tomorrow, and I don't know anyone.
Madison: High school? Uh, no...No. I'm in middle school. Seventh grade, actually.
Toby: Oh, wow.
Yeah. Wow. Lol.

That sort of killed the mood.

Gasp! Phin just cheated on Blossom, Aimee's dog!

Huh, Madison's star sign is Pisces. I wonder when her birthday is. I can't remember her ever having an actual birthday in the series.

Somewhere between March 15 and April 14. Hey, her birthday might be this month!

Her horoscope reads:
Love is in the air! But winds that blow in your direction are not from familiar corners. Keep your eyes wide open. Romance will sneak up on you when you least expect it.
Heh. Mine told me to mosey on home yesterday. Which is where I've been for the past week. So I sort of think the whole astrology thing is a bunch of crap.

Oh no, Bigwheels is in love with a boy named Reggie. He has black hair and hazel eyes. Sounds...Mediterranean.

He just randomly asked her to the Valentine's dance.

Bigwheels wonders if she should play it cool. DO NOT PLAY HARD TO GET!!! Worst idea in the world. Just saying.

From: Orange Crush
To: MadFinn
Subject:
Date: Sun 2 Feb 5:13 PM

I've got a crush on u.

Your Secret Admirer.

Okay, I'm sort of creeped out now, what about you guys?

Aimee thinks it might be Egg, and Fiona FLIPS OUT.
"Aimee, you don't really think the secret e-mail is from Walter, do you? I mean - Walter doesn't like Madison, right? That was just a joke. You're joking, right?"
Dang.

I'm surprised Aimee and Fiona don't know about Madison's crush on Hart by now.
Aimee: Who are the prime suspects? Hart Jones?
Madison: H-H-Hart?

Heh. Ivy tries to act flirty.
"Ta-ta! I hope I'll see you there!"
Ta-ta? Ta-ta??? Jolly good, my dear, that does sound positively brilliant! Superb! Capital idea!

Hart: Well, I already know who I want to go with.
Madison: *Could he mean me?*
Hart: I WANNA GO WITH EGG!
Ugh, 7th grade boy humor.

Dad takes Madison and Stephanie to dinner. He's about to have a mariachi band serenade them all, so Madison PRETENDS TO BE SICK! Wth, what's wrong with you, Madison? It's just a mariachi band!

Aimee, Fiona, and Ivy claim to have been in love by now. Riiiiiiiiiiight.

Ooh, Reggie sounds like a dream date! He's cute, funny, and smart, and he makes Bigwheels laff like a lolcat!
Did I tell you she met him at math club? I bet he tucks his shirt into his pants.

"She hurried to her dresser and pulled out a pair of heavy black leggings and soft red sweater."
Sounds very Babysitters club.

Ivy's insults still suck.
Madison: *misses a shot into the garbage can*
Ivy: Nice shot, Maddie! You should go out for baskteball.
Ooh, burn.

Agh, another creepy card!
U have a good heart.
Signed, Your Secret Admirer

Code for, "You have nice boobs?"

They make a big deal about a "special" English project on the back of the book, but all they have to do is write about someone from the American Revolution.

So Dan's trying to tell Madison about a llama named Gertrude, and she's busy checking out Hart.
Hahaha, sooooo guilty of this myself.

"Who can think about homework when there's a school dance coming up?"
Some of us manage to do it, Aimee. You're obviously not in honors English.

Ugh, lame. Egg and Fiona reveal their true feelings to each other...ON INSTA-MESSAGE. That is so lame.
: I love you.
: Me 2.
: Sooo
: Sooo
: C u Monday!
: ok c u l8r g8r
That wasn't in the book, but I'm guessing that's what happened.

They decide to prank call boys and giggle. Sounds...fun.

"Take a look at suspects. Who would have access to red construction paper?"
Yeah, THAT narrows it down.

"It seems like anytime I like a boy, he likes someone else. Or else he ignores me. The 'good' thing always seems to happen for girls like Ivy."
Awww, amen to that.

: Hi. I see U R online.
: WHO R U???
: Someone who likes U. :>)
: Is this a joke?
: No.
: Then tell me who U R!!
: MWBRL. Got 2 go.
MWBRL = more will be revealed later.
Aaagh, I'm imagining Anthony Hopkins from "Silence of the Lambs".

Madison makes a list of things she needs to buy before the dance. Crap, I forgot about choosing a hairstyle...and learning how to dance, lol.

Fiona and Egg go on a date...and invite all their friends along. Fun?

Madison ends up buying a sea-blue dress with black trim, long bell sleeves, and a scoop neck. I'm having a really hard time picturing sleeves that are both long and bell-like.

IT WAS ONLY $52.50!!

Lame. Hart ditches them to go sit with Ivy.

Ugh, they make a big deal about Dan being fat in this one.
"He'd loaded up his tray with two hamburgers, a super-size container of fries, and a large drink."
That's not actually not that much. My older brother eats that much. I eat that much.

There's this whole thing about Dan standing up for his musical beliefs. So random.

Another book where Aimee forgets she has FOUR brothers, not THREE.

Ew, Fiona and Egg are all weird and couply, sharing ice cream cones and whatnot.

Oh no, Madison's dad was in a jewelry store! HE MUST BE PROPOSING TO STEPHANIE!
Or maybe he's buying her one of those Kay heart pendants.

REGGIE BOUGHT BIGWHEELS ONE OF THOSE HEART PENDANTS!!!

While talking to Chet, Madison insults Hart, not realizing he's on the other line. Nice.

Aw, Orange Crush sends her a chocolate rose. Anybody who sends you chocolate is a nice person.

OH NO! Madison thinks she knows FOR SURE that her secret admirer is Hart...AND SHE PLANS TO TELL HIM HOW SHE REALLY FEELS! DON'T DO IT, MADDIE! DANGER AHEAD!

Aimee: There's a 20% chance Drew is your crusher.
Madison: Twenty percent? What makes you say that?
Aimee: I think it's possible that he's the one, but here are some complications. I mean, he's too obvious. Everyone knows he likes you...
Madison: What do you mean, 'everyone knows'?
Um, he sort of stalks you and asks you to go to Switzerland and stuff. Pretty dang obvious.

SO MEAN!
Aimee: Dan is a nice guy and all that, but I don't think it's him. I mean, he cares way more about french fries and chocolate-chip cookies than girls, right?
Holy crap, WHO SAYS THINGS LIKE THAT?

Phin hurts his paw, and Madison freaks out. "EMERGENCY!!!"

Awkward dialogue that sort of made me cry:
Madison: I wanted to know if you are going to the Heart to Heart dance. Are you?
Dan: Yeah, I think I'm giong. Why...are you asking me or something?
Madison: Um...not exactly.
Dan: Um...I was just kidding.
Madison: But I am going to the dance. Even with no date. Do you know anyone else who's going? Or someone who wants to go with someone, but is maybe too shy or... I shouldn't be asking you this. Sorry.
Dan: I haven't really asked around. I can, if you want.
Madison: No, that's okay. I didn't mean to say all that. I feel pretty stupid.

Agh, she has NO IDEA!!!

Aw, Orange Crush writes her an adorable poem.
I am not a poet
And I truly know it
But I think you're really cool
So I thought I'd show it
(I hope this goofy rhyme of mine
Doesn't totally blow it!)

signed, Your Secret Admirer

Hart says hi...and Madison runs away. Maybe that's the reason he likes Ivy so much, Maddie.

Oh no. Oooooh no. Drew has just offered to walk her to class.
Y'all remember Drew, right? Rich, Hart's second cousin, totally stalker-y?

OH NO, HE ASKS HER TO THE DANCE!!!!
Madison: I don't think I can go. No, I definitely can't.
Drew: No? So. You're not going to the dance?
Madison: Not exactly.
Drew: Oh, I get it. You're just not going with me.
Madison: I'm sorry. It's just that I already promised someone else- I'm really, really, REALLY sorry.
Drew: I understand.
Omg, this is one of the parts where I started crying. Not only does she say no, but she LIES about why she can't go. Drew practically started crying, too.

Egg sends her an angry e-mail. She so deserved it.

From: Eggaway
To: MadFinn
Subject: no subject
Date: Tues 11 Feb 3:29 PM
I can't blieve you totally hurt Drew's feeling's like that. dont you know how hard it was for him to ask you to the dance? dont you get it? Drew is a relly good guy, Maddie. I don't know what your problem is. You can't just do that to people.

Egg

PS: So ur going to the dance with someone else? IYD. I don't believe it. And Drew doesnt, either.

Frannie thinks Drew will ask Madison out again.
Psh, not after she ripped his heart out like she did. I think Drew will never love again.

Even anorexia-loving Aimee has a date! True, it's Ben Buckley, but still, a guy asked her.
Maddie has no one.
She could have had stalker-Drew....

Rules for the Heart to Heart Dance:
1. Dance open only to Far Hills Junior High students.
[Heh. My school totally doesn't follow that rule. You can't exactly crash it, but if you have a ticket and a date who's a ninth grader, you're in.]

2. To attend dance, students must have a school dance ticket listing phone number where parents can be reached.
[In case someone dies in a horrible punch spiking accident.]

3. Students may not leave the dance area to go elsewhere, including school classrooms.
[Madison wonders why anyone would want to go to an empty classroom. Aimee says it for her: "No - to go make out!" Or to make a science experiment...without the Bunsen burner. ^_^]

There are a billion more rules, but none of them are quite as entertaining.

Okay, I was wrong.
8. Students are expected to keep the hallways and dance areas free and clear of all wrappers and cups. Keep snacks in the snack zone.
Madison: The snack zone? What's that?
Aimee: It sounds like a made-for-TV movie.
Fiona: When good snacks go bad.

Also, students aren't allowed to wear halter tops to the dance! Since when is there a dress code? And if that's the case, I wouldn't be able to go!!

Fiona: The DJ at my old school was always so lame. Half of the songs he played were country and western.
Aimee: That definitely won't be happening this time. The DJ they hired plays mostly hip-hop and pop, with a little rock thrown in.
:P The DJ at my school always plays hip-hop and NOTHING ELSE. Gets sort of old after a while.

Aw, Fiona and Aimee decide to meet their dates at the dance so they can go with Maddie. That's really nice.

Madison buys a tiara to go with her dress. Jealous.

When Madison saw her dad at the jewelry store, he was getting cuff links engraved for one of his favorite MALE clients. Sooooo what...Jeffery Finn is gay?

Heh, he buys Madison a stuffed pug that says, "I woof u."

Bigwheels is really obsessed with Reggie. Ugh, is everybody wearing a red velvet dress to their Valentine's Day dance? So much for variety.

Agh, Madison freaks out at Bigwheels when she mentions Reggie in an online chat. PMS much? Although, Bigwheels was being pretty annoying. "Omg, I have the funniest story-" "Is it about Reggie?" "Yeah, how'd you know?"

Ew, sappy John Keats poetry. "I cannot exist without you. I am forgetful of every thing but seeing you again. My life seems to stop there. I see no further."
Stalker.

Dan: Hey, look, it's Aimee - and an orange camel!
I think that was a reference to Madison's overstuffed backpack. Lame joke, Dan.

This outfit sounds cute until we get to the red heart pin:
"Madison had on her favorite jeans and a black turtleneck sweater. Mom loaned her a big, red heart pin, which she had attached to the sweater."
Sounds 80's.

Drew buys everyone's tickets, because it was cheaper for 4 sets of two! He even buys Madison's ticket!! That's so nice!

HART IS GOING WITH IVY!!! Maybe you shouldn't have run away from him, Maddie.

Madison gets a balloon from her secret admirer:
You've got my heart on a string.
Tonight all will be revealed.
signed, Your Secret Admirer.

Hart delivered the balloon to her, so she thinks he's the SA, he's just not owning up to it.

Even Lindsay Frost is wearing a red velvet dress. Wth, the book says she has blonde hair? Have you seen the cover of "All That Glitters"? Her hair is definitely brown.

"Fiona looked great in a hot-pink tank paired with a bright orange skirt. Both were made of raw silk, and shimmered slightly under the lights."
Sounds cute. I saw a dress like that at the mall.

Aw, Orange Crush gives her 15 carnations.

"'I think I want to get some punch. Want some, Aimee?'
'Sure thing,' Aimee said, beaming. She'd worn her favorite pink slip dress and shimmery stockings. Her hair was braided and piled on top of her head."
Sounds kind of cute. Really ballerina-y, but cute.

Lindsay is in love with Dan. Wth? Didn't that Suresh guy ask her out? Why isn't she dancing with him?

Heh, Fiona is taller than Egg.

Hart is just about to ask Madison to dance...when Drew and Chet run over with gossip that a 7th grader and a 9th grader have been found making out IN THE SCIENCE LAB! THEY WERE TOTALLY MAKING AN EXPERIMENT W/0 THE BUNSEN BURNER!!!

Aaagh, Joan Kenyon's mom catches them. Aaaaawkwaaaard.

Aimee: What's this about a seventh grader getting caught with a ninth grader?
Madison: You know as much as we do.
Ben: I heard that the guy had his shirt off.
Madison: Okay, you know more than we do. What were they doing? [What do you think?]
Ben: Kissing. I heard that the girl's hair was all messed up.
Hart: That doesn't sound like such a big deal.
Really, Hart? Sounds like you've done it before.

Oh no, Madison's about to confront Drew!!! She thinks he's Orange Crush!!

Madison: Hey, having fun?
Drew: Yeah. That's a nice dress you have on.
Madison: Thanks. I liked your flowers, too.
Drew: Flowers? Oh - you mean these? *holds out tie, which is covered in bright splotches of color* I think they're just blobs, actually.
Madison: Oh. Well, not exactly. Look, Drew, there's something I've been wanting to say to you.
Drew: Yeah?
Madison: I'm really sorry about the way I acted - when you asked me to the dance.
Drew: Oh, that. No biggie. I'm over it. We're friends again. That's cool.
I like how he totally forgave her. Sort of. Things are still pretty awkward.

Orange Crush is Dan!!!

And Madison runs out of the room crying.

Her mom comes out to comfort her and tells her that Dan is still her friend and that Madison should apologize so that they can continue being friends.
Huh. Thanks Fran. That's actually some good advice...for once.

Here we go. The big scene:
Madison: Dan. Wait. Dan, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to flip out. It's just that - you caught me by surprise. I mean, looking back on it, I guess I should have known that Orange Crush was you, but I didn't, and then when you said that it was you, I was just like, "Wow, I had no clue," and...and...and this is the part where you stop me from babbling. Please. Say something. Say anything.
Drew: I didn't mean to get you angry or sad. I'm really sorry if I embarassed you.
Madison: No, no. I'm sorry. It's not you. It's just that - I can't deal with this whole boyfriend thing right now.
[And also, you don't actually have any feelings for Dan, because you like Hart, but hey.]
Madison: I really like you, Dan.
Dan: But as a friend. Right?
Madison: Yeah. A good friend.
Dan: As a friend. Well, that's cool.
Madison: Cool?
Dan: It's cooler than cool. We have a lot in common, you know?
Madison: Like the animal shelter?
Dan: And - you know - we both like peanut butter.
Madison: And pizza.
Dan: Yeah. Tons of stuff in common. I just wanted to do something nice for you. You deserve it.
Madison: You're the best.
AWWWWWWWWW. This seriously made me cry!!! Dan is so nice about her ripping his heart out and tossing it across the floor. And they're still friends!!! What a concept!!!

So Madison asks him to dance with her, and he accepts.

"I want the chocolate rose back." "Oh no, I already ate it!"

Hart kept staring jealously over at Madison while they danced. Okay, I personally think she should've gone out with Dan. Hart is a major loser.

The moral is: Romance is nice, but friendship is more important.

The moral also is: Madison's Computer Tip: If you are getting e-mails from strangers, you should hit DELETE and tell your parents.

Ah yes, good morals.
So there will be Avalons and Madison Finns galore. Hopefully #12 is coming soon, too. *sniff* That was a good one.

As soon as I get a boyfriend, they're making me leave, or FTFO Madison Finn #9: Just Visiting

Ooh, a Madison Finn adventure purely about boys!! Well, that, and vacations, and 4th of July, and grandparents, and friend withdrawal, but other than that....



Plot: It's summer and Madison has so many plans she doesn't even remember them all. What she's most looking forward to is the Far Hills Independence Day Extravaganza, where Hart will be....
Then her mom drops the bomb: Madison won't be spending her summer in Far Hills. She'll be spending it with her grandma, because her mom has to work and no one else wants her in their house. Bummer.
So they fly on over to Winnetka: Madison, Fran, and Phin. Fran drops Madison and Phin off with Gramma Helen and leaves for California. Gramma Helen turns out to be a lot of fun, because Madison can go on her laptop whenever she wants and there's always cool things to do.
Also, Helen's best friend has a grandson Madison's age...and he's cute. His name is Mark and Madison is in love. What about Hart? Oh well.
Madison and Mark spend a lot of time together. Stuff happens. Romance blooms. How adorable. Mark asks Madison to the big 4th of July celebration...and Madison says NO!!
She had the feeling Gramma Helen needed her or would get lonely or something, so she turned down a once in a lifetime oppurtunity. Mark is crushed.
Thank God for meddling grandmas! The grandmas insist that the two "young people" go out together anyway.
So they do. On 4th of July, Madison and Mark ride rides, run around in a maze, eat fatty fried foods (ugh, alliteration), and watch fireworks together. Then Mark kisses Maddie!!
Then he has to leave the next day. The two say goodbye and promise to keep in touch. Madison gives Mark a homemade collage a goodbye present. How...sweet.
Madison goes back home and everyone missed her, even though they insist she missed the best 4th of July ever. Best of all: There had been rumors circling that Hart would go to the extravaganza with Ivy, but he ditched her. Sucks for Ivy...but not for Madison. It appears she likes Hart again. What about Mark??
We'll find out later.

More notes:
Aaargh. My house doesn't have air conditioning either.

Bigwheels is going on a road trip through the West Coast. That's cool...except for the road trip part.

What the heck? Aimee's family can't take her, her dad is busy...call Fiona's mom!! Why would you call her grandma BEFORE you call any of her other friends? That's so mean. She's either racist or she wants Madison to miss 4th of July.

"I know she isn't ruining your Fourth of July on purpose." Are you sure???

Ooh, an extravaganza!!! Sounds...extravagant!

They see Aimee at Freeze Palace. She admits she's pigging out. Trying out bulimia this time?

"Meet me in BFFLAND and hurry." I'm sorry, but that sounds really funny.

: I could ask my mom if u can stay w/us
: no, that's ok my gramma thinks I'm coming now so I have to go she'll be sad if I don't
SHE DIDN'T ASK HER!!! Fran Finn, you stupid ho.

Lindsay, Lindsay. Always the odd man out, with your kayak.

Madison starts freaking out because Hart is splashing her. Why'd you go to the lake wearing a swimsuit if you didn't want to get wet?

I'm really not getting why Madison is so mad. Partly because she lost her favorite hairclip, I guess. Shut up, I'm not joking.

Drew is very adorable and considerate and not stalker in this one.

But he's still really obvious.

"Madison had a sudden vision of Ivy crashing into the net, into the sand, and losing her top in front of the entire world - only to slink away in shame...."
Did you want to see Ivy's humiliation...or did you want to see Ivy without a top?

Hart tells Madison he likes her T-shirt and Madison starts babbling about the sun drying it out for like 5 minutes.

Awww...Hart found Maddie's hair clip.

Fran: I met the first boy I ever liked - really liked - up at that lake house. His name was Ethan Randall. He was so cute. Well...Ethan Randall was the cutest boy I ever met. And he was so nice, too. We went for walks. We swam together in the lake up there. When I was thirteen, I had my best summer ever.
Madison: You did? What happened?
Fran: *blush of death*
They so had sex.

Gramma Helen goes grocery shopping and gets whatever Madison wants. Yay, I love grandparents.

Madison's mom set her hair on fire?

Aw, Hart sends her an e-mail. Soo cute.

Oh no, a cute boy took out the garbage and saw me!!! TRAUMA!!

Madison obsesses over her outfit, and all they're doing is going to the supermarket. Lol, I know the feeling well.

Oh no, they meet Mark in town!!!

Madison goes to the beach and meets a girl named PAM. Hmmm.... You should ask her about ponies, Madison, and see what she does.

Madison fakes sick to get out of meeting Mark.

So her grandmother brings Mark and his grandma over to HER house for lunch. Pwned.

Why did this boy make her so nervous? Hm, he's hot?

HA!! Madison thinks being 14 makes you mature. ROFL!!! I'm so proof against that statement.

Whatever. Older boys are overrated.

: Yeah and Sasha is wicked experienced too w/boys - she has done a lot I was surprised when she told me
:O Like WHAT?? Well, duh, I can guess, but knowing Madison Finn, "experience" probably refers to holding hands. Omg, Sasha's held hands with 20 boys and kissed 4 of them!!

Oh no, Hart is going on a date with Ivy! I would be crying so hard at this point. You're so strong, Maddie.

Madison reminisces about her grandpa, and it made me really sad. I miss my grandpa, too. Only mine isn't dead, he just lives on the other side of the country.

Madison makes Mark a collage to show her "appreciation" or something. *rolls eyes*

OMG Mark catches Madison sitting on the lawn in her pajamas. That sucks.

But he doesn't care how she dresses. That's so adorable.

Mark stutters.
"It doesn't have to be a big deal. I mean, I didn't mean to make a big d-d-deal out of it...."

"She wanted to scream, 'YES, OF COURSE I WILL GO WITH YOU!'"
Girls should be allowed to scream that from time to time without receiving weird looks.

SHE TURNS HIM DOWN!!
"Well, I would love to go with you, but I really think I should spend the Fourth of July with my gramma Helen. I came here to visit her, after all. It seems funny to go to the fireworks without her. Don't you agree?"

Dude, I love Maddie's grandma. "Tell him you've changed your mind." "I can't do that." "Then tell him at dinner. I invited him over."

Yay, Bigwheels sends a survey!!! I love these!! Bigwheels and I would pretty much be best friends.
Name: Victoria
Nickname: Vicki
Home: Washington State
Favorite color: Blue
Hobbies: Computers, reading
Lucky number: 8
Pets: Nope
Brothers and sisters: 1 sister + 1 brother
Favorite subject: English
I want to travel to...: Visit Madison!
Best Friend: My keypal Madison!

That's actually a pretty boring survey.

Aaargh, Mark is such an idiot.
Mark: You don't have to stay around here. If you want to be with your grandmother.
Madison: Well, no I don't. But I want to.
Wait, what??
Mark: Huh?
Madison: I want to be here. I-I mean, if you're okay with that.
Mark: Well, I'm okay.
Being considerate doesn't mean...aargh, never mind.

Mark thinks she's REALLY NICE. Hee.

Oh, but he insults her, and says he prefers going on rides alone.

Even his burps are cute! Madison's words, not mine.

She sits in Mark's lap. He's all, "Ooooh."

Whoa, Mark kissed Madison??? That's pretty intense.

What, Fiona and Aimee have already been kissed? Fiona, yeah, but Aimee? Since when?? Your brother doesn't count, Aimee.

"You know what? I think he likes you, Maddie. You can tell by the way he looks at you."
Gee, and by the way he stuck her tongue in his mouth last night.

They spend his last day on the beach together.

Who doesn't have e-mail?

Mark's in computer club???

Ha ha. Present envy.

Hart DIDN'T go out with Ivy!! Mark, who?

Madison's Computer Tip:
E-mail keeps me close to my BFFs, Mom and Dad, and even NEW friends when I go away.

How nice. I have an Avalon I have to read, then a Unicorns of Balinor, and then a CHRISTMAS-themed Madison Finn. Yeah, excellent timing, right? Not. :P

Because magical ponies with horns have much to teach us, or Avalon: Web of Magic #4: The Secret of the Unicorn

I really want to make a short film, though I think my artistic talents are limited to music. It's all good.



Plot: Oh dear. The fairy glen has vanished. Torrents of sick animals are pouring into Ravenswood. Emily can't feel the music. Something is definitely wrong.
Yeah, this book is about Emily, so we'll have to hear a lot about how she feels the animals' pain and that she can't be as strong as Kara or Adriane or whatever. :P
So Emily starts hearing this weird music and seeing a creepy looking face everywhere she goes, and she even passes out at a Stonehill football game.
The Three Musketeers go back to Ravenswood to heal a bunch of animals. Emily "senses" that there might be another hurt animal out in the woods, so she goes out looking for it with Ozzie and Storm. While she's gone, Kara and Adriane contact Zach, who informs them that the creature Emily is seeking might POSSIBLY be evil. Like, super evil. Uh oh.
Everyone is pretty much convinced the creature is evil, seeing as it blows up half the woods, but Emily believes "it's heart is pure" or something.
She does eventually find the magical beastie...and...it...is...a...UNICORN! No duh, you could probably tell from the cover. The unicorn's name is Lorelei and she seems to be missing her horn. She and Emily become soul mates.
Then a lumpy purple froglike thing named Ghyll appears and tells everyone that Lorelei is evil for sure.
Actually, NOTHING important happens in this book at all. Lorelei crashes a football game, she tells Emily of her painful past, they cry a lot.
Oh, and it was Lorelei's job to take care of the magic web, because that's what unicorns do, but the Dark Sorceress took her horn, so she slacked off. Typical. Blame Sorceress.
Then a harpy (some evil magical creature, don't know nor care what they are) comes and takes Lorelei away. Because he's looking for Avalon, the home of all magic, and only Lorelei knows how to get there.
Emily gets her friends to follow her into the portal, where harpy and uni have gone, and they all band together and pwn him, then send him through some random portal into an unknown world. Lol, wouldn't it suck if they happened to send him accidentally into Avalon?
So Lorelei gives Emily her horn and explains that a unicorn's horn can only be properly used when it has been freely given. Laaame. They repair the magic web together as a family. Then the mages repair the dreamcatcher (though they gave no reason why they were doing it the entire book!) with strands from the magic web.
All is well.

More notes:
Emily dreams about dancing.

Emily's in jazz band!! Or she was....

Aaargh, her dad is a saxophonist, too. Practically everyone in my family plays saxophone. DOWN WITH THE SAXOPHONE!

"Follow the music, Em. Don't be afraid to really feel it."
Oooh. Deep.

Everything Carolyn says is super condescending. DO NOT LIKE HER. Oh, and I like how she never seems to do anything but Emily practically runs Pet Palace.

She brings her dogs to a football game?? STUPID! Personal experience tells me this is a BAD idea.

"Maybe bringing her Pet Palace clients to the football game hadn't been such a hot idea after all."
Uh...yeah.

Marcus so likes Emily!!!! It's really adorable.

And Joey is super obvious about liking Adriane. "So, um, where's Adriane?"

"Marcus snickered. 'Dude, you are way too obvious.' He winked at Emily."
ROFL, said Marcus.

Emily is all oversensitive to music all of a sudden and assumes it's magic. Oooor you have Lyme Disease.

"She could see why Kara liked this boy; he had such deep blue eyes, full of compassion."
Why she goes for that fish boy is beyond me. Awww, Marcus was carrying her, too. Sooo cute....

Seriously, Emily and Marcus should get married and have like 6 kids.

Adriane always seems to have baby quiffles poking out of her vest pockets.

Adriane: I think we should contact Zach.
Kara: Need a last minute date to the harvest dance?

"'Show us where Zach is,' Adriane said, picturing the boy's handsome face and warm smile, the way his eyes danced."
If only Kara and Emily could read her mind....

"'How's the drake?' she asked, referring to the baby dragon Zach was helping to raise on Aldenmor."
"Helping" to raise? If I'm not mistaken, you left him alone on Aldenmor with Drake, and you are definitely not helping and PROBABLY not paying child support!

Zach: Adriane, I'm real glad to see you.
Adriane: Me, too.
Zach: I-
Adriane: Me, too.
He was so going to say, "I love you." Weird. They're only 13.

"Mistwolves fear nothing. Not even basilisks." Cuz all mistwolves are wimps and turn into mist and run rather than fight.

Ghyll the flobbin is looking for magic blobs. Right. I guess the author couldn't think of a better name.

Ozzie is even more annoying than usual in this book. He says, "Gah!" and kicks things a lot.

Okay, the first time Emily sees Lorelei, she's all, "That's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen," and on the next page, she's like, "Lorelei would be beautiful if she wasn't covered in Black Fire." ??? But you just said....

Ozzie makes a mess in Pet Palace and Carolyn blames Emily and I guess took some extra condescending pills, because it gets super ugly.

Daaaang, it turns out Emily was hiding some anger about her parent's (or would it be parents') divorce and explodes.
Emily: Adapt? You're telling me to adapt? What about you? First you tell me to go out and make friends. Then you tell me to stay home more. Meanwhile you don't even try to adapt. You just work all the time and pretend everything's all fine and dandy. Don't tell me it's not true! I'm not stupid. What are you doing right now? It's Sunday, you know. Most vets take a day off once in a while. When was the last time you took a day off?
Carolyn: Lower your voice, Emily. And try to understand, I'm so busy-
Emily: Yeah, like you were so busy back in Colorado that you let your family fall apart! That's the reason we're here - that's why I have to worry about adapting - because you couldn't make things work with Daddy, so my whole life go ruined! I had to leave my olds friends, my old school, everything, and move to a whole new state! Ravenswood is the only really good thing that's happened to me here, and now you want to take it away from me! I'll be at Ravenswood, where I'm really needed.
:O I'm in shock. How about you?

Wait. Was there a custody battle? Did Carolyn win? And if not, why didn't Emily just decide to live with her dad?

Aaaargh, more wise words from the Native American grandma. Mostly nonsense proverbs that don't mean anything.

They try to rebuild the dreamcatcher with spaghetti.

They tell Kara to use her pink shoelaces. Why can't you use your own shoelaces?

Ew, Ghyll has a crush on Kara and there's a "funny" ongoing joke about him wanting to be kissed by a princess so he can become a prince.

"The band audition had been easy, since Emily could read music and had her own flute." Sometimes I think that's purely what they base band auditions on.

Lorelei runs onto the football field and Adriane takes out some football players to protect her. Um...whaat? Dang, Adriane.

Lorelei attacks the Evanston Eagle mascot.

Lol, Kara manages to convince everyone that Lorelei is the new mascot: The Stonehill Unicorns!! Jealous, I wish my mascot was the unicorns, though we'd probably be laughed out of the district.

Emily sings this song to Lorelei. It's like something out of "Tarzan":
Look into my eyes
Know that you can trust me
Listen to the sound
I'll always be around

Hear my words
Feel the magic in them
In friendship we are bound
I'll always be around

You and me
It's meant to be
We'll always be
Friends forever

Emily repeats herself a lot.

"Especially after what Zach told us!!??"
Um, Zach is a horny 13-year-old boy living in a magical world where he is the single parent of a baby dragon.

Lol. Kara is my BFF pretty much.

Emily plays flute...Adriane plays guitar...Kara wants to sing...they should form a band!! Foreshadowing, actually.

Hm, a creepy woman is trying to shut down Ravenswood...we need to put on a benefit concert! Seriously, I never would have come up with that.

Waaait...the Dark Sorceress captured Lorelei and cut off her horn...and Lorelei's all, "Oh no, the web is broken, all my fault." Um, not if they took your horn.

When in doubt, start singing.

Oh no, Ghyll is working for the sorceress! Ozzie kicks him a lot. It makes you feel sorry for Ghyll.

"It looks like the harpy is using Lorelei's magic to reweave the web, to make a new pathway from the connecting portals here."
Isn't that a good thing??

Because Kara sucks at singing, she can break the harpy's spell and save us all!

"Your horn may focus your magic, like our jewels. But the real magic is inside of you. Right here." In your heart.
AAARGH!! *gagging gagging*

Wait, Lorelei takes the harpy to Avalon supposedly, and that's considered noble?

Oh, she purposefully took them into the wrong portal!!! Silly unicorn!

"The magic of a unicorn can only be used when it is freely given. That is our secret."
Well, it's not a secret anymore. Way to sound like a Hallmark movie.

Ew, Kara kisses Ghyll and he turns into a purple lizard man...also known as a spriggle!

Adriane: What are going to do with the horn?
Kara: *eyes greedily*
Adriane: No, you can't wear it.
Lol, pwned.

Yay, a mother-daughter moment between Carolyn and Emily. All is forgiven.

I'm so busy, but I have no extracurriculars, or FTFO Madison Finn #7: Save the Date

Wow, long title.



Plot: As usual, Madison Finn has a lot on her plate. First of all, a crazy rainstorm caused her roof to leak...INSIDE HER ROOM!!! Even worse, Mom starts flirting with the Fix-It guy!!! Then comes the discovery of lost assignments, permission slips, and drugs (yeah right) in Madison's backpack. Oh, and she feels angry and pubescent and she doesn't know why, so she takes it out on people she likes. Angst, angst.
The plot's actually sort of stupid. The boys in Maddie's science class start acting TOTALLY immature (um, yeah, your point), and then the science teacher splits them into groups on the class field trip: boys versus girls!!! This puts Ivy and Madison on the same side!! :O Basically it's a lot of, "Oh no, I have to be friends with Ivy," and, "Boys are so stupid," so we will skip ahead to the field trip.
On the nature field trip, Madison and Egg get in a fight, and it's way retarded, and boys are just soooo stupid, but then Fiona gets stung by a bee. Normally that wouldn't be a big deal, but it turns out she's ALLERGIC to bees. This brings the Battle of the Sexes to an end, I guess?
So Madison gets home and receives an e-mail from Chet, Fiona's twin brother, where he admits he skipped out on the duck pond and needs information to complete his assignment. Madison thinks this is just hilarious and is all set to tell Aimee and Fiona...when she realizes they don't really care. They're not in her science class, after all. So she tells IVY. That's right, Poison Ivy. Ivy tells her to give Chet some bogus information to make him look like an idiot. Madison does it.
On the day of presentation, Hart and Chet do indeed look like idiots. And Madison and Ivy never speak again.

More notes:
Aimee: I think we should blow off homework and have a beauty night. At least before we eat dinner.
Madison: I have an English paper to write.
Aimee: But this will be more fun.
Madison: I guess you're right.
Way to go Madison. I'll be here when you fail that class.

Another book where lying is condoned.

"The Dickson Fix-It guy had finally arrived, with his gray hair and clothes drenched from the rain. His shirt read William on the pocket in red embroidered letters. When he smiled, Madison saw a huge gap between his front teeth."
Ewwww. Madison's mom thinks he's HOT.

"Please...call me Frannie." Desperate much?

Foreshadowing of Aimee's eating disorder.

"They had store-bought brownies for dessert, but Aimee only ate a corner of one."
Because she's anorexic.

Madison's password is 8 letters. I bet it's, "I luv Hart." I swear, I would bet a million bucks.

They're scanning the usernames in a chat room and one of them is Luckyduck. Wth, I'm in there??

Mr. Danehy comes in and asks what all the ruckus is about. Lol. He sounded very Snapelike when he said it. "WHAT IS ALL THIS RUMPUS!?" "Petrificus poopulous!"

Yay, oblivious science teacher!

How is it discriminatory that Mr. Danehy split the class into guys and girls??

Lol, Aimee. "Omg, I didn't think of that! We have to be bus buddies!"

Why does Fiona always feel the need to smile coyly at Egg and say something in a retarded sounding voice? "Sorry, Egg, but... *coyness*"

Madison wants to study Madonna for her woman's history paper.

I remember when school's had sociology as a class. Okay, not really, cuz that was in the 80's, but I've read Caroline B. Cooney books about it, lol.

Ugh, Lindsay Frost starts hitting on Hart. "Lindsay kept tossing her hair to one side, even though it wasn't long. Madison could tell that Lindsay thought Hart was cute, too."

Wth, Madison is suddenly all mean to Hart. "Whatever, I have to leave."

The boys in these books are really retarded. Actually, boys in general are retarded.
Egg: my old name Eggaway stinx so frm now on change ur mailbox to TheEggMan. C u bye.
Dan: Yo! whassup with our scrn names now they are like the same! Why don't you call yourself EggDrop or maybe Egghead instead LOL. Call me l8r g8r.
And what boy in their right mind would put, "Call me l8r g8r," at the end of an e-mail...to another guy???

HAAA! Madison gets an e-mail with the subject, "XXX Rated." Hm, I wonder what's inside.
"As Gramma Helen always said, 'Curiosity killed the cat.' Madison didn't want any dead cats."

Whaaaa? Bigwheels is on AIM at school. Don't they block that kind of thing?

OH NO! Francine Finn has been on "DATE-O-MAGIC"!

I hate how they say, "Older boys are soooo much more mature," every 5 pages. Because it's not true. Most of the time. Depends on how much older we're talking.

Ew, Madison's mom trashtalks her dad all the time. I hate when my parents do that to each other.

Awww, Maddie and her self-deprecating humor.
"I'm having a crisis, and it has to do with a four-letter word that I'm beginning to detest: D-a-t-e. I wish I could say the crisis about the word date is because three different boys want to ask me out. HA HA HA LOL - that isn't even close."

Yay, outfits! "After three more outfit tests, she finally picked the winning combinaion: faded jeans and an orange Boop-Dee-Doop T-shirt with a panda bear on the front. It even matched her striped socks."
I think I have that shirt. Yeah right, I wish.

Um, WHY IS LINDSAY WEARING OVERALLS AND A FLOPPY HAT???

More Egg and Fionaness. Adorable, I guess???

Ugh, retarded. Egg steals Ivy's nail polish, and passes it around the bus, but Madison gives it back to Ivy, so Egg's all, "YOU TRAITOR!!"

ROFL!!
"But Hart stepped in between the two. 'Give it a rest, Egg,' he said. Then he turned around toward Madison so close, they were nose to nose.
And he smiled."
Wth??? Kind of creepy yet really hilarious.

Ew, 7th grade girls attempting to flirt with 20-something nature guide.

"We'll be traveling through some wooded areas, so please be sure to stay on the trails and beware of poison ivy."
LOL.

Madison sits in duck poop. Noyce.

Aargh, why did I mark every page in this book?

Some guy hits Maddie in the shoulder with a Frisbee, and she's all, "YOU'RE TOAST, EGG! I MEANT IT. THAT GOES FOR ALL BOYS EVERYWHERE!" Wth???

Oh no, now Fiona and Egg are fighting about littering carrots!

"Let's shake a leg, then, shall we?" And with that, he shook a leg.

Lindsay Frost = REALLY freaking annoying.

Ha. Madison's weakness is Hart's hair.

Fiona passes out. Oh the violence.

Ahahahaha, I love Ivy. She has the worst insults ever.
Madison: *bumps into Ivy*
Ivy: WALK MUCH?

Jimmy the hot trial guide: You were so brave today.
Madison: Tanks. I mean, thanks.
Lol.

Hart doesn't like that Madison thinks Jimmy is a hottie. Jealous much?

I like how guys always have to top each other.
Egg: One time I got stung and had to go to the emergency room.
Hart: Well, I got stung by an ENTIRE BEEHIVE.

I say "hola" sometimes and I don't speak Spanish. Never mind. Bigwheels is stupid.

Madison's mom = huge hypocrite.
"I'm not ready to date now, Madison. *phone rings* Hello? Oh, hi Paul!"

Aww, this made me really sad.
Madison: She's going out with someone named Paul.
Dad: Not Paul Pierce from BudgeFilms?
Madison: Yeah, why?
Dad: I always knew he had a thing for your mother.
*tear*

"No one had ever really asked Fiona point-blank if she and Egg were dating. Had they ever held hands? Had they ever kissed?"
No comment.

Hart is such a loser, lol.
"FINNSTER! Going to science?"
"Where did you come from?"
"I was down the hall. But I'm going to science, too."
Um, DUH! You guys have the same CLASS.

Aw, Drew the little stalker is barely in this one!

Madison learns from eavesdropping outside the boys bathroom that EGG LIKES FIONA. Um...yay?

Lol. "Hart Jones is SOOOOOO full of himself. I actually heard him say that some girl in our class really, really likes him. Who do you think it is?"
Um, duh, Maddie, YOU like him.

She gets an e-mail from "Fiona", when in fact the e-mail (Wetwins) is Chet's. It almost fools her.

Whatever, who would believe that there are pirahnas in a DUCK POND??

3 e-mails in 5 minutes isn't a lot, Madison.

Yours till the duck quacks. Aww, how appropriate.
Btw, Bigwheels' real name is VICTORIA. Like you care. But anyways.

Madison: *after Frannie's date with Paul* Where did you go?
Mom: French restaurant. And then we went for a walk.
Madison: A walk? What for?
Mom: *evil grin*
Madison: No way!
And her mom insists that all they did was talk. Whatever.

So awful. Madison tells Chet lies about pirahnas and Joan Kenyon.

Lol, I love the science teacher. "You can swear all you want, Chet, but I do not remember seeing any flesh-eating fish at the nature preserve."

Now Chet and Hart aren't talking to Madison. Ooooooh... Feeling guilty now.

Agh, but Egg tells her THEY DESERVED IT and that she doesn't deserve to feel guilty.

Madison's Computer Tip
BE CAREFUL ABOUT WHAT YOU READ AND RESPOND TO ONLINE.

Okay, maybe some Avalon later today, but I do have other stuff to do, such as...PLAY MY BRAND NEW BASS!!! BOOYA!

A sticky mass of intrigue, or FTFO Madison Finn #4: Caught In the Web

Okaaaaay, so the library's website has a new colorscheme: purple and green. I'm not exactly sure what that stands for...Barney, maybe? Lol. No, seriously, it's weird.



Plot: Yay, it's almost Halloween. (I like how I'm posting this a month after Halloween. KRL sucks.) Madison joins the Halloween dance committee (sp?), but gets stuck in charge of decorations...WITH IVY DALY!!! *gasp* No, not that, anything but that!
Our adventurous little seventh grader has also entered an online story contest...although she doesn't have a story yet.
Nothing really happens in this book except Ivy is all bratty and mean to Madison, Madison practically throws up every time she sees Hart, and she has a "scary" sleepover with Fiona and Aimee, but things get a little TOO scary for them.
*sigh* All right, there's this story about Fiona's house that a woman named Mrs. Martin went upstairs to look for a dress to wear to a party, then decided to hide in a big trunk to surprise her husband. WTH??? Who does that??? Anyway, she got stuck inside, so her husband thought maybe she ran away. He dies of a broken heart and everyone just leaves the old trunk alone, until one day some movers come and find her shriveled up decomposed dead body. WHAT KIND OF GHOST STORY IS THAT???? That's worse than that "urban legend" I heard about some guy's wife who went to the bathroom, never came back, and ended up in a freakshow. I mean, that's some seriously crappy lying.
So at the sleepover, the girls use an (I'm not sure if "an" or "a" would be appropriate here, since Ouija is pronounced so weird) Ouija board to ask the ghost of Mrs. Martin if she'll go away. They end up getting locked in the bathroom with the lights off and they shriek for a while. Later, they go up into the attic and find a trunk, which they open. What? There's nothing inside? Um...duh.
More exciting things: Aimee gets a screenname on Bigfishbowl.com and finds out about Bigwheels. :P
At the dance, Madison dresses as Aphrodite and has a horrible time because Ivy flirts with Hart. But at least she learned an important lesson.... Um, WHAT? WHAT IMPORTANT LESSON? It says in the back of the book:
Madison's Computer Tip: Never download files from unknown senders.
What does that have anything to do with life and boys?

More notes:
Madison makes deep observations about "The Tell-Tale Heart". "It was weirder than weird."

Ha! Madison says she likes Hart because he's so smart. Oh, and he's cute. :P

Ivy: Wait! Wait, who are the Celtics again?
Chet: Just one of the best basketball teams ever!

Ooh! Mini pizzas and Cherry Garcia! This sleepover'll be a blast! Actually, that sounds pretty good to me.

Lol!! "You shouldn't mock ghosts, Maddie! Seriously! There are ghosts everywhere. You saw the 'Sixth Sense'."
Yeah, Bruce Willis never lies.

I can't believe Madison hasn't made a pun about "The Tell-Tale HART!" Hahahaha.

I agree that Aimee's brother Billy is boring. In like six books she seems to forget that she has a fourth brother. Also, he's so boring they never tell us how old he is and what he looks like.

Spanish for students is "estudiantes"? That's pretty close to the French word for study, but students is "eleve". Sorry, I'll shut up.

Wth!!! Ivy gets away with being late.

Uh oh, both Maddie and Ivy want to head decorations...
Ivy: Madison, I really think we both know who'd be better at taking care of the decorating, don't we?
Omg, that's so mean!!
Aimee: We do know who'd be better, Ivy. But I think Madison would like to give you a chance, too.
BAM! This is the one time I do not hate Aimee.

They still call Food Sciences "Home Ec". Man, I miss home ec.

Um, weird? Read this sentence:
"Her dad and his new girlfriend, Stephanie, Madison, and Aimee were going on a late afternoon trip to Peterson's Farm."
Doesn't that make it seem like her dad's girlfriend AND a girl named Stephanie are going? Sorry, it just bothered me.

Aimee was wearing a sweater that totally reminded me of a purple sweater that I used to have, and I really loved it, but then I saw a picture of me in 7th grade singing in children's choir (BLECH) and Emily was wearing it and I got really mad for some reason.

Aimee has the worst ideas for a screenname ever. "Twinkle toes? Bertha Big Butt?" Wtf?? Honestly.

AND she sucks at IMing. "What does 'C U' mean???"

I think Brbiedoll is the best screenname ever. Kidding.

Wth, Madison's all freaked out about Aimee finding out about Bigwheels and is all, "WRONG E-MAIL ADDRESS!" Seriously, who cares if you have friends online? As long as their not middle-aged perverts?

Wth, Drew is so annoying. "Bell's about to ring, Egg. Egg, the bell's going to ring in like a minute. EGG! THE BELL!" I keep picturing him like ASB-BFF-Drew.

This is the most boring conversation I've ever heard.
Ivy: Whassup?
Hart: Not much. Whassup with you?
Ivy: Nothing.
Hart: So...what's going on?
Ivy: Nothing. What's going on with you?

Chet: Did you say Stein? As in Frank-en-stein?
Mr. Stein: Not Frank. BOB.
ROFL, this cracked me up.

Ew, Ivy is such a slut.

I hope Aimee knows that lip gloss is made from animals.

A $25 mystery game seems like a pretty lame prize for a story contest. I'd rather just get publicity...and maybe some cash.

I kind of feel bad for Maddie, cuz I stutter all the freaking time, but really:
"Hart? H-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-hey."

Hart: Yech. You have more guts than me, Finnster. I'm having a bologna sandwich today.
This made me start laughing really hard and I have NO IDEA WHY.

HART BLOWS IVY OFF!

Fiona is so hitting on Hart. Wth, stop it.

And she "flirts" with Egg by cocking her head. I'm going to try it, lol.
"Um, what are you doing?"
"Um, duh, flirting with you. *severe head cockage*"

Hey, there's nothing wrong with having hairy arms, Madison.

Madison tries on a cropped T-shirt and is surprised to find that it hangs down lower on her than it did on Fiona. Maybe because Fiona's taller and actually has boobs? Lol, coming from an A-cup. Just saying.

Foreshadowing of Aimee's eating disorder.

I don't get parents who don't let their kids see ANY PG-13 movies. I mean, that's good if you're like 7, but at 12, you should be able to watch a few. Unless it's Ben Stiller PG-13.

Yay, let's encourage communication with demons!!

Fiona's middle name is Jane??????

Dean knows how to pick locks???????

Yeah, of course the chest is empty. Even if the story is true (ha), did you really think after they'd opened the chest they'd just leave the body in there?

Whoa, aren't girls these days talking about doing much more than DANCING with a boy? Wait...you know what...shutting up.

Yay, Mrs. Martin tells them machkl. This is why I don't believe in that stuff.

Wow. Read Madison's story:
The Secret of the Old Trunk
It was a dark and stormy night. The house was dead quiet, except for the sound of leaves and rain on the roof. An old man stared at a picture on the wall. It was his wife. Her name was Ivy. [OMG, SHE'S WRITING A SCARY STORY ABOUT IVY??? And those last three sentences were too choppy, they could've been combined.] She had gone up to the attic before her wedding day to get an old blue dress in the old trunk. That was what she said. But she never returned. Her husband-to-be looked everywhere for her, but found nothing. He didn't look in the chest, though. It was sealed shut. [Wait, then she's not actually his wife if they never got married.]
Years went by.
One summer, the man's niece came to stay with him. Her name was Ivy, after the aunt she never knew. She found a photo album with pictures of Ivy and asked a lot of questions. The old man didn't like her being so nosy. She asked if she could go into the attic one day, and he said no, if was off-limits. But she went anyway.
When she got up there, she saw a trunk. It was very late at night, so she tried to be as quiet as a mouse. She had a skeleton key in her pocket to open the trunk. [Um, where did she get the key????] It worked and the lid cracked open.
There was an awful, terrible smell. She raised the lid a little more. Then she heard footsteps behind her.
"Go ahead and open it," the voice said. She knew it was the old man. He said, "Open it," three times.
She trembled and quaked.
"I SAID, OPEN IT!" the man screamed at her.
The girl pushed open the lid, covering her nose and eyes as she did. She gasped with fear.
"Look inside," the man said.
And so the girl did. She leaned over and peered in.
"OH!" the girl screamed when she saw what was inside.
It was a blue dress!
The man put his hand on his niece's shoulder and squeezed tight.
"I keep this in here," the man said in a low voice. "In case my dear Ivy wants to wear it...to her GHOST ball!"

Ooooh the agony.

Drew is so stalking Maddie.

Ivy goes as the devil, lol.

Wth, Lindsay Frost goes as a gorilla. Um, Lindsay...?

I wish I could dance....

Lol, she almost falls on Hart. Madison, not Lindsay.

He thinks she's Hercules.

"It was one of those song where everyone is supposed to do the same motions at the same time." Like that ridiculous dance sequence in "She's All That"?

Omg! Egg took Fiona's lei! That's, like, practically having sex!!! Aimee makes a huge deal about this.

Ivy's insults don't make sense.

They walk down the "scary hallway" (awful name) and Hart keeps going, "Finnster, you back there? Finnster, you still there? Finnster, are you okay?" It's way annoying.

UGH AIMEE SHUT UP!

No duh, Aimee doesn't really care that you have Bigwheels.

Madison is afraid of dancing badly and kissing a boy. What a coincidence....

PUMPKIN CAKE!!

Madison wins a runner-up prize in the story contest, but we're never actually told what she won. Or HOW she won.

Yeah. That's it. I have a new Pony Pal, some Horseshoe Trilogy books, another Avalon, and Unicorns of Balinor. I think I'll start w/ Unicorns. Seeya.

Why can't they call it Thanksgiving like normal people, or FTFO Madison Finn #5: Thanks For Nothing

I honestly HAAAAAAATE my library. I put a hold on "Caught in the Web" WEEKS ago, but it's STILL not here. Thankfully, I had #5 as a backup. It's about Thanksgiving, too, so I thought it would be appropriate.



Plot: Madison is depressed (again). It's her first Thanksgiving since her parents divorced and her parents are fighting, both wanting her to spend Thanksgiving with them. Not only that (you knew there was more coming), but there's a special Thanksgiving extra-credit project she has to finish, only Egg is her partner and he's being unreliable - AS USUAL. To calm her nerves, she's taken a volunteer job at the Far Hills Animal Shelter, where Dan Ginsburg works. Remember Dan? He played the Cowardly Lion in the Wiz, and everyone calls him Porko?
Bla bla bla, drama and rumors. Egg is still being a jerk, Madison has to choose between Mom and Dad, Phinnie is acting weird, and IVY STARTS A HORRIBLE RUMOR THAT SHE AND DAN ARE DATING!!! OH NO!!! Thank goodness she has Sugar, a lovable Schnoodle she met at the Animal Shelter.
Finally, everything in Madison's life is back on track. When Dad decides to go to Texas with Stephanie for the holidays, Madison chooses to stay with Mom. She and Dan stay friends despite Ivy's cruelty. Egg and Madison get an A on their social studies project and Ivy doesn't. But Sugar has been adopted!!! Madison is superbummed (her word, not mine) until she realizes she has Phinnie. She literally runs home and apologizes. No lie. Then her Thanksgiving is a success. Hurray.

More notes:
How is it that Madison's Dad isn't Canadian but her uncle is?

I hate Thanksgiving, too, Madison.

LOL! She blames her bad luck on a black cat. "I knew everything would be ruined when I saw a black cat yesterday."

Aimee: *wearing a new parka* Whaddya think? I ordered it online from Boop-Dee-Doop. Well, my mother did. We ordered it on her credit card. My first Internet purchase ever.
Madison: It's nice. But in case you hadn't noticed, Aimee, it's like fifty degrees outside.
Wth??? 50 DEGREES IS COLD!!!!! At least it is in Washington. Isn't that cold in New York, too?

I really wish I had sea monkeys. No clue why. Lol, that's what I want for Christmas. SEA MONKEYS! She had a cat named Ick? Since when? Didn't she say something about her dad hating cats?

OH NO!!! DAN'S MOM IS AN ANIMAL RIGHTS ACTIVIST!

So begins Dan's crush on Madison. Psyche. I just ruined future books for you. Dan is apparently the Fat Kid. Wth, that doesn't mean you get to call him Pork-O to his face.

Aaah, he calls his Mom "Ma" like Mike Lacey (see Pony Pals series).

Turkey Trot. Heh. That's funny.

I HATE POWERPOINT! But doesn't everyone know how to do a powerpoint by the time they're in like, what, 4th grade? Omg, that totally reminds me of last year when I partnered with Kenny in history and HE DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO DO A POWERPOINT!!

Wait, if Ben Buckley's a nerd, why doesn't he want to do extra-credit?? Man, that was such a good powerpoint. Only we got graded down. Thanks, Kenny.

"Poor Freddie. Wounded in a cat fight. He's under a little medication. That's why his eyes are all glassy and he's so talkative. We'll keep him sedated for a day or two until he has a chance to start healing." I didn't know she was talking about a cat at first.

Laaaaaaame. Drew named a dog Pepper (wait for it)....BECAUSE SHE MADE HIM SNEEZE! HAAAAAAHAAAAHAAA!!

Madison totally starts singing that song from Veggietales. "Puppies are cuddly, puppies are cute, they're never nasty or mean. I'd give a home to all the lost puppies if ever a day I were queen."

Fiona, Fiona, Fiona....

What the heck, all Madison does is talk about Hart's beautiful hair in this book.

Hm, their password is falcon. What a coincidence....

Schnoodle? Part schnauzer, part poodle. STILL!!!

Ew. They name it SUGAR. I despise that name. It was the name of my little brother's bear, and it's my least favorite type of donut.

Madison: Hello, Sugar. Schnoodle-oodleeee-oh."
Dan: WHO are you talking to?
I don't know what I'm more disturbed by: Madison's odd song, or Dan suddenly appearing out of nowhere.

Dan: You were in pretty bad shape before, but now you're one hot dog.
At first I thought he was talking to Madison.

"House of Finn! Finn land!" Man. I wish I had a cool name like that.

Madison and Egg are so Elvin and Sandra.

Bigwheels: Whatever happened to your crush? Write back soon. I'm waiting.
Yeah, what happened to Hart? And why isn't he mentioned?

Dan is creepier than Stalker Drew.

They go out on a little ice cream date. Dan drops his ice cream. "Aw, no! Good-bye, chocolate chips!"

Wait. Madison said in one book she didn't speak Spanish because she was in French 1, but forever after they have said she was in Spanish class. Whatever.

What is Ivy doing at Drew's houes? Innuendo??

Fiona complains that Aimee and Madison are too hard on Egg. Shut up, Fiona.

AAARGH, WE GET IT, GRAMMA FINN SUCKS AT COMPUTERS!!

Smooth, Hart. "Hey, Finnster. What's the deal??"

Dan = so clueless.

Egg: Ivy Daly is a dork. Don't worry about it. No one ever believes her, anyway.
She's not a dork. You think she's HOTTT.

Lol. "Drat! Drat!"

BEN LIKES AIMEE!!

What kind of response is this?
Ivy: Looks like someone has a problem.
Madison: Looks like you're the one with problem, Ivy.
Drew: HAHAHAHA!
Wth? What does that even mean?

Yay! They get a gold star!

Lol. Ivy's presentation sucks.

Dan and Hart dress as turkeys and do the "Turkey Pokey". .... If Madison and Egg are Sandra and Elvin, they are so Theo and Cockroach. COCKROACH'S REAL NAME IS WALTER!!! Coincidence? I think not.

Wth? Since when are there wild turkeys running around New York?

Wow. Drew has a half brother and Dan's dad died. A long way into the series, Ivy's mom gets breast cancer. Ouch. This is killing me.

Aaaaagh. Mr. Wollensky, the Russian volunteer, asks her if she still feels Sugar IN HER HEART. What is this, Carebears?

Yes, Madison. You have a pug.

Madison's Computer Tip: Double-check any information you might get online, because not all Web Sites have accurate facts.

Amen to that. Okay, next up we have "Movie Star Pony", since "Lonely Pony" is not in yet.