Fantasy novels are just masked attempts to preach to us, or Avalon: Quest For Magic #4: Heart of Avalon

Books about Emily are always a little boring. I feel like the others outshine her...even when the book is supposed to be about her. She's just so...
Caring?
Empathetic?
Healing?
Um, try boring.



Plot: Let's get this over with. Adriane and Kara are both level 2 mages. Emily longs to join them in their level 2-ness, but still hasn't bonded with a special magical animal.
That's right, folks. Ozzie, the ever-annoying ferret/elf, is NOT Emily's bonded. He is, in fact, a unique mage, like Emily herself.
One day, at the celebrated Wavefest of Prince Merlin (the spoiled merboy Emily eventually falls in love with), several sea dragons show up with some unknown illness.
A mysterious baby sea dragon then transports Emily and Marlin to a faraway island. How? We don't know. The baby sea dragon is not REALLY a sea dragon, but some kind of magical purple and pink shapeshifter. Emily dubs him Indigo, or "Indi" for short (sort of like Indiana Jones!!).
As their friends rush to find them, Emily and Marlin try to convince Indi, who can travel along the magical web at will AND has eaten Emily's magic jewel, to take them back, but Indi uses all his magic to take them to Port Tuga.
A mysterious woman named Miranda teaches Emily to use her magic in terrifying ways that end up killing several animals. However, in the process, Emily discovers that ALL the sea animals are sick, and that she has bonded with Indi, who has become a sparkly unicorn!!
The magic needed to heal all of them is located in the Crystal Caves, which some people think don't exist. Emily, Marlin, and Indi go there, finding their friends in the process. It turns out that the cave isn't full of jewels, though; it's full of magical sea dragon eggs!! And you thought the sea dragons were going extinct!
BAM! The Dark Sorceress shows up to take the magic of the eggs. Wait...it turns out Miranda was really the Dark Sorceress. Pwned!!! Nice one.
Bla bla bla. They fight her, recover Marina, the missing water Fairimental, and save the baby dragon eggs.
However, Indi used all his magic to save Emily. He transports her to another island (a habit of his, I suppose), where a water sylph tells Emily that Indi is really one of the power crystals they are seeking. Emily is heartbroken; how can she give up her bonded? But she gives Indi up...and he comes back, because he loves her. Now he'll be a unicorn forever!
Rude awakening: Emily isn't meant to bond with a magical animal. She is meant to strengthen the bond between animal and human, so in a way she is bonded to everyone. However, Indi is now her paladin! w00t, Emily is a Level 2 mage!!
But the Dark Sorceress has another dastardly plot up her sleeve...which involves Henry Gardener, the wizard we've all been waiting for.
Unfortunately, we'll never see how that ends up, because Rachel Roberts, the author of this series, did not publish anymore books. I've heard all this crap about how she's just switching publishers, but it's been 3 years, and either she's the slowest writer ever, or she's given up. Whatever. We don't need you, Rachel Roberts. We like Madison Finn better ANYWAY!

More notes:
Tasha: The unicorn jewel and the wolf stone emit completely opposite frequencies.
Adriane: Big surprise.
If that's not foreshadowing, I don't know what is.
Wait...if they emit completely different frequencies, shouldn't that make them create beautiful harmony together? That's what happens with light, anyway.

Kara: Tasha, you rock!
Tasha: Actually, I crystallize, Princess.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh.

All of them are Level 2 mages...except for Emily. All of them have bonded animals...except for Emily. All of them have boyfriends...except for Emily.
Mwahahaha.

"Kara smiled her million-dollar blazing star smile."
I swear they copied that out of the movie "Life Size".

Marlin: It's all those sea dragons' fault! Magic attracts magic! Everyone knows that.
Jaaran: What does a jerk attract?
Someone's been watching "Seinfeld".

"Pups rolled across the sand as a purple blur erupted from the center of the pile."
Lol. That just looks funny when you picture it. Especially when the pups look like baby seals...laff attack.

Indi shapeshifts to look like Ozzie, and Emily doesn't realize something's wrong until she notices he doesn't have a collar - and this is after the Ozzie lookalike has showed up with pink/purple fur, eaten her backpack and jewel, and talken in gibberish for the past ten minutes.
Nice, Emily.

Adriane: Jaaran!! *flyingleaphug*
Jaaran: Adriane, I'm so glad you're here.
Zach: *jealous fuming*
Lorren: Probably just friends, I'm sure.
ROFL!! Oh, the drama!

Jaaran says, "What are you insinuating?" Agh, I remember Amber would say that ALL THE TIME in 7th grade.
Blah. 7th grade.

They go to a place called Port Tuga. Hm, that wouldn't happen to be a play on Tortuga, would it?

Emily believes in evolution, but she's against it. How does that work out??

Indi's name was Riba until Emily decided to change it.
I like Riba better. Rrrrrrrrrrrriba.

"Magic lamps! Only been rubbed once."
Euphemism for sex?

Tee hee hee, Miranda teaches Emily to use Jedi Mind Tricks on some advancing trolls. "You don't want this magical creature. We were never here, you never saw us, we never existed."

Indi has Indi-gestion.
-_-

Miranda is so Sith!!! She's corrupting Emily like Sidious corrupted Anakin.
"Maybe, someday, I can evil stop people from dying!!!"

Miranda is such a liar!!!!

Rah!! She's killing them all! All the sea creatures IN THE WORLD.

Lol. Marlin's all, "Who's Miranda? What are you talking about?"
You are now in...THE TWILIGHT ZONE.

Marlin randomly jumps into the water to save his sea dragon from a pack of hungry sea wolves.
You're screwed, my friend.
And Emily does NOTHING to help him...because standing on the deck screaming, "Oh no, Marlin," does not count.

She killed them all. And not just the men...but the women, and the children. They were animals, and she killed them, like animals.
SHE HATES THEM!!!
[For all of you who are really confused, go watch "Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones". The funniest movie you will ever see, I guarantee it.]

They run into sirens who try to lure them away from their destination.
In an ocean of tears, we wait.
Waiting, longing for home.
There is no today.
No tomorrow.
No place to go.
Whaaat? The sirens collaborated with an emo band??

"Every seafaring elf knows how to protect himself from the siren's lure. Get wig-jiggy with it."
-_-
And no, it wasn't Ozzie who said that, surprisingly enough.

Hm, all the creatures in the water are sick. Could it be the water is making them sick??? GOOD JOB, EMILY!!! XP

"It ain't all tweetybirds and pretty monkeys out there."
That's an interesting picture.

Tasha has disappeared.
"'Listen, pal.' Lorren stepped close to Marlin. 'I'm not leaving here without her!'
Emily caught a momentary flash of jealousy in Kara's eyes."
I'd be jealous, too.
Boy drama sucks.

Emily: I'm sorry about the Flyer. She was a good...boot. [Boat]
Cribby: None like her!
Marlin: If we make it back to Aquatania, we'll build you a new one.
Will Turner: A better one!
Jack Sparrow: A better one!
Will Turner: That one.
Jack Sparrow: That one??? Aye, that one!

The magic in the sea dragons' eggs could heal all...but they don't want to take the lives of the babies to save everyone else.
Veiled anti-abortion message?

Zach has the power to control time...but he's not very good at it.
So Kara stupidly tries to help him, and Adriane spazzes out. MORE FORESHADOWING.

Aw, Marlin saves Emily from the burden of hatching sea dragons.
They all imprint on him.

Indi is a power crystal!!!
That could be why he's pink and purple.

Indi now looks like the hunchback of Notre Dame.
Apparently, he's the Heart of Avalon, the most powerful of the nine power crystals. Whoop-dee-doo.

Why isn't the sylph on the cover wearing any clothes?

"Emily could feel the sorrow pouring from him as Indi finally resigned himself to his fate. With a shuddering sigh, all the color washed away as the creature that was Indi began to shrink, folding in on itself, shapeshifting for the last time. In her outstretched hands, Emily held a plain gray, heart-shaped rock.
'You don't love me anymore.'
'No,' Emily stammered. 'That's not what I meant.'
With a loud crack, the stone split down the middle."
Mwahaha. That's kind of funny.
Malachi: Hearts of Stone.
From Bible flashcards in like 1st grade.
But that's so emo!!! It's the sirens' fault; their bad influence made Indi suicidal.

Avalon is where you heart is. So if home is where your heart is, and that's where your treasure is also, then Avalon is at home...with all of your treasure...so you're rich??
Sorry, spaghetti brain.

"'I am the merfolk prince.' Marlin met his father's gaze. 'But I am also a dragon rider.'"
And with that, he rips off his clothes and hops into the sea.
Lol. He's a dragon rider. LIKE ERAGON!!

Peanut, Cocoa, and Bananas are good dragon names.

Emily: I think he knows how lucky Aquatania is to have a prine like you.
Marlin: *takes her hand* No one ever saw magic in me, until you.
AAAAAAAAAGH SOOOOO SAPPY!!! If this wasn't a children's book, they'd be kissing right now.

Even more foreshadowing. Adriane is majorly at odds with Kara and the way Kara treats Zach.

The Dark Sorceress' plan involves phantom wraiths, which are like dementors. Nice.

The crystal she gave to Adriane WAS tainted. Whooooa!! How evil is that??

So we'll most likely never find out what would've happened or what's going to happen in the rest of the series. There are no more Avalons, for which I'm a little sorry, but there are 3 Pony Pals left in the series, and a buttload of Madison Finns, so stay tuned!

Texans can be fooled by brightly colored ponies, or Avalon: Quest For Magic #1: Song of the Unicorns

So, we're back with another Avalon series! Only this time, instead of running around worrying about Aldenmor, the mages are out to find 9 magic power crystals to restore all the magic to Avalon.



Plot: Emily's dad got married...without telling her!!! Now he's invited her to spend some time with him in New Mexico on a horse ranch, so she and the wicked stepmother can get to know one another. Emily agrees to go if Kara, Adriane, Ozzie, and Dreamer can come...and her dad pays their way. Noyce.
So they're all at the liddle dude ranch. First, let's review what has happened to our characters previously:
Adriane lost Stormbringer and gained Dreamer, but she and Dreamer are having some issues.
Kara is still in the possession of some pretty serious shapeshifting magic that she can't control.
Emily is just angsty and boring as always.
The dude ranch is pretty fun; there are horses and Texan trail guides, but Emily doesn't like her new stepmom Veronica because she's just like Kara. Oooooh.
Hark! What's that? A magical animal in trouble? The mages stumble upon a herd of baby unicorns hiding in a cave. They were headed to a magic Unicorn School in Dalriada, but they were hijacked and fell through the wrong portal. Now someone is trying to attack them!! Good thing the mages were there to save them!
Now the mages have to hide the babies in the barn without anyone noticing. Unfortunately, it gets a little harder when the babies start sprouting horns, gaining magic, and acquiring brightly colored coats.
They have to get the babies to Dalriada as soon as possible or they might blow up the dude ranch! Emily tries to teach the unicorns to tune their magic, but, despite her best efforts, they fail, because they are tone deaf. Ha.
BAM! A black knight fellow comes in and steals all the unicorns. He gives them back later, but it appears he has stolen their magic. The babies are heartbroken.
Until Black Knight comes back, furious, because he can't find the unicorn magic! Magic fight!
Well Kara and Adriane take on the Bremerton Knights, Emily gives the unicorns a pep talk: you don't need a horn or a jewel to use magic, because the magic is always right there, in your heart. -_-
They beat him. The unicorns regain their magic and go to school.

More notes:
The prologue is about some centaurs taking the unicorns to school.

Centaurs don't need horses; they pull the wagon themselves!

Corinth gets pwned by mist sharks.

Eliath gets thrown off a cliff. Noyce.

The unicorns in the wagon fall off the cliff, too...and land in a portal.

Carolyn Fletcher never fails to tick me off.

Ozzie's a fattie.

Laaaame. "Even with the best of training, he's a wild animal, and at some point might need to be cared for by specialists, for his own safety as well as yours." Carolyn has OBVIOUSLY not read "White Fang".

Raaaandom.
Adriane: Maybe you'll like her. [she's referring to Veronica, the new stepmom]
Emily: I HATE HER! THEY ELOPED AND DIDN'T EVEN INVITE ME TO THE WEDDING!
Whatever. Chill out, Emily, the marriage probably won't last long, anyways.

Adriane does some cool rope tricks. Like Indiana Jones.

Yep. Adriane's still a tempermental loser.

Adriane can use magic whenever...and does. Emily heals animals when she gets bored. But, because Kara has a mucho powerful jewel, she can't practice magic without the supervision of her two besties.

Kara: You can't avoid meeting her forever, you know. She'll think you don't care.
Emily: She obviously doesn't care what I think. I'm not dropping everything and going all the way cross-country just to meet her.
Kara: Isn't your dad going, too?
Emily: Funny! Yeah, I really want to see him.
Kara: So, there you go.
Emily: It's not that easy.
Kara: Yes, it is. Three simple words: Get over it.
Ha. Kara is my BFF.
Adriane does not think her advice is that helpful.
Actually, I don't see how either of them could be all that helpful in this situation, since Kara's parents are happily married, and Adriane's parents abandoned her so they could travel the world.

Ooh, the Happy Trails Horse Ranch! Sounds fun!

OH NO! The Valentine's Dance is in a week! Kara can't possibly go to New Mexico when she has so much to do!

She changes her mind once she hears there's a spa. Rachel Roberts must REALLY not like Kara; she's turned her into Meredith from "Bratz".

Dreamer only speaks one word at a time. Aaargh. Not cute anymore. I miss Storm.

This is their guide, Texas Slim:
Texas Slim: Whoo-oo! Lemme hear you, now! Come on, let's do some whoopin'! Naw, that's a city slicker whoop. We need a real Texas whoop!
I bet there are some very offended Texans out there reading this book.

Ew. Emily meets a Ravenswood freak named Sierra Sanchez. She has a jewel, too.

The girls are staying in a cabin. Adriane is excited to be out in the open and commune with nature. Fly, Little Bird, fly! Find your spirit creature!
Kara is depressed at being too far away from the spa. God forbid you should WALK there!

Lol.
Texas Slim: That's some hound dog you got there.
Kara: He's a dingo.

Ozzie's voice keeps switching between italics and normal print.

Mookrat is my favorite word.

They meet an Experimental Fairmimental named Tweek, sent to help them. Because all the magic is gone from Avalon. Yeah. Not making sense.

Kara pulls off a nifty hair trick, and Adriane's all, "YOU'RE OUT OF CONTROL! STOP IT!"

Adriane wishes SHE had shapeshifting abilities.

Oh no, we're being attacked by magical creatures...again.

Lyra saves the day! Up until this point, I hadn't noticed she wasn't with them.

Emily knows the mysterious creatures are unicorns because she can FEEL their magic. Hooow?

Adriane makes a lot of "hilarious cracks" at Kara in this book, whilst Kara acts like a ditz. The latest one: the mages call Kara to them with a portal, and she appears with a mud mask. "Try not to let her beauty blind you." Ha. Ha. Ha.

Lol. Wizard cursing. "What the fuzzy muckle?"

Ew, all the unicorns are beige.

Silly Pollo. You're so ugly and ungainly. You'll never amount to anything. His sister, Riannan, who is beautiful and vain, will OBVIOUSLY get far in the magical world! Ugh. It'll make more sense later.

Aw, a polka-dotted one.

Electra is one of my favorite names ever.

Of course someone named VIOLET is timid and worriesome. Not so in "Charlie Brown".

The mages are only Level One mages, according to Tweek and the HORARFM. Levels? Are you kidding me? This is like Runescape.

And then they were attacked by a giant magical centipede. Not even lying.

Oh. Just close the portal. That'll sever its head right off.

Adriane yells at Dreamer for trying to save her.

Because she's afraid she'll lose him. -_-

Why does Kara need a manicure if she can shapeshift her nails at will?

Riannan's a 'fraidy corn!

You have to follow the music. Let it flow. :P Wise words from tone deaf Emily Fletcher.

And all this singing unlocks...ANOTHER fairy map. Gee, we've seen a lot of these.

How to make unicorn food: You need pure morning dew, a handful of starlight, and fresh honey! Stir it exactly nine times under the light of the moon.
Why can't they eat grass like Balinor unicorns?

Kara is convinced she wasn't meant to have her jewel. Because Adriane is such a loser. But Emily gives her a pep talk. We get a lot of pep talks, too.

I HAAATE Adriane.

Heh. There are unicorns named Boodle, Harvard, Beowulf, Barnabus, Pierre, Quincy, Elvis, Windmill, and Riccardo. AWESOME.

I want a unicorn named Beowulf.

Sierra won't be suspicious of 30 beige hornless unicorns in her barn or anything....

Veronica finds Pollo and thinks he's adorable. Why do stepmom's always have to be stupid? Well, I guess they're not usually married for their brains. Ask the French; the literal translation of belle-mere is "beautiful mother". Ouch.

Oh, those silly billy unicorns.

Kara turns her hair purple. Lucky.

EW! Ralfie's horn grows in...and his coat is now deep green with bright brass-colored spots.
Ralfie: I'm so handsome.
No, not handsome... I think HIDEOUS is the word I'm going for here.

Adriane: I thought unicorns were white.
Ralfie: How many have you seen?
Adriane: Two.
Spruce: Well, there you go.

Lol. Kara has a unicorn beauty party.

Guess what color Violet turned? No, really, GUESS!

It's almost as shocking as Snowflake's new coat.

Okay, I'll tell you: Violet is VIOLET and Snowflake is WHITE.

Dante thinks Clio is pretty. Heh. Unicorn love.

Ralfie is apparently the class stud.

OMG.
Kara: Say, you could use a little trim.
Ralfie: I WANT A MULLET!
I guess "mullet" translates to "hawt" in unicorn culture?

Riannan wants to be the princess, but wonders if her magic is good enough.

NO, Emily, DON'T try to relate! Having crappy magic and going to a new school are NOT THE SAME THING!!!

"Princess or not, we all love you just for who you are."
Lies my mother told me, part 1.

"But technique is only one part of playing music. You have to feel the music from here." Your heart.
Yeah. Right. Heart has nothing to do with skill.

Ooh, they make a little song.
Adriane's verse:
You're the rhythm that rocks
To the beat that never stops
Be the tick, be the tock
Be the rain as it drops

Kara's verse:
You're the melody that soars
Fairy's wing, ocean's roar
Sing it low, sing it high
Let's go dancing on the sky

Emily's verse:
You're the harmony that shimmers
Like a star, be the glimmer
As the sun gives moon light
Lift the song into flight

I like how Adriane's verse is all about the rock, Kara's is about fairy's and dancing, and Emily's is about harmony and love.
I pictured this song sounding like "Without Love" from "Hairspray".

Someone released the magic from Avalon! Who could've done such a thing? It couldn't have been the *gasp* Dark Sorceress?

Ugh, the Dark Sorceress is back, and she has another new henchie who believes the mages are only pubescent overdramatic girls.

NO NO, DON'T! Emily shows Sierra the unicorns. Moron.

Calliope: You think we'll like school?
Kara: Of course you will. I love school. You get to hang with all your friends and look cool.
Which are basically the only reasons I'm going.

After days of practice, the unicorns get stage fright and can't tune their magic.

And then a giant net flew out of the portal and engulfed the baby unicorns. Try as the mages might, they could not save them.

A dark knight walks into the room. Hm. Sounds like a combination Shadow Rider/Sauron.

Emily tells the babies they have to give up their magic; that is the only way they will be saved.
But no. THe babies are selfish.

Emily and Adriane are stuck in the middle of a magic whirlwind. Dreamer tries to save them, for which Adriane yells constantly.

They're saved because of Dreamer, and Adriane gives him a lecture.

Oh dear. The whirlwind switched Adriane and Emily's magic. Now Emily is a warrior (right) and Adriane is a healer (that's not likely). I can't see Emily as a warrior. She'd just cry and be all, "I can't do it!"

Dreamer is busy dying. Save your mistwolf, Adriane.

Hm, it's a role reversal. Emily's a really good warrior (whaaat?) and Adriane, faced with the chance of saving Dreamer, screams, "I can't do this!"

And there's a weird little dialogue between Adriane and Dreamer.
Dreamer: Pack mate in danger.
Adriane: Dreamer, young and strong, depending on me.
Dreamer: Monster will take her away, like wolf mother and wolf father.
Adriane: Lonliness clawing at my heart.
Dreamer: With her I am warrior wolf.
Adriane: One day he will leave me, too?
Dreamer: Without her, I am lone wolf.
Adriane: Abandoned again by the one I love the most. *howl*

She runs into the Spirit Pack in her messed up crazy mind. Oh. How. Interesting.

And Dreamer lives.

Adriane: I never could have healed Dreamer alone.
Emily: I could never be a warrior, never like you.
Kara: Hey! Being a blazing star isn't exactly a trip to the mall!
Tweek: Actually, it is.
Yeah. Not biased.

And the unicorns' magic is missing.

Oh. Kara has the unicorn magic. Because male unicorns love her.

Now she and Knightster are having a fight, where he messes with her shapeshifting magic.

I want turquoise hair. Really bad.

Lame. Ozzie says "silly spells". "Fix my shoe. gAaAaAh!"

Oh, and this is the best one yet. "Release the booods!"

Kara can no longer shapeshift. :(

Wait, she doesn't have the unicorn magic? Then who does?

Tweek is dead. Yessss.

The unicorns have their magic back! Emily tells them to sing from their heart.

And this pure, beautiful song defeats the knight. Unbelievable.

And Tweek is still alive. Because it was part of their amazing plan. :P

OH NO, Lorelei is back and she's singing the friendship song!
Listen to the sound
I'll always be around
You and me
We'll always be
Friends forever.

There goes Adriane, asking about Zach again. Obsessed much?

Pollo, Riannan's brother, is the prince. Riannan's disappointed, but she'll get over it.
Oh, but wait, she's a princess, too. A prince AND a princess? Why couldn't Rianna just NOT be a princess, so she could focus on dealing with that ego and realize that although her brother is ugly, he's probably pure of heart or whatever. But no. They had to give in to her selfish desires.

Tweek's going back with them to Ravenswood. Crap.

Find all nine power crystals and Avalon is saved. Got it.

I wouldn't call a paint pony "splotched". Sounds wrong.

Emily realizes that the bond between her and her dad will never break, and Veronica is actually nice and fashion savvy.

What kind of description is "the brown-haired teen"? *cringe*

They mention wyverns, who mate for life. Yeah, especially with members of the same sex. (read "Wolfcry")

Adriane thinks a trip to the Living Desert Zoo State Park will be "rad". -_-

So ends that book. Thankfully.
I might be able to do a Pony Pals tomorrow. It's the best Pony Pals yet, lol. Pretty great. The Pony Pals lower their standards and say "butt". :O And you'll be there to see it happen.

Fire is obviously evil, though it gives us warmth and energy, or Avalon: Web of Magic #6: Trial By Fire

Well, here we go. The last Avalon book. Are you ready? It's intense.



Plot: The Dark Soceress is up to her dastardly schemes again. She has captured all the mistwolves to power her crystals or something. A Firemental contacts the mages, telling of them of the great danger. Oh boy, ANOTHER quest! The three mages and their animal friends (Storm, Lyra, and Ozzie) jump into the portal, but get seperated at the nexus. Emily gets thrown into Ozzie's homeland, Adriane and Storm find themselves on a snowy mountain, and Kara, or course, ends up with Lyra at some fairy rave.
Emily heals a bunch of Black Fire victims, Adriane saves some Sea Dragon Riders or whatever from Snow Monsters and finds out that they are also mages, and Kara parties and meets...Be*Tween! Not stereotyped! Be*Tween says some semi-important things, like something about magic rain that will either be good or evil, depending on who wins the Big Battle. Also, Henry Gardener was a wizard. WHOA! Blowing my mind!
They meet up at a cave and find an adorable little mistwolf named Dreamer. Dreamer's parents, as well as several other mistwolfs, have been killed. Adriane is in love with anything mistwolf, so they decide to take the lil youngster along with them.
BAM! Zach appears and starts being all mysterious, like staying far away and being all, "Follow me! Hurry!" Suspicious much? Adriane follows him and is confronted with an army of nightmares, imps, goblin riders, and scores of other nasty creatures. Turns out Zach is really THE SKULTUM!
They're saved by Drake, who is sort of a wimp, but looks intimidating, so that's all that matters. Drake takes them to the castle, where they sneak into the dungeons and find ZACH AND ALL THE MISTWOLVES!! The mistwolves are stuck in the crystals the Dark Sorceress made, where she is draining their magic and forcing them to stay in mist form. If this goes on much longer, they'll all die. Unfortunately, the wolves don't want to be saved because they're all infected with the Black Fire.
The Dark Sorceress, who isn't as stupid as she looks, spellsings and forces Kara to come to her. Doing some more nifty magic, she destroys the unicorn horn and steals Kara's fairy map, combining it with the one she stole from Moonshadow to find the lost portal. While all this is going on (fairy maps take a litle bit of time to combine; it's like having dial-up), she tells Kara that her [Kara's] grandmother was a fairy queen, but that fairy queen was her [the Dark Sorceress'] sister!!! Oh no!! That means the Dark Sorceress is Kara's.....GREAT AUNT! Star Wars much? "No, Kara. I AM your...great aunt."
The fairy maps have successfully combined. But instead of revealing the final portal to Avalon, a unicorn appears. Kara jumps on his back and they ride away into the unknown.
Adriane and Lyra run upstairs to deal with that Witchy Woman, leaving Emily and Zach to deal with the sick wolfies. Storm has placed herself between all the crystals and is lending the other mistwolves her magic. Everyone knows she can't last long doing this, but they don't seem to care? Besides Adriane, that is, who is crying a lot. Emily is supposed to be healing, but all she's doing is whining.
The brave lil unicorn took Kara to Avalon, where she meets a bunch of wraiths who tell her that THERE IS NO PORTAL TO AVALON. ONLY A UNICORN CAN TAKE YOU. Then they give Kara a jewel of her very own and tell her to beat the Skultum.
Adriane is busy battling Ms. Sorceress. Not going too well. Drake, however, manages to distract her armies and squish at least a few warriors.
Kara comes back and battles the Skultum. Having learned that a fairy will lose all his magic once you find out his name (sort of like Rumpelstiltsken?), she has the advantage and they play a little game. Skultum's real name is "Magic", which he says out loud, screwing him, but giving all his magic to Kara.
So the Sorceress is all toying with Adriane and calls in the manticore to finish her off. The manticore comes in...BUT IT'S REALLY KARA!! Kara saves the day!! Not sure how, again.
Kara and Adriane run downstairs and find out Storm is dead. :(
Emily is whining still, but Kara gives her a pep talk and a magic burst, and all the wolves are saved.
And they won the Big Battle, so the magic rain is GOOD! Yay!!
They go back to Fairy Glen, where Adriane becomes bonded to little Dreamer, because he is cute and they are both alone.
Ozzie is also given a magic jewel: a ferret stone! Laaaaame. He is given the chance to return to his normal shape and stay in Aldenmor, but he chooses to go home with the girls. So ends the Web of Magic series. Next week, we start on the Quest For Magic, which is yet unfinished because Rachel Roberts SUCKS.

Whenever there are mistwolves involved, there's always howling and running and, "You are my packmates," in the next two pages.

Moonshadow gets pwned by Skultum. You know, I REALLY don't like Moonshadow.

Lyra: You're thinking again.
Kara: I do have a brain, contrary to popular opinion.
Meaning Adriane?

Aw, Kara feels bad for her mistake! Finally!

Adriane: Where were you?
Kara: I was doing homework.
Adriane: *Huh?*
Because popular don't do homework. EVER. Ha ha, not if you're in Mr. Kovacs' class.

Adriane admits she was wrong about Kara. And she admits she's annoying and has a bad temper? WHOA.

Quit justifying what Kara did! Forgiving is different from, "Oh, we know you MEANT to do good." Nooo, she just wanted to win that singing contest and kick your butt, Adriane.

So lame. Ozzie's tail sets on fire when they're toasting marshmallows. Didn't see that one coming. Didn't they copy that from "Ice Age"...and just about every movie with an animal with a tail hanging around fire?

Yay, a firemental! I was wondering when one of those would show up. Because the other Fairimentals (water, air, earth) are way boring.

Yeah, your grandma will believe that. "Sorry, Grandma, but I'll be on a school trip that didn't require permission slips, a change of clothes, or transportation."

"Kara was wearing designer hiking boots, dark denim jeans, and a faux-fur trimmed safari coat." And she's carrying a red backpack? This outfit doesn't really work. And I can't wrap my head around designer hiking boots; what's the point?

"'One jumps-' Adriane said.
'We all jump!' Kara finished.
And with that, Emily, Adriane, Kara, Ozzie, Lyra, and Storm leaped through the dreamcatcher into the portal beyond.
'Emily!' Ozzie screamed, losing his grip on Emily's hand.
'Ozzie, no!' She cried, lunging for the golden ferret. It was no use; Ozzie, still screaming, fell away from the others and into the nothingness of the dreamcatcher."
Yeah right. That's just what I WISH had happened. He ALWAYS loses his grip. I HAAAAATE Ozzie.

Gee, I'm in the middle of a blizzard. Good thing I'm wearing a sweater and vest! Yeah, I don't think so.

Yay, snow monsters pulled straight from "The Empire Strikes Back"!

Of course purple and red combo means BAD.

They get attacked by flying monkeys. NOT LYING.

Yeah, they get attacked, and Ozzie just starts jumping up and down. That's helpful.

How is Kara not noticing it's a Be*Tween concert? Isn't she obsessed with that band? Doesn't she have their CD?

Of course Adriane is off fighting someone, Emily's off healing someone...and Kara's off partying.

Oh yeah, Be*Tween. They're totally kickin' it.

The drummer's kind of a freak. She's wearing a JUMPSUIT and hitting things. Things that aren't DRUMS.

Wth?
Kara: I'm Kara, what's your name?
Fairy: Me name? Why, I'll wark ye muckle tarrie!
Fairies have Irish accents?

Kara's a PRINCESS!!

A FAIRY princess, though, not real royalty. Lol. ;)

LOL! They get ambushed by Ozzie's cousins and they're all, "A witch! A witch!" That so reminded me of Monty Python! "She turned me into a newt! ...I got better..."

"Elves" are just ripped off hobbits.

Lol.
Sylina: You are Kara, the Blazing Star.
Kara: I LOVE YOUR CD!
I heart Kara.

Wait, the members of Be*Tween give Kara THEIR names, but if any other fairy creature gives you their name, it sucks out their powers. Hm??

Mr. Gardener is a wizard!!!

And Kara is a princess!!!

Awwwww.
"Suddenly, a small dog-sized creature leaped from the bush. It was a furry black wolf puppy with white paws and chest."
That's Dreamer. HE'S SOOOO CUTE.

Lyra: Mistwolves.
Kara: You found them?
Lyra: Some.
Kara: *tear*
I like how Lyra doesn't really care. No emotion.

Kara and Adriane have nicknames for each other. Isn't that a couple thing?

"On a high ridge nearby stood a cute boy in a white shirt, beige pants, and sandals."
Nice outfit.

And Adriane is not the least bit suspicious. The real Zach probably would have run over and been all, "Adriane, I missed you! *crazy blush*"

Duh, it's the Skultum. I told you.

Drake is back!! Woo!!

LOL!
"'Some baby,' Kara muttered as she nervously scanned the skies. For all she knew, full-sized dragons traveled in packs like the pesky dragonflies. She could not handle another fan club - especially not one with members as big as Drake."
THAT'S not self-centered.

Dark Sorceress: You are a powerful fairy creature, are you not?
Skultum: Yes, my mistress.
Dark Sorceress: Yet you could not unlock the map yourself. And worse, you let it fall back into the hands of these...these mages!
Skultum: Mages! They are merely girls!
Yeah, and yet those girls pwned you at that benefit concert in more ways than one!

Not more spellsinging!

Oh no, the mistwolves are trapped inside the crystals! A crystal system that runs on magic? Hm. I wish they would explain how it works in engineer terms.

Okay, they find Zach imprisoned in a prison cell. And his first words are:
Zach: Adriane, you're in my dreams.
:O That was NOT something I needed to know.

"'How long have you been here?' Emily asked, rubbing Zach's arms to help circulation."
Whoa, Emily, you little boyfriend stealer, back off!

Zach: She may have opened portals, but in order to find the source of the magic, she would need two fairy maps.
Yeah, dummy, Kara HAS a fairy map.

Zach is the worst!
Zach: We have to get the mistwolves out. They can't survive in there.
Adriane: Storm is keeping them strong.
Zach: She's only one wolf, she can't hold on to them for long!
Yeah, thanks, buddy.

And she just destroyed the unicorn horn. I'd say you're screwed, Kara.

"Kara, I am your great aunt." That should be a buddy icon.

"I have traveled beoynd what I once was."
Gross, bad pictures coming to mind.

The rest of the Avalon-lovers club is stuck down in the dungeons, so they decide to talk about their feelings. Then they start laughing about things that aren't funny...like Kara's rainbow hair. That memory is not bringing tears of mirth to my eyes.

Omg. This is the most retarded scene I've ever read.
Ozzie: Having friends makes everything better.
Emily: Like laughing till your face hurts.
Ozzie: Sharing banana milk shakes.
Zach: Birthday parties.
Lyra: Finding a true pack mate.
Emily: Watching the sun rise.
Ozzie: Making chocolate chip cookies.
Lyra: Dancing to favorite songs on the radio.
Adriane: Getting a hug.
Then they end with a GROUP HUG of all things. Isn't "pack mate" Storm's thing? And I would SO not share a banana milkshake with a ferret.

AAARGH! And the power of laughter and frienship saves Kara from her great aunt's spell.

I've noticed a lot of unicorns like Kara...but only MALE unicorns.

Since when was Dreamer lost? I don't get it. But he's a natural magic tracker!

Kara: Where are we going?
Unicorn: Home.
What does that tell you? What have you been looking for this entire time?

Awww, Storm is stuck in mist form, too.

I HATE IT WHEN EMILY DOUBTS HERSELF.
"People are dying, Emily."
"I don't know if I can save them...."
"If you don't save them, global warming will speed up."
"I can't do it!

Zach: *to Adriane* I've seen you in action. No one's better.
WHAT?? What is he talking about exactly??? THEY'RE 13!!! That is so messed up.

Aww, Adriane knows Storm is doomed.

Kara: Avalon really does exist!
Wraith: It does for you.
Kara: I don't understand.
Wraith: You choose to see it.
So the people who WANT to see Avalon see what they want to see? Do they make it up as they go along? Confused.

Kara got a unicorn jewel! Cooler than that stupid wolf stone.

Adriane: You're dead meat!
DS: So eloquently put, but I wish you would learn some manners.
Don't we all?

Ew, Skultum takes the shape of Johnny Conrad in leather slacks and an open-neck silk shirt. Is there such thing as leather slacks? Sounds uncomfortable. And "open-neck silk shirt" screams "Fabio".

D-flies save the day!

Why would you assume that the d-flies know Skultum's real name?

Okay, they play charades with the d-flies, and they play it "upside down", but instead of the words being upside down, they're just backwards. There IS a difference.

Nice, Skulty. "MAGIC! Aw, crap."

Finally, Emily, you're getting stuff done.

Ha. Adriane punches the Dark Sorceress and she falls into a portal.

Kara gives a nice little pep talk, then it's back to work!

So dies Stormbringer.

Moonshadow: One mistwolf held a hundred of us. Do you know how she did that? She held us until we were safe because she was thinking of you. Her love for you gave her the strength.
That's way sappy, but really sad and adorable.

I thought the way to grieve was to let go. They're telling her to HOLD ON.

Oh, but Storm isn't dead. She runs with the Spirit Pack now.
So in other words, she's dead.

Awwww, I LOVE DREAMER.
Adriane: I guess we're both alone now.
Dreamer: I'll always be with you.

Ambia: One has followed her heart and found strength.
Gwigg: One has seen in darkness and found light.
Ambia: And one has changed completely and found-
Kara: A jewel!
Ambia: -restraint.

A ferret stone. How...cool.

Ozzie doesn't know what to do (Should I stay or should I go? GO!), so Emily tells him to "follow his heart". Blah.

Lol, Kara gets to keep her shapeshifting abilities. Purple hair!

LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME!
Emily: *tears* I'm going to miss you, Ozzie.
Ozzie: Why, were are you going? 'Cause wherever it is, I'm going, too.
That didn't elicit an "awww" out of me.

So I was listening to Hannah Montana and "Pop Princess" sounds like a love song for Kara. No joke. And "She's No You" sounds like something Zach wrote for Adriane, as does "Girl of the Year". No Emily songs yet.
Okay, a pretty controversial Pony Pals tomorrow.
Controversial in that it deals with cerebral palsy.

Because magical ponies with horns have much to teach us, or Avalon: Web of Magic #4: The Secret of the Unicorn

I really want to make a short film, though I think my artistic talents are limited to music. It's all good.



Plot: Oh dear. The fairy glen has vanished. Torrents of sick animals are pouring into Ravenswood. Emily can't feel the music. Something is definitely wrong.
Yeah, this book is about Emily, so we'll have to hear a lot about how she feels the animals' pain and that she can't be as strong as Kara or Adriane or whatever. :P
So Emily starts hearing this weird music and seeing a creepy looking face everywhere she goes, and she even passes out at a Stonehill football game.
The Three Musketeers go back to Ravenswood to heal a bunch of animals. Emily "senses" that there might be another hurt animal out in the woods, so she goes out looking for it with Ozzie and Storm. While she's gone, Kara and Adriane contact Zach, who informs them that the creature Emily is seeking might POSSIBLY be evil. Like, super evil. Uh oh.
Everyone is pretty much convinced the creature is evil, seeing as it blows up half the woods, but Emily believes "it's heart is pure" or something.
She does eventually find the magical beastie...and...it...is...a...UNICORN! No duh, you could probably tell from the cover. The unicorn's name is Lorelei and she seems to be missing her horn. She and Emily become soul mates.
Then a lumpy purple froglike thing named Ghyll appears and tells everyone that Lorelei is evil for sure.
Actually, NOTHING important happens in this book at all. Lorelei crashes a football game, she tells Emily of her painful past, they cry a lot.
Oh, and it was Lorelei's job to take care of the magic web, because that's what unicorns do, but the Dark Sorceress took her horn, so she slacked off. Typical. Blame Sorceress.
Then a harpy (some evil magical creature, don't know nor care what they are) comes and takes Lorelei away. Because he's looking for Avalon, the home of all magic, and only Lorelei knows how to get there.
Emily gets her friends to follow her into the portal, where harpy and uni have gone, and they all band together and pwn him, then send him through some random portal into an unknown world. Lol, wouldn't it suck if they happened to send him accidentally into Avalon?
So Lorelei gives Emily her horn and explains that a unicorn's horn can only be properly used when it has been freely given. Laaame. They repair the magic web together as a family. Then the mages repair the dreamcatcher (though they gave no reason why they were doing it the entire book!) with strands from the magic web.
All is well.

More notes:
Emily dreams about dancing.

Emily's in jazz band!! Or she was....

Aaargh, her dad is a saxophonist, too. Practically everyone in my family plays saxophone. DOWN WITH THE SAXOPHONE!

"Follow the music, Em. Don't be afraid to really feel it."
Oooh. Deep.

Everything Carolyn says is super condescending. DO NOT LIKE HER. Oh, and I like how she never seems to do anything but Emily practically runs Pet Palace.

She brings her dogs to a football game?? STUPID! Personal experience tells me this is a BAD idea.

"Maybe bringing her Pet Palace clients to the football game hadn't been such a hot idea after all."
Uh...yeah.

Marcus so likes Emily!!!! It's really adorable.

And Joey is super obvious about liking Adriane. "So, um, where's Adriane?"

"Marcus snickered. 'Dude, you are way too obvious.' He winked at Emily."
ROFL, said Marcus.

Emily is all oversensitive to music all of a sudden and assumes it's magic. Oooor you have Lyme Disease.

"She could see why Kara liked this boy; he had such deep blue eyes, full of compassion."
Why she goes for that fish boy is beyond me. Awww, Marcus was carrying her, too. Sooo cute....

Seriously, Emily and Marcus should get married and have like 6 kids.

Adriane always seems to have baby quiffles poking out of her vest pockets.

Adriane: I think we should contact Zach.
Kara: Need a last minute date to the harvest dance?

"'Show us where Zach is,' Adriane said, picturing the boy's handsome face and warm smile, the way his eyes danced."
If only Kara and Emily could read her mind....

"'How's the drake?' she asked, referring to the baby dragon Zach was helping to raise on Aldenmor."
"Helping" to raise? If I'm not mistaken, you left him alone on Aldenmor with Drake, and you are definitely not helping and PROBABLY not paying child support!

Zach: Adriane, I'm real glad to see you.
Adriane: Me, too.
Zach: I-
Adriane: Me, too.
He was so going to say, "I love you." Weird. They're only 13.

"Mistwolves fear nothing. Not even basilisks." Cuz all mistwolves are wimps and turn into mist and run rather than fight.

Ghyll the flobbin is looking for magic blobs. Right. I guess the author couldn't think of a better name.

Ozzie is even more annoying than usual in this book. He says, "Gah!" and kicks things a lot.

Okay, the first time Emily sees Lorelei, she's all, "That's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen," and on the next page, she's like, "Lorelei would be beautiful if she wasn't covered in Black Fire." ??? But you just said....

Ozzie makes a mess in Pet Palace and Carolyn blames Emily and I guess took some extra condescending pills, because it gets super ugly.

Daaaang, it turns out Emily was hiding some anger about her parent's (or would it be parents') divorce and explodes.
Emily: Adapt? You're telling me to adapt? What about you? First you tell me to go out and make friends. Then you tell me to stay home more. Meanwhile you don't even try to adapt. You just work all the time and pretend everything's all fine and dandy. Don't tell me it's not true! I'm not stupid. What are you doing right now? It's Sunday, you know. Most vets take a day off once in a while. When was the last time you took a day off?
Carolyn: Lower your voice, Emily. And try to understand, I'm so busy-
Emily: Yeah, like you were so busy back in Colorado that you let your family fall apart! That's the reason we're here - that's why I have to worry about adapting - because you couldn't make things work with Daddy, so my whole life go ruined! I had to leave my olds friends, my old school, everything, and move to a whole new state! Ravenswood is the only really good thing that's happened to me here, and now you want to take it away from me! I'll be at Ravenswood, where I'm really needed.
:O I'm in shock. How about you?

Wait. Was there a custody battle? Did Carolyn win? And if not, why didn't Emily just decide to live with her dad?

Aaaargh, more wise words from the Native American grandma. Mostly nonsense proverbs that don't mean anything.

They try to rebuild the dreamcatcher with spaghetti.

They tell Kara to use her pink shoelaces. Why can't you use your own shoelaces?

Ew, Ghyll has a crush on Kara and there's a "funny" ongoing joke about him wanting to be kissed by a princess so he can become a prince.

"The band audition had been easy, since Emily could read music and had her own flute." Sometimes I think that's purely what they base band auditions on.

Lorelei runs onto the football field and Adriane takes out some football players to protect her. Um...whaat? Dang, Adriane.

Lorelei attacks the Evanston Eagle mascot.

Lol, Kara manages to convince everyone that Lorelei is the new mascot: The Stonehill Unicorns!! Jealous, I wish my mascot was the unicorns, though we'd probably be laughed out of the district.

Emily sings this song to Lorelei. It's like something out of "Tarzan":
Look into my eyes
Know that you can trust me
Listen to the sound
I'll always be around

Hear my words
Feel the magic in them
In friendship we are bound
I'll always be around

You and me
It's meant to be
We'll always be
Friends forever

Emily repeats herself a lot.

"Especially after what Zach told us!!??"
Um, Zach is a horny 13-year-old boy living in a magical world where he is the single parent of a baby dragon.

Lol. Kara is my BFF pretty much.

Emily plays flute...Adriane plays guitar...Kara wants to sing...they should form a band!! Foreshadowing, actually.

Hm, a creepy woman is trying to shut down Ravenswood...we need to put on a benefit concert! Seriously, I never would have come up with that.

Waaait...the Dark Sorceress captured Lorelei and cut off her horn...and Lorelei's all, "Oh no, the web is broken, all my fault." Um, not if they took your horn.

When in doubt, start singing.

Oh no, Ghyll is working for the sorceress! Ozzie kicks him a lot. It makes you feel sorry for Ghyll.

"It looks like the harpy is using Lorelei's magic to reweave the web, to make a new pathway from the connecting portals here."
Isn't that a good thing??

Because Kara sucks at singing, she can break the harpy's spell and save us all!

"Your horn may focus your magic, like our jewels. But the real magic is inside of you. Right here." In your heart.
AAARGH!! *gagging gagging*

Wait, Lorelei takes the harpy to Avalon supposedly, and that's considered noble?

Oh, she purposefully took them into the wrong portal!!! Silly unicorn!

"The magic of a unicorn can only be used when it is freely given. That is our secret."
Well, it's not a secret anymore. Way to sound like a Hallmark movie.

Ew, Kara kisses Ghyll and he turns into a purple lizard man...also known as a spriggle!

Adriane: What are going to do with the horn?
Kara: *eyes greedily*
Adriane: No, you can't wear it.
Lol, pwned.

Yay, a mother-daughter moment between Carolyn and Emily. All is forgiven.