Evil in the form of Halley's Comet, or Unicorns of Balinor #8: Shadows over Balinor

I'm SOOO glad to be done with this series. I don't understand how they can give this description for the last book, though:
Princess Arianna inquires about the past and learns the truth about the fall of the great unicorns from the Celestial Valley. She uncovers the truth about shifting magic and how that power has led the fallen unicorns into the shadows--to become the evil Shadow Unicorns.
The book never talks exclusively about Celestial Valley and the missing Shadow Unicorns are mentioned ONCE. Mostly this book is rather confusing and has sort of a lame ending.



Plot: Right, so Shifter is dead, all the Royal Unicorns have returned, and the war is over. What else is there to worry about? Well, there's the Kraken, though he appeared dead in the last book. No, the Kraken is back with a vengeance, and if Arianna doesn't stop a giant comet from landing and transferring its powers to him, Balinor is doomed!
???
First, our cast of regular characters is joined by an annoying named Odie ("Fightin's my game!"), who brings Ari a map to Shadowview (formerly Demonview). The princess must travel there to find the Royal Archivist (they don't say why).
They go. Pointless things happen, mainly for filler, I'm sure.
Then they find the Archivist, and it turns out LINCOLN IS THE LINK!!!
The Link?
They never fully explain what that is, but it's something important.
They defeat the Kraken and destroy the asteroid/comet/thing.
Lincoln chooses to remain with Ari, so now they have to find a new Link.
Ari still hasn't found her parents or brothers, and it seems no one has any intention of ever taking Lori back across the Gap.
It was way too confusing. Hopefully I'll have some nonmagic Madison Finns by tomorrow. Unfortunately, I have to skip #11 and #12 for now. Oh well.

The gods are angry, so they've made the sun disappear, or Unicorns of Balinor #7: Night of the Shifter's Moon

Okay. Let me tell you how much I hate Unicorns of Balinor.
No, really. These are what has kept me from posting because they're so ridiculously boring.
So I'm just going to summarize it and be DONE with it.
And hopefully get the last book, #8, the WORST in the series, out of the way.
Then we can go on to Avalon and Pony Pals and what not.
It seems Madison Finn is permanently on hold, as I ordered some books from the library about, um, two months ago, and they've ignored my request.
I could skip #11 and #12, but only if completely necessary.
It's just that #11 is so depressing, but I like it, because...just so sad.
Okay, on to the unicorns. Sunchaser awaits.

Plot: We open with our "heroes" in the forests of Ardit where they meet some excitable bunnies.
Lori starts complaining, Finn tries to be a peacemaker, Toby insults people in a Cockney accent...the usual.
Atalanta calls Ari away from the group into CELESTIAL VALLEY!
*Hallelujah chorus*
The Celestial unicorns fall all over Ari and Chase. There's a bonding ceremony, and Ari officially has the Deep Magic. Also, she and Chase are officially BFFs forealz.
Once the two of them pop back down to the earth, they find their comrades in trouble! Fight fight fight. Done.
Now that she has Deep Magic, a BFF, and self-confidence, Ari decides to make war, not love, with the Shifter.
They go over to Balinor to assemble troops and to speak with the Lords of the Houses and crap.
The Shifter talks about how invincible he is...until the Shadow Rider walks into the room. Mr. Shadow is even worse than the Shifter, apparently. But it turns out he's not really the Shadow Rider; he's the Kraken, which is I guess some mysterious Sauron-esque figure. Everyone shudders at the mention of him.
Meanwhile, in Ari-land, Lori decides to become Ari's Lady-in-waiting when she hears how much the salary is. She also hires her new best friend, Lady KYLIAN. Hm, sounds a lot like KYLIE, doesn't it?? But no one is the least bit suspicious.
Ari and Chase go on a quest to find the Royal Unicorns, who ran away after the Shifter took over. How lame. The Workers and Celestial unicorns fought, but the Royals RAN AWAY? Wimps. What do you want them for?
Oh, and they find them right away on some island in the middle of the ocean! That was easy.
They manage to convince them rather quickly to join their cause.
The unicorns fight in the battle. They kick Shifter's butt. Lady Kylian is unmasked, but I'm pretty sure she escapes. Oh well.
The part that irks me is THE BATTLE DOESN'T EVEN LAST 5 MINUTES!!!! The Royal Unicorns show up and Shifter's all, "Dang," and doesn't even try anymore!
It doesn't matter that Ari's side has one...THE KRAKEN WILL REBUILD!!!
Yeah, dumb. I HATE THIS SERIES.
Lol. There was a black, red, and white unicorn named Puzzler. I wonder if he likes the White Stripes.

Hm. All I did was summarize badly. That was sort of a waste of time. Oh well. Avalon and Pony Pals tomorrow.

Fire is obviously evil, though it gives us warmth and energy, or Avalon: Web of Magic #6: Trial By Fire

Well, here we go. The last Avalon book. Are you ready? It's intense.



Plot: The Dark Soceress is up to her dastardly schemes again. She has captured all the mistwolves to power her crystals or something. A Firemental contacts the mages, telling of them of the great danger. Oh boy, ANOTHER quest! The three mages and their animal friends (Storm, Lyra, and Ozzie) jump into the portal, but get seperated at the nexus. Emily gets thrown into Ozzie's homeland, Adriane and Storm find themselves on a snowy mountain, and Kara, or course, ends up with Lyra at some fairy rave.
Emily heals a bunch of Black Fire victims, Adriane saves some Sea Dragon Riders or whatever from Snow Monsters and finds out that they are also mages, and Kara parties and meets...Be*Tween! Not stereotyped! Be*Tween says some semi-important things, like something about magic rain that will either be good or evil, depending on who wins the Big Battle. Also, Henry Gardener was a wizard. WHOA! Blowing my mind!
They meet up at a cave and find an adorable little mistwolf named Dreamer. Dreamer's parents, as well as several other mistwolfs, have been killed. Adriane is in love with anything mistwolf, so they decide to take the lil youngster along with them.
BAM! Zach appears and starts being all mysterious, like staying far away and being all, "Follow me! Hurry!" Suspicious much? Adriane follows him and is confronted with an army of nightmares, imps, goblin riders, and scores of other nasty creatures. Turns out Zach is really THE SKULTUM!
They're saved by Drake, who is sort of a wimp, but looks intimidating, so that's all that matters. Drake takes them to the castle, where they sneak into the dungeons and find ZACH AND ALL THE MISTWOLVES!! The mistwolves are stuck in the crystals the Dark Sorceress made, where she is draining their magic and forcing them to stay in mist form. If this goes on much longer, they'll all die. Unfortunately, the wolves don't want to be saved because they're all infected with the Black Fire.
The Dark Sorceress, who isn't as stupid as she looks, spellsings and forces Kara to come to her. Doing some more nifty magic, she destroys the unicorn horn and steals Kara's fairy map, combining it with the one she stole from Moonshadow to find the lost portal. While all this is going on (fairy maps take a litle bit of time to combine; it's like having dial-up), she tells Kara that her [Kara's] grandmother was a fairy queen, but that fairy queen was her [the Dark Sorceress'] sister!!! Oh no!! That means the Dark Sorceress is Kara's.....GREAT AUNT! Star Wars much? "No, Kara. I AM your...great aunt."
The fairy maps have successfully combined. But instead of revealing the final portal to Avalon, a unicorn appears. Kara jumps on his back and they ride away into the unknown.
Adriane and Lyra run upstairs to deal with that Witchy Woman, leaving Emily and Zach to deal with the sick wolfies. Storm has placed herself between all the crystals and is lending the other mistwolves her magic. Everyone knows she can't last long doing this, but they don't seem to care? Besides Adriane, that is, who is crying a lot. Emily is supposed to be healing, but all she's doing is whining.
The brave lil unicorn took Kara to Avalon, where she meets a bunch of wraiths who tell her that THERE IS NO PORTAL TO AVALON. ONLY A UNICORN CAN TAKE YOU. Then they give Kara a jewel of her very own and tell her to beat the Skultum.
Adriane is busy battling Ms. Sorceress. Not going too well. Drake, however, manages to distract her armies and squish at least a few warriors.
Kara comes back and battles the Skultum. Having learned that a fairy will lose all his magic once you find out his name (sort of like Rumpelstiltsken?), she has the advantage and they play a little game. Skultum's real name is "Magic", which he says out loud, screwing him, but giving all his magic to Kara.
So the Sorceress is all toying with Adriane and calls in the manticore to finish her off. The manticore comes in...BUT IT'S REALLY KARA!! Kara saves the day!! Not sure how, again.
Kara and Adriane run downstairs and find out Storm is dead. :(
Emily is whining still, but Kara gives her a pep talk and a magic burst, and all the wolves are saved.
And they won the Big Battle, so the magic rain is GOOD! Yay!!
They go back to Fairy Glen, where Adriane becomes bonded to little Dreamer, because he is cute and they are both alone.
Ozzie is also given a magic jewel: a ferret stone! Laaaaame. He is given the chance to return to his normal shape and stay in Aldenmor, but he chooses to go home with the girls. So ends the Web of Magic series. Next week, we start on the Quest For Magic, which is yet unfinished because Rachel Roberts SUCKS.

Whenever there are mistwolves involved, there's always howling and running and, "You are my packmates," in the next two pages.

Moonshadow gets pwned by Skultum. You know, I REALLY don't like Moonshadow.

Lyra: You're thinking again.
Kara: I do have a brain, contrary to popular opinion.
Meaning Adriane?

Aw, Kara feels bad for her mistake! Finally!

Adriane: Where were you?
Kara: I was doing homework.
Adriane: *Huh?*
Because popular don't do homework. EVER. Ha ha, not if you're in Mr. Kovacs' class.

Adriane admits she was wrong about Kara. And she admits she's annoying and has a bad temper? WHOA.

Quit justifying what Kara did! Forgiving is different from, "Oh, we know you MEANT to do good." Nooo, she just wanted to win that singing contest and kick your butt, Adriane.

So lame. Ozzie's tail sets on fire when they're toasting marshmallows. Didn't see that one coming. Didn't they copy that from "Ice Age"...and just about every movie with an animal with a tail hanging around fire?

Yay, a firemental! I was wondering when one of those would show up. Because the other Fairimentals (water, air, earth) are way boring.

Yeah, your grandma will believe that. "Sorry, Grandma, but I'll be on a school trip that didn't require permission slips, a change of clothes, or transportation."

"Kara was wearing designer hiking boots, dark denim jeans, and a faux-fur trimmed safari coat." And she's carrying a red backpack? This outfit doesn't really work. And I can't wrap my head around designer hiking boots; what's the point?

"'One jumps-' Adriane said.
'We all jump!' Kara finished.
And with that, Emily, Adriane, Kara, Ozzie, Lyra, and Storm leaped through the dreamcatcher into the portal beyond.
'Emily!' Ozzie screamed, losing his grip on Emily's hand.
'Ozzie, no!' She cried, lunging for the golden ferret. It was no use; Ozzie, still screaming, fell away from the others and into the nothingness of the dreamcatcher."
Yeah right. That's just what I WISH had happened. He ALWAYS loses his grip. I HAAAAATE Ozzie.

Gee, I'm in the middle of a blizzard. Good thing I'm wearing a sweater and vest! Yeah, I don't think so.

Yay, snow monsters pulled straight from "The Empire Strikes Back"!

Of course purple and red combo means BAD.

They get attacked by flying monkeys. NOT LYING.

Yeah, they get attacked, and Ozzie just starts jumping up and down. That's helpful.

How is Kara not noticing it's a Be*Tween concert? Isn't she obsessed with that band? Doesn't she have their CD?

Of course Adriane is off fighting someone, Emily's off healing someone...and Kara's off partying.

Oh yeah, Be*Tween. They're totally kickin' it.

The drummer's kind of a freak. She's wearing a JUMPSUIT and hitting things. Things that aren't DRUMS.

Wth?
Kara: I'm Kara, what's your name?
Fairy: Me name? Why, I'll wark ye muckle tarrie!
Fairies have Irish accents?

Kara's a PRINCESS!!

A FAIRY princess, though, not real royalty. Lol. ;)

LOL! They get ambushed by Ozzie's cousins and they're all, "A witch! A witch!" That so reminded me of Monty Python! "She turned me into a newt! ...I got better..."

"Elves" are just ripped off hobbits.

Lol.
Sylina: You are Kara, the Blazing Star.
Kara: I LOVE YOUR CD!
I heart Kara.

Wait, the members of Be*Tween give Kara THEIR names, but if any other fairy creature gives you their name, it sucks out their powers. Hm??

Mr. Gardener is a wizard!!!

And Kara is a princess!!!

Awwwww.
"Suddenly, a small dog-sized creature leaped from the bush. It was a furry black wolf puppy with white paws and chest."
That's Dreamer. HE'S SOOOO CUTE.

Lyra: Mistwolves.
Kara: You found them?
Lyra: Some.
Kara: *tear*
I like how Lyra doesn't really care. No emotion.

Kara and Adriane have nicknames for each other. Isn't that a couple thing?

"On a high ridge nearby stood a cute boy in a white shirt, beige pants, and sandals."
Nice outfit.

And Adriane is not the least bit suspicious. The real Zach probably would have run over and been all, "Adriane, I missed you! *crazy blush*"

Duh, it's the Skultum. I told you.

Drake is back!! Woo!!

LOL!
"'Some baby,' Kara muttered as she nervously scanned the skies. For all she knew, full-sized dragons traveled in packs like the pesky dragonflies. She could not handle another fan club - especially not one with members as big as Drake."
THAT'S not self-centered.

Dark Sorceress: You are a powerful fairy creature, are you not?
Skultum: Yes, my mistress.
Dark Sorceress: Yet you could not unlock the map yourself. And worse, you let it fall back into the hands of these...these mages!
Skultum: Mages! They are merely girls!
Yeah, and yet those girls pwned you at that benefit concert in more ways than one!

Not more spellsinging!

Oh no, the mistwolves are trapped inside the crystals! A crystal system that runs on magic? Hm. I wish they would explain how it works in engineer terms.

Okay, they find Zach imprisoned in a prison cell. And his first words are:
Zach: Adriane, you're in my dreams.
:O That was NOT something I needed to know.

"'How long have you been here?' Emily asked, rubbing Zach's arms to help circulation."
Whoa, Emily, you little boyfriend stealer, back off!

Zach: She may have opened portals, but in order to find the source of the magic, she would need two fairy maps.
Yeah, dummy, Kara HAS a fairy map.

Zach is the worst!
Zach: We have to get the mistwolves out. They can't survive in there.
Adriane: Storm is keeping them strong.
Zach: She's only one wolf, she can't hold on to them for long!
Yeah, thanks, buddy.

And she just destroyed the unicorn horn. I'd say you're screwed, Kara.

"Kara, I am your great aunt." That should be a buddy icon.

"I have traveled beoynd what I once was."
Gross, bad pictures coming to mind.

The rest of the Avalon-lovers club is stuck down in the dungeons, so they decide to talk about their feelings. Then they start laughing about things that aren't funny...like Kara's rainbow hair. That memory is not bringing tears of mirth to my eyes.

Omg. This is the most retarded scene I've ever read.
Ozzie: Having friends makes everything better.
Emily: Like laughing till your face hurts.
Ozzie: Sharing banana milk shakes.
Zach: Birthday parties.
Lyra: Finding a true pack mate.
Emily: Watching the sun rise.
Ozzie: Making chocolate chip cookies.
Lyra: Dancing to favorite songs on the radio.
Adriane: Getting a hug.
Then they end with a GROUP HUG of all things. Isn't "pack mate" Storm's thing? And I would SO not share a banana milkshake with a ferret.

AAARGH! And the power of laughter and frienship saves Kara from her great aunt's spell.

I've noticed a lot of unicorns like Kara...but only MALE unicorns.

Since when was Dreamer lost? I don't get it. But he's a natural magic tracker!

Kara: Where are we going?
Unicorn: Home.
What does that tell you? What have you been looking for this entire time?

Awww, Storm is stuck in mist form, too.

I HATE IT WHEN EMILY DOUBTS HERSELF.
"People are dying, Emily."
"I don't know if I can save them...."
"If you don't save them, global warming will speed up."
"I can't do it!

Zach: *to Adriane* I've seen you in action. No one's better.
WHAT?? What is he talking about exactly??? THEY'RE 13!!! That is so messed up.

Aww, Adriane knows Storm is doomed.

Kara: Avalon really does exist!
Wraith: It does for you.
Kara: I don't understand.
Wraith: You choose to see it.
So the people who WANT to see Avalon see what they want to see? Do they make it up as they go along? Confused.

Kara got a unicorn jewel! Cooler than that stupid wolf stone.

Adriane: You're dead meat!
DS: So eloquently put, but I wish you would learn some manners.
Don't we all?

Ew, Skultum takes the shape of Johnny Conrad in leather slacks and an open-neck silk shirt. Is there such thing as leather slacks? Sounds uncomfortable. And "open-neck silk shirt" screams "Fabio".

D-flies save the day!

Why would you assume that the d-flies know Skultum's real name?

Okay, they play charades with the d-flies, and they play it "upside down", but instead of the words being upside down, they're just backwards. There IS a difference.

Nice, Skulty. "MAGIC! Aw, crap."

Finally, Emily, you're getting stuff done.

Ha. Adriane punches the Dark Sorceress and she falls into a portal.

Kara gives a nice little pep talk, then it's back to work!

So dies Stormbringer.

Moonshadow: One mistwolf held a hundred of us. Do you know how she did that? She held us until we were safe because she was thinking of you. Her love for you gave her the strength.
That's way sappy, but really sad and adorable.

I thought the way to grieve was to let go. They're telling her to HOLD ON.

Oh, but Storm isn't dead. She runs with the Spirit Pack now.
So in other words, she's dead.

Awwww, I LOVE DREAMER.
Adriane: I guess we're both alone now.
Dreamer: I'll always be with you.

Ambia: One has followed her heart and found strength.
Gwigg: One has seen in darkness and found light.
Ambia: And one has changed completely and found-
Kara: A jewel!
Ambia: -restraint.

A ferret stone. How...cool.

Ozzie doesn't know what to do (Should I stay or should I go? GO!), so Emily tells him to "follow his heart". Blah.

Lol, Kara gets to keep her shapeshifting abilities. Purple hair!

LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME!
Emily: *tears* I'm going to miss you, Ozzie.
Ozzie: Why, were are you going? 'Cause wherever it is, I'm going, too.
That didn't elicit an "awww" out of me.

So I was listening to Hannah Montana and "Pop Princess" sounds like a love song for Kara. No joke. And "She's No You" sounds like something Zach wrote for Adriane, as does "Girl of the Year". No Emily songs yet.
Okay, a pretty controversial Pony Pals tomorrow.
Controversial in that it deals with cerebral palsy.

Is the storyline really about Nazis, or Unicorns of Balinor #5: Search for the Star

I really wish Miley Cyrus wouldn't dance. But that's not the point. Okay. I've read each Unicorns of Balinor book multiple times, but this one only once. Because I didn't know how to place holds. You probably didn't care to know that, though.



Plot: The dragon Naytin guards this thing called the Indigo Star. It is, as you may have guessed, an indigo star, but it's a MAGIC star. Shifter knows Naytin wakes up every 1000 years, and it just so happens he's about to wake up, so Shifter pops over and steals the Star. Why? Um...it's pretty, shiny, and magical. Why NOT??
He uses the Star to steal the Celestial Unicorns' color. Now Atalanta is a lovely bleach white. HAHAHAHA. This is pretty bad, though, because without color, they have no magic. I thought your magic came from your jewel and horn. Guess not.
Naytin is pretty mad, so he attacks Balinor to blow off some steam. This scares the crap out of the people of Balinor.
Ari, being Ari, feels the need to go save it, because she has to be the hero. She, Finn, Lori, Lincoln, and Chase go with a bunch of Dragon Slayers to some place. She tells the Dragon Slayers who she really is, goes to the Shifter's Palace alone, and steals the Star from Shifter and gives it back to Naytin. Pretty simple, really.
Oh, and there was this whole thing where people sort of want to tell everyone Ari is Princess of Balinor, or whatever, but they decide not to in case of war? Pretty stupid.

More notes:
So far, every book has started with "Atalanta". How annoying is that?

Lol. They have a chapter from the Shifter's point of view and he's all, "Yeah, so I stole the Scepter, but the Princess stole it from me!!!"

Dragons don't have treasure, so a lot of people who search for dragon's caves are wasting their time. Entia thinks this is hilarious.

Okay, if the Shifter can shapeshift into anything, ANYTHING, why hasn't he killed Ari already?? He could turn into a Celestial unicorn, infiltrate Celestial Valley, kill them all, then pretend to be Ari and lure her off a cliff or something. Really, he's not very imaginative. "I shall turn into...a BLACK unicorn. That will inspire fear into the hearts of my slaves!"

Oh, but now that he has a powerful magic object, he's going to do something bad to Atalanta. What?

HE SAYS ATALANTA IS PURPLE, TOO!!!

Ugh, what is with boys? "Atalanta! SEE WHAT I HAVE FOR YOU!!" Enough with the yelling!

The blue band starts fading. I think I would like a blue unicorn. There is one on the cover, but he doesn't look very faded.

Blue begins the rainbow? Really? That's not what Roy G. Biv said.

Oh gee, if you combine the Royal Scepter with the Indigo Star, you will get the most powerful magic in the world. Hm, ARI has the Royal Scepter. How convenient.

Finn is scared of Ari now that he knows she's a princess. That's not very Anakin of you, Finn.

Lori wants Finn's body.

Lori: I will never, ever, EVER go on that ship again!
Toby: Nobody asked you to come in the first place.
OWNED!

Ari stares at Finn for like 5 minutes and is all, "Lori thinks he's good-looking." Don't you? If not, WHY WERE YOU STARING?

She asks CHASE if HE thinks Finn is hot. Ari, Chase is a boy. Wait...is Chase gay??

Ha ha. Atalanta is white.

There are three types of unicorns: Workers, who are fat and don't deserve magic because they're the worker class; Royals, who are beautiful and live in the palace, but don't do anything important; and Celestials, who live in the valley and boss everyone around.

Samlett: Permission to hug you, I say, to hug you.
Ari: Permission granted.
Perv.

Lori: Without Finn's help, Ari never would have beaten the Shifter.
They try to make it seem like this is a self-centered statement, but it's true.

Ari gives Chase some oats and Finn is like, "NOOOOOOO! yOu MuSt NoT dO wOrK!!!"
Finn: Let me do that for you.
Ari: I'm the only one who takes care of Chase.
Finn: But Your Royal Highness.
Ari: *annoyed* Are you going to continue calling me "Your Royal Highness"?
Finn: Am I in the wrong way of addressing you, milday?
Ari: Yes. I want you to call me Ari.
Finn: But! Your Royal Highness...I can't!
Ari: Why?
Finn: Because I am not your equal milady.
Now Ari gives a wise speech about how we are all equal, but have different jobs to do. Not true, seeing as Workers do all the work, but are not equal to Royals or Celestials....

Ooh, the Queen was a wise woman, too. XP

Lol, Shifter changes into a wolf and tricks Naytin into thinking some kids from Balinor stole the star. Reminds me of the mistwolves.

There's a big windstorm caused by Naytin, and Ari is like, "I WON'T LEAVE YOU, CHASE!" "MILADY, YOU MUST GO!" "NO, CHASE!" "YES, MILADY!!" Finally, Samlett has to drag Ari to the cellar. Lol. They have a cellar in case of tornadoes.

Lori: Honestly, Ari. Samlett's right, you know. You can't go out there. Even I know that. I would have made a much better Princess than you. Are you sure there hasn't been some mistake? Maybe it really is me, I mean, you know, like I'm the real Princess. Has anybody looked into that?
Nice, Lori. You gotta hit 'em with a dose of reality now and then.

Everyone: *laughs at Lori*
Lori: It's not that funny. I just don't understand you people!
Finn: Don't be upset. Look how you've cheered everyone up.
Lori: Not everyone can have a positive effect on people. I takes a great deal of talent.
Finn is such a player. Right after he pacifies Lori, he winks at Ari.

Chase gets stuck in a tree, but he's fine.

The Restistance? Sounds like Star Wars to me.

Okay, if I had one of the most powerful tools of magic, I would KILL all the Celestial unicorns. Getting their colors back with Princess Ari in the house is pretty easy.

Some Dragon Slayers come to the meeting. They wear a lot of leather.

Ari: But why do you want to attack the dragon? I mean, Naytin is gone now, gone back to the Mountain, where it belongs. What is the point in killing it?
Valona: The point is that it will come again. THe dragon has left its lair because someone has stolen the Indigo Star. Therefore, the dragon is interested in only two things: eating from the lake, and destroying everything in its path until it finds the Star or until the Star is returned.
Ari: Then why not return the Indigo Star to Naytin?
This is the best idea Ari has ever had, and EVERYBODY in the room is like, "What's wrong with that girl? Is she INSANE?"

The Dragonslayers need 5 volunteers. Ari stands up, so Finn volunteers in a heat of passion, followed by a jealous Lori. Then Ari recruits her dog and unicorn. 3 teenagers, a dog, and a unicorn?? That'll work.

Finn: Let's go!
Lori: You can sometimes be very annoying.
ROFL, this is coming from Lori.

Whatever. Ari so likes Finn and is way jealous of Lori.
I think that's why I never make romance Sims. Because they're always players. Life goal: Woohoo with 8 million other people and. STDs?

The Shifter's all, "I can't use the Star with that dragon about!" Oooh, ooh, how about you use the Star to KILL the dragon???? Moron.

Huh. The Shifter likes being in human form. I find that interesting.

There's a page on how much better unicorns are than horses. Well, I would love to agree, but there aren't many unicorns in my part of the country.

Whoa, Ari freed slaves from the Valley of Fear? I don't remember that.

"Finn's words brought tears to Ari's eyes. She wanted to walk up to him and hug him tightly. But instead she mirrored the smile he had on his face. And felt her cheeks turn red."
YOU LIKE HIM!!

What is it with all the stupid "wise" proverbs? "Sometimes it is the thorn that defeats the lion. The Shifter never sleeps."

"No one will defeat the Shifter now that he has in the Indigo Star. Soon the Shifter will rule the world." Are you kidding me? He has the worst plans ever.

A servant plans on stabbing Shifter in the heart. Ari's like, "No. There are other ways to defeat him." THAT'S SO STUPID!! She could stab him in the heart and he would be DEAD! The war would be OVER!! You'd get your CASTLE BACK!!

Lame. Ari hypnotizes him and he falls asleep.

Why does the Shifter want to be human so bad??

Indigo Star + Royal Scepter = amazing power. AND SHE DOESN'T KILL THE SHIFTER! YOU IDIOT!!

HOw does one return the colors back to Celestial Valley? Ari doesn't do anything of the sort, and suddenly the blue unicorns are back to their cerulean selves.

She gives the star back to Naytin. All is well.

Lame. Hey, it snowed today, so I have extra free time. Next, Madison Finn and maybe a Pony Pals.

Because magical ponies with horns have much to teach us, or Avalon: Web of Magic #4: The Secret of the Unicorn

I really want to make a short film, though I think my artistic talents are limited to music. It's all good.



Plot: Oh dear. The fairy glen has vanished. Torrents of sick animals are pouring into Ravenswood. Emily can't feel the music. Something is definitely wrong.
Yeah, this book is about Emily, so we'll have to hear a lot about how she feels the animals' pain and that she can't be as strong as Kara or Adriane or whatever. :P
So Emily starts hearing this weird music and seeing a creepy looking face everywhere she goes, and she even passes out at a Stonehill football game.
The Three Musketeers go back to Ravenswood to heal a bunch of animals. Emily "senses" that there might be another hurt animal out in the woods, so she goes out looking for it with Ozzie and Storm. While she's gone, Kara and Adriane contact Zach, who informs them that the creature Emily is seeking might POSSIBLY be evil. Like, super evil. Uh oh.
Everyone is pretty much convinced the creature is evil, seeing as it blows up half the woods, but Emily believes "it's heart is pure" or something.
She does eventually find the magical beastie...and...it...is...a...UNICORN! No duh, you could probably tell from the cover. The unicorn's name is Lorelei and she seems to be missing her horn. She and Emily become soul mates.
Then a lumpy purple froglike thing named Ghyll appears and tells everyone that Lorelei is evil for sure.
Actually, NOTHING important happens in this book at all. Lorelei crashes a football game, she tells Emily of her painful past, they cry a lot.
Oh, and it was Lorelei's job to take care of the magic web, because that's what unicorns do, but the Dark Sorceress took her horn, so she slacked off. Typical. Blame Sorceress.
Then a harpy (some evil magical creature, don't know nor care what they are) comes and takes Lorelei away. Because he's looking for Avalon, the home of all magic, and only Lorelei knows how to get there.
Emily gets her friends to follow her into the portal, where harpy and uni have gone, and they all band together and pwn him, then send him through some random portal into an unknown world. Lol, wouldn't it suck if they happened to send him accidentally into Avalon?
So Lorelei gives Emily her horn and explains that a unicorn's horn can only be properly used when it has been freely given. Laaame. They repair the magic web together as a family. Then the mages repair the dreamcatcher (though they gave no reason why they were doing it the entire book!) with strands from the magic web.
All is well.

More notes:
Emily dreams about dancing.

Emily's in jazz band!! Or she was....

Aaargh, her dad is a saxophonist, too. Practically everyone in my family plays saxophone. DOWN WITH THE SAXOPHONE!

"Follow the music, Em. Don't be afraid to really feel it."
Oooh. Deep.

Everything Carolyn says is super condescending. DO NOT LIKE HER. Oh, and I like how she never seems to do anything but Emily practically runs Pet Palace.

She brings her dogs to a football game?? STUPID! Personal experience tells me this is a BAD idea.

"Maybe bringing her Pet Palace clients to the football game hadn't been such a hot idea after all."
Uh...yeah.

Marcus so likes Emily!!!! It's really adorable.

And Joey is super obvious about liking Adriane. "So, um, where's Adriane?"

"Marcus snickered. 'Dude, you are way too obvious.' He winked at Emily."
ROFL, said Marcus.

Emily is all oversensitive to music all of a sudden and assumes it's magic. Oooor you have Lyme Disease.

"She could see why Kara liked this boy; he had such deep blue eyes, full of compassion."
Why she goes for that fish boy is beyond me. Awww, Marcus was carrying her, too. Sooo cute....

Seriously, Emily and Marcus should get married and have like 6 kids.

Adriane always seems to have baby quiffles poking out of her vest pockets.

Adriane: I think we should contact Zach.
Kara: Need a last minute date to the harvest dance?

"'Show us where Zach is,' Adriane said, picturing the boy's handsome face and warm smile, the way his eyes danced."
If only Kara and Emily could read her mind....

"'How's the drake?' she asked, referring to the baby dragon Zach was helping to raise on Aldenmor."
"Helping" to raise? If I'm not mistaken, you left him alone on Aldenmor with Drake, and you are definitely not helping and PROBABLY not paying child support!

Zach: Adriane, I'm real glad to see you.
Adriane: Me, too.
Zach: I-
Adriane: Me, too.
He was so going to say, "I love you." Weird. They're only 13.

"Mistwolves fear nothing. Not even basilisks." Cuz all mistwolves are wimps and turn into mist and run rather than fight.

Ghyll the flobbin is looking for magic blobs. Right. I guess the author couldn't think of a better name.

Ozzie is even more annoying than usual in this book. He says, "Gah!" and kicks things a lot.

Okay, the first time Emily sees Lorelei, she's all, "That's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen," and on the next page, she's like, "Lorelei would be beautiful if she wasn't covered in Black Fire." ??? But you just said....

Ozzie makes a mess in Pet Palace and Carolyn blames Emily and I guess took some extra condescending pills, because it gets super ugly.

Daaaang, it turns out Emily was hiding some anger about her parent's (or would it be parents') divorce and explodes.
Emily: Adapt? You're telling me to adapt? What about you? First you tell me to go out and make friends. Then you tell me to stay home more. Meanwhile you don't even try to adapt. You just work all the time and pretend everything's all fine and dandy. Don't tell me it's not true! I'm not stupid. What are you doing right now? It's Sunday, you know. Most vets take a day off once in a while. When was the last time you took a day off?
Carolyn: Lower your voice, Emily. And try to understand, I'm so busy-
Emily: Yeah, like you were so busy back in Colorado that you let your family fall apart! That's the reason we're here - that's why I have to worry about adapting - because you couldn't make things work with Daddy, so my whole life go ruined! I had to leave my olds friends, my old school, everything, and move to a whole new state! Ravenswood is the only really good thing that's happened to me here, and now you want to take it away from me! I'll be at Ravenswood, where I'm really needed.
:O I'm in shock. How about you?

Wait. Was there a custody battle? Did Carolyn win? And if not, why didn't Emily just decide to live with her dad?

Aaaargh, more wise words from the Native American grandma. Mostly nonsense proverbs that don't mean anything.

They try to rebuild the dreamcatcher with spaghetti.

They tell Kara to use her pink shoelaces. Why can't you use your own shoelaces?

Ew, Ghyll has a crush on Kara and there's a "funny" ongoing joke about him wanting to be kissed by a princess so he can become a prince.

"The band audition had been easy, since Emily could read music and had her own flute." Sometimes I think that's purely what they base band auditions on.

Lorelei runs onto the football field and Adriane takes out some football players to protect her. Um...whaat? Dang, Adriane.

Lorelei attacks the Evanston Eagle mascot.

Lol, Kara manages to convince everyone that Lorelei is the new mascot: The Stonehill Unicorns!! Jealous, I wish my mascot was the unicorns, though we'd probably be laughed out of the district.

Emily sings this song to Lorelei. It's like something out of "Tarzan":
Look into my eyes
Know that you can trust me
Listen to the sound
I'll always be around

Hear my words
Feel the magic in them
In friendship we are bound
I'll always be around

You and me
It's meant to be
We'll always be
Friends forever

Emily repeats herself a lot.

"Especially after what Zach told us!!??"
Um, Zach is a horny 13-year-old boy living in a magical world where he is the single parent of a baby dragon.

Lol. Kara is my BFF pretty much.

Emily plays flute...Adriane plays guitar...Kara wants to sing...they should form a band!! Foreshadowing, actually.

Hm, a creepy woman is trying to shut down Ravenswood...we need to put on a benefit concert! Seriously, I never would have come up with that.

Waaait...the Dark Sorceress captured Lorelei and cut off her horn...and Lorelei's all, "Oh no, the web is broken, all my fault." Um, not if they took your horn.

When in doubt, start singing.

Oh no, Ghyll is working for the sorceress! Ozzie kicks him a lot. It makes you feel sorry for Ghyll.

"It looks like the harpy is using Lorelei's magic to reweave the web, to make a new pathway from the connecting portals here."
Isn't that a good thing??

Because Kara sucks at singing, she can break the harpy's spell and save us all!

"Your horn may focus your magic, like our jewels. But the real magic is inside of you. Right here." In your heart.
AAARGH!! *gagging gagging*

Wait, Lorelei takes the harpy to Avalon supposedly, and that's considered noble?

Oh, she purposefully took them into the wrong portal!!! Silly unicorn!

"The magic of a unicorn can only be used when it is freely given. That is our secret."
Well, it's not a secret anymore. Way to sound like a Hallmark movie.

Ew, Kara kisses Ghyll and he turns into a purple lizard man...also known as a spriggle!

Adriane: What are going to do with the horn?
Kara: *eyes greedily*
Adriane: No, you can't wear it.
Lol, pwned.

Yay, a mother-daughter moment between Carolyn and Emily. All is forgiven.

Ooh, shiny things, or Avalon #2: Web of Magic: All That Glitters

Seriously, this is my favorite Avalon book. No lie. I mean, look at that sparkly cover. I think the pictures of the d-flies are innacurate, though. They look like crap.



Plot: Kara is rather frustrated with Adriane and Emily. First of all, they have magic gems and she doesn't. Also, they expect her to WORK when all she wants to do is party with her friends.
Mostly, Adriane is overreacting about EVERYTHING, Kara is being kind of ditzy, and Emily is just being annoying and peacemaker-y.
Then weird things start happening to Kara! Banshees (tortured souls cursed to wander the Shadowlands, of course) start attacking her, she's being followed around by the mysterious cat from book #1 [who is named Lyra], and she finally has her own magic jewel! It looks just like a unicorn horn. However, Emily and Adriane freak out and tell her not to use it.
Naturally, Kara doesn't listen.
Whenever she uses the jewel, chaos ensues. The magical little piece of shiny rock attracts all kinds of creatures, from adorable little dragonflies (literally miniature dragons that fly) and...*gasp* BANSHEES! One attacks Kara in her house and tries to take the jewel, but she pwns it, burning off part of her hair in the process. She tries to fix it, and it grows longer, but then it doesn't STOP! She calls Emily and Adriane, and Adriane screws it up even more; though she gets it to stop growing, Kara's blonde hair is now rainbow-colored.
Kara goes to school the next day and is shocked when the principal starts talking about the work she's done at Ravenswood Wildlife Preserve, and is then forced on stage, where her shocking hair color(s) is (are?) revealed. Emily saves her and says it's a symbol of unity or something. Kara realizes she really likes working at the Preserve and starts treating Emily and Adriane (even though Adriane's a loser) nicer, and gets her loser friends to stop making fun of them.
On Saturday, she takes a little trip to the mall to get her hair dyed to its natural color when she's attacked by some more banshees. Lyra saves her, but then gets injured by being stupid. Kara is majorly confused and kind of sad when a unicorn just randomly walks up to her and tells her he can save Lyra. Um...yay?
First stop...a magicalish place, where Kara meets some wraiths who tell her to save their sisters and convince her that the unicorn jewel is not hers to keep.
They go to a field, where they meet up with Adriane and Emily...big surprise. A creepy old woman tries to get Kara to give her the jewel, monologuing about the love of power and crap like that, but Kara gives it to the banshees, who are really some whacked-out ugly wraiths. Old creepy woman disappears with a snarl.
Um, yay.
And Emily saves Lyra after a major pep talk from Kara.
So Kara becomes a better person. The end.
Oh, and they set up the Ravenswood website.
And the epilogue was about mistwolves. Tartar sauce. I guess that means the next book is about Adriane.
You know, I took that character quiz again, and I'm still a warrior. Darn.

More notes:
Oookay, apparently Kara has enough clothes to cover every available surface and fill her closet. NOT STEREOTYPED AT ALL.

credhed, beachbunny, and goodgollymolly? Try worst screennames ever.

Duh! Your outfit for seventh grade is WAY more important than endangered animals!

Ugh, Kara's friends suck. They're so mean.

Okay, I take back what I said about her friends' screennames, because Emily's is docdolittle. :P

Yay, Kara's actually good at school! We're breaking down barriers!

I hate it in books where the main character screams and then looks around to see who did it. HOW CAN YOU NOT REALIZE YOU'RE SCREAMING??

"That was, like, so weird!" Thanks, Heather.

"Been a rough morning. Kara had like a major freakout in homeroom." Don't you love it when your friends talk about you...in front of you?

I'm having a REALLY hard time picturing this cute Marcus guy that Kara likes. I'm switching back and forth between Penn Badgley and Garrett Hedlund.

"Next thing you know, monsters are gonna be falling out of the sky!"
Funny you should mention that....
This is the moment Lyra chooses to fall out of the sky.

Okay, Lyra was the size of an ocelot in the first book. Now she's the size of a leopard, which is significantly bigger than an ocelot. How did it get so big??

I somehow don't picture Adriane very tall. I picture her and Emily quite short. Like 5'3". And Kara maybe 5'5" or 5'6".

Red and auburn aren't necessarily the same color. STOP CONFUSING ME!!

Adriane only says she likes being a loner because she knows she's incapable of making friends.
Lyra: *pops out of bushes* Rawr.
Kara: Aaah!
Adriane: WHAT DID YOU DO, KARA!!?? RAAAAH SNARL GRAWFF!

They make it seem like Kara is the ringleader of her little clique, but her friends are way pushy.

I highly doubt you are the only three girls on Earth that know that magic is real, Kara.

I hate when they describe Adriane using magic. They try to make it sound all cool and it sounds so retarded, and she obviously takes herself so seriously. All it is is her taking a karate stance and spinning around.

Oooh, Adriane called Kara a "Barbie". :O Whatever, that would pretty much be a compliment. I mean, I'd love to have a ridiculously thin waist, a tight butt, and nice boobs. Plus "immaculate" hair (that's for you, Lucy Daniels).

Kara thinks it's weird talking to a ferret, and then she remembers Ozzie is really an ELF trapped inside a ferret's body! Yeah, cuz that's not weird at all.

Kara: Why does that garden have an X on it?
Adriane: It's the hedge maze. Gran said you can get lost in there for days, so it's off-limits for tours.
Hmm, could that possibly be FORESHADOWING of someone getting lost in the maze???

Kara offers to have her friends help with the website and Adriane's like, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! They're loudmouths!" And you're a ho....

Why is Kara shocked that Adriane doesn't consider her a friend? That seemed PRETTY obvious.

"She imagined medieval torches encircling the magnificent garden...with the rocking sounds of Sampleton Malls blasting from the stage! She giggled. And Kara, the princess of the ball, in the most rad leather-and-silk gown, dancing the night away with the most handsome prince. Adriane can stay home and be the wicked stepsister, she thought with a laugh as she twirled into the rose gardens."
Proof that all girls have a Cinderella fantasy. No lie, EVERY GIRL has one.

Lame. She gets lost in the hedge maze a mere 5 pages later. It could have been a final showdown in the maze!!! But no...waste all that good foreshadowing.

Lol. Kara pictures herself:
Lustrous blond hair, creamy skin, dewy red lips - no, she'd sowrn off lip gloss long ago, make that pale pink lips.

Quick! A new pair of Nikes with shock soles!

Kara's first attempt at magic:
"Think! Do what Adriane did. Kara concentrated - left, right, arms together, swing tight.... She pinwheeled her arms, whipping the crystal shell around, and landed on one knee, jewel pointed toward the monster. Tiny sparkles fizzled from the tip...and died. Kara frowned. That cheer routine killed at the home game."

I haaate Ozzie. Storm is annoying about honor and crap like that, but Ozzie is SOOOOOO annoying.

Balthazar (the magical winged pony): It looked like a banshee.
Kara: A what?
Balthazar: A tortured soul doomed to wander the Shadowlands. [I bet he could hardly keep himself from saying, "Duh."]

Adriane: Thank goodness you were there! We can't have monsters running around the preserve washing clothes!

HAHAHAHA they find Mr. Gardener's computer and a voice says, "Welcome to the magic web." Lol. You've got mail.

Mr. Gardener owns Ravenswood, but disappeared a while back.

"Girls, it's got rhythm, and I have got the moves!" But you're white....

:O Kara went to the LIBRARY!!?? Shocking. "Hmm, geeky influence, with a touch of dweeb."

Okay, everything Kara's friends say endz with a z. I guezz that makez it glitter fabulouz.

Joey has a huge crush on Adriane, lol.

This is the lamest party ever, Kara. All you guys are doing is eating...and eating.

Kara's brother is an idiot. "Kara, your ice cream's getting cold!"

Wait, Kara has a tan? I thought she had creamy skin.

Whoa, a banshee ambushes her in the Jacuzzi!

I'm picturing Kara naked during the fight scene that follows. Not for any pervy reason, but it said something about her stripping, so what am I supposed to do?

Kara: What happened to it?
Lyra: Something frightened the creature.
Kara: What? Me?
I don't know, a naked blonde girl wielding a shiny jewel is pretty frightening....

Wait, Emily and Adriane are there now. Is Kara naked or not??? SO CONFUSED!!

Awww. The dragonflies have names! I forget which color corresponds to which dragonfly, but their names are Goldie, Barney, Rocky, Fiona, and Fred; Fiona is red and Goldie is...yellow.

Adriane, shut up and stop making hair puns.

Jealous, I want rainbow hair. I don't know why Kara hates it so much.

I want a blue plaid jacket...but I wouldn't wear it with a pink cotton beret.

Dragonflies appear with a pop. Goldie appears and Kara pretends she farted. ....

You can't send someone home for having cool hair. Dressing like a slut, yes. Having cool hair, no. At least not at my school.

Coalition. Nice word, Emily.

Kyle: Who'd a thunk under all that black is a fasion designer!
Adriane: I'm not big on fashion.
Heather: That's for sure.
Ooooooooooooh.

I like how all the punk bands have stupid names. Like Toad Force! or Smash Fish!

Awww, Joey and Adriane bond over Smash Fish. And Adriane BLUSHES. Whaaat, she likes boys??

Aaaah, someone sends Kara a magic computer message: I KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

Kara: How do you know when a jewel is really for you?
Adriane: Our jewels changed as we used them. It's like they reflect a part of who we are. You just know, Kara.
Emily: In your heart.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! *gag*

Ozzie is so mean! "Maybe it's a test. Maybe you're not the blazing star."

Having a super hard time picturing this pure white unicorn without him looking like a unipony.

Lyra is being attacked by mall security guards!! Oh, she has wings all of a sudden, how convenient.
Oooh, she falls to the ground.

Why do all magical creatures speak in italics??

The wraiths sound like wannabe LOTR elves...only green.

The banshees use z's instead of s's, too. "Plesszze, help uszz."

Ozzie: Look what they've made!
Adriane: It looks like a-
Emily: -dreamcatcher!
Ugh, just like Stephen King. And now they'll save a kid with Downs Syndrome from bullies and realize that he is the dreamcatcher weaving them all together.

Whaaaaat? The unicorn has a harem??
"You have freed my maidens, and I am forever grateful."
Maybe he's a pimp.

Kara's friends are still lame.

I think Adriane has the coolest chain for her jewel...it's turquoise.

Their password for the secret website is AVALON. Yeah, people won't be able to figure THAT one out.

I HAAAATE mistwolves.

So I'll be doing the second book in the Horseshoe Trilogies, and I might be able to do more than one per day, since I'm on Christmas break!!! But Avalon #3 will be about Adriane. Laaaame.

Every journey begins with a step, or Unicorns of Balinor #1: The Road to Balinor

I used to LOVE this series. I mean, an author that catered to unicorn-loving adolescents was good enough for me. I wasn't as critical than as I am now. Rereading this, I have NO IDEA why I liked it so much. Actually, I recall really hating this first one, but the rest of the series tickled my fancy, lol.



Plot: Arianna Langley doesn't remember anything. No, she does not have short-term memory loss, but she was in a car accident recently. That explains why she's in a wheelchair and her legs hurt so badly. But two people named Ann and Frank come to the hospital and insist that she is their foster daughter, and that she was in a car accident with her horse, Chase, and now he has a huge scar on his head. They take her and a mysterious dog named Lincoln (who has given her a ruby necklace; weird, yeah, but it's important) back home to Glacier River Farm.
Meanwhile, back in Celestial Valley (the magical land of unicorns, of course), Atalanta the Dream Speaker is fretting over the loss of Princess Arianna. That's right; Ari's a princess. Turns out an evil being named Entia, or the Shifter, exiled her parents, kidnapped her brothers, and almost killed her and Chase, who is actually the Sunchaser, Lord of all animals in Balinor, the land he and Ari come from.
Back to real life. Ari continues to heal and learns to ride Chase again, with the help of Dr. Bohnes. Unfortunately, Ann and Frank are broke, so they decide to lease Chase to a rich girl and her parents. The rich girl's name is Lori Carmichael and is so stereotyped it's not even funny: blonde, spoiled, pretty, prone to temper tantrums....
Ari hates Lori and doesn't want to give Chase up. Duh. Nothing really interesting happens except for Chase starts talking in Ari's head and Lori blames Ari for Chase's bad behavior, so she is severely punished (not).
Finally, she can't take it anymore. Not wanting to lose Chase, Ari runs away with him, but Lori follows with Lincoln. All four of them fall into a nearby cave (hmmm, how convenient), and land in Balinor. To be continued....

More notes:
Of course the main character has to be a princess. Mary-Sue much?

Oh, and her bonded unicorn is the Lord of all Animals.

Wth, Mary Stanton totally copied the Eye of Sauron. Actually, Peter Jackson was the one who took "the Eye" so literally, and the first movie came out in 2001, so in reality, HE copied HER.

Rednal of the Fiery Coals? What kind of name is that? He used to be my favorite unicorn.

Numinor seems like an Andalusian.

OMG, this is the unicorn's rainbow song:
Red and yellow, orange and green
Purple, silver, and blue
The rainbow we make defends those we guard
In Balinor's cities and fields.
Lol, that doesn't even rhyme! I'm totally putting this to music.

Ha. Atalanta says "bullocks".

So the Shifter is an anarchist??

Atalanta and Numinor are so annoying as a married couple. Always arguing. And they both get on my nerves: Atalanta is all demure and beautiful, and Numinor has too much testosterone.

I'm having a lot of trouble picturing Lincoln the collie. They say he's black and gold? But on the cover of #4 he's all chestnut and beautiful.

Wth, the names of her guardians are ANN and FRANK?? Wth, if they're trying to be funny, it's not working.

I like how every unicorn but Chase, Numinor, and Atalanta get a really brief description. Seriously:
It was a stallion. The light gleamed on his bronze coat. His chest and quarters were heavily muscled, his withers well-shaped. But it was his head and eyes that were the most beautiful to Ari. His forehead was broad, the muzzle well-shaped, with delicately flared nostrils. As he stepped forward, she looked deep into his eyes, large, brown, and full of sorrow.
First of all, there are some definite grammatical and punctuation errors in that, but it's so obvious that Mary Stanton is in love with Chase. How do you have well-shaped withers???

Frank: Well, you slept in the palace, I mean - in the house of course.
Nice save.

Okay, whatever. If she was REALLY injured in a car accident (which she so wasn't), how was Chase hurt? And who was driving? And why aren't they hurt? Ari is so gullible.

Atalanta has no sense of humor.

I like how all the matronly unicorns are fat.

I wouldn't want my horse leased out to someone without my permission, but Ari is so selfish.

Aaagh, I hate Chase.
Chase: Ah yes, I know him. But will he obey the Great Me?
I think that was supposed to be funny. Ari's probably giggling her modest head off.

Oh dear, this part of the woods must be dangerous, because no birds sing here and the wildflowers are scarce! :P This isn't Bambi!!!

Who names they're horse Shy-No-More? Or Beecher?

This sentence doesn't use the right tense.
They got even more prominent when she'd told him about the way the caves seem to draw her in, beckoning.
Shouldn't it be "seemed"? And "she had told" is incorrect. HOW DID THIS WOMAN GET PUBLISHED?

Okay, forealz, if you're a bad rider, that doesn't make you an awful person. I hate to say it, but Lori's "riding" verges on animal abuse.

"GIVE HIM THE WHIP! GIVE HIM THE WHIP!" Who says that??? I'd call the police. And PETA.

If you're abusing an animal, it's not your place to order it to be shot. "ALL I DID WAS KICK IT! AND THEN IT BIT ME! I WANT IT SHOT!"

Oh no, Chase starts talking.
"Little man! You shall be dirt beneath my hooves, little man. I will crush his bones with the Snake!"
And Ari's all, "*gasp* *hyperventilate* Oh----my----gosh----I----think-----Chase----is----talking???"

I like how Lori's dad doesn't cuss; he just says "darn" a lot.

Heh. Ari gets attacked by flies.

Ann wants to home-school Ari. Boooo....

Let's see, a dog came into your hospital room and gave you a big ruby necklace, you can't remember anything about your past, and your horse just started talking. Ari, aren't you even the least bit suspicious?

Aaaaagh. Atalanta wasn't talking about saving Chase THAT WAY!! Stupid, stupid, stupid.

ROFL, Lincoln attacks Lori.

Aaaargh. Why does Ari have to be all perfect and Mary Sue? She should slap Lori. But no. She decides to "ignore her". Sweetie, that NEVER WORKS.

:P She leaves a "coded" note for Doctor Bohnes.
"Sell the DOG LEASH in my sock drawer!
PLEASE!
Love, Ari."
Yeah, that wasn't WAY OBVIOUS, seeing as DOG LEASH was in CAPITALS.

His name is TOBIANO. I'm seeing a paint here, not an appaloosa.

I hate how they make a huge deal about Tobiano being so "rude". I like him.

How does a black and white unicorn fit in the rainbow?

Yeah, a cave that smells like death and is inhabited by flies. Let's go there!

Rofl. Lori unashamedly insults Ari. That's refreshing.

Lol, Linc is funny, too. And he has an accent.

And he talks to himself?

OH NO, AN ARMY OF ANGRY BLACK UNICORNS!!! Of course black is evil. I personally think red is an "eviller" color than black.

Lori: What was that?
Ari: Uh, bears?
Yeah, that's believable.

ROFL, this is my favorite part in the whole book: Ari looks around and sees a sign that says, "Welcome to Balinor". LOL. I find that really hilarious. That seems so anachronistic.

Yeah, so there you have it. I've been stalling, but I'll post another Balinor tomorrow, and then the first of the Horseshoe trilogies.

They're also called ripples, or Avalon: Web of Magic #1: Circles in the Stream

Well, ladies and jellybeans, it's finally here. You won't like it, though. I definitely did not. My favorite book from 4th grade was a pain to go through again. Let's examine the cover, first of all. It's all psychadelic, like an acid trip. That should have been my first clue. But I pressed onward. So, here you go: one messed up badly written preteen fantasy novel, summarized (and criticized) for your pleasure.



Plot: Emily Fletcher has just moved to Pennsylvania from Colorado with her newly divorced veterinarian mom Carolyn. Wow, how's that for a first sentence? All she does for the first few pages is pout and help out at her mom's "Pet Palace" *gag* and animal hospital. Then one night, a mysterious girl (mysterious because she wears all black and is Native American) brings in a cat that has hideous burns all over her body. Emily manages to calm it down, but can't help her mom take care of it. Um, WHY DO WE NEED TO KNOW THIS?? It doesn't apply to the plot AT ALL.
A few days later, while playing with her dogs in the Ravenswood Wildlife Preserve, she finds a seemingly "magical" stone that changes colors and is almost attacked by a mysterious creature, but is saved by an odd wolf (odd because she can change into a silvery mist at will). She goes there again the next day and runs into the strange girl (whose name is Adriane) and a TALKING FERRET NAMED OZZIE! Yeah, this book already sucks. Adriane has a "magical" stone, too, and is best friends with Stormbringer, the mistwolf that saved Emily's life. :P Soooo much information.
Adriane and Emily find out that Ozzie is actually an elf-turned-ferret and is trying to find three mages for some people called the Fairimentals; a healer, a warrior, and a blazing star are on his shopping list. Emily fits the description of a healer after she heals a glen full of sick "magical" creatures, and Adriane proves to be a warrior after she saves their new friend Phelonius the purple bear from hunters.
More one Phel: He is a fairy creature, not a purple bear (I know, confusing, right? I suck at explaining things), whose job is to spread magic in Pennsylvania, I guess. But Phel is losing magic fast, and the mayor has threatened to shut down Ravenswood!!! Something about danger and quarantine.... To change his mind, Emily and Adriane enlist the help of his daughter, Kara Davies. In exchange for her help, however, Kara makes them promise to tell her where she can find a jewel like theirs.
The trip to Ravenswood with Kara does not go as planned and when Phel tries to give Kara a fairy map, she freaks out and tells her dad that the place is dangerous. Animal Control takes Phel, which p***es of Emily and Adriane. They go on a rescue mission, along with Kara (who they guilted into coming), Ozzie, and Stormbringer (also called Storm).
Hang on, we're almost done.
Yay, they save Phel, but are attacked by a manticore!! He infects Phel with Black Fire, a hideous disease that has been affecting all the animals in Ravenswood, including the cat from the beginning of the story. All he wants is the fairy map, it turns out. But Emily, Adriane, and Kara have something to say about that. So they pwn hm, send Phel home, and open Ravenswood to the public for wildlife tours. It even attains landmark status!!! Yay!!! Magic rules!!!
Phew.

More notes:
Come on, the place is called Pet Palace. That's worse than Petco.

I keep picturing a naked cat and it's making me laugh rather than filling me with pity.

"'Kevin, stop it,' Emily shook her head. 'There are no such things as witches.'"
Actually, there are, if you count Wiccans.

Ooh, listen to this catty remark.
"I think she lives over at Clueless Farms. She must have forgotten her pitchfork."
Wth, that doesn't make any sense.

Ravenswood Wildlife Preserve
Open 11 A.M. to Duh
wth???

What kind of dog noise is Ruff-chooo?

If little stick people were talking to me, I'd be peeing my pants.

"She thought of E-mailing her dad. He was a scientist. He'd know what to do. But what would she say. 'Dear Dad, having a terrific time here. Today I met some monsters and a ghostwolf, and I discovered some new flower with rainbow seeds that light up like tiny fireworks.' Ha! Her dad would think she had moved to Transylvania, not Pennsylvania."
I thought Transylvania was known for vampire legends....

Lol, she has a Pooh night light.

"Oweeeiiioo!"
What kind of scream is that? That sounds like a line from that "Killer Tofu" song in that show "Doug". Aagh, I hated that show.

Hiking boots do not go with black attire. Unless they, of course, are black.

Why is wearing black and being socially inept considered strange? Wait....

Ugh this dialogue is SO ANNOYING!
Ozzie: Owwie, owwwie...ow - Aghhh!!!!
Emily: Hold still a minute. I haven't done anything yet.
Ozzie: Oh.
Emily: It's...it can't be - but I think it's talking!
Adriane: Score one for you.

Adriane is definitely my least favorite character, but Emily is getting on my nerves pretty fast.

Adriane also has jealousy issues.

And all she talks about is being a free spirit and running with the freaking wolves.

Carolyn: Didn't I tell you to stay out of those woods? It's not safe up there!
Ozzie: I agree!
Adriane: Shut up!
Carolyn: What?
Adriane: Uh, wassup? With his paw, I mean.
Nice cover.

Emily: Yucky charms? They're magically delicious.
Omg...I don't think I can do this.

Ozzie: I'm really an elf, you know.
Ah yes, and he wants to be a dentist.

Sure, good idea, lie to your mom about Ravenswood Preserve! I mean, it only needs to be quarantined!!

Adriane: The kids around here don't like me much.
Maybe cuz you're a b****?

OH NO, Adriane is half Indian!! I have nothing against Indians (Native Americans and actual Indians), but this series has such a stereotypical annoying portrayal of them!! Adriane's grandma, AKA Gran, is always saying crap about, "You are strong, Little Bird," and telling them myths and legends.

Hey, if you're talking about cookies, I want to know EXACTLY what kind of cookies you're talking about!

"Ah, Little Bird, you are so full of fire. Sometimes patience is the road to follow."
Now it's Chinese proverb time!!

"A tiny pebble, thrown into a quiet pond, makes one ripple, then another, then a whole wave of ripples that spread in every-growing circles."
I thought you were Indian.

"Adriane's room was an explosion of color. Bright yellow pain peeked out in the spaces between the patchwork of posters on the walls; the ceiling was dark blue with constellations of glwo-in-the-dark stars. Emily studied the posters. Rock bands, mountain climbers high above the lcouds, mountain bikers careening down dirt trails, snow boarders shooting sprays of white snow... She hardly knew Adriane, but she never would have pegged her for the type to have a room like this!"
Lol, I was picturing a room with black walls covered by Marilyn Manson posters!!

Her parents are artists and her grandma lives in a cottage and she has A FENDER STRAT??? Ugh, I remember her being all musical and crap. Book #5.

They mention dreamcatchers. That is so Stephen King-y.

Lame. Adriane walks alone like a Demon Hunter song and thinks friends are overrated. Retarded.

Navy blue and black don't go together, Adriane.

Sure, you can pass off a giant purple fairy as a rare panda.

ROFL! I love the quiffles!
Quiffle: Are you a mage?
Emily: Mage? No, I'm a girl. [That is so "Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe"-y.]
Quiffle: *pause* All right then.

Rachel Roberts totally rips off Hedwig.

Emily: What's your name?
Quiffle: Ronif. I'm a quiffle.
Emily: My name is Emily. These are my friends, Adriane, Ozzie, and Stormbringer.
Ronif: All right then.

I started saying "gah" a lot like Ozzie after reading this book.

Ozzie: Hey, now, I may be a ferret, but I can still dance! Look, the wigjig!
AAAAAAAAGH THE AGONY!!!

"What I wouldn't give for feet." *blink blink blink blink blink*

The Fairimentals have crappy handwriting.

Yeah, Adriane "hates" labels.
"Who wears pink sweaters and perfectly matched pink sneakers? She's such a Barbie!"
Hypocrite.

Omg, they describe Kara's outfits in detail!
The third girl, the one on the end, turned slowly. Clad in a pink tube top, khaki shorts, and pink sneakers, she worse her long blond hair looser under a studded baseball cap.

Carolyn is such a moody ho.

"What? Is there gum in my teeth?"
HOW DO YOU GET GUM IN YOUR TEETH????

I like how not stereotyped Kara is. "Daddy always listens to me."

Lol, I used to hate Kara, but she's my new favorite character. "Sure, I'm a power shopper!"
Adriane: *glare of death*
Kara: Like what's with her?

Yay, a book where children are actually disciplined by their parents for wrongdoing!

MORE OUTFITS!
The blond girl wore a silver silk jacket over a pink T-shirt that said ROCK STAR in fake silver gems. Light green shorts and strappy sandals completed the outfit.
And this is for a wlak in the woods?

Ugh, retarded. "Do you always wear black?" "Just until they invent a darker color!"

LOL! "You know, you should really try a little bran in your diet."

"Face it, Barbie. The magic doesn't like you."

"I am turning around right now and going to the mall, where normal people go!" Teehee.

Oh no, the magical cat is talking to her. "Taking and giving completes our circle. It's time to let go. Have faith, healer. The magic with you, now and forever." Isn't that a Jump5 song?

Oh dear, a big purple bear is terrorizing the town.

Kara calls Adriane Pocahontas? That's funny, but isn't that racist?

Kara: Well, I have some magic of my own.
Adriane: Oh?
Kara: Yeah. It's call a cell phone.
OMG, I love Kara.

They get a phone call in the middle of their rescue mission!
Kara: Oh hi, Heather! *to other girls* It's Heather. Ooo, really? I love pink. How does it look?
Adriane: This call is, like, so over!
Kara: That was, like, so rude!

Ozzie almost dies. Tartar sauce.

And Kara kisses Ozzie? Bestiality, anyone?
"You ever tell anyone I kissed a ferret, I'll have you stuffed!"

Phel starts flying. This sounds like something from "My Neighbor Totoro".

YES, OZZIE WENT BACK INTO THE PORTAL!!

The battle scene sounds like something from He-Man.

Storm almost died, too, but noooo.

Agh, Ozzie comes back.
Emily: Ozzie! *runningleaphug* What happened? We thought you went home.
Ozzie: And miss all this excitement? With all the trouble you get into, who do you think is going to look after you three?
Emily: But I thought you wanted to go home.
Ozzie: I did, and here I am.
GAG, GAGGING, GAGS!!!

Adriane: I love you! You're the best!
What is this, a Pony Pals book?
Storm: I'd rather be running with you through the forest.
MORE RETARDED RUNNING WITH WOLVES.

So Kara is sort of friends with them, and she saves their butts, and now their going to make a Ravenswood website. They don't actually have one, but you can go to this site, which tells you a little more about the characters. They have some RIDICULOUS illustrations, though, of the girls in hip-juttingly preppy poses. If you click on the dreamcatcher or the shiny jewels, you have to answer the big question: do you believe in magic? If yes, they'll take you to the "secret site", which is just as sad as the home site. Enjoy yourselves. I got a new Pony Pals, and have a bunch of other books, so I'll be posting quite regularly. Hopefully a new Madison Finn tomorrow.