Every journey begins with a step, or Unicorns of Balinor #1: The Road to Balinor

I used to LOVE this series. I mean, an author that catered to unicorn-loving adolescents was good enough for me. I wasn't as critical than as I am now. Rereading this, I have NO IDEA why I liked it so much. Actually, I recall really hating this first one, but the rest of the series tickled my fancy, lol.



Plot: Arianna Langley doesn't remember anything. No, she does not have short-term memory loss, but she was in a car accident recently. That explains why she's in a wheelchair and her legs hurt so badly. But two people named Ann and Frank come to the hospital and insist that she is their foster daughter, and that she was in a car accident with her horse, Chase, and now he has a huge scar on his head. They take her and a mysterious dog named Lincoln (who has given her a ruby necklace; weird, yeah, but it's important) back home to Glacier River Farm.
Meanwhile, back in Celestial Valley (the magical land of unicorns, of course), Atalanta the Dream Speaker is fretting over the loss of Princess Arianna. That's right; Ari's a princess. Turns out an evil being named Entia, or the Shifter, exiled her parents, kidnapped her brothers, and almost killed her and Chase, who is actually the Sunchaser, Lord of all animals in Balinor, the land he and Ari come from.
Back to real life. Ari continues to heal and learns to ride Chase again, with the help of Dr. Bohnes. Unfortunately, Ann and Frank are broke, so they decide to lease Chase to a rich girl and her parents. The rich girl's name is Lori Carmichael and is so stereotyped it's not even funny: blonde, spoiled, pretty, prone to temper tantrums....
Ari hates Lori and doesn't want to give Chase up. Duh. Nothing really interesting happens except for Chase starts talking in Ari's head and Lori blames Ari for Chase's bad behavior, so she is severely punished (not).
Finally, she can't take it anymore. Not wanting to lose Chase, Ari runs away with him, but Lori follows with Lincoln. All four of them fall into a nearby cave (hmmm, how convenient), and land in Balinor. To be continued....

More notes:
Of course the main character has to be a princess. Mary-Sue much?

Oh, and her bonded unicorn is the Lord of all Animals.

Wth, Mary Stanton totally copied the Eye of Sauron. Actually, Peter Jackson was the one who took "the Eye" so literally, and the first movie came out in 2001, so in reality, HE copied HER.

Rednal of the Fiery Coals? What kind of name is that? He used to be my favorite unicorn.

Numinor seems like an Andalusian.

OMG, this is the unicorn's rainbow song:
Red and yellow, orange and green
Purple, silver, and blue
The rainbow we make defends those we guard
In Balinor's cities and fields.
Lol, that doesn't even rhyme! I'm totally putting this to music.

Ha. Atalanta says "bullocks".

So the Shifter is an anarchist??

Atalanta and Numinor are so annoying as a married couple. Always arguing. And they both get on my nerves: Atalanta is all demure and beautiful, and Numinor has too much testosterone.

I'm having a lot of trouble picturing Lincoln the collie. They say he's black and gold? But on the cover of #4 he's all chestnut and beautiful.

Wth, the names of her guardians are ANN and FRANK?? Wth, if they're trying to be funny, it's not working.

I like how every unicorn but Chase, Numinor, and Atalanta get a really brief description. Seriously:
It was a stallion. The light gleamed on his bronze coat. His chest and quarters were heavily muscled, his withers well-shaped. But it was his head and eyes that were the most beautiful to Ari. His forehead was broad, the muzzle well-shaped, with delicately flared nostrils. As he stepped forward, she looked deep into his eyes, large, brown, and full of sorrow.
First of all, there are some definite grammatical and punctuation errors in that, but it's so obvious that Mary Stanton is in love with Chase. How do you have well-shaped withers???

Frank: Well, you slept in the palace, I mean - in the house of course.
Nice save.

Okay, whatever. If she was REALLY injured in a car accident (which she so wasn't), how was Chase hurt? And who was driving? And why aren't they hurt? Ari is so gullible.

Atalanta has no sense of humor.

I like how all the matronly unicorns are fat.

I wouldn't want my horse leased out to someone without my permission, but Ari is so selfish.

Aaagh, I hate Chase.
Chase: Ah yes, I know him. But will he obey the Great Me?
I think that was supposed to be funny. Ari's probably giggling her modest head off.

Oh dear, this part of the woods must be dangerous, because no birds sing here and the wildflowers are scarce! :P This isn't Bambi!!!

Who names they're horse Shy-No-More? Or Beecher?

This sentence doesn't use the right tense.
They got even more prominent when she'd told him about the way the caves seem to draw her in, beckoning.
Shouldn't it be "seemed"? And "she had told" is incorrect. HOW DID THIS WOMAN GET PUBLISHED?

Okay, forealz, if you're a bad rider, that doesn't make you an awful person. I hate to say it, but Lori's "riding" verges on animal abuse.

"GIVE HIM THE WHIP! GIVE HIM THE WHIP!" Who says that??? I'd call the police. And PETA.

If you're abusing an animal, it's not your place to order it to be shot. "ALL I DID WAS KICK IT! AND THEN IT BIT ME! I WANT IT SHOT!"

Oh no, Chase starts talking.
"Little man! You shall be dirt beneath my hooves, little man. I will crush his bones with the Snake!"
And Ari's all, "*gasp* *hyperventilate* Oh----my----gosh----I----think-----Chase----is----talking???"

I like how Lori's dad doesn't cuss; he just says "darn" a lot.

Heh. Ari gets attacked by flies.

Ann wants to home-school Ari. Boooo....

Let's see, a dog came into your hospital room and gave you a big ruby necklace, you can't remember anything about your past, and your horse just started talking. Ari, aren't you even the least bit suspicious?

Aaaaagh. Atalanta wasn't talking about saving Chase THAT WAY!! Stupid, stupid, stupid.

ROFL, Lincoln attacks Lori.

Aaaargh. Why does Ari have to be all perfect and Mary Sue? She should slap Lori. But no. She decides to "ignore her". Sweetie, that NEVER WORKS.

:P She leaves a "coded" note for Doctor Bohnes.
"Sell the DOG LEASH in my sock drawer!
PLEASE!
Love, Ari."
Yeah, that wasn't WAY OBVIOUS, seeing as DOG LEASH was in CAPITALS.

His name is TOBIANO. I'm seeing a paint here, not an appaloosa.

I hate how they make a huge deal about Tobiano being so "rude". I like him.

How does a black and white unicorn fit in the rainbow?

Yeah, a cave that smells like death and is inhabited by flies. Let's go there!

Rofl. Lori unashamedly insults Ari. That's refreshing.

Lol, Linc is funny, too. And he has an accent.

And he talks to himself?

OH NO, AN ARMY OF ANGRY BLACK UNICORNS!!! Of course black is evil. I personally think red is an "eviller" color than black.

Lori: What was that?
Ari: Uh, bears?
Yeah, that's believable.

ROFL, this is my favorite part in the whole book: Ari looks around and sees a sign that says, "Welcome to Balinor". LOL. I find that really hilarious. That seems so anachronistic.

Yeah, so there you have it. I've been stalling, but I'll post another Balinor tomorrow, and then the first of the Horseshoe trilogies.

They're also called ripples, or Avalon: Web of Magic #1: Circles in the Stream

Well, ladies and jellybeans, it's finally here. You won't like it, though. I definitely did not. My favorite book from 4th grade was a pain to go through again. Let's examine the cover, first of all. It's all psychadelic, like an acid trip. That should have been my first clue. But I pressed onward. So, here you go: one messed up badly written preteen fantasy novel, summarized (and criticized) for your pleasure.



Plot: Emily Fletcher has just moved to Pennsylvania from Colorado with her newly divorced veterinarian mom Carolyn. Wow, how's that for a first sentence? All she does for the first few pages is pout and help out at her mom's "Pet Palace" *gag* and animal hospital. Then one night, a mysterious girl (mysterious because she wears all black and is Native American) brings in a cat that has hideous burns all over her body. Emily manages to calm it down, but can't help her mom take care of it. Um, WHY DO WE NEED TO KNOW THIS?? It doesn't apply to the plot AT ALL.
A few days later, while playing with her dogs in the Ravenswood Wildlife Preserve, she finds a seemingly "magical" stone that changes colors and is almost attacked by a mysterious creature, but is saved by an odd wolf (odd because she can change into a silvery mist at will). She goes there again the next day and runs into the strange girl (whose name is Adriane) and a TALKING FERRET NAMED OZZIE! Yeah, this book already sucks. Adriane has a "magical" stone, too, and is best friends with Stormbringer, the mistwolf that saved Emily's life. :P Soooo much information.
Adriane and Emily find out that Ozzie is actually an elf-turned-ferret and is trying to find three mages for some people called the Fairimentals; a healer, a warrior, and a blazing star are on his shopping list. Emily fits the description of a healer after she heals a glen full of sick "magical" creatures, and Adriane proves to be a warrior after she saves their new friend Phelonius the purple bear from hunters.
More one Phel: He is a fairy creature, not a purple bear (I know, confusing, right? I suck at explaining things), whose job is to spread magic in Pennsylvania, I guess. But Phel is losing magic fast, and the mayor has threatened to shut down Ravenswood!!! Something about danger and quarantine.... To change his mind, Emily and Adriane enlist the help of his daughter, Kara Davies. In exchange for her help, however, Kara makes them promise to tell her where she can find a jewel like theirs.
The trip to Ravenswood with Kara does not go as planned and when Phel tries to give Kara a fairy map, she freaks out and tells her dad that the place is dangerous. Animal Control takes Phel, which p***es of Emily and Adriane. They go on a rescue mission, along with Kara (who they guilted into coming), Ozzie, and Stormbringer (also called Storm).
Hang on, we're almost done.
Yay, they save Phel, but are attacked by a manticore!! He infects Phel with Black Fire, a hideous disease that has been affecting all the animals in Ravenswood, including the cat from the beginning of the story. All he wants is the fairy map, it turns out. But Emily, Adriane, and Kara have something to say about that. So they pwn hm, send Phel home, and open Ravenswood to the public for wildlife tours. It even attains landmark status!!! Yay!!! Magic rules!!!
Phew.

More notes:
Come on, the place is called Pet Palace. That's worse than Petco.

I keep picturing a naked cat and it's making me laugh rather than filling me with pity.

"'Kevin, stop it,' Emily shook her head. 'There are no such things as witches.'"
Actually, there are, if you count Wiccans.

Ooh, listen to this catty remark.
"I think she lives over at Clueless Farms. She must have forgotten her pitchfork."
Wth, that doesn't make any sense.

Ravenswood Wildlife Preserve
Open 11 A.M. to Duh
wth???

What kind of dog noise is Ruff-chooo?

If little stick people were talking to me, I'd be peeing my pants.

"She thought of E-mailing her dad. He was a scientist. He'd know what to do. But what would she say. 'Dear Dad, having a terrific time here. Today I met some monsters and a ghostwolf, and I discovered some new flower with rainbow seeds that light up like tiny fireworks.' Ha! Her dad would think she had moved to Transylvania, not Pennsylvania."
I thought Transylvania was known for vampire legends....

Lol, she has a Pooh night light.

"Oweeeiiioo!"
What kind of scream is that? That sounds like a line from that "Killer Tofu" song in that show "Doug". Aagh, I hated that show.

Hiking boots do not go with black attire. Unless they, of course, are black.

Why is wearing black and being socially inept considered strange? Wait....

Ugh this dialogue is SO ANNOYING!
Ozzie: Owwie, owwwie...ow - Aghhh!!!!
Emily: Hold still a minute. I haven't done anything yet.
Ozzie: Oh.
Emily: It's...it can't be - but I think it's talking!
Adriane: Score one for you.

Adriane is definitely my least favorite character, but Emily is getting on my nerves pretty fast.

Adriane also has jealousy issues.

And all she talks about is being a free spirit and running with the freaking wolves.

Carolyn: Didn't I tell you to stay out of those woods? It's not safe up there!
Ozzie: I agree!
Adriane: Shut up!
Carolyn: What?
Adriane: Uh, wassup? With his paw, I mean.
Nice cover.

Emily: Yucky charms? They're magically delicious.
Omg...I don't think I can do this.

Ozzie: I'm really an elf, you know.
Ah yes, and he wants to be a dentist.

Sure, good idea, lie to your mom about Ravenswood Preserve! I mean, it only needs to be quarantined!!

Adriane: The kids around here don't like me much.
Maybe cuz you're a b****?

OH NO, Adriane is half Indian!! I have nothing against Indians (Native Americans and actual Indians), but this series has such a stereotypical annoying portrayal of them!! Adriane's grandma, AKA Gran, is always saying crap about, "You are strong, Little Bird," and telling them myths and legends.

Hey, if you're talking about cookies, I want to know EXACTLY what kind of cookies you're talking about!

"Ah, Little Bird, you are so full of fire. Sometimes patience is the road to follow."
Now it's Chinese proverb time!!

"A tiny pebble, thrown into a quiet pond, makes one ripple, then another, then a whole wave of ripples that spread in every-growing circles."
I thought you were Indian.

"Adriane's room was an explosion of color. Bright yellow pain peeked out in the spaces between the patchwork of posters on the walls; the ceiling was dark blue with constellations of glwo-in-the-dark stars. Emily studied the posters. Rock bands, mountain climbers high above the lcouds, mountain bikers careening down dirt trails, snow boarders shooting sprays of white snow... She hardly knew Adriane, but she never would have pegged her for the type to have a room like this!"
Lol, I was picturing a room with black walls covered by Marilyn Manson posters!!

Her parents are artists and her grandma lives in a cottage and she has A FENDER STRAT??? Ugh, I remember her being all musical and crap. Book #5.

They mention dreamcatchers. That is so Stephen King-y.

Lame. Adriane walks alone like a Demon Hunter song and thinks friends are overrated. Retarded.

Navy blue and black don't go together, Adriane.

Sure, you can pass off a giant purple fairy as a rare panda.

ROFL! I love the quiffles!
Quiffle: Are you a mage?
Emily: Mage? No, I'm a girl. [That is so "Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe"-y.]
Quiffle: *pause* All right then.

Rachel Roberts totally rips off Hedwig.

Emily: What's your name?
Quiffle: Ronif. I'm a quiffle.
Emily: My name is Emily. These are my friends, Adriane, Ozzie, and Stormbringer.
Ronif: All right then.

I started saying "gah" a lot like Ozzie after reading this book.

Ozzie: Hey, now, I may be a ferret, but I can still dance! Look, the wigjig!
AAAAAAAAGH THE AGONY!!!

"What I wouldn't give for feet." *blink blink blink blink blink*

The Fairimentals have crappy handwriting.

Yeah, Adriane "hates" labels.
"Who wears pink sweaters and perfectly matched pink sneakers? She's such a Barbie!"
Hypocrite.

Omg, they describe Kara's outfits in detail!
The third girl, the one on the end, turned slowly. Clad in a pink tube top, khaki shorts, and pink sneakers, she worse her long blond hair looser under a studded baseball cap.

Carolyn is such a moody ho.

"What? Is there gum in my teeth?"
HOW DO YOU GET GUM IN YOUR TEETH????

I like how not stereotyped Kara is. "Daddy always listens to me."

Lol, I used to hate Kara, but she's my new favorite character. "Sure, I'm a power shopper!"
Adriane: *glare of death*
Kara: Like what's with her?

Yay, a book where children are actually disciplined by their parents for wrongdoing!

MORE OUTFITS!
The blond girl wore a silver silk jacket over a pink T-shirt that said ROCK STAR in fake silver gems. Light green shorts and strappy sandals completed the outfit.
And this is for a wlak in the woods?

Ugh, retarded. "Do you always wear black?" "Just until they invent a darker color!"

LOL! "You know, you should really try a little bran in your diet."

"Face it, Barbie. The magic doesn't like you."

"I am turning around right now and going to the mall, where normal people go!" Teehee.

Oh no, the magical cat is talking to her. "Taking and giving completes our circle. It's time to let go. Have faith, healer. The magic with you, now and forever." Isn't that a Jump5 song?

Oh dear, a big purple bear is terrorizing the town.

Kara calls Adriane Pocahontas? That's funny, but isn't that racist?

Kara: Well, I have some magic of my own.
Adriane: Oh?
Kara: Yeah. It's call a cell phone.
OMG, I love Kara.

They get a phone call in the middle of their rescue mission!
Kara: Oh hi, Heather! *to other girls* It's Heather. Ooo, really? I love pink. How does it look?
Adriane: This call is, like, so over!
Kara: That was, like, so rude!

Ozzie almost dies. Tartar sauce.

And Kara kisses Ozzie? Bestiality, anyone?
"You ever tell anyone I kissed a ferret, I'll have you stuffed!"

Phel starts flying. This sounds like something from "My Neighbor Totoro".

YES, OZZIE WENT BACK INTO THE PORTAL!!

The battle scene sounds like something from He-Man.

Storm almost died, too, but noooo.

Agh, Ozzie comes back.
Emily: Ozzie! *runningleaphug* What happened? We thought you went home.
Ozzie: And miss all this excitement? With all the trouble you get into, who do you think is going to look after you three?
Emily: But I thought you wanted to go home.
Ozzie: I did, and here I am.
GAG, GAGGING, GAGS!!!

Adriane: I love you! You're the best!
What is this, a Pony Pals book?
Storm: I'd rather be running with you through the forest.
MORE RETARDED RUNNING WITH WOLVES.

So Kara is sort of friends with them, and she saves their butts, and now their going to make a Ravenswood website. They don't actually have one, but you can go to this site, which tells you a little more about the characters. They have some RIDICULOUS illustrations, though, of the girls in hip-juttingly preppy poses. If you click on the dreamcatcher or the shiny jewels, you have to answer the big question: do you believe in magic? If yes, they'll take you to the "secret site", which is just as sad as the home site. Enjoy yourselves. I got a new Pony Pals, and have a bunch of other books, so I'll be posting quite regularly. Hopefully a new Madison Finn tomorrow.

Open season, or Pony Pals #23: The Pony and the Bear

Sounds like a Northwest version of "The Lion and the Unicorn". Yeah. This was another book that didn't quite make sense. Really, though. If your campsite was being attacked by a bear, wouldn't you want it leave without killing anyone???
Don't know. Who else is glad it's Friday? *just waiting for my picture to load*
Does anyone else think it's weird that I'm already at #23 and I haven't even done #11 yet? Well, I guess you wouldn't. I'm just annoyed. I hate that stupid little kid. And "The Unlucky Pony" isn't coming any time soon. And I ordered "The Lonely Pony", but it's also delayed.
This is ridiculous. Lol, I'm listening to my secrety secret CD again. I love this song. It's so sweet. And I have a potential music video idea for it, but it's kind of creeping me out. Why does the girl in the song sound so much like me???



Plot: This plot isn't really about bears at all, but mostly about Charlie.
Y'all remember Charlie, right? Stereotypical western boy from Wyoming? With the pony named Moondance? Anna used to be quite enamored with him, if I'm not mistaken, and Lulu hated him. But now Lulu is in love with Charlie and Anna wishes he would just go away.
She manages to convince him to hang out with Tommy and Mike. Charlie thinks they are really cool and calls Tommy "Tom" all the time. They do guy things together. Lulu and Pam are heartbroken.
YAY, MR. SANDERS IS BACK FROM CANADA!!! He tells the girls all about watching black bears, and grizzly bears, and gummy bears. Pam and Lulu get way psyched and plan a 24 hour nature watch in the woods. Maybe they'll see a bear! Then they can write an article about it for a teen magazine! Anna thinks the whole thing sounds stupid, but you know, she has nothing else to do....
On the nature watch, all the Pony Pals do is sit, watch endless squirrels run up and down the many trees, eat candy, and sleep. Oh, and Tommy, Mike, and Charlie play a prank on them, but they don't see any bears.
Finally, when its Anna's turn to watch, she sees a bear!!! It rips her backpack apart and eats all her candy. Anna doesn't want it to go away, so she begs the ponies to stay silent. She then draws the bear and observes it for a long time until Snow White scares it away. Thanks a lot, wimpy.
Anna tells Lulu and Pam what she saw and they are way jealous. The next morning, they plan to go follow the bear...when Charlie comes bearing gifts. He tells the girls that Tommy and Mike are lame. This seems like an adequate apology, so they go looking for the bear together. It's way exciting.
Oh no, a final showdown with Tommy and Mike. But Charlie pwns Tommy. It's all good.

More notes:
They describe Acorn as brown. Brown and bay = not the same.


Some random woman stops Pam and tells her how much she's grown. ??? Who is this woman and why don't they know her?? Don't they know everyone in Wiggins?

"Remember when Snow White and Moondance didn't get along?" Yeah, wasn't that...yesterday?

Charlie wants to give up Moondance? That's kind of lame. Lulu looks like she's sitting in Charlie's lap. And Charlie looks way 50's, just like Tommy and Mike. Yeah, now they can be Tom, Dick, and Harry together!

What happened? Charlie's all annoying now. He's talking about BIG trail rides in the west that lasted 3 DAYS!!!! Shut up.

OMG, Charlie whistled at Tommy. Or at his bike. Whatever.

Lulu doesn't catch on very quick. Anna wants to get rid of Charlie. Pam gets it. Go Pam.

Ew, Charlie calls Tommy "Tom". My uncle's name is Tom.

Whoa. Anna feels inferior to Pam and Lulu. She actually seems human in this one.

Remember when Mr. Sanders used to look like George Lopez? Now he looks like Ronald Reagan. Soooo Vivien Kubbos is Republican?

He spent a week in the woods of north-eastern Canada. He's calling his article "A week in the wood of north-eastern Canada." How nice.

Anna and I both think this nature study idea is lame.

Lulu: *trying to dissuade Charlie from hanging out with Tommy and Mike* Those guys are mean to us.
Pam: And they don't know anything about horses.
Lulu: They're always bothering us.
I love how not knowing anything about horses makes you an awful person. And I love how Anna isn't saying anything, just thinking, "LEAVE, PLEASE LEAVE!"

Heh. She told Charlie to shut up about the wild, wild west.

HA! I knew making campfires wasn't illegal! Losers.

Uh oh, editors. The name of Charlie's pony is Moondance, isn't it? Why'd you let Moonstone slip in there?

Maybe he likes Tommy and Mike because they're NORMAL and not always talking about horses.

Or because he's a boy and wants to hang with boys his own age....

ENOUGH ABOUT THE BROWNIES! THEY'RE DELICIOUS! WE UNDERSTAND!

Who says big is better? Um, me? WOO-HOO, 5'8"!!

Wth? If you want to stay awake, there's CAFFEINE! I really doubt orange juice and trail mix are going to help as much as a nice can of Monster. Which I personally think tastes disgusting.

Omg, Anna, such a cool character now!!!

Now they're saying "scat" instead of "poop". AAARGH!

Pam and Lulu are such nerds.

That's right, bears DON'T giggle. Must be something else.

Really, how can you describe male teenage laughter as giggling??? BOYS DON'T GIGGLE! Unless they're like 5.

"Lulu and Pam, this is NOT funny! You scared the ponies!" Whatever, Anna. You know you were scared, too. The dark stain on your pants is proof.

Omg, Jeanne Betancourt used an exclamation point!

LOL! "It looks like bicycle tracks." "From a mountain bike. A wild animal was here all right. A wild animal with the initials T. R." OMG! Sorry, dirty mind buzzing here. Oh, Tommy, you wild, wild animal. Rowr. And I totally think there should be a comma after "here".

Whatever the Pony Pals grow up to be, they should NOT become actresses.

Holy crap. They see two rabbits, ten squirrels, some turkey feathers, and deer poop. I think you're lying. I spent 2 hours in the woods and only saw 1 squirrel. And I don't think poop and feathers count as animals.

"Tommy and his gang." Two people is not a gang, and Tommy is so not the mafia boss. Mike's just a wimpy pants.

Why are they not creeped out about bats flying in their hair?

WTH???? I way don't think there are flying squirrels in Conecticutt.

Anna mispells owl "awl". LAME. Like that one stupid kid in preschool who had a southern accent, red hair, and thought orange was spelled with an a. And then he blamed me for throwing the milk. And he stole my bff. Jerk. I think his name was Christopher. I really want him to know how much he influenced my life. Wonder if he's still in Japan.

Um, dur, drink caffeine. Orange juice and chocolate chip cookies don't work nearly as well.

WHY WOULDN'T YOU WANT A BEAR TO LEAVE? It rips apart her backpack, and she's not scared at all; she just wants the bear to stay still so she can draw and observe it. DUMB!!

I HATE Snow White SO MUCH. Apparently she gets really sick in "The Lonely Pony", sick to the point of death. BUT SHE DOESN'T DIE! Aaargh, I was on Amazon, and someone spoiled the whole book for me. But it's about Tongo being a jerk pants. I swear, Mimi ruined him. But anyways.

I don't think "clacked his teeth" is a good description of a bear about to attack you. That makes him sound like a first grader with ADHD. At the dentist. On caffeine.

Shut up, Pam. She saw the black bear and you didn't. And she almost got attacked. So don't tell her, "You should've taken a photo." Because that wouldn't have made him any madder.

They're always going on about evidence.

Pam is such a condescending loser. "I'll stay with you Anna, because I know you're afraid." WHAT???? Leave her alone. I know you would've peed your pants.

Lulu, all about schedules. She should just go live in the woods forever. And take Snow White with her.

Yes, you should name your backpack "The Bear", Anna. :P

Anna is totally playing up the "bear attack" thing. It's kind of funny, to see her all conniving and making her Pony Pals feel bad. I swear, it's as if she has a soul in this one. I love how I don't find this funny when she's NOT the main character. So I'm a hypocrite. I would make a GREAT Pony Pal.

Ugh, they're talking about Charlie and the other boys like they're in a freaking war.

I wish Snow White HAD run away. Then she's stop bothering everybody. And stop getting sick.

I swear, all three ponies have a problem.
Snow White: Always getting SICK
Acorn: Always wants to be the center of attention, causing people to fall in love with him and make Anna all mad
Lightning: Every 28 days, she goes crazy and attacks random people (or mostly Pam).

Omg, Charlie brings them donuts. He's good...very good....

They should just call them Tommy Rat and Mike Lousy from now on. That cracks me up.

Ew, sugar and jelly donuts. You are not my favorite, anymore, Charlie. Next time, get your head on straight and pick up chocolate donuts.

There's a picture of Moondance. He's nothing special. Just another generic pony.

Quit talking about that stupid grizzly bear!!!

Retarded. He thinks they gave the bear candy.

Pam and Lulu act like they saw the bear, too. I hate them. Especially Pam in this one.

The drawings Anna did of the bear are...um...special. Charlie's all, "These drawings are great. I could never do that." I'm an awful artist, and I draw better bears than Anna. I bet I could make some pretty sweet macaroni art, too.

If Anna doesn't want to hang out with Charlie, she could just leave.... Just be all, actually, I really don't like you.

They find a silver wrapper in a piece of bear poop. Lulu thinks it's an earring.

Omg, Anna is totally calling Mike out. And he's TAKING IT!!!

Lame. Mike is afraid of bears.

ROFL!!!
Lulu: We're going to do an article for one of the nature magazines my father writes for. (her father writes for a nature magazine???)
Mike: How can YOU write an article? You're only like ten years old. (that's what I want to know)
Pam: It's from a kid's point of view. (duh) Not many ten-year-olds do twenty-four-hour nature watches.
Tommy: Who'd want to? It's a dumb thing to do. (YESSSS! Told you. Nerds.)

I would NOT publish Anna's drawings in my newspaper.

Wth? Mike and Tommy are going to go visit a boy named Joe because he has cool videos. What kind of videos? Music videos? Disney videos? Home videos?

Lame, Tommy calls himself dumb.

CHARLIE TAKES ON TOMMY! THAT'S AS CLOSE TO A FIGHT AS WE'RE EVER GOING TO GET!!! THIS IS SO EXCITING!

Wait, Charlie described as way shorter and smaller than Tommy. Um, isn't Tommy way skinny? He is in every picture, anyways. Is Charlie an anorexic midget?

Mike is not afraid of Tommy. He just hangs out with him because he's the only 14-year-old boy in the town, apparently.

Lame. Charlie chooses the Pony Pals because he's interested in bears. Now they're going to think you're gay.

I hate how like every book ends with, "(pony's name), you're the best," when all the pony did was exist and transport you from place to place. These books are barely even about ponies anymore.
The library doesn't want me to be happy, so they aren't giving me "Circus Pony" and "The Unlucky Pony", and they refuse to order "The Lonely Pony", so I don't know when I'll post again. Maybe I'll dig out my ancient Pony Pals: 15 years later and read it.