Somebody's getting married! Part #3

I started this on the 19th!!! Sorry, I've been so busy!!!

Plot: It's the day of the wedding.
MADISON STILL HASN'T FINISHED THE COLLAGE!
She wakes up at 3 AM and manages to finish the thing AND write a really excellent poem in 2 short hours.
Tiffany comes by to pick her up, and finds Madison undressed (not naked, just in her pajamas).
Madison is worried her snobby cousin will make fun of her orange dress, but not only does Tiffany love the dress, but she turns out to be really nice, just overbearing and chatty.
It's time for the wedding. Madison gets through her Shakespeare reading without incident, and neither Jeff nor Stephanie runs away in tears. They stumble through the vows and become Mr. and Mrs. Jeffery Finn.
Yay, Madison and her dad are still super close.
Oh, and he loves the wedding present, as does Stephanie.
Madison returns home, where she finally reveals to Aimee and Fiona that she likes Hart.
Weee, how anticlimactic.

More notes:
Madison doesn't want the wedding to happen, because her future step-grandma is a witch, there are bad omens all around, and she wants her parents to get back together.

Bigwheels says, "I bet ur the prettiest girl there."
....
Maybe Bigwheels doesn't like Reggie (or boys) as much as she thought she did....

AAARGH! Aimee sends another e-mail, and it still sounds like she's blaming Madison for Fiona's problems. But then Aimee admits to not doing anything to make Fiona better, and claims it's because Madison's not there, and they have to do it together or whatever.
Ugh, I hate Aimee SOOO much.

Lame. Hart e-mails Madison about a BBQ at his house when he knows she'll be in Texas then. You suck, Hart.

Dad: In ten hours, I will marry Stephanie, and more than anything else on the planet, I want you to be okay with it.
Madison: I told you a zillion times, Dad, I'm okay with it.
Dad: I believed you before. I'm not so sure anymore.
Madison: Why can't you believe me now? I can't believe you don't believe that I believe....
:? What?

"Are you really marrying Stephanie tomorrow? But her family is so weird. And she's so...neurotic. She practically bawled her eyes out that night in here with me."
That's a good reason not to marry someone. They had a bad day. -_-

"Madison had totally lied to Dad. Of course she knew about love. After all, that was really the only thing that explained how she felt about Hart Jones."
Don't believe the hype, Maddie. That's not love.

Don't you hate it when you wake up at 3 AM and remember you didn't do something important?

....
The time suddenly jumps from 5:30 to 6:30, then from 6:30 to 7:30.
WHERE DID THOSE TWO HOURS GO?

Argh...just...divorce is never a good thing!

Aimee's shame game worked!!!

Tiffany is so Sandy from Spongebob Squarepants!!
"Aw, jeepers! You're not even ready yet!"

Oh no...Madison has doubts about her orangey-orange dress! Tiffany's all, "Sounds...*cough cough* butt ugly! *cough cough*"

"Madison could almost feel the blood drain from her face. Panicked thoughts zipped through her head like little fireflies. She had a vision of herself walking up to the wedding ceremony at the Wolfe Ranch. There, a burly cowboy bouncer would greet her.
'Hey, you in the orange dress!' he would exclaim, readying his lasso to rope Madison like loose cattle. 'No orange allowed at this hoedown!'"

Argh. I hate zits that get bigger when you pop them.
That's what Madison has.

Tiffany is a brat because...Wanda is abusive??

Tiffany and Madison bond over ping-pong. Tiffany says she LIKES the orange dress!

She even offers to go back to her house to get an orange hairclip that would go perfectly with Madison's dress!!!

Tiffany sculpts Madison's hair into the wonder it is on the cover. Hm.

OMG, THERE ARE PONY RIDES AT STEPHANIE'S WEDDING!

Okay, weird. Kirk thinks Madison looks pretty.
Isn't she his new step-cousin thing?

Madison reads a cool beans Shakespeare sonnet at the wedding.

Jeff and Stephanie mess up the vows.
"I, Jeffrey Peter Finn, take thee, Stephanie Mae Wolfe, to be my lawful wedded husband...I mean, awful wedded wife...I mean...lawful...wedded...wife."
That would be a tad embarassing.

Madison spontaneously decides to hug Kirk.
Which TOTALLY weirds him out.
So Maddie decides not to make anymore romantic endeavors in the near future.

Stephanie almost married a guy named Bob.
But she called if off.

Madison dances with Kirk. He's not very good and they're related...but she got to dance with a boy.

You're never too old for a pony ride!

Madison twists her ankle while resisting a square dance with her dad.
So much for that.

"Loooove, soft as an easy chair...Loooove, fresh as the morning air..."
Sounds like the stuff they play on 106.9.

"Madison was thinking about love, too.
Back home - where her Hart was."
-_-

"There is nothing more romantic than forever, is there? Like, 'I will love you forever and ever into infinity, my darling Madison.'"
Actually, if any boy said that to me, I'd punch him in the face.
And not because my name isn't Madison.
Wow, that would suck, wouldn't it? "I'm in love with you, Mia...I mean, Lauren."
Who's Mia???

Stephanie and Jeff buy her a locket with picture of all of them at the beach.
This book actually came with a locket...that I lost. :( It was cheap, anyway.

Madison fixed the poem:
Your wedding is a special day
I'm sure you will be feeling good in every way
The sun is shining bright on your faces
Of course there is no one who can take your places
At first I thought this wedding would be weird
And that was just the start of what I feared
I know you're happy and I'm happy too
But I wondered what would happen with you two
And then I realized you will still be there
You will always listen and you will always care.
I know that sometime's I'm hard for Dad to take
Like when he says, "Maddie, give me a break."
Plus I have one mom and never had another
I'm not sure I know how to have a stepmother
I want our family to be complete and real
I want you both to know just how I feel.
You take care of me and let me share your life
Dad, I'm so glad you picked Stephanie for you wife
I hope that I will be a good part of the deal
I want you both to know just how I feel.
I wish you the best happy wedding time
Thanks for including me even though I can't really rhyme.

That sounds like something off Veggietales...or the Hallmark Channel.

Stephanie loves it and starts crying. Definitely Hallmark Channel.

Group hug!!!

"I've been obsessing about Hart again for some reason. I even had a dream about him last night! He was riding in this carriage and carrying flowers and candles. Don't ask."
Don't worry. I won't.
Though I vaguely remember some of my own obsessive dreams...involving the army...and Wild Waves!

Madison finally fesses up about her crush on Hart!!!
So, naturally, Aimee tells the whole world.

NO WAY. Jeff is letting Tiffany and her friends hang out with Madison in her hotel room, and they can watch whatever movies they want (they got the "R" route, because they're so devious) and order as much room service as they want!!! Dang!

I hate it when they're like, "The plane is beginning it's descent," and it takes another HALF HOUR.
Four hour flight from Chicago to Georgia! Whoo!

No more lost bags! No more lost bags!
Success! Madison's bag returns to New York with her!

Jeff orders a LIMOUSINE to take Madison home!!! It's like...4 miles!!!

Ha ha. A hilarious misunderstanding between Madison, Aimee, and Mom.
"I thought you liked Drew! Or maybe it was Dan. I can't remember."
"Pork-O!!? I thought you liked Hart? When did you like Dan? I know he likes you!"
Madison apparently didn't know Dan liked her...
...even though he practically STALKED HER in #11.

Home again. Home again. Stuff like that.

Madison's Computer Tip:
Use a laptop to keep a travel diary.

Okay. Phew. I'll do #16 tomorrow and maybe read some more later.

Why my parents got me a dog instead, or Pony Pals #37: No Ponies in the House!

When I was little, I always wanted a pony (or a dog).
Unfortunately, my Navy dad had us living in an apartment, and a pony wouldn't have done well in a storage unit.
Though I'm not sure where we could've found Ponies For Sale in Japan.
Not on base, anyway.



Plot: Rosalie is driving everyone crazy! The pet-deprived little girl has just been blessed with a hamster named Alfie. It's only temporary, however; if Rosalie doesn't take good care of Alfie, she'll have to give him back!!
Mike has been dropping Rosalie off at Lulu's house so he can go on "fishing trips" with his boyfriend Tommy (we know what they're really up to). With Anna out of town and Pam working for her mom, Lulu has no one to help her watch the precocious six-year-old. When Rosalie goes off on her own with Acorn and Alfie, it's the last straw.
But before they can punish Rosalie, Alfie goes missing in Lulu's house! Grandmother Sanders has one cardinal rule: NO ANIMALS IN THE HOUSE!!! Grandma Sandy threatens to call the exterminator if they don't find the lovable creature.
Pony Pals to the rescue! Anna comes home and Pam ditches her mom and the three of them team up in the kitchen to find Alfie. They concoct a crazy plan: they'll bring Snow White into the house to find Alfie! They're friends, after all. Snow White sniffs out the mischeivous hamster and all is well; Grandma Sandy doesn't even notice!
Rosalie feels she has to give up Alfie for his own safety; he might've died in that lonely kitchen!! The Pony Pals (and Mike!) make a new, fun-filled cage for Alfie so he won't be bored and Rosalie won't have to carry him around in her pocket.
Then, randomly, Lulu's Dad comes home!!! Where...? Whatever.

More notes:
What is it with women and barrettes? My mom was always wanting to put my hair in barrettes, and Grandma Sandy is just as bad.

Anna is in the city visiting her uncle. Which city, pray tell?

Awww, Alfie is a Teddy Bear Hamster. I had one of those!!

"'The school had a bunch of extra hamsters,' explained Mike. 'Mom is letting Rosalie keep him on a trial basis. If Alfie's any trouble, back he goes.'"
What?? Why would the school have extra hamsters? What do you need hamsters for??
Oooooh noooooo....
Now I know what makes the pepperoni taste so good!!!!

Mike tries to dump Rosalie on Lulu. Nice try.

Mimi's gone, too? Where is everybody??

Carrying Alfie around in your hands is safer than having him in a pocket where he could LEAP OUT.

"'Hi, Lulu,' said Mrs. Crandal. 'We're having a beginning rider clinic today and tomorrow. My assistant is sick, so Pam's helping.'
'Sorry. I can't ride for a couple of days,' Pam told Lulu.
Lulu didn't think Pam looked sorry. She looked happy."
I'd be happy, too. Especially if I was getting PAID. I'm assuming that's where Pam's smile is coming from.

Mr. Sanders wins an award for being the worst parent ever. Not only have we not heard from him for a while, Lulu won't be seeing him for 2 more months.
He sent her to Wiggins cuz he couldn't handle having a kid. I wonder if he did that to his wife before she died. That must've been inconvenient for him.

Lulu: Rosalie, this isn't the time to cry. You won't be able to see Alfie if you're crying.
Way to comfort the crying kid, Lulu. You're a natural.

Heh. They find Alfie in the grain box, his cheeks puffy with grain. My hamster used to do that...and then she'd try to climb up the tubes. Not those tubes. Sickos.

AAARGH. Grandma Sandy is afraid of hamsters because they're RODENTS.
My mom has the same problem with rats.
Even rats that are completely clean, nice, smart, and trained for the Rat Olympics she has a problem with.

Mr. Lacey's kind of a sucky parent, too. His kids never see him because he's too cheap to send them tickets to fly to Chicago.

Lulu and Rosalie talk about things they have in common.
Well, let's see.
1. Their dads suck.
2. They're legal guardians both have a stick up their butt.
3. They hate boys!!

Mike and Tommy went on a "fishing trip"....

Ugh, Lulu left Rosalie by herself and she disappears. Way to go, Lulu.

Rosalie told Lulu Mike was picking her up in an hour...but that was a LIE!

Tommy encourages Rosalie's rebellious behavior. He's a GREAT boyfriend, Mike!

Rather than tell Rosalie's mother, they keep it secret. Why would telling her cause her to lose Alfie, though? It's not as if ALFIE caused this mess.

Tommy: Rosalie can stay with the Pony Pests. Baby-sitting is girls' work.
Sexist pig.

Aw. A hamster sitting on a pony's back - that would be the cutest picture ever.

Rosalie shows up at Lulu's house.
Rosalie: Don't worry, I wrote Mike a note so he won't be mad. *hands Lulu the note*
Lulu: Why do you still have the note if it's for Mike?
Lol. Couldn't not laugh at that one.

"I'm sorry. I did bad things. I'm really and truly and very really sorry."
Whatever. It's the death penalty for you.

Alfie disappears...just as Grandma Sandy enters the kitchen.
Uh oh.

That's so mean!! You can't call an exterminator on someone's pet hamster!!

Rofl.
"Don't try to butter me up, Lucinda. You know I don't like animals."

Conveniently enough, the phone is dead, so Grandma can't call the exterminator!

"Well, I can't even phone an exterminator right now, can I? I can't even call the telephone company to say that the phone doesn't work."
Why would you do that?? If the phone doesn't work...never mind.
That's like e-mailing someone and then calling them on the phone and saying, "I sent you an e-mail."
True story.

They make spaghetti for dinner.
It's like all they eat is carbs, carbs, carbs. Brownies, spaghetti...when will it end????

Shouldn't it be easier to find a hamster when it's asleep? Because then it will only be in one place, not moving around all confusingly.

When Alfie appears, they don't want to grab him. Instead, they'll use pots and pans, which serve exactly the same purpose. Stupid.

OMG!! They don't find Alfie, but they find MICE IN THE CUPBOARD!!!!!!!!!! And this doesn't freak you out????? You might have an INFESTATION!!!

"Anna opened the freezer door. 'Hm-m,' she said thoughtfully. 'How about some chocolate ice cream? I always think better when I've had some ice cream.'
Liar. You just wanted ice cream.

Pam: I've never heard of a pony or a horse liking a hamster.
Now, do you mean "like" or "like like"?

Lulu's worried Snow White will crap on the carpet.
Which she almost does.
But Pam catches it in a bucket.
That's kind of disgusting.

Anna has to pretend she had a nightmare so Grandma Sandy won't go into the kitchen. "There was a monster. The monster had awful yellow eyes. And it was chasing me. It was going to kill me!!!!"

Grandma almost goes into the kitchen to get some warm milk. NOOOOOOO!

Alfie was sitting on Snow White's back the whole time??? Lame!!!

Alfie's on drugs. He starts walking upside down inside the strainer.
Skillz.

Uh oh. Grandma Sandy finds Snow White's hair on the kitchen floor!!!!

Anna: It's simple. Remember when we brushed out the ponies yesterday, Lulu? I bet hair from Snow White's mane was on your clothes. It fell off in the kitchen.
Liar, liar, pants on fire.

Rosalie feels guilty and wants to give away Alfie...because she almost KILLED Acorn.
Way to go, Pony Pals. That was a long time ago.

The Pony Pals talk about all the times they screwed up with animals. Anna killed her goldfish. Pam made Woolie run away. Lulu lost Rosalie...wait.

Whoa!!! In the picture, Mike looks way hot for a 12-14 year old boy.

Alfie gets bored because his cage is lamesauce. So they spruce it up for him.

Tommy's afraid of Alfie. Ha.

Sucky Dad comes home!!! Hurray for Mr. Sanders!!! :P

That's it. Madison Finn tomorrow, hopefully.

It must be true, I saw it on Youtube, or Pony Pals #36: The Pony and the Haunted Barn

Wanna know what's sad? I started this book A MONTH AGO! IN FEBRUARY! It was so boring, however, that I left the last 30 pages unread and left the book under my dresser, convinced I'd finish it one of these days.
Well, now it's Spring Break, basketball is over, and I actually have some free time, so here we go with this book. I might just summarize it, seing as I don't remember why I marked any of the following 90 pages.



Plot: We all know that Pam Crandall does not believe in ghosts. Yet one day, as the Pony Pals explore an abandoned barn in Morristown, something keeps freaking out the ponies, and one of these "ghosts" touches Pam!
Lulu and Anna are all set to believe that it's the ghost of Mr. Warner, who was so sad after his pony ran away, followed by his house burning down.
Pam, rational as ever, refuses to believe it was a ghost. She suggests all manner of realistic things, such as Tommy and Mike, the wind, and their own twisted 10-year-old minds.
The Pony Pals insist that Pam be "more openminded".
Pam retorts that THEY'RE the ones who aren't openminded, because they won't believe it's NOT a ghost.
Smooth, Pam.
The girls go back to snoop around the barn even more, but they can't find the barn!! They draw maps, retrace their steps, use bloodhounds, but it's no use; the barn just cannot be found!
No worries; the Pony Pals switch directions and head to the Historical Society, where they find out more about Mr. Warner, the "ghost" of the barn they found. It seems that the death of his wife and child, not the loss of his pony, were the reasons for his retreat from society. He died of a heart attack, not of a broken heart.
Finally, the Pony Pals are able to find the barn...or the ruins of the barn. It turns out the Warner barn has been ruined for some time, but the day they visited was the anniversary of the day it burned down. :O Spooky...sort of.
Pam still doesn't believe in ghosts...or so she says. She admits to Lightning that if she ever does meet a ghost, she hopes it's a nice one.

Okay, that was a waste of 20 minutes. Oh well.
I have Madison Finn #13, but I'm hesitant to read it, even though it's due in a couple days.
It's just that I've put 3 other Pony Pals on order, and I might be able to buy MF's #11 and #12, and possibly Pony Pals #25 (FINALLY).
It probably won't happen soon, though, so you'll see #13 in a couople of days, followed by Avalon's #3 and #4 (after which there will be no more Avalons because the rest of the series was never published), then the entire Madison Finn series (practically, anyway). Should be fun. Or not.

You can be my movie star for a day, or Pony Pals #26: Movie Star Pony

I really dislike Pony Pals. Just horrible writing, and bad illustrations, and cliches, and LIES LIES LIES. But in this one, my new best friend (Anna) stood up to some loser who was pressuring her and the illustrations were really good.



Okay, the illustrations might be good, but this cover illustrations sucks. Acorn looks like a small bear, and ponies do NOT smile.
Plot: Yay, a movie is being filmed in Wiggins! Better yet, there will be scenes filmed at Ms. Wiggins estate, the Off-Main Diner, and Mrs. Crandall's riding school! Bette Fleming, a famous 11-year-old actress, is starring in it, but doesn't get along with her pony costar. When she meets Acorn, however, she falls in love with him and insists upon starring with him in the film (entitled "Megan's Last Ride"). Anna is reluctant, but the stupid Pony Pals convince her to say yes, because of MONEY. What ever happened to good morals?
Shockingly enough, Bette is a huge brat, and spends all her time with Acorn. The director, bending to the will of Bette, tells Anna she can't see Acorn until they're done filming. By that time, Acorn doesn't seem to like Anna anymore, and Bette wants to BUY Acorn of all things! Anna is heartbroken. She doesn't want to sell her pony, but she doesn't want to keep him if he likes Bette more than her.
The Pony Pals actually give her some good advice and tell her that Acorn still loves her, so Anna, being fed up with Bette, tells off the spoiled brat and refuses to ever sell Acorn. But later, she feels bad for her outburst and invites Bette on one last trail ride. Halfway through the trail ride, Acorn starts acting oddly and keeps nudging Daisy, Anna's replacement pony. Seems he's JEALOUS!! Guess he still loves Anna. Bette is still a brat, but learns that she can't always get her way. Then she stars in several porn videos and dies of an overdose like all child stars. The End.

More notes:
A "movie company"? I'm not sure of the right terminology, but that doesn't seem right.

Bette Fleming is like the B-list version of Dakota Fanning.

Thanks for spoiling the end of "The Rainbow Kid" for us, Anna.

Gee, the movie is called "Megan's Last Ride". I wonder what if could be about... I mean, it can't be about a girl named Megan who's taking a last ride on her pony; that's just out of the question.

Wow, these illustrations are REALLY GOOD. Better than Vivien Kubbos. Well, the ponies are amazing. And the people are good, but Pam has bangs and Lulu's hair is light brown?

What? Ms. Wiggins gets to eat for free, too???

A very magestic drawing of Lightning, Acorn actually looks the proper size, and Snow White is pretty for a change and not all haggard. Um, Anna is turning around in the saddle to smile at Lulu. BAD RIDING SAFETY! I so remember her lecturing Rosalie about this.

More continuity errors about the death of Mrs. Sanders.

This sounds like the worst movie ever.
"'Bette Fleming plays Megan Ritter,' began Ms. Cross. 'Her family owns a big farm. At the beginning of the story they are having money problems. Then a freak summer hailstorm destroys their apple crop. After that, they know they will have to sell the farm adn move to the city for jobs.'"
Aaaaaaaaaaaaagh!!! Sounds like "Where the Red Fern Grows" gone wrong.
Oh, Megan and Mars understand each other and have a SPECIAL PSYCHIC CONNECTION, to which Anna can relate? WTH???
Oh, they have to sell Mars. Boo hoo. Now they move to the city. BUT SUDDENLY MEGAN GETS SICK!! Mars senses something is wrong and travels 100 miles to find Megan. When he does, her parents decide to buy him again! And board him at a stable near the house! WTH??? WHY DIDN'T THEY DO THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE??? AND AREN'T THEY GOING THROUGH MONEY PROBLEMS??? I swear, this is either a TV movie or a straight-to-DVD release, cuz it sounds low budget and AWFUL. Worse than "The Derby Stallion".

Can't they meet a nice girl who doesn't like ponies and isn't snobby or shy?

Jeanne Betancourt is STILL condoning spying.

"If Bette can't ride, thought Anna, how can she be in a big movie about a girl and her pony?"
Um, duh. Stunt man.

I like how a person's riding abilities determine their personality.

I only found ONE awful picture, and it's of Bette riding. She looks possessed, and her posture is bad, and Acorn looks like a bush.

WHY DO THEY ALWAYS HAVE TO MENTION ACORN'S STUPID STINT IN THE CIRCUS!!??

WHY DOES SHE NEED TO DISCUSS THIS WITH HER PONY PALS? Will they SHUN her if she doesn't run it by them? This DEFINITELY sounds like cult behavior.

NO, ANNA, NO! If your gut says no, DON'T DO IT.

Too late.

So mean. Bette tells Anna that she can't see Acorn for 2 weeks, and the adults are COOL WITH IT. She's 11 FREAKING YEARS OLD! DISCIPLINE HER!!

She hasn't seen Acorn in 9 days. What the heck. I would go insane.

Yay, because watching a scene from a movie being shot through cracks in a wood floor is just as good as being there!

Daisy again! Agh!!

Um, what? Someone sends roses to Anna, and somehow know that she's at the Off-Main Diner. HOW????

Lulu is an IDIOT.

Pam looks like Tempestt Bledsoe.

Pam is so gullible. And she's like, "You shouldn't judge people just from one meeting." Right. Because you NEVER do that, Pam.

Duh. Ponies can't act.

This is definitely a TV movie. "I love you. And I'll never forget you. I don't want to leave you. I want to stay with you forever. You're my best friend." That's like a line from "Your Guardian Angel".

Acorn looks like a donkey.

Mmm, cupcakes.

They finished filming in two weeks????? Definitely TV movie.

Wth, Anna writes Pam and Lulu a note, and she decides to write it using pictures. Wouldn't that take longer? And I can't understand it. One of the pictures looks like a black guy or a piece of broccoli. I can't tell.

Anna does NOT want Bette to ride Acorn. So she lets her ride Acorn. :P

Mrs. Fleming is such a blonde. I would SLAP HER. Listen to her reasoning.
"Bette and Acorn have such a special relationship. So I'll pay a lot of money for him. That way you can buy another pony - a very special pony. Or maybe horse. Wouldn't that be exciting?" Because animals are so easy to replace. B****.

The sentence "Lulu put an arm around Anna's shoulder." appears in this book SO MANY TIMES.

PONIES CAN'T ACT!!

Dang, Rachel Tonkin is the best illustrator yet.

Bette: When Acorn is mine, I'll tell the whole world. His picture would be in the paper with me all the time.
Anna: Acorn is my pony. I won't sell him for any price. That's what I came to tell you.
Bette: But I love Acorn.
Anna: So do I!
Bette: I want Acorn! You HAVE to sell him to me!
Anna: No, I don't!
Bette: Then can I have one last ride on Acorn? Just one.
Anna: NO!

Okay, that was way immature and fourth grade-y, but I'm glad that Anna at least stood up for herself.

I hate it when people say, "It's up to you." What they really mean is, "I want you to choose my idea and I'll guilt you forever if you decide otherwise."

Ha. Anna understands people now. My baby's growing up.

Wth? Lulu is supposed to be riding Snow White, but the pony in the picture is dark. ????

Anna is my new best friend.

Agh, I don't think I'm getting another Pony Pals OR another Madison Finn for a while. I could read #28, or start on the Avalon/Unicorns of Balinor series. I think I'll do the latter. Yay.

Open season, or Pony Pals #23: The Pony and the Bear

Sounds like a Northwest version of "The Lion and the Unicorn". Yeah. This was another book that didn't quite make sense. Really, though. If your campsite was being attacked by a bear, wouldn't you want it leave without killing anyone???
Don't know. Who else is glad it's Friday? *just waiting for my picture to load*
Does anyone else think it's weird that I'm already at #23 and I haven't even done #11 yet? Well, I guess you wouldn't. I'm just annoyed. I hate that stupid little kid. And "The Unlucky Pony" isn't coming any time soon. And I ordered "The Lonely Pony", but it's also delayed.
This is ridiculous. Lol, I'm listening to my secrety secret CD again. I love this song. It's so sweet. And I have a potential music video idea for it, but it's kind of creeping me out. Why does the girl in the song sound so much like me???



Plot: This plot isn't really about bears at all, but mostly about Charlie.
Y'all remember Charlie, right? Stereotypical western boy from Wyoming? With the pony named Moondance? Anna used to be quite enamored with him, if I'm not mistaken, and Lulu hated him. But now Lulu is in love with Charlie and Anna wishes he would just go away.
She manages to convince him to hang out with Tommy and Mike. Charlie thinks they are really cool and calls Tommy "Tom" all the time. They do guy things together. Lulu and Pam are heartbroken.
YAY, MR. SANDERS IS BACK FROM CANADA!!! He tells the girls all about watching black bears, and grizzly bears, and gummy bears. Pam and Lulu get way psyched and plan a 24 hour nature watch in the woods. Maybe they'll see a bear! Then they can write an article about it for a teen magazine! Anna thinks the whole thing sounds stupid, but you know, she has nothing else to do....
On the nature watch, all the Pony Pals do is sit, watch endless squirrels run up and down the many trees, eat candy, and sleep. Oh, and Tommy, Mike, and Charlie play a prank on them, but they don't see any bears.
Finally, when its Anna's turn to watch, she sees a bear!!! It rips her backpack apart and eats all her candy. Anna doesn't want it to go away, so she begs the ponies to stay silent. She then draws the bear and observes it for a long time until Snow White scares it away. Thanks a lot, wimpy.
Anna tells Lulu and Pam what she saw and they are way jealous. The next morning, they plan to go follow the bear...when Charlie comes bearing gifts. He tells the girls that Tommy and Mike are lame. This seems like an adequate apology, so they go looking for the bear together. It's way exciting.
Oh no, a final showdown with Tommy and Mike. But Charlie pwns Tommy. It's all good.

More notes:
They describe Acorn as brown. Brown and bay = not the same.


Some random woman stops Pam and tells her how much she's grown. ??? Who is this woman and why don't they know her?? Don't they know everyone in Wiggins?

"Remember when Snow White and Moondance didn't get along?" Yeah, wasn't that...yesterday?

Charlie wants to give up Moondance? That's kind of lame. Lulu looks like she's sitting in Charlie's lap. And Charlie looks way 50's, just like Tommy and Mike. Yeah, now they can be Tom, Dick, and Harry together!

What happened? Charlie's all annoying now. He's talking about BIG trail rides in the west that lasted 3 DAYS!!!! Shut up.

OMG, Charlie whistled at Tommy. Or at his bike. Whatever.

Lulu doesn't catch on very quick. Anna wants to get rid of Charlie. Pam gets it. Go Pam.

Ew, Charlie calls Tommy "Tom". My uncle's name is Tom.

Whoa. Anna feels inferior to Pam and Lulu. She actually seems human in this one.

Remember when Mr. Sanders used to look like George Lopez? Now he looks like Ronald Reagan. Soooo Vivien Kubbos is Republican?

He spent a week in the woods of north-eastern Canada. He's calling his article "A week in the wood of north-eastern Canada." How nice.

Anna and I both think this nature study idea is lame.

Lulu: *trying to dissuade Charlie from hanging out with Tommy and Mike* Those guys are mean to us.
Pam: And they don't know anything about horses.
Lulu: They're always bothering us.
I love how not knowing anything about horses makes you an awful person. And I love how Anna isn't saying anything, just thinking, "LEAVE, PLEASE LEAVE!"

Heh. She told Charlie to shut up about the wild, wild west.

HA! I knew making campfires wasn't illegal! Losers.

Uh oh, editors. The name of Charlie's pony is Moondance, isn't it? Why'd you let Moonstone slip in there?

Maybe he likes Tommy and Mike because they're NORMAL and not always talking about horses.

Or because he's a boy and wants to hang with boys his own age....

ENOUGH ABOUT THE BROWNIES! THEY'RE DELICIOUS! WE UNDERSTAND!

Who says big is better? Um, me? WOO-HOO, 5'8"!!

Wth? If you want to stay awake, there's CAFFEINE! I really doubt orange juice and trail mix are going to help as much as a nice can of Monster. Which I personally think tastes disgusting.

Omg, Anna, such a cool character now!!!

Now they're saying "scat" instead of "poop". AAARGH!

Pam and Lulu are such nerds.

That's right, bears DON'T giggle. Must be something else.

Really, how can you describe male teenage laughter as giggling??? BOYS DON'T GIGGLE! Unless they're like 5.

"Lulu and Pam, this is NOT funny! You scared the ponies!" Whatever, Anna. You know you were scared, too. The dark stain on your pants is proof.

Omg, Jeanne Betancourt used an exclamation point!

LOL! "It looks like bicycle tracks." "From a mountain bike. A wild animal was here all right. A wild animal with the initials T. R." OMG! Sorry, dirty mind buzzing here. Oh, Tommy, you wild, wild animal. Rowr. And I totally think there should be a comma after "here".

Whatever the Pony Pals grow up to be, they should NOT become actresses.

Holy crap. They see two rabbits, ten squirrels, some turkey feathers, and deer poop. I think you're lying. I spent 2 hours in the woods and only saw 1 squirrel. And I don't think poop and feathers count as animals.

"Tommy and his gang." Two people is not a gang, and Tommy is so not the mafia boss. Mike's just a wimpy pants.

Why are they not creeped out about bats flying in their hair?

WTH???? I way don't think there are flying squirrels in Conecticutt.

Anna mispells owl "awl". LAME. Like that one stupid kid in preschool who had a southern accent, red hair, and thought orange was spelled with an a. And then he blamed me for throwing the milk. And he stole my bff. Jerk. I think his name was Christopher. I really want him to know how much he influenced my life. Wonder if he's still in Japan.

Um, dur, drink caffeine. Orange juice and chocolate chip cookies don't work nearly as well.

WHY WOULDN'T YOU WANT A BEAR TO LEAVE? It rips apart her backpack, and she's not scared at all; she just wants the bear to stay still so she can draw and observe it. DUMB!!

I HATE Snow White SO MUCH. Apparently she gets really sick in "The Lonely Pony", sick to the point of death. BUT SHE DOESN'T DIE! Aaargh, I was on Amazon, and someone spoiled the whole book for me. But it's about Tongo being a jerk pants. I swear, Mimi ruined him. But anyways.

I don't think "clacked his teeth" is a good description of a bear about to attack you. That makes him sound like a first grader with ADHD. At the dentist. On caffeine.

Shut up, Pam. She saw the black bear and you didn't. And she almost got attacked. So don't tell her, "You should've taken a photo." Because that wouldn't have made him any madder.

They're always going on about evidence.

Pam is such a condescending loser. "I'll stay with you Anna, because I know you're afraid." WHAT???? Leave her alone. I know you would've peed your pants.

Lulu, all about schedules. She should just go live in the woods forever. And take Snow White with her.

Yes, you should name your backpack "The Bear", Anna. :P

Anna is totally playing up the "bear attack" thing. It's kind of funny, to see her all conniving and making her Pony Pals feel bad. I swear, it's as if she has a soul in this one. I love how I don't find this funny when she's NOT the main character. So I'm a hypocrite. I would make a GREAT Pony Pal.

Ugh, they're talking about Charlie and the other boys like they're in a freaking war.

I wish Snow White HAD run away. Then she's stop bothering everybody. And stop getting sick.

I swear, all three ponies have a problem.
Snow White: Always getting SICK
Acorn: Always wants to be the center of attention, causing people to fall in love with him and make Anna all mad
Lightning: Every 28 days, she goes crazy and attacks random people (or mostly Pam).

Omg, Charlie brings them donuts. He's good...very good....

They should just call them Tommy Rat and Mike Lousy from now on. That cracks me up.

Ew, sugar and jelly donuts. You are not my favorite, anymore, Charlie. Next time, get your head on straight and pick up chocolate donuts.

There's a picture of Moondance. He's nothing special. Just another generic pony.

Quit talking about that stupid grizzly bear!!!

Retarded. He thinks they gave the bear candy.

Pam and Lulu act like they saw the bear, too. I hate them. Especially Pam in this one.

The drawings Anna did of the bear are...um...special. Charlie's all, "These drawings are great. I could never do that." I'm an awful artist, and I draw better bears than Anna. I bet I could make some pretty sweet macaroni art, too.

If Anna doesn't want to hang out with Charlie, she could just leave.... Just be all, actually, I really don't like you.

They find a silver wrapper in a piece of bear poop. Lulu thinks it's an earring.

Omg, Anna is totally calling Mike out. And he's TAKING IT!!!

Lame. Mike is afraid of bears.

ROFL!!!
Lulu: We're going to do an article for one of the nature magazines my father writes for. (her father writes for a nature magazine???)
Mike: How can YOU write an article? You're only like ten years old. (that's what I want to know)
Pam: It's from a kid's point of view. (duh) Not many ten-year-olds do twenty-four-hour nature watches.
Tommy: Who'd want to? It's a dumb thing to do. (YESSSS! Told you. Nerds.)

I would NOT publish Anna's drawings in my newspaper.

Wth? Mike and Tommy are going to go visit a boy named Joe because he has cool videos. What kind of videos? Music videos? Disney videos? Home videos?

Lame, Tommy calls himself dumb.

CHARLIE TAKES ON TOMMY! THAT'S AS CLOSE TO A FIGHT AS WE'RE EVER GOING TO GET!!! THIS IS SO EXCITING!

Wait, Charlie described as way shorter and smaller than Tommy. Um, isn't Tommy way skinny? He is in every picture, anyways. Is Charlie an anorexic midget?

Mike is not afraid of Tommy. He just hangs out with him because he's the only 14-year-old boy in the town, apparently.

Lame. Charlie chooses the Pony Pals because he's interested in bears. Now they're going to think you're gay.

I hate how like every book ends with, "(pony's name), you're the best," when all the pony did was exist and transport you from place to place. These books are barely even about ponies anymore.
The library doesn't want me to be happy, so they aren't giving me "Circus Pony" and "The Unlucky Pony", and they refuse to order "The Lonely Pony", so I don't know when I'll post again. Maybe I'll dig out my ancient Pony Pals: 15 years later and read it.

YOU'VE ANGERED THE DEMONS, or Super Special #3: Pony Pals: The Ghost Pony

What is with Jeanne Betancourt and Super Specials? I'm not seeing a pattern as to when these Super Specials are supposed to come out. Maybe she just writes them when she gets bored? Lol, I just saw a noose in the shape of a heart. Not morbid at all.



Plot: The Pony Pals are digging around in Morristown, a ghost town. While they're there, they hear mysterious noises that scare their ponies! Gasp! Could it be a ghost?
Then a bunch of people start telling the Pony Pals ghost stories and they pee their pants.
But while at the Historical Society, they find a story about a girl named Emily from 1870. Emily was their age and even had a pony! How...nice. They read a stupid newspaper story about how Emily got trapped on a mountain and her pony Angel died to save her. Now they're convinced the ghostie they heard in Morristown was really Angel, but she's a nice ghost. They're not scared anymore.
Then they read Emily's diary, dig up Angel's grave, make her a new headstone, and participate in the Wiggins Historical Fair. Then they give this stupid moving tribute to Angel. Seriously. That was it.

More notes:
Since when do you need string to play with tops??

Aaargh, Anna believes in ghosts.

I believe in demons. But I don't believe there are demons in Morristown.

Wth, Snow White looks like a palomino...

Heh. Anna thought she saw a ghost in her bedroom when she was 5. Now she's afraid of them.

Pam is so annoying in this one. "That wasn't a ghostly noise. That was the wind." That's what they said in "The Secret Garden" and it turned out to be a crazy crippled boy.

So lame. The noises they hear sound like, "Oh-oo-oo, oh-oo-oo." How are you even supposed to pronounced that? Sounds like a bad pop song.

Sure, Pam. An owl made that noise. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY.

ANNA AND LULU ARE HOLDING HANDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lulu listens to tape recordings of owls all the time, so she knows it wasn't an owl noise. Wow.

They hear a whinny. GHOST PONY!!!

Yes Pam, we know there are no such things as ghosts.

IT WAS NOT THE WIND WHISTLING THROUGH THE TREES! AAAAAGH! SHUT UP!

Oh, it couldn't have been Tommy and Mike. They're in Washington, D.C. I thought Mike was poor.

A ghost town does not actually refer to ghosts.

OMG THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A MORGAN PONY! MORGANS ARE FREAKING HORSES!

Duh, Morgans are known for pulling heavy loads. Ever heard of Justin Morgan?

Angel tried to wake Emily up with nudges and hot breath. Sorry. That just sounds way funny.

How did Angel die? She was injured, but not that injured. And they did not use the phrase "put down" in 1870. Anachronistic.

SO LAME: May Angel rest in peace. She is, indeed, an Angel.
What? Why would you capitalize Angel if it's not her name in the last part? So dumb.

Yes, people tend to be sad when their animals DIE.

Mr. Conway doesn't want to talk to three 10-year-old girls. What a surprise.

Lame. He believes in ghosts. And was confronted by the ghost pony. *gag*

He also believes in the crying baby ghost. And the ghost of Mr. Warner, who trips you with his chains!!

I don't think Mr. Warner will trip your ponies. BECAUSE HE ISN'T REAL.

Yeah, riding at night, not a smart plan anyway.

Now Pam believes in ghosts.

He can't speak for the ghosts. Heh. This old man is so mean it's funny.

I wasn't sure if they had metal charm bracelets in 1870.

SHE'S DEAD, Pam. I think it's okay to read her stupid diary.

I hate people who write in their diary like it's a real person. That's why I could read "The Diary of Anne Frank".

I bet Lucy, Meg, and Emily are reincarnations of the Pony Pals.
Emily = Lulu. There's the whole "I killed my pony" guilt thing going on.
Lucy = Pam. They live farther away than the other two.
Meg = Anna. Cuz she has a mischevious pony.

Lame New year's resolutions.

Aw, read this poem.
Here lies Emily's Angel
She was a true, brave friend
May she be remembered always
It's like a bad attempt at a haiku.

PLEASE don't let the Pony Pals write something for the fair.

Aren't you supposed to be controlling Acorn, not the other way around?

They find a piece of slate that says "Ed always", and they think it can't be Angel's because it says "Ed" on it. "Ed always"? THAT MAKES NO SENSE!

Oh, duh, it's from "remembered always"!

Why does Mrs. Crandal just happen to have a big piece of slate in her garage.

Lame. Pony Pals are pretending to be from the "olden days".

And they write a horrible piece on 1870.

Creepy. They hold a seance-type grave digging thingy.

The world is a cruel, cruel place, or Pony Pals #16: The Missing Pony Pal

AAAAAAAAAAAARGH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! THIS BOOK SUCKED! I wish I could give it an F! I wish I could give it lower than an F! I wish I could ban every this book from every library and every bookstore in the world. AAAAAAGH! It SUCKED SO BAD!



Plot: Oh boy! A gymkhana! Lulu and Snow White LOVE gymkhana! But when practicing pole bending, Snow White leans too far and she and Lulu topple over. Lulu ends up bruising her thigh and Snow White sprains a tendon.
The next 70 pages are a bunch of CRAP on how AWFUL Lulu FEELS about EVERYTHING that she EVER DID, including get born. Haaaaate.
The Pony Pals try to convince Lulu it was an accident, but she doesn't believe them and literally runs into the woods (DURING A STORM!) after vowing never to ride again.
She comes back, unfortunately, and realizes that she is a big IDIOT and that it was an accident and she needs to STOP BEING SUCH A FREAKING WIMP. So then the Pony Pals win all the gymkhana games. BOOOOOOOO!

More notes:
I literally marked every single page.

I'm tired of the mention of Lulu's stay in England, and Lightning's valiant kitten rescue.

Pole bending race. Sort of self explanatory. Or at least easy to explain.

They leave Lulu lying on the ground after she falls.

Pam looks like Mrs. Laners....

Lulu has to go to the hospital. In an ambulance. Whatever.

She has NOT been living in Wiggins a short time. She's experienced like 6 summer vacations!

Why do Anna and Pam have to be exact opposites? Black, white. Tall, short. Smart, dumb. Bad artist, good artist.

I think Lulu DID hurt her brain in the fall. Or maybe it's always been like that.

Grandmother Sanders = ridiculously old fashioned. I bet she still wears petticoats.

How does the doctor know she has a big bruise on her thigh? Did he take off her pants?

Lulu thinks Snow White might be dead. Right.

Thank you for making the situation worse, Dr. Crandal.

THEY'RE EATING SPAGHETTI AGAIN!

Ponies don't moan. Or have nightmares.

WTH???? At the gymkhana, there will be a costume parade. Anna's ideas include a banana and...I'm not sure what that is. Also an artist and THE PONY COULD BE A PALETTE! HAHAHAHAHA!

Lulu would not be a good princess. Actually, yes she would. She whines a lot, but doesn't do anything about it.

Lulu keeps dwelling on stupid Snow White. "Omg, I almost KILLED my pony. *sob sob sob*"

Who's Paint? Since when do the Crandals have more than 2 riding ponies? I thought Mrs. Crandal didn't NEED a third pony!!!! WHO IS PAINT???

That's right, Lulu. Acting like a *itch will make everyone feel better.

Anna and Pam look like they want to kill Lulu.

IT'S A RACE! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GO FAST!
Lulu: Uh-uh! Safety first!
AAAAGH! SHUT UP!

Omg. Lulu = no sense of humor. Because riding is serious business. And you're not allowed to have fun with ponies.

I have nothing bad to say about Pam and Anna this whole book. I actually feel REALLY sorry for both of them.

Oooh, burn.
Pam: We need to have a Pony Pal meeting right now.
Lulu: About what?
Anna: About YOU!

They called Splash A GIRL. Um, Splash is A BOY. And Splash is NOT A NICE CALM PONY. Remember? Always rushing ahead?

Lulu is scared of squirrels.

Maybe Snow White is ignoring you because you're so FREAKING ANNOYING!!

Grandma Sandy, NOT HELPING.

YOU DIDN'T ALMOST KILL YOUR PONY! HORSES FALL DOWN IN LOTR ALL THE TIME!

THE PONY PALS ARE ACTUALLY APOLOGIZING!!!!! Well, Lulu isn't. But Pam and Anna are apologizing to her!!!! Huh. I'm proud of them.

They call Acorn a girl, too.

This totally reminds me of "Wizard Angst". "I QUIT MAGIC!"

Yeah, running into the woods is smart.

Where's the comma? "Lulu stop!"

Oh no, you're breaking all 5 Safety in the Woods rules!

OMG, Lulu almost gets struck by lightning. I cracked up laughing when I read that part.

They almost get hit by lightning again. And ANNA IS TALLER THAN PAM!!

Good thing Lulu knows how to track. The ONE thing she ever does right.

I don't think your ponies care that you are gone.

You don't have to ride to be a Pony Pal. I could be a Pony Pal if I wanted. I mean, I love ponies, I don't understand people, and I have no social skills.

Oh. We just got trapped in the woods for 2 hours. Want to go get lunch at the diner?

Anna just told Lulu to shut up. GO ANNA!

And then Anna starts crying. Yeah.

Aaaah, Lulu is not being a leader! THAT'S why Snow White is acting weird!

"My leader is back!" Totally reminds me of, "Take me to your leader."

The sack race has nothing to do with weaving in and out of poles! Stupid.

Yeah, that's right, BE SELFISH! Now your friends can't compete in the gymkhana games. Jerk.

Oh, such a sacrifice.

They win because Lulu grows a brain.

They lose every other race.

They describe Lulu's outfit to the slightest detail. And the picture is so not worth that 1000 words.

Lulu does not deserve all this special attention.

That SUCKED. Aaaargh. Tomorrow, #17 where they find another cat.

The world is divided into two kinds of people, or Pony Pals #13: The Girl Who Hated Ponies

Lulu is a very AWFUL person. That's all I have to say. Btw, the picture shows the cover in the wrong color. The copy I have is periwinkle, not rusty brown.



Plot: Mr. Sanders forgets that Lulu is an antisocial freak and decides to let his bosses daughter Melissa (or something like that) hang with Lulu and the Pony Pals. FOR A WHOLE WEEKEND. WITHOUT ADULT SUPERVISION. Okay, not really, but he's basically leaving Lulu and his friend's kid on their own.
Oh no, Melissa doesn't like PONIES!!!! *gasp* She likes makeoevers and beauty parlors and wears dangly earrings, so Lulu writes her off as a jerk and is mean to her.
They all go to Pam's house. Melissa doesn't want to go riding, so the Pony Pals give her the glare of death. They try to introduce her to their ponies, but Melissa seems to be scared of them??? IS IT POSSIBLY BECAUSE OF A TRAUMATIC EVENT WHEN SHE WAS 5???
Finally, they convince Melissa to go riding with them, but she agrees to go only if she can give them all makeovers when they get back. Ew. Not.
Oh no, a blizzard! The Pony Pals get trapped with Melissa in a wooden shelter that magically popped out of the ground. Melissa then admits that she was once trapped in a stall with a horse and has since then been scared out of her pants by horses. Then she apologizes for being such a BRAT. Um, yeah, Pony Pals, don't you think YOU need to give her an apology TOO?
But no. Magically, the snow stops and they can go outside again! Then they are rescued by Mr. Crandal and they all go home.
But Melissa has not forgotten about the makeovers....
At the diner the next morning, Melissa decides that the thing she REALLY wants to do is give the PONIES makeovers. So they do that. And Melissa is in love with Snow White. Because everyone looooooves Snow White. Yeah. That's IT.

More notes:
"We're going to spend the whole weekend riding with our Pony Pals." Don't you do that EVERY weekend?

I thought Mr. Sanders was studying BLACK bears, but he's going to a conference on BROWN bears. And he STILL looks like George Lopez.

Oh, because Lulu likes ponies, and Melissa's parents like ponies, and the Pony Pals like ponies, MELISSA must LOVE ponies.

Lulu is HORRIBLE at making friends, seeing as she only has 2 since moving to Wiggins. Why does Mr. Sanders think this is a good idea?

Melissa is wearing a black skirt (looks like a dress on the cover), lace-up leather boots (combat boots???), and a red jacket...OH, and a beret, which they failed to mention. Who wears berets?

Melissa is wearing dangly earrings. What is the signifigance of dangly earrings? Lulu makes a HUGE deal about it.

Okay, the Princes live in New York City...so they drive down to Conecticut to pick up Mr. Sanders and drop off Melissa...and now they're going to Maine. Yeah, not out of the way at all.

Mr. Sanders' first name is TOM???

OH NO, MELISSA HAS A NEW MANICURE KIT THAT HAS NAIL POLISH AND GOLD SPARKLES! DEMON!!! Seriously, even horse freaks like to look semi-feminine some of the time.

Since when does Grandma Sandy give manicures? My bad, Grandmother Sanders.

They leave Melissa with Grandma Sandy and talk about her behind her back? Such jerks.

We never find out how Lulu's mammy died.

ANNA LOOKS JUST LIKE CASPIAN FROM THE "CHRONICLES OF NARNIA" BBC MOVIE!!!

Bad grammar. "Melissa come over here." Where's the comma, eh?

They're confused as to why Melissa hates stepping in horse crap.

They're trying to force Melissa to become a Pony Pal.

Wait, for serious? All Melissa's suitcase holds is a manicure kit, makeup, a nightgown, a "very pretty dress", and a fluffy pink bathrobe. Whaaaaaat?

I swear, brownies and spaghetti are the only things the Pony Pals ever eat.

How did they know Melissa was from New York? It's not MENTIONED for 20 pages.

Melissa hates Snow White, too.

Oh no, it referenced THE CIRCUS. Acorn's not really that talented. He can shake and nod his head and go in a circle.

I wrote a lot when I was little, too!

Horses are beautiful and wonderful. Thank you, Lulu.

Aaargh, poop is a bad word!!! Dang it! SAY POOP! SAY IT!

Melissa: Anna, I think a different hairstyle would make you look older.
Anna: Why would I want to look older?
Well, let's see, you look like you're 5?

"You'll be known as the Pretty Pals instead of the Pony Pals." OMG!! I don't think Melissa meant to insult them, but she TOTALLY DID. Wait...I think she meant to. BOOYA, I love this girl.

SPLASH IS BACK FROM #6!!!

Ew, who eats muffins hot?

Heh, manipulation on both sides. Cat fight!

Splash actually looks like an Appaloosa!

Now you know how it feels, Anna. (See #9)

Lulu doesn't have the guts to say, "Snow White behaves a lot better than you do." Honestly, I can't stick up for Melissa any more. She's just as bad as the Pony Pals. I probably would've strangled her by now.

But Melissa isn't stupid, and Lulu's all surprised to see that Splash is really a problem pony. Dummy.

Yeah, yelling during a trail ride. Good idea. Spook the ponies a little.

Melissa just acknowledged Wiggins' lack of pizza places.

Maybe Snow White doesn't like snow because the last time it snowed, she got lost in a blizzard and fell in an icy hole while she had SHINGLES.

See, told you.

Tommy Rand = serial killer. He either finds a dead snake or kills one, but then he wraps it around Pam's neck. Dang. That really sucks. Now she's all phobic of snakes.

Lulu has a Rihanna haircut in one picture.

Whatever. Melissa's encounter with a scary horse isn't that scary to me. If it had been me I would've been so thrilled. Cuz I was a Pony Pal and a freak when I was little.

To pass the time, Melissa teaches them a line dance. How...? No what, never mind.

I'm shocked that Lulu even owns a pair of long underwear. Pam totally looks like Nicole from the basketball team.

The Crandals own their own ranch, a billion ponies, a huge house, their own medical practice, and a snowmobile. They haven't said it, but I think the Crandals are rich.

Wiggins is so much more exciting than boring old New York City! Not.

"Can I bring them a treat?" Shouldn't it be, "Can I take them a treat?"

They want to trim Acorn's whiskers and earhair? You have to do that?

Mmm, delicious, yogurt with bananas and strawberries. Sorry, I'm a picky eater.

Where'd the baseball cap come from? First a beret, now a baseball cap? Confused.

Melissa looks just like Emily Osment in the last picture.

That was dumb, but it didn't anger me as much as it did others. Lulu reminds me of myself sometimes. Ouch. The truth hurts. I'll go cry in a corner.
Tomorrow: The one about Mimi and Tongo (#14) or hopefully "Circus Pony"!

I'd die for her, or Pony Pals #10: Don't Hurt My Pony

I remember really liking this one. Really, 10-12 were like the best books I'd ever read. Although, rereading it today, I'm not quite sure why. And it's only 77 pages, which is like 20 pages shorter than the average Pony Pals book. Dang. I told you they were getting shorter.
Also, I'm going to have to wait for stupid #11 to come, because someone else checked it out. I mean, forget the fact that I've had a hold on it for...a long time, but IT WAS PROBABLY SOME LITTLE KID, TOO!! AND LITTLE KIDS DON'T READ 77 PAGE BOOKS VERY FAST! I SHOULD KNOW!!!
It just curdles my beans.



Lulu looks interesting. She looks different in every picture in this book. Lulu must have a thing for plastic surgery. And Snow White looks like a mule. Hate.

Plot: The Pony Pals are just so adventurous and woodsy! Their parents have agreed to let them have a three day camping trip on Ms. Wiggins' property! Ooh, how exciting. I was never one for camping. Wierdos. But on their way to the campsite, Snow White steps in a trap. You can all gasp now. Lulu manages to get the trap off, but is convinced that some evil poachers are trying to kill her pony.
Yeah. Because everyone knows poachers trap ponies. In the woods. In Conneticutt.
Lulu tells Pam and Anna about the traps, and they go into the woods to find more so they can protect Bambi and friends from must certain death. While they are doing this, Tommy Rand and Mike Lacey come and make fun of them, bla bla bla bla.
Gasp! It turns out Tommy and Mike are the poachers!
The Pony Pals race to Ms. Wiggins' house after collecting evidence (one lousy picture of Tommy holding a trap) and tell her the whole story. Ms. Wiggins confronts the boys and ends up giving Mike a job because he's poor. SO LAME.

More notes:
In the beginning, Lulu is all sobbing because her dad won't let her come with him to Africa so they can watch elephants. And yet every time he tries to take her to Africa, she's like, "NO, I WANT TO STAY WITH MY FRIENDZ AND PONIEZ!!!"

He says she would hate it because they will be living in difficult conditions. And yet she's going CAMPING??

"I've been on hard trips with you before!" Since when. I'm trying to remember.

"They're are a lot of poachers where I'm going. They're shooting the elephants for their tusks. It's too dangerous to bring you." Wait, so Lulu might get shot? Man, now I'm sad she can't go.

MORE PETA MESSAGES. And it's not like I'm pro-poaching, but Mrs. Betancourt definitely has an agenda here.

The only restaurant in town is the Off-Main Diner. What? Not even a Pizza Hut? Or a McDonalds? STARBUCKS????

Lulu is apparently a really good tracker. Like Aragon.

Ew, weird picture. Lulu: Another face lift. Snow White: Still looks like a mule. Bunny: Looks just like Luke.

Snow White weighs a lot more than you do, Lulu, and you're 10. There's probably not a lot you can do to protect her.

Lulu looks like Emily Rose in the next picture. Exorcism, anyone?

Why would you say "full of fun"? Why couldn't you say "fun"?

The blurb on the Pony Pals is really short this time. Huh. I guess the author is learning....

Just because Pam is smart means she is a crappy artist.

Yeah. Yelling loudly in the woods with poachers about. Good plan.

Tuna sandwhiches, fruit salad, and brownies! What a feast!

Pam: Are you all right? You look funny.
Lulu: You scared me. I thought you were the poacher.
Anna: Poacher? What are you talking about?
I think Anna was having a Jon Reep moment. "Momma! Daddy's on the crack corn!" Lulu needs to go to rehab.

Pam, I know people are supposed to put their names on their traps, but that's like writing your name on a murder weapon. So these poachers were breaking the law, yes, but they weren't stupid.

Come on, Anna. I know what a pelt is. Pam knows what a pelt is. EVERYONE knows what a pelt is.

I thought Acorn was the one with good detective skills. Whatever.

Yes, Anna, we know you're not supposed to stick your hand in traps.

You can't really catch a trap. Just saying.

They think it's amazing that Snow White can smell a fish lure. HOW COULD YOU NOT?

Nice high-waisted jeans, Lulu. Actually, I think I have a pair just like those. Now I have incentive to never wear them again.

"Lulu could see that Tommy and Mike were startled when they first saw a big white animal on the trail. But then they realized it was just a pony, they kept coming toward the three girls." Well, yeah. What else could it be, besides a pony? A POLAR BEAR? "Lost", much?

Oh, how amusing.
Tommy: Hey, Mike. I think I just saw some strange bugs.
Mike: You mean bugs like pests?
Tommy: Yeah. Oh, I see. It's the Pony Pests.
Mike: I guess the Pony Pests ride their little ponies around here.
Tommy: Their little pesty ponies.
Really, though, they're in 8th grade. They're not that retarded.

Tommy tries to pet Snow White and Lulu has a spaz attack. "S-S-S-S-STOP ATTACKING MY PONY GRAWR!"

"Let's go, Tommy, before I fall asleep from boredom!" Sooooo funny.

If the Pony Pals care so much about colic, why is Lulu giving Snow White 50 bajillion carrots?

Ms. Wiggins would NEVER let jerks ride on her property! Um, hello, she lets little annoying 10-year-olds ride on her property. I don't think jerks are much worse.

Pam says "maybe" a lot in this book.

They use the word "silly" to describe the Pony Pest jokes. Aaaagh.

More boy humor. This is so lame.

More PETA.

Gee, someone's trapping out in the woods, where there's no one to hear you scream. That's a good reason NOT to tell your grandma what's going on. Lame.

I want what Anna's smoking, if she can wake up at 5:00 happy and cheerful. This happened in #7, too. ANNA'S ON THE CRACK CORN...but I don't care.

Acorn and Lightning are mentioned ONCE in this book, and then it's more Snow White worship.

"Fox...dollars...better than raccoon. Why...traps...broken?" Maybe the poachers took English as a second language.

"We haven't caught nothin'!" What a beautiful sentence. Tommy, you are a genius.

Mike is way sensitive.

Wait. It's against the law for kids to trap, yet my little brother's friend has a hunting license. I'm going to check that law.

I don't understand Anna's idea. It's a bunch of arrows and pictures and bad spelling.

PAM, YOU ARE SUCH AN IDIOT! She thinks they should TALK to Tommy and Mike and tell them that trapping is wrong. Because they're 8th grade boys and they'll listen to your jargon.

Really, how many animals do you think are in danger? Those traps were out for a while before you came along and no one had been caught then.

I think it's ironic that this chapter is called "Trapped!". Heh. It brought my hopes up, though. I was hoping for death and violence.

"She loves all the animals and wants to protect them." Right. If I were Tommy and Mike, I'd make fun of her, too.

I have to admit, venison lasagna is pretty tasty....

The rabbit part is a little annoying, though. "POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW!"

WHY DO THEY GO TO SCHOOL WITH TOMMY AND MIKE? THEY'RE IN 5TH GRADE!!! What kind of school do they go to, anyways?

Yay, Lulu is actually good at something for once.

That's why you turn off the flash BEFORE you take the picture.

"And because the girls were smaller than the boys, they could move faster through the dense part of the woods." Yeah, but they have longer legs.

Since when does Anna wear a headband?

If two boys are riding mountain bikes at top speed and you are trotting, it is VERY LIKELY THAT THEY WILL BEAT YOU.

The trail is too twisty for galloping. But Lulu makes Snow White gallop two seconds after thinking that.

There's a woman in front of Ms. Wiggins' house. It's Ms. Wiggins! DUH. She only lives there.

The boys were right on their heels, and yet it takes them half an hour to catch up with Pony Pals. LAAAAME.

Being mean is a good reason to go to jail. Not.

Ms. Wiggins: The girls can stay. We're talking about something that concerns them. They're worried about the safety of the animals in my woods. So am I.
Tommy: I told you they were tattletales.
COME ON, TOMMY! I thought you didn't want to get CAUGHT! You basically ADMITTED EVERYTHING! You just screwed yourself over.

Pam has to correct everyone.

Lulu is so mean.
Mike: My father taught me how to trap. We used to do it together. But with permits and everything legal.
Lulu: What father?
*flinch*

Didn't Mr. Lacey used to live in Ohio? Now he lives in Chicago. Guess she forgot?

"He gave me the traps. They were like a present from him." Uh, yeah. Technically when someone gives you something, it is a present.

I doubt trapping animals is going to get you enough for a plane ticket to Chicago.

She gives Mike a job because he's poor and has no father. That's...nice.

The last picture looks just like one from a previous book. SNOW WHITE, SO UGLY.

Only Snow White gets to be in the picture. Because she's a little detective pants.

That one was way boring. I'll get "Circus Pony" one of these days.

Wild thing, you make my heart sing, or Pony Pals #9: The Wild Pony

This was the first Pony Pals I ever read. And probably the one that made me like Pam. I have distant memories of always getting mad at Lulu and Anna during Pam books. I officially change my vote on the poll from Lulu to Pam. Because Lulu is driving me insane.
I wish I still had my Fisher Price people. I really want to play Pony Pals. With or without ponies.



Plot: Pam is out riding one day when she sees a strange pony in front of an abandoned house. Its coat looks awful and it's really skinny, so Pam assumes it must be wild. Also, it seems terrified of humans and runs away every time it sees anyone. Hm.
So Pam tells the Pony Pals about it, so they follow the pony and she runs away. Big surprise.
They then go to Mrs. Baxter's house and ask her who owned the old house. She says it's owned by Mr. Kennedy, who moved to California and is still trying to sell the house, but she doesn't remember him having a pony.
Pam tells her parents. They basically tell her the same thing.
After all this lack of adult help, they convince the pony to take oats from them. They do this every day and groom her and give her a doctor's checkup, bla bla bla. Oh no, she's head shy. Yeah. Abuse issues. And her name is Beauty. Lame pants.
But then Pam doesn't tell the Pony Pals something or other, or does something without them, and they get all mad at her, but Pam basically says, "Screw you," and ignores them. She also sends a fax to Mr. Kennedy, which he replies to by saying, "STAY OFF MY PROPERTY! AND I'M SELLING THAT HORSE TO THE SLAUGHTERHOUSE!" Pam is heartbroken, and feels really awful, and the Pony Pals accept her apology, which MADE ME SO MAD, because they're little hos and should be apologizing.
So the Pony Pals work together and take care of Beauty, bla bla bla, and then they try to convince Ms. Wiggins to buy her, but Ms. Wiggins don't want no pony. It's been 3 months since Winston died and she's just too sad.
But, like everyone else, she gives in to the Pony Pals, buys Beauty, and everyone is happy. Aaaargh.

More notes:
Horses bob heads in greeting. Isn't that a bird thing? Waaak! *bob bob bob*

Anna: What's so strange about seeing a pony? Lots of people have ponies around here.
Who? You, Anita Rand, Mr. Olson, Ms. Wiggins...that's not that many people.

Lulu convinces Pam to break the law. Pam actually has common sense, but noooooo. She's smart, but she gives in all the time. HATE LULU. HATE. And Anna needs to pick a side. When Pam's mad at Lulu, she's on Pam's side. When Lulu's mad at Pam, she's on Lulu's side. Loser.

Since when is Lulu sad about her dead mom? She never mentions it. Anna and Pam do, though. ALL THE TIME.

If Lulu's been living there for a year or two (at least), she's not that new to Wiggins.

Anna does NOT have fun ideas.

So lame. The cook's name is Cook. Why couldn't they give her/him a normal name, like Kirk Hammett?

Mr. Baxter reminds me of Mr. Wilson. From Dennis the Menace.

Oh ho ho. Silly Mrs. Baxter. She just made a lil joke.

THE PONY PALS LIVE IN CONNETICUTT!!! I finally know where they live! Wait...isn't that where "The Baby-Sitter's Club" takes place?

Pam just called an adult dumb. She's not that good with people.

Anna thinks she's so slick. Hello. You're still trespassing. It's against the law.

Lulu: Ponies are herd animals. They love being together.
Not necessarily. What if it was an antisocial pony?

Um, creepy. Lulu speaks horse.

And she tells amusing stories about gorillas.

After Snow White got strangles ONCE, Lulu is convinced every pony must have it. I just really hate her. Snow White, too. Who's barely in this book, actually. Same with the other ponies.

Awwww, really adorable picture of Lightning and Beauty.

Oh no, another, "It's his property," thing. Well, they're right. But no. Listen to authority Pam. I feel like I'm talking to that girl on the office.

Gee, when someone is afraid of something, they usually have a reason for it. If Beauty doesn't like you, she might be afraid of you, or maybe you're just REALLY UGLY, Lulu.

I think they feed her steroids.

Pam: Anna's your friend, too.
Who, Miss Double Allegiances?

Ew, the grooming of Beauty sounds way dirty. Heh. I'm a poet...I won't say the rest.

Anna: Maybe she's ALL black.
That sentence just sounded funny. But for reals, if she was dirty, I think you could still tell if she was white or not.

Dr. Crandal is like the Sin Eater: he pops out of nowhere. Probably out of the ground. I wonder if he wears a cloak.

AAAAAAAARGH! MORGANS ARE NOT PONIES! THEY ARE SHORT, BUT THEY ARE NOT PONIES! I think Jeanne Betancourt is convinced there is no such thing as a horse. Loser. MORGANS ARE NOT PONIES!!!!!! AAAAAAAH! And neither are Appaloosas.

Why do they say "salvage"? Why can't they say "slaughter" like normal people?

Anna can't make any sacrifices for Pam, but Pam must sacrifice. What a wonderful friendship. How has it lasted all these years?

Hm, they found the guy's pony, and she's malnourished and dirty. I think her owner should know. But Lulu doesn't think so. And Anna-can't-think-for-herself thinks so, too.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! "It's two against one, Pam." Maybe she doesn't care and you guys DON'T HAVE TO AGREE ON EVERYTHING.
Anna: ONE Pony Pal can't decide what to do. We ALL have to agree.
It's called thinking for yourself. Try it sometime, Anna. Seriously. They can still take care of Beauty, and they should let Pam do whatever she wants to. Uh oh, Pam pulled the "I found her first" card. Not good.

OMG, PAM JUST DID SOMETHING WITHOUT THE PONY PALS! "I'm going to see Mrs. Baxter now. You can come if you want." BAM! And they choose not to come. GO PAM!

Mrs. Baxter thinks Pam is right. So does...everyone else.

PAM JUST CALLED LULU DUMB!!!
Lulu: Did you talk to Mr. Kennedy?
Pam: No. I sent him a fax. It's like a letter, only the person gets it right away.
Lulu: I know what a fax is!
Ha. Ugh, now she's mad that Pam didn't write it with them. Wait, you didn't WANT to write a fax. Quit beeing a hypocritical little _itch.

Pam: Beauty's not mine and she's not yours. She's Mr. Kennedy's pony.
Anna: You broke the Pony Pal rule that we all have to agree on a Pony Pal plan when we're solving a Pony Pal problem.
That was an awful sentence. Maybe Pam doesn't need the Pony Pals to solve problems. Anna should really listen to her tutor more.
Pam: It's a stupid rule.
Your friends are morons. Leave now...leave them and never return....
Also, switch Lightning with Acorn. You'll be much better off.

What's wrong with this fax?
Dear Mr. Kennedy:
I saw a pony on your property. She looks like she was on her own all winter. She is very skinny and her coat is all muddy. My friends and I are feeding and grooming her. We have our own ponies and know a lot about them. My father says its your pony. He is a veterinarian and says that Beauty is undernourished, but not sick.
We would want to make Beauty beautiful again. We want to train her, too. Then we could find her a good home. It is hard to train Beauty because she's headshy and I can't put a halter on her. Do you know why she is head shy?
Thank you.
Sincerely,
Pam Crandal


PS
You can send me a fax at Baxter Realty.
Actually, there are some grammar problems in that letter and a lot of unnecessary information, but from a TEN YEAR OLD? This is pretty good for a professional letter. You can't expect her to do much better.
Anna: That's not a very good letter.
Just because you don't know how to write....
Lulu is really pretty in this one. And the Pony Pals are actually write about some parts when they critique the letter, but seriously. They're just jealous and mad that she didn't wait for them, even though THEY DIDN'T WANT TO WRITE A LETTER. I hate these girls.

Anna is so prejudiced. AND HOW IS THIS BOSSY?
Pam: You both think Mr. Kennedy is mean. I don't think he is. Today I'm going to see if he sent me an answer to the fax. If you want to come, you can.
Anna: You're so bossy.
WTF??????? AAAAAAAAH! How was that even an order? HATE!

After Pam apologizes, the Pony Pals are suddenly all nice to her.
Anna: Don't cry. It's not all your fault. Mr. Kennedy is a mean man. [Notice they don't take any of the blame upon themselves or acknowledge that they were jerks.]
Lulu: And Mr. Baxter made things even worse. [Again, not taking any of the blame....]

Lame pants. Beauty hit her head on a tree, so she's head shy. WHAT?

Lulu just told Pam to suck it up. And yet she gets horribly mad whenever Pam says this to her. I HATE LULU SO MUCH!!!!!!

Sorry, Pam, but wishful thinking won't help anyone.

I hate how Jeanne Betancourt is trying to make out that Lulu and Anna are being such good friends to Pam, but they're really not. And she's also implying that they were right all along. I think Jeanne is racist.

Pam's is the only idea that makes sense. And it's not technically illegal. It's a loophole in the law.

Pam has to call both the Pony Pals when she has a good idea. BOTH. Lulu can't take the initiative to call Anna herself. And they both have to agree. I HATE THEM BOTH.

MORGANS ARE NOT PONIES!

They are all surprised that Picasso really likes Beauty. I think Picasso is the one who fathers Beauty's baby (book #28). They really need to take Sex Ed. Oh, I forgot, they call it Health nowadays.

AAAAAGH! Ms. Wiggins' name is Wilhemina in this one! So far it's been Wilhemina and Winifred. Mrs. Betancourt needs to pick a name and STICK WITH IT. Personally, I think Winifred is ballin'. I think they use Wilma in later books. That name sucks. :P

Yeah. You have no idea how mad that made me. I feel bad for Pam, but she needs to stick up for herself more often and not fall for fake apologies, OR LACK THERE OF! AAAAARGH! Hate.
There will be a lull in Pony Pals because I'm waiting for "The Baby Pony", but if that doesn't come in, I'll just buy it. And then I have to wait for 10-13. Toodles.

Free at last, free at last, or Pony Pals #7: Runaway Pony

Yeah, so the title is pretty self-explanatory. We have a pony. It runs away. And if you've been observing the Pony Pal pattern long enough (Lulu, Anna, Pam), you will know that it is Snow White that has run away. Yeah. So lame.



Plot: Snow White has strangles! I looked that up on wikipedia and that's like equine strep throat. Anyways, she's really contagious, so Lulu hasn't been able to go riding and Snow White has been staying at the Baxter's. :( One day, as Snow White is almost better, Lulu leaves Snow White by herself so she can go to a movie with the Pony Pals.
The next day it snows. And Snow White is gone.
Lulu is beside herself. She's convinced that it's her fault, like maybe she left the stall door open, or whatever, and she moans about it for a long time.
The Pony Pals call the state police, make wanted posters, and then Lulu goes out looking for her.
She finds her pretty quickly. Unfortunately, Snow White is an 8 foot deep hole in the ground. The walls are covered in ice and she can't get out. Lulu calls for help, and the Pony Pals come and help Lulu get Snow White out. Lulu now feels worse than ever, and thinks Snow White's strangles might be worse, so she leaves her at the Crandalls' house and writes them a letter, bequeathing her pony to them.
To get her mind off the ordeal, Lulu goes to dinner with her grandma, but the Pony Pals come in and convince her to take Snow White back because it turns out Snow White broke the lock in the paddock, so it wasn't her fault after all. Joy and tidings.

More notes:
Snow White looks very nice on the cover. She looks a lot younger and non-ponyish.

Lulu really wants to see this movie. I tried to imagine what movie it could be, but couldn't think of anything and just pretended it was "Hairspray" the whole time.

Why are Lulu and Anna suddenly okay with Pam's job? Well, the last one took place in summer and this one takes place in winter. AND THEY'RE STILL IN 5TH GRADE.

Pam is still way pretty. Anna looks more masculine than before.

Grandmother Sanders thinks looking proper is more important than outdoor sports. Well, duh. I'd rather look good than be athletic. Although those two sometimes go hand in hand. Let's say outdoorsy instead.

"Maybe we can't find Snow White because she's white and so is the snow." Yeah, a 2000 pound animal is that hard to miss.

Anna shrunk AGAIN!

They have a missing pony, so they call the state police. Right. I think the state police has more trying matters than a missing pony.

"Well, we have a dead dog and three dead deer, but no pony. We'll call if you anything comes up." Thanks, Officer.

Lulu: Maybe someone found her and wants to keep her.
Anna: That would be better than being lost or hurt.
Nice, Anna.

Another awful picture of a crying pony. And Lulu won't stop moaning about everything. "Ooooh, it's my fault." I bet she's just saying that so the others will contradict her and she'll feel better. Like the people who continually say, "I'm so fat!" Actually, I'm guilty of that. Sometimes.

Anna says they put up posters when her sister's cat was lost. But in book #17, Mrs. Harley is allergic to cats.

Lulu mistakes coyote tracks for horse tracks.

Ew, they describe Snow White's hair as coarse and oily. Like a teenager's.

Lulu is fine if she dies of dehydration as long as her pony is okay. Hm. Nice.

Lulu mistakes a bush covered in snow for a dead pony. COME ON.

Lulu falls into a hole. I take back my vote for her.

Lulu needs to stop being such a pessimist. "Oh, we're gonna die!" Oh, how I wish you would.

It seems Mrs. Crandall and the twins are always at the mall.

It's a cellphone, Lulu. Duh.

Lulu: Grab her! Before she falls back in!
Pam: I can't. She doesn't have a halter.
There are other ways to grab horses.

Lulu = so emo.

And she runs out of the room crying. Aaaargh.

Aaaargh, Lulu is antisocial. And she has a dead mom flashback. Double aaargh.

It's 9:00 A.M. Anna has been up for 4 hours. Holy crap, what is your problem? ANNA'S BEEN IN THE CRACK CORN!

What kind of outfit is this? "Grandmother smiled. 'Lucinda, dear,' she said, 'wear that lovely velvet skirt and the sweater with the lace collar that I bought you. You look so lovely in that outfit.'" Sounds like a concert violinist's outfit mixed with a nun's habit.

Who does that? When you don't want someone to leave, you don't grab their skirt!

Surprisingly (not), it rips.

What's up with the good illustrations? Is Anna actually improving?

Aaargh. Lulu is an idiot pants. "The lock broke." "YOU'RE MAKING THAT UP. *emos*"

This is Lulu's idea: 3 heads are better than 1. Right. That's a great idea. WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

People ride in skirts all the time. Sidesaddle.

I REALLY hated that one, even more so than #8, which I will start on right now. Aaargh, it's about death and Anna being a lamepants. You will not enjoy it.

Super pony!!, or Pony Pals #5: Pony to the Rescue

I think this is the on where I started to Anna. That girl has a mean streak a mile wide. And she's mean to little kids. -_- I'm mean to people MY AGE, but not little kids. Even annoying ones. Awwww, Acorn looks so adorable. I think that will be the next poll question: Which pony is your fave? I'd have to say Acorn, of course. Because Snow White was always sickly and Lightning was just bad tempered and cranky all the time.


Plot: Everybody seems to love Acorn, especially Rosalie Lacey. After riding him at the firehouse fair, she becomes obsessed with him, much to Anna's dismay. Rosalie comes to Anna's house everyday to ride Acorn and take care of him. Finally, Anna has a chance to escape this little monster when the Pony Pals decide to go on a camping trip. Rosalie wants to come, but grudgingly accepts that she can't.
All is going well. CAMPING IS GREAT FUN!! What's wrong with these girls? Seriously. But their happy time is interrupted when Ms. Wiggins comes to tell them that Rosalie has gone missing! So, without adult supervision, the girls go out to look for her. Acorn finds Rosalie! She's fine! Yay!
Oh no. Rosalie's mom doesn't want her riding ponies. EVER. AGAIN. *gasp* Oh, how cruel!
But the Pony Pals think up three great ideas to get Mrs. Lacey to let Rosalie ride ponies again. She caves! YAY! ROSALIE'S BACK! I thought they hated her. What's going on?

More notes:
Anna's dad thinks they need help leading ponies, because a lot of kids have never been on ponies. How hard is it to ride a pony? You sit and someone leads you around in a circle. It's not that hard.

Rosalie is only 6 and she's almost as tall as Anna. Acorn looks semi-realistic in this picture.

Anna's way strict about horse safety in this book. Safety rules that she never obeys herself...

Why would she tell Rosalie where she lives? She's just asking for trouble.

Rosalie shows up at Anna's house EVERY DAY. Omg, this is stalker material. I have two words for Anna: restraining order.

"Two in the saddle isn't safe." Since when? I've seen people ride two to a horse. You could ride bareback.

Anna's so bossy. That's probably why Acorn likes Rosalie better. Bam.

It makes it sound like Anna has a crush on Ms. Wiggins.

Anna is so mean to Rosalie! I would be mad about the "pony surprises" she made, but I wouldn't yell at her for like 20 minutes.

I don't know. I'm saying this from the experience I've had with my 6-year-old cousin. When I do get annoyed, I keep it all inside. And take it out on myself so I don't explode.

What's so funny about pizza?

If my dad suddenly started going out with Ms. Wiggins, I'd be very weirded out. Surprisingly, Lulu doesn't seem to pick up on any romantic vibes.

"It was as if Ms. Wiggins had read their minds!" That's because she's a WITCH.

Pam just has to be soooo organized.

On the menus, they write that the ponies will eat water and grass. Well, DUH. What else are they supposed to eat?

Mrs. Lacey basically told the Pony Pals she's poor, so don't encourage Rosalie about ponies???

Oh, that Tommy Rand! Apparently Mike Lacey is just as mean. But Mike is best pals with the Pony Pals in #31.

Anna...always thinking about food.

"The bucket is so your ponies can have stream water in the corral tonight. The bottled water is for you." Well, DUH.

"Acorn is the best on rocky terrain. He gives our ponies confidence." Laaaame. And aren't Welsh ponies and Connemaras just as surefooted as Shetlands, if not more so? Whatever.

Talk about anthropomorphic qualities.

She's wearing a yellow shirt and red shorts. Where do they find these shorts? I want some. Sounds slightly ugly. At least she'll be easy to find.

Acorn finds an important clue. Anna thinks he has colic. Nice, Anna.

Rosalie looks 4 instead of 6. What happened? Did that traumatic experience make her younger? Don't these things tend to make you look OLDER?

Hm, she's moving, she's talking, she's breathing. I don't think she has shock or serious injuries.

They're not bugging Rosalie about safety now. Hypocrites.

This is so awful!!! "It's your fault that Rosalie got lost! You encouraged her to follow you. Why don't you play with kids your own age? You and your horses. You just leave my child alone." THIS IS MRS. LACEY TALKING!!!! And Ms. Wiggins says, "Oh, she's just stressed out." Yeah, she's also a mean whore.

I guess if you're poor you call your Mom "Ma".

"For dessert they made sandwhiches of toasted marshmallows and chocolate bars between graham crackers." Why can't you just call them S'MORES???

Okay, the Pony Pals just saved Rosalie's butt and she thanks ONLY ACORN. Stupid.

Another awful drawing, compliments of Anna Harley....

"Mrs. Lacey finished dumping potatoes...." That is officially the best sentence ever.

Bam. Rosalie tells off her brother. Yeah, girl.

Mike: Pony Pals! It's all so stupid!!!
You and me, Mike.

Rosalie: I like ponies better than boys.
Anna: Personally, I like girls better.
Pony Pals: ....
Anna: I mean, I like ponies, too.

This is the second book that ends with the sentence, "____ gave her pony a big hug and a kiss."

I'll try to finish 6 today. Party on. Don't get lost in the woods.

EPIDEMIC, or Pony Pals #3: A Pony In Trouble

I really hated this one. It was soooooo boring. Even more so than the first two. But my library never had it when I lived in Japan, and I didn't know how to place holds at my new US library, so I never read this until one day it popped up in the fiction section. Weeee....



Plot: It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood. Mr. Rogers and the birds are singing, the sky is blue, the grass is green... Meanwhile, Lightning is in terrible pain.
Oh no! It appears Lightning has colic! And I don't mean to make a mockery of this illness, because it's serious business and I've known horses to die of this. But Lightning doesn't die, because the PONY PALS ARE THERE TO SAVE HER! Well, them and Mr. Crandall, a licensed veterinarian.
Pam is all emoed out, because she thinks she might be responsibile for Lightning's illness, and her best friends are pressuring her to be in a horse show, and she just HAAAATES horse shows. Whatever, she's only been in one.
So Lightning gets all better...but the next day, she's sick AGAIN!!! Pam feels worse than ever, but she bounces right back when it's decided that they'll stay up all night to see if Lightning does anything suspicious.
Around 6 AM, A MYSTERIOUS STRANGER APPEARS WITH A BAG OF APPLES! *gasp* SHE WAS THE ONE FEEDING LIGHTNING AND MAKING HER SICK!
Pam is really angry, and the Pony Pals jump the mysterious stranger while she's out on her bike and force her to listen to them. They tell her that overfeeding horses kills and that she's dumb. The girl (Diane, who is never mentioned again) feels terrible, apologizes, and promises to never feed Lightning again.
The last 30 pages are about Lulu and Anna's emotional manipulation. They push and push and push, but very subtlely, until finally Pam gives in and enters the horse show. Once there, she realizes *gasp* SHE LOVES HORSE SHOWS! She just THOUGHT she didn't like them because she had CHICKEN POX! OF COURSE! So the Pony Pals have a jolly good time and end up in the paper. The End.

More notes:
Pam has some weird hair going on in this book. First she has poufy bangs, then she doesn't, then she does, then she doesn't.... No afro puff in sight. It's MAGIC, I tell you. But the first picture shows her with some serious bangs, and the next, taking place on the same day, shows her without. Say whaaaat?

All of a sudden, it's spring vacation. Quoi?? Didn't school just start? And yet the Pony Pals manage to complete 5th grade at least 10 times in this entire series. WHAT'S UP WITH THAT???

"Come on. Take me home. You know we belong together." Isn't that a Justin Timberlake song?

Uh oh. Mrs. Crandall wants Pam to be in horse shows. But Pam is rebelling.

"Something's wrong with Lightning!" She's pawing the ground and kicking. Maybe she's in a bad mood?
Also, what kind of name is Lightning? For a girl horse with an upside down heart on her forehead. There's a horse in the game "Herd Your Horses" that has the same name and basically looks just like her.

Oh dear, Lightning is kicking her own stomach. So something is actually wrong.

Pam starts telling Lulu random horse knowledge like she doesn't know. What? Does she think she's better than Lulu or something? If I were Lulu, I'd kill her.

Next picture: NO BANGS.

Aaaargh, in every book there's a little blurb on the other two Pony Pals and how special they are. Anna's and Lulu's are always the same. And they mention Lulu's dead mother like 800 times.

The bangs are back! Lulu got a nose job, or something. And Anna has some weird 80's hair going on.

Anna's mom is FAMOUS for her brownies. Yeah...right.

Anna wants to compete in the Short Stirrup Division. Maybe because she's short?

Pam uses the phrase "pretty pony"!!!!

Aaargh, what is up with Anna and Rema? I hate that she turns out to be right.

Pam is shocked that Anna would want to do something that she wouldn't want to do. Uh...yeah?

Pam feels seperated from her friends because SHE HATES HORSE SHOWS. Oh, suck it up and stop being so melodramatic.

Interesting picture: Pam looks like a boy and Lulu looks just like my friend Joanne.

Oh my goodness, those BANGS!

Yay, a barn sleepover where they watch to make sure Lightning doesn't kill herself! How...fun.

Whatever. I hate "Black Beauty".

Pam is convinced Diane is feeding her pony POISONED APPLES. Eh, what? Is that some lame Snow White reference?

IT IS A SNOW WHITE REFERENCE!

Pam has a painful first show flashback. And the bangs have returned.

The Pony Pals try to trick Diane into stopping by holding up a sign that says, "YOU WON A BIG PRIZE." Sure, girls, that'll work. You know, that's probably how young children get kidnapped.

Pam makes signs that say, "You Hurt My Pony," and, "I'll Have You Arrested If You Don't Stop Feeding My Pony," but the others think those are too angry. Along with lame. But they think Anna's dead pony surrounded by apples is a suitable idea.

I swear, the author probably kept thinking Pam was a boy when he drew these pictures.

I think Lulu just called Anna dumb.

Oh, that'll work. "STOP. MUST TALK TO YOU. VERY IMPORTANT." They should've added, "OR WE'LL KILL YOU."

The Pony Pals resort to brute force. *shakes head* I would never do a thing like that...maybe...not really...eh, sure.

Diane is supposed to be in high school or junior high and she looks at least 12.

"It wasn't your fault. It's not like the wicked queen in Snow White. You didn't know any better. And the apples weren't poisoned. We checked." Real cool, Anna.

Ms. Wiggins is still mega creepy. She's now making clothes for the Pony Pals. Oooh.

The Pony Pals would make great detectives. Not.

Pam looks like Theo on "The Cosby Show".

Their decorations sound...pretty cool, actually. I'm jealous.

"You don't understand. NO ONE UNDERSTANDS." We know, Pam. We know.

"I don't care what my mother thinks. I'm sick of everybody nagging me about horse shows and about being the teacher's daughter." You tell 'em, Pam.

5 seconds after that outburst, SHE GIVES IN!! Wimp. I BELIEVED IN YOU.

Why do they bug Anna about having crappy handwriting? It's really nice. Like calligraphy.

A 30 mile bike ride? :O That's insane.

I'm trying to understand this sentence. "The ponies and horses in this competition are so beautifully turned out that we're going to have a parade." Turned out? What does that mean? Like in a pasture? Why couldn't he say, "Because of the wonderful turnout..."

Pam looks like a boy in the last picture, and Anna looks like Heidi Klum. And Lulu still looks like Joanne.

AAAAAH, so lame!!! "I need to know who you girls are, for the caption under the picture." "We're the Pony Pals!!" Lameness. Lame pants.

I would read some more, but I've got to practice piano. For band class. Never mind. I'll be reading #4 tomorrow. I remember not liking that one, either. Heck, did I like ANY of the Pony Pals? I remember #20 being good, and Super Special #2, and #10 was all right... Hm, I don't know. I'll see y'all later.