This could have been an R. L. Stine "Fear Street" novel, or FTFO Madison Finn #12: Lights Out!

Okay, looking at Dan Ginsburg on the cover of his book, he's not that fat. In fact, he's not fat at all. They call him Pork-O and everything, but Dan's actually in better shape than Egg, who looks anorexic. And he has cool shoes (also compared to Egg, who has some weird Elvis-esque blue suede shoes).



Plot: The Far Hills Junior High seventh grade class is going on a three-day trip to Jasper Woods, where they will face their fears and stay in cabins and whatnot. Madison is beyond excited. Sure, there will be no bath towels, hot showers, snacking, TV, internet access, reading material, but... Hang on. This trip doesn't sound fun anymore.
It's too late to back out now. The day arrives and Madison heads on the bus with her best friends.
There's trouble right off the bat. Madison and her friends are forced to share a cabin with POISON IVY!!
Also, Fiona seems super jealous of Madison and Egg's tight relationship. Even though Madison insists they are just friends, Fiona seems to believe otherwise.
Jasper Woods is throwing out its own challenges as well: a Talent Show, a haunted cabin, and something called THE TOWER that has Madison scareder than scared.
Here's how things work out:
The talent show goes well. Madison, Aimee, Lindsay, and Fiona sing a song about frienship. They don't win any prizes, but that's okay because most of them are tone deaf anyway.
Fiona forgives Madison for stealing Egg (um, whatever), and "allows" her to remain friends with her main squeeze. Whore.
Madison hears ghosts and leads Hart, Dan, Egg, and Fiona on a ghost hunt, proving to a terrified Ivy that she's NOT chicken.
Madison climbs THE TOWER, and though no one cares, she is proud to have conquered her fear of heights.
All in all, an okay trip.

More notes:
Madison is sitting in math class, watching the clock, and it starts moving BACKWARDS. I swear, that happens to me all the time.

Egg gets pwned. And has to do the problem on the board.

Ivy: I have to bring my new camera to Jasper Woods. And my hair dyer, of course.
Joan: And don't forget the curling iron, too, right? YOu wanna look good for you-know-who.
Oh, I know who, you backstabbing little skank.

Fiona: I am so stressed! Egg just ignored me. He raced by and wouldn't even stop when I called after him. He won't talk to me!
Been there, done that.

"Madison bit her lip. Hart was wearing a rugby shirt with blue and gold stripes and khaki pants. She noticed how his brown hair was getting long on top. It whooshed over his forehead. She wished she could touch it - just once."
That's the closest Madison comes to a dirty thought.

To temporarily replace Madison's laptop (which won't be allowed on the class trip), Frannie buys Madison an orange notebook.
Whenever my grandma buys me those, they're red. Not complaining, but blue would be nice.

Aargh, Bigwheels' boyfriend is a jerk, too. He just randomly stopped talking to her. I guess it's catching.

So to cheer her up, her dad bought her a kitten named Sparkles!

It turns out there's a talent show...and Madison's the ONLY ONE who didn't bring something nice to wear for it.
Oops.
Ugh, that sucks.

Heh, Madison elbows Ivy in the face...or tries to. She ends up hitting Hart.

Lame. She and Hart discuss THE WEATHER.

Jealous. Lindsay has a Hello Kitty backpack.

And she bought a DRESS for the talent show. A DRESS? It's a junior high talent show! It's not THAT big a deal, Lindsay!

ROFL, they play Mash!! Madison lists Egg under the Guy column and Fiona FLIPS OUT. Jealous much?

She ends up marrying Egg, becoming a pop diva, and living in a jungle shack with her 99 kids.

Aimee tells Madison about a "haunted" cabin.
I vaguely remember a friend of mine telling me about the bear cabin....

Counselor: Lunches are by the main lodge, girls.
Ivy: That was James. And - whoa - he is a total hottie.
Joan: Would you go out with him?
Ivy: He's not really my type.
Yeah. Because I'm sure counselors like him are so interested in dating jailbait.

Dan: Do we have to wear costumes? I saw that some people have them, but I didn't bring anything.
Madison: Don't worry so much.
Hypocrite.

Uh oh. Egg and Madison have a leaf fight. It must mean they're fooling around behind your back, Fiona.

They pick a song for the talent show called "That's What Friends Are For". I swear that's a Michael W. Smith song.

Weeeeeird.
Egg: Do you wanna be part of our routine? [for the talent show]
Madison: Me? Why me?
Egg: Because you're my best friend who's a girl.
Madison: Maybe you should ask someone else. Like Fiona.
After she says no, Egg asks IVY instead. Lame.

Haaa. Lindsay listens to the weather channel on her portable radio. Point and laugh!

Rather than forgo her vegetarian diet, Aimee snubs the hot dogs and eats a plate of tomatoes for dinner. Mmmmm....

Camp songs!! Honk, honk, rattle, rattle, toot, toot, beep, beep!

Madison doesn't know any camp songs. She's never been to camp.

Madison is tempted to reveal her crush so her friends might make fun of her in a joking way.
DON'T GIVE IN, MADISON, DON'T GIVE IN!!

Ha. No one will go to the bathroom with Ivy. Not even her best friends.

Apparently the gym teacher is into New Age and meditation. What happened to the jock stereotype?

Uh oh. Chet and Fiona get in a mudfight...and Madison laughs. Fiona is REALLY PMS-y in this book.

"Egg wasn't laughing, was he?" "Egg? Never saw a laugh."

That superstitious Madison. She thinks the tower is A BAD OMEN.

Dan loves camp.
I love Dan.

Aimee thinks they should've sung "We Are the Champions" by Queen rather than the Michael W. Smith reject song.
I reckon you're right, Aimee.

Madison gets mud on her pants. It's semi-funny.
"Could she really be expected to take bigger risks at camp when she couldn't even keep her pants clean?"

They go on a lamesauce scavenger hunt.

Oh no, there's 13 items they need to find! That's unlucky. Aargh, Maddie's superstitions are rubbing off on me.

They combine with the boys in order to win.

They need something smelly.
"Hart could just lay a big one in there. Hart fart!"

A tidbit for later: Hart has a pet parrot?

Ew, macaroni and cheese with ketchup. That's disgusting.

ARGH, WE GET IT! DAN EATS A LOT!

Egg: Fiona. What's her deal?
Madison: What do you mean? I thought you guys were a couple.
Egg: What does that mean?
Madison: A couple...going out...boyfriend and-
Egg: Ack! Don't say it. She acts like we should be attached at the hip. It weirds me out. I mean, I like her and all that, but...
Madison: *why is he telling me this in the middle of dinner at camp?*

Uh-oh.
Fiona: *sniff* You two seem to be having fun.
Egg: Just hanging.
Madison: Yeah, Egg's a fungi. [inside joke]
Fiona: I thought you were my friend. *runs away crying*

Fiona wants to ditch them all because she's "depressed".

The four of them wear T-shirts that say "Friends" "Are" "Forever" "!!!!!!"

The talent show: Egg's group is called the Dudes. They rap with hockey sticks. Ivy walks around and poses. Wth? How is that talent?

No way, this IS a Michael W. Smith song, I know it!

Ivy's group sings "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" while playing beach volleyball.

To make Madison mad, I guess, Fiona starts talking to Ivy. Wth?

LOL! The teachers perform "I Heard It Through the Grapevine". Mr. Danehy does a tap dance!!!!

Haha. Ivy can't find the cabin's light switch.

Oooh, now they're telling scary stories!!

Aagh, Fiona's going to tell a really "scary" (read: stupid) one. Since when does she tell scary stories? The one about Mrs. Martin really freaked her out.

"Once upon a time, a little boy was digging in the backyard and he found a toe. Anyway, the boy went to bed. As he was curling up under the blankets, he heard this slow, slow breathing noise. 'Where's my t-o-o-o-o-o-oh?' the voice said."
Basically, this goes on for 10 minutes until Fiona grabs Ivy and says, "YOU'VE GOT IT!"

Ivy freaks out. Noyce.

Uh oh. The boys sneak into the girls' cabin. Wth? Where are the counselors? This should so not be happening.

"Hey, Hart. I was so scared. Thank goodness it's just you. *bats eyelashes*"
Yeah, that's hot, Ivy. XP

Madison sucks up to Fiona in order to become friends again.

They hear scratching noises. Madison goes to investigate, which impresses Hart QUITE a bit.

Ivy: YOu don't have to be such a show-off, Maddie. You look really dumb, you know.
Madison: I don't care.
YEAH MADDIE!!!

Madison makes a Bible joke. Lol.

Ewwwww.
Egg: You really think our surprise was fun?
Fiona: You know how I feel, Egg.
Dan: Quit getting all sappy! You guys are so weird!

Fiona offers a LAME, LAME apology, which Madison, of course, accepts.

"Why so glum, chum? Hungry?"
Dan, I love you.

AAAH, AND HE'S SCARED OF THE TOWER, TOO!!!

"HART! Hart, I was looking for you. We saved you a seat over here. Come on. Come on!"
I hate Ivy.

w00t, Obstacle course!

Ivy is such a lying wimp.
"I don't want to hurt myself. And I don't want to break one of my nails. That would be even worse."
God forbid THAT should happen.

Madison climbs THE TOWER...with an orange helmet on. GOOD OMEN.

And Hart is too busy cheering for Ivy. :(

Madison: You can go, Ivy. Go away. I'm the new queen of the wilderness.
Unfortunately, she doesn't actually say that to Ivy's face.

Fiona's back to her flaky, loser self!

"One day she'd admit her feelings to Hart's face. One day."

Madison's scavenger hunt team wins 2nd place. Not bad.

The Dudes win "Most Creative Use of Props".
So Ivy was just a prop?
I guess she is pretty fake.

The BFFs (Madison's Talent Show group) wins 3rd place in the All-Around category. Whatever that is.

ROFL!!
Aimee: Grrrr...it was those minishorts.

Egg wins "Best Leader".
Fiona and Egg win "Best Athlete". It's not like Fiona did anything athletic the whole time they were there.
Madison and Dan win "Best Camp Spirit".

They carve their initials into the wall of their cabin. Yeah, vandalism!

Lindsay is too scared to play MASH. In case, you know, it comes TRUE.
Because, you know, you MIGHT JUST marry Brad Pitt and have 99 kids!

"It's not a big deal in the world or anything, but... I don't know. It is a big deal to me. I won something."
Like Monk!

As soon as she gets home, Madison goes on her laptop. Lol, same here.

Ewwww, Reggie apologize to Bigwheels and they're back together.

Awww, Drew sends Madison a picture of her at the top of THE TOWER. It boosts her self-esteem. How nice.

Madison's Computer Tip:
I realize that being on the computer 24/7 isn't good for anyone.

Thanks, Madison.
Yay, I have Pony Pals!!! A super special, in fact. It's not that great, but it's something. Stay tuned.

Awwwww, it's sooooo cute, or Pony Pals #28: The Newborn Pony

Get ready, kids, because I have SOOOO many books coming up it's not even funny! 3 Balinors, 2 Avalons, and 2 nameless horse books from a depressing and awful series? Pretty much. I, unfortunately, haven't read any of them just yet, so you'll have to stick with the Pony Pals for now.



Plot: Yay, Beauty got knocked up and is going to have a baby!! Strange, this has never been mentioned before.... It appears that Beauty's due date is near, so the Pony Pals offer to stay up all night with her to make sure nothing goes wrong. During the night, Beauty gives birth to a beautiful baby boy. Everyone admires it, and then leave to eat breakfast.
The next morning, Mike Lacey shows up, claiming he wants to see the pony. After a mean trick, the Pony Pals aren't so sure that's the case, so they threaten to tell everyone he is afraid of ponies if he doesn't cut it out. Oooooo....
Oh no, the foal is stricken with pneumonia!!! The Pony Pals and Mike stay up for another night to take care of the poor creature. But don't worry, it's a Pony Pals book; it's not like he's going to DIE! He gets better immediately, so Mike and the Pony Pals decide to each come up with a name, then everyone will vote. Mike comes up with a WONDERFUL name that everyone likes, so the foal is christened "Miracle". Yay.

More notes:
She insists on saying "chestnut-colored".

SINCE WHEN IS BEAUTY PREGNANT?? And how have 11 months passed with us not knowing? I bet I know who the father is, though.

AGH, CRAPPY PONY DRAWINGS!!

Jeanne Betancourt has reused the same "Galloping feels like flying!" paragraph in like 3 books.

Ms. Wiggins: It would be wonderful to have some help. Are you sure you don't mind? It's not as much fun as camping in the hills.
Um, let's see, hole in the ground vs. toilets and running water, real food vs. food over the campfire, I'd rather sleep at your house, Ms. Wiggins.

They call the paddock Beauty's "little yard". I guess Jeanne forgot the terminology.

Pam always has to sound so smart.

I think the Pony Pals wake up every morning and go, "Hm, lovely day, this reminds me of how I met my two best friends." I mean, really, who thinks about their best friends while setting up a tent?

"Lulu thought living in Wiggins would be boring. Then she met Anna and Pam and became a Pony Pal. And then she got Snow White."
That writing makes me cringe.

Of course Snow White will like the baby. Snow White is obsessed with babies.

I think "Black Beauty" is the only movie they've ever seen.

It's easy to mistake people for bears or deer when you're riding...in broad daylight.

Lol, Mike screams like a little girl.

A beautiful drawing of Snow White. She looks like a carousel pony. Mike looks like Eminem.

Being scared of ponies isn't that big a deal.

AAAAAAAAAGH! THEY'RE HAVING SPAGHETTI AND MEATBALLS FOR DINNER!!!!!!

Anna brings brownies. *shakes head*

He's described as brown with black stockings. The foal on the cover definitely doesn't fit that description.

His marking looks more like a crescent moon than a half moon, Lulu.

Aw, he's so adorable.

They said "teat" in a children's book!!

LOL, Tommy and Mike push their tent over...while they're in it. The drawing is quite odd, though, because Anna somehow ends up on top of Lulu.

ROFL! "'Do you think an animal could have pushed the tent over?' asked Pam. 'Like a cow?'"

"'Maybe a deer did it,' suggested Anna. 'A big deer. And it ran away.'"

How is this a mystery? It was so obviously Tommy and Mike. And why must you always make everything a mystery, Pam?

Mike practically confesses. "It wasn't my idea!!!"

OMG, DUH, IT WAS TOMMY AND MIKE! OF COURSE THEY LEFT TRACKS THAT ARE TOO BIG TO BE YOUR OWN!! YOU'RE SO DUMB!!

I love how their lives revolve around riding. "Oh no, I almost broke my leg! You can't ride with a broken leg!" "That's nothing! I have AIDs! You can't ride with AIDs!" "Well, I have dyslexia! You can't ride with dyslexia!"

They write him a threatening letter.
Mike: We know that you and Tommy tipped over our tent. We have evidence to prove it. If you do anything mean and dangerous like that again, we'll tell Ms. Wiggins. You better leave us alone or you could lose your job.

Pam, Anna, Lulu

P.S. We saw how afraid you were when you fed Picasso. We were spying on you. [That's not stalker-y or anything.]

P.P.S. Watch out for Pony Power! [I think this is why he makes fun of you.]

Btw, who was the person that said, "Boys make fun of you when they like you?" Or maybe all boys are jackasses.

Tommy's idea for a name is Turd. Because the pony is brown.

Ms. Wiggins is so dense.

Okay, Rascal is an okay name, but wth Pam? "His eyes already sparkle with mischief."

Oooh, a very nice drawing of Snow White. Wth, horses and ponies neigh all the time. That doesn't mean someone is dead.

Wth? "Oh no, the foal is congested!" Then give him a Sudafed.

Wow. The Pony Pals fight back.
Tommy: Has the little pony got a little cold-y?
Mike: Quit it, Tomy. This could be serious.
Lulu: Not everything is a joke, Tommy Rand.
Tommy: Well, the Pony Pests are one big joke. You make me laugh all day long.
Pam: And you make me sick. Don't you take anything seriously?
Wth, Lulu stops Pam and is all, "This is not the time to fight with Tommy Rand." Isn't that what you were doing, Mrs. Hypocrite??

Ooh, Tommy uses bad grammar to up his cool factor. "We got better stuff to do."

Ew, Paul Bachem drew the UGLIEST picture of Beauty. Her face is humongous.

Wth, everyone has 90 minutes on watch, but Mr. Silver, the OLD GUY, has 2 hours. Lame.

Ew, foaly is really ugly in the next picture, and Mike is all up against the wall for some reason. Like a Boys Like Girls song.

Go Pam!
Mike: Okay, okay. I get it. I'm not stupid.
Pam: *glare of death* Sometimes you are. When you follow whatever stupid, dumb, dangerous thing Tommy Rand says.
Lulu: You're even afraid of Tommy. And we know you're afraid of ponies, too.
Shut up, Lulu. I hate that this book is about Lulu. Just a lot of Snow White glorification.

Why is it that when they want to stay up late, they eat cookies and juice? Drink Red Bull and you'll be fine.

Mike saves the day...again.

Wth, shut up, Lulu, you ungrateful whore.

If someone is coughing, get them to stand up and it will be all better. Or grab their belly. Says nurse Pam.

WTH, THIS IS NOT SOME EPIC PRANK WAR! MIKE JUST SAVED YOUR FREAKING PONY!

"Lulu looked up and saw a white shape running through the dawning light.
It was Snow White."
That's good, because I was afraid it was a polar bear. Duh, of course it was Snow White.

Lulu and Mike bond over milk.

Pam's name is Rascal.
Lulu's name is Moon, which I would've voted for back in the day, when I was obsessed with all things moon: Sailor Moon, crescent moon, moonshining....
Anna chooses Big Boy?? What kind of name is that? Pam suggests they call him B. B. Maybe if he was a blues artist.

Mike chooses Miracle, and they force him to say why he chose that name.
"Because it's like a miracle that he was born without any problems. Then he got sick, and it's a miracle he didn't die."
Mike said "like" like a valley girl. That's so sappy but kind of sweet.

Mike isn't shy, Lulu, he's just embarassed that he has to talk about ponies with 3 ten-year-old girls.

WHY must you do a secret ballot, just choose a name!!!

Lulu has crappy handwriting.

Miracle wins. I like Moon better.

A horrible picture of Snow White, a very nice picture of Lightning, and Acorn is palomino??? What??

This book was barely about Snow White, and Lulu is all, "Snow White, you saved the whole world from global warming while ending world hunger!!"

Lame. "You're great, Snow White. You are the miracle in my life."
Lol. You are the music in me.

So that's it. Tomorrow I'll talk about Avalon!!! Yay! Magic and talking ferrets. It will be quite fantastic.

Open season, or Pony Pals #23: The Pony and the Bear

Sounds like a Northwest version of "The Lion and the Unicorn". Yeah. This was another book that didn't quite make sense. Really, though. If your campsite was being attacked by a bear, wouldn't you want it leave without killing anyone???
Don't know. Who else is glad it's Friday? *just waiting for my picture to load*
Does anyone else think it's weird that I'm already at #23 and I haven't even done #11 yet? Well, I guess you wouldn't. I'm just annoyed. I hate that stupid little kid. And "The Unlucky Pony" isn't coming any time soon. And I ordered "The Lonely Pony", but it's also delayed.
This is ridiculous. Lol, I'm listening to my secrety secret CD again. I love this song. It's so sweet. And I have a potential music video idea for it, but it's kind of creeping me out. Why does the girl in the song sound so much like me???



Plot: This plot isn't really about bears at all, but mostly about Charlie.
Y'all remember Charlie, right? Stereotypical western boy from Wyoming? With the pony named Moondance? Anna used to be quite enamored with him, if I'm not mistaken, and Lulu hated him. But now Lulu is in love with Charlie and Anna wishes he would just go away.
She manages to convince him to hang out with Tommy and Mike. Charlie thinks they are really cool and calls Tommy "Tom" all the time. They do guy things together. Lulu and Pam are heartbroken.
YAY, MR. SANDERS IS BACK FROM CANADA!!! He tells the girls all about watching black bears, and grizzly bears, and gummy bears. Pam and Lulu get way psyched and plan a 24 hour nature watch in the woods. Maybe they'll see a bear! Then they can write an article about it for a teen magazine! Anna thinks the whole thing sounds stupid, but you know, she has nothing else to do....
On the nature watch, all the Pony Pals do is sit, watch endless squirrels run up and down the many trees, eat candy, and sleep. Oh, and Tommy, Mike, and Charlie play a prank on them, but they don't see any bears.
Finally, when its Anna's turn to watch, she sees a bear!!! It rips her backpack apart and eats all her candy. Anna doesn't want it to go away, so she begs the ponies to stay silent. She then draws the bear and observes it for a long time until Snow White scares it away. Thanks a lot, wimpy.
Anna tells Lulu and Pam what she saw and they are way jealous. The next morning, they plan to go follow the bear...when Charlie comes bearing gifts. He tells the girls that Tommy and Mike are lame. This seems like an adequate apology, so they go looking for the bear together. It's way exciting.
Oh no, a final showdown with Tommy and Mike. But Charlie pwns Tommy. It's all good.

More notes:
They describe Acorn as brown. Brown and bay = not the same.


Some random woman stops Pam and tells her how much she's grown. ??? Who is this woman and why don't they know her?? Don't they know everyone in Wiggins?

"Remember when Snow White and Moondance didn't get along?" Yeah, wasn't that...yesterday?

Charlie wants to give up Moondance? That's kind of lame. Lulu looks like she's sitting in Charlie's lap. And Charlie looks way 50's, just like Tommy and Mike. Yeah, now they can be Tom, Dick, and Harry together!

What happened? Charlie's all annoying now. He's talking about BIG trail rides in the west that lasted 3 DAYS!!!! Shut up.

OMG, Charlie whistled at Tommy. Or at his bike. Whatever.

Lulu doesn't catch on very quick. Anna wants to get rid of Charlie. Pam gets it. Go Pam.

Ew, Charlie calls Tommy "Tom". My uncle's name is Tom.

Whoa. Anna feels inferior to Pam and Lulu. She actually seems human in this one.

Remember when Mr. Sanders used to look like George Lopez? Now he looks like Ronald Reagan. Soooo Vivien Kubbos is Republican?

He spent a week in the woods of north-eastern Canada. He's calling his article "A week in the wood of north-eastern Canada." How nice.

Anna and I both think this nature study idea is lame.

Lulu: *trying to dissuade Charlie from hanging out with Tommy and Mike* Those guys are mean to us.
Pam: And they don't know anything about horses.
Lulu: They're always bothering us.
I love how not knowing anything about horses makes you an awful person. And I love how Anna isn't saying anything, just thinking, "LEAVE, PLEASE LEAVE!"

Heh. She told Charlie to shut up about the wild, wild west.

HA! I knew making campfires wasn't illegal! Losers.

Uh oh, editors. The name of Charlie's pony is Moondance, isn't it? Why'd you let Moonstone slip in there?

Maybe he likes Tommy and Mike because they're NORMAL and not always talking about horses.

Or because he's a boy and wants to hang with boys his own age....

ENOUGH ABOUT THE BROWNIES! THEY'RE DELICIOUS! WE UNDERSTAND!

Who says big is better? Um, me? WOO-HOO, 5'8"!!

Wth? If you want to stay awake, there's CAFFEINE! I really doubt orange juice and trail mix are going to help as much as a nice can of Monster. Which I personally think tastes disgusting.

Omg, Anna, such a cool character now!!!

Now they're saying "scat" instead of "poop". AAARGH!

Pam and Lulu are such nerds.

That's right, bears DON'T giggle. Must be something else.

Really, how can you describe male teenage laughter as giggling??? BOYS DON'T GIGGLE! Unless they're like 5.

"Lulu and Pam, this is NOT funny! You scared the ponies!" Whatever, Anna. You know you were scared, too. The dark stain on your pants is proof.

Omg, Jeanne Betancourt used an exclamation point!

LOL! "It looks like bicycle tracks." "From a mountain bike. A wild animal was here all right. A wild animal with the initials T. R." OMG! Sorry, dirty mind buzzing here. Oh, Tommy, you wild, wild animal. Rowr. And I totally think there should be a comma after "here".

Whatever the Pony Pals grow up to be, they should NOT become actresses.

Holy crap. They see two rabbits, ten squirrels, some turkey feathers, and deer poop. I think you're lying. I spent 2 hours in the woods and only saw 1 squirrel. And I don't think poop and feathers count as animals.

"Tommy and his gang." Two people is not a gang, and Tommy is so not the mafia boss. Mike's just a wimpy pants.

Why are they not creeped out about bats flying in their hair?

WTH???? I way don't think there are flying squirrels in Conecticutt.

Anna mispells owl "awl". LAME. Like that one stupid kid in preschool who had a southern accent, red hair, and thought orange was spelled with an a. And then he blamed me for throwing the milk. And he stole my bff. Jerk. I think his name was Christopher. I really want him to know how much he influenced my life. Wonder if he's still in Japan.

Um, dur, drink caffeine. Orange juice and chocolate chip cookies don't work nearly as well.

WHY WOULDN'T YOU WANT A BEAR TO LEAVE? It rips apart her backpack, and she's not scared at all; she just wants the bear to stay still so she can draw and observe it. DUMB!!

I HATE Snow White SO MUCH. Apparently she gets really sick in "The Lonely Pony", sick to the point of death. BUT SHE DOESN'T DIE! Aaargh, I was on Amazon, and someone spoiled the whole book for me. But it's about Tongo being a jerk pants. I swear, Mimi ruined him. But anyways.

I don't think "clacked his teeth" is a good description of a bear about to attack you. That makes him sound like a first grader with ADHD. At the dentist. On caffeine.

Shut up, Pam. She saw the black bear and you didn't. And she almost got attacked. So don't tell her, "You should've taken a photo." Because that wouldn't have made him any madder.

They're always going on about evidence.

Pam is such a condescending loser. "I'll stay with you Anna, because I know you're afraid." WHAT???? Leave her alone. I know you would've peed your pants.

Lulu, all about schedules. She should just go live in the woods forever. And take Snow White with her.

Yes, you should name your backpack "The Bear", Anna. :P

Anna is totally playing up the "bear attack" thing. It's kind of funny, to see her all conniving and making her Pony Pals feel bad. I swear, it's as if she has a soul in this one. I love how I don't find this funny when she's NOT the main character. So I'm a hypocrite. I would make a GREAT Pony Pal.

Ugh, they're talking about Charlie and the other boys like they're in a freaking war.

I wish Snow White HAD run away. Then she's stop bothering everybody. And stop getting sick.

I swear, all three ponies have a problem.
Snow White: Always getting SICK
Acorn: Always wants to be the center of attention, causing people to fall in love with him and make Anna all mad
Lightning: Every 28 days, she goes crazy and attacks random people (or mostly Pam).

Omg, Charlie brings them donuts. He's good...very good....

They should just call them Tommy Rat and Mike Lousy from now on. That cracks me up.

Ew, sugar and jelly donuts. You are not my favorite, anymore, Charlie. Next time, get your head on straight and pick up chocolate donuts.

There's a picture of Moondance. He's nothing special. Just another generic pony.

Quit talking about that stupid grizzly bear!!!

Retarded. He thinks they gave the bear candy.

Pam and Lulu act like they saw the bear, too. I hate them. Especially Pam in this one.

The drawings Anna did of the bear are...um...special. Charlie's all, "These drawings are great. I could never do that." I'm an awful artist, and I draw better bears than Anna. I bet I could make some pretty sweet macaroni art, too.

If Anna doesn't want to hang out with Charlie, she could just leave.... Just be all, actually, I really don't like you.

They find a silver wrapper in a piece of bear poop. Lulu thinks it's an earring.

Omg, Anna is totally calling Mike out. And he's TAKING IT!!!

Lame. Mike is afraid of bears.

ROFL!!!
Lulu: We're going to do an article for one of the nature magazines my father writes for. (her father writes for a nature magazine???)
Mike: How can YOU write an article? You're only like ten years old. (that's what I want to know)
Pam: It's from a kid's point of view. (duh) Not many ten-year-olds do twenty-four-hour nature watches.
Tommy: Who'd want to? It's a dumb thing to do. (YESSSS! Told you. Nerds.)

I would NOT publish Anna's drawings in my newspaper.

Wth? Mike and Tommy are going to go visit a boy named Joe because he has cool videos. What kind of videos? Music videos? Disney videos? Home videos?

Lame, Tommy calls himself dumb.

CHARLIE TAKES ON TOMMY! THAT'S AS CLOSE TO A FIGHT AS WE'RE EVER GOING TO GET!!! THIS IS SO EXCITING!

Wait, Charlie described as way shorter and smaller than Tommy. Um, isn't Tommy way skinny? He is in every picture, anyways. Is Charlie an anorexic midget?

Mike is not afraid of Tommy. He just hangs out with him because he's the only 14-year-old boy in the town, apparently.

Lame. Charlie chooses the Pony Pals because he's interested in bears. Now they're going to think you're gay.

I hate how like every book ends with, "(pony's name), you're the best," when all the pony did was exist and transport you from place to place. These books are barely even about ponies anymore.
The library doesn't want me to be happy, so they aren't giving me "Circus Pony" and "The Unlucky Pony", and they refuse to order "The Lonely Pony", so I don't know when I'll post again. Maybe I'll dig out my ancient Pony Pals: 15 years later and read it.

Thou shalt not steal, or Pony Pals #20: Stolen Ponies

I do not understand this book. If someone steals your property, the "right thing" to do would be do turn them in, right?? Aaargh.



Plot: The Pony Pals have a secret hideout. It's just so secretly secret that no one will find it.
While hanging out at the Pony Pal Lodge (their lame name for their secrety secret hideout), they see a campfire left burning in the woods. *gasp* FOREST FIRES! They put it out, and are proud of themselves for saving the whole woods.
This happens repeatedly throughout the book.
After much investigation, the Pony Pals discover it was Tommy and Mike who were starting the fires! *gasp* THAT'S ILLEGAL! (didn't know that little tidbit....) They write Tommy and Mike aa anonymous threatening letter that warns them to never light another fire ever again.
But Tommy and Mike figure out it's them and set their secrety secret hideout on fire.
And then THEY STEAL THEIR PONIES!!!
This has gone a little too far, it seems.
It's raining and the brook is overflowing, but the Pony Pals go looking for their ponies anyways. Anna then sees them on the other side of the river/brook/stream and distracts Tommy and Mike while Lulu and Pam save the day. Pam wants to call the police, but Anna and Lulu convince her this is the wrong way to go. After all, they've only broken two laws and destroyed their property. Jail is not where these boys belong.
So the Pony Pals tattle to the Park Ranger and he sends the boys off with a warning. WTH? Justice is done????????? THEY STOLE YOUR FREAKING PONIES WITH NO INTENTION OF GIVING THEM BACK!

More notes:
Lulu makes Tommy and Mike pee their pants. Heh.

Tommy: When are the pests going to grow up and get real horses?
Mike: They're too afraid of real horses.
Is that supposed to be funny? Oh, and they escape on their bikes doing wheelies. Sooo coool.

And then Anna says, "You're the pests, you gonzos!" *sigh*

Anna draws a map to their hideout. Pony Pal trail isn't on the map? But Tommy and Mike's hideout is? How did the girls know they had a hideout? This will become more confusing in the next few chapters.

The Pony Pals have adventures that are just as exciting as living in Africa.

Lighting campfires is illegal?

The one thing I don't like about Vivien Kubbos is that Anna's drawings take a definite turn for the worse.

Because campers are going to listen to a bunch of little girls.

I don't think Wiggins is home of the state forest, girls.

Just like in book #10, the girls are convinced they saved a million animals. But it's raining, right? Couldn't the rain have put the fire out?

Wait. This hideout is totally on your map. It says there, in black and white, "Tommy and Mike's hideout". HOW COME YOU DON'T KNOW WHOSE HIDEOUT THIS IS IF IT'S ON YOUR MAP???

I totally read this one sentence as, "Tommy loves beer." My bad, he loves ROOT beer.

Even people who know nothing about nature can figure out the difference between a bird and a whistle.

Wait. If you're going to describe useless things with utmost detail, you could at least tell me what kind of juice the Pony Pals are drinking.

Yes, it will be easy to scare Tommy and Mike into not lightning fires. Because you're all ten and you're just so scary.

Pam thinks they should report them to the park ranger. But the others don't want to do that because Mike is poor. So being poor justifies a life of crime? How come whenever Pam has a good idea, it is discouraged?

They decide to write an anonymous letter that sounds like an adult. And it sounds semi-believable up until the end:
Sincerely yours,
Someone who is watching you!!!
P.S.
Your hideout is a mess.

No self-respecting adult would write a letter like that.

More talk about Mike being poor and can't afford a big allowance. He has to call his mom "Ma" or "Ma'am".

I think Mike will figure out the note was written by a couple of kids.

They set Anna's drawings on fire and write the Pony Pals a threatening message. Yeah. Not creepy. Let's NOT tell our parents.

How mature:
Pony Pests.
Mind your own business if you know what's good for you. It's a free country. We were here first. Go away. Find another place to play with your little ponies.
OR ELSE.

Wth? They take their PONIES?

OMG IT'S NOT THAT HARD TO RIDE A PONY!

I just really wanted Snow White to get hurt or something. Hate her.

Tommy is wearing a red jacket. I thought he was rich? Why is he wearing a red cotton jacket?

Tommy and Mike's idea of fun is making fun of people. All right, I have a confession to make....

I think she's serious about having you guys arrested....

Anna is honing her acting skills.

Awww, Acorn crosses a brook to be with Anna.

Psh. They just got ambushed by Pony Pals.

And now they're letting the boys die in the woods. Ah, yes.

AAAAAGH, lame. They want to give them another CHANCE. COME ON.

Acorn attacks Tommy.

The main reason for the stealing and threatening was the fact that the Pony Pals had infiltrated the boys' clubhouse thingy. WTH? That's like killing someone for cutting you in line.

Oh, it turns out Tommy is the brains of this operation. Mike is just an innocent bystander.

WHY ARE THEY STOPPING PAM FROM TALKING TO THE RANGER!!!???? Lulu and Anna want to give them another chance. AND THEY USE THE "TWO-AGAINST-ONE" THINGY!!! AAAAAAGH! Forget them, Pam.

Ponies come before turning in criminals. *shakes head*

They feel bad for Mike. Then turn in Tommy, if you must, but you can't seriously tolerate this kind of ridiculousness.

Pam just admitted she's biased against Tommy. Great. This will help their case.

Wait, what??? Now MIKE'S wearing the red jacket??? Did they switch clothes or something?

Lol, Mike and Tommy look like kids from the 50's. "How are we going to get home, Tom?" "Shut up, Dick!"

Mike is afraid of freezing to death more so than jail.

You can't honestly think they're going to apologize. Aagh.

Surprise, surprise. They don't want your help. And they don't apologize.

Jack Stranton = coolest name ever.

The boys get caught doing the campfire thing. OMG!!! TOMMY BLAMES MIKE!!! Little toaster.

THEY GET OFF WITH A WARNING!!!!!

The Pony Pals leave without telling them the way home? Justice is done? What about the police??? HIGH CRIME! HIGH CRIME!!

Ugh. Next one I'll do is the one about sacrifice and horse shows. :P

Goodbye old paint, or Pony Pals #19: Moving Pony

Yes. All ponies move. I think we're supposed to get from the title that the pony in question is leaving town. Whatever. Lulu's jeans are too short. Then again, so are mine. I need some new ones.



Plot: Sandy Nation and her mother Maria's are moving (ON HORSEBACK???) from Powell to Reston, but they stop in Wiggins when Maria's horse gets injured. The Pony Pals assume that because Sandy has a pony, she is an amazing person, and try to become "friends" with her. But Sandy hates everyone and doesn't want to move.
Bla bla bla, about 50 pages on Sandy grumbling.
After an unsuccessful barn sleepover (This is how they become friends with people; they invite them over for a sleepover and are shocked to discover this is too much, too soon.), the girls decide to go to the river to swim. But during their lil adventure, Sandy leaves, saying she wants to go back to the Crandals' house and talk to her mom, or something.
But on their way home, Lulu discovers that Sandy was trying to go back to Powell! The Pony Pals follow her and find Sandy with a broken ankle. They help her and convince her not to go back to Powell. Um...that's it.

More notes:
Another horse? It's a miracle!

I would be crabby, too, if I had to camp in the rain with my mom for three days.

Anna, we know you're an ignorant person. Kindly try not to display your ignorance.

Pam thinks they're criminals.

It's like if there's another pony in town, it has to be the same breed as the Pony Pals' ponies. Dandy was the only exception.

They introduce themselves and each of their ponies. I don't think the nice people care.

CONTINUITY! In every other book up till now, Lulu's mother died when she was 4. In this one, they say 3. What's up with that?

Maybe she died on the day before Lulu's 4th birthday. Big question: HOW DID SHE DIE??

The pony's name is Raffle. I used to think that was the coolest name ever. But I like Waffle better.

Ew, horse named Willow. And it's a boy. Watched any Val Kilmer movies lately?

So messed up. They're moving to Reston. Maria's husband and sons took the car, and since they don't have a horse trailer, they're RIDING to Reston. WTH?? Isn't there a service that takes your horses to wherever in a trailer? I'M SURE THERE IS! Or you could BUY one.

Mrs. Crandal knows Maria. It's a small world....

Sandy: Can I call Liana now? You said I could.
Maria: Honey, don't you think it will just make you sadder?
Lulu: *Who is Liana and why would talking to her make Sandy sad?*
Gee, I can figure that out. Can't you?

Sandy doesn't want to make new friends because you're in a cult and she doesn't want to move. Leave her alone.

Okay, Sandy's just being annoying. I've noticed whenever there's a new girl in town, she's mean, shy, and self-centered. WHY IS THIS???? Are there no extroverts out there that want to move to a small horse-worshiping town?

Anna: That Sandy sure is bossy.
Like you're not....

I love Vivien Kubbos' drawings of ponies. Take that, Paul Bachem!!

Sandy looks like Dorothy Hammill with blonde hair. And Raffle is way adorable.

Sandy doesn't want Raffle outside with the other ponies. Duh. Lightning bites.

OMG, THEY'RE HAVING SPAGHETTI AGAIN! It's like our family and pasta. We're not even Italian. THAT wasn't stereotyped.

Anna compares Sandy to Rema Baxter. Can't make the connection. Rema's a desperate fiendish loser. Sandy's just mean.

Sandy's crying herself to sleep...cuz she cannot keep their attention. Sorry, Bethany Dillon song.

Pam: I don't think she knows how to make new friends.
I've heard that excuse before. Either she's a complete idiot or she knows very well what she's doing. And I think she just hates you.

Mmm, blueberry muffins.

Ew, this is so obviously a jab at Sandy.
Mrs. Crandal: It looks likeyou're stuck here with us, Maria.
Maria: I don't mind. I'll watch you teach and get some more ideas on how to run a riding school. Besides, I like making new friends.
Mrs. Crandal: Me, too.
We get it. You're daughter is a freak.

Lulu thinks Sandy is fatty because she takes a lot of food. Methinks she's running away.

Raffle tries to kill Acorn. But we don't know why. Because Acorn is the friendliest pony in the world!!

Ew, Liana's pony was named Peaches.

Sandy: Liana's my best friend in my whole life.
That sentence doesn't really flow.

Sandy is galloping on muddy ground. So the Pony Pals gallop after her to tell her to slow down. What's wrong with this picture??

Adorable picture of Acorn. He looks like he's supposed to.

Anna tries to use the whole, "It's three against one," tactic on Sandy. But Sandy basically tells her to screw off.

Sandy's being all nice. Because she doesn't want them to suspect anything. Duh.

Anna takes it seriously.

Anna also strips. Bad pictures.

Now they figure out that Sandy is a liar. Took you long enough.

You are not a good detective, Lulu. Gotta hit 'em with a dose of reality now and then.

Lulu tries to think like Sandy Nation. She makes Sandy sound all whiny. It's pretty funny.

Agh, they're calling it pony plop again.

No, Pam, don't go for help. Let's try to find Sandy ON OUR OWN with NO ADULT SUPERVISION. Losers.

Look, a huge pony imprint in the ground.
Anna: Maybe a fox got in a fight with another animal.
Are you serious?

I'm really confused as to why you can't ride with a sprained ankle. You could just mount on THE OTHER SIDE.

She sprained her ankle, I don't think she cares where help comes from.

Lulu mistakes a bracelet for a bird.

Why is Raffle wearing a halter? Is it under his bridle? Because how else did she ride there?

Sandy tries to convince the Pony Pals to help her get back to Powell. So if the police get involved, they'll get in trouble for helping a minor escape???

EVERYONE KNOWS HOW TO WRAP AN ACE BANDAGE!!

You can SO ride with a sprained ankle. Just mount on the side requiring your nonsprained foot and make your horse walk.

Ew, Sandy has two other friends and they solve problems together. Like the Pony Pals.

I have to admit, Sandy planned ahead.

Anna is shocked Sandy would have the balls to stay in the woods alone.

We have to hear stuff about Lulu's move from England. :P

RESTON AND POWELL AREN'T THAT FAR APART??? Then why is there this big drama???

You don't like Sandy, stop lying.

Sandy made fun of Pam. I like this girl.

Sorry, guys, but if you want to be my friend, you have to be smart AND brave. :P What is this, Harry Potter?

"Don't put your feet in the stirrups. That would hurt." JUST LOWER THE STIRRUPS!!! IT WILL NOT HURT!!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaagh. Lulu pulls the biggest guilt card of all: "I don't have a mother, so you should be grateful that you do!!!" Unbelievable. MANIPULATION!!

I'd die for her, or Pony Pals #10: Don't Hurt My Pony

I remember really liking this one. Really, 10-12 were like the best books I'd ever read. Although, rereading it today, I'm not quite sure why. And it's only 77 pages, which is like 20 pages shorter than the average Pony Pals book. Dang. I told you they were getting shorter.
Also, I'm going to have to wait for stupid #11 to come, because someone else checked it out. I mean, forget the fact that I've had a hold on it for...a long time, but IT WAS PROBABLY SOME LITTLE KID, TOO!! AND LITTLE KIDS DON'T READ 77 PAGE BOOKS VERY FAST! I SHOULD KNOW!!!
It just curdles my beans.



Lulu looks interesting. She looks different in every picture in this book. Lulu must have a thing for plastic surgery. And Snow White looks like a mule. Hate.

Plot: The Pony Pals are just so adventurous and woodsy! Their parents have agreed to let them have a three day camping trip on Ms. Wiggins' property! Ooh, how exciting. I was never one for camping. Wierdos. But on their way to the campsite, Snow White steps in a trap. You can all gasp now. Lulu manages to get the trap off, but is convinced that some evil poachers are trying to kill her pony.
Yeah. Because everyone knows poachers trap ponies. In the woods. In Conneticutt.
Lulu tells Pam and Anna about the traps, and they go into the woods to find more so they can protect Bambi and friends from must certain death. While they are doing this, Tommy Rand and Mike Lacey come and make fun of them, bla bla bla bla.
Gasp! It turns out Tommy and Mike are the poachers!
The Pony Pals race to Ms. Wiggins' house after collecting evidence (one lousy picture of Tommy holding a trap) and tell her the whole story. Ms. Wiggins confronts the boys and ends up giving Mike a job because he's poor. SO LAME.

More notes:
In the beginning, Lulu is all sobbing because her dad won't let her come with him to Africa so they can watch elephants. And yet every time he tries to take her to Africa, she's like, "NO, I WANT TO STAY WITH MY FRIENDZ AND PONIEZ!!!"

He says she would hate it because they will be living in difficult conditions. And yet she's going CAMPING??

"I've been on hard trips with you before!" Since when. I'm trying to remember.

"They're are a lot of poachers where I'm going. They're shooting the elephants for their tusks. It's too dangerous to bring you." Wait, so Lulu might get shot? Man, now I'm sad she can't go.

MORE PETA MESSAGES. And it's not like I'm pro-poaching, but Mrs. Betancourt definitely has an agenda here.

The only restaurant in town is the Off-Main Diner. What? Not even a Pizza Hut? Or a McDonalds? STARBUCKS????

Lulu is apparently a really good tracker. Like Aragon.

Ew, weird picture. Lulu: Another face lift. Snow White: Still looks like a mule. Bunny: Looks just like Luke.

Snow White weighs a lot more than you do, Lulu, and you're 10. There's probably not a lot you can do to protect her.

Lulu looks like Emily Rose in the next picture. Exorcism, anyone?

Why would you say "full of fun"? Why couldn't you say "fun"?

The blurb on the Pony Pals is really short this time. Huh. I guess the author is learning....

Just because Pam is smart means she is a crappy artist.

Yeah. Yelling loudly in the woods with poachers about. Good plan.

Tuna sandwhiches, fruit salad, and brownies! What a feast!

Pam: Are you all right? You look funny.
Lulu: You scared me. I thought you were the poacher.
Anna: Poacher? What are you talking about?
I think Anna was having a Jon Reep moment. "Momma! Daddy's on the crack corn!" Lulu needs to go to rehab.

Pam, I know people are supposed to put their names on their traps, but that's like writing your name on a murder weapon. So these poachers were breaking the law, yes, but they weren't stupid.

Come on, Anna. I know what a pelt is. Pam knows what a pelt is. EVERYONE knows what a pelt is.

I thought Acorn was the one with good detective skills. Whatever.

Yes, Anna, we know you're not supposed to stick your hand in traps.

You can't really catch a trap. Just saying.

They think it's amazing that Snow White can smell a fish lure. HOW COULD YOU NOT?

Nice high-waisted jeans, Lulu. Actually, I think I have a pair just like those. Now I have incentive to never wear them again.

"Lulu could see that Tommy and Mike were startled when they first saw a big white animal on the trail. But then they realized it was just a pony, they kept coming toward the three girls." Well, yeah. What else could it be, besides a pony? A POLAR BEAR? "Lost", much?

Oh, how amusing.
Tommy: Hey, Mike. I think I just saw some strange bugs.
Mike: You mean bugs like pests?
Tommy: Yeah. Oh, I see. It's the Pony Pests.
Mike: I guess the Pony Pests ride their little ponies around here.
Tommy: Their little pesty ponies.
Really, though, they're in 8th grade. They're not that retarded.

Tommy tries to pet Snow White and Lulu has a spaz attack. "S-S-S-S-STOP ATTACKING MY PONY GRAWR!"

"Let's go, Tommy, before I fall asleep from boredom!" Sooooo funny.

If the Pony Pals care so much about colic, why is Lulu giving Snow White 50 bajillion carrots?

Ms. Wiggins would NEVER let jerks ride on her property! Um, hello, she lets little annoying 10-year-olds ride on her property. I don't think jerks are much worse.

Pam says "maybe" a lot in this book.

They use the word "silly" to describe the Pony Pest jokes. Aaaagh.

More boy humor. This is so lame.

More PETA.

Gee, someone's trapping out in the woods, where there's no one to hear you scream. That's a good reason NOT to tell your grandma what's going on. Lame.

I want what Anna's smoking, if she can wake up at 5:00 happy and cheerful. This happened in #7, too. ANNA'S ON THE CRACK CORN...but I don't care.

Acorn and Lightning are mentioned ONCE in this book, and then it's more Snow White worship.

"Fox...dollars...better than raccoon. Why...traps...broken?" Maybe the poachers took English as a second language.

"We haven't caught nothin'!" What a beautiful sentence. Tommy, you are a genius.

Mike is way sensitive.

Wait. It's against the law for kids to trap, yet my little brother's friend has a hunting license. I'm going to check that law.

I don't understand Anna's idea. It's a bunch of arrows and pictures and bad spelling.

PAM, YOU ARE SUCH AN IDIOT! She thinks they should TALK to Tommy and Mike and tell them that trapping is wrong. Because they're 8th grade boys and they'll listen to your jargon.

Really, how many animals do you think are in danger? Those traps were out for a while before you came along and no one had been caught then.

I think it's ironic that this chapter is called "Trapped!". Heh. It brought my hopes up, though. I was hoping for death and violence.

"She loves all the animals and wants to protect them." Right. If I were Tommy and Mike, I'd make fun of her, too.

I have to admit, venison lasagna is pretty tasty....

The rabbit part is a little annoying, though. "POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW!"

WHY DO THEY GO TO SCHOOL WITH TOMMY AND MIKE? THEY'RE IN 5TH GRADE!!! What kind of school do they go to, anyways?

Yay, Lulu is actually good at something for once.

That's why you turn off the flash BEFORE you take the picture.

"And because the girls were smaller than the boys, they could move faster through the dense part of the woods." Yeah, but they have longer legs.

Since when does Anna wear a headband?

If two boys are riding mountain bikes at top speed and you are trotting, it is VERY LIKELY THAT THEY WILL BEAT YOU.

The trail is too twisty for galloping. But Lulu makes Snow White gallop two seconds after thinking that.

There's a woman in front of Ms. Wiggins' house. It's Ms. Wiggins! DUH. She only lives there.

The boys were right on their heels, and yet it takes them half an hour to catch up with Pony Pals. LAAAAME.

Being mean is a good reason to go to jail. Not.

Ms. Wiggins: The girls can stay. We're talking about something that concerns them. They're worried about the safety of the animals in my woods. So am I.
Tommy: I told you they were tattletales.
COME ON, TOMMY! I thought you didn't want to get CAUGHT! You basically ADMITTED EVERYTHING! You just screwed yourself over.

Pam has to correct everyone.

Lulu is so mean.
Mike: My father taught me how to trap. We used to do it together. But with permits and everything legal.
Lulu: What father?
*flinch*

Didn't Mr. Lacey used to live in Ohio? Now he lives in Chicago. Guess she forgot?

"He gave me the traps. They were like a present from him." Uh, yeah. Technically when someone gives you something, it is a present.

I doubt trapping animals is going to get you enough for a plane ticket to Chicago.

She gives Mike a job because he's poor and has no father. That's...nice.

The last picture looks just like one from a previous book. SNOW WHITE, SO UGLY.

Only Snow White gets to be in the picture. Because she's a little detective pants.

That one was way boring. I'll get "Circus Pony" one of these days.

Super pony!!, or Pony Pals #5: Pony to the Rescue

I think this is the on where I started to Anna. That girl has a mean streak a mile wide. And she's mean to little kids. -_- I'm mean to people MY AGE, but not little kids. Even annoying ones. Awwww, Acorn looks so adorable. I think that will be the next poll question: Which pony is your fave? I'd have to say Acorn, of course. Because Snow White was always sickly and Lightning was just bad tempered and cranky all the time.


Plot: Everybody seems to love Acorn, especially Rosalie Lacey. After riding him at the firehouse fair, she becomes obsessed with him, much to Anna's dismay. Rosalie comes to Anna's house everyday to ride Acorn and take care of him. Finally, Anna has a chance to escape this little monster when the Pony Pals decide to go on a camping trip. Rosalie wants to come, but grudgingly accepts that she can't.
All is going well. CAMPING IS GREAT FUN!! What's wrong with these girls? Seriously. But their happy time is interrupted when Ms. Wiggins comes to tell them that Rosalie has gone missing! So, without adult supervision, the girls go out to look for her. Acorn finds Rosalie! She's fine! Yay!
Oh no. Rosalie's mom doesn't want her riding ponies. EVER. AGAIN. *gasp* Oh, how cruel!
But the Pony Pals think up three great ideas to get Mrs. Lacey to let Rosalie ride ponies again. She caves! YAY! ROSALIE'S BACK! I thought they hated her. What's going on?

More notes:
Anna's dad thinks they need help leading ponies, because a lot of kids have never been on ponies. How hard is it to ride a pony? You sit and someone leads you around in a circle. It's not that hard.

Rosalie is only 6 and she's almost as tall as Anna. Acorn looks semi-realistic in this picture.

Anna's way strict about horse safety in this book. Safety rules that she never obeys herself...

Why would she tell Rosalie where she lives? She's just asking for trouble.

Rosalie shows up at Anna's house EVERY DAY. Omg, this is stalker material. I have two words for Anna: restraining order.

"Two in the saddle isn't safe." Since when? I've seen people ride two to a horse. You could ride bareback.

Anna's so bossy. That's probably why Acorn likes Rosalie better. Bam.

It makes it sound like Anna has a crush on Ms. Wiggins.

Anna is so mean to Rosalie! I would be mad about the "pony surprises" she made, but I wouldn't yell at her for like 20 minutes.

I don't know. I'm saying this from the experience I've had with my 6-year-old cousin. When I do get annoyed, I keep it all inside. And take it out on myself so I don't explode.

What's so funny about pizza?

If my dad suddenly started going out with Ms. Wiggins, I'd be very weirded out. Surprisingly, Lulu doesn't seem to pick up on any romantic vibes.

"It was as if Ms. Wiggins had read their minds!" That's because she's a WITCH.

Pam just has to be soooo organized.

On the menus, they write that the ponies will eat water and grass. Well, DUH. What else are they supposed to eat?

Mrs. Lacey basically told the Pony Pals she's poor, so don't encourage Rosalie about ponies???

Oh, that Tommy Rand! Apparently Mike Lacey is just as mean. But Mike is best pals with the Pony Pals in #31.

Anna...always thinking about food.

"The bucket is so your ponies can have stream water in the corral tonight. The bottled water is for you." Well, DUH.

"Acorn is the best on rocky terrain. He gives our ponies confidence." Laaaame. And aren't Welsh ponies and Connemaras just as surefooted as Shetlands, if not more so? Whatever.

Talk about anthropomorphic qualities.

She's wearing a yellow shirt and red shorts. Where do they find these shorts? I want some. Sounds slightly ugly. At least she'll be easy to find.

Acorn finds an important clue. Anna thinks he has colic. Nice, Anna.

Rosalie looks 4 instead of 6. What happened? Did that traumatic experience make her younger? Don't these things tend to make you look OLDER?

Hm, she's moving, she's talking, she's breathing. I don't think she has shock or serious injuries.

They're not bugging Rosalie about safety now. Hypocrites.

This is so awful!!! "It's your fault that Rosalie got lost! You encouraged her to follow you. Why don't you play with kids your own age? You and your horses. You just leave my child alone." THIS IS MRS. LACEY TALKING!!!! And Ms. Wiggins says, "Oh, she's just stressed out." Yeah, she's also a mean whore.

I guess if you're poor you call your Mom "Ma".

"For dessert they made sandwhiches of toasted marshmallows and chocolate bars between graham crackers." Why can't you just call them S'MORES???

Okay, the Pony Pals just saved Rosalie's butt and she thanks ONLY ACORN. Stupid.

Another awful drawing, compliments of Anna Harley....

"Mrs. Lacey finished dumping potatoes...." That is officially the best sentence ever.

Bam. Rosalie tells off her brother. Yeah, girl.

Mike: Pony Pals! It's all so stupid!!!
You and me, Mike.

Rosalie: I like ponies better than boys.
Anna: Personally, I like girls better.
Pony Pals: ....
Anna: I mean, I like ponies, too.

This is the second book that ends with the sentence, "____ gave her pony a big hug and a kiss."

I'll try to finish 6 today. Party on. Don't get lost in the woods.