Racism runs rampant even among ponies, or Pony Pals #35: Magic Pony

I still love Pony Pals. 92 pages of bad writing and petty conflicts make my day. This particular book handles touchy topics like divorce, homosexuality, and racism in an ignorant and friendly manner.



Plot: There's a play in Wiggins! 10-12 year old boys and girls can try out for the parts of Joseph and Princess Kalandra in "The Magic Pony", a magical tale of friendship and healing. Also, because of the play's title, ponies can try out as well!
Anna wants Acorn to try out, but doesn't want to try out herself. The Pony Pals convince her otherwise. Surprisingly, Anna gets the part of Kalandra...but Acorn doesn't get a part at all! And Snow White didn't even try out, but the director requested her for the part...BECAUSE SHE'S WHITE!!!! White ponies are much more magical than bay ones, obviously.
Rema Baxter (who I thought was at boarding school) tried out as well, but is now Anna's understudy. The former-brat is being uncharacteristically nice to Anna and even invites the Pony Pals over for a sleepover!
However, all these distractions and disappointments are keeping Anna from memorizing her lines. Anna finally gives up and admits to her friends that Rema should be Kalandra instead. After harsh rebukes, Pam and Lulu tell Anna to keep trying and even help her memorize her lines. The other Pals also think Acorn should have the part of the Magic Pony instead of Snow White, who can't act at all.
They go to the director with this idea and he reluctantly agrees.
The Pony Pals band together and rebuke the devil, er, Rema, who quits the play.
But it doesn't matter. The play is a success. Now Anna has a new career in mind: acting. Oh dear. Hope you like starving to death.

More notes:
This one's not hardcover.

Only 10 to 12 year old boys and girls are allowed to try out. How agist.

Pam shows up with the poster and is like, "Let's ride to the brook and talk about it." Why can't you talk about it there??

Lulu, Lulu, Lulu. "I wonder what the Magic Pony is about." Well, it couldn't possibly be about a magic pony...

Anna doesn't want to try out; she's better at improvising than acting OTHER people's words.

Lame. Pam writes a scene for Anna to practice on to prove she can act. It's about a girl and her mother. Lulu gets to play the mother. Hysterical.

Ah, this scene sucks.
Girl: You told me I could have a pony when I was ten years old.
Mother: That's not what I said.
[OMG! This is like my life! Oggy was so old, and for years my mom kept saying, "Once we buy a house, we can buy a big dog." Then I repeated that back to her, and she's like, "I NEVER said that." Liar.]
Girl: You did, Mom. Honest. I have been waiting two whole years for a pony.
[Like when I waited 3 whole years to get a dog and they said they'd THINK ABOUT IT.]
Mother: I said we would think about getting you a pony when you were ten. I though about it. I have decided you cannot have a pony.
[OMG!!! PAM WROTE A STORY ABOUT MY LIFE!! PLAGIARISM! Dang, this mom's a drag.]
Girl: We have a big yard. I'll take care of my pony. You won't have to do anything. Please, Mom. I love ponies so much.
[You go, girl.]
Mother: Don't argue with me.
Girl: But you said-
Mother: (shouting) The answer is final! No pony.
[B****]
Girl: (crying softly) But you promised.

THE END
How depressing. I almost started crying. Anna DOES start crying.

I like how Anna's the only character that seems like a real person. She has poor parents AND dyslexia, but Pam is the best student in their class and Lulu has a perfect memory. I noticed the book didn't mention them being passive-agressive, controlling hos, but hey.

REMA BAXTER IS BACK!!! I though she was at boarding school, but I guess boarding schools let you take a break to try out in local plays.

Hahaha. This play is hilarious.
"Magic Pony takes place a long time ago in a faraway land. [Like Star Wars.] The main character is Princess Kalandra. The lovely Kalandra has a serious illness that will kill her. [Like in The Two Princesses of Bamarre.] Since early childhood, Kalandra has heard stories about a magical pony in the woods near the castle."
The Magic Pony has lived for hundreds of years and can heal terrible illnesses. How convenient.
"Kalandra dressed like an ordinary person and goes into the woods. She climbs into a tree house. From there she looks for the Magic Pony. [Yeah, that'll work. "Hm, I can't see the pony from the tree house. Must not be here."] Kalandra doesn't see the pony, but she does spot a young woodsman. This is Joseph, and Kalandra is in his tree house. Joseph and Kalandra meet and become friends. Kalandra doesn't tell Joseph that she is sick or that she is the princess. [Like "A Walk to Remember".] But she does tell him that she is searching for the pony. Joseph offers to help Kalandra find the Magic Pony."
Bla bla bla. There's more about the evil uncle Damien, who wants to drink the Magic Pony's blood. That's pretty graphic for a children's book.

William the director looks Irish. Pam is wearing really high-waisted pants WITH HER SHIRT TUCKED IN.

MIKE LACEY TRIES OUT FOR THE PLAY!!!! Wait, I thought he was in 8th grade. Doesn't that make him older than 12? And Rema was 14 in book #4. What happened there? Does she look 11?

Whoa. The director is also SIZEIST!!
Tongo is too small (oh, and he's also badly behaved).
Lightning is too big (oh, and she bites).

Of course Snow White is perfect. Because she's WHITE. He barely even looks at Acorn.

Rema straightened her hair. The look doesn't exactly work for her.

Dang, I hate Snow White.
Lol, on the cast poster they put, "THERE IS NO UNDERSTUDY FOR JOSEPH." Yes, we can see that. How unprofessional.

:O RACIST!!
Lulu: I think Acorn is a better actor.
William: Maybe you're right. But Snow White looks the part. We'll put some silver sparkles on that beautiful white coat. She'll glow in the dark woods behind the library. It will all be very magical.

Wow. This play is worse than "Eragon". "We will sell that pony's blood for gold, Joseph!"

Suddenly there's a Queen in this story?? So confused.

Anna: Rema is being nice to me. Really friendly.
Lulu: Don't trust her, Anna. She can be a real phony.
Anna: Sometimes people change.
Baby, seasons change, but people don't...and I'll always be waiting in the back room. ;)

Heh, there's a picture of Rema with her arm around Anna and Anna's all, "Get away."
I love Anna. She's boring, but overcompensates with headlines and flash, flash, flash photography. SORRY.
Rema is such a liar.

And William is such a perfectionist.
Anna: Magic Pony, where did you go?
William: Anna, the lines is, "Magic Pony, where are you?"

Rema tells Anna that if she reads her script a couple times, she'll remember all her lines. Liar.

And she invites the Pony Pals over for a sleepover??? "It'll be a lot of fun. We can play with your ponies, watch videos, and have pizza."

I bet a million bucks she'll poison the pizza. Or lure Anna into the back room and strangle her with a bridle.

If the Pony Pals really don't want to do something, they should not do it. But Pam and Lulu go to Rema's anyway.

Rema: Can I ride her bareback? I used to love to do that.
WAIT! In the play, Kalandra is supposed to ride the Magic Pony BAREBACK! SHE'S TRYING TO STEAL YOUR PART, ANNA!

Rema rents a video about Connemara ponies. In Ireland. (Duh, of course they're in Ireland; Connemaras are IRISH.) Okay, I like ponies, but these girls have to be interested in something else. Pony movies can be very boring. Especially "Black Beauty".

They make pizza themselves. Wow, is Wiggins to small for a Pizza Hut?

This girl is such a liar! Why do they believe her?
Rema: Next, let's play cards. You can choose the game.
Anna: Do you know how to play Hearts? That's my favorite card game.
Rema: Hearts is my favorite card game, too! Whenever I play it, I remember Lightning's upside-down heart.
Liar. Way to suck-up to Anna's friends. And who plays cards at a sleepover? Usually girls watch movies, listen to music, give each other makeovers (Thank God, I've only experienced this once), and gossip about other people.

Oh dear, Rema keeps them up past midnight!! THE HORROR! (Midnight? Please. Try 6 AM.)

Lulu: She invited us because she wanted to ride Snow White. If you get sick and can't be in the play, Rema would have your part. She'd be Kalandra and have to ride Snow White bareback.
Anna: But the videos and pizza and ice cream.
Uh oh. Anna is easily swayed by food...as am I.

Oh my goodness! Near the end of "Magic Pony" (the play), Damien beats Joseph!!! CHILD ABUSE!! This play's subject matter is a little disturbing. Little kids should not be reading this.

REMA HAS ALL KALANDRA'S LINES MEMORIZED!!! You're so blind, Anna.

Ew, Mike looks like a four-year-old boy.

Dang, this is community theater. Someone needs to tell William to lighten up.

Snow White was supposed to go to Anna when she gave the signal...but she goes to Rema instead. SOMETHING IS UP HERE!!!

Anna goes on a ride to blow off some steam.
*as she rides away*
Pam: Anna, stop!
Lulu: We should talk about what's bothering you!
What are you, psychiatrists? Some people need to be alone.

Lulu: We have a Pony Pal problem and we need three ideas.
Anna: Do you think that I'm a Pony Pal Problem?
Lol. Good answer.

Anna draws a hideous drawing of Rema, though it is quite lifelike.

Anna thinks she's dumb because she's dyslexic. :(

Hm, what a smashing idea, Pam. "Lulu and I should help Anna learn her lines."
Why couldn't you have done that in the first place?

Lulu: Snow White only got the part because she's white. She doesn't know any tricks or how to act.
LOL!! It's like they're not really talking about a pony. It's so true, though. Snow White doesn't have any useful talents.

Anna: I'll try your ideas, but if they don't work, I'm dropping out.
Of the play...or school?

"Magic Pony, I am very sick and will die son. I am too young to die. Will you save my life?"
That was beautiful. :P

TOMMY RAND RUNS ANNA OVER WITH HIS BIKE!! What's wrong with you, boy??? And he looks just like Mike? Thanks, Paul Bachem, you could make at least SOME distinction between the two.

Uh oh. Mike doesn't want Tommy to know he likes theater.
OMG!! MIKE LIKES THEATER!! I know that's a stereotype, but doesn't that prove he's gay?

Rema calls the play a kid's play once the Pony Pals uncover her deception. Ha.

They wonder who will play Joseph if Mike drops out. Um, why don't you have a GIRL play Joseph? Peter Pan was always a girl.

Oh dear. Mike needs to be more responsible and give his sister lunch. Otherwise she might STARVE.
Okay, come on. She's 6 YEARS OLD. I know 3 year olds that are capable of making sandwiches.

Ew, Acorn eats Rosalie's sandwich. That's DISGUSTING. Horses eat DIRT.

William doesn't even cal Snow White by her name. He just calls her "the white pony". I bet he calls Acorn "the black-and-brown pony". That's it, I'm calling the NAACP.

Tommy direspects William and William calls him a tough guy. This guy obviously does not have kids.

Mike wants to quit, but Rosalie tells him he can't...because his Dad is coming to see it.
:O Really? That would be so awful if she was making that up. But it's a Pony Pals book, so of course she isn't.

OMG!!! "Mike's father left his wife and kids to move to Chicago with a girlfriend."
What?? I thought they got divorced. He didn't do any leaving. How awful!!!

LOL.
Tommy: I'm not going to watch you in some kid's show.
Lulu: It's not just a kid's show, Tommy. It's family entertainment.

LOL. William gives Tommy a unicycle and convinces him to spread news about the play. Wow. I'd love to see that.

That's pretty much it.

I don't have any other books. Well, I have the last Balinor (XP) and two Avalons (XP) but I haven't read any of them. Tomorrow's my last day at home, anyway, and then I have to go back to school, so I'm going to rest up. I love four-day-weekends.

Let's name all of our horses after Hallmark card values, or Horseshoe Trilogies #1: Keeping Faith

I'm sure that title was supposed to be "clever", seeing as it had a double meaning and all.
I would much rather be playing Sims (although I do have to do homework), but I'm sort of behind schedule-ish. Like I even have a schedule. Oh well, tomorrow I'll post a Pony Pals. But this book was so ridiculously boring.



Plot: Josie Grace lives with her mommy and daddy in a little house in England, where they have stables that Mary Grace (her mother) uses to teach in. They also have three beautiful horses; Faith, Hope, and Charity (gag).
But all that is changing.
When they first moved into their house, they didn't have much money, because teachers and riding instructors don't get paid very much, but the little old lady who owned the house let them rent it and the stables for very little money. Unfortunately, she just died, and now her mean old nephew is taking over the property and throwing the Graces out. Harsh. Since they probably won't be able to find [cheap] accomodations for their horses, the Graces will have to sell them, starting with Faith.
Josie is beside herself. Faith has been around even she was born!
Bla bla bla, they meet a few potential buyers, but they either don't know how to take care of a horse or they want to ride her too hard; Faith is old and would rather be a pet or companion than a show jumper. Finally, it's between two families: the Hyde-Whites, a very rich family that has many horses; or the Randalls, a very boring family that happens to be moving to Scotland. Josie doesn't know which is worse: if Faith goes to the Hyde-Whites, she will be adequately cared for but not loved; if she goes to the Randalls, she has to move to Scotland!
Enter Anna Marshall. Anna is Josie's bubbly loud-mouthed best friend, also a horse freak. When Josie tells her about the potential buyers, Anna freaks out; she knows Harriet Hyde-White and the girl is a snob!!! That girl doesn't deserve a horse! She convinces Josie to think so, too, and the two concoct a plan to keep the Hyde-Whites away forever.
The facts are these: Anna met Harriet at a gymkhana event a million years ago and Harriet called Anna's horse Hope (another one of Josie's beloved equines) ugly. Forget that it's been several years since the incident. Forget the fact that Josie herself admitted that Hope wasn't the best-looking animal in the world. No, Harriet was and is a snob, and that's all that matters.
When Harriet and her father come to look at Faith, Anna tells Harriet that Faith bites people and that's why she's being sold. Harriet flips out and tells her father, who in turn gets pretty POed and cusses out Mary Grace, then hops in his Porsche and leaves. Mary Grace is all, "Wth????" Then Ben, Anna's twin brother, comes in with a nasty bite mark on his arm. Turns out it's just makeup he was planning to use to scare Harriet, but there turned out to be no need.
So Mary Grace bans the Marshall twins from their house.
Then the Randalls call and say that they're not moving to Scotland, so they can't buy Faith. Whaaat?? That makes no sense. Now there are no buyers for Faith.
Enter Jill Atterbury. Jill was in a horrible car accident that badly injured her legs. She'd had a horse before the accident, but her parents sold it right after; I forget why, but I think it had something to do with either hospital bills or the doctor saying something like, "She shall never ride again."
Mary Grace and Josie visit the Atterburys, who are very nice people. Jill is funny, easy to talk to, and loves horses. Even I liked her, which is saying something. She meets Faith and falls in love, so Josie gives her "permission" to buy Faith. :P Like it was even your decision. And Jill gives Josie her "permission" to visit Faith. Ha. Now everyone's happy. Yay.
Too bad they'll have to sell Hope in the next book. Just saying.

More notes:
Anna and Josie met when Anna was the new girl in school and Josie had to cart her around the school. Ugh, don't you hate that? I've had to do both and I'm not very good at either. Just saying.

Josie is really mean about bad riders. "You're really getting the hang of the rising trot." "It's about time...."

Wait a minute. They make it sound like Mrs. Wetherall's nephew is such a horrible person, but it's HIS property and he has the right to do what he's doing. Besides, it seems fair. He could've upped the rent.

Ha. Teachers don't get squat. Never become a teacher.

:O Mary Grace tells the story of how she first found Faith, and she convinces Faith's owner that her son is too fat to ride!!! That's so mean!!!!

And she blows ALL her savings on Faith. Yeah, she and her husband are newlyweds and he's a TEACHER, so they don't have that much money to BEGIN with. Nice going, stupid.

Oh, and the husband's cool with it.

Josie brags that she's never had her dad as a teacher. Shut up, I have. XP

Here it is, on page 18, in black and white:
Even Josie had to admit that Hope was not the most beautiful horse in the world. She had a long, straight face with rather small eyes, and an especially broad back.

Oh. No. They're eating SPAGHETTI for dinner.

Mr. Grace jokes about selling his daughter. That is so not funny. Like, seriously, people do that.

Wth, there's a character named Emma who sounds just like me when she rides. "Can't we canter now? This is boring!"

Josie is all mad that Faith might move to Scotland because "she'll never see her again". Yeah, that's generally what happens when you sell an animal.

Mr. Hyde-White might not be a nice guy, but he knows his stuff.

AAAARGH! Just because people don't talk to other people doesn't mean they're stuck up! SHE'S JUST SHY!!

Shut up, Anna; where Faith goes is not your decision.

Okay, Anna AND Josie have both called Hope ugly. This is the "really mean thing" Harriet said to Anna:
"It'll take more than a braided mane to make the creature you're on look halfway decent."
I can see how that's kind of mean, but if they've admitted she's ugly, why is it a big deal? I'm probably going to get beaten up for this.

Isobel really bugs me. I don't know why, but she REALLY does.

Anna thinks out loud, so she's talking about Josie probably never seeing Faith again, and Josie's all, "THANKS FOR RUINING MY DAY!!!" Geez, PMS?

I LOVE PALOMINOS!

Ha. "She has a marvelous seat." Not as marvelous as my seat. I'm rather proud of it.

Yeah, so they're "cold" and impersonal people. But they're also rich and local, and Faith will be treated well. Suck it up, Josie. You need the money anyway.

Mary Grace is way cool. She tells Josie to suck it up, too.

They have to pay for the school bus???

"Come on, it's the first time we've been late this week."
"Well done! It's only Tuesday!"

Josie, you're a pushover.

You are, too, Ben.

AAARGH, this is the third time someone has used the word "immaculate" in conversation!!! WHO EVEN SAYS IMMACULATE!!!?? NOT 12-YEAR-OLD GIRLS!!! Which reminds me of gross Bratz boy....

:O I would be soooo mad if my parents sold my horse. Even if I couldn't ever ride again, I'd still keep him as a pet/companion/BFF/friend.

Aaargh, they make Harriet sound like such a snob. They also make it sound like me. >:P

Ha, Ben and Anna get banished. Losers.

I think Mary Grace is drunk. She starts babbling about Mr. Hyde-white and how she wants to "teach that rascal a lesson".

Anna: I never thought Harriet would make such a fuss!
Now you're blaming her?? Yeah, people tend to get mad when it turns out they're being conned.

WHAT IS IT WITH PEOPLE??? Josie tells Anna about Jill, who can't ride, wanting a horse.
Anna: What, is she crazy or something?
HELLO! SHE CAN KEEP IT AS A FREAKING PET! RIDING ISN'T THE ONLY THING TO DO WITH HORSES!

Jill isn't weird about her disability, and she's an optimist. She's also funny. I like her already.

SHE HAS POSTERS OF HORSES ALL OVER HER WALLS. Jealous.

Way to be sensitive, Josie.
Jill: That's my favorite [poster]. I lie in bed sometimes looking and it and imagining I'm on his back, riding off into the sunset.
Josie: Doesn't that make you feel worse?

AAAGH, MIDNIGHT: another super obvious horse name.

I don't think I've ever described anyone or anything as a big soppy marshmallow.

NO, JILL, NO! Oh well. She lets Josie come visit Faith whenever.

Ugh, Mary Grace justifies Anna's behavior. "You saved me from selling Faith to the Hyde-Whites."

Ugh, and it ends with Josie sobbing and saying, "Perfect." SHUT UP.

That was sooo boring. Tomorrow I'll post another Pony Pal, followed by the second Avalon, which is about Kara, so it should be interesting.

Awwwww, it's sooooo cute, or Pony Pals #28: The Newborn Pony

Get ready, kids, because I have SOOOO many books coming up it's not even funny! 3 Balinors, 2 Avalons, and 2 nameless horse books from a depressing and awful series? Pretty much. I, unfortunately, haven't read any of them just yet, so you'll have to stick with the Pony Pals for now.



Plot: Yay, Beauty got knocked up and is going to have a baby!! Strange, this has never been mentioned before.... It appears that Beauty's due date is near, so the Pony Pals offer to stay up all night with her to make sure nothing goes wrong. During the night, Beauty gives birth to a beautiful baby boy. Everyone admires it, and then leave to eat breakfast.
The next morning, Mike Lacey shows up, claiming he wants to see the pony. After a mean trick, the Pony Pals aren't so sure that's the case, so they threaten to tell everyone he is afraid of ponies if he doesn't cut it out. Oooooo....
Oh no, the foal is stricken with pneumonia!!! The Pony Pals and Mike stay up for another night to take care of the poor creature. But don't worry, it's a Pony Pals book; it's not like he's going to DIE! He gets better immediately, so Mike and the Pony Pals decide to each come up with a name, then everyone will vote. Mike comes up with a WONDERFUL name that everyone likes, so the foal is christened "Miracle". Yay.

More notes:
She insists on saying "chestnut-colored".

SINCE WHEN IS BEAUTY PREGNANT?? And how have 11 months passed with us not knowing? I bet I know who the father is, though.

AGH, CRAPPY PONY DRAWINGS!!

Jeanne Betancourt has reused the same "Galloping feels like flying!" paragraph in like 3 books.

Ms. Wiggins: It would be wonderful to have some help. Are you sure you don't mind? It's not as much fun as camping in the hills.
Um, let's see, hole in the ground vs. toilets and running water, real food vs. food over the campfire, I'd rather sleep at your house, Ms. Wiggins.

They call the paddock Beauty's "little yard". I guess Jeanne forgot the terminology.

Pam always has to sound so smart.

I think the Pony Pals wake up every morning and go, "Hm, lovely day, this reminds me of how I met my two best friends." I mean, really, who thinks about their best friends while setting up a tent?

"Lulu thought living in Wiggins would be boring. Then she met Anna and Pam and became a Pony Pal. And then she got Snow White."
That writing makes me cringe.

Of course Snow White will like the baby. Snow White is obsessed with babies.

I think "Black Beauty" is the only movie they've ever seen.

It's easy to mistake people for bears or deer when you're riding...in broad daylight.

Lol, Mike screams like a little girl.

A beautiful drawing of Snow White. She looks like a carousel pony. Mike looks like Eminem.

Being scared of ponies isn't that big a deal.

AAAAAAAAAGH! THEY'RE HAVING SPAGHETTI AND MEATBALLS FOR DINNER!!!!!!

Anna brings brownies. *shakes head*

He's described as brown with black stockings. The foal on the cover definitely doesn't fit that description.

His marking looks more like a crescent moon than a half moon, Lulu.

Aw, he's so adorable.

They said "teat" in a children's book!!

LOL, Tommy and Mike push their tent over...while they're in it. The drawing is quite odd, though, because Anna somehow ends up on top of Lulu.

ROFL! "'Do you think an animal could have pushed the tent over?' asked Pam. 'Like a cow?'"

"'Maybe a deer did it,' suggested Anna. 'A big deer. And it ran away.'"

How is this a mystery? It was so obviously Tommy and Mike. And why must you always make everything a mystery, Pam?

Mike practically confesses. "It wasn't my idea!!!"

OMG, DUH, IT WAS TOMMY AND MIKE! OF COURSE THEY LEFT TRACKS THAT ARE TOO BIG TO BE YOUR OWN!! YOU'RE SO DUMB!!

I love how their lives revolve around riding. "Oh no, I almost broke my leg! You can't ride with a broken leg!" "That's nothing! I have AIDs! You can't ride with AIDs!" "Well, I have dyslexia! You can't ride with dyslexia!"

They write him a threatening letter.
Mike: We know that you and Tommy tipped over our tent. We have evidence to prove it. If you do anything mean and dangerous like that again, we'll tell Ms. Wiggins. You better leave us alone or you could lose your job.

Pam, Anna, Lulu

P.S. We saw how afraid you were when you fed Picasso. We were spying on you. [That's not stalker-y or anything.]

P.P.S. Watch out for Pony Power! [I think this is why he makes fun of you.]

Btw, who was the person that said, "Boys make fun of you when they like you?" Or maybe all boys are jackasses.

Tommy's idea for a name is Turd. Because the pony is brown.

Ms. Wiggins is so dense.

Okay, Rascal is an okay name, but wth Pam? "His eyes already sparkle with mischief."

Oooh, a very nice drawing of Snow White. Wth, horses and ponies neigh all the time. That doesn't mean someone is dead.

Wth? "Oh no, the foal is congested!" Then give him a Sudafed.

Wow. The Pony Pals fight back.
Tommy: Has the little pony got a little cold-y?
Mike: Quit it, Tomy. This could be serious.
Lulu: Not everything is a joke, Tommy Rand.
Tommy: Well, the Pony Pests are one big joke. You make me laugh all day long.
Pam: And you make me sick. Don't you take anything seriously?
Wth, Lulu stops Pam and is all, "This is not the time to fight with Tommy Rand." Isn't that what you were doing, Mrs. Hypocrite??

Ooh, Tommy uses bad grammar to up his cool factor. "We got better stuff to do."

Ew, Paul Bachem drew the UGLIEST picture of Beauty. Her face is humongous.

Wth, everyone has 90 minutes on watch, but Mr. Silver, the OLD GUY, has 2 hours. Lame.

Ew, foaly is really ugly in the next picture, and Mike is all up against the wall for some reason. Like a Boys Like Girls song.

Go Pam!
Mike: Okay, okay. I get it. I'm not stupid.
Pam: *glare of death* Sometimes you are. When you follow whatever stupid, dumb, dangerous thing Tommy Rand says.
Lulu: You're even afraid of Tommy. And we know you're afraid of ponies, too.
Shut up, Lulu. I hate that this book is about Lulu. Just a lot of Snow White glorification.

Why is it that when they want to stay up late, they eat cookies and juice? Drink Red Bull and you'll be fine.

Mike saves the day...again.

Wth, shut up, Lulu, you ungrateful whore.

If someone is coughing, get them to stand up and it will be all better. Or grab their belly. Says nurse Pam.

WTH, THIS IS NOT SOME EPIC PRANK WAR! MIKE JUST SAVED YOUR FREAKING PONY!

"Lulu looked up and saw a white shape running through the dawning light.
It was Snow White."
That's good, because I was afraid it was a polar bear. Duh, of course it was Snow White.

Lulu and Mike bond over milk.

Pam's name is Rascal.
Lulu's name is Moon, which I would've voted for back in the day, when I was obsessed with all things moon: Sailor Moon, crescent moon, moonshining....
Anna chooses Big Boy?? What kind of name is that? Pam suggests they call him B. B. Maybe if he was a blues artist.

Mike chooses Miracle, and they force him to say why he chose that name.
"Because it's like a miracle that he was born without any problems. Then he got sick, and it's a miracle he didn't die."
Mike said "like" like a valley girl. That's so sappy but kind of sweet.

Mike isn't shy, Lulu, he's just embarassed that he has to talk about ponies with 3 ten-year-old girls.

WHY must you do a secret ballot, just choose a name!!!

Lulu has crappy handwriting.

Miracle wins. I like Moon better.

A horrible picture of Snow White, a very nice picture of Lightning, and Acorn is palomino??? What??

This book was barely about Snow White, and Lulu is all, "Snow White, you saved the whole world from global warming while ending world hunger!!"

Lame. "You're great, Snow White. You are the miracle in my life."
Lol. You are the music in me.

So that's it. Tomorrow I'll talk about Avalon!!! Yay! Magic and talking ferrets. It will be quite fantastic.

Lassie! You're home!, or Pony Pals #27: The Pony and the Missing Dog

Guess who's back? You'll have to guess. Fine. After 3 illustrators, Paul Bachem is finally back, and the illustrations are worse than ever. Actually, not true: Paul seems to realize the innacuracy of his drawings and has gotten a lot better. Even Anna's drawings are top rate! It's just the story that sucks....



Plot: Pam is so frustrated with her dog, Woolie. He keeps chasing Lightning and being mischievous (pronounced MISS-chuh-vuss), so she loses her temper and scolds him. On their trail ride, the Pony Pals question her methods, and Pam feels the need to apologize to Woolie.
But she can't.
Because he's GONE.
It seems Woolie has run away. Pam is heartbroken, pulling a Lulu and moaning about how it's all her fault. Lulu, on the other hand, keeps a cool head, and organizes a rescue mission to save/help/find Woolie. It's an odd case of role reversal, folks.
After much searching, Woolie is still nowhere to be found. The Pony Pals enlist the help of Ms. Wiggins and Mike Lacey. The 5 of them split up and search Ms. Wiggins' property. Hark! What's that? A bark? Lightning finds Woolie behind a bush...WITH HIS LEG CAUGHT IN A TRAP!!!! Way to copy #10. As Pam is hyperventilating, Mike appears and saves the day, removing the trap from Woolie's leg. Woolie is good as new and he and Pam make up. BFFs forever. And it turns out Mike has a soul.

More notes:
Aaaargh. "Black and brown" and "reddish brown" do not suffice as pony descriptions. I want breed, height, color, and markings.

How come Jack and Jill are 5 again? Did they go back in time?? They were 6 a few books ago.

Agh, a whole paragraph of choppy writing and repetition.

Oh no, Jack and Jill are convinced they've found Bambi. There's 20 whole pages on how they find an "abandoned" fawn and want to take care of it, but have to release it back into the wild. So boring.

Paul's first drawing is a failure. This is one OBESE fawn, and Woolie looks like a combination Seelyham Terrier and chubby Golden Retriever. When I say "sheepdog", I mean SHEEPDOG!

Oh look, it's Anna riding on some pony! OH! IT'S ACORN! And who's that rider on Snow White? COULD IT BE LULU??? Like we don't know who rides who already.

Lulu: Oh, my. This is a very young fawn.
Way to sound like a grandma, Lulu.

BAM, Lulu shocks the twins with her nature knowledge. Does leave their fawns alone in the forest all the time! DUH! Actually, I didn't know that.

Anna makes fun of Jack. Heh.

Aaagh, Jill is SO ANNOYING. "He's mine. I'm supposed to take care of him. I already love him." And not one exclamation point in that emotional statement.

WHY CAN'T THEY SAY FOAL?? It's always "baby pony", "baby pony", "baby pony".

Ugh, Paul's second drawing makes Pam look like Michael Jackson, Jill like an Oompaloompa, and the fawn like a legless sack of bread with a deer head sticking out of it. I take back what I said about good illustrations.

Lol. "Pam had a big painting of Lightning hanging in her bedroom. It was an Anna Harley original." That just cracked me up for some reason.

If Anna ever mentions those brownies again....

And Paul's pony drawings STILL look like crap.

Wth? Now Woolie looks like an Airdale?

They call Lightning a boy. *crickets*

Oh no, someone is trapping on her land again! Gee, it couldn't be TOMMY, could it? Oh no, it couldn't be, because he got a WARNING.

Mrs. Bell is an idiot. "Gee, I let Woolie out a few hours ago and he hasn't returned. I guess he REALLY had to go!"

Ah yes, the Pony Pals are going out on another adventure without telling their parents. Oh, excuse me, Pam leaves a note.

Yes, Pam, it might be dead, but it wouldn't be your fault; it's stupid Mrs. Bell's.

I'm sure EVERYONE knows what a dog's pawprint looks like. HOW DO YOU MIX THAT UP WITH A RACCOON PAWPRINT???

You weren't mean, Pam. There's a fine line between discipline and abuse.

And Woolie wouldn't be mad at you, because he's a sweet, forgiving dog. (Said Lulu.)

Lightning is a girl again. Wow, two sex changes in one day.

Dang, Lulu gives some good pep talks.

Pam keeps moaning and moaning.

Yeah, I'm sure those posters will be effective.
Missing Dog. Medium sized dog. Golden color. Red collar with I.D. If found, please call 555-4362.
I'm totally calling that number. But they had Anna DRAW a picture instead of putting a photograph. Wha?? And wouldn't it be better to put BREED, and his NAME??? Just wondering.

Yay, the Quinns have returned! You remember those delightful old people from #18, don't you?

Pam is convinced everyone is in love with Pony Pals.

Lol, Pam repeats herself. "Have you seen a small blond sheepdog in the last 24 hours? He has fluffy blond hair and a red collar." I thought he was medium sized.

Oh, the dog Mrs. Quinn saw isn't Woolie because he didn't have a collar. I mean, forget the fact that he acts JUST LIKE Woolie and looks JUST LIKE Woolie. There's no way that collar could've come off.

Lol, Paul makes the Quinns look just like my grandparents.

Lulu = way short.

Apparently Pam goes around kissing people's kittens.

A small tuft of hair could easily be mistaken for a bunny.

The little boy in the picture looks like a little girl. And he has a boy named DOGGIE. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH.

Pam makes a little rap. It's kind of funny.

I'm probaby wrong, but I was pretty sure they'd already look on Ms. Wiggins' land.

"We need more people to help search for Woolie." Isn't that why you put up posters?

ANNA DID A GOOD DRAWING! LIKE, REALLY GOOD! AND ACCURATE!!!!!!!!

"Mike Lacey and Tommy Rand were older than the Pony Pals, but acted very immature." Duh, boys mature slower than girls. But then again, when are boys ever mature?

I don't know, Mike's semi-all right and all, but Ms. Wiggins is way too trusting. "Remember when Mike and Tommy set up traps on your land and stole our ponies that one time?" "Oh, but Mike would NEVER do something like that!!"

Oh wait, her exact words are, "But Mike is a different boy when he works for me. You'll see." Btw, Mike's job: What exactly does he do??

Lol.
Lulu: He better behave. Or else.
Yeah, you're like 4'9" and you're in 4th grade. And you're a girl. Not much you can do.

Mike apologizes for calling the Pony Pals "Pony Pests"?

A really good accurate picture of Lightning that actually makes her look like a pony and not a donkey??

THEY SAY POOP!

Yeah, Woolie's leg is caught in a trap, so I doubt his growling has anything to do with you.

Of course, Pam blames him for the traps. Not prejudiced.

Wait, Woolie was in a trap for 24 hours, and his leg isn't broken??? And he hasn't died of dehydration??

The last picture is really good...except for Woolie. But hey. He's getting better.

The Pony Pals tend to repeat themselves. "Thank you. Thank you for helping me find Woolie!"

Agh. I hate that Woolie.
I also hate the library, so I don't know how soon I'm getting any Pony Pals, Madison Finn, Unicorns of Balinor, or Avalon books. I do have Pony Pals #28, so I'll probably do that sometime this week.

Rough Riders, Rough Riders, yeee-haw, or Pony Pals #22: Western Pony

I remember hating this one. I mean, if I came home and my friends had let someone else ride my pony for 2 weeks, I'd be pretty mad. But, while rereading this, I was kind of annoyed by the way Lulu went about this. Geez, PMS?



Plot: Lulu has been gone on a two week vacation in Virginia, visiting her godparents, and the Pony Pals have been taking care of Snow White for her. But when Lulu gets home, she is shocked to find Snow White missing! She freaks out for a million pages, until she sees Anna and Pam...riding to Anna's house...with Snow White...
...who's being ridden by Charlie Chase, Mr. Olson's nephew, who is visiting town. And he was riding Snow White not only without Lulu's permission, but WESTERN STYLE!!! *gasp* Lulu gets really peeved and acts all mad for another million pages. She doesn't want to hang out with Pony Pals, is mean to Charlie, and doesn't ride Snow White. Then she makes up with them after they apologize to her (yeah...) and instead of running away to Virginia (don't ask), she invites her godsister (is there such a thing?) Alicia to Wiggins to participate in Mr. Olson's hoedown! Oh boy!
But on the day of the hoedown, Charlie's horse Moondance (that's really his name) injures his leg, so Charlie can't trick ride. But Lulu lets him ride Snow White. And they are best friends forever. Yeah. It was pretty boring.

More notes:
Jigsaw. Another adorable pony name.

Why do we need to know the color of the hair Grandmother Sanders is cutting?

Since when does Dr. Crandal have an assistant? His business has expanded quite a bit since #1.

Isn't Pony Pal Trail secret? How does Henry know about it?

Again, Lulu decides not to tell her grandmother that she's going out into the woods because it's too important and her grandma probably wouldn't let her do it. Smart.

Ooh, Charlie is from Wyoming. And Lulu thinks he's irresponsible.

I used to think Moondance was the coolest name EVER. Not so much anymore.

I don't get why Lulu is so freaked that he rode her western. Snow White's stupid, but she's not stupid enough to get confused.

Charlie = no social skills. But at least he's friendly. YES, SOMEONE WHO ISN'T SHY AND SELF-CENTERED! Then again, he's a guy. :P

He's being conscientous, leave him alone.

Why do we need this whole description on the wonder of the Pony Pals IN EVERY BOOK!!! Because it's ALWAYS THE SAME. They could at least shorten it, or spice it up or something. And it totally didn't fit with what Lulu is thinking. She thinks about the Pony Pals origins, way back to Mommy and Daddy in the bedroom, and then after 6 pages is all, "But they didn't even feel like Pony Pals anymore." WHAT??

Charlie can whistle to ponies. Jealous.

Lulu such a loser. She's all whining about everything.

She buys some plastic ponies for Anna and Pam from a museum. Where is this plastic pony museum? I want to go.

Alicia sounds way nice. I wish she and Lulu would switch places. Then maybe Anna could grow a brain and Pam would stop being such a control freak.

Pretty picture of Snow White. Anna is still on the crack corn. And she still wakes up at 5:00 AM. BECAUSE SHE LIKES IT.

Lulu wonders if Pam and Anna have gone boy crazy all of a sudden. Okay, just because you like girls....

Now she's chewing out Anna!

Snow White's all, "Crap, Lulu's back."

Lulu doesn't want Moondance to hurt Snow White, but she willingly puts Snow White in the paddock with Lightning. Um, right.

Moondance sounds adorable, but they never show a picture. Same with Alicia.

This is like #16 all over again. Charlie barrel races with Snow White and Lulu freaks out and is all, "HORSE SAFETY! HORSE SAFETY!"

SHUT UP ABOUT SAFETY!!!

A lame joke about skipping rope. "I'm skipping rope." "We're not skipping rope. This isn't jump rope." I swear, it's as if the author had NEVER HEARD OF EXCLAMATION POINTS!

Charlie should hang out with Tommy and Mike because he's an obnoxious boy. Yeah, that wasn't sexist.

Shut up, Lulu. You're just jealous.

Nice excuse. Liar.

Hm, your friends are finally reaching out to non-Pony Pals, so you decide to go back to Virgina.

Isn't that a rule? No boys at sleepovers???

I love it when Pam acts like Lulu is stupid.

Moondance isn't bad looking. But I pictured him cuter. DISAPPOINTING.

Wth, Snow White isn't wearing a bridle in the picture. And Lulu was all mad that Pam and Anna had supposedly ridden her bareback. Hypocrite much?

Wait, that's ANNA riding Snow White. WHAAAAAAAT?

Uh oh, Pam and Anna want Lulu to conform to their menu choices....

Why would they need to ask you before they planned a hoedown? It's not like they're doing it for you.

The word "stupid" shows up multiple times in this book. *gasp* IT'S A CHILDREN'S STEP-UP BOOK!

I heart Belgians.

Oh, sure, Pam, let's use the ribbons your mother won in her show days to give to all the good little boys and girls!

They think cross-dressing is funny.

Barrel racing on English is way fun.

Charlie always picks the wrong time to say something.

LOL. Pam and Anna are just ignoring Lulu's tantrums.

Ew, a picture of Acorn all sway-backed and teary-eyed.

So Alicia is coming, but we'll never know what she looks like, and then we'll never hear from her again.

OMG! Take that, Lulu!
Anna: You use to say you had fun in Wiggins. (Anna is always mumbling)
Pam: Didn't you even miss us when you were gone? We missed you.
Lulu: You did not. You didn't even care that I came back.
Pam: Well, you didn't act happy to be back. All you did was complain.
LOL!!!!

WTH??? IT HAPPENED AGAIN! In the picture, Anna is saddling up Snow White and Lulu is mounting Acorn. WTH???

Lucky. Alicia has 6 horses. Or 4 horses, 2 ponies. Whatever.

Little Rascal is a dumb name.

Pam is trying to set up Alicia with Charlie!!!!!

Ew, they do the letter from three points of view again, and Lulu talks about how much she hates Charlie for like forever, and Anna talks about how much she loves Charlie.

Totally reminded me of last year when Mr. Caley called Mrs. Schultz-Story and said, "I sent you an e-mail."

Who doesn't love winning? You wouldn't be all, "CRAP! I WON!"

Anna kisses Lulu on the cheek. Holding hands, kissing cheeks...?

Only 6 posters? How small is this town?

Anna is wearing a red strapless gown. I kid you not.

Jigsaw sounds adorable, too! And there's no picture....

Alicia and the Pony Pals get along very well. And Lulu doesn't get all jealous of Alicia.

Alicia likes Charlie, too, and Lulu doesn't get mad at her.

Why does Pam always win first place?

Charlie competes in the adult division. How old is he?

Charlie is a real man.

Why does Dr. Crandal always pop out of nowhere?

Ew. Mr. Olson has a horse named Handsome.

Charlie's a hottie. No lie.

Charlie is responsible on Snow White and wins a prize...and Lulu congratulates Snow White. Loser.

Lulu is way evil. But Anna suddenly hates Charlie all of sudden? It's in #23, which is coming up later.

Wild thing, you make my heart sing, or Pony Pals #9: The Wild Pony

This was the first Pony Pals I ever read. And probably the one that made me like Pam. I have distant memories of always getting mad at Lulu and Anna during Pam books. I officially change my vote on the poll from Lulu to Pam. Because Lulu is driving me insane.
I wish I still had my Fisher Price people. I really want to play Pony Pals. With or without ponies.



Plot: Pam is out riding one day when she sees a strange pony in front of an abandoned house. Its coat looks awful and it's really skinny, so Pam assumes it must be wild. Also, it seems terrified of humans and runs away every time it sees anyone. Hm.
So Pam tells the Pony Pals about it, so they follow the pony and she runs away. Big surprise.
They then go to Mrs. Baxter's house and ask her who owned the old house. She says it's owned by Mr. Kennedy, who moved to California and is still trying to sell the house, but she doesn't remember him having a pony.
Pam tells her parents. They basically tell her the same thing.
After all this lack of adult help, they convince the pony to take oats from them. They do this every day and groom her and give her a doctor's checkup, bla bla bla. Oh no, she's head shy. Yeah. Abuse issues. And her name is Beauty. Lame pants.
But then Pam doesn't tell the Pony Pals something or other, or does something without them, and they get all mad at her, but Pam basically says, "Screw you," and ignores them. She also sends a fax to Mr. Kennedy, which he replies to by saying, "STAY OFF MY PROPERTY! AND I'M SELLING THAT HORSE TO THE SLAUGHTERHOUSE!" Pam is heartbroken, and feels really awful, and the Pony Pals accept her apology, which MADE ME SO MAD, because they're little hos and should be apologizing.
So the Pony Pals work together and take care of Beauty, bla bla bla, and then they try to convince Ms. Wiggins to buy her, but Ms. Wiggins don't want no pony. It's been 3 months since Winston died and she's just too sad.
But, like everyone else, she gives in to the Pony Pals, buys Beauty, and everyone is happy. Aaaargh.

More notes:
Horses bob heads in greeting. Isn't that a bird thing? Waaak! *bob bob bob*

Anna: What's so strange about seeing a pony? Lots of people have ponies around here.
Who? You, Anita Rand, Mr. Olson, Ms. Wiggins...that's not that many people.

Lulu convinces Pam to break the law. Pam actually has common sense, but noooooo. She's smart, but she gives in all the time. HATE LULU. HATE. And Anna needs to pick a side. When Pam's mad at Lulu, she's on Pam's side. When Lulu's mad at Pam, she's on Lulu's side. Loser.

Since when is Lulu sad about her dead mom? She never mentions it. Anna and Pam do, though. ALL THE TIME.

If Lulu's been living there for a year or two (at least), she's not that new to Wiggins.

Anna does NOT have fun ideas.

So lame. The cook's name is Cook. Why couldn't they give her/him a normal name, like Kirk Hammett?

Mr. Baxter reminds me of Mr. Wilson. From Dennis the Menace.

Oh ho ho. Silly Mrs. Baxter. She just made a lil joke.

THE PONY PALS LIVE IN CONNETICUTT!!! I finally know where they live! Wait...isn't that where "The Baby-Sitter's Club" takes place?

Pam just called an adult dumb. She's not that good with people.

Anna thinks she's so slick. Hello. You're still trespassing. It's against the law.

Lulu: Ponies are herd animals. They love being together.
Not necessarily. What if it was an antisocial pony?

Um, creepy. Lulu speaks horse.

And she tells amusing stories about gorillas.

After Snow White got strangles ONCE, Lulu is convinced every pony must have it. I just really hate her. Snow White, too. Who's barely in this book, actually. Same with the other ponies.

Awwww, really adorable picture of Lightning and Beauty.

Oh no, another, "It's his property," thing. Well, they're right. But no. Listen to authority Pam. I feel like I'm talking to that girl on the office.

Gee, when someone is afraid of something, they usually have a reason for it. If Beauty doesn't like you, she might be afraid of you, or maybe you're just REALLY UGLY, Lulu.

I think they feed her steroids.

Pam: Anna's your friend, too.
Who, Miss Double Allegiances?

Ew, the grooming of Beauty sounds way dirty. Heh. I'm a poet...I won't say the rest.

Anna: Maybe she's ALL black.
That sentence just sounded funny. But for reals, if she was dirty, I think you could still tell if she was white or not.

Dr. Crandal is like the Sin Eater: he pops out of nowhere. Probably out of the ground. I wonder if he wears a cloak.

AAAAAAAARGH! MORGANS ARE NOT PONIES! THEY ARE SHORT, BUT THEY ARE NOT PONIES! I think Jeanne Betancourt is convinced there is no such thing as a horse. Loser. MORGANS ARE NOT PONIES!!!!!! AAAAAAAH! And neither are Appaloosas.

Why do they say "salvage"? Why can't they say "slaughter" like normal people?

Anna can't make any sacrifices for Pam, but Pam must sacrifice. What a wonderful friendship. How has it lasted all these years?

Hm, they found the guy's pony, and she's malnourished and dirty. I think her owner should know. But Lulu doesn't think so. And Anna-can't-think-for-herself thinks so, too.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! "It's two against one, Pam." Maybe she doesn't care and you guys DON'T HAVE TO AGREE ON EVERYTHING.
Anna: ONE Pony Pal can't decide what to do. We ALL have to agree.
It's called thinking for yourself. Try it sometime, Anna. Seriously. They can still take care of Beauty, and they should let Pam do whatever she wants to. Uh oh, Pam pulled the "I found her first" card. Not good.

OMG, PAM JUST DID SOMETHING WITHOUT THE PONY PALS! "I'm going to see Mrs. Baxter now. You can come if you want." BAM! And they choose not to come. GO PAM!

Mrs. Baxter thinks Pam is right. So does...everyone else.

PAM JUST CALLED LULU DUMB!!!
Lulu: Did you talk to Mr. Kennedy?
Pam: No. I sent him a fax. It's like a letter, only the person gets it right away.
Lulu: I know what a fax is!
Ha. Ugh, now she's mad that Pam didn't write it with them. Wait, you didn't WANT to write a fax. Quit beeing a hypocritical little _itch.

Pam: Beauty's not mine and she's not yours. She's Mr. Kennedy's pony.
Anna: You broke the Pony Pal rule that we all have to agree on a Pony Pal plan when we're solving a Pony Pal problem.
That was an awful sentence. Maybe Pam doesn't need the Pony Pals to solve problems. Anna should really listen to her tutor more.
Pam: It's a stupid rule.
Your friends are morons. Leave now...leave them and never return....
Also, switch Lightning with Acorn. You'll be much better off.

What's wrong with this fax?
Dear Mr. Kennedy:
I saw a pony on your property. She looks like she was on her own all winter. She is very skinny and her coat is all muddy. My friends and I are feeding and grooming her. We have our own ponies and know a lot about them. My father says its your pony. He is a veterinarian and says that Beauty is undernourished, but not sick.
We would want to make Beauty beautiful again. We want to train her, too. Then we could find her a good home. It is hard to train Beauty because she's headshy and I can't put a halter on her. Do you know why she is head shy?
Thank you.
Sincerely,
Pam Crandal


PS
You can send me a fax at Baxter Realty.
Actually, there are some grammar problems in that letter and a lot of unnecessary information, but from a TEN YEAR OLD? This is pretty good for a professional letter. You can't expect her to do much better.
Anna: That's not a very good letter.
Just because you don't know how to write....
Lulu is really pretty in this one. And the Pony Pals are actually write about some parts when they critique the letter, but seriously. They're just jealous and mad that she didn't wait for them, even though THEY DIDN'T WANT TO WRITE A LETTER. I hate these girls.

Anna is so prejudiced. AND HOW IS THIS BOSSY?
Pam: You both think Mr. Kennedy is mean. I don't think he is. Today I'm going to see if he sent me an answer to the fax. If you want to come, you can.
Anna: You're so bossy.
WTF??????? AAAAAAAAH! How was that even an order? HATE!

After Pam apologizes, the Pony Pals are suddenly all nice to her.
Anna: Don't cry. It's not all your fault. Mr. Kennedy is a mean man. [Notice they don't take any of the blame upon themselves or acknowledge that they were jerks.]
Lulu: And Mr. Baxter made things even worse. [Again, not taking any of the blame....]

Lame pants. Beauty hit her head on a tree, so she's head shy. WHAT?

Lulu just told Pam to suck it up. And yet she gets horribly mad whenever Pam says this to her. I HATE LULU SO MUCH!!!!!!

Sorry, Pam, but wishful thinking won't help anyone.

I hate how Jeanne Betancourt is trying to make out that Lulu and Anna are being such good friends to Pam, but they're really not. And she's also implying that they were right all along. I think Jeanne is racist.

Pam's is the only idea that makes sense. And it's not technically illegal. It's a loophole in the law.

Pam has to call both the Pony Pals when she has a good idea. BOTH. Lulu can't take the initiative to call Anna herself. And they both have to agree. I HATE THEM BOTH.

MORGANS ARE NOT PONIES!

They are all surprised that Picasso really likes Beauty. I think Picasso is the one who fathers Beauty's baby (book #28). They really need to take Sex Ed. Oh, I forgot, they call it Health nowadays.

AAAAAGH! Ms. Wiggins' name is Wilhemina in this one! So far it's been Wilhemina and Winifred. Mrs. Betancourt needs to pick a name and STICK WITH IT. Personally, I think Winifred is ballin'. I think they use Wilma in later books. That name sucks. :P

Yeah. You have no idea how mad that made me. I feel bad for Pam, but she needs to stick up for herself more often and not fall for fake apologies, OR LACK THERE OF! AAAAARGH! Hate.
There will be a lull in Pony Pals because I'm waiting for "The Baby Pony", but if that doesn't come in, I'll just buy it. And then I have to wait for 10-13. Toodles.

I'm not stupid, just misunderstood, or Pony Pals #2: A Pony For Keeps

This book is listed as Reading Level ages 9 to 12. Uh, I don't think so. Or maybe I'm just a genius.

Acorn is always described as black and brown (why can't they say bay???) but I always thought he looked more yellow. Anna looks relatively tiny compared to Acorn.

Plot: Anna loves Acorn. Acorn loves Anna. It's a perfect match. But Anna's parents blame Acorn for Anna's bad grades (or maybe she's just dumb), and threaten to get rid of him unless she gets A's on her report card.
Report cards come back. C-, C-, D, D...A IN ART! But no, that's not good enough, so Acorn's a goner. So Anna does the mature thing and decides to run away from home.
That's right. She skips school and goes riding with Acorn and they jump, bla bla bla, but then she gets caught by the Wiggins Witch!!! Duh, that's what you get when you trespass...
But it turns out the Wiggins Witch is really a nice woman named Wilhelmina Wiggins who loves ponies as much as Anna!!! Good golly! And it turns out that Anna is dyslexic, and so is Willie! So they become BEST PALS.
Anna tells the Pony Pals about her learning disability and Pam enforces the crappy three ideas rule. Aaargh... But before they can put all of them into practice, ACORN DISAPPEARS! It looks like Anna's parents really wanted him gone.
But YAY! The Pony Pals explain to Mrs. Harley that Anna isn't stupid and Acorn isn't distracting her, and Mrs. Harley willingly forks over a couple thou to buy Acorn for Anna. So Anna buys Acorn! YAY! ACORN AND ANNA FOREVER! *puke*

More notes:
Pam decides it's okay to trespass on private property, because those signs are OBVIOUSLY referring to hunters, not kids on ponies.

Ugh. Fifth grade humor. Did I make jokes like this in 5th grade?
Anna: That's a big house. I heard it has 27 rooms.
Lulu: I bet she hasn't left the house for 27 years.
Pam: And has 27 cats.
Anna: And hasn't taken a bath in 27 weeks!
All: TEE HEE HEE!
Grrrr....

Another Acorn and Snow White lovefest. I always thought when I was little that they would fall in love and make little horsey babies together. Maybe they did; I never read the one where Snow White has a baby.

Rema Baxter doesn't want Snow White getting attached to Lulu. Then maybe you should go home and take care of your pony!!!! Loser.

Suddenly everyone hates Acorn.
Pam: Maybe Acorn's the wrong pony for you.
Maybe you don't DESERVE a pony.

Anna uses the phrase "pretty ponies". And you wonder why I chose that title...

Mr. Olsen seems anxious to sell this Morgan. He tries to sell it to each of the Pony Pals until book #4. If it's such a great horse, HOW COME NO ONE'S BOUGHT IT???

And how come he has such a big horse farm in a small town? Everyone probably already has a horse, and it's not like he's world renowned so people from all over buy his ponies. Horses. Animals.

I hate it when authors spell things out, like T-E-R-M-S O-F S-A-L-E, and expect you to read each letter seperately.

Oh no, bossy Tommy Rand owned Acorn! How horrible! Heh. Tommy's first appearance. After this, he's a regular character. And he's way ugly. And his best friend's angsty.

Anna's all shocked that Tommy doesn't miss Acorn. Yeah. He's a boy who likes trapping animals for fun (more on that in book #10). I don't think he's big on ponies.

Tammy: Can't you guys leave her alone? Maybe she's doing the best she can.
Mr. Harley: I doubt it. I know this girl. Her brain's are as good as yours and her brother's. All my kids are smart. Anna's too easily distracted and draws when she should be writing. Seems to me that Acorn is the biggest distraction of them all.
That's so mean. I would wait till she was out of the room before I said this. Maybe she has a learning disability...or she's just dumb. That IS a common ailment. Some things in that sentence were quite grammatically incorrect.

Anna = so short. And Pam still has an afro puff that magically disappears in the next book.

(Anna's parents are selling Acorn.)
"We're doing this for your own good." Yeah, that's what my parents said about private schooling. Bull.

LULU FALLS FOR ANNA'S SICK RUSE! And Anna skips school! Isn't this a little risque` for a children's book? Aren't we trying to teach good morals?

Anna is surprised that a grown woman on a huge horse could catch up with her on a Shetland pony.

Willie talks like she's Southern, without the accent. And Anna starts telling her her life story five seconds after she meets her. Um, dramatic much? I guess it doesn't matter that she was trespassing.

AAAGH, ANOTHER PETA MESSAGE ABOUT HUNTING! What is this, "The Most Dangerous Game"?

After this book, Jeanne Betancourt had trouble with the continuity of Mrs. Wiggins name. Sometimes it was Wilhelmina, sometimes it was Winifred, sometimes it was Wilma.... I really hate the name Wilma.

Mrs. Wiggins is totally cool with cutting school. Right.

Mrs. Wiggins = way creeping me out. She's going to invite them over for dinner any minute, and then eat their souls.

Is no one seeing how questionable this situation is? Oh, and the Pony Pals decide not to tell Anna's parents that Anna ran away and go looking for her themselves. A bunch of ten-year-olds alone on horseback. Sooo safe.

Pam again, being a control freak. "THREE IDEAS! TOMORROW! 5 SHARP!"

Pam supposedly has the best handwriting, and it's worse than mine.

I know she doesn't like spelling, but come on. And her drawings are a little hard to figure out. Is that a cat?
Specshel tudor + *bad drawing of pony* = *smiley face?*
Pam: Your drawings are so great.
Yeah right.

Heh. I love the picture on page 72. Pam and Lulu are shocked, and Anna's just smiling. Isn't she supposed to be sad? They just took Acorn away.

Anna is sorry she's stupid. You should be.

Pam and Lulu are responsible enough to run a diner by themselves. Right.

"Acorn was so glad to see her that he stopped eating." What? Does he have an eating disorder now? Can happiness really do that?

Doesn't tutoring cost a lot? Why are they letting Anna do it for free? Is she poor and they feel sorry for her?

Aaaah, that whole book just bummed me out because it was boring and it reminded me of a Clubhouse Jr. issue that was supposed to be about horses and it was about dyslexia. JUST LIKE THIS BOOK. Graaaah. I have #3, which I never finished cuz it sucked. I'll maybe finish that tonight. I'm going through these things like water. See ya.

If you wish upon a star, or Pony Pals #1: I Want A Pony

So...the saga begins.
When I first started reading these, I never actually finished a lot of them because they were SO BORING! And, anyway, you could get the basic plot just by looking at pictures. This one is especially boring. I don't even know why I was so obsessed with this series. :P

Plot: Meet Lucinda "Lulu" Sanders, a ten-year-old leaving in a small town, recently abandoned by her father (well, not really, but he has a job in South America or something). She lives with her grandmother, who wants her to be "ladylike". *groan* I hate heroines who are always all, "Bla bla, I wanna be me! Not a lady!" Crap. Lulu (seriously, what kind of name is that? It's worse than Lucinda.) loves ponies, and VOILA! On a hike, she discovers a beautiful white Welsh pony!!! It's love at first sight, folks. She sings it songs with said pony and they have a picnic together.
Then disaster strikes.
Because Lulu is a nosy little snit, she goes back (TRESPASSING!) and finds that the pony somehow got stuck in a barbed wire fence. HOW THE HECK DO YOU GET STUCK IN A BARBED WIRE FENCE? But the pony's trapped, so Lulu sings songs and all that jazz, saving the pony's life. Bla bla bla, PAM AND ANNA, two horsey gals, come along, call the vet, and THE PONY IS SAVED!
But Mr. Baxter (the pony's owner) blames Lulu for the pony's (OMG, HER NAME IS SNOW WHITE! I HATE ALL THIS "PONY" NONSENSE!) injuries and wants to put her to sleep!!!!! *GASP* Snow White, not Lulu, that is. But he comes to his senses, Lulu becomes best friends with Pam and Anna, and is in love with Snow White, bla bla bla.
But Pam and Anna start pressuring Lulu into keeping Snow White, so they come up with "Three Great Ideas" on how to keep Snow White. In the end, Lulu gets to lease Snow White (FOR FREE!!! How come this never happens to me???) and all is rosy.
And this all happens in 103 pages. Not counting illustrations. With big print. Yeah. Could happen.

More notes:
Snow White is so ugly on the cover. There's this little pony icon on the top of every book to show you who the book is about (Snow White means Lulu, Acorn means Anna, and Lightning means Pam). Snow White looks seriously ugly, folks.


Lulu gets 25 dollars a week for allowance! A WEEK! And she's 10!!!

"There must be a law about keeping a horse in the backyard!" "Acorn's not a horse, ma'am. He's a pony." Smooth, Anna. Real smooth.

"That mean woman next door yelled and yelled like Acorn was some wicked animal!" Anna again. I don't think any ten year old uses the word "wicked". Unless they're trying to be stoner.

Lulu sings songs to a pony. And she's convinced Snow White's favorite song is "Jingle Bells". Oh, the mind of a ten-year-old.

This reminds me of that "Chicken Jane" show on "Between the Lions". "Hey, someone's signaling for help. Look." "It's that girl from yesterday." And they're shouting this. Are they both deaf?

Heh. They talk about painkillers for an entire paragraph.

"Lulu tried not to think of what would happen if the pony couldn't stand. She knew that horses with broken legs were shot." Uh, yeah...in the South, maybe. Not if you've got a veterinarian with you.

Twins named Jack and Jill. So lame.

Lulu's such a pessimist. Aaaagh, she's so ANNOYING in this one.

"I brought over some quiches and kiwi tarts left over from the party my mother catered." That's kind of gross. Who eats quiche?

Okay, so Mr. Baxter just started a new business and his father-in-law is dying, but that's no excuse not to take care of a horse. Riiiight. That's so PETA.

Actually, I was part of PETA when I was 6. Sort of.

"Mr. Livingston (Dr. Livingston, I presume?) was nice, and the other kids in the fifth grade were okay, too. But Lulu Sanders had only one thing on her mind during her first week at Wiggins Elementary. Snow White." I think that's gramatically incorrect. Shouldn't it be, "Wiggins Elementary: Snow White." And you wonder why Lulu has only two friends...

"He probably wishes Snow White died," Pam said. "So Lulu would have to pay and he wouldn't have to spend all his money." That's SO EVIL!!! Hello, his FATHER-IN-LAW IS DYING!!!

Pam: The fair thing is that Lulu should have the pony.
Anna: Especially because she saved Snow White's life.
Yeah, but that's life. He paid for the pony, he took care of the pony, it's HIS PONY. Screw this stuff that Lulu should have the pony. I SHOULD HAVE A PONY.

Ew, fifth grade humor.

Pam is such a control freak. She started the whole three ideas thing, and she was the one that started pressuring Lulu to buy Snow White.

Okay, these are the three ideas. Pam's is so awful.
Pam: Lulu buys Snow White with her allowance. (Yeah, $25 a week, that's $100 a month, and that's about 20 months with NO ALLOWANCE. I don't think her dad left her $2000 dollars.)
Anna: (She had to draw her idea. Everyone makes a huge deal about how artsy she is, but it really kind of sucks. It's a good idea, tho.) Lulu should rent Snow White from the Baxters. (It actually makes sense. *cough cough* PAM! *cough cough*)
Lulu: Write a letter to Rema Baxter and ask her if I can take care of Snow White while she's at school. Also tell her that I'd like to ride Snow White. (Whatever. That's like asking, "Can I borrow your car while you're not using it?" Sort of. Not really. It's just a dumb idea.)

Aaaagh, Pam looks like a little boy. But when I asked my mom about it so many years ago, she explained to me that Pam was black and that they looked different than we did. It was way uncomfortable.

"They're getting to know one another by smelling each other's breath!" This is from Pam about Acorn and Snow White. HA! I'm going to try that. "Hey sexy...smell my breath." Ew, that's sort of intimate and disgusting. What if you ate garlic?

Anna is way prejudiced against Rema. Every page she's all, "I hate that b****. She's a snob." Only she didn't say that exactly. But she calls her a snob every chance she gets.

Rema's letter: so lame.

Yay, Lulu gets Snow White.
"Lulu, Snow White's the perfect size for you!" Yeah, and so are these jeans for me, but they won't be in 28 days...

So that was it. Boring, I know. But I have 2-9, so expect a lot more to come out soon. Love you all. Sort of.