Because you had a bad day, or Pony Pals #18: The Saddest Pony

This is another book that makes me feel very, very bad for Pam. The Pony Pals are ganging up on her again and again Pam has to apologize for HER bad behavior. I wish she could escape these people. But if you ask me who's my favorite Pony Pal, I'm not sure if I have one. I'd have to say that I can probably tolerate Pam the longest, followed by (surprise!) Anna, then Lulu on the very bottom. I think #16 ruined her character for me. I hope you'll shake your head with me as we read this sad, sad tale.



Plot: Pam is out riding Lightning when she finds a pony in a seemingly abandoned barn. The pony looks very sick and the barn is in terrible condition. Pam tells the Pony Pals and they go back to visit the pony, but are caught by its owners.
Lulu and Anna want to call the police and accuse the owners of animal abuse, but Pam doesn't actually believe the owners are guilty of animal abuse. Lulu and Anna thinks this is stupid and emotionally abuse her for several pages.
Finally, the Pony Pals find out that the old people that own Ginger (the old, sick pony) are really nice and they're just poor, so they don't take of Ginger. But Lulu and Anna don't admit they were wrong and require an apology from Pam. Grrr....
The Pony Pals visit the Quinns (the old people) and offer to take care of Ginger and give them food. They also give the Quinns a cat to replace their old one and have Dr. Crandal give all the animals antibiotics. And everyone is happy.

More notes:
Jeanne Betancourt has learned personification. Actually, she learned that a long time ago, but her usage of it in this book are better.

Another example of people not controlling their ponies.

Anna: Pam, we packed the best lucnh. Ham and cheese sandwiches and, of course, brownies.
You would think they would get tired of brownies. And ham and cheese sandwiches aren't that great. At least not together.

Yeah. Eating lunch in a ghost town. Fun.

I see we have a new illustrator.... The girls actually look their age, but I hate her style. The author's, that is.


Say what? The Crandals own three ponies (Lightning, Splash, Daisy) and board several horses. Who are those several? Is Paint one of them?

Isn't it wrong to spy on people? They should at least use a different word than "spy".

"Ginger. Ginger. You are a bad old girl." That makes me laugh. No idea why.

Why is she inspecting Ginger's hoof? She only inspects one hoof. I would understand it if she did all four, but only one? Don't see the point of this.

Anna's drawings have gotten even worse because of the new illustrator. I miss Paul Bachem.

OMG, ANNA SAID "POOP"! HALLELUJAH!!

Do the police actually handle animal abuse charges? I didn't think they did. Maybe I'm wrong.

They need more evidence, Pam says. She just disagreed with the Pony Pals. Bring on the manipulation and emotional abuse.

"It's two against one. You have to do what Lulu and I want." Shut up, Anna.

What a mature response: "I know more about ponies than you do. You have to do what I want."

Pam says, "Let's go," and Anna thinks she's being bossy. Shut up, whore.

Anna's just being a brat. HATE HATE HATE. She and Lulu are pretty even on the annoyance scale now.

Gee, something couldn't be wrong with Ginger's teeth to make her not want to eat, could there?

Who would want to steal an old sick pony?

Oh, right, Pam, run away. That's pretty much a confession right there.

"They're horrible. That's why they abuse Ginger."
"He was pointing a gun at you. He wanted to shoot you."
1. They're poor and old, not horrible.
2. IT WAS A FREAKING CANE! How do you mistake a cane for a gun????

Lulu: Pam, why don't you want to tell the police about Ginger's owners?
Pam: We dont' know anything about that old couple. THey might need help, too.
This is the closest Anna and Lulu get to apologizing.
Anna: Maybe you're right.
Lulu: We don't even know their names. There's a lot we don't know about them.
That sounded like Lulu was blaming Anna. Now for the unnecessary apology.
Pam: I'm sorry I was so bossy.
Anna: I hate it when you act like that.
YOU LITTLE HYPOCRITE!!!
Pam: I know. I hate it, too.
Anna: We forgive you.
Ho.

Why, Pam?
Richard and Gertrude Quinn. Have lived on farm for seventy years.
Why not just make it a complete sentence??

My grandma's name is Shirley.

They had a black cat. Just like Shadow.

HOLY CRAP! Ginger used to pull a milk cart 30 years ago. How old is she, then???

All of a sudden Lulu is opposed to spying. Gee, you weren't opposed to it when you spied on Kim, much less 20 pages ago.

Duh. They're old. They yell because they can't hear.

The dog's name is Snappy. Heh. That's what Bob said about Oggy. That really makes me want a dog named Snappy.

They Pony Pals are even controlling Pam's breakfast choices?
Lulu: We both want orange juice and French toast. What about you?
Don't follow the crowd, Pam....
Pam: I'll have the same thing.
Aargh.

Oh my goodness. A very horrible drawing that Anna is supposed to have done. It's worse than her previous drawings.

I didn't know social workers helped old people.

Oh no, a moving story about Mrs. Harley's childhood. The Quinns gave her free milk and eggs.

Again, why would they want to steal Ginger, who is really old, has arthritis, and overlong teeth?

Aw, a picture of the Quinns. They're so adorable.

Violet Croft? That's Anna's grandma's name. That's a horrible name.

Wonder if she was related to Lara Croft....

They spell thank you "thankyou". Who edited this book??

Toby is not a cat name. I KNEW THE DEAD CAT WAS THE REASON FOR ALL THE SADNESS!!!

Duh. I told you her teeth were too long.

The Crandals have a palomino thoroughbred named J.B. Such a lie.

Ginger is 35. Daaang.

MR. CONWAY IS BACK! THE CREEPY GUY WHO TOLD GHOST STORIES FROM SUPER SPECIAL #3!

Ew, they wish upon a star.

I want Meals on Wheels. Pasta every night.

I find it weird that they consider Shadow Acorn's cat.

Anna is being way annoying and pessimistic.

Ew, Acorn is being creepy with Shadow.

Ginger isn't sad because she has arthritis and orthodontial problems. She just misses her kitty friend. Right.

So they decide to give away Fat Cat's last kitten. HOW IS HE STILL A KITTEN, at least 20 summers have passed since that incident. Maybe he is frozen in time, too.

Pam is having second thoughts about this. Just give them Fat Cat, no one likes her anyway. Keep Pal for yourself if you like him so much.

Ponies aren't often frightened by the meowing of cats.

Apparently everyone who's ever lived is somehow connected to the Quinns. Even people in real life are somehow connected to two fictional old people in a children's book.

OMG, PAL IS SO ADORABLE!

Heh. Ginger likes pain meds.

That was awful. The more I think about it, I think the Pony Pals are a cult. Because they're exclusive, secretive, and no one questions the leadership.
I need to read the three steps of identifying a cult again. Party on.
I HATE ANNA.

If you wish upon a star, or Pony Pals #1: I Want A Pony

So...the saga begins.
When I first started reading these, I never actually finished a lot of them because they were SO BORING! And, anyway, you could get the basic plot just by looking at pictures. This one is especially boring. I don't even know why I was so obsessed with this series. :P

Plot: Meet Lucinda "Lulu" Sanders, a ten-year-old leaving in a small town, recently abandoned by her father (well, not really, but he has a job in South America or something). She lives with her grandmother, who wants her to be "ladylike". *groan* I hate heroines who are always all, "Bla bla, I wanna be me! Not a lady!" Crap. Lulu (seriously, what kind of name is that? It's worse than Lucinda.) loves ponies, and VOILA! On a hike, she discovers a beautiful white Welsh pony!!! It's love at first sight, folks. She sings it songs with said pony and they have a picnic together.
Then disaster strikes.
Because Lulu is a nosy little snit, she goes back (TRESPASSING!) and finds that the pony somehow got stuck in a barbed wire fence. HOW THE HECK DO YOU GET STUCK IN A BARBED WIRE FENCE? But the pony's trapped, so Lulu sings songs and all that jazz, saving the pony's life. Bla bla bla, PAM AND ANNA, two horsey gals, come along, call the vet, and THE PONY IS SAVED!
But Mr. Baxter (the pony's owner) blames Lulu for the pony's (OMG, HER NAME IS SNOW WHITE! I HATE ALL THIS "PONY" NONSENSE!) injuries and wants to put her to sleep!!!!! *GASP* Snow White, not Lulu, that is. But he comes to his senses, Lulu becomes best friends with Pam and Anna, and is in love with Snow White, bla bla bla.
But Pam and Anna start pressuring Lulu into keeping Snow White, so they come up with "Three Great Ideas" on how to keep Snow White. In the end, Lulu gets to lease Snow White (FOR FREE!!! How come this never happens to me???) and all is rosy.
And this all happens in 103 pages. Not counting illustrations. With big print. Yeah. Could happen.

More notes:
Snow White is so ugly on the cover. There's this little pony icon on the top of every book to show you who the book is about (Snow White means Lulu, Acorn means Anna, and Lightning means Pam). Snow White looks seriously ugly, folks.


Lulu gets 25 dollars a week for allowance! A WEEK! And she's 10!!!

"There must be a law about keeping a horse in the backyard!" "Acorn's not a horse, ma'am. He's a pony." Smooth, Anna. Real smooth.

"That mean woman next door yelled and yelled like Acorn was some wicked animal!" Anna again. I don't think any ten year old uses the word "wicked". Unless they're trying to be stoner.

Lulu sings songs to a pony. And she's convinced Snow White's favorite song is "Jingle Bells". Oh, the mind of a ten-year-old.

This reminds me of that "Chicken Jane" show on "Between the Lions". "Hey, someone's signaling for help. Look." "It's that girl from yesterday." And they're shouting this. Are they both deaf?

Heh. They talk about painkillers for an entire paragraph.

"Lulu tried not to think of what would happen if the pony couldn't stand. She knew that horses with broken legs were shot." Uh, yeah...in the South, maybe. Not if you've got a veterinarian with you.

Twins named Jack and Jill. So lame.

Lulu's such a pessimist. Aaaagh, she's so ANNOYING in this one.

"I brought over some quiches and kiwi tarts left over from the party my mother catered." That's kind of gross. Who eats quiche?

Okay, so Mr. Baxter just started a new business and his father-in-law is dying, but that's no excuse not to take care of a horse. Riiiight. That's so PETA.

Actually, I was part of PETA when I was 6. Sort of.

"Mr. Livingston (Dr. Livingston, I presume?) was nice, and the other kids in the fifth grade were okay, too. But Lulu Sanders had only one thing on her mind during her first week at Wiggins Elementary. Snow White." I think that's gramatically incorrect. Shouldn't it be, "Wiggins Elementary: Snow White." And you wonder why Lulu has only two friends...

"He probably wishes Snow White died," Pam said. "So Lulu would have to pay and he wouldn't have to spend all his money." That's SO EVIL!!! Hello, his FATHER-IN-LAW IS DYING!!!

Pam: The fair thing is that Lulu should have the pony.
Anna: Especially because she saved Snow White's life.
Yeah, but that's life. He paid for the pony, he took care of the pony, it's HIS PONY. Screw this stuff that Lulu should have the pony. I SHOULD HAVE A PONY.

Ew, fifth grade humor.

Pam is such a control freak. She started the whole three ideas thing, and she was the one that started pressuring Lulu to buy Snow White.

Okay, these are the three ideas. Pam's is so awful.
Pam: Lulu buys Snow White with her allowance. (Yeah, $25 a week, that's $100 a month, and that's about 20 months with NO ALLOWANCE. I don't think her dad left her $2000 dollars.)
Anna: (She had to draw her idea. Everyone makes a huge deal about how artsy she is, but it really kind of sucks. It's a good idea, tho.) Lulu should rent Snow White from the Baxters. (It actually makes sense. *cough cough* PAM! *cough cough*)
Lulu: Write a letter to Rema Baxter and ask her if I can take care of Snow White while she's at school. Also tell her that I'd like to ride Snow White. (Whatever. That's like asking, "Can I borrow your car while you're not using it?" Sort of. Not really. It's just a dumb idea.)

Aaaagh, Pam looks like a little boy. But when I asked my mom about it so many years ago, she explained to me that Pam was black and that they looked different than we did. It was way uncomfortable.

"They're getting to know one another by smelling each other's breath!" This is from Pam about Acorn and Snow White. HA! I'm going to try that. "Hey sexy...smell my breath." Ew, that's sort of intimate and disgusting. What if you ate garlic?

Anna is way prejudiced against Rema. Every page she's all, "I hate that b****. She's a snob." Only she didn't say that exactly. But she calls her a snob every chance she gets.

Rema's letter: so lame.

Yay, Lulu gets Snow White.
"Lulu, Snow White's the perfect size for you!" Yeah, and so are these jeans for me, but they won't be in 28 days...

So that was it. Boring, I know. But I have 2-9, so expect a lot more to come out soon. Love you all. Sort of.