Lassie! You're home!, or Pony Pals #27: The Pony and the Missing Dog

Guess who's back? You'll have to guess. Fine. After 3 illustrators, Paul Bachem is finally back, and the illustrations are worse than ever. Actually, not true: Paul seems to realize the innacuracy of his drawings and has gotten a lot better. Even Anna's drawings are top rate! It's just the story that sucks....



Plot: Pam is so frustrated with her dog, Woolie. He keeps chasing Lightning and being mischievous (pronounced MISS-chuh-vuss), so she loses her temper and scolds him. On their trail ride, the Pony Pals question her methods, and Pam feels the need to apologize to Woolie.
But she can't.
Because he's GONE.
It seems Woolie has run away. Pam is heartbroken, pulling a Lulu and moaning about how it's all her fault. Lulu, on the other hand, keeps a cool head, and organizes a rescue mission to save/help/find Woolie. It's an odd case of role reversal, folks.
After much searching, Woolie is still nowhere to be found. The Pony Pals enlist the help of Ms. Wiggins and Mike Lacey. The 5 of them split up and search Ms. Wiggins' property. Hark! What's that? A bark? Lightning finds Woolie behind a bush...WITH HIS LEG CAUGHT IN A TRAP!!!! Way to copy #10. As Pam is hyperventilating, Mike appears and saves the day, removing the trap from Woolie's leg. Woolie is good as new and he and Pam make up. BFFs forever. And it turns out Mike has a soul.

More notes:
Aaaargh. "Black and brown" and "reddish brown" do not suffice as pony descriptions. I want breed, height, color, and markings.

How come Jack and Jill are 5 again? Did they go back in time?? They were 6 a few books ago.

Agh, a whole paragraph of choppy writing and repetition.

Oh no, Jack and Jill are convinced they've found Bambi. There's 20 whole pages on how they find an "abandoned" fawn and want to take care of it, but have to release it back into the wild. So boring.

Paul's first drawing is a failure. This is one OBESE fawn, and Woolie looks like a combination Seelyham Terrier and chubby Golden Retriever. When I say "sheepdog", I mean SHEEPDOG!

Oh look, it's Anna riding on some pony! OH! IT'S ACORN! And who's that rider on Snow White? COULD IT BE LULU??? Like we don't know who rides who already.

Lulu: Oh, my. This is a very young fawn.
Way to sound like a grandma, Lulu.

BAM, Lulu shocks the twins with her nature knowledge. Does leave their fawns alone in the forest all the time! DUH! Actually, I didn't know that.

Anna makes fun of Jack. Heh.

Aaagh, Jill is SO ANNOYING. "He's mine. I'm supposed to take care of him. I already love him." And not one exclamation point in that emotional statement.

WHY CAN'T THEY SAY FOAL?? It's always "baby pony", "baby pony", "baby pony".

Ugh, Paul's second drawing makes Pam look like Michael Jackson, Jill like an Oompaloompa, and the fawn like a legless sack of bread with a deer head sticking out of it. I take back what I said about good illustrations.

Lol. "Pam had a big painting of Lightning hanging in her bedroom. It was an Anna Harley original." That just cracked me up for some reason.

If Anna ever mentions those brownies again....

And Paul's pony drawings STILL look like crap.

Wth? Now Woolie looks like an Airdale?

They call Lightning a boy. *crickets*

Oh no, someone is trapping on her land again! Gee, it couldn't be TOMMY, could it? Oh no, it couldn't be, because he got a WARNING.

Mrs. Bell is an idiot. "Gee, I let Woolie out a few hours ago and he hasn't returned. I guess he REALLY had to go!"

Ah yes, the Pony Pals are going out on another adventure without telling their parents. Oh, excuse me, Pam leaves a note.

Yes, Pam, it might be dead, but it wouldn't be your fault; it's stupid Mrs. Bell's.

I'm sure EVERYONE knows what a dog's pawprint looks like. HOW DO YOU MIX THAT UP WITH A RACCOON PAWPRINT???

You weren't mean, Pam. There's a fine line between discipline and abuse.

And Woolie wouldn't be mad at you, because he's a sweet, forgiving dog. (Said Lulu.)

Lightning is a girl again. Wow, two sex changes in one day.

Dang, Lulu gives some good pep talks.

Pam keeps moaning and moaning.

Yeah, I'm sure those posters will be effective.
Missing Dog. Medium sized dog. Golden color. Red collar with I.D. If found, please call 555-4362.
I'm totally calling that number. But they had Anna DRAW a picture instead of putting a photograph. Wha?? And wouldn't it be better to put BREED, and his NAME??? Just wondering.

Yay, the Quinns have returned! You remember those delightful old people from #18, don't you?

Pam is convinced everyone is in love with Pony Pals.

Lol, Pam repeats herself. "Have you seen a small blond sheepdog in the last 24 hours? He has fluffy blond hair and a red collar." I thought he was medium sized.

Oh, the dog Mrs. Quinn saw isn't Woolie because he didn't have a collar. I mean, forget the fact that he acts JUST LIKE Woolie and looks JUST LIKE Woolie. There's no way that collar could've come off.

Lol, Paul makes the Quinns look just like my grandparents.

Lulu = way short.

Apparently Pam goes around kissing people's kittens.

A small tuft of hair could easily be mistaken for a bunny.

The little boy in the picture looks like a little girl. And he has a boy named DOGGIE. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH.

Pam makes a little rap. It's kind of funny.

I'm probaby wrong, but I was pretty sure they'd already look on Ms. Wiggins' land.

"We need more people to help search for Woolie." Isn't that why you put up posters?

ANNA DID A GOOD DRAWING! LIKE, REALLY GOOD! AND ACCURATE!!!!!!!!

"Mike Lacey and Tommy Rand were older than the Pony Pals, but acted very immature." Duh, boys mature slower than girls. But then again, when are boys ever mature?

I don't know, Mike's semi-all right and all, but Ms. Wiggins is way too trusting. "Remember when Mike and Tommy set up traps on your land and stole our ponies that one time?" "Oh, but Mike would NEVER do something like that!!"

Oh wait, her exact words are, "But Mike is a different boy when he works for me. You'll see." Btw, Mike's job: What exactly does he do??

Lol.
Lulu: He better behave. Or else.
Yeah, you're like 4'9" and you're in 4th grade. And you're a girl. Not much you can do.

Mike apologizes for calling the Pony Pals "Pony Pests"?

A really good accurate picture of Lightning that actually makes her look like a pony and not a donkey??

THEY SAY POOP!

Yeah, Woolie's leg is caught in a trap, so I doubt his growling has anything to do with you.

Of course, Pam blames him for the traps. Not prejudiced.

Wait, Woolie was in a trap for 24 hours, and his leg isn't broken??? And he hasn't died of dehydration??

The last picture is really good...except for Woolie. But hey. He's getting better.

The Pony Pals tend to repeat themselves. "Thank you. Thank you for helping me find Woolie!"

Agh. I hate that Woolie.
I also hate the library, so I don't know how soon I'm getting any Pony Pals, Madison Finn, Unicorns of Balinor, or Avalon books. I do have Pony Pals #28, so I'll probably do that sometime this week.

I got two pickles, hey hey hey, or Pony Pals #24: Unlucky Pony

Aaargh, this book was so sad. Actually, it mostly sucked, but there was one part that seriously brought tears to my eyes. Yeah, Jeanne Betancourt gets a new illustrator, but fires her and gets a new one in the next book!! Then in #27, it's back to Paul Bachem!! Will we ever be free?



Plot: Remember Lucky? The annoying bratty pony with no mother? The one the Pony Pals finally got rid of? Well, he's back, and more spoiled than ever. Aaargh. Eve Greeley, his owner, is putting up with some pretty dangerous behaviors. Her parents want to get rid of him, so the Pony Pals decide to help Eve train Lucky.
Surprise! Lucky is a brat! He even tramples through someone's corn field!
Eve is pretty sad, but is surprisingly mature about the whole thing, and decides to give Lucky to the Pony Pals rather than see him shipped to a new owner. :*(
Yay! The Pony Pals think up a new plan! Lucky can live at the Crandal's for the time being! Lightning will show him who's boss! And Eve can ride Daisy! Yay!
What promised to be a realistic picture of life with ponies is once again disappointing. But hey, what did you expect from Jeanne Betancourt?

More notes:
Nice, Jeanne. Copy the intro of #3.

Pam insinuates that Eve is retarded because she has crappy handwriting.

Surprise! A new illustrator!! Anna looks normal, but Pam looks at least 60 and Lulu looks like a super model. I wonder who the illustrator's favorite character is.

Another example of Pony Pal hypocrisy: Anna and Lulu gallop up to Pam. I thought that was "dangerous".

AAAAAAAAAAGH! This is the worst letter ever. How old is this girl?:
Dear Pony Pals,
It's me. Eve Greeley. [great way to not use a comma or colon] I adopted the baby pony from you. I named him Lucky. You said that was okay. [GET TO THE POINT!]
Lucky is so cute. He is full of energy. All he wants to do is play and kick and run around. He loves treats.
Do you remember Freckles? [Yes, I could never forget that name.] She doesn't want to play with Lucky anymore. [HA!] But Lucky plays with me.
My dad and mom say Lucky is too hard to handle. But I love him. [AAAAAAAGH!] I want to train him, then I can ride him some day. [What? There should definitely be a so in there.]
Can you help me train Lucky? Please? My dad says it is okay. Our telephone number is 354-90000. [That telephone number does not exist. There should only be 3 zeroes. Get your facts straight, Jeanne.] Please help Lucky and me. [LUCKY AND I! LUCKY AND I!]
Your friend,
Eve
P.S. Lucky will be one year old next week.

Way to repeat yourself.

WHY ARE THEY SUDDENLY ON VACATION!!?? Wait a minute! It's been a year since they took care of Lucky. ALL OF THEM ARE STILL TEN YEARS OLD!!! How many summers have passed since then?? THEY'RE FROZEN IN TIME!

Heh. I remember the first time the ponies met Lucky. Acorn and Lightning tried to kill him.

Omg, Jeanne totally worships Lulu in this one. She's all talking about Lulu is soooo saaaaad not to have a mother, so that makes her love baby animals with no mothers. *sob sob sob* Not. :P

I'm really trying to figure out how Snow White could've gotten trapped in that barbed wire.

Continuity error. Anna got Acorn when she was 9, not 10.

Pam spells "cozy" wrong, and Anna puts too much food in Lucky's feed bin. Didn't she freak out when a 6 year old overfed Acorn?

OMG!!! THE GREELEYS GET IN AN ACCIDENT! THE VIOLENCE! THE VIOLENCE!!

But no one is seriously hurt. Lucky has a cut on his leg.

Whatever. This illustrator can't draw black people. Pam looks like a boy with a huge mouth.

Yeah, let the Pony Pals go find Lucky. Smart.

They care more about the station wagon than they do the Greeleys.

LOL, the Pony Pals are friends with a police officer. They haven't been doing time, have they?

Okay, I thought Lucky wasn't badly hurt, but they find enough blood on the ground to fill a horror movie.

OMG, Pam is such a pessimist!! She keeps thinking Lucky will bleed to death!

Bla bla bla, another examples of how ponies are AAAALWAYS right.

BAY AND BROWN ARE NOT THE SAME THING!!!

Aaagh. The guy's mad because the pony's trampling his corn. Give him a break.

LOL!
"'I'll give you five minutes,' the man said. The corners of his mouth turned up in an evil grin. 'And since it's your pony, you're responsible for the damage to my corn crop.'" OMG THAT'S SO CONNIVING AND HILARIOUS! The Pony Pals never have to pay, tho. :P

Pam starts singing "All the Pretty Horses" to lure Lucky towards her. Wth? Is she trying to seduce him?

Yeah, that's right. It's not just a shallow cut on the leg, Dr. Crandal.

The farmer calls her an idiot and questions her methods. LOL it's cracking me up.

Ooookay, this is so not how I pictured Mr. Farmer. He looks like one of the people that heads the Star Wars conventions.

He's right, you know. Isn't this rescue mission making Lucky more spoiled?

Okay, I REALLY hate how the Pony Pals are all calling Lucky spoiled and badly behaved, but Acorn does a lot of these things and it's "cute". Lightning bites people, and she's "sick". Snow White gets sick all the time. Whatever. That's so a cry for attention. I just wish their ponies threw the occasional shoe or seemed at least a little normal.

Eve looks like a Cabbage Patch doll.

IT'S NOT A DEEP CUT???? Then where did all that blood come from????

"That pony should have been named Trouble instead of Lucky." Right. Ha ha. Rolling around on the floor here.

Go Freckles. Knock some sense into that boy.

EWWWW, how creepy does this sound??
"But even if I had time, I'm not that interested in ponies. I prefer little girls. And cats. I like cats."
OMG!!!!! Lock all your doors and windows, children. DON'T OPEN THE DOOR!

Eve totally makes it sound like she's in an abusive relationship rather than having pony trouble.

Lame. They won't let Eve in their club. Wasn't she like 9 in SS1? That's not that much younger. And yet they group her with Mimi and Rosalie. :P

SERIOUSLY, read this. If you didn't know it was about a pony, you would think this was off of Dr. Phil or something.
Anna: What else does he do that he shouldn't?
Eve: He pushes me. Once he stepped on my foot. It hurt.
Anna: If he pushes you, Eve, elbow him. You have to be firm with him.
Lulu: What else does he do that you don't like?
Eve: Sometimes he scares me. I think he's going to kick me. I'm even afraid to brush him.

Lucky's being spoiled isn't all your fault, Eve. It's actually the PONY PALS fault. I love how their not taking responsibility at all.

LAME, Lulu looks like a supermodel in every picture.

AAAAAAAAAAAAGH THEY'RE HAVING SPAGHETTI!!! AGAIN!!

Weren't Jack and Jill 6 a while back? Did they go back in time?

Lame. They watch "Black Beauty" and Eve cries. Way to go.

Eve cries herself to sleep.

Just because Eve loves Lucky doesn't mean she should get to keep him. I loved Howard (the only other dog I've ever had, and I had him for a grand total of three days), but he bit Nathan's face off. Man up, Eve.

NOT EVERYONE LIKES PONIES! GET THAT THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULL!

Since when is Lightning Supermom? Didn't she attack Lucky the first time she met him? And wasn't Snow White the one who was all matronly? What's with the Lightning/Lucky BFF thing going on?

Susan Royer Rigby (new illustrator) can draw horses and ponies pretty well...but I miss Vivien Kubbos. She was da bomb, even if she did mix up Lulu and Anna.

Wait, Lucky is a year old? The pictures make him look like a newborn.

LOL, they decide to let Lightning teach Lucky to behave. It totally reminded me of the song "Smack" by Ugly Duckling. SMACK! You needed that, I'LL TEACH YOU HOW TO ACT. LOL cracks me up.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH the worst Anna drawing yet!!! The people in it look like SMURFS!!

Wouldn't throwing a birthday party for Lucky make him MORE spoiled?

WHAT? Pam says Eve won't be able to ride Lucky for years. Um, don't people start riding their horses at age 2?

Lucky attacks Lightning. He's so brave.

Aaargh. Eve is a great rider. I want someone to ride badly and see what happens. Wait. Rema was a bad rider and a snob. I guess the moral of this story is if you can't ride, you're an awful person. I guess this means I would not fit in in Wiggins.

Pam is the biggest pessimist EVER.

If the horse is biting and kicking your mother, HE IS NOT MAKING PROGRESS!!

Ew, an awful drawing of Pam with a really huge face.

Retarded. Lulu is being all sneaky about a present. We never actually find out what it is.

This part is so sad! I felt for Eve. Me and feel probably don't go in the same sentence, but for realz...
Dear Pony Pals,
I have a present for you. It is Lucky. [Okay, this might be sad, but COLONS!!!] I can't take care of him. You will love him and train him. He'll play with your ponies. Please let Lucky be a Pony Pal. [Since you won't let Eve be one. :P]
Your friend,
Eve
Awwwww. This is the first time in Pony Pals history that any character has shown even an ounce of maturity!

And then we see Eve's pitiful drawings of ponies. They're pretty bad and they ruin the mood.

Aaargh. They decide to board Lucky for free. WHAT'S WITH ALL THIS "FOR FREE" STUFF?

They say "yummy".

I've never seen silver sprinkles.

I THOUGHT PONY PAL TRAIL WAS A SECRET!

Lol. They make "Lucky's #1!" jokes.

Retarded. Mr. and Mrs. Greeley go for it.

Aaargh. I just wanted the parents to get rid of Lucky and have the characters actually GROW for a change. But no. No no no no.
OMG!!! I found my ancient (like, 6th grade) end to the Pony Pals. It was written like 10 years after the whole series. Lulu marries Mark, Pam marries some dude, Anna marries Charlie, and Tommy and Mike get trampled in a Winnie the Pooh parade. That was the only part I liked. It was pretty badly written. Anna was all abusive, Pam was in love with herself, and Lulu kept saying, "Omigosh! Acorn! Omigosh!" Aaagh. I love the part about the parade, though. Made my day.

Rough Riders, Rough Riders, yeee-haw, or Pony Pals #22: Western Pony

I remember hating this one. I mean, if I came home and my friends had let someone else ride my pony for 2 weeks, I'd be pretty mad. But, while rereading this, I was kind of annoyed by the way Lulu went about this. Geez, PMS?



Plot: Lulu has been gone on a two week vacation in Virginia, visiting her godparents, and the Pony Pals have been taking care of Snow White for her. But when Lulu gets home, she is shocked to find Snow White missing! She freaks out for a million pages, until she sees Anna and Pam...riding to Anna's house...with Snow White...
...who's being ridden by Charlie Chase, Mr. Olson's nephew, who is visiting town. And he was riding Snow White not only without Lulu's permission, but WESTERN STYLE!!! *gasp* Lulu gets really peeved and acts all mad for another million pages. She doesn't want to hang out with Pony Pals, is mean to Charlie, and doesn't ride Snow White. Then she makes up with them after they apologize to her (yeah...) and instead of running away to Virginia (don't ask), she invites her godsister (is there such a thing?) Alicia to Wiggins to participate in Mr. Olson's hoedown! Oh boy!
But on the day of the hoedown, Charlie's horse Moondance (that's really his name) injures his leg, so Charlie can't trick ride. But Lulu lets him ride Snow White. And they are best friends forever. Yeah. It was pretty boring.

More notes:
Jigsaw. Another adorable pony name.

Why do we need to know the color of the hair Grandmother Sanders is cutting?

Since when does Dr. Crandal have an assistant? His business has expanded quite a bit since #1.

Isn't Pony Pal Trail secret? How does Henry know about it?

Again, Lulu decides not to tell her grandmother that she's going out into the woods because it's too important and her grandma probably wouldn't let her do it. Smart.

Ooh, Charlie is from Wyoming. And Lulu thinks he's irresponsible.

I used to think Moondance was the coolest name EVER. Not so much anymore.

I don't get why Lulu is so freaked that he rode her western. Snow White's stupid, but she's not stupid enough to get confused.

Charlie = no social skills. But at least he's friendly. YES, SOMEONE WHO ISN'T SHY AND SELF-CENTERED! Then again, he's a guy. :P

He's being conscientous, leave him alone.

Why do we need this whole description on the wonder of the Pony Pals IN EVERY BOOK!!! Because it's ALWAYS THE SAME. They could at least shorten it, or spice it up or something. And it totally didn't fit with what Lulu is thinking. She thinks about the Pony Pals origins, way back to Mommy and Daddy in the bedroom, and then after 6 pages is all, "But they didn't even feel like Pony Pals anymore." WHAT??

Charlie can whistle to ponies. Jealous.

Lulu such a loser. She's all whining about everything.

She buys some plastic ponies for Anna and Pam from a museum. Where is this plastic pony museum? I want to go.

Alicia sounds way nice. I wish she and Lulu would switch places. Then maybe Anna could grow a brain and Pam would stop being such a control freak.

Pretty picture of Snow White. Anna is still on the crack corn. And she still wakes up at 5:00 AM. BECAUSE SHE LIKES IT.

Lulu wonders if Pam and Anna have gone boy crazy all of a sudden. Okay, just because you like girls....

Now she's chewing out Anna!

Snow White's all, "Crap, Lulu's back."

Lulu doesn't want Moondance to hurt Snow White, but she willingly puts Snow White in the paddock with Lightning. Um, right.

Moondance sounds adorable, but they never show a picture. Same with Alicia.

This is like #16 all over again. Charlie barrel races with Snow White and Lulu freaks out and is all, "HORSE SAFETY! HORSE SAFETY!"

SHUT UP ABOUT SAFETY!!!

A lame joke about skipping rope. "I'm skipping rope." "We're not skipping rope. This isn't jump rope." I swear, it's as if the author had NEVER HEARD OF EXCLAMATION POINTS!

Charlie should hang out with Tommy and Mike because he's an obnoxious boy. Yeah, that wasn't sexist.

Shut up, Lulu. You're just jealous.

Nice excuse. Liar.

Hm, your friends are finally reaching out to non-Pony Pals, so you decide to go back to Virgina.

Isn't that a rule? No boys at sleepovers???

I love it when Pam acts like Lulu is stupid.

Moondance isn't bad looking. But I pictured him cuter. DISAPPOINTING.

Wth, Snow White isn't wearing a bridle in the picture. And Lulu was all mad that Pam and Anna had supposedly ridden her bareback. Hypocrite much?

Wait, that's ANNA riding Snow White. WHAAAAAAAT?

Uh oh, Pam and Anna want Lulu to conform to their menu choices....

Why would they need to ask you before they planned a hoedown? It's not like they're doing it for you.

The word "stupid" shows up multiple times in this book. *gasp* IT'S A CHILDREN'S STEP-UP BOOK!

I heart Belgians.

Oh, sure, Pam, let's use the ribbons your mother won in her show days to give to all the good little boys and girls!

They think cross-dressing is funny.

Barrel racing on English is way fun.

Charlie always picks the wrong time to say something.

LOL. Pam and Anna are just ignoring Lulu's tantrums.

Ew, a picture of Acorn all sway-backed and teary-eyed.

So Alicia is coming, but we'll never know what she looks like, and then we'll never hear from her again.

OMG! Take that, Lulu!
Anna: You use to say you had fun in Wiggins. (Anna is always mumbling)
Pam: Didn't you even miss us when you were gone? We missed you.
Lulu: You did not. You didn't even care that I came back.
Pam: Well, you didn't act happy to be back. All you did was complain.
LOL!!!!

WTH??? IT HAPPENED AGAIN! In the picture, Anna is saddling up Snow White and Lulu is mounting Acorn. WTH???

Lucky. Alicia has 6 horses. Or 4 horses, 2 ponies. Whatever.

Little Rascal is a dumb name.

Pam is trying to set up Alicia with Charlie!!!!!

Ew, they do the letter from three points of view again, and Lulu talks about how much she hates Charlie for like forever, and Anna talks about how much she loves Charlie.

Totally reminded me of last year when Mr. Caley called Mrs. Schultz-Story and said, "I sent you an e-mail."

Who doesn't love winning? You wouldn't be all, "CRAP! I WON!"

Anna kisses Lulu on the cheek. Holding hands, kissing cheeks...?

Only 6 posters? How small is this town?

Anna is wearing a red strapless gown. I kid you not.

Jigsaw sounds adorable, too! And there's no picture....

Alicia and the Pony Pals get along very well. And Lulu doesn't get all jealous of Alicia.

Alicia likes Charlie, too, and Lulu doesn't get mad at her.

Why does Pam always win first place?

Charlie competes in the adult division. How old is he?

Charlie is a real man.

Why does Dr. Crandal always pop out of nowhere?

Ew. Mr. Olson has a horse named Handsome.

Charlie's a hottie. No lie.

Charlie is responsible on Snow White and wins a prize...and Lulu congratulates Snow White. Loser.

Lulu is way evil. But Anna suddenly hates Charlie all of sudden? It's in #23, which is coming up later.

Wild thing, you make my heart sing, or Pony Pals #9: The Wild Pony

This was the first Pony Pals I ever read. And probably the one that made me like Pam. I have distant memories of always getting mad at Lulu and Anna during Pam books. I officially change my vote on the poll from Lulu to Pam. Because Lulu is driving me insane.
I wish I still had my Fisher Price people. I really want to play Pony Pals. With or without ponies.



Plot: Pam is out riding one day when she sees a strange pony in front of an abandoned house. Its coat looks awful and it's really skinny, so Pam assumes it must be wild. Also, it seems terrified of humans and runs away every time it sees anyone. Hm.
So Pam tells the Pony Pals about it, so they follow the pony and she runs away. Big surprise.
They then go to Mrs. Baxter's house and ask her who owned the old house. She says it's owned by Mr. Kennedy, who moved to California and is still trying to sell the house, but she doesn't remember him having a pony.
Pam tells her parents. They basically tell her the same thing.
After all this lack of adult help, they convince the pony to take oats from them. They do this every day and groom her and give her a doctor's checkup, bla bla bla. Oh no, she's head shy. Yeah. Abuse issues. And her name is Beauty. Lame pants.
But then Pam doesn't tell the Pony Pals something or other, or does something without them, and they get all mad at her, but Pam basically says, "Screw you," and ignores them. She also sends a fax to Mr. Kennedy, which he replies to by saying, "STAY OFF MY PROPERTY! AND I'M SELLING THAT HORSE TO THE SLAUGHTERHOUSE!" Pam is heartbroken, and feels really awful, and the Pony Pals accept her apology, which MADE ME SO MAD, because they're little hos and should be apologizing.
So the Pony Pals work together and take care of Beauty, bla bla bla, and then they try to convince Ms. Wiggins to buy her, but Ms. Wiggins don't want no pony. It's been 3 months since Winston died and she's just too sad.
But, like everyone else, she gives in to the Pony Pals, buys Beauty, and everyone is happy. Aaaargh.

More notes:
Horses bob heads in greeting. Isn't that a bird thing? Waaak! *bob bob bob*

Anna: What's so strange about seeing a pony? Lots of people have ponies around here.
Who? You, Anita Rand, Mr. Olson, Ms. Wiggins...that's not that many people.

Lulu convinces Pam to break the law. Pam actually has common sense, but noooooo. She's smart, but she gives in all the time. HATE LULU. HATE. And Anna needs to pick a side. When Pam's mad at Lulu, she's on Pam's side. When Lulu's mad at Pam, she's on Lulu's side. Loser.

Since when is Lulu sad about her dead mom? She never mentions it. Anna and Pam do, though. ALL THE TIME.

If Lulu's been living there for a year or two (at least), she's not that new to Wiggins.

Anna does NOT have fun ideas.

So lame. The cook's name is Cook. Why couldn't they give her/him a normal name, like Kirk Hammett?

Mr. Baxter reminds me of Mr. Wilson. From Dennis the Menace.

Oh ho ho. Silly Mrs. Baxter. She just made a lil joke.

THE PONY PALS LIVE IN CONNETICUTT!!! I finally know where they live! Wait...isn't that where "The Baby-Sitter's Club" takes place?

Pam just called an adult dumb. She's not that good with people.

Anna thinks she's so slick. Hello. You're still trespassing. It's against the law.

Lulu: Ponies are herd animals. They love being together.
Not necessarily. What if it was an antisocial pony?

Um, creepy. Lulu speaks horse.

And she tells amusing stories about gorillas.

After Snow White got strangles ONCE, Lulu is convinced every pony must have it. I just really hate her. Snow White, too. Who's barely in this book, actually. Same with the other ponies.

Awwww, really adorable picture of Lightning and Beauty.

Oh no, another, "It's his property," thing. Well, they're right. But no. Listen to authority Pam. I feel like I'm talking to that girl on the office.

Gee, when someone is afraid of something, they usually have a reason for it. If Beauty doesn't like you, she might be afraid of you, or maybe you're just REALLY UGLY, Lulu.

I think they feed her steroids.

Pam: Anna's your friend, too.
Who, Miss Double Allegiances?

Ew, the grooming of Beauty sounds way dirty. Heh. I'm a poet...I won't say the rest.

Anna: Maybe she's ALL black.
That sentence just sounded funny. But for reals, if she was dirty, I think you could still tell if she was white or not.

Dr. Crandal is like the Sin Eater: he pops out of nowhere. Probably out of the ground. I wonder if he wears a cloak.

AAAAAAAARGH! MORGANS ARE NOT PONIES! THEY ARE SHORT, BUT THEY ARE NOT PONIES! I think Jeanne Betancourt is convinced there is no such thing as a horse. Loser. MORGANS ARE NOT PONIES!!!!!! AAAAAAAH! And neither are Appaloosas.

Why do they say "salvage"? Why can't they say "slaughter" like normal people?

Anna can't make any sacrifices for Pam, but Pam must sacrifice. What a wonderful friendship. How has it lasted all these years?

Hm, they found the guy's pony, and she's malnourished and dirty. I think her owner should know. But Lulu doesn't think so. And Anna-can't-think-for-herself thinks so, too.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! "It's two against one, Pam." Maybe she doesn't care and you guys DON'T HAVE TO AGREE ON EVERYTHING.
Anna: ONE Pony Pal can't decide what to do. We ALL have to agree.
It's called thinking for yourself. Try it sometime, Anna. Seriously. They can still take care of Beauty, and they should let Pam do whatever she wants to. Uh oh, Pam pulled the "I found her first" card. Not good.

OMG, PAM JUST DID SOMETHING WITHOUT THE PONY PALS! "I'm going to see Mrs. Baxter now. You can come if you want." BAM! And they choose not to come. GO PAM!

Mrs. Baxter thinks Pam is right. So does...everyone else.

PAM JUST CALLED LULU DUMB!!!
Lulu: Did you talk to Mr. Kennedy?
Pam: No. I sent him a fax. It's like a letter, only the person gets it right away.
Lulu: I know what a fax is!
Ha. Ugh, now she's mad that Pam didn't write it with them. Wait, you didn't WANT to write a fax. Quit beeing a hypocritical little _itch.

Pam: Beauty's not mine and she's not yours. She's Mr. Kennedy's pony.
Anna: You broke the Pony Pal rule that we all have to agree on a Pony Pal plan when we're solving a Pony Pal problem.
That was an awful sentence. Maybe Pam doesn't need the Pony Pals to solve problems. Anna should really listen to her tutor more.
Pam: It's a stupid rule.
Your friends are morons. Leave now...leave them and never return....
Also, switch Lightning with Acorn. You'll be much better off.

What's wrong with this fax?
Dear Mr. Kennedy:
I saw a pony on your property. She looks like she was on her own all winter. She is very skinny and her coat is all muddy. My friends and I are feeding and grooming her. We have our own ponies and know a lot about them. My father says its your pony. He is a veterinarian and says that Beauty is undernourished, but not sick.
We would want to make Beauty beautiful again. We want to train her, too. Then we could find her a good home. It is hard to train Beauty because she's headshy and I can't put a halter on her. Do you know why she is head shy?
Thank you.
Sincerely,
Pam Crandal


PS
You can send me a fax at Baxter Realty.
Actually, there are some grammar problems in that letter and a lot of unnecessary information, but from a TEN YEAR OLD? This is pretty good for a professional letter. You can't expect her to do much better.
Anna: That's not a very good letter.
Just because you don't know how to write....
Lulu is really pretty in this one. And the Pony Pals are actually write about some parts when they critique the letter, but seriously. They're just jealous and mad that she didn't wait for them, even though THEY DIDN'T WANT TO WRITE A LETTER. I hate these girls.

Anna is so prejudiced. AND HOW IS THIS BOSSY?
Pam: You both think Mr. Kennedy is mean. I don't think he is. Today I'm going to see if he sent me an answer to the fax. If you want to come, you can.
Anna: You're so bossy.
WTF??????? AAAAAAAAH! How was that even an order? HATE!

After Pam apologizes, the Pony Pals are suddenly all nice to her.
Anna: Don't cry. It's not all your fault. Mr. Kennedy is a mean man. [Notice they don't take any of the blame upon themselves or acknowledge that they were jerks.]
Lulu: And Mr. Baxter made things even worse. [Again, not taking any of the blame....]

Lame pants. Beauty hit her head on a tree, so she's head shy. WHAT?

Lulu just told Pam to suck it up. And yet she gets horribly mad whenever Pam says this to her. I HATE LULU SO MUCH!!!!!!

Sorry, Pam, but wishful thinking won't help anyone.

I hate how Jeanne Betancourt is trying to make out that Lulu and Anna are being such good friends to Pam, but they're really not. And she's also implying that they were right all along. I think Jeanne is racist.

Pam's is the only idea that makes sense. And it's not technically illegal. It's a loophole in the law.

Pam has to call both the Pony Pals when she has a good idea. BOTH. Lulu can't take the initiative to call Anna herself. And they both have to agree. I HATE THEM BOTH.

MORGANS ARE NOT PONIES!

They are all surprised that Picasso really likes Beauty. I think Picasso is the one who fathers Beauty's baby (book #28). They really need to take Sex Ed. Oh, I forgot, they call it Health nowadays.

AAAAAGH! Ms. Wiggins' name is Wilhemina in this one! So far it's been Wilhemina and Winifred. Mrs. Betancourt needs to pick a name and STICK WITH IT. Personally, I think Winifred is ballin'. I think they use Wilma in later books. That name sucks. :P

Yeah. You have no idea how mad that made me. I feel bad for Pam, but she needs to stick up for herself more often and not fall for fake apologies, OR LACK THERE OF! AAAAARGH! Hate.
There will be a lull in Pony Pals because I'm waiting for "The Baby Pony", but if that doesn't come in, I'll just buy it. And then I have to wait for 10-13. Toodles.

At last! He's leaving!, or Pony Pals #8: Good-bye Pony

This one is so lame. It's about death and denial. I cried my eyes out when I first read this and refused to finish it. Then I played Pony Pals with my Fisher Price people. Don't blame me for the crappiness.



Plot: Ms. Wiggins is teaching Anna and Acorn how to drive a pony cart, because her pony Winston pulls a cart every year for the Winter Festival Parade. She wants Acorn to take over for Winston next year, because Winston is so old. After Anna's horrible lesson, Ms. Wiggins asks the Pony Pals to watch Winston while she goes to an art show where she will be showing her paintings. Ooh, what an artist.
When the Pony Pals go to check on Winston, they find him on the ground. Pam calls her dad and they try to take care of Winston, but Dr. Crandal (I've been spelling it wrong all this time) says he's going to die and there's nothing they can do.
This makes Anna mad. She stays with Winston all night, refuses meals, ignores Acorn, and tries to convince Ms. Wiggins to get another veterinarian because she doesn't believe Winston is going to die.
Then he does. And she was wrong.
So everyone is sad.
YAY, 3 GREAT IDEAS! The Pony Pals decide to have Acorn replace Acorn after all! Only Acorn is being stubborn, and even with Mr. Olson's help, he doesn't learn. Finally, with a little bit of help from HIS pony pals (ew, what a gross sentence) Acorn cooperates, and Ms. Wiggins is happy again. Yeeeeeeee-ha.

More notes:
Acorn looks hecka ugly. I want those pants. Winston is adorable.

Why do they call it the Winter Festival Parade. It's one or the other.

Acorn is huge in the first picture. He's supposed to be short. Like 11.2 hands.

Foreshadowing of the death of Winston. AAAAGH WE GET IT ALREADY!

Anna wants to have a Pony Party. Not loser.

Anna wants to keep Acorn forever. Not seeing this happening.

This is Lulu's "first winter". Um, not really. Remember "A Pony For Keeps"? Wasn't THAT your first winter?? AND HOW ARE YOU STILL IN 5TH GRADE? Did you all get held back? I thought Pam was smart.

Pam is either in a bad mood or she has a mustache.

AAAARGH! MRS. HARLEY'S BROWNIES ARE NOT FAMOUS!!!!

How come whenever a pony is sick or injured the Pony Pals assume it is colic? "He hasn't eaten in 5 days and is looking gaunt." "*gasp* COULD IT BE COLIC?" "...."

Dr. Crandal: There's not much I can do for him.
Anna: WHY AREN'T YOU GIVING HIM MEDICINE AND MAKING HIM BETTER?
Okay, Anna, I know you're slow....

"We Pony Pals have solved a lot of tough problems." Name one.

The Pony Pals seem to really like spaghetti.

Anna is convinced that everyone else is a quitter and that she's a saint.

Anna yells at the Pony Pals for letting Winston lie down. LISTEN TO ME: HE'S GOING TO DIE!!!

Mr. Silver: I dug a hole in the ground before it froze. Just in case.
OMG, THAT IS SO MORBID!!!

Anna thinks Dr. Crandal is the problem. Maybe YOU'RE the problem, Anna. That would solve all the Pony Pal's problems. Actually, not. Lulu needs to go, too.

Anna is mad at Ms. Wiggins for not being there. She misses Winston's death by 5 minutes and Anna thinks she did it on purpose. I hate this kid.

Acorn looks very cute and vaguely Arab. Winston has this huge Roman nose.

Acorn: *pushes Winston to the ground*
Anna: BAD PONY!
Lulu: Maybe he was just telling Winston it's okay to die.
Oh right. I actually agree with Anna on this one.

SHE FINALLY GETS IT.

Pam: I think it's almost the end....
That's like a bad Dickens novel sentence.

Awww, they cut off part of Winston's mane and braid it. That's so sweet. Not even playing.

I love blueberry pancakes.

Ew, a "Miracle Pets" story about how Wiggins saved her life. SOOO lame.

Selfish Anna. She spent all her money on stuff for Acorn when she could've donated it to the St. Francis Animal Shelter in Winston's memory!

ANOTHER GOOD DRAWING FROM ANNA! This is a crazy trend.

Mmm, apple juice and donuts.

Acorn so huge. Anna so short. Pam so pretty. Lulu so annoying.

IT'S MR. OLSON CREEP PANTS! He's lost a lot more hair since book #2.

Mmmm, hot chocolate and cheese sandwhiches.

I think Mrs. Harley and Ms. Wiggins are...you know....

I honestly think Anna thinks Pam is stupid.

Lulu so ugly. Pam so boy. Mr. Olson so Grampa.

And Anna's good drawing streak comes to a halt with the shoebox for Winston.

Ew, Boy Scouts are so evil.

Anna's sister's name used to be Tammy. Now it's Melissa.

You don't have to repeat yourself to make a point. "YOU DID IT, ACORN! YOU DID IT!"

Aaargh. That was painful. I know I've been posting a lot, but I'll slow down, because I only have 1 left and I have to wait for "The Baby Pony" to come in. Yay, the first super special! I'll have fun with that.

This was my hell, without or without you, or Pony Pals #6: Too Many Ponies

First thing: HOW CAN YOU HAVE TOO MANY PONIES??? That's like saying too many Sugar Babies, or too much chocolate, or too many cows, or too many hot eligible bachelors. It's just not possible.
Aaargh, this one made me angry on Pam's behalf. Just...read on. Seriously, Pam would be a much nicer and independent person if she weren't friends with Lulu and Anna. She and Rema should hang out.


Plot: Pam wants to buy a new saddle for Lightning, so she gets a job training two new ponies for her mother. Splash is a feisty lil toaster, but Goldie is lazy and shy. However, training the ponies takes up most of Pam's free time, which angers Lulu and Anna.
One day, after a disastrous trail ride with Goldie, the Pony Pals revolt against Pam and tell her to bring back Lightning, because she's ignoring Lightning and making trail riding not fun. Hello, you could go WITHOUT Pam. And they also complain that now they can't do what THEY want to do. Suck it up. Friendship requires sacrifice. It's so obvious that the others are just JEALOUS, and Pam tells them that. But they deny it and start throwing rocks at her, so she goes home.
But when she goes to tack up Lightning and take her riding, Lightning is not herself. She's acting mean and ornery (what else is new?). Pam is convinced that Lightning is angry at her for ignoring her, so she breaks down crying and begs for forgiveness. No luck. The Pony Pals come and try to get Lightning to calm down. Lightning tries to kick them.
Suddenly, Fat Cat (the Crandall's new cat) comes in and, LO AND BEHOLD! She had her kittens in Lightning's stall! Lightning was just PROTECTING THEM. She's not angry at all! So all is well, and Pam asks the Pony Pals to help her with her job. They agree (not because they're good friends; they just want to get paid), but then Pam's mom fires her. Sort of. But Pam no longer has a job. But she's okay with that! Yay! Pony Pals powers activate! In the form of...a loser.

More notes:
Pam is really pretty in this book.

Since when does Mr. Olson sell saddles? Doesn't he specialize in horse/ponies?

Lulu: Daisy's a true palomino color.
Nooooo...really?

If I were Pam, I'd rather work than hang with the Pony Pals. They were going to look for old houses. How fun.

All horses snort. All ponies snort. THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOUR STUPID PONY!!!

I kind of feel for Lightning. If I'd been about to go out with my friends, and Nathan suddenly decided for both of us that we shouldn't go (that's the closest thing I can think of to a rider/pony relationship. Also: if William didn't want to, so that meant I couldn't. :P), I would KILL HIM.

Woolie reminds me of Happy from "7th Heaven". Aaaargh.

I don't think many kindergardners use the word "artist".

Heh. Pam's mom called her dumb.

Splash is way cute on the cover, but he looks more paint than Appaloosa. In the book, he looks way palomino/donkey. Also, I don't think there's such a thing as an Appaloosa pony....

"But when Pam was doing a posting trot...." You could just say, "But when Pam was posting...."

Jezebel and No Tail? What horrible names for cats.

Ouch. Pam's mom is cruel.

Wow. This is sounding way Star Wars fanfic-y. "I have to. It's my JOB." Replace it with destiny and you wouldn't know the difference.

They think Fat Cat is a boy at first. They're ten. They should know what makes boys and girls different.

Dr. Crandall doesn't call Pam dumb. He's too nice.

"The Pony Pals watched Acorn and Lightning trot toward the big maple tree. Snow White followed at a slower pace. When the faster ponies reached the tree, they turned around and went back to get Snow White.
'They're great friends,' Anna remarked. 'Just like us.'"
That little pony exchange could represent the friendship: Anna and Pam are smart and a little stupid, and Lulu's kind of slow and just tags along behind.

Anna is acting way 5-year-old.

Heh. Pam is so awesome in this book. Until they break her. Just like in #3....

Ugh, Pony Pals = so emotionally manipulative....
"I wish you could come with us tomorrow, Pam."
"I thought being Pony Pals meant we rode together."
Lulu rides by herself all the time. And Anna rode away on her pony without telling the others. Hypocritical much?

I think Pam just said, "Screw you."

"We'll do a dig. Like archaeologists." I would die in this town.

LOL. Picture on page 35: Lulu and Anna are shocked that Splash is trying to race, and Pam looks like she's laughing her head off.

Lulu: This is a bad idea. It's dangerous for us to ride with Splash.
It's probably not good training, but you could just let Splash LEAD.

Pam has a barn piggy bank. At least she's learning about money. And she has a goal in mind.

Picture: Pam is all, "What?" and the others are all *glare of death*.

Anna: Why didn't you tell us you were riding Daisy today?
Lulu: Lightning must hate you.
:O What's wrong with them??? Pam should've carried this on long after the whole "fight" was over. "Anna, you didn't tell me you were wearing that shirt today. Ho."

Lulu: I just hate it when we plan something and then can't do it.
You could've gone there with Anna every day last week. But you're such a dependent loser that you can't think for yourself.
Aaaargh, and Anna's all, "It's like you're not even a Pony Pal anymore!" Why, because she has a job, she's more mature than y'all, and she wants to help her parents? Yeah, I would say she's sort of growing out of the Pony Pals....

"You keep doing things without telling us. Like bringing these other ponies on rides." Part of their whole argument was that Acorn and Snow White missed Lightning. I honestly don't think your ponies care that much. Besides, Acorn and Snow White need some alone time...so that they can make that beautiful Shetland/Welsh baby I keep imagining.

Pam: I have a JOB. I can't play all the time like you.
Lulu: Pam, you're working too hard. You never just have fun anymore.
Uh, yeah, she has fun training ponies. WITHOUT YOU GUYS.
Pam: You guys are just jealous that I have a job and you don't.
Lulu: That's ridiculous. I am not jealous.
Anna: Me either. (Who asked you?) Who'd want to turn into a grump like you?
A grump with money? I'd willing get a job.
Pam: I'm not a grump. You guys are grumps. You're the ones who are complaining all the time. You're the ones who are being selfish and mean!
OOOOOOOOOOH! PWNED!!! That was seriously amazing! And all of it was true. Seriously, Lulu and Anna, grow up.

To ease her rage, Lulu starts throwing rocks into the river. Yeah.

"Now you can go play in that stupid old house." See!? I'm not the only one who thinks their games are stupid.

They're right about one thing. Daisy is really slow.

Oh no! Don't reminisce! You'll just miss them and think you're wrong! DON'T DO IT!

It does NOT feel special and wonderful to be a Pony Pal. If you like feeling immature and POOR, it's great.

She blames Lulu and Anna, still. Good girl. Lol, she's going all Sith on me.

Ew, Lightning's "angry face" makes her look like a donkey. And Pam's first thought is, "Oh no, she's jealous!"

If only Anna and Lulu hadn't ruined the Pony Pals.... Says Pam in her head. Ha. Great way to be desperate and angry at the same time.

Lulu and Anna say they're sorry, but don't admit they did anything wrong. I think they only said that so Pam would apologize. Jerks.

Lightning tries to kick Pam. Aim for Anna next time.

Random note: I always thought Lightning was the prettiest pony. But she was so moody all the time.

"Maybe there's a poisonous snake in the stall and she doesn't want us to get bitten." Yeah. Great idea. NOT. Lightning would be dead by now. And snakes can MOVE. And I heard they love little girls.

Anna has a thing for cats....

Oh. Lightning was protecting kittens. Sure. Could happen. It happened in "Black Beauty". I think. Only with puppies.

Fat Cat looks like what the Governator would look like if he were a cat.

Mrs. Crandall acts like everything is Pam's fault. Jeez. Now we know why she has such huge control issues.

Anna and Lulu didn't think Pam actually had to work. It's a job, you morons. I can't believe these idiots.

Now Pam wants to give up her job so she can be with her friends. DON'T DO IT, get some new friends, these ones are NOT worth your time.

WHY is Pam offering them this job? Doesn't she realize that her mom will pay her less now because she's paying Lulu and Anna, too? I know money isn't everything, but really. Saddle...or the Pony Pals? Hmm.... I don't even like tack and it's saddle every time.

Lulu: I don't know how to train a pony!
You don't know anything, Lulu.

Anna's mom is still "famous" for her brownies. And she gives the broken ones to the Pony Pals. How do you break a brownie? Confused.

Lulu can't seem to write in complete sentences. And Anna's drawing is actually good.

They mention Fat Cat has a kitten under her leg. What? Is she sitting on it or something? That's not very good parenting skills. Someone should call PETA.

Aaaagh, feminism in the form of cats. "She's a hard working mother AND a mouse chaser."

Mrs. Crandall basically fires Pam. Ouch.

Pam is totally okay with not buying her saddle. Because she'd rather be a Pony Pal with her old saddle. YAY! Why would buying a new saddle change that? Weird.

Yeah. If you couldn't tell, I REALLY hated that one. It was ridiculous. Maybe because I'm the type of person who thinks I'm always right. Probably. But for reals. That's some crazy manipulation. And it makes me mad. Reading #7. I hate that one, too. Arrivederci.