Follow the talking wooden stick, or Unicorns of Balinor #6: Secrets of the Scepter

I still don't get the loving descriptions of Atalanta: twilight violet, with a beautiful silver mane and tail... Dude, she's purple.



Plot: Life in Balinor would be so boring if it weren't for all the exciting quests! Ari must uncover three golden rings and acquire a note from Dr. Bohnes stating she is the true princess to unlock the Deep Magic.
There's nothing to say, really. The Shifter is kept at bay, so there's no drama or danger. Lori finds some abandoned baby unicorns and takes care of them until they find their mother. Ari keeps warring factions of centaurs from killing each other. In the end, she gains the three rings AND Dr. Bohnes' note. Staples: that was easy.

More notes:
Yep, this one starts with "Atalanta", too. We're 6 for 6.

Atalanta doesn't even care about getting Lori home. "We will be able to help Lori in time, Arianna."

I just noticed Ari has the same name as a certain Eraser friend of ours.

They want to organize a Resistance? How Star Wars-y of them.

Ha, more humor. XP
Finn: Lori, you could ride Rednal for a bit, if you like. I'm sure he wouldn't mind.
Rednal: *starts bucking*
Finn: Hey, boy! What's up?
Rednal: Must have been a black fly.
I cannot breathe for laughing. And if a unicorn was trying to buck you off, I highly doubt you would laugh and ask, "Hey, boy! What's up?"

Ugh. Lori rides like a sack of potatoes; therefore, she is a horrible person. Arianna rides like a queen; therefore she is wise, beautiful, and kind.

HA! The sign to the Unicorn Inn reads:
Fine Food and Drink. Samlett.
Oh, look, honey, they have fine food, drink, AND Samlett!
That cracked me up for rather inappropriate reasons.

"Yes! He's so short that during council he refuses to sit down. He stands on the chair. And he's got a high, squeaky voice like a chicken!"
So do I, and I'm 5'9".

Ari's being introduced to the last remaining Lords of whatever. Uh oh, that Rexel is thin and gaunt and never gives his nights a day off. Must be a treacherous jerk.

What kind of name is Lord Puckenstew????

I sort of agree with Rexel. Ari can't prove she's REALLY the Princess, and the only excuse she has is, "Um, I lost my memory and only got it back recently...." Riiight.

Rexel is the poor man's Snape.

The Shifter might be evil, but he's no match for THE SHADOW RIDER, who is basically the poor man's Sauron.

Oh no, the Shifter is scared of the Shadow Rider! Wait, if Mr. Shadow is so evil, and the Shifter's such a wimp that can be easily defeated with the Royal Scepter + Indigo Star, why are we warring against the Shifter??? Sauron's on the loose!

So Ari's going on another quest, and Finn asks to go with, but she's like, "No, Finn, you need to organize the Rebellion and what not." That's basically an order, so Finn accepts it, and Ari's all, "WHY DIDN'T HE INSIST TO COME?? HE MUST NOT LIKE ME!" No, you just think WAY too highly of yourself.

Ha. Lori's going.

I CANNOT stand Ari.

Ha ha ha. They get a Worker unicorn named STALWART for Lori!! HA HA HA! I hate the subtle attempts at humor.

Ari is so jealous of Lori and Finn. I would laugh so hard if Finn and Lori ended up together. But they don't. I've read the series before. Which is sad. :( They could have been Linn! Or Fori. Or Firi. Whatever.

SOOOO lame. They feel the need to tell us the story of Heartbreak Harbor: a young man named Artman came to the Harbor to meet his beautiful fiancee, but she ran off with a ship's captain.

Lori: It's funny, I never liked camping out. No bathrooms or mirrors. No television or CD players. No pizza places. But I don't know. We've camped out so much in this weird world of yours, I think I'm starting to get used to it.
Yeah. That's why I never go camping. The lack of pizza places kills me.

And they stumble upon...UNICORN BABIES! One is red and the other "flaxen" (I never knew what that meant when I was little, but it's goldeny, I guess).

Lori's apparently really good with babies.

Ari: I wonder where the babies' mother is.
Chase: Let's ask the Royal Scepter.
Ari: Good idea. Oh Royal Scepter? Where is the babies' mother?
Scepter: Gone.
Thanks, Royal Scepter. You've been so helpful.

There's a FOURTH class of unicorns: THE WILD ONES. They're wild, obviously, and brutal and savage. God forbid any unicorn that escapes the vicious caste system of Balinor should be civilized.

Ari can't decide: leave the baby unicorns in the forest to starve or take them with?
TAKE THEM WITH! TAKE THEM WITH! So much for being wise.

Ari is supposed to find Dr. Bohnes and three gold rings. Why she's running around in the forest, I don't know.

THE RAINBOW SONG!! Lol, I love the rainbow song. I swear, they changed the lyrics!

A bunch of yelling unicorns? How positively frightening!

Atalanta doesn't want a war, bla bla bla. Well, what else are you going to do? You refuse to take out the Shifter with magic, though you've had endless oppurtunities, and all you've been doing lately is sitting in the Valley discussing the current situation. Don't you think you ought to do something?

Lori names the babies Albright and Jenny. What stupid names.

Ari thinks they are "fine names". Because she's a princess like that.

Oh dear, the centaurs are fighting.

Ari sees the centaurs and goes on to describe how they were men, but also horses! In case you didn't know what a centaur was. As if.

The centaurs get all mad and Ari's like, "You can't hurt me! I have a talking wooden stick!"

Oh no, the centaurs are fighting because some are traditionalists and others are more modern. Why not split up and become TWO seperate cultures???

Ha ha. Oh, Lincoln. You tickle my funny bone.

Hmm, so the Shifter is a misogynist as well as a megalomaniac.

Modern centaurs win, basically. But Ari insists that EVERYBODY wins.

So they give her one of the golden rings.

All the centaurs' names end in I.

If they can't find the mother unicorn, they're going to leave the babies in the forest. By themselves. And let them get eaten by wolves. Nice.

Lori could always stay with them, but Ari is her ticket out of Balinor, soooo....

Chase says it's the right thing to do because the kingdom is at stake.

Hee. Unicorn mommy's cry of angst is "Eeeeeeeraaaaaaaah, eeeeerraaaaaaah."

They meet the mother. Her name is Orion, which is SOOO a boy's name.

She abandoned her babies because their dad is a traitor. That sucks.

She takes the babies back. And gives Ari another ring.

Wild unicorns are basically ginormous shire-y types.

Yes, there will be a war, Atalanta. Suck it up.

After a long day of questing, there's nothing like a good manicure to make you feel like new.

Ha ha ha! Let's laugh at Lori some more.

Ha. They meet Minge and he totally forgot Chase's name. So much for Lord of the Unicorns, or whatever.

Something's wrong with Bohnesy??

Ari has a problem with a lot of people. Either they're falling at her feet and worshiping her, or she considers them "rude".

And Bohnes gives her the third ring. Ari complains way too much; she's got it easy.

So Bohnes is sick; the third test is for Ari to be "strong" enough to leave Bohnes and let her die. Hmm.

But Bohnes was just faking being sick. Boooo.

Thank God that's over. Avalon tomorrow; it's a good one XP.

These quests are pretty easy when you have a super unicorn, or Unicorns of Balinor #4: By Fire, By Moonlight

This was my favorite Unicorns of Balinor book back in the day. Now, rereading it, I'm not sure why. I mean, there's nothing really wrong with it, besides Atalanta's constant moaning, but it's sort of...boring. Compared to the "action" in the other books. It takes a long time to get to the point. Hey, random news: "The Little White Horse" is actually being made into a movie!! Yeah, it'll be out in 2008! Only Dakota Blue Richards will be in it, and I'm not a big fan of her. I don't even really like that book.



Plot: This book, like all the others, opens with an entire chapter devoted to Atalanta's senseless moanings. Hmmm, it appears that by falling through the Gap into Glacier River Farm, Ari upset the magic balance. Now Shifter's side has all the power and some prophecy about completing a trial by fire and a trial by moonlight, symbolized by a red rose and a white rose, has to be fulfilled. Sounds a lot like "Happily N'ever After".
Ari is back on the farm, but doesn't want to be: what if someone see's Chase and flips out?? Lori is finally back where she belongs, but isn't happy about it. Yay, then Lady Kylie randomly comes and attacks Ari, but Lori saves her. Unfortunately, the Gap has collapsed. Bummer.... Ari consults the magic scepter and he digs up all the dirt for her. Oh. Problem solved.
She and Chase are back in the Valley of Fear with Lincoln...and Lori, who has apparently followed them. Stupid. Demon unicorns attack them, but Chase gets all testy and threatens them or something, so they get away. They get on the Dawnwalker and are safe.
Then Ari receives a notice about a unicorn steeplechase taking place in Deridia. On the bottom is a dying red rose. Change course, let's go to Deridia!!
They reach Deridia and walk the course. It is muy difficult. Ari meets a boy named Finn and his unicorn, Cinna. Finn has several Anakin-like qualities and Deridia is so much like Tatooine that it's sometimes hard to distinguish between the two stories.
Race day. Oh no!! It's Moloth the really big scary black demon unicorn and an unnamed shadow rider!!! The race is on!! Since no one else can even compete, it's between Chase and Moloth. Moloth's rider is cheating and using violence, but Finn and his newfound Celestial unicorn friend Rednal show Ari the way out, so she wins, much to the chagrin of the townspeople. They give chase, but Finn leads them all to a cave and they find themselves on a beach.
Actually, Lori and Lincoln are back in Deridia with the angry townspeople, but Dr. Bohnes dismisses this, because at least Ari is safe, and the Deep Magic will protect them.
Very nice.
While on the beach, Ari receives a notice about a midnight diving competition to take place in the ocean. At the bottom is a white rose, meaning it's part of the prophecy blaaaa....
Ari dives. Fights with Kraken. Wins. Too easy. Prophecy complete. Scales balanced. Everyone gets back on Dawnwalker, where they find Lincoln and Lori??? How??? Lori thinks Finn is hot. Ari isn't jealous. All is well. All is boring.

More notes:
Of course every book starts the same way: Atalanta, Dreamspeaker to the unicorns of the Celestial Valley herd....

I love Rednal. He was my favorite unicorn back in the day, only they describe him as deep crimson, and it seems someone named REDnal would be a more boisterous REDDISH color.

Whaaat, he's Sunchaser's brother!!

Oh, and lead stallion of the red band. Because God forbid Chase should have a NORMAL brother.

"The Scales of Magic. See? That's the Shifter's side on the left. And your side, Dreamspeaker, is on the right. They always go up and down a bit, but they're never really out of balance."
Oh yeah? What about when Shifter pwned Ari and Chase, threw them into the real world, and captured her family? If that didn't do it, then how did Ari's falling into the Gap accomplish that major shift in Shifter's favor??

Dill and Basil decide to tell everybody that Toby is a Celestial unicorn. Nice. Blow his cover.

Okay, I hate it in books when there are snake characters that alwayssssss talk like thisssssss.

Lori saves Ari's butt and Ari's not even thankful. She's just all, "The Gap is blocked! You shouldn't have pulled me out! Ow, I broke a nail!"

The scepter reminds me SOOOO much of C-3PO.

Lori is apparently afraid of her dad. Abusive???

Okay, they make a big deal about all the "quests" Ari has been on, but they've always been super easy. The quest for the scepter was the hardest one, but what was the point of blocking off the Gap if it could be unblocked just as easily?

Atalanta still thinks Toby is rude. Way to mention it like every five minutes.

The Gap sounds a LOT like The Wood Between the Worlds from "The Magician's Nephew". Plagiarism much?

Okay, last time, Ari was able to give everyone food and water without any magic spells, but now that she's "regained her memory", that thing requires magic. Whatever.

Remember when all Lori did in the past books was complain about being homesick? YOU GOT HOME!! WHY DID YOU FOLLOW THEM BACK???

Hmmm, time is different on the other side of the Gap...just like Narnia!!

Ari gets back into her "real" clothes and her "comfortable leather boots". Whoa whoa whoa. In the last book you were complaining about how worn they were getting and how Lori shouldn't have gotten new shoes and how you needed a Royal Bootmaker. Don't lie to me. I remember.

Deridia is EXACTLY like Mos Eisley...and there's a woman there named Sola!!! True, that's the name of Padme's sister, and she lived on Naboo, but HELLO! STAR WARS REFERENCES!!

Omg, Finn is just like Anakin! And Ari and Chase discuss how great he would be away from Deridia and how they have to rescue him!!

"I can't make friends, Chase. I can't even talk to a boy like Finn." Awww, Ari can't talk to boys.

Lori: Everything seems normal for a race. Just do the best you can. You're the best rider here, Ari. And you have the best mount.
Awwww, that's so sweet.

Finn had a dream last night, where he rescued all the slaves and traveled the stars. I'm surprised they haven't had that, "Are you an angel?" conversation, but I suppose that would be too blatant; Mary Stanton likes to be subtle.

I'm seriously thinking you're not allowed to use a mace during a steeplechase.

Ha. The race...it's just like podracing!

Villagers: Hey! You weren't supposed to win!
We bet on Sebulba!

I can't believe they're being all nonchalant about Lori and Lincoln's plight.

"I do believe that Rednal and Finn saved our lives." Duh. "Why do you suppose Atalanta chose him to ride Rednal?"
The force is strong with him.
Oh, and he has a higher midi-clorian count than Numinor. But we'll keep that hush-hush, on the DL.

Finn is overenthusiastic about his newfound freedom. He didn't even weep for his parents.

Don't trust the mermaids!!

The mermaids' city sounds a lot like Otoh Gunga....

Oh no, Ari has to face the Kraken! Well, you beat him pretty easily before, who says it won't be easy this time?

Oh no, the mermaids are attacking her! Like in Harry Potter!

Ari: Finn's gotten very fond of Rednal.
Toby: And Lori of Finn!
ROFL!!!! Lori likes boys???

This was actually written in 1999, when "The Phantom Menace" came out, so who knows? Harry Potter came out the year prior, though. Oh well. All the LOTR and Chronicles of Narnia references are so obviously plagiarism.
But that was one of the better ones. Lol.

Ooh, shiny things, or Avalon #2: Web of Magic: All That Glitters

Seriously, this is my favorite Avalon book. No lie. I mean, look at that sparkly cover. I think the pictures of the d-flies are innacurate, though. They look like crap.



Plot: Kara is rather frustrated with Adriane and Emily. First of all, they have magic gems and she doesn't. Also, they expect her to WORK when all she wants to do is party with her friends.
Mostly, Adriane is overreacting about EVERYTHING, Kara is being kind of ditzy, and Emily is just being annoying and peacemaker-y.
Then weird things start happening to Kara! Banshees (tortured souls cursed to wander the Shadowlands, of course) start attacking her, she's being followed around by the mysterious cat from book #1 [who is named Lyra], and she finally has her own magic jewel! It looks just like a unicorn horn. However, Emily and Adriane freak out and tell her not to use it.
Naturally, Kara doesn't listen.
Whenever she uses the jewel, chaos ensues. The magical little piece of shiny rock attracts all kinds of creatures, from adorable little dragonflies (literally miniature dragons that fly) and...*gasp* BANSHEES! One attacks Kara in her house and tries to take the jewel, but she pwns it, burning off part of her hair in the process. She tries to fix it, and it grows longer, but then it doesn't STOP! She calls Emily and Adriane, and Adriane screws it up even more; though she gets it to stop growing, Kara's blonde hair is now rainbow-colored.
Kara goes to school the next day and is shocked when the principal starts talking about the work she's done at Ravenswood Wildlife Preserve, and is then forced on stage, where her shocking hair color(s) is (are?) revealed. Emily saves her and says it's a symbol of unity or something. Kara realizes she really likes working at the Preserve and starts treating Emily and Adriane (even though Adriane's a loser) nicer, and gets her loser friends to stop making fun of them.
On Saturday, she takes a little trip to the mall to get her hair dyed to its natural color when she's attacked by some more banshees. Lyra saves her, but then gets injured by being stupid. Kara is majorly confused and kind of sad when a unicorn just randomly walks up to her and tells her he can save Lyra. Um...yay?
First stop...a magicalish place, where Kara meets some wraiths who tell her to save their sisters and convince her that the unicorn jewel is not hers to keep.
They go to a field, where they meet up with Adriane and Emily...big surprise. A creepy old woman tries to get Kara to give her the jewel, monologuing about the love of power and crap like that, but Kara gives it to the banshees, who are really some whacked-out ugly wraiths. Old creepy woman disappears with a snarl.
Um, yay.
And Emily saves Lyra after a major pep talk from Kara.
So Kara becomes a better person. The end.
Oh, and they set up the Ravenswood website.
And the epilogue was about mistwolves. Tartar sauce. I guess that means the next book is about Adriane.
You know, I took that character quiz again, and I'm still a warrior. Darn.

More notes:
Oookay, apparently Kara has enough clothes to cover every available surface and fill her closet. NOT STEREOTYPED AT ALL.

credhed, beachbunny, and goodgollymolly? Try worst screennames ever.

Duh! Your outfit for seventh grade is WAY more important than endangered animals!

Ugh, Kara's friends suck. They're so mean.

Okay, I take back what I said about her friends' screennames, because Emily's is docdolittle. :P

Yay, Kara's actually good at school! We're breaking down barriers!

I hate it in books where the main character screams and then looks around to see who did it. HOW CAN YOU NOT REALIZE YOU'RE SCREAMING??

"That was, like, so weird!" Thanks, Heather.

"Been a rough morning. Kara had like a major freakout in homeroom." Don't you love it when your friends talk about you...in front of you?

I'm having a REALLY hard time picturing this cute Marcus guy that Kara likes. I'm switching back and forth between Penn Badgley and Garrett Hedlund.

"Next thing you know, monsters are gonna be falling out of the sky!"
Funny you should mention that....
This is the moment Lyra chooses to fall out of the sky.

Okay, Lyra was the size of an ocelot in the first book. Now she's the size of a leopard, which is significantly bigger than an ocelot. How did it get so big??

I somehow don't picture Adriane very tall. I picture her and Emily quite short. Like 5'3". And Kara maybe 5'5" or 5'6".

Red and auburn aren't necessarily the same color. STOP CONFUSING ME!!

Adriane only says she likes being a loner because she knows she's incapable of making friends.
Lyra: *pops out of bushes* Rawr.
Kara: Aaah!
Adriane: WHAT DID YOU DO, KARA!!?? RAAAAH SNARL GRAWFF!

They make it seem like Kara is the ringleader of her little clique, but her friends are way pushy.

I highly doubt you are the only three girls on Earth that know that magic is real, Kara.

I hate when they describe Adriane using magic. They try to make it sound all cool and it sounds so retarded, and she obviously takes herself so seriously. All it is is her taking a karate stance and spinning around.

Oooh, Adriane called Kara a "Barbie". :O Whatever, that would pretty much be a compliment. I mean, I'd love to have a ridiculously thin waist, a tight butt, and nice boobs. Plus "immaculate" hair (that's for you, Lucy Daniels).

Kara thinks it's weird talking to a ferret, and then she remembers Ozzie is really an ELF trapped inside a ferret's body! Yeah, cuz that's not weird at all.

Kara: Why does that garden have an X on it?
Adriane: It's the hedge maze. Gran said you can get lost in there for days, so it's off-limits for tours.
Hmm, could that possibly be FORESHADOWING of someone getting lost in the maze???

Kara offers to have her friends help with the website and Adriane's like, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! They're loudmouths!" And you're a ho....

Why is Kara shocked that Adriane doesn't consider her a friend? That seemed PRETTY obvious.

"She imagined medieval torches encircling the magnificent garden...with the rocking sounds of Sampleton Malls blasting from the stage! She giggled. And Kara, the princess of the ball, in the most rad leather-and-silk gown, dancing the night away with the most handsome prince. Adriane can stay home and be the wicked stepsister, she thought with a laugh as she twirled into the rose gardens."
Proof that all girls have a Cinderella fantasy. No lie, EVERY GIRL has one.

Lame. She gets lost in the hedge maze a mere 5 pages later. It could have been a final showdown in the maze!!! But no...waste all that good foreshadowing.

Lol. Kara pictures herself:
Lustrous blond hair, creamy skin, dewy red lips - no, she'd sowrn off lip gloss long ago, make that pale pink lips.

Quick! A new pair of Nikes with shock soles!

Kara's first attempt at magic:
"Think! Do what Adriane did. Kara concentrated - left, right, arms together, swing tight.... She pinwheeled her arms, whipping the crystal shell around, and landed on one knee, jewel pointed toward the monster. Tiny sparkles fizzled from the tip...and died. Kara frowned. That cheer routine killed at the home game."

I haaate Ozzie. Storm is annoying about honor and crap like that, but Ozzie is SOOOOOO annoying.

Balthazar (the magical winged pony): It looked like a banshee.
Kara: A what?
Balthazar: A tortured soul doomed to wander the Shadowlands. [I bet he could hardly keep himself from saying, "Duh."]

Adriane: Thank goodness you were there! We can't have monsters running around the preserve washing clothes!

HAHAHAHA they find Mr. Gardener's computer and a voice says, "Welcome to the magic web." Lol. You've got mail.

Mr. Gardener owns Ravenswood, but disappeared a while back.

"Girls, it's got rhythm, and I have got the moves!" But you're white....

:O Kara went to the LIBRARY!!?? Shocking. "Hmm, geeky influence, with a touch of dweeb."

Okay, everything Kara's friends say endz with a z. I guezz that makez it glitter fabulouz.

Joey has a huge crush on Adriane, lol.

This is the lamest party ever, Kara. All you guys are doing is eating...and eating.

Kara's brother is an idiot. "Kara, your ice cream's getting cold!"

Wait, Kara has a tan? I thought she had creamy skin.

Whoa, a banshee ambushes her in the Jacuzzi!

I'm picturing Kara naked during the fight scene that follows. Not for any pervy reason, but it said something about her stripping, so what am I supposed to do?

Kara: What happened to it?
Lyra: Something frightened the creature.
Kara: What? Me?
I don't know, a naked blonde girl wielding a shiny jewel is pretty frightening....

Wait, Emily and Adriane are there now. Is Kara naked or not??? SO CONFUSED!!

Awww. The dragonflies have names! I forget which color corresponds to which dragonfly, but their names are Goldie, Barney, Rocky, Fiona, and Fred; Fiona is red and Goldie is...yellow.

Adriane, shut up and stop making hair puns.

Jealous, I want rainbow hair. I don't know why Kara hates it so much.

I want a blue plaid jacket...but I wouldn't wear it with a pink cotton beret.

Dragonflies appear with a pop. Goldie appears and Kara pretends she farted. ....

You can't send someone home for having cool hair. Dressing like a slut, yes. Having cool hair, no. At least not at my school.

Coalition. Nice word, Emily.

Kyle: Who'd a thunk under all that black is a fasion designer!
Adriane: I'm not big on fashion.
Heather: That's for sure.
Ooooooooooooh.

I like how all the punk bands have stupid names. Like Toad Force! or Smash Fish!

Awww, Joey and Adriane bond over Smash Fish. And Adriane BLUSHES. Whaaat, she likes boys??

Aaaah, someone sends Kara a magic computer message: I KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

Kara: How do you know when a jewel is really for you?
Adriane: Our jewels changed as we used them. It's like they reflect a part of who we are. You just know, Kara.
Emily: In your heart.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! *gag*

Ozzie is so mean! "Maybe it's a test. Maybe you're not the blazing star."

Having a super hard time picturing this pure white unicorn without him looking like a unipony.

Lyra is being attacked by mall security guards!! Oh, she has wings all of a sudden, how convenient.
Oooh, she falls to the ground.

Why do all magical creatures speak in italics??

The wraiths sound like wannabe LOTR elves...only green.

The banshees use z's instead of s's, too. "Plesszze, help uszz."

Ozzie: Look what they've made!
Adriane: It looks like a-
Emily: -dreamcatcher!
Ugh, just like Stephen King. And now they'll save a kid with Downs Syndrome from bullies and realize that he is the dreamcatcher weaving them all together.

Whaaaaat? The unicorn has a harem??
"You have freed my maidens, and I am forever grateful."
Maybe he's a pimp.

Kara's friends are still lame.

I think Adriane has the coolest chain for her jewel...it's turquoise.

Their password for the secret website is AVALON. Yeah, people won't be able to figure THAT one out.

I HAAAATE mistwolves.

So I'll be doing the second book in the Horseshoe Trilogies, and I might be able to do more than one per day, since I'm on Christmas break!!! But Avalon #3 will be about Adriane. Laaaame.

Not even demon unicorns can stop him, or Unicorns of Balinor #2: Sunchaser's Quest

The second of the Balinor series. Get out your barf bags, ladies and gentlemen; it's going to be a bumpy ride.



Plot: When we last left our heroes, Arianna, Chase, Lincoln, and Lori had just landed in a magical land called Balinor. They had a near-run in with some demon unicorns, but they're safe now.
Everything is going all right...sort of. Lori is being a spoiled brat and is forcing Ari to let her ride Chase while she tries to find help. Ari manages to locate a village and asks for help from a man named Samlett, owner of the Unicorn Inn (what an original name). Taking Lori for a princess, he gives her shelter for the night. Taking Ari for Lori's maid, he forces her to clean out the stables.
Ari, however, likes work. Because she's the reincarnation of Snow White. She's absolutely peeing her pants with delight. She also meets a bunch of LOVELY people, such as Lady Kiley. Lady Kiley tries to capture her, however. Not so nice. She is saved by Atalanta - the Dreamspeaker herself!! Atalanta helps Ari remember that she's the princess of Balinor, her legs were all screwed up by the Shifter, who also cut off Chase AKA the Sunchaser's horn, and captured her family. Turns out he's trying to kill her cuz of some prophecy...but that's another story for another time.
Atalanta also tells Ari that she has to go on a quest to retrieve the ruby necklace from "Across the Gap" (what the call "the real world" in Balinor) because it is part of Chase's broken horn. Arianna has 3 of the 4 pieces, and she needs the ruby to fit them together. Atalanta goes on and on about the dangerous quest...and then Dr. Bohnes magically appears, toting the famed ruby. Oh. All right then.
So Atalanta, improvizing, sends Ari off to find the Jewelwright Minge so he can fix the horn for Chase.
After a lot of buttkissing from Samlett, who's ashamed to think that he once thought that Ari was a maid - ha - Ari, Bohnesy (who it turns out is Ari's old nurse), Lori, Chase, and Lincoln go on the quest, followed reluctantly by Tobiano. Remember him from Celestial Valley? They don't know he's a Celestial unicorn, though, because he's not as BEAUTIFUL as he should be.
Bla bla bla, questing. Shifter almost gets Ari, but they get to the Jewelright. They fix the horn. Toby gets stuck in quicksand. Ari saves him. Bla bla.
So I THINK they're back at the Inn when Ari and Chase decide since they know where the missing piece of horn is, they'll go off BY THEMSELVES and look for it.
It's not very exciting. They go to Shifter's castle/Ari's old house, find the piece, "narrowly miss death" (whatever. They got chased by a fat demon unicorn for 2 seconds.), and go back home. Sunchaser can speak again. And he's more annoying than ever. Ari isn't punished for trying to be a hero. Now they all have to search for Ari's scepter. Whoopee. To be continued....

More notes:
It's like every book has to open with a whole page describing Atalanta's beauty. I REALLY do not like her.

:P Another fat unicorn. Of course she's a nanny.

HOW DOES CHOCOLATE BROWN FIT INTO THE RAINBOW? AND WHY IS CHOCOLATE BROWN WITH OBSIDIAN OVERTONES THE MOST STUBBORN COLOR???? I THOUGHT THAT WAS WINE!!

ENOUGH ABOUT DEVI'S HIGH SWEET VOICE!

Since when does Tobiano have a Cockney accent? "Devi! Get out o' there, bud!"

Whaa? Toby is trying to save Devi's butt, and Devi's all, "Oh, that Toby, he's so rude, and he doesn't like foals!" That MUST be why he's trying to help you out.

AAAH, MORE COCKNEY! "Interferin' little one. Send him back to his ma, I say."

:O Devi messes with the Watching Pool and ATALANTA LETS HIM OFF WITH A WARNING!!! If it had been Toby, he probably would've been murdered. LAAAAME. This is probably supposed to show what a wise, sweet ruler she is. Bull.

"She holds the Deep Magic." Way to copy "The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe".

Bam. Lori insults Ari's bad legs.

Yes, Ari. You've been abducted by aliens.

OMG!!! "And the men wore boots, tights, and loose shirts that look as if they were made out of rough cotton."
TIGHTS??? WHY NOT PANTS???

All fat people are cheerful. Right.

Ugh, now Ari's talking about "rude old Tobiano".

I think Mr. Samlett just called Ari ugly.

Hey, I can't post. Nothing wrong with that.

Okay, Ari's going around the stables and looking at the unicorns, and she can tell which ones are girls and which are boys, and then she gets a glimpse of Atalanta, and she's like, "I know that's a mare...but I don't know how!" Then what were you just doing??

AAAAAAGH a lame pun about a riverbank...you don't want to know.

Lori makes up a really good lie about where they're from, and Ari's like, "Whatever. I'm mad at her."

She calls Lori a "bra"?

Lori's sort of a brat, but at least she's human. Ari, I think, is an alien.

Ooh, outfits!
"The dark red skirt had pretty embriodery around the hem but was a little big around the middle, so she rolled up the waistband. [Whatever. You just wanted to show off those legs of yours.] The blouse was made of a soft, off-white cotton and had full sleeves and a scoop neck that tied with two strings. The leather vest fit snugly and it would be nice and warm as the evening cooled. She wound her hair up on top of her head and clipped it with her barrettes."
I'm picturing Annie Oakley.

Wth?????
Licoln: If they are bad, I will bite them and bite them!
Okaaay, way to not sound retarded.

Of course the female villainess has black hair.

??
Ari: *looks at the peaches* Oh, my. Several of these have brown spots.
Um...thanks?

Way to ruin Lori's lie.
Lexan: So, where are you from?
Ari: Well, sir, my friends and I. We're from north of the Gap.

Yay, a recycled overused chase scene.
Lincoln: Run, Ari! Run!
Ari: I won't leave you here!
Lincoln: You must! Go now! Go now! I cannot save us both.
Ari: I can't leave you!
Lincoln: THEY DON'T WANT ME! THEY WANT YOU! RUN!

Lady Kylie pwns Lincoln.

"My dearest dear" is quite an odd term of...um, endearment.

Let it be known that Ari calls her two brothers Tace and Bren. THESE NAMES CHANGE MULTIPLE TIMES THROUGHOUT THE SERIES. I think one time it was Ben and Tally.

Oh, it turns out Kylie was her mommy's BFF...but now she's working for the Shifter. Oh, burn.

And now she takes some dialogue out of Star Wars.
Ari: There already has been a terrible cost. My dog is hurt, maybe dead! My family the same! I hate the Shifter! I hate him!
Atalanta: You must put aside your hate, Arianna. Hate will not save you or your people.
Ari: Hate makes me strong.
Atalanta: Hate blinds you. Hate is a tool of the Shifter.

And now we will listen to a lecture on evolution.

Atalanta talks about Ari's quest for like 20 minutes...then it turns out she doesn't need to go on one. :P Lame.

I thought Lincoln had black and gold fur. Now he's described with cream and bronze fur.

Ari: Please get off your knees, Mr. Samlett. It feels really weird to have you down there.
:O QUESTIONABLE CONTENT!

Lori: So I supposed I'll come along.
Ari: You? Are you sure you want to?
Lori: Why not? Do you expect me to stay here? Without money? That Samlett character said he'd give me a room, all right. As long as I mucked out the stalls and scrubbed the kitchen floor. Forget that.
Ari: But, Lori. I might be dangerous.
Lori: Old Bohnes is a wizard, isn't she? And who's going to mess with a Princess? That is, if you are a Princess, which I don't believe for one second flat. Besides...I'm scared to stay here by mself. I saw those creeps go after you last night. If those jerks come looking for a thirteen-year-old girl and find one, they aren't going to believe me when I tell them it isn't me. And frankly, Ari, who looks more like a Princess? You or me? I don't want to risk staying here alone, thank you very much.
How can you not love her?

I'm really confused about how to pronounce Dr. Bohnes first name: it's spelled Eliane, so it's not Elaine, so what??

Yay, Mary Stanton ripped off the Nazgul.

The peasants are restless. They will revolt. Like a heavy metal song.

Toby has no sense of direction.
Toby: Your directions were awful. Past the cove of pine trees, you said. Then north by northeast, you said.
Bohnes: I was right. It's you who can't tell north from south, Toby.
Toby: Hey! You face north, right? If you face north, south is in back of you. East is to the left of you.
Bohnes: East is to the right of you. I told you before.
Toby: LEFT! LEFT! LEFT!

Now she's ripping off the evil crabine or whatever from LOTR.

Ugh, Sunchaser.
I. DO. NOT. RUN. FROM. BATTLE!

Quicksand? In the middle of the woods? In BALINOR???

Toby almost dies. And they still hate him.

PULL FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!

And Toby blames them for his neardeath experience: You-told-me-to-take-a-left!!!

Numinor is annoying. I don't know who's worse, him or Sunchaser.

Blah. The "quest" is so boring.

Chase is problem horse. No wonder Lori had trouble with him. Oh, I forgot, he's a UNICORN, and LORD OF ALL ANIMALS, so he GETS to act like that.

Dang, abusive relationship much. As soon as Chase learns to talk again, he's all, "ARIANNA! COME TO ME!"

Wth? If Lori had run off to find the missing piece of Chase's horn, Bohnesy would've killed her. But it's Princess Arianna, and it's her DESTINY, so I guess that's all right.

Lol. Lori finds out the next quest is to find the missing scepter and is all, "Ari is my BFF."

Ugh, did not enjoy that. Thankfully, tomorrow we'll be back onto horses. No more unicorns for the time being. At least not until Friday.