Follow the talking wooden stick, or Unicorns of Balinor #6: Secrets of the Scepter

I still don't get the loving descriptions of Atalanta: twilight violet, with a beautiful silver mane and tail... Dude, she's purple.



Plot: Life in Balinor would be so boring if it weren't for all the exciting quests! Ari must uncover three golden rings and acquire a note from Dr. Bohnes stating she is the true princess to unlock the Deep Magic.
There's nothing to say, really. The Shifter is kept at bay, so there's no drama or danger. Lori finds some abandoned baby unicorns and takes care of them until they find their mother. Ari keeps warring factions of centaurs from killing each other. In the end, she gains the three rings AND Dr. Bohnes' note. Staples: that was easy.

More notes:
Yep, this one starts with "Atalanta", too. We're 6 for 6.

Atalanta doesn't even care about getting Lori home. "We will be able to help Lori in time, Arianna."

I just noticed Ari has the same name as a certain Eraser friend of ours.

They want to organize a Resistance? How Star Wars-y of them.

Ha, more humor. XP
Finn: Lori, you could ride Rednal for a bit, if you like. I'm sure he wouldn't mind.
Rednal: *starts bucking*
Finn: Hey, boy! What's up?
Rednal: Must have been a black fly.
I cannot breathe for laughing. And if a unicorn was trying to buck you off, I highly doubt you would laugh and ask, "Hey, boy! What's up?"

Ugh. Lori rides like a sack of potatoes; therefore, she is a horrible person. Arianna rides like a queen; therefore she is wise, beautiful, and kind.

HA! The sign to the Unicorn Inn reads:
Fine Food and Drink. Samlett.
Oh, look, honey, they have fine food, drink, AND Samlett!
That cracked me up for rather inappropriate reasons.

"Yes! He's so short that during council he refuses to sit down. He stands on the chair. And he's got a high, squeaky voice like a chicken!"
So do I, and I'm 5'9".

Ari's being introduced to the last remaining Lords of whatever. Uh oh, that Rexel is thin and gaunt and never gives his nights a day off. Must be a treacherous jerk.

What kind of name is Lord Puckenstew????

I sort of agree with Rexel. Ari can't prove she's REALLY the Princess, and the only excuse she has is, "Um, I lost my memory and only got it back recently...." Riiight.

Rexel is the poor man's Snape.

The Shifter might be evil, but he's no match for THE SHADOW RIDER, who is basically the poor man's Sauron.

Oh no, the Shifter is scared of the Shadow Rider! Wait, if Mr. Shadow is so evil, and the Shifter's such a wimp that can be easily defeated with the Royal Scepter + Indigo Star, why are we warring against the Shifter??? Sauron's on the loose!

So Ari's going on another quest, and Finn asks to go with, but she's like, "No, Finn, you need to organize the Rebellion and what not." That's basically an order, so Finn accepts it, and Ari's all, "WHY DIDN'T HE INSIST TO COME?? HE MUST NOT LIKE ME!" No, you just think WAY too highly of yourself.

Ha. Lori's going.

I CANNOT stand Ari.

Ha ha ha. They get a Worker unicorn named STALWART for Lori!! HA HA HA! I hate the subtle attempts at humor.

Ari is so jealous of Lori and Finn. I would laugh so hard if Finn and Lori ended up together. But they don't. I've read the series before. Which is sad. :( They could have been Linn! Or Fori. Or Firi. Whatever.

SOOOO lame. They feel the need to tell us the story of Heartbreak Harbor: a young man named Artman came to the Harbor to meet his beautiful fiancee, but she ran off with a ship's captain.

Lori: It's funny, I never liked camping out. No bathrooms or mirrors. No television or CD players. No pizza places. But I don't know. We've camped out so much in this weird world of yours, I think I'm starting to get used to it.
Yeah. That's why I never go camping. The lack of pizza places kills me.

And they stumble upon...UNICORN BABIES! One is red and the other "flaxen" (I never knew what that meant when I was little, but it's goldeny, I guess).

Lori's apparently really good with babies.

Ari: I wonder where the babies' mother is.
Chase: Let's ask the Royal Scepter.
Ari: Good idea. Oh Royal Scepter? Where is the babies' mother?
Scepter: Gone.
Thanks, Royal Scepter. You've been so helpful.

There's a FOURTH class of unicorns: THE WILD ONES. They're wild, obviously, and brutal and savage. God forbid any unicorn that escapes the vicious caste system of Balinor should be civilized.

Ari can't decide: leave the baby unicorns in the forest to starve or take them with?
TAKE THEM WITH! TAKE THEM WITH! So much for being wise.

Ari is supposed to find Dr. Bohnes and three gold rings. Why she's running around in the forest, I don't know.

THE RAINBOW SONG!! Lol, I love the rainbow song. I swear, they changed the lyrics!

A bunch of yelling unicorns? How positively frightening!

Atalanta doesn't want a war, bla bla bla. Well, what else are you going to do? You refuse to take out the Shifter with magic, though you've had endless oppurtunities, and all you've been doing lately is sitting in the Valley discussing the current situation. Don't you think you ought to do something?

Lori names the babies Albright and Jenny. What stupid names.

Ari thinks they are "fine names". Because she's a princess like that.

Oh dear, the centaurs are fighting.

Ari sees the centaurs and goes on to describe how they were men, but also horses! In case you didn't know what a centaur was. As if.

The centaurs get all mad and Ari's like, "You can't hurt me! I have a talking wooden stick!"

Oh no, the centaurs are fighting because some are traditionalists and others are more modern. Why not split up and become TWO seperate cultures???

Ha ha. Oh, Lincoln. You tickle my funny bone.

Hmm, so the Shifter is a misogynist as well as a megalomaniac.

Modern centaurs win, basically. But Ari insists that EVERYBODY wins.

So they give her one of the golden rings.

All the centaurs' names end in I.

If they can't find the mother unicorn, they're going to leave the babies in the forest. By themselves. And let them get eaten by wolves. Nice.

Lori could always stay with them, but Ari is her ticket out of Balinor, soooo....

Chase says it's the right thing to do because the kingdom is at stake.

Hee. Unicorn mommy's cry of angst is "Eeeeeeeraaaaaaaah, eeeeerraaaaaaah."

They meet the mother. Her name is Orion, which is SOOO a boy's name.

She abandoned her babies because their dad is a traitor. That sucks.

She takes the babies back. And gives Ari another ring.

Wild unicorns are basically ginormous shire-y types.

Yes, there will be a war, Atalanta. Suck it up.

After a long day of questing, there's nothing like a good manicure to make you feel like new.

Ha ha ha! Let's laugh at Lori some more.

Ha. They meet Minge and he totally forgot Chase's name. So much for Lord of the Unicorns, or whatever.

Something's wrong with Bohnesy??

Ari has a problem with a lot of people. Either they're falling at her feet and worshiping her, or she considers them "rude".

And Bohnes gives her the third ring. Ari complains way too much; she's got it easy.

So Bohnes is sick; the third test is for Ari to be "strong" enough to leave Bohnes and let her die. Hmm.

But Bohnes was just faking being sick. Boooo.

Thank God that's over. Avalon tomorrow; it's a good one XP.