What is this, second grade?, or FTFO Madison Finn #14: Double Dare

I've been hiding from the sun, I'm tired of being afraid of everything and everyone.
I'm so tiiiired.
Sorry. Musically bingeing on Atreyu.
Madison Finn!! What what?



Plot: Junior high has never been more insane. Mrs. Wing brings to Madison's attention a computer contest!! Students have two weeks to create a homework helper website with a partner; the winner will receive a brand new computer.
Madison is itching to enter...but her computer-savvy friend Egg has another partner in mind.
No worries, mate! Madison picks Fiona as her partner and the two put together a splendiferous little website.
However, the competition with Egg is fierce. It gets so bad that Egg and Madison have a huge fight!!! Egg wants to log off as a friend - forever!!! (Lol, that was on the back of the book, and I just had to add it)
To add to all her worries, Fiona's mom has asked Madison and Aimee to help plan a surprise party for Fiona and Chet - and their birthday is in a week!
Aimee and Madison invite all the right people, make delicious cakes, and throw a pretty ballin party.
Egg and Madison make up.
Neither team wins the computer contest, but both teams receive an honorable mention.

More notes:
It's September again...and they acknowledge that it's been a year since Chet and Fiona moved to Far Hills....
BUT THEY'RE ALL STILL IN SEVENTH GRADE!!!

Two weeks to design a website. That's pretty...ridonkulous.

Oooh, third prize is $50 and a subscription to Computer Universe! Nerds.

Egg already has a partner; he's doing the contest with Chet.
Madison. Has. Been. BETRAYED.
Okay, yeah, it sucks, but you MOVE ON, Maddie. She's just mad because he didn't pick her FIRST.

Drew is standing in the hallway and Madison leaps on him right after Egg ditches her. "Will you be my partner, Drew?"
Drew already has a partner, too. Ha ha ha.
"She'd been rejected twice - and it wasn't even lunch yet."

Fiona and Ivy are still friends???? But she's been here for a year???
DOES SHE NOT REMEMBER ALL THAT WHEN ON IN BOOKS 1-13???

Madison is sort of stupid.
Fiona: Maddie? Are you entering that computer contest?
Madison: What? What did you say?
Fiona: My brother, Chet, told me about the contest last night. He told me that he's doing it with Egg. [WHOA. INNUENDO.] Like he even has a chance! [MORE INNUENDO.] I mean, it sounds way more like your thing than his- [WHAAAAAT??????]
Madison: Thanks. I just wish I had someone to enter the contest with me.
Fiona: Um...hello?

Uh oh. Egg dares Madison to enter. No, wait, he DOUBLE dares her!!!! She can't chicken out now!!!

Madison looks up homework on the internet: 1,321,395 hits.
Way to be specific. Now you'll never find what you're looking for.

Oh no!! Madison calls Fiona to discuss their plans for the website...AND CHET ANSWERS.
So she hangs up!!! Aaargh, so annoying.

Emily Waters asks Madison and Aimee to help plan Fiona and Chet's birthday.
"Usually I have a special dinner just for family, but I thought that it might be fun to include some of Chet's and Fiona's friends this year."
Yeah, what a concept. Wait, have they seriously never had a "just friends" birthday party? That's sad. Now wonder they hate their birthday.

So they're writing out the guest list, and Aimee's all, "Ugh, I hate huge parties. Let's only invite 4 people."
????? Hello???? It's not your party!!!

Seriously!! She only wants to invite Egg and Drew!!!

Aimee starts spazzing out in front of Fiona.
"Fiona! Hi! How's it going? Is that a new shirt? You look so great in green!"
-_-

Fiona: So, where's the party?
Aimee: Did you say 'party'? We were just talking about the VTV Ultimate Party Video Countdown on Saturday. Do you want to come over and watch it with us?
Fiona: Sorry - I think I've got some family birthday stuff that night.
Aimee: Oh, right, Saturday's your birthday. *jabs Madison*
Madison: *cough* It's your birthday? *starts hacking up the lung Aimee just popped*
Fiona: Of course! I just told you about it the other day. I swear, Maddie, sometimes you can be such a space case!
ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? SHE BOUGHT IT???

Ew, you know Ben, Aimee's lover???
He reminds me of this kid at my school who, while smart, totally gets on everybody's nerves with how cocky he is.
And he wears pajama pants, like, all the time!!
I bet Ben wears pajama bottoms, too.

Wait...weren't Egg and Fiona going out in book #12?
They still acknowledge Fiona's crush on him...but not the fact that they were GOING OUT.

Madison: I just wish we could figure out who to ask. Aimee wants to keep it small - just us, Drew, and Egg. But I think we should invite a few more people.
Fran: Just remember that it's a party for Fiona and Chet - not for you and aimee. And you should be inviting their friends, not just yours.
She makes it seem like it's all Madison's fault.

Aimee doesn't like Ben Buckley anymore. He's too obnoxious.

Fiona finds the guest list in Madison's notebook!!!
And thinks it's a list of competitors in the computer contest!!!
Fiona is an idiot!!!

Madison: *after a brief altercation with Chet and Egg* Way to go, Fiona! You sure told him.
Fiona: Was I too harsh?
Madison: I'm sure Chet will get over it.
Fiona: Chet? Who cares about Chet? I'm talking about Walter Was I too rude? What does he think of me now?

I think Madison has a crush on Mrs. Wing. There's always a billion descriptions of her drooling over Mrs. Wing's cool clothes and beautiful hair.

She tells Egg about the surprise party...even though he has one of the biggest mouths in Far Hills. Smart.

Heh. Drew keeps popping up everywhere, like he used to when he was stalking Madison.

Mwahaha. Aimee doesn't get to dictate the guest list anymore.

Madison is SUCH A SPAZ. "OMG, EGG, DON'T TELL CHET! DON'T TELL CHET, EGG! WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO CHET?? DID YOU TELL HIM!? EGG!!!"

Hart: Hey, Finnster. How are you?
Madison: Oh, not much.
Stupid pheromones.

Egg makes up a lie about going in-line skating on Saturday - the day of the party. Hart wants to come, and Maddie gets so excited that she forgets it's a lie!

Hart wants to give Madison his e-mail address, and Madison can't exactly tell him she kept (and memorized) it.

Teachers don't give students presents.
Okay, they do. My 7th grade LAR/SS teacher gave me a duck pin.

Egg told everybody.
Haha, not. But he did tell Aimee...who already knew. No harm done.

Interesting analogy:
Friendship is like a peanut-butter sandwich. Sometimes it's good, and sometimes it's just plain sticky.

WHY does Fiona still like Ivy?
"I think Fiona still likes Ivy...although why is a mystery to me. She'll learn soon enough about Ivy's true colors."
I thought she already HAD.

THE BIG FIGHT
Chet: What're you hiding there? Your Web page?
Madison: None of your business.
Egg: Madison doesn't like to share.
Madison: Well, sometimes it's good to keep your mouth shut. Maybe you ought to practice that, Walter.
Egg: You're supposed to talk about things with your friends, Maddie.
Madison: What's THAT supposed to mean?
Egg: Forget.
Madison: No, really. Tell me. I want to know.
Egg: Why won't you tell us what you're working on with Fiona? What's the big secret about your stupid WEb page? Are you afraid we'll steal your ideas, or something?
[Okay, can I just break in and say how HYPOCRITICAL THAT IS? He's the one who made a big deal about secrecy in the first place. Loser.]
Mr. Books: Ms. Finn, I suggest that you and your friends keep your voices down. I like quiet in my library.
Egg: Sorry, but it doesn't matter, because Chet and I were just leaving.
Mr. Books: Very well. *leaves*
Chet: That guy acts so strange sometimes!
Egg: He's not the only one!!!

Fiona saw Chet's secret Web page! It's really flashy with a cool song...but it takes forever to load.

Fiona randomly says the word "birthday" twice and Madison is like, "COULD SHE KNOW??? COULD SHE KNOW???"

She gets RSVPs from all the guests...and INSTANTLY thinks they're e-mails saying the guests can't come.
Pessimist.

Ew, Lindsay Frost's screenname is Luvnstuff.

Mrs. Waters' name was EMILY in the beginning of the book. In a thank-you note to Madison and Aimee, she signs her name, "HELEN WATERS". Hello?

Ooh, Madison gets a cool RSVP from Hart:
You are totally gonna surprise them. I'll be there 4 sure. Coolness!
I really like the invitation, BTW.
Hart

Hehehe. 4 sure. Coolness!!

Hehehehe. Do Chet and Fiona like chocolate? Stupid question.

"'Hi, Mom,' Madison said. 'Just talking to myself.'"
First sign of madness.

Jeff (Dad) wants to know why Maddie and Egg are fighting, and Madison is all, "Why don't you just listen? I don't want to talk about it! Just leave me alone, Dad! Go on another business trip or something, why don't you?"
Geez, what's your problem?

Fiona wants Madison to apologize to Egg, and Madison's all, "I shouldn't have to, because he didn't pick me as a partner, and then he turned this project into a DOUBLE DARE!!!" What is this, second grade?

Her Dad ended up going on a business trip. Burn.

Aimee's on another diet.
The Bulimia diet? I hope that one works better than your previous Anorexia diet.

Aimee can't spell "Fiona".

Ivy sends a hilarious RSVP to the birthday e-vite:
Nice invitation, Madison. I didn't know you knew how to use a JPEG.
Of course I'm coming to the party - I know it won't be any fun for you without your seventh-grade Class President. Besides, someone has to be there to make sure Fiona has a good time. TTFN!
Ivy

Aimee: I tried to warn you. Remember what she did at your third-grade birthday party?
Madison: Don't remind me.
Aimee: I gave you that poster book, and she grabbed it and totally hogged it.
Madison: Oh, right! She kept kissing that singer's photo all night. She kept saying that he was her boyfriend and wouldn't let anyone else look at it. I remember!
What's wrong with that? That's all we did at my birthday parties. I think...

Chet and Egg's site sounds so amazing!! It's Star Wars themed with a bunch of science games, and they give video reviews of each site!!!

But it takes forever to load. Ooooh.

Mrs. Wing likes Fiona and Madison's better...because it's fully functional and has cute rhymes.

Good news: Fiona doesn't know anything about the party.
Bad news: On Saturday, she already has plans!!! Her parents are taking her and Chet to see some old college friends.
Gee, you don't think her parents are lying to cover up the surprise party, do you?

Duh. Mrs. Waters was totally lying. The party is still on.

Omg, strawberry-kiwi smooch!! I remember making fun of Madison every time she put that on.

Madison gets Chet a bunch of NBA screensavers, because he likes basketball.
Sounds like a stereotype to me...

She makes Fiona a collage box.
Oh well, I guess it's the thought that counts.

Hahahaha, Madison is about to leave the house for the party...
...and FIONA comes over!
Her parents are driving her crazy, apparently.
"Dad keeps freaking out about my shoes. For some reason, he won't let me wear sandals - he keeps saying that I have to wear shoes with socks. I mean, what's that all about? Are his college friends afraid of feet, or something?"
MWAHAHA, if only you knew, Fiona!!

Madison's holding the presents in her hands, and Fiona's like, "Are those for me?"
Madison: *blink blink* *stutter* Uh...uh...I'm going to a party. It's actually my mom who's going to the party. A friend from Budge Films. I'm just going with her.
Fiona buys it. That's just sad.

Lindsay Frost is so nerdy. She's a pro bowler and has her own bag, shoes, and ball, all in a delightful shade of neon green.

Ben Buckley is a nerd, too. "Bowling is all about angles. If you strike the first pin at the right angle, all the rest will fall."
Have fun with that, Ben.

Ivy shows up wearing a miniskirt...from Paris.
Drew: Um, Ivy...what are you wearing?
Ivy: Duh. It's a miniskirt. What's the matter - you've never seen one before?
Rose: It's from Paris. [Totally saving that for future reference.]
Drew: Yeah. Well...good luck with that.
Hehehe, I love Drew.

Hart almost ruins the surprise by getting there late!!! Boooooo!

Surprise!! The twins are surprised...and stupid.

Since when do people actually keep score for bowling? Doesn't the machine just do it for you?

Madison has to tell Hart her middle name. How embarassing??? It's just a name!!!

Ew, Dan loves Elvis. Sort of don't love Dan as much anymore.

Hart, Egg, Lindsay, and Joanie are apparently superb bowlers.

Hehehe, Ivy can't bowl without mooning her entire team.

Rather than trade in her strappy sandals for bowling shoes, Ivy claims she sprained her finger...and EVERYONE believes her. UGH, she is such a liar.

For people who are "just friends", Egg and Madison exchange a lot of secret smiles in this book.

I hate people that call really early or late. Just saying. Fiona is an early bird.

Madison has apparently learned a few things:
1. When planning a party for two people, you should probably consider what they want.
2. Flash graphics are overrated. Lame graphics rock the house.
3. PMS is no excuse for getting in fights.

Madison and her dad have this touching Father-Daughter talk.
Not.

Followed by a REALLY awkward conversation between Madison and Egg.
Egg: It's hard, isn't it?
Madison: Hard? Yeah.
Egg: It's so much work. Sometimes you think it isn't worth it - that you should just give up...
Madison: But you don't.
Egg: Yeah.
WHAT ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT???

Egg admits that Chet was a lame partner and he should've picked Madison. Whatever.

"You know, Maddie, you're like my best friend who is a girl. But, in a lot of ways, you're also my best any friend."
Ooooh. That sort of made me smile.

Fiona, Egg, Madison, and Chet all get honorable mentions. Because if they didn't win, what would be the point?

Uh oh, Egg double dares Madison to stand up in front of all the clapping people. She can't turn this dare down!!!

Madison's Computer Tip:
Sometimes e-mail can be the most creative way to say hello - or even invite someone to a party!

I actually started this post a week ago, but never really had the time to sit down and finish it till today. Pony Pals #38 sometime this week...should be fun.

I avoid conflict, or Pony Pals Super Special #5: Pony Problem

I still don't get why Super Specials are so much specialer than the other books. The author runs out of plot after about 70 pages, and this book is 115 pages long.



Plot: Anna wakes up one morning to find Acorn missing - and Snow White hurt! It appears the ponies had a fight, resulting in Acorn's disappearance. They find him at Pam's house, but after that, the two ponies cannot seem to get along! Neither can their owners, for that matter; they both blame each other.
Pam, as you know, can "communicate" with animals, and uses this unique ability to find out what went wrong between the two pony friends. It turns out Acorn is a bit jealous of his friend Snow White, who is receiving lots of attention due to her new barrel racing tricks. Acorn feels a bit left out.
In turn, Snow White is too tired to play with her pony friend and wonders why he is being so "mean" to her.
Pam reveals this to her Pony Pals. They make up and spend the rest of the book planning for the Winter Fest, which goes amazingly well, and everyone is happy.

More notes:
Lulu writes a crappy poem:
Snow White in the moonlight
On a snowy night.
Everything is all right.

Anna thinks Acorn was stolen. After all, he starred in an ABC Family movie, and was in the circus once. Oh, and he played The Magic Pony in that play at the library.

She and Lulu go out looking for Acorn at 7:00 AM without telling their parents! How is it that they NEVER get in trouble??? I can't believe their parents are FINE with this.

Now they're sure someone stole Acorn because there are TRACKS in the PADDOCK! Hello, you guys go into the paddock ALL THE TIME.

Tommy's middle name should be "Trouble". How clever. :P

No duh, it was Anna's footprint.

There's a scene with Pam in the barn with Fat Cat. Fat Cat is depressed because someone put toilet paper in her bed, so now she can't sleep. I swear, if that's not foreshadowing, I don't know what is.

Lulu: Snow White has blood on her neck. Come, look.
Anna: She must have cut herself.
Snow White!!! Didn't I tell you to stay away from those razorblades!!!???

"She was a sweet gray Welsh two-year-old."
If you're talking about a pony (which they are), you wouldn't say it like that. It would be more like, "She was a sweet two-year-old gray Welsh pony," or something.

Agh, it's a misunderstanding. Lulu and Anna are convinced the other is mad at them. Spare me.

"Anna frowned. She hated it when Pam wasn't on her side."
And Pam sort of owes her, too, after the whole abused Cloud thing.

Ugh, Lulu's getting annoying. You know how she gets when she's worried about Snow White, right? THAT'S WHAT SHE'S DOING! "Oh no, it's been 5 minutes! I have to go check on Snow White!"

Anna: How do you know what she's thinking? She's probably thinking, "I wish I had bit Acorn harder."
LOL!!

Anna just feels like being mean. I hear you.

Pam thinks Charlie is bossy.
*cough cough* HYPOCRITE! *cough cough*

Whoa what happened to Charlie and Anna? I thought they were a couple!! I guess not. Charlie's obsessed with Lulu now, and totally ignores Anna when she shows him her drawings.

Wth?? What the heck is skijoring??

"Pam hated it when Charlie acted like he knew more about ponies than she did."
This is payback for all the times you made someone feel stupid because you had to know everything about ponies, Pam.

Omg, that's so awful! "Acorn is happy because Snow WHite isn't here, thought Anna. Snow White might have to move to Pam's. That's okay. The Crandals have plenty of room for another pony."
Whoa. Anna is way evil sometimes.

They're eating spaghetti.
For dinner.
AGAIN.

"What are you doing to Snow White?"
That sounds dirty....

Lulu is a way annoying.

Acorn is jealous. Why isn't Charlie paying attention to him? Why is Snow White learning new tricks? Why won't Snow White play with him?
Acorn needs therapy.

WHOA!
"'You'd be a good snowboarder, Pony Pest,' said Tommy. 'You got good balance."

Pam writes about a time when her mom's horse JB started eating wood, and he told her that he missed his goat friend Queenie.
Queenie? Wasn't that the name of the sheep in #12?

Whoa. Acorn's side of the story is my life.

Remind Acorn that he is special and everything will be all right.

Mwahaha. Anna thinks Snow White should move out. Because it's her backyard, and Snow White doesn't belong there.

Pam: I think Acorn and Snow White are still fighting because you are still fighting. Animals pick up on how people feel.
Lulu: But we're fighting because our ponies are fighting.
Pam: It's a vicious circle.
Lol. A vicious circle. It's a vicious "cycle", Pam.

The exterminator joke is getting old, Tommy.

Charlie sits next to Lulu...and Mike sits next to Anna. :O He's bisexual?
Ha ha, Pam has no one.

Charlie: What's wrong with those guys? Sometimes they're okay and sometimes they're sort of dumb.
Tee hee. Just like the Pony Pals!!

Charlie is starting to sound less like a cowboy and more like a Brit.
"I have an idea! It's positively brilliant!!"

Ha. Lulu got suckered into barrel racing.

Aagh.
Mr. Olson: Mr. Charlie can make you his special Mexican burritos.
What other kind of burritos would they be eating? French burritos?
Charlie: They're muy delicioso.
Someone's been watching Dora the Explorer recently!

The Pony Pals make a pony scrapbook.
"Mr. Olson came in to get a drink. The stories were so interesting he stayed to listen."
Oh, I highly doubt that.

All of these stories are basically about how amazing Snow White is. "I used to have no friends. Then I met Snow White." "We had a costume parade. Snow White went first because she's so beautiful." "I fell in a hole, but got out all right, because I'm snow White!"

I think one of the stories is from Super Special #4...WHICH I HAVEN'T READ YET!

I don't remember this lamb business. They say they rescued a baby lamb. When was this?

Pwned. They attack Charlie and snowball him. Literally. Lol.

Oh no! If Winter Fest is cancelled, what will Anna's mother do with all the brownies she baked?
Give them to the fatty Pony Pals, of course!

Apparently Tommy is a pro snowboarder.
Anna: At least he can do something right.
Noyce.

BFFs!! I swear, this is like the Bratz movie.

Lonely, I'm so lonely, I have nobody for my own, or Pony Pals #25: The Lonely Pony

So much for this one. How long has it been since I put this on hold? Seriously, it was the most boring Pony Pals ever. I think it was because of Lulu; her books are always really lamesauce.



Plot: Lulu wakes up in the morning and finds not two, but THREE ponies in her paddock. Who is the mysterious third? Tongo, Mimi Kline's pony. It appears he ran away during the night because he's lonely. Anna takes Tongo back to Mimi's house and has Acorn stay with Tongo to make sure Tongo doesn't run away again.
Lulu is angry. Snow White has a respiratory infection and misses Acorn, but Anna doesn't seem to care at all! If only Pam were there to mediate, but she's at a jumping clinic for two days.
Pam comes back and doesn't do a very good job mediating. Anna and Lulu fight; Lulu thinks Anna is selfish and should bring Acorn back so Snow White won't be lonely. Anna thinks it's more important to take care of Tongo first so HE DOESN'T RUN AWAY AGAIN AND POSSIBLY GET HIT BY A CAR.
Time for three ideas. Pam suggests they make the fence bigger. Anna suggests they find Tongo a stablemate. Lulu has the same idea (probably written down hastily after hearing Anna's idea, no doubt), and the three go to St. Francis' Animal Shelter to pick out a nice pet.
They narrow it down to three: Max, a shy Basset Hound; Dottie, a cute pot-bellied pig; and Billy, an adorable pygmy goat.
Unfortunately, they decided to inform Mr. and Mrs. Kline of their new pet AFTER they brought it to their house.
Mimi, of course, ruins the entire situation with her bad timing. Mr. and Mrs. Kline don't like the idea of a new pet. The Pony Pals quickly decide on Billy the goat and leave him in the paddock with Tongo to see how they get along.
Not too well, it turns out. Lulu is sure that's because everyone is watching them and Billy is intimidated by them and his new surroundings. The Pony Pals decide to leave Tongo and his friend alone for a while and go on a nice, relaxing trail ride.
Wow. What a super ambiguous ending.

More notes:
"Lulu recognized the extra pony right away. It was Mimi Kline's small Shetland pony, Tongo. How did Tongo get there? Lulu wondered."
I'm assuming he walked.

"Acorn and Tongo happily sniffed noses over the fence. Snow White stood alone in the middle of the paddock. Snow White doesn't like having surprise visitors, thought Lulu."
Really, does Snow White like anybody?

Look at crap. Horrible:
Anna exchanged a smile. Mimi was cute and spoiled. Just like Tongo. And both were lots of fun.
Heh. I'd like to unleash Mrs. Sims on Jeanne Betancourt.

Anna: I think Snow White's jealous. She doesn't want to share Acorn.
Lulu: Snow White is not jealous. Tongo probably did something to her that we didn't see.
Whatever. She's jealous.

"Life in Wiggins is boring without my Pony Pals."
You're just now realizing that?

Lulu is so bored that she lets her grandmother cut her hair!!! :O

NO WAY, Grandmother Sanders gives her bangs! Lulu's hair looks pretty adorable, actually.

But not as good as mine, right? Lol.

Ugh, Lulu is so whiny.
Lulu: Is Acorn staying here tonight?
Anna: Yeah.
Lulu: But Acorn and Snow White are stablemates.
Anna: Mrs. Bell is afraid Tongo will run away again. I said I'd stay over, too.
Lulu: The Klines have to figure out how to keep Tongo in his own yard.
Anna: And we have to help them.
It's not actually their job to help people, but God forbid Lulu should do something nice for someone. "Nooo, I'd rather Tongo got hit by a car, because Snow White is SOOOO LONELY."
She has nobody for her own.

Oh no, Snow White is sick...again.

Dr. Crandal: Now let's see if she has a cough.
Dr Crandal squeezed Snow White's windpipe, and she coughed.
Uh, yeah, I'd cough, too, if someone squeezed my windpipe.

Ew, sulfur pills? Who'd want to take something that smelled like rotten eggs and came out of a volcano?

Anna makes a big mistake.
Lulu: So Acorn can't come home while Snow White is sick.
Anna: Good. It will give us time to solve the Tongo problem. We have to figure out how to keep him in his own yard.
Lulu: How can you say it's a good thing that Snow White is sick?
Anna: I didn't say it's good that Snow White's sick! I said it's good that Acorn is with Tongo. So Tongo won't run away again. We have time to solve the Tongo problem.

Lulu: The Klines should just get another pony. Then Tongo can have his own stablemate.
Hello? Ponies are uber-expensive, and Mimi has to ride Tongo IN THE DRIVEWAY!!! Something tells me the Klines don't have room for another pony.

Not to mention they run a HARDWARE STORE. Not a lot of money in that.

Haha. Anna makes another mistake.
Anna: Hi, everybody. How's Snow White? She looks better. Is he cured?
Lulu: She. Snow White is a she, you called her he.
Anna: Sorry. I just made a mistake.
You bet you did. Lol. Pony Pal fights.

Ugh, Lulu is so annoying.
"'That won't work,' Anna explained. 'Snow White doesn't like Tongo. She gets jealous.'
'Snow White is not jealous,' Lulu practically shouted at Anna.
Lulu glared at Anna. Didn't Anna understand anything about ponies? Didn't she love Snow White anymore?"
Whatever. Animals feel secondary emotions, one of those being jealousy. Snow White is SO JEALOUS.

You know how Anna always draws her ideas? Her idea this time is...a dog, a duck, and a goat. Please explain, Anna.

Remember Chicago? The cat Rosalie was obsessed with? CHICAGO LIVES!!

Anna: Tongo acts bratty sometimes. I bet Tongo did something to make Snow White angry. You know, the night he came to our paddock.
Like what? He called her a bad name? He hurt her feelings, did he?

Ew, the picture of Mr. Kline makes him look like the creepy old smoker dad from "Pretty in Pink".

"Pam hit Lulu on the head with another pillow. And Anna grabbed Lulu by both wrists while Pam tickled her. The Pony Pals had a pillow-tickle fight until they were all exhausted."
:O Wow...I have absolutely nothing to say to that.

Awww, pigs and ducks.

Oh, how droll, a duck named Crackers the Quacker! Excuse me if I don't bust my gut laughing.

Awwww, there's a REALLY CUTE picture of Pam holding some adorable puppies.

Who doesn't love pygmy goats?

Lulu wants Billy. Anna likes Dottie. Pam, who loves dogs, has bonded with Max. Guess who wins?

Lulu: Does Mrs. Kline know that Tongo is picking out a stablemate?
Anna: Not yet.
There's a 50% chance the Klines will say no, AND THEY DON'T ASK THEM FIRST??? Morons.

Tongo is attacked by a duck.

Anna tries to get Mimi to keep her mouth shut, so as not to ruin their idea with bad timing.

"Mommy! Mommy! I want Billy. I have to have him. Tongo wants him, too."
Way to go, Mimi.

Mrs. Kline is way POed. And the picture makes her look like a black man.

To calm her down, the Pony Pals bring her some cookies and lemonade.

Billy runs away, so Lulu and Pam decide to carry him to the paddock.
Mrs. Raskins: I was just going to suggest that.
Sure. Whatever.

Mrs. Kline gives Billy 5 seconds... "Hm, looks like it's not going to work. Take him back."

Billy is SO CUTE!!

The ending is so ambiguous!
Tongo and Billy: *are sort of beginning to get along*
Pam: Let's leave them alone for awhile.
Lulu: Good iea. And let's go on a trail ride. Just the Pony Pals.
Anna: Perfect.
So they ride off into the sunset...and we don't know if Billy stays or if he goes. That's a song.

So that's it. That's what I spent $4 on.
I really hate Lulu. In the very last Pony Pals book, Lulu should die a fiery death.
Lol, Jeanne Betancourt manages to squeeze like 5 Super Specials in between the last 4 books.
I have some Avalons that I still need to read. I don't know, I kind of hate that series now. Thankfully, there are only two more and then there aren't any more because Rachel Roberts decided not to write any.
I also have 8 more Madison Finn books. Sweet, right? I won't order anymore for now.
Yay, I also read "Heart to Heart" this morning, so I'll post that ASAP.

The gods are angry, so they've made the sun disappear, or Unicorns of Balinor #7: Night of the Shifter's Moon

Okay. Let me tell you how much I hate Unicorns of Balinor.
No, really. These are what has kept me from posting because they're so ridiculously boring.
So I'm just going to summarize it and be DONE with it.
And hopefully get the last book, #8, the WORST in the series, out of the way.
Then we can go on to Avalon and Pony Pals and what not.
It seems Madison Finn is permanently on hold, as I ordered some books from the library about, um, two months ago, and they've ignored my request.
I could skip #11 and #12, but only if completely necessary.
It's just that #11 is so depressing, but I like it, because...just so sad.
Okay, on to the unicorns. Sunchaser awaits.

Plot: We open with our "heroes" in the forests of Ardit where they meet some excitable bunnies.
Lori starts complaining, Finn tries to be a peacemaker, Toby insults people in a Cockney accent...the usual.
Atalanta calls Ari away from the group into CELESTIAL VALLEY!
*Hallelujah chorus*
The Celestial unicorns fall all over Ari and Chase. There's a bonding ceremony, and Ari officially has the Deep Magic. Also, she and Chase are officially BFFs forealz.
Once the two of them pop back down to the earth, they find their comrades in trouble! Fight fight fight. Done.
Now that she has Deep Magic, a BFF, and self-confidence, Ari decides to make war, not love, with the Shifter.
They go over to Balinor to assemble troops and to speak with the Lords of the Houses and crap.
The Shifter talks about how invincible he is...until the Shadow Rider walks into the room. Mr. Shadow is even worse than the Shifter, apparently. But it turns out he's not really the Shadow Rider; he's the Kraken, which is I guess some mysterious Sauron-esque figure. Everyone shudders at the mention of him.
Meanwhile, in Ari-land, Lori decides to become Ari's Lady-in-waiting when she hears how much the salary is. She also hires her new best friend, Lady KYLIAN. Hm, sounds a lot like KYLIE, doesn't it?? But no one is the least bit suspicious.
Ari and Chase go on a quest to find the Royal Unicorns, who ran away after the Shifter took over. How lame. The Workers and Celestial unicorns fought, but the Royals RAN AWAY? Wimps. What do you want them for?
Oh, and they find them right away on some island in the middle of the ocean! That was easy.
They manage to convince them rather quickly to join their cause.
The unicorns fight in the battle. They kick Shifter's butt. Lady Kylian is unmasked, but I'm pretty sure she escapes. Oh well.
The part that irks me is THE BATTLE DOESN'T EVEN LAST 5 MINUTES!!!! The Royal Unicorns show up and Shifter's all, "Dang," and doesn't even try anymore!
It doesn't matter that Ari's side has one...THE KRAKEN WILL REBUILD!!!
Yeah, dumb. I HATE THIS SERIES.
Lol. There was a black, red, and white unicorn named Puzzler. I wonder if he likes the White Stripes.

Hm. All I did was summarize badly. That was sort of a waste of time. Oh well. Avalon and Pony Pals tomorrow.

Music is magic, or Avalon: Web of Magic #5: Spellsinger

This is my least favorite Avalon cover of all time. Why is everything all technicolor? Adriane's wearing an...interesting outfit, and she has purple hair.



Plot: The three mages are busy putting on the benefit concert they'd planned in the previous book. Popular girl band Be*Tween is coming!!
Oh no, wait, they're not coming, because Be*Tween has conveniently disappeared!
Kara (this is a Kara book) is SUPER BUMMED (I repeat, this is a Kara book), until Adriane books popular Elvis-esque singer Johnny Conrad! All the ladies love Johnny Conrad. Best of all, Johnny has proposed a contest: girls of all ages and talents can come audition to sing with him on stage! Emily doesn't care, because she thinks boys are icky, but Adriane's trying out because she can play guitar!!! Kara is tone deaf and has no other musical talents, but she plans to cheat and use the unicorn horn Lorelei gave them! Boo, foul play!
But Johnny is acting odd; he has taken an odd, rather creepy, interest in Kara, and the mages keep stumbling upon him in the library looking at the "secret" computer or reading books about spellsinging.
Spellsinging seems to be self explanatory, but not to the mages.
However, Kara manages to figure it out pretty quickly and creates spells using the unicorn horn to make her voice fabulous.
But, oh no, Lyra attacks her and Adriane starts acting nastily towards her! Kara doesn't know it, but a shapeshifting creature called the Skultum has taken Johnny's place and is wreaking havoc in order to get Kara to open the portal to Avalon for him.
Emily finally figures out what's going on, so she and Adriane reveal it to Kara at the concert. The three spellsing together and banish Skultum to some place, I forget where. Kara admits she was stupid, gives back the unicorn horn, and everything is instantly okay.

More notes:
Be*Tween's songs are about drugs. Or magic. Either one works. "Cuz I'm on a supernatural high!"

Ariel the owl is kind of annoying. "Hoo doo yoo doo?"

Joseph Blackpool, CEO
Cigam Management
HAHAHAHA! CIGAM BACKWARDS IS "MAGIC"!! Laaame.

Wow. Adriane AND Kara listen to Johnny Conrad? And the mere mention of him reduces Adriane to high pitched squeals and giggling fits? Dang.

Aagh, the Fairimentals are back.

Okay, whenever ANYTHING happens, Adriane's all, "I NEED TO CALL ZACH!!"

Emily: Hi. My name is Emily. Can Kara come out to play?
Kara: I'm acting like a real (children's literature, cuss word omitted) witch, aren't I?
Emily: Are you a good witch, or a bad witch?
If you were trying to be funny, Emily, it's not working.
OMG, like on TV last night!
"Matt Hasselbeck missed his calling as a stand-up comic!"

Johnny Conrad is just like Link Larkin...only he wears leather pants.

Ooh, what deep lyrics. "DANCE! DANCE! TAKE A CHANCE AND DANCE!"

Mayor Davies: I think you've already won the key to my daughter's heart."
:O If my dad said that in front of a thousand people, I would murder him.

Johnny's newest CD is called Under Your Spell. That's not suspicious or anything....

Adriane acts like a ho the entire time. Kara's pretty bad, but Adriane is so freaking mean.

Ozzie keeps talking in italics!!!

Adriane: We can hid everything behind the computer screen. Since only our jewels can open it, everything should be safe there. Oh. I forgot. You don't have a jewel.
WHAT IS HER PROBLEM??

Yay, steal the unicorn horn. Smart. Not.

:O Adriane makes "Welcome Johnny" banners and stuff and Kara takes the credit. Boooo...

Emily does like Johnny? Why is she then impervious to his charms?

Spellsing as one
And see your work done
Spellsing as three
And whatever you picture will be
Isn't that obvious? What else could that mean? Mages = confused.

Johnny keeps popping up in the library. The SECRET library. Where THE SECRET COMPUTER IS. Why is this OKAY??

Aaargh. He keeps talking about magic and being WAY OBVIOUS and Kara's just like, "Bam, he's hot, and all my BFFs are jealous."

Johnny thinks Kara has star power.

Mrs. Windor let the monkeys escape! Why did Emily and her mom have monkeys in the first place?

Kara: I stink! [at singing]
Lyra: I wouldn't say that.
Kara: Well, what would you say.
Lyra: You just need a litle help.
Kara: Exactly what I was thinking.
Lyra: A few lessons with a singing coach and maybe choir practice.
Kara: Oh-yeah.
Lyra: What were you thinking?
Oh, she was just justifying the fact that she STOLE THE UNICORN HORN, that's all.

Lyra thinks she's mad that Adriane is a stubborn witch.

A vocal coach and choir practice won't cure tone deafness, Kara.

I want to sing like a bird
The best in the world
Make my voice ring
I'm super stylin'
That's like a Hannah Montana song.

Kara now has a three-octave range.

And she can explode trees.

Adriane freaks out because Kara isn't concerned about the monkeys.

And she still wants to call Zach. Go buy a cellphone and get a service that has free long-distance.

Kara gets into Johnny's limo. Questionable....

Laame. He gives her a star power pep talk. LIES LIES LIES.

And he gives her a locket. Laaaame.

Kara throws Lyra out of the house after she "attacks" her. IT WASN'T LYRA!!! But Kara's too stupid to fiure that out.

Okay, Rachel Roberts gets Kara's friends mixed up. Tiffany started out with brown hair, Heather with red hair, and Molly with blonde hair, but she keeps switching on us.

Heather is apparently a really good singer.

OH no, she sings "Supernatural High", sending Kara in a rage.

Kara's friends still suck.

Okay, the prophecy was all: One will follow her heart, one will see in the darkness, and one will change utterly and completely. Guess which one's Kara's?

Emily gives her a pep talk and they talk about flobbins. Not really funny.

:O Adriane's outfit!!
She was startled to see Adriane standing before her wearing a black leather jacket and skirt, a black tube top, and black leather boots. Her hair, glistening with subtle red highlights, looked amazing.
Sounds like Aeon Flux. Or Amber??

Adriane apologizes...and then insults Kara's singing voice. Nice.

Of course she covers a rock and roll song. Saw it coming.

Kara blacks out and can't remember her performance. WHY AREN'T YOU FREAKED OUT??

"You went out there and you didn't stink. That's great." Shut up, Adriane.

Adriane calls Kara a slut. How nice.

They both decide to bow out of the contest.

Emily: Lightness of Being Spell. Makes you lighter than air.
Adriane: Can't wait to try that one out on Rapunzel.
Emily: *glare of death*
Adriane: You're right. She'd just put designer cement in her boots.
You know, Adriane was the one who hated Kara so much from the start. Isn't their bad relationship sort of HER FAULT??

Foreshadowing about the Dark Sorceress' next plan.

Oh no, Kara has a fairy map and the Skultum wants it.

Aaagh. Adriane cries when talking to Zachy-poo.

Pwned. The Skultum attacks Adriane.

JOHNNY'S ON THE SECRET COMPUTER!!!

Adriane has always been jealous of me. This is a bad thought to have, but it might actually be true.

"It would explain why Adriane had been acting like such a little witch lately." ROFL.

"She said...she should be the Blazing Star." AAARGH! Of course he's lying! And how does he know what a blazing star is??? COME ON, KARA, USE YOUR BRAIN!!

Oh no, Skultum dresses up as Adriane and pretends to be narcissistic. "#1 with a bullet, hot hot hottie, the new music sensation, oops, I win again!"

She's wearing shiny silver pants and a crop top. Would Adriane really wear that? Her hair sounds nice, though:
Her hair was layered in streaks of red, gold, and pink.

Kara smashes a chocolate cake in Adriane's face. Then Adriane stains her jacket. RAWR! Cat fight!!

She throws Adriane against a wall.

Fake Adriane changes back into Skultum in front of Kara, and she's just like, "Hmm, Adriane is also a dragon!!"

And Johnny appears as soon as Adriane leaves!!

In a world that spins so fast
Can't keep your feet on the floor
Where the future has no past
Open the door, open the door, open the door...
Okay, not only is that a stupid song, it's so obviously a spell.

The locket forces Kara to sing...and she never thinks of taking it off. Idiot.

Ha. She changes the lyrics to say, "Close the door, close the door."

Oh no, it's like battle of the bands. MAGIC STYLE!

Adriane gets out her guitar and sings with Kara. They should so create a band. Only Kara shouldn't be lead singer. Maybe keyboard?

Lol. They have a magic battle. Johnny sends a magic phoenix at them, and they kill it with a magic unicorn. OWNED!

Once Emily plays her flute and starts singing, they WIN!

Lame. Be*Tween's song mentions Avalon, and the girls aren't suspicious of that EITHER.

Aww, Kara lets Heather sing instead of Johnny.
Adriane says "rock-and-roll" way too much.

They give Kara a braclet even after she almost screwed them over.

Noyce. They get an e-mail from Be*Tween and Henry Gardener. "The magic is with you, now and forever."

Okay, sorry I haven't posted in so long, but I got kind of tired of posting for a while. Unicorns tomorrow, then Madison Finn, and maybe Pony Pals...not sure what else.

Mischief implies abuse, or Pony Pals #30: Pony-4-Sale

Yay, I finished my 2007 playlist! This isn't the most flattering picture of Pam. It's as if they WANTED her to look like a pig. Cloud looks fake. No pony is that skinny.



Plot: Pam and Lightning are riding around, as usual, when she stumbles across a birthday party featuring Maggie the Magician. Since it's obviously none of her business, she goes to check it out. What she sees is a very mean magician and a very neglected pony. She finds out from Maggie that Cloud, the pony, will soon be sold for the meat price if no one else buys him.
Instead of calling PETA or the Humane Society or any other animal rights organization like a normal person, Pam calls on the Pony Pals and they send Anna, who is "the best actress", to pretend like she is interested in buying Cloud, in order to lengthen his life. Then they all go back to Pam's house and write a letter to Mr. O'Connor, the Irish guy who owns Echo Farms, asking about Cloud.
Next, they send Lulu, who finds out that Cloud is a Connemara (just like Lightning), was originally from Echo Farm (where Lightning is also from), and throws his riders; she finds this last part out from experience, however, as Pam convinces her to ride Cloud and the skinny little nag throws her. This makes Lulu furious at Pam for letting her ride a "dangerous animal", who insists Lulu is just a bad rider.
Uh oh. It seems the Pony Pals are having a fight.
Finally, Lulu flees when Pam refuses to apologize.
Hark! A reply from Mr. O'Connor! He says he doesn't remember Maggie the Musician, but he does remember selling Cloud to a boy named Sandy Young, including in the e-mail Sandy's new phone number. What a coincidence, he lives in Wiggins!
Instead of calling, they ask Dr. Crandal if he ever had a patient named Cloud. No go.
Pam complains a lot about Lulu and insists that "if she really cared about Pony Pal problems, she'd be there".
Lulu does come back, armed with several good ideas of how to find Sandy. She and Pam continue to ignore each other, making Anna increasingly anxious. Finally, Anna explodes and tells the two of them that their fight is stupid and that they should get over themselves. Pam apologizes...after Lulu does. Loser.
They use a cool little trick on the internet to find Sandy's house, ride on over there, and tell him about his old pony. Sandy flips out, grabs some money from the bank, and promptly buys Cloud back from Maggie the Magician. His mother scolds Maggie for being abusive. The Pony Pals conclude that they will be friends forever. The Pony Pals, not Maggie and Mrs. Young.

More notes:
Maggie: What do we say to make magic happen?
Children: Ab-ra-ca-da-bra and wow-wow kaaa-zoo!
Even as a child, I'd have a hard time believing that.

Maggie makes a bird fly out of her hat. Pam is all, "That's not very nice for the bird." Suck it up, Pam.

:O Maggie squirts Cloud with water! ABUSE! ABUSE!

The twins are still 5??

Pam bursts into tears when she hears Maggie's plan to sell Cloud.

THEY'RE HAVING GRILLED-CHEESE SANDWHICHES AGAIN!!! I swear, that's all they eat! Spaghetti, grilled-cheese, and brownies! Actually, that's all I ever eat, so hey.

They think Anna is the best actress. And yet her pony starred in a movie, not her.

"'Okay,' agreed Anna. 'How's this?' Anna put on a sweet smile. 'Hello, Ms. Sullivan. My mommy and daddy said I could have a pony. I heard you have a pony for sale. Can I see it?'"
Yeah, that's believable.

This is how Pam and Anna became friends:
Pam: You can ride my pony. My mommy can teach you how.
They've been together ever since.

It's like there are only 4 pony breeds: Connemaras, Shetlands, Welsh ponies, and Morgans, even though MORGANS AREN'T PONIES!

What a coincidence, Lightning and Cloud are from the same place! Because there's only one place to get Connemaras, didn't you know?

Omg. Guess what they're having at Pam's house for dinner.
Spaghetti
and
meatballs.

Lulu asks Mrs. Crandal if she'd be interested in buying Cloud. The Pony Pals get mad because she "broke a Pony Pal rule". The following ensues.
Pam: Why did you ask my mother to buy Cloud?
Lulu: I thought it was a good idea.
Anna: You should have talked to Pam and me about it first. It's a Pony Pal rule.
First of all, it's "Pam and I", and that's a stupid rule. "I'm going to the bathroom, guys." "No, I think it would be best if you didn't." "But I need to." "Oh dear, this calls for 3 ideas." Please continue.
Pam: You asked her at the worst time. My mother needs someone to take care of ponies, not another pony to take care of.
Lulu: It's not big deal. She said no.
Yaay Lulu.
Pam is still all, "BREAKING A PONY PAL RULE IS A BIG DEAL!!!"

Aargh, just call PETA!!!! What's with this sneaking around???

Cloud throws Lulu while Pam screams from the sidelines, "REIN HIM IN! REIN HIM IN!"

You suck, Pam.
Maggie: You pulled too hard on his mouth. Maybe you haven't ridden so much, after all.
Pam: She hasn't.

Omg, Pam is way awful!!!
Lulu: Pam should know if a pony is safe to ride. I trusted her.
Pam: And I trusted that you know how to ride.
Lulu: You're so smart about ponies. You knew it was dangerous for me to tget on Cloud and you let me do it! You care more about solving Pony Pal problems than you do about your Pony Pals.
So true. You've hit the nail on the proverbial head, Lulu. Pam's weak response:
Pam: Maybe you did pull too hard on his mouth!

Anna's not too helpful, either.
"This Pony Pal problem is more important than your little fight."
Cult behavior. This is classic cult behavior.

Lame. "A woman came out leading a Great Dane. She looked like she'd been crying. She smiled at Pam. 'Your father saved my Mitzy's life,' said the woman."
I can just see Dr. Crandal being all, "All in a day's work."

So stalker. Let's go to his house instead of calling him!!

Pam apologizes for being stupid...and Lulu apologizes for breaking a Pony Pal rule. If she hadn't, they probably would've flogged her. I don't think she should've apologized. Lulu, not Pam. I'm actually on her side for once.

Sandy used to live on a farm, but they had to sell it because it wasn't making enough money. That sounds JUST like the movie Acorn and Bette Fleming were in..."Megan's Last Ride" or whatever.

He had a cat named Toots..........

Ew, Sandy looks like Johnathan Taylor Thomas.

Pam prides herself in being a professional detective. Sandy OBVIOUSLY hasn't done much detective work. Whatever.

They go back to the diner...and eat some brownies.

Wait a minute...Sandy wants to buy Cloud back...but he lives in an APARTMENT. And if his parents are really as poor as he says, why did they give him the money they made from selling Cloud??

Anna fixes that problem. It's sort of a bribe, too: Sandy will work for Mrs. Crandal in exchange for boarding Cloud. Nice.

WHAT IS WITH PEOPLE AND RIDING??
Anna: What if Maggie has ruined Cloud for riding? What if he never lets you ride him again?
Sandy: I don't care. I still want to save Cloud.
Well, DUH! It's not like you would be, "Oh, in that case, let's just let him DIE!"

"Sandy kissed Cloud's cheek. Cloud pulled away from him.
'Touch him someplace else,' Pam told Sandy."
:O

Whaaat? Ponies have wolf teeth? Confused. I'm looking that up.

Lulu: And we can make Cloud a warm mash. We'll make it extra soft and delicious.
That struck me as hilariously funny.

"'Lightning and Cloud are friends forever,' Lulu whispered in Pam's ear. 'Just like us.'"
Even after your fight? And Pam's controlling behavior? And the FLOGGING?

An Avalon about unicorns is next...on Kid's WB. Only it's not the WB anymore. It's my Q2, or whatever.

Of course the Native American girl has to bond with a mistwolf, or Avalon: Web of Magic #3: Cry of the Wolf

Okay, I'm trying to finish this pretty quickly because I have a Christmas Eve service to go to in about an hour (I'm starting this at 2:51, but knowing me, I'll probably finish around 4:00).



As you can see on the cover, this is the first glimpse we've seen of Stormbringer, the elusive mistwolf, and that little hottie (psh) in the back there is Zach. It looks like Adriane has a lip ring...psyche, that's an indentation on my book.

Plot: Adriane and Stormbringer are bestest friends and they tell each other everything. Storm admits to Adriane that she's lonely and wishes she weren't the last mistwolf alive.
Well, it turns out she's not. A bunch of mistwolves pop through a portal into Ravenswood and whisk Stormbringer away. Storm doesn't want to leave Adriane, but come on. She tells her "pack mate" that she will always be able to find her.
So Adriane is heartbroken and convinces her friends to reopen the portal so she can contact Storm...and gets pulled inside and dumped in the Shadowlands! Sucks for you. In the Shadowlands, she meets a deranged ape thing named Scorge who is looking for his magic rock. No comment. He runs away and Adriane finds the rock, which can move on its own and seems to understand everything she says. They become BFFs and Adriane dubs him Rocky.
Then imps attack them, obviously after Rocky! A boy named Zach appears on a griffin named *snicker* Wind Dancer and saves their butts.
Bla bla bla. Zach feeds Adriane and they talk. Adriane finds out that Zach's parents were mages and they were killed and a bunch of FASCINATING stuff.
A bunch of scary, magical creatures keep attacking them. They must REALLY want that rock. Adriane saves them all this time, but Windy is greviously wounded. They fly through another portal into the Fairy Glen and Windy dies.
But that's okay, because there are Fairimentals in this new portalicious place, and boy, do they like to talk! Turns out "Rocky" is a dragon egg. Hmm, sounds vaguely "Eragon"-ish. They also reveal Adriane's real quest (she'd been very vague on details with Zach) and he flips out, because he was raised by mistwolves.
Whaaaa? Adriane drags the story out of him: Zach was raised by mistwolves, but in order to prove himself to one wolf brother, he tried to kill the creature that destroyed his parents, and in the process led several mistwolves into a trap. Adriane's all, "Awww, that sucks, but you have to be strong," and a bunch of moving stuff. Sort of awkward/boring. She also finds out that Zach has never had a birthday party; this is important (sort of). Then Adriane leaves to go on her quest. By herself. All on her owney.
And she gets attacked by magical creatures. AGAIN. But Zach and Rocky save her, Rocky hatches into a baby dragon and imprints on Adriane, so Adriane renames him "Drake". Phew. That's a lot of information.
Not done yet. Adriane somehow gets captured in order to save Zach and Drake, and is taken to the dark sorceress that we met in book #2. She throws Adriane into the dungeon. Figures. There Adriane meets a bunch of fellow prisoners who are suffering from the Black Fire (don't know if I've ever mentioned this, but it's a magical disease that Lyra had, and a million of the animals in Ravenswood had, and it's pretty serious, but apparently really easy to cure because Emily does it ALL THE TIME, but anyway....). One of them is Silver Eyes, a mistwolf Zach had thought he'd killed. Guess you were wrong!
The d-flies come back and open a portal, allowing Emily to heal all the animals. Neither she nor Kara go THROUGH the portal to try to HELP Adriane, they just sit behind their computer and heal through the internet with magic. LAAAME. So Adriane, now strong, leads the animals on a revolt. They get out of the castle. Yay!
But it turns out it was a trap. The manticore from book #1 has a trillion soldiers behind him and he's mostly likely going to kill them all, but Zach and the mistwolves save them all. Yaaaaaay???
Then Adriane throws a birthday party for Zach. It's touching. Then she goes home. I REALLY suck at summarizing.

More notes:
Adriane and Storm are running through the woods together. What is this, Pocahantas?

Ugh, way to reference "George of the Jungle". "Adriane! Watch out for that....tree."

Now they're rolling down a hill together? Like Anakin and Padme?

Dang. Turns out Adriane's parents abandoned her at Ravenswood so they could travel the world. That sucks.

Adriane believes she's a wolf. Why isn't she being locked up?

Ooh, never mess with a mistwolf named MOONSHADOW. Rawr.

Turns out there are billions of mistwolves. Storm just missed them.

Lame. Storm's all, "Oh, thanks for the fun times, I'm going to leave forever now!"

Okay, that Marcus guy is kind of an idiot. "It's beauty and the beast!"

Oh. Dragons must be real because Ozzie's cousin's friend's friend's brother-in-law's neighbor's cousin's schoolmate's grandma saw one!

"Dragons are very rare and powerful magicla creatures. They have long been extinct on Aldenmor." FORESHADOWING!!

Okay, here are the dragonflies and their colors.
Barney = purple
Fiona = red
Goldie = yellow
Fred = blue
Blaze = orange

"Instead of playing our regular 'Throw the Shoe at the Dragonflies' game that you all love so much, I have a special new game for us to play. It's called the 'Open the Portal' game! Yay!" Heh.

Emily grabs Adriane to prevent her from being sucked in and Ozzie is just hopping up and down. Thanks for the help, Ozzie.

Oh no. Scorge talks like Jar Jar Binks.

"You're not from around here..."
"No, I'm from...over the rainbow."
Right.

Adriane, you do realize you're talking to a rock.
"Is that what you are, Rocky? A pet rock? Yes, you are! Who's the good widdle pet rock? You! That's who!"
Then again, I'm talking to a fictional character....

"Let's rock and roll!"
No comment.

Ha. Rocky goes bowling.

Ew, Zach starts poking Adriane and pulling her hair. You're not 2.

I think this is supposed to show us how witty and edgy Adriane is.
Zach: Where are you from?
Adriane: Over the rainbow.
Zach: How old are you?
Adriane: One hundred and fifty.

WHAT KIND OF NAME IS WIND DANCER?? That reminds me of that Sky Dancer show I loved so much.

Okay, that's sad, because Christopher Paolini BASICALLY copied this book with the whole, "It's not a stone, it's an egg," deal.

Okay, Zach needs to get out more.
Adriane: What do we do? Sit on it?
Zach: *laughing uncontrollably* No, I don't think it's a chicken.

"A human had killed his pack mother. But the only other human here was Zach."
Then it must have been Zach.

Zach destroys the map to the Fairy Glen. Psycho.

Zach suddenly has a sword?? Question mark?

Oh, it's an Elven Spirit Sword. I wonder, did ELROND make it for you? Or was it passed down from father to son from the great warrior Isildur?

Okay, I started laughing when Windy died. I felt bad, but Adriane was all, "BUT THESE FLOWERS HAVE HEALING MAGIC! THEY CAN HELP HIM!" Then she falls to her knees and is all, "[Vader]NOOOOOOO![/Vader]"

I REALLY doubt that the Fairimentals are wearing any clothes. "Heart of Avalon" has a naked water Fairimental on the cover.

Adriane: My friend...that I'm looking for, is not exactly human.
Zach: What is she?
Adriane: A mistwolf.
Zach: *flips out* A MISTWOLF!?? *runs away*
Um, what was up with that?

Uh, creepy, they commune with trees.

They're looking at a picture of Zach and his parents.
Zach: That's me.
Adriane: The baby I take it.
....

No, Adriane, your parents have never been killed by a manticore, don't try to relate.

"You're everything I've always dreamed of being. Strong, confident, independent. And you understand what's going on around here. How are we supposed to figure this all out without your help?"
Wow. Flattery works, too.

"How can I help? You need a knight, a hero, like Zach."
What gives you the impression that he's a hero? I was under the impression that he's an angry, pubescent teenage boy.

"'Human,' Moonshadow said to her. With a start, Adriane realized the pack leader was talking to her."
Well, yes, seeing as you're the only human in sight.

"And I like your name, Drake. It's so smooth, like a rock star. Rock star, get it?"
ENOUGH WITH THE ROCK PUNS!!

Okay, they're attacked by things that look like Rocksteady and Bebop from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Zach rescues her. Again. How convenient.

THOSE ARE SO NOT ORCS!! LIES!!

Oh, you shouldn't assume that dragons are horrible monsters. That's discrimination. OBVIOUSLY you've never been to diversity training, Zack.

"Zach's butt was suddenly crisped with soot." Mmm, delicious.

Some more Jedi fight scenes. Aww, Adriane, you're so selfless!

She just randomly faints. Nice.

The dark sorceress looks like the falcons from "Snakecharm" and "Falcondance".

Okay, the dark sorceress isn't really evil, if all she does is capture teenage girls and tell them wolves are stupid.

"Oh, how is your friend kara? I'm looking forward to meeting her again." FORESHADOWING!!

Adriane has the Black Fire now. She is going to die. Wait! What's that sound?
POP! POP! POP! POP! POP!
Yay, the dragonflies are back!

Aw, Silver Eyes doesn't blame Zach.

Gee, how will we get out of the castle? Don't worry, Lyra knows how! AARGH! Why can't they figure stuff out for themselves? Heh, coming from someone who is practically failing math....

Oh dear, the manticore is back.

Violence and blood.

Aaaaand now you're outnumbered.

Okay, lame.
Adriane: Save yourself!
Storm: I would not be able to go on without you.
Adriane: Really?
Storm: Yes.
Adriane: I love you, Storm.
Storm: I love you, Adriane.

A magic net is about to fall on them...but at the last moment, all the mistwolves turn to mist, rendering them invisible! Wait, invisible things can still be caught by nets.... Doesn't make any sense.

Manticore: I will kill you as easily as I killed your parents, boy!
Moonshadow: Then you will have to kill me as well!
Awww, Moonshadow comes through for Zach. Wth, manticore, why would you ADMIT that? They'll be taking you to Fairy Alcatraz.

Oooh, Adriane looks so fashionable in a purple leaf.

Zach is kind of creepy. "What, he likes his tummy rubbed!"

Awww, a hamster-size dog.

Zach gets a magic jewel! It's a dragon stone! Now he's bonded to Drake! Yay!

Ha. Kara hits on Zach.

YES! I did it in LESS THAN AN HOUR! w00t!!! Okay, now I have to go to church. Seeyas!

I'm so busy, but I have no extracurriculars, or FTFO Madison Finn #7: Save the Date

Wow, long title.



Plot: As usual, Madison Finn has a lot on her plate. First of all, a crazy rainstorm caused her roof to leak...INSIDE HER ROOM!!! Even worse, Mom starts flirting with the Fix-It guy!!! Then comes the discovery of lost assignments, permission slips, and drugs (yeah right) in Madison's backpack. Oh, and she feels angry and pubescent and she doesn't know why, so she takes it out on people she likes. Angst, angst.
The plot's actually sort of stupid. The boys in Maddie's science class start acting TOTALLY immature (um, yeah, your point), and then the science teacher splits them into groups on the class field trip: boys versus girls!!! This puts Ivy and Madison on the same side!! :O Basically it's a lot of, "Oh no, I have to be friends with Ivy," and, "Boys are so stupid," so we will skip ahead to the field trip.
On the nature field trip, Madison and Egg get in a fight, and it's way retarded, and boys are just soooo stupid, but then Fiona gets stung by a bee. Normally that wouldn't be a big deal, but it turns out she's ALLERGIC to bees. This brings the Battle of the Sexes to an end, I guess?
So Madison gets home and receives an e-mail from Chet, Fiona's twin brother, where he admits he skipped out on the duck pond and needs information to complete his assignment. Madison thinks this is just hilarious and is all set to tell Aimee and Fiona...when she realizes they don't really care. They're not in her science class, after all. So she tells IVY. That's right, Poison Ivy. Ivy tells her to give Chet some bogus information to make him look like an idiot. Madison does it.
On the day of presentation, Hart and Chet do indeed look like idiots. And Madison and Ivy never speak again.

More notes:
Aimee: I think we should blow off homework and have a beauty night. At least before we eat dinner.
Madison: I have an English paper to write.
Aimee: But this will be more fun.
Madison: I guess you're right.
Way to go Madison. I'll be here when you fail that class.

Another book where lying is condoned.

"The Dickson Fix-It guy had finally arrived, with his gray hair and clothes drenched from the rain. His shirt read William on the pocket in red embroidered letters. When he smiled, Madison saw a huge gap between his front teeth."
Ewwww. Madison's mom thinks he's HOT.

"Please...call me Frannie." Desperate much?

Foreshadowing of Aimee's eating disorder.

"They had store-bought brownies for dessert, but Aimee only ate a corner of one."
Because she's anorexic.

Madison's password is 8 letters. I bet it's, "I luv Hart." I swear, I would bet a million bucks.

They're scanning the usernames in a chat room and one of them is Luckyduck. Wth, I'm in there??

Mr. Danehy comes in and asks what all the ruckus is about. Lol. He sounded very Snapelike when he said it. "WHAT IS ALL THIS RUMPUS!?" "Petrificus poopulous!"

Yay, oblivious science teacher!

How is it discriminatory that Mr. Danehy split the class into guys and girls??

Lol, Aimee. "Omg, I didn't think of that! We have to be bus buddies!"

Why does Fiona always feel the need to smile coyly at Egg and say something in a retarded sounding voice? "Sorry, Egg, but... *coyness*"

Madison wants to study Madonna for her woman's history paper.

I remember when school's had sociology as a class. Okay, not really, cuz that was in the 80's, but I've read Caroline B. Cooney books about it, lol.

Ugh, Lindsay Frost starts hitting on Hart. "Lindsay kept tossing her hair to one side, even though it wasn't long. Madison could tell that Lindsay thought Hart was cute, too."

Wth, Madison is suddenly all mean to Hart. "Whatever, I have to leave."

The boys in these books are really retarded. Actually, boys in general are retarded.
Egg: my old name Eggaway stinx so frm now on change ur mailbox to TheEggMan. C u bye.
Dan: Yo! whassup with our scrn names now they are like the same! Why don't you call yourself EggDrop or maybe Egghead instead LOL. Call me l8r g8r.
And what boy in their right mind would put, "Call me l8r g8r," at the end of an e-mail...to another guy???

HAAA! Madison gets an e-mail with the subject, "XXX Rated." Hm, I wonder what's inside.
"As Gramma Helen always said, 'Curiosity killed the cat.' Madison didn't want any dead cats."

Whaaaa? Bigwheels is on AIM at school. Don't they block that kind of thing?

OH NO! Francine Finn has been on "DATE-O-MAGIC"!

I hate how they say, "Older boys are soooo much more mature," every 5 pages. Because it's not true. Most of the time. Depends on how much older we're talking.

Ew, Madison's mom trashtalks her dad all the time. I hate when my parents do that to each other.

Awww, Maddie and her self-deprecating humor.
"I'm having a crisis, and it has to do with a four-letter word that I'm beginning to detest: D-a-t-e. I wish I could say the crisis about the word date is because three different boys want to ask me out. HA HA HA LOL - that isn't even close."

Yay, outfits! "After three more outfit tests, she finally picked the winning combinaion: faded jeans and an orange Boop-Dee-Doop T-shirt with a panda bear on the front. It even matched her striped socks."
I think I have that shirt. Yeah right, I wish.

Um, WHY IS LINDSAY WEARING OVERALLS AND A FLOPPY HAT???

More Egg and Fionaness. Adorable, I guess???

Ugh, retarded. Egg steals Ivy's nail polish, and passes it around the bus, but Madison gives it back to Ivy, so Egg's all, "YOU TRAITOR!!"

ROFL!!
"But Hart stepped in between the two. 'Give it a rest, Egg,' he said. Then he turned around toward Madison so close, they were nose to nose.
And he smiled."
Wth??? Kind of creepy yet really hilarious.

Ew, 7th grade girls attempting to flirt with 20-something nature guide.

"We'll be traveling through some wooded areas, so please be sure to stay on the trails and beware of poison ivy."
LOL.

Madison sits in duck poop. Noyce.

Aargh, why did I mark every page in this book?

Some guy hits Maddie in the shoulder with a Frisbee, and she's all, "YOU'RE TOAST, EGG! I MEANT IT. THAT GOES FOR ALL BOYS EVERYWHERE!" Wth???

Oh no, now Fiona and Egg are fighting about littering carrots!

"Let's shake a leg, then, shall we?" And with that, he shook a leg.

Lindsay Frost = REALLY freaking annoying.

Ha. Madison's weakness is Hart's hair.

Fiona passes out. Oh the violence.

Ahahahaha, I love Ivy. She has the worst insults ever.
Madison: *bumps into Ivy*
Ivy: WALK MUCH?

Jimmy the hot trial guide: You were so brave today.
Madison: Tanks. I mean, thanks.
Lol.

Hart doesn't like that Madison thinks Jimmy is a hottie. Jealous much?

I like how guys always have to top each other.
Egg: One time I got stung and had to go to the emergency room.
Hart: Well, I got stung by an ENTIRE BEEHIVE.

I say "hola" sometimes and I don't speak Spanish. Never mind. Bigwheels is stupid.

Madison's mom = huge hypocrite.
"I'm not ready to date now, Madison. *phone rings* Hello? Oh, hi Paul!"

Aww, this made me really sad.
Madison: She's going out with someone named Paul.
Dad: Not Paul Pierce from BudgeFilms?
Madison: Yeah, why?
Dad: I always knew he had a thing for your mother.
*tear*

"No one had ever really asked Fiona point-blank if she and Egg were dating. Had they ever held hands? Had they ever kissed?"
No comment.

Hart is such a loser, lol.
"FINNSTER! Going to science?"
"Where did you come from?"
"I was down the hall. But I'm going to science, too."
Um, DUH! You guys have the same CLASS.

Aw, Drew the little stalker is barely in this one!

Madison learns from eavesdropping outside the boys bathroom that EGG LIKES FIONA. Um...yay?

Lol. "Hart Jones is SOOOOOO full of himself. I actually heard him say that some girl in our class really, really likes him. Who do you think it is?"
Um, duh, Maddie, YOU like him.

She gets an e-mail from "Fiona", when in fact the e-mail (Wetwins) is Chet's. It almost fools her.

Whatever, who would believe that there are pirahnas in a DUCK POND??

3 e-mails in 5 minutes isn't a lot, Madison.

Yours till the duck quacks. Aww, how appropriate.
Btw, Bigwheels' real name is VICTORIA. Like you care. But anyways.

Madison: *after Frannie's date with Paul* Where did you go?
Mom: French restaurant. And then we went for a walk.
Madison: A walk? What for?
Mom: *evil grin*
Madison: No way!
And her mom insists that all they did was talk. Whatever.

So awful. Madison tells Chet lies about pirahnas and Joan Kenyon.

Lol, I love the science teacher. "You can swear all you want, Chet, but I do not remember seeing any flesh-eating fish at the nature preserve."

Now Chet and Hart aren't talking to Madison. Ooooooh... Feeling guilty now.

Agh, but Egg tells her THEY DESERVED IT and that she doesn't deserve to feel guilty.

Madison's Computer Tip
BE CAREFUL ABOUT WHAT YOU READ AND RESPOND TO ONLINE.

Okay, maybe some Avalon later today, but I do have other stuff to do, such as...PLAY MY BRAND NEW BASS!!! BOOYA!

Not even demon unicorns can stop him, or Unicorns of Balinor #2: Sunchaser's Quest

The second of the Balinor series. Get out your barf bags, ladies and gentlemen; it's going to be a bumpy ride.



Plot: When we last left our heroes, Arianna, Chase, Lincoln, and Lori had just landed in a magical land called Balinor. They had a near-run in with some demon unicorns, but they're safe now.
Everything is going all right...sort of. Lori is being a spoiled brat and is forcing Ari to let her ride Chase while she tries to find help. Ari manages to locate a village and asks for help from a man named Samlett, owner of the Unicorn Inn (what an original name). Taking Lori for a princess, he gives her shelter for the night. Taking Ari for Lori's maid, he forces her to clean out the stables.
Ari, however, likes work. Because she's the reincarnation of Snow White. She's absolutely peeing her pants with delight. She also meets a bunch of LOVELY people, such as Lady Kiley. Lady Kiley tries to capture her, however. Not so nice. She is saved by Atalanta - the Dreamspeaker herself!! Atalanta helps Ari remember that she's the princess of Balinor, her legs were all screwed up by the Shifter, who also cut off Chase AKA the Sunchaser's horn, and captured her family. Turns out he's trying to kill her cuz of some prophecy...but that's another story for another time.
Atalanta also tells Ari that she has to go on a quest to retrieve the ruby necklace from "Across the Gap" (what the call "the real world" in Balinor) because it is part of Chase's broken horn. Arianna has 3 of the 4 pieces, and she needs the ruby to fit them together. Atalanta goes on and on about the dangerous quest...and then Dr. Bohnes magically appears, toting the famed ruby. Oh. All right then.
So Atalanta, improvizing, sends Ari off to find the Jewelwright Minge so he can fix the horn for Chase.
After a lot of buttkissing from Samlett, who's ashamed to think that he once thought that Ari was a maid - ha - Ari, Bohnesy (who it turns out is Ari's old nurse), Lori, Chase, and Lincoln go on the quest, followed reluctantly by Tobiano. Remember him from Celestial Valley? They don't know he's a Celestial unicorn, though, because he's not as BEAUTIFUL as he should be.
Bla bla bla, questing. Shifter almost gets Ari, but they get to the Jewelright. They fix the horn. Toby gets stuck in quicksand. Ari saves him. Bla bla.
So I THINK they're back at the Inn when Ari and Chase decide since they know where the missing piece of horn is, they'll go off BY THEMSELVES and look for it.
It's not very exciting. They go to Shifter's castle/Ari's old house, find the piece, "narrowly miss death" (whatever. They got chased by a fat demon unicorn for 2 seconds.), and go back home. Sunchaser can speak again. And he's more annoying than ever. Ari isn't punished for trying to be a hero. Now they all have to search for Ari's scepter. Whoopee. To be continued....

More notes:
It's like every book has to open with a whole page describing Atalanta's beauty. I REALLY do not like her.

:P Another fat unicorn. Of course she's a nanny.

HOW DOES CHOCOLATE BROWN FIT INTO THE RAINBOW? AND WHY IS CHOCOLATE BROWN WITH OBSIDIAN OVERTONES THE MOST STUBBORN COLOR???? I THOUGHT THAT WAS WINE!!

ENOUGH ABOUT DEVI'S HIGH SWEET VOICE!

Since when does Tobiano have a Cockney accent? "Devi! Get out o' there, bud!"

Whaa? Toby is trying to save Devi's butt, and Devi's all, "Oh, that Toby, he's so rude, and he doesn't like foals!" That MUST be why he's trying to help you out.

AAAH, MORE COCKNEY! "Interferin' little one. Send him back to his ma, I say."

:O Devi messes with the Watching Pool and ATALANTA LETS HIM OFF WITH A WARNING!!! If it had been Toby, he probably would've been murdered. LAAAAME. This is probably supposed to show what a wise, sweet ruler she is. Bull.

"She holds the Deep Magic." Way to copy "The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe".

Bam. Lori insults Ari's bad legs.

Yes, Ari. You've been abducted by aliens.

OMG!!! "And the men wore boots, tights, and loose shirts that look as if they were made out of rough cotton."
TIGHTS??? WHY NOT PANTS???

All fat people are cheerful. Right.

Ugh, now Ari's talking about "rude old Tobiano".

I think Mr. Samlett just called Ari ugly.

Hey, I can't post. Nothing wrong with that.

Okay, Ari's going around the stables and looking at the unicorns, and she can tell which ones are girls and which are boys, and then she gets a glimpse of Atalanta, and she's like, "I know that's a mare...but I don't know how!" Then what were you just doing??

AAAAAAGH a lame pun about a riverbank...you don't want to know.

Lori makes up a really good lie about where they're from, and Ari's like, "Whatever. I'm mad at her."

She calls Lori a "bra"?

Lori's sort of a brat, but at least she's human. Ari, I think, is an alien.

Ooh, outfits!
"The dark red skirt had pretty embriodery around the hem but was a little big around the middle, so she rolled up the waistband. [Whatever. You just wanted to show off those legs of yours.] The blouse was made of a soft, off-white cotton and had full sleeves and a scoop neck that tied with two strings. The leather vest fit snugly and it would be nice and warm as the evening cooled. She wound her hair up on top of her head and clipped it with her barrettes."
I'm picturing Annie Oakley.

Wth?????
Licoln: If they are bad, I will bite them and bite them!
Okaaay, way to not sound retarded.

Of course the female villainess has black hair.

??
Ari: *looks at the peaches* Oh, my. Several of these have brown spots.
Um...thanks?

Way to ruin Lori's lie.
Lexan: So, where are you from?
Ari: Well, sir, my friends and I. We're from north of the Gap.

Yay, a recycled overused chase scene.
Lincoln: Run, Ari! Run!
Ari: I won't leave you here!
Lincoln: You must! Go now! Go now! I cannot save us both.
Ari: I can't leave you!
Lincoln: THEY DON'T WANT ME! THEY WANT YOU! RUN!

Lady Kylie pwns Lincoln.

"My dearest dear" is quite an odd term of...um, endearment.

Let it be known that Ari calls her two brothers Tace and Bren. THESE NAMES CHANGE MULTIPLE TIMES THROUGHOUT THE SERIES. I think one time it was Ben and Tally.

Oh, it turns out Kylie was her mommy's BFF...but now she's working for the Shifter. Oh, burn.

And now she takes some dialogue out of Star Wars.
Ari: There already has been a terrible cost. My dog is hurt, maybe dead! My family the same! I hate the Shifter! I hate him!
Atalanta: You must put aside your hate, Arianna. Hate will not save you or your people.
Ari: Hate makes me strong.
Atalanta: Hate blinds you. Hate is a tool of the Shifter.

And now we will listen to a lecture on evolution.

Atalanta talks about Ari's quest for like 20 minutes...then it turns out she doesn't need to go on one. :P Lame.

I thought Lincoln had black and gold fur. Now he's described with cream and bronze fur.

Ari: Please get off your knees, Mr. Samlett. It feels really weird to have you down there.
:O QUESTIONABLE CONTENT!

Lori: So I supposed I'll come along.
Ari: You? Are you sure you want to?
Lori: Why not? Do you expect me to stay here? Without money? That Samlett character said he'd give me a room, all right. As long as I mucked out the stalls and scrubbed the kitchen floor. Forget that.
Ari: But, Lori. I might be dangerous.
Lori: Old Bohnes is a wizard, isn't she? And who's going to mess with a Princess? That is, if you are a Princess, which I don't believe for one second flat. Besides...I'm scared to stay here by mself. I saw those creeps go after you last night. If those jerks come looking for a thirteen-year-old girl and find one, they aren't going to believe me when I tell them it isn't me. And frankly, Ari, who looks more like a Princess? You or me? I don't want to risk staying here alone, thank you very much.
How can you not love her?

I'm really confused about how to pronounce Dr. Bohnes first name: it's spelled Eliane, so it's not Elaine, so what??

Yay, Mary Stanton ripped off the Nazgul.

The peasants are restless. They will revolt. Like a heavy metal song.

Toby has no sense of direction.
Toby: Your directions were awful. Past the cove of pine trees, you said. Then north by northeast, you said.
Bohnes: I was right. It's you who can't tell north from south, Toby.
Toby: Hey! You face north, right? If you face north, south is in back of you. East is to the left of you.
Bohnes: East is to the right of you. I told you before.
Toby: LEFT! LEFT! LEFT!

Now she's ripping off the evil crabine or whatever from LOTR.

Ugh, Sunchaser.
I. DO. NOT. RUN. FROM. BATTLE!

Quicksand? In the middle of the woods? In BALINOR???

Toby almost dies. And they still hate him.

PULL FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!

And Toby blames them for his neardeath experience: You-told-me-to-take-a-left!!!

Numinor is annoying. I don't know who's worse, him or Sunchaser.

Blah. The "quest" is so boring.

Chase is problem horse. No wonder Lori had trouble with him. Oh, I forgot, he's a UNICORN, and LORD OF ALL ANIMALS, so he GETS to act like that.

Dang, abusive relationship much. As soon as Chase learns to talk again, he's all, "ARIANNA! COME TO ME!"

Wth? If Lori had run off to find the missing piece of Chase's horn, Bohnesy would've killed her. But it's Princess Arianna, and it's her DESTINY, so I guess that's all right.

Lol. Lori finds out the next quest is to find the missing scepter and is all, "Ari is my BFF."

Ugh, did not enjoy that. Thankfully, tomorrow we'll be back onto horses. No more unicorns for the time being. At least not until Friday.