Plot: Arianna and Co. are still questing for that scepter. Turns out it's in the Valley of Fear, a Mordor-like land full of demon unicorns, volcanic ash, and *gasp* THE SHIFTER HIMSELF!!!
Um, while questing, Chase finds out that some of the animals have turned to the Dark Side and are eating other animals. Uh...your point? Apparently, that's now how things are in Balinor. Chase freaks out.
Yeah. Um, nothing really interesting happens. Ari complains a lot about being the princess and Atalanta tells her how special and right she is to feel that way. Then Lori tells everyone she wants to go home, and they're like, "STOP COMPLAINING!!!"
So they hear this prophecy from the Old Mare of the Mountain:
Six shall find the Scepter Royal,
The quick, the smart, the brave, the loyal,
Of humans there shall be but two,
One young and one whose past is new,
Of Six who go, two wait to learn,
Three of Six shall not return
Um, yeah, way to not copy LOTR. It turns out the Six are: Arianna, Chase, Dill and Basil (two foxes), Lincoln, and Lori.
Lori is sooo not happy about that.
So they go on the quest, dressed like orcs, or soldiers of darkness, or whatever.
It's SOOOOOOOOO hard, and Arianna is noble about everything. Hate.
So they get to the castle (um, that was easy), and Lady Kylie is there (you know, the evil lady from Book #2 who tried to capture Ari and almost killed Lincoln?) with the scepter. Turns out Lori betrayed everyone or something and was in league with Lady Kylie. Oh, but it's all right, she didn't know Kylie was evil. So there's a battle, but Kylie gets pwned.
So they're trying to escape, but then Lori falls into THE PIT (some scary place where the slaves are kept), and Ari tries to follow her, but trips and falls in, too, and now they're all back at Glacier River Farm.
Confusing? Do I suck at summarizing? Both? I'm sorry if you totally didn't understand any of that.
More notes:
The first four paragraphs begin with "Atalanta".
HOW DO SILVER AND WHITE FIT INTO THE RAINBOW??
AARGH mahogany and gold are NOT THE SAME!!
Aw. Lori admits to being homesick. You can't not feel a little bit sorry for her.
I like how Lori says what I'm thinking about Ari: "I suppose you're going to tell me you can't talk because you're in sooooo much pain."
Mary Stanton needs to stop writing incomplete sentences.
Aargh. Ari doesn't want to become a cruel and selfish leader. She's sooo wise!
Lies, lies. Atalanta's all, "You could go back to Glacier River Farm, where you'd go to school and make new friends!" Weren't Anne and Frank planning to homeschool? Just saying.
Ha. They said "garrison". Long story.
All unicorns are mentally retarded.
Lori: You get more wood. What am I, your slave?
Toby: What? The great me?
Dr. Bohnes is back...and she brought a pack of wolves. They totally reminded me of mistwolves.
"Um...uh...welcome." Way to go, Ari.
Ew, the wolves are drooling over Chase.
Chase: My good wolf, who commits the hunt? And when? Tell me!
Rufus: The big cats, as well as my pack. The bears. The ferrets. The great birds.
I'm sorry, but I found that really funny. LOOK OUT, EVERYBODY, HUNGRY FERRETS ON THE LOOSE!
Lori: Well, honestly. This is stupid. It's the way things are. I mean, I'm sorry, but that's what the world's like. Big fish eat little fish. Little fish eat teeny fish.
Um, yeah. Can you honestly say that the wolves, bears, and FERRETS are surviving on bugs and grass? That's not a lot of protein. Ooh, this is the part where Chase flips out:
Chase: Not here.
Lori: But-
Chase: NOT HERE IN BALINOR!
Heh. Toby.
"We can't, adn that's final, missy. Eat your cheese. And if you're not going to eat that apple, giv eit to me."
"Get your own apple."
Lol. I'll be saying that all day. "EAT YOUR CHEESE!"
Ooh, everyone's talking about Lori.
"Ari was too far away to hear, but she could guess they were talking about: how bossy she was, how ignorant of the realities of life, how stubborn."
Yeah, that describes you to a T, Ari.
"There is something trailing us."
"Following us? What do you mean, trailing us?"
WHAT ELSE COULD HE MEAN???
How Indiana Jones of you, Chase.
"I hope it's not a snake. Anything except a-"
He gets attacked by a snake.
So the head of the Animal Council is a lion...named Vanax. Lol, rhymes with Xanax?
Why does she have to use obvious animals as "allies of the Shifter", like snakes and stuff?
Okay, Chase is like, "If you eat meat, you will pay the ultimate price! That's right: become mute forever!"
Seriously? I'd rather become mute. I thought the ULTIMATE PRICE was death or something.
I love the foxes. "Don't shove me, Dill!" "I'll shove you when I please."
Retarded. Chase is like, "No, we shall have no army. It's better that way." Well, yeah, if you WANT to lose.
Okay, come on, this is the SECOND TIME! Ari was supposed to find the Old Mare of the Mountain and the OMM finds HER!!! This is almost as bad as the ruby quest.
Okay, that prophecy? Whatever. I'll call the Tolkien estate myself. "6 companions...so be it...you shall be the Fellowship of the Scepter."
Okay, Lori is supposed to go with them to fulfill the prophecy, and Lori doesn't want to go. Ari's all, "OH no, what will I do now?" Um, how about MAKE HER GO rather than ASK her?
Atalanta: And you must be alert to danger.
Toby: What kind of danger?
"Atalanta gazed at him. The black-and-white unicorn was the rudest herdmate they had ever had."
What's rude about wanting to know what you're up against?
"'I'm not going now.' Lori folded her arms across her chest. 'I'm spending the night in a real bed. I'll think about leaving in the morning.'
Ari marched over to her. She grabbed Lori's shoulders in both hands and stared directly into her face. Ari dropped her voice to a fierce whisper. 'You. Will. Do. What. I. Say.'"
:O Dang, go Ari. I like how this is the one time she stands up to Lori with force.
OMG, Atalanta gives Ari something called THE STAR BOTTLE to be used only when there is no way out. Geee, sounds a lot like something Frodo received from Galadriel....
Ari complains about carrying all Lori's crap. I thought you liked hard work???
Lol. Dill and Basil totally reminded me of "the little foxes" from Song of Solomon.
"The chubby landlord flushed bright pink. He bit his mustache to hide his pleasure in Ari's kiss."
Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat???
"Then, out of the castle flew the Shifter himself - this time transformed into the shape of a black dragon. His body was thick with muscle. His long wings sprang from his shoulders, stretched out like those of a gigantic wasp. His iron hooves grew grossly large. He had not one horn on his head but two, one behind each ear, curling up above his head in a huge ram's arc."
Wait, is this a dragon or a unicorn? Cuz dragons don't have hooves.
Their disguises sound JUST LIKE the orc uniforms Sam and Frodo wore in "Return of the King".
Okay, two twelve-year-old girls and a unicorn could pass as dark soldiers, but a dog and two foxes? You'd have to be REALLY stupid not to see through that.
The foxes threaten to leave Lori, but Ari's all, "We're all in this together." Right...just like "High School Musical".
Ari has Anakin-Syndrome: the desire to save everyone.
Ha. Ari gets Chase to eat soap and convince the other soldiers that they have rabies. Pretty smart.
Laaaaaaame. Mary Stanton basically copied the snake-shifting out of "The Silver Chair".
AAAAAAAAAARGH! Arianna whips out the Star Bottle when Lady Kylie attacks Lori and it shines a very bright light into her eyes. OMG!!! SAM! SHELOB!!! YOU PLAGIARIST!!!
Oh, now that Arianna has the scepter, her past becomes completely clear.
And now they're back across the Gap. Um, cool? Ari seems WAAAY too happy about this. Whatever.
Coming right up, we have a Madison Finn!!! #7, tho, seeing as I'll probably NEVER have #6.
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