Ooh, shiny things, or Avalon #2: Web of Magic: All That Glitters

Seriously, this is my favorite Avalon book. No lie. I mean, look at that sparkly cover. I think the pictures of the d-flies are innacurate, though. They look like crap.



Plot: Kara is rather frustrated with Adriane and Emily. First of all, they have magic gems and she doesn't. Also, they expect her to WORK when all she wants to do is party with her friends.
Mostly, Adriane is overreacting about EVERYTHING, Kara is being kind of ditzy, and Emily is just being annoying and peacemaker-y.
Then weird things start happening to Kara! Banshees (tortured souls cursed to wander the Shadowlands, of course) start attacking her, she's being followed around by the mysterious cat from book #1 [who is named Lyra], and she finally has her own magic jewel! It looks just like a unicorn horn. However, Emily and Adriane freak out and tell her not to use it.
Naturally, Kara doesn't listen.
Whenever she uses the jewel, chaos ensues. The magical little piece of shiny rock attracts all kinds of creatures, from adorable little dragonflies (literally miniature dragons that fly) and...*gasp* BANSHEES! One attacks Kara in her house and tries to take the jewel, but she pwns it, burning off part of her hair in the process. She tries to fix it, and it grows longer, but then it doesn't STOP! She calls Emily and Adriane, and Adriane screws it up even more; though she gets it to stop growing, Kara's blonde hair is now rainbow-colored.
Kara goes to school the next day and is shocked when the principal starts talking about the work she's done at Ravenswood Wildlife Preserve, and is then forced on stage, where her shocking hair color(s) is (are?) revealed. Emily saves her and says it's a symbol of unity or something. Kara realizes she really likes working at the Preserve and starts treating Emily and Adriane (even though Adriane's a loser) nicer, and gets her loser friends to stop making fun of them.
On Saturday, she takes a little trip to the mall to get her hair dyed to its natural color when she's attacked by some more banshees. Lyra saves her, but then gets injured by being stupid. Kara is majorly confused and kind of sad when a unicorn just randomly walks up to her and tells her he can save Lyra. Um...yay?
First stop...a magicalish place, where Kara meets some wraiths who tell her to save their sisters and convince her that the unicorn jewel is not hers to keep.
They go to a field, where they meet up with Adriane and Emily...big surprise. A creepy old woman tries to get Kara to give her the jewel, monologuing about the love of power and crap like that, but Kara gives it to the banshees, who are really some whacked-out ugly wraiths. Old creepy woman disappears with a snarl.
Um, yay.
And Emily saves Lyra after a major pep talk from Kara.
So Kara becomes a better person. The end.
Oh, and they set up the Ravenswood website.
And the epilogue was about mistwolves. Tartar sauce. I guess that means the next book is about Adriane.
You know, I took that character quiz again, and I'm still a warrior. Darn.

More notes:
Oookay, apparently Kara has enough clothes to cover every available surface and fill her closet. NOT STEREOTYPED AT ALL.

credhed, beachbunny, and goodgollymolly? Try worst screennames ever.

Duh! Your outfit for seventh grade is WAY more important than endangered animals!

Ugh, Kara's friends suck. They're so mean.

Okay, I take back what I said about her friends' screennames, because Emily's is docdolittle. :P

Yay, Kara's actually good at school! We're breaking down barriers!

I hate it in books where the main character screams and then looks around to see who did it. HOW CAN YOU NOT REALIZE YOU'RE SCREAMING??

"That was, like, so weird!" Thanks, Heather.

"Been a rough morning. Kara had like a major freakout in homeroom." Don't you love it when your friends talk about you...in front of you?

I'm having a REALLY hard time picturing this cute Marcus guy that Kara likes. I'm switching back and forth between Penn Badgley and Garrett Hedlund.

"Next thing you know, monsters are gonna be falling out of the sky!"
Funny you should mention that....
This is the moment Lyra chooses to fall out of the sky.

Okay, Lyra was the size of an ocelot in the first book. Now she's the size of a leopard, which is significantly bigger than an ocelot. How did it get so big??

I somehow don't picture Adriane very tall. I picture her and Emily quite short. Like 5'3". And Kara maybe 5'5" or 5'6".

Red and auburn aren't necessarily the same color. STOP CONFUSING ME!!

Adriane only says she likes being a loner because she knows she's incapable of making friends.
Lyra: *pops out of bushes* Rawr.
Kara: Aaah!
Adriane: WHAT DID YOU DO, KARA!!?? RAAAAH SNARL GRAWFF!

They make it seem like Kara is the ringleader of her little clique, but her friends are way pushy.

I highly doubt you are the only three girls on Earth that know that magic is real, Kara.

I hate when they describe Adriane using magic. They try to make it sound all cool and it sounds so retarded, and she obviously takes herself so seriously. All it is is her taking a karate stance and spinning around.

Oooh, Adriane called Kara a "Barbie". :O Whatever, that would pretty much be a compliment. I mean, I'd love to have a ridiculously thin waist, a tight butt, and nice boobs. Plus "immaculate" hair (that's for you, Lucy Daniels).

Kara thinks it's weird talking to a ferret, and then she remembers Ozzie is really an ELF trapped inside a ferret's body! Yeah, cuz that's not weird at all.

Kara: Why does that garden have an X on it?
Adriane: It's the hedge maze. Gran said you can get lost in there for days, so it's off-limits for tours.
Hmm, could that possibly be FORESHADOWING of someone getting lost in the maze???

Kara offers to have her friends help with the website and Adriane's like, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! They're loudmouths!" And you're a ho....

Why is Kara shocked that Adriane doesn't consider her a friend? That seemed PRETTY obvious.

"She imagined medieval torches encircling the magnificent garden...with the rocking sounds of Sampleton Malls blasting from the stage! She giggled. And Kara, the princess of the ball, in the most rad leather-and-silk gown, dancing the night away with the most handsome prince. Adriane can stay home and be the wicked stepsister, she thought with a laugh as she twirled into the rose gardens."
Proof that all girls have a Cinderella fantasy. No lie, EVERY GIRL has one.

Lame. She gets lost in the hedge maze a mere 5 pages later. It could have been a final showdown in the maze!!! But no...waste all that good foreshadowing.

Lol. Kara pictures herself:
Lustrous blond hair, creamy skin, dewy red lips - no, she'd sowrn off lip gloss long ago, make that pale pink lips.

Quick! A new pair of Nikes with shock soles!

Kara's first attempt at magic:
"Think! Do what Adriane did. Kara concentrated - left, right, arms together, swing tight.... She pinwheeled her arms, whipping the crystal shell around, and landed on one knee, jewel pointed toward the monster. Tiny sparkles fizzled from the tip...and died. Kara frowned. That cheer routine killed at the home game."

I haaate Ozzie. Storm is annoying about honor and crap like that, but Ozzie is SOOOOOO annoying.

Balthazar (the magical winged pony): It looked like a banshee.
Kara: A what?
Balthazar: A tortured soul doomed to wander the Shadowlands. [I bet he could hardly keep himself from saying, "Duh."]

Adriane: Thank goodness you were there! We can't have monsters running around the preserve washing clothes!

HAHAHAHA they find Mr. Gardener's computer and a voice says, "Welcome to the magic web." Lol. You've got mail.

Mr. Gardener owns Ravenswood, but disappeared a while back.

"Girls, it's got rhythm, and I have got the moves!" But you're white....

:O Kara went to the LIBRARY!!?? Shocking. "Hmm, geeky influence, with a touch of dweeb."

Okay, everything Kara's friends say endz with a z. I guezz that makez it glitter fabulouz.

Joey has a huge crush on Adriane, lol.

This is the lamest party ever, Kara. All you guys are doing is eating...and eating.

Kara's brother is an idiot. "Kara, your ice cream's getting cold!"

Wait, Kara has a tan? I thought she had creamy skin.

Whoa, a banshee ambushes her in the Jacuzzi!

I'm picturing Kara naked during the fight scene that follows. Not for any pervy reason, but it said something about her stripping, so what am I supposed to do?

Kara: What happened to it?
Lyra: Something frightened the creature.
Kara: What? Me?
I don't know, a naked blonde girl wielding a shiny jewel is pretty frightening....

Wait, Emily and Adriane are there now. Is Kara naked or not??? SO CONFUSED!!

Awww. The dragonflies have names! I forget which color corresponds to which dragonfly, but their names are Goldie, Barney, Rocky, Fiona, and Fred; Fiona is red and Goldie is...yellow.

Adriane, shut up and stop making hair puns.

Jealous, I want rainbow hair. I don't know why Kara hates it so much.

I want a blue plaid jacket...but I wouldn't wear it with a pink cotton beret.

Dragonflies appear with a pop. Goldie appears and Kara pretends she farted. ....

You can't send someone home for having cool hair. Dressing like a slut, yes. Having cool hair, no. At least not at my school.

Coalition. Nice word, Emily.

Kyle: Who'd a thunk under all that black is a fasion designer!
Adriane: I'm not big on fashion.
Heather: That's for sure.
Ooooooooooooh.

I like how all the punk bands have stupid names. Like Toad Force! or Smash Fish!

Awww, Joey and Adriane bond over Smash Fish. And Adriane BLUSHES. Whaaat, she likes boys??

Aaaah, someone sends Kara a magic computer message: I KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

Kara: How do you know when a jewel is really for you?
Adriane: Our jewels changed as we used them. It's like they reflect a part of who we are. You just know, Kara.
Emily: In your heart.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! *gag*

Ozzie is so mean! "Maybe it's a test. Maybe you're not the blazing star."

Having a super hard time picturing this pure white unicorn without him looking like a unipony.

Lyra is being attacked by mall security guards!! Oh, she has wings all of a sudden, how convenient.
Oooh, she falls to the ground.

Why do all magical creatures speak in italics??

The wraiths sound like wannabe LOTR elves...only green.

The banshees use z's instead of s's, too. "Plesszze, help uszz."

Ozzie: Look what they've made!
Adriane: It looks like a-
Emily: -dreamcatcher!
Ugh, just like Stephen King. And now they'll save a kid with Downs Syndrome from bullies and realize that he is the dreamcatcher weaving them all together.

Whaaaaat? The unicorn has a harem??
"You have freed my maidens, and I am forever grateful."
Maybe he's a pimp.

Kara's friends are still lame.

I think Adriane has the coolest chain for her jewel...it's turquoise.

Their password for the secret website is AVALON. Yeah, people won't be able to figure THAT one out.

I HAAAATE mistwolves.

So I'll be doing the second book in the Horseshoe Trilogies, and I might be able to do more than one per day, since I'm on Christmas break!!! But Avalon #3 will be about Adriane. Laaaame.

Someone's lost in the woods...again, or Pony Pals #29: Lost and Found Pony

Why this picture is so huge, I have no idea.
Surprisingly, this is probably one of the best Pony Pals books I've ever read. It's not good or fun to read or exciting...but I didn't find anything to complain about for about...15 pages!!!



Plot: Mimi and Rosalie are annoying little tricksters; we all know that. One day, however, they go too far.
It starts when Rosalie catches the Pony Pals getting ready to go for a trail ride (they're neighbors, remember?), and runs and tells Mimi, who wants to come. Since Rosalie is a pushover and does everything Mimi says, she runs back and relays this message to the Pony Pals.
Remember, this book is about Anna, and Anna doesn't do that well with little kids, so she says yes, of course, but tells Rosalie that she and Mimi can NOT join them on the picnic.
So Rosalie goes and tells Mimi.
Who tells Mrs. Bell (the dimwitted babysitter) that the Pony Pals would love to take them on a picnic.
Mrs. Bell is overjoyed that Mimi has friends (ha) and packs a big picnic basket.
Lulu and Pam are a little POed.
All during the trail ride, Rosalie and Mimi are messing around on Tongo and being pests (yelling, screaming, existing, and talking to each other on walkie-talkies even when they are four feet away from each other). They even pretend to be lost in the woods! This is enough for the Pony Pals, so Anna tells them the story of the The Boy Who Cried Wolf, and the little kids don't get it. Now Anna is POed.
Suddenly, a storm starts and Tongo runs away. Then the brats call on the walkie-talkie and say that they ran into a cave and don't know where they are. The Pony Pals think they're getting tricked again, so they ignore them, until the girls start crying and insisting they're "not like the shepherd boy". All right then. So starts a quest to save the midgets.
Questing, questing, Acorn finds clues, Acorn runs away, Acorn finds Tongo, the girls find the cave, bla bla bla.
So at the cave, Anna insists on going in and finding the little girls. She goes in, gets them, they are safe, and neither Mimi nor Rosalie have rabies. And all is well.

More notes:
Rosalie has brown hair all of a sudden. Who lets a six-year-old dye their hair?

Aargh, it's like a Verizon commercial. "Can you hear me now? Good."

I don't find it strange that Mrs. Lacey won't buy Rosalie a pony when they're DIRT POOR AND LIVE IN AN APARTMENT!!!

Mrs. Bell is so gullible. She should NOT be babysitting those children.

Anna: Oh, I don't think they'll be mad.
Ha. I've spent enough time with Pam and Lulu to know that they WILL be mad.

Ha. Pam knows Mimi is full of crap.

Yeah, that's smart, Mimi. "I can ride with one hand!!"

Tongo bolts. Ha.

Anna flips out at Mimi. Lol.
Mimi: Where's my walkie-talkie?
Anna: Your walkie-talkie? You almost got killed. You have to hold on with two hands when you ride. Always.
Mimi: That was fun. It was a Pony Pal adventure.
I seriously think I would have slapped her by this time. Seriously. This girl is such a PILL.

Ha. Anna threatens to take her back home to get her to shut up.

Tongo is the lamest pony ever. He's scared of WATER.

Mimi and Rosalie have a walkie-talkie conversation. They're sitting a few feet away from each other the entire time. Yeah, they're six, all right.

ROSALIE STILL HAS BROWN HAIR! AND ALL THE PONIES LOOK LIKE CAMARGUES: ALL THE SAME!!!

Ew, and Rosalie has gross bangs.

Mimi: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Anna: To get to the other side.
Mimi: Wrong! The chicken crossed the road to see her friend.
Anna: Very funny.
Lulu: Very silly.
And Lulu is definitely an only child.

Omg, Rosalie and Mimi are joking about getting attacked by a bear. Mike is most likely not in Boy Scouts.

Ugh, Anna's going to tell them a parable to make them change their mind. IT WON'T WORK.

Great. Mimi justifies lying as "joking".

And now they're being attacked by a wolf.

Mimi: Ugh, they're so bossy.
Ha! Said Mimi.

Wait, Lulu is allowed to go off into the woods by herself, and the little kids aren't??? "DON'T GO OFF BY YOURSELF!" Yeah, right.

Anna lies about Tongo being missing. Oh, but she was just "joking".

Paul Bachem's drawings of Tongo always suck, but his Acorns in this book are really good.

Hmmm...Acorn is Anna's "wonderful pony hero".

You see how short that was!!!?? It must have been good. Coming up soon: Avalon #2: All That Glitters (probably my favorite book in the series, which means it's probably awful).
Some more chicken jokes that are funnier than Mimi's.

Let's name all of our horses after Hallmark card values, or Horseshoe Trilogies #1: Keeping Faith

I'm sure that title was supposed to be "clever", seeing as it had a double meaning and all.
I would much rather be playing Sims (although I do have to do homework), but I'm sort of behind schedule-ish. Like I even have a schedule. Oh well, tomorrow I'll post a Pony Pals. But this book was so ridiculously boring.



Plot: Josie Grace lives with her mommy and daddy in a little house in England, where they have stables that Mary Grace (her mother) uses to teach in. They also have three beautiful horses; Faith, Hope, and Charity (gag).
But all that is changing.
When they first moved into their house, they didn't have much money, because teachers and riding instructors don't get paid very much, but the little old lady who owned the house let them rent it and the stables for very little money. Unfortunately, she just died, and now her mean old nephew is taking over the property and throwing the Graces out. Harsh. Since they probably won't be able to find [cheap] accomodations for their horses, the Graces will have to sell them, starting with Faith.
Josie is beside herself. Faith has been around even she was born!
Bla bla bla, they meet a few potential buyers, but they either don't know how to take care of a horse or they want to ride her too hard; Faith is old and would rather be a pet or companion than a show jumper. Finally, it's between two families: the Hyde-Whites, a very rich family that has many horses; or the Randalls, a very boring family that happens to be moving to Scotland. Josie doesn't know which is worse: if Faith goes to the Hyde-Whites, she will be adequately cared for but not loved; if she goes to the Randalls, she has to move to Scotland!
Enter Anna Marshall. Anna is Josie's bubbly loud-mouthed best friend, also a horse freak. When Josie tells her about the potential buyers, Anna freaks out; she knows Harriet Hyde-White and the girl is a snob!!! That girl doesn't deserve a horse! She convinces Josie to think so, too, and the two concoct a plan to keep the Hyde-Whites away forever.
The facts are these: Anna met Harriet at a gymkhana event a million years ago and Harriet called Anna's horse Hope (another one of Josie's beloved equines) ugly. Forget that it's been several years since the incident. Forget the fact that Josie herself admitted that Hope wasn't the best-looking animal in the world. No, Harriet was and is a snob, and that's all that matters.
When Harriet and her father come to look at Faith, Anna tells Harriet that Faith bites people and that's why she's being sold. Harriet flips out and tells her father, who in turn gets pretty POed and cusses out Mary Grace, then hops in his Porsche and leaves. Mary Grace is all, "Wth????" Then Ben, Anna's twin brother, comes in with a nasty bite mark on his arm. Turns out it's just makeup he was planning to use to scare Harriet, but there turned out to be no need.
So Mary Grace bans the Marshall twins from their house.
Then the Randalls call and say that they're not moving to Scotland, so they can't buy Faith. Whaaat?? That makes no sense. Now there are no buyers for Faith.
Enter Jill Atterbury. Jill was in a horrible car accident that badly injured her legs. She'd had a horse before the accident, but her parents sold it right after; I forget why, but I think it had something to do with either hospital bills or the doctor saying something like, "She shall never ride again."
Mary Grace and Josie visit the Atterburys, who are very nice people. Jill is funny, easy to talk to, and loves horses. Even I liked her, which is saying something. She meets Faith and falls in love, so Josie gives her "permission" to buy Faith. :P Like it was even your decision. And Jill gives Josie her "permission" to visit Faith. Ha. Now everyone's happy. Yay.
Too bad they'll have to sell Hope in the next book. Just saying.

More notes:
Anna and Josie met when Anna was the new girl in school and Josie had to cart her around the school. Ugh, don't you hate that? I've had to do both and I'm not very good at either. Just saying.

Josie is really mean about bad riders. "You're really getting the hang of the rising trot." "It's about time...."

Wait a minute. They make it sound like Mrs. Wetherall's nephew is such a horrible person, but it's HIS property and he has the right to do what he's doing. Besides, it seems fair. He could've upped the rent.

Ha. Teachers don't get squat. Never become a teacher.

:O Mary Grace tells the story of how she first found Faith, and she convinces Faith's owner that her son is too fat to ride!!! That's so mean!!!!

And she blows ALL her savings on Faith. Yeah, she and her husband are newlyweds and he's a TEACHER, so they don't have that much money to BEGIN with. Nice going, stupid.

Oh, and the husband's cool with it.

Josie brags that she's never had her dad as a teacher. Shut up, I have. XP

Here it is, on page 18, in black and white:
Even Josie had to admit that Hope was not the most beautiful horse in the world. She had a long, straight face with rather small eyes, and an especially broad back.

Oh. No. They're eating SPAGHETTI for dinner.

Mr. Grace jokes about selling his daughter. That is so not funny. Like, seriously, people do that.

Wth, there's a character named Emma who sounds just like me when she rides. "Can't we canter now? This is boring!"

Josie is all mad that Faith might move to Scotland because "she'll never see her again". Yeah, that's generally what happens when you sell an animal.

Mr. Hyde-White might not be a nice guy, but he knows his stuff.

AAAARGH! Just because people don't talk to other people doesn't mean they're stuck up! SHE'S JUST SHY!!

Shut up, Anna; where Faith goes is not your decision.

Okay, Anna AND Josie have both called Hope ugly. This is the "really mean thing" Harriet said to Anna:
"It'll take more than a braided mane to make the creature you're on look halfway decent."
I can see how that's kind of mean, but if they've admitted she's ugly, why is it a big deal? I'm probably going to get beaten up for this.

Isobel really bugs me. I don't know why, but she REALLY does.

Anna thinks out loud, so she's talking about Josie probably never seeing Faith again, and Josie's all, "THANKS FOR RUINING MY DAY!!!" Geez, PMS?

I LOVE PALOMINOS!

Ha. "She has a marvelous seat." Not as marvelous as my seat. I'm rather proud of it.

Yeah, so they're "cold" and impersonal people. But they're also rich and local, and Faith will be treated well. Suck it up, Josie. You need the money anyway.

Mary Grace is way cool. She tells Josie to suck it up, too.

They have to pay for the school bus???

"Come on, it's the first time we've been late this week."
"Well done! It's only Tuesday!"

Josie, you're a pushover.

You are, too, Ben.

AAARGH, this is the third time someone has used the word "immaculate" in conversation!!! WHO EVEN SAYS IMMACULATE!!!?? NOT 12-YEAR-OLD GIRLS!!! Which reminds me of gross Bratz boy....

:O I would be soooo mad if my parents sold my horse. Even if I couldn't ever ride again, I'd still keep him as a pet/companion/BFF/friend.

Aaargh, they make Harriet sound like such a snob. They also make it sound like me. >:P

Ha, Ben and Anna get banished. Losers.

I think Mary Grace is drunk. She starts babbling about Mr. Hyde-white and how she wants to "teach that rascal a lesson".

Anna: I never thought Harriet would make such a fuss!
Now you're blaming her?? Yeah, people tend to get mad when it turns out they're being conned.

WHAT IS IT WITH PEOPLE??? Josie tells Anna about Jill, who can't ride, wanting a horse.
Anna: What, is she crazy or something?
HELLO! SHE CAN KEEP IT AS A FREAKING PET! RIDING ISN'T THE ONLY THING TO DO WITH HORSES!

Jill isn't weird about her disability, and she's an optimist. She's also funny. I like her already.

SHE HAS POSTERS OF HORSES ALL OVER HER WALLS. Jealous.

Way to be sensitive, Josie.
Jill: That's my favorite [poster]. I lie in bed sometimes looking and it and imagining I'm on his back, riding off into the sunset.
Josie: Doesn't that make you feel worse?

AAAGH, MIDNIGHT: another super obvious horse name.

I don't think I've ever described anyone or anything as a big soppy marshmallow.

NO, JILL, NO! Oh well. She lets Josie come visit Faith whenever.

Ugh, Mary Grace justifies Anna's behavior. "You saved me from selling Faith to the Hyde-Whites."

Ugh, and it ends with Josie sobbing and saying, "Perfect." SHUT UP.

That was sooo boring. Tomorrow I'll post another Pony Pal, followed by the second Avalon, which is about Kara, so it should be interesting.

Not even demon unicorns can stop him, or Unicorns of Balinor #2: Sunchaser's Quest

The second of the Balinor series. Get out your barf bags, ladies and gentlemen; it's going to be a bumpy ride.



Plot: When we last left our heroes, Arianna, Chase, Lincoln, and Lori had just landed in a magical land called Balinor. They had a near-run in with some demon unicorns, but they're safe now.
Everything is going all right...sort of. Lori is being a spoiled brat and is forcing Ari to let her ride Chase while she tries to find help. Ari manages to locate a village and asks for help from a man named Samlett, owner of the Unicorn Inn (what an original name). Taking Lori for a princess, he gives her shelter for the night. Taking Ari for Lori's maid, he forces her to clean out the stables.
Ari, however, likes work. Because she's the reincarnation of Snow White. She's absolutely peeing her pants with delight. She also meets a bunch of LOVELY people, such as Lady Kiley. Lady Kiley tries to capture her, however. Not so nice. She is saved by Atalanta - the Dreamspeaker herself!! Atalanta helps Ari remember that she's the princess of Balinor, her legs were all screwed up by the Shifter, who also cut off Chase AKA the Sunchaser's horn, and captured her family. Turns out he's trying to kill her cuz of some prophecy...but that's another story for another time.
Atalanta also tells Ari that she has to go on a quest to retrieve the ruby necklace from "Across the Gap" (what the call "the real world" in Balinor) because it is part of Chase's broken horn. Arianna has 3 of the 4 pieces, and she needs the ruby to fit them together. Atalanta goes on and on about the dangerous quest...and then Dr. Bohnes magically appears, toting the famed ruby. Oh. All right then.
So Atalanta, improvizing, sends Ari off to find the Jewelwright Minge so he can fix the horn for Chase.
After a lot of buttkissing from Samlett, who's ashamed to think that he once thought that Ari was a maid - ha - Ari, Bohnesy (who it turns out is Ari's old nurse), Lori, Chase, and Lincoln go on the quest, followed reluctantly by Tobiano. Remember him from Celestial Valley? They don't know he's a Celestial unicorn, though, because he's not as BEAUTIFUL as he should be.
Bla bla bla, questing. Shifter almost gets Ari, but they get to the Jewelright. They fix the horn. Toby gets stuck in quicksand. Ari saves him. Bla bla.
So I THINK they're back at the Inn when Ari and Chase decide since they know where the missing piece of horn is, they'll go off BY THEMSELVES and look for it.
It's not very exciting. They go to Shifter's castle/Ari's old house, find the piece, "narrowly miss death" (whatever. They got chased by a fat demon unicorn for 2 seconds.), and go back home. Sunchaser can speak again. And he's more annoying than ever. Ari isn't punished for trying to be a hero. Now they all have to search for Ari's scepter. Whoopee. To be continued....

More notes:
It's like every book has to open with a whole page describing Atalanta's beauty. I REALLY do not like her.

:P Another fat unicorn. Of course she's a nanny.

HOW DOES CHOCOLATE BROWN FIT INTO THE RAINBOW? AND WHY IS CHOCOLATE BROWN WITH OBSIDIAN OVERTONES THE MOST STUBBORN COLOR???? I THOUGHT THAT WAS WINE!!

ENOUGH ABOUT DEVI'S HIGH SWEET VOICE!

Since when does Tobiano have a Cockney accent? "Devi! Get out o' there, bud!"

Whaa? Toby is trying to save Devi's butt, and Devi's all, "Oh, that Toby, he's so rude, and he doesn't like foals!" That MUST be why he's trying to help you out.

AAAH, MORE COCKNEY! "Interferin' little one. Send him back to his ma, I say."

:O Devi messes with the Watching Pool and ATALANTA LETS HIM OFF WITH A WARNING!!! If it had been Toby, he probably would've been murdered. LAAAAME. This is probably supposed to show what a wise, sweet ruler she is. Bull.

"She holds the Deep Magic." Way to copy "The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe".

Bam. Lori insults Ari's bad legs.

Yes, Ari. You've been abducted by aliens.

OMG!!! "And the men wore boots, tights, and loose shirts that look as if they were made out of rough cotton."
TIGHTS??? WHY NOT PANTS???

All fat people are cheerful. Right.

Ugh, now Ari's talking about "rude old Tobiano".

I think Mr. Samlett just called Ari ugly.

Hey, I can't post. Nothing wrong with that.

Okay, Ari's going around the stables and looking at the unicorns, and she can tell which ones are girls and which are boys, and then she gets a glimpse of Atalanta, and she's like, "I know that's a mare...but I don't know how!" Then what were you just doing??

AAAAAAGH a lame pun about a riverbank...you don't want to know.

Lori makes up a really good lie about where they're from, and Ari's like, "Whatever. I'm mad at her."

She calls Lori a "bra"?

Lori's sort of a brat, but at least she's human. Ari, I think, is an alien.

Ooh, outfits!
"The dark red skirt had pretty embriodery around the hem but was a little big around the middle, so she rolled up the waistband. [Whatever. You just wanted to show off those legs of yours.] The blouse was made of a soft, off-white cotton and had full sleeves and a scoop neck that tied with two strings. The leather vest fit snugly and it would be nice and warm as the evening cooled. She wound her hair up on top of her head and clipped it with her barrettes."
I'm picturing Annie Oakley.

Wth?????
Licoln: If they are bad, I will bite them and bite them!
Okaaay, way to not sound retarded.

Of course the female villainess has black hair.

??
Ari: *looks at the peaches* Oh, my. Several of these have brown spots.
Um...thanks?

Way to ruin Lori's lie.
Lexan: So, where are you from?
Ari: Well, sir, my friends and I. We're from north of the Gap.

Yay, a recycled overused chase scene.
Lincoln: Run, Ari! Run!
Ari: I won't leave you here!
Lincoln: You must! Go now! Go now! I cannot save us both.
Ari: I can't leave you!
Lincoln: THEY DON'T WANT ME! THEY WANT YOU! RUN!

Lady Kylie pwns Lincoln.

"My dearest dear" is quite an odd term of...um, endearment.

Let it be known that Ari calls her two brothers Tace and Bren. THESE NAMES CHANGE MULTIPLE TIMES THROUGHOUT THE SERIES. I think one time it was Ben and Tally.

Oh, it turns out Kylie was her mommy's BFF...but now she's working for the Shifter. Oh, burn.

And now she takes some dialogue out of Star Wars.
Ari: There already has been a terrible cost. My dog is hurt, maybe dead! My family the same! I hate the Shifter! I hate him!
Atalanta: You must put aside your hate, Arianna. Hate will not save you or your people.
Ari: Hate makes me strong.
Atalanta: Hate blinds you. Hate is a tool of the Shifter.

And now we will listen to a lecture on evolution.

Atalanta talks about Ari's quest for like 20 minutes...then it turns out she doesn't need to go on one. :P Lame.

I thought Lincoln had black and gold fur. Now he's described with cream and bronze fur.

Ari: Please get off your knees, Mr. Samlett. It feels really weird to have you down there.
:O QUESTIONABLE CONTENT!

Lori: So I supposed I'll come along.
Ari: You? Are you sure you want to?
Lori: Why not? Do you expect me to stay here? Without money? That Samlett character said he'd give me a room, all right. As long as I mucked out the stalls and scrubbed the kitchen floor. Forget that.
Ari: But, Lori. I might be dangerous.
Lori: Old Bohnes is a wizard, isn't she? And who's going to mess with a Princess? That is, if you are a Princess, which I don't believe for one second flat. Besides...I'm scared to stay here by mself. I saw those creeps go after you last night. If those jerks come looking for a thirteen-year-old girl and find one, they aren't going to believe me when I tell them it isn't me. And frankly, Ari, who looks more like a Princess? You or me? I don't want to risk staying here alone, thank you very much.
How can you not love her?

I'm really confused about how to pronounce Dr. Bohnes first name: it's spelled Eliane, so it's not Elaine, so what??

Yay, Mary Stanton ripped off the Nazgul.

The peasants are restless. They will revolt. Like a heavy metal song.

Toby has no sense of direction.
Toby: Your directions were awful. Past the cove of pine trees, you said. Then north by northeast, you said.
Bohnes: I was right. It's you who can't tell north from south, Toby.
Toby: Hey! You face north, right? If you face north, south is in back of you. East is to the left of you.
Bohnes: East is to the right of you. I told you before.
Toby: LEFT! LEFT! LEFT!

Now she's ripping off the evil crabine or whatever from LOTR.

Ugh, Sunchaser.
I. DO. NOT. RUN. FROM. BATTLE!

Quicksand? In the middle of the woods? In BALINOR???

Toby almost dies. And they still hate him.

PULL FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!

And Toby blames them for his neardeath experience: You-told-me-to-take-a-left!!!

Numinor is annoying. I don't know who's worse, him or Sunchaser.

Blah. The "quest" is so boring.

Chase is problem horse. No wonder Lori had trouble with him. Oh, I forgot, he's a UNICORN, and LORD OF ALL ANIMALS, so he GETS to act like that.

Dang, abusive relationship much. As soon as Chase learns to talk again, he's all, "ARIANNA! COME TO ME!"

Wth? If Lori had run off to find the missing piece of Chase's horn, Bohnesy would've killed her. But it's Princess Arianna, and it's her DESTINY, so I guess that's all right.

Lol. Lori finds out the next quest is to find the missing scepter and is all, "Ari is my BFF."

Ugh, did not enjoy that. Thankfully, tomorrow we'll be back onto horses. No more unicorns for the time being. At least not until Friday.

Every journey begins with a step, or Unicorns of Balinor #1: The Road to Balinor

I used to LOVE this series. I mean, an author that catered to unicorn-loving adolescents was good enough for me. I wasn't as critical than as I am now. Rereading this, I have NO IDEA why I liked it so much. Actually, I recall really hating this first one, but the rest of the series tickled my fancy, lol.



Plot: Arianna Langley doesn't remember anything. No, she does not have short-term memory loss, but she was in a car accident recently. That explains why she's in a wheelchair and her legs hurt so badly. But two people named Ann and Frank come to the hospital and insist that she is their foster daughter, and that she was in a car accident with her horse, Chase, and now he has a huge scar on his head. They take her and a mysterious dog named Lincoln (who has given her a ruby necklace; weird, yeah, but it's important) back home to Glacier River Farm.
Meanwhile, back in Celestial Valley (the magical land of unicorns, of course), Atalanta the Dream Speaker is fretting over the loss of Princess Arianna. That's right; Ari's a princess. Turns out an evil being named Entia, or the Shifter, exiled her parents, kidnapped her brothers, and almost killed her and Chase, who is actually the Sunchaser, Lord of all animals in Balinor, the land he and Ari come from.
Back to real life. Ari continues to heal and learns to ride Chase again, with the help of Dr. Bohnes. Unfortunately, Ann and Frank are broke, so they decide to lease Chase to a rich girl and her parents. The rich girl's name is Lori Carmichael and is so stereotyped it's not even funny: blonde, spoiled, pretty, prone to temper tantrums....
Ari hates Lori and doesn't want to give Chase up. Duh. Nothing really interesting happens except for Chase starts talking in Ari's head and Lori blames Ari for Chase's bad behavior, so she is severely punished (not).
Finally, she can't take it anymore. Not wanting to lose Chase, Ari runs away with him, but Lori follows with Lincoln. All four of them fall into a nearby cave (hmmm, how convenient), and land in Balinor. To be continued....

More notes:
Of course the main character has to be a princess. Mary-Sue much?

Oh, and her bonded unicorn is the Lord of all Animals.

Wth, Mary Stanton totally copied the Eye of Sauron. Actually, Peter Jackson was the one who took "the Eye" so literally, and the first movie came out in 2001, so in reality, HE copied HER.

Rednal of the Fiery Coals? What kind of name is that? He used to be my favorite unicorn.

Numinor seems like an Andalusian.

OMG, this is the unicorn's rainbow song:
Red and yellow, orange and green
Purple, silver, and blue
The rainbow we make defends those we guard
In Balinor's cities and fields.
Lol, that doesn't even rhyme! I'm totally putting this to music.

Ha. Atalanta says "bullocks".

So the Shifter is an anarchist??

Atalanta and Numinor are so annoying as a married couple. Always arguing. And they both get on my nerves: Atalanta is all demure and beautiful, and Numinor has too much testosterone.

I'm having a lot of trouble picturing Lincoln the collie. They say he's black and gold? But on the cover of #4 he's all chestnut and beautiful.

Wth, the names of her guardians are ANN and FRANK?? Wth, if they're trying to be funny, it's not working.

I like how every unicorn but Chase, Numinor, and Atalanta get a really brief description. Seriously:
It was a stallion. The light gleamed on his bronze coat. His chest and quarters were heavily muscled, his withers well-shaped. But it was his head and eyes that were the most beautiful to Ari. His forehead was broad, the muzzle well-shaped, with delicately flared nostrils. As he stepped forward, she looked deep into his eyes, large, brown, and full of sorrow.
First of all, there are some definite grammatical and punctuation errors in that, but it's so obvious that Mary Stanton is in love with Chase. How do you have well-shaped withers???

Frank: Well, you slept in the palace, I mean - in the house of course.
Nice save.

Okay, whatever. If she was REALLY injured in a car accident (which she so wasn't), how was Chase hurt? And who was driving? And why aren't they hurt? Ari is so gullible.

Atalanta has no sense of humor.

I like how all the matronly unicorns are fat.

I wouldn't want my horse leased out to someone without my permission, but Ari is so selfish.

Aaagh, I hate Chase.
Chase: Ah yes, I know him. But will he obey the Great Me?
I think that was supposed to be funny. Ari's probably giggling her modest head off.

Oh dear, this part of the woods must be dangerous, because no birds sing here and the wildflowers are scarce! :P This isn't Bambi!!!

Who names they're horse Shy-No-More? Or Beecher?

This sentence doesn't use the right tense.
They got even more prominent when she'd told him about the way the caves seem to draw her in, beckoning.
Shouldn't it be "seemed"? And "she had told" is incorrect. HOW DID THIS WOMAN GET PUBLISHED?

Okay, forealz, if you're a bad rider, that doesn't make you an awful person. I hate to say it, but Lori's "riding" verges on animal abuse.

"GIVE HIM THE WHIP! GIVE HIM THE WHIP!" Who says that??? I'd call the police. And PETA.

If you're abusing an animal, it's not your place to order it to be shot. "ALL I DID WAS KICK IT! AND THEN IT BIT ME! I WANT IT SHOT!"

Oh no, Chase starts talking.
"Little man! You shall be dirt beneath my hooves, little man. I will crush his bones with the Snake!"
And Ari's all, "*gasp* *hyperventilate* Oh----my----gosh----I----think-----Chase----is----talking???"

I like how Lori's dad doesn't cuss; he just says "darn" a lot.

Heh. Ari gets attacked by flies.

Ann wants to home-school Ari. Boooo....

Let's see, a dog came into your hospital room and gave you a big ruby necklace, you can't remember anything about your past, and your horse just started talking. Ari, aren't you even the least bit suspicious?

Aaaaagh. Atalanta wasn't talking about saving Chase THAT WAY!! Stupid, stupid, stupid.

ROFL, Lincoln attacks Lori.

Aaaargh. Why does Ari have to be all perfect and Mary Sue? She should slap Lori. But no. She decides to "ignore her". Sweetie, that NEVER WORKS.

:P She leaves a "coded" note for Doctor Bohnes.
"Sell the DOG LEASH in my sock drawer!
PLEASE!
Love, Ari."
Yeah, that wasn't WAY OBVIOUS, seeing as DOG LEASH was in CAPITALS.

His name is TOBIANO. I'm seeing a paint here, not an appaloosa.

I hate how they make a huge deal about Tobiano being so "rude". I like him.

How does a black and white unicorn fit in the rainbow?

Yeah, a cave that smells like death and is inhabited by flies. Let's go there!

Rofl. Lori unashamedly insults Ari. That's refreshing.

Lol, Linc is funny, too. And he has an accent.

And he talks to himself?

OH NO, AN ARMY OF ANGRY BLACK UNICORNS!!! Of course black is evil. I personally think red is an "eviller" color than black.

Lori: What was that?
Ari: Uh, bears?
Yeah, that's believable.

ROFL, this is my favorite part in the whole book: Ari looks around and sees a sign that says, "Welcome to Balinor". LOL. I find that really hilarious. That seems so anachronistic.

Yeah, so there you have it. I've been stalling, but I'll post another Balinor tomorrow, and then the first of the Horseshoe trilogies.

A sticky mass of intrigue, or FTFO Madison Finn #4: Caught In the Web

Okaaaaay, so the library's website has a new colorscheme: purple and green. I'm not exactly sure what that stands for...Barney, maybe? Lol. No, seriously, it's weird.



Plot: Yay, it's almost Halloween. (I like how I'm posting this a month after Halloween. KRL sucks.) Madison joins the Halloween dance committee (sp?), but gets stuck in charge of decorations...WITH IVY DALY!!! *gasp* No, not that, anything but that!
Our adventurous little seventh grader has also entered an online story contest...although she doesn't have a story yet.
Nothing really happens in this book except Ivy is all bratty and mean to Madison, Madison practically throws up every time she sees Hart, and she has a "scary" sleepover with Fiona and Aimee, but things get a little TOO scary for them.
*sigh* All right, there's this story about Fiona's house that a woman named Mrs. Martin went upstairs to look for a dress to wear to a party, then decided to hide in a big trunk to surprise her husband. WTH??? Who does that??? Anyway, she got stuck inside, so her husband thought maybe she ran away. He dies of a broken heart and everyone just leaves the old trunk alone, until one day some movers come and find her shriveled up decomposed dead body. WHAT KIND OF GHOST STORY IS THAT???? That's worse than that "urban legend" I heard about some guy's wife who went to the bathroom, never came back, and ended up in a freakshow. I mean, that's some seriously crappy lying.
So at the sleepover, the girls use an (I'm not sure if "an" or "a" would be appropriate here, since Ouija is pronounced so weird) Ouija board to ask the ghost of Mrs. Martin if she'll go away. They end up getting locked in the bathroom with the lights off and they shriek for a while. Later, they go up into the attic and find a trunk, which they open. What? There's nothing inside? Um...duh.
More exciting things: Aimee gets a screenname on Bigfishbowl.com and finds out about Bigwheels. :P
At the dance, Madison dresses as Aphrodite and has a horrible time because Ivy flirts with Hart. But at least she learned an important lesson.... Um, WHAT? WHAT IMPORTANT LESSON? It says in the back of the book:
Madison's Computer Tip: Never download files from unknown senders.
What does that have anything to do with life and boys?

More notes:
Madison makes deep observations about "The Tell-Tale Heart". "It was weirder than weird."

Ha! Madison says she likes Hart because he's so smart. Oh, and he's cute. :P

Ivy: Wait! Wait, who are the Celtics again?
Chet: Just one of the best basketball teams ever!

Ooh! Mini pizzas and Cherry Garcia! This sleepover'll be a blast! Actually, that sounds pretty good to me.

Lol!! "You shouldn't mock ghosts, Maddie! Seriously! There are ghosts everywhere. You saw the 'Sixth Sense'."
Yeah, Bruce Willis never lies.

I can't believe Madison hasn't made a pun about "The Tell-Tale HART!" Hahahaha.

I agree that Aimee's brother Billy is boring. In like six books she seems to forget that she has a fourth brother. Also, he's so boring they never tell us how old he is and what he looks like.

Spanish for students is "estudiantes"? That's pretty close to the French word for study, but students is "eleve". Sorry, I'll shut up.

Wth!!! Ivy gets away with being late.

Uh oh, both Maddie and Ivy want to head decorations...
Ivy: Madison, I really think we both know who'd be better at taking care of the decorating, don't we?
Omg, that's so mean!!
Aimee: We do know who'd be better, Ivy. But I think Madison would like to give you a chance, too.
BAM! This is the one time I do not hate Aimee.

They still call Food Sciences "Home Ec". Man, I miss home ec.

Um, weird? Read this sentence:
"Her dad and his new girlfriend, Stephanie, Madison, and Aimee were going on a late afternoon trip to Peterson's Farm."
Doesn't that make it seem like her dad's girlfriend AND a girl named Stephanie are going? Sorry, it just bothered me.

Aimee was wearing a sweater that totally reminded me of a purple sweater that I used to have, and I really loved it, but then I saw a picture of me in 7th grade singing in children's choir (BLECH) and Emily was wearing it and I got really mad for some reason.

Aimee has the worst ideas for a screenname ever. "Twinkle toes? Bertha Big Butt?" Wtf?? Honestly.

AND she sucks at IMing. "What does 'C U' mean???"

I think Brbiedoll is the best screenname ever. Kidding.

Wth, Madison's all freaked out about Aimee finding out about Bigwheels and is all, "WRONG E-MAIL ADDRESS!" Seriously, who cares if you have friends online? As long as their not middle-aged perverts?

Wth, Drew is so annoying. "Bell's about to ring, Egg. Egg, the bell's going to ring in like a minute. EGG! THE BELL!" I keep picturing him like ASB-BFF-Drew.

This is the most boring conversation I've ever heard.
Ivy: Whassup?
Hart: Not much. Whassup with you?
Ivy: Nothing.
Hart: So...what's going on?
Ivy: Nothing. What's going on with you?

Chet: Did you say Stein? As in Frank-en-stein?
Mr. Stein: Not Frank. BOB.
ROFL, this cracked me up.

Ew, Ivy is such a slut.

I hope Aimee knows that lip gloss is made from animals.

A $25 mystery game seems like a pretty lame prize for a story contest. I'd rather just get publicity...and maybe some cash.

I kind of feel bad for Maddie, cuz I stutter all the freaking time, but really:
"Hart? H-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-hey."

Hart: Yech. You have more guts than me, Finnster. I'm having a bologna sandwich today.
This made me start laughing really hard and I have NO IDEA WHY.

HART BLOWS IVY OFF!

Fiona is so hitting on Hart. Wth, stop it.

And she "flirts" with Egg by cocking her head. I'm going to try it, lol.
"Um, what are you doing?"
"Um, duh, flirting with you. *severe head cockage*"

Hey, there's nothing wrong with having hairy arms, Madison.

Madison tries on a cropped T-shirt and is surprised to find that it hangs down lower on her than it did on Fiona. Maybe because Fiona's taller and actually has boobs? Lol, coming from an A-cup. Just saying.

Foreshadowing of Aimee's eating disorder.

I don't get parents who don't let their kids see ANY PG-13 movies. I mean, that's good if you're like 7, but at 12, you should be able to watch a few. Unless it's Ben Stiller PG-13.

Yay, let's encourage communication with demons!!

Fiona's middle name is Jane??????

Dean knows how to pick locks???????

Yeah, of course the chest is empty. Even if the story is true (ha), did you really think after they'd opened the chest they'd just leave the body in there?

Whoa, aren't girls these days talking about doing much more than DANCING with a boy? Wait...you know what...shutting up.

Yay, Mrs. Martin tells them machkl. This is why I don't believe in that stuff.

Wow. Read Madison's story:
The Secret of the Old Trunk
It was a dark and stormy night. The house was dead quiet, except for the sound of leaves and rain on the roof. An old man stared at a picture on the wall. It was his wife. Her name was Ivy. [OMG, SHE'S WRITING A SCARY STORY ABOUT IVY??? And those last three sentences were too choppy, they could've been combined.] She had gone up to the attic before her wedding day to get an old blue dress in the old trunk. That was what she said. But she never returned. Her husband-to-be looked everywhere for her, but found nothing. He didn't look in the chest, though. It was sealed shut. [Wait, then she's not actually his wife if they never got married.]
Years went by.
One summer, the man's niece came to stay with him. Her name was Ivy, after the aunt she never knew. She found a photo album with pictures of Ivy and asked a lot of questions. The old man didn't like her being so nosy. She asked if she could go into the attic one day, and he said no, if was off-limits. But she went anyway.
When she got up there, she saw a trunk. It was very late at night, so she tried to be as quiet as a mouse. She had a skeleton key in her pocket to open the trunk. [Um, where did she get the key????] It worked and the lid cracked open.
There was an awful, terrible smell. She raised the lid a little more. Then she heard footsteps behind her.
"Go ahead and open it," the voice said. She knew it was the old man. He said, "Open it," three times.
She trembled and quaked.
"I SAID, OPEN IT!" the man screamed at her.
The girl pushed open the lid, covering her nose and eyes as she did. She gasped with fear.
"Look inside," the man said.
And so the girl did. She leaned over and peered in.
"OH!" the girl screamed when she saw what was inside.
It was a blue dress!
The man put his hand on his niece's shoulder and squeezed tight.
"I keep this in here," the man said in a low voice. "In case my dear Ivy wants to wear it...to her GHOST ball!"

Ooooh the agony.

Drew is so stalking Maddie.

Ivy goes as the devil, lol.

Wth, Lindsay Frost goes as a gorilla. Um, Lindsay...?

I wish I could dance....

Lol, she almost falls on Hart. Madison, not Lindsay.

He thinks she's Hercules.

"It was one of those song where everyone is supposed to do the same motions at the same time." Like that ridiculous dance sequence in "She's All That"?

Omg! Egg took Fiona's lei! That's, like, practically having sex!!! Aimee makes a huge deal about this.

Ivy's insults don't make sense.

They walk down the "scary hallway" (awful name) and Hart keeps going, "Finnster, you back there? Finnster, you still there? Finnster, are you okay?" It's way annoying.

UGH AIMEE SHUT UP!

No duh, Aimee doesn't really care that you have Bigwheels.

Madison is afraid of dancing badly and kissing a boy. What a coincidence....

PUMPKIN CAKE!!

Madison wins a runner-up prize in the story contest, but we're never actually told what she won. Or HOW she won.

Yeah. That's it. I have a new Pony Pal, some Horseshoe Trilogy books, another Avalon, and Unicorns of Balinor. I think I'll start w/ Unicorns. Seeya.

They're also called ripples, or Avalon: Web of Magic #1: Circles in the Stream

Well, ladies and jellybeans, it's finally here. You won't like it, though. I definitely did not. My favorite book from 4th grade was a pain to go through again. Let's examine the cover, first of all. It's all psychadelic, like an acid trip. That should have been my first clue. But I pressed onward. So, here you go: one messed up badly written preteen fantasy novel, summarized (and criticized) for your pleasure.



Plot: Emily Fletcher has just moved to Pennsylvania from Colorado with her newly divorced veterinarian mom Carolyn. Wow, how's that for a first sentence? All she does for the first few pages is pout and help out at her mom's "Pet Palace" *gag* and animal hospital. Then one night, a mysterious girl (mysterious because she wears all black and is Native American) brings in a cat that has hideous burns all over her body. Emily manages to calm it down, but can't help her mom take care of it. Um, WHY DO WE NEED TO KNOW THIS?? It doesn't apply to the plot AT ALL.
A few days later, while playing with her dogs in the Ravenswood Wildlife Preserve, she finds a seemingly "magical" stone that changes colors and is almost attacked by a mysterious creature, but is saved by an odd wolf (odd because she can change into a silvery mist at will). She goes there again the next day and runs into the strange girl (whose name is Adriane) and a TALKING FERRET NAMED OZZIE! Yeah, this book already sucks. Adriane has a "magical" stone, too, and is best friends with Stormbringer, the mistwolf that saved Emily's life. :P Soooo much information.
Adriane and Emily find out that Ozzie is actually an elf-turned-ferret and is trying to find three mages for some people called the Fairimentals; a healer, a warrior, and a blazing star are on his shopping list. Emily fits the description of a healer after she heals a glen full of sick "magical" creatures, and Adriane proves to be a warrior after she saves their new friend Phelonius the purple bear from hunters.
More one Phel: He is a fairy creature, not a purple bear (I know, confusing, right? I suck at explaining things), whose job is to spread magic in Pennsylvania, I guess. But Phel is losing magic fast, and the mayor has threatened to shut down Ravenswood!!! Something about danger and quarantine.... To change his mind, Emily and Adriane enlist the help of his daughter, Kara Davies. In exchange for her help, however, Kara makes them promise to tell her where she can find a jewel like theirs.
The trip to Ravenswood with Kara does not go as planned and when Phel tries to give Kara a fairy map, she freaks out and tells her dad that the place is dangerous. Animal Control takes Phel, which p***es of Emily and Adriane. They go on a rescue mission, along with Kara (who they guilted into coming), Ozzie, and Stormbringer (also called Storm).
Hang on, we're almost done.
Yay, they save Phel, but are attacked by a manticore!! He infects Phel with Black Fire, a hideous disease that has been affecting all the animals in Ravenswood, including the cat from the beginning of the story. All he wants is the fairy map, it turns out. But Emily, Adriane, and Kara have something to say about that. So they pwn hm, send Phel home, and open Ravenswood to the public for wildlife tours. It even attains landmark status!!! Yay!!! Magic rules!!!
Phew.

More notes:
Come on, the place is called Pet Palace. That's worse than Petco.

I keep picturing a naked cat and it's making me laugh rather than filling me with pity.

"'Kevin, stop it,' Emily shook her head. 'There are no such things as witches.'"
Actually, there are, if you count Wiccans.

Ooh, listen to this catty remark.
"I think she lives over at Clueless Farms. She must have forgotten her pitchfork."
Wth, that doesn't make any sense.

Ravenswood Wildlife Preserve
Open 11 A.M. to Duh
wth???

What kind of dog noise is Ruff-chooo?

If little stick people were talking to me, I'd be peeing my pants.

"She thought of E-mailing her dad. He was a scientist. He'd know what to do. But what would she say. 'Dear Dad, having a terrific time here. Today I met some monsters and a ghostwolf, and I discovered some new flower with rainbow seeds that light up like tiny fireworks.' Ha! Her dad would think she had moved to Transylvania, not Pennsylvania."
I thought Transylvania was known for vampire legends....

Lol, she has a Pooh night light.

"Oweeeiiioo!"
What kind of scream is that? That sounds like a line from that "Killer Tofu" song in that show "Doug". Aagh, I hated that show.

Hiking boots do not go with black attire. Unless they, of course, are black.

Why is wearing black and being socially inept considered strange? Wait....

Ugh this dialogue is SO ANNOYING!
Ozzie: Owwie, owwwie...ow - Aghhh!!!!
Emily: Hold still a minute. I haven't done anything yet.
Ozzie: Oh.
Emily: It's...it can't be - but I think it's talking!
Adriane: Score one for you.

Adriane is definitely my least favorite character, but Emily is getting on my nerves pretty fast.

Adriane also has jealousy issues.

And all she talks about is being a free spirit and running with the freaking wolves.

Carolyn: Didn't I tell you to stay out of those woods? It's not safe up there!
Ozzie: I agree!
Adriane: Shut up!
Carolyn: What?
Adriane: Uh, wassup? With his paw, I mean.
Nice cover.

Emily: Yucky charms? They're magically delicious.
Omg...I don't think I can do this.

Ozzie: I'm really an elf, you know.
Ah yes, and he wants to be a dentist.

Sure, good idea, lie to your mom about Ravenswood Preserve! I mean, it only needs to be quarantined!!

Adriane: The kids around here don't like me much.
Maybe cuz you're a b****?

OH NO, Adriane is half Indian!! I have nothing against Indians (Native Americans and actual Indians), but this series has such a stereotypical annoying portrayal of them!! Adriane's grandma, AKA Gran, is always saying crap about, "You are strong, Little Bird," and telling them myths and legends.

Hey, if you're talking about cookies, I want to know EXACTLY what kind of cookies you're talking about!

"Ah, Little Bird, you are so full of fire. Sometimes patience is the road to follow."
Now it's Chinese proverb time!!

"A tiny pebble, thrown into a quiet pond, makes one ripple, then another, then a whole wave of ripples that spread in every-growing circles."
I thought you were Indian.

"Adriane's room was an explosion of color. Bright yellow pain peeked out in the spaces between the patchwork of posters on the walls; the ceiling was dark blue with constellations of glwo-in-the-dark stars. Emily studied the posters. Rock bands, mountain climbers high above the lcouds, mountain bikers careening down dirt trails, snow boarders shooting sprays of white snow... She hardly knew Adriane, but she never would have pegged her for the type to have a room like this!"
Lol, I was picturing a room with black walls covered by Marilyn Manson posters!!

Her parents are artists and her grandma lives in a cottage and she has A FENDER STRAT??? Ugh, I remember her being all musical and crap. Book #5.

They mention dreamcatchers. That is so Stephen King-y.

Lame. Adriane walks alone like a Demon Hunter song and thinks friends are overrated. Retarded.

Navy blue and black don't go together, Adriane.

Sure, you can pass off a giant purple fairy as a rare panda.

ROFL! I love the quiffles!
Quiffle: Are you a mage?
Emily: Mage? No, I'm a girl. [That is so "Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe"-y.]
Quiffle: *pause* All right then.

Rachel Roberts totally rips off Hedwig.

Emily: What's your name?
Quiffle: Ronif. I'm a quiffle.
Emily: My name is Emily. These are my friends, Adriane, Ozzie, and Stormbringer.
Ronif: All right then.

I started saying "gah" a lot like Ozzie after reading this book.

Ozzie: Hey, now, I may be a ferret, but I can still dance! Look, the wigjig!
AAAAAAAAGH THE AGONY!!!

"What I wouldn't give for feet." *blink blink blink blink blink*

The Fairimentals have crappy handwriting.

Yeah, Adriane "hates" labels.
"Who wears pink sweaters and perfectly matched pink sneakers? She's such a Barbie!"
Hypocrite.

Omg, they describe Kara's outfits in detail!
The third girl, the one on the end, turned slowly. Clad in a pink tube top, khaki shorts, and pink sneakers, she worse her long blond hair looser under a studded baseball cap.

Carolyn is such a moody ho.

"What? Is there gum in my teeth?"
HOW DO YOU GET GUM IN YOUR TEETH????

I like how not stereotyped Kara is. "Daddy always listens to me."

Lol, I used to hate Kara, but she's my new favorite character. "Sure, I'm a power shopper!"
Adriane: *glare of death*
Kara: Like what's with her?

Yay, a book where children are actually disciplined by their parents for wrongdoing!

MORE OUTFITS!
The blond girl wore a silver silk jacket over a pink T-shirt that said ROCK STAR in fake silver gems. Light green shorts and strappy sandals completed the outfit.
And this is for a wlak in the woods?

Ugh, retarded. "Do you always wear black?" "Just until they invent a darker color!"

LOL! "You know, you should really try a little bran in your diet."

"Face it, Barbie. The magic doesn't like you."

"I am turning around right now and going to the mall, where normal people go!" Teehee.

Oh no, the magical cat is talking to her. "Taking and giving completes our circle. It's time to let go. Have faith, healer. The magic with you, now and forever." Isn't that a Jump5 song?

Oh dear, a big purple bear is terrorizing the town.

Kara calls Adriane Pocahontas? That's funny, but isn't that racist?

Kara: Well, I have some magic of my own.
Adriane: Oh?
Kara: Yeah. It's call a cell phone.
OMG, I love Kara.

They get a phone call in the middle of their rescue mission!
Kara: Oh hi, Heather! *to other girls* It's Heather. Ooo, really? I love pink. How does it look?
Adriane: This call is, like, so over!
Kara: That was, like, so rude!

Ozzie almost dies. Tartar sauce.

And Kara kisses Ozzie? Bestiality, anyone?
"You ever tell anyone I kissed a ferret, I'll have you stuffed!"

Phel starts flying. This sounds like something from "My Neighbor Totoro".

YES, OZZIE WENT BACK INTO THE PORTAL!!

The battle scene sounds like something from He-Man.

Storm almost died, too, but noooo.

Agh, Ozzie comes back.
Emily: Ozzie! *runningleaphug* What happened? We thought you went home.
Ozzie: And miss all this excitement? With all the trouble you get into, who do you think is going to look after you three?
Emily: But I thought you wanted to go home.
Ozzie: I did, and here I am.
GAG, GAGGING, GAGS!!!

Adriane: I love you! You're the best!
What is this, a Pony Pals book?
Storm: I'd rather be running with you through the forest.
MORE RETARDED RUNNING WITH WOLVES.

So Kara is sort of friends with them, and she saves their butts, and now their going to make a Ravenswood website. They don't actually have one, but you can go to this site, which tells you a little more about the characters. They have some RIDICULOUS illustrations, though, of the girls in hip-juttingly preppy poses. If you click on the dreamcatcher or the shiny jewels, you have to answer the big question: do you believe in magic? If yes, they'll take you to the "secret site", which is just as sad as the home site. Enjoy yourselves. I got a new Pony Pals, and have a bunch of other books, so I'll be posting quite regularly. Hopefully a new Madison Finn tomorrow.