Months of toil now at an end, or Pony Pals Super Special #6: The Last Pony Ride

This is it, guys. The very last Pony Pals book.



Plot: Major changes are going on in Wiggins. Lulu's father wants to her to move to Africa with him! Pam and Anna are getting too big for their ponies!!! What is going on???
First, let's deal with Pam: Pam finds it's getting a tad uncomfortable to ride Lightning. At the same time, Eleanor Whats-her-face has given Pam her horse Starfire after a tragic riding accident, forcing him (not her; she got a new horse) to retire early. Pam is torn between the pony she loves and the horse she longs to care for.
Her mom is totally NOT helping, by hinting that Lightning is a boring old nag that should be sold for glue.
In the end, Pam chooses to keep Starfire and let her mom use Lightning as a school pony, but still take care of her old pony every day.
Good choice.
Now Lulu: Her dad suddenly wants her to move to Africa with him, because he doesn't want to miss her childhood.
Hello???
Then why did you dump her in Wiggins with her grandmother in the FIRST PLACE???
Lulu begs her father to let her stay in Wiggins, with her FRIENDS, and GRANDMA, and PONY, but her dad insists she move to a country (Botwswana) with civil wars so she can make new friends. Because introverts are soooooo good at that.
Lulu has been defeated by her SUCKY FATHER!!! She decides to give Snow White to Anna, because Snow White is the perfect size for her 4'10" friend.
Anna: Basically what was just said about Lulu. She doesn't want her friends to move and change and go through puberty and that, and she doesn't want to give up Acorn. So she asks her parents if she can have TWO ponies (Snow White and Acorn), and Mike Lacey agrees to help her with barn chores so she doesn't get behind in school.
So Anna has two ponies, Lulu has no pony, and Pam has a horse AND a pony.
Not fair.
So Lulu moves to Africa, taking with her a scrapbook of all the Pony Pal's adventures. AWwww.

More notes:
Can I just say I REALLY liked this book? It was sweet.
Except for all the really bad parents.

Isn't Botswana one of the wartorn countries??

Ooh, Lulu got to ride an elephant!! How exotic!

Whatever. I could still ride ponies like Acorn in like 6th grade at 5'4". Anna is 6 inches shorter than that. She needs to suck it up. Just lengthen your stirrups, honey.

Eleanor is such a fake. "Oooh, I miss Starfire! He'll never be able to compete again!"
So she dumps him on a ten-year-old and buys a NEW horse to compete with.

Pam is 5'4", too, and she's too big for Lightning???? Lightning is 14 hands. She should be the perfect height!!

Pam's mom is so annoying. I really, REALLY despise her.

Ugh.
Eleanor: I thought Starfire and I wouldbe a team forever. Now I'm training another horse. I'll walk him around a little. Then I have to go back and ride my new horse. You'll always be my star! *sob*
-_-

Mr. Crandal shaved!!!!!!! He looks Samoan.

Starfire is so named because he has a white STAR marking on his forehead, but that marking is not evident in the illustration.

Ooh, Dr. Crandal's in on it, too.
If your daughter was happy with a pony, why wouldn't you let her be??
And if Pam isn't too big to ride DAISY and SPLASH and train numerous other ponies, she really shouldn't be too big for Lightning!

Mike: Is this something for Lulu?
Anna: Yeah. It's going to say 'Welcome home.' Pam was supposed to write it, but she's not here yet. And Lulu will be here any minute.
Mike: I'll write it for you. I print good.
Yeah, but you don't speak so well.

The writing in this book is definitely more improved than previous books, but Ms. Betancourt still has a tendency to repeat phrases.

Okay, Mr. Sanders wants Lulu to have some permanence in her life, so he's ripping her out of her comfortable life in Wiggins to live with him in Botswana...FOR TWO YEARS. THEN where are they going to move, I wonder?

Oh, it's going to be so great, Lulu! People speak English there, and you can go to school, and your dad bought an apartment for the two of you!
Oh, and you can't bring Snow White.

Pam: Did you tell your dad you didn't want to move to Africa?
Lulu: It seemed like an okay idea when I was there.

Anna: What does your grandmother always want us to do?
Lulu: Be girlie girls.
I'm glad she has such high expectations.

They let Grandma Sandy give them makeovers, then beg her to tell her irresponsible son to let his daughter stay where she pleases.

Grandma: Makeovers! What a lovely idea. I have a great idea for Anna's hair. A shade of pink nail polish would be perfect for girls your age. And there's a new aqua one with sparkles.
Lulu: I bet Pam would like that one.
Hehehe.

SHE STRAIGHTENS ANNA'S HAIR!!

I think Pam is over Lightning. She forgets what gender her pony is.

This sounds like something from a horror movie.
"Lulu's grandmother turned her attention to Lulu. 'Now I am going to give you curls,' she announced cheerfully."

Whoa, pink and silver beads totally don't go with sparkly aqua nail polish.

Moral of this story: Tomboys are better.

Charlie's back in town!! What, he's 12??? I thought he was 14. He's best friends with Mike and Tommy, isn't he??? WHY WOULD THEY HANG OUT WITH A 12-YEAR-OLD??

Uh oh. They go out to dinner at the diner, looking like girls...and see Tommy, Charlie, and Mike.
Recipe for disaster.

Tommy: Look at the Pony Pests. They're trying to be girls.
Jerk. He's probably a homophobe.
Which is weird, cuz he's gay with Mike.
Is it possible to be a gay homophobe?
I guess that's called hypocrisy.

Meow, Lulu looks like Evangeline Lilly.

Grandma: Riding helmets will crush your new hairdos.
Forsake your riding safety, Lulu! I don't care if you die in a riding accident as long as your corpse looks good!

Then she says: Don't worry about it, dear. It's you I love. Not what your hair looks like.
Which is, like, the opposite of what you've been telling her all these years.

Surprise! Starfire is Pam's now.
And her mom still sucks.

Mrs. Crandal totally drops that bomb on her, and then when Pam reacts, is all, "Sorry, I'm busy, we'll discuss this later."
Haaaate.

Anna's in denial. She doesn't realize she's too huge for Acorn (though in the picture all the girls are the same size and look aptly suited to their ponies).

WHOA!!!
Never tell Anna anything, or she might react like this:
"You're going to have a horse! You're giving up Lightning! If you have Starfire, you won't ride her at all. You're disloyal and you're bad Pony Pals. Both of you!!"
*runs away crying*

The Pony Pals decide to let her cool off on her own for a while.
THEY'RE LEARNING! HALLELUJAH!

Oh. Anna admits she's a little psycho. And sad. And resistant to change.
Awwww.


I HATE LULU'S DAD!!!
He's SO SELFISH! If he wants to be with Lulu so badly, why isn't he putting her best interests into the picture??
It's been about his career all this time, and it's STILL about his career.
He claims he doesn't want to miss anymore of her childhood, that she should remain in one place, and that they belong together.
If that's so, MOVE TO WIGGINS TO BE WITH YOUR KID, YOU SELFISH LOSER!!!
He's SUCH a jerk.
And it sucks cuz Lulu probably knows this, but she does love and her dad and wants to live with him.
This is the part of the book that made me really sad. And incensed. But pretty sad, too.

THE MOMENT OF TRUTH:
Tommy: Good riddance. We have too many Pony Pests around here. We need pest control.
Mike: Stop it! Stop being mean. It's not funny.
Tommy: Good riddance to you, too. You're a bigger pest than they are.

Wow. I guess it's really over. Now Mike and Anna can hook up!!
Unless...uh oh....
Mike: He makes me so mad sometimes. He's a lousy friend.
Charlie: *pats him on the back* You can find better guys than him to hang out with. [Read: ME!]
Mike: *smile* I guess.
Awww, so much for Mike + Anna.
That would be the awesomest fanfic ever. An Anna, Mike, and Charlie love triangle.

Lulu thinks up some pretty smart ideas.
Idea #1: She wants to give Snow White to Anna, because Snow White knows Anna and giving her away is easier than selling her.
Idea #2: They can enter the 21st century (yay!) and use e-mail to communicate.
They agree to e-mail every week.
Every WEEK?? Come on. Use IM and talk every DAY.

What's with the idea that hobbies detract from schoolwork? I disagree. There can be a balance, and Anna does have a legitimate learning disability.

Mrs. Harley isn't the nicest mom either.
Anna: Acorn and Snow White shouldn't be seperated. They're best friends. They're stablemates.
Mrs. Harley: Of course they can be separated. Ponies are bought and sold all the time. You can only have one pony. That's more than most kids have. I'm sorry, Anna. You'll have to decide what pony you want.
Harsh!! I can understand the financial burden another pony would bring, but seriously??? Your kid's grades should have NOTHING to do with the decision, lady. And she has to choose? Way mean.

No way!!!
Rosalie wishes she could ride ponies more often.
Anna can't take care of two ponies.
Mike offers to take care of both ponies, in exchange for more riding time for Rosalie.
That's so nice!!!!

Basically, they make Mike do ALL the barn chores.
Whoa, that wasn't in the agreement. Anna should still help out.

Haha, we find out the Pony Pals' middle names.
Mike's middle name is John. Lame.
Charlie's is K. Huh. Like Harry S. Truman.
Pam's is Eleanor (after the famous chick who tossed her injured horse over Pam's way).
Anna's is Marie.
Lulu doesn't have a middle name. That's why she's no longer in the club and has to move to Africa.

"I heard you're moving to AFrica. It's a wonderful oppurtunity for you."
That's Mr. Harley talking. I suppose that's true, but all the same, how inconsiderate.
This girl has to leave most of her family and friends (AND PONY) to a completely different culture where there are wars and dangerous animals and excessive heat.
Not that I have anything against Africa (quite the opposite), but if I was forced to move there, I'd be cutting myself now.

How convenient. Rosalie is the perfect size for Acorn. So, in essence, Acorn is Rosalie's pony now.

Yay, the Harley's agreed!

They say goodbye to almost everyone in Wiggins, and reference quite a few of the past books. This includes:
Ms. McGee (Historical Society Chick); Mike's grandma (after they found her secret letter in the secret spot in #31); Ms. Raskins (the slacker girl in charge of St. Francis Animal Shelter); Eve Greeley and Lucky (the pony they raised from birth); Mr. and Mrs. Quinn (the old people with the old pony); Mimi Klein and Tongo (the bratty girl with her bratty pony); Mr. Olson (creepy old man/Charlie's uncle); and Mr. Remington (the cool, Harry Potter-obsessed librarian).

They throw a going-away party for Lulu, where they serve all her favorite foods: spaghetti and brownies!!!

Aw. Grandma Sandy buys them matching pony necklaces to help them remember the now defunct Pony Pals.

They have a profile in the back of the book on each character and pony.
Lulu is 5 feet, and likes detective work and spaghetti, but not fussing with her hair.
Anna is 4'10" (!!), and likes brownies and drawing, but not school.
Pam is 5'4" (at 10 years old!!!), and likes jumping and being in charge (that's for sure), but not bossy people (ironically enough).

The Happiest Pony Pal Moment:
When Lulu got Snow White and we knew we would be the Pony Pals.
I can think of happier Pony Pal Moments.
Not off the top of my head, but if I tried really hard....

The Saddest Pony Pal Moment:
When we found out that Lulu was moving.
What about when Winston died?
Well, yeah, I guess friend moving FOREVER trumps pony dying FOREVER.
Not even being sarcastic.

Awww. I miss them already.
Seriously, when did I start this blog?? Remember when it was originally JUST Pony Pals?
Well, now there are no more Pony Pals...
...AND I REALLY MISS THEM.
But I do have plenty of Madison Finns to keep you entertained. That should be fun.
Next stop: Madison Finn Super Special #1. Someone's getting married!!!

This event will be followed by the Teddy Bear Picnic, or Pony Pals #38: Ponies on Parade

After this, only one more Pony Pal to go!!! Aaaagh!!
I like how it took Jeanne Betancourt 38 books to improve her writing. This book isn't spectacular and shouldn't win any awards, but it's probably one of the best Pony Pals books. Except for the fact that Acorn looks like a Wookiee on the cover.



Plot: The Pony Pals are SUPER excited for the Fall Festival, where there will be fun games, fatty foods, and crisp autumn leaves to enjoy!!!
This year, the town is doing something special; they're picking 10 people to each paint a lifesize statue of a pony.
Okay, what is this town's obsession with ponies?
Anna really wants to enter, but she doesn't have any ideas...and her homework is keeping her busy.
The Pony Pals help her brainstorm and finish her essay.
Anna paints her lifesize pony statue to look just like Acorn, and writes a bunch of Shetland facts on the sides.
But Tommy Rand, after having several angry altercations with the Pony Pals, decides to get revenge and paints graffiti all over Anna's pony!!!
Plus, he tries to pin it on Mike by writing "ML was here".
Nice try, Tommy.
Anna manages to fix the pony, and Mike apologize's for his boyfriend's behavior. Tommy, however, isn't the least bit sorry.
The Pony Pals decide to teach him a lesson. The pony statues are to be auctioned off at the Fall Festival, so the Pony Pals convince Mrs. Rand (Tommy's mother) that Tommy misses Acorn and he needs the statue to remind him of his old pony.
So Mrs. Rand buys the statue at the auction!!!!
Then she gets up on stage and tells everyone how much her son loves ponies!!!
Try the best Pony Pals ending ever!!!

More notes:
Anyone can write a research paper in two days. I've done it. My friends do it all the time. College students often have less time than that. Anna needs to suck it up.

The best way to get a paper done is to procrastinate.

Pam and Lulu are such losers.
Lulu: I finished my paper about Mount Morris. It's five pages long. Now all I have to do is make sure there aren't any mistakes.
[Writing about Mount Morris was a pretty big mistake.]
Pam: I almost finished mine, too. I learned so much about ballpoint pens. They used to leak like crazy.
[Golly, Lulu! Ballpoint pens are so fascinating!! They used to leak!! If you got to write a research paper on ANYTHING in the world, wouldn't you write about something controversial or interesting??]

I want to know where they get these lifesize ponies.

Out of all the crappy illustrators for the Pony Pals books, Richard Jones is my favorite. These illustrations are pretty stellar.

Tommy and Mike start pelting them with acorns. Ouch.

Ms. Wiggins wants to paint an angel pony, in honor of Winston. XP

WHOAAA!!! Ms. Wiggins has always been tall and thin with dark hair. Now she's tall and thin with BLONDE hair!!!

Some of Anna's ideas include a devil pony and a striped pony. Heheh. I like the devil pony, but it's too Satanic for Anna.

Anna's mom makes her stay home to write her paper...so Anna goes off to ride with the Pony Pals. I foresee a "Lion King" discipline scene. "You deliberately disobeyed me!"

Now we know the reason the boys hate the Pony Pals so much.
Mike: Hey, man. Why'd we have to keep following them?
Tommy: Because we want to mess up their stupid little Pony Pest day. We'll go in the cave and make ghost noises. That'll freak them out. Then it can be our hideout. Get it?
Got it. You're stupid.

5 seconds later, Tommy steps in horse crap.

Mike and Tommy are lost in the woods, so the Pony Pals draw them a map.
Unfortunately, Tommy's bike has a flat tire.
So he takes MIKE'S bike and leaves Mike with HIS bike!
Jerk.

This book was written in 2003, so the Pony Pals are all high-tech, using e-mail.

Lame lame lame. Anna can't decide on a research topic, so she picks Shetland ponies.

She prints out 36 pages on Shetland ponies!!! I'll bet she ran out of ink.

Ha. The Pony Pals are so mean to Tommy.

I hate that misbehaving ponies are never punished. I'm not saying they need to be whipped to death, but hello? Acorn opens the gate with his mouth and steals all their cookies! That's not cute, he could escape and die!!!

Yeah! Mike likes the devil pony, too!!

NOYCE! Mr. Remington the librarian is painting a pony that looks just like Harry Potter!!
Wait, so he has Daniel Radcliffe hair and everything?
Noyce.

Anna got a B-plus and the teacher wrote "Good job" on the paper. No. If you're going to write "Good job", give her at least an A!!!
Maybe it was for grammar mistakes.

Mike is making spaghetti for dinner.
What is wrong with these carb-obsessed freaks!!??

Anna has only 2 days to paint the pony, so her friends decide to take shorter trail rides.
You could always NOT trail ride, giving your more time to paint.

Mike told Tommy about the Pony contest, when he told Anna he WOULDN'T tell!!!
Betrayed!!!

I can't believe he ruined her pony. What a jerk.

Anna honestly thinks Mike did it.
Mike would never do a thing like that, Anna. He loves you.

Tommy practically confesses.

Awwww. Mike offers to help repaint the pony.

Some of the other pony ideas weren't so stellar:
Tuxedo Pony, Patriotic Pony, Glitter Pony, Little Red Riding Pony, Unicorn Pony, Baseball Pony, and Sky Pony are some of them.

AAAAH, THE PONY PALS ARE SO EVIL...BUT FUNNY!
Mrs. Rand: Anna Harley, this is perfect copy of Acorn. Absolutely perfect. Acorn was such a good pony. I miss him.
Lulu: I think Tommy misses Acorn, too.
Pam: He talks about Acorn sometimes.
Mrs. Rand: I'm so glad you told me that. Tommy's growing up so fast. Sometimes I don't recognize my sweet little boy.
Anna: Maybe you should buy My Pony at the auction. Then Tommy can always remember his time with Acorn.
Tee hee.

Mr. Olson almost buys the Acorn Pony!!! Go away, creepy pedophile!! Go back to your cowboy nephew!!

Mrs. Rand wins.

OH NO!
Mrs. Rand: Acorn was my son's pony. He's missed him. Now he'll always have Acorn.

Aaah, good times, good times.
Only one more Pony Pals book to go!!
And Lulu's moving to Africa!! Oh no!!!

Way to give away the end, or FTFO Madison Finn #15: Off the Wall

Don't you hate it when the library has every book in a series...
...except the one you need???
I'm trying to find a stupid picture of this book, and my library site, of course, doesn't have this one.
You know what sucks? I ordered a BUNCH of Madison Finns that I've never read, and I'm not going to be able to read them, because I'm trying to do this in series order!!! Aaargh!



Plot: Something is very, very wrong in Far Hills. Madison's favorite teacher, Mrs. Wing, has gone missing!!! She and her husband have just up and left, without leaving a note or anything!
Madison is worrieder than worried.
If that wasn't enough, Aimee's dog Blossom is about to have puppies...with another bassett hound! See, Madison and Aimee made a pact in fourth grade that had something to do with Phin and Blossom having puppies together. It appears Aimee has broken the pact!!
To get her mind off things, Madison checks out a web Egg reccomended to her called "The Wall". The Wall is full of juicy gossip, AKA heaven for 7th grade girls.
Oh no! Someone starts posting nasty things about Madison's friends...and it looks like Madison is to blame! Will Fiona, Aimee, and Lindsay ever talk to her again?
After a little bit of digging, Madison finds out the culprit is none other than Ivy herself (saw it coming).
To get back at the fiend, she writes a very nasty message about Ivy and posts it on The Wall.
Afterwards, she is racked with guilt and tells her parents everything.
They help her take down the message...and then ground her and take away her computer for a month.
OUCH.
Fiona, Aimee, and Lindsay apologize to Madison for not believing her, and everything is rosy once more.
Oh yeah, Madison forgets about the puppies, and Mrs. Wing, it turns out, left to adopt a baby!! Yay!! Sunshine and flowers!!

More notes:
Why are school computers always so slow?

Lance has a crush on Madison, but she is repulsed by his nose-picking and cheerful, "Howdy"s.

The new computer substitute is cool, lol.
"Holy cow! It took me a century to find you cats."

Mrs. Wing leaves Madison in charge...because she's the class expert.
How embarrassingly flattering.

Egg: Get out of here. I would whomp you.
"Whomp" you?? Wth?? Who says that?

Madison and Aimee "enjoy" watching Fiona and Chet's fights.
Enjoy??? What's to enjoy? Those are so awkward!

There is no way boys gossip more than girls.
But they do gossip quite a bit.

Egg sings The Wall's praises, because there aren't any moderators.
RED FLAG! RED FLAG!

There are a buttload of rules that nobody's going to follow WITHOUT MODERATORS.

Aimee IMs Maddie to tell her about the puppies.
But when they get to the part about there being a dad OTHER than Phin, Madison just signs off.
That's always nice.

Madison is such a drama queen! "My best friend has betrayed me."
They're just puppies! And it's not like you shook on the whole puppy plan.
Yeah, the whole "puppy plan" consisted of a bunch of jokes on how ugly Blossom and Phin's puppies would be.

SHE EVEN ADMITS IT! "It was like a dream of mine. I know we didn't make a formal pact or anything, but isn't a friend's word supposed to count for something?"

Dude, I looked these kinds of puppies up online, and they're adorable!!! Just go online and look up "Bassugg puppies".

Dan: Maddie! I'm so glad you're here. I could use your help big-time.
Madison: I'm glad you're here, too. It's been a bad day. I need cheering up.
Dan: Try cleaning up dog poop and cat poop. That'll cheer you up real fast.
Oh, Dan, you charmer you.

THe conversation takes an awkward turn when Madison mentions "those naked-looking cats".
Dan: *giggle* Naked?
Madison: *blush of death* So, um, about my problems....

Dan thinks Madison should chill out and not be so mad at Aimee.
He also thinks Dr. Wing and Mrs. Wing ran away together, but hey.

Madison's Dad wants to go out to dinner with Stephanie's nephew Kirk.
Madison thinks Kirk will probably be a dork.
And, of course, he's no Hart Jones.

Madison's Excuses for not dining with Kirk:
I have the walk the dog.
I have to wash my hair.
I have to save the world from an alien attack.
This probably spoils everything, but Kirk, in later books, turns out to be a way cute Kountry Gentleman.
Poor, poor Madison.

Yay, "Number the Stars"! That's one of my favorite books!!

Ivy is so evil!!
Ivy: I don't see what the big deal is. I mean, I didn't really fail the test. I only got a D, you know. Mr. Danehy is such a pain.
Joan: Science is so dumb anyway.
Ivy: And if that stupid twit Madison had just sat differently, I could have cheated off her paper, anyhow. She's such a goody-goody.
Joan: You'll pass science.
Ivy: Who really cares? I can always copy Madison's lab notes anyway. I do it all the time when she isn't looking.

Mrs. Wing adopted a baby...and Madison was the last one to know.
Been there, done that.
Meaning I've been the last to know. No, I haven't adopted a baby recently. The last baby I met yelled, "Poop," at me and threatened to beat me up if I spoke again.

Someone who goes to FHJH writes a post about Mrs. Wing on the wall. Maddie is like, "Nooo, everyone knew before me!!"
Someone replies to the post: So what, who cares?
Yeah, really, who cares? My teachers get pregnant all the time.

Aimee and Fiona are so stupid!!! They both post on a board called "Hotties" using their REAL SCREENNAMES!!! Now everyone will know it's them!
Posted by: BalletGrl
Date: 5 Nov
Message: actually I like this guy Ben but no one really knows so shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I should not have written that
Why would you write it if you didn't want anyone to know???
Posted by: Wetwinz
Date: 5 Nov
Message: of course someone who has been flirting w/me a lot wink wink can u guess who? *G*

Aimee sees the humor in the puppy situation.
Aimee: Maddie! I told you that about the puppies when we were in, like, fourth grade! And besides, my mom and dad are the ones who decide who Blossom will have puppies with, not me. And they want basset hounds, not some mix of pug and...Maddie, can you imagine what Blossom and Phin's babies would really look like?
Uh, yeah...they would be SOOO CUTE!

Fiona: By the way, I heard some big news.
Madison: Yeah, yeah, big news, I know. Mrs. Wing had a baby.
Fiona: Huh? What are you talking about? A baby? She did?
Madison: Wait. You didn't know?
Fiona: MRS. WING HAD A BABY? Oh, wow! This is, like, HUGE news. My news is so little and puny compared to yours. I just found out that the soccer team is moving their practice space. Wow! How did you find about Mrs. Wing?
So it turns out Madison isn't the last one to know, but come on, Fiona!! The soccer team is moving their practice space??? WHAT KIND OF NEWS IS THAT???

Oooh, lucky. Madison's school has free period instead of study hall.

Someone posts a REALLY mean message about Lindsay!!
Posted by: LoVeBuG
Date: Nov 6
Message: there is ms. fatty in my class and she is SOOOO fat that she cant even go 2 regular camp LOL she has to go to FAT CAMP and she walks around with a dumb black haircut & purple backpack that looks like she should be in the first grade LOSER!!! I feel bad 4 her yah right NOT FHJH would be better w/o her :)
That's pretty mean, but I thought Lindsay had light brown hair. She even has some on the cover.

Lindsay now wants all of her friends to stop going on the site.
It may be disloyal, but...
...I'd probably keep going on The Wall if I were Madison.
Which she does.

Lindsay: I bet it was the guys. I know they make fun of me because I'm overweight. I heard them once.
Madison: You did?
Lindsay: Yeah. I heard Hart and Chet talking once about who was the prettiest in our class.
Madison: Hart and Chet?
Fiona: What did they say, exactly? My brother is such a geek. Don't listen to him!
Lindsay: I don't remember everyone they were talking about, but I do know they said Ivy was the hottest girl and that some other girls were okay but some were too fat, like me and Beth Sanders.
[!!!!!!!!!!! THAT IS SO MEAN!!! Proof that guys suck.]
Fiona: Well, Lindsay. Beth Sanders is fat. She's huge. She takes up two seats at lunch. You're not fat like that.
[I lied, girls suck, too. ESPECIALLY FIONA.]
Madison: That's not the point, guys.
Thank you, Madison.

Lol.
"Madison knew the truth. They would all huff and puff and complain about how terrible it was to post gossip. And then they'd each go home that very night and check the next postings on the gossip page - just in case something interesting came up."

Some people just suck at math. Video games have nothing to do with that.

Madison's Dad reads the Lindsay post outloud, and it sounds kind of funny when he says it.
"What does that text say? 'Fat camp'? 'Looks like she should be in the first grade LOSER'? What is this? This isn't an e-mail from one of your friends, is it?"

Dad thinks girls are meaner than boys.
So true.

Fiona has big news!!!
Fiona: Okay, so he finally, really asked me.
Madison: Asked you? What? Who?"
Fiona: Egg! He asked me out. For real.
Madison: He asked you out? He said those exact words.
Fiona: He wants to go to the movies next week. Can you believe it? I know we're sort of a 'couple', but this really makes a difference
AARGH, NO!! You're not officially a "couple" until he asks you out.
Otherwise, he's just playing you.
I can't believe it's been this long and he JUST NOW asked her out.
Egg's a playa....

Whoa, Madison stands up to Ivy in this one! And it's really funny!
Madison: You obviously don't know the meaning of the word homework, Ivy. It means you actually have to do work, at home.
Ivy: Well, YOU obviously don't understand what it means to be partners, Madison. It means that occasionally you show me your notes. I would do the exact same for you.
Madison: Yeah. If you ever took notes.
Ivy: Excuse me?
Madison: Look, Ivy, I have to go. Why don't you just ask Mr. Danehy for help?
PWNED!!

Why is Fiona so overdramatic??
Fiona: Maddie, I can't believe you!
Madison: What happened?
Fiona: You promised you wouldn't tell!!
Madison: Fiona...
Fiona: I thought you were my friend. How could you?
Madison: Please tell me what's wrong.
Fiona: Why don't you read The Wall? You'll see what I'm talking about, Maddie. You'll see.

Posted by: MF13
Date: 8 Nov
Message: some secrets r way 2 hard 2 keep even about my friends F.W. sez its all god but she and W.D. probably want to hook up @ the movies next week I know it what a j-o-k-e they are so NOT innocent :)
:O Okay, "Madison" basically called Fiona a slut, but Fiona seems more mad that "Madison" told her secret.
Yeah, you should keep your friends' secrets, but what's secret about being asked out?? Wouldn't you be happy? Wouldn't you WANT to share the news with everyone? I mean, you're already "a couple", right???
So, even though I know Madison didn't write this, she shouldn't have told the secret, but WHY WAS IT A SECRET IN THE FIRST PLACE?

Um, duh. Egg told everyone. Big surprise.

Madison thinks it might be Chet, then feels bad and insists they shouldn't do anything.
Why would Chet do that...AND use Madison's scrnnme? Confused.

Madison wants to know if Dan ever made up a fake screenname for himself.
Who hasn't?? No offense, Maddie, but MadFinn kind of sucks.

Aimee has a secret, too! She might get a lead in the next ballet production!
$100 it'll be on The Wall tomorrow.

Madison's gym shorts are sort of tight and Ivy makes fun of them.
I thought tight things were in?? Ivy's just jealous.

Hehehe, Madison gets paired up with Ivy for volleyball.
Ivy: I despise volleyball.
That makes two of us.
Madison: You just despise everything and everyone.
Heheheheheh.

Madison finds a bulletin about Aimee on the wall...supposedly posted by herself. Instead of calling Aimee about it, she retreats to her files to be emo???
Whatever. Aimee will be calling to yell at you in like 2 minutes anyway.

Aimee and Madison have a fight. Aimee drags up stuff from the past, about all the times Madison has lied (she's only lied once). Aimee sort of sucks.

Lol.
As Aimee's leaving, she turns around and screams, "THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING!"

Egg thinks Fiona is stupid for being mad at Madison.
Go Egg!

Ivy gets "gravity" and "relativity" mixed up.
.....

Heh. Ivy and Madison have to do a science project together...and Madison makes Ivy do all the work. Payback.

Ivy: What did you find in the back?
Madison: No much. We should do more research upstairs in the media center, thought. Can you go look after school?
Ivy: Me? Why don't you go look after school.
Madison: I have an after-school conflict today.
Ivy: Well, I have a conflict, too. Like, I don't do science work after school. That's my conflict.
Madison: Maybe we should each write our own paper. I can ask Mr. Danehy if we can split-
Ivy: NO! Okay, I'll look in the media center. Don't throw a hissy about it. Gosh, you always overreact. What a drama queen.
GO MADISON!!

Mr. Danehy gives Ivy an F!!
Today is not Ivy's day.

Ugh, I hate it when people read over my shoulder!!!
Lance is a creepy kid.

Mrs. Wing brings her baby Phoebe to school.

Lance: My cousin had a big, fatso baby. He was so huge, he looked like he was stuffed.
Thanks, Lance.

Boys like babies, too.

It seems like Bigwheels is always either sick or grounded.
"SORRY I wasn't on my computer, but I was SICK and GROUNDED at the SAME TIME."

"Friends are forever, boys are whatever!"
What if all your friends are boys??

Madison wants revenge.
Noooo, don't do it, Madison! Revenge is never the answer!!

Madison writes a post about Ivy.
Posted by: MF13
Date: 11 Nov
Message: More big newz @ FHJH this time its I.D. in trouble wow is she ever. The WITCH is failing science. Yeah I.D. begged Mr. D. to pass her but he said no way so now the school is planning to EXPEL her...it is soooo bad Not only that but I heard that NO other school in the district wants to accept her b/c she has no real friends n e way LOL in fact there r no guys who will even look @ her b/c she dresses

That's as far as she gets before she accidentally publishes it.
Okay, who would even believe that? The part about having no friends and being a slut is pretty mean, but she wouldn't get EXPELLED for failing science.
Duh. Summer school.

Madison has become a pathological liar.

The bulletin won't be removed for 24 hours.
You sort of deserve it, Madison.
Revenge is never the answer.

"Now...Ivy will probably read what I posted and...she'll hate me forever and..."
"Wait just a minute, Maddie. I thought you and Ivy weren't friends anymore anyway."
Yeah!! What do you care what she thinks??
Shouldn't you be more worried about hurting her feelings than how she'll think of you? Because I'm pretty sure she already hates you.

Madison: Why are parents always right? And why am I always wrong?
Trust me, honey. Parents are NOT always right.

Lol, her dad is so delightfully evil.
"You're kidding! Oh, Maddie, you are most definitely going to tell your mother everything, from the beinning. We had a deal."
That's like on "Dan in Real Life".
"So Marty can stay?"
"*hysterical laughter* Marty can STAY???"

Madison can never go on The Wall again.
She is officially Off the Wall (that's where the title comes in).
Wait, MF13 is the one who's not allowed on the wall.
Madison could just create a new screename and go on whenever she wanted.

WtH???????
Lindsay, Aimee, and Fiona came over to apologize.
Why the sudden epiphany??
And why is Lindsay apologizing, too???
Madison had nothing to do with her Fat Camp thing!!! Lindsay probably didn't even know about the whole fight until now.
WHAT IS SHE DOING THERE??

It turns out Ivy told Hart she was MF13, and Hart told Chet who told Fiona.

Boys aren't the only shallow ones.
Such as girl on basketball team??
"Lauren, you'd be really pretty if you did this to your hair."
Um...thanks.

NICE!!! Madison's mom took away her laptop and is keeping it under lock and key in her desk drawer!!! Madison can only use it for one hour each day to check her e-mail!!
Finally! Good parenting!

Madison is super mean to Lance...even if he is a nerd.
Madison: I'm outta here.
Lance: But I just got here.
Madison: So? See you in class tomorrow.
Duh, Lance, you're the reason she's leaving.

Ivy: I'm never going to forget, you know.
Madison: Elephants never forget.
Ivy: Who are you calling.... OOOOOH! You think you're sooooo smart, don't you?
Madison just smiles and walks away.
The one time turning the other cheek actually WORKED.

Bigwheels is grounded because she told some kids a scary story.
Whatever. I bet it was the one about the finger.

Ew, I hate youngest children.

Madison's Computer Tip:
Beware of online gossip.

Truer words were never spoken.
I just read the last 2 Pony Pals books, and they were surprisingly enjoyable and kind of sad. Lulu's dad SUCKS; he's probably the worst father ever. So does Mrs. Crandal. It's like good parents don't EXIST in Wiggins. But that's all tomorrow; I have stuff to do.

What is this, second grade?, or FTFO Madison Finn #14: Double Dare

I've been hiding from the sun, I'm tired of being afraid of everything and everyone.
I'm so tiiiired.
Sorry. Musically bingeing on Atreyu.
Madison Finn!! What what?



Plot: Junior high has never been more insane. Mrs. Wing brings to Madison's attention a computer contest!! Students have two weeks to create a homework helper website with a partner; the winner will receive a brand new computer.
Madison is itching to enter...but her computer-savvy friend Egg has another partner in mind.
No worries, mate! Madison picks Fiona as her partner and the two put together a splendiferous little website.
However, the competition with Egg is fierce. It gets so bad that Egg and Madison have a huge fight!!! Egg wants to log off as a friend - forever!!! (Lol, that was on the back of the book, and I just had to add it)
To add to all her worries, Fiona's mom has asked Madison and Aimee to help plan a surprise party for Fiona and Chet - and their birthday is in a week!
Aimee and Madison invite all the right people, make delicious cakes, and throw a pretty ballin party.
Egg and Madison make up.
Neither team wins the computer contest, but both teams receive an honorable mention.

More notes:
It's September again...and they acknowledge that it's been a year since Chet and Fiona moved to Far Hills....
BUT THEY'RE ALL STILL IN SEVENTH GRADE!!!

Two weeks to design a website. That's pretty...ridonkulous.

Oooh, third prize is $50 and a subscription to Computer Universe! Nerds.

Egg already has a partner; he's doing the contest with Chet.
Madison. Has. Been. BETRAYED.
Okay, yeah, it sucks, but you MOVE ON, Maddie. She's just mad because he didn't pick her FIRST.

Drew is standing in the hallway and Madison leaps on him right after Egg ditches her. "Will you be my partner, Drew?"
Drew already has a partner, too. Ha ha ha.
"She'd been rejected twice - and it wasn't even lunch yet."

Fiona and Ivy are still friends???? But she's been here for a year???
DOES SHE NOT REMEMBER ALL THAT WHEN ON IN BOOKS 1-13???

Madison is sort of stupid.
Fiona: Maddie? Are you entering that computer contest?
Madison: What? What did you say?
Fiona: My brother, Chet, told me about the contest last night. He told me that he's doing it with Egg. [WHOA. INNUENDO.] Like he even has a chance! [MORE INNUENDO.] I mean, it sounds way more like your thing than his- [WHAAAAAT??????]
Madison: Thanks. I just wish I had someone to enter the contest with me.
Fiona: Um...hello?

Uh oh. Egg dares Madison to enter. No, wait, he DOUBLE dares her!!!! She can't chicken out now!!!

Madison looks up homework on the internet: 1,321,395 hits.
Way to be specific. Now you'll never find what you're looking for.

Oh no!! Madison calls Fiona to discuss their plans for the website...AND CHET ANSWERS.
So she hangs up!!! Aaargh, so annoying.

Emily Waters asks Madison and Aimee to help plan Fiona and Chet's birthday.
"Usually I have a special dinner just for family, but I thought that it might be fun to include some of Chet's and Fiona's friends this year."
Yeah, what a concept. Wait, have they seriously never had a "just friends" birthday party? That's sad. Now wonder they hate their birthday.

So they're writing out the guest list, and Aimee's all, "Ugh, I hate huge parties. Let's only invite 4 people."
????? Hello???? It's not your party!!!

Seriously!! She only wants to invite Egg and Drew!!!

Aimee starts spazzing out in front of Fiona.
"Fiona! Hi! How's it going? Is that a new shirt? You look so great in green!"
-_-

Fiona: So, where's the party?
Aimee: Did you say 'party'? We were just talking about the VTV Ultimate Party Video Countdown on Saturday. Do you want to come over and watch it with us?
Fiona: Sorry - I think I've got some family birthday stuff that night.
Aimee: Oh, right, Saturday's your birthday. *jabs Madison*
Madison: *cough* It's your birthday? *starts hacking up the lung Aimee just popped*
Fiona: Of course! I just told you about it the other day. I swear, Maddie, sometimes you can be such a space case!
ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? SHE BOUGHT IT???

Ew, you know Ben, Aimee's lover???
He reminds me of this kid at my school who, while smart, totally gets on everybody's nerves with how cocky he is.
And he wears pajama pants, like, all the time!!
I bet Ben wears pajama bottoms, too.

Wait...weren't Egg and Fiona going out in book #12?
They still acknowledge Fiona's crush on him...but not the fact that they were GOING OUT.

Madison: I just wish we could figure out who to ask. Aimee wants to keep it small - just us, Drew, and Egg. But I think we should invite a few more people.
Fran: Just remember that it's a party for Fiona and Chet - not for you and aimee. And you should be inviting their friends, not just yours.
She makes it seem like it's all Madison's fault.

Aimee doesn't like Ben Buckley anymore. He's too obnoxious.

Fiona finds the guest list in Madison's notebook!!!
And thinks it's a list of competitors in the computer contest!!!
Fiona is an idiot!!!

Madison: *after a brief altercation with Chet and Egg* Way to go, Fiona! You sure told him.
Fiona: Was I too harsh?
Madison: I'm sure Chet will get over it.
Fiona: Chet? Who cares about Chet? I'm talking about Walter Was I too rude? What does he think of me now?

I think Madison has a crush on Mrs. Wing. There's always a billion descriptions of her drooling over Mrs. Wing's cool clothes and beautiful hair.

She tells Egg about the surprise party...even though he has one of the biggest mouths in Far Hills. Smart.

Heh. Drew keeps popping up everywhere, like he used to when he was stalking Madison.

Mwahaha. Aimee doesn't get to dictate the guest list anymore.

Madison is SUCH A SPAZ. "OMG, EGG, DON'T TELL CHET! DON'T TELL CHET, EGG! WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO CHET?? DID YOU TELL HIM!? EGG!!!"

Hart: Hey, Finnster. How are you?
Madison: Oh, not much.
Stupid pheromones.

Egg makes up a lie about going in-line skating on Saturday - the day of the party. Hart wants to come, and Maddie gets so excited that she forgets it's a lie!

Hart wants to give Madison his e-mail address, and Madison can't exactly tell him she kept (and memorized) it.

Teachers don't give students presents.
Okay, they do. My 7th grade LAR/SS teacher gave me a duck pin.

Egg told everybody.
Haha, not. But he did tell Aimee...who already knew. No harm done.

Interesting analogy:
Friendship is like a peanut-butter sandwich. Sometimes it's good, and sometimes it's just plain sticky.

WHY does Fiona still like Ivy?
"I think Fiona still likes Ivy...although why is a mystery to me. She'll learn soon enough about Ivy's true colors."
I thought she already HAD.

THE BIG FIGHT
Chet: What're you hiding there? Your Web page?
Madison: None of your business.
Egg: Madison doesn't like to share.
Madison: Well, sometimes it's good to keep your mouth shut. Maybe you ought to practice that, Walter.
Egg: You're supposed to talk about things with your friends, Maddie.
Madison: What's THAT supposed to mean?
Egg: Forget.
Madison: No, really. Tell me. I want to know.
Egg: Why won't you tell us what you're working on with Fiona? What's the big secret about your stupid WEb page? Are you afraid we'll steal your ideas, or something?
[Okay, can I just break in and say how HYPOCRITICAL THAT IS? He's the one who made a big deal about secrecy in the first place. Loser.]
Mr. Books: Ms. Finn, I suggest that you and your friends keep your voices down. I like quiet in my library.
Egg: Sorry, but it doesn't matter, because Chet and I were just leaving.
Mr. Books: Very well. *leaves*
Chet: That guy acts so strange sometimes!
Egg: He's not the only one!!!

Fiona saw Chet's secret Web page! It's really flashy with a cool song...but it takes forever to load.

Fiona randomly says the word "birthday" twice and Madison is like, "COULD SHE KNOW??? COULD SHE KNOW???"

She gets RSVPs from all the guests...and INSTANTLY thinks they're e-mails saying the guests can't come.
Pessimist.

Ew, Lindsay Frost's screenname is Luvnstuff.

Mrs. Waters' name was EMILY in the beginning of the book. In a thank-you note to Madison and Aimee, she signs her name, "HELEN WATERS". Hello?

Ooh, Madison gets a cool RSVP from Hart:
You are totally gonna surprise them. I'll be there 4 sure. Coolness!
I really like the invitation, BTW.
Hart

Hehehe. 4 sure. Coolness!!

Hehehehe. Do Chet and Fiona like chocolate? Stupid question.

"'Hi, Mom,' Madison said. 'Just talking to myself.'"
First sign of madness.

Jeff (Dad) wants to know why Maddie and Egg are fighting, and Madison is all, "Why don't you just listen? I don't want to talk about it! Just leave me alone, Dad! Go on another business trip or something, why don't you?"
Geez, what's your problem?

Fiona wants Madison to apologize to Egg, and Madison's all, "I shouldn't have to, because he didn't pick me as a partner, and then he turned this project into a DOUBLE DARE!!!" What is this, second grade?

Her Dad ended up going on a business trip. Burn.

Aimee's on another diet.
The Bulimia diet? I hope that one works better than your previous Anorexia diet.

Aimee can't spell "Fiona".

Ivy sends a hilarious RSVP to the birthday e-vite:
Nice invitation, Madison. I didn't know you knew how to use a JPEG.
Of course I'm coming to the party - I know it won't be any fun for you without your seventh-grade Class President. Besides, someone has to be there to make sure Fiona has a good time. TTFN!
Ivy

Aimee: I tried to warn you. Remember what she did at your third-grade birthday party?
Madison: Don't remind me.
Aimee: I gave you that poster book, and she grabbed it and totally hogged it.
Madison: Oh, right! She kept kissing that singer's photo all night. She kept saying that he was her boyfriend and wouldn't let anyone else look at it. I remember!
What's wrong with that? That's all we did at my birthday parties. I think...

Chet and Egg's site sounds so amazing!! It's Star Wars themed with a bunch of science games, and they give video reviews of each site!!!

But it takes forever to load. Ooooh.

Mrs. Wing likes Fiona and Madison's better...because it's fully functional and has cute rhymes.

Good news: Fiona doesn't know anything about the party.
Bad news: On Saturday, she already has plans!!! Her parents are taking her and Chet to see some old college friends.
Gee, you don't think her parents are lying to cover up the surprise party, do you?

Duh. Mrs. Waters was totally lying. The party is still on.

Omg, strawberry-kiwi smooch!! I remember making fun of Madison every time she put that on.

Madison gets Chet a bunch of NBA screensavers, because he likes basketball.
Sounds like a stereotype to me...

She makes Fiona a collage box.
Oh well, I guess it's the thought that counts.

Hahahaha, Madison is about to leave the house for the party...
...and FIONA comes over!
Her parents are driving her crazy, apparently.
"Dad keeps freaking out about my shoes. For some reason, he won't let me wear sandals - he keeps saying that I have to wear shoes with socks. I mean, what's that all about? Are his college friends afraid of feet, or something?"
MWAHAHA, if only you knew, Fiona!!

Madison's holding the presents in her hands, and Fiona's like, "Are those for me?"
Madison: *blink blink* *stutter* Uh...uh...I'm going to a party. It's actually my mom who's going to the party. A friend from Budge Films. I'm just going with her.
Fiona buys it. That's just sad.

Lindsay Frost is so nerdy. She's a pro bowler and has her own bag, shoes, and ball, all in a delightful shade of neon green.

Ben Buckley is a nerd, too. "Bowling is all about angles. If you strike the first pin at the right angle, all the rest will fall."
Have fun with that, Ben.

Ivy shows up wearing a miniskirt...from Paris.
Drew: Um, Ivy...what are you wearing?
Ivy: Duh. It's a miniskirt. What's the matter - you've never seen one before?
Rose: It's from Paris. [Totally saving that for future reference.]
Drew: Yeah. Well...good luck with that.
Hehehe, I love Drew.

Hart almost ruins the surprise by getting there late!!! Boooooo!

Surprise!! The twins are surprised...and stupid.

Since when do people actually keep score for bowling? Doesn't the machine just do it for you?

Madison has to tell Hart her middle name. How embarassing??? It's just a name!!!

Ew, Dan loves Elvis. Sort of don't love Dan as much anymore.

Hart, Egg, Lindsay, and Joanie are apparently superb bowlers.

Hehehe, Ivy can't bowl without mooning her entire team.

Rather than trade in her strappy sandals for bowling shoes, Ivy claims she sprained her finger...and EVERYONE believes her. UGH, she is such a liar.

For people who are "just friends", Egg and Madison exchange a lot of secret smiles in this book.

I hate people that call really early or late. Just saying. Fiona is an early bird.

Madison has apparently learned a few things:
1. When planning a party for two people, you should probably consider what they want.
2. Flash graphics are overrated. Lame graphics rock the house.
3. PMS is no excuse for getting in fights.

Madison and her dad have this touching Father-Daughter talk.
Not.

Followed by a REALLY awkward conversation between Madison and Egg.
Egg: It's hard, isn't it?
Madison: Hard? Yeah.
Egg: It's so much work. Sometimes you think it isn't worth it - that you should just give up...
Madison: But you don't.
Egg: Yeah.
WHAT ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT???

Egg admits that Chet was a lame partner and he should've picked Madison. Whatever.

"You know, Maddie, you're like my best friend who is a girl. But, in a lot of ways, you're also my best any friend."
Ooooh. That sort of made me smile.

Fiona, Egg, Madison, and Chet all get honorable mentions. Because if they didn't win, what would be the point?

Uh oh, Egg double dares Madison to stand up in front of all the clapping people. She can't turn this dare down!!!

Madison's Computer Tip:
Sometimes e-mail can be the most creative way to say hello - or even invite someone to a party!

I actually started this post a week ago, but never really had the time to sit down and finish it till today. Pony Pals #38 sometime this week...should be fun.

Why my parents got me a dog instead, or Pony Pals #37: No Ponies in the House!

When I was little, I always wanted a pony (or a dog).
Unfortunately, my Navy dad had us living in an apartment, and a pony wouldn't have done well in a storage unit.
Though I'm not sure where we could've found Ponies For Sale in Japan.
Not on base, anyway.



Plot: Rosalie is driving everyone crazy! The pet-deprived little girl has just been blessed with a hamster named Alfie. It's only temporary, however; if Rosalie doesn't take good care of Alfie, she'll have to give him back!!
Mike has been dropping Rosalie off at Lulu's house so he can go on "fishing trips" with his boyfriend Tommy (we know what they're really up to). With Anna out of town and Pam working for her mom, Lulu has no one to help her watch the precocious six-year-old. When Rosalie goes off on her own with Acorn and Alfie, it's the last straw.
But before they can punish Rosalie, Alfie goes missing in Lulu's house! Grandmother Sanders has one cardinal rule: NO ANIMALS IN THE HOUSE!!! Grandma Sandy threatens to call the exterminator if they don't find the lovable creature.
Pony Pals to the rescue! Anna comes home and Pam ditches her mom and the three of them team up in the kitchen to find Alfie. They concoct a crazy plan: they'll bring Snow White into the house to find Alfie! They're friends, after all. Snow White sniffs out the mischeivous hamster and all is well; Grandma Sandy doesn't even notice!
Rosalie feels she has to give up Alfie for his own safety; he might've died in that lonely kitchen!! The Pony Pals (and Mike!) make a new, fun-filled cage for Alfie so he won't be bored and Rosalie won't have to carry him around in her pocket.
Then, randomly, Lulu's Dad comes home!!! Where...? Whatever.

More notes:
What is it with women and barrettes? My mom was always wanting to put my hair in barrettes, and Grandma Sandy is just as bad.

Anna is in the city visiting her uncle. Which city, pray tell?

Awww, Alfie is a Teddy Bear Hamster. I had one of those!!

"'The school had a bunch of extra hamsters,' explained Mike. 'Mom is letting Rosalie keep him on a trial basis. If Alfie's any trouble, back he goes.'"
What?? Why would the school have extra hamsters? What do you need hamsters for??
Oooooh noooooo....
Now I know what makes the pepperoni taste so good!!!!

Mike tries to dump Rosalie on Lulu. Nice try.

Mimi's gone, too? Where is everybody??

Carrying Alfie around in your hands is safer than having him in a pocket where he could LEAP OUT.

"'Hi, Lulu,' said Mrs. Crandal. 'We're having a beginning rider clinic today and tomorrow. My assistant is sick, so Pam's helping.'
'Sorry. I can't ride for a couple of days,' Pam told Lulu.
Lulu didn't think Pam looked sorry. She looked happy."
I'd be happy, too. Especially if I was getting PAID. I'm assuming that's where Pam's smile is coming from.

Mr. Sanders wins an award for being the worst parent ever. Not only have we not heard from him for a while, Lulu won't be seeing him for 2 more months.
He sent her to Wiggins cuz he couldn't handle having a kid. I wonder if he did that to his wife before she died. That must've been inconvenient for him.

Lulu: Rosalie, this isn't the time to cry. You won't be able to see Alfie if you're crying.
Way to comfort the crying kid, Lulu. You're a natural.

Heh. They find Alfie in the grain box, his cheeks puffy with grain. My hamster used to do that...and then she'd try to climb up the tubes. Not those tubes. Sickos.

AAARGH. Grandma Sandy is afraid of hamsters because they're RODENTS.
My mom has the same problem with rats.
Even rats that are completely clean, nice, smart, and trained for the Rat Olympics she has a problem with.

Mr. Lacey's kind of a sucky parent, too. His kids never see him because he's too cheap to send them tickets to fly to Chicago.

Lulu and Rosalie talk about things they have in common.
Well, let's see.
1. Their dads suck.
2. They're legal guardians both have a stick up their butt.
3. They hate boys!!

Mike and Tommy went on a "fishing trip"....

Ugh, Lulu left Rosalie by herself and she disappears. Way to go, Lulu.

Rosalie told Lulu Mike was picking her up in an hour...but that was a LIE!

Tommy encourages Rosalie's rebellious behavior. He's a GREAT boyfriend, Mike!

Rather than tell Rosalie's mother, they keep it secret. Why would telling her cause her to lose Alfie, though? It's not as if ALFIE caused this mess.

Tommy: Rosalie can stay with the Pony Pests. Baby-sitting is girls' work.
Sexist pig.

Aw. A hamster sitting on a pony's back - that would be the cutest picture ever.

Rosalie shows up at Lulu's house.
Rosalie: Don't worry, I wrote Mike a note so he won't be mad. *hands Lulu the note*
Lulu: Why do you still have the note if it's for Mike?
Lol. Couldn't not laugh at that one.

"I'm sorry. I did bad things. I'm really and truly and very really sorry."
Whatever. It's the death penalty for you.

Alfie disappears...just as Grandma Sandy enters the kitchen.
Uh oh.

That's so mean!! You can't call an exterminator on someone's pet hamster!!

Rofl.
"Don't try to butter me up, Lucinda. You know I don't like animals."

Conveniently enough, the phone is dead, so Grandma can't call the exterminator!

"Well, I can't even phone an exterminator right now, can I? I can't even call the telephone company to say that the phone doesn't work."
Why would you do that?? If the phone doesn't work...never mind.
That's like e-mailing someone and then calling them on the phone and saying, "I sent you an e-mail."
True story.

They make spaghetti for dinner.
It's like all they eat is carbs, carbs, carbs. Brownies, spaghetti...when will it end????

Shouldn't it be easier to find a hamster when it's asleep? Because then it will only be in one place, not moving around all confusingly.

When Alfie appears, they don't want to grab him. Instead, they'll use pots and pans, which serve exactly the same purpose. Stupid.

OMG!! They don't find Alfie, but they find MICE IN THE CUPBOARD!!!!!!!!!! And this doesn't freak you out????? You might have an INFESTATION!!!

"Anna opened the freezer door. 'Hm-m,' she said thoughtfully. 'How about some chocolate ice cream? I always think better when I've had some ice cream.'
Liar. You just wanted ice cream.

Pam: I've never heard of a pony or a horse liking a hamster.
Now, do you mean "like" or "like like"?

Lulu's worried Snow White will crap on the carpet.
Which she almost does.
But Pam catches it in a bucket.
That's kind of disgusting.

Anna has to pretend she had a nightmare so Grandma Sandy won't go into the kitchen. "There was a monster. The monster had awful yellow eyes. And it was chasing me. It was going to kill me!!!!"

Grandma almost goes into the kitchen to get some warm milk. NOOOOOOO!

Alfie was sitting on Snow White's back the whole time??? Lame!!!

Alfie's on drugs. He starts walking upside down inside the strainer.
Skillz.

Uh oh. Grandma Sandy finds Snow White's hair on the kitchen floor!!!!

Anna: It's simple. Remember when we brushed out the ponies yesterday, Lulu? I bet hair from Snow White's mane was on your clothes. It fell off in the kitchen.
Liar, liar, pants on fire.

Rosalie feels guilty and wants to give away Alfie...because she almost KILLED Acorn.
Way to go, Pony Pals. That was a long time ago.

The Pony Pals talk about all the times they screwed up with animals. Anna killed her goldfish. Pam made Woolie run away. Lulu lost Rosalie...wait.

Whoa!!! In the picture, Mike looks way hot for a 12-14 year old boy.

Alfie gets bored because his cage is lamesauce. So they spruce it up for him.

Tommy's afraid of Alfie. Ha.

Sucky Dad comes home!!! Hurray for Mr. Sanders!!! :P

That's it. Madison Finn tomorrow, hopefully.

Unkept promises abound, or Pony Pals Super Special #4: The Fourth Pony Pal

So it's the FOURTH Super Special and it's about the FOURTH Pony Pal. Sorry. Not really funny.



Plot: Pam wants to take part in a jumping clinic in Virginia, so she and her Pony Pals go on a road trip!!! w00t!!!
When they get to the clinic, Mrs. Foster (the person in charge) is a total snob, and all the other girls are wankers. Shelly, Mrs. Foster's daughter, is just as mean as everyone else, but seems withdrawn and sad a lot of the time.
The meddling Pony Pals get to the bottom of it: Shelly misses her pony Midnight Ride, but is angry at her mother and best friend Brooke because they'd been advising her to dump Midnight Ride before he DIED of COLIC.
Ooooh, that burns.
The Pony Pals comfort Shelly, convince her to cry it out, and help her reconnect with her mother.
Then they go home.

More notes:
Lulu casually mentions homework. It seems like the Pony Pals NEVER GO TO SCHOOL.

Summer vacation again???

Wait...the clinic is in Virginia. Isn't that where Lulu's godsister or whatever Alicia lives?? And they're not going to go visit? I guess Alicia doesn't exist anymore.

They get a letter from Eleanor Morgan, the pro stadium jumper from #21. She writes like a 10-year-old.

Pam's dad is all, "Oh no, a week without Pam, what will I do?"
Shut up, Robert. You should be jumping for joy.
At least I think his name is Robert. Didn't he say his name was Robert that one time?

Anna feels like she's missing something important....
Underwear? No, not underwear.
Shoes? No, of course not.
Pads? Heck no, why would she need that?
Oh duh - ART SUPPLIES!

Grandmother Sanders gives them a beauty kit to take with them. Read: So you 3 won't look like slobs at the jumping clinic.

They live in Conneticutt (I know I spelled that wrong), right? It takes them 4 HOURS to get to Virginia. I don't think so. Mapquest says 9.

They act like people make a big deal about whether you have a horse or a pony. No, Pam, I don't think anyone cares.

Mrs. Foster is wonderfully polite ...until Pam's mom leaves.

Mrs. Foster: You shouldn't have disappeared like that. All your friends are upstairs.
Shelly: They're not my friends. They're your students.
Nice, a character with backbone!

Anna is such a freak!
"When we stay over at Pam's we sleep in the barn. We call ourselves the Pony Pals and love to trail ride."
And you wonder why you don't make friends easily....

Pam: Hi. I'm Pam Crandal. The tall one.
Um, the black one....

They have a palomino pony...named GOLDIE.
Proving that no one has any originality.

Heh. Mrs. Foster splits them up.

Pam is kind of stupid.
Shelly: Tell Brooke that my mother wants to speak with her.
Pam: *turns to Brooke* Shelly said-
Brooke: No duh, I'm not deaf.

Brooke and Shelly are fighting. Pam is sharing a room with them. Should be fun. XP

"Anna didn't mention the lucky upside-down heart marking on Lightning's forehead. She had a feeling Shelly wouldn't care."
I don't care either, Anna.

Sweet. Shelly is antisocial and feisty. We have a lot in common, Shelly!

Okay, I know these girls like horses, but there are OTHER horse books and movies that DON'T involve Black Beauty.

Everyone likes to talk about themselves, Pam. What's wrong with you?

Brooke is Regina from "Mean Girls".

Shelly seems upset. Pam wonders if Shelly lost a big competition.
Or maybe someone died, perhaps?

Bells say ding-dong, ding-dong. What kind of bell says dong-dong, dong-dong?

Shelly tells Brooke where to stuff it when Brooke mistakenly makes fun of the Pony Pals. Yeaaah!

Mrs. Foster: Quiet, you two. Watch carefully. You can learn a lot just by observing.
Anna: I can learn how to be bored.
Lol.

The Pony Pals want to know what Shelly's problem is and why she's so sad and angry.
I want to know why it's any of their business.

Anna and Snow White escape. In the process of looking for them, Pam sets off the burglar alarm. Hahaha, it wakes EVERYONE up.

I notice no one in this series ever has short hair or glasses. If they're a girl, anyway. For boys, that's true, too...except for the short hair part.

They start talking about ponies and Shelly runs away crying.
RED FLAG!

Her pony's name was Midnight Ride. -_- Guess what color he was?

"Shelly is a lot angry at her mother. We all wonder why."
Not only is that HORRIBLE grammar, but it should seem pretty obvious why Shelly hates her mom; the woman's a PSYCHO.

Anna has come a long way. Instead of instantly labeling people "snobs", she gives Shelly another chance.

Brooke: More Pony Pal secrets?
Lulu: Yes, and they're all about you, Brooke.
Pwned!!

To make friends with Shelly, they write her a letter????
But you guys are staying in the same house!!

Shelly doesn't want to play therapist with the Pony Pals, but she'd rather hang out with them than watch...*drumroll*..."Black Beauty"!
What is their obsession with this movie, as well as spaghetti, brownies, and grilled cheese sandwiches?

Shelly probably shouldn't watch a movie about a black horse. Might set her off again. Whatever.

"I was the only one who cried when Midnight Ride died."
Awwwwww....

Okay, lame. When Shelly tells them she has no interest in competing, Lulu and Anna understand.
But when Pam, in the beginning of the series, told them she HATED competing and had no interest in doing so, they EMOTIONALLY BLACKMAILED her into competing.
These guys SUCK.

Mrs. Foster has a horse named Royal Star.
What a prissy name.

Shelly writes a book about Midnight Ride and gives it to her mom.

Shelly got Midnight Ride when she was 6, and he died of colic when she was 10.
That really sucks.

Shelly: I don't want to live here anymore. I'm going to run away.
Anna: You can come to Wiggins with us if you want, but don't run away.
Whaaat? If you take her to Wiggins with you, you'll be HELPING her run away. SO CONFUSED.

Mrs. Foster promises to be less of a stiff.

Shelly: Is this what the Pony Pals do all the time?
Anna: Not ALL the time. But we trail ride a lot.
They also as participate in parades, man face-painting booths, catch hunters in the act, rescue hamsters, herd sheep, train ponies, find little girls and lost ponies, save ponies, tutor dyslexic girls, heal sick ponies, bargain with sellers, comfort dying ponies, tame wild ponies, join the circus, brave blizzards, give people makeovers, babysit, give blind ponies sight, manipulate and persuade, put out fires, adopt stray cats, take care of elderly ponies, help girls run away, build secret clubhouses, compete in horse shows, barrel race, watch bears, act in movies, find dogs, help birth foals, rescue abused animals, go back in time, communicate with animals, and help the environment.

Shelly's new friends Linda and Mary Ellen have ponies, too!
One is an Appaloosa named Smoothie, for his smooth gait (aaaaagh!).
Now they're all best friends and call themselves the Pony Pals, too.
Doesn't this happen in ALL Pony Pal books? They meet a new girl, make friends with her, convert her to their religion, and then send her home, where she creates her own three person Pony Cult. Creepy.

Only 3 Pony Pals books left: #37, #38, and Super Special #6.
Then it's all over.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

Fantasy novels are just masked attempts to preach to us, or Avalon: Quest For Magic #4: Heart of Avalon

Books about Emily are always a little boring. I feel like the others outshine her...even when the book is supposed to be about her. She's just so...
Caring?
Empathetic?
Healing?
Um, try boring.



Plot: Let's get this over with. Adriane and Kara are both level 2 mages. Emily longs to join them in their level 2-ness, but still hasn't bonded with a special magical animal.
That's right, folks. Ozzie, the ever-annoying ferret/elf, is NOT Emily's bonded. He is, in fact, a unique mage, like Emily herself.
One day, at the celebrated Wavefest of Prince Merlin (the spoiled merboy Emily eventually falls in love with), several sea dragons show up with some unknown illness.
A mysterious baby sea dragon then transports Emily and Marlin to a faraway island. How? We don't know. The baby sea dragon is not REALLY a sea dragon, but some kind of magical purple and pink shapeshifter. Emily dubs him Indigo, or "Indi" for short (sort of like Indiana Jones!!).
As their friends rush to find them, Emily and Marlin try to convince Indi, who can travel along the magical web at will AND has eaten Emily's magic jewel, to take them back, but Indi uses all his magic to take them to Port Tuga.
A mysterious woman named Miranda teaches Emily to use her magic in terrifying ways that end up killing several animals. However, in the process, Emily discovers that ALL the sea animals are sick, and that she has bonded with Indi, who has become a sparkly unicorn!!
The magic needed to heal all of them is located in the Crystal Caves, which some people think don't exist. Emily, Marlin, and Indi go there, finding their friends in the process. It turns out that the cave isn't full of jewels, though; it's full of magical sea dragon eggs!! And you thought the sea dragons were going extinct!
BAM! The Dark Sorceress shows up to take the magic of the eggs. Wait...it turns out Miranda was really the Dark Sorceress. Pwned!!! Nice one.
Bla bla bla. They fight her, recover Marina, the missing water Fairimental, and save the baby dragon eggs.
However, Indi used all his magic to save Emily. He transports her to another island (a habit of his, I suppose), where a water sylph tells Emily that Indi is really one of the power crystals they are seeking. Emily is heartbroken; how can she give up her bonded? But she gives Indi up...and he comes back, because he loves her. Now he'll be a unicorn forever!
Rude awakening: Emily isn't meant to bond with a magical animal. She is meant to strengthen the bond between animal and human, so in a way she is bonded to everyone. However, Indi is now her paladin! w00t, Emily is a Level 2 mage!!
But the Dark Sorceress has another dastardly plot up her sleeve...which involves Henry Gardener, the wizard we've all been waiting for.
Unfortunately, we'll never see how that ends up, because Rachel Roberts, the author of this series, did not publish anymore books. I've heard all this crap about how she's just switching publishers, but it's been 3 years, and either she's the slowest writer ever, or she's given up. Whatever. We don't need you, Rachel Roberts. We like Madison Finn better ANYWAY!

More notes:
Tasha: The unicorn jewel and the wolf stone emit completely opposite frequencies.
Adriane: Big surprise.
If that's not foreshadowing, I don't know what is.
Wait...if they emit completely different frequencies, shouldn't that make them create beautiful harmony together? That's what happens with light, anyway.

Kara: Tasha, you rock!
Tasha: Actually, I crystallize, Princess.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh.

All of them are Level 2 mages...except for Emily. All of them have bonded animals...except for Emily. All of them have boyfriends...except for Emily.
Mwahahaha.

"Kara smiled her million-dollar blazing star smile."
I swear they copied that out of the movie "Life Size".

Marlin: It's all those sea dragons' fault! Magic attracts magic! Everyone knows that.
Jaaran: What does a jerk attract?
Someone's been watching "Seinfeld".

"Pups rolled across the sand as a purple blur erupted from the center of the pile."
Lol. That just looks funny when you picture it. Especially when the pups look like baby seals...laff attack.

Indi shapeshifts to look like Ozzie, and Emily doesn't realize something's wrong until she notices he doesn't have a collar - and this is after the Ozzie lookalike has showed up with pink/purple fur, eaten her backpack and jewel, and talken in gibberish for the past ten minutes.
Nice, Emily.

Adriane: Jaaran!! *flyingleaphug*
Jaaran: Adriane, I'm so glad you're here.
Zach: *jealous fuming*
Lorren: Probably just friends, I'm sure.
ROFL!! Oh, the drama!

Jaaran says, "What are you insinuating?" Agh, I remember Amber would say that ALL THE TIME in 7th grade.
Blah. 7th grade.

They go to a place called Port Tuga. Hm, that wouldn't happen to be a play on Tortuga, would it?

Emily believes in evolution, but she's against it. How does that work out??

Indi's name was Riba until Emily decided to change it.
I like Riba better. Rrrrrrrrrrrriba.

"Magic lamps! Only been rubbed once."
Euphemism for sex?

Tee hee hee, Miranda teaches Emily to use Jedi Mind Tricks on some advancing trolls. "You don't want this magical creature. We were never here, you never saw us, we never existed."

Indi has Indi-gestion.
-_-

Miranda is so Sith!!! She's corrupting Emily like Sidious corrupted Anakin.
"Maybe, someday, I can evil stop people from dying!!!"

Miranda is such a liar!!!!

Rah!! She's killing them all! All the sea creatures IN THE WORLD.

Lol. Marlin's all, "Who's Miranda? What are you talking about?"
You are now in...THE TWILIGHT ZONE.

Marlin randomly jumps into the water to save his sea dragon from a pack of hungry sea wolves.
You're screwed, my friend.
And Emily does NOTHING to help him...because standing on the deck screaming, "Oh no, Marlin," does not count.

She killed them all. And not just the men...but the women, and the children. They were animals, and she killed them, like animals.
SHE HATES THEM!!!
[For all of you who are really confused, go watch "Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones". The funniest movie you will ever see, I guarantee it.]

They run into sirens who try to lure them away from their destination.
In an ocean of tears, we wait.
Waiting, longing for home.
There is no today.
No tomorrow.
No place to go.
Whaaat? The sirens collaborated with an emo band??

"Every seafaring elf knows how to protect himself from the siren's lure. Get wig-jiggy with it."
-_-
And no, it wasn't Ozzie who said that, surprisingly enough.

Hm, all the creatures in the water are sick. Could it be the water is making them sick??? GOOD JOB, EMILY!!! XP

"It ain't all tweetybirds and pretty monkeys out there."
That's an interesting picture.

Tasha has disappeared.
"'Listen, pal.' Lorren stepped close to Marlin. 'I'm not leaving here without her!'
Emily caught a momentary flash of jealousy in Kara's eyes."
I'd be jealous, too.
Boy drama sucks.

Emily: I'm sorry about the Flyer. She was a good...boot. [Boat]
Cribby: None like her!
Marlin: If we make it back to Aquatania, we'll build you a new one.
Will Turner: A better one!
Jack Sparrow: A better one!
Will Turner: That one.
Jack Sparrow: That one??? Aye, that one!

The magic in the sea dragons' eggs could heal all...but they don't want to take the lives of the babies to save everyone else.
Veiled anti-abortion message?

Zach has the power to control time...but he's not very good at it.
So Kara stupidly tries to help him, and Adriane spazzes out. MORE FORESHADOWING.

Aw, Marlin saves Emily from the burden of hatching sea dragons.
They all imprint on him.

Indi is a power crystal!!!
That could be why he's pink and purple.

Indi now looks like the hunchback of Notre Dame.
Apparently, he's the Heart of Avalon, the most powerful of the nine power crystals. Whoop-dee-doo.

Why isn't the sylph on the cover wearing any clothes?

"Emily could feel the sorrow pouring from him as Indi finally resigned himself to his fate. With a shuddering sigh, all the color washed away as the creature that was Indi began to shrink, folding in on itself, shapeshifting for the last time. In her outstretched hands, Emily held a plain gray, heart-shaped rock.
'You don't love me anymore.'
'No,' Emily stammered. 'That's not what I meant.'
With a loud crack, the stone split down the middle."
Mwahaha. That's kind of funny.
Malachi: Hearts of Stone.
From Bible flashcards in like 1st grade.
But that's so emo!!! It's the sirens' fault; their bad influence made Indi suicidal.

Avalon is where you heart is. So if home is where your heart is, and that's where your treasure is also, then Avalon is at home...with all of your treasure...so you're rich??
Sorry, spaghetti brain.

"'I am the merfolk prince.' Marlin met his father's gaze. 'But I am also a dragon rider.'"
And with that, he rips off his clothes and hops into the sea.
Lol. He's a dragon rider. LIKE ERAGON!!

Peanut, Cocoa, and Bananas are good dragon names.

Emily: I think he knows how lucky Aquatania is to have a prine like you.
Marlin: *takes her hand* No one ever saw magic in me, until you.
AAAAAAAAAGH SOOOOO SAPPY!!! If this wasn't a children's book, they'd be kissing right now.

Even more foreshadowing. Adriane is majorly at odds with Kara and the way Kara treats Zach.

The Dark Sorceress' plan involves phantom wraiths, which are like dementors. Nice.

The crystal she gave to Adriane WAS tainted. Whooooa!! How evil is that??

So we'll most likely never find out what would've happened or what's going to happen in the rest of the series. There are no more Avalons, for which I'm a little sorry, but there are 3 Pony Pals left in the series, and a buttload of Madison Finns, so stay tuned!