I'd die for her, or Pony Pals #10: Don't Hurt My Pony

I remember really liking this one. Really, 10-12 were like the best books I'd ever read. Although, rereading it today, I'm not quite sure why. And it's only 77 pages, which is like 20 pages shorter than the average Pony Pals book. Dang. I told you they were getting shorter.
Also, I'm going to have to wait for stupid #11 to come, because someone else checked it out. I mean, forget the fact that I've had a hold on it for...a long time, but IT WAS PROBABLY SOME LITTLE KID, TOO!! AND LITTLE KIDS DON'T READ 77 PAGE BOOKS VERY FAST! I SHOULD KNOW!!!
It just curdles my beans.



Lulu looks interesting. She looks different in every picture in this book. Lulu must have a thing for plastic surgery. And Snow White looks like a mule. Hate.

Plot: The Pony Pals are just so adventurous and woodsy! Their parents have agreed to let them have a three day camping trip on Ms. Wiggins' property! Ooh, how exciting. I was never one for camping. Wierdos. But on their way to the campsite, Snow White steps in a trap. You can all gasp now. Lulu manages to get the trap off, but is convinced that some evil poachers are trying to kill her pony.
Yeah. Because everyone knows poachers trap ponies. In the woods. In Conneticutt.
Lulu tells Pam and Anna about the traps, and they go into the woods to find more so they can protect Bambi and friends from must certain death. While they are doing this, Tommy Rand and Mike Lacey come and make fun of them, bla bla bla bla.
Gasp! It turns out Tommy and Mike are the poachers!
The Pony Pals race to Ms. Wiggins' house after collecting evidence (one lousy picture of Tommy holding a trap) and tell her the whole story. Ms. Wiggins confronts the boys and ends up giving Mike a job because he's poor. SO LAME.

More notes:
In the beginning, Lulu is all sobbing because her dad won't let her come with him to Africa so they can watch elephants. And yet every time he tries to take her to Africa, she's like, "NO, I WANT TO STAY WITH MY FRIENDZ AND PONIEZ!!!"

He says she would hate it because they will be living in difficult conditions. And yet she's going CAMPING??

"I've been on hard trips with you before!" Since when. I'm trying to remember.

"They're are a lot of poachers where I'm going. They're shooting the elephants for their tusks. It's too dangerous to bring you." Wait, so Lulu might get shot? Man, now I'm sad she can't go.

MORE PETA MESSAGES. And it's not like I'm pro-poaching, but Mrs. Betancourt definitely has an agenda here.

The only restaurant in town is the Off-Main Diner. What? Not even a Pizza Hut? Or a McDonalds? STARBUCKS????

Lulu is apparently a really good tracker. Like Aragon.

Ew, weird picture. Lulu: Another face lift. Snow White: Still looks like a mule. Bunny: Looks just like Luke.

Snow White weighs a lot more than you do, Lulu, and you're 10. There's probably not a lot you can do to protect her.

Lulu looks like Emily Rose in the next picture. Exorcism, anyone?

Why would you say "full of fun"? Why couldn't you say "fun"?

The blurb on the Pony Pals is really short this time. Huh. I guess the author is learning....

Just because Pam is smart means she is a crappy artist.

Yeah. Yelling loudly in the woods with poachers about. Good plan.

Tuna sandwhiches, fruit salad, and brownies! What a feast!

Pam: Are you all right? You look funny.
Lulu: You scared me. I thought you were the poacher.
Anna: Poacher? What are you talking about?
I think Anna was having a Jon Reep moment. "Momma! Daddy's on the crack corn!" Lulu needs to go to rehab.

Pam, I know people are supposed to put their names on their traps, but that's like writing your name on a murder weapon. So these poachers were breaking the law, yes, but they weren't stupid.

Come on, Anna. I know what a pelt is. Pam knows what a pelt is. EVERYONE knows what a pelt is.

I thought Acorn was the one with good detective skills. Whatever.

Yes, Anna, we know you're not supposed to stick your hand in traps.

You can't really catch a trap. Just saying.

They think it's amazing that Snow White can smell a fish lure. HOW COULD YOU NOT?

Nice high-waisted jeans, Lulu. Actually, I think I have a pair just like those. Now I have incentive to never wear them again.

"Lulu could see that Tommy and Mike were startled when they first saw a big white animal on the trail. But then they realized it was just a pony, they kept coming toward the three girls." Well, yeah. What else could it be, besides a pony? A POLAR BEAR? "Lost", much?

Oh, how amusing.
Tommy: Hey, Mike. I think I just saw some strange bugs.
Mike: You mean bugs like pests?
Tommy: Yeah. Oh, I see. It's the Pony Pests.
Mike: I guess the Pony Pests ride their little ponies around here.
Tommy: Their little pesty ponies.
Really, though, they're in 8th grade. They're not that retarded.

Tommy tries to pet Snow White and Lulu has a spaz attack. "S-S-S-S-STOP ATTACKING MY PONY GRAWR!"

"Let's go, Tommy, before I fall asleep from boredom!" Sooooo funny.

If the Pony Pals care so much about colic, why is Lulu giving Snow White 50 bajillion carrots?

Ms. Wiggins would NEVER let jerks ride on her property! Um, hello, she lets little annoying 10-year-olds ride on her property. I don't think jerks are much worse.

Pam says "maybe" a lot in this book.

They use the word "silly" to describe the Pony Pest jokes. Aaaagh.

More boy humor. This is so lame.

More PETA.

Gee, someone's trapping out in the woods, where there's no one to hear you scream. That's a good reason NOT to tell your grandma what's going on. Lame.

I want what Anna's smoking, if she can wake up at 5:00 happy and cheerful. This happened in #7, too. ANNA'S ON THE CRACK CORN...but I don't care.

Acorn and Lightning are mentioned ONCE in this book, and then it's more Snow White worship.

"Fox...dollars...better than raccoon. Why...traps...broken?" Maybe the poachers took English as a second language.

"We haven't caught nothin'!" What a beautiful sentence. Tommy, you are a genius.

Mike is way sensitive.

Wait. It's against the law for kids to trap, yet my little brother's friend has a hunting license. I'm going to check that law.

I don't understand Anna's idea. It's a bunch of arrows and pictures and bad spelling.

PAM, YOU ARE SUCH AN IDIOT! She thinks they should TALK to Tommy and Mike and tell them that trapping is wrong. Because they're 8th grade boys and they'll listen to your jargon.

Really, how many animals do you think are in danger? Those traps were out for a while before you came along and no one had been caught then.

I think it's ironic that this chapter is called "Trapped!". Heh. It brought my hopes up, though. I was hoping for death and violence.

"She loves all the animals and wants to protect them." Right. If I were Tommy and Mike, I'd make fun of her, too.

I have to admit, venison lasagna is pretty tasty....

The rabbit part is a little annoying, though. "POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW!"

WHY DO THEY GO TO SCHOOL WITH TOMMY AND MIKE? THEY'RE IN 5TH GRADE!!! What kind of school do they go to, anyways?

Yay, Lulu is actually good at something for once.

That's why you turn off the flash BEFORE you take the picture.

"And because the girls were smaller than the boys, they could move faster through the dense part of the woods." Yeah, but they have longer legs.

Since when does Anna wear a headband?

If two boys are riding mountain bikes at top speed and you are trotting, it is VERY LIKELY THAT THEY WILL BEAT YOU.

The trail is too twisty for galloping. But Lulu makes Snow White gallop two seconds after thinking that.

There's a woman in front of Ms. Wiggins' house. It's Ms. Wiggins! DUH. She only lives there.

The boys were right on their heels, and yet it takes them half an hour to catch up with Pony Pals. LAAAAME.

Being mean is a good reason to go to jail. Not.

Ms. Wiggins: The girls can stay. We're talking about something that concerns them. They're worried about the safety of the animals in my woods. So am I.
Tommy: I told you they were tattletales.
COME ON, TOMMY! I thought you didn't want to get CAUGHT! You basically ADMITTED EVERYTHING! You just screwed yourself over.

Pam has to correct everyone.

Lulu is so mean.
Mike: My father taught me how to trap. We used to do it together. But with permits and everything legal.
Lulu: What father?
*flinch*

Didn't Mr. Lacey used to live in Ohio? Now he lives in Chicago. Guess she forgot?

"He gave me the traps. They were like a present from him." Uh, yeah. Technically when someone gives you something, it is a present.

I doubt trapping animals is going to get you enough for a plane ticket to Chicago.

She gives Mike a job because he's poor and has no father. That's...nice.

The last picture looks just like one from a previous book. SNOW WHITE, SO UGLY.

Only Snow White gets to be in the picture. Because she's a little detective pants.

That one was way boring. I'll get "Circus Pony" one of these days.

Oh, forget it.

It's too hard to go in series order. I have #10, #12, and #13 is waiting for me at the library, so forget the stupid Super Special. I'll just throw that in when I finally get it.
But where the heck is "Circus Pony"? The library says it's being transferred between libraries. Seriously? The distance between Bremerton and Bainbridge is not that great, last time I checked. HURRY UP!!!
Although "Circus" Pony is so not worth it. Anna wants to join the circus, but her parents think she's too stupid or something and the Pony Pals are somewhat helpful/selfish by telling her that that's a loser idea and she's not supposed to abandon them.
Groan.
How is it that I just basically described 100 pages worth of book in 1 sentence? I guess I could do that for all the books....
But this is way fun.
#10: Don't Hurt My Pony is coming soon!

Wild thing, you make my heart sing, or Pony Pals #9: The Wild Pony

This was the first Pony Pals I ever read. And probably the one that made me like Pam. I have distant memories of always getting mad at Lulu and Anna during Pam books. I officially change my vote on the poll from Lulu to Pam. Because Lulu is driving me insane.
I wish I still had my Fisher Price people. I really want to play Pony Pals. With or without ponies.



Plot: Pam is out riding one day when she sees a strange pony in front of an abandoned house. Its coat looks awful and it's really skinny, so Pam assumes it must be wild. Also, it seems terrified of humans and runs away every time it sees anyone. Hm.
So Pam tells the Pony Pals about it, so they follow the pony and she runs away. Big surprise.
They then go to Mrs. Baxter's house and ask her who owned the old house. She says it's owned by Mr. Kennedy, who moved to California and is still trying to sell the house, but she doesn't remember him having a pony.
Pam tells her parents. They basically tell her the same thing.
After all this lack of adult help, they convince the pony to take oats from them. They do this every day and groom her and give her a doctor's checkup, bla bla bla. Oh no, she's head shy. Yeah. Abuse issues. And her name is Beauty. Lame pants.
But then Pam doesn't tell the Pony Pals something or other, or does something without them, and they get all mad at her, but Pam basically says, "Screw you," and ignores them. She also sends a fax to Mr. Kennedy, which he replies to by saying, "STAY OFF MY PROPERTY! AND I'M SELLING THAT HORSE TO THE SLAUGHTERHOUSE!" Pam is heartbroken, and feels really awful, and the Pony Pals accept her apology, which MADE ME SO MAD, because they're little hos and should be apologizing.
So the Pony Pals work together and take care of Beauty, bla bla bla, and then they try to convince Ms. Wiggins to buy her, but Ms. Wiggins don't want no pony. It's been 3 months since Winston died and she's just too sad.
But, like everyone else, she gives in to the Pony Pals, buys Beauty, and everyone is happy. Aaaargh.

More notes:
Horses bob heads in greeting. Isn't that a bird thing? Waaak! *bob bob bob*

Anna: What's so strange about seeing a pony? Lots of people have ponies around here.
Who? You, Anita Rand, Mr. Olson, Ms. Wiggins...that's not that many people.

Lulu convinces Pam to break the law. Pam actually has common sense, but noooooo. She's smart, but she gives in all the time. HATE LULU. HATE. And Anna needs to pick a side. When Pam's mad at Lulu, she's on Pam's side. When Lulu's mad at Pam, she's on Lulu's side. Loser.

Since when is Lulu sad about her dead mom? She never mentions it. Anna and Pam do, though. ALL THE TIME.

If Lulu's been living there for a year or two (at least), she's not that new to Wiggins.

Anna does NOT have fun ideas.

So lame. The cook's name is Cook. Why couldn't they give her/him a normal name, like Kirk Hammett?

Mr. Baxter reminds me of Mr. Wilson. From Dennis the Menace.

Oh ho ho. Silly Mrs. Baxter. She just made a lil joke.

THE PONY PALS LIVE IN CONNETICUTT!!! I finally know where they live! Wait...isn't that where "The Baby-Sitter's Club" takes place?

Pam just called an adult dumb. She's not that good with people.

Anna thinks she's so slick. Hello. You're still trespassing. It's against the law.

Lulu: Ponies are herd animals. They love being together.
Not necessarily. What if it was an antisocial pony?

Um, creepy. Lulu speaks horse.

And she tells amusing stories about gorillas.

After Snow White got strangles ONCE, Lulu is convinced every pony must have it. I just really hate her. Snow White, too. Who's barely in this book, actually. Same with the other ponies.

Awwww, really adorable picture of Lightning and Beauty.

Oh no, another, "It's his property," thing. Well, they're right. But no. Listen to authority Pam. I feel like I'm talking to that girl on the office.

Gee, when someone is afraid of something, they usually have a reason for it. If Beauty doesn't like you, she might be afraid of you, or maybe you're just REALLY UGLY, Lulu.

I think they feed her steroids.

Pam: Anna's your friend, too.
Who, Miss Double Allegiances?

Ew, the grooming of Beauty sounds way dirty. Heh. I'm a poet...I won't say the rest.

Anna: Maybe she's ALL black.
That sentence just sounded funny. But for reals, if she was dirty, I think you could still tell if she was white or not.

Dr. Crandal is like the Sin Eater: he pops out of nowhere. Probably out of the ground. I wonder if he wears a cloak.

AAAAAAAARGH! MORGANS ARE NOT PONIES! THEY ARE SHORT, BUT THEY ARE NOT PONIES! I think Jeanne Betancourt is convinced there is no such thing as a horse. Loser. MORGANS ARE NOT PONIES!!!!!! AAAAAAAH! And neither are Appaloosas.

Why do they say "salvage"? Why can't they say "slaughter" like normal people?

Anna can't make any sacrifices for Pam, but Pam must sacrifice. What a wonderful friendship. How has it lasted all these years?

Hm, they found the guy's pony, and she's malnourished and dirty. I think her owner should know. But Lulu doesn't think so. And Anna-can't-think-for-herself thinks so, too.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! "It's two against one, Pam." Maybe she doesn't care and you guys DON'T HAVE TO AGREE ON EVERYTHING.
Anna: ONE Pony Pal can't decide what to do. We ALL have to agree.
It's called thinking for yourself. Try it sometime, Anna. Seriously. They can still take care of Beauty, and they should let Pam do whatever she wants to. Uh oh, Pam pulled the "I found her first" card. Not good.

OMG, PAM JUST DID SOMETHING WITHOUT THE PONY PALS! "I'm going to see Mrs. Baxter now. You can come if you want." BAM! And they choose not to come. GO PAM!

Mrs. Baxter thinks Pam is right. So does...everyone else.

PAM JUST CALLED LULU DUMB!!!
Lulu: Did you talk to Mr. Kennedy?
Pam: No. I sent him a fax. It's like a letter, only the person gets it right away.
Lulu: I know what a fax is!
Ha. Ugh, now she's mad that Pam didn't write it with them. Wait, you didn't WANT to write a fax. Quit beeing a hypocritical little _itch.

Pam: Beauty's not mine and she's not yours. She's Mr. Kennedy's pony.
Anna: You broke the Pony Pal rule that we all have to agree on a Pony Pal plan when we're solving a Pony Pal problem.
That was an awful sentence. Maybe Pam doesn't need the Pony Pals to solve problems. Anna should really listen to her tutor more.
Pam: It's a stupid rule.
Your friends are morons. Leave now...leave them and never return....
Also, switch Lightning with Acorn. You'll be much better off.

What's wrong with this fax?
Dear Mr. Kennedy:
I saw a pony on your property. She looks like she was on her own all winter. She is very skinny and her coat is all muddy. My friends and I are feeding and grooming her. We have our own ponies and know a lot about them. My father says its your pony. He is a veterinarian and says that Beauty is undernourished, but not sick.
We would want to make Beauty beautiful again. We want to train her, too. Then we could find her a good home. It is hard to train Beauty because she's headshy and I can't put a halter on her. Do you know why she is head shy?
Thank you.
Sincerely,
Pam Crandal


PS
You can send me a fax at Baxter Realty.
Actually, there are some grammar problems in that letter and a lot of unnecessary information, but from a TEN YEAR OLD? This is pretty good for a professional letter. You can't expect her to do much better.
Anna: That's not a very good letter.
Just because you don't know how to write....
Lulu is really pretty in this one. And the Pony Pals are actually write about some parts when they critique the letter, but seriously. They're just jealous and mad that she didn't wait for them, even though THEY DIDN'T WANT TO WRITE A LETTER. I hate these girls.

Anna is so prejudiced. AND HOW IS THIS BOSSY?
Pam: You both think Mr. Kennedy is mean. I don't think he is. Today I'm going to see if he sent me an answer to the fax. If you want to come, you can.
Anna: You're so bossy.
WTF??????? AAAAAAAAH! How was that even an order? HATE!

After Pam apologizes, the Pony Pals are suddenly all nice to her.
Anna: Don't cry. It's not all your fault. Mr. Kennedy is a mean man. [Notice they don't take any of the blame upon themselves or acknowledge that they were jerks.]
Lulu: And Mr. Baxter made things even worse. [Again, not taking any of the blame....]

Lame pants. Beauty hit her head on a tree, so she's head shy. WHAT?

Lulu just told Pam to suck it up. And yet she gets horribly mad whenever Pam says this to her. I HATE LULU SO MUCH!!!!!!

Sorry, Pam, but wishful thinking won't help anyone.

I hate how Jeanne Betancourt is trying to make out that Lulu and Anna are being such good friends to Pam, but they're really not. And she's also implying that they were right all along. I think Jeanne is racist.

Pam's is the only idea that makes sense. And it's not technically illegal. It's a loophole in the law.

Pam has to call both the Pony Pals when she has a good idea. BOTH. Lulu can't take the initiative to call Anna herself. And they both have to agree. I HATE THEM BOTH.

MORGANS ARE NOT PONIES!

They are all surprised that Picasso really likes Beauty. I think Picasso is the one who fathers Beauty's baby (book #28). They really need to take Sex Ed. Oh, I forgot, they call it Health nowadays.

AAAAAGH! Ms. Wiggins' name is Wilhemina in this one! So far it's been Wilhemina and Winifred. Mrs. Betancourt needs to pick a name and STICK WITH IT. Personally, I think Winifred is ballin'. I think they use Wilma in later books. That name sucks. :P

Yeah. You have no idea how mad that made me. I feel bad for Pam, but she needs to stick up for herself more often and not fall for fake apologies, OR LACK THERE OF! AAAAARGH! Hate.
There will be a lull in Pony Pals because I'm waiting for "The Baby Pony", but if that doesn't come in, I'll just buy it. And then I have to wait for 10-13. Toodles.

At last! He's leaving!, or Pony Pals #8: Good-bye Pony

This one is so lame. It's about death and denial. I cried my eyes out when I first read this and refused to finish it. Then I played Pony Pals with my Fisher Price people. Don't blame me for the crappiness.



Plot: Ms. Wiggins is teaching Anna and Acorn how to drive a pony cart, because her pony Winston pulls a cart every year for the Winter Festival Parade. She wants Acorn to take over for Winston next year, because Winston is so old. After Anna's horrible lesson, Ms. Wiggins asks the Pony Pals to watch Winston while she goes to an art show where she will be showing her paintings. Ooh, what an artist.
When the Pony Pals go to check on Winston, they find him on the ground. Pam calls her dad and they try to take care of Winston, but Dr. Crandal (I've been spelling it wrong all this time) says he's going to die and there's nothing they can do.
This makes Anna mad. She stays with Winston all night, refuses meals, ignores Acorn, and tries to convince Ms. Wiggins to get another veterinarian because she doesn't believe Winston is going to die.
Then he does. And she was wrong.
So everyone is sad.
YAY, 3 GREAT IDEAS! The Pony Pals decide to have Acorn replace Acorn after all! Only Acorn is being stubborn, and even with Mr. Olson's help, he doesn't learn. Finally, with a little bit of help from HIS pony pals (ew, what a gross sentence) Acorn cooperates, and Ms. Wiggins is happy again. Yeeeeeeee-ha.

More notes:
Acorn looks hecka ugly. I want those pants. Winston is adorable.

Why do they call it the Winter Festival Parade. It's one or the other.

Acorn is huge in the first picture. He's supposed to be short. Like 11.2 hands.

Foreshadowing of the death of Winston. AAAAGH WE GET IT ALREADY!

Anna wants to have a Pony Party. Not loser.

Anna wants to keep Acorn forever. Not seeing this happening.

This is Lulu's "first winter". Um, not really. Remember "A Pony For Keeps"? Wasn't THAT your first winter?? AND HOW ARE YOU STILL IN 5TH GRADE? Did you all get held back? I thought Pam was smart.

Pam is either in a bad mood or she has a mustache.

AAAARGH! MRS. HARLEY'S BROWNIES ARE NOT FAMOUS!!!!

How come whenever a pony is sick or injured the Pony Pals assume it is colic? "He hasn't eaten in 5 days and is looking gaunt." "*gasp* COULD IT BE COLIC?" "...."

Dr. Crandal: There's not much I can do for him.
Anna: WHY AREN'T YOU GIVING HIM MEDICINE AND MAKING HIM BETTER?
Okay, Anna, I know you're slow....

"We Pony Pals have solved a lot of tough problems." Name one.

The Pony Pals seem to really like spaghetti.

Anna is convinced that everyone else is a quitter and that she's a saint.

Anna yells at the Pony Pals for letting Winston lie down. LISTEN TO ME: HE'S GOING TO DIE!!!

Mr. Silver: I dug a hole in the ground before it froze. Just in case.
OMG, THAT IS SO MORBID!!!

Anna thinks Dr. Crandal is the problem. Maybe YOU'RE the problem, Anna. That would solve all the Pony Pal's problems. Actually, not. Lulu needs to go, too.

Anna is mad at Ms. Wiggins for not being there. She misses Winston's death by 5 minutes and Anna thinks she did it on purpose. I hate this kid.

Acorn looks very cute and vaguely Arab. Winston has this huge Roman nose.

Acorn: *pushes Winston to the ground*
Anna: BAD PONY!
Lulu: Maybe he was just telling Winston it's okay to die.
Oh right. I actually agree with Anna on this one.

SHE FINALLY GETS IT.

Pam: I think it's almost the end....
That's like a bad Dickens novel sentence.

Awww, they cut off part of Winston's mane and braid it. That's so sweet. Not even playing.

I love blueberry pancakes.

Ew, a "Miracle Pets" story about how Wiggins saved her life. SOOO lame.

Selfish Anna. She spent all her money on stuff for Acorn when she could've donated it to the St. Francis Animal Shelter in Winston's memory!

ANOTHER GOOD DRAWING FROM ANNA! This is a crazy trend.

Mmm, apple juice and donuts.

Acorn so huge. Anna so short. Pam so pretty. Lulu so annoying.

IT'S MR. OLSON CREEP PANTS! He's lost a lot more hair since book #2.

Mmmm, hot chocolate and cheese sandwhiches.

I think Mrs. Harley and Ms. Wiggins are...you know....

I honestly think Anna thinks Pam is stupid.

Lulu so ugly. Pam so boy. Mr. Olson so Grampa.

And Anna's good drawing streak comes to a halt with the shoebox for Winston.

Ew, Boy Scouts are so evil.

Anna's sister's name used to be Tammy. Now it's Melissa.

You don't have to repeat yourself to make a point. "YOU DID IT, ACORN! YOU DID IT!"

Aaargh. That was painful. I know I've been posting a lot, but I'll slow down, because I only have 1 left and I have to wait for "The Baby Pony" to come in. Yay, the first super special! I'll have fun with that.

Free at last, free at last, or Pony Pals #7: Runaway Pony

Yeah, so the title is pretty self-explanatory. We have a pony. It runs away. And if you've been observing the Pony Pal pattern long enough (Lulu, Anna, Pam), you will know that it is Snow White that has run away. Yeah. So lame.



Plot: Snow White has strangles! I looked that up on wikipedia and that's like equine strep throat. Anyways, she's really contagious, so Lulu hasn't been able to go riding and Snow White has been staying at the Baxter's. :( One day, as Snow White is almost better, Lulu leaves Snow White by herself so she can go to a movie with the Pony Pals.
The next day it snows. And Snow White is gone.
Lulu is beside herself. She's convinced that it's her fault, like maybe she left the stall door open, or whatever, and she moans about it for a long time.
The Pony Pals call the state police, make wanted posters, and then Lulu goes out looking for her.
She finds her pretty quickly. Unfortunately, Snow White is an 8 foot deep hole in the ground. The walls are covered in ice and she can't get out. Lulu calls for help, and the Pony Pals come and help Lulu get Snow White out. Lulu now feels worse than ever, and thinks Snow White's strangles might be worse, so she leaves her at the Crandalls' house and writes them a letter, bequeathing her pony to them.
To get her mind off the ordeal, Lulu goes to dinner with her grandma, but the Pony Pals come in and convince her to take Snow White back because it turns out Snow White broke the lock in the paddock, so it wasn't her fault after all. Joy and tidings.

More notes:
Snow White looks very nice on the cover. She looks a lot younger and non-ponyish.

Lulu really wants to see this movie. I tried to imagine what movie it could be, but couldn't think of anything and just pretended it was "Hairspray" the whole time.

Why are Lulu and Anna suddenly okay with Pam's job? Well, the last one took place in summer and this one takes place in winter. AND THEY'RE STILL IN 5TH GRADE.

Pam is still way pretty. Anna looks more masculine than before.

Grandmother Sanders thinks looking proper is more important than outdoor sports. Well, duh. I'd rather look good than be athletic. Although those two sometimes go hand in hand. Let's say outdoorsy instead.

"Maybe we can't find Snow White because she's white and so is the snow." Yeah, a 2000 pound animal is that hard to miss.

Anna shrunk AGAIN!

They have a missing pony, so they call the state police. Right. I think the state police has more trying matters than a missing pony.

"Well, we have a dead dog and three dead deer, but no pony. We'll call if you anything comes up." Thanks, Officer.

Lulu: Maybe someone found her and wants to keep her.
Anna: That would be better than being lost or hurt.
Nice, Anna.

Another awful picture of a crying pony. And Lulu won't stop moaning about everything. "Ooooh, it's my fault." I bet she's just saying that so the others will contradict her and she'll feel better. Like the people who continually say, "I'm so fat!" Actually, I'm guilty of that. Sometimes.

Anna says they put up posters when her sister's cat was lost. But in book #17, Mrs. Harley is allergic to cats.

Lulu mistakes coyote tracks for horse tracks.

Ew, they describe Snow White's hair as coarse and oily. Like a teenager's.

Lulu is fine if she dies of dehydration as long as her pony is okay. Hm. Nice.

Lulu mistakes a bush covered in snow for a dead pony. COME ON.

Lulu falls into a hole. I take back my vote for her.

Lulu needs to stop being such a pessimist. "Oh, we're gonna die!" Oh, how I wish you would.

It seems Mrs. Crandall and the twins are always at the mall.

It's a cellphone, Lulu. Duh.

Lulu: Grab her! Before she falls back in!
Pam: I can't. She doesn't have a halter.
There are other ways to grab horses.

Lulu = so emo.

And she runs out of the room crying. Aaaargh.

Aaaargh, Lulu is antisocial. And she has a dead mom flashback. Double aaargh.

It's 9:00 A.M. Anna has been up for 4 hours. Holy crap, what is your problem? ANNA'S BEEN IN THE CRACK CORN!

What kind of outfit is this? "Grandmother smiled. 'Lucinda, dear,' she said, 'wear that lovely velvet skirt and the sweater with the lace collar that I bought you. You look so lovely in that outfit.'" Sounds like a concert violinist's outfit mixed with a nun's habit.

Who does that? When you don't want someone to leave, you don't grab their skirt!

Surprisingly (not), it rips.

What's up with the good illustrations? Is Anna actually improving?

Aaargh. Lulu is an idiot pants. "The lock broke." "YOU'RE MAKING THAT UP. *emos*"

This is Lulu's idea: 3 heads are better than 1. Right. That's a great idea. WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

People ride in skirts all the time. Sidesaddle.

I REALLY hated that one, even more so than #8, which I will start on right now. Aaargh, it's about death and Anna being a lamepants. You will not enjoy it.

This was my hell, without or without you, or Pony Pals #6: Too Many Ponies

First thing: HOW CAN YOU HAVE TOO MANY PONIES??? That's like saying too many Sugar Babies, or too much chocolate, or too many cows, or too many hot eligible bachelors. It's just not possible.
Aaargh, this one made me angry on Pam's behalf. Just...read on. Seriously, Pam would be a much nicer and independent person if she weren't friends with Lulu and Anna. She and Rema should hang out.


Plot: Pam wants to buy a new saddle for Lightning, so she gets a job training two new ponies for her mother. Splash is a feisty lil toaster, but Goldie is lazy and shy. However, training the ponies takes up most of Pam's free time, which angers Lulu and Anna.
One day, after a disastrous trail ride with Goldie, the Pony Pals revolt against Pam and tell her to bring back Lightning, because she's ignoring Lightning and making trail riding not fun. Hello, you could go WITHOUT Pam. And they also complain that now they can't do what THEY want to do. Suck it up. Friendship requires sacrifice. It's so obvious that the others are just JEALOUS, and Pam tells them that. But they deny it and start throwing rocks at her, so she goes home.
But when she goes to tack up Lightning and take her riding, Lightning is not herself. She's acting mean and ornery (what else is new?). Pam is convinced that Lightning is angry at her for ignoring her, so she breaks down crying and begs for forgiveness. No luck. The Pony Pals come and try to get Lightning to calm down. Lightning tries to kick them.
Suddenly, Fat Cat (the Crandall's new cat) comes in and, LO AND BEHOLD! She had her kittens in Lightning's stall! Lightning was just PROTECTING THEM. She's not angry at all! So all is well, and Pam asks the Pony Pals to help her with her job. They agree (not because they're good friends; they just want to get paid), but then Pam's mom fires her. Sort of. But Pam no longer has a job. But she's okay with that! Yay! Pony Pals powers activate! In the form of...a loser.

More notes:
Pam is really pretty in this book.

Since when does Mr. Olson sell saddles? Doesn't he specialize in horse/ponies?

Lulu: Daisy's a true palomino color.
Nooooo...really?

If I were Pam, I'd rather work than hang with the Pony Pals. They were going to look for old houses. How fun.

All horses snort. All ponies snort. THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOUR STUPID PONY!!!

I kind of feel for Lightning. If I'd been about to go out with my friends, and Nathan suddenly decided for both of us that we shouldn't go (that's the closest thing I can think of to a rider/pony relationship. Also: if William didn't want to, so that meant I couldn't. :P), I would KILL HIM.

Woolie reminds me of Happy from "7th Heaven". Aaaargh.

I don't think many kindergardners use the word "artist".

Heh. Pam's mom called her dumb.

Splash is way cute on the cover, but he looks more paint than Appaloosa. In the book, he looks way palomino/donkey. Also, I don't think there's such a thing as an Appaloosa pony....

"But when Pam was doing a posting trot...." You could just say, "But when Pam was posting...."

Jezebel and No Tail? What horrible names for cats.

Ouch. Pam's mom is cruel.

Wow. This is sounding way Star Wars fanfic-y. "I have to. It's my JOB." Replace it with destiny and you wouldn't know the difference.

They think Fat Cat is a boy at first. They're ten. They should know what makes boys and girls different.

Dr. Crandall doesn't call Pam dumb. He's too nice.

"The Pony Pals watched Acorn and Lightning trot toward the big maple tree. Snow White followed at a slower pace. When the faster ponies reached the tree, they turned around and went back to get Snow White.
'They're great friends,' Anna remarked. 'Just like us.'"
That little pony exchange could represent the friendship: Anna and Pam are smart and a little stupid, and Lulu's kind of slow and just tags along behind.

Anna is acting way 5-year-old.

Heh. Pam is so awesome in this book. Until they break her. Just like in #3....

Ugh, Pony Pals = so emotionally manipulative....
"I wish you could come with us tomorrow, Pam."
"I thought being Pony Pals meant we rode together."
Lulu rides by herself all the time. And Anna rode away on her pony without telling the others. Hypocritical much?

I think Pam just said, "Screw you."

"We'll do a dig. Like archaeologists." I would die in this town.

LOL. Picture on page 35: Lulu and Anna are shocked that Splash is trying to race, and Pam looks like she's laughing her head off.

Lulu: This is a bad idea. It's dangerous for us to ride with Splash.
It's probably not good training, but you could just let Splash LEAD.

Pam has a barn piggy bank. At least she's learning about money. And she has a goal in mind.

Picture: Pam is all, "What?" and the others are all *glare of death*.

Anna: Why didn't you tell us you were riding Daisy today?
Lulu: Lightning must hate you.
:O What's wrong with them??? Pam should've carried this on long after the whole "fight" was over. "Anna, you didn't tell me you were wearing that shirt today. Ho."

Lulu: I just hate it when we plan something and then can't do it.
You could've gone there with Anna every day last week. But you're such a dependent loser that you can't think for yourself.
Aaaargh, and Anna's all, "It's like you're not even a Pony Pal anymore!" Why, because she has a job, she's more mature than y'all, and she wants to help her parents? Yeah, I would say she's sort of growing out of the Pony Pals....

"You keep doing things without telling us. Like bringing these other ponies on rides." Part of their whole argument was that Acorn and Snow White missed Lightning. I honestly don't think your ponies care that much. Besides, Acorn and Snow White need some alone time...so that they can make that beautiful Shetland/Welsh baby I keep imagining.

Pam: I have a JOB. I can't play all the time like you.
Lulu: Pam, you're working too hard. You never just have fun anymore.
Uh, yeah, she has fun training ponies. WITHOUT YOU GUYS.
Pam: You guys are just jealous that I have a job and you don't.
Lulu: That's ridiculous. I am not jealous.
Anna: Me either. (Who asked you?) Who'd want to turn into a grump like you?
A grump with money? I'd willing get a job.
Pam: I'm not a grump. You guys are grumps. You're the ones who are complaining all the time. You're the ones who are being selfish and mean!
OOOOOOOOOOH! PWNED!!! That was seriously amazing! And all of it was true. Seriously, Lulu and Anna, grow up.

To ease her rage, Lulu starts throwing rocks into the river. Yeah.

"Now you can go play in that stupid old house." See!? I'm not the only one who thinks their games are stupid.

They're right about one thing. Daisy is really slow.

Oh no! Don't reminisce! You'll just miss them and think you're wrong! DON'T DO IT!

It does NOT feel special and wonderful to be a Pony Pal. If you like feeling immature and POOR, it's great.

She blames Lulu and Anna, still. Good girl. Lol, she's going all Sith on me.

Ew, Lightning's "angry face" makes her look like a donkey. And Pam's first thought is, "Oh no, she's jealous!"

If only Anna and Lulu hadn't ruined the Pony Pals.... Says Pam in her head. Ha. Great way to be desperate and angry at the same time.

Lulu and Anna say they're sorry, but don't admit they did anything wrong. I think they only said that so Pam would apologize. Jerks.

Lightning tries to kick Pam. Aim for Anna next time.

Random note: I always thought Lightning was the prettiest pony. But she was so moody all the time.

"Maybe there's a poisonous snake in the stall and she doesn't want us to get bitten." Yeah. Great idea. NOT. Lightning would be dead by now. And snakes can MOVE. And I heard they love little girls.

Anna has a thing for cats....

Oh. Lightning was protecting kittens. Sure. Could happen. It happened in "Black Beauty". I think. Only with puppies.

Fat Cat looks like what the Governator would look like if he were a cat.

Mrs. Crandall acts like everything is Pam's fault. Jeez. Now we know why she has such huge control issues.

Anna and Lulu didn't think Pam actually had to work. It's a job, you morons. I can't believe these idiots.

Now Pam wants to give up her job so she can be with her friends. DON'T DO IT, get some new friends, these ones are NOT worth your time.

WHY is Pam offering them this job? Doesn't she realize that her mom will pay her less now because she's paying Lulu and Anna, too? I know money isn't everything, but really. Saddle...or the Pony Pals? Hmm.... I don't even like tack and it's saddle every time.

Lulu: I don't know how to train a pony!
You don't know anything, Lulu.

Anna's mom is still "famous" for her brownies. And she gives the broken ones to the Pony Pals. How do you break a brownie? Confused.

Lulu can't seem to write in complete sentences. And Anna's drawing is actually good.

They mention Fat Cat has a kitten under her leg. What? Is she sitting on it or something? That's not very good parenting skills. Someone should call PETA.

Aaaagh, feminism in the form of cats. "She's a hard working mother AND a mouse chaser."

Mrs. Crandall basically fires Pam. Ouch.

Pam is totally okay with not buying her saddle. Because she'd rather be a Pony Pal with her old saddle. YAY! Why would buying a new saddle change that? Weird.

Yeah. If you couldn't tell, I REALLY hated that one. It was ridiculous. Maybe because I'm the type of person who thinks I'm always right. Probably. But for reals. That's some crazy manipulation. And it makes me mad. Reading #7. I hate that one, too. Arrivederci.

Super pony!!, or Pony Pals #5: Pony to the Rescue

I think this is the on where I started to Anna. That girl has a mean streak a mile wide. And she's mean to little kids. -_- I'm mean to people MY AGE, but not little kids. Even annoying ones. Awwww, Acorn looks so adorable. I think that will be the next poll question: Which pony is your fave? I'd have to say Acorn, of course. Because Snow White was always sickly and Lightning was just bad tempered and cranky all the time.


Plot: Everybody seems to love Acorn, especially Rosalie Lacey. After riding him at the firehouse fair, she becomes obsessed with him, much to Anna's dismay. Rosalie comes to Anna's house everyday to ride Acorn and take care of him. Finally, Anna has a chance to escape this little monster when the Pony Pals decide to go on a camping trip. Rosalie wants to come, but grudgingly accepts that she can't.
All is going well. CAMPING IS GREAT FUN!! What's wrong with these girls? Seriously. But their happy time is interrupted when Ms. Wiggins comes to tell them that Rosalie has gone missing! So, without adult supervision, the girls go out to look for her. Acorn finds Rosalie! She's fine! Yay!
Oh no. Rosalie's mom doesn't want her riding ponies. EVER. AGAIN. *gasp* Oh, how cruel!
But the Pony Pals think up three great ideas to get Mrs. Lacey to let Rosalie ride ponies again. She caves! YAY! ROSALIE'S BACK! I thought they hated her. What's going on?

More notes:
Anna's dad thinks they need help leading ponies, because a lot of kids have never been on ponies. How hard is it to ride a pony? You sit and someone leads you around in a circle. It's not that hard.

Rosalie is only 6 and she's almost as tall as Anna. Acorn looks semi-realistic in this picture.

Anna's way strict about horse safety in this book. Safety rules that she never obeys herself...

Why would she tell Rosalie where she lives? She's just asking for trouble.

Rosalie shows up at Anna's house EVERY DAY. Omg, this is stalker material. I have two words for Anna: restraining order.

"Two in the saddle isn't safe." Since when? I've seen people ride two to a horse. You could ride bareback.

Anna's so bossy. That's probably why Acorn likes Rosalie better. Bam.

It makes it sound like Anna has a crush on Ms. Wiggins.

Anna is so mean to Rosalie! I would be mad about the "pony surprises" she made, but I wouldn't yell at her for like 20 minutes.

I don't know. I'm saying this from the experience I've had with my 6-year-old cousin. When I do get annoyed, I keep it all inside. And take it out on myself so I don't explode.

What's so funny about pizza?

If my dad suddenly started going out with Ms. Wiggins, I'd be very weirded out. Surprisingly, Lulu doesn't seem to pick up on any romantic vibes.

"It was as if Ms. Wiggins had read their minds!" That's because she's a WITCH.

Pam just has to be soooo organized.

On the menus, they write that the ponies will eat water and grass. Well, DUH. What else are they supposed to eat?

Mrs. Lacey basically told the Pony Pals she's poor, so don't encourage Rosalie about ponies???

Oh, that Tommy Rand! Apparently Mike Lacey is just as mean. But Mike is best pals with the Pony Pals in #31.

Anna...always thinking about food.

"The bucket is so your ponies can have stream water in the corral tonight. The bottled water is for you." Well, DUH.

"Acorn is the best on rocky terrain. He gives our ponies confidence." Laaaame. And aren't Welsh ponies and Connemaras just as surefooted as Shetlands, if not more so? Whatever.

Talk about anthropomorphic qualities.

She's wearing a yellow shirt and red shorts. Where do they find these shorts? I want some. Sounds slightly ugly. At least she'll be easy to find.

Acorn finds an important clue. Anna thinks he has colic. Nice, Anna.

Rosalie looks 4 instead of 6. What happened? Did that traumatic experience make her younger? Don't these things tend to make you look OLDER?

Hm, she's moving, she's talking, she's breathing. I don't think she has shock or serious injuries.

They're not bugging Rosalie about safety now. Hypocrites.

This is so awful!!! "It's your fault that Rosalie got lost! You encouraged her to follow you. Why don't you play with kids your own age? You and your horses. You just leave my child alone." THIS IS MRS. LACEY TALKING!!!! And Ms. Wiggins says, "Oh, she's just stressed out." Yeah, she's also a mean whore.

I guess if you're poor you call your Mom "Ma".

"For dessert they made sandwhiches of toasted marshmallows and chocolate bars between graham crackers." Why can't you just call them S'MORES???

Okay, the Pony Pals just saved Rosalie's butt and she thanks ONLY ACORN. Stupid.

Another awful drawing, compliments of Anna Harley....

"Mrs. Lacey finished dumping potatoes...." That is officially the best sentence ever.

Bam. Rosalie tells off her brother. Yeah, girl.

Mike: Pony Pals! It's all so stupid!!!
You and me, Mike.

Rosalie: I like ponies better than boys.
Anna: Personally, I like girls better.
Pony Pals: ....
Anna: I mean, I like ponies, too.

This is the second book that ends with the sentence, "____ gave her pony a big hug and a kiss."

I'll try to finish 6 today. Party on. Don't get lost in the woods.

Oh no you di'n't, girlfriend, or Pony Pals #4: Give Me Back My Pony

Yeah. I've got way too much free time. And these books are crazy short. Seriously, the first one was 103, the second one was under 100, the third one was 96, and the fourth was 82. If these get any shorter, they shall become picture books.
I should probably slow down. But then I would have nothing to do.



Plot: Awwww, Lulu is moving back to...nowhere. Her dad doesn't know yet. But she's bummed because she's not only losing her pony to Rema (who is coming home any time now), but she'll be losing the only friends she ever had (she doesn't say that, but you know it's true). Everyone is sad.
(If you forgot, Rema is Snow White's real owner from whom Lulu is leasing her.)
Rema comes home suddenly, and the Pony Pals go to meet her, only to find out that Anna has been right all along: REMA IS A HUGE SNOB. She's also a _itch (there are so many letters you could use), jerk, and...the list goes on. And she treats Snow White badly.
Maybe that's why Snow White keeps running away to Lulu's house.
A great weight is lifted off Lulu's shoulders when her dad comes home and tells her they're not moving after all, because he wants to study black bears in Wiggins!!! Yaaaay! How...exciting! So now the Pony Pals have to concoct a plan to buy Snow White.
But Rema tricks them and sells Snow White to someone else! OH NO!
But then the Pony Pals, the lil tricksters, convince Anita (Snow White's new owner) to buy the Morgan Mr. Olson tried to sell to Anna in book #2. Yaaay. Then Lulu buys Snow White. Yaaaaay. And there was much rejoicing. Yaaaay.

More notes:
Snow White looks really pretty on the cover. Rema looks at least 15 or 16 and Lulu looks like she's 8 and somewhat Asian???

Lulu called Anna dumb. AGAIN.

"Rema's too old to be a Pony Pal. She's around fourteen." Oh, right, because Pony Pals is only for cool ten-year-olds. The author says at the end of the book that you're never too old to be a Pony Pal. Lies.

There Lulu goes, singing "Jingle Bells" again....

They describe Rema as being older because she wears makeup. Uh, I've seen 10-year-olds wear make-up. And I'm fourteen and I don't wear makeup. Who's older?

Who feeds a pony chocolate? Wouldn't the pony seize up and die?

"If I'd known you were so young I wouldn't have left my horse with you. You sounded older in your letters." Ooooh, BAM.

Rema: Wiggins is sooooo boring. What do you do here?
Lulu: But there's so much to do! There's hiking and fishing and...
Rema: I didn't mean what YOU kids do. I meant what teenagers do. LIKE ME.
Hehehehehe. She's mean but funny.

Lulu lets her grandma curl her hair. Because she just doesn't care anymore. If I were that depressed, I'd let my grandma do something COOL, like dye it pink. But noooo....

Yay, a surprise party. SURPRISE.

Jack and Jill are so dumb and crafty!!

Mrs. Wiggins is so lame. "Here...I bought you a journal!" Right...thanks. A red plaid journal. Yessiree...

Anna gave her a portrait of Snow White. How...wonderful.

"Thank you for the party."
"We thought of inviting Rema."
"But then we met her."
OOOOH, BAM. These girls are so MEAN in this book. But it's funny and refreshing to see them act human. And like girls.

"No place is as good as Wiggins. Because no place will have the Pony Pals."
"I know what you mean. How could it?"
And they think this is hilarious. Uhhh, why? I mean, obviously they couldn't have the Pony Pals.... It just doesn't make sense to me.

Lulu's dad tries to break into the Crandall barn. How creepy... "Awww, Dad, you wanted to surprise me!" Noooo, maybe he's a creepy stalker/robber. He should be arrested.

Lulu's dad totally looks like George Lopez.

"I'm going to study the black bear!" He could do that in Washington...

The description of Rema riding Snow White reminded me of myself....

Heh. Deer shriek.

The Pony Pals have a crazy high five fest. This sounds like a Youtube video. I'd love to make one. In slow-mo.

Anna keeps talking about Pony Power. It gets old fast.

They mention buying a pony once to Mr. Sanders and he's all for the idea. :O How is it THAT EASY?

Aha, it's Winifred Wiggins in this book.

LOL there's a picture where Anna looks like a 3 year old.

Anna's pictures are actually good in this book.

Seriously, if that Morgan is such a great horse, how come no one's bought him? Book #3 takes place in like early March. Book #4 is in early to late June. COME ON!!!

Rema looks like Minnie Driver in one picture.

The Pony Pals are shocked that Snow White could shock $2000 dollars. Why not? Isn't that normal for any horse/pony?

OMG, sexism!!! "Tommy wouldn't want a pony. All he cares about is football and teasing girls!" OMG, THAT IS SO HILARIOUS! I laughed for a long time after reading that. Don't ask why.

Mrs. Rand is a horrible parent. She allows Tommy to bully young children. And people wonder why he keeps getting into jail.

If Snow White is 13.2 hands and a Morgan is 14.1 to 15 hands, that's more than just a "little bigger".

HAHAHAHA! THE MORGAN'S NAME IS MORGAN!!! Aaaagh, that kind of annoys the living daylights out of me.

EPIDEMIC, or Pony Pals #3: A Pony In Trouble

I really hated this one. It was soooooo boring. Even more so than the first two. But my library never had it when I lived in Japan, and I didn't know how to place holds at my new US library, so I never read this until one day it popped up in the fiction section. Weeee....



Plot: It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood. Mr. Rogers and the birds are singing, the sky is blue, the grass is green... Meanwhile, Lightning is in terrible pain.
Oh no! It appears Lightning has colic! And I don't mean to make a mockery of this illness, because it's serious business and I've known horses to die of this. But Lightning doesn't die, because the PONY PALS ARE THERE TO SAVE HER! Well, them and Mr. Crandall, a licensed veterinarian.
Pam is all emoed out, because she thinks she might be responsibile for Lightning's illness, and her best friends are pressuring her to be in a horse show, and she just HAAAATES horse shows. Whatever, she's only been in one.
So Lightning gets all better...but the next day, she's sick AGAIN!!! Pam feels worse than ever, but she bounces right back when it's decided that they'll stay up all night to see if Lightning does anything suspicious.
Around 6 AM, A MYSTERIOUS STRANGER APPEARS WITH A BAG OF APPLES! *gasp* SHE WAS THE ONE FEEDING LIGHTNING AND MAKING HER SICK!
Pam is really angry, and the Pony Pals jump the mysterious stranger while she's out on her bike and force her to listen to them. They tell her that overfeeding horses kills and that she's dumb. The girl (Diane, who is never mentioned again) feels terrible, apologizes, and promises to never feed Lightning again.
The last 30 pages are about Lulu and Anna's emotional manipulation. They push and push and push, but very subtlely, until finally Pam gives in and enters the horse show. Once there, she realizes *gasp* SHE LOVES HORSE SHOWS! She just THOUGHT she didn't like them because she had CHICKEN POX! OF COURSE! So the Pony Pals have a jolly good time and end up in the paper. The End.

More notes:
Pam has some weird hair going on in this book. First she has poufy bangs, then she doesn't, then she does, then she doesn't.... No afro puff in sight. It's MAGIC, I tell you. But the first picture shows her with some serious bangs, and the next, taking place on the same day, shows her without. Say whaaaat?

All of a sudden, it's spring vacation. Quoi?? Didn't school just start? And yet the Pony Pals manage to complete 5th grade at least 10 times in this entire series. WHAT'S UP WITH THAT???

"Come on. Take me home. You know we belong together." Isn't that a Justin Timberlake song?

Uh oh. Mrs. Crandall wants Pam to be in horse shows. But Pam is rebelling.

"Something's wrong with Lightning!" She's pawing the ground and kicking. Maybe she's in a bad mood?
Also, what kind of name is Lightning? For a girl horse with an upside down heart on her forehead. There's a horse in the game "Herd Your Horses" that has the same name and basically looks just like her.

Oh dear, Lightning is kicking her own stomach. So something is actually wrong.

Pam starts telling Lulu random horse knowledge like she doesn't know. What? Does she think she's better than Lulu or something? If I were Lulu, I'd kill her.

Next picture: NO BANGS.

Aaaargh, in every book there's a little blurb on the other two Pony Pals and how special they are. Anna's and Lulu's are always the same. And they mention Lulu's dead mother like 800 times.

The bangs are back! Lulu got a nose job, or something. And Anna has some weird 80's hair going on.

Anna's mom is FAMOUS for her brownies. Yeah...right.

Anna wants to compete in the Short Stirrup Division. Maybe because she's short?

Pam uses the phrase "pretty pony"!!!!

Aaargh, what is up with Anna and Rema? I hate that she turns out to be right.

Pam is shocked that Anna would want to do something that she wouldn't want to do. Uh...yeah?

Pam feels seperated from her friends because SHE HATES HORSE SHOWS. Oh, suck it up and stop being so melodramatic.

Interesting picture: Pam looks like a boy and Lulu looks just like my friend Joanne.

Oh my goodness, those BANGS!

Yay, a barn sleepover where they watch to make sure Lightning doesn't kill herself! How...fun.

Whatever. I hate "Black Beauty".

Pam is convinced Diane is feeding her pony POISONED APPLES. Eh, what? Is that some lame Snow White reference?

IT IS A SNOW WHITE REFERENCE!

Pam has a painful first show flashback. And the bangs have returned.

The Pony Pals try to trick Diane into stopping by holding up a sign that says, "YOU WON A BIG PRIZE." Sure, girls, that'll work. You know, that's probably how young children get kidnapped.

Pam makes signs that say, "You Hurt My Pony," and, "I'll Have You Arrested If You Don't Stop Feeding My Pony," but the others think those are too angry. Along with lame. But they think Anna's dead pony surrounded by apples is a suitable idea.

I swear, the author probably kept thinking Pam was a boy when he drew these pictures.

I think Lulu just called Anna dumb.

Oh, that'll work. "STOP. MUST TALK TO YOU. VERY IMPORTANT." They should've added, "OR WE'LL KILL YOU."

The Pony Pals resort to brute force. *shakes head* I would never do a thing like that...maybe...not really...eh, sure.

Diane is supposed to be in high school or junior high and she looks at least 12.

"It wasn't your fault. It's not like the wicked queen in Snow White. You didn't know any better. And the apples weren't poisoned. We checked." Real cool, Anna.

Ms. Wiggins is still mega creepy. She's now making clothes for the Pony Pals. Oooh.

The Pony Pals would make great detectives. Not.

Pam looks like Theo on "The Cosby Show".

Their decorations sound...pretty cool, actually. I'm jealous.

"You don't understand. NO ONE UNDERSTANDS." We know, Pam. We know.

"I don't care what my mother thinks. I'm sick of everybody nagging me about horse shows and about being the teacher's daughter." You tell 'em, Pam.

5 seconds after that outburst, SHE GIVES IN!! Wimp. I BELIEVED IN YOU.

Why do they bug Anna about having crappy handwriting? It's really nice. Like calligraphy.

A 30 mile bike ride? :O That's insane.

I'm trying to understand this sentence. "The ponies and horses in this competition are so beautifully turned out that we're going to have a parade." Turned out? What does that mean? Like in a pasture? Why couldn't he say, "Because of the wonderful turnout..."

Pam looks like a boy in the last picture, and Anna looks like Heidi Klum. And Lulu still looks like Joanne.

AAAAAH, so lame!!! "I need to know who you girls are, for the caption under the picture." "We're the Pony Pals!!" Lameness. Lame pants.

I would read some more, but I've got to practice piano. For band class. Never mind. I'll be reading #4 tomorrow. I remember not liking that one, either. Heck, did I like ANY of the Pony Pals? I remember #20 being good, and Super Special #2, and #10 was all right... Hm, I don't know. I'll see y'all later.

I'm not stupid, just misunderstood, or Pony Pals #2: A Pony For Keeps

This book is listed as Reading Level ages 9 to 12. Uh, I don't think so. Or maybe I'm just a genius.

Acorn is always described as black and brown (why can't they say bay???) but I always thought he looked more yellow. Anna looks relatively tiny compared to Acorn.

Plot: Anna loves Acorn. Acorn loves Anna. It's a perfect match. But Anna's parents blame Acorn for Anna's bad grades (or maybe she's just dumb), and threaten to get rid of him unless she gets A's on her report card.
Report cards come back. C-, C-, D, D...A IN ART! But no, that's not good enough, so Acorn's a goner. So Anna does the mature thing and decides to run away from home.
That's right. She skips school and goes riding with Acorn and they jump, bla bla bla, but then she gets caught by the Wiggins Witch!!! Duh, that's what you get when you trespass...
But it turns out the Wiggins Witch is really a nice woman named Wilhelmina Wiggins who loves ponies as much as Anna!!! Good golly! And it turns out that Anna is dyslexic, and so is Willie! So they become BEST PALS.
Anna tells the Pony Pals about her learning disability and Pam enforces the crappy three ideas rule. Aaargh... But before they can put all of them into practice, ACORN DISAPPEARS! It looks like Anna's parents really wanted him gone.
But YAY! The Pony Pals explain to Mrs. Harley that Anna isn't stupid and Acorn isn't distracting her, and Mrs. Harley willingly forks over a couple thou to buy Acorn for Anna. So Anna buys Acorn! YAY! ACORN AND ANNA FOREVER! *puke*

More notes:
Pam decides it's okay to trespass on private property, because those signs are OBVIOUSLY referring to hunters, not kids on ponies.

Ugh. Fifth grade humor. Did I make jokes like this in 5th grade?
Anna: That's a big house. I heard it has 27 rooms.
Lulu: I bet she hasn't left the house for 27 years.
Pam: And has 27 cats.
Anna: And hasn't taken a bath in 27 weeks!
All: TEE HEE HEE!
Grrrr....

Another Acorn and Snow White lovefest. I always thought when I was little that they would fall in love and make little horsey babies together. Maybe they did; I never read the one where Snow White has a baby.

Rema Baxter doesn't want Snow White getting attached to Lulu. Then maybe you should go home and take care of your pony!!!! Loser.

Suddenly everyone hates Acorn.
Pam: Maybe Acorn's the wrong pony for you.
Maybe you don't DESERVE a pony.

Anna uses the phrase "pretty ponies". And you wonder why I chose that title...

Mr. Olsen seems anxious to sell this Morgan. He tries to sell it to each of the Pony Pals until book #4. If it's such a great horse, HOW COME NO ONE'S BOUGHT IT???

And how come he has such a big horse farm in a small town? Everyone probably already has a horse, and it's not like he's world renowned so people from all over buy his ponies. Horses. Animals.

I hate it when authors spell things out, like T-E-R-M-S O-F S-A-L-E, and expect you to read each letter seperately.

Oh no, bossy Tommy Rand owned Acorn! How horrible! Heh. Tommy's first appearance. After this, he's a regular character. And he's way ugly. And his best friend's angsty.

Anna's all shocked that Tommy doesn't miss Acorn. Yeah. He's a boy who likes trapping animals for fun (more on that in book #10). I don't think he's big on ponies.

Tammy: Can't you guys leave her alone? Maybe she's doing the best she can.
Mr. Harley: I doubt it. I know this girl. Her brain's are as good as yours and her brother's. All my kids are smart. Anna's too easily distracted and draws when she should be writing. Seems to me that Acorn is the biggest distraction of them all.
That's so mean. I would wait till she was out of the room before I said this. Maybe she has a learning disability...or she's just dumb. That IS a common ailment. Some things in that sentence were quite grammatically incorrect.

Anna = so short. And Pam still has an afro puff that magically disappears in the next book.

(Anna's parents are selling Acorn.)
"We're doing this for your own good." Yeah, that's what my parents said about private schooling. Bull.

LULU FALLS FOR ANNA'S SICK RUSE! And Anna skips school! Isn't this a little risque` for a children's book? Aren't we trying to teach good morals?

Anna is surprised that a grown woman on a huge horse could catch up with her on a Shetland pony.

Willie talks like she's Southern, without the accent. And Anna starts telling her her life story five seconds after she meets her. Um, dramatic much? I guess it doesn't matter that she was trespassing.

AAAGH, ANOTHER PETA MESSAGE ABOUT HUNTING! What is this, "The Most Dangerous Game"?

After this book, Jeanne Betancourt had trouble with the continuity of Mrs. Wiggins name. Sometimes it was Wilhelmina, sometimes it was Winifred, sometimes it was Wilma.... I really hate the name Wilma.

Mrs. Wiggins is totally cool with cutting school. Right.

Mrs. Wiggins = way creeping me out. She's going to invite them over for dinner any minute, and then eat their souls.

Is no one seeing how questionable this situation is? Oh, and the Pony Pals decide not to tell Anna's parents that Anna ran away and go looking for her themselves. A bunch of ten-year-olds alone on horseback. Sooo safe.

Pam again, being a control freak. "THREE IDEAS! TOMORROW! 5 SHARP!"

Pam supposedly has the best handwriting, and it's worse than mine.

I know she doesn't like spelling, but come on. And her drawings are a little hard to figure out. Is that a cat?
Specshel tudor + *bad drawing of pony* = *smiley face?*
Pam: Your drawings are so great.
Yeah right.

Heh. I love the picture on page 72. Pam and Lulu are shocked, and Anna's just smiling. Isn't she supposed to be sad? They just took Acorn away.

Anna is sorry she's stupid. You should be.

Pam and Lulu are responsible enough to run a diner by themselves. Right.

"Acorn was so glad to see her that he stopped eating." What? Does he have an eating disorder now? Can happiness really do that?

Doesn't tutoring cost a lot? Why are they letting Anna do it for free? Is she poor and they feel sorry for her?

Aaaah, that whole book just bummed me out because it was boring and it reminded me of a Clubhouse Jr. issue that was supposed to be about horses and it was about dyslexia. JUST LIKE THIS BOOK. Graaaah. I have #3, which I never finished cuz it sucked. I'll maybe finish that tonight. I'm going through these things like water. See ya.

If you wish upon a star, or Pony Pals #1: I Want A Pony

So...the saga begins.
When I first started reading these, I never actually finished a lot of them because they were SO BORING! And, anyway, you could get the basic plot just by looking at pictures. This one is especially boring. I don't even know why I was so obsessed with this series. :P

Plot: Meet Lucinda "Lulu" Sanders, a ten-year-old leaving in a small town, recently abandoned by her father (well, not really, but he has a job in South America or something). She lives with her grandmother, who wants her to be "ladylike". *groan* I hate heroines who are always all, "Bla bla, I wanna be me! Not a lady!" Crap. Lulu (seriously, what kind of name is that? It's worse than Lucinda.) loves ponies, and VOILA! On a hike, she discovers a beautiful white Welsh pony!!! It's love at first sight, folks. She sings it songs with said pony and they have a picnic together.
Then disaster strikes.
Because Lulu is a nosy little snit, she goes back (TRESPASSING!) and finds that the pony somehow got stuck in a barbed wire fence. HOW THE HECK DO YOU GET STUCK IN A BARBED WIRE FENCE? But the pony's trapped, so Lulu sings songs and all that jazz, saving the pony's life. Bla bla bla, PAM AND ANNA, two horsey gals, come along, call the vet, and THE PONY IS SAVED!
But Mr. Baxter (the pony's owner) blames Lulu for the pony's (OMG, HER NAME IS SNOW WHITE! I HATE ALL THIS "PONY" NONSENSE!) injuries and wants to put her to sleep!!!!! *GASP* Snow White, not Lulu, that is. But he comes to his senses, Lulu becomes best friends with Pam and Anna, and is in love with Snow White, bla bla bla.
But Pam and Anna start pressuring Lulu into keeping Snow White, so they come up with "Three Great Ideas" on how to keep Snow White. In the end, Lulu gets to lease Snow White (FOR FREE!!! How come this never happens to me???) and all is rosy.
And this all happens in 103 pages. Not counting illustrations. With big print. Yeah. Could happen.

More notes:
Snow White is so ugly on the cover. There's this little pony icon on the top of every book to show you who the book is about (Snow White means Lulu, Acorn means Anna, and Lightning means Pam). Snow White looks seriously ugly, folks.


Lulu gets 25 dollars a week for allowance! A WEEK! And she's 10!!!

"There must be a law about keeping a horse in the backyard!" "Acorn's not a horse, ma'am. He's a pony." Smooth, Anna. Real smooth.

"That mean woman next door yelled and yelled like Acorn was some wicked animal!" Anna again. I don't think any ten year old uses the word "wicked". Unless they're trying to be stoner.

Lulu sings songs to a pony. And she's convinced Snow White's favorite song is "Jingle Bells". Oh, the mind of a ten-year-old.

This reminds me of that "Chicken Jane" show on "Between the Lions". "Hey, someone's signaling for help. Look." "It's that girl from yesterday." And they're shouting this. Are they both deaf?

Heh. They talk about painkillers for an entire paragraph.

"Lulu tried not to think of what would happen if the pony couldn't stand. She knew that horses with broken legs were shot." Uh, yeah...in the South, maybe. Not if you've got a veterinarian with you.

Twins named Jack and Jill. So lame.

Lulu's such a pessimist. Aaaagh, she's so ANNOYING in this one.

"I brought over some quiches and kiwi tarts left over from the party my mother catered." That's kind of gross. Who eats quiche?

Okay, so Mr. Baxter just started a new business and his father-in-law is dying, but that's no excuse not to take care of a horse. Riiiight. That's so PETA.

Actually, I was part of PETA when I was 6. Sort of.

"Mr. Livingston (Dr. Livingston, I presume?) was nice, and the other kids in the fifth grade were okay, too. But Lulu Sanders had only one thing on her mind during her first week at Wiggins Elementary. Snow White." I think that's gramatically incorrect. Shouldn't it be, "Wiggins Elementary: Snow White." And you wonder why Lulu has only two friends...

"He probably wishes Snow White died," Pam said. "So Lulu would have to pay and he wouldn't have to spend all his money." That's SO EVIL!!! Hello, his FATHER-IN-LAW IS DYING!!!

Pam: The fair thing is that Lulu should have the pony.
Anna: Especially because she saved Snow White's life.
Yeah, but that's life. He paid for the pony, he took care of the pony, it's HIS PONY. Screw this stuff that Lulu should have the pony. I SHOULD HAVE A PONY.

Ew, fifth grade humor.

Pam is such a control freak. She started the whole three ideas thing, and she was the one that started pressuring Lulu to buy Snow White.

Okay, these are the three ideas. Pam's is so awful.
Pam: Lulu buys Snow White with her allowance. (Yeah, $25 a week, that's $100 a month, and that's about 20 months with NO ALLOWANCE. I don't think her dad left her $2000 dollars.)
Anna: (She had to draw her idea. Everyone makes a huge deal about how artsy she is, but it really kind of sucks. It's a good idea, tho.) Lulu should rent Snow White from the Baxters. (It actually makes sense. *cough cough* PAM! *cough cough*)
Lulu: Write a letter to Rema Baxter and ask her if I can take care of Snow White while she's at school. Also tell her that I'd like to ride Snow White. (Whatever. That's like asking, "Can I borrow your car while you're not using it?" Sort of. Not really. It's just a dumb idea.)

Aaaagh, Pam looks like a little boy. But when I asked my mom about it so many years ago, she explained to me that Pam was black and that they looked different than we did. It was way uncomfortable.

"They're getting to know one another by smelling each other's breath!" This is from Pam about Acorn and Snow White. HA! I'm going to try that. "Hey sexy...smell my breath." Ew, that's sort of intimate and disgusting. What if you ate garlic?

Anna is way prejudiced against Rema. Every page she's all, "I hate that b****. She's a snob." Only she didn't say that exactly. But she calls her a snob every chance she gets.

Rema's letter: so lame.

Yay, Lulu gets Snow White.
"Lulu, Snow White's the perfect size for you!" Yeah, and so are these jeans for me, but they won't be in 28 days...

So that was it. Boring, I know. But I have 2-9, so expect a lot more to come out soon. Love you all. Sort of.

Intro

Yes. I am a nerd. A huge, undeniable, freakish nerd.
But I also love to read. And my parents read to me in utero, so I am a smart nerd.
According to Mr. Caley, anyways.
But because of a fabulous BSC blog I read, and a SVH blog, I decided that, because I am an overall critical person, I could create a blog just as good.
Okay, not just as good. I just wish.
Maybe that false modesty is pushing it...
Anyways, this is a blog dedicated to one of the best and worst series of all time: "The Pony Pals", by Jeanne Betancourt.
I was going to do "Avalon", but that series only has 10 books.
This blog is also dedicated to all the freakish girls who loved ponies and satisfied their pony craving by reading these not-so-stellar books. I was one of those girls.
And I still hate Anna.