What is this, second grade?, or FTFO Madison Finn #14: Double Dare

I've been hiding from the sun, I'm tired of being afraid of everything and everyone.
I'm so tiiiired.
Sorry. Musically bingeing on Atreyu.
Madison Finn!! What what?



Plot: Junior high has never been more insane. Mrs. Wing brings to Madison's attention a computer contest!! Students have two weeks to create a homework helper website with a partner; the winner will receive a brand new computer.
Madison is itching to enter...but her computer-savvy friend Egg has another partner in mind.
No worries, mate! Madison picks Fiona as her partner and the two put together a splendiferous little website.
However, the competition with Egg is fierce. It gets so bad that Egg and Madison have a huge fight!!! Egg wants to log off as a friend - forever!!! (Lol, that was on the back of the book, and I just had to add it)
To add to all her worries, Fiona's mom has asked Madison and Aimee to help plan a surprise party for Fiona and Chet - and their birthday is in a week!
Aimee and Madison invite all the right people, make delicious cakes, and throw a pretty ballin party.
Egg and Madison make up.
Neither team wins the computer contest, but both teams receive an honorable mention.

More notes:
It's September again...and they acknowledge that it's been a year since Chet and Fiona moved to Far Hills....
BUT THEY'RE ALL STILL IN SEVENTH GRADE!!!

Two weeks to design a website. That's pretty...ridonkulous.

Oooh, third prize is $50 and a subscription to Computer Universe! Nerds.

Egg already has a partner; he's doing the contest with Chet.
Madison. Has. Been. BETRAYED.
Okay, yeah, it sucks, but you MOVE ON, Maddie. She's just mad because he didn't pick her FIRST.

Drew is standing in the hallway and Madison leaps on him right after Egg ditches her. "Will you be my partner, Drew?"
Drew already has a partner, too. Ha ha ha.
"She'd been rejected twice - and it wasn't even lunch yet."

Fiona and Ivy are still friends???? But she's been here for a year???
DOES SHE NOT REMEMBER ALL THAT WHEN ON IN BOOKS 1-13???

Madison is sort of stupid.
Fiona: Maddie? Are you entering that computer contest?
Madison: What? What did you say?
Fiona: My brother, Chet, told me about the contest last night. He told me that he's doing it with Egg. [WHOA. INNUENDO.] Like he even has a chance! [MORE INNUENDO.] I mean, it sounds way more like your thing than his- [WHAAAAAT??????]
Madison: Thanks. I just wish I had someone to enter the contest with me.
Fiona: Um...hello?

Uh oh. Egg dares Madison to enter. No, wait, he DOUBLE dares her!!!! She can't chicken out now!!!

Madison looks up homework on the internet: 1,321,395 hits.
Way to be specific. Now you'll never find what you're looking for.

Oh no!! Madison calls Fiona to discuss their plans for the website...AND CHET ANSWERS.
So she hangs up!!! Aaargh, so annoying.

Emily Waters asks Madison and Aimee to help plan Fiona and Chet's birthday.
"Usually I have a special dinner just for family, but I thought that it might be fun to include some of Chet's and Fiona's friends this year."
Yeah, what a concept. Wait, have they seriously never had a "just friends" birthday party? That's sad. Now wonder they hate their birthday.

So they're writing out the guest list, and Aimee's all, "Ugh, I hate huge parties. Let's only invite 4 people."
????? Hello???? It's not your party!!!

Seriously!! She only wants to invite Egg and Drew!!!

Aimee starts spazzing out in front of Fiona.
"Fiona! Hi! How's it going? Is that a new shirt? You look so great in green!"
-_-

Fiona: So, where's the party?
Aimee: Did you say 'party'? We were just talking about the VTV Ultimate Party Video Countdown on Saturday. Do you want to come over and watch it with us?
Fiona: Sorry - I think I've got some family birthday stuff that night.
Aimee: Oh, right, Saturday's your birthday. *jabs Madison*
Madison: *cough* It's your birthday? *starts hacking up the lung Aimee just popped*
Fiona: Of course! I just told you about it the other day. I swear, Maddie, sometimes you can be such a space case!
ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? SHE BOUGHT IT???

Ew, you know Ben, Aimee's lover???
He reminds me of this kid at my school who, while smart, totally gets on everybody's nerves with how cocky he is.
And he wears pajama pants, like, all the time!!
I bet Ben wears pajama bottoms, too.

Wait...weren't Egg and Fiona going out in book #12?
They still acknowledge Fiona's crush on him...but not the fact that they were GOING OUT.

Madison: I just wish we could figure out who to ask. Aimee wants to keep it small - just us, Drew, and Egg. But I think we should invite a few more people.
Fran: Just remember that it's a party for Fiona and Chet - not for you and aimee. And you should be inviting their friends, not just yours.
She makes it seem like it's all Madison's fault.

Aimee doesn't like Ben Buckley anymore. He's too obnoxious.

Fiona finds the guest list in Madison's notebook!!!
And thinks it's a list of competitors in the computer contest!!!
Fiona is an idiot!!!

Madison: *after a brief altercation with Chet and Egg* Way to go, Fiona! You sure told him.
Fiona: Was I too harsh?
Madison: I'm sure Chet will get over it.
Fiona: Chet? Who cares about Chet? I'm talking about Walter Was I too rude? What does he think of me now?

I think Madison has a crush on Mrs. Wing. There's always a billion descriptions of her drooling over Mrs. Wing's cool clothes and beautiful hair.

She tells Egg about the surprise party...even though he has one of the biggest mouths in Far Hills. Smart.

Heh. Drew keeps popping up everywhere, like he used to when he was stalking Madison.

Mwahaha. Aimee doesn't get to dictate the guest list anymore.

Madison is SUCH A SPAZ. "OMG, EGG, DON'T TELL CHET! DON'T TELL CHET, EGG! WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO CHET?? DID YOU TELL HIM!? EGG!!!"

Hart: Hey, Finnster. How are you?
Madison: Oh, not much.
Stupid pheromones.

Egg makes up a lie about going in-line skating on Saturday - the day of the party. Hart wants to come, and Maddie gets so excited that she forgets it's a lie!

Hart wants to give Madison his e-mail address, and Madison can't exactly tell him she kept (and memorized) it.

Teachers don't give students presents.
Okay, they do. My 7th grade LAR/SS teacher gave me a duck pin.

Egg told everybody.
Haha, not. But he did tell Aimee...who already knew. No harm done.

Interesting analogy:
Friendship is like a peanut-butter sandwich. Sometimes it's good, and sometimes it's just plain sticky.

WHY does Fiona still like Ivy?
"I think Fiona still likes Ivy...although why is a mystery to me. She'll learn soon enough about Ivy's true colors."
I thought she already HAD.

THE BIG FIGHT
Chet: What're you hiding there? Your Web page?
Madison: None of your business.
Egg: Madison doesn't like to share.
Madison: Well, sometimes it's good to keep your mouth shut. Maybe you ought to practice that, Walter.
Egg: You're supposed to talk about things with your friends, Maddie.
Madison: What's THAT supposed to mean?
Egg: Forget.
Madison: No, really. Tell me. I want to know.
Egg: Why won't you tell us what you're working on with Fiona? What's the big secret about your stupid WEb page? Are you afraid we'll steal your ideas, or something?
[Okay, can I just break in and say how HYPOCRITICAL THAT IS? He's the one who made a big deal about secrecy in the first place. Loser.]
Mr. Books: Ms. Finn, I suggest that you and your friends keep your voices down. I like quiet in my library.
Egg: Sorry, but it doesn't matter, because Chet and I were just leaving.
Mr. Books: Very well. *leaves*
Chet: That guy acts so strange sometimes!
Egg: He's not the only one!!!

Fiona saw Chet's secret Web page! It's really flashy with a cool song...but it takes forever to load.

Fiona randomly says the word "birthday" twice and Madison is like, "COULD SHE KNOW??? COULD SHE KNOW???"

She gets RSVPs from all the guests...and INSTANTLY thinks they're e-mails saying the guests can't come.
Pessimist.

Ew, Lindsay Frost's screenname is Luvnstuff.

Mrs. Waters' name was EMILY in the beginning of the book. In a thank-you note to Madison and Aimee, she signs her name, "HELEN WATERS". Hello?

Ooh, Madison gets a cool RSVP from Hart:
You are totally gonna surprise them. I'll be there 4 sure. Coolness!
I really like the invitation, BTW.
Hart

Hehehe. 4 sure. Coolness!!

Hehehehe. Do Chet and Fiona like chocolate? Stupid question.

"'Hi, Mom,' Madison said. 'Just talking to myself.'"
First sign of madness.

Jeff (Dad) wants to know why Maddie and Egg are fighting, and Madison is all, "Why don't you just listen? I don't want to talk about it! Just leave me alone, Dad! Go on another business trip or something, why don't you?"
Geez, what's your problem?

Fiona wants Madison to apologize to Egg, and Madison's all, "I shouldn't have to, because he didn't pick me as a partner, and then he turned this project into a DOUBLE DARE!!!" What is this, second grade?

Her Dad ended up going on a business trip. Burn.

Aimee's on another diet.
The Bulimia diet? I hope that one works better than your previous Anorexia diet.

Aimee can't spell "Fiona".

Ivy sends a hilarious RSVP to the birthday e-vite:
Nice invitation, Madison. I didn't know you knew how to use a JPEG.
Of course I'm coming to the party - I know it won't be any fun for you without your seventh-grade Class President. Besides, someone has to be there to make sure Fiona has a good time. TTFN!
Ivy

Aimee: I tried to warn you. Remember what she did at your third-grade birthday party?
Madison: Don't remind me.
Aimee: I gave you that poster book, and she grabbed it and totally hogged it.
Madison: Oh, right! She kept kissing that singer's photo all night. She kept saying that he was her boyfriend and wouldn't let anyone else look at it. I remember!
What's wrong with that? That's all we did at my birthday parties. I think...

Chet and Egg's site sounds so amazing!! It's Star Wars themed with a bunch of science games, and they give video reviews of each site!!!

But it takes forever to load. Ooooh.

Mrs. Wing likes Fiona and Madison's better...because it's fully functional and has cute rhymes.

Good news: Fiona doesn't know anything about the party.
Bad news: On Saturday, she already has plans!!! Her parents are taking her and Chet to see some old college friends.
Gee, you don't think her parents are lying to cover up the surprise party, do you?

Duh. Mrs. Waters was totally lying. The party is still on.

Omg, strawberry-kiwi smooch!! I remember making fun of Madison every time she put that on.

Madison gets Chet a bunch of NBA screensavers, because he likes basketball.
Sounds like a stereotype to me...

She makes Fiona a collage box.
Oh well, I guess it's the thought that counts.

Hahahaha, Madison is about to leave the house for the party...
...and FIONA comes over!
Her parents are driving her crazy, apparently.
"Dad keeps freaking out about my shoes. For some reason, he won't let me wear sandals - he keeps saying that I have to wear shoes with socks. I mean, what's that all about? Are his college friends afraid of feet, or something?"
MWAHAHA, if only you knew, Fiona!!

Madison's holding the presents in her hands, and Fiona's like, "Are those for me?"
Madison: *blink blink* *stutter* Uh...uh...I'm going to a party. It's actually my mom who's going to the party. A friend from Budge Films. I'm just going with her.
Fiona buys it. That's just sad.

Lindsay Frost is so nerdy. She's a pro bowler and has her own bag, shoes, and ball, all in a delightful shade of neon green.

Ben Buckley is a nerd, too. "Bowling is all about angles. If you strike the first pin at the right angle, all the rest will fall."
Have fun with that, Ben.

Ivy shows up wearing a miniskirt...from Paris.
Drew: Um, Ivy...what are you wearing?
Ivy: Duh. It's a miniskirt. What's the matter - you've never seen one before?
Rose: It's from Paris. [Totally saving that for future reference.]
Drew: Yeah. Well...good luck with that.
Hehehe, I love Drew.

Hart almost ruins the surprise by getting there late!!! Boooooo!

Surprise!! The twins are surprised...and stupid.

Since when do people actually keep score for bowling? Doesn't the machine just do it for you?

Madison has to tell Hart her middle name. How embarassing??? It's just a name!!!

Ew, Dan loves Elvis. Sort of don't love Dan as much anymore.

Hart, Egg, Lindsay, and Joanie are apparently superb bowlers.

Hehehe, Ivy can't bowl without mooning her entire team.

Rather than trade in her strappy sandals for bowling shoes, Ivy claims she sprained her finger...and EVERYONE believes her. UGH, she is such a liar.

For people who are "just friends", Egg and Madison exchange a lot of secret smiles in this book.

I hate people that call really early or late. Just saying. Fiona is an early bird.

Madison has apparently learned a few things:
1. When planning a party for two people, you should probably consider what they want.
2. Flash graphics are overrated. Lame graphics rock the house.
3. PMS is no excuse for getting in fights.

Madison and her dad have this touching Father-Daughter talk.
Not.

Followed by a REALLY awkward conversation between Madison and Egg.
Egg: It's hard, isn't it?
Madison: Hard? Yeah.
Egg: It's so much work. Sometimes you think it isn't worth it - that you should just give up...
Madison: But you don't.
Egg: Yeah.
WHAT ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT???

Egg admits that Chet was a lame partner and he should've picked Madison. Whatever.

"You know, Maddie, you're like my best friend who is a girl. But, in a lot of ways, you're also my best any friend."
Ooooh. That sort of made me smile.

Fiona, Egg, Madison, and Chet all get honorable mentions. Because if they didn't win, what would be the point?

Uh oh, Egg double dares Madison to stand up in front of all the clapping people. She can't turn this dare down!!!

Madison's Computer Tip:
Sometimes e-mail can be the most creative way to say hello - or even invite someone to a party!

I actually started this post a week ago, but never really had the time to sit down and finish it till today. Pony Pals #38 sometime this week...should be fun.

Why my parents got me a dog instead, or Pony Pals #37: No Ponies in the House!

When I was little, I always wanted a pony (or a dog).
Unfortunately, my Navy dad had us living in an apartment, and a pony wouldn't have done well in a storage unit.
Though I'm not sure where we could've found Ponies For Sale in Japan.
Not on base, anyway.



Plot: Rosalie is driving everyone crazy! The pet-deprived little girl has just been blessed with a hamster named Alfie. It's only temporary, however; if Rosalie doesn't take good care of Alfie, she'll have to give him back!!
Mike has been dropping Rosalie off at Lulu's house so he can go on "fishing trips" with his boyfriend Tommy (we know what they're really up to). With Anna out of town and Pam working for her mom, Lulu has no one to help her watch the precocious six-year-old. When Rosalie goes off on her own with Acorn and Alfie, it's the last straw.
But before they can punish Rosalie, Alfie goes missing in Lulu's house! Grandmother Sanders has one cardinal rule: NO ANIMALS IN THE HOUSE!!! Grandma Sandy threatens to call the exterminator if they don't find the lovable creature.
Pony Pals to the rescue! Anna comes home and Pam ditches her mom and the three of them team up in the kitchen to find Alfie. They concoct a crazy plan: they'll bring Snow White into the house to find Alfie! They're friends, after all. Snow White sniffs out the mischeivous hamster and all is well; Grandma Sandy doesn't even notice!
Rosalie feels she has to give up Alfie for his own safety; he might've died in that lonely kitchen!! The Pony Pals (and Mike!) make a new, fun-filled cage for Alfie so he won't be bored and Rosalie won't have to carry him around in her pocket.
Then, randomly, Lulu's Dad comes home!!! Where...? Whatever.

More notes:
What is it with women and barrettes? My mom was always wanting to put my hair in barrettes, and Grandma Sandy is just as bad.

Anna is in the city visiting her uncle. Which city, pray tell?

Awww, Alfie is a Teddy Bear Hamster. I had one of those!!

"'The school had a bunch of extra hamsters,' explained Mike. 'Mom is letting Rosalie keep him on a trial basis. If Alfie's any trouble, back he goes.'"
What?? Why would the school have extra hamsters? What do you need hamsters for??
Oooooh noooooo....
Now I know what makes the pepperoni taste so good!!!!

Mike tries to dump Rosalie on Lulu. Nice try.

Mimi's gone, too? Where is everybody??

Carrying Alfie around in your hands is safer than having him in a pocket where he could LEAP OUT.

"'Hi, Lulu,' said Mrs. Crandal. 'We're having a beginning rider clinic today and tomorrow. My assistant is sick, so Pam's helping.'
'Sorry. I can't ride for a couple of days,' Pam told Lulu.
Lulu didn't think Pam looked sorry. She looked happy."
I'd be happy, too. Especially if I was getting PAID. I'm assuming that's where Pam's smile is coming from.

Mr. Sanders wins an award for being the worst parent ever. Not only have we not heard from him for a while, Lulu won't be seeing him for 2 more months.
He sent her to Wiggins cuz he couldn't handle having a kid. I wonder if he did that to his wife before she died. That must've been inconvenient for him.

Lulu: Rosalie, this isn't the time to cry. You won't be able to see Alfie if you're crying.
Way to comfort the crying kid, Lulu. You're a natural.

Heh. They find Alfie in the grain box, his cheeks puffy with grain. My hamster used to do that...and then she'd try to climb up the tubes. Not those tubes. Sickos.

AAARGH. Grandma Sandy is afraid of hamsters because they're RODENTS.
My mom has the same problem with rats.
Even rats that are completely clean, nice, smart, and trained for the Rat Olympics she has a problem with.

Mr. Lacey's kind of a sucky parent, too. His kids never see him because he's too cheap to send them tickets to fly to Chicago.

Lulu and Rosalie talk about things they have in common.
Well, let's see.
1. Their dads suck.
2. They're legal guardians both have a stick up their butt.
3. They hate boys!!

Mike and Tommy went on a "fishing trip"....

Ugh, Lulu left Rosalie by herself and she disappears. Way to go, Lulu.

Rosalie told Lulu Mike was picking her up in an hour...but that was a LIE!

Tommy encourages Rosalie's rebellious behavior. He's a GREAT boyfriend, Mike!

Rather than tell Rosalie's mother, they keep it secret. Why would telling her cause her to lose Alfie, though? It's not as if ALFIE caused this mess.

Tommy: Rosalie can stay with the Pony Pests. Baby-sitting is girls' work.
Sexist pig.

Aw. A hamster sitting on a pony's back - that would be the cutest picture ever.

Rosalie shows up at Lulu's house.
Rosalie: Don't worry, I wrote Mike a note so he won't be mad. *hands Lulu the note*
Lulu: Why do you still have the note if it's for Mike?
Lol. Couldn't not laugh at that one.

"I'm sorry. I did bad things. I'm really and truly and very really sorry."
Whatever. It's the death penalty for you.

Alfie disappears...just as Grandma Sandy enters the kitchen.
Uh oh.

That's so mean!! You can't call an exterminator on someone's pet hamster!!

Rofl.
"Don't try to butter me up, Lucinda. You know I don't like animals."

Conveniently enough, the phone is dead, so Grandma can't call the exterminator!

"Well, I can't even phone an exterminator right now, can I? I can't even call the telephone company to say that the phone doesn't work."
Why would you do that?? If the phone doesn't work...never mind.
That's like e-mailing someone and then calling them on the phone and saying, "I sent you an e-mail."
True story.

They make spaghetti for dinner.
It's like all they eat is carbs, carbs, carbs. Brownies, spaghetti...when will it end????

Shouldn't it be easier to find a hamster when it's asleep? Because then it will only be in one place, not moving around all confusingly.

When Alfie appears, they don't want to grab him. Instead, they'll use pots and pans, which serve exactly the same purpose. Stupid.

OMG!! They don't find Alfie, but they find MICE IN THE CUPBOARD!!!!!!!!!! And this doesn't freak you out????? You might have an INFESTATION!!!

"Anna opened the freezer door. 'Hm-m,' she said thoughtfully. 'How about some chocolate ice cream? I always think better when I've had some ice cream.'
Liar. You just wanted ice cream.

Pam: I've never heard of a pony or a horse liking a hamster.
Now, do you mean "like" or "like like"?

Lulu's worried Snow White will crap on the carpet.
Which she almost does.
But Pam catches it in a bucket.
That's kind of disgusting.

Anna has to pretend she had a nightmare so Grandma Sandy won't go into the kitchen. "There was a monster. The monster had awful yellow eyes. And it was chasing me. It was going to kill me!!!!"

Grandma almost goes into the kitchen to get some warm milk. NOOOOOOO!

Alfie was sitting on Snow White's back the whole time??? Lame!!!

Alfie's on drugs. He starts walking upside down inside the strainer.
Skillz.

Uh oh. Grandma Sandy finds Snow White's hair on the kitchen floor!!!!

Anna: It's simple. Remember when we brushed out the ponies yesterday, Lulu? I bet hair from Snow White's mane was on your clothes. It fell off in the kitchen.
Liar, liar, pants on fire.

Rosalie feels guilty and wants to give away Alfie...because she almost KILLED Acorn.
Way to go, Pony Pals. That was a long time ago.

The Pony Pals talk about all the times they screwed up with animals. Anna killed her goldfish. Pam made Woolie run away. Lulu lost Rosalie...wait.

Whoa!!! In the picture, Mike looks way hot for a 12-14 year old boy.

Alfie gets bored because his cage is lamesauce. So they spruce it up for him.

Tommy's afraid of Alfie. Ha.

Sucky Dad comes home!!! Hurray for Mr. Sanders!!! :P

That's it. Madison Finn tomorrow, hopefully.

Unkept promises abound, or Pony Pals Super Special #4: The Fourth Pony Pal

So it's the FOURTH Super Special and it's about the FOURTH Pony Pal. Sorry. Not really funny.



Plot: Pam wants to take part in a jumping clinic in Virginia, so she and her Pony Pals go on a road trip!!! w00t!!!
When they get to the clinic, Mrs. Foster (the person in charge) is a total snob, and all the other girls are wankers. Shelly, Mrs. Foster's daughter, is just as mean as everyone else, but seems withdrawn and sad a lot of the time.
The meddling Pony Pals get to the bottom of it: Shelly misses her pony Midnight Ride, but is angry at her mother and best friend Brooke because they'd been advising her to dump Midnight Ride before he DIED of COLIC.
Ooooh, that burns.
The Pony Pals comfort Shelly, convince her to cry it out, and help her reconnect with her mother.
Then they go home.

More notes:
Lulu casually mentions homework. It seems like the Pony Pals NEVER GO TO SCHOOL.

Summer vacation again???

Wait...the clinic is in Virginia. Isn't that where Lulu's godsister or whatever Alicia lives?? And they're not going to go visit? I guess Alicia doesn't exist anymore.

They get a letter from Eleanor Morgan, the pro stadium jumper from #21. She writes like a 10-year-old.

Pam's dad is all, "Oh no, a week without Pam, what will I do?"
Shut up, Robert. You should be jumping for joy.
At least I think his name is Robert. Didn't he say his name was Robert that one time?

Anna feels like she's missing something important....
Underwear? No, not underwear.
Shoes? No, of course not.
Pads? Heck no, why would she need that?
Oh duh - ART SUPPLIES!

Grandmother Sanders gives them a beauty kit to take with them. Read: So you 3 won't look like slobs at the jumping clinic.

They live in Conneticutt (I know I spelled that wrong), right? It takes them 4 HOURS to get to Virginia. I don't think so. Mapquest says 9.

They act like people make a big deal about whether you have a horse or a pony. No, Pam, I don't think anyone cares.

Mrs. Foster is wonderfully polite ...until Pam's mom leaves.

Mrs. Foster: You shouldn't have disappeared like that. All your friends are upstairs.
Shelly: They're not my friends. They're your students.
Nice, a character with backbone!

Anna is such a freak!
"When we stay over at Pam's we sleep in the barn. We call ourselves the Pony Pals and love to trail ride."
And you wonder why you don't make friends easily....

Pam: Hi. I'm Pam Crandal. The tall one.
Um, the black one....

They have a palomino pony...named GOLDIE.
Proving that no one has any originality.

Heh. Mrs. Foster splits them up.

Pam is kind of stupid.
Shelly: Tell Brooke that my mother wants to speak with her.
Pam: *turns to Brooke* Shelly said-
Brooke: No duh, I'm not deaf.

Brooke and Shelly are fighting. Pam is sharing a room with them. Should be fun. XP

"Anna didn't mention the lucky upside-down heart marking on Lightning's forehead. She had a feeling Shelly wouldn't care."
I don't care either, Anna.

Sweet. Shelly is antisocial and feisty. We have a lot in common, Shelly!

Okay, I know these girls like horses, but there are OTHER horse books and movies that DON'T involve Black Beauty.

Everyone likes to talk about themselves, Pam. What's wrong with you?

Brooke is Regina from "Mean Girls".

Shelly seems upset. Pam wonders if Shelly lost a big competition.
Or maybe someone died, perhaps?

Bells say ding-dong, ding-dong. What kind of bell says dong-dong, dong-dong?

Shelly tells Brooke where to stuff it when Brooke mistakenly makes fun of the Pony Pals. Yeaaah!

Mrs. Foster: Quiet, you two. Watch carefully. You can learn a lot just by observing.
Anna: I can learn how to be bored.
Lol.

The Pony Pals want to know what Shelly's problem is and why she's so sad and angry.
I want to know why it's any of their business.

Anna and Snow White escape. In the process of looking for them, Pam sets off the burglar alarm. Hahaha, it wakes EVERYONE up.

I notice no one in this series ever has short hair or glasses. If they're a girl, anyway. For boys, that's true, too...except for the short hair part.

They start talking about ponies and Shelly runs away crying.
RED FLAG!

Her pony's name was Midnight Ride. -_- Guess what color he was?

"Shelly is a lot angry at her mother. We all wonder why."
Not only is that HORRIBLE grammar, but it should seem pretty obvious why Shelly hates her mom; the woman's a PSYCHO.

Anna has come a long way. Instead of instantly labeling people "snobs", she gives Shelly another chance.

Brooke: More Pony Pal secrets?
Lulu: Yes, and they're all about you, Brooke.
Pwned!!

To make friends with Shelly, they write her a letter????
But you guys are staying in the same house!!

Shelly doesn't want to play therapist with the Pony Pals, but she'd rather hang out with them than watch...*drumroll*..."Black Beauty"!
What is their obsession with this movie, as well as spaghetti, brownies, and grilled cheese sandwiches?

Shelly probably shouldn't watch a movie about a black horse. Might set her off again. Whatever.

"I was the only one who cried when Midnight Ride died."
Awwwwww....

Okay, lame. When Shelly tells them she has no interest in competing, Lulu and Anna understand.
But when Pam, in the beginning of the series, told them she HATED competing and had no interest in doing so, they EMOTIONALLY BLACKMAILED her into competing.
These guys SUCK.

Mrs. Foster has a horse named Royal Star.
What a prissy name.

Shelly writes a book about Midnight Ride and gives it to her mom.

Shelly got Midnight Ride when she was 6, and he died of colic when she was 10.
That really sucks.

Shelly: I don't want to live here anymore. I'm going to run away.
Anna: You can come to Wiggins with us if you want, but don't run away.
Whaaat? If you take her to Wiggins with you, you'll be HELPING her run away. SO CONFUSED.

Mrs. Foster promises to be less of a stiff.

Shelly: Is this what the Pony Pals do all the time?
Anna: Not ALL the time. But we trail ride a lot.
They also as participate in parades, man face-painting booths, catch hunters in the act, rescue hamsters, herd sheep, train ponies, find little girls and lost ponies, save ponies, tutor dyslexic girls, heal sick ponies, bargain with sellers, comfort dying ponies, tame wild ponies, join the circus, brave blizzards, give people makeovers, babysit, give blind ponies sight, manipulate and persuade, put out fires, adopt stray cats, take care of elderly ponies, help girls run away, build secret clubhouses, compete in horse shows, barrel race, watch bears, act in movies, find dogs, help birth foals, rescue abused animals, go back in time, communicate with animals, and help the environment.

Shelly's new friends Linda and Mary Ellen have ponies, too!
One is an Appaloosa named Smoothie, for his smooth gait (aaaaagh!).
Now they're all best friends and call themselves the Pony Pals, too.
Doesn't this happen in ALL Pony Pal books? They meet a new girl, make friends with her, convert her to their religion, and then send her home, where she creates her own three person Pony Cult. Creepy.

Only 3 Pony Pals books left: #37, #38, and Super Special #6.
Then it's all over.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

Fantasy novels are just masked attempts to preach to us, or Avalon: Quest For Magic #4: Heart of Avalon

Books about Emily are always a little boring. I feel like the others outshine her...even when the book is supposed to be about her. She's just so...
Caring?
Empathetic?
Healing?
Um, try boring.



Plot: Let's get this over with. Adriane and Kara are both level 2 mages. Emily longs to join them in their level 2-ness, but still hasn't bonded with a special magical animal.
That's right, folks. Ozzie, the ever-annoying ferret/elf, is NOT Emily's bonded. He is, in fact, a unique mage, like Emily herself.
One day, at the celebrated Wavefest of Prince Merlin (the spoiled merboy Emily eventually falls in love with), several sea dragons show up with some unknown illness.
A mysterious baby sea dragon then transports Emily and Marlin to a faraway island. How? We don't know. The baby sea dragon is not REALLY a sea dragon, but some kind of magical purple and pink shapeshifter. Emily dubs him Indigo, or "Indi" for short (sort of like Indiana Jones!!).
As their friends rush to find them, Emily and Marlin try to convince Indi, who can travel along the magical web at will AND has eaten Emily's magic jewel, to take them back, but Indi uses all his magic to take them to Port Tuga.
A mysterious woman named Miranda teaches Emily to use her magic in terrifying ways that end up killing several animals. However, in the process, Emily discovers that ALL the sea animals are sick, and that she has bonded with Indi, who has become a sparkly unicorn!!
The magic needed to heal all of them is located in the Crystal Caves, which some people think don't exist. Emily, Marlin, and Indi go there, finding their friends in the process. It turns out that the cave isn't full of jewels, though; it's full of magical sea dragon eggs!! And you thought the sea dragons were going extinct!
BAM! The Dark Sorceress shows up to take the magic of the eggs. Wait...it turns out Miranda was really the Dark Sorceress. Pwned!!! Nice one.
Bla bla bla. They fight her, recover Marina, the missing water Fairimental, and save the baby dragon eggs.
However, Indi used all his magic to save Emily. He transports her to another island (a habit of his, I suppose), where a water sylph tells Emily that Indi is really one of the power crystals they are seeking. Emily is heartbroken; how can she give up her bonded? But she gives Indi up...and he comes back, because he loves her. Now he'll be a unicorn forever!
Rude awakening: Emily isn't meant to bond with a magical animal. She is meant to strengthen the bond between animal and human, so in a way she is bonded to everyone. However, Indi is now her paladin! w00t, Emily is a Level 2 mage!!
But the Dark Sorceress has another dastardly plot up her sleeve...which involves Henry Gardener, the wizard we've all been waiting for.
Unfortunately, we'll never see how that ends up, because Rachel Roberts, the author of this series, did not publish anymore books. I've heard all this crap about how she's just switching publishers, but it's been 3 years, and either she's the slowest writer ever, or she's given up. Whatever. We don't need you, Rachel Roberts. We like Madison Finn better ANYWAY!

More notes:
Tasha: The unicorn jewel and the wolf stone emit completely opposite frequencies.
Adriane: Big surprise.
If that's not foreshadowing, I don't know what is.
Wait...if they emit completely different frequencies, shouldn't that make them create beautiful harmony together? That's what happens with light, anyway.

Kara: Tasha, you rock!
Tasha: Actually, I crystallize, Princess.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh.

All of them are Level 2 mages...except for Emily. All of them have bonded animals...except for Emily. All of them have boyfriends...except for Emily.
Mwahahaha.

"Kara smiled her million-dollar blazing star smile."
I swear they copied that out of the movie "Life Size".

Marlin: It's all those sea dragons' fault! Magic attracts magic! Everyone knows that.
Jaaran: What does a jerk attract?
Someone's been watching "Seinfeld".

"Pups rolled across the sand as a purple blur erupted from the center of the pile."
Lol. That just looks funny when you picture it. Especially when the pups look like baby seals...laff attack.

Indi shapeshifts to look like Ozzie, and Emily doesn't realize something's wrong until she notices he doesn't have a collar - and this is after the Ozzie lookalike has showed up with pink/purple fur, eaten her backpack and jewel, and talken in gibberish for the past ten minutes.
Nice, Emily.

Adriane: Jaaran!! *flyingleaphug*
Jaaran: Adriane, I'm so glad you're here.
Zach: *jealous fuming*
Lorren: Probably just friends, I'm sure.
ROFL!! Oh, the drama!

Jaaran says, "What are you insinuating?" Agh, I remember Amber would say that ALL THE TIME in 7th grade.
Blah. 7th grade.

They go to a place called Port Tuga. Hm, that wouldn't happen to be a play on Tortuga, would it?

Emily believes in evolution, but she's against it. How does that work out??

Indi's name was Riba until Emily decided to change it.
I like Riba better. Rrrrrrrrrrrriba.

"Magic lamps! Only been rubbed once."
Euphemism for sex?

Tee hee hee, Miranda teaches Emily to use Jedi Mind Tricks on some advancing trolls. "You don't want this magical creature. We were never here, you never saw us, we never existed."

Indi has Indi-gestion.
-_-

Miranda is so Sith!!! She's corrupting Emily like Sidious corrupted Anakin.
"Maybe, someday, I can evil stop people from dying!!!"

Miranda is such a liar!!!!

Rah!! She's killing them all! All the sea creatures IN THE WORLD.

Lol. Marlin's all, "Who's Miranda? What are you talking about?"
You are now in...THE TWILIGHT ZONE.

Marlin randomly jumps into the water to save his sea dragon from a pack of hungry sea wolves.
You're screwed, my friend.
And Emily does NOTHING to help him...because standing on the deck screaming, "Oh no, Marlin," does not count.

She killed them all. And not just the men...but the women, and the children. They were animals, and she killed them, like animals.
SHE HATES THEM!!!
[For all of you who are really confused, go watch "Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones". The funniest movie you will ever see, I guarantee it.]

They run into sirens who try to lure them away from their destination.
In an ocean of tears, we wait.
Waiting, longing for home.
There is no today.
No tomorrow.
No place to go.
Whaaat? The sirens collaborated with an emo band??

"Every seafaring elf knows how to protect himself from the siren's lure. Get wig-jiggy with it."
-_-
And no, it wasn't Ozzie who said that, surprisingly enough.

Hm, all the creatures in the water are sick. Could it be the water is making them sick??? GOOD JOB, EMILY!!! XP

"It ain't all tweetybirds and pretty monkeys out there."
That's an interesting picture.

Tasha has disappeared.
"'Listen, pal.' Lorren stepped close to Marlin. 'I'm not leaving here without her!'
Emily caught a momentary flash of jealousy in Kara's eyes."
I'd be jealous, too.
Boy drama sucks.

Emily: I'm sorry about the Flyer. She was a good...boot. [Boat]
Cribby: None like her!
Marlin: If we make it back to Aquatania, we'll build you a new one.
Will Turner: A better one!
Jack Sparrow: A better one!
Will Turner: That one.
Jack Sparrow: That one??? Aye, that one!

The magic in the sea dragons' eggs could heal all...but they don't want to take the lives of the babies to save everyone else.
Veiled anti-abortion message?

Zach has the power to control time...but he's not very good at it.
So Kara stupidly tries to help him, and Adriane spazzes out. MORE FORESHADOWING.

Aw, Marlin saves Emily from the burden of hatching sea dragons.
They all imprint on him.

Indi is a power crystal!!!
That could be why he's pink and purple.

Indi now looks like the hunchback of Notre Dame.
Apparently, he's the Heart of Avalon, the most powerful of the nine power crystals. Whoop-dee-doo.

Why isn't the sylph on the cover wearing any clothes?

"Emily could feel the sorrow pouring from him as Indi finally resigned himself to his fate. With a shuddering sigh, all the color washed away as the creature that was Indi began to shrink, folding in on itself, shapeshifting for the last time. In her outstretched hands, Emily held a plain gray, heart-shaped rock.
'You don't love me anymore.'
'No,' Emily stammered. 'That's not what I meant.'
With a loud crack, the stone split down the middle."
Mwahaha. That's kind of funny.
Malachi: Hearts of Stone.
From Bible flashcards in like 1st grade.
But that's so emo!!! It's the sirens' fault; their bad influence made Indi suicidal.

Avalon is where you heart is. So if home is where your heart is, and that's where your treasure is also, then Avalon is at home...with all of your treasure...so you're rich??
Sorry, spaghetti brain.

"'I am the merfolk prince.' Marlin met his father's gaze. 'But I am also a dragon rider.'"
And with that, he rips off his clothes and hops into the sea.
Lol. He's a dragon rider. LIKE ERAGON!!

Peanut, Cocoa, and Bananas are good dragon names.

Emily: I think he knows how lucky Aquatania is to have a prine like you.
Marlin: *takes her hand* No one ever saw magic in me, until you.
AAAAAAAAAGH SOOOOO SAPPY!!! If this wasn't a children's book, they'd be kissing right now.

Even more foreshadowing. Adriane is majorly at odds with Kara and the way Kara treats Zach.

The Dark Sorceress' plan involves phantom wraiths, which are like dementors. Nice.

The crystal she gave to Adriane WAS tainted. Whooooa!! How evil is that??

So we'll most likely never find out what would've happened or what's going to happen in the rest of the series. There are no more Avalons, for which I'm a little sorry, but there are 3 Pony Pals left in the series, and a buttload of Madison Finns, so stay tuned!

I avoid conflict, or Pony Pals Super Special #5: Pony Problem

I still don't get why Super Specials are so much specialer than the other books. The author runs out of plot after about 70 pages, and this book is 115 pages long.



Plot: Anna wakes up one morning to find Acorn missing - and Snow White hurt! It appears the ponies had a fight, resulting in Acorn's disappearance. They find him at Pam's house, but after that, the two ponies cannot seem to get along! Neither can their owners, for that matter; they both blame each other.
Pam, as you know, can "communicate" with animals, and uses this unique ability to find out what went wrong between the two pony friends. It turns out Acorn is a bit jealous of his friend Snow White, who is receiving lots of attention due to her new barrel racing tricks. Acorn feels a bit left out.
In turn, Snow White is too tired to play with her pony friend and wonders why he is being so "mean" to her.
Pam reveals this to her Pony Pals. They make up and spend the rest of the book planning for the Winter Fest, which goes amazingly well, and everyone is happy.

More notes:
Lulu writes a crappy poem:
Snow White in the moonlight
On a snowy night.
Everything is all right.

Anna thinks Acorn was stolen. After all, he starred in an ABC Family movie, and was in the circus once. Oh, and he played The Magic Pony in that play at the library.

She and Lulu go out looking for Acorn at 7:00 AM without telling their parents! How is it that they NEVER get in trouble??? I can't believe their parents are FINE with this.

Now they're sure someone stole Acorn because there are TRACKS in the PADDOCK! Hello, you guys go into the paddock ALL THE TIME.

Tommy's middle name should be "Trouble". How clever. :P

No duh, it was Anna's footprint.

There's a scene with Pam in the barn with Fat Cat. Fat Cat is depressed because someone put toilet paper in her bed, so now she can't sleep. I swear, if that's not foreshadowing, I don't know what is.

Lulu: Snow White has blood on her neck. Come, look.
Anna: She must have cut herself.
Snow White!!! Didn't I tell you to stay away from those razorblades!!!???

"She was a sweet gray Welsh two-year-old."
If you're talking about a pony (which they are), you wouldn't say it like that. It would be more like, "She was a sweet two-year-old gray Welsh pony," or something.

Agh, it's a misunderstanding. Lulu and Anna are convinced the other is mad at them. Spare me.

"Anna frowned. She hated it when Pam wasn't on her side."
And Pam sort of owes her, too, after the whole abused Cloud thing.

Ugh, Lulu's getting annoying. You know how she gets when she's worried about Snow White, right? THAT'S WHAT SHE'S DOING! "Oh no, it's been 5 minutes! I have to go check on Snow White!"

Anna: How do you know what she's thinking? She's probably thinking, "I wish I had bit Acorn harder."
LOL!!

Anna just feels like being mean. I hear you.

Pam thinks Charlie is bossy.
*cough cough* HYPOCRITE! *cough cough*

Whoa what happened to Charlie and Anna? I thought they were a couple!! I guess not. Charlie's obsessed with Lulu now, and totally ignores Anna when she shows him her drawings.

Wth?? What the heck is skijoring??

"Pam hated it when Charlie acted like he knew more about ponies than she did."
This is payback for all the times you made someone feel stupid because you had to know everything about ponies, Pam.

Omg, that's so awful! "Acorn is happy because Snow WHite isn't here, thought Anna. Snow White might have to move to Pam's. That's okay. The Crandals have plenty of room for another pony."
Whoa. Anna is way evil sometimes.

They're eating spaghetti.
For dinner.
AGAIN.

"What are you doing to Snow White?"
That sounds dirty....

Lulu is a way annoying.

Acorn is jealous. Why isn't Charlie paying attention to him? Why is Snow White learning new tricks? Why won't Snow White play with him?
Acorn needs therapy.

WHOA!
"'You'd be a good snowboarder, Pony Pest,' said Tommy. 'You got good balance."

Pam writes about a time when her mom's horse JB started eating wood, and he told her that he missed his goat friend Queenie.
Queenie? Wasn't that the name of the sheep in #12?

Whoa. Acorn's side of the story is my life.

Remind Acorn that he is special and everything will be all right.

Mwahaha. Anna thinks Snow White should move out. Because it's her backyard, and Snow White doesn't belong there.

Pam: I think Acorn and Snow White are still fighting because you are still fighting. Animals pick up on how people feel.
Lulu: But we're fighting because our ponies are fighting.
Pam: It's a vicious circle.
Lol. A vicious circle. It's a vicious "cycle", Pam.

The exterminator joke is getting old, Tommy.

Charlie sits next to Lulu...and Mike sits next to Anna. :O He's bisexual?
Ha ha, Pam has no one.

Charlie: What's wrong with those guys? Sometimes they're okay and sometimes they're sort of dumb.
Tee hee. Just like the Pony Pals!!

Charlie is starting to sound less like a cowboy and more like a Brit.
"I have an idea! It's positively brilliant!!"

Ha. Lulu got suckered into barrel racing.

Aagh.
Mr. Olson: Mr. Charlie can make you his special Mexican burritos.
What other kind of burritos would they be eating? French burritos?
Charlie: They're muy delicioso.
Someone's been watching Dora the Explorer recently!

The Pony Pals make a pony scrapbook.
"Mr. Olson came in to get a drink. The stories were so interesting he stayed to listen."
Oh, I highly doubt that.

All of these stories are basically about how amazing Snow White is. "I used to have no friends. Then I met Snow White." "We had a costume parade. Snow White went first because she's so beautiful." "I fell in a hole, but got out all right, because I'm snow White!"

I think one of the stories is from Super Special #4...WHICH I HAVEN'T READ YET!

I don't remember this lamb business. They say they rescued a baby lamb. When was this?

Pwned. They attack Charlie and snowball him. Literally. Lol.

Oh no! If Winter Fest is cancelled, what will Anna's mother do with all the brownies she baked?
Give them to the fatty Pony Pals, of course!

Apparently Tommy is a pro snowboarder.
Anna: At least he can do something right.
Noyce.

BFFs!! I swear, this is like the Bratz movie.

This could have been an R. L. Stine "Fear Street" novel, or FTFO Madison Finn #12: Lights Out!

Okay, looking at Dan Ginsburg on the cover of his book, he's not that fat. In fact, he's not fat at all. They call him Pork-O and everything, but Dan's actually in better shape than Egg, who looks anorexic. And he has cool shoes (also compared to Egg, who has some weird Elvis-esque blue suede shoes).



Plot: The Far Hills Junior High seventh grade class is going on a three-day trip to Jasper Woods, where they will face their fears and stay in cabins and whatnot. Madison is beyond excited. Sure, there will be no bath towels, hot showers, snacking, TV, internet access, reading material, but... Hang on. This trip doesn't sound fun anymore.
It's too late to back out now. The day arrives and Madison heads on the bus with her best friends.
There's trouble right off the bat. Madison and her friends are forced to share a cabin with POISON IVY!!
Also, Fiona seems super jealous of Madison and Egg's tight relationship. Even though Madison insists they are just friends, Fiona seems to believe otherwise.
Jasper Woods is throwing out its own challenges as well: a Talent Show, a haunted cabin, and something called THE TOWER that has Madison scareder than scared.
Here's how things work out:
The talent show goes well. Madison, Aimee, Lindsay, and Fiona sing a song about frienship. They don't win any prizes, but that's okay because most of them are tone deaf anyway.
Fiona forgives Madison for stealing Egg (um, whatever), and "allows" her to remain friends with her main squeeze. Whore.
Madison hears ghosts and leads Hart, Dan, Egg, and Fiona on a ghost hunt, proving to a terrified Ivy that she's NOT chicken.
Madison climbs THE TOWER, and though no one cares, she is proud to have conquered her fear of heights.
All in all, an okay trip.

More notes:
Madison is sitting in math class, watching the clock, and it starts moving BACKWARDS. I swear, that happens to me all the time.

Egg gets pwned. And has to do the problem on the board.

Ivy: I have to bring my new camera to Jasper Woods. And my hair dyer, of course.
Joan: And don't forget the curling iron, too, right? YOu wanna look good for you-know-who.
Oh, I know who, you backstabbing little skank.

Fiona: I am so stressed! Egg just ignored me. He raced by and wouldn't even stop when I called after him. He won't talk to me!
Been there, done that.

"Madison bit her lip. Hart was wearing a rugby shirt with blue and gold stripes and khaki pants. She noticed how his brown hair was getting long on top. It whooshed over his forehead. She wished she could touch it - just once."
That's the closest Madison comes to a dirty thought.

To temporarily replace Madison's laptop (which won't be allowed on the class trip), Frannie buys Madison an orange notebook.
Whenever my grandma buys me those, they're red. Not complaining, but blue would be nice.

Aargh, Bigwheels' boyfriend is a jerk, too. He just randomly stopped talking to her. I guess it's catching.

So to cheer her up, her dad bought her a kitten named Sparkles!

It turns out there's a talent show...and Madison's the ONLY ONE who didn't bring something nice to wear for it.
Oops.
Ugh, that sucks.

Heh, Madison elbows Ivy in the face...or tries to. She ends up hitting Hart.

Lame. She and Hart discuss THE WEATHER.

Jealous. Lindsay has a Hello Kitty backpack.

And she bought a DRESS for the talent show. A DRESS? It's a junior high talent show! It's not THAT big a deal, Lindsay!

ROFL, they play Mash!! Madison lists Egg under the Guy column and Fiona FLIPS OUT. Jealous much?

She ends up marrying Egg, becoming a pop diva, and living in a jungle shack with her 99 kids.

Aimee tells Madison about a "haunted" cabin.
I vaguely remember a friend of mine telling me about the bear cabin....

Counselor: Lunches are by the main lodge, girls.
Ivy: That was James. And - whoa - he is a total hottie.
Joan: Would you go out with him?
Ivy: He's not really my type.
Yeah. Because I'm sure counselors like him are so interested in dating jailbait.

Dan: Do we have to wear costumes? I saw that some people have them, but I didn't bring anything.
Madison: Don't worry so much.
Hypocrite.

Uh oh. Egg and Madison have a leaf fight. It must mean they're fooling around behind your back, Fiona.

They pick a song for the talent show called "That's What Friends Are For". I swear that's a Michael W. Smith song.

Weeeeeird.
Egg: Do you wanna be part of our routine? [for the talent show]
Madison: Me? Why me?
Egg: Because you're my best friend who's a girl.
Madison: Maybe you should ask someone else. Like Fiona.
After she says no, Egg asks IVY instead. Lame.

Haaa. Lindsay listens to the weather channel on her portable radio. Point and laugh!

Rather than forgo her vegetarian diet, Aimee snubs the hot dogs and eats a plate of tomatoes for dinner. Mmmmm....

Camp songs!! Honk, honk, rattle, rattle, toot, toot, beep, beep!

Madison doesn't know any camp songs. She's never been to camp.

Madison is tempted to reveal her crush so her friends might make fun of her in a joking way.
DON'T GIVE IN, MADISON, DON'T GIVE IN!!

Ha. No one will go to the bathroom with Ivy. Not even her best friends.

Apparently the gym teacher is into New Age and meditation. What happened to the jock stereotype?

Uh oh. Chet and Fiona get in a mudfight...and Madison laughs. Fiona is REALLY PMS-y in this book.

"Egg wasn't laughing, was he?" "Egg? Never saw a laugh."

That superstitious Madison. She thinks the tower is A BAD OMEN.

Dan loves camp.
I love Dan.

Aimee thinks they should've sung "We Are the Champions" by Queen rather than the Michael W. Smith reject song.
I reckon you're right, Aimee.

Madison gets mud on her pants. It's semi-funny.
"Could she really be expected to take bigger risks at camp when she couldn't even keep her pants clean?"

They go on a lamesauce scavenger hunt.

Oh no, there's 13 items they need to find! That's unlucky. Aargh, Maddie's superstitions are rubbing off on me.

They combine with the boys in order to win.

They need something smelly.
"Hart could just lay a big one in there. Hart fart!"

A tidbit for later: Hart has a pet parrot?

Ew, macaroni and cheese with ketchup. That's disgusting.

ARGH, WE GET IT! DAN EATS A LOT!

Egg: Fiona. What's her deal?
Madison: What do you mean? I thought you guys were a couple.
Egg: What does that mean?
Madison: A couple...going out...boyfriend and-
Egg: Ack! Don't say it. She acts like we should be attached at the hip. It weirds me out. I mean, I like her and all that, but...
Madison: *why is he telling me this in the middle of dinner at camp?*

Uh-oh.
Fiona: *sniff* You two seem to be having fun.
Egg: Just hanging.
Madison: Yeah, Egg's a fungi. [inside joke]
Fiona: I thought you were my friend. *runs away crying*

Fiona wants to ditch them all because she's "depressed".

The four of them wear T-shirts that say "Friends" "Are" "Forever" "!!!!!!"

The talent show: Egg's group is called the Dudes. They rap with hockey sticks. Ivy walks around and poses. Wth? How is that talent?

No way, this IS a Michael W. Smith song, I know it!

Ivy's group sings "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" while playing beach volleyball.

To make Madison mad, I guess, Fiona starts talking to Ivy. Wth?

LOL! The teachers perform "I Heard It Through the Grapevine". Mr. Danehy does a tap dance!!!!

Haha. Ivy can't find the cabin's light switch.

Oooh, now they're telling scary stories!!

Aagh, Fiona's going to tell a really "scary" (read: stupid) one. Since when does she tell scary stories? The one about Mrs. Martin really freaked her out.

"Once upon a time, a little boy was digging in the backyard and he found a toe. Anyway, the boy went to bed. As he was curling up under the blankets, he heard this slow, slow breathing noise. 'Where's my t-o-o-o-o-o-oh?' the voice said."
Basically, this goes on for 10 minutes until Fiona grabs Ivy and says, "YOU'VE GOT IT!"

Ivy freaks out. Noyce.

Uh oh. The boys sneak into the girls' cabin. Wth? Where are the counselors? This should so not be happening.

"Hey, Hart. I was so scared. Thank goodness it's just you. *bats eyelashes*"
Yeah, that's hot, Ivy. XP

Madison sucks up to Fiona in order to become friends again.

They hear scratching noises. Madison goes to investigate, which impresses Hart QUITE a bit.

Ivy: YOu don't have to be such a show-off, Maddie. You look really dumb, you know.
Madison: I don't care.
YEAH MADDIE!!!

Madison makes a Bible joke. Lol.

Ewwwww.
Egg: You really think our surprise was fun?
Fiona: You know how I feel, Egg.
Dan: Quit getting all sappy! You guys are so weird!

Fiona offers a LAME, LAME apology, which Madison, of course, accepts.

"Why so glum, chum? Hungry?"
Dan, I love you.

AAAH, AND HE'S SCARED OF THE TOWER, TOO!!!

"HART! Hart, I was looking for you. We saved you a seat over here. Come on. Come on!"
I hate Ivy.

w00t, Obstacle course!

Ivy is such a lying wimp.
"I don't want to hurt myself. And I don't want to break one of my nails. That would be even worse."
God forbid THAT should happen.

Madison climbs THE TOWER...with an orange helmet on. GOOD OMEN.

And Hart is too busy cheering for Ivy. :(

Madison: You can go, Ivy. Go away. I'm the new queen of the wilderness.
Unfortunately, she doesn't actually say that to Ivy's face.

Fiona's back to her flaky, loser self!

"One day she'd admit her feelings to Hart's face. One day."

Madison's scavenger hunt team wins 2nd place. Not bad.

The Dudes win "Most Creative Use of Props".
So Ivy was just a prop?
I guess she is pretty fake.

The BFFs (Madison's Talent Show group) wins 3rd place in the All-Around category. Whatever that is.

ROFL!!
Aimee: Grrrr...it was those minishorts.

Egg wins "Best Leader".
Fiona and Egg win "Best Athlete". It's not like Fiona did anything athletic the whole time they were there.
Madison and Dan win "Best Camp Spirit".

They carve their initials into the wall of their cabin. Yeah, vandalism!

Lindsay is too scared to play MASH. In case, you know, it comes TRUE.
Because, you know, you MIGHT JUST marry Brad Pitt and have 99 kids!

"It's not a big deal in the world or anything, but... I don't know. It is a big deal to me. I won something."
Like Monk!

As soon as she gets home, Madison goes on her laptop. Lol, same here.

Ewwww, Reggie apologize to Bigwheels and they're back together.

Awww, Drew sends Madison a picture of her at the top of THE TOWER. It boosts her self-esteem. How nice.

Madison's Computer Tip:
I realize that being on the computer 24/7 isn't good for anyone.

Thanks, Madison.
Yay, I have Pony Pals!!! A super special, in fact. It's not that great, but it's something. Stay tuned.

I swear this was in Balto, or Avalon: Quest For Magic #3: Ghost Wolf

I'm not kidding. In "Balto II", Aleou was in that cave with the creepy Inuit mouse who told her to find herself in the spirit world or whatever, and then he started singing.
That pretty much sums up the entire book.
Well, not really, but it was a lot of weird, freaky spirit world stuff that I didn't get AT ALL.



Plot: Adriane and Dreamer have been having a lot of trouble communicating lately. Dreamer has been acting wild and out of control, rather like the machine functions we were learning about in math class.
One day, after a disastrous tour, Adriane runs home to find Dreamer standing over a fallen Gran!! Gran is now in a coma, and Adriane partially blames Dreamer.
Adriane has also been having weird dreams about the forest guardian Orenda. Orenda is in "great peril" - someone is attacking her! Adriane wishes she could help, but doesn't know where to find this lost forest guardian.
More magical drama: Adriane starts lashing out at her friends, her parents finally return to take Adriane with them to New York, someone is trying to destroy Ravenswood, etc., etc., etc.
Finally, Adriane's world comes crashing down; Dreamer attacks Beasley Windor and is taken away by Animal Control.
Thankfully, the students at school start a petition to save Ravenswood, and Zach and Drake show up to help Adriane in her time of need.
Oh no, it turns out the Spirit Pack (the huge pack of dead mistwolves that Stormbringer, Adriane's old mistwolf, belongs to) is missing! If they are gone too long, all the mistwolves will lose their magic! No wonder Dreamer is so crazy!
Rescue mission! Adriane finds Dreamer at the local zoo, but he has been possessed by an evil mistwolf named Chain! They tussle, but of course Adriane wins. Not sure how, but she does.
To save all the mistwolves and find the spirit pack, Adriane and Dreamer will have to find the magic power crystal, which is located on the spirit path. ????? So confused.
So they find the power crystal, but there's this whole battle with the Spider Witch and Dark Sorceress.
Then, in a random plot twist, it turns out Stormbringer is alive!!! She, Adriane, and Dreamer fight together, because working together is precious, bla bla bla, so weird.
Then, at the end, a demon-possessed Orenda starts attacking everyone. With no way to save her, Adriane kills her. Now there is no forest spirit! Stormbringer steps forward to take on that difficult position. Adriane protests, as she just got her friend back, but Storm insists. Oh well.
Now Storm is Adriane's paladin, and Adriane is a level 2 mage.
Also, Dreamer is back to normal, Gran has healed, and Adriane's parents have decided that they'd rather move to New York WITHOUT Adriane. Yaaaay.

I don't understand these books at all. Thank goodness there's only one left in the series.

Love means never having to say you're sorry, or FTFO Madison Finn #11: Heart to Heart

AAAAAAAAGH! This one is SOOO SAD. It's mostly about 7th grade relationships and unrequited love. Seriously, it's the saddest thing in the world. I started crying in some spots, it's really sad.



Plot: Valentine's Day is coming up, and Far Hills Junior High is holding Valentine-themed dance! All the girls are freaking out.
Madison is excited, too, but feels left out. Her keypal Bigwheels just got a new boyfriend. Phin is in love with a golden retriever who just moved in down the street. Fiona and Egg are going out now, and there's a rumor that Hart and Ivy are more than "just good friends".
One day, Madison gets an e-mail from someone called Orange Crush...who appears to have a crush on her.
NO WAY!!!
Orange Crush starts stuffing love notes in her locker and sending her chocolate roses through the mail. He even writes her a poem - it's pretty cute.
Madison makes a list of all the boys she knows and, using her mad detective skills, decides it's Hart Jones, her one true love! It just HAS to be.
It's the night of the dance. Madison has a dress, a tiara, and new shoes. Orange Crush sends her 15 carnations and promises all will be revealed at the dance. She asks Drew if he happened to be her "one true love", but he admits that although he likes her (DUH), he wasn't her secret admirer. Things are way awkward for a little while, but Drew and Madison remain friends.
Finally, Dan comes over and makes some pretty obvious hints about his secret life as Orange Crush.
Madison, shocked and disappointed, runs out of the room.
Crying.
Her mom comes outside, where it happens to be SNOWING (aah, so cold!), and comforts Madison. Madison admits she was shocked about Dan being her secret admirer, but doesn't want to face him again because he must surely hate her now.
Well, yeah, Maddie, you sort of ran away crying when he told you he loved you.
But Frannie Finn, in a rare moment of good parenting and smart advice, tells her to go apologize.
Madison runs back into the building and asks Dan to forgive her. He does so, willingly, and the two agree to be friends. Then, because she sort of ruined the dance for him, Madison asks Dan to dance.
It makes Dan happy...
...and Hart jealous.
Awwwwwww....

More notes:
I think this is my favorite book so far.

Madison meets a cute new neighbor named Toby. Oooh.
Toby: Do you go to Far Hills High? I start there tomorrow, and I don't know anyone.
Madison: High school? Uh, no...No. I'm in middle school. Seventh grade, actually.
Toby: Oh, wow.
Yeah. Wow. Lol.

That sort of killed the mood.

Gasp! Phin just cheated on Blossom, Aimee's dog!

Huh, Madison's star sign is Pisces. I wonder when her birthday is. I can't remember her ever having an actual birthday in the series.

Somewhere between March 15 and April 14. Hey, her birthday might be this month!

Her horoscope reads:
Love is in the air! But winds that blow in your direction are not from familiar corners. Keep your eyes wide open. Romance will sneak up on you when you least expect it.
Heh. Mine told me to mosey on home yesterday. Which is where I've been for the past week. So I sort of think the whole astrology thing is a bunch of crap.

Oh no, Bigwheels is in love with a boy named Reggie. He has black hair and hazel eyes. Sounds...Mediterranean.

He just randomly asked her to the Valentine's dance.

Bigwheels wonders if she should play it cool. DO NOT PLAY HARD TO GET!!! Worst idea in the world. Just saying.

From: Orange Crush
To: MadFinn
Subject:
Date: Sun 2 Feb 5:13 PM

I've got a crush on u.

Your Secret Admirer.

Okay, I'm sort of creeped out now, what about you guys?

Aimee thinks it might be Egg, and Fiona FLIPS OUT.
"Aimee, you don't really think the secret e-mail is from Walter, do you? I mean - Walter doesn't like Madison, right? That was just a joke. You're joking, right?"
Dang.

I'm surprised Aimee and Fiona don't know about Madison's crush on Hart by now.
Aimee: Who are the prime suspects? Hart Jones?
Madison: H-H-Hart?

Heh. Ivy tries to act flirty.
"Ta-ta! I hope I'll see you there!"
Ta-ta? Ta-ta??? Jolly good, my dear, that does sound positively brilliant! Superb! Capital idea!

Hart: Well, I already know who I want to go with.
Madison: *Could he mean me?*
Hart: I WANNA GO WITH EGG!
Ugh, 7th grade boy humor.

Dad takes Madison and Stephanie to dinner. He's about to have a mariachi band serenade them all, so Madison PRETENDS TO BE SICK! Wth, what's wrong with you, Madison? It's just a mariachi band!

Aimee, Fiona, and Ivy claim to have been in love by now. Riiiiiiiiiiight.

Ooh, Reggie sounds like a dream date! He's cute, funny, and smart, and he makes Bigwheels laff like a lolcat!
Did I tell you she met him at math club? I bet he tucks his shirt into his pants.

"She hurried to her dresser and pulled out a pair of heavy black leggings and soft red sweater."
Sounds very Babysitters club.

Ivy's insults still suck.
Madison: *misses a shot into the garbage can*
Ivy: Nice shot, Maddie! You should go out for baskteball.
Ooh, burn.

Agh, another creepy card!
U have a good heart.
Signed, Your Secret Admirer

Code for, "You have nice boobs?"

They make a big deal about a "special" English project on the back of the book, but all they have to do is write about someone from the American Revolution.

So Dan's trying to tell Madison about a llama named Gertrude, and she's busy checking out Hart.
Hahaha, sooooo guilty of this myself.

"Who can think about homework when there's a school dance coming up?"
Some of us manage to do it, Aimee. You're obviously not in honors English.

Ugh, lame. Egg and Fiona reveal their true feelings to each other...ON INSTA-MESSAGE. That is so lame.
: I love you.
: Me 2.
: Sooo
: Sooo
: C u Monday!
: ok c u l8r g8r
That wasn't in the book, but I'm guessing that's what happened.

They decide to prank call boys and giggle. Sounds...fun.

"Take a look at suspects. Who would have access to red construction paper?"
Yeah, THAT narrows it down.

"It seems like anytime I like a boy, he likes someone else. Or else he ignores me. The 'good' thing always seems to happen for girls like Ivy."
Awww, amen to that.

: Hi. I see U R online.
: WHO R U???
: Someone who likes U. :>)
: Is this a joke?
: No.
: Then tell me who U R!!
: MWBRL. Got 2 go.
MWBRL = more will be revealed later.
Aaagh, I'm imagining Anthony Hopkins from "Silence of the Lambs".

Madison makes a list of things she needs to buy before the dance. Crap, I forgot about choosing a hairstyle...and learning how to dance, lol.

Fiona and Egg go on a date...and invite all their friends along. Fun?

Madison ends up buying a sea-blue dress with black trim, long bell sleeves, and a scoop neck. I'm having a really hard time picturing sleeves that are both long and bell-like.

IT WAS ONLY $52.50!!

Lame. Hart ditches them to go sit with Ivy.

Ugh, they make a big deal about Dan being fat in this one.
"He'd loaded up his tray with two hamburgers, a super-size container of fries, and a large drink."
That's not actually not that much. My older brother eats that much. I eat that much.

There's this whole thing about Dan standing up for his musical beliefs. So random.

Another book where Aimee forgets she has FOUR brothers, not THREE.

Ew, Fiona and Egg are all weird and couply, sharing ice cream cones and whatnot.

Oh no, Madison's dad was in a jewelry store! HE MUST BE PROPOSING TO STEPHANIE!
Or maybe he's buying her one of those Kay heart pendants.

REGGIE BOUGHT BIGWHEELS ONE OF THOSE HEART PENDANTS!!!

While talking to Chet, Madison insults Hart, not realizing he's on the other line. Nice.

Aw, Orange Crush sends her a chocolate rose. Anybody who sends you chocolate is a nice person.

OH NO! Madison thinks she knows FOR SURE that her secret admirer is Hart...AND SHE PLANS TO TELL HIM HOW SHE REALLY FEELS! DON'T DO IT, MADDIE! DANGER AHEAD!

Aimee: There's a 20% chance Drew is your crusher.
Madison: Twenty percent? What makes you say that?
Aimee: I think it's possible that he's the one, but here are some complications. I mean, he's too obvious. Everyone knows he likes you...
Madison: What do you mean, 'everyone knows'?
Um, he sort of stalks you and asks you to go to Switzerland and stuff. Pretty dang obvious.

SO MEAN!
Aimee: Dan is a nice guy and all that, but I don't think it's him. I mean, he cares way more about french fries and chocolate-chip cookies than girls, right?
Holy crap, WHO SAYS THINGS LIKE THAT?

Phin hurts his paw, and Madison freaks out. "EMERGENCY!!!"

Awkward dialogue that sort of made me cry:
Madison: I wanted to know if you are going to the Heart to Heart dance. Are you?
Dan: Yeah, I think I'm giong. Why...are you asking me or something?
Madison: Um...not exactly.
Dan: Um...I was just kidding.
Madison: But I am going to the dance. Even with no date. Do you know anyone else who's going? Or someone who wants to go with someone, but is maybe too shy or... I shouldn't be asking you this. Sorry.
Dan: I haven't really asked around. I can, if you want.
Madison: No, that's okay. I didn't mean to say all that. I feel pretty stupid.

Agh, she has NO IDEA!!!

Aw, Orange Crush writes her an adorable poem.
I am not a poet
And I truly know it
But I think you're really cool
So I thought I'd show it
(I hope this goofy rhyme of mine
Doesn't totally blow it!)

signed, Your Secret Admirer

Hart says hi...and Madison runs away. Maybe that's the reason he likes Ivy so much, Maddie.

Oh no. Oooooh no. Drew has just offered to walk her to class.
Y'all remember Drew, right? Rich, Hart's second cousin, totally stalker-y?

OH NO, HE ASKS HER TO THE DANCE!!!!
Madison: I don't think I can go. No, I definitely can't.
Drew: No? So. You're not going to the dance?
Madison: Not exactly.
Drew: Oh, I get it. You're just not going with me.
Madison: I'm sorry. It's just that I already promised someone else- I'm really, really, REALLY sorry.
Drew: I understand.
Omg, this is one of the parts where I started crying. Not only does she say no, but she LIES about why she can't go. Drew practically started crying, too.

Egg sends her an angry e-mail. She so deserved it.

From: Eggaway
To: MadFinn
Subject: no subject
Date: Tues 11 Feb 3:29 PM
I can't blieve you totally hurt Drew's feeling's like that. dont you know how hard it was for him to ask you to the dance? dont you get it? Drew is a relly good guy, Maddie. I don't know what your problem is. You can't just do that to people.

Egg

PS: So ur going to the dance with someone else? IYD. I don't believe it. And Drew doesnt, either.

Frannie thinks Drew will ask Madison out again.
Psh, not after she ripped his heart out like she did. I think Drew will never love again.

Even anorexia-loving Aimee has a date! True, it's Ben Buckley, but still, a guy asked her.
Maddie has no one.
She could have had stalker-Drew....

Rules for the Heart to Heart Dance:
1. Dance open only to Far Hills Junior High students.
[Heh. My school totally doesn't follow that rule. You can't exactly crash it, but if you have a ticket and a date who's a ninth grader, you're in.]

2. To attend dance, students must have a school dance ticket listing phone number where parents can be reached.
[In case someone dies in a horrible punch spiking accident.]

3. Students may not leave the dance area to go elsewhere, including school classrooms.
[Madison wonders why anyone would want to go to an empty classroom. Aimee says it for her: "No - to go make out!" Or to make a science experiment...without the Bunsen burner. ^_^]

There are a billion more rules, but none of them are quite as entertaining.

Okay, I was wrong.
8. Students are expected to keep the hallways and dance areas free and clear of all wrappers and cups. Keep snacks in the snack zone.
Madison: The snack zone? What's that?
Aimee: It sounds like a made-for-TV movie.
Fiona: When good snacks go bad.

Also, students aren't allowed to wear halter tops to the dance! Since when is there a dress code? And if that's the case, I wouldn't be able to go!!

Fiona: The DJ at my old school was always so lame. Half of the songs he played were country and western.
Aimee: That definitely won't be happening this time. The DJ they hired plays mostly hip-hop and pop, with a little rock thrown in.
:P The DJ at my school always plays hip-hop and NOTHING ELSE. Gets sort of old after a while.

Aw, Fiona and Aimee decide to meet their dates at the dance so they can go with Maddie. That's really nice.

Madison buys a tiara to go with her dress. Jealous.

When Madison saw her dad at the jewelry store, he was getting cuff links engraved for one of his favorite MALE clients. Sooooo what...Jeffery Finn is gay?

Heh, he buys Madison a stuffed pug that says, "I woof u."

Bigwheels is really obsessed with Reggie. Ugh, is everybody wearing a red velvet dress to their Valentine's Day dance? So much for variety.

Agh, Madison freaks out at Bigwheels when she mentions Reggie in an online chat. PMS much? Although, Bigwheels was being pretty annoying. "Omg, I have the funniest story-" "Is it about Reggie?" "Yeah, how'd you know?"

Ew, sappy John Keats poetry. "I cannot exist without you. I am forgetful of every thing but seeing you again. My life seems to stop there. I see no further."
Stalker.

Dan: Hey, look, it's Aimee - and an orange camel!
I think that was a reference to Madison's overstuffed backpack. Lame joke, Dan.

This outfit sounds cute until we get to the red heart pin:
"Madison had on her favorite jeans and a black turtleneck sweater. Mom loaned her a big, red heart pin, which she had attached to the sweater."
Sounds 80's.

Drew buys everyone's tickets, because it was cheaper for 4 sets of two! He even buys Madison's ticket!! That's so nice!

HART IS GOING WITH IVY!!! Maybe you shouldn't have run away from him, Maddie.

Madison gets a balloon from her secret admirer:
You've got my heart on a string.
Tonight all will be revealed.
signed, Your Secret Admirer.

Hart delivered the balloon to her, so she thinks he's the SA, he's just not owning up to it.

Even Lindsay Frost is wearing a red velvet dress. Wth, the book says she has blonde hair? Have you seen the cover of "All That Glitters"? Her hair is definitely brown.

"Fiona looked great in a hot-pink tank paired with a bright orange skirt. Both were made of raw silk, and shimmered slightly under the lights."
Sounds cute. I saw a dress like that at the mall.

Aw, Orange Crush gives her 15 carnations.

"'I think I want to get some punch. Want some, Aimee?'
'Sure thing,' Aimee said, beaming. She'd worn her favorite pink slip dress and shimmery stockings. Her hair was braided and piled on top of her head."
Sounds kind of cute. Really ballerina-y, but cute.

Lindsay is in love with Dan. Wth? Didn't that Suresh guy ask her out? Why isn't she dancing with him?

Heh, Fiona is taller than Egg.

Hart is just about to ask Madison to dance...when Drew and Chet run over with gossip that a 7th grader and a 9th grader have been found making out IN THE SCIENCE LAB! THEY WERE TOTALLY MAKING AN EXPERIMENT W/0 THE BUNSEN BURNER!!!

Aaagh, Joan Kenyon's mom catches them. Aaaaawkwaaaard.

Aimee: What's this about a seventh grader getting caught with a ninth grader?
Madison: You know as much as we do.
Ben: I heard that the guy had his shirt off.
Madison: Okay, you know more than we do. What were they doing? [What do you think?]
Ben: Kissing. I heard that the girl's hair was all messed up.
Hart: That doesn't sound like such a big deal.
Really, Hart? Sounds like you've done it before.

Oh no, Madison's about to confront Drew!!! She thinks he's Orange Crush!!

Madison: Hey, having fun?
Drew: Yeah. That's a nice dress you have on.
Madison: Thanks. I liked your flowers, too.
Drew: Flowers? Oh - you mean these? *holds out tie, which is covered in bright splotches of color* I think they're just blobs, actually.
Madison: Oh. Well, not exactly. Look, Drew, there's something I've been wanting to say to you.
Drew: Yeah?
Madison: I'm really sorry about the way I acted - when you asked me to the dance.
Drew: Oh, that. No biggie. I'm over it. We're friends again. That's cool.
I like how he totally forgave her. Sort of. Things are still pretty awkward.

Orange Crush is Dan!!!

And Madison runs out of the room crying.

Her mom comes out to comfort her and tells her that Dan is still her friend and that Madison should apologize so that they can continue being friends.
Huh. Thanks Fran. That's actually some good advice...for once.

Here we go. The big scene:
Madison: Dan. Wait. Dan, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to flip out. It's just that - you caught me by surprise. I mean, looking back on it, I guess I should have known that Orange Crush was you, but I didn't, and then when you said that it was you, I was just like, "Wow, I had no clue," and...and...and this is the part where you stop me from babbling. Please. Say something. Say anything.
Drew: I didn't mean to get you angry or sad. I'm really sorry if I embarassed you.
Madison: No, no. I'm sorry. It's not you. It's just that - I can't deal with this whole boyfriend thing right now.
[And also, you don't actually have any feelings for Dan, because you like Hart, but hey.]
Madison: I really like you, Dan.
Dan: But as a friend. Right?
Madison: Yeah. A good friend.
Dan: As a friend. Well, that's cool.
Madison: Cool?
Dan: It's cooler than cool. We have a lot in common, you know?
Madison: Like the animal shelter?
Dan: And - you know - we both like peanut butter.
Madison: And pizza.
Dan: Yeah. Tons of stuff in common. I just wanted to do something nice for you. You deserve it.
Madison: You're the best.
AWWWWWWWWW. This seriously made me cry!!! Dan is so nice about her ripping his heart out and tossing it across the floor. And they're still friends!!! What a concept!!!

So Madison asks him to dance with her, and he accepts.

"I want the chocolate rose back." "Oh no, I already ate it!"

Hart kept staring jealously over at Madison while they danced. Okay, I personally think she should've gone out with Dan. Hart is a major loser.

The moral is: Romance is nice, but friendship is more important.

The moral also is: Madison's Computer Tip: If you are getting e-mails from strangers, you should hit DELETE and tell your parents.

Ah yes, good morals.
So there will be Avalons and Madison Finns galore. Hopefully #12 is coming soon, too. *sniff* That was a good one.

Lonely, I'm so lonely, I have nobody for my own, or Pony Pals #25: The Lonely Pony

So much for this one. How long has it been since I put this on hold? Seriously, it was the most boring Pony Pals ever. I think it was because of Lulu; her books are always really lamesauce.



Plot: Lulu wakes up in the morning and finds not two, but THREE ponies in her paddock. Who is the mysterious third? Tongo, Mimi Kline's pony. It appears he ran away during the night because he's lonely. Anna takes Tongo back to Mimi's house and has Acorn stay with Tongo to make sure Tongo doesn't run away again.
Lulu is angry. Snow White has a respiratory infection and misses Acorn, but Anna doesn't seem to care at all! If only Pam were there to mediate, but she's at a jumping clinic for two days.
Pam comes back and doesn't do a very good job mediating. Anna and Lulu fight; Lulu thinks Anna is selfish and should bring Acorn back so Snow White won't be lonely. Anna thinks it's more important to take care of Tongo first so HE DOESN'T RUN AWAY AGAIN AND POSSIBLY GET HIT BY A CAR.
Time for three ideas. Pam suggests they make the fence bigger. Anna suggests they find Tongo a stablemate. Lulu has the same idea (probably written down hastily after hearing Anna's idea, no doubt), and the three go to St. Francis' Animal Shelter to pick out a nice pet.
They narrow it down to three: Max, a shy Basset Hound; Dottie, a cute pot-bellied pig; and Billy, an adorable pygmy goat.
Unfortunately, they decided to inform Mr. and Mrs. Kline of their new pet AFTER they brought it to their house.
Mimi, of course, ruins the entire situation with her bad timing. Mr. and Mrs. Kline don't like the idea of a new pet. The Pony Pals quickly decide on Billy the goat and leave him in the paddock with Tongo to see how they get along.
Not too well, it turns out. Lulu is sure that's because everyone is watching them and Billy is intimidated by them and his new surroundings. The Pony Pals decide to leave Tongo and his friend alone for a while and go on a nice, relaxing trail ride.
Wow. What a super ambiguous ending.

More notes:
"Lulu recognized the extra pony right away. It was Mimi Kline's small Shetland pony, Tongo. How did Tongo get there? Lulu wondered."
I'm assuming he walked.

"Acorn and Tongo happily sniffed noses over the fence. Snow White stood alone in the middle of the paddock. Snow White doesn't like having surprise visitors, thought Lulu."
Really, does Snow White like anybody?

Look at crap. Horrible:
Anna exchanged a smile. Mimi was cute and spoiled. Just like Tongo. And both were lots of fun.
Heh. I'd like to unleash Mrs. Sims on Jeanne Betancourt.

Anna: I think Snow White's jealous. She doesn't want to share Acorn.
Lulu: Snow White is not jealous. Tongo probably did something to her that we didn't see.
Whatever. She's jealous.

"Life in Wiggins is boring without my Pony Pals."
You're just now realizing that?

Lulu is so bored that she lets her grandmother cut her hair!!! :O

NO WAY, Grandmother Sanders gives her bangs! Lulu's hair looks pretty adorable, actually.

But not as good as mine, right? Lol.

Ugh, Lulu is so whiny.
Lulu: Is Acorn staying here tonight?
Anna: Yeah.
Lulu: But Acorn and Snow White are stablemates.
Anna: Mrs. Bell is afraid Tongo will run away again. I said I'd stay over, too.
Lulu: The Klines have to figure out how to keep Tongo in his own yard.
Anna: And we have to help them.
It's not actually their job to help people, but God forbid Lulu should do something nice for someone. "Nooo, I'd rather Tongo got hit by a car, because Snow White is SOOOO LONELY."
She has nobody for her own.

Oh no, Snow White is sick...again.

Dr. Crandal: Now let's see if she has a cough.
Dr Crandal squeezed Snow White's windpipe, and she coughed.
Uh, yeah, I'd cough, too, if someone squeezed my windpipe.

Ew, sulfur pills? Who'd want to take something that smelled like rotten eggs and came out of a volcano?

Anna makes a big mistake.
Lulu: So Acorn can't come home while Snow White is sick.
Anna: Good. It will give us time to solve the Tongo problem. We have to figure out how to keep him in his own yard.
Lulu: How can you say it's a good thing that Snow White is sick?
Anna: I didn't say it's good that Snow White's sick! I said it's good that Acorn is with Tongo. So Tongo won't run away again. We have time to solve the Tongo problem.

Lulu: The Klines should just get another pony. Then Tongo can have his own stablemate.
Hello? Ponies are uber-expensive, and Mimi has to ride Tongo IN THE DRIVEWAY!!! Something tells me the Klines don't have room for another pony.

Not to mention they run a HARDWARE STORE. Not a lot of money in that.

Haha. Anna makes another mistake.
Anna: Hi, everybody. How's Snow White? She looks better. Is he cured?
Lulu: She. Snow White is a she, you called her he.
Anna: Sorry. I just made a mistake.
You bet you did. Lol. Pony Pal fights.

Ugh, Lulu is so annoying.
"'That won't work,' Anna explained. 'Snow White doesn't like Tongo. She gets jealous.'
'Snow White is not jealous,' Lulu practically shouted at Anna.
Lulu glared at Anna. Didn't Anna understand anything about ponies? Didn't she love Snow White anymore?"
Whatever. Animals feel secondary emotions, one of those being jealousy. Snow White is SO JEALOUS.

You know how Anna always draws her ideas? Her idea this time is...a dog, a duck, and a goat. Please explain, Anna.

Remember Chicago? The cat Rosalie was obsessed with? CHICAGO LIVES!!

Anna: Tongo acts bratty sometimes. I bet Tongo did something to make Snow White angry. You know, the night he came to our paddock.
Like what? He called her a bad name? He hurt her feelings, did he?

Ew, the picture of Mr. Kline makes him look like the creepy old smoker dad from "Pretty in Pink".

"Pam hit Lulu on the head with another pillow. And Anna grabbed Lulu by both wrists while Pam tickled her. The Pony Pals had a pillow-tickle fight until they were all exhausted."
:O Wow...I have absolutely nothing to say to that.

Awww, pigs and ducks.

Oh, how droll, a duck named Crackers the Quacker! Excuse me if I don't bust my gut laughing.

Awwww, there's a REALLY CUTE picture of Pam holding some adorable puppies.

Who doesn't love pygmy goats?

Lulu wants Billy. Anna likes Dottie. Pam, who loves dogs, has bonded with Max. Guess who wins?

Lulu: Does Mrs. Kline know that Tongo is picking out a stablemate?
Anna: Not yet.
There's a 50% chance the Klines will say no, AND THEY DON'T ASK THEM FIRST??? Morons.

Tongo is attacked by a duck.

Anna tries to get Mimi to keep her mouth shut, so as not to ruin their idea with bad timing.

"Mommy! Mommy! I want Billy. I have to have him. Tongo wants him, too."
Way to go, Mimi.

Mrs. Kline is way POed. And the picture makes her look like a black man.

To calm her down, the Pony Pals bring her some cookies and lemonade.

Billy runs away, so Lulu and Pam decide to carry him to the paddock.
Mrs. Raskins: I was just going to suggest that.
Sure. Whatever.

Mrs. Kline gives Billy 5 seconds... "Hm, looks like it's not going to work. Take him back."

Billy is SO CUTE!!

The ending is so ambiguous!
Tongo and Billy: *are sort of beginning to get along*
Pam: Let's leave them alone for awhile.
Lulu: Good iea. And let's go on a trail ride. Just the Pony Pals.
Anna: Perfect.
So they ride off into the sunset...and we don't know if Billy stays or if he goes. That's a song.

So that's it. That's what I spent $4 on.
I really hate Lulu. In the very last Pony Pals book, Lulu should die a fiery death.
Lol, Jeanne Betancourt manages to squeeze like 5 Super Specials in between the last 4 books.
I have some Avalons that I still need to read. I don't know, I kind of hate that series now. Thankfully, there are only two more and then there aren't any more because Rachel Roberts decided not to write any.
I also have 8 more Madison Finn books. Sweet, right? I won't order anymore for now.
Yay, I also read "Heart to Heart" this morning, so I'll post that ASAP.

Blubbery preteens always float, or FTFO Madison Finn #13: Sink or Swim

It's Madison's second summer in the series and she's STILL in 7th grade. The magic continues.



Plot: All of Madison's friends have plans for summer, but Madison doesn't have anything to do. Isn't that the point of summer, however? Not having ANY PLANS. Isn't RELAXING supposed to be your plan? Whatever.
Madison, desperate for something to keep herself occupied, gets a job as a mother's helper. She's now in charge of Eliot, an adorable 2-and-a-half year old boy, and his infant sister Becka. However, Eliot throws tantrums frequently, and Madison, who is completely passive, has trouble getting him to behave.
Aaagh, that's not the worst part. Eliot's mom is a TOTAL DITZ and spends all of her time with Becka, and then doesn't realize her absentee behavior is the root of Eliot's frustrations. She blames either Madison or Becka, the adorable baby.
Slut.
Madison's boss also sucks because whenever they go to the pool and Madison tries to hang out with her friends, Mrs. Reed is all, "Maddie, time to leave!" And because Madison has no spine, she silently fumes, but is unable to stand up for yourself.
On Pool Day, Eliot bonds with Madison and wins a blue ribbon. Finally they are becoming friends! But Madison is unable to enjoy the rest of pool day because right after the winning of the ribbon, Mrs. Reed suggests they leave.
Megaslut.
Nearing the end of the book, Madison is convinced for some reason that Eliot hates her (he doesn't) and that she's the worst mother's helper ever (she sort of is, but never mind).
However, Eliot proves otherwise; he shows Madison his secret closet of stuffed animals and then presents her with his treasured blue Pool Day ribbon. Awwwww.
However, Mrs. Reed's mothering issues are never addressed and she is content to leave Becka with the blame of Eliot's behavior issues.
I hate her. But Madison doesn't care, so I guess that's okay.

More notes:
Aimee, the environmentally concious ditz, squeezes in an important message about global warming. Propaganda in teen literature... *shakes head*

Ooh, Fiona has read "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" FOUR TIMES!!

Aw, Fiona and Egg are going out. Kind of sickening.

Egg, Drew, and Hart are junior lifeguards at the pool...another reason Madison wants to spend time there.

7th grade dialogue.
Aimee: Gee, I wonder if Ben Buckley will be at the pool, too.
Madison: Ben Buckley? What made you think of him?
Aimee: I don't know - um - um... What was I talking about?
Madison: Are you in like with Ben or what? I can't believe it.
Aimee: I am NOT in like with Ben. I was just...
Fiona: Ha-ha-HA! So I'm not the only one with a terminal crush?

Madison isn't exactly stealthy about her secret crush on Hart.

Lucky. Bigwheels is at horse camp IN THE MOUNTAINS. Sounds like Miracle Ranch. Jealous.

Madison is shocked that it rained when there was a 50% chance of rain. Sounds like Washington weather.

ROFL!!
"If everything was meeting at the cafe, Madison would be seeing Hart and the other boys. She needed an outfit that would say 'cute friend with possibilities'."

Aimee's helping her dad out at his cybercafe, but she's not getting paid?

Fiona's participating in a book-a-thon where the prize is TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS! The prize at MY library was a $25 gift certificate to Barnes & Nobles...from a DRAWING!!! SO LAME. I entered like 30 tickets and I didn't win!

"Madison wondered what it would be like to practice mouth-to-mouth on a real person - like Hart. Was it like real kissing?"
Trust me, it's not...though I don't have any real experience to back up that statement. But I've done mouth-to-mouth on a rubber person.
That sounded dirty.

Drew: Yeah, we're learning how to give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation and all that. The American Red Cross teaches it. We practice on rubber people. Started today. It's funny.
Egg: Nah. It's dumb.
Hart: It saves lives.
Egg: Are you kidding me?
Hart: Hey, Egg, we have the most important job at the pool.
Egg: Come on! We're junior lifeguards. We're not actually saving anyone. This isn't Baywatch, for Pete's sake.
Fiona: You shouldn't really joke about saving lives!!!
Way to be pyscho, Fiona. Egg totally freaks out and apologizes, though.

"'Aren't you volunteering at the animal clinic? You always do that. You and Dan.'
Madison rolled her eyes. She was friends with Dan, but the way Egg said that it sounded lik she was more than friends."
You guys MIGHT have been MORE than friends if you hadn't turned Dan down, Madison.
Although Dan took it better than Drew. Notice how Drew has totally stopped stalking Maddie? I kind of miss it.

Fiona tries to convince Madison to go out for the mother's helper job:
"Baby-sitting can be hard - but it can also be a lot of fun. Oh, it'll be so easy. You'll get paid for going to the pool. And she has cats! What's better than that?"
Yeah, Madison, she has cats!!

: I baby-sit sometimes for my cousin when his mom goes to the supermarket and stuff.
: is it hard?
: haven't u ever read The Babysitters Club?
LOL!!! I know what some people would have to say about that.

It's sort of obvious that Madison has absolutely NO experience with little kids.
Elliot: Pee-pee.
Madison: Um...is that some kind of game?

Heh. Eliot has two cats named Peanut Butter and Jelly.

Dang, Madison's making $125 a week. And she's only 12!!! I've never seen that much money in my life.

Hm, what type of bathing suit would a baby-sitter wear?
Just ask Stacey McGill. She's soooo sophisticated.

Hahaha. Some of the "themed" youth nights at the pool are Italian night, Halloween night, Magic Show (laaame), and South of the Border night (ROFL, SEXUAL IMAGERY!).

Aimee thinks Hart and Ivy are going out. :O SAY IT ISN'T SO!

"Yeah, and Maddie could go with Dan or Drew and we could triple-date!"
Um, that's probably not going to happen anytime soon...not after the VALENTINE'S DAY INCIDENT!!

Aimee's such a spaz. "OH, MY GOODNESS! He's here."

Ben Buckley walks by...AND TOTALLY IGNORES HER. Heh.

Lol. Eliot starts screaming, "POOOOOOOOP!" at the top of his lungs.

Awww, Eliot is sooo cute.

Oh no, he's escaped!
"'STOP THAT KID!' Madison yelled. She nearly landed flat on her face as she jumped out of the pool after him."
Noyce.

Hart saves the day...and kind of creeps me out in the process.
Hart: I don't think so! *picks up Eliot* This little guy's fast.
Eliot: Fast! FAST!
Hart: So you want the tickle monster, huh? Well, that's what you'll get, then.

Stupid Madison. Dan is so much cooler than lame-o Hart.

Mrs. Reed: Are you having fun with Madison, sweetie?
"Madison waited for Eliot to scream, 'NOOOOOOOOO! I hate her!" but he didn't."
Lol, I love Maddie.

Bigwheels: But you don't ever ever let the kid bite you. That happened to my friend Josie once and she had 2 get a tetanus shot or something like that.
Thanks, Bigwheels. Like she's really just gonna let the kid BITE HER.

Cherry yogurt = heaven.

Unless there are real cherries in it.

Eliot throws his apple juice at the wall...
...and it EXPLODES.

"'He's been so cranky lately,' Mrs. Reed said, wiping his hands off his hands and face. 'Ever since we had Becka...'"
Maybe because his dad's never around and YOU'RE A HORRIBLE MOTHER!!!

Lol, Madison and Eliot rock out to some Wee Sing.

Madison: Does Eliot go to Pool Day?
Mrs. Reed: Eliot is competing in the kickboard swim for toddlers. It's one of a handful of events for the wee ones. [Wee ones? What is she, Irish?] I think they have more competitions for the older children. I'm sure you've done Pool Day other summers before, right? You must have fond memories. I think Eliot has a shot at winning a kiddie ribbon.
Madison: And what will I be doing?
Mrs. Reed: What else? Spending time with Eliot, of course.
Oh, sorry if you had plans to participate in Pool Day, Madison. You'll be busy watching Eliot because I'M TOO BUSY SUCKING AT BEING A MOTHER.
I HAAATE this woman.

"Good morning. You know, Madison, you don't have to ring the doorbell when you come. I'm expecting you. Just walk inside. That way if I'm in the middle of changing a diaper or picking up toys or just losing my mind..."
Translation: Your ringing the doorbell messes me up. Never do it again; it p*sses me off.

Hart is back with his tickle machine.
Egg is just so hilarious. XP "So how's your boyfriend?"

LOL! Eliot throws Madison's pool bag into the POOL!
Actually, that would kind of suck if that happened to me or anyone else, but it's funny reading about it.

Ivy comes over and ridicules Madison and her baby-sitting charge.
Hello? She's getting PAID, Ivy, you lecherous ho.

Madison is way clingy in this one. She whines a lot.

Ew, nasty. Eliot pukes on Madison.

One of Madison's ideas for fun indoor games to play with Eliot is: Bath toys in the sink, towel on floor, take off shirt.
WHOA! Who will be taking off their shirt, Madison or Eliot?

Awwww, I love Eliot.
Madison: Good morning, Eliot! Hey, it's Maddie. Do you remember me?
Eliot: Course I 'member you! See my slide?

Eliot likes running around naked. Oh, the memories.

Even Madison notices that Mrs. Reed's the reason Eliot is so angry all the time. He'll probably need counseling by the time he's older.

Ben called Aimee? Wow. A junior high boy with real balls. Who knew?

Ha. Bigwheels' cousin stuck a ham sandwich and a carrot into the VCR. That should be on youtube.

Omg, Becka is not the problem!

Hart: Hey! No running!
Yeah, that's effective, Hart. Eliot trips and falls...and goes to Madison for comfort. Take that, Mrs. Reed.

Agh, stop putting yourself down, Madison. The kid TRIPPED. It's not your fault.

Mrs. Reed quotes "Gone With the Wind"?
"Oh, Madison. He'll get over it. Don't worry. Like I said, it was an accident. You'll be more careful next time. Tomorrow is another day."
Whoa. I like how she said, "It wasn't your fault," while simultaneously blaming her at the same time.

Oooh, Madison puts on a skirt to impress Hart. She has it bad.

Egg: So, did you guys see what happened at the pool today? Ivy Daly almost lost her top. Again. She is so weird.
Chet: And hot. I think she does it on purpose.
Lol, probably true.

Aw, Dan still likes Maddie. You can so tell.

DREW DROPS HIS MILKSHAKE ON MADDIE!!! AND IT WAS STRAWBERRY! You know, it was probably an accident, but I wouldn't be surprised if he did it on purpose.
You know. After she turned him down and all.
Oh, that's right, you DON'T know. We'll explore that in #11...WHICH I JUST GOT IN THE MAIL TODAY!!

Madison runs into the bathroom sobbing.

And takes off her clothes? It's a public bathroom, Madison. I hope you know YOU'RE NOT ALONE.

Fiona: I've actually been sort of jealous of you this summer.
Madison: Jealous? Of what?
Fiona: Well, I know I made a big deal about the book-a-thon and all that. [Psh, yeah you did.] And it is a big deal. [Not really.] But your job is so much cooler. You're doing something so important. And little Eliot will look up to you.
Madison: Wow. You really think that?
Aimee: She's right. I have a job at my dad's store, but I'm not helping some little kid like you.
Madison: It's so hard. He cries all the time. And nothing I say or do makes a difference.
Fiona: I bet it does. You just haven't seen it yet.
Whoa. This is getting way deep.

Uh-oh.
Aimee: Do you like Hart?
Madison: Huh?
Aimee: I know it's dumb, but the other day I heard him at the pool talking to Egg and Drew, and he was takling about you. And I was just wondering, if you like him, too, then maybe...
Fiona: Wow, that's interesting.
Madison: *having a heart attack*
Aimee: Sorry. That was a dumb thing to say. Hart is nice, but... Ivy Daly has her eye on him, anyhow.
So Madison is safe. That's so stupid, why wouldn't you just tell your friends the truth?
Then again, they'd giggle meaningfully at you all the time and make SUPER OBVIOUS hints when he was around. Never mind, I'd keep my mouth shut.

Egg: Hey, Maddie, your boyfriend looks cute today.
Madison: You know, if you're trying to be funny, Egg, try getting a new joke.
OOOOOH! PWNED!

"When she looked way up on the diving board, even Dan looked cuter than cute."
Implying that he normally doesn't look cute because he's fat and whatnot.
Ooooh...just...OOOOOH! Maddie and Dan as a couple would have been so amazing. Aaagh. It pains me.

Eliot wins the kickboard contest!

Lame. Madison can't watch ANY of her friends swim because they leave...after ONE event.

Madison realizes, however, that watching her friends swim isn't important. Playing with Eliot and gaining responsibility is the important thing.

Ooh, let's have a nail polish party!! Haha, so 7th grade.

Agh. Lindsay Frost is back. GO AWAY.

Way to be super obvious, Madison.
"Hart! Um...this is my mom...I think you met before...Maybe not..."

I'm trying to garner the meaning of this sentence.
Bigwheels: Our days are packed with trail riding and even some gymkhana like having a rodeo.
There needs to be a comma between "gymkhana" and "like", but even that doesn't make sense.

Ooh, Bigwheels meets a "really cute boy to like" at camp. He has the coolest green eyes...and lives in Idaho! Yeah, potatoes. Whoo.

Aw, Eliot shows Madison his secret zoo.

Then he gives her his blue ribbon. So adorable. Madison is a role model!

So Eliot and Madison are friends, Madison's getting paid, and summer has just begun. The End.

Madison's Computer Tip
I can look up just about anything online - and learn so many new things in a matter of minutes.

Okay then. Tomorrow we have "THE LONELY PONY"!!! Finally, right. Also, I'll read #11, AKA "Heart to Heart" as quickly as possible and maybe post it tomorrow. It involves a secret admirer, Dan, Drew, Hart, boys, dogs, and SO MUCH MORE. It's probably my favorite book in the series, because there's boys and dancing.