Lassie! You're home!, or Pony Pals #27: The Pony and the Missing Dog

Guess who's back? You'll have to guess. Fine. After 3 illustrators, Paul Bachem is finally back, and the illustrations are worse than ever. Actually, not true: Paul seems to realize the innacuracy of his drawings and has gotten a lot better. Even Anna's drawings are top rate! It's just the story that sucks....



Plot: Pam is so frustrated with her dog, Woolie. He keeps chasing Lightning and being mischievous (pronounced MISS-chuh-vuss), so she loses her temper and scolds him. On their trail ride, the Pony Pals question her methods, and Pam feels the need to apologize to Woolie.
But she can't.
Because he's GONE.
It seems Woolie has run away. Pam is heartbroken, pulling a Lulu and moaning about how it's all her fault. Lulu, on the other hand, keeps a cool head, and organizes a rescue mission to save/help/find Woolie. It's an odd case of role reversal, folks.
After much searching, Woolie is still nowhere to be found. The Pony Pals enlist the help of Ms. Wiggins and Mike Lacey. The 5 of them split up and search Ms. Wiggins' property. Hark! What's that? A bark? Lightning finds Woolie behind a bush...WITH HIS LEG CAUGHT IN A TRAP!!!! Way to copy #10. As Pam is hyperventilating, Mike appears and saves the day, removing the trap from Woolie's leg. Woolie is good as new and he and Pam make up. BFFs forever. And it turns out Mike has a soul.

More notes:
Aaaargh. "Black and brown" and "reddish brown" do not suffice as pony descriptions. I want breed, height, color, and markings.

How come Jack and Jill are 5 again? Did they go back in time?? They were 6 a few books ago.

Agh, a whole paragraph of choppy writing and repetition.

Oh no, Jack and Jill are convinced they've found Bambi. There's 20 whole pages on how they find an "abandoned" fawn and want to take care of it, but have to release it back into the wild. So boring.

Paul's first drawing is a failure. This is one OBESE fawn, and Woolie looks like a combination Seelyham Terrier and chubby Golden Retriever. When I say "sheepdog", I mean SHEEPDOG!

Oh look, it's Anna riding on some pony! OH! IT'S ACORN! And who's that rider on Snow White? COULD IT BE LULU??? Like we don't know who rides who already.

Lulu: Oh, my. This is a very young fawn.
Way to sound like a grandma, Lulu.

BAM, Lulu shocks the twins with her nature knowledge. Does leave their fawns alone in the forest all the time! DUH! Actually, I didn't know that.

Anna makes fun of Jack. Heh.

Aaagh, Jill is SO ANNOYING. "He's mine. I'm supposed to take care of him. I already love him." And not one exclamation point in that emotional statement.

WHY CAN'T THEY SAY FOAL?? It's always "baby pony", "baby pony", "baby pony".

Ugh, Paul's second drawing makes Pam look like Michael Jackson, Jill like an Oompaloompa, and the fawn like a legless sack of bread with a deer head sticking out of it. I take back what I said about good illustrations.

Lol. "Pam had a big painting of Lightning hanging in her bedroom. It was an Anna Harley original." That just cracked me up for some reason.

If Anna ever mentions those brownies again....

And Paul's pony drawings STILL look like crap.

Wth? Now Woolie looks like an Airdale?

They call Lightning a boy. *crickets*

Oh no, someone is trapping on her land again! Gee, it couldn't be TOMMY, could it? Oh no, it couldn't be, because he got a WARNING.

Mrs. Bell is an idiot. "Gee, I let Woolie out a few hours ago and he hasn't returned. I guess he REALLY had to go!"

Ah yes, the Pony Pals are going out on another adventure without telling their parents. Oh, excuse me, Pam leaves a note.

Yes, Pam, it might be dead, but it wouldn't be your fault; it's stupid Mrs. Bell's.

I'm sure EVERYONE knows what a dog's pawprint looks like. HOW DO YOU MIX THAT UP WITH A RACCOON PAWPRINT???

You weren't mean, Pam. There's a fine line between discipline and abuse.

And Woolie wouldn't be mad at you, because he's a sweet, forgiving dog. (Said Lulu.)

Lightning is a girl again. Wow, two sex changes in one day.

Dang, Lulu gives some good pep talks.

Pam keeps moaning and moaning.

Yeah, I'm sure those posters will be effective.
Missing Dog. Medium sized dog. Golden color. Red collar with I.D. If found, please call 555-4362.
I'm totally calling that number. But they had Anna DRAW a picture instead of putting a photograph. Wha?? And wouldn't it be better to put BREED, and his NAME??? Just wondering.

Yay, the Quinns have returned! You remember those delightful old people from #18, don't you?

Pam is convinced everyone is in love with Pony Pals.

Lol, Pam repeats herself. "Have you seen a small blond sheepdog in the last 24 hours? He has fluffy blond hair and a red collar." I thought he was medium sized.

Oh, the dog Mrs. Quinn saw isn't Woolie because he didn't have a collar. I mean, forget the fact that he acts JUST LIKE Woolie and looks JUST LIKE Woolie. There's no way that collar could've come off.

Lol, Paul makes the Quinns look just like my grandparents.

Lulu = way short.

Apparently Pam goes around kissing people's kittens.

A small tuft of hair could easily be mistaken for a bunny.

The little boy in the picture looks like a little girl. And he has a boy named DOGGIE. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH.

Pam makes a little rap. It's kind of funny.

I'm probaby wrong, but I was pretty sure they'd already look on Ms. Wiggins' land.

"We need more people to help search for Woolie." Isn't that why you put up posters?

ANNA DID A GOOD DRAWING! LIKE, REALLY GOOD! AND ACCURATE!!!!!!!!

"Mike Lacey and Tommy Rand were older than the Pony Pals, but acted very immature." Duh, boys mature slower than girls. But then again, when are boys ever mature?

I don't know, Mike's semi-all right and all, but Ms. Wiggins is way too trusting. "Remember when Mike and Tommy set up traps on your land and stole our ponies that one time?" "Oh, but Mike would NEVER do something like that!!"

Oh wait, her exact words are, "But Mike is a different boy when he works for me. You'll see." Btw, Mike's job: What exactly does he do??

Lol.
Lulu: He better behave. Or else.
Yeah, you're like 4'9" and you're in 4th grade. And you're a girl. Not much you can do.

Mike apologizes for calling the Pony Pals "Pony Pests"?

A really good accurate picture of Lightning that actually makes her look like a pony and not a donkey??

THEY SAY POOP!

Yeah, Woolie's leg is caught in a trap, so I doubt his growling has anything to do with you.

Of course, Pam blames him for the traps. Not prejudiced.

Wait, Woolie was in a trap for 24 hours, and his leg isn't broken??? And he hasn't died of dehydration??

The last picture is really good...except for Woolie. But hey. He's getting better.

The Pony Pals tend to repeat themselves. "Thank you. Thank you for helping me find Woolie!"

Agh. I hate that Woolie.
I also hate the library, so I don't know how soon I'm getting any Pony Pals, Madison Finn, Unicorns of Balinor, or Avalon books. I do have Pony Pals #28, so I'll probably do that sometime this week.

You can be my movie star for a day, or Pony Pals #26: Movie Star Pony

I really dislike Pony Pals. Just horrible writing, and bad illustrations, and cliches, and LIES LIES LIES. But in this one, my new best friend (Anna) stood up to some loser who was pressuring her and the illustrations were really good.



Okay, the illustrations might be good, but this cover illustrations sucks. Acorn looks like a small bear, and ponies do NOT smile.
Plot: Yay, a movie is being filmed in Wiggins! Better yet, there will be scenes filmed at Ms. Wiggins estate, the Off-Main Diner, and Mrs. Crandall's riding school! Bette Fleming, a famous 11-year-old actress, is starring in it, but doesn't get along with her pony costar. When she meets Acorn, however, she falls in love with him and insists upon starring with him in the film (entitled "Megan's Last Ride"). Anna is reluctant, but the stupid Pony Pals convince her to say yes, because of MONEY. What ever happened to good morals?
Shockingly enough, Bette is a huge brat, and spends all her time with Acorn. The director, bending to the will of Bette, tells Anna she can't see Acorn until they're done filming. By that time, Acorn doesn't seem to like Anna anymore, and Bette wants to BUY Acorn of all things! Anna is heartbroken. She doesn't want to sell her pony, but she doesn't want to keep him if he likes Bette more than her.
The Pony Pals actually give her some good advice and tell her that Acorn still loves her, so Anna, being fed up with Bette, tells off the spoiled brat and refuses to ever sell Acorn. But later, she feels bad for her outburst and invites Bette on one last trail ride. Halfway through the trail ride, Acorn starts acting oddly and keeps nudging Daisy, Anna's replacement pony. Seems he's JEALOUS!! Guess he still loves Anna. Bette is still a brat, but learns that she can't always get her way. Then she stars in several porn videos and dies of an overdose like all child stars. The End.

More notes:
A "movie company"? I'm not sure of the right terminology, but that doesn't seem right.

Bette Fleming is like the B-list version of Dakota Fanning.

Thanks for spoiling the end of "The Rainbow Kid" for us, Anna.

Gee, the movie is called "Megan's Last Ride". I wonder what if could be about... I mean, it can't be about a girl named Megan who's taking a last ride on her pony; that's just out of the question.

Wow, these illustrations are REALLY GOOD. Better than Vivien Kubbos. Well, the ponies are amazing. And the people are good, but Pam has bangs and Lulu's hair is light brown?

What? Ms. Wiggins gets to eat for free, too???

A very magestic drawing of Lightning, Acorn actually looks the proper size, and Snow White is pretty for a change and not all haggard. Um, Anna is turning around in the saddle to smile at Lulu. BAD RIDING SAFETY! I so remember her lecturing Rosalie about this.

More continuity errors about the death of Mrs. Sanders.

This sounds like the worst movie ever.
"'Bette Fleming plays Megan Ritter,' began Ms. Cross. 'Her family owns a big farm. At the beginning of the story they are having money problems. Then a freak summer hailstorm destroys their apple crop. After that, they know they will have to sell the farm adn move to the city for jobs.'"
Aaaaaaaaaaaaagh!!! Sounds like "Where the Red Fern Grows" gone wrong.
Oh, Megan and Mars understand each other and have a SPECIAL PSYCHIC CONNECTION, to which Anna can relate? WTH???
Oh, they have to sell Mars. Boo hoo. Now they move to the city. BUT SUDDENLY MEGAN GETS SICK!! Mars senses something is wrong and travels 100 miles to find Megan. When he does, her parents decide to buy him again! And board him at a stable near the house! WTH??? WHY DIDN'T THEY DO THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE??? AND AREN'T THEY GOING THROUGH MONEY PROBLEMS??? I swear, this is either a TV movie or a straight-to-DVD release, cuz it sounds low budget and AWFUL. Worse than "The Derby Stallion".

Can't they meet a nice girl who doesn't like ponies and isn't snobby or shy?

Jeanne Betancourt is STILL condoning spying.

"If Bette can't ride, thought Anna, how can she be in a big movie about a girl and her pony?"
Um, duh. Stunt man.

I like how a person's riding abilities determine their personality.

I only found ONE awful picture, and it's of Bette riding. She looks possessed, and her posture is bad, and Acorn looks like a bush.

WHY DO THEY ALWAYS HAVE TO MENTION ACORN'S STUPID STINT IN THE CIRCUS!!??

WHY DOES SHE NEED TO DISCUSS THIS WITH HER PONY PALS? Will they SHUN her if she doesn't run it by them? This DEFINITELY sounds like cult behavior.

NO, ANNA, NO! If your gut says no, DON'T DO IT.

Too late.

So mean. Bette tells Anna that she can't see Acorn for 2 weeks, and the adults are COOL WITH IT. She's 11 FREAKING YEARS OLD! DISCIPLINE HER!!

She hasn't seen Acorn in 9 days. What the heck. I would go insane.

Yay, because watching a scene from a movie being shot through cracks in a wood floor is just as good as being there!

Daisy again! Agh!!

Um, what? Someone sends roses to Anna, and somehow know that she's at the Off-Main Diner. HOW????

Lulu is an IDIOT.

Pam looks like Tempestt Bledsoe.

Pam is so gullible. And she's like, "You shouldn't judge people just from one meeting." Right. Because you NEVER do that, Pam.

Duh. Ponies can't act.

This is definitely a TV movie. "I love you. And I'll never forget you. I don't want to leave you. I want to stay with you forever. You're my best friend." That's like a line from "Your Guardian Angel".

Acorn looks like a donkey.

Mmm, cupcakes.

They finished filming in two weeks????? Definitely TV movie.

Wth, Anna writes Pam and Lulu a note, and she decides to write it using pictures. Wouldn't that take longer? And I can't understand it. One of the pictures looks like a black guy or a piece of broccoli. I can't tell.

Anna does NOT want Bette to ride Acorn. So she lets her ride Acorn. :P

Mrs. Fleming is such a blonde. I would SLAP HER. Listen to her reasoning.
"Bette and Acorn have such a special relationship. So I'll pay a lot of money for him. That way you can buy another pony - a very special pony. Or maybe horse. Wouldn't that be exciting?" Because animals are so easy to replace. B****.

The sentence "Lulu put an arm around Anna's shoulder." appears in this book SO MANY TIMES.

PONIES CAN'T ACT!!

Dang, Rachel Tonkin is the best illustrator yet.

Bette: When Acorn is mine, I'll tell the whole world. His picture would be in the paper with me all the time.
Anna: Acorn is my pony. I won't sell him for any price. That's what I came to tell you.
Bette: But I love Acorn.
Anna: So do I!
Bette: I want Acorn! You HAVE to sell him to me!
Anna: No, I don't!
Bette: Then can I have one last ride on Acorn? Just one.
Anna: NO!

Okay, that was way immature and fourth grade-y, but I'm glad that Anna at least stood up for herself.

I hate it when people say, "It's up to you." What they really mean is, "I want you to choose my idea and I'll guilt you forever if you decide otherwise."

Ha. Anna understands people now. My baby's growing up.

Wth? Lulu is supposed to be riding Snow White, but the pony in the picture is dark. ????

Anna is my new best friend.

Agh, I don't think I'm getting another Pony Pals OR another Madison Finn for a while. I could read #28, or start on the Avalon/Unicorns of Balinor series. I think I'll do the latter. Yay.

Why can't they call it Thanksgiving like normal people, or FTFO Madison Finn #5: Thanks For Nothing

I honestly HAAAAAAATE my library. I put a hold on "Caught in the Web" WEEKS ago, but it's STILL not here. Thankfully, I had #5 as a backup. It's about Thanksgiving, too, so I thought it would be appropriate.



Plot: Madison is depressed (again). It's her first Thanksgiving since her parents divorced and her parents are fighting, both wanting her to spend Thanksgiving with them. Not only that (you knew there was more coming), but there's a special Thanksgiving extra-credit project she has to finish, only Egg is her partner and he's being unreliable - AS USUAL. To calm her nerves, she's taken a volunteer job at the Far Hills Animal Shelter, where Dan Ginsburg works. Remember Dan? He played the Cowardly Lion in the Wiz, and everyone calls him Porko?
Bla bla bla, drama and rumors. Egg is still being a jerk, Madison has to choose between Mom and Dad, Phinnie is acting weird, and IVY STARTS A HORRIBLE RUMOR THAT SHE AND DAN ARE DATING!!! OH NO!!! Thank goodness she has Sugar, a lovable Schnoodle she met at the Animal Shelter.
Finally, everything in Madison's life is back on track. When Dad decides to go to Texas with Stephanie for the holidays, Madison chooses to stay with Mom. She and Dan stay friends despite Ivy's cruelty. Egg and Madison get an A on their social studies project and Ivy doesn't. But Sugar has been adopted!!! Madison is superbummed (her word, not mine) until she realizes she has Phinnie. She literally runs home and apologizes. No lie. Then her Thanksgiving is a success. Hurray.

More notes:
How is it that Madison's Dad isn't Canadian but her uncle is?

I hate Thanksgiving, too, Madison.

LOL! She blames her bad luck on a black cat. "I knew everything would be ruined when I saw a black cat yesterday."

Aimee: *wearing a new parka* Whaddya think? I ordered it online from Boop-Dee-Doop. Well, my mother did. We ordered it on her credit card. My first Internet purchase ever.
Madison: It's nice. But in case you hadn't noticed, Aimee, it's like fifty degrees outside.
Wth??? 50 DEGREES IS COLD!!!!! At least it is in Washington. Isn't that cold in New York, too?

I really wish I had sea monkeys. No clue why. Lol, that's what I want for Christmas. SEA MONKEYS! She had a cat named Ick? Since when? Didn't she say something about her dad hating cats?

OH NO!!! DAN'S MOM IS AN ANIMAL RIGHTS ACTIVIST!

So begins Dan's crush on Madison. Psyche. I just ruined future books for you. Dan is apparently the Fat Kid. Wth, that doesn't mean you get to call him Pork-O to his face.

Aaah, he calls his Mom "Ma" like Mike Lacey (see Pony Pals series).

Turkey Trot. Heh. That's funny.

I HATE POWERPOINT! But doesn't everyone know how to do a powerpoint by the time they're in like, what, 4th grade? Omg, that totally reminds me of last year when I partnered with Kenny in history and HE DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO DO A POWERPOINT!!

Wait, if Ben Buckley's a nerd, why doesn't he want to do extra-credit?? Man, that was such a good powerpoint. Only we got graded down. Thanks, Kenny.

"Poor Freddie. Wounded in a cat fight. He's under a little medication. That's why his eyes are all glassy and he's so talkative. We'll keep him sedated for a day or two until he has a chance to start healing." I didn't know she was talking about a cat at first.

Laaaaaaame. Drew named a dog Pepper (wait for it)....BECAUSE SHE MADE HIM SNEEZE! HAAAAAAHAAAAHAAA!!

Madison totally starts singing that song from Veggietales. "Puppies are cuddly, puppies are cute, they're never nasty or mean. I'd give a home to all the lost puppies if ever a day I were queen."

Fiona, Fiona, Fiona....

What the heck, all Madison does is talk about Hart's beautiful hair in this book.

Hm, their password is falcon. What a coincidence....

Schnoodle? Part schnauzer, part poodle. STILL!!!

Ew. They name it SUGAR. I despise that name. It was the name of my little brother's bear, and it's my least favorite type of donut.

Madison: Hello, Sugar. Schnoodle-oodleeee-oh."
Dan: WHO are you talking to?
I don't know what I'm more disturbed by: Madison's odd song, or Dan suddenly appearing out of nowhere.

Dan: You were in pretty bad shape before, but now you're one hot dog.
At first I thought he was talking to Madison.

"House of Finn! Finn land!" Man. I wish I had a cool name like that.

Madison and Egg are so Elvin and Sandra.

Bigwheels: Whatever happened to your crush? Write back soon. I'm waiting.
Yeah, what happened to Hart? And why isn't he mentioned?

Dan is creepier than Stalker Drew.

They go out on a little ice cream date. Dan drops his ice cream. "Aw, no! Good-bye, chocolate chips!"

Wait. Madison said in one book she didn't speak Spanish because she was in French 1, but forever after they have said she was in Spanish class. Whatever.

What is Ivy doing at Drew's houes? Innuendo??

Fiona complains that Aimee and Madison are too hard on Egg. Shut up, Fiona.

AAARGH, WE GET IT, GRAMMA FINN SUCKS AT COMPUTERS!!

Smooth, Hart. "Hey, Finnster. What's the deal??"

Dan = so clueless.

Egg: Ivy Daly is a dork. Don't worry about it. No one ever believes her, anyway.
She's not a dork. You think she's HOTTT.

Lol. "Drat! Drat!"

BEN LIKES AIMEE!!

What kind of response is this?
Ivy: Looks like someone has a problem.
Madison: Looks like you're the one with problem, Ivy.
Drew: HAHAHAHA!
Wth? What does that even mean?

Yay! They get a gold star!

Lol. Ivy's presentation sucks.

Dan and Hart dress as turkeys and do the "Turkey Pokey". .... If Madison and Egg are Sandra and Elvin, they are so Theo and Cockroach. COCKROACH'S REAL NAME IS WALTER!!! Coincidence? I think not.

Wth? Since when are there wild turkeys running around New York?

Wow. Drew has a half brother and Dan's dad died. A long way into the series, Ivy's mom gets breast cancer. Ouch. This is killing me.

Aaaaagh. Mr. Wollensky, the Russian volunteer, asks her if she still feels Sugar IN HER HEART. What is this, Carebears?

Yes, Madison. You have a pug.

Madison's Computer Tip: Double-check any information you might get online, because not all Web Sites have accurate facts.

Amen to that. Okay, next up we have "Movie Star Pony", since "Lonely Pony" is not in yet.

Not a tacky Ingrid Bergman line, or FTFO Madson Finn #3: Play it Again

Doesn't Hart look kind of Clark Kent-y? And Fiona's all hitting on him while Madison looks on cheerfully? I don't think so. Maybe she's busy reveling in her position as director or stage manager or whatever. This is seriously one of my favorite Madison Finn books. Don't know why. Cuz I love junior high drama AND real drama - theater, that is. Ha. Aaargh.



Plot: Far Hills is putting on a show! Something about commemorating a staff member, bla bla bla, so they're having three nights of entertainment: the 7th grade will do "The Wiz", the 8th grade will do "Guys and Dolls", and 9th grade will do New York showtunes? WTH??
Everyone wants to try out for "The Wiz" except Madison. She has stage fright. :P Lame. She decides to be stage manager instead.
Yay. Everyone else gets a part. Aimee is Addaperle, Ivy is Glinda, Egg is Tinman, Fiona is Evillene, Hart is the Wiz, and social outcast Lindsay Frost is Dorothy.
Rehearsals are fun, but Ivy is a real witch. Ha ha ha, another pun. But what's this? Amy and Fiona are being nice to Ivy? And hanging out with her? And excluding Madison? Sounds like DRAMA!!!
Lindsay is really nice, but everyone makes fun of her. Madison likes Lindsay, but doesn't want to be a social outcast, so she ditches her.
The play is a success. Mr. and Mrs. Finn start talking again. Hart introduces Madison to his grandma. Excuse, me, ya-ya. He's Greek. And Madison gets Lindsay to wear her hair down (literally) and go to the cast party. And Aimee and Fiona still like Madison.

More notes:
What the heck???? "You'll probably get the part, Walter. I mean, Egg. *giggle blush giggle*" Retarded.

ROFL!!!! Hart comes to talk to Madison AND SHE RUNS AWAY. Then she runs into Drew in the hall. Stalker....

What the heck? Why did Laura Dower feel the need to humanize Drew and give him issues with his half brother?? It was sort of a nice touch and sort of an overkill?

Hey. There's nothing wrong with being in a play. I can see you thinking Aimee superficial, but not Fiona.

Wth, why do they put the dog on the cast list??? Not funny.

Right. Cast the fat guy as the Lion. LOL, Chet is playing a Munchkin.

Lindsay dresses way 80's. She sounds kind of nice, but it's kind of obvious why she's unpopular. She starts explaining the plot of "Ozma of Oz" in elaborate detail and is like way excited about it. But Aimee is so mean about it.

Ha. Fiona tells Aimee that she sounds like Ivy when she calls people names. Which is basically calling her a slut.

I HATE BASEBALL.

Why is having a keypal such a big deal? Madison acts like her friends are going to freak out because she has an online friend from Washington.

Joey O'Neill? Who's he? And since when do they call him "Nose Plucker"? I thought that was Lance's nickname.

PHYSICAL CONTACT WITH BOY. MAJOR TRAUMA. Lol.

Does Egg have a crush on anything that moves? "Rose is a babe."

Laura Dower admits that boys like naked girls. Or at least half naked girls.

Hart is such a nerd, but it's way adorable. He's all, "Aw man, they're cutting out like half the songs!!!" Because he knows them all by heart.... ANOTHER PUN!!!

"The Finnster has a Phin?" I was really tired or something when I read this because I started laughing way hard.

Whoa, Fiona implies that Madison hates Aimee?? That's the first mean thing she's ever said. Besides the Ivy thing. But that was funny and Aimee deserved it.

Wth, in the first book Madison answers the queston, "A/S/L?" all the time, but now she's like, "TOO UNCOMFORTABLE CUZ OF ONLINE STRANGERZZZ!"

"Sucka" is not a bad word. Lighten up, moderators.

Aww, sad. Bigwheels' parents are splitting up and they chose NOT to tell her younger brother and sister.

Sorry, Lindsay, but everyone is NOT being nice to you.

Madison is ashamed of Aimee? HA!!!

Wth? Ivy and Aimee's banter is way annoying.

HAAAAATE HAAAATE HAAAAAAAAAATE Aimee.

Lol. They make costumes in "junior high sizes".

ANOTHER HARRY POTTER REFERENCE!!!!

I'm soooo glad we dont' have to read "The Diary of Anne Frank" in school. Unless we do and they've postponed it till high school. CRAP.

Ha. Egg calls Aimee "wicked bossy".

Mariah is so emo. She starts talking about how people don't understand the way she dresses, the way she lives, the way she expresses herself....

Didn't Aimee say in #1 that Rose was a crappy dancer? And now she's telling her TO HER FACE that she's really great? You lie through your teeth, blondie.

AAAAAH, SHE GETS SLOPPY JOE ON HER SHIRT. That's so awful.

QUIT DEFENDING IVY!!!

Lame. Madison ditches Lindsay because Aimee tells her to. STAND UP FOR YOURSELF.

OOOOOOH, Madison tells Ivy to stop wasting her time.

Wow. An awkward bonding moment between Madison and Aimee. Aimee is in the bathroom having her period. Awkward.

Lol. Reminds me of Radio Disney. "I want to give a shout out to Hart Jones, my true love!!!"

Drew is way making me laugh. Fiona forgets to invite Maddie to the "Wizard of Oz" nite at his house and he calls her up and is freaking out. "I'M SORRY. I swear I thought one of the girls was gonna ask you. Fiona said she would. I SWEAR."

Waaaaah, I miss Oggy. Phin reminds me so much of him.

No duh. Cheaters get expelled.

Chocolate = worst dog name ever.

"Do we come out for standing ovations? How do we line up for our curtain call?"
"That's assuming people are clapping." LOL!!!

SOOOO mean.
Ivy: Gee, I hope fatso doesn't eat all the Liver Snaps for herself.

Oh no. IVY TOUCHED HART'S ARM!!

Lol. Ivy wanted to be the program's centerfold.

They call Aimee the "Dancing Queen". ABBA much?

Madison tells Ivy to break her leg. Lol.

HART TOUCHED MADISON'S ARM!!

Aww, touching moment with Madison observing Lindsay, a great singer, in the spotlight.

"Hey Finnster. This is my ya ya." Heh.

Awww. It turns out Lindsay was just being positive; she knows that no one really likes her. It's so depressing.

Ew, Madison has a "runner-up" crush on creepy Roger Gillespie.

Lol. Drew came over and said hello to the three girls. "Hey, Madison!"

I don't think Aimee has a chance with Mr. 9th grader.

OH NO, IVY GIVES HART HER NUMBER!!

Lol. "Guess they weren't sleeping..."

Madison's Computer Tip: (they have these at the end of every book but I've been forgetting to post them) TIME FLIES WHEN YOU'RE ONLINE. KEEP AN EYE ON THE CLOCK AND DON'T FORGET YOUR FRIENDS.

Lol. OMG, I MADE A MADDIE FINN COLLAGE! LOOKIT!

A gang of angry Asians???, or FTFO Madison Finn #2: Boy, oh Boy!

Yay! Another Madison Finn! Where Madison discovers that boys aren't icky!

Plot: Madison loves computer class at Far Hills Junior High. Mrs. Wing is the best teacher ever. One day, after catching Madison trying to get online, Mrs. Wing asks her if she'd like to help create the school website. Elections are coming up soon and the students are going to vote online. Madison is so psyched and quickly agrees.
Unnecessary sidenote: Egg and Drew get jealous, so they volunteer to help, too.
Bad news: POISON IVY IS RUNNING FOR CLASS PRESIDENT!!! When Aimee hears the news, she decides to run, too.
Meanwhile, when not at school, Madison is living with the Gillespies because her dad is working and her mom is in France. Yay. Unfortunately, Madison hates the vegetarian food and sleepless nights.
Man, this book is packed with drama. Dad has a new girlfriend, Stephanie!!! And he brings her to Madison's reunion dinner!!! Madison gets all emo and cries herself to sleep.
If that's not enough, Maddie is starting to get a crush on Hart!!! (I love all the exclamation points. Take that, Jeanne Betancourt)
Back to school: Uh oh! Someone vandalizes the website and replaces Aimee's picture with a picture of a gila monster.
Then they replace a picture of Ivy with a picture of a skunk.
Then they take off all the pictures and make it look like Madison is the culprit.
But then Drew saves the day and finds out who has been doing it: turns out Brendan Lo, a friend of one of the other candidates, got jealous of the attention Ivy was receiving and decided to ruin her chances of winning. Didn't work. Now Brendan is suspended, Tommy is eliminated from the race, and the students are voting.
The polls are in! Ivy Daly = 114 votes. Montrell Morris = 111 votes. Aimee Gillespie = 87 votes. Buuuuurn, Ivy wins. Aimee is crushed. Bla.
But at least we learned from the experience. Um, yay, I guess? Madison goes back home, makes up with her dad, and admits to Bigwheels that she has a crush on Hart. The end.

More notes:
School has been in session for two weeks and they're just NOW starting to do things on computers in computer class?

Ew. Egg likes older women. This could make for problems when he's older.

This makes so much sense.
Dim strTemper As String
Const strNormNumbers$ = "0123456789"
Exit Function
End If
End If
OnlyNumericTextInput = strSource
End Function
This is why I hate computers.

Egg wears fleece.

What kind of nature documentary are you going to make in France? One about Camargues, hopefully?

Egg made a sex joke.

Yeah, Fiona, that's hot. "Hey, Walter."

Yes, Drew. People often have to go to classes at school.

Okay, the prettiest, most popular doesn't necessarily ALWAYS WIN. She wins OFTEN, but not always. I'm living proof. And that was way egotistical of me to say.

Lol, Hart. "Your fruit fly is open."

Good flirting, Ivy. :/
"Aren't you Bart Jones?"
"Yeah. I'm Hart Jones. With an H."

Lol. Aimee thinks Egg is ugly, too.

Roger is 23 and he's still living at home? And he likes hanging out with Aimee's friends? SUSPICIOUS MUCH???

Lol, Maddie is addicted to the internet, too.

Lunch ladies are really creeping me out.

Drew just wants to volunteer cuz HE LIKES YOU!!!

Come on, Drew. The question, "Do you like her?" implies more than friendship. "Yeah, I like her, she's nice." "No, he means LIKE her, like her." "What? Well, not exactly." YES OR NO, YES OR NO!!!

Yes, Egg, Hart and fart rhyme. :P

LOL! Aimee's brother Dean only cares about his Camry and hot girls. HE'S NORMAL!!!

I wish I could go out and sit on my roof.

Madison loves surprises. I hate surprises. And how dumb of the dad. If going out to dinner is his special thing with Madison, YOU DON'T BRING YOUR NEW GIRLFRIEND!!! Aaargh.

The French restaurant they go to is called "Le Poisson". What the heck. They go to a restaurant called "The Fish".

Madison starts talking about poop at the dinner table. Noice.

Screammeem is a way cool screenname. I'm jealous.

Aimee is such a...such a...well. Yeah.

This brings back memories of Oggy. Whenever he would sleep with me, he'd always lick my feet and then pass out on my lap when I'd try to turn over.

What is the class president going to do about homework? There's NOTHING THEY CAN DO.

Lol. "How do you spell Montrell? W-I-N-N-E-R." How do you spell awesome? L-A-U-R-E-N.

I really hate Aimee.

"I'm sandwhich meat? No wonder boys don't like me." Ouch.

Yay. A sweater with a flower applique.

Lol. Drew. "Oh no. Look! Ivy's a skunk, Maddie." Yaaaaay, Drew.

Madison and Ivy have a fight. Madison starts out knowing she's going to lose. I mean, come on: "Quit it, Ivy. I won't let you scare me." Implying she does scare you? It ends when Madison calls her a rat and Ivy calls her a cow. Then Madison runs away. :P Slut trumps cow.

Drew is officially my favorite character.

I hate gingersnaps.

Aimee: I think I like someone. A little.
Fiona: Is it Hart Jones?
Madison: NO, YOU CAN'T!
Smooth, Maddie.

"I just don't get boys." Me neither, Madison.

I almost started crying when I read about Bigwheels' dead fish. Don't know why.

Here's a peek into Madison's thoughts.
Hart Hart Hart HART hart
Maddie + Hart
Madison Jones

Frittatas is officially the funniest food word ever.

Bigwheels writes good poems.

Brendan Lo. Tommy Kwong. Sounds like a stereotypical group of angry Asians!!!!

Ah yes, Montrell, lie to the populace.
"The school needs to give way less homework and throw pizza parties every Friday."

Montrell loses by 3 votes. Aimee loses by 27. Oooooooh.

Bigwheels: Boys are annoying
MadFinn: us said it!!!
Bigwheels: #1 reason: only think of 1 thing
MadFinn: what
Bigwheels: hookups
LOL! That is so not the number one reason, though.

I love how I can understand ALL the French Mrs. Finn uses in this book.

Yep. That's it. Party on. WHERE ARE THE PONY PALS!!!

Won't you be my neighbor?, or FTFO Madison Finn: Only the Lonely

Yaaaaaay!!! Since Pony Pals are STILL keeping me waiting, I checked out 4 or 5 Madison Finns to keep me going. Heeere we goooooo...


Plot: Almost-7th grader Madison Finn is really lonely. It's summertime and her two best friends are at camp, her mom is always working, and her dad is out of the country. She meets a girl named BigWheels (that's her screenname, not her actual name) and tries to make friends, but BigWheels doesn't seem to want to talk to Maddie! *gasp*
She's bummed (her word, not mine) until she meets *cue sappy music* Fiona Waters, a girl who just moved into the neighborhood. They meet, find out they have a lot in common, and hang out all summer long.
Uh oh. Aimee and Egg, Maddie's friends, are back from camp! But they seem rather....different? Aimee is suddenly bossy and Egg is obsessed with wrestling! Also, they don't seem to like Fiona.
School starts. Madison doesn't have many classes with Aimee or Egg, but she has plenty with her ARCH NEMISIS POISON IVY!!! It also seems Hart Jones, once the bane of her existence, has returned, and he's really hot???
Uh oh! Fiona starts hanging out with Poison Ivy! Maddie doesn't know how to tell her this isn't kosher and starts avoiding her. Fiona is confused, Aimee is mad, and Egg is still stupid.
Finally, at Drew's BBQ, they work it out. Fiona, Aimee, and Maddie are friends forever. BigWheels and MadFinn are keypals. Everyone is happy. The End.

More notes:
I marked like the first 100 pages about Madison's boring summer, but now that I reread them, I can't find anything remotely funny/interesting.

Aaaagh, these books reminded me so much of my 7th grade days, a mere 2 years ago.

Madison makes REALLY funny noises when she's mad

Wow. They have internet perverts in preteen literature.

When you enter a chatroom, how many people actually discuss the chatroom topic? For example, Harry Potter. The people in there NEVER discuss Harry Potter. At least not often.

Awww, sounds like BigWheels has dial-up, too. And she lives in Washington, which is pretty cool.

I'm jealous. Madison lives in New York.

Whoa, she eats takeout practically every night! Lucky.

I want to live on Blueberry Street.

Wow. I have never worn a sweater set or a cardigan. Okay, actually, I've worn both, but not recently.

Lol, this is the best e-mail I've ever seen.
From: Eggaway
To: MadFinn
Subject: hi
Date: Wed, 23 Aug 3:21 PM
Hey Madison, whassup? Hey computer camp rocks so much I don't want 2come back 2 stupid Far Hills! I cant believe 7th grade is here in like a min. Hey anyway I miss yor stupid dog Phin. LOL!!! Is he still FAT? I think you and me should defniteley take that cmpter class together in school by thewaynow that you have this ok talk l8R. Drew says hi BTW. Write back BYE!
ADD much?

Whoa, someone threw an egg at him, so now his name is Egg. Yeah, hilarious. His real name is WALTER.

Smoky green eyes make you a model.

I'm reminded of that "Clifford" episode where Emily Elizabeth couldn't spell monkey: "Monkey. M-O-N-K-Y. Monkey." DON'T ASK WHY!!!

This series is kind of hilariously dumb at times, but they accurately portray puberty; fuzzy legs, lack of boobs, first period (only Madison never gets hers because she is forever frozen in time at the age of 12, like the Pony Pals).

I wish I had a tattoo. Ugh, Aimee is SO annoying.

Wth, being involved with an older guy at 16 is STILL illegal.

Wizard of Oz impressions? Wth?????

Phin almost gets hit by a car.

Madison thinks Mr. Waters sounds like Darth Vader's brother. Racist.

Question mark? Don't most people have computers now? It's like a necessity.

Lol. Friendship quizzes. This reflects my life perfectly.

Don't talk to strangers, Madison.

Lol, she believes in the 11:11 wishing, too!!!

Making Pop Tarts is NOT cooking.

EW!! Fiona thinks Egg is cute. I WILL POST A PICTURE OF HIM, HE IS DEFINITELY NOT CUTE!! People say I have weird taste in guys, but I have never in my life thought Walter Diaz was a hottie.

They play a computer game called "Makeover Magic".

Whatever. They SO make you start thinking about college in 7th grade. College Ed, anyone?

Whaaa? Fiona is 12 and she's had 2 boyfriends. WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE??

Ugh. Madison references Girl Scouts. I hate Girl Scouts so much. I was like the Girl Scout outcast and I was never very crafty.

I love cookies, though.

Madison talks at length about Aimee's boobs. .............

It took me forever to figure out that Fiona's scrnname "Wetwinz" was actually "We twins" with a z. Cuz she has a twin brother. Yeah.

Aaaah, Poison Ivy is introduced.

Laaaame. Ivy Daly used to be Maddie's BFF until Egg and Ivy got in a fight at kickball, Ivy started a rumor about Madison and the principal got involved. WTH??? Ivy, I think your problem is with EGG.

Egg thinks Ivy is hot. She's ridiculously pretty for a 7th grader.

Lol. "Don't wear anything white on the first day unless of course you have a good tan in which case you should wear white on the first day and every day after that until the tan fades away."

Egg calls Ivy a "tease". The nice word for "slut". Ouch.

Hart calls her "Finnster". They make him sound short. EW. And Madison's all, "Wth? Who are you? You're really hot, so I think this must be a mistake." "I'm Hart." "Say WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?"

I've never been late to class, actually. But Madison is late on the very first day of school. Bummer.

Fiona keeps talking about California and how awesome it was. :P Reminds me of my math class last year when all my table mates had lived in California for like 8 million years and kept talking about how much better it was than Washington....

Lame. She ditches Fiona.

I like how at school a lot of my friends hate each other??? Sort of awkward.

Ew, Drew is so stalker.

Lame, Aimee starts badmouthing Fiona. I would slap her.

I think you don't find out about Maddie's parents being divorced until page 136. So yeah. They're divorced.

OMG, MADISON LIKES HARRY POTTER!!!!!!!!

Dang, her 6th grade year sucked, too.

Ew, they have a science BLOCK! Where they dissect VIRTUAL FROGS!! It's bad enough dissecting a real frog, but a VIRTUAL frog, with virtual gore and virtual smells and virtual poop in the virtual colon. Thank God my frog was a boy, because I did NOT want to open up that egg sack.

I don't get why Aimee is all mad at her....

Bigwheels gives sage advice.

Jumpers and skorts...not gonna fly in 7th grade.

Fiona is way nice about all this.

It's so obvious that Drew lurvs Maddie. He's all shy and annoying and "come to my party or skiing in Switzerland".

Drew happens to be filthy rich???

So that was the fabulous first Madison Finn book. I swear, this is sadly the best book I've read in a while. NO LIE. I'm going to continue to do these and Pony Pals, maybe Avalon, and maybe that Unicorns of Balinor series? Y'all know what I'm talking about? Aggh. You will soon enough.
OMG!! PICTURE OF EGG!!!


And someone made this AWESOME collage, I swear, I'm so jealous. I wish I'd made it. I found it here.

People (in order from left to right): Aimee Gillespie, Dan Ginsburg, Fiona Waters, Egg Diaz, Madison Finn, Hart Jones, Chet Waters, Lindsay Frost, Ivy Daly, Francine Finn (Madison's mom), Jeff Finn (Madison's dad), Stephanie Finn (Madison's step-mom).
Yeah. So I basically gave away a lot of the series with this collage. You'll figure out why later. But yeah. SO EXCITED FOR MORE!!