Bad behavior implies illness, or Pony Pals #33: What's Wrong With My Pony?

Yay, I'm back! I haven't posted for a while because I was reading a bunch of "Unicorns of Balinor" and some really tedious "Avalons" and I didn't want to post knowing those would come after this. Oh well. I've got some new Pony Pals, too, so that makes me feel a little bit better.



Plot: Lightning, Pam's usually well-behaved pony, is acting up! She bites her friends, attacks Pam, and almost tramples several people! Pam thinks Lightning is jealous because Pam rode Splash for all of two seconds. Right. That was her problem in book 6, too.
The Pony Pals, who are a tad smarter than Pam, suggest that Lightning has some disease or illness that is making her act up. Hm, could it be Equine ADHD?
They look online and find a page on "Lyme Disease". The symptoms listed on the page match Lightning's symptoms exactly!!
Dr. Crandal isn't convinced. He sends some of Lightning's DNA to the lab...and she has Lyme Disease!
I always thought Lyme Disease was one of those diseases that you have for the rest of your life. I read it in a Brio story. I guess they were wrong.
The rest of the book, Pam whines about how much she misses her pony and how she's never going to get better.
But she gets better. Obviously. Hurray.

More notes:
The Crandal twins are five again. They shall forever be five, I think.

Isn't Splash difficult every day?

Yeah, Splash is an Appaloosa. Why is he chestnut in the picture?

Mrs. Crandal's students have differing opinions on what a "circle" is. "Ride around in a circle." "Okay! *ride side by side*"

Pam believes she has a special connection with ponies....

Lightning doesn't want to put the saddle on. She must have woken up from a bad dream. So much for a special connection, Pam.

AAAAGH, NO, LIGHTNING IS NOT JEALOUS THAT YOU RODE ANOTHER PONY!!!

Lightning bolts and Lulu's like, "Pam, you shouldn't ride so fast!!!"
Ha. Lightning BOLTS. Wow. That's a good one. -_-

Whenever a pony is behaving badly, the Pony Pals assume something is physically wrong with it. Maybe it's just a badly behaved pony!!!

Anna thinks Pam's jealousy theory is stupid.

Lightning almost tramples Pam. I was really hoping she would. But, of course, she didn't. Darn.

Pam falls and hurts her arm and her "backside". I remember a teacher I had who always said "gluteous maximus" and nothing else. She also didn't want boys and girls to hug each other. "Save those for your mommies."

OMG! Best Pony Pals dialogue EVER! It doesn't even sound like they're talking about a pony!
Pam: I got dumped, now I have to get back on. Lightning an dI have to work this out. I can't let her get away with it.
Anna: But your butt. It will hurt to ride.
Pam: I have to do it! Don't you understand?
Anna: Don't be mad at me. I didn't dump you!
ROFL!!!!! Pam got dumped. Wait...did she just come out? I like how Anna slipped and said "butt".

Lulu: We decided you should go first. In case you have more trouble.
Pam: I don't want to go first.
Anna: It's two against one. So you have to go first. That's the Pony Pal rule.
Pam: That's for a Pony Pal Problem. This isn't a Pony Pal Problem. It's my problem with Lightning.
Pam's controlling behavior has rubbed off on her friends.

Lightning bucks Pam off. If she keeps this us, we could be rid of Pam by the end of the book!

"Lightning's not just mad at you. She's mad at everybody." Awww, poor emo Lightning.

Whoa!! Lulu and Anna both admit they were wrong!! Progress.

But then they insist that Lightning is a Pony Pal problem. So much for that.

GUESS WHAT THEY'RE EATING FOR DINNER AT THE CRANDAL HOUSE. NO, GUESS.
SPAGHETTI. AGAIN.

Jill touches Pam's injured arm and Pam screams. Her parents are worried she is in an abusive relationship. Pam's excuse: "I bumped it."

Pam's theory: Lightning doesn't like me anymore.
Or maybe she never liked you and is just starting to show it.

Anna suggests that Pam is too big for Lightning. So what, she should get rid of her? Actually, that's probably a good idea. Lightning kills. Ha. I wasn't even trying to be funny (not that I succeeded).

The Pony Pals keep saying "butt". WHat foul language! Soon they might start saying, "Shut up," to one another!

NOTHING IS PHYSICALLY WRONG WITH LIGHTNING.

There they go, spying again.

Pam didn't tell her parents about Lightning because she thought it was her fault.

Anna: Don't hug her. Her arm is sore from falling off Lightning.
Way to go, Anna. She gives Mrs. Crandal a heart attack.

Ohhh, THAT'S why Lightning is so crankky! She has Lyme disease and her legs are sore!

Pam: How could Lightning have Lyme disease? There aren't any ticks around now. It's winter and everything is frozen.
Dr. Crandal: She could have been bitten months ago. Some people and animals don't get sick right away.
Like with HIV/AIDS!

Dr. Crandal won't say if Lyme is curable. Right. Lightning's a goner.

Oh dear, Lightning might have this for the rest of her life.

Pam wishes on a star that her pony will heal.

And it RHYMES! "Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight, I wish I may, I wish I might have the wish I wish tonight. Please let my pony, Lightning, be all right."
Heh.

The Pony Pals are really mean to little kids.

Pam refuses to think of others and ride Splash for Jill, even though Jill won't be able to go riding UNLESS Pam goes first. But Pam's all, "NO, I have to watch Lightning!"

Then Pam starts bossing Jill around.

Now Pam wants to skip school so she can stay home with Lightning. So far, Lightning isn't that sick: her muscles hurt, and she's cranky, but she's eating and drinking normally and can take care of herself. Just leave her alone, Pam.

Pam is such a drama queen. "I may never ride Lightning again."

HA! She writes up a progress report for Lightning. "Is she lame? Yes." Hahahahaha.

Pam is such a loser!! She's basically never going to ride Splash for her sister, but makes it seem like JILL is the selfish one. She's 5 years old!! Of course she's selfish! Your pony's not going to die if you decide to ride another one!

Oh no. Pam is turning into a not-very-nice person. Well, you weren't exactly Ms. Congeniality before, Pam.

Jill writes her a letter. Even though they live in the same house. Yeah.
Deer Pam. I want to bee like yu. I want to talke to pones to. I heart yu. Jill. I want Litnin to bee better too.
I hate the exaggerated five-year-old spelling problems and handwriting.

The tickle-torture machine? Sounds ominous.

:O The Pony Pals are passing notes in class? OUTRAGEOUS!

Pam misses riding, so her mom allows her to ride Sterling (apparently her horse, though we've never heard of him before today), but Pam wants to stay with Lightning. Whatever. I'd take a beautiful HORSE over a cranky PONY any day.

Okay, so that's it. I have a much better Pony Pals that I can do maybe Monday, because tomorrow's THE SUPERBOWL (woo, go Giants!!).
Ew, I have a way boring Unicorns of Balinor, the next to the last one, but I'm taking out all the sticky note markers and just summarizing it, because that series BORES ME.

Texans can be fooled by brightly colored ponies, or Avalon: Quest For Magic #1: Song of the Unicorns

So, we're back with another Avalon series! Only this time, instead of running around worrying about Aldenmor, the mages are out to find 9 magic power crystals to restore all the magic to Avalon.



Plot: Emily's dad got married...without telling her!!! Now he's invited her to spend some time with him in New Mexico on a horse ranch, so she and the wicked stepmother can get to know one another. Emily agrees to go if Kara, Adriane, Ozzie, and Dreamer can come...and her dad pays their way. Noyce.
So they're all at the liddle dude ranch. First, let's review what has happened to our characters previously:
Adriane lost Stormbringer and gained Dreamer, but she and Dreamer are having some issues.
Kara is still in the possession of some pretty serious shapeshifting magic that she can't control.
Emily is just angsty and boring as always.
The dude ranch is pretty fun; there are horses and Texan trail guides, but Emily doesn't like her new stepmom Veronica because she's just like Kara. Oooooh.
Hark! What's that? A magical animal in trouble? The mages stumble upon a herd of baby unicorns hiding in a cave. They were headed to a magic Unicorn School in Dalriada, but they were hijacked and fell through the wrong portal. Now someone is trying to attack them!! Good thing the mages were there to save them!
Now the mages have to hide the babies in the barn without anyone noticing. Unfortunately, it gets a little harder when the babies start sprouting horns, gaining magic, and acquiring brightly colored coats.
They have to get the babies to Dalriada as soon as possible or they might blow up the dude ranch! Emily tries to teach the unicorns to tune their magic, but, despite her best efforts, they fail, because they are tone deaf. Ha.
BAM! A black knight fellow comes in and steals all the unicorns. He gives them back later, but it appears he has stolen their magic. The babies are heartbroken.
Until Black Knight comes back, furious, because he can't find the unicorn magic! Magic fight!
Well Kara and Adriane take on the Bremerton Knights, Emily gives the unicorns a pep talk: you don't need a horn or a jewel to use magic, because the magic is always right there, in your heart. -_-
They beat him. The unicorns regain their magic and go to school.

More notes:
The prologue is about some centaurs taking the unicorns to school.

Centaurs don't need horses; they pull the wagon themselves!

Corinth gets pwned by mist sharks.

Eliath gets thrown off a cliff. Noyce.

The unicorns in the wagon fall off the cliff, too...and land in a portal.

Carolyn Fletcher never fails to tick me off.

Ozzie's a fattie.

Laaaame. "Even with the best of training, he's a wild animal, and at some point might need to be cared for by specialists, for his own safety as well as yours." Carolyn has OBVIOUSLY not read "White Fang".

Raaaandom.
Adriane: Maybe you'll like her. [she's referring to Veronica, the new stepmom]
Emily: I HATE HER! THEY ELOPED AND DIDN'T EVEN INVITE ME TO THE WEDDING!
Whatever. Chill out, Emily, the marriage probably won't last long, anyways.

Adriane does some cool rope tricks. Like Indiana Jones.

Yep. Adriane's still a tempermental loser.

Adriane can use magic whenever...and does. Emily heals animals when she gets bored. But, because Kara has a mucho powerful jewel, she can't practice magic without the supervision of her two besties.

Kara: You can't avoid meeting her forever, you know. She'll think you don't care.
Emily: She obviously doesn't care what I think. I'm not dropping everything and going all the way cross-country just to meet her.
Kara: Isn't your dad going, too?
Emily: Funny! Yeah, I really want to see him.
Kara: So, there you go.
Emily: It's not that easy.
Kara: Yes, it is. Three simple words: Get over it.
Ha. Kara is my BFF.
Adriane does not think her advice is that helpful.
Actually, I don't see how either of them could be all that helpful in this situation, since Kara's parents are happily married, and Adriane's parents abandoned her so they could travel the world.

Ooh, the Happy Trails Horse Ranch! Sounds fun!

OH NO! The Valentine's Dance is in a week! Kara can't possibly go to New Mexico when she has so much to do!

She changes her mind once she hears there's a spa. Rachel Roberts must REALLY not like Kara; she's turned her into Meredith from "Bratz".

Dreamer only speaks one word at a time. Aaargh. Not cute anymore. I miss Storm.

This is their guide, Texas Slim:
Texas Slim: Whoo-oo! Lemme hear you, now! Come on, let's do some whoopin'! Naw, that's a city slicker whoop. We need a real Texas whoop!
I bet there are some very offended Texans out there reading this book.

Ew. Emily meets a Ravenswood freak named Sierra Sanchez. She has a jewel, too.

The girls are staying in a cabin. Adriane is excited to be out in the open and commune with nature. Fly, Little Bird, fly! Find your spirit creature!
Kara is depressed at being too far away from the spa. God forbid you should WALK there!

Lol.
Texas Slim: That's some hound dog you got there.
Kara: He's a dingo.

Ozzie's voice keeps switching between italics and normal print.

Mookrat is my favorite word.

They meet an Experimental Fairmimental named Tweek, sent to help them. Because all the magic is gone from Avalon. Yeah. Not making sense.

Kara pulls off a nifty hair trick, and Adriane's all, "YOU'RE OUT OF CONTROL! STOP IT!"

Adriane wishes SHE had shapeshifting abilities.

Oh no, we're being attacked by magical creatures...again.

Lyra saves the day! Up until this point, I hadn't noticed she wasn't with them.

Emily knows the mysterious creatures are unicorns because she can FEEL their magic. Hooow?

Adriane makes a lot of "hilarious cracks" at Kara in this book, whilst Kara acts like a ditz. The latest one: the mages call Kara to them with a portal, and she appears with a mud mask. "Try not to let her beauty blind you." Ha. Ha. Ha.

Lol. Wizard cursing. "What the fuzzy muckle?"

Ew, all the unicorns are beige.

Silly Pollo. You're so ugly and ungainly. You'll never amount to anything. His sister, Riannan, who is beautiful and vain, will OBVIOUSLY get far in the magical world! Ugh. It'll make more sense later.

Aw, a polka-dotted one.

Electra is one of my favorite names ever.

Of course someone named VIOLET is timid and worriesome. Not so in "Charlie Brown".

The mages are only Level One mages, according to Tweek and the HORARFM. Levels? Are you kidding me? This is like Runescape.

And then they were attacked by a giant magical centipede. Not even lying.

Oh. Just close the portal. That'll sever its head right off.

Adriane yells at Dreamer for trying to save her.

Because she's afraid she'll lose him. -_-

Why does Kara need a manicure if she can shapeshift her nails at will?

Riannan's a 'fraidy corn!

You have to follow the music. Let it flow. :P Wise words from tone deaf Emily Fletcher.

And all this singing unlocks...ANOTHER fairy map. Gee, we've seen a lot of these.

How to make unicorn food: You need pure morning dew, a handful of starlight, and fresh honey! Stir it exactly nine times under the light of the moon.
Why can't they eat grass like Balinor unicorns?

Kara is convinced she wasn't meant to have her jewel. Because Adriane is such a loser. But Emily gives her a pep talk. We get a lot of pep talks, too.

I HAAATE Adriane.

Heh. There are unicorns named Boodle, Harvard, Beowulf, Barnabus, Pierre, Quincy, Elvis, Windmill, and Riccardo. AWESOME.

I want a unicorn named Beowulf.

Sierra won't be suspicious of 30 beige hornless unicorns in her barn or anything....

Veronica finds Pollo and thinks he's adorable. Why do stepmom's always have to be stupid? Well, I guess they're not usually married for their brains. Ask the French; the literal translation of belle-mere is "beautiful mother". Ouch.

Oh, those silly billy unicorns.

Kara turns her hair purple. Lucky.

EW! Ralfie's horn grows in...and his coat is now deep green with bright brass-colored spots.
Ralfie: I'm so handsome.
No, not handsome... I think HIDEOUS is the word I'm going for here.

Adriane: I thought unicorns were white.
Ralfie: How many have you seen?
Adriane: Two.
Spruce: Well, there you go.

Lol. Kara has a unicorn beauty party.

Guess what color Violet turned? No, really, GUESS!

It's almost as shocking as Snowflake's new coat.

Okay, I'll tell you: Violet is VIOLET and Snowflake is WHITE.

Dante thinks Clio is pretty. Heh. Unicorn love.

Ralfie is apparently the class stud.

OMG.
Kara: Say, you could use a little trim.
Ralfie: I WANT A MULLET!
I guess "mullet" translates to "hawt" in unicorn culture?

Riannan wants to be the princess, but wonders if her magic is good enough.

NO, Emily, DON'T try to relate! Having crappy magic and going to a new school are NOT THE SAME THING!!!

"Princess or not, we all love you just for who you are."
Lies my mother told me, part 1.

"But technique is only one part of playing music. You have to feel the music from here." Your heart.
Yeah. Right. Heart has nothing to do with skill.

Ooh, they make a little song.
Adriane's verse:
You're the rhythm that rocks
To the beat that never stops
Be the tick, be the tock
Be the rain as it drops

Kara's verse:
You're the melody that soars
Fairy's wing, ocean's roar
Sing it low, sing it high
Let's go dancing on the sky

Emily's verse:
You're the harmony that shimmers
Like a star, be the glimmer
As the sun gives moon light
Lift the song into flight

I like how Adriane's verse is all about the rock, Kara's is about fairy's and dancing, and Emily's is about harmony and love.
I pictured this song sounding like "Without Love" from "Hairspray".

Someone released the magic from Avalon! Who could've done such a thing? It couldn't have been the *gasp* Dark Sorceress?

Ugh, the Dark Sorceress is back, and she has another new henchie who believes the mages are only pubescent overdramatic girls.

NO NO, DON'T! Emily shows Sierra the unicorns. Moron.

Calliope: You think we'll like school?
Kara: Of course you will. I love school. You get to hang with all your friends and look cool.
Which are basically the only reasons I'm going.

After days of practice, the unicorns get stage fright and can't tune their magic.

And then a giant net flew out of the portal and engulfed the baby unicorns. Try as the mages might, they could not save them.

A dark knight walks into the room. Hm. Sounds like a combination Shadow Rider/Sauron.

Emily tells the babies they have to give up their magic; that is the only way they will be saved.
But no. THe babies are selfish.

Emily and Adriane are stuck in the middle of a magic whirlwind. Dreamer tries to save them, for which Adriane yells constantly.

They're saved because of Dreamer, and Adriane gives him a lecture.

Oh dear. The whirlwind switched Adriane and Emily's magic. Now Emily is a warrior (right) and Adriane is a healer (that's not likely). I can't see Emily as a warrior. She'd just cry and be all, "I can't do it!"

Dreamer is busy dying. Save your mistwolf, Adriane.

Hm, it's a role reversal. Emily's a really good warrior (whaaat?) and Adriane, faced with the chance of saving Dreamer, screams, "I can't do this!"

And there's a weird little dialogue between Adriane and Dreamer.
Dreamer: Pack mate in danger.
Adriane: Dreamer, young and strong, depending on me.
Dreamer: Monster will take her away, like wolf mother and wolf father.
Adriane: Lonliness clawing at my heart.
Dreamer: With her I am warrior wolf.
Adriane: One day he will leave me, too?
Dreamer: Without her, I am lone wolf.
Adriane: Abandoned again by the one I love the most. *howl*

She runs into the Spirit Pack in her messed up crazy mind. Oh. How. Interesting.

And Dreamer lives.

Adriane: I never could have healed Dreamer alone.
Emily: I could never be a warrior, never like you.
Kara: Hey! Being a blazing star isn't exactly a trip to the mall!
Tweek: Actually, it is.
Yeah. Not biased.

And the unicorns' magic is missing.

Oh. Kara has the unicorn magic. Because male unicorns love her.

Now she and Knightster are having a fight, where he messes with her shapeshifting magic.

I want turquoise hair. Really bad.

Lame. Ozzie says "silly spells". "Fix my shoe. gAaAaAh!"

Oh, and this is the best one yet. "Release the booods!"

Kara can no longer shapeshift. :(

Wait, she doesn't have the unicorn magic? Then who does?

Tweek is dead. Yessss.

The unicorns have their magic back! Emily tells them to sing from their heart.

And this pure, beautiful song defeats the knight. Unbelievable.

And Tweek is still alive. Because it was part of their amazing plan. :P

OH NO, Lorelei is back and she's singing the friendship song!
Listen to the sound
I'll always be around
You and me
We'll always be
Friends forever.

There goes Adriane, asking about Zach again. Obsessed much?

Pollo, Riannan's brother, is the prince. Riannan's disappointed, but she'll get over it.
Oh, but wait, she's a princess, too. A prince AND a princess? Why couldn't Rianna just NOT be a princess, so she could focus on dealing with that ego and realize that although her brother is ugly, he's probably pure of heart or whatever. But no. They had to give in to her selfish desires.

Tweek's going back with them to Ravenswood. Crap.

Find all nine power crystals and Avalon is saved. Got it.

I wouldn't call a paint pony "splotched". Sounds wrong.

Emily realizes that the bond between her and her dad will never break, and Veronica is actually nice and fashion savvy.

What kind of description is "the brown-haired teen"? *cringe*

They mention wyverns, who mate for life. Yeah, especially with members of the same sex. (read "Wolfcry")

Adriane thinks a trip to the Living Desert Zoo State Park will be "rad". -_-

So ends that book. Thankfully.
I might be able to do a Pony Pals tomorrow. It's the best Pony Pals yet, lol. Pretty great. The Pony Pals lower their standards and say "butt". :O And you'll be there to see it happen.

Follow the talking wooden stick, or Unicorns of Balinor #6: Secrets of the Scepter

I still don't get the loving descriptions of Atalanta: twilight violet, with a beautiful silver mane and tail... Dude, she's purple.



Plot: Life in Balinor would be so boring if it weren't for all the exciting quests! Ari must uncover three golden rings and acquire a note from Dr. Bohnes stating she is the true princess to unlock the Deep Magic.
There's nothing to say, really. The Shifter is kept at bay, so there's no drama or danger. Lori finds some abandoned baby unicorns and takes care of them until they find their mother. Ari keeps warring factions of centaurs from killing each other. In the end, she gains the three rings AND Dr. Bohnes' note. Staples: that was easy.

More notes:
Yep, this one starts with "Atalanta", too. We're 6 for 6.

Atalanta doesn't even care about getting Lori home. "We will be able to help Lori in time, Arianna."

I just noticed Ari has the same name as a certain Eraser friend of ours.

They want to organize a Resistance? How Star Wars-y of them.

Ha, more humor. XP
Finn: Lori, you could ride Rednal for a bit, if you like. I'm sure he wouldn't mind.
Rednal: *starts bucking*
Finn: Hey, boy! What's up?
Rednal: Must have been a black fly.
I cannot breathe for laughing. And if a unicorn was trying to buck you off, I highly doubt you would laugh and ask, "Hey, boy! What's up?"

Ugh. Lori rides like a sack of potatoes; therefore, she is a horrible person. Arianna rides like a queen; therefore she is wise, beautiful, and kind.

HA! The sign to the Unicorn Inn reads:
Fine Food and Drink. Samlett.
Oh, look, honey, they have fine food, drink, AND Samlett!
That cracked me up for rather inappropriate reasons.

"Yes! He's so short that during council he refuses to sit down. He stands on the chair. And he's got a high, squeaky voice like a chicken!"
So do I, and I'm 5'9".

Ari's being introduced to the last remaining Lords of whatever. Uh oh, that Rexel is thin and gaunt and never gives his nights a day off. Must be a treacherous jerk.

What kind of name is Lord Puckenstew????

I sort of agree with Rexel. Ari can't prove she's REALLY the Princess, and the only excuse she has is, "Um, I lost my memory and only got it back recently...." Riiight.

Rexel is the poor man's Snape.

The Shifter might be evil, but he's no match for THE SHADOW RIDER, who is basically the poor man's Sauron.

Oh no, the Shifter is scared of the Shadow Rider! Wait, if Mr. Shadow is so evil, and the Shifter's such a wimp that can be easily defeated with the Royal Scepter + Indigo Star, why are we warring against the Shifter??? Sauron's on the loose!

So Ari's going on another quest, and Finn asks to go with, but she's like, "No, Finn, you need to organize the Rebellion and what not." That's basically an order, so Finn accepts it, and Ari's all, "WHY DIDN'T HE INSIST TO COME?? HE MUST NOT LIKE ME!" No, you just think WAY too highly of yourself.

Ha. Lori's going.

I CANNOT stand Ari.

Ha ha ha. They get a Worker unicorn named STALWART for Lori!! HA HA HA! I hate the subtle attempts at humor.

Ari is so jealous of Lori and Finn. I would laugh so hard if Finn and Lori ended up together. But they don't. I've read the series before. Which is sad. :( They could have been Linn! Or Fori. Or Firi. Whatever.

SOOOO lame. They feel the need to tell us the story of Heartbreak Harbor: a young man named Artman came to the Harbor to meet his beautiful fiancee, but she ran off with a ship's captain.

Lori: It's funny, I never liked camping out. No bathrooms or mirrors. No television or CD players. No pizza places. But I don't know. We've camped out so much in this weird world of yours, I think I'm starting to get used to it.
Yeah. That's why I never go camping. The lack of pizza places kills me.

And they stumble upon...UNICORN BABIES! One is red and the other "flaxen" (I never knew what that meant when I was little, but it's goldeny, I guess).

Lori's apparently really good with babies.

Ari: I wonder where the babies' mother is.
Chase: Let's ask the Royal Scepter.
Ari: Good idea. Oh Royal Scepter? Where is the babies' mother?
Scepter: Gone.
Thanks, Royal Scepter. You've been so helpful.

There's a FOURTH class of unicorns: THE WILD ONES. They're wild, obviously, and brutal and savage. God forbid any unicorn that escapes the vicious caste system of Balinor should be civilized.

Ari can't decide: leave the baby unicorns in the forest to starve or take them with?
TAKE THEM WITH! TAKE THEM WITH! So much for being wise.

Ari is supposed to find Dr. Bohnes and three gold rings. Why she's running around in the forest, I don't know.

THE RAINBOW SONG!! Lol, I love the rainbow song. I swear, they changed the lyrics!

A bunch of yelling unicorns? How positively frightening!

Atalanta doesn't want a war, bla bla bla. Well, what else are you going to do? You refuse to take out the Shifter with magic, though you've had endless oppurtunities, and all you've been doing lately is sitting in the Valley discussing the current situation. Don't you think you ought to do something?

Lori names the babies Albright and Jenny. What stupid names.

Ari thinks they are "fine names". Because she's a princess like that.

Oh dear, the centaurs are fighting.

Ari sees the centaurs and goes on to describe how they were men, but also horses! In case you didn't know what a centaur was. As if.

The centaurs get all mad and Ari's like, "You can't hurt me! I have a talking wooden stick!"

Oh no, the centaurs are fighting because some are traditionalists and others are more modern. Why not split up and become TWO seperate cultures???

Ha ha. Oh, Lincoln. You tickle my funny bone.

Hmm, so the Shifter is a misogynist as well as a megalomaniac.

Modern centaurs win, basically. But Ari insists that EVERYBODY wins.

So they give her one of the golden rings.

All the centaurs' names end in I.

If they can't find the mother unicorn, they're going to leave the babies in the forest. By themselves. And let them get eaten by wolves. Nice.

Lori could always stay with them, but Ari is her ticket out of Balinor, soooo....

Chase says it's the right thing to do because the kingdom is at stake.

Hee. Unicorn mommy's cry of angst is "Eeeeeeeraaaaaaaah, eeeeerraaaaaaah."

They meet the mother. Her name is Orion, which is SOOO a boy's name.

She abandoned her babies because their dad is a traitor. That sucks.

She takes the babies back. And gives Ari another ring.

Wild unicorns are basically ginormous shire-y types.

Yes, there will be a war, Atalanta. Suck it up.

After a long day of questing, there's nothing like a good manicure to make you feel like new.

Ha ha ha! Let's laugh at Lori some more.

Ha. They meet Minge and he totally forgot Chase's name. So much for Lord of the Unicorns, or whatever.

Something's wrong with Bohnesy??

Ari has a problem with a lot of people. Either they're falling at her feet and worshiping her, or she considers them "rude".

And Bohnes gives her the third ring. Ari complains way too much; she's got it easy.

So Bohnes is sick; the third test is for Ari to be "strong" enough to leave Bohnes and let her die. Hmm.

But Bohnes was just faking being sick. Boooo.

Thank God that's over. Avalon tomorrow; it's a good one XP.

I never lose things, I merely forget them, or FTFO Madison Finn #6: Lost and Found

This was the first Madison Finn book I ever read. This is also probably the best book Madison Finn I have ever read.



Plot: Life is crazy, as usual. Egg has a day of skating and icecapades planned, but Madison doesn't want to go; she can't skate!
Thankfully, a huge blizzard hits Far Hills and there's no school that day.
Instead of a day of relaxation, though, Fran forces Madison to clean out the attic while she does nothing. Madison finds some stuff from third or fourth grade when she was still friends with Ivy. Among that stuff is a letter she and Ivy wrote that they had saved for seventh grade. She contemplates giving it to Ivy so they can open it together.
Back to school. Madison has to go skating. Her friends try to help her, but she pretty much sucks, and Hart is being ubernice to Ivy??? Whaaat?
During a game of Truth or Dare at Fiona's house, Madison picks Truth and Ivy forces her to tell everyone who she likes. Madison doesn't want to say the real answer, and tells everyone she likes Egg. Grooooss. The Truth or Dare game wasn't exactly detrimental to the plot, but Egg kisses Fiona on the knee and Hart reveals that he saw his neighbor Susie naked. Whoa...too much information.
Madison, still seething at Ivy's trick, opens the letter and cries for like three days.
The next day in science class, Hart passes her a note asking what her e-mail address is. Ivy tattles on Madison and Mr. Danehy holds them both after class. Ivy REALLY wants to see the note, so she grabs it out of Madison's backpack...only it's not the note; it's the 4th grade letter. Ivy takes the letter and ends up crying in the bathroom. And that's it. ? What kind of ending was that? Oh well.

More notes:
"The worst part was the dreaded gym uniform. Its ugly blue polyester gym shorts made Madison's legs itch, and a too tight, white T-shirt with a blue Far Hills Junior High Logo was not exactly the most flattering fashion statement. And wearing the shirt meant wearing a bra, even though Madison didn't have much to fill out."
A TIGHT WHITE T-shirt isn't a flattering fashion statement, Madison? The boys disagree. Btw, she's in 7th grade: aren't most people wearing bras by that time?

Lol, they talk about changing in the locker rooms and awkwardness. Whatever.

Oh no, there was a uniform change and the new shorts are baggy...but Madison forgot to give her mom the permission slip!!

I love running. Fiona passes out. And she's supposed to be athletic. It's because she's sick, though. Lol, and she's all, "I feel hot, Coach." Oh my....

Madison and Ivy race...and tie.

I still can't get over the name "Nurse Shim".

In this book, the lake is called Lake Wannalotta. Forever after, it's called Lake Dora. Is there more than one?

Way to be super obvious about Hart, Maddie.

Oh dear, Maddie can't skate!

Aimee starts complaining about ballet class. What? I thought our little anorexic was a ballet freak!

More reasons why I hate Fran: Jeff is in Denver, but can't come home to take Madison out to dinner because he has to work. Fran freaks out at him, so Madison starts defending him, and Fran's like, "WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?" What is YOUR problem? He has a job.

There's a snowstorm headed for Far Hills! Lucky.

She gets to miss school, but her mom is a morning person.

You get a day off from school and you're making your daughter clean out the attic, Fran? You suck.

Fran plays flute, too. I'll bet she sucks, just like her daughter.

WHOA, Madison's grandpa was not named Joe!!!

I love Dan Ginsburg. Sort of.

If you really don't want to go skating, DON'T GO! But no, Maddie decides to go because Egg told her to. Peer pressure much?

"Madison realized she had been out of school for a day and a half and she hadn't done any homework yet."
Ha ha. Same here.

Aww, Bigwheels' dad moved out. This really depressed me.

I hate spacey people. Aimee invites Madison over to play in the snow, it takes Madison half an hour to put on her stuff (and she considers that "fast), and when she gets there, Aimee berates her for "being late...even though she's not dressed. Lame.

Jeff and Stephanie are sleeping together? How scandalous.

Fran always yells at Jeff for being late, and yet being late is a habit of hers, too. Hypocrite.

I think it's really stupid why Ivy and Madison stopped being friends.

Ha. I remember back in the day when I thought seventh grade would be the best year of my life. It wasn't bad, actually. Besides raging hormones and lame teachers.

It turns out Ivy is really insecure. That's really sad.

Fiona thinks Hart is cute!!! I'm surprised Madison hasn't strangled her yet.

Power outage. Hate those.

Mmm, tofu lasagna!

"She held up one of Madison's newest sweaters, a Christmas present from Mom. It was orange angora, fuzzy all over like a tabby cat."
Sounds...nice. In the earlier books, they make a huge deal about Madison's favorite color being orange.

Omg, this is so sad. Madison thinks that if she shows Ivy the letter, they'll become friends again. *tear*

Madison: And then there's this boy...
Fran: Boy? You mean Egg?
AARGH! All moms do this! Whenever I'm like, "There's this boy..." they always jump to conclusions about your best guy friend!

Green gloves, an orange sweater, and an orange parka. Plus a rainbow cap. Hm. That matches.

Dan is so stalkery, almost as much as Drew. Oh, and he makes a joke about Hart and Ivy going out. Laaame.

Susie is Hart's next-door-neighbor. She goes to a boarding school, likes ice skating professionally, and thinks Hart is "wicked nice". This girl sounds amazing.

Argh. I hate picking teams. ALWAYS. PICKED. LAST.

Aw, Egg picks her because he's her BGF. Lol, if I were captain, I would probably not pick my friends first. Sorry, guys.

Ivy shoves Madison, causing her to fall on her butt, so Aimee and Susie skate into her and humiliate her. Noyce.

"But then the laughter began - Ivy and Hart laughing. They were lying on top of each other on the ice, laughing like little kids."
That is so dirty!! It makes Madison cry. And Drew-Creepy-Pants is all taking pictures of them. Sooo nasty.

Ivy gets nailed with a snowball.

Omg, Ivy is such a freak. Rose is laughing and she's like, "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY SIDE, ROSIE!"

Phinnie ran away! He's never coming back.

What? Roseanne Snyder, Ivy's BFF, offers to help Maddie look for him? Carazy.

HE WAS IN THE HOUSE!! I bet he was hiding under the bed the whole time. Like in "Because of Winn-Dixie".

Hm, the Hot Chocolate party at Fiona's house sounds pretty fantabulous. Not. "We'll be doing something fun like playing videos or games." How do you play videos? And why can't you play video games?

Maddie calls Chet a Chucklehead. Hee.

Wow, the Waters' are totally into this hot chocolate party.

Ivy and Hart arrive together? Hart is such a loser.

Madison tries to go to the bathroom and Ivy takes a flying leap into it and is all, "I got here first!" You might want to use another toilet, Madison. Ivy's busy puking in that one.

Dan? Full? Is that even possible?

I hate Truth or Dare. I hate Spin the Bottle. But they decide to play "Truth or Dare Spin the Bottle". Whoaaaaaaa, carazy.

Oh no, not a kissing game! At least it's not 7 Minutes in Heaven, which slutty junior high kids are usually playing these days.

Drew thinks up way lame questions for "Truth".

Drew: What's the most embarassing thing that has ever happened to you?
Susie: *smiling*
Hart: I know that one, Susie. Don't lie!
Susie: Hart, be quiet! Let me see.... Well, I guess you're right, Hart. That was the most embarassing thing ever. Well, this summer...Hart saw me naked.
WHAT? QUESTIONABLE CONTENT IN A CHILDREN'S BOOK!!!

The other kids make fun of Dan for being "fat", but he does it to himself. Does that make it okay to call him "Pork-O"?

Madison calls Ivy out for lying on a TRUTH!! Go Maddie! Way to have a spine!

Don't pick truth, Maddie, don't pick Truth. Because if you pick Truth, someone's ALWAYS going to ask you "who you like".

She says Egg. Yeah. Right.

Hart picks Truth and admits he likes someone in this room. Madison thinks he likes her. Wishful thinking.

Egg has to kiss Fiona. So he kisses her on the knee. Ooh, hot.

All the boys leave, so it's no fun!

Susie: Let me know what happens with Hart.
Madison: Huh? What are you talking about?
Susie: He totally likes you. Does anyone know you like him?
!!!!!!!!
Omg, flashback to last year. One of my friends said the guy I like liked me, too, but he was wrong!!!!

Madison opens the envelope!!! Without Ivy!!! So much for becoming friends again.

Their list of "things to do in 7th grade" is so lame. They both want to become famous actresses.

PEMDAS does not stand for "Please Eat My Delicious Apples Soon"!!

Ivy asks Madison for her notes. Forget her.

Egg is a suck up.

THERE'S A PICTURE OF HART...WITH HIS HAND ON MADDIE'S SHOULDER! OMG, THEY'RE TOUCHING!

Madison joins band!!! Yay! Band geeks rule!!

Ooh, Hart gives Maddie a note...and Ivy wants it, so she throws a temper tantrum during science.

Ivy blames Madison and Hart...but insists Hart doesn't get in trouble. Way to be obviouser than Madison.

Ha. Mr. Danehy is like, "The note has your name on it, Ms. Daly."

Because it's the letter.

Ivy grabs it and runs away.

Finnster
What is ur e-mail?
Hart
That's it??? That's IT?? That's what the note said? That's what we've all been waiting for?

Ivy was crying!! This is making me really sad!

Omg, it's snowing in Washington! Well, in this book it is. Maybe some of that luck will rub off on the real life WA.

BIFF? Best Internet Friends Forever? No. Doesn't work.

Madison's Computer Tip:
Don't write online messages that contain too much private information.
Lest you be molested and killed by stalkers on Myspace.

Unicorns of Balinor tomorrow, with the lovely Miss Atalanta on the front. Fun.

You are not allowed to feel anger towards a disabled person, or Pony Pals #32: He's My Pony!

The description of this book on krl.org is a little off:
A handicapped girl forms a special bond with a gentle horse.
They forgot to add: The horse's jealous owner throws a hissy fit. Horse isn't the right term, however. Acorn is a pony.



Plot: It's summer again and the Pony Pals are going to be in another parade, seeing as the townspeople can't get enough of them. Things don't remain perfect forever, though. Christine, Anna's neighbor's niece, is visiting her aunt and becomes good friends with the Pony Pals. She loves ponies, is a good artist, and has cerebral palsy, but is afraid of riding horses. Anna should be best friends with her, but Christine falls madly in love with Acorn, as young blonde girls are wont to do in this series, making Anna super jealous.
Then Christine asks if she could take riding lessons on Acorn, and the Pony Pals readily agree, kind of forgetting ANNA IS THE ONE WHO OWNS ACORN.
Then Christine thinks up an idea for the fair/parade: a face painting booth! She starts practicing on local children and her ideas are SOOO much better than Anna's! Anna gets jealous and runs away one Acorn, even though she is worried that he might like Christine more than he likes her.
The Pony Pals come after her and convince her that Acorn loves her, bla bla bla, and then tell her that Christine's "great" ideas came from a book! Anna apologizes to Christine and the other girl accepts. They continue her lessons on Acorn.
Anna comes up with a great nonselfish idea: why not let Christine display her new riding talents in the parade...on Acorn?? She has Mike Lacey help her out, and Christine rides in the parade. Yay.

More notes:
I seriously marked like every page in this book. There's 90 PAGES!

OMG, JUST SAY BAY!!! It's always "brown-and-black", "brown-and-black". DUDE! HE'S BAY!

Dang, Christine is a really good artist. Compared to Anna, anyway.

Christine isn't all awkward about her disability and she's really nice. I like her.

The phrase "smacked her lips" always throws me off. I don't really get it.

AGH I hate people who are all, "Oh, she's disabled, she probably couldn't do that," and it's something like playing tag.

Pam: Anna's mother owns Off-Main Diner. It's the best diner in town.
Anna: It's the only diner in town.
Finally. Those girls needed a reality check.

Mrs. Crandal: I'll bring Daisy out.
Pam: Daisy is my mother's best school pony for beginners.
Daisy is your mother's only pony.

Pam: When a pony or horse is blond, it's called a palomino.
Anna: A Pony Pal palomino.
Laaame.

Daisy attacks Christine. Way to go.

The picture is so stupid. Daisy is humongous, Christine is floating in mid air, and Anna looks shocked like she should help her, but it is looking at something off to the side. Look up in the sky, it's a bird! It's a plane! It's Christine being attacked by a crazy Shetland pony, Anna! Get with the program!

Quizzes and guessing games are completely different things.

Oh no, Acorn did a trick for Christine without Anna's signal!

Paul Bachem's pictures look like crap, as usual.

Pam: My mother will put a special girth on Acorn. It has handles.
Yes, Pam. It's called a surcingle. If you were really such a horse expert, you'd know that.

Acorn does a new trick for Christine! Oooowned!

Anna is REALLY jealous, so she's like, "Acorn, get away from Christine. It's time for your, um, bath."

Jack and Jill are 6 again.

Whoa, the twins start talking to Christine about her walker and how beautiful it is.

Mike: Hi.
Anna: What are you doing here?
Mike: I was trying to catch up with you. And I did. I could have beaten you.
What is with boys and their competitiveness?

There's a picture of Rosalie running up to Anna WITH BROWN HAIR (she's so blonde!!), and all the Pony Pals look shocked/disgusted. ??? I thought they loved little kids?

Aw, Anna feels inferior. This is way depressing.

Mrs. Crandal: Okay. Acorn won't move until you tell him to.
Christine: How do I tell him?
Mrs. Crandal: Sit tall, make a clicking sound, and say, 'Move on.'
Squeezing lightly with your knees works, too.

They're supposed to be riding in a circle, but Christine is riding on the inside and Lulu and Pam keep passing her. So much for riding safety.

"I wish Christinewasn't here. I wish we were just the Pony Pals."
Doesn't Anna feel this anytime someone infiltrates their little group/joins their cult?

HOLY CRAP. Enough with the BROWNIES.

Anna is mean to Pam. I don't like Pam, so I'm not exactly objecting.

Okay, Christine's designs are really hideous. Her clown face is more of a drag queen.

Yeah, running out of the diner and riding away will give you the melodramatic edge you're going for, Anna.

Mike Lacey just randomly starts following her.

WHOA: Anna admits she's a horrible, selfish person. Whaaaaat? No way! Pam never admits she's wrong until someone else apologizes; Lulu is never wrong (in her own mind); but Anna's like, "Yeah, I suck." Go Anna!

Anna: Mike saw me crying. He better not tell Tommy.
Like he would.... "Dude, I totally saw that Anna girl crying!" "Aw, sweet, man! High five! Let's go pester her!" "Right on!"

Anna: Acorn likes Chris better than me.
Lulu: No, he doesn't. Acorn is friendly. That's the kind of pony he is.
That's the response jealous girlfriends get, too.

Oh, it turns out Christine is just a little plagiarist! Actually, not really. That's what face painting books are for.

Anna decides to apologize on her own! Woo!

Christine apologizes for keeping the book a secret. She thought maybe her ideas wouldn't be as good as Anna's. Are you kidding? Have you SEEN Anna's drawings?

"Christine drew a face. Anna painted the black parts of the vampire face. Christine did the red parts. She liked painting blood."
That sounds kind of creepy.

They have a drag queen clown, a passable lion, and a hippie child? The conservative parents of Wiggins would never go for that!

They draw something that looks like a monkey, but I think it's supposed to be a dragon.

No ways, Mike helps Anna out! He gets the surcingle for her so it's ready for the parade. Aww, I love Mike.

Anna: *face painting* Now you are a perfect rainbow.
Little boy: Wow! I'm never going to wash my face again!
You're a boy, so you probably never will.

Aw, Acorn does the tricks for Anna without a signal at the very end. How sweet.

I sort of liked that one. Not really. BEST MADDIE FINN EVER! CAN'T WAIT!

Fire is obviously evil, though it gives us warmth and energy, or Avalon: Web of Magic #6: Trial By Fire

Well, here we go. The last Avalon book. Are you ready? It's intense.



Plot: The Dark Soceress is up to her dastardly schemes again. She has captured all the mistwolves to power her crystals or something. A Firemental contacts the mages, telling of them of the great danger. Oh boy, ANOTHER quest! The three mages and their animal friends (Storm, Lyra, and Ozzie) jump into the portal, but get seperated at the nexus. Emily gets thrown into Ozzie's homeland, Adriane and Storm find themselves on a snowy mountain, and Kara, or course, ends up with Lyra at some fairy rave.
Emily heals a bunch of Black Fire victims, Adriane saves some Sea Dragon Riders or whatever from Snow Monsters and finds out that they are also mages, and Kara parties and meets...Be*Tween! Not stereotyped! Be*Tween says some semi-important things, like something about magic rain that will either be good or evil, depending on who wins the Big Battle. Also, Henry Gardener was a wizard. WHOA! Blowing my mind!
They meet up at a cave and find an adorable little mistwolf named Dreamer. Dreamer's parents, as well as several other mistwolfs, have been killed. Adriane is in love with anything mistwolf, so they decide to take the lil youngster along with them.
BAM! Zach appears and starts being all mysterious, like staying far away and being all, "Follow me! Hurry!" Suspicious much? Adriane follows him and is confronted with an army of nightmares, imps, goblin riders, and scores of other nasty creatures. Turns out Zach is really THE SKULTUM!
They're saved by Drake, who is sort of a wimp, but looks intimidating, so that's all that matters. Drake takes them to the castle, where they sneak into the dungeons and find ZACH AND ALL THE MISTWOLVES!! The mistwolves are stuck in the crystals the Dark Sorceress made, where she is draining their magic and forcing them to stay in mist form. If this goes on much longer, they'll all die. Unfortunately, the wolves don't want to be saved because they're all infected with the Black Fire.
The Dark Sorceress, who isn't as stupid as she looks, spellsings and forces Kara to come to her. Doing some more nifty magic, she destroys the unicorn horn and steals Kara's fairy map, combining it with the one she stole from Moonshadow to find the lost portal. While all this is going on (fairy maps take a litle bit of time to combine; it's like having dial-up), she tells Kara that her [Kara's] grandmother was a fairy queen, but that fairy queen was her [the Dark Sorceress'] sister!!! Oh no!! That means the Dark Sorceress is Kara's.....GREAT AUNT! Star Wars much? "No, Kara. I AM your...great aunt."
The fairy maps have successfully combined. But instead of revealing the final portal to Avalon, a unicorn appears. Kara jumps on his back and they ride away into the unknown.
Adriane and Lyra run upstairs to deal with that Witchy Woman, leaving Emily and Zach to deal with the sick wolfies. Storm has placed herself between all the crystals and is lending the other mistwolves her magic. Everyone knows she can't last long doing this, but they don't seem to care? Besides Adriane, that is, who is crying a lot. Emily is supposed to be healing, but all she's doing is whining.
The brave lil unicorn took Kara to Avalon, where she meets a bunch of wraiths who tell her that THERE IS NO PORTAL TO AVALON. ONLY A UNICORN CAN TAKE YOU. Then they give Kara a jewel of her very own and tell her to beat the Skultum.
Adriane is busy battling Ms. Sorceress. Not going too well. Drake, however, manages to distract her armies and squish at least a few warriors.
Kara comes back and battles the Skultum. Having learned that a fairy will lose all his magic once you find out his name (sort of like Rumpelstiltsken?), she has the advantage and they play a little game. Skultum's real name is "Magic", which he says out loud, screwing him, but giving all his magic to Kara.
So the Sorceress is all toying with Adriane and calls in the manticore to finish her off. The manticore comes in...BUT IT'S REALLY KARA!! Kara saves the day!! Not sure how, again.
Kara and Adriane run downstairs and find out Storm is dead. :(
Emily is whining still, but Kara gives her a pep talk and a magic burst, and all the wolves are saved.
And they won the Big Battle, so the magic rain is GOOD! Yay!!
They go back to Fairy Glen, where Adriane becomes bonded to little Dreamer, because he is cute and they are both alone.
Ozzie is also given a magic jewel: a ferret stone! Laaaaame. He is given the chance to return to his normal shape and stay in Aldenmor, but he chooses to go home with the girls. So ends the Web of Magic series. Next week, we start on the Quest For Magic, which is yet unfinished because Rachel Roberts SUCKS.

Whenever there are mistwolves involved, there's always howling and running and, "You are my packmates," in the next two pages.

Moonshadow gets pwned by Skultum. You know, I REALLY don't like Moonshadow.

Lyra: You're thinking again.
Kara: I do have a brain, contrary to popular opinion.
Meaning Adriane?

Aw, Kara feels bad for her mistake! Finally!

Adriane: Where were you?
Kara: I was doing homework.
Adriane: *Huh?*
Because popular don't do homework. EVER. Ha ha, not if you're in Mr. Kovacs' class.

Adriane admits she was wrong about Kara. And she admits she's annoying and has a bad temper? WHOA.

Quit justifying what Kara did! Forgiving is different from, "Oh, we know you MEANT to do good." Nooo, she just wanted to win that singing contest and kick your butt, Adriane.

So lame. Ozzie's tail sets on fire when they're toasting marshmallows. Didn't see that one coming. Didn't they copy that from "Ice Age"...and just about every movie with an animal with a tail hanging around fire?

Yay, a firemental! I was wondering when one of those would show up. Because the other Fairimentals (water, air, earth) are way boring.

Yeah, your grandma will believe that. "Sorry, Grandma, but I'll be on a school trip that didn't require permission slips, a change of clothes, or transportation."

"Kara was wearing designer hiking boots, dark denim jeans, and a faux-fur trimmed safari coat." And she's carrying a red backpack? This outfit doesn't really work. And I can't wrap my head around designer hiking boots; what's the point?

"'One jumps-' Adriane said.
'We all jump!' Kara finished.
And with that, Emily, Adriane, Kara, Ozzie, Lyra, and Storm leaped through the dreamcatcher into the portal beyond.
'Emily!' Ozzie screamed, losing his grip on Emily's hand.
'Ozzie, no!' She cried, lunging for the golden ferret. It was no use; Ozzie, still screaming, fell away from the others and into the nothingness of the dreamcatcher."
Yeah right. That's just what I WISH had happened. He ALWAYS loses his grip. I HAAAAATE Ozzie.

Gee, I'm in the middle of a blizzard. Good thing I'm wearing a sweater and vest! Yeah, I don't think so.

Yay, snow monsters pulled straight from "The Empire Strikes Back"!

Of course purple and red combo means BAD.

They get attacked by flying monkeys. NOT LYING.

Yeah, they get attacked, and Ozzie just starts jumping up and down. That's helpful.

How is Kara not noticing it's a Be*Tween concert? Isn't she obsessed with that band? Doesn't she have their CD?

Of course Adriane is off fighting someone, Emily's off healing someone...and Kara's off partying.

Oh yeah, Be*Tween. They're totally kickin' it.

The drummer's kind of a freak. She's wearing a JUMPSUIT and hitting things. Things that aren't DRUMS.

Wth?
Kara: I'm Kara, what's your name?
Fairy: Me name? Why, I'll wark ye muckle tarrie!
Fairies have Irish accents?

Kara's a PRINCESS!!

A FAIRY princess, though, not real royalty. Lol. ;)

LOL! They get ambushed by Ozzie's cousins and they're all, "A witch! A witch!" That so reminded me of Monty Python! "She turned me into a newt! ...I got better..."

"Elves" are just ripped off hobbits.

Lol.
Sylina: You are Kara, the Blazing Star.
Kara: I LOVE YOUR CD!
I heart Kara.

Wait, the members of Be*Tween give Kara THEIR names, but if any other fairy creature gives you their name, it sucks out their powers. Hm??

Mr. Gardener is a wizard!!!

And Kara is a princess!!!

Awwwww.
"Suddenly, a small dog-sized creature leaped from the bush. It was a furry black wolf puppy with white paws and chest."
That's Dreamer. HE'S SOOOO CUTE.

Lyra: Mistwolves.
Kara: You found them?
Lyra: Some.
Kara: *tear*
I like how Lyra doesn't really care. No emotion.

Kara and Adriane have nicknames for each other. Isn't that a couple thing?

"On a high ridge nearby stood a cute boy in a white shirt, beige pants, and sandals."
Nice outfit.

And Adriane is not the least bit suspicious. The real Zach probably would have run over and been all, "Adriane, I missed you! *crazy blush*"

Duh, it's the Skultum. I told you.

Drake is back!! Woo!!

LOL!
"'Some baby,' Kara muttered as she nervously scanned the skies. For all she knew, full-sized dragons traveled in packs like the pesky dragonflies. She could not handle another fan club - especially not one with members as big as Drake."
THAT'S not self-centered.

Dark Sorceress: You are a powerful fairy creature, are you not?
Skultum: Yes, my mistress.
Dark Sorceress: Yet you could not unlock the map yourself. And worse, you let it fall back into the hands of these...these mages!
Skultum: Mages! They are merely girls!
Yeah, and yet those girls pwned you at that benefit concert in more ways than one!

Not more spellsinging!

Oh no, the mistwolves are trapped inside the crystals! A crystal system that runs on magic? Hm. I wish they would explain how it works in engineer terms.

Okay, they find Zach imprisoned in a prison cell. And his first words are:
Zach: Adriane, you're in my dreams.
:O That was NOT something I needed to know.

"'How long have you been here?' Emily asked, rubbing Zach's arms to help circulation."
Whoa, Emily, you little boyfriend stealer, back off!

Zach: She may have opened portals, but in order to find the source of the magic, she would need two fairy maps.
Yeah, dummy, Kara HAS a fairy map.

Zach is the worst!
Zach: We have to get the mistwolves out. They can't survive in there.
Adriane: Storm is keeping them strong.
Zach: She's only one wolf, she can't hold on to them for long!
Yeah, thanks, buddy.

And she just destroyed the unicorn horn. I'd say you're screwed, Kara.

"Kara, I am your great aunt." That should be a buddy icon.

"I have traveled beoynd what I once was."
Gross, bad pictures coming to mind.

The rest of the Avalon-lovers club is stuck down in the dungeons, so they decide to talk about their feelings. Then they start laughing about things that aren't funny...like Kara's rainbow hair. That memory is not bringing tears of mirth to my eyes.

Omg. This is the most retarded scene I've ever read.
Ozzie: Having friends makes everything better.
Emily: Like laughing till your face hurts.
Ozzie: Sharing banana milk shakes.
Zach: Birthday parties.
Lyra: Finding a true pack mate.
Emily: Watching the sun rise.
Ozzie: Making chocolate chip cookies.
Lyra: Dancing to favorite songs on the radio.
Adriane: Getting a hug.
Then they end with a GROUP HUG of all things. Isn't "pack mate" Storm's thing? And I would SO not share a banana milkshake with a ferret.

AAARGH! And the power of laughter and frienship saves Kara from her great aunt's spell.

I've noticed a lot of unicorns like Kara...but only MALE unicorns.

Since when was Dreamer lost? I don't get it. But he's a natural magic tracker!

Kara: Where are we going?
Unicorn: Home.
What does that tell you? What have you been looking for this entire time?

Awww, Storm is stuck in mist form, too.

I HATE IT WHEN EMILY DOUBTS HERSELF.
"People are dying, Emily."
"I don't know if I can save them...."
"If you don't save them, global warming will speed up."
"I can't do it!

Zach: *to Adriane* I've seen you in action. No one's better.
WHAT?? What is he talking about exactly??? THEY'RE 13!!! That is so messed up.

Aww, Adriane knows Storm is doomed.

Kara: Avalon really does exist!
Wraith: It does for you.
Kara: I don't understand.
Wraith: You choose to see it.
So the people who WANT to see Avalon see what they want to see? Do they make it up as they go along? Confused.

Kara got a unicorn jewel! Cooler than that stupid wolf stone.

Adriane: You're dead meat!
DS: So eloquently put, but I wish you would learn some manners.
Don't we all?

Ew, Skultum takes the shape of Johnny Conrad in leather slacks and an open-neck silk shirt. Is there such thing as leather slacks? Sounds uncomfortable. And "open-neck silk shirt" screams "Fabio".

D-flies save the day!

Why would you assume that the d-flies know Skultum's real name?

Okay, they play charades with the d-flies, and they play it "upside down", but instead of the words being upside down, they're just backwards. There IS a difference.

Nice, Skulty. "MAGIC! Aw, crap."

Finally, Emily, you're getting stuff done.

Ha. Adriane punches the Dark Sorceress and she falls into a portal.

Kara gives a nice little pep talk, then it's back to work!

So dies Stormbringer.

Moonshadow: One mistwolf held a hundred of us. Do you know how she did that? She held us until we were safe because she was thinking of you. Her love for you gave her the strength.
That's way sappy, but really sad and adorable.

I thought the way to grieve was to let go. They're telling her to HOLD ON.

Oh, but Storm isn't dead. She runs with the Spirit Pack now.
So in other words, she's dead.

Awwww, I LOVE DREAMER.
Adriane: I guess we're both alone now.
Dreamer: I'll always be with you.

Ambia: One has followed her heart and found strength.
Gwigg: One has seen in darkness and found light.
Ambia: And one has changed completely and found-
Kara: A jewel!
Ambia: -restraint.

A ferret stone. How...cool.

Ozzie doesn't know what to do (Should I stay or should I go? GO!), so Emily tells him to "follow his heart". Blah.

Lol, Kara gets to keep her shapeshifting abilities. Purple hair!

LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME!
Emily: *tears* I'm going to miss you, Ozzie.
Ozzie: Why, were are you going? 'Cause wherever it is, I'm going, too.
That didn't elicit an "awww" out of me.

So I was listening to Hannah Montana and "Pop Princess" sounds like a love song for Kara. No joke. And "She's No You" sounds like something Zach wrote for Adriane, as does "Girl of the Year". No Emily songs yet.
Okay, a pretty controversial Pony Pals tomorrow.
Controversial in that it deals with cerebral palsy.

Ghost ponies are entirely probable, or Pony Pals #31: Ponies From the Past

I love how this is the only cover where Lulu actually looks 10-years-old.



Plot: Lulu and Snow White are out riding with their pals Anna and Acorn when Snow White finds a jar inside a hollow log. Curious, Lulu looks inside and finds a later from 1918 written from one young girl (AW) to another (LS). In the letter, AW talks about ponies and boys and things that the Pony Pals often talk about. Lulu feels that AW and LS are kindred spirits and takes the letter to Pam. Pam, being Pam, feels like they should further explore this "mystery": Who is LS? Who is AW? Why didn't LS ever receive the letter?
They go to the Historical Society and look up people with the initials "AW" or "LS" that were born in 1908. How do they know when the girls were born? They could have been 18, not 10!
It turns out "LS", or Lydia Simpson-Eastman, is still alive and lives in a nursing home, so the Pony Pals go visit her. She tells them all about "AW" (or Abigail Wiggins-Stevenson) and herself and their ponies, Bangles and Wildflower. The Pony Pals are shocked to discover that Lydia is Mike Lacey's great grandmother! :O
Bla bla bla, a bunch of boring stuff where they look at some more old letters. Moving on.
Abigail's letters mentioned a secret field, so the Pony Pals seek out the field and go on a ride with Mrs. Wiggins and Lydia in the pony cart and Mike on his bike. They feel like the spirits of Bangles, Wildflower, and Abigail are with them. Lame.

More notes:
Aaargh. Snow White refuses to jump over the fallen tree. She's not curious, just badly behaved.

Lulu won't open the jar until Pam shows up. I guess she learned after that "Sell the pony to Pam's mom" stunt.

Pam doesn't want to open the jar. "We shouldn't read someone else's mail." You should if they're DEAD.

Abigail and Lydia were pestered by boys named George O. and Edwin P. *gasp* JUST LIKE THE PONY PALS!!

"Even John doesn't know about our secret riding field, where girls and ponies are free."
No comment.

Abigail included a really awful drawing with the letter.

What kind of name is Bangles?

Ew, Tommy is blonde in one of the pictures. Mike is a hottie, lol. The Pony Pals are all wearing mom jeans and baggy shirts.

Acorn attacks Tommy.

Anna: Let's go. We've go better things to do than be insulted by Tommy the Teddy Bear and his sidekick, Mike.
Ooooh. Not.

Hm, AW, who lives in Wiggins. Could her last name be Wiggins?

FOR THE LOVE OF DONUTS, they're eating brownies AGAIN!

Pam is an idiot.
Ms. Wiggins: A is for Abigail. My great-aunt Abigail Stevenson. My grandfather was John Wiggins, Abigail's brother. He must be the one who put the letter in the three.
Pam: AW can't be Abigail Stevenson. We're looking for AW, not AS.
Duh, Pam, she got MARRIED.

Ugh. "Maybe the ghosts of the ponies are still in the field."

Oh, gotcha, they find Abigail's birthdate in the family Bible. I'm surprised they even are allowed to MENTION the Bible in this book.

Wait, that doesn't mean Lydia was born in the same year!

Ha ha. Lydia Simpson and Lulu Sanders. SAME INITIALS!

Okay, they look at people born in 1908, but it's not in alphabetical order?? That doesn't make sense to me.

Yeah, let's go visit an old woman and talk about the death of her baby brother!

Oh no, she's Mike's great-grandmother!! She's all, "He's a WONDERFUL boy. You would LOVE him."
Pony Pals: Um, not so much....

Bangles was a Shetland, too. Hm, how interesting.

Laaame. "Hey, here come the Pony Pals! Quick! Call the exterminator!"

Owned, Mike is all, "DON'T MAKE FUN OF MY GRANDMA, TOMMY!"

Mike and the Pony Pals dress in "silly" hats and look at the letters together.

Okay, I know what a false bottom is, but as soon as I read that I started laughing. So immature, I know. Lol.

Mike is named after his great-grandma's baby brother who died of influenza in 1908. Nice.

Lame. The Pony Pals are all, "Mike, you're George O. and Tommy is Edwin P. You're so much cooler without Edwin, I mean, TOMMY."

Lulu: Do you remember Lydia's dream? The one she wrote about in the letter?
Pam: She and Abigail were riding with three other girls and their ponies.
Lulu: Three girls like us.
Creepy....

Ew, there's a picture of Abigail and Lydia and their ponies. The ponies are hideous (as usual), but Lydia looks sort of like Lulu, only uglier, and Abigail looks like Anne of Green Gables, and it seems like she's about to cry.

Don't worry, they're nice ghosts! Yeah, right.

They keep quoting the letter and talking in creepy voices!

WHAT KIND OF LAST SENTENCES ARE THESE?
"'Thank you,' she whispered in her pony's ear. 'Thank you for leading us to the past.'"
That was too weird for me.

I have an Avalon to finish, the last one in the series *gasp*! Don't worry, there's a whole nother Avalon series, which I will read. And then we have more Pony Pals!
I still need to finish my Pony Pal collage, seriously.

It's not Christmas without selfless volunteering, or FTFO Madison Finn #10: Give and Take

I know, I should have done this at Christmas time, but you know how I am about series order!! I finally have the 6th Madison Finn, so I'm pretty excited about that. Consider this a belated Christmas present from me to you.



Plot: Fran and Jeff are fighting again. Jeff had promised to take Madison on a ski vacation, but he bailed on her at the last minute. Madison is disappointed, but hates it when her Mom disses her Dad in front of her.
Besides Madison's mom being a b**** and her dad a flake, Madison's BFFs start ignoring her, acting distant, and excluding her. Weirder than that, Ivy is being NICE!!! It's very odd.
So far, Madison is having a sucky Christmas, so she decides to volunteer at the local nursing home, where she meets Eleanor Romano, a nice old lady who is slightly obsessed with birds. Mrs. Romano hates the holidays, too, because her deadbeat kids won't visit. She and Madison bond.
So do Madison and Ivy. :O
There's a few sort of saddish parts where Mrs. Romano's Alzheimer's acts up and she forgets Madison's name, Aimee and Fiona basically just suck, and Madison listens to her parents fight over the phone. The last part sort of made me mad, because her parents act like their disagreement is her fault. Way to be crappy parents.
Finally, things start getting better. Fiona and Aimee were being distant because they were making Maddie a CHRISTMAS PRESENT!! How lame is that??? No present is worth three weeks of hell. Her parents make up and go to the Winter Jubilee concert together, and her dad takes her skiing anyway. Mrs. Romano makes Madison a hat, and Madison makes Mrs. Romano a snowman (long story), which makes her nursing home charge cry (in a good way).
Okay, lamest part in the whole book: Madison figures out that Ivy is just a fake. Whatever. Ivy was being genuinely nice the entire book, but once Fiona and Aimee come around, Madison's like, "See ya, Ivy." And you said SHE was fake??

More notes:
I just realized: how did it go from summer (book #9) to winter (book #10) and they're still in 7th grade??

The whole first two pages are an IM chat between all three friends, and Maddie and Aimee make fun of Fiona about Egg. Like always.

Jeff Finn hasn't e-mailed Maddie about details for the ski trip, so Maddie lies to her mom and says it's all taken care of. Honey, that'll come back to bite you in the butt.

I HATE FRAN FINN! "I guess it was unfair of me to assume your Dad would just propose these big plans and...well, I won't say it." That's so mean!! Why would you say that to your daughter?

And Madison has to apologize for getting mad at that comment.

Whoa, Madison lives on Blueberry Street, not Blueberry Road. Get it straight, Laura Dower.

"Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening" is a song? I thought that was just a poem. Try my favorite poem ever. Besides "Silver" and that one about summer.

Aaargh. Get a grip, Madison. You can volunteer without your loser friends!

Lol. Hart signs up. She gets a grip pretty quick.

Ew. Fiona is way annoying in this book.
Fiona: Maddie, do you...do you think Egg likes me?
Madison: Yes, Fiona. How many times are you going to ask me that? And Aimee thinks so too.
Fiona: *giggle* Sorry.
Madison: Are you blushing?
Fiona: Should I ask him out?
Madison: Absolutely not. Wait for him to ask you.
Fiona: But that's so twentieth-century.
I agree with Fiona on that.

Okay, Maddie's dad sucks, too. "Oh, we can't go skiing anymore. And Stephanie will be coming with us. But that's cool, right?"

Madison wants to tell her mom about her bad day, but her mom is like, "I'VE HAD THE WORST DAY EVER!" Aargh, I feel like crap when that happens. Don't you hate that, though? I wouldn't want to do that to someone ever.

Ivy has a soul????

At the nursing home, Egg gets paired with a guy who has PTSD.

There are two women left: one with an orange hat, and one who looks mean and has a lame dress. Guess which one Madison gets paired with?

Hint: It's not the one with the orange hat. That chick gets paired with Ivy.

Lol.
Mrs. Romano: I'm obsessed with birds.
Madison: That's nice.
Mrs. Romano: You're just saying that. Don't even try to lie.
Madison: I'm not just saying that. *is so just saying that*

ROFL. Ivy gets paired with someone named Mrs. Holly Wood.

Madison's friends ditch her. I would cry, too.

Bigwheels writes a lot of emo poetry. Her parents have been fighting, too. :(

Ivy's friends are lame, too. She and Madison should make a club: The Lame Friend Club.

Oh, and it turns out Fiona and Aimee ditched Maddie TOGETHER. Oh. Before I felt like crap, now I feel like mega crap! Thanks, guys!

"Madison guessed that Ivy was probably making eyes at Hart through the barrier." HA.

Lame. "Oh, sorry, Maddie, but Aimee's coming over. Sorry we can't hang out!"

Ivy seems way protective of her adopted grandparent.

OMG!! Madison finally stands up for herself!
Ivy: What a freak.
Madison: Sometimes you can be so...so...
Ivy: What? So...what?
Madison: RUDE! I can't believe you're even volunteering. Why do you bother?
OWNED!

And Ivy APOLOGIZES!

"Madison liked the word beau instead of boyfriend. She wondered what if would sound like to say that Hart was her beau."
Sorry, Maddie, but I like boyfriend 10 times better.

Okay, Mrs. Romano tells sort of a lame story about how she and her best friend would meet up every year and make a snowman together. Then her friend gets sick and sends her a snowman snowglobe instead. Then her friend dies. The moral is always tell your friends what's on your mind. Hm... I have something to say to Fiona and Aimee.
"You guys suck. Merry Christmas!"

Joanie: Why did you volunteer for The Estates anyhow? A bunch of old people? What a party!
Rose: The real reason you're doing it, Ivy, is because Hart's doing it, too. Right?
Ivy: Why don't you just zip it?
Joanie: He's such a hottie, though. I don't blame you.
Sadly, this is how junior high girls ACTUALLY TALK!

Um, Drew, wth??
"Uh...is Somkey all covered with snow?" If you're trying to impress Maddie, IT'S NOT WORKING.

Aimee flips out when Madison and Fiona say that Ivy is okay without her drones.

Aw, Madison's grandpa had Alzheimer's, too.

Dan Ginsburg plays flute?? That strikes me as kind of odd.... I picture him as more of a low brass man. I know, stereotypes!

Madison, Fiona, and Aimee discuss what they're getting their parents for Christmas. Madison tells them she's considering a snowglobe, because of Mrs. Romano, and they make fun of her!! Wth? Aimee is literally like, "Maddie, that's a horrible idea. You could do so much better." You're getting your parents a YOGA MEMBERSHIP, Aimee.

Then they go over to Fiona's together...AGAIN...WITHOUT MADDIE. And they're so obvious about it. "Oh, I um...left my BOOK at Fiona's. You can come if you want, I guess, but we can't really hang out...."

Fran keeps badmouthing Jeff, so Madison finally sticks up for him.

Madison asks her to go to the concert with her dad, and her mom's like, "Don't play games with me, young lady."

"I dunno what is going on with that guy Hart either. Sometimes I get the vibe that he likes me, and then he talks to smoe other girls."
Because if he talks to any other girl, that means he hates you.

She sees Aim and Fi (I'm only calling them that because I can't stand typing their names) in a chat room, and they're talking about her.
Aargh, this is going to be so lame, because they're just making a gift or something for her, so their mean behavior is justified.

Madison listens to her parents fight via phone, and Fran starts insulting Stephanie!! What is your problem????

Finally, Madison, who's on the extension, screams, "STOP IT!" Then she yells at both of them.

AARGH. She has to apologize to her mom AGAIN. And her mom's like, "You can talk to me, rather than letting things get to the boiling point." Um, SHE DID.

LAME. Her grandma has a recipe for gingersnaps that she calls "Fred'n'Ginger snaps". Did anyone else get that? Not laughing.

Random. Madison is talking to Fiona on the phone and Fiona's all, "Maddie, what's your favorite color? Orange? And your lucky number is 13, right?" And Madison doesn't suspect ANYTHING.

"Drew was nice. He said he'd make a goal for me, whatever that means."
Aww, Drew, you little stalker pants.

Aw, I know how you feel, Maddie. I wish it snowed every Christmas, too. It snowed THIS Christmas, though!! And today!

Okay, all Maddie wants her mom to do is go to the concert, and her mom keeps leaving her hanging! "You have to be patient, I haven't decided." Cuz you're a self-centered ho.

Hart looks cute even when he's sick and coughing phlegm into a tissue. Awwwww....

The principal gives recognition to the volunteers, and Madison's like, "Oh no, center of attention! Must hide!" Whatever. I love the spotlight.

OMG, Bigwheels is Jewish! That's so cool!

Aaargh. Lame poems and chain letters.

Fiona has a solo in "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer", and she has to wear antlers and a clown nose. Hawt.

Madison: That went surprisingly well. Your solo was awesome, Fiona.
Aimee: Omg, TOTALLY. I couldn't stop listening.
Duh, what else are you supposed to do?

Chet: You look hot, Aimee.
"Fiona punched his shoulder for saying that, but Aimee thanked him. She wouldn't turn down a compliment from anyone, not even an annoying boy."
He might be annoying, but he's a boy, and he called her hot.

Aww, Hart comforts Maddie about the ski trip dilemma. Ew, bad grammar. Oh well.

LOL, Drew, I love you.
Drew: Actually, my family is going skiing, too. To Switzerland. My parents have a reservation to some spa there. Anyone else want to come to Switzerland? *hint hint* Maddie? *hint hint*
He reminds me of Ryan Evans from HSM.

Madison wants to marry Hart. .....

Ivy tells her friends to shut up and is all nice to Maddie.

Maddie thinks up some crappy captions for the school website.

Lame, Aimee and Fiona made Maddie a collage box. NOT WORTH IT!

Aw, Madison makes Mrs. Romano a snowman.

Her mom ruins the moment and is all, "Well, I guess I'll go to the concert with your dad after all." I HATE HER.

And her dad comes around. Three day ski trip, woo!

Madison's Computer Tip:
Remember that chat rooms are not really private or anonymous.

Yeah. Pony Pals coming up. AARGH, I hate my library. I KNOW they have these books. WHY DO THEY LIE?

Is the storyline really about Nazis, or Unicorns of Balinor #5: Search for the Star

I really wish Miley Cyrus wouldn't dance. But that's not the point. Okay. I've read each Unicorns of Balinor book multiple times, but this one only once. Because I didn't know how to place holds. You probably didn't care to know that, though.



Plot: The dragon Naytin guards this thing called the Indigo Star. It is, as you may have guessed, an indigo star, but it's a MAGIC star. Shifter knows Naytin wakes up every 1000 years, and it just so happens he's about to wake up, so Shifter pops over and steals the Star. Why? Um...it's pretty, shiny, and magical. Why NOT??
He uses the Star to steal the Celestial Unicorns' color. Now Atalanta is a lovely bleach white. HAHAHAHA. This is pretty bad, though, because without color, they have no magic. I thought your magic came from your jewel and horn. Guess not.
Naytin is pretty mad, so he attacks Balinor to blow off some steam. This scares the crap out of the people of Balinor.
Ari, being Ari, feels the need to go save it, because she has to be the hero. She, Finn, Lori, Lincoln, and Chase go with a bunch of Dragon Slayers to some place. She tells the Dragon Slayers who she really is, goes to the Shifter's Palace alone, and steals the Star from Shifter and gives it back to Naytin. Pretty simple, really.
Oh, and there was this whole thing where people sort of want to tell everyone Ari is Princess of Balinor, or whatever, but they decide not to in case of war? Pretty stupid.

More notes:
So far, every book has started with "Atalanta". How annoying is that?

Lol. They have a chapter from the Shifter's point of view and he's all, "Yeah, so I stole the Scepter, but the Princess stole it from me!!!"

Dragons don't have treasure, so a lot of people who search for dragon's caves are wasting their time. Entia thinks this is hilarious.

Okay, if the Shifter can shapeshift into anything, ANYTHING, why hasn't he killed Ari already?? He could turn into a Celestial unicorn, infiltrate Celestial Valley, kill them all, then pretend to be Ari and lure her off a cliff or something. Really, he's not very imaginative. "I shall turn into...a BLACK unicorn. That will inspire fear into the hearts of my slaves!"

Oh, but now that he has a powerful magic object, he's going to do something bad to Atalanta. What?

HE SAYS ATALANTA IS PURPLE, TOO!!!

Ugh, what is with boys? "Atalanta! SEE WHAT I HAVE FOR YOU!!" Enough with the yelling!

The blue band starts fading. I think I would like a blue unicorn. There is one on the cover, but he doesn't look very faded.

Blue begins the rainbow? Really? That's not what Roy G. Biv said.

Oh gee, if you combine the Royal Scepter with the Indigo Star, you will get the most powerful magic in the world. Hm, ARI has the Royal Scepter. How convenient.

Finn is scared of Ari now that he knows she's a princess. That's not very Anakin of you, Finn.

Lori wants Finn's body.

Lori: I will never, ever, EVER go on that ship again!
Toby: Nobody asked you to come in the first place.
OWNED!

Ari stares at Finn for like 5 minutes and is all, "Lori thinks he's good-looking." Don't you? If not, WHY WERE YOU STARING?

She asks CHASE if HE thinks Finn is hot. Ari, Chase is a boy. Wait...is Chase gay??

Ha ha. Atalanta is white.

There are three types of unicorns: Workers, who are fat and don't deserve magic because they're the worker class; Royals, who are beautiful and live in the palace, but don't do anything important; and Celestials, who live in the valley and boss everyone around.

Samlett: Permission to hug you, I say, to hug you.
Ari: Permission granted.
Perv.

Lori: Without Finn's help, Ari never would have beaten the Shifter.
They try to make it seem like this is a self-centered statement, but it's true.

Ari gives Chase some oats and Finn is like, "NOOOOOOO! yOu MuSt NoT dO wOrK!!!"
Finn: Let me do that for you.
Ari: I'm the only one who takes care of Chase.
Finn: But Your Royal Highness.
Ari: *annoyed* Are you going to continue calling me "Your Royal Highness"?
Finn: Am I in the wrong way of addressing you, milday?
Ari: Yes. I want you to call me Ari.
Finn: But! Your Royal Highness...I can't!
Ari: Why?
Finn: Because I am not your equal milady.
Now Ari gives a wise speech about how we are all equal, but have different jobs to do. Not true, seeing as Workers do all the work, but are not equal to Royals or Celestials....

Ooh, the Queen was a wise woman, too. XP

Lol, Shifter changes into a wolf and tricks Naytin into thinking some kids from Balinor stole the star. Reminds me of the mistwolves.

There's a big windstorm caused by Naytin, and Ari is like, "I WON'T LEAVE YOU, CHASE!" "MILADY, YOU MUST GO!" "NO, CHASE!" "YES, MILADY!!" Finally, Samlett has to drag Ari to the cellar. Lol. They have a cellar in case of tornadoes.

Lori: Honestly, Ari. Samlett's right, you know. You can't go out there. Even I know that. I would have made a much better Princess than you. Are you sure there hasn't been some mistake? Maybe it really is me, I mean, you know, like I'm the real Princess. Has anybody looked into that?
Nice, Lori. You gotta hit 'em with a dose of reality now and then.

Everyone: *laughs at Lori*
Lori: It's not that funny. I just don't understand you people!
Finn: Don't be upset. Look how you've cheered everyone up.
Lori: Not everyone can have a positive effect on people. I takes a great deal of talent.
Finn is such a player. Right after he pacifies Lori, he winks at Ari.

Chase gets stuck in a tree, but he's fine.

The Restistance? Sounds like Star Wars to me.

Okay, if I had one of the most powerful tools of magic, I would KILL all the Celestial unicorns. Getting their colors back with Princess Ari in the house is pretty easy.

Some Dragon Slayers come to the meeting. They wear a lot of leather.

Ari: But why do you want to attack the dragon? I mean, Naytin is gone now, gone back to the Mountain, where it belongs. What is the point in killing it?
Valona: The point is that it will come again. THe dragon has left its lair because someone has stolen the Indigo Star. Therefore, the dragon is interested in only two things: eating from the lake, and destroying everything in its path until it finds the Star or until the Star is returned.
Ari: Then why not return the Indigo Star to Naytin?
This is the best idea Ari has ever had, and EVERYBODY in the room is like, "What's wrong with that girl? Is she INSANE?"

The Dragonslayers need 5 volunteers. Ari stands up, so Finn volunteers in a heat of passion, followed by a jealous Lori. Then Ari recruits her dog and unicorn. 3 teenagers, a dog, and a unicorn?? That'll work.

Finn: Let's go!
Lori: You can sometimes be very annoying.
ROFL, this is coming from Lori.

Whatever. Ari so likes Finn and is way jealous of Lori.
I think that's why I never make romance Sims. Because they're always players. Life goal: Woohoo with 8 million other people and. STDs?

The Shifter's all, "I can't use the Star with that dragon about!" Oooh, ooh, how about you use the Star to KILL the dragon???? Moron.

Huh. The Shifter likes being in human form. I find that interesting.

There's a page on how much better unicorns are than horses. Well, I would love to agree, but there aren't many unicorns in my part of the country.

Whoa, Ari freed slaves from the Valley of Fear? I don't remember that.

"Finn's words brought tears to Ari's eyes. She wanted to walk up to him and hug him tightly. But instead she mirrored the smile he had on his face. And felt her cheeks turn red."
YOU LIKE HIM!!

What is it with all the stupid "wise" proverbs? "Sometimes it is the thorn that defeats the lion. The Shifter never sleeps."

"No one will defeat the Shifter now that he has in the Indigo Star. Soon the Shifter will rule the world." Are you kidding me? He has the worst plans ever.

A servant plans on stabbing Shifter in the heart. Ari's like, "No. There are other ways to defeat him." THAT'S SO STUPID!! She could stab him in the heart and he would be DEAD! The war would be OVER!! You'd get your CASTLE BACK!!

Lame. Ari hypnotizes him and he falls asleep.

Why does the Shifter want to be human so bad??

Indigo Star + Royal Scepter = amazing power. AND SHE DOESN'T KILL THE SHIFTER! YOU IDIOT!!

HOw does one return the colors back to Celestial Valley? Ari doesn't do anything of the sort, and suddenly the blue unicorns are back to their cerulean selves.

She gives the star back to Naytin. All is well.

Lame. Hey, it snowed today, so I have extra free time. Next, Madison Finn and maybe a Pony Pals.

Music is magic, or Avalon: Web of Magic #5: Spellsinger

This is my least favorite Avalon cover of all time. Why is everything all technicolor? Adriane's wearing an...interesting outfit, and she has purple hair.



Plot: The three mages are busy putting on the benefit concert they'd planned in the previous book. Popular girl band Be*Tween is coming!!
Oh no, wait, they're not coming, because Be*Tween has conveniently disappeared!
Kara (this is a Kara book) is SUPER BUMMED (I repeat, this is a Kara book), until Adriane books popular Elvis-esque singer Johnny Conrad! All the ladies love Johnny Conrad. Best of all, Johnny has proposed a contest: girls of all ages and talents can come audition to sing with him on stage! Emily doesn't care, because she thinks boys are icky, but Adriane's trying out because she can play guitar!!! Kara is tone deaf and has no other musical talents, but she plans to cheat and use the unicorn horn Lorelei gave them! Boo, foul play!
But Johnny is acting odd; he has taken an odd, rather creepy, interest in Kara, and the mages keep stumbling upon him in the library looking at the "secret" computer or reading books about spellsinging.
Spellsinging seems to be self explanatory, but not to the mages.
However, Kara manages to figure it out pretty quickly and creates spells using the unicorn horn to make her voice fabulous.
But, oh no, Lyra attacks her and Adriane starts acting nastily towards her! Kara doesn't know it, but a shapeshifting creature called the Skultum has taken Johnny's place and is wreaking havoc in order to get Kara to open the portal to Avalon for him.
Emily finally figures out what's going on, so she and Adriane reveal it to Kara at the concert. The three spellsing together and banish Skultum to some place, I forget where. Kara admits she was stupid, gives back the unicorn horn, and everything is instantly okay.

More notes:
Be*Tween's songs are about drugs. Or magic. Either one works. "Cuz I'm on a supernatural high!"

Ariel the owl is kind of annoying. "Hoo doo yoo doo?"

Joseph Blackpool, CEO
Cigam Management
HAHAHAHA! CIGAM BACKWARDS IS "MAGIC"!! Laaame.

Wow. Adriane AND Kara listen to Johnny Conrad? And the mere mention of him reduces Adriane to high pitched squeals and giggling fits? Dang.

Aagh, the Fairimentals are back.

Okay, whenever ANYTHING happens, Adriane's all, "I NEED TO CALL ZACH!!"

Emily: Hi. My name is Emily. Can Kara come out to play?
Kara: I'm acting like a real (children's literature, cuss word omitted) witch, aren't I?
Emily: Are you a good witch, or a bad witch?
If you were trying to be funny, Emily, it's not working.
OMG, like on TV last night!
"Matt Hasselbeck missed his calling as a stand-up comic!"

Johnny Conrad is just like Link Larkin...only he wears leather pants.

Ooh, what deep lyrics. "DANCE! DANCE! TAKE A CHANCE AND DANCE!"

Mayor Davies: I think you've already won the key to my daughter's heart."
:O If my dad said that in front of a thousand people, I would murder him.

Johnny's newest CD is called Under Your Spell. That's not suspicious or anything....

Adriane acts like a ho the entire time. Kara's pretty bad, but Adriane is so freaking mean.

Ozzie keeps talking in italics!!!

Adriane: We can hid everything behind the computer screen. Since only our jewels can open it, everything should be safe there. Oh. I forgot. You don't have a jewel.
WHAT IS HER PROBLEM??

Yay, steal the unicorn horn. Smart. Not.

:O Adriane makes "Welcome Johnny" banners and stuff and Kara takes the credit. Boooo...

Emily does like Johnny? Why is she then impervious to his charms?

Spellsing as one
And see your work done
Spellsing as three
And whatever you picture will be
Isn't that obvious? What else could that mean? Mages = confused.

Johnny keeps popping up in the library. The SECRET library. Where THE SECRET COMPUTER IS. Why is this OKAY??

Aaargh. He keeps talking about magic and being WAY OBVIOUS and Kara's just like, "Bam, he's hot, and all my BFFs are jealous."

Johnny thinks Kara has star power.

Mrs. Windor let the monkeys escape! Why did Emily and her mom have monkeys in the first place?

Kara: I stink! [at singing]
Lyra: I wouldn't say that.
Kara: Well, what would you say.
Lyra: You just need a litle help.
Kara: Exactly what I was thinking.
Lyra: A few lessons with a singing coach and maybe choir practice.
Kara: Oh-yeah.
Lyra: What were you thinking?
Oh, she was just justifying the fact that she STOLE THE UNICORN HORN, that's all.

Lyra thinks she's mad that Adriane is a stubborn witch.

A vocal coach and choir practice won't cure tone deafness, Kara.

I want to sing like a bird
The best in the world
Make my voice ring
I'm super stylin'
That's like a Hannah Montana song.

Kara now has a three-octave range.

And she can explode trees.

Adriane freaks out because Kara isn't concerned about the monkeys.

And she still wants to call Zach. Go buy a cellphone and get a service that has free long-distance.

Kara gets into Johnny's limo. Questionable....

Laame. He gives her a star power pep talk. LIES LIES LIES.

And he gives her a locket. Laaaame.

Kara throws Lyra out of the house after she "attacks" her. IT WASN'T LYRA!!! But Kara's too stupid to fiure that out.

Okay, Rachel Roberts gets Kara's friends mixed up. Tiffany started out with brown hair, Heather with red hair, and Molly with blonde hair, but she keeps switching on us.

Heather is apparently a really good singer.

OH no, she sings "Supernatural High", sending Kara in a rage.

Kara's friends still suck.

Okay, the prophecy was all: One will follow her heart, one will see in the darkness, and one will change utterly and completely. Guess which one's Kara's?

Emily gives her a pep talk and they talk about flobbins. Not really funny.

:O Adriane's outfit!!
She was startled to see Adriane standing before her wearing a black leather jacket and skirt, a black tube top, and black leather boots. Her hair, glistening with subtle red highlights, looked amazing.
Sounds like Aeon Flux. Or Amber??

Adriane apologizes...and then insults Kara's singing voice. Nice.

Of course she covers a rock and roll song. Saw it coming.

Kara blacks out and can't remember her performance. WHY AREN'T YOU FREAKED OUT??

"You went out there and you didn't stink. That's great." Shut up, Adriane.

Adriane calls Kara a slut. How nice.

They both decide to bow out of the contest.

Emily: Lightness of Being Spell. Makes you lighter than air.
Adriane: Can't wait to try that one out on Rapunzel.
Emily: *glare of death*
Adriane: You're right. She'd just put designer cement in her boots.
You know, Adriane was the one who hated Kara so much from the start. Isn't their bad relationship sort of HER FAULT??

Foreshadowing about the Dark Sorceress' next plan.

Oh no, Kara has a fairy map and the Skultum wants it.

Aaagh. Adriane cries when talking to Zachy-poo.

Pwned. The Skultum attacks Adriane.

JOHNNY'S ON THE SECRET COMPUTER!!!

Adriane has always been jealous of me. This is a bad thought to have, but it might actually be true.

"It would explain why Adriane had been acting like such a little witch lately." ROFL.

"She said...she should be the Blazing Star." AAARGH! Of course he's lying! And how does he know what a blazing star is??? COME ON, KARA, USE YOUR BRAIN!!

Oh no, Skultum dresses up as Adriane and pretends to be narcissistic. "#1 with a bullet, hot hot hottie, the new music sensation, oops, I win again!"

She's wearing shiny silver pants and a crop top. Would Adriane really wear that? Her hair sounds nice, though:
Her hair was layered in streaks of red, gold, and pink.

Kara smashes a chocolate cake in Adriane's face. Then Adriane stains her jacket. RAWR! Cat fight!!

She throws Adriane against a wall.

Fake Adriane changes back into Skultum in front of Kara, and she's just like, "Hmm, Adriane is also a dragon!!"

And Johnny appears as soon as Adriane leaves!!

In a world that spins so fast
Can't keep your feet on the floor
Where the future has no past
Open the door, open the door, open the door...
Okay, not only is that a stupid song, it's so obviously a spell.

The locket forces Kara to sing...and she never thinks of taking it off. Idiot.

Ha. She changes the lyrics to say, "Close the door, close the door."

Oh no, it's like battle of the bands. MAGIC STYLE!

Adriane gets out her guitar and sings with Kara. They should so create a band. Only Kara shouldn't be lead singer. Maybe keyboard?

Lol. They have a magic battle. Johnny sends a magic phoenix at them, and they kill it with a magic unicorn. OWNED!

Once Emily plays her flute and starts singing, they WIN!

Lame. Be*Tween's song mentions Avalon, and the girls aren't suspicious of that EITHER.

Aww, Kara lets Heather sing instead of Johnny.
Adriane says "rock-and-roll" way too much.

They give Kara a braclet even after she almost screwed them over.

Noyce. They get an e-mail from Be*Tween and Henry Gardener. "The magic is with you, now and forever."

Okay, sorry I haven't posted in so long, but I got kind of tired of posting for a while. Unicorns tomorrow, then Madison Finn, and maybe Pony Pals...not sure what else.