Plot: Emily's dad got married...without telling her!!! Now he's invited her to spend some time with him in New Mexico on a horse ranch, so she and the wicked stepmother can get to know one another. Emily agrees to go if Kara, Adriane, Ozzie, and Dreamer can come...and her dad pays their way. Noyce.
So they're all at the liddle dude ranch. First, let's review what has happened to our characters previously:
Adriane lost Stormbringer and gained Dreamer, but she and Dreamer are having some issues.
Kara is still in the possession of some pretty serious shapeshifting magic that she can't control.
Emily is just angsty and boring as always.
The dude ranch is pretty fun; there are horses and Texan trail guides, but Emily doesn't like her new stepmom Veronica because she's just like Kara. Oooooh.
Hark! What's that? A magical animal in trouble? The mages stumble upon a herd of baby unicorns hiding in a cave. They were headed to a magic Unicorn School in Dalriada, but they were hijacked and fell through the wrong portal. Now someone is trying to attack them!! Good thing the mages were there to save them!
Now the mages have to hide the babies in the barn without anyone noticing. Unfortunately, it gets a little harder when the babies start sprouting horns, gaining magic, and acquiring brightly colored coats.
They have to get the babies to Dalriada as soon as possible or they might blow up the dude ranch! Emily tries to teach the unicorns to tune their magic, but, despite her best efforts, they fail, because they are tone deaf. Ha.
BAM! A black knight fellow comes in and steals all the unicorns. He gives them back later, but it appears he has stolen their magic. The babies are heartbroken.
Until Black Knight comes back, furious, because he can't find the unicorn magic! Magic fight!
Well Kara and Adriane take on the Bremerton Knights, Emily gives the unicorns a pep talk: you don't need a horn or a jewel to use magic, because the magic is always right there, in your heart. -_-
They beat him. The unicorns regain their magic and go to school.
More notes:
The prologue is about some centaurs taking the unicorns to school.
Centaurs don't need horses; they pull the wagon themselves!
Corinth gets pwned by mist sharks.
Eliath gets thrown off a cliff. Noyce.
The unicorns in the wagon fall off the cliff, too...and land in a portal.
Carolyn Fletcher never fails to tick me off.
Ozzie's a fattie.
Laaaame. "Even with the best of training, he's a wild animal, and at some point might need to be cared for by specialists, for his own safety as well as yours." Carolyn has OBVIOUSLY not read "White Fang".
Raaaandom.
Adriane: Maybe you'll like her. [she's referring to Veronica, the new stepmom]
Emily: I HATE HER! THEY ELOPED AND DIDN'T EVEN INVITE ME TO THE WEDDING!
Whatever. Chill out, Emily, the marriage probably won't last long, anyways.
Adriane does some cool rope tricks. Like Indiana Jones.
Yep. Adriane's still a tempermental loser.
Adriane can use magic whenever...and does. Emily heals animals when she gets bored. But, because Kara has a mucho powerful jewel, she can't practice magic without the supervision of her two besties.
Kara: You can't avoid meeting her forever, you know. She'll think you don't care.
Emily: She obviously doesn't care what I think. I'm not dropping everything and going all the way cross-country just to meet her.
Kara: Isn't your dad going, too?
Emily: Funny! Yeah, I really want to see him.
Kara: So, there you go.
Emily: It's not that easy.
Kara: Yes, it is. Three simple words: Get over it.
Ha. Kara is my BFF.
Adriane does not think her advice is that helpful.
Actually, I don't see how either of them could be all that helpful in this situation, since Kara's parents are happily married, and Adriane's parents abandoned her so they could travel the world.
Ooh, the Happy Trails Horse Ranch! Sounds fun!
OH NO! The Valentine's Dance is in a week! Kara can't possibly go to New Mexico when she has so much to do!
She changes her mind once she hears there's a spa. Rachel Roberts must REALLY not like Kara; she's turned her into Meredith from "Bratz".
Dreamer only speaks one word at a time. Aaargh. Not cute anymore. I miss Storm.
This is their guide, Texas Slim:
Texas Slim: Whoo-oo! Lemme hear you, now! Come on, let's do some whoopin'! Naw, that's a city slicker whoop. We need a real Texas whoop!
I bet there are some very offended Texans out there reading this book.
Ew. Emily meets a Ravenswood freak named Sierra Sanchez. She has a jewel, too.
The girls are staying in a cabin. Adriane is excited to be out in the open and commune with nature. Fly, Little Bird, fly! Find your spirit creature!
Kara is depressed at being too far away from the spa. God forbid you should WALK there!
Lol.
Texas Slim: That's some hound dog you got there.
Kara: He's a dingo.
Ozzie's voice keeps switching between italics and normal print.
Mookrat is my favorite word.
They meet an Experimental Fairmimental named Tweek, sent to help them. Because all the magic is gone from Avalon. Yeah. Not making sense.
Kara pulls off a nifty hair trick, and Adriane's all, "YOU'RE OUT OF CONTROL! STOP IT!"
Adriane wishes SHE had shapeshifting abilities.
Oh no, we're being attacked by magical creatures...again.
Lyra saves the day! Up until this point, I hadn't noticed she wasn't with them.
Emily knows the mysterious creatures are unicorns because she can FEEL their magic. Hooow?
Adriane makes a lot of "hilarious cracks" at Kara in this book, whilst Kara acts like a ditz. The latest one: the mages call Kara to them with a portal, and she appears with a mud mask. "Try not to let her beauty blind you." Ha. Ha. Ha.
Lol. Wizard cursing. "What the fuzzy muckle?"
Ew, all the unicorns are beige.
Silly Pollo. You're so ugly and ungainly. You'll never amount to anything. His sister, Riannan, who is beautiful and vain, will OBVIOUSLY get far in the magical world! Ugh. It'll make more sense later.
Aw, a polka-dotted one.
Electra is one of my favorite names ever.
Of course someone named VIOLET is timid and worriesome. Not so in "Charlie Brown".
The mages are only Level One mages, according to Tweek and the HORARFM. Levels? Are you kidding me? This is like Runescape.
And then they were attacked by a giant magical centipede. Not even lying.
Oh. Just close the portal. That'll sever its head right off.
Adriane yells at Dreamer for trying to save her.
Because she's afraid she'll lose him. -_-
Why does Kara need a manicure if she can shapeshift her nails at will?
Riannan's a 'fraidy corn!
You have to follow the music. Let it flow. :P Wise words from tone deaf Emily Fletcher.
And all this singing unlocks...ANOTHER fairy map. Gee, we've seen a lot of these.
How to make unicorn food: You need pure morning dew, a handful of starlight, and fresh honey! Stir it exactly nine times under the light of the moon.
Why can't they eat grass like Balinor unicorns?
Kara is convinced she wasn't meant to have her jewel. Because Adriane is such a loser. But Emily gives her a pep talk. We get a lot of pep talks, too.
I HAAATE Adriane.
Heh. There are unicorns named Boodle, Harvard, Beowulf, Barnabus, Pierre, Quincy, Elvis, Windmill, and Riccardo. AWESOME.
I want a unicorn named Beowulf.
Sierra won't be suspicious of 30 beige hornless unicorns in her barn or anything....
Veronica finds Pollo and thinks he's adorable. Why do stepmom's always have to be stupid? Well, I guess they're not usually married for their brains. Ask the French; the literal translation of belle-mere is "beautiful mother". Ouch.
Oh, those silly billy unicorns.
Kara turns her hair purple. Lucky.
EW! Ralfie's horn grows in...and his coat is now deep green with bright brass-colored spots.
Ralfie: I'm so handsome.
No, not handsome... I think HIDEOUS is the word I'm going for here.
Adriane: I thought unicorns were white.
Ralfie: How many have you seen?
Adriane: Two.
Spruce: Well, there you go.
Lol. Kara has a unicorn beauty party.
Guess what color Violet turned? No, really, GUESS!
It's almost as shocking as Snowflake's new coat.
Okay, I'll tell you: Violet is VIOLET and Snowflake is WHITE.
Dante thinks Clio is pretty. Heh. Unicorn love.
Ralfie is apparently the class stud.
OMG.
Kara: Say, you could use a little trim.
Ralfie: I WANT A MULLET!
I guess "mullet" translates to "hawt" in unicorn culture?
Riannan wants to be the princess, but wonders if her magic is good enough.
NO, Emily, DON'T try to relate! Having crappy magic and going to a new school are NOT THE SAME THING!!!
"Princess or not, we all love you just for who you are."
Lies my mother told me, part 1.
"But technique is only one part of playing music. You have to feel the music from here." Your heart.
Yeah. Right. Heart has nothing to do with skill.
Ooh, they make a little song.
Adriane's verse:
You're the rhythm that rocks
To the beat that never stops
Be the tick, be the tock
Be the rain as it drops
Kara's verse:
You're the melody that soars
Fairy's wing, ocean's roar
Sing it low, sing it high
Let's go dancing on the sky
Emily's verse:
You're the harmony that shimmers
Like a star, be the glimmer
As the sun gives moon light
Lift the song into flight
I like how Adriane's verse is all about the rock, Kara's is about fairy's and dancing, and Emily's is about harmony and love.
I pictured this song sounding like "Without Love" from "Hairspray".
Someone released the magic from Avalon! Who could've done such a thing? It couldn't have been the *gasp* Dark Sorceress?
Ugh, the Dark Sorceress is back, and she has another new henchie who believes the mages are only pubescent overdramatic girls.
NO NO, DON'T! Emily shows Sierra the unicorns. Moron.
Calliope: You think we'll like school?
Kara: Of course you will. I love school. You get to hang with all your friends and look cool.
Which are basically the only reasons I'm going.
After days of practice, the unicorns get stage fright and can't tune their magic.
And then a giant net flew out of the portal and engulfed the baby unicorns. Try as the mages might, they could not save them.
A dark knight walks into the room. Hm. Sounds like a combination Shadow Rider/Sauron.
Emily tells the babies they have to give up their magic; that is the only way they will be saved.
But no. THe babies are selfish.
Emily and Adriane are stuck in the middle of a magic whirlwind. Dreamer tries to save them, for which Adriane yells constantly.
They're saved because of Dreamer, and Adriane gives him a lecture.
Oh dear. The whirlwind switched Adriane and Emily's magic. Now Emily is a warrior (right) and Adriane is a healer (that's not likely). I can't see Emily as a warrior. She'd just cry and be all, "I can't do it!"
Dreamer is busy dying. Save your mistwolf, Adriane.
Hm, it's a role reversal. Emily's a really good warrior (whaaat?) and Adriane, faced with the chance of saving Dreamer, screams, "I can't do this!"
And there's a weird little dialogue between Adriane and Dreamer.
Dreamer: Pack mate in danger.
Adriane: Dreamer, young and strong, depending on me.
Dreamer: Monster will take her away, like wolf mother and wolf father.
Adriane: Lonliness clawing at my heart.
Dreamer: With her I am warrior wolf.
Adriane: One day he will leave me, too?
Dreamer: Without her, I am lone wolf.
Adriane: Abandoned again by the one I love the most. *howl*
She runs into the Spirit Pack in her messed up crazy mind. Oh. How. Interesting.
And Dreamer lives.
Adriane: I never could have healed Dreamer alone.
Emily: I could never be a warrior, never like you.
Kara: Hey! Being a blazing star isn't exactly a trip to the mall!
Tweek: Actually, it is.
Yeah. Not biased.
And the unicorns' magic is missing.
Oh. Kara has the unicorn magic. Because male unicorns love her.
Now she and Knightster are having a fight, where he messes with her shapeshifting magic.
I want turquoise hair. Really bad.
Lame. Ozzie says "silly spells". "Fix my shoe. gAaAaAh!"
Oh, and this is the best one yet. "Release the booods!"
Kara can no longer shapeshift. :(
Wait, she doesn't have the unicorn magic? Then who does?
Tweek is dead. Yessss.
The unicorns have their magic back! Emily tells them to sing from their heart.
And this pure, beautiful song defeats the knight. Unbelievable.
And Tweek is still alive. Because it was part of their amazing plan. :P
OH NO, Lorelei is back and she's singing the friendship song!
Listen to the sound
I'll always be around
You and me
We'll always be
Friends forever.
There goes Adriane, asking about Zach again. Obsessed much?
Pollo, Riannan's brother, is the prince. Riannan's disappointed, but she'll get over it.
Oh, but wait, she's a princess, too. A prince AND a princess? Why couldn't Rianna just NOT be a princess, so she could focus on dealing with that ego and realize that although her brother is ugly, he's probably pure of heart or whatever. But no. They had to give in to her selfish desires.
Tweek's going back with them to Ravenswood. Crap.
Find all nine power crystals and Avalon is saved. Got it.
I wouldn't call a paint pony "splotched". Sounds wrong.
Emily realizes that the bond between her and her dad will never break, and Veronica is actually nice and fashion savvy.
What kind of description is "the brown-haired teen"? *cringe*
They mention wyverns, who mate for life. Yeah, especially with members of the same sex. (read "Wolfcry")
Adriane thinks a trip to the Living Desert Zoo State Park will be "rad". -_-
So ends that book. Thankfully.
I might be able to do a Pony Pals tomorrow. It's the best Pony Pals yet, lol. Pretty great. The Pony Pals lower their standards and say "butt". :O And you'll be there to see it happen.
1 comment:
I HAAAte you. Stop insulting Adriane and Emily.
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