Somebody's getting married! Part #1

Our first Madison Finn Super Special! And this one truly is SUPER special: it's more than 300 pages, which is 3 TIMES as long as the average Pony Pals Super Special.
Beat that, Jeanne Betancourt.



Plot: Well, you knew it was coming. Madison's dad (Jeff) and his girlfriend Stephanie are getting married!!! In two weeks!!! In Texas!!! And they want Madison to be the junior bridesmaid!!!
Can I get a, "Yeee-haaw,"?
Madison has a whole BUNCH of conflicting emotions.
Stephanie not only wants her to be a bridesmaid and wear a TON of fancy clothes to all the parties her mother has planned, but wants her also to read one of Shakespeare's sonnets.
Hm. I wonder if it was one of the procreation sonnets.
No, really, I do.
But seriously. Madison? Stuttering stage-fright run-from-conflict Madison? You want HER to read a sonnet at your WEDDING?
Whatever. Your funeral.
Madison is SCAREDER THAN SCARED!!
So far, she's just arrived in Texas, and her suitcase is somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin!!! With no dress, no laptop, and no wedding gift in sight (she's trying to write a poem with no luck), what will our heroine do????
You'll find out later.
Most of this novel is actually just filler. She doesn't leave for Texas until page...90 or so.
To be continued...

More notes:
Before you tell your kids some big news, it's always good to SUCK UP to them and be REALLY obvious that something's on your mind.

They're getting married in two weeks???
To cope, Madison orders three pieces of chocolate cake.
That's my girl.

Madison's like, "Why are you marrying Stephanie, you just ditched my mom?"
A year IS pretty soon, I guess. Because, in Madison Finnland, time stopped right before 7th grade started, so it's always a year since the Big-D.
Which is weird, because if that's true, he met Stephanie like RIGHT AFTER the divorce, if they've been dating a while.
Sorry. Concrete random.

Stephanie almost got married once...but called it off. UH OH.

Yeah, Frannie (Madison's mom) knew, and she decided not to say anything?
And she's totally fine with the whole thing?
Hello, you were once MARRIED to this man! You once had SEX with this man! You have a DAUGHTER with this man?
Doesn't it bother you?

She is a little bothered by the two week notice.

Madison, like Anna Harley, RESISTS CHANGE.

The wedding invitation says, "Regrets Only."
Uh oh.
Madison has some regrets she'd like to share with the class.

Madison: At the end of the invite there's this line "regrets only" and I wanted to call him up and shout I HAVE REGRETS, DAD! DON'T DO IT!!!

Didn't Bigwheels get another kitten in the last book? Madison's just NOW addressing this?

Whaaat? Bigwheels spent all of #11 claiming she was in love with Reggie.
LIES!

What's wrong with dressing casual?
In Laurenland, it's casual Friday EVERY day!

How are Egg and Fiona still only "sort of" going out? Didn't he ask her out on a REAL DATE, where they HELD HANDS at the MOVIES? That's pretty serious.
Hehehe. He calls her "Fee" and she calls him "Walter".

Drew: *little rich boy* Cool, huh? *points to a row of golden torches* Mom got them shipped here from Samoa or something.
Aimee: Come on! You can get those at the home decorating store in downtown Far Hills for five bucks!
Drew: Really? Well, they're cool, anyhow.

Drew has a GIRLFRIEND.
I KNOW!!!
This is Stalker Drew who followed Maddie everywhere and asked her to the Heart to Heart Dance!!
I know he had to get over it sometime, but still, this is quite a blow.
I've been in a similar situation.
Maddie's all, "Wtf, I thought you liked me!"

Heheh, junior high girls.
"Look, over there! I think that's Ben! Over by the torch! *runs away*"
Hehe. I had a friend be like, "Omg, So-and-so complimented me! But I only like him a little bit."
....

Fiona, you hypocrite.
"I can't believe she acts that way around him."
Um...ahem? You and EGG?

Awkward. Madison has to go to dinner with Dad and Stephanie.
And it seems they REALLY want to be alone.

Everyone's crying and getting sappy.
Ooookaaay.

HA!
Stephanie: Maddie, in addition to the poem, I wanted to ask you if you would...oh...How do I say this? Jeff, help me out here.
Dad: What Stephanie is trying to say, Maddie, is will you stand up for her at the wedding?
Madison: I know, I just said I would stand up for her. I'll read the poem. I assumed that I would be standing up to do it...
HAHAHAHA! Oh, Madison, you crack me up.
Actually, I didn't know what "stand up for me" meant, either.

Basically, she wants her to be the junior maid of honor.

There are hundreds of Wolfes (Stephanie's family) coming...and 2 Finns (Jeff's family).

Stephanie's color scheme is "pale colors".
Sweet, I could just go naked.
Aw wait, I tanned a little.

Dad: Hey, Maddie, when you get the dress, just don't pick out some super short outfit with lots of Big Bird feathers.
Maddie: Okay, Dad. I guess I'll return the yellow boa and my leather miniskirt.

Mom: You can pick out whatever color dress you like, as long as it's a pale color. That was all she asked.
[Hey, at least she's letting you pick out your own dress, rather than picking a really ugly one for you.]
Madison: Pale? But I look ucky in pale colors. I'm pale!
Same here, Maddie.

Her friends still haven't guessed about Hart!!!

Madison's First Draft of the Wedding Poem
Your wedding is a special (ACK!!) day
And you will be feeling good in every way
The sun is shining bright on your FACES
And there is no one who can take your places
(No one?)
Thank u for making me a part of the day (change this word)
OH I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY!!!!!

It could use some work.

Madison finds the perfect dress...and it's ORANGE, her favorite color.

And she runs into Elaine, Drew's new girlfriend, at the mall.
UH OH.

Elaine's really nice and oblivious to bragging.

She's on her way to meet Drew in the library in 15 minutes.
Madison wonders if they'll be doing something other than checking out books...
Such as checking out each other...
Who knows, maybe they'll even do a little studying...
And Drew will teach her a little French...
Hahaha, libraries are so useful for analogies.

Bigwheels is always:
A. sick
B. grounded
C. unable to go online because her computer crashed
Then she goes on to describe
A. her little brother and sister
B. her fight with her best friend
C. Reggie
D. her new pet
E. her new computer (whenever her computer crashes, SHE GETS A NEW ONE!!!)

Ooh, Bigwheels met a cute guy named Tommy. He has a billion freckles. Sounds...hot.

Dun dun dun!! The first mention of bras in a Madison Finn book!

Uh oh. Stephanie casually mentions that there will be few fancy parties, so Madison needs some more dressy outfits.

So Madison starts cleaning out her closet...Eminem-style.

Fiona loans her a dress.
Isn't Fiona like a foot taller, though?
Oh well. If it's a sundress, she could wear it as a sheath dress or something.

Ew, Fiona and Madison get in a WAY sappy discussion about love, and whether or not they'll ever fall in love and get MARRIED. Fiona wonders if Egg will ever pop the question.
Ha, yeah. If Egg ever decides to COMMIT.

Awkward conversation with Hart.
Bad. Or good?
But you're making him nervous.
Good? Or bad?

"Totally free! Thanks, Mr. G."
Chet made a poem!!

Uh oh. Aimee and Fiona saw Madison talking to Hart, and she was SO flirting with him just now.

We've passed page 90, and Madison STILL hasn't left for Texas.

"'Have a good trip, Finnster,' Hart said with a wave of his hand.
'I will,' Madison said, unable to take his eyes off Hart's tousled hair. For a split second, she had an overwhelming urge to throw her arms around him and give him a hug."
RESIST THE URGE, MADDIE! RESIST THE URGE!

Page 100: She just got on the plane.

Fiona and Aimee write her a really long letter, in which they accuse her of liking Drew.

Stephanie's Texas accent comes creeping back into her voice.
Like my dad, whenever he goes back home, he gets a really thick Southern accent.
Actually, that happens every time he talks on the phone with his parents.

Madison lost her suitcase.
Oh.
No.
Now she can't change clothes.
OR check her e-mail.

Madison gets her own hotel room!!! And it's really nice!!!
Stephanie and Dad get a room to themselves.
Uh oh.
Implying they're sexually active.
That's not something I'd want to know about my dad and his partner.
If my dad were to start dating another woman if my mom died in a tragic boating accident or something.

TV! Sofa! Minifridge!!! Pretty sweet hotel room, right?
Like the suite my grandparents got us for their anniversary??
Ooooh yeaaaah.

Lame. Egg asked Fiona to the movies...
...and then ditched her.
Well, he called her and told her he couldn't make it, which is different than being stood up, but still.
That's mean.

So we'll pick up where we left off next time.
Just remember that Stephanie and Dad are getting married in Texas.
Egg is a jerk.
And Madison has no clothes on!!!
To be continued....

Blubbery preteens always float, or FTFO Madison Finn #13: Sink or Swim

It's Madison's second summer in the series and she's STILL in 7th grade. The magic continues.



Plot: All of Madison's friends have plans for summer, but Madison doesn't have anything to do. Isn't that the point of summer, however? Not having ANY PLANS. Isn't RELAXING supposed to be your plan? Whatever.
Madison, desperate for something to keep herself occupied, gets a job as a mother's helper. She's now in charge of Eliot, an adorable 2-and-a-half year old boy, and his infant sister Becka. However, Eliot throws tantrums frequently, and Madison, who is completely passive, has trouble getting him to behave.
Aaagh, that's not the worst part. Eliot's mom is a TOTAL DITZ and spends all of her time with Becka, and then doesn't realize her absentee behavior is the root of Eliot's frustrations. She blames either Madison or Becka, the adorable baby.
Slut.
Madison's boss also sucks because whenever they go to the pool and Madison tries to hang out with her friends, Mrs. Reed is all, "Maddie, time to leave!" And because Madison has no spine, she silently fumes, but is unable to stand up for yourself.
On Pool Day, Eliot bonds with Madison and wins a blue ribbon. Finally they are becoming friends! But Madison is unable to enjoy the rest of pool day because right after the winning of the ribbon, Mrs. Reed suggests they leave.
Megaslut.
Nearing the end of the book, Madison is convinced for some reason that Eliot hates her (he doesn't) and that she's the worst mother's helper ever (she sort of is, but never mind).
However, Eliot proves otherwise; he shows Madison his secret closet of stuffed animals and then presents her with his treasured blue Pool Day ribbon. Awwwww.
However, Mrs. Reed's mothering issues are never addressed and she is content to leave Becka with the blame of Eliot's behavior issues.
I hate her. But Madison doesn't care, so I guess that's okay.

More notes:
Aimee, the environmentally concious ditz, squeezes in an important message about global warming. Propaganda in teen literature... *shakes head*

Ooh, Fiona has read "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" FOUR TIMES!!

Aw, Fiona and Egg are going out. Kind of sickening.

Egg, Drew, and Hart are junior lifeguards at the pool...another reason Madison wants to spend time there.

7th grade dialogue.
Aimee: Gee, I wonder if Ben Buckley will be at the pool, too.
Madison: Ben Buckley? What made you think of him?
Aimee: I don't know - um - um... What was I talking about?
Madison: Are you in like with Ben or what? I can't believe it.
Aimee: I am NOT in like with Ben. I was just...
Fiona: Ha-ha-HA! So I'm not the only one with a terminal crush?

Madison isn't exactly stealthy about her secret crush on Hart.

Lucky. Bigwheels is at horse camp IN THE MOUNTAINS. Sounds like Miracle Ranch. Jealous.

Madison is shocked that it rained when there was a 50% chance of rain. Sounds like Washington weather.

ROFL!!
"If everything was meeting at the cafe, Madison would be seeing Hart and the other boys. She needed an outfit that would say 'cute friend with possibilities'."

Aimee's helping her dad out at his cybercafe, but she's not getting paid?

Fiona's participating in a book-a-thon where the prize is TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS! The prize at MY library was a $25 gift certificate to Barnes & Nobles...from a DRAWING!!! SO LAME. I entered like 30 tickets and I didn't win!

"Madison wondered what it would be like to practice mouth-to-mouth on a real person - like Hart. Was it like real kissing?"
Trust me, it's not...though I don't have any real experience to back up that statement. But I've done mouth-to-mouth on a rubber person.
That sounded dirty.

Drew: Yeah, we're learning how to give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation and all that. The American Red Cross teaches it. We practice on rubber people. Started today. It's funny.
Egg: Nah. It's dumb.
Hart: It saves lives.
Egg: Are you kidding me?
Hart: Hey, Egg, we have the most important job at the pool.
Egg: Come on! We're junior lifeguards. We're not actually saving anyone. This isn't Baywatch, for Pete's sake.
Fiona: You shouldn't really joke about saving lives!!!
Way to be pyscho, Fiona. Egg totally freaks out and apologizes, though.

"'Aren't you volunteering at the animal clinic? You always do that. You and Dan.'
Madison rolled her eyes. She was friends with Dan, but the way Egg said that it sounded lik she was more than friends."
You guys MIGHT have been MORE than friends if you hadn't turned Dan down, Madison.
Although Dan took it better than Drew. Notice how Drew has totally stopped stalking Maddie? I kind of miss it.

Fiona tries to convince Madison to go out for the mother's helper job:
"Baby-sitting can be hard - but it can also be a lot of fun. Oh, it'll be so easy. You'll get paid for going to the pool. And she has cats! What's better than that?"
Yeah, Madison, she has cats!!

: I baby-sit sometimes for my cousin when his mom goes to the supermarket and stuff.
: is it hard?
: haven't u ever read The Babysitters Club?
LOL!!! I know what some people would have to say about that.

It's sort of obvious that Madison has absolutely NO experience with little kids.
Elliot: Pee-pee.
Madison: Um...is that some kind of game?

Heh. Eliot has two cats named Peanut Butter and Jelly.

Dang, Madison's making $125 a week. And she's only 12!!! I've never seen that much money in my life.

Hm, what type of bathing suit would a baby-sitter wear?
Just ask Stacey McGill. She's soooo sophisticated.

Hahaha. Some of the "themed" youth nights at the pool are Italian night, Halloween night, Magic Show (laaame), and South of the Border night (ROFL, SEXUAL IMAGERY!).

Aimee thinks Hart and Ivy are going out. :O SAY IT ISN'T SO!

"Yeah, and Maddie could go with Dan or Drew and we could triple-date!"
Um, that's probably not going to happen anytime soon...not after the VALENTINE'S DAY INCIDENT!!

Aimee's such a spaz. "OH, MY GOODNESS! He's here."

Ben Buckley walks by...AND TOTALLY IGNORES HER. Heh.

Lol. Eliot starts screaming, "POOOOOOOOP!" at the top of his lungs.

Awww, Eliot is sooo cute.

Oh no, he's escaped!
"'STOP THAT KID!' Madison yelled. She nearly landed flat on her face as she jumped out of the pool after him."
Noyce.

Hart saves the day...and kind of creeps me out in the process.
Hart: I don't think so! *picks up Eliot* This little guy's fast.
Eliot: Fast! FAST!
Hart: So you want the tickle monster, huh? Well, that's what you'll get, then.

Stupid Madison. Dan is so much cooler than lame-o Hart.

Mrs. Reed: Are you having fun with Madison, sweetie?
"Madison waited for Eliot to scream, 'NOOOOOOOOO! I hate her!" but he didn't."
Lol, I love Maddie.

Bigwheels: But you don't ever ever let the kid bite you. That happened to my friend Josie once and she had 2 get a tetanus shot or something like that.
Thanks, Bigwheels. Like she's really just gonna let the kid BITE HER.

Cherry yogurt = heaven.

Unless there are real cherries in it.

Eliot throws his apple juice at the wall...
...and it EXPLODES.

"'He's been so cranky lately,' Mrs. Reed said, wiping his hands off his hands and face. 'Ever since we had Becka...'"
Maybe because his dad's never around and YOU'RE A HORRIBLE MOTHER!!!

Lol, Madison and Eliot rock out to some Wee Sing.

Madison: Does Eliot go to Pool Day?
Mrs. Reed: Eliot is competing in the kickboard swim for toddlers. It's one of a handful of events for the wee ones. [Wee ones? What is she, Irish?] I think they have more competitions for the older children. I'm sure you've done Pool Day other summers before, right? You must have fond memories. I think Eliot has a shot at winning a kiddie ribbon.
Madison: And what will I be doing?
Mrs. Reed: What else? Spending time with Eliot, of course.
Oh, sorry if you had plans to participate in Pool Day, Madison. You'll be busy watching Eliot because I'M TOO BUSY SUCKING AT BEING A MOTHER.
I HAAATE this woman.

"Good morning. You know, Madison, you don't have to ring the doorbell when you come. I'm expecting you. Just walk inside. That way if I'm in the middle of changing a diaper or picking up toys or just losing my mind..."
Translation: Your ringing the doorbell messes me up. Never do it again; it p*sses me off.

Hart is back with his tickle machine.
Egg is just so hilarious. XP "So how's your boyfriend?"

LOL! Eliot throws Madison's pool bag into the POOL!
Actually, that would kind of suck if that happened to me or anyone else, but it's funny reading about it.

Ivy comes over and ridicules Madison and her baby-sitting charge.
Hello? She's getting PAID, Ivy, you lecherous ho.

Madison is way clingy in this one. She whines a lot.

Ew, nasty. Eliot pukes on Madison.

One of Madison's ideas for fun indoor games to play with Eliot is: Bath toys in the sink, towel on floor, take off shirt.
WHOA! Who will be taking off their shirt, Madison or Eliot?

Awwww, I love Eliot.
Madison: Good morning, Eliot! Hey, it's Maddie. Do you remember me?
Eliot: Course I 'member you! See my slide?

Eliot likes running around naked. Oh, the memories.

Even Madison notices that Mrs. Reed's the reason Eliot is so angry all the time. He'll probably need counseling by the time he's older.

Ben called Aimee? Wow. A junior high boy with real balls. Who knew?

Ha. Bigwheels' cousin stuck a ham sandwich and a carrot into the VCR. That should be on youtube.

Omg, Becka is not the problem!

Hart: Hey! No running!
Yeah, that's effective, Hart. Eliot trips and falls...and goes to Madison for comfort. Take that, Mrs. Reed.

Agh, stop putting yourself down, Madison. The kid TRIPPED. It's not your fault.

Mrs. Reed quotes "Gone With the Wind"?
"Oh, Madison. He'll get over it. Don't worry. Like I said, it was an accident. You'll be more careful next time. Tomorrow is another day."
Whoa. I like how she said, "It wasn't your fault," while simultaneously blaming her at the same time.

Oooh, Madison puts on a skirt to impress Hart. She has it bad.

Egg: So, did you guys see what happened at the pool today? Ivy Daly almost lost her top. Again. She is so weird.
Chet: And hot. I think she does it on purpose.
Lol, probably true.

Aw, Dan still likes Maddie. You can so tell.

DREW DROPS HIS MILKSHAKE ON MADDIE!!! AND IT WAS STRAWBERRY! You know, it was probably an accident, but I wouldn't be surprised if he did it on purpose.
You know. After she turned him down and all.
Oh, that's right, you DON'T know. We'll explore that in #11...WHICH I JUST GOT IN THE MAIL TODAY!!

Madison runs into the bathroom sobbing.

And takes off her clothes? It's a public bathroom, Madison. I hope you know YOU'RE NOT ALONE.

Fiona: I've actually been sort of jealous of you this summer.
Madison: Jealous? Of what?
Fiona: Well, I know I made a big deal about the book-a-thon and all that. [Psh, yeah you did.] And it is a big deal. [Not really.] But your job is so much cooler. You're doing something so important. And little Eliot will look up to you.
Madison: Wow. You really think that?
Aimee: She's right. I have a job at my dad's store, but I'm not helping some little kid like you.
Madison: It's so hard. He cries all the time. And nothing I say or do makes a difference.
Fiona: I bet it does. You just haven't seen it yet.
Whoa. This is getting way deep.

Uh-oh.
Aimee: Do you like Hart?
Madison: Huh?
Aimee: I know it's dumb, but the other day I heard him at the pool talking to Egg and Drew, and he was takling about you. And I was just wondering, if you like him, too, then maybe...
Fiona: Wow, that's interesting.
Madison: *having a heart attack*
Aimee: Sorry. That was a dumb thing to say. Hart is nice, but... Ivy Daly has her eye on him, anyhow.
So Madison is safe. That's so stupid, why wouldn't you just tell your friends the truth?
Then again, they'd giggle meaningfully at you all the time and make SUPER OBVIOUS hints when he was around. Never mind, I'd keep my mouth shut.

Egg: Hey, Maddie, your boyfriend looks cute today.
Madison: You know, if you're trying to be funny, Egg, try getting a new joke.
OOOOOH! PWNED!

"When she looked way up on the diving board, even Dan looked cuter than cute."
Implying that he normally doesn't look cute because he's fat and whatnot.
Ooooh...just...OOOOOH! Maddie and Dan as a couple would have been so amazing. Aaagh. It pains me.

Eliot wins the kickboard contest!

Lame. Madison can't watch ANY of her friends swim because they leave...after ONE event.

Madison realizes, however, that watching her friends swim isn't important. Playing with Eliot and gaining responsibility is the important thing.

Ooh, let's have a nail polish party!! Haha, so 7th grade.

Agh. Lindsay Frost is back. GO AWAY.

Way to be super obvious, Madison.
"Hart! Um...this is my mom...I think you met before...Maybe not..."

I'm trying to garner the meaning of this sentence.
Bigwheels: Our days are packed with trail riding and even some gymkhana like having a rodeo.
There needs to be a comma between "gymkhana" and "like", but even that doesn't make sense.

Ooh, Bigwheels meets a "really cute boy to like" at camp. He has the coolest green eyes...and lives in Idaho! Yeah, potatoes. Whoo.

Aw, Eliot shows Madison his secret zoo.

Then he gives her his blue ribbon. So adorable. Madison is a role model!

So Eliot and Madison are friends, Madison's getting paid, and summer has just begun. The End.

Madison's Computer Tip
I can look up just about anything online - and learn so many new things in a matter of minutes.

Okay then. Tomorrow we have "THE LONELY PONY"!!! Finally, right. Also, I'll read #11, AKA "Heart to Heart" as quickly as possible and maybe post it tomorrow. It involves a secret admirer, Dan, Drew, Hart, boys, dogs, and SO MUCH MORE. It's probably my favorite book in the series, because there's boys and dancing.