Beat that, Jeanne Betancourt.
Plot: Well, you knew it was coming. Madison's dad (Jeff) and his girlfriend Stephanie are getting married!!! In two weeks!!! In Texas!!! And they want Madison to be the junior bridesmaid!!!
Can I get a, "Yeee-haaw,"?
Madison has a whole BUNCH of conflicting emotions.
Stephanie not only wants her to be a bridesmaid and wear a TON of fancy clothes to all the parties her mother has planned, but wants her also to read one of Shakespeare's sonnets.
Hm. I wonder if it was one of the procreation sonnets.
No, really, I do.
But seriously. Madison? Stuttering stage-fright run-from-conflict Madison? You want HER to read a sonnet at your WEDDING?
Whatever. Your funeral.
Madison is SCAREDER THAN SCARED!!
So far, she's just arrived in Texas, and her suitcase is somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin!!! With no dress, no laptop, and no wedding gift in sight (she's trying to write a poem with no luck), what will our heroine do????
You'll find out later.
Most of this novel is actually just filler. She doesn't leave for Texas until page...90 or so.
To be continued...
More notes:
Before you tell your kids some big news, it's always good to SUCK UP to them and be REALLY obvious that something's on your mind.
They're getting married in two weeks???
To cope, Madison orders three pieces of chocolate cake.
That's my girl.
Madison's like, "Why are you marrying Stephanie, you just ditched my mom?"
A year IS pretty soon, I guess. Because, in Madison Finnland, time stopped right before 7th grade started, so it's always a year since the Big-D.
Which is weird, because if that's true, he met Stephanie like RIGHT AFTER the divorce, if they've been dating a while.
Sorry. Concrete random.
Stephanie almost got married once...but called it off. UH OH.
Yeah, Frannie (Madison's mom) knew, and she decided not to say anything?
And she's totally fine with the whole thing?
Hello, you were once MARRIED to this man! You once had SEX with this man! You have a DAUGHTER with this man?
Doesn't it bother you?
She is a little bothered by the two week notice.
Madison, like Anna Harley, RESISTS CHANGE.
The wedding invitation says, "Regrets Only."
Uh oh.
Madison has some regrets she'd like to share with the class.
Madison: At the end of the invite there's this line "regrets only" and I wanted to call him up and shout I HAVE REGRETS, DAD! DON'T DO IT!!!
Didn't Bigwheels get another kitten in the last book? Madison's just NOW addressing this?
Whaaat? Bigwheels spent all of #11 claiming she was in love with Reggie.
LIES!
What's wrong with dressing casual?
In Laurenland, it's casual Friday EVERY day!
How are Egg and Fiona still only "sort of" going out? Didn't he ask her out on a REAL DATE, where they HELD HANDS at the MOVIES? That's pretty serious.
Hehehe. He calls her "Fee" and she calls him "Walter".
Drew: *little rich boy* Cool, huh? *points to a row of golden torches* Mom got them shipped here from Samoa or something.
Aimee: Come on! You can get those at the home decorating store in downtown Far Hills for five bucks!
Drew: Really? Well, they're cool, anyhow.
Drew has a GIRLFRIEND.
I KNOW!!!
This is Stalker Drew who followed Maddie everywhere and asked her to the Heart to Heart Dance!!
I know he had to get over it sometime, but still, this is quite a blow.
I've been in a similar situation.
Maddie's all, "Wtf, I thought you liked me!"
Heheh, junior high girls.
"Look, over there! I think that's Ben! Over by the torch! *runs away*"
Hehe. I had a friend be like, "Omg, So-and-so complimented me! But I only like him a little bit."
....
Fiona, you hypocrite.
"I can't believe she acts that way around him."
Um...ahem? You and EGG?
Awkward. Madison has to go to dinner with Dad and Stephanie.
And it seems they REALLY want to be alone.
Everyone's crying and getting sappy.
Ooookaaay.
HA!
Stephanie: Maddie, in addition to the poem, I wanted to ask you if you would...oh...How do I say this? Jeff, help me out here.
Dad: What Stephanie is trying to say, Maddie, is will you stand up for her at the wedding?
Madison: I know, I just said I would stand up for her. I'll read the poem. I assumed that I would be standing up to do it...
HAHAHAHA! Oh, Madison, you crack me up.
Actually, I didn't know what "stand up for me" meant, either.
Basically, she wants her to be the junior maid of honor.
There are hundreds of Wolfes (Stephanie's family) coming...and 2 Finns (Jeff's family).
Stephanie's color scheme is "pale colors".
Sweet, I could just go naked.
Aw wait, I tanned a little.
Dad: Hey, Maddie, when you get the dress, just don't pick out some super short outfit with lots of Big Bird feathers.
Maddie: Okay, Dad. I guess I'll return the yellow boa and my leather miniskirt.
Mom: You can pick out whatever color dress you like, as long as it's a pale color. That was all she asked.
[Hey, at least she's letting you pick out your own dress, rather than picking a really ugly one for you.]
Madison: Pale? But I look ucky in pale colors. I'm pale!
Same here, Maddie.
Her friends still haven't guessed about Hart!!!
Madison's First Draft of the Wedding Poem
Your wedding is a special (ACK!!) day
And you will be feeling good in every way
The sun is shining bright on your FACES
And there is no one who can take your places
(No one?)
Thank u for making me a part of the day (change this word)
OH I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY!!!!!
It could use some work.
Madison finds the perfect dress...and it's ORANGE, her favorite color.
And she runs into Elaine, Drew's new girlfriend, at the mall.
UH OH.
Elaine's really nice and oblivious to bragging.
She's on her way to meet Drew in the library in 15 minutes.
Madison wonders if they'll be doing something other than checking out books...
Such as checking out each other...
Who knows, maybe they'll even do a little studying...
And Drew will teach her a little French...
Hahaha, libraries are so useful for analogies.
Bigwheels is always:
A. sick
B. grounded
C. unable to go online because her computer crashed
Then she goes on to describe
A. her little brother and sister
B. her fight with her best friend
C. Reggie
D. her new pet
E. her new computer (whenever her computer crashes, SHE GETS A NEW ONE!!!)
Ooh, Bigwheels met a cute guy named Tommy. He has a billion freckles. Sounds...hot.
Dun dun dun!! The first mention of bras in a Madison Finn book!
Uh oh. Stephanie casually mentions that there will be few fancy parties, so Madison needs some more dressy outfits.
So Madison starts cleaning out her closet...Eminem-style.
Fiona loans her a dress.
Isn't Fiona like a foot taller, though?
Oh well. If it's a sundress, she could wear it as a sheath dress or something.
Ew, Fiona and Madison get in a WAY sappy discussion about love, and whether or not they'll ever fall in love and get MARRIED. Fiona wonders if Egg will ever pop the question.
Ha, yeah. If Egg ever decides to COMMIT.
Awkward conversation with Hart.
Bad. Or good?
But you're making him nervous.
Good? Or bad?
"Totally free! Thanks, Mr. G."
Chet made a poem!!
Uh oh. Aimee and Fiona saw Madison talking to Hart, and she was SO flirting with him just now.
We've passed page 90, and Madison STILL hasn't left for Texas.
"'Have a good trip, Finnster,' Hart said with a wave of his hand.
'I will,' Madison said, unable to take his eyes off Hart's tousled hair. For a split second, she had an overwhelming urge to throw her arms around him and give him a hug."
RESIST THE URGE, MADDIE! RESIST THE URGE!
Page 100: She just got on the plane.
Fiona and Aimee write her a really long letter, in which they accuse her of liking Drew.
Stephanie's Texas accent comes creeping back into her voice.
Like my dad, whenever he goes back home, he gets a really thick Southern accent.
Actually, that happens every time he talks on the phone with his parents.
Madison lost her suitcase.
Oh.
No.
Now she can't change clothes.
OR check her e-mail.
Madison gets her own hotel room!!! And it's really nice!!!
Stephanie and Dad get a room to themselves.
Uh oh.
Implying they're sexually active.
That's not something I'd want to know about my dad and his partner.
If my dad were to start dating another woman if my mom died in a tragic boating accident or something.
TV! Sofa! Minifridge!!! Pretty sweet hotel room, right?
Like the suite my grandparents got us for their anniversary??
Ooooh yeaaaah.
Lame. Egg asked Fiona to the movies...
...and then ditched her.
Well, he called her and told her he couldn't make it, which is different than being stood up, but still.
That's mean.
So we'll pick up where we left off next time.
Just remember that Stephanie and Dad are getting married in Texas.
Egg is a jerk.
And Madison has no clothes on!!!
To be continued....
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