Fairies are just beautiful hippies, or Avalon: Quest for Magic #2: All's Fairy in Love & War

I love how I have no time to post now. I get home after basketball and don't really care about going on the computer as much as I do finishing my homework and watching "American Idol".



Plot:
Kara, who won't settle for being ordinary, has scored the lead in the school play, "A Midsummer Night's Dream". (Lead being Queen Tatiana) However, she is just semi-stressed out, as her fellow mages are depending on her, there are rehearsals every day, and for some reason, she can't get her jewel to work!
Then, one particularly harrowing day, a bunch of fairies pop up in Kara's closet and send her and Lyra to the Fairy Realms!!
Once there, Kara meets the Forest Prince, a Zorro-wannabe. He tells her that the Five Kingdoms are about to meet and need her help.
She goes to the Fairy Ring where the leaders of the Five Kingdoms are. They ask for proof that she is a mage...but Kara loses control of her magic and turns Lyra into quicksilver! The cat beings to melt and if they can't turn her back into a real cat soon, she'll be gone FOREVER.
Sounds ominous.
Kara seeks the help of Tangoo, the Goblin Sorceror, who is so obviously evil, but no one seems to notice.
Back in the real world, a series of "hilarious" situations of mistaken identity and the like take place as Emily and Adriane try to make everything seem normal. Ha. Ha. Ha.
How can Kara help the Kingdoms? First, she has to bond with an Elemental Stallion made of PURE FIRE.
She fails, of course.
Next, she attends a fairy masquerade ball. With the help of some magical talking accessories (pleeease don't inquire further), Kara becomes the belle of the ball! She also meets up with the Forest Prince again and finds out...
HE'S REALLY THE GOBLIN PRINCE LORREN!!!
He's a nice guy, though, who just cares about the environment. Also, Kara finds him rather attractive.
Oh, ha ha ha, those silly mages are ruining the play! I cannot breathe for laughing.
Kara attempts to bond with the Firemental horse again, for her is detrimental to her "quest", but no dice.
She learns from Tangoo that the Firemental will dissolve back into the air if she doesn't find the Blue Rose and give it to him, supplying him with enough magic to complete their quest.
She hasn't even bonded with him yet, but whatever.
She and Lorren go to the Spider Witch's old lair and have to choose between two roses: one is the real thing, the other is an imposter. One smells horrible, like sulfur, and the other all beautiful and lilac-y. How Indiana Jones.
They, unlike the rare art collector in "The Last Crusade" choose the right one (the stinky one)...and are attacked by a horde of spiders!!! Kara ditches Lorren, as she suspects he wants the rose for himself! How selfish!
She gives the rose to the Firemental horse, dubs him Starfire, and creates an unbreakable bond between the two of them.
They go on their quest: find four magical talismans, one for each element, and bring them back to summon the power crystal, which contains Avalon's magic and will save the Fairy Realms.
Wow. Good luck.
She finds the talismans and brings them back. But Tangoo destroys Starfire and attempts to capture the crystal! To get rid of Kara, he sends her back to school to finish up the school play.
Hahahaha. Calamity. Chaos. Love spells!! Tears of mirth fill my eyes. -_-
Starfire comes back!!! w00t! Because he obtained ANOTHER crystal, which is just as good as the Blue Rose, apparently.
Long story short: they go back. Defeat Tangoo. Starfire is gone, but he will always be with Kara. The play was a success. The five kingdoms are united. Lyra is saved. Lorren and Kara are going steady.
How I miss the uncomplicated Pony Pals and their short, mundane plots.

More notes:
How typical. Kara lands the lead in the school play AND gets a cool, pink costume?

Heh. The other fairies in the play are green, but not Tatiana.

Ah, I'd be frustrated, too.
Emily and Adriane: Aaargh, Karaaaaa, I know you're busy and you have a life, but we're lazy and don't want to do anything without yooooooo.

Kara can't control her magic and is pretty dang depressed. Poor Kara.

And then two magic trackers pop up in her closet. Oookay.

And the porta-portal sucks Kara and Lyra into it.

Aaargh, and they land in a forest where they're attacked by magic trees! What is this, "The Wizard of Oz"?

The Forest Prince rescues them, yelling, "AieOOO!" How intimidating?

LOL, he sounds like Carter dressed as Zorro from "A Cinderella Story".

But if it wasn't a portal that brought Kara here, what was it? Oh, a mirror. OF COURSE.

HAHAHA, Kara calls him Forest Gump. Sorry, it's early in the morning.

Aargh. She tells him to call her Snow White and he takes her seriously. :P

Whoa, random. The d-flies are all, "Back off, bub!" This is the first time they've said anything that actually makes sense.

Whoa, Goblins and Trolls are included in the five kingdoms? I don't care if it's racist, they shouldn't count.

Hm, is this guy evil or what: long green hair tied back, gaunt face, goatee, a hawkish nose, deep black eyes.
Sounds like a goblin-version of Snape.

Of course the Fairy Queen looks like Madonna, but the Troll King is hideous.

Tangoo? What kind of name is that?

Selinda is sexy name; therefore, a sexy queen.

But the Goblin Queen is ugly, therefore her name is Raelda. Not biased.

Apparently the Forest Prince is a bad boy and Kara should not concern herself with him.

Uh oh, they want Kara to show them some magic to prove she's the blazing star. Everybody duck!

She loses control and turns Lyra into a statue!

Oh dear, the only way to cure Lyra is to find the power crystal. Which is what the Five Kingdoms wanted in the first place.

Kara rode a unicorn, so of course she can ride a cute fairy pony!

Did I mention that pony is made out of fire?

DREAMER STARTS SPEAKING IN COMPLETE SENTENCES!!!

ROFL!
Adriane: Joey? I just left him backstage.
Emily: Oh, so that's why you were hanging out in the auditorium.
Adriane: Not! Joey asked me to help him, that's all.
Way to cheat on Zack, Adriane.

Kyle, Kara's brother, is a moron. They talk about magic in front of him and he thinks they're discussing Shakespeare.

And his Shakespearean insults suck. "Hark, what reeky, clay-brained, dewberry arrives?"

Nice cover.
Emily: Kara's sick. You REALLY don't want to go up there.
Heather: She is?
Adriane: She is? Oh, totally.
Emily: She's got a stomach ache.
Adriane: Really bad pimple. On her stomach.

Ha.
Heather: Geez, you guys are weirder than normal.

OMG, they hide a mookrat in Kara's bed and her friends ACTUALLY believe it's her. Wow.

Kyle decides to take the hobgoblin to school...because he thinks it's Joey. How stupid can you get?

No pretty Earth or Water Elemental horses for YOU, Kara. You get a feisty fire stallion.

Veiled sexual imagery?
Joey: Whatsup? Good call on the bulbs - the ones I was using were way too low wattage.
Adriane: Cool.

Why would you publish this book? I'd be too ashamed.
Kyle: Shall I compare thee to a brick outhouse?
Rae: That is so not hilarious.

AAAGH. Musso the hobgoblin is asked to step in for Kara and freaks out, putting a spell on Marcus to make him a REAL donkey.

"Excellent! Best interpretation of a jackass I've seen since Kyle Davies." So true.

Selinda: Don't worry, Princess. The stallion cannot get out.
Kara: Neither can I.
Lol.

What's with the Emily pep talks in every book? They're never any good.

Daaaaang. This boy's about twenty hands high. That's more than 6.5 feet at the shoulder!

Argh, this horse is annoying.
"I AM FIRE! I RUN ALONE!"
Possibly a relative of Sunchaser?

So Kara accidentally hits him with magic. Ouch.

Oh dear. She's stuck in a room...WITH TALKING ACCESSORIES!

Oh my goodness. Oooooh my gosh.
"Stop squirting me, Whiffle!"
"Oh, I can't stand it! I'm delirious with excitement."
EW!!!

Ha ha. A thousand apologies. Like Demon Hunter.

There's a perfume spray bottle SHAPED LIKE A SKUNK. That is sooooo nasty.

There happens to be a Midnight Masquerade Rave! Because a Kara book wouldn't be complete without a party.

Ooh, it's from the Forest Prince.

Kara doesn't have anything to wear! Good thing there's a magic closet!

"I need a ballgown in violet silk, with an embroidered bodice, long sleeves, and a dropped A-line skirt."
Wow. At least she knows what she wants.

Ew, the skunk squirts her with "Morning Pew" perfume.

HA. Goldie the d-fly gets to wear a silver and gold tuxedo.

I think the Forest Prince is a mob boss. How else would he have so much power over the bad fairies?

"Goldie was frolicking in milky moonbeams, sommersaulting with a small flying bear-like creature wearing a tutu and a pirate hat."
Awwwww....

Lol. The Forest Prince is head of a band of rebels. Like Robin Hood!

They're supposed to take off their masks, so Forest Prince does...and there's another mask underneath. Nice.

IT'S THE GOBLIN PRINCE, LORREN!

I guess being Forest Prince gives you more power than being the real prince, because these fairies show NO respect.

Emily opens a portal and tries to get Kara to come home, but ends up with a bunch of dwarves instead.

Oh, and a bulwoggle.

Agh, what's with the bad parenting? They're fighting a dangerous magical animal and Kara's parents aren't the LEAST bit suspicious. And they accept Emily's, "Just helping Kara rehearse!" story.

There's a fox named Cotax. Heh.

It's all good. The next portal will open in 3 years.

Lorren's parents just wouldn't understand the Forest Prince. Emo.

Ugh, hate Emily. And her pep talks.

Adriane makes fun of Lorren. Just because your boyfriend is a freak who lives with mistwolves....

Whoa. Kara and Goldie are bonded? But so are Kara and Lyra?

Fairy blood skips generations, so that explains why Kara is part fairy, but her mom isn't. That is so stupid. Someone obviously never took life science.

Ew. Nice clothes, Lorren.

:O
Tangoo: Well, my obstinate yet positive young prince, if the princess were a magic master, that might be possible, otherwise...good-bye kitty.

"The roses are blue, but only one can be true. The flower with the power is the bloom with the fume. The bud that's a dud seems a rose to the nose."
Duh. The one that doesn't SMELL like a rose is the real one.

What the heck? Tangoo shoots a love spell at Lorren right before he sends them to the Spider Witch's lair...and it hits Goldie!

Right. Adriane's going to play the part of Kara. Complete with pink dress and a blonde wig.

Hahahaha. Ozzie keeps messing up magic!! Silly Ozzie! I freaking hate that ferret.

Wth?? Are her friends really that stupid? How would they mistake dark-eyed, combat-booted Adriane for Kara?

Oh no, the d-flies puke love spells all over Adriane and she falls in love with Marcus. HAHAHAHA. -_-

Now Rae's in love with Kyle!

Oh, and to top it all off, Kara's 3 amigos think Musso is sexy.

This. Is. So. Retarded.

Kara manages to pick the right rose...but is attacked by spiders. Spiders...WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE SPIDERS?

No, Kara, trust Lorren!

She leaves him with the spiders and jumps into the wrong mirror.

Where she meets up with her fairy grandmother, Lucinda!!

They talk about the unicorn jewel.

Aw, Kara remembers how she used to be AND ADMITS SHE WAS A SELFISH LOSER!!

NOOO, the magic is not for Kara!
Oh, because the gift of a blazing star is to make OTHERS shine more brightly, not herself. That's why the magic won't work!

Ha. Kara has a vision of herself at seventeen, working for the Dark Sorceress, and she kills Emily and Adriane and takes their jewels. Lol.

Starfire is a lame name for a horse, but whatever.

Aw, Kara lets Starfire share her past. Now they're bonded fo life!

Their first talisman, made of Water magic, is purple bunny slippers.

Hahaha. She has to make a song on the magical clouds to get the next talisman and sings that "Supernatural High" song. But the next one's a harp? Lame. I like bunnies better.

Next stop, the Mines of Moria.

Oh no, Starfire is losing magic!!!

Wow. They're lost in a maze and use the harp to find which way to go. Smart. That's what Harry should've done in "Goblet of Fire".

Argh. The next talisman is a giant silver heart. Laaame.

The very last one is a sunstone.

Stafire is so screwed.

And there are two Forest Princes, trying to convince Kara to give them the power crystal!

One of them is real. The other is...TANGOO. Told you he was evil.

And it turns out HE turned Lyra into quicksilver.

Aw, he kills Starfire with the other blue rose.

She jumps into the last mirror...and finds herself on stage in the middle of the school play.

Ew. "Come hither, thou cutiest patootiest!'
I would rather kill myself than publish this crap.

Uh oh. Kara tries to say her lines (it's her part, after all), and Adriane attacks her!! "Nobody sweet-talks my jackass!"

Starfire, you're back! You used the second crystal! Way to be selfish!

Emily takes Starfire's reappearance to remind everyone to support Ravenswood Wildlife Preserve!

"Princess, Tangoo betrayed us all!" Duh.

Time for a major magic battle with Tangoo, the proper end to any young adult fantasy novel.

How lame.
"Twinkle twinkle, blazing star...how I wonder when you'll DIE!"

If you're losing to a Snapeish goblin, remember that you shouldn't be afraid of who you are. Works EVERY TIME.

What's with Adriane and all her sucky wolf analogies?
"You can put a wolf in pink clothing, but she's still a wolf!"

Okay, we get it, everyone believes in Kara. Group hug. HURRY UP, this book is boring.

Lyra comes back, which gives Kara the strength she needs to defeat Tangoo.

And she destroys the power crystal. Stupid.

But Starfire sacrifices himself to save Avalon. But Starfire will always be with her, now and forever.

Agh. Now that the Kingdoms are united, all the queens have to fight about is curtains. No joke.

Selinda wants a flowery yellow fabric. Raelda's going for deep blue velvet.
I'm with Raelda.

So they compromise and choose lavender.

Raelda: I've introduced him to every Goblin girl in the kingdom, but I think he has eyes for someone special.
Awwww.

Musso and Sparky give up magic tracking and open their own cheese business! I so wish I was making that up.

Ha. There's another party. Emily wears a sky blue sundress, Adriane wears a white shirt with jeans (how classy), and Kara chooses Capris with a pink tank top. Wow. So much for dressy.

Emily thinks Lorren is hot, too. Back off, Healer.

"Watch it, Prince, your Zorro is leaking."
WHERE?

LAAAAME.
"A friend taught me not to hide who I really am."

The Trolls get the bunny slippers.
The Elves get the harp.
The Dwarves get the heart.
The goblins get the sunstone.
And the Fairies get a red rose Kara constructed out of magic after she ran out of gifts. But the rose contains all four elements working together, while the other talismans only contain one element each. That's a little unfair, don'tcha think?

Kara gets to keep her magic accessories.

Oh dear, the Dark Sorceress is back and is working with the Spider Witch. We'll have to watch out for them next time.

That was a long book. 212 pages is a little ridiculous for an Avalon book. Back to Pony pals!!