The Pretty Pony Club

Glad that's over, or Avalon: Web of Magic: Full Circle

2011-08-09T09:08:00.000-07:00

Only, it turns out, IT'S NOT REALLY OVER.
According to Wikipedia: "A new trilogy entitled Avalon: Shadow Warrior was announced for release in 2011."
They wrapped the series up pretty well in this one.
How can they go on from here?
Anyways, this book.
There were some really big plot holes/contradictions/something that bugged me.

#1. Emily becomes the Dark Mage because, according to the Dark Sorceress, she killed Ozzie, her bonded.
Um, FALSE.
In "Ghost Wolf", they clearly stated that Emily and Ozzie were NOT bonded, because Ozzie was a mage, not a ferret, and one mage can't bond with another mage.
In fact, in "Heart of Avalon", they said that Emily would never bond with a single magical animal, because her heart was open to all magical animals.
THEREFORE, killing Ozzie wouldn't have turned her into the Dark Mage ANYWAY.
Their reasoning is that, because Ozzie didn't really die, Emily never turned into the Dark Mage.

#2: Oh yeah, she didn't really kill Ozzie. She might have TAKEN ALL OF HIS MAGIC, but that action only broke his transformation spell and turned him BACK INTO AN ELF.
WHAT?
And when the Dark Sorceress took Henry Gardener's magic, HE DIDN'T DIE.
Wait a minute...
In EVERY OTHER BOOK IN THE SERIES, if someone's magic is taken, they die.
Storm died when she used all her magic to save the mistwolves. (Bla bla bla, I know she's not really dead, and yet TECHNICALLY she is, because she runs with the Spirit Pack and cannot be PHYSICALLY PRESENT on Earth, therefore she is DEAD.)
Emily unwittingly took the magic of several animals, and THEY ALL DIED.
Kara stole Skultum's magic and he CEASED TO EXIST.
Therefore, logic tells us that Ozzie and Henry Gardener were most DEFINITELY DEAD.
Ugh, ridiculous.

#3: Speaking of Skultum, wasn't there a rule that if a fairy gives you his or her name, you take all his magic?
ALL OF IT?
How come this applied to random fairy creatures in book #6 and Skultum, but not to the Fairy King and Queen, Be*Tween, Lorren, Logan, or any other creature they meet for the rest of the series?

#4: Kara's grandmother, Lucinda, was the Fairy Queen and the Dark Sorceress' sister.
According to this book, LUCINDA DIED AN UNTIMELY DEATH.
But, also according to this book, she RAN WITH THE SPIRIT PACK or something, so she WASN'T REALLY DEAD.
Well, YEAH. I hope not!
And there was this whole thing where she and Henry Gardener were engaged to be married, and they finally reunite, and come back to fight the Dark Sorceress as younger versions of themselves.
That's all well and good, except...
Lucinda is Kara's GRANDMA.
That means she has a DAUGHTER (or a son).
Did she and Henry get a little carried away before the wedding?
Did Lucinda have a baby, not knowing she was even PREGNANT?
Did she not even TELL Henry he had a kid?
Did that kid (one of Kara's parents) grow up an orphan?
Were they adopted by another (non-fairy) family?
I know fairy blood skips generations, so even that I can handle.
But seriously.
HOW COULD LUCINDA DIE EARLY AND BE KARA'S GRANDMOTHER?
Makes no sense.

#5: This isn't really a "plot hole", just something that REALLY BOTHERED ME.
The ending is pretty happy. All the girls' boyfriends show up at the school dance, Ravenswood is the home of magic, good times.
Buuuuut here's the thing.
Ozzie remains a ferret.
What?
After all that time wishing he was still an elf, and being with Esmerelda again, and finally feeling NORMAL?
He gets turned back into a ferret...and stays that way.
How is he ANY MORE HELPFUL as a ferret than as an elf?
Even if he decided to stay and help the mages...couldn't he do it is a four foot tall humanoid?
Why a talking, golden weasel?
The Fairimentals decide to reward him by TURNING ESMERELDA INTO A FERRET AND TRANSPORTING HER TO RAVENSWOOD.
Oh, but she'll only be a ferret for ONE NIGHT, so he better enjoy it while he can.
Wait a minute...you want me to think this is a happy ending?
Ozzie's still a ferret, and his girlfriend has come down to visit him for one night only, then what?
They'll never see each other again?
Why can't they both be elves again?
Better yet, why can't they be elves again...AND LIVE IN RAVENSWOOD TOGETHER?
SERIOUSLY!
Ozzie never wanted to be a moisture farmer or a shoemaker or whatever career elves usually have.
So he and Esmerelda could've started a new life together!!
And, I guess, now that the portals are open again, they could visit.
But WHY KEEP HIM AS A FERRET AT ALL?

Now that I've got that out of the way, here's what happens:
Emily is evil! So evil! She's got an army of evil unicorns! She is...THE DARK MAGE.
Only Phel comes back and heals her in the first 30 pages.
Oh. Well, there goes your conflict.
Told you Phel would be back.
Emily mourns the death of Ozzie and refuses to use magic EVER. AGAIN.
The Fairimentals then chastise the mages for failing the quest, even though they've been doing a whole lot of nothing this whole time.
Kara then decides the quest is NOT over, because the mages did unexpected things, proving that prophecies are all a crock, and we make our own destiny.
Then a group of elves run over and it turns out Ozzie is still alive.
And he has a girlfriend.
SO. CALLED IT.
He gives Emily one of his famous motivational speeches, and she promises to use magic for him.
The mages pay a visit to their friend Logan, trashing up his club and demanding payment for the death of their dragon friend (it's all a hoax, don't worry).
Logan admits to working with the Dark Sorceress, and Emily heals one of his EVIL SHADOW CREATURES.
Because, you remember (I think I mentioned this), shadow creatures are really bonded animals that were betrayed by their mages.
Maybe I didn't mention that.
Now you know.
That changes the game up a little bit.
They save Henry Gardener, and reunite him with his beloved Lucinda.
Remember that magical white unicorn that saved Kara on several occasions?
He's Lucinda's paladin! It's a small world after all!
The mages try to enter Avalon with a homemade key of pure magic, which Emily weaves.
They use the magic of tons of animals (without killing them), and Drake almost sacrifices himself for the good of the key.
But wait! The formerly evil kobolds and the elusive Dragon Home lend their magic! No need for more death!
Once inside the gates, each mage is caught under a different spell. Adriane turns into a mistwolf, solely focused on avenging her dead packmates.
Kara is transported to an alternate future where her selfish actions cause Ravenswood to be closed forever.
Emily gets a glimpse of a future where mages betray their bondeds all the time. She tries to break the spell, but is unable to do so.
OZZIE TO THE RESCUE.
Ozzie's ferret stone breaks the spell, and gives her enough magic to save her friends.
Yay! Ozzie's doing something useful, for once!
However, Avalon is no longer the home of pure magic.
Something happened in a place called the Well of Tears that caused the city to turn evil.
The prophecy the girls had heard was not an instruction manual on how to find Avalon; instead, it was a warning for those who might try.
Ooooops.
Now the Dark Sorceress is sending shadow creatures through the Well of Tears to destroy every magical creature on the web.
I guess that makes sense...
What are her reasons again?
The mages make the ultimate sacrifice: they give up all of their magic to close the portals FOREVER and seal the shadow creatures into the Well of Tears.
They give up their jewels, say farewell to their bondeds, and go home.
A few weeks later, at the BIG SCHOOL DANCE, the girls are having a good time, but something is missing.
Ravenswood has been declared landmark status, but it's just not the same without their magical friends.
Surprise! The web has shifted, and the new center is Ravenswood.
Ravenswood is now the home of magic.
And it's all thanks to Ozzie.
You see, Ozzie was the only one in the ENTIRE SERIES who was never corrupted by dark magic.
So when the girls gave up their magic jewels/gems/stones, he gave up his, and HIS magic was what kept the girls' magic from going dark.
Wow. Thanks, Ozzie.
Oh, and Phelonius the purple bear is Ozzie's paladin.
NO WONDER.
And all the shadow creatures have been healed.
In closing, the mages get their jewels back, reunite with their bondeds, spend a rocking night with their respective partners, and all is well again.
I'm sort of pumped for the next series.
Plus, there's some really adorable art at the end of the book. I hope I can find it. So. Cute.
Rats. Well, when I do find it, I will post it.

Get ready for betrayal! Part #3

2011-08-08T18:09:00.000-07:00

Oh. My. Goodness.
I'd like to say I totally called it.
But WOW.

Plot: Dark Sorceress is torturing Henry Gardener, and seems convinced that Kara will be the DARK MAGE.
Except Kara WON'T, because that would be WAY too obvious.
Because it's going to be Emily.

Kara finds out that the crystal she discovered is a WISHING crystal. Whatever she WISHES comes true. She wishes for another power crystal, but of course that doesn't work. The jeweler tells her to talk to a somewhat sketchy club owner named Logan if she wants a power crystal. Logan deals in the ARCANE ARTS, which are basically a nice name for the dark arts. He and Kara get a crystal container all primed and ready. PERFECT! Now all Kara needs is the magic of a magical creature!
...
In order to get a creature's magic, you need to kill it.
OR you just need to know its name.
Wow, hello, plothole.
But KARA overlooks this little tidbit and kidnaps Drake in order to use HIS magic.

SPEAKING OF DRAKE, Adriane, Dreamer, and Drake accompany their new friend Gwyx to the lair of the SHADOW DRAGON. The SHADOW DRAGON has tainted the power crystal. There's an epic battle, in which Gwyx does absolutely nothing. All of sudden, the shadow dragon vanishes! Adriane is somehow possessed by the power crystal, which traps her in mist form.
...okaaaaaay.
She and Dreamer take an emergency trip to the Spirit Trail, while Drake joins Gwyx as he traverses to the Dragon Home, where HUNDREDS OF OTHER DRAGONS LIVE. Adriane is afraid she'll lose Drake to all these lovely dragons, but WHAT CAN YOU DO?

You know the purple light/splotch/aura that I thought was Phel? Well, it's not Phel. It's Indi, Emily's paladin! Indi rescues Emily and they end up at the Spider Witch's lair. Turns out I was wrong, the unicorns are very much alive, but their magic has been turned eeeeeeevil.
And it's all Emily's fault.
You see, when Emily rewove the magic web in "Heart of Avalon" (and again, in my last post), her magic called to all these magical animals, who willingly answered and were CAUGHT IN THE SPIDER WITCH'S TRAP.
Smooth move, Exlax.
So Emily does the smart thing.
SHE REWEAVES THE WEB SO THE GATES OF AVALON ARE CONNECTED TO IT.
THEN SHE TAKES THE EVIL UNICORNS THERE.
HOW IS THIS A GOOD PLAN? Dark mage.

Conveniently, everyone else has located the remaining power crystals and they bring them all to the gates of Avalon.
Kara still needs an animal's magic, so she KILLS DRAKE.
Adriane FLIPS OUT, and she and Kara have the MOTHER of all CATFIGHTS.
Meanwhile, Emily is trying to weave some more magic into the Spider Witch's web. ENOUGH WITH THE WEAVING, ALREADY.
Ozzie, noticing something is wrong with his friend, promises to help her and never, ever leave her.
So Emily kills him.
I KNOW.
Kara and Adriane finally stop fighting and notice what's going on.
The Dark Sorceress arrives just in time to see the gates of Avalon open. She pops on in, but offers Kara the chance to join her.
You know, seeing as Kara is now the dark mage.
But, in a SHOCKING TWIST, Kara ISN'T the dark mage.
It turns out Drake isn't dead after all. He'd been possessed by that tricksy shadow dragon, and Kara killed him in order to use his power for the crystal.
So who's the dark mage?
EMILY.
Laughing maniacally, the Dark Sorceress enters Avalon and locks the mages out.

More notes:
"BlarPH!" Goldie blarphed.

Kara starts wishing like a maniac. "I wish it would rain popcorn! I wish for an iPod and a new stereo, a wide screen laptop, a Wii-"
Rain popcorn...? WHY?

Jeweler: Logan. He's the most nefarious, notorious, nebuluous purveyor of the dark arts.
Really? SOUNDS LEGIT. LET'S GO.

Oh, and he hangs out at a club called the Black Rose.
Kara, haven't you LEARNED ANYTHING?

Ugh. "Who let the cat out? Who? Who? Who? Who?"

"She could make out a pair of pale hands illuminated by flickering lights. Black polish gleamed on the nails of long white fingers. As her eyes adjusted to the darkness, she noticed several ornate rings that caught the light. Some kind of tribal tattoo snaked from the back of his wrist under a silky white shirt and black velvet jacket."
Okay, sounds kind of hot...
"This was no old, wizened crony. THe flickering lights illuminated a teenage face, only a few years older than she was. His longish blonde hair was streaked with three shades of pale highlights-"
Never mind. Not into blondes.

Ooooh, and then he asks to buy Goldie the d-fly. Classy fellow.

There's this crackling sexual tension between him and Kara. WHAT. ABOUT. LORREN.

As far as paladins go, I wasn't a huge fan of Stormbringer, but she and Adriane had a shared past, so their bond is fairly believable.
Starfire and Kara had that nifty quest, and I was sad when he died.
But Indi? He has NO personality. He basically just does whatever Emily wants. Not a fan.

The Spider Witch turns Indi evil, too. Oops.

Logan deals in shadow creatures! He sometimes sells them to clients. WHY AREN'T YOU RUNNING? Is LYRA the only one with common sense?

Lorren and Kara have a BIG FIGHT.
Lorren's jealous of Logan, and he's afraid that Kara doesn't love him anymore because he CAN'T. USE. MAGIC.
Oh, the angst.

All the power crystals they found are evil.
Soooo maybe you shouldn't use them?

Dark Sorceress kills Henry Gardener.

Emily: Don't leave me, I'm so scared.
Ozzie: I'll never leave you. You take care of me. I take care of you.
SO SHE RIPS AWAY HIS MAGIC AND KILLS HIM.

Remember the Prophecy of Three?
One will follow her heart
(Adriane...because she found her home at Ravenswood. Okay, I guess...)
One will change utterly and completely
(Kara...enough said.)
One will see in darkness
"Emily had seen in darkness. She had seen dark magic. And now she had become the dark mage."

Wow. Pretty intense. I feel bad about making light of Ozzie's death.
But I didn't cry.
Plus, the next book...
It's kind of ridiculous.
Dried any potential tears up right away.
But you'll find out soon enough.

Get ready for betrayal! Part #2

2011-08-08T14:56:00.000-07:00

Dark Mage is totally either Ozzie or Emiy.
We MIGHT be gearing up for the death of the ferret! Stay tuned!

Plot: The unicorns are missing, and Lyra smells trouble. Kara, oblivious as always, finds a power crystal shaped like a unicorn jewel. Not only is it UBER-SHINY, but it grants Kara unlimited wishes! She wishes to go to the most wonderful place ever, and she, Goldie, and Lyra are swept away to...
...a magical mall.
Yeah.
It's shiny and fabulous and filled with fairies who long to pamper Kara. Lyra is suspicious and tries to snap Kara out of it, but Kara is under the spell of beautification and power shopping.
She heads off to a jewelry store, the most dangerous place of all!

Meanwhile, Emily is contacted by a kobold, or the evil/dark/scary creature that appeared in the library. They think she's the Spider Witch and ask her to help them fix their home. Emily, Ozzie, and Lorren travel via Portal to a beautiful paradise, filled with fruit trees and sunshine.
The kobolds fear it.
They beg Emily to fix their habitat. Emily uses her new LEVEL TWO MAGE powers to purify the magic and return their habitat to its normal, dank state. In doing so, she REWEAVES THE MAGIC WEB, pushing her magic to the limits.
Stupid, stupid Emily.
It appears she's connected THE OTHERWORLDS (where the Kobolds live) to the rest of the map...and now she and her friends are being attacked by SHADOW CATS.
We last see Emily fall into a ravine, where she is saved by a purple thing before passing out.

Adriane's story is so unbelievably boring. She only gets one chapter for every two of Kara's. The dragon that discovered Adriane is a good guy who is trying to kill the feared SHADOW DRAGON. The shadow dragon has the power crystal, so baby Drake convinces warrior dragon to team up with them so they can fight the shadow dragon and get the crystal. And...that's about it.

More notes:
Let's see...the unicorns are missing...and Kara finds a unicorn jewel/power crystal filled to the brim with powerful unicorn magic.
All the unicorns are DEAD. Bet you a million bucks.

Ozzie starts talking about his elfy past. Turns out he has some unresolved anger towards the Fairimentals for turning him into a ferret/mage. PLOT POINT.

Ozzie: Yeah, a regular wizard of Ozzie. I'm just a helper-mage who can talk loud and break wind. That comes in really handy when you're trying to save the entire web.
Bitter much?

Ozzie has a girlfriend!!! No wonder he misses home.

Lorren: You're a Knight of the Circle.
Ozzie: An honorarium from some dumb old club. I might as well be Count Chocula.

These illustrations are so disturbing. There's a picture of dancing lizardfrogturtlefairies. WITH TOP HATS.

Kara, seriously? This is such a trap.

TODAY ONLY, BLAZING STARTS TAKE 99% OFF.
It's a dream come true.

Seriously, I read about 30 or 40 more pages, and Adriane only gets 5 of those.

Emily badmouths Kara for an entire paragraph, talking about how Kara is too bold and too powerful for her own good, and she always gets into trouble.
Then she goes and reweaves the Otherworlds into the magic web...just like the Spider Witch wants. WAY. TO. GO.

Ozzie's going to betray them. Unless it's a copout, and Henry Gardener betrays them, which DOESN'T EVEN COUNT.

Bahaha. "Sleek bodies with yellow eyes moved like ghosts through the mist. 'SHADOW CATS!'"

"She tried to heal her eyes against the purple blur that leaped from the swirling brightness."
Purple blur...? PHEL! PHEL'S BACK.

From everything I've heard, this book is really sad.
Meaning someone dies.
It'll either be Phel, Ozzie, or ALL THE UNICORNS. Get ready.

Get ready for betrayal! Part #1, or Avalon: Web of Magic: Dark Mage

2011-08-08T09:09:00.000-07:00

Pray tell, HOW IS THIS COVER LESS TRIPPY THAN THE OLD ONES? PLUS, this book has illustrations! And it's told from all 3 points of view, rather than following the Emily-Kara-Adriane pattern.
It's like a whole different series!
I haven't finished it yet, so I'm going to do this book in three parts. Or more.

Plot: Our goblin friend Tasha has located ALL OF THE REMAINING POWER CRYSTALS. Well, that's...convenient. And Emily was attacked by an evil magical creature who claims Emily is the dark witch who called him forth. Whaaaat? In the mean time, Adriane is still angry at Kara for taking control of Zach's magic (see book #4...or #10. Whatevs.), so they've been fighting a lot more recently.
BIG PLOT TWIST: The Dark Sorceress, the Spider Witch, and the Kara's Fairy Grandmother used to be a warrior, healer, and blazing star trio back in the day. But, when the Dark Sorceress killed her bonded animal for magic, she became the DARK MAGE (hence the title). Apparently there's some sort of prophecy that states that in a trio of mages, one mage will always betray the others and become the DARK MAGE. She seems to think it will be Kara, the blazing star. Even though she was the warrior when she betrayed her friends. She even makes a joke about how it's always the blazing star...?
Bet you it will be Emily.
The three mages split up and head to three separate locations to find the power crystals.
Kara heads to Dalriada to reunite with their sparkly unicorn friends.
Emily goes to the Fairy Realms, where Kara's boyfriend Lorren is. The big question: WILL LORREN CHEAT ON KARA?
Adriane goes to THE UNCHARTED LANDS or something like that, because where else would Adriane go?
So far, all the unicorns seem to be missing!
The Fairy Realms are reluctant to believe Avalon exists, but a creepy old mole comes and tells Emily that the magic in Avalon is EVIL. D:
Then Adriane is attacked by some lizards, but they run away when she comes face to face with a...DRAGON.
What will happen to our heroes?

More notes:
Everyone's all of a sudden really upset that Kara destroyed one of the power crystals. Hello? She destroyed it 3 BOOKS AGO, and NO ONE CARED THEN. It's only recently that everyone's been, "OH NO, WE ONLY HAVE 8 CRYSTALS." Well, duh. Talk about delayed reaction.

The monster/evil creature attacks Emily in the school library...IN THE PRESENCE OF RAE WINDOR.

Emily does the smart thing: she BRAINWASHES Rae with MAGIC. "You never saw anything." She's so the dark mage.

Adriane has a Pocahontas moment with the Ravenswood animals, where she teaches them how to use their magic...to improve...the...park... I feel like this could've (should've) been done a lot sooner.
"I hear wind." "Be the wind." "I hear birds singing!" "Be the birds."
And she twirls when she says this. Adriane. Twirling. WHAT IS HAPPENING?

Adriane: A random portal in school! A creature in the library! What's next, dragonflies in French class?
Kara: Actually, that already happened.

Ozzie gets an e-mail:
Dear Ozzie, you are the best part of Ravenswood. We want you to star in our brand new TV show. Please e-mail back right away at-
Then Tweek deletes it. Nice.

Oh no! It won't be long before the Spider Witch reweaves THE ENTIRE MAGIC WEB.

THROWDOWN.
Kara: Hello, we've been through this already. I helped Zach use his magic and we saved the dragon eggs. Three words: Get over it.
Adriane; Why don't you just admit it was wrong?
Kara: What was I supposed to do? Sit there and let those dragons die?
Adriane: Oh, you're a real team player, Kara. The whole quest to save Avalon is in danger because you destroyed a power crystal!
Kara: That was an accident!
Adriane: Yeah, it seems you have a lot of those.
Kara: It would just kill you to give me credit for anything, wouldn't it?
Surprise! Emily finally grows a spine and breaks up the fight!

Kara: I'd much prefer working solo than having dragon girl breathe down my neck...
Ha.

Ozzie: A govlin, an owl, and a twig - Ravenswood is doomed.

In chapter 5, I was REALLY CONFUSED, because it described how the warrior suddenly killed her bonded animal and used her magic to mutate the healer.
I thought it was about Adriane.
Turns out it was a flashback the Dark Sorceress was having.

Dark Sorceress kidnapped Henry Gardener! And she's forcing him to make a ninth power crystal.
And she has an EEEEEEEVIL plan for how he should make it. But we're not allowed to know what that is.

Quick thought: Ozzie's a mage...WHAT IF HE'S THE DARK MAGE? Ha.

Kara: Why would every unicorn in the school suddenly decide to jump a portal at once?
Talking orb: Synchronized popping is very popular-
You know...kids these days...

Still sort of hate the fairy queen.

Lorren: The lovely healer mage. Your outer beauty is matched only by the magic inside.
Emily: Don't we look dashing?
Emily spent the entire first chapter longing for Marlin or Merlin or whatever his name is. And why didn't Kara jump at the chance to visit her boyfriend? DARK MAGE.

Olfert the mole seems to think opening the gates of Avalon would be a bad idea. Of course, the wise fairies just laugh him off. Hate them.

Adriane spends a million pages talking to Zach via D-fly. It's as sappy as ever. :P

GOOD THING THEIR ADOPTED CHILD DRAKE IS HERE TO SAVE THE DAY.

Oh no!! Another dragon! Even Drake's afraid!

That's where I leave you. There's actually a new Avalon website. Well, relatively new. They have an Avalon jukebox, with some truly awful songs. Be*Tween's not all that great. The mage quiz is the same, but my results aren't.

Wouldn't you know it? Guess I'm a healer.

I'm back

2011-08-07T17:34:00.000-07:00

At least, temporarily.
Yeah.
I might summarize the rest of the Madison Finn series - I can't read them again, too painful. Especially the last one. And the one where she makes a new Indian friend...well, anyway.
I might continue the fanfic.
But the real reason I came back?
Two new Avalons were published.
And there's Avalon manga.
I'm reading "Dark Mage" right now, and, dare I say, I might be enjoying it?
STAY TUNED.

Lulu's Return, Part #3

2009-06-27T13:12:00.000-07:00

While Pam and Anna chatted amiably, Lulu looked around at the various customers. She didn't recognize any of them and felt bad about it. Did that make her shallow? Sure, she liked "Gossip Girl" as much as the next person, and dressed a little bit skanky from time to time, but did that make her shallow? Then again, it had been a long time, and no one else had recognized her either. Pam, who was looking at the menu, scoffed at the prices.
"Your mom's upped the prices, Anna. $7.98 for a pancake platter?"
"Wait...she's finally made you guys start paying for your food?" Anna and Pam nodded sadly. Gone were the days of free brownies and Pony Pal specials. Now that they were seniors in high school, Mrs. Harley expected them to pay. Lulu was glad that she finally expected the Pony Pals to grow up, but secretly she wondered if she had enough money to buy anything. Assuming she did, she glanced at the menu. Hashbrowns and toast...eggs and bacon w/ toast...French toast...blueberry pancakes. There were so many carbs, it was as if Mrs. Harley WANTED Lulu to get fat.
"What can I get you guys?" A perky waitress asked, whipping out a pen and paper.
"I'll have blueberry pancakes." Pam answered.
"Same here." The waitress was looking at Lulu expectantly.
"Um..." Quickly, she perused the menu again. What sounded delicious and breakfast-y without being completely fatty and disgusting. "I'll have piece of apple pie." Crap. There went her diet. Anna and Pam stared at her in shock.
"Lulu!" Pam hissed. "What do you think you're doing?"
"What?" Lulu asked innocently, as the waitress took their menus.
"We always order the same thing!" Anna whispered violently. "It's a Pony Pal tradition!"
"Sorry," Lulu said, though she wasn't sorry at all. "I just felt like pie instead of pancakes."
"Pie isn't even a breakfast food!" Pam stated indignantly. They both glared at her, making Lulu feel incredibly small. She sunk down a little in her seat, stifling a whimper.
Then, as if nothing had ever happened, Pam and Anna went back to chatting. Lulu felt awkward.
"So," she said, breaking into their meaningless conversation. "What have I missed?" They began to tell her:
Tommy Rand, the town bully, had been held back twice, but dropped out the second time. He was now working at a garage, a place full of dirty cars and moral iniquity. Rema Baxter, thanks to her father's generous alumni donation, had been accepted into Yale. She joined a sorority, landed a spot on the honor roll, starred in numerous plays, sang in choir, and was a majorette in the marching band. Though there was a two year age difference, Rema had considered Lulu her biggest competition and, with her gone, she'd been able to be the best at everything, even horseback riding: even though their daughter had turned into a terrible rider who tended to blame the horse for everything, the Baxters thought they would try again and bought Rema a beautiful (though expensive) Arabian mare named Glittering Stardust from Heaven Above, or Geisha for short. Rema learned to ride again and began winning shows, even taking first place away from Pam, the best rider in the group. Pam was still mad about it and Anna, of course, hated Rema because she was a "snob".
Since ditching Tommy Rand in 8th grade, Mike Lacey had become a much nicer person. He started volunteering at the library, when he wasn't babysitting his younger sister, Rosalie, or working at Ms. Wiggins' house. Finally, after raising enough money, he'd moved to Chicago to live with his dad, leaving Rosalie to deal with their psychotic pony-hating mother. Rosalie was still devastated about Acorn's being sold and now, with Mike gone, her only friend was the bratty Mimi Kline. Mimi still rode Tongo, though he was way too small for either girl now that they'd hit puberty.
Charlie Olson, Mr. Olson's showboating nephew, still popped up from time to time, full of stories about Wyoming and cattle roping. The Pony Pals had since learned not to take him seriously.
As Lulu listened to all this, the waitress came by with their food. "Three stacks of blueberry pancakes," she announced, setting a plate in front of each girl. Lulu stared at the steaming hot pancakes before her.
"There must be some mistake," she began. "I ordered apple pie." The waitress stared at her blankly.
"I clearly remember you ordering pancakes. Would you like syrup?" Lulu didn't want any syrup; she wanted pie. She noticed Pam and Anna had triumphant grins on their face. It sort of pissed her off.
"What are you smiling about?" Instantly, the smiles disappeared.
"Nothing." Anna picked up her fork and took a bite of her pancakes. Pam did the same. Lulu sighed. Not wanting to start a fight, she began to eat also.
When they had been eating for a while, Lulu finally set down her fork and said, "I think we need a new name." Pam paused with a bite halfway to her lips. Anna swallowed hard.
"What?" She asked dangerously.
"Seriously," Lulu continued. "'The Pony Pals' is pretty...juvenile." Pam frowned. Anna shrugged as if to say, "Yeah? So?"
"SO," Lulu countered. "I think now that we're older, we need a name that sounds grown-up. Sure, we're 'pals' who like 'ponies', but we're not ten anymore."
"What name were you suggesting?" Pam tightened her grip on her fork, brandishing it like a weapon.
"I was wondering if you had any suggestions." Lulu knew she'd crossed a line, challenging Pam's authority. But, you know, so what? Pam had always been bossy; now it was her turn to take charge. Anna appeared to be thinking, always a dangerous thing.
"How about...The Really Cool Girls Who Like Ponies and Horses Both?" Pam and Lulu exchanged dubious glances, suddenly on the same side. Maybe it would be better to leave Anna out of this...
"Hello, girls," spoke a soft, mysterious voice. The girls looked up and saw Mr. Remington, the town librarian. He'd hardly aged in the past six years, though his jet black hair was turning the tiniest bit gray and there were wrinkles surrounding his ice blue eyes. "Lulu, it's a pleasure to see you. You've been gone a long time." Lulu suppressed a shiver. Mr. Remington, with his soft voice and Harry Potter obsession, had always given her the creeps.
"Hi, Mr. Remington," she said simply. He seemed satisfied with this greeting.
"I hear you're trying to think up a new name for your little..." He waved his hands in the air, trying to think of a suitable word.
"Cult?" Lulu squeaked. Pam glared at her. Neither Mr. Remington nor Anna had heard.
"Well, we're really good friends!" Anna piped up, trying to be helpful. Mr. Remington glanced at her but didn't say anything.
"Well, actually, we're companions." Pam said, trying to sound suave. It didn't work.
"And we love horses." Lulu said, purposefully ommitting the word "ponies". Mr. Remington looked thoughtful.
"Three companions...so be it. You shall be...the Horse Companions."
"All right!" The Horse Companions shouted, giving each other high fives. They turned to thank Mr. Remington, but he'd vanished.

Lulu's Return Part #2

2009-06-11T14:56:00.000-07:00

Pam stared at the window in shock. It couldn't be Lulu! But it was. Though this new Lulu had short hair, cute (almost girly) clothes, and what looked to be a nose ring, it was definitely the girl Pam had been best friends with 6 years ago. She turned to look at Anna and realized Anna was no longer beside her. Another quick glance out the window revealed Anna running towards Lulu, interrupting the sentimental moment between the girl and her old pony. She arrived outside just in time to hear Anna, with her arms around Lulu, scream, "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
"Hey, there, Annie!" Lulu said, obviously uncomfortable. Anna drew away in horror.
"M-m-my name's Anna!" She stammered incredulously. Pam came up behind her and Lulu seemed relieved to find someone she remembered.
"Pam! Hi!" She edged away from an emotionally distraught Anna and approached Pam, smiling. "I was just getting reacquainted with my old horse." Pam stiffened.
"Snow White is a pony, Lulu." Lulu paused for a split second, then snorted as if Pam had said something ridiculous.
"Duh. What did you think I said?" She shook her head and winked at Anna. Anna, almost crying, sniffed back at her. Pam noticed Lulu's appearance for the first time. Six years ago, Lulu would've been described as "tomboyish", but the outfit sure wore now was far from that. A cute shirt-ish thing (was that called a "blouse"? Pam didn't know.), a lacy peasant skirt, and sparkly flats gave off a rather girly vibe. Pam wrinkled her nose. How did Lulu expect to go riding with an outfit like that? Anna was wondering the same thing.
"You can't ride in a skirt!" She shouted, pointing at the offending garment. Lulu stared at her, obviously confused. Then she threw back her head and laughed hysterically.
"I'm not going RIDING!" She hiccuped. Anna gasped. Pam raised an eyebrow.
"But...we're the Pony Pals." Didn't that mean anything anymore? Lulu stopped laughing. She looked annoyed.
"Um, yeah, we WERE the Pony Pals. Six YEARS ago!" As if to emphasize this statement, she shoved Snow White, who was nibbling at her adorable shoulder length bob, away from her. Anna gasped again.
"Don't touch my pony!" She ran to Snow White's aid, offering the pony comfort in this time of distress. But it was Anna who needed comfort; Snow White hadn't seemed to mind one bit. Lulu sighed and continued.
"Look, ponies were cool when we were, what, ten? Then you got a horse, Pam, and I moved to Africa. I've spent the last six years traveling, and I've learned A LOT."
"Like what?" Pam asked with a sneer.
"I learned where babies come from." Lulu answered triumphantly. Anna and Pam were taken aback.
"You're not supposed to know that! It's only for married couples!" Anna hissed violently. Lulu cackled.
"Please. Married couples aren't the only ones who do it. Take Tommy and Rema for instance." Pam felt as though she'd punched in the stomach. She hadn't noticed anything between them! Lulu was just getting started.
"Yeah, seriously, they've been at it since junior high! And I learned that only homeschooled weirdos ride ponies anymore!"
"That's not true! We're not homeschooled!" Anna's passionate statement didn't exactly un-prove Lulu's point.
"Yeah, well, I also learned that you get more guys when you actually start DRESSING like a GIRL!" She let those words sink in.
"We dress like girls..." Anna mumbled, looking at the ground.
"All the time," Pam forced out, coughing guiltily. She hoped Lulu couldn't read minds, and wouldn't see as Pam mentally went through her wardrobe and found nothing but boy's buttondowns, baggy turtlenecks, and jeans. Lulu sighed.
"I was kidding. Sort of. At least you guys shower everyday. I knew a bunch of girls who didn't..." Pam and Anna exchanged guilty looks. "What? Seriously?" She laughed nervously. "You're kidding, right?" There was a long pause. Lulu sighed again.
"I'm sorry, you guys. It's just...weird being home after so long."
"You've changed," Pam said accusingly, still hurt by her friend's remarks.
"I know. I said I was sorry." Anna eyes filled with tears.
"We forgive you!" She gave Lulu a huge hug. Lulu looked uncomfortable. Anna's eyes lit up with sudden inspiration. "I know! Let's go to the diner and talk there! Then we can catch up properly!"
"But I can't ride," Lulu protested. "There aren't enough ponies."
"Just change into jeans," Anna said brightly. Lulu hesitated.
"Or we could walk." Pam suggested sourly, her lip curled in disgust. "It's just down the street."
"Great!" Anna beamed and grabbed Lulu's hand, practically dragging her out of the paddock. Pam watched them go. She wasn't hungry, and, judging from the size of Anna's protein shake at breakfast, Anna wasn't either. Yet her best friend seemed determined to integrate Lulu back into their lives. But this wasn't the Lulu they'd been friends with years ago, and, frankly, Pam wanted nothing to do with her. If only she could convince Anna of the same thing.

Lulu's Return: Part #1

2009-06-08T16:14:00.000-07:00

Anna Harley opened her eyes at 5:00 AM, just like she did every morning. Pam Crandal snorted beside her.
"Wake up, Pam." Anna practically shouted in her ear. Pam groaned into her pillow. The two had grown out of barn sleepovers long ago and now preferred to sleep in Anna's bed. Pam was still having a hard time getting up.
"Pam!!" Anna squealed in an irritating fashion. Pam resolutely pulled the covers over her ears, so Anna gave up and went outside to feed the ponies.
Both Starfire and Snow White were already awake. Anna went to grab some hay, but paused near Acorn's empty stall. She sighed. After Lulu left, the inhabitants of Wiggins followed suit. Fat Cat "ran away", or so Dr. Crandal said, as to soften the blow for Jack and Jill. Shadow was hit by a car. Mr. and Mrs. Quinn were taken to the nursing home, and, without them knowing it, their pony Ginger was sold to the slaughterhouse. Even her beloved pony Acorn didn't stand a chance. Though both Rosalie and Anna had begged them not to, Mr. and Mrs. Harley sold Acorn to Mr. Olson during the recession. "You're both getting too big for him," they reasoned. Even so, Anna rarely spoke to her parents. She shook her head, refusing to think about it.
When she went back inside, Pam was in the kitchen, cooking breakfast. "Blueberry pancakes," she grunted, shuffling around the kitchen like an old woman. Anna stifled a groan. Back in the golden days, when she, Pam, and Lulu had been called "The Pony Pals", she'd eaten brownies, spaghetti, and blueberry pancakes by the truckload. But puberty hadn't been especially nice to her and there was a bit of extra pudge around her middle from all the scrumptious carbs.
"Uh...I think I'll pass...." She made herself a protein shake and forced herself to drink it. Mmmm, so healthy. She wouldn't have to eat again until dinnertime!
"Are you excited for school?" Pam asked pleasantly, suddenly cheerful. It was hard to get even-keeled Pam excited about anything, but homework and extra credit gave her a thrill like nothing else. She was especially excited because they'd be starting their senior year in 3 days time.
Anna, on the other hand, still hated school. It wasn't just the condescending teachers or the dyslexia, but hormones and teenage girls made school almost impossible to deal with. Pam just didn't understand; she'd never had acne, and her periods lasted a grand total of 2 days. Sometimes Anna wondered how heavy her friend's flow was. But only sometimes.
"Anna!" Pam hissed all of a sudden. Anna snapped out of her perverted reverie.
"What?"
"Someone's in the paddock!" Anna ran to the window, and saw a strange girl with Snow White. Strange... She couldn't recall letting the either animal out of their stall....
"She's trying to steal the ponies!" It was a fear she'd often had when she was a kid. But the ponies didn't seem to be frightened. Snow White seemed downright cheerful. And the girl, though strange, was starting to look a little familiar...
"PAM!!!" Anna screamed.
"What?"
"You're not going to believe this."
"What?"
"It's...it's...it's..."
"ENOUGH WITH THE SUSPENSE! TELL ME WHO IT IS OR I'LL DESTROY YOU!" Complete silence followed Pam's loud outburst. Anna wondered if the time of the month she'd been pondering just moments ago had come around again. She then remembered the important thing she had to tell Pam.
"That's Lulu outside with the ponies! She's back!"

6 years later....

2009-06-08T15:54:00.000-07:00

The Pony Pals have grown too big for ponies...
They are now known as THE HORSE COMPANIONS!

Horse Companions #1: Lulu's Return

After 6 years apart, the Pony Pals (ahem, Horse Companions) are finally reunited for their senior year of high school when Lulu comes back to Wiggins. But things are different between them now. Lulu doesn't like to ride anymore! Anna's happy with Charlie, but now that Lulu's back in town, she can't seem to choose between them! Pam was happy when Lulu left, but now that she's back, in seems everyone is back under her spell. Will the three ever be friends again?

Coming soon, summer 2009!

Apologies are in order

2009-05-08T21:01:00.000-07:00

It's been almost a year since I posted last.
But I got bored and decided to reacquaint myself with Madison Finn.
Surprise!
Comments!
This never happens!
And I got two requests to finish up the Madison Finn series, which has been long overdue, so I'm sorry.
But it would be fun to reread the series again, and there are only a couple of books left, so I'll...think about it?
I don't know.
It was also cool to see death threats.
Really, death threats.
It was kind of thrilling. I've never ever been the recipient of a death threat.
Well, that's not true.
But online death threats are a whole nother ball game.
My favorite one was, "Rudeness. The end."
Well, yeah.
To those who pointed out that I need to get a life, didn't I mention that myself in several posts?
But honestly? It turns out you don't need one, so those assertions didn't really hurt all that much.
And, frankly, I would LOVE to have goth makeup put on me while I was asleep. If I'm going to start wearing makeup, I might as well start doing it right.
So, yes, I'm sorry if I was overly harsh and insulted your favorite characters.
But, other than that, we live in a sort of free country where freedom of speech exists.
Never mind, I'm sorry. That's the lamest excuse ever, and I hate it when people use it, so I take that back.
Anyway, since the Madison Finn series went unfinished and there are new Avalons coming out (YES!!!), I'll keep posting, so keep commenting and sending death threats!!!

So it ends

2008-07-09T20:48:00.000-07:00

I've decided to stop posting on this blog.
Mostly because I haven't posted in a long time, and I found posting itself was getting tiresome.
Then, reading through some of the very first Pony Pals posts, it wasn't very funny. It was just lame, loud, and sort of crude, and the writer sounded like she took herself way seriously. I bet other people feel the same way.
By the way, not many people read this blog, so I wouldn't be letting down too many people by retiring.
Finally. Now I can just finish the Madison Finn series without marking every little page with a ripped up piece of sticky note and damaging the book's spine.
If any of you DO care, I will tell you what happens in the final 4 books in the series: #21, #22, Super Special #2, and Super Special #3.
If not, I'll keep to myself.

NYC is sparkly and glamorous, despite the muggings, or FTFO Madison Finn #20: All That Glitters

2008-06-24T11:23:00.000-07:00

I like how Madison's lived in New York all this time, but has never been to New York City. Oh, now I want to go.

Plot: It's Lindsay Frost's 13th birthday, and she's invited Madison, Aimee, and Fiona to spend it with her in NYC! There will be endless shopping, cake, and sparkles, all thanks to Lindsay's naturally-high Aunt Mimi.
But the birthday weekend doesn't go so well. Lindsay's parents are in the middle of a divorce and her dad even skips the birthday dinner! It's the worst birthday ever.
But, though Fiona and Aimee aren't able to, Madison comforts her friend, seeing as she's experience divorce before, and makes the birthday weekend even better.
Um, that's about it. Nothing really significant happens.

More notes:
Agh, Nancy Drew books. I think Nancy Drew was a Mary Sue.

Madison takes Phin to a dog park. Jealous!! I wish they had one in my area. Tie would probably hate it, though.

Surprise. She runs into Drew and Hart.

Drew: I invited everyone over to my house this afternoon; sort of a last-minute thing. We thought of it when we were playing hockey. Want to come?
Hart: Yeah. I'll be there. *HINT HINT HINT*

"Madison didn't know how to answer. It was one of those scary moments. If she had been honest with herself - and with everyone else, especially Hart - she would have jumped right over the dog-run fence, fallen into Hart's arms, and declared, 'You'll be there? Well, let's go right now!'"
It would have been so entertaining if you had, Madison.

As soon as Hart leaves, Madison ends up tripping over 5 or 6 dogs and falling on her butt.
That was beautifully timed. You were lucky.

Uh-oh. Drew, Elaine, and Hart are the only ones there.
Is this some kind of twisted double date?? AWKWARD.

Nope. Everyone else showed up 5 seconds later. Crisis averted.

Awww, Madison and Hart held hands.

Whoa, and she sat on his lap, and they ate pizza.
*shudder* Boundaries, people.

But the thing Madison is most affected by is the fact that their knees WERE PRACTICALLY TOUCHING!!!
Um.......okay.

But, in spite of all of this, he didn't ask her out. Mixed messages much?

Madison thinks she and Hart are destined for one another, because her past relationships (i.e, summer flings, older boys, etc.) didn't last.

Holy crap. Lindsay's parents will be paying for ALL the shopping, dining, and transportation for the birthday weekend. How rich are they??

Lindsay's Aunt Mimi is super creepy. She reminds me of the Weezy on "Dragon Tales". Not like I've ever watched "Dragon Tales", or anything.

Apparently Aunt Mimi got rich from making a bunch of "magic" cosmetics.
She's also dated several big movie stars, and for one of Lindsay's birthdays, she rented a circus tent (complete with elephant).

I don't know, read this, and tell me if you want to slap Mimi, too.
Madison: I'm glad to meet you by phone. Can you tell Lindsay that I called?
Mimi: Sweetums, you haven't even told me your name!
Madison: Oh, I'm Madison Finn.
Mimi: Madison! Did you say Madison? Is this the Madison?
Madison: Uh, yeah, I guess.
Mimi: Awww! I knwo you! Lindsay has told me gobs and oodles about you. My goodness! How are you? How's your pooch? You're the one with a pug, right?
Madison: Right.
Mimi: So you'll be coming to the big glittery bash in the Big Apple! Fah-bulous!
Madison: Will you tell Lindsay I called?
Mimi: Hey! Does a mosquito bite? You betcha I will!
The voice I'm hearing in my head is grating.

I'd be super embarrassed if one of my friends screamed, "Hello, party girls!" in the hall.
Which Lindsay does.

What?? Lindsay doesn't want any presents!! What kind of teenager is she??

Aimee wants to go shopping.
Fiona wants to visit the Empire State Building.
Madison wants to visit the American Museum of Natural History and Central Park.
Sounds...fun, Madison.

Whaat?? Hart just randomly throws his arm around Madison's shoulder, all comrade-y like. It's kind of creepy. BOUNDARIES!

Okay, so Hart put his arm around Madison's shoulder. Fiona's like, "OMG, YOU GUYS WERE PRACTICALLY MAKING OUT!!!"
Yeah...there's a little more physical contact involved there, Fiona.

The school is giving a PSAT for 7th graders?? How random!

Madison jokingly sticks her tongue out at Hart and he somehow thinks she wants to break up.
Are you kidding?? This is so stupid.

Lindsay wants to know if they can study for the standardized test while they're in New York. There's not much you can do to study for a standardized test.

She even threatens to cancel so they can all study together!!!
Something tells me you won't have any friends if you do that.

Okay. Turns out Hart wasn't phased by the tongue thing.

Madison: I was writing in my online journal. I keep these computer files....
Hart: Files? What's in the files?
Madison: *thinking* Duh! What do you think? All my daydreams about you, dork! *thinking*
Lol.

Hart asks her out!! Finally!!!
He wants to take her to a car show, though. Hmmmm....
Beggars can't be choosers, I guess.

Uh-oh. He wants to go THIS Saturday. The day of the PARTY!
Madison declines.
Hart thinks she's turning him down.
He runs off to go drown his sorrow in the Emo corner.

And now they can't ever go out again because Hart's dad will be working for the next couple Saturdays, sooo...
Soooo....what does that mean?? Have Madison's mom or whatever take you!

Madison's friends are no comfort. They're like, "You rejected him! You blew it! Well, not really, but that's how he sees it!"

Agh. You're 12, Madison. I doubt you are actually IN LOVE with Hart.

Well, now we know Madison's password, which is "IHEARTHART".
-_-

Argh. Madison wants to ditch the party so she can go out with Hart. Car show...or overnight stay in New York City?? You choose.

Aimee still sucks.

Whaaaat...they're all going on the train by themselves. Well, they'll be together, but still. That would scare the crap out of me.

Each girl gets a "Birthday Pass" with stuff they're going to do during the weekend. That's kind of really cool, no lie.

Fiona shows the conductor her Birthday Pass as a joke, and the conductor has no sense of humor and is all, "WHERE IS YOUR TICKET, STOWAWAY!?"

Aunt Mimi shows up wearing a cape. Wth?? Who is she, Zorro?

Lindsay: What do you think so far?
Madison: Your aunt is amazing.
Lindsay: I know. But I don't know how she and my mom could possibyl be sisters.
Madison: Your mom is nice, too.
Lindsay: Yeah, but she isn't cool, not like Aunt Mimi.
Madison: Are any moms truly cool? [Too true.]
Lindsay: Your mom is. She makes movies. She travels all over the world.
Madison: But she doesn't wear fur hats or capes.
Oh, how I wish my mom would wear fur hats or capes. Then she would truly be cool.

Have you ever bought something just because it was on sale?? That has to be the reason Aimee bought a pink leotard with flowers around the neck, not that those things don't ooze "cool".

HOLY CRAP! Aunt Mimi has her own FLOOR! Now I don't doubt that she can afford to pay for all these girls' misadventures.

I'm sorry, but it's super awkward when someone starts crying. I know I do it, but it's weird when someone else does it.
And Lindsay just randomly bursts into tears, saying cryptic things, like, "Everything is fine, which means everything is not fine. It's the same as usual."

Aimee and Fiona think Lindsay is sad because she misses her parents and because she's afraid of becoming a teenager.
Madison is like, "Wth, I know why she's sad. Morons."

Mimi redecorates every 3 months!!? That's just a waste of money.

Aimee wonders if Mimi is as rich as Drew, but Lindsay concludes that Drew's family must be richer because he owns 2 houses, but Aunt Mimi has one apartment and stays in the nicest hotels the rest of the time.
In that case, Aunt Mimi is much richer than they are.

Lindsay is sad because her dad hasn't called. Oh.

Ivy e-mails Madison because it turns out Madison accidentally took Ivy's science notebook.
Lindsay: I bet there's juicy gossip inside that book.
Madison: I wonder. But I guess even Ivy's allowed to have a secret journal.
She's come a long way from, "IVY IS SUCH A LIAR, I MUST PEEK AT HER NOTEBOOK!"

Awwww. Lindsay's dad moved out and she's afraid he hates her. :(

Aunt Mimi has red hair. For someone reason, I pictured her with pink hair.

Fiona: What does turning into a teenager realy mean, anyway?
Aimee: It means you can drive. You can date. You can vote.
Lindsay: Aim! I can't do any of those things.
Aimee: Not yet. But soon. Well, sort of soon.
Uh, not sort of soon. I'm 15 and I still can't do any of those things.

Lindsay has nothing to wear, so everyone lends her some clothes and she ends up with the outfit she's wearing on the cover. Everyone else is like, "OMG, YOU LOOK SO FAB," but...? I don't know. I like the boots, though.

Daaang. Aunt Mimi buys them all sunglasses so they can "get their cool on". Of course, Madison gets orange ones.
Argh. I wish I could WEAR sunglasses. I find these Cover All sunglasses that go over perscription lenses, but my mom was like, "Nice try."

Aimee can't stop staring at her reflection. Yay, a born narcissist!
How come it's funny when Aimee does it, though, but stuck-up when Ivy does it?

Yay, they all get makeovers. Best birthday ever.

I'm going to make some hot chocolate and FREEZE IT.

Despite all this mad fun, Madison wishes Hart were with her so they could drink Frrrozen Hot Chocolate and make out afterwards.
NO LIE, THAT'S WHAT SHE SAYS...sort of.

Hahaha, they take a special stop for Madison and go to Madison Avenue!! I cannot breathe for laughing.

Shopping...or the planetarium. Shopping...planetarium...shopping...planetarium...
I don't know...will there be shopping at the planetarium??

Okay, now I think Lindsay just wants attention. Aimee and Fiona shift their attention to some cute guys and all of a sudden, Lindsay's sobbing. "Are you okay, Lindsay?" "Oh, yes, I just miss my dad." -_-

Aunt Mimi refuses to let the girls stalk the cute boys. Good plan.

"It didn't matter how much you like someone. If there was a really cute or Cute (with a capital C) guy in the room, checking him out was necessary."
That should be the Golden Rule.

"If this is the city that never sleeps, then why I am so tired?"
Wouldn't you be tired if you never slept? That makes perfect sense.

The best part of the day for Madison was buying super bouncy balls and a foil sticker at the gift shop.
How thrilling.

Fiona spills wine all over Aunt Mimi's cream-colored scarf. That scarf is a goner. But Aunt Mimi doesn't seem to mind.
What was Fiona doing with wine in the first place?

Lindsay's dad doesn't show up to the birthday dinner. :(
But she pouts the entire time. Not awkward or anything.

Madison: Ever hear the one about the birthday cat?
Mrs. Frost: No, I have not.
Aunt Mimi: Tell us, Maddie!
Madison: Well...I...I...forgot.
For some reason, that's the funniest joke I've ever heard.

Awww, they don't get to eat cake because Lindsay wants to go home. So they get it to go.
Sorry to be unempathetic or callous, but that's probably the saddest thing about the whole evening. It was CHOCOLATE cake.

Lindsay gets a fantasy book, a tapestry backpack (kewl), a giftcard to Aimee's Dad's bookstore, and theater tickets (from her mom).

Madison gets her this necklace with a book charm, which is supposed to be clever or something.
At least she didn't recycle her snow bunnies charm.

Dad finally shows up...but Lindsay's not mad. No, she's...excited?
Madison's the only one who gets why she feels that way.

Agh, so awkward between parents.
And Lindsay keeps being all, "Oh, Daddy!!!"

And her dad gets her...theater tickets.
Uh-oh.

There's this random paragraph about Aimee's dream to dance in The Nutcracker Suite. "She knew that that was a big, big dream."
WHO CARES??? This book isn't about Aimee!!

Girl talk!! It turns out Lindsay likes...Dan??
"I mean, he's always funny and nice, and he talks about books with me sometimes in the library."
Awwww...

Bigwheels is gushing about Reggie again, and how he got her this adorable purple bear, and she wonders if they could possibly be "in love".
Aaagh. Lol, then she mentions her friend's feelings on the matter.
"My friend Lainie would freak at the thought. She doesn't even really LIKE boys. She never has gone out with one or followed one in school or even said much about thinking they're cute."
I have friends like that...and they're not gay.

AGH. Lindsay starts spazzing out about the test. And crying. AGAIN.
So Aunt Mimi brings out the chocolate cake they couldn't eat last night. YAY!!!

Fiona coyly suggests that Lindsay wish Dan would like her back for her birthday wish, and Mrs. Frost is like, "DAN! DAN! LINDSAY, IS THERE SOME BOY YOU'RE NOT TELLING ME ABOUT??"

WHAAAT? The cake last night was CHOCOLATE!! But this cake is white with purple icing!!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

They study for the test on the train. I'm sure that was fun. Aimee's like, "Nooo, I want to play Mash or Truth or Dare."

Eddie (Bigwheel's autistic brother) learned some more words! Yay!

Egg told Fiona that his sister told him that the standardized test is not worth worrying about.
Nice job, Lindsay. Way to freak out over NOTHING.

Hart gives Madison the silent treatment.
How mature.

After getting rejected last week, Hart decides to ask Madison out via note rather than face-to-face.
But at least he asked her out.

Madison's Computer Tip:
When you need to thank someone or send a birthday card or any greeting card, use an E-card service.

#21 is next, and that one wasn't so good, but whatever, I have nothing else to do, and the Maytag man is upstairs and I'm in my pajamas, so I can't go up there. I guess I'm stuck with you guys.

If someone is mean, they have issues, or FTFO Madison Finn #19: Keep It Real

2008-06-23T10:52:00.000-07:00

I read this a while ago. Haven't been posting, though, because it's summer and I could be...you know...watching "Monk" and playing with my dog.
Speaking of Tie, she was totally lying right next to me 2 seconds ago. What happened?

Plot: Madison Finn has had enough of Ivy Daly!!! Her English class has just received a new journal writing assignment, and Ivy always writes about how perfect and wonderful her life is. It just makes Madison sick; partly because Ivy is such a fake, and partly because Ivy writes so much in her journal. Journal writing is Madison's territory!!!
It turns out Ivy's life is NOT so perfect after all!!! Her mom has breast cancer.
Fran tells Madison to be nice to Ivy because her mom is sort of dying, but Madison finds it hard when Ivy continues to be such a meanie.
Finally, she convinces her friends to stop giving Ivy such a hard time. Good enough.

More notes:
"We started 'journaling', which is basically keeping track of feelings and observations and all that [in case you didn't know what journaling was]...which is what I do every day on this computer anyway! [Lol, me, too!]"

Madison's first assignment is to write about a very successful or very embarassing moment. Pick embarassing, you've got plenty of those.

The Gang goes to Madison's house.
Hart: Gee, I've never been in your house before.
Drew: Yeah, you have. Haven't you?
Fiona: *to Madison* You WISH Hart had been in your house before....

Egg almost breaks a glass penguin belonging to Madison's mom.
Madison: Careful! My mom got that in the antarctic!
Because they have so many glass penguin shops in the antarctic.

Madison finds it weird that Egg speaks Spanish...even though he's bilingual.
Although he's quite "Dora the Explorer" about it. "Mi mami got it for me. She rocks."

"As Egg clicked away, Madison prayed that his fingers wouldn't slip and cause him to select one of her e-mail messages or open the secret folder on her desktop tht held her files. She had visions of Hart standing there while a dozen different files carrying his name opened up.
Hart Jones
Hart (continued)
Mr. & Mrs. Jones
The One
Him"
Wow. She has officially passed into stalking territory.

Ooh, there's a new exotic website called BLOGGERfishbowl, where bigfishbowl members can BLOG.

Oh no, they come across Madison's journal assignment...and it's blank.
Hm. Either way, that sucks.

Ivy accuses Madison of wicked PMS, but Madison doesn't want to admit that she HASN'T STARTED HER PERIOD.
I don't think she ever will, if it's been three years and she's still 12.

Madison's like, "Ew, Hart has crooked teeth."
So????

Hart: Looked like Ivy and you were arguing.
Madison: Big surprise.
Hart: She gets weirder every day.
Madison: I actually thought you liked her.
Hart: Me? Like Ivy? Uh...not exactly. She's pretty and all that, but sometimes she's just...well, I said it. She's a big weirdo.
Madison: She likes you.
Hart: Whatever.
I think he still likes her. Way to lie and be all, "Me, like her? No way."

Hart: Later, Finnster. Er...Maddie. Sorry, I guess I should stop calling you Finnster. I know it bugs you.
Madison: Yeah, well... No, Finnster isn't so bad. I like it. Don't stop. Really.
Hart: Really?
Madison: I just need to think of a good nickname for you.
Hart: Uh...Egg calls me Loser sometimes. Or Weasel.
Madison: I was thinking more like Hunk.
Hart: Huh? What did you just say???
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Madison: What? I said, 'Dork'. Why? What did you think I said?
Hart: Oh yeah, that's me. Super Dork, actually. *wink*
Phew. Crisis averted. ROFL, that was pretty hilarious, though.

Aimee is depressed because her ballet teacher has breast cancer. Foreshadowing?

Madison tells her mom about the breast cancer.
Fran: It seems like so many women I know have it these days.
Madison: Really? I remember your friend from work. Who else?
Fran: Oh. No one in particular, honey bear.
More foreshadowing!!!

Madison is surfing BLOGGERfishbowl when she comes across a blog written by...*drumroll*...Vicki, AKA Bigwheels, HER KEYPAL!!!
Bigwheels' latest entry:
I know I need to just relax but how can I relax when I don't get any sleep either? I think I'm going to check out one of the chat rooms Dad told me about. I never knew it affected so many kids. I also found out that I can volunteer down @ the speech center in Seattle. I don't think I'll be working with kids who have autism but I will probably learn a lot.
--BW

Autism??? What a concept.
Madison is less concerned by the entry, however, and more concerned about why BIGWHEELS NEVER TOLD HER ABOUT THIS SECRET BLOG!! BETRAYAL!!!

Hey, Madison gets an e-mail from Hart...one that turns out to be a mistake:
From: Sk8ingboy
Hey, guys, my dad just called the FH rink and the dude there said we can play next wkend which is cool so let's find other guys and we'll be hooked up. I was thinking maybe we could go over to Drew's to play the Zone again b4 we sk8 since the game @ Maddie's was so lame. Ok. E-me l8r.

Whoa, wait. The game at Maddie's was LAME? Does that mean the game was stupid or Madison is lame?

Madison has to write a story about a scar, so she writes about the divorce, which is a metaphorical scar.
But then she gets off topic and has to rewrite the entire thing.
Been there.

Oooh, big juicy gossip! Ivy is dating a high-school sophomore!!!
???
But is she SLEEPING with him? Otherwise, that's only SORT OF creepy.

Uh oh...he was talking about her in the locker room. GROSS.

There's actually not that many cute guys at other schools. I'm pretty satisfied with the ones at mine, but Madison thinks otherwise.

Lance reads his scar story outloud in class, and it turns out Lance has a heart defect!!! For Madison, this explains all his nerdy tendencies.
Yeah. Because heart defects cause a person to be socially challenged.

Hmm, Madison hears Ivy crying in the bathroom. EVEN MORE FORESHADOWING??

?? Madison's mom goes on a date...but doesn't tell Madison what went on.

She still wants her parents to get back together, even though her dad is married now?? It's cool if Stephanie gets hurt and everything....

Aargh, Madison's friends twist the rumor about Ivy and make it sound like she's dating a COLLEGE sophomore!!!! Aargh, they're so mean!!
Drew tells them to leave her alone, and they're all, "Ha ha, you like Ivy!!"

Uh oh. It appears Hart still likes Ivy. All his friends are teasing him about it.
He WAS lying after all.

Journaling #3
Topic: List twenty details about someone you know. Try to include details that are about more than just physical appearance.
Egg asks Madison to read her list outloud...but she can't...because it's about HART.

Egg writes about his sister Mariah, who has blue hair and a nose ring. Jealous.

Fiona writes about Madison, but one of her details is "Bad at keeping secrets".
Ouch.

Since they don't have a science teacher and they can't get a sub, Madison's science class has to work in the library the entire period.
And Madison is stuck with Poison Ivy.
Fuuuun.

Madison doesn't remember Ivy's middle name, which is Renee...
...but Ivy remembers MADISON'S middle name, which is Francesca.
Random.

Turns out Ivy already did all the journaling assignments and asked for more!! Oh, I want some, too.

Madison wants those extra assignments.
But Ivy won't give them to her.
Because Madison never shares her science notes.
Catfight!

Madison peeks into Ivy's journal:
Write about a time you had to wait for something you wanted.
What's the point of writing about this? I am supposed to see M. and H. as soon as possible, but I don't know what will happen. J. didn't have happy....

Madison assumes M and H stand for "Madison" and "Hart".

Bigwheels is sorry, but she doesn't feel comfortable telling Madison what's going on in her life.
Madison retaliates and whines, "You always told me to keep it real. You can talk to me!!"
Someone just wants to know the juicy gossip.
Hello. Problem solve. It has to do with AUTISM.

Madison runs into Hart in the hallway.
Madison: I'm such a klutz. I can't believe I whammed into you like that. I am SO sorry. And now look at this mess....
Hart: My dad would call this a happy accident. He always says profound things like that.
What are you implying??

Uh-oh. Hart might've looked at Madison's journal! There's no telling what he saw!
Hmm, it turns out he might've seen "MADISON JONES" written in huge letters.

Aimee's obsessed with the whole "high school sophomore" thing. "OMG, HIS NAME IS FRED!"

And he apparently got suspended once for using drugs.

Wows. The 4th journaling assignment is to write a description of someone you know, and using inflammatory language, Madison writes a pagelong rant about Poison Ivy.

It turns out Mrs. Daly (Ivy's mom) has breast cancer, too!
It's a small world after all.

Duh. The M and J in the notebook stood for "Mom" and "Janet".

It turns out the high-school sophomore is a member of a cancer support group that Ivy goes to and they're JUST FRIENDS.

Madison doesn't want to be nice to Ivy because her FRIENDS will think she's weird.
You could bring up the CANCER. That might help.

Fran STILL won't tell Madison who she's dating...or whether or not she's dating AT ALL.

Madison accidentally tells her friends about the date, and they're all, "OMG, GOSSIP!"
Madison: No! You guys... This is how rumors get started.
Yeah. Remember the "college sophomore" thing?

Fiona: Walter's cute, and I like him a lot, but he can be really, really embarrassing sometimes.
He's a GUY! Not only that, he's in 7TH GRADE! Of course he's embarrassing!

Drew, the rich kid, brags about his new BASEBALL CARD COLLECTION. He even has an original Honus Wagner card!!!
Um, cool...but what's the point?? It's not like there's anyone to trade with him.

Hart grabs Madison's hand suggestively. ????

Fran doesn't want to wear a red dress on one of her dates, because that would send the WRONG IMPRESSION.
Either this guy is religious or it's not a date.

Dude, it's okay if you lie in your journal. Denial is the first step in processing grief. And it's her PRIVATE JOURNAL. It's not like anyone's going to find out.
And Madison doesn't even CARE about the lies Ivy is writing. She's just jealous that Ivy is in her DOMAIN of journals and collages.

Bigwheels reveals her secret: Her brother Eddie has mild autism.
Now he doesn't like being touched, can't sit still, hit himself in public, and apparently can't talk.
Ooooh...poor Bigwheels.

Madison's like...Oh.

The grades were so bad on the last science quiz that Madison's teacher gave everyone an A!!!!!
Whoa...I wish my science teacher had been that nice. I had the highest grade in the class with a B-!

Just when Madison is about to be nice to Ivy, Ivy has to tell another lie about her perfect life, making Madison "madder than mad".

Fran wasn't going on dates...she was meeting with a bigwig to discuss her promotion!! Soon they'll be rich!

Madison is mad that her mom didn't tell her first, though. After she told everyone else. Including Jeff, the guy she had a kid with.
Yeah, I'd probably tell Jeff first, too.

Argh. Madison's friends start being REALLY mean about Ivy (claiming she's on drugs, making fun of her outfit, etc.), so Madison tells them to quit it.
And...ugh, I hate them so much.
Aimee: Are you defending her?
Madison: no, no! But I just think...that maybe...we're being a little harsh...
Friends: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Madison: What's so funny?
Aimee: Maddie, we're talking about the Queen of Harsh here, Poison Ivy Daly, remember? How could we possibly come near her level of mean?

THAT'S your excuse?? When is it EVER okay to accuse someone of being on drugs??? I freaking HATE Aimee.

Wth, Aimee gets WORSE!!
aIMEE: I just saw her crying outside one of hte bathrooms. Can you believe it? Ivy never cries. She's more like an emotional freezer. She doesn't care about anyone else except herself.
Fiona: What was she crying about?
Aimee: Herself. She ran out of lip gloss. Oooh! Poor me!
B**ch.

Madison does some really LAME defending.
Madison: I think Ivy's got a problem.
Aimee: NO KIDDING!
Fiona: HAHAHAHAHA! [I hate her, too]
Madison: No, you two, I'm serious. I think maybe she has a real problem.
Fiona: You're serious?
Aimee: Like, what problem? What do you know that you aren't telling us?
Madison: I just...I don't know anything for sure. But I just think that maybe Ivy is really sad. Maybe she's not being a drama queen for once.
Fiona: I guess you could be right.
Aimee: Please! I can't stay for the pity party.
For the love of God, Aimee!! Who's an emotional freezer now? She doesn't even care!! And Madison just laughs along with her to the pity party comment.
Is it sad that I'm getting really riled about what a fictional character is saying??
Whatever. She's a STUPID fictional character.

Lo and behold! The girls come upon a lady whose son has autism!

Madison: It's so weird that you saw Mrs. Reynolds like that, because I was just wondering about autism.
Aimee: Huh? You were? Maddie, why were you wondering about that?
Madison: Oh, I don't know, Aim, I saw a TV show on autism once...and I-I've always wondered about it. That's all.
Aimee: That's so random, Maddie.
Dude, holy crap. Is Aimee THAT OBLIVIOUS?? What a crappy friend.

Now that Fran is rich, she takes Madison on a joyous shopping spree.
Dang, my parents are the opposite of rich right now.
Stupid gas prices.

And they run into Paige and Ivy Daly at the mall!! Awkward...
I think Mrs. Daly is bald. That's how I pictured her, anyway.

Awww...Ivy is so sad about her mom.
But she also doesn't want anyone to start treating her like a leper because she has a sick mom.
That's the Ivy we know and love. You were scaring me for a minute there, Ivy.

Omg, Mrs. Daly has an asthma attack! Or something. Does cancer affect the respiratory system, too?

Mrs. Daly just randomly throws her arms around Madison and kisses her on the cheek. WHOA. There's this thing we call "The Bubble". You're not respecting it.

For her last journal assignment, Madison has to write a piece from someone else's point of view, so she writes about Ivy. It's pretty depressing.

Yay, Eddie's made progress! He can talk now!!
Maybe he'll grow up to be like the autistic kids at my school who are really good at spelling.
But that's assuming all autistic kids have some sort of superpower when in fact they're just normal kids...sort of.

Surprise! Hart comes over.
And he ran the entire way???
Ha ha, like in #16. "Are you okay?" "Oh yeah, I have asthma."

Chocolate cookies are overrated.
But both Madison and Hart like them. They have SOOOO much in common!!

Wh-What?
Hart: Are you okay?
Madison: No.
And she tells him all about what's been going on...and he listens??? That's cool.

But then, out of the blue, he's all, "You're really nice." Which makes you wonder if he was really listening.

They agree to "do something"...as in go on a date.

Hart: You know...I should tell you something.
Madison: What?
Hart: Well, do you remember the day when you and I collided at school? And your bag fell apart?
Madison: Yeah?
Hart: Well...I saw your journal that day. I saw what you wrote.
Madison: Saw what?
Hart: I saw my name on that page.

Then he just LEAVES!!! MIXED-MESSAGES!!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN????

But then Fran comes home and says, "Hart run all the way here? He loves you!"
So everything is okay.

Madison's Computer Tip:
If you want to keep your thoughts and feelings secret, don't write them down in a blog.

Well, I obviously DON'T.
Hm, fun fun fun.
The next one takes place in NYC, so it should be sparkly and fun, according to the back cover.
Agh, I started reading #21, which I'd never read before, and it's a little disappointing. But whatever. I'll be here forever, so expect more later.

Happy Fictional Father's Day!!!, or FTFO Madison Finn #18: Give Me a Break

2008-06-15T07:56:00.000-07:00

It's Father's Day!! Yay!!! This is the day where I thank God for giving me a father more able than Jeff Finn.
Ironically, Madison Finn #18 involves fathers. Sort of. It's mostly about friendship and superstition, but Jeff takes Madison on a big ski trip, so it's pretty appropriate.
Wth? In the library summary, they make it sound like Madison has to choose between Fiona and Aimee, but Fiona's already going somewhere for the holidays, so picking her isn't even an option.
I highly doubt the person who wrote that read the book.

Plot: Winter Break is here and Madison expects to be bored out of her wits. She is so jealous of her friend, Fiona, who is going to California for the holidays. UNFAIR!!!
Then Jeff Finn has a brilliant idea: why doesn't he take his wife, daughter, and best friend to a 5 star ski resort???? Wouldn't that be fun??
Honestly? Sounds like one of the BSC vacations, where the parents pay for EVERYONE.
Madison is all for it. She grabs Aimee and they head off to Big Mountain (seriously, that's the name.)
Unfortunately, they keep running into bad luck!! On the drive up the mountain, they get TWO flat tires. They also rent a HAUNTED cabin, and get into fights!!
It's just omen after bad omen!!!
Not only that, Aimee is being totally snobby, and Madison blames HER for all the bad luck.
After Madison chooses a cute boy to be her ski partner rather than Aimee, Aimee flies in a jealous rage down the mountain...and sprains her wrist!!
This is either the worst vacation or the best vacation ever.
I'm enjoying it.
Madison is so angry at Aimee. She ruined their vacation!!! Aimee sacrifices TLC and good medical care, however, to let Madison enjoy the slopes for two more days. Wow. She's a good friend...especially since Maddie's such a brat in this one.
Even more bad luck!!! Madison realizes all her superstitions are stupid and breaks down...but Aimee is there to boost her ego and say, "No, all your superstitions aren't dumb! I believe them!"
That way, Amiee has to apologize first and nothing is expected of Madison.
So lame. Anyway, they are friends forever.

More notes:
Fiona wears a lot of purple, specifically the shade "grape".

Egg knocks Devo and Tears for Fears. Jerk.

"The truth was that Aimee, Madison, and Fiona had gone to a few hockey games - and practices, too. Fiona went because her brother was on the team and because she wanted to see Egg in slap-shot action. Madison went to ogle Hart in his ice skates."
Wth? They actually let other students come to practice??? SOOOO prohibited at my school. Lol!! "Oooooh...your ice skates are SOOOOO hot...score another goal..."

Aw, poor Madison and Aimee. Fiona is going to California for winter break!!! Madison and Aimee have to watch hot boys play hockey and work at the Cyber Cafe (for money!!!).

Madison finds a chain letter Aimee receives and FREAKS OUT!! They HAVE to send it to five people or they'll have FIVE YEARS OF BAD LUCK.
Oooo, I'm scared. They send a copy to Poison Ivy.
Why are they so mean to her???

Whaaaat? Maddie might not be into Hart anymore???

LAAAAME. Hart doesn't have the balls to ask her out, and Madison doesn't want to make the first move, either.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. I thought the cute guy next door was named JOSH. Madison seems to think his name is Toby.
Nooooooo. That would be the random high school guy you met in #11 whilst walking your dog.

She reminisces about Mark and how she messed up because she NEVER e-mailed him (but he never exactly e-mailed her, either).

Whoas. How rich is Madison's dad? They're staying in a 5 star resort, and Madison can take her friend AND her dog.

On the last day of school before winter break, all the teachers show movies instead of teaching class.
AS IT SHOULD BE.

Aimee screws up things with Hart. She not only embarasses him, but implies that Maddie should find someone new.
WHY ARE YOU FRIENDS WITH HER, MADDIE?

BIGWHEELS IS SICK AGAIN!!! I bet tomorrow her computer will crash, but as soon as she gets a new one, she'll be grounded, and then when she finally gets to use her e-mail again, she'll be sick.
It's a vicious cycle.

Bigwheels wants to meet Maddie in person.
Aaagh...what if she's really a creepy child molestor!?

Oh no, Madison has no cute ski clothes! She'll be laughed off the slopes!

So far, Madison has a sweatshirt, ski pants, a jacket, and some jeans.
If you never change clothes, that could last you a few days.

"Even though Madison was feeling much more alert, Aimee's high-pitched squeals were still over the top."
I hate morning people.
Agh, my dog woke me up at 6:15 this morning, but when I want to be awake and play with her, she's tired and wants to go to bed.
??? I thought you were a terrier!

They hear the same song on the radio within ten minutes!!
Good omen!!!

Jeff gets lost and refuses to ask for directions.
Here's to Dad's who never ask for directions!! Yaaaay!

Two flat tires!!! And Jeff forgot his AAA card!! They'll never get a tow now!

Stephanie totally chews him out...then pulls out HER AAA card for him to use.
Why didn't you just give it to him in the first place?

Lol. They go to a love calculator website. Those crack me up, but Madison TOTALLY takes them seriously.

Hart and Madison have only a 26% chance of romance!! Say it isn't so!!!

Madison has a better (85%) chance with EGG!!! Ew.

Aimee and Ben have a 74% chance. Ew, I hate them both.

Uh oh. Hart and Ivy have an 81% chance of romance.
Lol. Madison's ideal love connection is Philip Ayres, who sits next to her in math class.
So she types in her and Hart's MIDDLE names and they get an 81% chance, just like Hart and Ivy.
Ew, Hart's middle name is Jefferson???

Oh no, Madison sees a black cat! Bad omen?
Nope. It's just a squirrel.

Aimee makes fun of Hart, because he's a commitmentphobe.
Then again, this is junior high, but getting played kind of sucks.

Lol. The skylights open and it snows in their cabin. Bad omen.
Then again, they now have their own personal ski trail.

NOYCE!!! The resort reimburses them for one night's stay, and pays for their lift tickets AND lunch!!
HOLY CRAP!!
If I'd been there, I would be shoveling snow into my cabin every DAY!!

The manager even sends them APOLOGY BREAKFAST!!! Pastries and yogurt!!! sWeEt!!!

AAargh. Madison spills the salt, screams, and tosses it over her shoulder...which blinds Phinnie for life.

Wth???
"Aimee unzipped her suitcase and took out a perfectly matched outfit - a pair of purple ski pants and an orange fleece pullover. Underneath, she would wear a little shirt with flowers embroidered across the neckline."
Purple and ORANGE??? What about that is MATCHING???? Madison's jealous that Aimee is so "fashionable". I think the appropriate word is "color-blind".

Red pants, a black T-shirt, and a pink hat doesn't work that well, either, but I guess the point is to stay warm.

Oooh, an exotic Spanish ski instructor.
Aimee is in lust.

Aimee: We're here for lessons.
Ski instructor: Are you? Well, I'm the instructor.
Madison: Can we sign up for you?
Aimee: She means, can we register for you and your lessons?
Ski instructor: Certainly. I'm Carlos. Let me get Jennifer. She will help you get signed up.
Mmmmm, Carlos, I want to learn how to ski. Lol.

Aimee totally throws herself at Carlos, but when Madison spazzes out about a piece of strawberry stuck in her teeth, Aimee is all, "He's only the ski instructor, Maddie."
*cough* HYPOCRITE *cough*

Whoas. Stephanie and Dad buy Madison sunglasses, gloves, a ski suit, and a headband.
It would suck to be Aimee in that situation.

Ooh, the ski pants have a bib. Yay, ski overalls!

Oooh, Madison runs into a cute boy named Hugh Jackson.
H...J. Hey, he has the same initials as Hart Jones!

Foster Lane, Aimee's favorite movie star, is at the resort!!!
That would suck if there was a celebrity at your resort...but it was someone you despised, like Tori Spelling.

"When Aimee set her mind to something, she was often successful. Maybe it was a combination of always speaking her mind and batting her eyelashes."

Hugh: freckles, green eyes, blond hair.
In other words, Zac Efron!!!

Jeff gives Madison and Aimee necklaces with a bunny charm. Oh, I get it! Snow bunnies!!! -_-

Ugh, of course, Madison has to go overboard and convince herself that the snow bunny necklace is good luck.

Lol. Aimee takes off the necklace because it doesn't match her outfit. Madison's like, "NOOOO, BAD LUCK, BAD LUCK!"

Stephanie believes in a superstition about sneezing.
One for sorrow, two for joy, three for a letter, four for a boy, five for silver, six for gold, seven for a secret never to be told.
What is that supposed to mean?? And I thought it was seven for DEATH.
Because we were talking about that in math, and then Sam sneezed four times in a row, so Mr. Kovacs was all, "4 sneezes closer to DEATH!" It was pretty hilarious.

LAAAAAME. The waiter tells them a story about Mr. White, who supposedly froze to death outside his cabin. Wait. MADISON'S cabin was once his cabin!!
How is she believing this??? HE'S A WAITER!!!

Stephanie leaves to go to the bathroom when Madison and Aimee start talking about old memories when Maddie's parents were still together, and Madison flips out at Aimee. "Why did you start talking about my mom!!1?? It made Stephanie cry!!"

Aagh. Aimee blows up at Madison, and understandably so.
Owl: Hoooo hoooo hoooo.
Madison: Oh no! THree times! Bad luck!
Aimee: Huh? Three what? Maddie, stop obsessing about your stupid superstitions!
Madison: What do you mean, stupid?
Aimee: I mean, can you please stop being so neurotic for five minutes and just go back to sleep?
Madison: Neurotic? Quit acting like you know everything.
Aimee: What do you mean by that? I don't know everything. Who said I knew everything?
Madison says some nasty stuff about Aimee's ballet ability, and Aimee snaps back.
Girls....

Aimee and Stephanie have a special bonding time.
I would be soooo jealous.

Lol. Madison fell asleep on her bunny charm and it made a HUGE indent in her face.

Madison writes Bigwheels and complains about how slutty Aimee is and how much she's CHANGED.
Um, isn't Aimee flirty ALL THE TIME?? And you go for older guys, too, Madison, so don't be mean to your best friend.

Hmm, Hugh lives in Reston, which is close to Far Hills. Love Connection!
Isn't Reston that town where the Sandy girl in Pony Pals #19 was moving??
Sorry.

Madison tells Aimee she's acting like Poison Ivy.
I think spending time with Poison Ivy would be preferable to listening to Madison moan.

Lol. Aimee has to be partners with some girl...but Madison is partners with Hugh.

Then Aimee gets mad when Madison won't switch partners. Hello, hot guy, more important than friendship, obviously.

Hugh: Your friend looks bummed. You should ski with her.
Madison: I do everything with her. I would rather ski with you.
Whoa, Maddie. How positively bold of you.

Aimee falls down the mountain!!!!! No lie!!!

How would a broken wrist prevent you from dancing in a ballet recital?? I want to know.

At least it's only a sprain...but it will be in a cast for 4 weeks. Ouch.

Madison is so selfish. Her best friend just hurt her wrist and needs to go home, and the only thing Madison cares about is her vacation.

Argh. Madison is convinced the accident happened because neither girl wore their ski bunny charm.

Bad timing. Gramma Helen, not knowing about Aimee's accident, sends Madison an e-mail that says, "Don't fall of the mountain!"

Fiona e-mails about her brother Chet's sprained foot and complains about how she can't do ANYTHING now. Hello, your BROTHER sprained his foot, not you. Just ditch him and go have fun. You're in CALIFORNIA!

Heeeeey...Drew's gf's name is ELAINE, not Emily. Unless he broke up with Elaine and started going out with a new girl...whose name ALSO happens to begin with E.

Aw. Aimee decides to stay so Madison can enjoy her vacation.
Madison totally does NOT thank her best friend.

Ooh, Madison puts on MAKEUP to impress Hugh. Lol. If only she knew what was coming.

They practice on a slope called Four-Leaf Clover.
Good omen!

Ewwww, root beer.

They ask if CARLOS, the 25-year-old Spanish ski instructor, will be Aimee's true love. Yeah, I see that happening.

Yay, the chain letter worked!! Ivy got gum in her hair!! So mean.

I hate people that only apologize when the other person did. Aimee says she believes in superstitions and that she's sorry for almost ruining the vacation because she was dumb (the accident was NO accident; she was just showing off). Madison apologizes, but doesn't specify what she's sorry about. Meaning she's not really sorry. -_-

OH NO! Hugh can't ski with Madison anymore! He'd rather go skiing with his friends and parents, and ski demos are lame anyway.

Madison freaks out!! She acts like they were dating or something, when, in actuality, they've known each other 2 days. Totally overreacting.

AND overdramatic. "I'm...all...alone!!! *sob*"

To show Madison she is a good friend, Aimee wears her snow bunny necklace, which restores Madison's faith in good and bad luck and omens and so forth.

They met Foster Lane, but Madison doesn't think he is cute because he has acne.
It's not like people CHOOSE to have acne. My brother has it, and my friends are always asking all slyly, "Mmmm, who's he??" It's creepy. And weird.

"Maybe everything happened so we could see that the best lucky charm was with us all along--each other."
GAG! This isn't "Sesame Street".

Lol. Madison and Aimee play that apple game where you twist off the stem and poke through the skin. Aimee gets WD, for Walter Diaz!!! But he's supposed to be Madison's "true love"? Oh well.
Madison gets HJ, and is like, "Oh no, not Hugh!" Um, duh. Hart Jones.

WHOA. As soon as Madison gets home, Hart IMs her and asks if she would like to go skating with him. Well, him, and all their friends, but still.
Okay, and it WAS on IM, but it's a start.

Madison's Computer Tip:
The Internet is a great place to search for trends, fashion tips, and other ideas about what's hot - and in my case, what's not.

Fun, fun, fun. The next book is more serious, and a little lamer, as Madison takes out her frustrations on Poison Ivy. It's like permanent PMS or something. Hopefully she'll be better by #20.

CSI is so passe, or FTFO Madison Finn #17: On the Case

2008-06-09T19:13:00.000-07:00

This is one of the ones that I could never remember the title to. Seriously, I could rattle off all 25 Madison Finn titles...except this one. I don't know why. It wasn't very exciting.

Plot: Madison loves "Crime Time", an exciting TV show where crimes are solved!!! Sounds like the Far Hills version of CSI. Soon, Madison begins to think SHE can solve crimes!!
People humor her for a little while, and she ends up solving a few petty cases (like The Case of the Missing Keys and The Case of the Lost Kittens), but then she stumbles across a real live mystery at her very own school!
It seems Mr. Olivetti, Madison's flute teacher, lost a very important piece of music. Some people believe it was stolen.
Madison rushes to track down the supposed thief, but does so without the support of her BFF, Aimee. In fact, Aimee seems to think all this Private Investigation is *gasp* DUMB!! The two have several nasty fights, and it seems they will NEVER be friends again!
Thankfully, Madison crashes and burns just in time: the music wasn't STOLEN, just misplaced, and the person she had been suspecting was innocent. Madison admitted how stupid she was to her friends and they welcomed her back with open arms. Sort of.

More notes:
Dang. Maddie is obsessed. She doesn't eat dinner and yells at her mom when she interrupts "Crime Time". And she has a crush on Major Demille. I mean, what freak has a crush on characters from TV...?
Besides me?

Argh. Francine turns off the TV because it isn't proper viewing material...then turns it back on because her daughter complains. Way to be consistent.

Fun, Fiona comes over to watch a "Crime Time" marathon. Par-tay. Actually, I did that with my friend back in the day. We watched nothing but MTV for six hours.

"Fiona had been "going out" (at least that's what they called it) with one of Madison's best guy friends, Walter "Egg" Diaz, for a little while. At first, Madison had hated the idea of their dating, but she was getting used to it over time."
WHOA WHOA WHOA. Madison hated that Egg and Fiona were together??? WHEN??? I don't remember that EVER. She was always like, "Hey, Fiona, go jump in Egg's lap!"

I hate when Madison gets serious about stupid things.
Tonight, we meet a robber who wears a different disguise for every robbery he commits. Last week, he broke into houses wearing a rabbit suit. Yesterday, he knocked off a bank wearing a red beard and a patch over one eye. Tomorrow, who knows what he'll be wearing?
Fiona: A hula skirt. HAHAHAHA.
Madison: Fiona, these are serious crimes.
Fiona: Serious? In a rabbit suit?
Yeah, Maddie, lighten up.

Ugh, lame, the episode is based on true events, and the girls hear "scary noises" so they assume it's THE MASKED AVENGER.

It's just AIMEE, of course!! She wants to join their party!

Egg is jealous of Major Demille???
"Who is that turkey?"
Lol. I'll be saying that a lot from now on.

Madison is being spazzy with Hart again!!
Madison: Hi, Hart.
Hart: I saw you earlier. I guess you didn't see me.
Madison: Oh? No, I guess I didn't. I've been a little preoccupied today. Sorry.
Hart: So, what's up? Why are you so preoccupied?
Madison: Yes.
Hart: Huh?
Madison: I'm fine.
Hart: *sigh* Actually, what I asked you was-
Madison: Do you ever watch "Crime Time"?

Hart is still being way mean to Ivy...but she IS pretty annoying.

Hart plays piano??? Random.

Yay, Blossom's puppies are mentioned!
Ew, Hart adopted one of them and named it Bones Jones.

Aimee kept two of the puppies and named them Yin and Yang. Or rather, her mom did. Ha ha, let's make New Age jokes! -_-

Oh no, some of Madison's things are missing!! Sounds like a mystery.

Phin took them and made a Madison shrine. Weird.
Tie did that. Well, she took my stuff, but didn't make a shrine out of it.
She just chewed most of it.

Ugh, Maddie reminds me so much of the Pony Pals. They were obsessed with snooping and solving mysteries, too.

Fall Fling-A-Ding?? No comment.

"She had just been ogling a pair of cute corduroy pants with flowers embroidered near the cuff."
I try to avoid the word ogling. Sounds pervy.

Madison eavesdrops on a conversation between two nameless girls...and it sounds suspicious.
Well, it does to her, anyway. They sound like they're talking about drugs or a concert. Okay, I guess drugs are pretty suspicious.

Madison: Excuse me.
8th grader: Yeah? What are you looking at?
Madison: Um, I thought you were...I thought...I heard...girls....
LOL. I heard girls.

Madison picks up a scrap of paper with a date, time, and address. Drug deal...or fabulous party??

Ivy seems way jealous of Madison these days. She tells Madison to back away from Hart.

Argh. Mr. Olivetti, Madison's flute teacher, is Italian, so he has the stupid Mario/Luigi accent.

Madison needs better comebacks. She loses another Ivy showdown.

AAargh, I can't believe she's SERIOUS!!
Madison: Don't you think I was pretty clever, Dad, for figuring out what Phin was doing?
Dad: Very, very clever.
Madison: Cut it out, Dad! I was thinking...maybe I should be a detective when I grow up.

Don't encourage her, Stephanie!
"A detective! That's what I wanted to be when I was your age! Believe it or not, Maddie. Sometimes my friends used to call me Sleuthie instead of Stephie at my high school back in Texas."
Stephanie often talks to Madison like she's a little kid. Or just stupid.

Dan is sort of stalking Madison still.

Lame. Some ninth graders randomly come up and start calling Dan a fatty.
"Madison felt her fists clench.
If she were only a little taller...and a little stronger..."
It wouldn't do any good, Maddie. Dan would NOT thank you.

The only reason Dan asked Madison to help him at the animal shelter is because there's an EMERGENCY!!
Someone keeps taking the animals out of their cages! And taking dog treats and chew toys!
And he hasn't told his mom.

Madison suspects Lana.
"LANA! IT'S YOU!"
Lana dies of cardiac arrest.

She just wanted to hold the kittens and feed the puppies!!

How did Madison know?? Cat hair on her sweater.

Okay, so stupid. Eileen, Dan's mom, doesn't fire Lana because it's NOT THAT BIG A DEAL. Dan's like, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH SHE BROKE THE RULES!"

What?? Major Demille is blonde with blue eyes. Reggie, Bigwheels' BF, was last described as having black hair and hazel eyes.
But, somehow, Reggie looks like Major Demille? HOW??

Madison literally wants to be the next Nancy Drew.
Too bad Emma Roberts put you out of a job.

Madison's friends hate it when Ivy makes fun of people, but then they gossip in front of Lana and tell everyone how she "stole" the kittens. It's so mean!

Aimee thinks all this detective work is stupid and that Madison is a little obsessed.
Whoa...could it be? Am I on Aimee's side for once?

Yay, the whole gang is going to see "Curse of the Diamond"!
I wonder if that's the next Indiana Jones sequel.

Ew, I hate it when people have to make it a COUPLE THING.

Aimee doesn't want to go, so Madison might not have a movie "partner" if Hart doesn't ask her!

Lindsay gossips SO MUCH! She's always like, "Omg, guys, I heard a juicy rumor!"
So much for learning her lesson after The Wall incident.

Hm, it seems like some precious object has been stolen at school.

"What does 'precious object' mean? Sounds like a bunch of hooey."
Golly gee, Aimee, that sure sounds like a bunch of hooey, by George.

Lindsay and Fiona think the teachers should come to Maddie for help.
How can they say that with a straight face?

SO UNCALLED FOR!!!
Aimee: I just think you should watch your back.
Madison: You're just made because I might get noticed for this and I have a guy who likes me....
TAKE IT BACK! TAKE IT BACK NOW! Why is Madison such a loser in this book?

Of course, Madison assumes Ivy is the thief. Because she hates her.
Glad to know she's not blinded by prejudice or anything.

"I have nothing else to say to you," is either the lamest comeback ever...or the best.

Madison goes to the address on the slip of paper...and it's a PARTY.
So much for encriminating evidence.

She meets Mariah, Egg's sister, and Mariah's friend Penelope...
...and Penelope is one of the suspicious girls from the library!

Madison thinks it's weird that Penelope is nice.
What's wrong with being nice? Some people are just bubbly like that.

She sees the initials PKO on Penelope's bag.
OH NO! Could it be O for Olivetti?
Um, how about P for Penelope??? You don't know her last name; it probably starts with an O. STupid.

Uh oh. Madison and Aimee have a BIG FIGHT.
BalletGrl: u really expect me 2 believe that there's some school conspiracy and people r stealing bags it sounds dumb
MadFinn: not people stealing bags just 1 person P. and how can you say it's DUMB
BalletGrl: it seems dumb that's all sorry
MadFinn: WELL YOU ARE DUMB

Then, though she feels guilty, she chooses to watch a new episode of "Crime Time" rather than apologize to her best friend.
This relationship is destined to fail.

Madison thinks up an alias using all of her favorite girl names:
Charlotte Helena Isobel Marguerite Phoebe Antoinette
Yeah. That's a good one. Not suspicious at all.

Madison can't understand why Aimee is so moody. After all, Madison supports her ballet; why can't Aimee accept her detectiving???
What a stupid question. SHe can't be serious.

Hm. The stolen item turns out to be old sheet music.
WHY WOULD YOU TAKE THAT TO SCHOOL??? OF COURSE IT'S GOING TO GET STOLEN!

Uh oh. Fiona and Egg are having problems.

They had a big fight...but Fiona can't remember what it was about. Riiight.

Madison: You guys can't both bail out of going to the movies! That isn't fair.
Aimee: Isn't fair for who? Can't you make goo-goo eyes at Hart if you go by yourself?
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!!

They start fighting again, and Fiona's like, "Um, um, LET'S MAKE COOKIES!"

Madison questions the staff members...and they're not allowed to reveal any information about the theft.

"Why so bummed out? Did Hart just dump you?"
Oh...hello, Ivy.

Seriously, Mr. Olivetti is dumb. If you bring something REALLY valuable to school, it's most likely going to get stolen.

Madison hears Ivy say, "I can't believe I got away with it!"
But she was only referring to getting away with wearing a semi-scandalous top.

Uh oh, Hart didn't call to tell Madison about the change in movie times. He must not want to be her "partner" for the movies after all.

You actually need a chaperone to get into a PG-13 movie if you're under 13?? Weird. Never happened to me.

Oooh, Madison gets to sit next to Hart in the car.

Hm, could Chet be interested in Aimee??

Madison decides to rethink her alias. Hm, how about making an acronym of her favorite names?
Charlotte Helena Isobel Marguerite Phoebe Antoinette - otherwise known as CHIMPA!

Then it hits her: FINNSTER is the perfect alias!!
Because no one will know it's really you, even though your LAST NAME is FINN.

Madison decides to confront Penelope about the black bag and ASK her if she stole the music.
Yeah, that'll go over well.

"Oh, my God, who are you? Nancy Drew?"
Might as well admit it, Madison.

IT'S NOT MR. OLIVETTI'S BAG! PENELOPE IS INNOCENT!
Can you say no duh??? PKO are, of course, HER initials, and it was just in the band room because she left it in there after band class!!!

Madison's like...*blink blink blink* "May I see inside your bag?"

I applaud Penelope for not slapping her.

Madison starts doodling and it somehow ALL GOES TERRIBLY WRONG.
Madison Demille
Maddie Demille
Mrs. Demille
Finnster Demille
Madison Jones
Mrs. Jones
Surprise!

Mr. Olivetti's music wasn't STOLEN...he LOST IT.
Of course. My dad does that EVERY DAY.
Heh, it would be so funny if Mr. Olivetti had stolen the music in the first place!

Uh oh. Even Hart is laughing at Madison's mistake.
Wow, did Penelope tell everyone? Harsh.

Ivy starts to make fun of her...but Hart stands up for her!! Yay, Hart to the rescue!

"She had it coming, Finnster."

It is sort of all Lindsay's fault.

Aww, I love Dan so much.
Just like when she was sick, Dan is the only one who e-mails her and makes her feel better.
"Madison realized what a good friend Dan was. He always had something supportive and nice to say."
Awwwww.

Argh. Aimee and Madison make up over the internet.
They fought over the internet, they made up over the internet...their relationship seems way fake.
Then again, I'm not one to talk.
And Aimee, for some inexplicable reason, admits that she's too obsessed with dance and that Madison was right all along.
Uhhh...not really.

Madison's Computer Tip:
Use a computer document to make lists and keep track of pals and enemies.

Okay. I'll remember that, Madison.
Ugh. I hate that one. It's always been one of my least favorite books. That and #19. #18 sucks, too, and I'll post that tomorrow. It's more Madison/Aimee drama.

There's just something about older men, or FTFO Madison Finn #16: Three's a Crowd

2008-06-07T10:29:00.000-07:00

As school has been ending and Tie has been chewing up all my slippers, there's nothing I've felt like doing less than posting on this blog.
Wait. Does that sentence even work?
Oh well. I've just been busy. I think I read this book sometime in the beginning of May, too. I probably won't remember what the page markers even mean.

Plot: Madison feels terrible. She has the flu and is being forced to stay home for close to a week!! Not that she cares; who likes school?
She starts to go a little stir-crazy, however, when her busy mom calls Gramma Helen over from Chicago to take care of Madison, and Gramma Helen is very old-fashioned. Madison isn't even allowed to go on her laptop!!
The final straw is when Madison notices a cute guy who lives across the street. Whaaat??? How could she have not noticed him before??? His name is Josh, he plays hockey, and communicates with Madison via bedroom window (he writes notes for her to see, like, "How R U?").
When Madison finally gets back to school, she is in LUV. She follows Josh around, has lots of wonderfuly intellectual conversations with him, and ends up blowing off Hart several times. Uh oh.
One day, while at Freeze Palace with her dad, Madison runs into Josh...and his GIRLFRIEND!!! :O
She is heartbroken, of course.
Then her friends cheer her up and Madison realizes they never had a chance anyway.
Then she goes off and hangs with Hart.

More notes:
Today's Mental Floss:
If an international airliner crashed exactly on the U.S.-Mexican border, where would authorities be required to bury the survivors!!
When I first got this book, I tried to figure this out for 10 minutes and failed.

They have a big English assignment on any topic of their choosing - except for extreme sports, serial killers, video games, or biographies of current celebrities, rap stars, or sports stars.
There goes my idea.

Weird. Madison and Fiona get sick at the SAME TIME.

Egg and Fiona are so weird and couple-y. It would be super awkward to hang out with them.

Back to the mental floss: Why would anyone bury survivors??? HAHAHAHA! Dang. I wish I'd guessed that.

"Get thyselves to the nurse's office, young ladies, before we all catch your bugs, okay?"
Why is Mr. Gibbons trying to sound like Shakespeare?

Nurse Shim still creeps me out.

Whoa, they all have fevers of 102.

Aimee's sick, too!! Weeeird.

AAAAGH. I hate that you can't leave school when you're sick without parental consent, even if you live 2 minutes away. I couldn't get ahold of either parent for a LONG TIME when I got sick and they almost made me stay and suffer at school. Raaaah.
But Madison finally called her dad, like I did, so she was able to go home.

OMG!!! Madison sneezes on Hart's sweater, and I mean SNEEZES. There's a HUGE loogie on his shirt.

But Hart seems to be okay with it?

Ewww, tofu broth!!?? Who would want to drink that when they're sick? Wouldn't it just make them sicker?
My brother started eating tofu recently, and he says it tastes like a diaper, but he loves it.
Possibly because he pours Johnny's Tenderizing Seasoning Salt all over it before he eats it.

Mom: You know what? You look pale.
Madison: But I always look pale, don't I?
We were talking about that in jazz band. Paul felt the need to mention that I was the second-whitest kid in school, after him. Thanks, Paul.

Psych, Madison has bronchitis.

And her friends just have colds. How lame is that?

Madison's mom and dad always pick fights. Not awkward, or anything.
But Jeff comes over with chicken, and Fran offers him wine when she knows he doesn't drink?

"Well, I'll leave you to your chicken."
That sounds so weird, but fun to say.

Sick people just want TLC.

"It was a boy. He had red hair, or at least it appeared red under the street lamp. He wore an old corduroy jacket, ripped jeans, and lumberjack boots. The big dog sniffed madly at a hydrant."
Lol. In 7th grade there was a boy in my neighborhood with dachsunds, and I was like, "Omg, boyz!!" But he's shorter than me, now, and I don't know what happened to his dogs.

Yay!! If my grandma came over to take care of me when I was sick, I'd be so excited.
Only my grandma lives in Washington, so I see her all the time.
If Grandma Nina came over, it'd be pretty cool, though. I haven't seen her in 2 years.

Awww, Dan e-mails her. I love that boy.
Someone told me ur sick. No way b/c I am @ the clinic $ there are 5 lizards here right now and they are sick 2!!! I had 2 tell u b/c u always laff @ stuff like that.
He names the lizards Wizzy, Fizzy, Dizzy, Tizzy, and Lizzy.
-_-

Then Egg offers to pick up her and Fiona's homework.
At the end of the e-mail, he grudgingly offers to pick up Aimee's, too. Lol.

Hey, you can like 2 guys at the same time. Nothing wrong with that.

Strange. Gramma Helen got a fortune cookie that said she would be traveling to faraway places, and here she is in New York!
Connor got one that said, "You like Chinese Food."

Lol, Gramma's like, "You lay in bed, and I'll run a eucalyptus bubble bath and make some saltwater gurgle while the cold-air vaporizer charges," and Madison's like, "Whatever, Gramma, can we just play cards?"

The girls always talk about how mean Poison Ivy is, but Lindsay sends them this e-mail that's practically 8 pages of ridiculing her outfit.
I guess she never really got over the whole "Fat Camp Loser" thing.

:O HART BLEW OFF POISON IVY!!
They were supposed to work on the English project together, but he stood her up and then pretended not to know what she was talking about.
Okay, even if it is Poison Ivy, that's really mean. Hart's a jerk.

Hart might like another girl besides Ivy...but that could be anyone.
Come on, Madison, it's so you.

Chicken lemon orzo soup???
I'd rather have orange juice and crackers.

Bigwheels is all, "Omg, I found this website where you can send free e-cards!!"
Aren't there millions of those sites around??? They're not exactly a new invention, Bigwheels.

Madison tells Bigwheels about the new boy:
"I had this dream last night that he was spying on me and wanted to meet me."
Wow. That would've creeped me out.

Agh, I love optical illusions, which is what Madison, Aimee, Fiona, and Lindsay pick for their English project.

I remember reading "The Outsiders"!
"Stay gold, Ponyboy."

Egg comes over with Madison's homework, and Gramma Helen FREAKS OUT. "Did I meet this boy the last time I visited? Why are boys calling on you when you're sick in bed?"
She sounds like my dad. Kevin, Alexis, and I bought ice cream at 7/11 and my dad was like, "Who's he?? Is he your friend? Is he in band? Well, of course he's in band. Oh, hi Alexis."

WHOA. Egg apparently knows EVERYTHING about Madison's hot neighbor! His name's Josh, he's in 9th grade (ooooh, an older boy! Lol), he plays hockey, and is friends with Drew.
Then Egg suddenly gets defensive and is like, "What about Hart, Maddie?"

ROFL! "I thought you dug Hart."
Can you dig it? Yes, I can. I've been waiting such a long time for Saturday.
Sorry. Chicago moment.

Oooooh. Egg crushes all of Maddie's hopes and dreams!
Madison: Does Hart know...that I like him?
Egg: I think so. But so what? He doesn't care.
:O WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT???
Madison: He doesn't care?
Egg: I don't know what he thinks. We don't really talk about it.
EGG! THAT'S DIFFERENT THAN NOT CARING!!

What is it about older guys that make girls giggle incessantly???
Possibly because all the guys our own age aren't as hot??

Bigwheels sends this dumb list of things to do when you're sick. It's supposed to be hilarious.

Gramma's like, "A laptop? How fascinating. Show me how this titillating contraption works! I want to send an e-mail to Mabel!"

Frannie thinks work is more important than her daughter. How lame is that?

Whatever happened to Blossom's puppies? I want one.

Lindsay stalks Josh for a day and finds out the following information:
His full name is Josh Turner.
He's in 9th grade.
He plays hockey.
He also plays the accordion AND the tuba????
He's single.

Madison has cute pajama pants. I'm sort of jealous.
Then again, I have boxers!! :P

AAAAGH!! She spies Josh through her window.

He says "Hi There" and then goes to bed when Madison can't think up a fitting reply.

The secret is revealed:
Maybe I'll see him in the hallway and he'll ask me to have lunch with him at his table in the cafeteria. That would just burn Poison Ivy if I got to sit with the ninth graders at lunch!!
:P The girls at my school who are dating juniors are so annoying, like they're so much better than the rest of us. But, then again, it would be cool to be like, "Hehehe, your boyriend is 5'6". My boyfriend can drive...AND SHAVE!"

Ew. It's so nasty when you don't shower or change clothes when you're sick.

OMG, HART WAS ASKING ABOUT MADISON AT SCHOOL.
He asked Dan, which is sort of cold.
"I'm worried about the girl we both like, Dan. Do you know anything about her? Is she feeling okay?"

Hart is SUCH A JERK to have led Poison Ivy on this whole time. He thinks she's annoying and has an attitude and wishes she would just go away.
WHY DIDN'T YOU THINK THAT BEFORE??? She's shown her true colors so many times. Why do you have to be so mean NOW?

Uh oh. Would having a ninth-grader boyfriend be cooler than having HART as a boyfriend?
Maddie, say it isn't so!!

Whoas. If my kid was sick, I wouldn't go out of town until they were better.
Geez, Frannie.

Madison "talks" (via window) to Josh again, but he gets bored and turns off his lamp. BAD SIGN.

Madison wishes that Josh Turner would fall madly in love with her.
Awww.
We were watching Pam Stenzel, and she was talking about how older boys are creepy and can't get anyone to date them, so younger girls shouldn't, either.
When you put it that way, it's kind of true.

Frannie is dumping her only kid with Gramma Helen for a week, and when Madison says she wants a little time away from her overly nice old-fashioned Gramma, Fran's all, "You should be grateful, bla bla bla."
Way to justify leaving your sick kid at home. She's probably just leaving to get away from Helen, anyways. Quit being a hypocrite, Fran.

A boy comes to visit...and it's Egg. Again.

Surprise!! Hart and Drew are with him.

Wait...Lindsay made fun of Ivy's brown sweater near the beginning of the book...now Hart's wearing one.
:O!
Was Ivy wearing Hart's sweater??? So much for not liking her.
Or maybe...WHOA! This is like a soap opera!!!
And Hart is still a jerk.

Hart gives her flowers.
Madison's like, "Omg! *swoon*"
But it turns out they were from her dad and were sitting on the front porch.
Ooooooh.

Egg is so mean!
Madison: The flowers are from my dad.
Egg: Duh. Who else would send you flowers?

Surprise! Josh comes over. Madison spazzes out.

Hart tries to engage Madison in conversation, but she's like, "Uh-huh, yeah. So, Josh...."

Then she asks him [Hart] all these questions about Josh. Way to be heartless, Maddie.

Surprise! Madison's hair is a mess and her T-shirt is stained. Mwahaha. Murphy's law.

Gramma turns out to be a Betty. Who dated OLDER BOYS!!
Fran apparently dated every boy in Far Hills.

OMG, GRAMMA DATED SOMEONE FOUR AND A HALF YEARS OLDER THAN HER!! AT 16!!!
That's like me dating my brother. Only we're not related, but it's still semi-illegal, were we to have sex, but we wouldn't, but people would assume he's a pervert anyway, which he probably IS.

Mmm, this older gentlemen was named Charlie Francis. Helen liked the way he wore his ties. Euphemism for something else?

He asked her out when he was 20 and she was SIXTEEN!!!!

They also talk about Mackie, the butcher's son, and Gabriel, a boy in the church choir.
Whoas. They sound dreamy.

Madison thinks she might not like Hart as much!!

Her friends are like, "You can't forget Hart!! Btw, my brother knows Josh, want me to hook you up?"

Gramma wants Madison to go to bed at 8:30.
What? She's not 6!

Now Bigwheels is sick.

She wants to know what happened to Hart, too.
"What had happened to Hart? And what was Madison going to do about her change of heart?"

Mr. Danehy suggests Madison catch up on her science homework with the help of HART JONES.
Coincidence? Or not?

But she forgets about that when Josh comes over and talks to her!!!

Josh: Well...I have class.
Madison: See you through the window!!
Oh, Madison. You have no idea how NERDY that sounded.

Argh!!!! Hart's like, "Madison, can we talk?" and he leaves an empty seat next to him at lunch and EVERYTHING, and Madison's just like, "Whatever."
AAAAARGH!

Lindsay's like, "Let's send Fiona and Aimee an e-mail full of gossip!! Let's tell them about Josh! That's juicy!"
Excuse me, but how??? He's just a cute guy who talked to Madison once, and only to be polite.

M. C. Escher!!

"Tuesday afternoon, after turning in to Blueberry Steet on the walk home from school, Madison spotted Josh. He was way ahead of her, but Madison didn't think. She just started running.
'Hello!' Madison gasped when she caught up to him.
Josh whirled around. 'Whoa. Hello, yourself. I didn't hear you.'
Madison tried to keep from panting, but her mouth was dry from running so fast. She wiped her forehead and tried to look cool.
'Are you okay?' Josh asked. 'You're purple.'
'Oh, I have asthma,' Madison said. It was a strange lie, but it sounded a lot better than, 'Oh, I was just running to catch up to you.'"
OMG!!!! That's so hilarious!! "Oh, I have asthma!"

Josh has a pet poodle named Cuddles. Um...

Gramma Helen is confusing. First, she's like, "Fran, don't ditch your kid!" Then she's like, "Madison, you must understand your mom has a lot on her plate."

They watch Fran's new documentary, which is about AIDs. Gramma even starts crying.

Group hug!

Madison goes out to talk to Josh, and misinterprets all of his actions as, "He thinks I'm cute. He's speechless because I'm so beautiful."

BATTING YOUR EYES DOESN'T WORK.

Josh totally ditches her and is like, "Um, that's nice, I have to help my dad."
I REALLY don't think he likes you, Maddie.

Oh no!! She tries to window-chat with him, and he just goes to bed without answering.
Definitely a bad sign.

Madison tries to make pancakes. "I can't do this!!"
Sorry. Just struck me as funny.

OH NO!!! Hart tries to talk to Maddie and she's like, "Uh-huh. Uh-huh. What are you talking about?"
AAAGH!!1 MADISON FINN!!! DID YOU EVER LEARN SOCIAL SKILLS??

Lindsay: He is cute. I think you would make a nice couple.
Madison: Jeez, Lindsay! Why don't you just announce it over the loudspeaker?
Lol!!

Whatever. Aimee berates Maddie for liking someone who is "practically in high school."
You like someone who is "practically in Mensa", so shut up.

Madison reads an article entitled, "Two's Company, but three's a crowd: How do you choose when you like two?"
But she never gets to finish it, so she still can't decide.

"I think maybe it's a good idea if you're going out with that older guy. Guys our age can be such dorks."
Gusy in GENERAL can be dorks.

Madison sees Josh at Freeze Palace.
"Madison wanted to turn three shades of purple.
I'm with my dad.
It sounded so seventh grade."

Whoa, Madison and Josh have the same favorite ice cream flavor!

Too bad Josh has a girlfriend! Surprise! Her name is Remy...and he had his hand on THE SMALL OF HER BACK. You know what that means.

Madison runs out of the shop and cries the whole way home.

Bigwheels is going out with Reggie again AND her cat is having kittens.
Life is so unfair.

It doesn't seem like such a big deal, but Madison is totally heartbroken. It's really sad.
And she totally saw it coming, anyway.

Aimee is such a horrible friend.
"So that's it? That's the end of Josh? I was getting excited about the prospect of your dating some ninth grader. And then maybe you'd introduce me to some other ninth grader..."
How shallow.
Madison totally blew the Josh thing out of proportion.

HART CALLS!
Madison: What are you guys doing for your Web page project?
Hart: The Titanic.
Madison: That's deep.
Hart: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *more hysterical laughter*

Hart then proceeds to tell her how annoying Ivy is and how she's failing science.
JEEEEEERK.

OMG! He asks her out! Say no! Say yes!
She says yes.
Now they're going to the movies...as a couple...on Saturday!!!

Hart was worth the wait.
Whatever that means.

Madison's Computer Tip:
Use e-mail to keep in touch with friends and family when you're stuck at home.

Wise words.
I'm definitely DONE with the computer for now, so I'm going to chillax!!! (Nickolodeon word!) and read a while. Maybe I'll post on Monday.

Somebody's getting married! Part #3

2008-05-29T16:51:00.000-07:00

I started this on the 19th!!! Sorry, I've been so busy!!!

Plot: It's the day of the wedding.
MADISON STILL HASN'T FINISHED THE COLLAGE!
She wakes up at 3 AM and manages to finish the thing AND write a really excellent poem in 2 short hours.
Tiffany comes by to pick her up, and finds Madison undressed (not naked, just in her pajamas).
Madison is worried her snobby cousin will make fun of her orange dress, but not only does Tiffany love the dress, but she turns out to be really nice, just overbearing and chatty.
It's time for the wedding. Madison gets through her Shakespeare reading without incident, and neither Jeff nor Stephanie runs away in tears. They stumble through the vows and become Mr. and Mrs. Jeffery Finn.
Yay, Madison and her dad are still super close.
Oh, and he loves the wedding present, as does Stephanie.
Madison returns home, where she finally reveals to Aimee and Fiona that she likes Hart.
Weee, how anticlimactic.

More notes:
Madison doesn't want the wedding to happen, because her future step-grandma is a witch, there are bad omens all around, and she wants her parents to get back together.

Bigwheels says, "I bet ur the prettiest girl there."
....
Maybe Bigwheels doesn't like Reggie (or boys) as much as she thought she did....

AAARGH! Aimee sends another e-mail, and it still sounds like she's blaming Madison for Fiona's problems. But then Aimee admits to not doing anything to make Fiona better, and claims it's because Madison's not there, and they have to do it together or whatever.
Ugh, I hate Aimee SOOO much.

Lame. Hart e-mails Madison about a BBQ at his house when he knows she'll be in Texas then. You suck, Hart.

Dad: In ten hours, I will marry Stephanie, and more than anything else on the planet, I want you to be okay with it.
Madison: I told you a zillion times, Dad, I'm okay with it.
Dad: I believed you before. I'm not so sure anymore.
Madison: Why can't you believe me now? I can't believe you don't believe that I believe....
:? What?

"Are you really marrying Stephanie tomorrow? But her family is so weird. And she's so...neurotic. She practically bawled her eyes out that night in here with me."
That's a good reason not to marry someone. They had a bad day. -_-

"Madison had totally lied to Dad. Of course she knew about love. After all, that was really the only thing that explained how she felt about Hart Jones."
Don't believe the hype, Maddie. That's not love.

Don't you hate it when you wake up at 3 AM and remember you didn't do something important?

....
The time suddenly jumps from 5:30 to 6:30, then from 6:30 to 7:30.
WHERE DID THOSE TWO HOURS GO?

Argh...just...divorce is never a good thing!

Aimee's shame game worked!!!

Tiffany is so Sandy from Spongebob Squarepants!!
"Aw, jeepers! You're not even ready yet!"

Oh no...Madison has doubts about her orangey-orange dress! Tiffany's all, "Sounds...*cough cough* butt ugly! *cough cough*"

"Madison could almost feel the blood drain from her face. Panicked thoughts zipped through her head like little fireflies. She had a vision of herself walking up to the wedding ceremony at the Wolfe Ranch. There, a burly cowboy bouncer would greet her.
'Hey, you in the orange dress!' he would exclaim, readying his lasso to rope Madison like loose cattle. 'No orange allowed at this hoedown!'"

Argh. I hate zits that get bigger when you pop them.
That's what Madison has.

Tiffany is a brat because...Wanda is abusive??

Tiffany and Madison bond over ping-pong. Tiffany says she LIKES the orange dress!

She even offers to go back to her house to get an orange hairclip that would go perfectly with Madison's dress!!!

Tiffany sculpts Madison's hair into the wonder it is on the cover. Hm.

OMG, THERE ARE PONY RIDES AT STEPHANIE'S WEDDING!

Okay, weird. Kirk thinks Madison looks pretty.
Isn't she his new step-cousin thing?

Madison reads a cool beans Shakespeare sonnet at the wedding.

Jeff and Stephanie mess up the vows.
"I, Jeffrey Peter Finn, take thee, Stephanie Mae Wolfe, to be my lawful wedded husband...I mean, awful wedded wife...I mean...lawful...wedded...wife."
That would be a tad embarassing.

Madison spontaneously decides to hug Kirk.
Which TOTALLY weirds him out.
So Maddie decides not to make anymore romantic endeavors in the near future.

Stephanie almost married a guy named Bob.
But she called if off.

Madison dances with Kirk. He's not very good and they're related...but she got to dance with a boy.

You're never too old for a pony ride!

Madison twists her ankle while resisting a square dance with her dad.
So much for that.

"Loooove, soft as an easy chair...Loooove, fresh as the morning air..."
Sounds like the stuff they play on 106.9.

"Madison was thinking about love, too.
Back home - where her Hart was."
-_-

"There is nothing more romantic than forever, is there? Like, 'I will love you forever and ever into infinity, my darling Madison.'"
Actually, if any boy said that to me, I'd punch him in the face.
And not because my name isn't Madison.
Wow, that would suck, wouldn't it? "I'm in love with you, Mia...I mean, Lauren."
Who's Mia???

Stephanie and Jeff buy her a locket with picture of all of them at the beach.
This book actually came with a locket...that I lost. :( It was cheap, anyway.

Madison fixed the poem:
Your wedding is a special day
I'm sure you will be feeling good in every way
The sun is shining bright on your faces
Of course there is no one who can take your places
At first I thought this wedding would be weird
And that was just the start of what I feared
I know you're happy and I'm happy too
But I wondered what would happen with you two
And then I realized you will still be there
You will always listen and you will always care.
I know that sometime's I'm hard for Dad to take
Like when he says, "Maddie, give me a break."
Plus I have one mom and never had another
I'm not sure I know how to have a stepmother
I want our family to be complete and real
I want you both to know just how I feel.
You take care of me and let me share your life
Dad, I'm so glad you picked Stephanie for you wife
I hope that I will be a good part of the deal
I want you both to know just how I feel.
I wish you the best happy wedding time
Thanks for including me even though I can't really rhyme.

That sounds like something off Veggietales...or the Hallmark Channel.

Stephanie loves it and starts crying. Definitely Hallmark Channel.

Group hug!!!

"I've been obsessing about Hart again for some reason. I even had a dream about him last night! He was riding in this carriage and carrying flowers and candles. Don't ask."
Don't worry. I won't.
Though I vaguely remember some of my own obsessive dreams...involving the army...and Wild Waves!

Madison finally fesses up about her crush on Hart!!!
So, naturally, Aimee tells the whole world.

NO WAY. Jeff is letting Tiffany and her friends hang out with Madison in her hotel room, and they can watch whatever movies they want (they got the "R" route, because they're so devious) and order as much room service as they want!!! Dang!

I hate it when they're like, "The plane is beginning it's descent," and it takes another HALF HOUR.
Four hour flight from Chicago to Georgia! Whoo!

No more lost bags! No more lost bags!
Success! Madison's bag returns to New York with her!

Jeff orders a LIMOUSINE to take Madison home!!! It's like...4 miles!!!

Ha ha. A hilarious misunderstanding between Madison, Aimee, and Mom.
"I thought you liked Drew! Or maybe it was Dan. I can't remember."
"Pork-O!!? I thought you liked Hart? When did you like Dan? I know he likes you!"
Madison apparently didn't know Dan liked her...
...even though he practically STALKED HER in #11.

Home again. Home again. Stuff like that.

Madison's Computer Tip:
Use a laptop to keep a travel diary.

Okay. Phew. I'll do #16 tomorrow and maybe read some more later.

Somebody's getting married! Part #2

2008-05-17T17:56:00.000-07:00

All right! Our Super Special continues!!

Plot: Madison just arrived in Texas, sans suitcase, and was forced to attend a welcome party thrown by Stephanie's family. All of Stephanie's relatives are overbearing and it's too hot outside to even think. Madison has a panic attack, and her dad disapproves of all the guests - he'd been under the impression it would be a SMALL wedding.
They get back to the hotel and Madison promises to make more of an effort to make friends.
The next day, at the rehearsal dinner, she meets Kirk (Stephanie's sexy nephew, whom she'd tried to hook Madison up with in #15) and Tiffany, a total Ivy clone!!
Now Stephanie and Dad are fighting!!
It's the day before the wedding, and Madison just wants to finish her wedding collage.
Then she receives news from home - Fiona's dad had a heart attack!!
Madison feels like a horrible friend.
Will our heroine be able to finish the collage with all this commotion?

More notes:
They meet a cowboy on the street...and he's Stephanie's cousin Tony!
How positively random.

Stephanie's dad's name is Wally.
!!!!
That's my grandpa's name!!

Why is corn chips and salsa considered a Texas-style snack?? I know SOO many Washingtonians who eat that all the time.

Madison sees a "really hot" boy. He says, "hi," grabs some chips...and walks away.

Madison has a conversation with her dad that sounds a LOT like a conversation I might have with my dad.
No need to elaborate on that.

Dad wants her to mingle with the other kids.
Kids? KIDS? "I'd would rather be with you, Dad."

Look on the bright side, Maddie: Your suitcase has arrived!!

There's nothing better than being sweaty and changing into clean, glorious clothes.

Whoa, random. Stephanie comes into her room sobbing.
Awkward....

Stephanie: I hope you know you can tell me anything.
Madison: Can I tell you that you make me nervous sometimes and that I think you try too hard and that I really, really, really don't want you to marry my dad?
Don't worry. She doesn't actually say any of that outloud.

"Stephanie and Dad disappeared throught the divider door, locking it behind them with a loud click."
Uh oh. They obviously want to be alone....

???
Fiona's dress is a perfect fit.
I guess they aren't as different as I thought.

Madison meets Stephanie's sister, Wanda, and Wanda is described as having big hair that looks pink.
I keep picturing cotton candy.

Ha ha ha.
It turns out Kirk, the "nerdy" nephew Madison so did not want to meet, is eXtReMeLy hot.

He's cuter than Hart?? Whoa, Madison has it bad.

Apparently everyone eats steak for breakfast in Texas.
Especially Kirk, whose family raises their own cattle. They have steak at every meal.

WHOA.
Jeff loves beef.
Frannie is VEGETARIAN.
Now WONDER their marriage didn't work out.

Madison decides to ditch her new "aunts" to go to the hotel by pretending to be sick.
Works every time.

:O FIONA'S DAD IS IN THE HOSPITAL. HE HAD A HEART ATTACK.

Aimee is the one who sends the e-mail, and she makes Madison feel all guilty, like she SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE.
She says stuff about how if Madison were there, they could cheer Fiona up like REAL friends.
Shut up, Aimee. Go cheer her up yourself.

Kirk doesn't sound that cute.
He's tall with brownish blond hair, cool clothes, and a cute accent.

Her friends start to accuse her of liking Hart...so, to change the subject, she's like, "Wait, did I tell you Kirk asked me to dance with him at the wedding?"
That's basically a confession right there.

Bigwheels talks about getting her own laptop.
Doesn't she already have her own computer???
And didn't she get a new one 100 pages ago???
Whatever. I'm lost.

Oh no, Wanda's car broke down!
Madison's like, "That's too bad...do I still have to go to the tea party?"
Ha.
But she still has to go. Darn.

"I have only been to one tea party in my life, in second grade, and there were dolls involved."
ME TOO!!

"Who wants a piece of paper with pictures and words stuck to it when you can have a life-size crystal collie or a complete set of silver serving pieces with little lassos on the end?"
Good question.

UGH! I hate it when parents badmouth someone, but then get mad when YOU badmouth them.

Okay, most guys are obsessed with food. I wish they would stop relating any guy who eats food to Dan "Porko" Ginsburg.

"Tiffany continued with her incessant chatter. Why wasn't anyone telling her to shut up? Madison wanted to thump Miss Texas Poison Ivy on the back and say, 'Um...clue phone, it's for you! You're not supposed to be talking now! Hello?'"
Seriously, who talks during a wedding rehearsal. I wish Madison had actually done that.

Stephanie's mom has OCD. "THE POSITION OF THE ALTAR IS ALL WRONG!"

Madison: This isn't what weddings are supposed to be like. Where is everyone going?
Kirk: Hey, at least the food is good.
Are...you...kidding me?
Typical guy behavior.

Yay, Assertive Madison sticks up for herself!

A small nose pimple??? Please. At least it's not in the middle of your forehead.

I picture Tiffany talking like Sandy Cheeks from "Spongebob Squarepants".

"As you can see, I'm a little outnumbered in the guest department. But my daughter, Maddie, makes up for all of it. She's watching over me."
Aaagh. I'd be embarassed.
Madison's totally fine, though.

Ooooh. Madison and her dad have this intimate Father-Daughter dance.
If only my dad wasn't afraid of physical touch.

To be continued....

Somebody's getting married! Part #1

2008-05-16T20:47:00.000-07:00

Our first Madison Finn Super Special! And this one truly is SUPER special: it's more than 300 pages, which is 3 TIMES as long as the average Pony Pals Super Special.
Beat that, Jeanne Betancourt.

Plot: Well, you knew it was coming. Madison's dad (Jeff) and his girlfriend Stephanie are getting married!!! In two weeks!!! In Texas!!! And they want Madison to be the junior bridesmaid!!!
Can I get a, "Yeee-haaw,"?
Madison has a whole BUNCH of conflicting emotions.
Stephanie not only wants her to be a bridesmaid and wear a TON of fancy clothes to all the parties her mother has planned, but wants her also to read one of Shakespeare's sonnets.
Hm. I wonder if it was one of the procreation sonnets.
No, really, I do.
But seriously. Madison? Stuttering stage-fright run-from-conflict Madison? You want HER to read a sonnet at your WEDDING?
Whatever. Your funeral.
Madison is SCAREDER THAN SCARED!!
So far, she's just arrived in Texas, and her suitcase is somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin!!! With no dress, no laptop, and no wedding gift in sight (she's trying to write a poem with no luck), what will our heroine do????
You'll find out later.
Most of this novel is actually just filler. She doesn't leave for Texas until page...90 or so.
To be continued...

More notes:
Before you tell your kids some big news, it's always good to SUCK UP to them and be REALLY obvious that something's on your mind.

They're getting married in two weeks???
To cope, Madison orders three pieces of chocolate cake.
That's my girl.

Madison's like, "Why are you marrying Stephanie, you just ditched my mom?"
A year IS pretty soon, I guess. Because, in Madison Finnland, time stopped right before 7th grade started, so it's always a year since the Big-D.
Which is weird, because if that's true, he met Stephanie like RIGHT AFTER the divorce, if they've been dating a while.
Sorry. Concrete random.

Stephanie almost got married once...but called it off. UH OH.

Yeah, Frannie (Madison's mom) knew, and she decided not to say anything?
And she's totally fine with the whole thing?
Hello, you were once MARRIED to this man! You once had SEX with this man! You have a DAUGHTER with this man?
Doesn't it bother you?

She is a little bothered by the two week notice.

Madison, like Anna Harley, RESISTS CHANGE.

The wedding invitation says, "Regrets Only."
Uh oh.
Madison has some regrets she'd like to share with the class.

Madison: At the end of the invite there's this line "regrets only" and I wanted to call him up and shout I HAVE REGRETS, DAD! DON'T DO IT!!!

Didn't Bigwheels get another kitten in the last book? Madison's just NOW addressing this?

Whaaat? Bigwheels spent all of #11 claiming she was in love with Reggie.
LIES!

What's wrong with dressing casual?
In Laurenland, it's casual Friday EVERY day!

How are Egg and Fiona still only "sort of" going out? Didn't he ask her out on a REAL DATE, where they HELD HANDS at the MOVIES? That's pretty serious.
Hehehe. He calls her "Fee" and she calls him "Walter".

Drew: *little rich boy* Cool, huh? *points to a row of golden torches* Mom got them shipped here from Samoa or something.
Aimee: Come on! You can get those at the home decorating store in downtown Far Hills for five bucks!
Drew: Really? Well, they're cool, anyhow.

Drew has a GIRLFRIEND.
I KNOW!!!
This is Stalker Drew who followed Maddie everywhere and asked her to the Heart to Heart Dance!!
I know he had to get over it sometime, but still, this is quite a blow.
I've been in a similar situation.
Maddie's all, "Wtf, I thought you liked me!"

Heheh, junior high girls.
"Look, over there! I think that's Ben! Over by the torch! *runs away*"
Hehe. I had a friend be like, "Omg, So-and-so complimented me! But I only like him a little bit."
....

Fiona, you hypocrite.
"I can't believe she acts that way around him."
Um...ahem? You and EGG?

Awkward. Madison has to go to dinner with Dad and Stephanie.
And it seems they REALLY want to be alone.

Everyone's crying and getting sappy.
Ooookaaay.

HA!
Stephanie: Maddie, in addition to the poem, I wanted to ask you if you would...oh...How do I say this? Jeff, help me out here.
Dad: What Stephanie is trying to say, Maddie, is will you stand up for her at the wedding?
Madison: I know, I just said I would stand up for her. I'll read the poem. I assumed that I would be standing up to do it...
HAHAHAHA! Oh, Madison, you crack me up.
Actually, I didn't know what "stand up for me" meant, either.

Basically, she wants her to be the junior maid of honor.

There are hundreds of Wolfes (Stephanie's family) coming...and 2 Finns (Jeff's family).

Stephanie's color scheme is "pale colors".
Sweet, I could just go naked.
Aw wait, I tanned a little.

Dad: Hey, Maddie, when you get the dress, just don't pick out some super short outfit with lots of Big Bird feathers.
Maddie: Okay, Dad. I guess I'll return the yellow boa and my leather miniskirt.

Mom: You can pick out whatever color dress you like, as long as it's a pale color. That was all she asked.
[Hey, at least she's letting you pick out your own dress, rather than picking a really ugly one for you.]
Madison: Pale? But I look ucky in pale colors. I'm pale!
Same here, Maddie.

Her friends still haven't guessed about Hart!!!

Madison's First Draft of the Wedding Poem
Your wedding is a special (ACK!!) day
And you will be feeling good in every way
The sun is shining bright on your FACES
And there is no one who can take your places
(No one?)
Thank u for making me a part of the day (change this word)
OH I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY!!!!!

It could use some work.

Madison finds the perfect dress...and it's ORANGE, her favorite color.

And she runs into Elaine, Drew's new girlfriend, at the mall.
UH OH.

Elaine's really nice and oblivious to bragging.

She's on her way to meet Drew in the library in 15 minutes.
Madison wonders if they'll be doing something other than checking out books...
Such as checking out each other...
Who knows, maybe they'll even do a little studying...
And Drew will teach her a little French...
Hahaha, libraries are so useful for analogies.

Bigwheels is always:
A. sick
B. grounded
C. unable to go online because her computer crashed
Then she goes on to describe
A. her little brother and sister
B. her fight with her best friend
C. Reggie
D. her new pet
E. her new computer (whenever her computer crashes, SHE GETS A NEW ONE!!!)

Ooh, Bigwheels met a cute guy named Tommy. He has a billion freckles. Sounds...hot.

Dun dun dun!! The first mention of bras in a Madison Finn book!

Uh oh. Stephanie casually mentions that there will be few fancy parties, so Madison needs some more dressy outfits.

So Madison starts cleaning out her closet...Eminem-style.

Fiona loans her a dress.
Isn't Fiona like a foot taller, though?
Oh well. If it's a sundress, she could wear it as a sheath dress or something.

Ew, Fiona and Madison get in a WAY sappy discussion about love, and whether or not they'll ever fall in love and get MARRIED. Fiona wonders if Egg will ever pop the question.
Ha, yeah. If Egg ever decides to COMMIT.

Awkward conversation with Hart.
Bad. Or good?
But you're making him nervous.
Good? Or bad?

"Totally free! Thanks, Mr. G."
Chet made a poem!!

Uh oh. Aimee and Fiona saw Madison talking to Hart, and she was SO flirting with him just now.

We've passed page 90, and Madison STILL hasn't left for Texas.

"'Have a good trip, Finnster,' Hart said with a wave of his hand.
'I will,' Madison said, unable to take his eyes off Hart's tousled hair. For a split second, she had an overwhelming urge to throw her arms around him and give him a hug."
RESIST THE URGE, MADDIE! RESIST THE URGE!

Page 100: She just got on the plane.

Fiona and Aimee write her a really long letter, in which they accuse her of liking Drew.

Stephanie's Texas accent comes creeping back into her voice.
Like my dad, whenever he goes back home, he gets a really thick Southern accent.
Actually, that happens every time he talks on the phone with his parents.

Madison lost her suitcase.
Oh.
No.
Now she can't change clothes.
OR check her e-mail.

Madison gets her own hotel room!!! And it's really nice!!!
Stephanie and Dad get a room to themselves.
Uh oh.
Implying they're sexually active.
That's not something I'd want to know about my dad and his partner.
If my dad were to start dating another woman if my mom died in a tragic boating accident or something.

TV! Sofa! Minifridge!!! Pretty sweet hotel room, right?
Like the suite my grandparents got us for their anniversary??
Ooooh yeaaaah.

Lame. Egg asked Fiona to the movies...
...and then ditched her.
Well, he called her and told her he couldn't make it, which is different than being stood up, but still.
That's mean.

So we'll pick up where we left off next time.
Just remember that Stephanie and Dad are getting married in Texas.
Egg is a jerk.
And Madison has no clothes on!!!
To be continued....

Months of toil now at an end, or Pony Pals Super Special #6: The Last Pony Ride

2008-05-14T20:38:00.000-07:00

This is it, guys. The very last Pony Pals book.

Plot: Major changes are going on in Wiggins. Lulu's father wants to her to move to Africa with him! Pam and Anna are getting too big for their ponies!!! What is going on???
First, let's deal with Pam: Pam finds it's getting a tad uncomfortable to ride Lightning. At the same time, Eleanor Whats-her-face has given Pam her horse Starfire after a tragic riding accident, forcing him (not her; she got a new horse) to retire early. Pam is torn between the pony she loves and the horse she longs to care for.
Her mom is totally NOT helping, by hinting that Lightning is a boring old nag that should be sold for glue.
In the end, Pam chooses to keep Starfire and let her mom use Lightning as a school pony, but still take care of her old pony every day.
Good choice.
Now Lulu: Her dad suddenly wants her to move to Africa with him, because he doesn't want to miss her childhood.
Hello???
Then why did you dump her in Wiggins with her grandmother in the FIRST PLACE???
Lulu begs her father to let her stay in Wiggins, with her FRIENDS, and GRANDMA, and PONY, but her dad insists she move to a country (Botwswana) with civil wars so she can make new friends. Because introverts are soooooo good at that.
Lulu has been defeated by her SUCKY FATHER!!! She decides to give Snow White to Anna, because Snow White is the perfect size for her 4'10" friend.
Anna: Basically what was just said about Lulu. She doesn't want her friends to move and change and go through puberty and that, and she doesn't want to give up Acorn. So she asks her parents if she can have TWO ponies (Snow White and Acorn), and Mike Lacey agrees to help her with barn chores so she doesn't get behind in school.
So Anna has two ponies, Lulu has no pony, and Pam has a horse AND a pony.
Not fair.
So Lulu moves to Africa, taking with her a scrapbook of all the Pony Pal's adventures. AWwww.

More notes:
Can I just say I REALLY liked this book? It was sweet.
Except for all the really bad parents.

Isn't Botswana one of the wartorn countries??

Ooh, Lulu got to ride an elephant!! How exotic!

Whatever. I could still ride ponies like Acorn in like 6th grade at 5'4". Anna is 6 inches shorter than that. She needs to suck it up. Just lengthen your stirrups, honey.

Eleanor is such a fake. "Oooh, I miss Starfire! He'll never be able to compete again!"
So she dumps him on a ten-year-old and buys a NEW horse to compete with.

Pam is 5'4", too, and she's too big for Lightning???? Lightning is 14 hands. She should be the perfect height!!

Pam's mom is so annoying. I really, REALLY despise her.

Ugh.
Eleanor: I thought Starfire and I wouldbe a team forever. Now I'm training another horse. I'll walk him around a little. Then I have to go back and ride my new horse. You'll always be my star! *sob*
-_-

Mr. Crandal shaved!!!!!!! He looks Samoan.

Starfire is so named because he has a white STAR marking on his forehead, but that marking is not evident in the illustration.

Ooh, Dr. Crandal's in on it, too.
If your daughter was happy with a pony, why wouldn't you let her be??
And if Pam isn't too big to ride DAISY and SPLASH and train numerous other ponies, she really shouldn't be too big for Lightning!

Mike: Is this something for Lulu?
Anna: Yeah. It's going to say 'Welcome home.' Pam was supposed to write it, but she's not here yet. And Lulu will be here any minute.
Mike: I'll write it for you. I print good.
Yeah, but you don't speak so well.

The writing in this book is definitely more improved than previous books, but Ms. Betancourt still has a tendency to repeat phrases.

Okay, Mr. Sanders wants Lulu to have some permanence in her life, so he's ripping her out of her comfortable life in Wiggins to live with him in Botswana...FOR TWO YEARS. THEN where are they going to move, I wonder?

Oh, it's going to be so great, Lulu! People speak English there, and you can go to school, and your dad bought an apartment for the two of you!
Oh, and you can't bring Snow White.

Pam: Did you tell your dad you didn't want to move to Africa?
Lulu: It seemed like an okay idea when I was there.

Anna: What does your grandmother always want us to do?
Lulu: Be girlie girls.
I'm glad she has such high expectations.

They let Grandma Sandy give them makeovers, then beg her to tell her irresponsible son to let his daughter stay where she pleases.

Grandma: Makeovers! What a lovely idea. I have a great idea for Anna's hair. A shade of pink nail polish would be perfect for girls your age. And there's a new aqua one with sparkles.
Lulu: I bet Pam would like that one.
Hehehe.

SHE STRAIGHTENS ANNA'S HAIR!!

I think Pam is over Lightning. She forgets what gender her pony is.

This sounds like something from a horror movie.
"Lulu's grandmother turned her attention to Lulu. 'Now I am going to give you curls,' she announced cheerfully."

Whoa, pink and silver beads totally don't go with sparkly aqua nail polish.

Moral of this story: Tomboys are better.

Charlie's back in town!! What, he's 12??? I thought he was 14. He's best friends with Mike and Tommy, isn't he??? WHY WOULD THEY HANG OUT WITH A 12-YEAR-OLD??

Uh oh. They go out to dinner at the diner, looking like girls...and see Tommy, Charlie, and Mike.
Recipe for disaster.

Tommy: Look at the Pony Pests. They're trying to be girls.
Jerk. He's probably a homophobe.
Which is weird, cuz he's gay with Mike.
Is it possible to be a gay homophobe?
I guess that's called hypocrisy.

Meow, Lulu looks like Evangeline Lilly.

Grandma: Riding helmets will crush your new hairdos.
Forsake your riding safety, Lulu! I don't care if you die in a riding accident as long as your corpse looks good!

Then she says: Don't worry about it, dear. It's you I love. Not what your hair looks like.
Which is, like, the opposite of what you've been telling her all these years.

Surprise! Starfire is Pam's now.
And her mom still sucks.

Mrs. Crandal totally drops that bomb on her, and then when Pam reacts, is all, "Sorry, I'm busy, we'll discuss this later."
Haaaate.

Anna's in denial. She doesn't realize she's too huge for Acorn (though in the picture all the girls are the same size and look aptly suited to their ponies).

WHOA!!!
Never tell Anna anything, or she might react like this:
"You're going to have a horse! You're giving up Lightning! If you have Starfire, you won't ride her at all. You're disloyal and you're bad Pony Pals. Both of you!!"
*runs away crying*

The Pony Pals decide to let her cool off on her own for a while.
THEY'RE LEARNING! HALLELUJAH!

Oh. Anna admits she's a little psycho. And sad. And resistant to change.
Awwww.

I HATE LULU'S DAD!!!
He's SO SELFISH! If he wants to be with Lulu so badly, why isn't he putting her best interests into the picture??
It's been about his career all this time, and it's STILL about his career.
He claims he doesn't want to miss anymore of her childhood, that she should remain in one place, and that they belong together.
If that's so, MOVE TO WIGGINS TO BE WITH YOUR KID, YOU SELFISH LOSER!!!
He's SUCH a jerk.
And it sucks cuz Lulu probably knows this, but she does love and her dad and wants to live with him.
This is the part of the book that made me really sad. And incensed. But pretty sad, too.

THE MOMENT OF TRUTH:
Tommy: Good riddance. We have too many Pony Pests around here. We need pest control.
Mike: Stop it! Stop being mean. It's not funny.
Tommy: Good riddance to you, too. You're a bigger pest than they are.

Wow. I guess it's really over. Now Mike and Anna can hook up!!
Unless...uh oh....
Mike: He makes me so mad sometimes. He's a lousy friend.
Charlie: *pats him on the back* You can find better guys than him to hang out with. [Read: ME!]
Mike: *smile* I guess.
Awww, so much for Mike + Anna.
That would be the awesomest fanfic ever. An Anna, Mike, and Charlie love triangle.

Lulu thinks up some pretty smart ideas.
Idea #1: She wants to give Snow White to Anna, because Snow White knows Anna and giving her away is easier than selling her.
Idea #2: They can enter the 21st century (yay!) and use e-mail to communicate.
They agree to e-mail every week.
Every WEEK?? Come on. Use IM and talk every DAY.

What's with the idea that hobbies detract from schoolwork? I disagree. There can be a balance, and Anna does have a legitimate learning disability.

Mrs. Harley isn't the nicest mom either.
Anna: Acorn and Snow White shouldn't be seperated. They're best friends. They're stablemates.
Mrs. Harley: Of course they can be separated. Ponies are bought and sold all the time. You can only have one pony. That's more than most kids have. I'm sorry, Anna. You'll have to decide what pony you want.
Harsh!! I can understand the financial burden another pony would bring, but seriously??? Your kid's grades should have NOTHING to do with the decision, lady. And she has to choose? Way mean.

No way!!!
Rosalie wishes she could ride ponies more often.
Anna can't take care of two ponies.
Mike offers to take care of both ponies, in exchange for more riding time for Rosalie.
That's so nice!!!!

Basically, they make Mike do ALL the barn chores.
Whoa, that wasn't in the agreement. Anna should still help out.

Haha, we find out the Pony Pals' middle names.
Mike's middle name is John. Lame.
Charlie's is K. Huh. Like Harry S. Truman.
Pam's is Eleanor (after the famous chick who tossed her injured horse over Pam's way).
Anna's is Marie.
Lulu doesn't have a middle name. That's why she's no longer in the club and has to move to Africa.

"I heard you're moving to AFrica. It's a wonderful oppurtunity for you."
That's Mr. Harley talking. I suppose that's true, but all the same, how inconsiderate.
This girl has to leave most of her family and friends (AND PONY) to a completely different culture where there are wars and dangerous animals and excessive heat.
Not that I have anything against Africa (quite the opposite), but if I was forced to move there, I'd be cutting myself now.

How convenient. Rosalie is the perfect size for Acorn. So, in essence, Acorn is Rosalie's pony now.

Yay, the Harley's agreed!

They say goodbye to almost everyone in Wiggins, and reference quite a few of the past books. This includes:
Ms. McGee (Historical Society Chick); Mike's grandma (after they found her secret letter in the secret spot in #31); Ms. Raskins (the slacker girl in charge of St. Francis Animal Shelter); Eve Greeley and Lucky (the pony they raised from birth); Mr. and Mrs. Quinn (the old people with the old pony); Mimi Klein and Tongo (the bratty girl with her bratty pony); Mr. Olson (creepy old man/Charlie's uncle); and Mr. Remington (the cool, Harry Potter-obsessed librarian).

They throw a going-away party for Lulu, where they serve all her favorite foods: spaghetti and brownies!!!

Aw. Grandma Sandy buys them matching pony necklaces to help them remember the now defunct Pony Pals.

They have a profile in the back of the book on each character and pony.
Lulu is 5 feet, and likes detective work and spaghetti, but not fussing with her hair.
Anna is 4'10" (!!), and likes brownies and drawing, but not school.
Pam is 5'4" (at 10 years old!!!), and likes jumping and being in charge (that's for sure), but not bossy people (ironically enough).

The Happiest Pony Pal Moment:
When Lulu got Snow White and we knew we would be the Pony Pals.
I can think of happier Pony Pal Moments.
Not off the top of my head, but if I tried really hard....

The Saddest Pony Pal Moment:
When we found out that Lulu was moving.
What about when Winston died?
Well, yeah, I guess friend moving FOREVER trumps pony dying FOREVER.
Not even being sarcastic.

Awww. I miss them already.
Seriously, when did I start this blog?? Remember when it was originally JUST Pony Pals?
Well, now there are no more Pony Pals...
...AND I REALLY MISS THEM.
But I do have plenty of Madison Finns to keep you entertained. That should be fun.
Next stop: Madison Finn Super Special #1. Someone's getting married!!!

This event will be followed by the Teddy Bear Picnic, or Pony Pals #38: Ponies on Parade

2008-05-11T17:29:00.000-07:00

After this, only one more Pony Pal to go!!! Aaaagh!!
I like how it took Jeanne Betancourt 38 books to improve her writing. This book isn't spectacular and shouldn't win any awards, but it's probably one of the best Pony Pals books. Except for the fact that Acorn looks like a Wookiee on the cover.

Plot: The Pony Pals are SUPER excited for the Fall Festival, where there will be fun games, fatty foods, and crisp autumn leaves to enjoy!!!
This year, the town is doing something special; they're picking 10 people to each paint a lifesize statue of a pony.
Okay, what is this town's obsession with ponies?
Anna really wants to enter, but she doesn't have any ideas...and her homework is keeping her busy.
The Pony Pals help her brainstorm and finish her essay.
Anna paints her lifesize pony statue to look just like Acorn, and writes a bunch of Shetland facts on the sides.
But Tommy Rand, after having several angry altercations with the Pony Pals, decides to get revenge and paints graffiti all over Anna's pony!!!
Plus, he tries to pin it on Mike by writing "ML was here".
Nice try, Tommy.
Anna manages to fix the pony, and Mike apologize's for his boyfriend's behavior. Tommy, however, isn't the least bit sorry.
The Pony Pals decide to teach him a lesson. The pony statues are to be auctioned off at the Fall Festival, so the Pony Pals convince Mrs. Rand (Tommy's mother) that Tommy misses Acorn and he needs the statue to remind him of his old pony.
So Mrs. Rand buys the statue at the auction!!!!
Then she gets up on stage and tells everyone how much her son loves ponies!!!
Try the best Pony Pals ending ever!!!

More notes:
Anyone can write a research paper in two days. I've done it. My friends do it all the time. College students often have less time than that. Anna needs to suck it up.

The best way to get a paper done is to procrastinate.

Pam and Lulu are such losers.
Lulu: I finished my paper about Mount Morris. It's five pages long. Now all I have to do is make sure there aren't any mistakes.
[Writing about Mount Morris was a pretty big mistake.]
Pam: I almost finished mine, too. I learned so much about ballpoint pens. They used to leak like crazy.
[Golly, Lulu! Ballpoint pens are so fascinating!! They used to leak!! If you got to write a research paper on ANYTHING in the world, wouldn't you write about something controversial or interesting??]

I want to know where they get these lifesize ponies.

Out of all the crappy illustrators for the Pony Pals books, Richard Jones is my favorite. These illustrations are pretty stellar.

Tommy and Mike start pelting them with acorns. Ouch.

Ms. Wiggins wants to paint an angel pony, in honor of Winston. XP

WHOAAA!!! Ms. Wiggins has always been tall and thin with dark hair. Now she's tall and thin with BLONDE hair!!!

Some of Anna's ideas include a devil pony and a striped pony. Heheh. I like the devil pony, but it's too Satanic for Anna.

Anna's mom makes her stay home to write her paper...so Anna goes off to ride with the Pony Pals. I foresee a "Lion King" discipline scene. "You deliberately disobeyed me!"

Now we know the reason the boys hate the Pony Pals so much.
Mike: Hey, man. Why'd we have to keep following them?
Tommy: Because we want to mess up their stupid little Pony Pest day. We'll go in the cave and make ghost noises. That'll freak them out. Then it can be our hideout. Get it?
Got it. You're stupid.

5 seconds later, Tommy steps in horse crap.

Mike and Tommy are lost in the woods, so the Pony Pals draw them a map.
Unfortunately, Tommy's bike has a flat tire.
So he takes MIKE'S bike and leaves Mike with HIS bike!
Jerk.

This book was written in 2003, so the Pony Pals are all high-tech, using e-mail.

Lame lame lame. Anna can't decide on a research topic, so she picks Shetland ponies.

She prints out 36 pages on Shetland ponies!!! I'll bet she ran out of ink.

Ha. The Pony Pals are so mean to Tommy.

I hate that misbehaving ponies are never punished. I'm not saying they need to be whipped to death, but hello? Acorn opens the gate with his mouth and steals all their cookies! That's not cute, he could escape and die!!!

Yeah! Mike likes the devil pony, too!!

NOYCE! Mr. Remington the librarian is painting a pony that looks just like Harry Potter!!
Wait, so he has Daniel Radcliffe hair and everything?
Noyce.

Anna got a B-plus and the teacher wrote "Good job" on the paper. No. If you're going to write "Good job", give her at least an A!!!
Maybe it was for grammar mistakes.

Mike is making spaghetti for dinner.
What is wrong with these carb-obsessed freaks!!??

Anna has only 2 days to paint the pony, so her friends decide to take shorter trail rides.
You could always NOT trail ride, giving your more time to paint.

Mike told Tommy about the Pony contest, when he told Anna he WOULDN'T tell!!!
Betrayed!!!

I can't believe he ruined her pony. What a jerk.

Anna honestly thinks Mike did it.
Mike would never do a thing like that, Anna. He loves you.

Tommy practically confesses.

Awwww. Mike offers to help repaint the pony.

Some of the other pony ideas weren't so stellar:
Tuxedo Pony, Patriotic Pony, Glitter Pony, Little Red Riding Pony, Unicorn Pony, Baseball Pony, and Sky Pony are some of them.

AAAAH, THE PONY PALS ARE SO EVIL...BUT FUNNY!
Mrs. Rand: Anna Harley, this is perfect copy of Acorn. Absolutely perfect. Acorn was such a good pony. I miss him.
Lulu: I think Tommy misses Acorn, too.
Pam: He talks about Acorn sometimes.
Mrs. Rand: I'm so glad you told me that. Tommy's growing up so fast. Sometimes I don't recognize my sweet little boy.
Anna: Maybe you should buy My Pony at the auction. Then Tommy can always remember his time with Acorn.
Tee hee.

Mr. Olson almost buys the Acorn Pony!!! Go away, creepy pedophile!! Go back to your cowboy nephew!!

Mrs. Rand wins.

OH NO!
Mrs. Rand: Acorn was my son's pony. He's missed him. Now he'll always have Acorn.

Aaah, good times, good times.
Only one more Pony Pals book to go!!
And Lulu's moving to Africa!! Oh no!!!

Way to give away the end, or FTFO Madison Finn #15: Off the Wall

2008-05-10T12:40:00.000-07:00

Don't you hate it when the library has every book in a series...
...except the one you need???
I'm trying to find a stupid picture of this book, and my library site, of course, doesn't have this one.
You know what sucks? I ordered a BUNCH of Madison Finns that I've never read, and I'm not going to be able to read them, because I'm trying to do this in series order!!! Aaargh!

Plot: Something is very, very wrong in Far Hills. Madison's favorite teacher, Mrs. Wing, has gone missing!!! She and her husband have just up and left, without leaving a note or anything!
Madison is worrieder than worried.
If that wasn't enough, Aimee's dog Blossom is about to have puppies...with another bassett hound! See, Madison and Aimee made a pact in fourth grade that had something to do with Phin and Blossom having puppies together. It appears Aimee has broken the pact!!
To get her mind off things, Madison checks out a web Egg reccomended to her called "The Wall". The Wall is full of juicy gossip, AKA heaven for 7th grade girls.
Oh no! Someone starts posting nasty things about Madison's friends...and it looks like Madison is to blame! Will Fiona, Aimee, and Lindsay ever talk to her again?
After a little bit of digging, Madison finds out the culprit is none other than Ivy herself (saw it coming).
To get back at the fiend, she writes a very nasty message about Ivy and posts it on The Wall.
Afterwards, she is racked with guilt and tells her parents everything.
They help her take down the message...and then ground her and take away her computer for a month.
OUCH.
Fiona, Aimee, and Lindsay apologize to Madison for not believing her, and everything is rosy once more.
Oh yeah, Madison forgets about the puppies, and Mrs. Wing, it turns out, left to adopt a baby!! Yay!! Sunshine and flowers!!

More notes:
Why are school computers always so slow?

Lance has a crush on Madison, but she is repulsed by his nose-picking and cheerful, "Howdy"s.

The new computer substitute is cool, lol.
"Holy cow! It took me a century to find you cats."

Mrs. Wing leaves Madison in charge...because she's the class expert.
How embarrassingly flattering.

Egg: Get out of here. I would whomp you.
"Whomp" you?? Wth?? Who says that?

Madison and Aimee "enjoy" watching Fiona and Chet's fights.
Enjoy??? What's to enjoy? Those are so awkward!

There is no way boys gossip more than girls.
But they do gossip quite a bit.

Egg sings The Wall's praises, because there aren't any moderators.
RED FLAG! RED FLAG!

There are a buttload of rules that nobody's going to follow WITHOUT MODERATORS.

Aimee IMs Maddie to tell her about the puppies.
But when they get to the part about there being a dad OTHER than Phin, Madison just signs off.
That's always nice.

Madison is such a drama queen! "My best friend has betrayed me."
They're just puppies! And it's not like you shook on the whole puppy plan.
Yeah, the whole "puppy plan" consisted of a bunch of jokes on how ugly Blossom and Phin's puppies would be.

SHE EVEN ADMITS IT! "It was like a dream of mine. I know we didn't make a formal pact or anything, but isn't a friend's word supposed to count for something?"

Dude, I looked these kinds of puppies up online, and they're adorable!!! Just go online and look up "Bassugg puppies".

Dan: Maddie! I'm so glad you're here. I could use your help big-time.
Madison: I'm glad you're here, too. It's been a bad day. I need cheering up.
Dan: Try cleaning up dog poop and cat poop. That'll cheer you up real fast.
Oh, Dan, you charmer you.

THe conversation takes an awkward turn when Madison mentions "those naked-looking cats".
Dan: *giggle* Naked?
Madison: *blush of death* So, um, about my problems....

Dan thinks Madison should chill out and not be so mad at Aimee.
He also thinks Dr. Wing and Mrs. Wing ran away together, but hey.

Madison's Dad wants to go out to dinner with Stephanie's nephew Kirk.
Madison thinks Kirk will probably be a dork.
And, of course, he's no Hart Jones.

Madison's Excuses for not dining with Kirk:
I have the walk the dog.
I have to wash my hair.
I have to save the world from an alien attack.
This probably spoils everything, but Kirk, in later books, turns out to be a way cute Kountry Gentleman.
Poor, poor Madison.

Yay, "Number the Stars"! That's one of my favorite books!!

Ivy is so evil!!
Ivy: I don't see what the big deal is. I mean, I didn't really fail the test. I only got a D, you know. Mr. Danehy is such a pain.
Joan: Science is so dumb anyway.
Ivy: And if that stupid twit Madison had just sat differently, I could have cheated off her paper, anyhow. She's such a goody-goody.
Joan: You'll pass science.
Ivy: Who really cares? I can always copy Madison's lab notes anyway. I do it all the time when she isn't looking.

Mrs. Wing adopted a baby...and Madison was the last one to know.
Been there, done that.
Meaning I've been the last to know. No, I haven't adopted a baby recently. The last baby I met yelled, "Poop," at me and threatened to beat me up if I spoke again.

Someone who goes to FHJH writes a post about Mrs. Wing on the wall. Maddie is like, "Nooo, everyone knew before me!!"
Someone replies to the post: So what, who cares?
Yeah, really, who cares? My teachers get pregnant all the time.

Aimee and Fiona are so stupid!!! They both post on a board called "Hotties" using their REAL SCREENNAMES!!! Now everyone will know it's them!
Posted by: BalletGrl
Date: 5 Nov
Message: actually I like this guy Ben but no one really knows so shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I should not have written that
Why would you write it if you didn't want anyone to know???
Posted by: Wetwinz
Date: 5 Nov
Message: of course someone who has been flirting w/me a lot wink wink can u guess who? *G*

Aimee sees the humor in the puppy situation.
Aimee: Maddie! I told you that about the puppies when we were in, like, fourth grade! And besides, my mom and dad are the ones who decide who Blossom will have puppies with, not me. And they want basset hounds, not some mix of pug and...Maddie, can you imagine what Blossom and Phin's babies would really look like?
Uh, yeah...they would be SOOO CUTE!

Fiona: By the way, I heard some big news.
Madison: Yeah, yeah, big news, I know. Mrs. Wing had a baby.
Fiona: Huh? What are you talking about? A baby? She did?
Madison: Wait. You didn't know?
Fiona: MRS. WING HAD A BABY? Oh, wow! This is, like, HUGE news. My news is so little and puny compared to yours. I just found out that the soccer team is moving their practice space. Wow! How did you find about Mrs. Wing?
So it turns out Madison isn't the last one to know, but come on, Fiona!! The soccer team is moving their practice space??? WHAT KIND OF NEWS IS THAT???

Oooh, lucky. Madison's school has free period instead of study hall.

Someone posts a REALLY mean message about Lindsay!!
Posted by: LoVeBuG
Date: Nov 6
Message: there is ms. fatty in my class and she is SOOOO fat that she cant even go 2 regular camp LOL she has to go to FAT CAMP and she walks around with a dumb black haircut & purple backpack that looks like she should be in the first grade LOSER!!! I feel bad 4 her yah right NOT FHJH would be better w/o her :)
That's pretty mean, but I thought Lindsay had light brown hair. She even has some on the cover.

Lindsay now wants all of her friends to stop going on the site.
It may be disloyal, but...
...I'd probably keep going on The Wall if I were Madison.
Which she does.

Lindsay: I bet it was the guys. I know they make fun of me because I'm overweight. I heard them once.
Madison: You did?
Lindsay: Yeah. I heard Hart and Chet talking once about who was the prettiest in our class.
Madison: Hart and Chet?
Fiona: What did they say, exactly? My brother is such a geek. Don't listen to him!
Lindsay: I don't remember everyone they were talking about, but I do know they said Ivy was the hottest girl and that some other girls were okay but some were too fat, like me and Beth Sanders.
[!!!!!!!!!!! THAT IS SO MEAN!!! Proof that guys suck.]
Fiona: Well, Lindsay. Beth Sanders is fat. She's huge. She takes up two seats at lunch. You're not fat like that.
[I lied, girls suck, too. ESPECIALLY FIONA.]
Madison: That's not the point, guys.
Thank you, Madison.

Lol.
"Madison knew the truth. They would all huff and puff and complain about how terrible it was to post gossip. And then they'd each go home that very night and check the next postings on the gossip page - just in case something interesting came up."

Some people just suck at math. Video games have nothing to do with that.

Madison's Dad reads the Lindsay post outloud, and it sounds kind of funny when he says it.
"What does that text say? 'Fat camp'? 'Looks like she should be in the first grade LOSER'? What is this? This isn't an e-mail from one of your friends, is it?"

Dad thinks girls are meaner than boys.
So true.

Fiona has big news!!!
Fiona: Okay, so he finally, really asked me.
Madison: Asked you? What? Who?"
Fiona: Egg! He asked me out. For real.
Madison: He asked you out? He said those exact words.
Fiona: He wants to go to the movies next week. Can you believe it? I know we're sort of a 'couple', but this really makes a difference
AARGH, NO!! You're not officially a "couple" until he asks you out.
Otherwise, he's just playing you.
I can't believe it's been this long and he JUST NOW asked her out.
Egg's a playa....

Whoa, Madison stands up to Ivy in this one! And it's really funny!
Madison: You obviously don't know the meaning of the word homework, Ivy. It means you actually have to do work, at home.
Ivy: Well, YOU obviously don't understand what it means to be partners, Madison. It means that occasionally you show me your notes. I would do the exact same for you.
Madison: Yeah. If you ever took notes.
Ivy: Excuse me?
Madison: Look, Ivy, I have to go. Why don't you just ask Mr. Danehy for help?
PWNED!!

Why is Fiona so overdramatic??
Fiona: Maddie, I can't believe you!
Madison: What happened?
Fiona: You promised you wouldn't tell!!
Madison: Fiona...
Fiona: I thought you were my friend. How could you?
Madison: Please tell me what's wrong.
Fiona: Why don't you read The Wall? You'll see what I'm talking about, Maddie. You'll see.

Posted by: MF13
Date: 8 Nov
Message: some secrets r way 2 hard 2 keep even about my friends F.W. sez its all god but she and W.D. probably want to hook up @ the movies next week I know it what a j-o-k-e they are so NOT innocent :)
:O Okay, "Madison" basically called Fiona a slut, but Fiona seems more mad that "Madison" told her secret.
Yeah, you should keep your friends' secrets, but what's secret about being asked out?? Wouldn't you be happy? Wouldn't you WANT to share the news with everyone? I mean, you're already "a couple", right???
So, even though I know Madison didn't write this, she shouldn't have told the secret, but WHY WAS IT A SECRET IN THE FIRST PLACE?

Um, duh. Egg told everyone. Big surprise.

Madison thinks it might be Chet, then feels bad and insists they shouldn't do anything.
Why would Chet do that...AND use Madison's scrnnme? Confused.

Madison wants to know if Dan ever made up a fake screenname for himself.
Who hasn't?? No offense, Maddie, but MadFinn kind of sucks.

Aimee has a secret, too! She might get a lead in the next ballet production!
$100 it'll be on The Wall tomorrow.

Madison's gym shorts are sort of tight and Ivy makes fun of them.
I thought tight things were in?? Ivy's just jealous.

Hehehe, Madison gets paired up with Ivy for volleyball.
Ivy: I despise volleyball.
That makes two of us.
Madison: You just despise everything and everyone.
Heheheheheh.

Madison finds a bulletin about Aimee on the wall...supposedly posted by herself. Instead of calling Aimee about it, she retreats to her files to be emo???
Whatever. Aimee will be calling to yell at you in like 2 minutes anyway.

Aimee and Madison have a fight. Aimee drags up stuff from the past, about all the times Madison has lied (she's only lied once). Aimee sort of sucks.

Lol.
As Aimee's leaving, she turns around and screams, "THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING!"

Egg thinks Fiona is stupid for being mad at Madison.
Go Egg!

Ivy gets "gravity" and "relativity" mixed up.
.....

Heh. Ivy and Madison have to do a science project together...and Madison makes Ivy do all the work. Payback.

Ivy: What did you find in the back?
Madison: No much. We should do more research upstairs in the media center, thought. Can you go look after school?
Ivy: Me? Why don't you go look after school.
Madison: I have an after-school conflict today.
Ivy: Well, I have a conflict, too. Like, I don't do science work after school. That's my conflict.
Madison: Maybe we should each write our own paper. I can ask Mr. Danehy if we can split-
Ivy: NO! Okay, I'll look in the media center. Don't throw a hissy about it. Gosh, you always overreact. What a drama queen.
GO MADISON!!

Mr. Danehy gives Ivy an F!!
Today is not Ivy's day.

Ugh, I hate it when people read over my shoulder!!!
Lance is a creepy kid.

Mrs. Wing brings her baby Phoebe to school.

Lance: My cousin had a big, fatso baby. He was so huge, he looked like he was stuffed.
Thanks, Lance.

Boys like babies, too.

It seems like Bigwheels is always either sick or grounded.
"SORRY I wasn't on my computer, but I was SICK and GROUNDED at the SAME TIME."

"Friends are forever, boys are whatever!"
What if all your friends are boys??

Madison wants revenge.
Noooo, don't do it, Madison! Revenge is never the answer!!

Madison writes a post about Ivy.
Posted by: MF13
Date: 11 Nov
Message: More big newz @ FHJH this time its I.D. in trouble wow is she ever. The WITCH is failing science. Yeah I.D. begged Mr. D. to pass her but he said no way so now the school is planning to EXPEL her...it is soooo bad Not only that but I heard that NO other school in the district wants to accept her b/c she has no real friends n e way LOL in fact there r no guys who will even look @ her b/c she dresses

That's as far as she gets before she accidentally publishes it.
Okay, who would even believe that? The part about having no friends and being a slut is pretty mean, but she wouldn't get EXPELLED for failing science.
Duh. Summer school.

Madison has become a pathological liar.

The bulletin won't be removed for 24 hours.
You sort of deserve it, Madison.
Revenge is never the answer.

"Now...Ivy will probably read what I posted and...she'll hate me forever and..."
"Wait just a minute, Maddie. I thought you and Ivy weren't friends anymore anyway."
Yeah!! What do you care what she thinks??
Shouldn't you be more worried about hurting her feelings than how she'll think of you? Because I'm pretty sure she already hates you.

Madison: Why are parents always right? And why am I always wrong?
Trust me, honey. Parents are NOT always right.

Lol, her dad is so delightfully evil.
"You're kidding! Oh, Maddie, you are most definitely going to tell your mother everything, from the beinning. We had a deal."
That's like on "Dan in Real Life".
"So Marty can stay?"
"*hysterical laughter* Marty can STAY???"

Madison can never go on The Wall again.
She is officially Off the Wall (that's where the title comes in).
Wait, MF13 is the one who's not allowed on the wall.
Madison could just create a new screename and go on whenever she wanted.

WtH???????
Lindsay, Aimee, and Fiona came over to apologize.
Why the sudden epiphany??
And why is Lindsay apologizing, too???
Madison had nothing to do with her Fat Camp thing!!! Lindsay probably didn't even know about the whole fight until now.
WHAT IS SHE DOING THERE??

It turns out Ivy told Hart she was MF13, and Hart told Chet who told Fiona.

Boys aren't the only shallow ones.
Such as girl on basketball team??
"Lauren, you'd be really pretty if you did this to your hair."
Um...thanks.

NICE!!! Madison's mom took away her laptop and is keeping it under lock and key in her desk drawer!!! Madison can only use it for one hour each day to check her e-mail!!
Finally! Good parenting!

Madison is super mean to Lance...even if he is a nerd.
Madison: I'm outta here.
Lance: But I just got here.
Madison: So? See you in class tomorrow.
Duh, Lance, you're the reason she's leaving.

Ivy: I'm never going to forget, you know.
Madison: Elephants never forget.
Ivy: Who are you calling.... OOOOOH! You think you're sooooo smart, don't you?
Madison just smiles and walks away.
The one time turning the other cheek actually WORKED.

Bigwheels is grounded because she told some kids a scary story.
Whatever. I bet it was the one about the finger.

Ew, I hate youngest children.

Madison's Computer Tip:
Beware of online gossip.

Truer words were never spoken.
I just read the last 2 Pony Pals books, and they were surprisingly enjoyable and kind of sad. Lulu's dad SUCKS; he's probably the worst father ever. So does Mrs. Crandal. It's like good parents don't EXIST in Wiggins. But that's all tomorrow; I have stuff to do.

What is this, second grade?, or FTFO Madison Finn #14: Double Dare

2008-04-28T18:17:00.000-07:00

I've been hiding from the sun, I'm tired of being afraid of everything and everyone.
I'm so tiiiired.
Sorry. Musically bingeing on Atreyu.
Madison Finn!! What what?

Plot: Junior high has never been more insane. Mrs. Wing brings to Madison's attention a computer contest!! Students have two weeks to create a homework helper website with a partner; the winner will receive a brand new computer.
Madison is itching to enter...but her computer-savvy friend Egg has another partner in mind.
No worries, mate! Madison picks Fiona as her partner and the two put together a splendiferous little website.
However, the competition with Egg is fierce. It gets so bad that Egg and Madison have a huge fight!!! Egg wants to log off as a friend - forever!!! (Lol, that was on the back of the book, and I just had to add it)
To add to all her worries, Fiona's mom has asked Madison and Aimee to help plan a surprise party for Fiona and Chet - and their birthday is in a week!
Aimee and Madison invite all the right people, make delicious cakes, and throw a pretty ballin party.
Egg and Madison make up.
Neither team wins the computer contest, but both teams receive an honorable mention.

More notes:
It's September again...and they acknowledge that it's been a year since Chet and Fiona moved to Far Hills....
BUT THEY'RE ALL STILL IN SEVENTH GRADE!!!

Two weeks to design a website. That's pretty...ridonkulous.

Oooh, third prize is $50 and a subscription to Computer Universe! Nerds.

Egg already has a partner; he's doing the contest with Chet.
Madison. Has. Been. BETRAYED.
Okay, yeah, it sucks, but you MOVE ON, Maddie. She's just mad because he didn't pick her FIRST.

Drew is standing in the hallway and Madison leaps on him right after Egg ditches her. "Will you be my partner, Drew?"
Drew already has a partner, too. Ha ha ha.
"She'd been rejected twice - and it wasn't even lunch yet."

Fiona and Ivy are still friends???? But she's been here for a year???
DOES SHE NOT REMEMBER ALL THAT WHEN ON IN BOOKS 1-13???

Madison is sort of stupid.
Fiona: Maddie? Are you entering that computer contest?
Madison: What? What did you say?
Fiona: My brother, Chet, told me about the contest last night. He told me that he's doing it with Egg. [WHOA. INNUENDO.] Like he even has a chance! [MORE INNUENDO.] I mean, it sounds way more like your thing than his- [WHAAAAAT??????]
Madison: Thanks. I just wish I had someone to enter the contest with me.
Fiona: Um...hello?

Uh oh. Egg dares Madison to enter. No, wait, he DOUBLE dares her!!!! She can't chicken out now!!!

Madison looks up homework on the internet: 1,321,395 hits.
Way to be specific. Now you'll never find what you're looking for.

Oh no!! Madison calls Fiona to discuss their plans for the website...AND CHET ANSWERS.
So she hangs up!!! Aaargh, so annoying.

Emily Waters asks Madison and Aimee to help plan Fiona and Chet's birthday.
"Usually I have a special dinner just for family, but I thought that it might be fun to include some of Chet's and Fiona's friends this year."
Yeah, what a concept. Wait, have they seriously never had a "just friends" birthday party? That's sad. Now wonder they hate their birthday.

So they're writing out the guest list, and Aimee's all, "Ugh, I hate huge parties. Let's only invite 4 people."
????? Hello???? It's not your party!!!

Seriously!! She only wants to invite Egg and Drew!!!

Aimee starts spazzing out in front of Fiona.
"Fiona! Hi! How's it going? Is that a new shirt? You look so great in green!"
-_-

Fiona: So, where's the party?
Aimee: Did you say 'party'? We were just talking about the VTV Ultimate Party Video Countdown on Saturday. Do you want to come over and watch it with us?
Fiona: Sorry - I think I've got some family birthday stuff that night.
Aimee: Oh, right, Saturday's your birthday. *jabs Madison*
Madison: *cough* It's your birthday? *starts hacking up the lung Aimee just popped*
Fiona: Of course! I just told you about it the other day. I swear, Maddie, sometimes you can be such a space case!
ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? SHE BOUGHT IT???

Ew, you know Ben, Aimee's lover???
He reminds me of this kid at my school who, while smart, totally gets on everybody's nerves with how cocky he is.
And he wears pajama pants, like, all the time!!
I bet Ben wears pajama bottoms, too.

Wait...weren't Egg and Fiona going out in book #12?
They still acknowledge Fiona's crush on him...but not the fact that they were GOING OUT.

Madison: I just wish we could figure out who to ask. Aimee wants to keep it small - just us, Drew, and Egg. But I think we should invite a few more people.
Fran: Just remember that it's a party for Fiona and Chet - not for you and aimee. And you should be inviting their friends, not just yours.
She makes it seem like it's all Madison's fault.

Aimee doesn't like Ben Buckley anymore. He's too obnoxious.

Fiona finds the guest list in Madison's notebook!!!
And thinks it's a list of competitors in the computer contest!!!
Fiona is an idiot!!!

Madison: *after a brief altercation with Chet and Egg* Way to go, Fiona! You sure told him.
Fiona: Was I too harsh?
Madison: I'm sure Chet will get over it.
Fiona: Chet? Who cares about Chet? I'm talking about Walter Was I too rude? What does he think of me now?

I think Madison has a crush on Mrs. Wing. There's always a billion descriptions of her drooling over Mrs. Wing's cool clothes and beautiful hair.

She tells Egg about the surprise party...even though he has one of the biggest mouths in Far Hills. Smart.

Heh. Drew keeps popping up everywhere, like he used to when he was stalking Madison.

Mwahaha. Aimee doesn't get to dictate the guest list anymore.

Madison is SUCH A SPAZ. "OMG, EGG, DON'T TELL CHET! DON'T TELL CHET, EGG! WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO CHET?? DID YOU TELL HIM!? EGG!!!"

Hart: Hey, Finnster. How are you?
Madison: Oh, not much.
Stupid pheromones.

Egg makes up a lie about going in-line skating on Saturday - the day of the party. Hart wants to come, and Maddie gets so excited that she forgets it's a lie!

Hart wants to give Madison his e-mail address, and Madison can't exactly tell him she kept (and memorized) it.

Teachers don't give students presents.
Okay, they do. My 7th grade LAR/SS teacher gave me a duck pin.

Egg told everybody.
Haha, not. But he did tell Aimee...who already knew. No harm done.

Interesting analogy:
Friendship is like a peanut-butter sandwich. Sometimes it's good, and sometimes it's just plain sticky.

WHY does Fiona still like Ivy?
"I think Fiona still likes Ivy...although why is a mystery to me. She'll learn soon enough about Ivy's true colors."
I thought she already HAD.

THE BIG FIGHT
Chet: What're you hiding there? Your Web page?
Madison: None of your business.
Egg: Madison doesn't like to share.
Madison: Well, sometimes it's good to keep your mouth shut. Maybe you ought to practice that, Walter.
Egg: You're supposed to talk about things with your friends, Maddie.
Madison: What's THAT supposed to mean?
Egg: Forget.
Madison: No, really. Tell me. I want to know.
Egg: Why won't you tell us what you're working on with Fiona? What's the big secret about your stupid WEb page? Are you afraid we'll steal your ideas, or something?
[Okay, can I just break in and say how HYPOCRITICAL THAT IS? He's the one who made a big deal about secrecy in the first place. Loser.]
Mr. Books: Ms. Finn, I suggest that you and your friends keep your voices down. I like quiet in my library.
Egg: Sorry, but it doesn't matter, because Chet and I were just leaving.
Mr. Books: Very well. *leaves*
Chet: That guy acts so strange sometimes!
Egg: He's not the only one!!!

Fiona saw Chet's secret Web page! It's really flashy with a cool song...but it takes forever to load.

Fiona randomly says the word "birthday" twice and Madison is like, "COULD SHE KNOW??? COULD SHE KNOW???"

She gets RSVPs from all the guests...and INSTANTLY thinks they're e-mails saying the guests can't come.
Pessimist.

Ew, Lindsay Frost's screenname is Luvnstuff.

Mrs. Waters' name was EMILY in the beginning of the book. In a thank-you note to Madison and Aimee, she signs her name, "HELEN WATERS". Hello?

Ooh, Madison gets a cool RSVP from Hart:
You are totally gonna surprise them. I'll be there 4 sure. Coolness!
I really like the invitation, BTW.
Hart

Hehehe. 4 sure. Coolness!!

Hehehehe. Do Chet and Fiona like chocolate? Stupid question.

"'Hi, Mom,' Madison said. 'Just talking to myself.'"
First sign of madness.

Jeff (Dad) wants to know why Maddie and Egg are fighting, and Madison is all, "Why don't you just listen? I don't want to talk about it! Just leave me alone, Dad! Go on another business trip or something, why don't you?"
Geez, what's your problem?

Fiona wants Madison to apologize to Egg, and Madison's all, "I shouldn't have to, because he didn't pick me as a partner, and then he turned this project into a DOUBLE DARE!!!" What is this, second grade?

Her Dad ended up going on a business trip. Burn.

Aimee's on another diet.
The Bulimia diet? I hope that one works better than your previous Anorexia diet.

Aimee can't spell "Fiona".

Ivy sends a hilarious RSVP to the birthday e-vite:
Nice invitation, Madison. I didn't know you knew how to use a JPEG.
Of course I'm coming to the party - I know it won't be any fun for you without your seventh-grade Class President. Besides, someone has to be there to make sure Fiona has a good time. TTFN!
Ivy

Aimee: I tried to warn you. Remember what she did at your third-grade birthday party?
Madison: Don't remind me.
Aimee: I gave you that poster book, and she grabbed it and totally hogged it.
Madison: Oh, right! She kept kissing that singer's photo all night. She kept saying that he was her boyfriend and wouldn't let anyone else look at it. I remember!
What's wrong with that? That's all we did at my birthday parties. I think...

Chet and Egg's site sounds so amazing!! It's Star Wars themed with a bunch of science games, and they give video reviews of each site!!!

But it takes forever to load. Ooooh.

Mrs. Wing likes Fiona and Madison's better...because it's fully functional and has cute rhymes.

Good news: Fiona doesn't know anything about the party.
Bad news: On Saturday, she already has plans!!! Her parents are taking her and Chet to see some old college friends.
Gee, you don't think her parents are lying to cover up the surprise party, do you?

Duh. Mrs. Waters was totally lying. The party is still on.

Omg, strawberry-kiwi smooch!! I remember making fun of Madison every time she put that on.

Madison gets Chet a bunch of NBA screensavers, because he likes basketball.
Sounds like a stereotype to me...

She makes Fiona a collage box.
Oh well, I guess it's the thought that counts.

Hahahaha, Madison is about to leave the house for the party...
...and FIONA comes over!
Her parents are driving her crazy, apparently.
"Dad keeps freaking out about my shoes. For some reason, he won't let me wear sandals - he keeps saying that I have to wear shoes with socks. I mean, what's that all about? Are his college friends afraid of feet, or something?"
MWAHAHA, if only you knew, Fiona!!

Madison's holding the presents in her hands, and Fiona's like, "Are those for me?"
Madison: *blink blink* *stutter* Uh...uh...I'm going to a party. It's actually my mom who's going to the party. A friend from Budge Films. I'm just going with her.
Fiona buys it. That's just sad.

Lindsay Frost is so nerdy. She's a pro bowler and has her own bag, shoes, and ball, all in a delightful shade of neon green.

Ben Buckley is a nerd, too. "Bowling is all about angles. If you strike the first pin at the right angle, all the rest will fall."
Have fun with that, Ben.

Ivy shows up wearing a miniskirt...from Paris.
Drew: Um, Ivy...what are you wearing?
Ivy: Duh. It's a miniskirt. What's the matter - you've never seen one before?
Rose: It's from Paris. [Totally saving that for future reference.]
Drew: Yeah. Well...good luck with that.
Hehehe, I love Drew.

Hart almost ruins the surprise by getting there late!!! Boooooo!

Surprise!! The twins are surprised...and stupid.

Since when do people actually keep score for bowling? Doesn't the machine just do it for you?

Madison has to tell Hart her middle name. How embarassing??? It's just a name!!!

Ew, Dan loves Elvis. Sort of don't love Dan as much anymore.

Hart, Egg, Lindsay, and Joanie are apparently superb bowlers.

Hehehe, Ivy can't bowl without mooning her entire team.

Rather than trade in her strappy sandals for bowling shoes, Ivy claims she sprained her finger...and EVERYONE believes her. UGH, she is such a liar.

For people who are "just friends", Egg and Madison exchange a lot of secret smiles in this book.

I hate people that call really early or late. Just saying. Fiona is an early bird.

Madison has apparently learned a few things:
1. When planning a party for two people, you should probably consider what they want.
2. Flash graphics are overrated. Lame graphics rock the house.
3. PMS is no excuse for getting in fights.

Madison and her dad have this touching Father-Daughter talk.
Not.

Followed by a REALLY awkward conversation between Madison and Egg.
Egg: It's hard, isn't it?
Madison: Hard? Yeah.
Egg: It's so much work. Sometimes you think it isn't worth it - that you should just give up...
Madison: But you don't.
Egg: Yeah.
WHAT ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT???

Egg admits that Chet was a lame partner and he should've picked Madison. Whatever.

"You know, Maddie, you're like my best friend who is a girl. But, in a lot of ways, you're also my best any friend."
Ooooh. That sort of made me smile.

Fiona, Egg, Madison, and Chet all get honorable mentions. Because if they didn't win, what would be the point?

Uh oh, Egg double dares Madison to stand up in front of all the clapping people. She can't turn this dare down!!!

Madison's Computer Tip:
Sometimes e-mail can be the most creative way to say hello - or even invite someone to a party!

I actually started this post a week ago, but never really had the time to sit down and finish it till today. Pony Pals #38 sometime this week...should be fun.

Why my parents got me a dog instead, or Pony Pals #37: No Ponies in the House!

2008-04-27T14:08:00.000-07:00

When I was little, I always wanted a pony (or a dog).
Unfortunately, my Navy dad had us living in an apartment, and a pony wouldn't have done well in a storage unit.
Though I'm not sure where we could've found Ponies For Sale in Japan.
Not on base, anyway.

Plot: Rosalie is driving everyone crazy! The pet-deprived little girl has just been blessed with a hamster named Alfie. It's only temporary, however; if Rosalie doesn't take good care of Alfie, she'll have to give him back!!
Mike has been dropping Rosalie off at Lulu's house so he can go on "fishing trips" with his boyfriend Tommy (we know what they're really up to). With Anna out of town and Pam working for her mom, Lulu has no one to help her watch the precocious six-year-old. When Rosalie goes off on her own with Acorn and Alfie, it's the last straw.
But before they can punish Rosalie, Alfie goes missing in Lulu's house! Grandmother Sanders has one cardinal rule: NO ANIMALS IN THE HOUSE!!! Grandma Sandy threatens to call the exterminator if they don't find the lovable creature.
Pony Pals to the rescue! Anna comes home and Pam ditches her mom and the three of them team up in the kitchen to find Alfie. They concoct a crazy plan: they'll bring Snow White into the house to find Alfie! They're friends, after all. Snow White sniffs out the mischeivous hamster and all is well; Grandma Sandy doesn't even notice!
Rosalie feels she has to give up Alfie for his own safety; he might've died in that lonely kitchen!! The Pony Pals (and Mike!) make a new, fun-filled cage for Alfie so he won't be bored and Rosalie won't have to carry him around in her pocket.
Then, randomly, Lulu's Dad comes home!!! Where...? Whatever.

More notes:
What is it with women and barrettes? My mom was always wanting to put my hair in barrettes, and Grandma Sandy is just as bad.

Anna is in the city visiting her uncle. Which city, pray tell?

Awww, Alfie is a Teddy Bear Hamster. I had one of those!!

"'The school had a bunch of extra hamsters,' explained Mike. 'Mom is letting Rosalie keep him on a trial basis. If Alfie's any trouble, back he goes.'"
What?? Why would the school have extra hamsters? What do you need hamsters for??
Oooooh noooooo....
Now I know what makes the pepperoni taste so good!!!!

Mike tries to dump Rosalie on Lulu. Nice try.

Mimi's gone, too? Where is everybody??

Carrying Alfie around in your hands is safer than having him in a pocket where he could LEAP OUT.

"'Hi, Lulu,' said Mrs. Crandal. 'We're having a beginning rider clinic today and tomorrow. My assistant is sick, so Pam's helping.'
'Sorry. I can't ride for a couple of days,' Pam told Lulu.
Lulu didn't think Pam looked sorry. She looked happy."
I'd be happy, too. Especially if I was getting PAID. I'm assuming that's where Pam's smile is coming from.

Mr. Sanders wins an award for being the worst parent ever. Not only have we not heard from him for a while, Lulu won't be seeing him for 2 more months.
He sent her to Wiggins cuz he couldn't handle having a kid. I wonder if he did that to his wife before she died. That must've been inconvenient for him.

Lulu: Rosalie, this isn't the time to cry. You won't be able to see Alfie if you're crying.
Way to comfort the crying kid, Lulu. You're a natural.

Heh. They find Alfie in the grain box, his cheeks puffy with grain. My hamster used to do that...and then she'd try to climb up the tubes. Not those tubes. Sickos.

AAARGH. Grandma Sandy is afraid of hamsters because they're RODENTS.
My mom has the same problem with rats.
Even rats that are completely clean, nice, smart, and trained for the Rat Olympics she has a problem with.

Mr. Lacey's kind of a sucky parent, too. His kids never see him because he's too cheap to send them tickets to fly to Chicago.

Lulu and Rosalie talk about things they have in common.
Well, let's see.
1. Their dads suck.
2. They're legal guardians both have a stick up their butt.
3. They hate boys!!

Mike and Tommy went on a "fishing trip"....

Ugh, Lulu left Rosalie by herself and she disappears. Way to go, Lulu.

Rosalie told Lulu Mike was picking her up in an hour...but that was a LIE!

Tommy encourages Rosalie's rebellious behavior. He's a GREAT boyfriend, Mike!

Rather than tell Rosalie's mother, they keep it secret. Why would telling her cause her to lose Alfie, though? It's not as if ALFIE caused this mess.

Tommy: Rosalie can stay with the Pony Pests. Baby-sitting is girls' work.
Sexist pig.

Aw. A hamster sitting on a pony's back - that would be the cutest picture ever.

Rosalie shows up at Lulu's house.
Rosalie: Don't worry, I wrote Mike a note so he won't be mad. *hands Lulu the note*
Lulu: Why do you still have the note if it's for Mike?
Lol. Couldn't not laugh at that one.

"I'm sorry. I did bad things. I'm really and truly and very really sorry."
Whatever. It's the death penalty for you.

Alfie disappears...just as Grandma Sandy enters the kitchen.
Uh oh.

That's so mean!! You can't call an exterminator on someone's pet hamster!!

Rofl.
"Don't try to butter me up, Lucinda. You know I don't like animals."

Conveniently enough, the phone is dead, so Grandma can't call the exterminator!

"Well, I can't even phone an exterminator right now, can I? I can't even call the telephone company to say that the phone doesn't work."
Why would you do that?? If the phone doesn't work...never mind.
That's like e-mailing someone and then calling them on the phone and saying, "I sent you an e-mail."
True story.

They make spaghetti for dinner.
It's like all they eat is carbs, carbs, carbs. Brownies, spaghetti...when will it end????

Shouldn't it be easier to find a hamster when it's asleep? Because then it will only be in one place, not moving around all confusingly.

When Alfie appears, they don't want to grab him. Instead, they'll use pots and pans, which serve exactly the same purpose. Stupid.

OMG!! They don't find Alfie, but they find MICE IN THE CUPBOARD!!!!!!!!!! And this doesn't freak you out????? You might have an INFESTATION!!!

"Anna opened the freezer door. 'Hm-m,' she said thoughtfully. 'How about some chocolate ice cream? I always think better when I've had some ice cream.'
Liar. You just wanted ice cream.

Pam: I've never heard of a pony or a horse liking a hamster.
Now, do you mean "like" or "like like"?

Lulu's worried Snow White will crap on the carpet.
Which she almost does.
But Pam catches it in a bucket.
That's kind of disgusting.

Anna has to pretend she had a nightmare so Grandma Sandy won't go into the kitchen. "There was a monster. The monster had awful yellow eyes. And it was chasing me. It was going to kill me!!!!"

Grandma almost goes into the kitchen to get some warm milk. NOOOOOOO!

Alfie was sitting on Snow White's back the whole time??? Lame!!!

Alfie's on drugs. He starts walking upside down inside the strainer.
Skillz.

Uh oh. Grandma Sandy finds Snow White's hair on the kitchen floor!!!!

Anna: It's simple. Remember when we brushed out the ponies yesterday, Lulu? I bet hair from Snow White's mane was on your clothes. It fell off in the kitchen.
Liar, liar, pants on fire.

Rosalie feels guilty and wants to give away Alfie...because she almost KILLED Acorn.
Way to go, Pony Pals. That was a long time ago.

The Pony Pals talk about all the times they screwed up with animals. Anna killed her goldfish. Pam made Woolie run away. Lulu lost Rosalie...wait.

Whoa!!! In the picture, Mike looks way hot for a 12-14 year old boy.

Alfie gets bored because his cage is lamesauce. So they spruce it up for him.

Tommy's afraid of Alfie. Ha.

Sucky Dad comes home!!! Hurray for Mr. Sanders!!! :P

That's it. Madison Finn tomorrow, hopefully.

Unkept promises abound, or Pony Pals Super Special #4: The Fourth Pony Pal

2008-04-27T11:29:00.000-07:00

So it's the FOURTH Super Special and it's about the FOURTH Pony Pal. Sorry. Not really funny.

Plot: Pam wants to take part in a jumping clinic in Virginia, so she and her Pony Pals go on a road trip!!! w00t!!!
When they get to the clinic, Mrs. Foster (the person in charge) is a total snob, and all the other girls are wankers. Shelly, Mrs. Foster's daughter, is just as mean as everyone else, but seems withdrawn and sad a lot of the time.
The meddling Pony Pals get to the bottom of it: Shelly misses her pony Midnight Ride, but is angry at her mother and best friend Brooke because they'd been advising her to dump Midnight Ride before he DIED of COLIC.
Ooooh, that burns.
The Pony Pals comfort Shelly, convince her to cry it out, and help her reconnect with her mother.
Then they go home.

More notes:
Lulu casually mentions homework. It seems like the Pony Pals NEVER GO TO SCHOOL.

Summer vacation again???

Wait...the clinic is in Virginia. Isn't that where Lulu's godsister or whatever Alicia lives?? And they're not going to go visit? I guess Alicia doesn't exist anymore.

They get a letter from Eleanor Morgan, the pro stadium jumper from #21. She writes like a 10-year-old.

Pam's dad is all, "Oh no, a week without Pam, what will I do?"
Shut up, Robert. You should be jumping for joy.
At least I think his name is Robert. Didn't he say his name was Robert that one time?

Anna feels like she's missing something important....
Underwear? No, not underwear.
Shoes? No, of course not.
Pads? Heck no, why would she need that?
Oh duh - ART SUPPLIES!

Grandmother Sanders gives them a beauty kit to take with them. Read: So you 3 won't look like slobs at the jumping clinic.

They live in Conneticutt (I know I spelled that wrong), right? It takes them 4 HOURS to get to Virginia. I don't think so. Mapquest says 9.

They act like people make a big deal about whether you have a horse or a pony. No, Pam, I don't think anyone cares.

Mrs. Foster is wonderfully polite ...until Pam's mom leaves.

Mrs. Foster: You shouldn't have disappeared like that. All your friends are upstairs.
Shelly: They're not my friends. They're your students.
Nice, a character with backbone!

Anna is such a freak!
"When we stay over at Pam's we sleep in the barn. We call ourselves the Pony Pals and love to trail ride."
And you wonder why you don't make friends easily....

Pam: Hi. I'm Pam Crandal. The tall one.
Um, the black one....

They have a palomino pony...named GOLDIE.
Proving that no one has any originality.

Heh. Mrs. Foster splits them up.

Pam is kind of stupid.
Shelly: Tell Brooke that my mother wants to speak with her.
Pam: *turns to Brooke* Shelly said-
Brooke: No duh, I'm not deaf.

Brooke and Shelly are fighting. Pam is sharing a room with them. Should be fun. XP

"Anna didn't mention the lucky upside-down heart marking on Lightning's forehead. She had a feeling Shelly wouldn't care."
I don't care either, Anna.

Sweet. Shelly is antisocial and feisty. We have a lot in common, Shelly!

Okay, I know these girls like horses, but there are OTHER horse books and movies that DON'T involve Black Beauty.

Everyone likes to talk about themselves, Pam. What's wrong with you?

Brooke is Regina from "Mean Girls".

Shelly seems upset. Pam wonders if Shelly lost a big competition.
Or maybe someone died, perhaps?

Bells say ding-dong, ding-dong. What kind of bell says dong-dong, dong-dong?

Shelly tells Brooke where to stuff it when Brooke mistakenly makes fun of the Pony Pals. Yeaaah!

Mrs. Foster: Quiet, you two. Watch carefully. You can learn a lot just by observing.
Anna: I can learn how to be bored.
Lol.

The Pony Pals want to know what Shelly's problem is and why she's so sad and angry.
I want to know why it's any of their business.

Anna and Snow White escape. In the process of looking for them, Pam sets off the burglar alarm. Hahaha, it wakes EVERYONE up.

I notice no one in this series ever has short hair or glasses. If they're a girl, anyway. For boys, that's true, too...except for the short hair part.

They start talking about ponies and Shelly runs away crying.
RED FLAG!

Her pony's name was Midnight Ride. -_- Guess what color he was?

"Shelly is a lot angry at her mother. We all wonder why."
Not only is that HORRIBLE grammar, but it should seem pretty obvious why Shelly hates her mom; the woman's a PSYCHO.

Anna has come a long way. Instead of instantly labeling people "snobs", she gives Shelly another chance.

Brooke: More Pony Pal secrets?
Lulu: Yes, and they're all about you, Brooke.
Pwned!!

To make friends with Shelly, they write her a letter????
But you guys are staying in the same house!!

Shelly doesn't want to play therapist with the Pony Pals, but she'd rather hang out with them than watch...*drumroll*..."Black Beauty"!
What is their obsession with this movie, as well as spaghetti, brownies, and grilled cheese sandwiches?

Shelly probably shouldn't watch a movie about a black horse. Might set her off again. Whatever.

"I was the only one who cried when Midnight Ride died."
Awwwwww....

Okay, lame. When Shelly tells them she has no interest in competing, Lulu and Anna understand.
But when Pam, in the beginning of the series, told them she HATED competing and had no interest in doing so, they EMOTIONALLY BLACKMAILED her into competing.
These guys SUCK.

Mrs. Foster has a horse named Royal Star.
What a prissy name.

Shelly writes a book about Midnight Ride and gives it to her mom.

Shelly got Midnight Ride when she was 6, and he died of colic when she was 10.
That really sucks.

Shelly: I don't want to live here anymore. I'm going to run away.
Anna: You can come to Wiggins with us if you want, but don't run away.
Whaaat? If you take her to Wiggins with you, you'll be HELPING her run away. SO CONFUSED.

Mrs. Foster promises to be less of a stiff.

Shelly: Is this what the Pony Pals do all the time?
Anna: Not ALL the time. But we trail ride a lot.
They also as participate in parades, man face-painting booths, catch hunters in the act, rescue hamsters, herd sheep, train ponies, find little girls and lost ponies, save ponies, tutor dyslexic girls, heal sick ponies, bargain with sellers, comfort dying ponies, tame wild ponies, join the circus, brave blizzards, give people makeovers, babysit, give blind ponies sight, manipulate and persuade, put out fires, adopt stray cats, take care of elderly ponies, help girls run away, build secret clubhouses, compete in horse shows, barrel race, watch bears, act in movies, find dogs, help birth foals, rescue abused animals, go back in time, communicate with animals, and help the environment.

Shelly's new friends Linda and Mary Ellen have ponies, too!
One is an Appaloosa named Smoothie, for his smooth gait (aaaaagh!).
Now they're all best friends and call themselves the Pony Pals, too.
Doesn't this happen in ALL Pony Pal books? They meet a new girl, make friends with her, convert her to their religion, and then send her home, where she creates her own three person Pony Cult. Creepy.

Only 3 Pony Pals books left: #37, #38, and Super Special #6.
Then it's all over.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

Fantasy novels are just masked attempts to preach to us, or Avalon: Quest For Magic #4: Heart of Avalon

2008-04-26T15:48:00.000-07:00

Books about Emily are always a little boring. I feel like the others outshine her...even when the book is supposed to be about her. She's just so...
Caring?
Empathetic?
Healing?
Um, try boring.

Plot: Let's get this over with. Adriane and Kara are both level 2 mages. Emily longs to join them in their level 2-ness, but still hasn't bonded with a special magical animal.
That's right, folks. Ozzie, the ever-annoying ferret/elf, is NOT Emily's bonded. He is, in fact, a unique mage, like Emily herself.
One day, at the celebrated Wavefest of Prince Merlin (the spoiled merboy Emily eventually falls in love with), several sea dragons show up with some unknown illness.
A mysterious baby sea dragon then transports Emily and Marlin to a faraway island. How? We don't know. The baby sea dragon is not REALLY a sea dragon, but some kind of magical purple and pink shapeshifter. Emily dubs him Indigo, or "Indi" for short (sort of like Indiana Jones!!).
As their friends rush to find them, Emily and Marlin try to convince Indi, who can travel along the magical web at will AND has eaten Emily's magic jewel, to take them back, but Indi uses all his magic to take them to Port Tuga.
A mysterious woman named Miranda teaches Emily to use her magic in terrifying ways that end up killing several animals. However, in the process, Emily discovers that ALL the sea animals are sick, and that she has bonded with Indi, who has become a sparkly unicorn!!
The magic needed to heal all of them is located in the Crystal Caves, which some people think don't exist. Emily, Marlin, and Indi go there, finding their friends in the process. It turns out that the cave isn't full of jewels, though; it's full of magical sea dragon eggs!! And you thought the sea dragons were going extinct!
BAM! The Dark Sorceress shows up to take the magic of the eggs. Wait...it turns out Miranda was really the Dark Sorceress. Pwned!!! Nice one.
Bla bla bla. They fight her, recover Marina, the missing water Fairimental, and save the baby dragon eggs.
However, Indi used all his magic to save Emily. He transports her to another island (a habit of his, I suppose), where a water sylph tells Emily that Indi is really one of the power crystals they are seeking. Emily is heartbroken; how can she give up her bonded? But she gives Indi up...and he comes back, because he loves her. Now he'll be a unicorn forever!
Rude awakening: Emily isn't meant to bond with a magical animal. She is meant to strengthen the bond between animal and human, so in a way she is bonded to everyone. However, Indi is now her paladin! w00t, Emily is a Level 2 mage!!
But the Dark Sorceress has another dastardly plot up her sleeve...which involves Henry Gardener, the wizard we've all been waiting for.
Unfortunately, we'll never see how that ends up, because Rachel Roberts, the author of this series, did not publish anymore books. I've heard all this crap about how she's just switching publishers, but it's been 3 years, and either she's the slowest writer ever, or she's given up. Whatever. We don't need you, Rachel Roberts. We like Madison Finn better ANYWAY!

More notes:
Tasha: The unicorn jewel and the wolf stone emit completely opposite frequencies.
Adriane: Big surprise.
If that's not foreshadowing, I don't know what is.
Wait...if they emit completely different frequencies, shouldn't that make them create beautiful harmony together? That's what happens with light, anyway.

Kara: Tasha, you rock!
Tasha: Actually, I crystallize, Princess.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh.

All of them are Level 2 mages...except for Emily. All of them have bonded animals...except for Emily. All of them have boyfriends...except for Emily.
Mwahahaha.

"Kara smiled her million-dollar blazing star smile."
I swear they copied that out of the movie "Life Size".

Marlin: It's all those sea dragons' fault! Magic attracts magic! Everyone knows that.
Jaaran: What does a jerk attract?
Someone's been watching "Seinfeld".

"Pups rolled across the sand as a purple blur erupted from the center of the pile."
Lol. That just looks funny when you picture it. Especially when the pups look like baby seals...laff attack.

Indi shapeshifts to look like Ozzie, and Emily doesn't realize something's wrong until she notices he doesn't have a collar - and this is after the Ozzie lookalike has showed up with pink/purple fur, eaten her backpack and jewel, and talken in gibberish for the past ten minutes.
Nice, Emily.

Adriane: Jaaran!! *flyingleaphug*
Jaaran: Adriane, I'm so glad you're here.
Zach: *jealous fuming*
Lorren: Probably just friends, I'm sure.
ROFL!! Oh, the drama!

Jaaran says, "What are you insinuating?" Agh, I remember Amber would say that ALL THE TIME in 7th grade.
Blah. 7th grade.

They go to a place called Port Tuga. Hm, that wouldn't happen to be a play on Tortuga, would it?

Emily believes in evolution, but she's against it. How does that work out??

Indi's name was Riba until Emily decided to change it.
I like Riba better. Rrrrrrrrrrrriba.

"Magic lamps! Only been rubbed once."
Euphemism for sex?

Tee hee hee, Miranda teaches Emily to use Jedi Mind Tricks on some advancing trolls. "You don't want this magical creature. We were never here, you never saw us, we never existed."

Indi has Indi-gestion.
-_-

Miranda is so Sith!!! She's corrupting Emily like Sidious corrupted Anakin.
"Maybe, someday, I can evil stop people from dying!!!"

Miranda is such a liar!!!!

Rah!! She's killing them all! All the sea creatures IN THE WORLD.

Lol. Marlin's all, "Who's Miranda? What are you talking about?"
You are now in...THE TWILIGHT ZONE.

Marlin randomly jumps into the water to save his sea dragon from a pack of hungry sea wolves.
You're screwed, my friend.
And Emily does NOTHING to help him...because standing on the deck screaming, "Oh no, Marlin," does not count.

She killed them all. And not just the men...but the women, and the children. They were animals, and she killed them, like animals.
SHE HATES THEM!!!
[For all of you who are really confused, go watch "Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones". The funniest movie you will ever see, I guarantee it.]

They run into sirens who try to lure them away from their destination.
In an ocean of tears, we wait.
Waiting, longing for home.
There is no today.
No tomorrow.
No place to go.
Whaaat? The sirens collaborated with an emo band??

"Every seafaring elf knows how to protect himself from the siren's lure. Get wig-jiggy with it."
-_-
And no, it wasn't Ozzie who said that, surprisingly enough.

Hm, all the creatures in the water are sick. Could it be the water is making them sick??? GOOD JOB, EMILY!!! XP

"It ain't all tweetybirds and pretty monkeys out there."
That's an interesting picture.

Tasha has disappeared.
"'Listen, pal.' Lorren stepped close to Marlin. 'I'm not leaving here without her!'
Emily caught a momentary flash of jealousy in Kara's eyes."
I'd be jealous, too.
Boy drama sucks.

Emily: I'm sorry about the Flyer. She was a good...boot. [Boat]
Cribby: None like her!
Marlin: If we make it back to Aquatania, we'll build you a new one.
Will Turner: A better one!
Jack Sparrow: A better one!
Will Turner: That one.
Jack Sparrow: That one??? Aye, that one!

The magic in the sea dragons' eggs could heal all...but they don't want to take the lives of the babies to save everyone else.
Veiled anti-abortion message?

Zach has the power to control time...but he's not very good at it.
So Kara stupidly tries to help him, and Adriane spazzes out. MORE FORESHADOWING.

Aw, Marlin saves Emily from the burden of hatching sea dragons.
They all imprint on him.

Indi is a power crystal!!!
That could be why he's pink and purple.

Indi now looks like the hunchback of Notre Dame.
Apparently, he's the Heart of Avalon, the most powerful of the nine power crystals. Whoop-dee-doo.

Why isn't the sylph on the cover wearing any clothes?

"Emily could feel the sorrow pouring from him as Indi finally resigned himself to his fate. With a shuddering sigh, all the color washed away as the creature that was Indi began to shrink, folding in on itself, shapeshifting for the last time. In her outstretched hands, Emily held a plain gray, heart-shaped rock.
'You don't love me anymore.'
'No,' Emily stammered. 'That's not what I meant.'
With a loud crack, the stone split down the middle."
Mwahaha. That's kind of funny.
Malachi: Hearts of Stone.
From Bible flashcards in like 1st grade.
But that's so emo!!! It's the sirens' fault; their bad influence made Indi suicidal.

Avalon is where you heart is. So if home is where your heart is, and that's where your treasure is also, then Avalon is at home...with all of your treasure...so you're rich??
Sorry, spaghetti brain.

"'I am the merfolk prince.' Marlin met his father's gaze. 'But I am also a dragon rider.'"
And with that, he rips off his clothes and hops into the sea.
Lol. He's a dragon rider. LIKE ERAGON!!

Peanut, Cocoa, and Bananas are good dragon names.

Emily: I think he knows how lucky Aquatania is to have a prine like you.
Marlin: *takes her hand* No one ever saw magic in me, until you.
AAAAAAAAAGH SOOOOO SAPPY!!! If this wasn't a children's book, they'd be kissing right now.

Even more foreshadowing. Adriane is majorly at odds with Kara and the way Kara treats Zach.

The Dark Sorceress' plan involves phantom wraiths, which are like dementors. Nice.

The crystal she gave to Adriane WAS tainted. Whooooa!! How evil is that??

So we'll most likely never find out what would've happened or what's going to happen in the rest of the series. There are no more Avalons, for which I'm a little sorry, but there are 3 Pony Pals left in the series, and a buttload of Madison Finns, so stay tuned!

I avoid conflict, or Pony Pals Super Special #5: Pony Problem

2008-04-20T13:46:00.000-07:00

I still don't get why Super Specials are so much specialer than the other books. The author runs out of plot after about 70 pages, and this book is 115 pages long.

Plot: Anna wakes up one morning to find Acorn missing - and Snow White hurt! It appears the ponies had a fight, resulting in Acorn's disappearance. They find him at Pam's house, but after that, the two ponies cannot seem to get along! Neither can their owners, for that matter; they both blame each other.
Pam, as you know, can "communicate" with animals, and uses this unique ability to find out what went wrong between the two pony friends. It turns out Acorn is a bit jealous of his friend Snow White, who is receiving lots of attention due to her new barrel racing tricks. Acorn feels a bit left out.
In turn, Snow White is too tired to play with her pony friend and wonders why he is being so "mean" to her.
Pam reveals this to her Pony Pals. They make up and spend the rest of the book planning for the Winter Fest, which goes amazingly well, and everyone is happy.

More notes:
Lulu writes a crappy poem:
Snow White in the moonlight
On a snowy night.
Everything is all right.

Anna thinks Acorn was stolen. After all, he starred in an ABC Family movie, and was in the circus once. Oh, and he played The Magic Pony in that play at the library.

She and Lulu go out looking for Acorn at 7:00 AM without telling their parents! How is it that they NEVER get in trouble??? I can't believe their parents are FINE with this.

Now they're sure someone stole Acorn because there are TRACKS in the PADDOCK! Hello, you guys go into the paddock ALL THE TIME.

Tommy's middle name should be "Trouble". How clever. :P

No duh, it was Anna's footprint.

There's a scene with Pam in the barn with Fat Cat. Fat Cat is depressed because someone put toilet paper in her bed, so now she can't sleep. I swear, if that's not foreshadowing, I don't know what is.

Lulu: Snow White has blood on her neck. Come, look.
Anna: She must have cut herself.
Snow White!!! Didn't I tell you to stay away from those razorblades!!!???

"She was a sweet gray Welsh two-year-old."
If you're talking about a pony (which they are), you wouldn't say it like that. It would be more like, "She was a sweet two-year-old gray Welsh pony," or something.

Agh, it's a misunderstanding. Lulu and Anna are convinced the other is mad at them. Spare me.

"Anna frowned. She hated it when Pam wasn't on her side."
And Pam sort of owes her, too, after the whole abused Cloud thing.

Ugh, Lulu's getting annoying. You know how she gets when she's worried about Snow White, right? THAT'S WHAT SHE'S DOING! "Oh no, it's been 5 minutes! I have to go check on Snow White!"

Anna: How do you know what she's thinking? She's probably thinking, "I wish I had bit Acorn harder."
LOL!!

Anna just feels like being mean. I hear you.

Pam thinks Charlie is bossy.
*cough cough* HYPOCRITE! *cough cough*

Whoa what happened to Charlie and Anna? I thought they were a couple!! I guess not. Charlie's obsessed with Lulu now, and totally ignores Anna when she shows him her drawings.

Wth?? What the heck is skijoring??

"Pam hated it when Charlie acted like he knew more about ponies than she did."
This is payback for all the times you made someone feel stupid because you had to know everything about ponies, Pam.

Omg, that's so awful! "Acorn is happy because Snow WHite isn't here, thought Anna. Snow White might have to move to Pam's. That's okay. The Crandals have plenty of room for another pony."
Whoa. Anna is way evil sometimes.

They're eating spaghetti.
For dinner.
AGAIN.

"What are you doing to Snow White?"
That sounds dirty....

Lulu is a way annoying.

Acorn is jealous. Why isn't Charlie paying attention to him? Why is Snow White learning new tricks? Why won't Snow White play with him?
Acorn needs therapy.

WHOA!
"'You'd be a good snowboarder, Pony Pest,' said Tommy. 'You got good balance."

Pam writes about a time when her mom's horse JB started eating wood, and he told her that he missed his goat friend Queenie.
Queenie? Wasn't that the name of the sheep in #12?

Whoa. Acorn's side of the story is my life.

Remind Acorn that he is special and everything will be all right.

Mwahaha. Anna thinks Snow White should move out. Because it's her backyard, and Snow White doesn't belong there.

Pam: I think Acorn and Snow White are still fighting because you are still fighting. Animals pick up on how people feel.
Lulu: But we're fighting because our ponies are fighting.
Pam: It's a vicious circle.
Lol. A vicious circle. It's a vicious "cycle", Pam.

The exterminator joke is getting old, Tommy.

Charlie sits next to Lulu...and Mike sits next to Anna. :O He's bisexual?
Ha ha, Pam has no one.

Charlie: What's wrong with those guys? Sometimes they're okay and sometimes they're sort of dumb.
Tee hee. Just like the Pony Pals!!

Charlie is starting to sound less like a cowboy and more like a Brit.
"I have an idea! It's positively brilliant!!"

Ha. Lulu got suckered into barrel racing.

Aagh.
Mr. Olson: Mr. Charlie can make you his special Mexican burritos.
What other kind of burritos would they be eating? French burritos?
Charlie: They're muy delicioso.
Someone's been watching Dora the Explorer recently!

The Pony Pals make a pony scrapbook.
"Mr. Olson came in to get a drink. The stories were so interesting he stayed to listen."
Oh, I highly doubt that.

All of these stories are basically about how amazing Snow White is. "I used to have no friends. Then I met Snow White." "We had a costume parade. Snow White went first because she's so beautiful." "I fell in a hole, but got out all right, because I'm snow White!"

I think one of the stories is from Super Special #4...WHICH I HAVEN'T READ YET!

I don't remember this lamb business. They say they rescued a baby lamb. When was this?

Pwned. They attack Charlie and snowball him. Literally. Lol.

Oh no! If Winter Fest is cancelled, what will Anna's mother do with all the brownies she baked?
Give them to the fatty Pony Pals, of course!

Apparently Tommy is a pro snowboarder.
Anna: At least he can do something right.
Noyce.

BFFs!! I swear, this is like the Bratz movie.

This could have been an R. L. Stine "Fear Street" novel, or FTFO Madison Finn #12: Lights Out!

2008-04-19T19:03:00.000-07:00

Okay, looking at Dan Ginsburg on the cover of his book, he's not that fat. In fact, he's not fat at all. They call him Pork-O and everything, but Dan's actually in better shape than Egg, who looks anorexic. And he has cool shoes (also compared to Egg, who has some weird Elvis-esque blue suede shoes).

Plot: The Far Hills Junior High seventh grade class is going on a three-day trip to Jasper Woods, where they will face their fears and stay in cabins and whatnot. Madison is beyond excited. Sure, there will be no bath towels, hot showers, snacking, TV, internet access, reading material, but... Hang on. This trip doesn't sound fun anymore.
It's too late to back out now. The day arrives and Madison heads on the bus with her best friends.
There's trouble right off the bat. Madison and her friends are forced to share a cabin with POISON IVY!!
Also, Fiona seems super jealous of Madison and Egg's tight relationship. Even though Madison insists they are just friends, Fiona seems to believe otherwise.
Jasper Woods is throwing out its own challenges as well: a Talent Show, a haunted cabin, and something called THE TOWER that has Madison scareder than scared.
Here's how things work out:
The talent show goes well. Madison, Aimee, Lindsay, and Fiona sing a song about frienship. They don't win any prizes, but that's okay because most of them are tone deaf anyway.
Fiona forgives Madison for stealing Egg (um, whatever), and "allows" her to remain friends with her main squeeze. Whore.
Madison hears ghosts and leads Hart, Dan, Egg, and Fiona on a ghost hunt, proving to a terrified Ivy that she's NOT chicken.
Madison climbs THE TOWER, and though no one cares, she is proud to have conquered her fear of heights.
All in all, an okay trip.

More notes:
Madison is sitting in math class, watching the clock, and it starts moving BACKWARDS. I swear, that happens to me all the time.

Egg gets pwned. And has to do the problem on the board.

Ivy: I have to bring my new camera to Jasper Woods. And my hair dyer, of course.
Joan: And don't forget the curling iron, too, right? YOu wanna look good for you-know-who.
Oh, I know who, you backstabbing little skank.

Fiona: I am so stressed! Egg just ignored me. He raced by and wouldn't even stop when I called after him. He won't talk to me!
Been there, done that.

"Madison bit her lip. Hart was wearing a rugby shirt with blue and gold stripes and khaki pants. She noticed how his brown hair was getting long on top. It whooshed over his forehead. She wished she could touch it - just once."
That's the closest Madison comes to a dirty thought.

To temporarily replace Madison's laptop (which won't be allowed on the class trip), Frannie buys Madison an orange notebook.
Whenever my grandma buys me those, they're red. Not complaining, but blue would be nice.

Aargh, Bigwheels' boyfriend is a jerk, too. He just randomly stopped talking to her. I guess it's catching.

So to cheer her up, her dad bought her a kitten named Sparkles!

It turns out there's a talent show...and Madison's the ONLY ONE who didn't bring something nice to wear for it.
Oops.
Ugh, that sucks.

Heh, Madison elbows Ivy in the face...or tries to. She ends up hitting Hart.

Lame. She and Hart discuss THE WEATHER.

Jealous. Lindsay has a Hello Kitty backpack.

And she bought a DRESS for the talent show. A DRESS? It's a junior high talent show! It's not THAT big a deal, Lindsay!

ROFL, they play Mash!! Madison lists Egg under the Guy column and Fiona FLIPS OUT. Jealous much?

She ends up marrying Egg, becoming a pop diva, and living in a jungle shack with her 99 kids.

Aimee tells Madison about a "haunted" cabin.
I vaguely remember a friend of mine telling me about the bear cabin....

Counselor: Lunches are by the main lodge, girls.
Ivy: That was James. And - whoa - he is a total hottie.
Joan: Would you go out with him?
Ivy: He's not really my type.
Yeah. Because I'm sure counselors like him are so interested in dating jailbait.

Dan: Do we have to wear costumes? I saw that some people have them, but I didn't bring anything.
Madison: Don't worry so much.
Hypocrite.

Uh oh. Egg and Madison have a leaf fight. It must mean they're fooling around behind your back, Fiona.

They pick a song for the talent show called "That's What Friends Are For". I swear that's a Michael W. Smith song.

Weeeeeird.
Egg: Do you wanna be part of our routine? [for the talent show]
Madison: Me? Why me?
Egg: Because you're my best friend who's a girl.
Madison: Maybe you should ask someone else. Like Fiona.
After she says no, Egg asks IVY instead. Lame.

Haaa. Lindsay listens to the weather channel on her portable radio. Point and laugh!

Rather than forgo her vegetarian diet, Aimee snubs the hot dogs and eats a plate of tomatoes for dinner. Mmmmm....

Camp songs!! Honk, honk, rattle, rattle, toot, toot, beep, beep!

Madison doesn't know any camp songs. She's never been to camp.

Madison is tempted to reveal her crush so her friends might make fun of her in a joking way.
DON'T GIVE IN, MADISON, DON'T GIVE IN!!

Ha. No one will go to the bathroom with Ivy. Not even her best friends.

Apparently the gym teacher is into New Age and meditation. What happened to the jock stereotype?

Uh oh. Chet and Fiona get in a mudfight...and Madison laughs. Fiona is REALLY PMS-y in this book.

"Egg wasn't laughing, was he?" "Egg? Never saw a laugh."

That superstitious Madison. She thinks the tower is A BAD OMEN.

Dan loves camp.
I love Dan.

Aimee thinks they should've sung "We Are the Champions" by Queen rather than the Michael W. Smith reject song.
I reckon you're right, Aimee.

Madison gets mud on her pants. It's semi-funny.
"Could she really be expected to take bigger risks at camp when she couldn't even keep her pants clean?"

They go on a lamesauce scavenger hunt.

Oh no, there's 13 items they need to find! That's unlucky. Aargh, Maddie's superstitions are rubbing off on me.

They combine with the boys in order to win.

They need something smelly.
"Hart could just lay a big one in there. Hart fart!"

A tidbit for later: Hart has a pet parrot?

Ew, macaroni and cheese with ketchup. That's disgusting.

ARGH, WE GET IT! DAN EATS A LOT!

Egg: Fiona. What's her deal?
Madison: What do you mean? I thought you guys were a couple.
Egg: What does that mean?
Madison: A couple...going out...boyfriend and-
Egg: Ack! Don't say it. She acts like we should be attached at the hip. It weirds me out. I mean, I like her and all that, but...
Madison: *why is he telling me this in the middle of dinner at camp?*

Uh-oh.
Fiona: *sniff* You two seem to be having fun.
Egg: Just hanging.
Madison: Yeah, Egg's a fungi. [inside joke]
Fiona: I thought you were my friend. *runs away crying*

Fiona wants to ditch them all because she's "depressed".

The four of them wear T-shirts that say "Friends" "Are" "Forever" "!!!!!!"

The talent show: Egg's group is called the Dudes. They rap with hockey sticks. Ivy walks around and poses. Wth? How is that talent?

No way, this IS a Michael W. Smith song, I know it!

Ivy's group sings "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" while playing beach volleyball.

To make Madison mad, I guess, Fiona starts talking to Ivy. Wth?

LOL! The teachers perform "I Heard It Through the Grapevine". Mr. Danehy does a tap dance!!!!

Haha. Ivy can't find the cabin's light switch.

Oooh, now they're telling scary stories!!

Aagh, Fiona's going to tell a really "scary" (read: stupid) one. Since when does she tell scary stories? The one about Mrs. Martin really freaked her out.

"Once upon a time, a little boy was digging in the backyard and he found a toe. Anyway, the boy went to bed. As he was curling up under the blankets, he heard this slow, slow breathing noise. 'Where's my t-o-o-o-o-o-oh?' the voice said."
Basically, this goes on for 10 minutes until Fiona grabs Ivy and says, "YOU'VE GOT IT!"

Ivy freaks out. Noyce.

Uh oh. The boys sneak into the girls' cabin. Wth? Where are the counselors? This should so not be happening.

"Hey, Hart. I was so scared. Thank goodness it's just you. *bats eyelashes*"
Yeah, that's hot, Ivy. XP

Madison sucks up to Fiona in order to become friends again.

They hear scratching noises. Madison goes to investigate, which impresses Hart QUITE a bit.

Ivy: YOu don't have to be such a show-off, Maddie. You look really dumb, you know.
Madison: I don't care.
YEAH MADDIE!!!

Madison makes a Bible joke. Lol.

Ewwwww.
Egg: You really think our surprise was fun?
Fiona: You know how I feel, Egg.
Dan: Quit getting all sappy! You guys are so weird!

Fiona offers a LAME, LAME apology, which Madison, of course, accepts.

"Why so glum, chum? Hungry?"
Dan, I love you.

AAAH, AND HE'S SCARED OF THE TOWER, TOO!!!

"HART! Hart, I was looking for you. We saved you a seat over here. Come on. Come on!"
I hate Ivy.

w00t, Obstacle course!

Ivy is such a lying wimp.
"I don't want to hurt myself. And I don't want to break one of my nails. That would be even worse."
God forbid THAT should happen.

Madison climbs THE TOWER...with an orange helmet on. GOOD OMEN.

And Hart is too busy cheering for Ivy. :(

Madison: You can go, Ivy. Go away. I'm the new queen of the wilderness.
Unfortunately, she doesn't actually say that to Ivy's face.

Fiona's back to her flaky, loser self!

"One day she'd admit her feelings to Hart's face. One day."

Madison's scavenger hunt team wins 2nd place. Not bad.

The Dudes win "Most Creative Use of Props".
So Ivy was just a prop?
I guess she is pretty fake.

The BFFs (Madison's Talent Show group) wins 3rd place in the All-Around category. Whatever that is.

ROFL!!
Aimee: Grrrr...it was those minishorts.

Egg wins "Best Leader".
Fiona and Egg win "Best Athlete". It's not like Fiona did anything athletic the whole time they were there.
Madison and Dan win "Best Camp Spirit".

They carve their initials into the wall of their cabin. Yeah, vandalism!

Lindsay is too scared to play MASH. In case, you know, it comes TRUE.
Because, you know, you MIGHT JUST marry Brad Pitt and have 99 kids!

"It's not a big deal in the world or anything, but... I don't know. It is a big deal to me. I won something."
Like Monk!

As soon as she gets home, Madison goes on her laptop. Lol, same here.

Ewwww, Reggie apologize to Bigwheels and they're back together.

Awww, Drew sends Madison a picture of her at the top of THE TOWER. It boosts her self-esteem. How nice.

Madison's Computer Tip:
I realize that being on the computer 24/7 isn't good for anyone.

Thanks, Madison.
Yay, I have Pony Pals!!! A super special, in fact. It's not that great, but it's something. Stay tuned.

I swear this was in Balto, or Avalon: Quest For Magic #3: Ghost Wolf

2008-04-19T11:04:00.000-07:00

I'm not kidding. In "Balto II", Aleou was in that cave with the creepy Inuit mouse who told her to find herself in the spirit world or whatever, and then he started singing.
That pretty much sums up the entire book.
Well, not really, but it was a lot of weird, freaky spirit world stuff that I didn't get AT ALL.

Plot: Adriane and Dreamer have been having a lot of trouble communicating lately. Dreamer has been acting wild and out of control, rather like the machine functions we were learning about in math class.
One day, after a disastrous tour, Adriane runs home to find Dreamer standing over a fallen Gran!! Gran is now in a coma, and Adriane partially blames Dreamer.
Adriane has also been having weird dreams about the forest guardian Orenda. Orenda is in "great peril" - someone is attacking her! Adriane wishes she could help, but doesn't know where to find this lost forest guardian.
More magical drama: Adriane starts lashing out at her friends, her parents finally return to take Adriane with them to New York, someone is trying to destroy Ravenswood, etc., etc., etc.
Finally, Adriane's world comes crashing down; Dreamer attacks Beasley Windor and is taken away by Animal Control.
Thankfully, the students at school start a petition to save Ravenswood, and Zach and Drake show up to help Adriane in her time of need.
Oh no, it turns out the Spirit Pack (the huge pack of dead mistwolves that Stormbringer, Adriane's old mistwolf, belongs to) is missing! If they are gone too long, all the mistwolves will lose their magic! No wonder Dreamer is so crazy!
Rescue mission! Adriane finds Dreamer at the local zoo, but he has been possessed by an evil mistwolf named Chain! They tussle, but of course Adriane wins. Not sure how, but she does.
To save all the mistwolves and find the spirit pack, Adriane and Dreamer will have to find the magic power crystal, which is located on the spirit path. ????? So confused.
So they find the power crystal, but there's this whole battle with the Spider Witch and Dark Sorceress.
Then, in a random plot twist, it turns out Stormbringer is alive!!! She, Adriane, and Dreamer fight together, because working together is precious, bla bla bla, so weird.
Then, at the end, a demon-possessed Orenda starts attacking everyone. With no way to save her, Adriane kills her. Now there is no forest spirit! Stormbringer steps forward to take on that difficult position. Adriane protests, as she just got her friend back, but Storm insists. Oh well.
Now Storm is Adriane's paladin, and Adriane is a level 2 mage.
Also, Dreamer is back to normal, Gran has healed, and Adriane's parents have decided that they'd rather move to New York WITHOUT Adriane. Yaaaay.

I don't understand these books at all. Thank goodness there's only one left in the series.

Love means never having to say you're sorry, or FTFO Madison Finn #11: Heart to Heart

2008-04-05T11:22:00.000-07:00

AAAAAAAAGH! This one is SOOO SAD. It's mostly about 7th grade relationships and unrequited love. Seriously, it's the saddest thing in the world. I started crying in some spots, it's really sad.

Plot: Valentine's Day is coming up, and Far Hills Junior High is holding Valentine-themed dance! All the girls are freaking out.
Madison is excited, too, but feels left out. Her keypal Bigwheels just got a new boyfriend. Phin is in love with a golden retriever who just moved in down the street. Fiona and Egg are going out now, and there's a rumor that Hart and Ivy are more than "just good friends".
One day, Madison gets an e-mail from someone called Orange Crush...who appears to have a crush on her.
NO WAY!!!
Orange Crush starts stuffing love notes in her locker and sending her chocolate roses through the mail. He even writes her a poem - it's pretty cute.
Madison makes a list of all the boys she knows and, using her mad detective skills, decides it's Hart Jones, her one true love! It just HAS to be.
It's the night of the dance. Madison has a dress, a tiara, and new shoes. Orange Crush sends her 15 carnations and promises all will be revealed at the dance. She asks Drew if he happened to be her "one true love", but he admits that although he likes her (DUH), he wasn't her secret admirer. Things are way awkward for a little while, but Drew and Madison remain friends.
Finally, Dan comes over and makes some pretty obvious hints about his secret life as Orange Crush.
Madison, shocked and disappointed, runs out of the room.
Crying.
Her mom comes outside, where it happens to be SNOWING (aah, so cold!), and comforts Madison. Madison admits she was shocked about Dan being her secret admirer, but doesn't want to face him again because he must surely hate her now.
Well, yeah, Maddie, you sort of ran away crying when he told you he loved you.
But Frannie Finn, in a rare moment of good parenting and smart advice, tells her to go apologize.
Madison runs back into the building and asks Dan to forgive her. He does so, willingly, and the two agree to be friends. Then, because she sort of ruined the dance for him, Madison asks Dan to dance.
It makes Dan happy...
...and Hart jealous.
Awwwwwww....

More notes:
I think this is my favorite book so far.

Madison meets a cute new neighbor named Toby. Oooh.
Toby: Do you go to Far Hills High? I start there tomorrow, and I don't know anyone.
Madison: High school? Uh, no...No. I'm in middle school. Seventh grade, actually.
Toby: Oh, wow.
Yeah. Wow. Lol.

That sort of killed the mood.

Gasp! Phin just cheated on Blossom, Aimee's dog!

Huh, Madison's star sign is Pisces. I wonder when her birthday is. I can't remember her ever having an actual birthday in the series.

Somewhere between March 15 and April 14. Hey, her birthday might be this month!

Her horoscope reads:
Love is in the air! But winds that blow in your direction are not from familiar corners. Keep your eyes wide open. Romance will sneak up on you when you least expect it.
Heh. Mine told me to mosey on home yesterday. Which is where I've been for the past week. So I sort of think the whole astrology thing is a bunch of crap.

Oh no, Bigwheels is in love with a boy named Reggie. He has black hair and hazel eyes. Sounds...Mediterranean.

He just randomly asked her to the Valentine's dance.

Bigwheels wonders if she should play it cool. DO NOT PLAY HARD TO GET!!! Worst idea in the world. Just saying.

From: Orange Crush
To: MadFinn
Subject:
Date: Sun 2 Feb 5:13 PM

I've got a crush on u.

Your Secret Admirer.

Okay, I'm sort of creeped out now, what about you guys?

Aimee thinks it might be Egg, and Fiona FLIPS OUT.
"Aimee, you don't really think the secret e-mail is from Walter, do you? I mean - Walter doesn't like Madison, right? That was just a joke. You're joking, right?"
Dang.

I'm surprised Aimee and Fiona don't know about Madison's crush on Hart by now.
Aimee: Who are the prime suspects? Hart Jones?
Madison: H-H-Hart?

Heh. Ivy tries to act flirty.
"Ta-ta! I hope I'll see you there!"
Ta-ta? Ta-ta??? Jolly good, my dear, that does sound positively brilliant! Superb! Capital idea!

Hart: Well, I already know who I want to go with.
Madison: *Could he mean me?*
Hart: I WANNA GO WITH EGG!
Ugh, 7th grade boy humor.

Dad takes Madison and Stephanie to dinner. He's about to have a mariachi band serenade them all, so Madison PRETENDS TO BE SICK! Wth, what's wrong with you, Madison? It's just a mariachi band!

Aimee, Fiona, and Ivy claim to have been in love by now. Riiiiiiiiiiight.

Ooh, Reggie sounds like a dream date! He's cute, funny, and smart, and he makes Bigwheels laff like a lolcat!
Did I tell you she met him at math club? I bet he tucks his shirt into his pants.

"She hurried to her dresser and pulled out a pair of heavy black leggings and soft red sweater."
Sounds very Babysitters club.

Ivy's insults still suck.
Madison: *misses a shot into the garbage can*
Ivy: Nice shot, Maddie! You should go out for baskteball.
Ooh, burn.

Agh, another creepy card!
U have a good heart.
Signed, Your Secret Admirer

Code for, "You have nice boobs?"

They make a big deal about a "special" English project on the back of the book, but all they have to do is write about someone from the American Revolution.

So Dan's trying to tell Madison about a llama named Gertrude, and she's busy checking out Hart.
Hahaha, sooooo guilty of this myself.

"Who can think about homework when there's a school dance coming up?"
Some of us manage to do it, Aimee. You're obviously not in honors English.

Ugh, lame. Egg and Fiona reveal their true feelings to each other...ON INSTA-MESSAGE. That is so lame.
: I love you.
: Me 2.
: Sooo
: Sooo
: C u Monday!
: ok c u l8r g8r
That wasn't in the book, but I'm guessing that's what happened.

They decide to prank call boys and giggle. Sounds...fun.

"Take a look at suspects. Who would have access to red construction paper?"
Yeah, THAT narrows it down.

"It seems like anytime I like a boy, he likes someone else. Or else he ignores me. The 'good' thing always seems to happen for girls like Ivy."
Awww, amen to that.

: Hi. I see U R online.
: WHO R U???
: Someone who likes U. :>)
: Is this a joke?
: No.
: Then tell me who U R!!
: MWBRL. Got 2 go.
MWBRL = more will be revealed later.
Aaagh, I'm imagining Anthony Hopkins from "Silence of the Lambs".

Madison makes a list of things she needs to buy before the dance. Crap, I forgot about choosing a hairstyle...and learning how to dance, lol.

Fiona and Egg go on a date...and invite all their friends along. Fun?

Madison ends up buying a sea-blue dress with black trim, long bell sleeves, and a scoop neck. I'm having a really hard time picturing sleeves that are both long and bell-like.

IT WAS ONLY $52.50!!

Lame. Hart ditches them to go sit with Ivy.

Ugh, they make a big deal about Dan being fat in this one.
"He'd loaded up his tray with two hamburgers, a super-size container of fries, and a large drink."
That's not actually not that much. My older brother eats that much. I eat that much.

There's this whole thing about Dan standing up for his musical beliefs. So random.

Another book where Aimee forgets she has FOUR brothers, not THREE.

Ew, Fiona and Egg are all weird and couply, sharing ice cream cones and whatnot.

Oh no, Madison's dad was in a jewelry store! HE MUST BE PROPOSING TO STEPHANIE!
Or maybe he's buying her one of those Kay heart pendants.

REGGIE BOUGHT BIGWHEELS ONE OF THOSE HEART PENDANTS!!!

While talking to Chet, Madison insults Hart, not realizing he's on the other line. Nice.

Aw, Orange Crush sends her a chocolate rose. Anybody who sends you chocolate is a nice person.

OH NO! Madison thinks she knows FOR SURE that her secret admirer is Hart...AND SHE PLANS TO TELL HIM HOW SHE REALLY FEELS! DON'T DO IT, MADDIE! DANGER AHEAD!

Aimee: There's a 20% chance Drew is your crusher.
Madison: Twenty percent? What makes you say that?
Aimee: I think it's possible that he's the one, but here are some complications. I mean, he's too obvious. Everyone knows he likes you...
Madison: What do you mean, 'everyone knows'?
Um, he sort of stalks you and asks you to go to Switzerland and stuff. Pretty dang obvious.

SO MEAN!
Aimee: Dan is a nice guy and all that, but I don't think it's him. I mean, he cares way more about french fries and chocolate-chip cookies than girls, right?
Holy crap, WHO SAYS THINGS LIKE THAT?

Phin hurts his paw, and Madison freaks out. "EMERGENCY!!!"

Awkward dialogue that sort of made me cry:
Madison: I wanted to know if you are going to the Heart to Heart dance. Are you?
Dan: Yeah, I think I'm giong. Why...are you asking me or something?
Madison: Um...not exactly.
Dan: Um...I was just kidding.
Madison: But I am going to the dance. Even with no date. Do you know anyone else who's going? Or someone who wants to go with someone, but is maybe too shy or... I shouldn't be asking you this. Sorry.
Dan: I haven't really asked around. I can, if you want.
Madison: No, that's okay. I didn't mean to say all that. I feel pretty stupid.

Agh, she has NO IDEA!!!

Aw, Orange Crush writes her an adorable poem.
I am not a poet
And I truly know it
But I think you're really cool
So I thought I'd show it
(I hope this goofy rhyme of mine
Doesn't totally blow it!)

signed, Your Secret Admirer

Hart says hi...and Madison runs away. Maybe that's the reason he likes Ivy so much, Maddie.

Oh no. Oooooh no. Drew has just offered to walk her to class.
Y'all remember Drew, right? Rich, Hart's second cousin, totally stalker-y?

OH NO, HE ASKS HER TO THE DANCE!!!!
Madison: I don't think I can go. No, I definitely can't.
Drew: No? So. You're not going to the dance?
Madison: Not exactly.
Drew: Oh, I get it. You're just not going with me.
Madison: I'm sorry. It's just that I already promised someone else- I'm really, really, REALLY sorry.
Drew: I understand.
Omg, this is one of the parts where I started crying. Not only does she say no, but she LIES about why she can't go. Drew practically started crying, too.

Egg sends her an angry e-mail. She so deserved it.

From: Eggaway
To: MadFinn
Subject: no subject
Date: Tues 11 Feb 3:29 PM
I can't blieve you totally hurt Drew's feeling's like that. dont you know how hard it was for him to ask you to the dance? dont you get it? Drew is a relly good guy, Maddie. I don't know what your problem is. You can't just do that to people.

Egg

PS: So ur going to the dance with someone else? IYD. I don't believe it. And Drew doesnt, either.

Frannie thinks Drew will ask Madison out again.
Psh, not after she ripped his heart out like she did. I think Drew will never love again.

Even anorexia-loving Aimee has a date! True, it's Ben Buckley, but still, a guy asked her.
Maddie has no one.
She could have had stalker-Drew....

Rules for the Heart to Heart Dance:
1. Dance open only to Far Hills Junior High students.
[Heh. My school totally doesn't follow that rule. You can't exactly crash it, but if you have a ticket and a date who's a ninth grader, you're in.]

2. To attend dance, students must have a school dance ticket listing phone number where parents can be reached.
[In case someone dies in a horrible punch spiking accident.]

3. Students may not leave the dance area to go elsewhere, including school classrooms.
[Madison wonders why anyone would want to go to an empty classroom. Aimee says it for her: "No - to go make out!" Or to make a science experiment...without the Bunsen burner. ^_^]

There are a billion more rules, but none of them are quite as entertaining.

Okay, I was wrong.
8. Students are expected to keep the hallways and dance areas free and clear of all wrappers and cups. Keep snacks in the snack zone.
Madison: The snack zone? What's that?
Aimee: It sounds like a made-for-TV movie.
Fiona: When good snacks go bad.

Also, students aren't allowed to wear halter tops to the dance! Since when is there a dress code? And if that's the case, I wouldn't be able to go!!

Fiona: The DJ at my old school was always so lame. Half of the songs he played were country and western.
Aimee: That definitely won't be happening this time. The DJ they hired plays mostly hip-hop and pop, with a little rock thrown in.
:P The DJ at my school always plays hip-hop and NOTHING ELSE. Gets sort of old after a while.

Aw, Fiona and Aimee decide to meet their dates at the dance so they can go with Maddie. That's really nice.

Madison buys a tiara to go with her dress. Jealous.

When Madison saw her dad at the jewelry store, he was getting cuff links engraved for one of his favorite MALE clients. Sooooo what...Jeffery Finn is gay?

Heh, he buys Madison a stuffed pug that says, "I woof u."

Bigwheels is really obsessed with Reggie. Ugh, is everybody wearing a red velvet dress to their Valentine's Day dance? So much for variety.

Agh, Madison freaks out at Bigwheels when she mentions Reggie in an online chat. PMS much? Although, Bigwheels was being pretty annoying. "Omg, I have the funniest story-" "Is it about Reggie?" "Yeah, how'd you know?"

Ew, sappy John Keats poetry. "I cannot exist without you. I am forgetful of every thing but seeing you again. My life seems to stop there. I see no further."
Stalker.

Dan: Hey, look, it's Aimee - and an orange camel!
I think that was a reference to Madison's overstuffed backpack. Lame joke, Dan.

This outfit sounds cute until we get to the red heart pin:
"Madison had on her favorite jeans and a black turtleneck sweater. Mom loaned her a big, red heart pin, which she had attached to the sweater."
Sounds 80's.

Drew buys everyone's tickets, because it was cheaper for 4 sets of two! He even buys Madison's ticket!! That's so nice!

HART IS GOING WITH IVY!!! Maybe you shouldn't have run away from him, Maddie.

Madison gets a balloon from her secret admirer:
You've got my heart on a string.
Tonight all will be revealed.
signed, Your Secret Admirer.

Hart delivered the balloon to her, so she thinks he's the SA, he's just not owning up to it.

Even Lindsay Frost is wearing a red velvet dress. Wth, the book says she has blonde hair? Have you seen the cover of "All That Glitters"? Her hair is definitely brown.

"Fiona looked great in a hot-pink tank paired with a bright orange skirt. Both were made of raw silk, and shimmered slightly under the lights."
Sounds cute. I saw a dress like that at the mall.

Aw, Orange Crush gives her 15 carnations.

"'I think I want to get some punch. Want some, Aimee?'
'Sure thing,' Aimee said, beaming. She'd worn her favorite pink slip dress and shimmery stockings. Her hair was braided and piled on top of her head."
Sounds kind of cute. Really ballerina-y, but cute.

Lindsay is in love with Dan. Wth? Didn't that Suresh guy ask her out? Why isn't she dancing with him?

Heh, Fiona is taller than Egg.

Hart is just about to ask Madison to dance...when Drew and Chet run over with gossip that a 7th grader and a 9th grader have been found making out IN THE SCIENCE LAB! THEY WERE TOTALLY MAKING AN EXPERIMENT W/0 THE BUNSEN BURNER!!!

Aaagh, Joan Kenyon's mom catches them. Aaaaawkwaaaard.

Aimee: What's this about a seventh grader getting caught with a ninth grader?
Madison: You know as much as we do.
Ben: I heard that the guy had his shirt off.
Madison: Okay, you know more than we do. What were they doing? [What do you think?]
Ben: Kissing. I heard that the girl's hair was all messed up.
Hart: That doesn't sound like such a big deal.
Really, Hart? Sounds like you've done it before.

Oh no, Madison's about to confront Drew!!! She thinks he's Orange Crush!!

Madison: Hey, having fun?
Drew: Yeah. That's a nice dress you have on.
Madison: Thanks. I liked your flowers, too.
Drew: Flowers? Oh - you mean these? *holds out tie, which is covered in bright splotches of color* I think they're just blobs, actually.
Madison: Oh. Well, not exactly. Look, Drew, there's something I've been wanting to say to you.
Drew: Yeah?
Madison: I'm really sorry about the way I acted - when you asked me to the dance.
Drew: Oh, that. No biggie. I'm over it. We're friends again. That's cool.
I like how he totally forgave her. Sort of. Things are still pretty awkward.

Orange Crush is Dan!!!

And Madison runs out of the room crying.

Her mom comes out to comfort her and tells her that Dan is still her friend and that Madison should apologize so that they can continue being friends.
Huh. Thanks Fran. That's actually some good advice...for once.

Here we go. The big scene:
Madison: Dan. Wait. Dan, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to flip out. It's just that - you caught me by surprise. I mean, looking back on it, I guess I should have known that Orange Crush was you, but I didn't, and then when you said that it was you, I was just like, "Wow, I had no clue," and...and...and this is the part where you stop me from babbling. Please. Say something. Say anything.
Drew: I didn't mean to get you angry or sad. I'm really sorry if I embarassed you.
Madison: No, no. I'm sorry. It's not you. It's just that - I can't deal with this whole boyfriend thing right now.
[And also, you don't actually have any feelings for Dan, because you like Hart, but hey.]
Madison: I really like you, Dan.
Dan: But as a friend. Right?
Madison: Yeah. A good friend.
Dan: As a friend. Well, that's cool.
Madison: Cool?
Dan: It's cooler than cool. We have a lot in common, you know?
Madison: Like the animal shelter?
Dan: And - you know - we both like peanut butter.
Madison: And pizza.
Dan: Yeah. Tons of stuff in common. I just wanted to do something nice for you. You deserve it.
Madison: You're the best.
AWWWWWWWWW. This seriously made me cry!!! Dan is so nice about her ripping his heart out and tossing it across the floor. And they're still friends!!! What a concept!!!

So Madison asks him to dance with her, and he accepts.

"I want the chocolate rose back." "Oh no, I already ate it!"

Hart kept staring jealously over at Madison while they danced. Okay, I personally think she should've gone out with Dan. Hart is a major loser.

The moral is: Romance is nice, but friendship is more important.

The moral also is: Madison's Computer Tip: If you are getting e-mails from strangers, you should hit DELETE and tell your parents.

Ah yes, good morals.
So there will be Avalons and Madison Finns galore. Hopefully #12 is coming soon, too. *sniff* That was a good one.

Lonely, I'm so lonely, I have nobody for my own, or Pony Pals #25: The Lonely Pony

2008-04-05T10:31:00.000-07:00

So much for this one. How long has it been since I put this on hold? Seriously, it was the most boring Pony Pals ever. I think it was because of Lulu; her books are always really lamesauce.

Plot: Lulu wakes up in the morning and finds not two, but THREE ponies in her paddock. Who is the mysterious third? Tongo, Mimi Kline's pony. It appears he ran away during the night because he's lonely. Anna takes Tongo back to Mimi's house and has Acorn stay with Tongo to make sure Tongo doesn't run away again.
Lulu is angry. Snow White has a respiratory infection and misses Acorn, but Anna doesn't seem to care at all! If only Pam were there to mediate, but she's at a jumping clinic for two days.
Pam comes back and doesn't do a very good job mediating. Anna and Lulu fight; Lulu thinks Anna is selfish and should bring Acorn back so Snow White won't be lonely. Anna thinks it's more important to take care of Tongo first so HE DOESN'T RUN AWAY AGAIN AND POSSIBLY GET HIT BY A CAR.
Time for three ideas. Pam suggests they make the fence bigger. Anna suggests they find Tongo a stablemate. Lulu has the same idea (probably written down hastily after hearing Anna's idea, no doubt), and the three go to St. Francis' Animal Shelter to pick out a nice pet.
They narrow it down to three: Max, a shy Basset Hound; Dottie, a cute pot-bellied pig; and Billy, an adorable pygmy goat.
Unfortunately, they decided to inform Mr. and Mrs. Kline of their new pet AFTER they brought it to their house.
Mimi, of course, ruins the entire situation with her bad timing. Mr. and Mrs. Kline don't like the idea of a new pet. The Pony Pals quickly decide on Billy the goat and leave him in the paddock with Tongo to see how they get along.
Not too well, it turns out. Lulu is sure that's because everyone is watching them and Billy is intimidated by them and his new surroundings. The Pony Pals decide to leave Tongo and his friend alone for a while and go on a nice, relaxing trail ride.
Wow. What a super ambiguous ending.

More notes:
"Lulu recognized the extra pony right away. It was Mimi Kline's small Shetland pony, Tongo. How did Tongo get there? Lulu wondered."
I'm assuming he walked.

"Acorn and Tongo happily sniffed noses over the fence. Snow White stood alone in the middle of the paddock. Snow White doesn't like having surprise visitors, thought Lulu."
Really, does Snow White like anybody?

Look at crap. Horrible:
Anna exchanged a smile. Mimi was cute and spoiled. Just like Tongo. And both were lots of fun.
Heh. I'd like to unleash Mrs. Sims on Jeanne Betancourt.

Anna: I think Snow White's jealous. She doesn't want to share Acorn.
Lulu: Snow White is not jealous. Tongo probably did something to her that we didn't see.
Whatever. She's jealous.

"Life in Wiggins is boring without my Pony Pals."
You're just now realizing that?

Lulu is so bored that she lets her grandmother cut her hair!!! :O

NO WAY, Grandmother Sanders gives her bangs! Lulu's hair looks pretty adorable, actually.

But not as good as mine, right? Lol.

Ugh, Lulu is so whiny.
Lulu: Is Acorn staying here tonight?
Anna: Yeah.
Lulu: But Acorn and Snow White are stablemates.
Anna: Mrs. Bell is afraid Tongo will run away again. I said I'd stay over, too.
Lulu: The Klines have to figure out how to keep Tongo in his own yard.
Anna: And we have to help them.
It's not actually their job to help people, but God forbid Lulu should do something nice for someone. "Nooo, I'd rather Tongo got hit by a car, because Snow White is SOOOO LONELY."
She has nobody for her own.

Oh no, Snow White is sick...again.

Dr. Crandal: Now let's see if she has a cough.
Dr Crandal squeezed Snow White's windpipe, and she coughed.
Uh, yeah, I'd cough, too, if someone squeezed my windpipe.

Ew, sulfur pills? Who'd want to take something that smelled like rotten eggs and came out of a volcano?

Anna makes a big mistake.
Lulu: So Acorn can't come home while Snow White is sick.
Anna: Good. It will give us time to solve the Tongo problem. We have to figure out how to keep him in his own yard.
Lulu: How can you say it's a good thing that Snow White is sick?
Anna: I didn't say it's good that Snow White's sick! I said it's good that Acorn is with Tongo. So Tongo won't run away again. We have time to solve the Tongo problem.

Lulu: The Klines should just get another pony. Then Tongo can have his own stablemate.
Hello? Ponies are uber-expensive, and Mimi has to ride Tongo IN THE DRIVEWAY!!! Something tells me the Klines don't have room for another pony.

Not to mention they run a HARDWARE STORE. Not a lot of money in that.

Haha. Anna makes another mistake.
Anna: Hi, everybody. How's Snow White? She looks better. Is he cured?
Lulu: She. Snow White is a she, you called her he.
Anna: Sorry. I just made a mistake.
You bet you did. Lol. Pony Pal fights.

Ugh, Lulu is so annoying.
"'That won't work,' Anna explained. 'Snow White doesn't like Tongo. She gets jealous.'
'Snow White is not jealous,' Lulu practically shouted at Anna.
Lulu glared at Anna. Didn't Anna understand anything about ponies? Didn't she love Snow White anymore?"
Whatever. Animals feel secondary emotions, one of those being jealousy. Snow White is SO JEALOUS.

You know how Anna always draws her ideas? Her idea this time is...a dog, a duck, and a goat. Please explain, Anna.

Remember Chicago? The cat Rosalie was obsessed with? CHICAGO LIVES!!

Anna: Tongo acts bratty sometimes. I bet Tongo did something to make Snow White angry. You know, the night he came to our paddock.
Like what? He called her a bad name? He hurt her feelings, did he?

Ew, the picture of Mr. Kline makes him look like the creepy old smoker dad from "Pretty in Pink".

"Pam hit Lulu on the head with another pillow. And Anna grabbed Lulu by both wrists while Pam tickled her. The Pony Pals had a pillow-tickle fight until they were all exhausted."
:O Wow...I have absolutely nothing to say to that.

Awww, pigs and ducks.

Oh, how droll, a duck named Crackers the Quacker! Excuse me if I don't bust my gut laughing.

Awwww, there's a REALLY CUTE picture of Pam holding some adorable puppies.

Who doesn't love pygmy goats?

Lulu wants Billy. Anna likes Dottie. Pam, who loves dogs, has bonded with Max. Guess who wins?

Lulu: Does Mrs. Kline know that Tongo is picking out a stablemate?
Anna: Not yet.
There's a 50% chance the Klines will say no, AND THEY DON'T ASK THEM FIRST??? Morons.

Tongo is attacked by a duck.

Anna tries to get Mimi to keep her mouth shut, so as not to ruin their idea with bad timing.

"Mommy! Mommy! I want Billy. I have to have him. Tongo wants him, too."
Way to go, Mimi.

Mrs. Kline is way POed. And the picture makes her look like a black man.

To calm her down, the Pony Pals bring her some cookies and lemonade.

Billy runs away, so Lulu and Pam decide to carry him to the paddock.
Mrs. Raskins: I was just going to suggest that.
Sure. Whatever.

Mrs. Kline gives Billy 5 seconds... "Hm, looks like it's not going to work. Take him back."

Billy is SO CUTE!!

The ending is so ambiguous!
Tongo and Billy: *are sort of beginning to get along*
Pam: Let's leave them alone for awhile.
Lulu: Good iea. And let's go on a trail ride. Just the Pony Pals.
Anna: Perfect.
So they ride off into the sunset...and we don't know if Billy stays or if he goes. That's a song.

So that's it. That's what I spent $4 on.
I really hate Lulu. In the very last Pony Pals book, Lulu should die a fiery death.
Lol, Jeanne Betancourt manages to squeeze like 5 Super Specials in between the last 4 books.
I have some Avalons that I still need to read. I don't know, I kind of hate that series now. Thankfully, there are only two more and then there aren't any more because Rachel Roberts decided not to write any.
I also have 8 more Madison Finn books. Sweet, right? I won't order anymore for now.
Yay, I also read "Heart to Heart" this morning, so I'll post that ASAP.

Blubbery preteens always float, or FTFO Madison Finn #13: Sink or Swim

2008-04-04T16:29:00.000-07:00

It's Madison's second summer in the series and she's STILL in 7th grade. The magic continues.

Plot: All of Madison's friends have plans for summer, but Madison doesn't have anything to do. Isn't that the point of summer, however? Not having ANY PLANS. Isn't RELAXING supposed to be your plan? Whatever.
Madison, desperate for something to keep herself occupied, gets a job as a mother's helper. She's now in charge of Eliot, an adorable 2-and-a-half year old boy, and his infant sister Becka. However, Eliot throws tantrums frequently, and Madison, who is completely passive, has trouble getting him to behave.
Aaagh, that's not the worst part. Eliot's mom is a TOTAL DITZ and spends all of her time with Becka, and then doesn't realize her absentee behavior is the root of Eliot's frustrations. She blames either Madison or Becka, the adorable baby.
Slut.
Madison's boss also sucks because whenever they go to the pool and Madison tries to hang out with her friends, Mrs. Reed is all, "Maddie, time to leave!" And because Madison has no spine, she silently fumes, but is unable to stand up for yourself.
On Pool Day, Eliot bonds with Madison and wins a blue ribbon. Finally they are becoming friends! But Madison is unable to enjoy the rest of pool day because right after the winning of the ribbon, Mrs. Reed suggests they leave.
Megaslut.
Nearing the end of the book, Madison is convinced for some reason that Eliot hates her (he doesn't) and that she's the worst mother's helper ever (she sort of is, but never mind).
However, Eliot proves otherwise; he shows Madison his secret closet of stuffed animals and then presents her with his treasured blue Pool Day ribbon. Awwwww.
However, Mrs. Reed's mothering issues are never addressed and she is content to leave Becka with the blame of Eliot's behavior issues.
I hate her. But Madison doesn't care, so I guess that's okay.

More notes:
Aimee, the environmentally concious ditz, squeezes in an important message about global warming. Propaganda in teen literature... *shakes head*

Ooh, Fiona has read "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" FOUR TIMES!!

Aw, Fiona and Egg are going out. Kind of sickening.

Egg, Drew, and Hart are junior lifeguards at the pool...another reason Madison wants to spend time there.

7th grade dialogue.
Aimee: Gee, I wonder if Ben Buckley will be at the pool, too.
Madison: Ben Buckley? What made you think of him?
Aimee: I don't know - um - um... What was I talking about?
Madison: Are you in like with Ben or what? I can't believe it.
Aimee: I am NOT in like with Ben. I was just...
Fiona: Ha-ha-HA! So I'm not the only one with a terminal crush?

Madison isn't exactly stealthy about her secret crush on Hart.

Lucky. Bigwheels is at horse camp IN THE MOUNTAINS. Sounds like Miracle Ranch. Jealous.

Madison is shocked that it rained when there was a 50% chance of rain. Sounds like Washington weather.

ROFL!!
"If everything was meeting at the cafe, Madison would be seeing Hart and the other boys. She needed an outfit that would say 'cute friend with possibilities'."

Aimee's helping her dad out at his cybercafe, but she's not getting paid?

Fiona's participating in a book-a-thon where the prize is TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS! The prize at MY library was a $25 gift certificate to Barnes & Nobles...from a DRAWING!!! SO LAME. I entered like 30 tickets and I didn't win!

"Madison wondered what it would be like to practice mouth-to-mouth on a real person - like Hart. Was it like real kissing?"
Trust me, it's not...though I don't have any real experience to back up that statement. But I've done mouth-to-mouth on a rubber person.
That sounded dirty.

Drew: Yeah, we're learning how to give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation and all that. The American Red Cross teaches it. We practice on rubber people. Started today. It's funny.
Egg: Nah. It's dumb.
Hart: It saves lives.
Egg: Are you kidding me?
Hart: Hey, Egg, we have the most important job at the pool.
Egg: Come on! We're junior lifeguards. We're not actually saving anyone. This isn't Baywatch, for Pete's sake.
Fiona: You shouldn't really joke about saving lives!!!
Way to be pyscho, Fiona. Egg totally freaks out and apologizes, though.

"'Aren't you volunteering at the animal clinic? You always do that. You and Dan.'
Madison rolled her eyes. She was friends with Dan, but the way Egg said that it sounded lik she was more than friends."
You guys MIGHT have been MORE than friends if you hadn't turned Dan down, Madison.
Although Dan took it better than Drew. Notice how Drew has totally stopped stalking Maddie? I kind of miss it.

Fiona tries to convince Madison to go out for the mother's helper job:
"Baby-sitting can be hard - but it can also be a lot of fun. Oh, it'll be so easy. You'll get paid for going to the pool. And she has cats! What's better than that?"
Yeah, Madison, she has cats!!

: I baby-sit sometimes for my cousin when his mom goes to the supermarket and stuff.
: is it hard?
: haven't u ever read The Babysitters Club?
LOL!!! I know what some people would have to say about that.

It's sort of obvious that Madison has absolutely NO experience with little kids.
Elliot: Pee-pee.
Madison: Um...is that some kind of game?

Heh. Eliot has two cats named Peanut Butter and Jelly.

Dang, Madison's making $125 a week. And she's only 12!!! I've never seen that much money in my life.

Hm, what type of bathing suit would a baby-sitter wear?
Just ask Stacey McGill. She's soooo sophisticated.

Hahaha. Some of the "themed" youth nights at the pool are Italian night, Halloween night, Magic Show (laaame), and South of the Border night (ROFL, SEXUAL IMAGERY!).

Aimee thinks Hart and Ivy are going out. :O SAY IT ISN'T SO!

"Yeah, and Maddie could go with Dan or Drew and we could triple-date!"
Um, that's probably not going to happen anytime soon...not after the VALENTINE'S DAY INCIDENT!!

Aimee's such a spaz. "OH, MY GOODNESS! He's here."

Ben Buckley walks by...AND TOTALLY IGNORES HER. Heh.

Lol. Eliot starts screaming, "POOOOOOOOP!" at the top of his lungs.

Awww, Eliot is sooo cute.

Oh no, he's escaped!
"'STOP THAT KID!' Madison yelled. She nearly landed flat on her face as she jumped out of the pool after him."
Noyce.

Hart saves the day...and kind of creeps me out in the process.
Hart: I don't think so! *picks up Eliot* This little guy's fast.
Eliot: Fast! FAST!
Hart: So you want the tickle monster, huh? Well, that's what you'll get, then.

Stupid Madison. Dan is so much cooler than lame-o Hart.

Mrs. Reed: Are you having fun with Madison, sweetie?
"Madison waited for Eliot to scream, 'NOOOOOOOOO! I hate her!" but he didn't."
Lol, I love Maddie.

Bigwheels: But you don't ever ever let the kid bite you. That happened to my friend Josie once and she had 2 get a tetanus shot or something like that.
Thanks, Bigwheels. Like she's really just gonna let the kid BITE HER.

Cherry yogurt = heaven.

Unless there are real cherries in it.

Eliot throws his apple juice at the wall...
...and it EXPLODES.

"'He's been so cranky lately,' Mrs. Reed said, wiping his hands off his hands and face. 'Ever since we had Becka...'"
Maybe because his dad's never around and YOU'RE A HORRIBLE MOTHER!!!

Lol, Madison and Eliot rock out to some Wee Sing.

Madison: Does Eliot go to Pool Day?
Mrs. Reed: Eliot is competing in the kickboard swim for toddlers. It's one of a handful of events for the wee ones. [Wee ones? What is she, Irish?] I think they have more competitions for the older children. I'm sure you've done Pool Day other summers before, right? You must have fond memories. I think Eliot has a shot at winning a kiddie ribbon.
Madison: And what will I be doing?
Mrs. Reed: What else? Spending time with Eliot, of course.
Oh, sorry if you had plans to participate in Pool Day, Madison. You'll be busy watching Eliot because I'M TOO BUSY SUCKING AT BEING A MOTHER.
I HAAATE this woman.

"Good morning. You know, Madison, you don't have to ring the doorbell when you come. I'm expecting you. Just walk inside. That way if I'm in the middle of changing a diaper or picking up toys or just losing my mind..."
Translation: Your ringing the doorbell messes me up. Never do it again; it p*sses me off.

Hart is back with his tickle machine.
Egg is just so hilarious. XP "So how's your boyfriend?"

LOL! Eliot throws Madison's pool bag into the POOL!
Actually, that would kind of suck if that happened to me or anyone else, but it's funny reading about it.

Ivy comes over and ridicules Madison and her baby-sitting charge.
Hello? She's getting PAID, Ivy, you lecherous ho.

Madison is way clingy in this one. She whines a lot.

Ew, nasty. Eliot pukes on Madison.

One of Madison's ideas for fun indoor games to play with Eliot is: Bath toys in the sink, towel on floor, take off shirt.
WHOA! Who will be taking off their shirt, Madison or Eliot?

Awwww, I love Eliot.
Madison: Good morning, Eliot! Hey, it's Maddie. Do you remember me?
Eliot: Course I 'member you! See my slide?

Eliot likes running around naked. Oh, the memories.

Even Madison notices that Mrs. Reed's the reason Eliot is so angry all the time. He'll probably need counseling by the time he's older.

Ben called Aimee? Wow. A junior high boy with real balls. Who knew?

Ha. Bigwheels' cousin stuck a ham sandwich and a carrot into the VCR. That should be on youtube.

Omg, Becka is not the problem!

Hart: Hey! No running!
Yeah, that's effective, Hart. Eliot trips and falls...and goes to Madison for comfort. Take that, Mrs. Reed.

Agh, stop putting yourself down, Madison. The kid TRIPPED. It's not your fault.

Mrs. Reed quotes "Gone With the Wind"?
"Oh, Madison. He'll get over it. Don't worry. Like I said, it was an accident. You'll be more careful next time. Tomorrow is another day."
Whoa. I like how she said, "It wasn't your fault," while simultaneously blaming her at the same time.

Oooh, Madison puts on a skirt to impress Hart. She has it bad.

Egg: So, did you guys see what happened at the pool today? Ivy Daly almost lost her top. Again. She is so weird.
Chet: And hot. I think she does it on purpose.
Lol, probably true.

Aw, Dan still likes Maddie. You can so tell.

DREW DROPS HIS MILKSHAKE ON MADDIE!!! AND IT WAS STRAWBERRY! You know, it was probably an accident, but I wouldn't be surprised if he did it on purpose.
You know. After she turned him down and all.
Oh, that's right, you DON'T know. We'll explore that in #11...WHICH I JUST GOT IN THE MAIL TODAY!!

Madison runs into the bathroom sobbing.

And takes off her clothes? It's a public bathroom, Madison. I hope you know YOU'RE NOT ALONE.

Fiona: I've actually been sort of jealous of you this summer.
Madison: Jealous? Of what?
Fiona: Well, I know I made a big deal about the book-a-thon and all that. [Psh, yeah you did.] And it is a big deal. [Not really.] But your job is so much cooler. You're doing something so important. And little Eliot will look up to you.
Madison: Wow. You really think that?
Aimee: She's right. I have a job at my dad's store, but I'm not helping some little kid like you.
Madison: It's so hard. He cries all the time. And nothing I say or do makes a difference.
Fiona: I bet it does. You just haven't seen it yet.
Whoa. This is getting way deep.

Uh-oh.
Aimee: Do you like Hart?
Madison: Huh?
Aimee: I know it's dumb, but the other day I heard him at the pool talking to Egg and Drew, and he was takling about you. And I was just wondering, if you like him, too, then maybe...
Fiona: Wow, that's interesting.
Madison: *having a heart attack*
Aimee: Sorry. That was a dumb thing to say. Hart is nice, but... Ivy Daly has her eye on him, anyhow.
So Madison is safe. That's so stupid, why wouldn't you just tell your friends the truth?
Then again, they'd giggle meaningfully at you all the time and make SUPER OBVIOUS hints when he was around. Never mind, I'd keep my mouth shut.

Egg: Hey, Maddie, your boyfriend looks cute today.
Madison: You know, if you're trying to be funny, Egg, try getting a new joke.
OOOOOH! PWNED!

"When she looked way up on the diving board, even Dan looked cuter than cute."
Implying that he normally doesn't look cute because he's fat and whatnot.
Ooooh...just...OOOOOH! Maddie and Dan as a couple would have been so amazing. Aaagh. It pains me.

Eliot wins the kickboard contest!

Lame. Madison can't watch ANY of her friends swim because they leave...after ONE event.

Madison realizes, however, that watching her friends swim isn't important. Playing with Eliot and gaining responsibility is the important thing.

Ooh, let's have a nail polish party!! Haha, so 7th grade.

Agh. Lindsay Frost is back. GO AWAY.

Way to be super obvious, Madison.
"Hart! Um...this is my mom...I think you met before...Maybe not..."

I'm trying to garner the meaning of this sentence.
Bigwheels: Our days are packed with trail riding and even some gymkhana like having a rodeo.
There needs to be a comma between "gymkhana" and "like", but even that doesn't make sense.

Ooh, Bigwheels meets a "really cute boy to like" at camp. He has the coolest green eyes...and lives in Idaho! Yeah, potatoes. Whoo.

Aw, Eliot shows Madison his secret zoo.

Then he gives her his blue ribbon. So adorable. Madison is a role model!

So Eliot and Madison are friends, Madison's getting paid, and summer has just begun. The End.

Madison's Computer Tip
I can look up just about anything online - and learn so many new things in a matter of minutes.

Okay then. Tomorrow we have "THE LONELY PONY"!!! Finally, right. Also, I'll read #11, AKA "Heart to Heart" as quickly as possible and maybe post it tomorrow. It involves a secret admirer, Dan, Drew, Hart, boys, dogs, and SO MUCH MORE. It's probably my favorite book in the series, because there's boys and dancing.

It must be true, I saw it on Youtube, or Pony Pals #36: The Pony and the Haunted Barn

2008-03-31T13:29:00.000-07:00

Wanna know what's sad? I started this book A MONTH AGO! IN FEBRUARY! It was so boring, however, that I left the last 30 pages unread and left the book under my dresser, convinced I'd finish it one of these days.
Well, now it's Spring Break, basketball is over, and I actually have some free time, so here we go with this book. I might just summarize it, seing as I don't remember why I marked any of the following 90 pages.

Plot: We all know that Pam Crandall does not believe in ghosts. Yet one day, as the Pony Pals explore an abandoned barn in Morristown, something keeps freaking out the ponies, and one of these "ghosts" touches Pam!
Lulu and Anna are all set to believe that it's the ghost of Mr. Warner, who was so sad after his pony ran away, followed by his house burning down.
Pam, rational as ever, refuses to believe it was a ghost. She suggests all manner of realistic things, such as Tommy and Mike, the wind, and their own twisted 10-year-old minds.
The Pony Pals insist that Pam be "more openminded".
Pam retorts that THEY'RE the ones who aren't openminded, because they won't believe it's NOT a ghost.
Smooth, Pam.
The girls go back to snoop around the barn even more, but they can't find the barn!! They draw maps, retrace their steps, use bloodhounds, but it's no use; the barn just cannot be found!
No worries; the Pony Pals switch directions and head to the Historical Society, where they find out more about Mr. Warner, the "ghost" of the barn they found. It seems that the death of his wife and child, not the loss of his pony, were the reasons for his retreat from society. He died of a heart attack, not of a broken heart.
Finally, the Pony Pals are able to find the barn...or the ruins of the barn. It turns out the Warner barn has been ruined for some time, but the day they visited was the anniversary of the day it burned down. :O Spooky...sort of.
Pam still doesn't believe in ghosts...or so she says. She admits to Lightning that if she ever does meet a ghost, she hopes it's a nice one.

Okay, that was a waste of 20 minutes. Oh well.
I have Madison Finn #13, but I'm hesitant to read it, even though it's due in a couple days.
It's just that I've put 3 other Pony Pals on order, and I might be able to buy MF's #11 and #12, and possibly Pony Pals #25 (FINALLY).
It probably won't happen soon, though, so you'll see #13 in a couople of days, followed by Avalon's #3 and #4 (after which there will be no more Avalons because the rest of the series was never published), then the entire Madison Finn series (practically, anyway). Should be fun. Or not.

Evil in the form of Halley's Comet, or Unicorns of Balinor #8: Shadows over Balinor

2008-02-18T17:08:00.000-08:00

I'm SOOO glad to be done with this series. I don't understand how they can give this description for the last book, though:
Princess Arianna inquires about the past and learns the truth about the fall of the great unicorns from the Celestial Valley. She uncovers the truth about shifting magic and how that power has led the fallen unicorns into the shadows--to become the evil Shadow Unicorns.
The book never talks exclusively about Celestial Valley and the missing Shadow Unicorns are mentioned ONCE. Mostly this book is rather confusing and has sort of a lame ending.

Plot: Right, so Shifter is dead, all the Royal Unicorns have returned, and the war is over. What else is there to worry about? Well, there's the Kraken, though he appeared dead in the last book. No, the Kraken is back with a vengeance, and if Arianna doesn't stop a giant comet from landing and transferring its powers to him, Balinor is doomed!
???
First, our cast of regular characters is joined by an annoying named Odie ("Fightin's my game!"), who brings Ari a map to Shadowview (formerly Demonview). The princess must travel there to find the Royal Archivist (they don't say why).
They go. Pointless things happen, mainly for filler, I'm sure.
Then they find the Archivist, and it turns out LINCOLN IS THE LINK!!!
The Link?
They never fully explain what that is, but it's something important.
They defeat the Kraken and destroy the asteroid/comet/thing.
Lincoln chooses to remain with Ari, so now they have to find a new Link.
Ari still hasn't found her parents or brothers, and it seems no one has any intention of ever taking Lori back across the Gap.
It was way too confusing. Hopefully I'll have some nonmagic Madison Finns by tomorrow. Unfortunately, I have to skip #11 and #12 for now. Oh well.

Racism runs rampant even among ponies, or Pony Pals #35: Magic Pony

2008-02-17T13:35:00.000-08:00

I still love Pony Pals. 92 pages of bad writing and petty conflicts make my day. This particular book handles touchy topics like divorce, homosexuality, and racism in an ignorant and friendly manner.

Plot: There's a play in Wiggins! 10-12 year old boys and girls can try out for the parts of Joseph and Princess Kalandra in "The Magic Pony", a magical tale of friendship and healing. Also, because of the play's title, ponies can try out as well!
Anna wants Acorn to try out, but doesn't want to try out herself. The Pony Pals convince her otherwise. Surprisingly, Anna gets the part of Kalandra...but Acorn doesn't get a part at all! And Snow White didn't even try out, but the director requested her for the part...BECAUSE SHE'S WHITE!!!! White ponies are much more magical than bay ones, obviously.
Rema Baxter (who I thought was at boarding school) tried out as well, but is now Anna's understudy. The former-brat is being uncharacteristically nice to Anna and even invites the Pony Pals over for a sleepover!
However, all these distractions and disappointments are keeping Anna from memorizing her lines. Anna finally gives up and admits to her friends that Rema should be Kalandra instead. After harsh rebukes, Pam and Lulu tell Anna to keep trying and even help her memorize her lines. The other Pals also think Acorn should have the part of the Magic Pony instead of Snow White, who can't act at all.
They go to the director with this idea and he reluctantly agrees.
The Pony Pals band together and rebuke the devil, er, Rema, who quits the play.
But it doesn't matter. The play is a success. Now Anna has a new career in mind: acting. Oh dear. Hope you like starving to death.

More notes:
This one's not hardcover.

Only 10 to 12 year old boys and girls are allowed to try out. How agist.

Pam shows up with the poster and is like, "Let's ride to the brook and talk about it." Why can't you talk about it there??

Lulu, Lulu, Lulu. "I wonder what the Magic Pony is about." Well, it couldn't possibly be about a magic pony...

Anna doesn't want to try out; she's better at improvising than acting OTHER people's words.

Lame. Pam writes a scene for Anna to practice on to prove she can act. It's about a girl and her mother. Lulu gets to play the mother. Hysterical.

Ah, this scene sucks.
Girl: You told me I could have a pony when I was ten years old.
Mother: That's not what I said.
[OMG! This is like my life! Oggy was so old, and for years my mom kept saying, "Once we buy a house, we can buy a big dog." Then I repeated that back to her, and she's like, "I NEVER said that." Liar.]
Girl: You did, Mom. Honest. I have been waiting two whole years for a pony.
[Like when I waited 3 whole years to get a dog and they said they'd THINK ABOUT IT.]
Mother: I said we would think about getting you a pony when you were ten. I though about it. I have decided you cannot have a pony.
[OMG!!! PAM WROTE A STORY ABOUT MY LIFE!! PLAGIARISM! Dang, this mom's a drag.]
Girl: We have a big yard. I'll take care of my pony. You won't have to do anything. Please, Mom. I love ponies so much.
[You go, girl.]
Mother: Don't argue with me.
Girl: But you said-
Mother: (shouting) The answer is final! No pony.
[B****]
Girl: (crying softly) But you promised.

THE END
How depressing. I almost started crying. Anna DOES start crying.

I like how Anna's the only character that seems like a real person. She has poor parents AND dyslexia, but Pam is the best student in their class and Lulu has a perfect memory. I noticed the book didn't mention them being passive-agressive, controlling hos, but hey.

REMA BAXTER IS BACK!!! I though she was at boarding school, but I guess boarding schools let you take a break to try out in local plays.

Hahaha. This play is hilarious.
"Magic Pony takes place a long time ago in a faraway land. [Like Star Wars.] The main character is Princess Kalandra. The lovely Kalandra has a serious illness that will kill her. [Like in The Two Princesses of Bamarre.] Since early childhood, Kalandra has heard stories about a magical pony in the woods near the castle."
The Magic Pony has lived for hundreds of years and can heal terrible illnesses. How convenient.
"Kalandra dressed like an ordinary person and goes into the woods. She climbs into a tree house. From there she looks for the Magic Pony. [Yeah, that'll work. "Hm, I can't see the pony from the tree house. Must not be here."] Kalandra doesn't see the pony, but she does spot a young woodsman. This is Joseph, and Kalandra is in his tree house. Joseph and Kalandra meet and become friends. Kalandra doesn't tell Joseph that she is sick or that she is the princess. [Like "A Walk to Remember".] But she does tell him that she is searching for the pony. Joseph offers to help Kalandra find the Magic Pony."
Bla bla bla. There's more about the evil uncle Damien, who wants to drink the Magic Pony's blood. That's pretty graphic for a children's book.

William the director looks Irish. Pam is wearing really high-waisted pants WITH HER SHIRT TUCKED IN.

MIKE LACEY TRIES OUT FOR THE PLAY!!!! Wait, I thought he was in 8th grade. Doesn't that make him older than 12? And Rema was 14 in book #4. What happened there? Does she look 11?

Whoa. The director is also SIZEIST!!
Tongo is too small (oh, and he's also badly behaved).
Lightning is too big (oh, and she bites).

Of course Snow White is perfect. Because she's WHITE. He barely even looks at Acorn.

Rema straightened her hair. The look doesn't exactly work for her.

Dang, I hate Snow White.
Lol, on the cast poster they put, "THERE IS NO UNDERSTUDY FOR JOSEPH." Yes, we can see that. How unprofessional.

:O RACIST!!
Lulu: I think Acorn is a better actor.
William: Maybe you're right. But Snow White looks the part. We'll put some silver sparkles on that beautiful white coat. She'll glow in the dark woods behind the library. It will all be very magical.

Wow. This play is worse than "Eragon". "We will sell that pony's blood for gold, Joseph!"

Suddenly there's a Queen in this story?? So confused.

Anna: Rema is being nice to me. Really friendly.
Lulu: Don't trust her, Anna. She can be a real phony.
Anna: Sometimes people change.
Baby, seasons change, but people don't...and I'll always be waiting in the back room. ;)

Heh, there's a picture of Rema with her arm around Anna and Anna's all, "Get away."
I love Anna. She's boring, but overcompensates with headlines and flash, flash, flash photography. SORRY.
Rema is such a liar.

And William is such a perfectionist.
Anna: Magic Pony, where did you go?
William: Anna, the lines is, "Magic Pony, where are you?"

Rema tells Anna that if she reads her script a couple times, she'll remember all her lines. Liar.

And she invites the Pony Pals over for a sleepover??? "It'll be a lot of fun. We can play with your ponies, watch videos, and have pizza."

I bet a million bucks she'll poison the pizza. Or lure Anna into the back room and strangle her with a bridle.

If the Pony Pals really don't want to do something, they should not do it. But Pam and Lulu go to Rema's anyway.

Rema: Can I ride her bareback? I used to love to do that.
WAIT! In the play, Kalandra is supposed to ride the Magic Pony BAREBACK! SHE'S TRYING TO STEAL YOUR PART, ANNA!

Rema rents a video about Connemara ponies. In Ireland. (Duh, of course they're in Ireland; Connemaras are IRISH.) Okay, I like ponies, but these girls have to be interested in something else. Pony movies can be very boring. Especially "Black Beauty".

They make pizza themselves. Wow, is Wiggins to small for a Pizza Hut?

This girl is such a liar! Why do they believe her?
Rema: Next, let's play cards. You can choose the game.
Anna: Do you know how to play Hearts? That's my favorite card game.
Rema: Hearts is my favorite card game, too! Whenever I play it, I remember Lightning's upside-down heart.
Liar. Way to suck-up to Anna's friends. And who plays cards at a sleepover? Usually girls watch movies, listen to music, give each other makeovers (Thank God, I've only experienced this once), and gossip about other people.

Oh dear, Rema keeps them up past midnight!! THE HORROR! (Midnight? Please. Try 6 AM.)

Lulu: She invited us because she wanted to ride Snow White. If you get sick and can't be in the play, Rema would have your part. She'd be Kalandra and have to ride Snow White bareback.
Anna: But the videos and pizza and ice cream.
Uh oh. Anna is easily swayed by food...as am I.

Oh my goodness! Near the end of "Magic Pony" (the play), Damien beats Joseph!!! CHILD ABUSE!! This play's subject matter is a little disturbing. Little kids should not be reading this.

REMA HAS ALL KALANDRA'S LINES MEMORIZED!!! You're so blind, Anna.

Ew, Mike looks like a four-year-old boy.

Dang, this is community theater. Someone needs to tell William to lighten up.

Snow White was supposed to go to Anna when she gave the signal...but she goes to Rema instead. SOMETHING IS UP HERE!!!

Anna goes on a ride to blow off some steam.
*as she rides away*
Pam: Anna, stop!
Lulu: We should talk about what's bothering you!
What are you, psychiatrists? Some people need to be alone.

Lulu: We have a Pony Pal problem and we need three ideas.
Anna: Do you think that I'm a Pony Pal Problem?
Lol. Good answer.

Anna draws a hideous drawing of Rema, though it is quite lifelike.

Anna thinks she's dumb because she's dyslexic. :(

Hm, what a smashing idea, Pam. "Lulu and I should help Anna learn her lines."
Why couldn't you have done that in the first place?

Lulu: Snow White only got the part because she's white. She doesn't know any tricks or how to act.
LOL!! It's like they're not really talking about a pony. It's so true, though. Snow White doesn't have any useful talents.

Anna: I'll try your ideas, but if they don't work, I'm dropping out.
Of the play...or school?

"Magic Pony, I am very sick and will die son. I am too young to die. Will you save my life?"
That was beautiful. :P

TOMMY RAND RUNS ANNA OVER WITH HIS BIKE!! What's wrong with you, boy??? And he looks just like Mike? Thanks, Paul Bachem, you could make at least SOME distinction between the two.

Uh oh. Mike doesn't want Tommy to know he likes theater.
OMG!! MIKE LIKES THEATER!! I know that's a stereotype, but doesn't that prove he's gay?

Rema calls the play a kid's play once the Pony Pals uncover her deception. Ha.

They wonder who will play Joseph if Mike drops out. Um, why don't you have a GIRL play Joseph? Peter Pan was always a girl.

Oh dear. Mike needs to be more responsible and give his sister lunch. Otherwise she might STARVE.
Okay, come on. She's 6 YEARS OLD. I know 3 year olds that are capable of making sandwiches.

Ew, Acorn eats Rosalie's sandwich. That's DISGUSTING. Horses eat DIRT.

William doesn't even cal Snow White by her name. He just calls her "the white pony". I bet he calls Acorn "the black-and-brown pony". That's it, I'm calling the NAACP.

Tommy direspects William and William calls him a tough guy. This guy obviously does not have kids.

Mike wants to quit, but Rosalie tells him he can't...because his Dad is coming to see it.
:O Really? That would be so awful if she was making that up. But it's a Pony Pals book, so of course she isn't.

OMG!!! "Mike's father left his wife and kids to move to Chicago with a girlfriend."
What?? I thought they got divorced. He didn't do any leaving. How awful!!!

LOL.
Tommy: I'm not going to watch you in some kid's show.
Lulu: It's not just a kid's show, Tommy. It's family entertainment.

LOL. William gives Tommy a unicycle and convinces him to spread news about the play. Wow. I'd love to see that.

That's pretty much it.

I don't have any other books. Well, I have the last Balinor (XP) and two Avalons (XP) but I haven't read any of them. Tomorrow's my last day at home, anyway, and then I have to go back to school, so I'm going to rest up. I love four-day-weekends.

It's the circle of life, or Pony Pals #34: The Pony and the Lost Swan

2008-02-16T10:45:00.000-08:00

Pony Pals, Pony Pals, oh how I missed you. It's been nothing but unicorns, magic, and teenagers for a long time. I've been missing you guys, as well as Maddie Finn.

Plot: Lulu and Snow White are riding with their friends by Lake Appamapog when they find swan feathers. Lulu is obsessed with swans, so they look around to see if they can find any, and lo and behold, there they are, out on the lake! The Pony Pals name the swan and her three cygnets stupid things and admire the beautiful scene for a million years.
Then Mr. Kline comes by in his truck and tells them about the swan's mate, which was shot with a bow and arrow last week. He also instructs them to warn people not to leave their fishing line lying around, as it could kill the swans.
The Pony Pals go out and bother Tommy, because he likes to fish.
The next day, the Pony Pals go to visit the swans again...and find Friendly and Bottom Up, two of the cygnets, all by themselves!! Where are White Feathers and Slowpoke? White Feathers would never leave her babies by themselves!
They put the two babies in a box and take them to the animal shelter.
Later, they find White Feathers tangled up in fishing line. Curse you, Tommy Rand. They send her to the animal ER, too.
White Feathers is reunited with her babies and slowly recovers, but they still can't find Slowpoke! Hm, maybe she died. But the Pony Pals are convinced the cygnet is still alive.
She is. Back to her mother she goes.
After White Feathers recovers, they take the swans back to the lake and put up a sign warning people not to leave their fishing line lying around. Everyone gathers to watch the swans frolic in the water. Joyous days.

More notes:
The copy the library gave me was a hardcover. Seriously, a hardcover Pony Pals! Ghettofabulous.

I hate that bad behavior is written off as "curiosity".

How descriptive Pam. "Swans are really beautiful and big."

"The babies are adorable, but they're brown, not white." Kind of like 101 Dalmations. "WHERE ARE THE SPOTS?"

Uh oh, these swans don't have a father. Irresponsible swan fathers, never pay child support.

Lulu: *looking at the mother swan* White Feathers. She's White Feathers.
Pam: How do you know her name?
Lulu: It just popped into my head.
Anna: It's a perfect name for her.
Hm, maybe because she has WHITE FEATHERS.

Ugh. Lulu sang to some swans in England and they started dancing. Like a ballet. Ha. Swan Lake. Okaaay, enough of that.

They sing, "Make New Friends, but Keep the Old." THAT'S A GIRL SCOUTS SONG!

They name the babies Friendly, Slowpoke, and Bottom Up (because she resembles a shot glass).

ROFL. I love how blunt Mr. Kline is.
Anna: I wonder where he is now.
Mr. Kline: The male was killed last week.
Pam: That's so awful.
Lulu: How was he killed?
Mr. Kline: He was shot with a bow and arrow. His mate was very upset.
They should try to solve the mystery of this swan's murder. Like on "Monk".

OMG!!!
Mr. Kline: There were four cygnets the last time I was here. I guess one of them didn't make it.
Lulu: Was the cygnet shot with a bow and arrow, too?
Mr. Kline: I don't think so. I bet a snapping turtle got it. They go after cygnets and goslings. Or a hawk could have swooped down and taken it.
I love how he's casually chatting about death with 10-year-old girls!! This is hilarious!

Tommy: Let's go, Mike.
Mike: Sure. We're out of here, buddy.
Buddy? They're so gay together. Or at least Mike likes Tommy, like Dumbledore liked Gellert.

Ooh, the Pony Pals get in a fight with those rowdy boys.
Tommy: The BORING Pony Pests!
Anna: The DUMB, RUDE Bike Buddies!
Oh dear, this is getting heated.

They eat grilled-cheese-and-TOMATO sandwiches. This is an improvement. At least they're getting their vegetables.

Snow White gets caught in some fishing line. Heh.

How random. Friendly and Bottom Up pop out of nowhere.

Lulu is the best detective. Acorn is the best pony detective. They should work together.
That's seriously how sentences go in this book.

Dang, White Feathers has fish hooks stuck in her body. Ouch.

Pam isn't the best problem solver. "If we cut the fishing line, she could swim away with the hooks. If we take out the hooks, she could bleed."
How about you take her to the ANIMAL HOSPITAL.

I find it hard to believe that Ms. Raskins is the only one working at the shelter right now. Take a break and save the swan. "No, I'm busy, you irresponsible 10-year-olds need to bring it to me yourselves."

They enlist the help of Mr. Kline.

Whatever. This swan would be attacking them. Swans are MEAN. But White Feathers sits calmly while they remove pieces of metal from her flesh.

Whoa, since when is Mr. Kline a fireman? He owns a hardware store!

"We don't want to frighten her by bringing her indoors. There's a hawk in the examining room."
HA. That could end badly.

In the picture, there are THREE babies, but in the story, one is still missing. Way to go, Paul Bachem.

Ms. Raskins is lame. She complains about being overworked and understaffed a lot. How many animals could there be in Wiggins, Population 24?

The Pony Pals have to take care of White Feathers themselves. Laaame.

White Feathers almost chokes to death on some food because of some fishing line. And she lets Lulu cut it off her. THIS IS NOT TYPICAL SWAN BEHAVIOR.

Lulu has such a connection with animals. Not so much with people.
Actually, that's true of me, too.

First there were four swan babies. Then there were three.
ROFL.

Anna thinks Slowpoke is lost forever. Lulu reprimands her friend for being such a pessimist.
Actually, Lulu, it's called realism.

"The Pony Pests are everywhere. Call the exterminator!"
Ha. Ha. Ha.

Oh dear, Tommy starts mimicking Anna. What a jerk. Wait, these boys are how old??

Uh oh. Mike agrees to be more careful with his fishing line, but Tommy refuses. Come on, Mike, convince your boyfriend to obey.

EW, Mike looks exactly like this kid I used to HATE in 6th grade.

They find Slowpoke. She was pretending to be a bump on a log. No lies.

The Pony Pals do these late night watch things quite often and never seem to get tired.

Lulu thinks of their adventure with White Feathers as a horror movie with some happy parts. Hopefully it will have a happy ending. Darn. I was looking for a gory ending.

LAME. They decide to make a sign about the swans, and assume that Mr. Kline will donate the supplies they need because they cost a lot of money and it's for a good cause. The Pony Pals, I've noticed, aren't exactly smart about money.

Anna: Where's your bad-boy buddy?
Mike: Stop saying Tommy's bad. You just don't know him like I do. He's a great guy.
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT YOU SAY WHEN YOU'RE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP! MIKE IS GAY FOR TOMMY!

They suspect Tommy of killing the male swan!! :O

It wasn't him. But the Pony Pals want to assume it was. Because they're prejudiced.

Everyone surrounds the swans and sings "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" to them. LOL. Then the book ends with the typical thanking of the ponies. "Thank you. Thank you for saving the swans." How redundant.

That one wasn't as good as "The Magic Pony", where Mike is even gayer for Tommy, Rema straightens her hair, and Anna decides to be an actress. What drama. Oh, and we learn the real reason behind Mr. and Mrs. Lacey's divorce!!

Fairies are just beautiful hippies, or Avalon: Quest for Magic #2: All's Fairy in Love & War

2008-02-12T19:11:00.000-08:00

I love how I have no time to post now. I get home after basketball and don't really care about going on the computer as much as I do finishing my homework and watching "American Idol".

Plot:
Kara, who won't settle for being ordinary, has scored the lead in the school play, "A Midsummer Night's Dream". (Lead being Queen Tatiana) However, she is just semi-stressed out, as her fellow mages are depending on her, there are rehearsals every day, and for some reason, she can't get her jewel to work!
Then, one particularly harrowing day, a bunch of fairies pop up in Kara's closet and send her and Lyra to the Fairy Realms!!
Once there, Kara meets the Forest Prince, a Zorro-wannabe. He tells her that the Five Kingdoms are about to meet and need her help.
She goes to the Fairy Ring where the leaders of the Five Kingdoms are. They ask for proof that she is a mage...but Kara loses control of her magic and turns Lyra into quicksilver! The cat beings to melt and if they can't turn her back into a real cat soon, she'll be gone FOREVER.
Sounds ominous.
Kara seeks the help of Tangoo, the Goblin Sorceror, who is so obviously evil, but no one seems to notice.
Back in the real world, a series of "hilarious" situations of mistaken identity and the like take place as Emily and Adriane try to make everything seem normal. Ha. Ha. Ha.
How can Kara help the Kingdoms? First, she has to bond with an Elemental Stallion made of PURE FIRE.
She fails, of course.
Next, she attends a fairy masquerade ball. With the help of some magical talking accessories (pleeease don't inquire further), Kara becomes the belle of the ball! She also meets up with the Forest Prince again and finds out...
HE'S REALLY THE GOBLIN PRINCE LORREN!!!
He's a nice guy, though, who just cares about the environment. Also, Kara finds him rather attractive.
Oh, ha ha ha, those silly mages are ruining the play! I cannot breathe for laughing.
Kara attempts to bond with the Firemental horse again, for her is detrimental to her "quest", but no dice.
She learns from Tangoo that the Firemental will dissolve back into the air if she doesn't find the Blue Rose and give it to him, supplying him with enough magic to complete their quest.
She hasn't even bonded with him yet, but whatever.
She and Lorren go to the Spider Witch's old lair and have to choose between two roses: one is the real thing, the other is an imposter. One smells horrible, like sulfur, and the other all beautiful and lilac-y. How Indiana Jones.
They, unlike the rare art collector in "The Last Crusade" choose the right one (the stinky one)...and are attacked by a horde of spiders!!! Kara ditches Lorren, as she suspects he wants the rose for himself! How selfish!
She gives the rose to the Firemental horse, dubs him Starfire, and creates an unbreakable bond between the two of them.
They go on their quest: find four magical talismans, one for each element, and bring them back to summon the power crystal, which contains Avalon's magic and will save the Fairy Realms.
Wow. Good luck.
She finds the talismans and brings them back. But Tangoo destroys Starfire and attempts to capture the crystal! To get rid of Kara, he sends her back to school to finish up the school play.
Hahahaha. Calamity. Chaos. Love spells!! Tears of mirth fill my eyes. -_-
Starfire comes back!!! w00t! Because he obtained ANOTHER crystal, which is just as good as the Blue Rose, apparently.
Long story short: they go back. Defeat Tangoo. Starfire is gone, but he will always be with Kara. The play was a success. The five kingdoms are united. Lyra is saved. Lorren and Kara are going steady.
How I miss the uncomplicated Pony Pals and their short, mundane plots.

More notes:
How typical. Kara lands the lead in the school play AND gets a cool, pink costume?

Heh. The other fairies in the play are green, but not Tatiana.

Ah, I'd be frustrated, too.
Emily and Adriane: Aaargh, Karaaaaa, I know you're busy and you have a life, but we're lazy and don't want to do anything without yooooooo.

Kara can't control her magic and is pretty dang depressed. Poor Kara.

And then two magic trackers pop up in her closet. Oookay.

And the porta-portal sucks Kara and Lyra into it.

Aaargh, and they land in a forest where they're attacked by magic trees! What is this, "The Wizard of Oz"?

The Forest Prince rescues them, yelling, "AieOOO!" How intimidating?

LOL, he sounds like Carter dressed as Zorro from "A Cinderella Story".

But if it wasn't a portal that brought Kara here, what was it? Oh, a mirror. OF COURSE.

HAHAHA, Kara calls him Forest Gump. Sorry, it's early in the morning.

Aargh. She tells him to call her Snow White and he takes her seriously. :P

Whoa, random. The d-flies are all, "Back off, bub!" This is the first time they've said anything that actually makes sense.

Whoa, Goblins and Trolls are included in the five kingdoms? I don't care if it's racist, they shouldn't count.

Hm, is this guy evil or what: long green hair tied back, gaunt face, goatee, a hawkish nose, deep black eyes.
Sounds like a goblin-version of Snape.

Of course the Fairy Queen looks like Madonna, but the Troll King is hideous.

Tangoo? What kind of name is that?

Selinda is sexy name; therefore, a sexy queen.

But the Goblin Queen is ugly, therefore her name is Raelda. Not biased.

Apparently the Forest Prince is a bad boy and Kara should not concern herself with him.

Uh oh, they want Kara to show them some magic to prove she's the blazing star. Everybody duck!

She loses control and turns Lyra into a statue!

Oh dear, the only way to cure Lyra is to find the power crystal. Which is what the Five Kingdoms wanted in the first place.

Kara rode a unicorn, so of course she can ride a cute fairy pony!

Did I mention that pony is made out of fire?

DREAMER STARTS SPEAKING IN COMPLETE SENTENCES!!!

ROFL!
Adriane: Joey? I just left him backstage.
Emily: Oh, so that's why you were hanging out in the auditorium.
Adriane: Not! Joey asked me to help him, that's all.
Way to cheat on Zack, Adriane.

Kyle, Kara's brother, is a moron. They talk about magic in front of him and he thinks they're discussing Shakespeare.

And his Shakespearean insults suck. "Hark, what reeky, clay-brained, dewberry arrives?"

Nice cover.
Emily: Kara's sick. You REALLY don't want to go up there.
Heather: She is?
Adriane: She is? Oh, totally.
Emily: She's got a stomach ache.
Adriane: Really bad pimple. On her stomach.

Ha.
Heather: Geez, you guys are weirder than normal.

OMG, they hide a mookrat in Kara's bed and her friends ACTUALLY believe it's her. Wow.

Kyle decides to take the hobgoblin to school...because he thinks it's Joey. How stupid can you get?

No pretty Earth or Water Elemental horses for YOU, Kara. You get a feisty fire stallion.

Veiled sexual imagery?
Joey: Whatsup? Good call on the bulbs - the ones I was using were way too low wattage.
Adriane: Cool.

Why would you publish this book? I'd be too ashamed.
Kyle: Shall I compare thee to a brick outhouse?
Rae: That is so not hilarious.

AAAGH. Musso the hobgoblin is asked to step in for Kara and freaks out, putting a spell on Marcus to make him a REAL donkey.

"Excellent! Best interpretation of a jackass I've seen since Kyle Davies." So true.

Selinda: Don't worry, Princess. The stallion cannot get out.
Kara: Neither can I.
Lol.

What's with the Emily pep talks in every book? They're never any good.

Daaaaang. This boy's about twenty hands high. That's more than 6.5 feet at the shoulder!

Argh, this horse is annoying.
"I AM FIRE! I RUN ALONE!"
Possibly a relative of Sunchaser?

So Kara accidentally hits him with magic. Ouch.

Oh dear. She's stuck in a room...WITH TALKING ACCESSORIES!

Oh my goodness. Oooooh my gosh.
"Stop squirting me, Whiffle!"
"Oh, I can't stand it! I'm delirious with excitement."
EW!!!

Ha ha. A thousand apologies. Like Demon Hunter.

There's a perfume spray bottle SHAPED LIKE A SKUNK. That is sooooo nasty.

There happens to be a Midnight Masquerade Rave! Because a Kara book wouldn't be complete without a party.

Ooh, it's from the Forest Prince.

Kara doesn't have anything to wear! Good thing there's a magic closet!

"I need a ballgown in violet silk, with an embroidered bodice, long sleeves, and a dropped A-line skirt."
Wow. At least she knows what she wants.

Ew, the skunk squirts her with "Morning Pew" perfume.

HA. Goldie the d-fly gets to wear a silver and gold tuxedo.

I think the Forest Prince is a mob boss. How else would he have so much power over the bad fairies?

"Goldie was frolicking in milky moonbeams, sommersaulting with a small flying bear-like creature wearing a tutu and a pirate hat."
Awwwww....

Lol. The Forest Prince is head of a band of rebels. Like Robin Hood!

They're supposed to take off their masks, so Forest Prince does...and there's another mask underneath. Nice.

IT'S THE GOBLIN PRINCE, LORREN!

I guess being Forest Prince gives you more power than being the real prince, because these fairies show NO respect.

Emily opens a portal and tries to get Kara to come home, but ends up with a bunch of dwarves instead.

Oh, and a bulwoggle.

Agh, what's with the bad parenting? They're fighting a dangerous magical animal and Kara's parents aren't the LEAST bit suspicious. And they accept Emily's, "Just helping Kara rehearse!" story.

There's a fox named Cotax. Heh.

It's all good. The next portal will open in 3 years.

Lorren's parents just wouldn't understand the Forest Prince. Emo.

Ugh, hate Emily. And her pep talks.

Adriane makes fun of Lorren. Just because your boyfriend is a freak who lives with mistwolves....

Whoa. Kara and Goldie are bonded? But so are Kara and Lyra?

Fairy blood skips generations, so that explains why Kara is part fairy, but her mom isn't. That is so stupid. Someone obviously never took life science.

Ew. Nice clothes, Lorren.

:O
Tangoo: Well, my obstinate yet positive young prince, if the princess were a magic master, that might be possible, otherwise...good-bye kitty.

"The roses are blue, but only one can be true. The flower with the power is the bloom with the fume. The bud that's a dud seems a rose to the nose."
Duh. The one that doesn't SMELL like a rose is the real one.

What the heck? Tangoo shoots a love spell at Lorren right before he sends them to the Spider Witch's lair...and it hits Goldie!

Right. Adriane's going to play the part of Kara. Complete with pink dress and a blonde wig.

Hahahaha. Ozzie keeps messing up magic!! Silly Ozzie! I freaking hate that ferret.

Wth?? Are her friends really that stupid? How would they mistake dark-eyed, combat-booted Adriane for Kara?

Oh no, the d-flies puke love spells all over Adriane and she falls in love with Marcus. HAHAHAHA. -_-

Now Rae's in love with Kyle!

Oh, and to top it all off, Kara's 3 amigos think Musso is sexy.

This. Is. So. Retarded.

Kara manages to pick the right rose...but is attacked by spiders. Spiders...WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE SPIDERS?

No, Kara, trust Lorren!

She leaves him with the spiders and jumps into the wrong mirror.

Where she meets up with her fairy grandmother, Lucinda!!

They talk about the unicorn jewel.

Aw, Kara remembers how she used to be AND ADMITS SHE WAS A SELFISH LOSER!!

NOOO, the magic is not for Kara!
Oh, because the gift of a blazing star is to make OTHERS shine more brightly, not herself. That's why the magic won't work!

Ha. Kara has a vision of herself at seventeen, working for the Dark Sorceress, and she kills Emily and Adriane and takes their jewels. Lol.

Starfire is a lame name for a horse, but whatever.

Aw, Kara lets Starfire share her past. Now they're bonded fo life!

Their first talisman, made of Water magic, is purple bunny slippers.

Hahaha. She has to make a song on the magical clouds to get the next talisman and sings that "Supernatural High" song. But the next one's a harp? Lame. I like bunnies better.

Next stop, the Mines of Moria.

Oh no, Starfire is losing magic!!!

Wow. They're lost in a maze and use the harp to find which way to go. Smart. That's what Harry should've done in "Goblet of Fire".

Argh. The next talisman is a giant silver heart. Laaame.

The very last one is a sunstone.

Stafire is so screwed.

And there are two Forest Princes, trying to convince Kara to give them the power crystal!

One of them is real. The other is...TANGOO. Told you he was evil.

And it turns out HE turned Lyra into quicksilver.

Aw, he kills Starfire with the other blue rose.

She jumps into the last mirror...and finds herself on stage in the middle of the school play.

Ew. "Come hither, thou cutiest patootiest!'
I would rather kill myself than publish this crap.

Uh oh. Kara tries to say her lines (it's her part, after all), and Adriane attacks her!! "Nobody sweet-talks my jackass!"

Starfire, you're back! You used the second crystal! Way to be selfish!

Emily takes Starfire's reappearance to remind everyone to support Ravenswood Wildlife Preserve!

"Princess, Tangoo betrayed us all!" Duh.

Time for a major magic battle with Tangoo, the proper end to any young adult fantasy novel.

How lame.
"Twinkle twinkle, blazing star...how I wonder when you'll DIE!"

If you're losing to a Snapeish goblin, remember that you shouldn't be afraid of who you are. Works EVERY TIME.

What's with Adriane and all her sucky wolf analogies?
"You can put a wolf in pink clothing, but she's still a wolf!"

Okay, we get it, everyone believes in Kara. Group hug. HURRY UP, this book is boring.

Lyra comes back, which gives Kara the strength she needs to defeat Tangoo.

And she destroys the power crystal. Stupid.

But Starfire sacrifices himself to save Avalon. But Starfire will always be with her, now and forever.

Agh. Now that the Kingdoms are united, all the queens have to fight about is curtains. No joke.

Selinda wants a flowery yellow fabric. Raelda's going for deep blue velvet.
I'm with Raelda.

So they compromise and choose lavender.

Raelda: I've introduced him to every Goblin girl in the kingdom, but I think he has eyes for someone special.
Awwww.

Musso and Sparky give up magic tracking and open their own cheese business! I so wish I was making that up.

Ha. There's another party. Emily wears a sky blue sundress, Adriane wears a white shirt with jeans (how classy), and Kara chooses Capris with a pink tank top. Wow. So much for dressy.

Emily thinks Lorren is hot, too. Back off, Healer.

"Watch it, Prince, your Zorro is leaking."
WHERE?

LAAAAME.
"A friend taught me not to hide who I really am."

The Trolls get the bunny slippers.
The Elves get the harp.
The Dwarves get the heart.
The goblins get the sunstone.
And the Fairies get a red rose Kara constructed out of magic after she ran out of gifts. But the rose contains all four elements working together, while the other talismans only contain one element each. That's a little unfair, don'tcha think?

Kara gets to keep her magic accessories.

Oh dear, the Dark Sorceress is back and is working with the Spider Witch. We'll have to watch out for them next time.

That was a long book. 212 pages is a little ridiculous for an Avalon book. Back to Pony pals!!

The gods are angry, so they've made the sun disappear, or Unicorns of Balinor #7: Night of the Shifter's Moon

2008-02-08T16:38:00.000-08:00

Okay. Let me tell you how much I hate Unicorns of Balinor.
No, really. These are what has kept me from posting because they're so ridiculously boring.
So I'm just going to summarize it and be DONE with it.
And hopefully get the last book, #8, the WORST in the series, out of the way.
Then we can go on to Avalon and Pony Pals and what not.
It seems Madison Finn is permanently on hold, as I ordered some books from the library about, um, two months ago, and they've ignored my request.
I could skip #11 and #12, but only if completely necessary.
It's just that #11 is so depressing, but I like it, because...just so sad.
Okay, on to the unicorns. Sunchaser awaits.

Plot: We open with our "heroes" in the forests of Ardit where they meet some excitable bunnies.
Lori starts complaining, Finn tries to be a peacemaker, Toby insults people in a Cockney accent...the usual.
Atalanta calls Ari away from the group into CELESTIAL VALLEY!
*Hallelujah chorus*
The Celestial unicorns fall all over Ari and Chase. There's a bonding ceremony, and Ari officially has the Deep Magic. Also, she and Chase are officially BFFs forealz.
Once the two of them pop back down to the earth, they find their comrades in trouble! Fight fight fight. Done.
Now that she has Deep Magic, a BFF, and self-confidence, Ari decides to make war, not love, with the Shifter.
They go over to Balinor to assemble troops and to speak with the Lords of the Houses and crap.
The Shifter talks about how invincible he is...until the Shadow Rider walks into the room. Mr. Shadow is even worse than the Shifter, apparently. But it turns out he's not really the Shadow Rider; he's the Kraken, which is I guess some mysterious Sauron-esque figure. Everyone shudders at the mention of him.
Meanwhile, in Ari-land, Lori decides to become Ari's Lady-in-waiting when she hears how much the salary is. She also hires her new best friend, Lady KYLIAN. Hm, sounds a lot like KYLIE, doesn't it?? But no one is the least bit suspicious.
Ari and Chase go on a quest to find the Royal Unicorns, who ran away after the Shifter took over. How lame. The Workers and Celestial unicorns fought, but the Royals RAN AWAY? Wimps. What do you want them for?
Oh, and they find them right away on some island in the middle of the ocean! That was easy.
They manage to convince them rather quickly to join their cause.
The unicorns fight in the battle. They kick Shifter's butt. Lady Kylian is unmasked, but I'm pretty sure she escapes. Oh well.
The part that irks me is THE BATTLE DOESN'T EVEN LAST 5 MINUTES!!!! The Royal Unicorns show up and Shifter's all, "Dang," and doesn't even try anymore!
It doesn't matter that Ari's side has one...THE KRAKEN WILL REBUILD!!!
Yeah, dumb. I HATE THIS SERIES.
Lol. There was a black, red, and white unicorn named Puzzler. I wonder if he likes the White Stripes.

Hm. All I did was summarize badly. That was sort of a waste of time. Oh well. Avalon and Pony Pals tomorrow.

Bad behavior implies illness, or Pony Pals #33: What's Wrong With My Pony?

2008-01-27T11:53:00.000-08:00

Yay, I'm back! I haven't posted for a while because I was reading a bunch of "Unicorns of Balinor" and some really tedious "Avalons" and I didn't want to post knowing those would come after this. Oh well. I've got some new Pony Pals, too, so that makes me feel a little bit better.

Plot: Lightning, Pam's usually well-behaved pony, is acting up! She bites her friends, attacks Pam, and almost tramples several people! Pam thinks Lightning is jealous because Pam rode Splash for all of two seconds. Right. That was her problem in book 6, too.
The Pony Pals, who are a tad smarter than Pam, suggest that Lightning has some disease or illness that is making her act up. Hm, could it be Equine ADHD?
They look online and find a page on "Lyme Disease". The symptoms listed on the page match Lightning's symptoms exactly!!
Dr. Crandal isn't convinced. He sends some of Lightning's DNA to the lab...and she has Lyme Disease!
I always thought Lyme Disease was one of those diseases that you have for the rest of your life. I read it in a Brio story. I guess they were wrong.
The rest of the book, Pam whines about how much she misses her pony and how she's never going to get better.
But she gets better. Obviously. Hurray.

More notes:
The Crandal twins are five again. They shall forever be five, I think.

Isn't Splash difficult every day?

Yeah, Splash is an Appaloosa. Why is he chestnut in the picture?

Mrs. Crandal's students have differing opinions on what a "circle" is. "Ride around in a circle." "Okay! *ride side by side*"

Pam believes she has a special connection with ponies....

Lightning doesn't want to put the saddle on. She must have woken up from a bad dream. So much for a special connection, Pam.

AAAAGH, NO, LIGHTNING IS NOT JEALOUS THAT YOU RODE ANOTHER PONY!!!

Lightning bolts and Lulu's like, "Pam, you shouldn't ride so fast!!!"
Ha. Lightning BOLTS. Wow. That's a good one. -_-

Whenever a pony is behaving badly, the Pony Pals assume something is physically wrong with it. Maybe it's just a badly behaved pony!!!

Anna thinks Pam's jealousy theory is stupid.

Lightning almost tramples Pam. I was really hoping she would. But, of course, she didn't. Darn.

Pam falls and hurts her arm and her "backside". I remember a teacher I had who always said "gluteous maximus" and nothing else. She also didn't want boys and girls to hug each other. "Save those for your mommies."

OMG! Best Pony Pals dialogue EVER! It doesn't even sound like they're talking about a pony!
Pam: I got dumped, now I have to get back on. Lightning an dI have to work this out. I can't let her get away with it.
Anna: But your butt. It will hurt to ride.
Pam: I have to do it! Don't you understand?
Anna: Don't be mad at me. I didn't dump you!
ROFL!!!!! Pam got dumped. Wait...did she just come out? I like how Anna slipped and said "butt".

Lulu: We decided you should go first. In case you have more trouble.
Pam: I don't want to go first.
Anna: It's two against one. So you have to go first. That's the Pony Pal rule.
Pam: That's for a Pony Pal Problem. This isn't a Pony Pal Problem. It's my problem with Lightning.
Pam's controlling behavior has rubbed off on her friends.

Lightning bucks Pam off. If she keeps this us, we could be rid of Pam by the end of the book!

"Lightning's not just mad at you. She's mad at everybody." Awww, poor emo Lightning.

Whoa!! Lulu and Anna both admit they were wrong!! Progress.

But then they insist that Lightning is a Pony Pal problem. So much for that.

GUESS WHAT THEY'RE EATING FOR DINNER AT THE CRANDAL HOUSE. NO, GUESS.
SPAGHETTI. AGAIN.

Jill touches Pam's injured arm and Pam screams. Her parents are worried she is in an abusive relationship. Pam's excuse: "I bumped it."

Pam's theory: Lightning doesn't like me anymore.
Or maybe she never liked you and is just starting to show it.

Anna suggests that Pam is too big for Lightning. So what, she should get rid of her? Actually, that's probably a good idea. Lightning kills. Ha. I wasn't even trying to be funny (not that I succeeded).

The Pony Pals keep saying "butt". WHat foul language! Soon they might start saying, "Shut up," to one another!

NOTHING IS PHYSICALLY WRONG WITH LIGHTNING.

There they go, spying again.

Pam didn't tell her parents about Lightning because she thought it was her fault.

Anna: Don't hug her. Her arm is sore from falling off Lightning.
Way to go, Anna. She gives Mrs. Crandal a heart attack.

Ohhh, THAT'S why Lightning is so crankky! She has Lyme disease and her legs are sore!

Pam: How could Lightning have Lyme disease? There aren't any ticks around now. It's winter and everything is frozen.
Dr. Crandal: She could have been bitten months ago. Some people and animals don't get sick right away.
Like with HIV/AIDS!

Dr. Crandal won't say if Lyme is curable. Right. Lightning's a goner.

Oh dear, Lightning might have this for the rest of her life.

Pam wishes on a star that her pony will heal.

And it RHYMES! "Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight, I wish I may, I wish I might have the wish I wish tonight. Please let my pony, Lightning, be all right."
Heh.

The Pony Pals are really mean to little kids.

Pam refuses to think of others and ride Splash for Jill, even though Jill won't be able to go riding UNLESS Pam goes first. But Pam's all, "NO, I have to watch Lightning!"

Then Pam starts bossing Jill around.

Now Pam wants to skip school so she can stay home with Lightning. So far, Lightning isn't that sick: her muscles hurt, and she's cranky, but she's eating and drinking normally and can take care of herself. Just leave her alone, Pam.

Pam is such a drama queen. "I may never ride Lightning again."

HA! She writes up a progress report for Lightning. "Is she lame? Yes." Hahahahaha.

Pam is such a loser!! She's basically never going to ride Splash for her sister, but makes it seem like JILL is the selfish one. She's 5 years old!! Of course she's selfish! Your pony's not going to die if you decide to ride another one!

Oh no. Pam is turning into a not-very-nice person. Well, you weren't exactly Ms. Congeniality before, Pam.

Jill writes her a letter. Even though they live in the same house. Yeah.
Deer Pam. I want to bee like yu. I want to talke to pones to. I heart yu. Jill. I want Litnin to bee better too.
I hate the exaggerated five-year-old spelling problems and handwriting.

The tickle-torture machine? Sounds ominous.

:O The Pony Pals are passing notes in class? OUTRAGEOUS!

Pam misses riding, so her mom allows her to ride Sterling (apparently her horse, though we've never heard of him before today), but Pam wants to stay with Lightning. Whatever. I'd take a beautiful HORSE over a cranky PONY any day.

Okay, so that's it. I have a much better Pony Pals that I can do maybe Monday, because tomorrow's THE SUPERBOWL (woo, go Giants!!).
Ew, I have a way boring Unicorns of Balinor, the next to the last one, but I'm taking out all the sticky note markers and just summarizing it, because that series BORES ME.

Texans can be fooled by brightly colored ponies, or Avalon: Quest For Magic #1: Song of the Unicorns

2008-01-20T08:51:00.000-08:00

So, we're back with another Avalon series! Only this time, instead of running around worrying about Aldenmor, the mages are out to find 9 magic power crystals to restore all the magic to Avalon.

Plot: Emily's dad got married...without telling her!!! Now he's invited her to spend some time with him in New Mexico on a horse ranch, so she and the wicked stepmother can get to know one another. Emily agrees to go if Kara, Adriane, Ozzie, and Dreamer can come...and her dad pays their way. Noyce.
So they're all at the liddle dude ranch. First, let's review what has happened to our characters previously:
Adriane lost Stormbringer and gained Dreamer, but she and Dreamer are having some issues.
Kara is still in the possession of some pretty serious shapeshifting magic that she can't control.
Emily is just angsty and boring as always.
The dude ranch is pretty fun; there are horses and Texan trail guides, but Emily doesn't like her new stepmom Veronica because she's just like Kara. Oooooh.
Hark! What's that? A magical animal in trouble? The mages stumble upon a herd of baby unicorns hiding in a cave. They were headed to a magic Unicorn School in Dalriada, but they were hijacked and fell through the wrong portal. Now someone is trying to attack them!! Good thing the mages were there to save them!
Now the mages have to hide the babies in the barn without anyone noticing. Unfortunately, it gets a little harder when the babies start sprouting horns, gaining magic, and acquiring brightly colored coats.
They have to get the babies to Dalriada as soon as possible or they might blow up the dude ranch! Emily tries to teach the unicorns to tune their magic, but, despite her best efforts, they fail, because they are tone deaf. Ha.
BAM! A black knight fellow comes in and steals all the unicorns. He gives them back later, but it appears he has stolen their magic. The babies are heartbroken.
Until Black Knight comes back, furious, because he can't find the unicorn magic! Magic fight!
Well Kara and Adriane take on the Bremerton Knights, Emily gives the unicorns a pep talk: you don't need a horn or a jewel to use magic, because the magic is always right there, in your heart. -_-
They beat him. The unicorns regain their magic and go to school.

More notes:
The prologue is about some centaurs taking the unicorns to school.

Centaurs don't need horses; they pull the wagon themselves!

Corinth gets pwned by mist sharks.

Eliath gets thrown off a cliff. Noyce.

The unicorns in the wagon fall off the cliff, too...and land in a portal.

Carolyn Fletcher never fails to tick me off.

Ozzie's a fattie.

Laaaame. "Even with the best of training, he's a wild animal, and at some point might need to be cared for by specialists, for his own safety as well as yours." Carolyn has OBVIOUSLY not read "White Fang".

Raaaandom.
Adriane: Maybe you'll like her. [she's referring to Veronica, the new stepmom]
Emily: I HATE HER! THEY ELOPED AND DIDN'T EVEN INVITE ME TO THE WEDDING!
Whatever. Chill out, Emily, the marriage probably won't last long, anyways.

Adriane does some cool rope tricks. Like Indiana Jones.

Yep. Adriane's still a tempermental loser.

Adriane can use magic whenever...and does. Emily heals animals when she gets bored. But, because Kara has a mucho powerful jewel, she can't practice magic without the supervision of her two besties.

Kara: You can't avoid meeting her forever, you know. She'll think you don't care.
Emily: She obviously doesn't care what I think. I'm not dropping everything and going all the way cross-country just to meet her.
Kara: Isn't your dad going, too?
Emily: Funny! Yeah, I really want to see him.
Kara: So, there you go.
Emily: It's not that easy.
Kara: Yes, it is. Three simple words: Get over it.
Ha. Kara is my BFF.
Adriane does not think her advice is that helpful.
Actually, I don't see how either of them could be all that helpful in this situation, since Kara's parents are happily married, and Adriane's parents abandoned her so they could travel the world.

Ooh, the Happy Trails Horse Ranch! Sounds fun!

OH NO! The Valentine's Dance is in a week! Kara can't possibly go to New Mexico when she has so much to do!

She changes her mind once she hears there's a spa. Rachel Roberts must REALLY not like Kara; she's turned her into Meredith from "Bratz".

Dreamer only speaks one word at a time. Aaargh. Not cute anymore. I miss Storm.

This is their guide, Texas Slim:
Texas Slim: Whoo-oo! Lemme hear you, now! Come on, let's do some whoopin'! Naw, that's a city slicker whoop. We need a real Texas whoop!
I bet there are some very offended Texans out there reading this book.

Ew. Emily meets a Ravenswood freak named Sierra Sanchez. She has a jewel, too.

The girls are staying in a cabin. Adriane is excited to be out in the open and commune with nature. Fly, Little Bird, fly! Find your spirit creature!
Kara is depressed at being too far away from the spa. God forbid you should WALK there!

Lol.
Texas Slim: That's some hound dog you got there.
Kara: He's a dingo.

Ozzie's voice keeps switching between italics and normal print.

Mookrat is my favorite word.

They meet an Experimental Fairmimental named Tweek, sent to help them. Because all the magic is gone from Avalon. Yeah. Not making sense.

Kara pulls off a nifty hair trick, and Adriane's all, "YOU'RE OUT OF CONTROL! STOP IT!"

Adriane wishes SHE had shapeshifting abilities.

Oh no, we're being attacked by magical creatures...again.

Lyra saves the day! Up until this point, I hadn't noticed she wasn't with them.

Emily knows the mysterious creatures are unicorns because she can FEEL their magic. Hooow?

Adriane makes a lot of "hilarious cracks" at Kara in this book, whilst Kara acts like a ditz. The latest one: the mages call Kara to them with a portal, and she appears with a mud mask. "Try not to let her beauty blind you." Ha. Ha. Ha.

Lol. Wizard cursing. "What the fuzzy muckle?"

Ew, all the unicorns are beige.

Silly Pollo. You're so ugly and ungainly. You'll never amount to anything. His sister, Riannan, who is beautiful and vain, will OBVIOUSLY get far in the magical world! Ugh. It'll make more sense later.

Aw, a polka-dotted one.

Electra is one of my favorite names ever.

Of course someone named VIOLET is timid and worriesome. Not so in "Charlie Brown".

The mages are only Level One mages, according to Tweek and the HORARFM. Levels? Are you kidding me? This is like Runescape.

And then they were attacked by a giant magical centipede. Not even lying.

Oh. Just close the portal. That'll sever its head right off.

Adriane yells at Dreamer for trying to save her.

Because she's afraid she'll lose him. -_-

Why does Kara need a manicure if she can shapeshift her nails at will?

Riannan's a 'fraidy corn!

You have to follow the music. Let it flow. :P Wise words from tone deaf Emily Fletcher.

And all this singing unlocks...ANOTHER fairy map. Gee, we've seen a lot of these.

How to make unicorn food: You need pure morning dew, a handful of starlight, and fresh honey! Stir it exactly nine times under the light of the moon.
Why can't they eat grass like Balinor unicorns?

Kara is convinced she wasn't meant to have her jewel. Because Adriane is such a loser. But Emily gives her a pep talk. We get a lot of pep talks, too.

I HAAATE Adriane.

Heh. There are unicorns named Boodle, Harvard, Beowulf, Barnabus, Pierre, Quincy, Elvis, Windmill, and Riccardo. AWESOME.

I want a unicorn named Beowulf.

Sierra won't be suspicious of 30 beige hornless unicorns in her barn or anything....

Veronica finds Pollo and thinks he's adorable. Why do stepmom's always have to be stupid? Well, I guess they're not usually married for their brains. Ask the French; the literal translation of belle-mere is "beautiful mother". Ouch.

Oh, those silly billy unicorns.

Kara turns her hair purple. Lucky.

EW! Ralfie's horn grows in...and his coat is now deep green with bright brass-colored spots.
Ralfie: I'm so handsome.
No, not handsome... I think HIDEOUS is the word I'm going for here.

Adriane: I thought unicorns were white.
Ralfie: How many have you seen?
Adriane: Two.
Spruce: Well, there you go.

Lol. Kara has a unicorn beauty party.

Guess what color Violet turned? No, really, GUESS!

It's almost as shocking as Snowflake's new coat.

Okay, I'll tell you: Violet is VIOLET and Snowflake is WHITE.

Dante thinks Clio is pretty. Heh. Unicorn love.

Ralfie is apparently the class stud.

OMG.
Kara: Say, you could use a little trim.
Ralfie: I WANT A MULLET!
I guess "mullet" translates to "hawt" in unicorn culture?

Riannan wants to be the princess, but wonders if her magic is good enough.

NO, Emily, DON'T try to relate! Having crappy magic and going to a new school are NOT THE SAME THING!!!

"Princess or not, we all love you just for who you are."
Lies my mother told me, part 1.

"But technique is only one part of playing music. You have to feel the music from here." Your heart.
Yeah. Right. Heart has nothing to do with skill.

Ooh, they make a little song.
Adriane's verse:
You're the rhythm that rocks
To the beat that never stops
Be the tick, be the tock
Be the rain as it drops

Kara's verse:
You're the melody that soars
Fairy's wing, ocean's roar
Sing it low, sing it high
Let's go dancing on the sky

Emily's verse:
You're the harmony that shimmers
Like a star, be the glimmer
As the sun gives moon light
Lift the song into flight

I like how Adriane's verse is all about the rock, Kara's is about fairy's and dancing, and Emily's is about harmony and love.
I pictured this song sounding like "Without Love" from "Hairspray".

Someone released the magic from Avalon! Who could've done such a thing? It couldn't have been the *gasp* Dark Sorceress?

Ugh, the Dark Sorceress is back, and she has another new henchie who believes the mages are only pubescent overdramatic girls.

NO NO, DON'T! Emily shows Sierra the unicorns. Moron.

Calliope: You think we'll like school?
Kara: Of course you will. I love school. You get to hang with all your friends and look cool.
Which are basically the only reasons I'm going.

After days of practice, the unicorns get stage fright and can't tune their magic.

And then a giant net flew out of the portal and engulfed the baby unicorns. Try as the mages might, they could not save them.

A dark knight walks into the room. Hm. Sounds like a combination Shadow Rider/Sauron.

Emily tells the babies they have to give up their magic; that is the only way they will be saved.
But no. THe babies are selfish.

Emily and Adriane are stuck in the middle of a magic whirlwind. Dreamer tries to save them, for which Adriane yells constantly.

They're saved because of Dreamer, and Adriane gives him a lecture.

Oh dear. The whirlwind switched Adriane and Emily's magic. Now Emily is a warrior (right) and Adriane is a healer (that's not likely). I can't see Emily as a warrior. She'd just cry and be all, "I can't do it!"

Dreamer is busy dying. Save your mistwolf, Adriane.

Hm, it's a role reversal. Emily's a really good warrior (whaaat?) and Adriane, faced with the chance of saving Dreamer, screams, "I can't do this!"

And there's a weird little dialogue between Adriane and Dreamer.
Dreamer: Pack mate in danger.
Adriane: Dreamer, young and strong, depending on me.
Dreamer: Monster will take her away, like wolf mother and wolf father.
Adriane: Lonliness clawing at my heart.
Dreamer: With her I am warrior wolf.
Adriane: One day he will leave me, too?
Dreamer: Without her, I am lone wolf.
Adriane: Abandoned again by the one I love the most. *howl*

She runs into the Spirit Pack in her messed up crazy mind. Oh. How. Interesting.

And Dreamer lives.

Adriane: I never could have healed Dreamer alone.
Emily: I could never be a warrior, never like you.
Kara: Hey! Being a blazing star isn't exactly a trip to the mall!
Tweek: Actually, it is.
Yeah. Not biased.

And the unicorns' magic is missing.

Oh. Kara has the unicorn magic. Because male unicorns love her.

Now she and Knightster are having a fight, where he messes with her shapeshifting magic.

I want turquoise hair. Really bad.

Lame. Ozzie says "silly spells". "Fix my shoe. gAaAaAh!"

Oh, and this is the best one yet. "Release the booods!"

Kara can no longer shapeshift. :(

Wait, she doesn't have the unicorn magic? Then who does?

Tweek is dead. Yessss.

The unicorns have their magic back! Emily tells them to sing from their heart.

And this pure, beautiful song defeats the knight. Unbelievable.

And Tweek is still alive. Because it was part of their amazing plan. :P

OH NO, Lorelei is back and she's singing the friendship song!
Listen to the sound
I'll always be around
You and me
We'll always be
Friends forever.

There goes Adriane, asking about Zach again. Obsessed much?

Pollo, Riannan's brother, is the prince. Riannan's disappointed, but she'll get over it.
Oh, but wait, she's a princess, too. A prince AND a princess? Why couldn't Rianna just NOT be a princess, so she could focus on dealing with that ego and realize that although her brother is ugly, he's probably pure of heart or whatever. But no. They had to give in to her selfish desires.

Tweek's going back with them to Ravenswood. Crap.

Find all nine power crystals and Avalon is saved. Got it.

I wouldn't call a paint pony "splotched". Sounds wrong.

Emily realizes that the bond between her and her dad will never break, and Veronica is actually nice and fashion savvy.

What kind of description is "the brown-haired teen"? *cringe*

They mention wyverns, who mate for life. Yeah, especially with members of the same sex. (read "Wolfcry")

Adriane thinks a trip to the Living Desert Zoo State Park will be "rad". -_-

So ends that book. Thankfully.
I might be able to do a Pony Pals tomorrow. It's the best Pony Pals yet, lol. Pretty great. The Pony Pals lower their standards and say "butt". :O And you'll be there to see it happen.